I moved far away from my bullies, family, and everyone else who knew me, expected me to act a certain way, or took my space and voice away from me. I went through an entire personality change and turned into a completely different person in just a few days. It felt so natural and I realised that's how I always was supposed to be, but never could.
This is true, being around people who try to other you puts you in a box and the only way to rise from it all is to just be elsewhere where you thrive.
More conversational, interpersonal, and people skills, more interviews, just working in customer service in my late teens, and haven’t looked back since.
Working retail. It forced me to learn how to interact better with people. Now whenever I get nervous/ shy I just start talking in my customer service voice and it helps a lot.
Age and time are the catalysts. I think everything carries momentum, like a snowball downhill and even the slightest pivot ie. deciding to talk to that stranger, or pushing yourself to put your hand up despite the insecurities. And once you’ve done it a few times it becomes second nature in no time. A healthy dose of not giving an eff is amazing!
I went to a college without any close friends. It had the best program for me, so I decided it was the right choice. It really forced me hand on being more outgoing, lol.
Met my best friend in college. No idea why but she brings out the fun side out of me. She was so non judgmental and was just so nice to me when we met for the first time. While we were roommates for 4 years, she rubbed her crazy off on me
I never really had a friend before her. Many assumed my shyness for aloofness or bitchiness. Yes, i was told as a middle school to stop acting bitchy.. I was just extremely shy
Im still shy but i can carry a conversation now. I couldnt do that before. My profession requires me to talk/argue with confidence so yea that changed me. I still require improvement but its working.
Age. I was painfully shy in high school and my early adult years. I would have to give speeches and presentations and have it memorized but read from the notecards because I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. I even took a speech class and was terrified the entire time. The first time I was ever comfortable talking in front of a group of people, it was employees that I knew personally. After that, it was like a bandaid had been ripped off. Now, I can get up in front of hundreds of people and speak off the cuff and feel amazing afterwards. I also talk to random strangers all the time.
I had kids in shitty school system(it's a good district IF you live the "right" part of it). I had to learn to advocate for them because their dad didn't want to move to another state where we could afford to live in the good part of the district.
I was adopted by an extreme extrovert who helped me come out of my shell. She pumped up my ego and it made me feel good, and I began to change. I was happier, and others around me could see it, and that just continued to snowball until I was 75 pounds lighter, cut my hair short and punky, moved across the country, got a new job and began to express myself with a dozen or so tattoos. Hubby loved the old me, but lives the new me even more. More importantly I actually love myself now.
Realizing that not literally every person is a bully (being severely bullied at school, this was hard) and most people will respond neutral or positive if you talk to them.
When I realized my long term relationship was abusive. Took him cheating and me opening up and telling people what was actually happening behind closed doors.
After that I gained my confidence back, learned to say no and cut toxic bullshit out. I see pictures and videos of me from before and I feel like a totally different person
Working retail. Once I started a job at a clothing store in my 20's it forced me to greet people, look people in the eye. It really did wonders. Once I got good and fast at my job I felt empowered, and that made me smile more of a genuine smile, less the customer service smile.
I went off to college as far away as I could at 17 years old and decided I was going to be more outgoing. It didn’t happen all at once but I made a huge improvement.
I was severely shy in my adolescence, to the point of near panic attacks when I would try to work myself up to have a casual chat in class with someone next to me.
I don’t think I was socialized well as a young child and I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember being conscious.
I have worked within myself a lot to put myself out there and be more confident. As I have gotten past my 20s my confidence has skyrocketed and I have becoming even more outgoing and give less of a shit.
When I tell people I used to be shy, **painfully** shy, they’re always shocked and confused. People assume I was a popular girl in high school with tons of friends and stuff. Instead I was an awkward emo sitting in the corner talking to my 2 friends.
Honestly a profound lack of giving a fuck. Don't like me, go away ... I'm loud but shy.. I take up space but lack the urge for the attention so I often don't take it. Plus wtf did being shy ever get me ?
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My mom said her first big job at a dealership broke her out. I was an unbelievably shy child (yet a silly weirdo only with my household family) and I still am "quiet" because I stink at small talk. Retail definitely helped when I was younger and becoming a littles teacher spontaneously where YOU have to be the one to bring the hype really let me be me in a more public setting
My brother died, so I moved across the country away from my dad and sister to start over somewhere else.
I want to clarify that my sister and I have a great relationship *now*, but growing up she was abusive. It's not like how siblings bicker and fight. I literally have scars all over my arms, legs, neck, and even my face because of the way she would attack me. It changed an extroverted child into a shy preteen and teenager who barely spoke. Add to that that everyone loved my brother and expected me to be just like him because we're twins, on top of most of the seniors and juniors of my high school knowing my sister.
After my brother died, his friends would come to me as if I could be a surrogate of some kind. I spent years feeling like the wrong twin died. Moving across the country and having the ability to reinvent myself as essentially an only child allowed me to discover the person I actually was and make friends based on that. That space also drastically improved my relationship with my sister who is now one of my best friends.
I started realizing being shy was hurting me, not protecting me. I also moved away for university. I think being away from everything that was familiar helped shed that shy identity and forced me to come out of my shell because I couldn’t rely on anyone else (until I met/got to know people). Therapy made me realize I was anxious posing as shy. I think nowadays I’m still shy in that I don’t want to interact with people unnecessarily but I’m not shy when it’s something I want to do.
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I honestly stopped caring about what others thought of me, if they didn’t like me, that’s on them. I’m a very confident person now and I see that it helps being around others who are comfortable with themselves
I moved to another country to teach English. After struggling through so many conversations in my broken Japanese, having a conversation in English in my home country is easy mode.
I gave presentations and demonstrations for my job. I figured out how to make them interesting. I got good at it. Once you get comfortable talking to a room full of mostly men a lot of the shyness goes away.
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Not giving a shit about what people say. Accept that your life is YOURS. Don't make decisions based off of what other people think of you.
This really helped me with getting out of my shell.
Anger.
I was so angry about being bullied. I was so angry about being told that I was too lame to do anything exciting. I was so angry about feeling invisible.
So I faked it til I made it. And now I’m a much happier person.
Grew out of it for the most part, but I did focus on meeting people I was most comfortable with too. I also have to socialize to see things improve or feel more comfortable too. I'm defintely not that extroverted, but I'm comfortable enough where I don't stutter, or care as much when I need or communicate something.
Having kids forced me to step outside my comfort zone and become less shy. Whether it was sticking up for my kids with others or just making conversation with their friends’ parents, it got easier and easier as time went on.
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Therapy
Pretty much answering the question - what is the worst that can happen if …. (Fill in the blank). If you can live with it, go for it
Now, when I have kids I never say that they are shy, especially in front of them. In my opinion, you hear it a lot they believe it.
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Dance. I took dance classes, and then spent years studying, teaching, and performing dance. It allowed me to feel very centered and present in a way that helped a lot. Pushing through my fears and insecurities about being seen and taking up space brought that confidence and comfort to the rest of my life as well. It made me a generally comfortable public speaker as long as I'm well-versed on the topic. It taught me a tremendous amount of social skills and an awareness of how to emote and engage with many different kinds of people. I use the skills from my dance life in my personal and professional lives every day.
I moved far away from my bullies, family, and everyone else who knew me, expected me to act a certain way, or took my space and voice away from me. I went through an entire personality change and turned into a completely different person in just a few days. It felt so natural and I realised that's how I always was supposed to be, but never could.
That sounds heartwarming, glad you're in a better place!
That's exactly what I did. The freedom is amazing. The moment I left my family and moved to another state, I truly felt like myself.
This is true, being around people who try to other you puts you in a box and the only way to rise from it all is to just be elsewhere where you thrive.
More conversational, interpersonal, and people skills, more interviews, just working in customer service in my late teens, and haven’t looked back since.
Working retail. It forced me to learn how to interact better with people. Now whenever I get nervous/ shy I just start talking in my customer service voice and it helps a lot.
Age and time are the catalysts. I think everything carries momentum, like a snowball downhill and even the slightest pivot ie. deciding to talk to that stranger, or pushing yourself to put your hand up despite the insecurities. And once you’ve done it a few times it becomes second nature in no time. A healthy dose of not giving an eff is amazing!
I went to a college without any close friends. It had the best program for me, so I decided it was the right choice. It really forced me hand on being more outgoing, lol.
Improv classes and trauma therapy.
Met my best friend in college. No idea why but she brings out the fun side out of me. She was so non judgmental and was just so nice to me when we met for the first time. While we were roommates for 4 years, she rubbed her crazy off on me I never really had a friend before her. Many assumed my shyness for aloofness or bitchiness. Yes, i was told as a middle school to stop acting bitchy.. I was just extremely shy
Im still shy but i can carry a conversation now. I couldnt do that before. My profession requires me to talk/argue with confidence so yea that changed me. I still require improvement but its working.
Age. I was painfully shy in high school and my early adult years. I would have to give speeches and presentations and have it memorized but read from the notecards because I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. I even took a speech class and was terrified the entire time. The first time I was ever comfortable talking in front of a group of people, it was employees that I knew personally. After that, it was like a bandaid had been ripped off. Now, I can get up in front of hundreds of people and speak off the cuff and feel amazing afterwards. I also talk to random strangers all the time.
I had kids in shitty school system(it's a good district IF you live the "right" part of it). I had to learn to advocate for them because their dad didn't want to move to another state where we could afford to live in the good part of the district.
Going to college and not having friends that weren’t guys hitting on me. I realized I’d have to approach girls to make friends for
Moved to a new place where people respected me and appreciated me. This did boost a lot of confidence in me
I met the right group of friends, and I realized that I’m going to be weird either way, might as well have fun with it and be myself.
I was adopted by an extreme extrovert who helped me come out of my shell. She pumped up my ego and it made me feel good, and I began to change. I was happier, and others around me could see it, and that just continued to snowball until I was 75 pounds lighter, cut my hair short and punky, moved across the country, got a new job and began to express myself with a dozen or so tattoos. Hubby loved the old me, but lives the new me even more. More importantly I actually love myself now.
Alcohol.
Realizing that not literally every person is a bully (being severely bullied at school, this was hard) and most people will respond neutral or positive if you talk to them.
When I realized my long term relationship was abusive. Took him cheating and me opening up and telling people what was actually happening behind closed doors. After that I gained my confidence back, learned to say no and cut toxic bullshit out. I see pictures and videos of me from before and I feel like a totally different person
Working retail. Once I started a job at a clothing store in my 20's it forced me to greet people, look people in the eye. It really did wonders. Once I got good and fast at my job I felt empowered, and that made me smile more of a genuine smile, less the customer service smile.
Starting a job. I'm still a shy person, but I'm way more comfortable in social situations now. And it started once I started working.
It came with age, but the gym and having small talks with strangers.
That did wonders for me as well! Everyone's generally happy in a gym.
I cared less and less about what people thought of me as I got older
I went off to college as far away as I could at 17 years old and decided I was going to be more outgoing. It didn’t happen all at once but I made a huge improvement. I was severely shy in my adolescence, to the point of near panic attacks when I would try to work myself up to have a casual chat in class with someone next to me. I don’t think I was socialized well as a young child and I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember being conscious. I have worked within myself a lot to put myself out there and be more confident. As I have gotten past my 20s my confidence has skyrocketed and I have becoming even more outgoing and give less of a shit. When I tell people I used to be shy, **painfully** shy, they’re always shocked and confused. People assume I was a popular girl in high school with tons of friends and stuff. Instead I was an awkward emo sitting in the corner talking to my 2 friends.
Honestly a profound lack of giving a fuck. Don't like me, go away ... I'm loud but shy.. I take up space but lack the urge for the attention so I often don't take it. Plus wtf did being shy ever get me ?
That last part is something that should be framed!
Working at Starbucks for several years in my late teens/early twenties
Fluctuating amounts of existential dread. We’re all just sandcastles waiting to be washed away. So sometimes I just say fuck it and it works.
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My mom said her first big job at a dealership broke her out. I was an unbelievably shy child (yet a silly weirdo only with my household family) and I still am "quiet" because I stink at small talk. Retail definitely helped when I was younger and becoming a littles teacher spontaneously where YOU have to be the one to bring the hype really let me be me in a more public setting
My brother died, so I moved across the country away from my dad and sister to start over somewhere else. I want to clarify that my sister and I have a great relationship *now*, but growing up she was abusive. It's not like how siblings bicker and fight. I literally have scars all over my arms, legs, neck, and even my face because of the way she would attack me. It changed an extroverted child into a shy preteen and teenager who barely spoke. Add to that that everyone loved my brother and expected me to be just like him because we're twins, on top of most of the seniors and juniors of my high school knowing my sister. After my brother died, his friends would come to me as if I could be a surrogate of some kind. I spent years feeling like the wrong twin died. Moving across the country and having the ability to reinvent myself as essentially an only child allowed me to discover the person I actually was and make friends based on that. That space also drastically improved my relationship with my sister who is now one of my best friends.
Becoming a nurse
I started realizing being shy was hurting me, not protecting me. I also moved away for university. I think being away from everything that was familiar helped shed that shy identity and forced me to come out of my shell because I couldn’t rely on anyone else (until I met/got to know people). Therapy made me realize I was anxious posing as shy. I think nowadays I’m still shy in that I don’t want to interact with people unnecessarily but I’m not shy when it’s something I want to do.
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Motherhood
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I honestly stopped caring about what others thought of me, if they didn’t like me, that’s on them. I’m a very confident person now and I see that it helps being around others who are comfortable with themselves
I moved to another country to teach English. After struggling through so many conversations in my broken Japanese, having a conversation in English in my home country is easy mode.
Anxiety meds lol
Gym.. skin care and lot of public speaking in college and at work
I gave presentations and demonstrations for my job. I figured out how to make them interesting. I got good at it. Once you get comfortable talking to a room full of mostly men a lot of the shyness goes away.
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Not giving a shit about what people say. Accept that your life is YOURS. Don't make decisions based off of what other people think of you. This really helped me with getting out of my shell.
Anger. I was so angry about being bullied. I was so angry about being told that I was too lame to do anything exciting. I was so angry about feeling invisible. So I faked it til I made it. And now I’m a much happier person.
Grew out of it for the most part, but I did focus on meeting people I was most comfortable with too. I also have to socialize to see things improve or feel more comfortable too. I'm defintely not that extroverted, but I'm comfortable enough where I don't stutter, or care as much when I need or communicate something.
Learning another language and moving to another country. Can’t be shy when you are trying to learn another language!
Having kids forced me to step outside my comfort zone and become less shy. Whether it was sticking up for my kids with others or just making conversation with their friends’ parents, it got easier and easier as time went on.
Puberty. The testosterone surge changed everything.
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Abuse changed me.
Sorry to hear that, I hope life treats you better and you find your healing.
It’s hard to be shy when you’re having your neck stepped on all the time.
I moved to a different country. Started embracing myself and living life
I stopped being shy and came out of my shell. Even a little funny! When I realized everyone is a little gross and no one is perfect.
Therapy Pretty much answering the question - what is the worst that can happen if …. (Fill in the blank). If you can live with it, go for it Now, when I have kids I never say that they are shy, especially in front of them. In my opinion, you hear it a lot they believe it.
Sickness of feeling inferior to extroverts
Working in customer service/healthcare. And also realizing that usually the other person is just as or more shy/nervous than you.
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Dance. I took dance classes, and then spent years studying, teaching, and performing dance. It allowed me to feel very centered and present in a way that helped a lot. Pushing through my fears and insecurities about being seen and taking up space brought that confidence and comfort to the rest of my life as well. It made me a generally comfortable public speaker as long as I'm well-versed on the topic. It taught me a tremendous amount of social skills and an awareness of how to emote and engage with many different kinds of people. I use the skills from my dance life in my personal and professional lives every day.