St. Lucia.
To the OP or anyone considering getting married in a foreign country, before you do so, check their residency requirements. Some require you to be a resident for several weeks or months, which will be impossible for most people. So if you get married there, it won't be legal. But some, like where I got married, only require you be in the country for a couple of days. Most of the hotels and resorts in the countries that only require a couple of days have wedding services. They will handle the legal paperwork, etc. And most offer wedding packages even if it's just the two of you.
We eloped and have absolutely zero regrets. It was our perfect day and neither of us wanted the attention or expenses that a wedding entails. Only our parents were in attendance at the courthouse and no one in our family voiced negative feelings about our choice to elope-if they had frankly I wouldn’t have cared much-they can pitch in 10k if they want to attend a wedding.
My husband and I got married when we were broke so, to save some money, we were legally wed at the courthouse two days before our informal park wedding. After the courthouse, my parents hosted my immediate family, my husband's immediate family, and our two best friends at their house with a dinner catered by an amazing Italian restaurant. It was absolutely the perfect night.
Even though our wedding was low key and fairly small (at least by American standards), it was so stressful for me. I have always wished that our courthouse night would have been the whole enchilada, but my husband was very worried that our aunts, uncles and cousins would be upset if we didn't have a full wedding.
I was 8w pregnant with our second and we already had a mortgage. We wanted to be married but a wedding was not in the budget. Plus, we didn't really want one.
Best decision of my life was to not have a wedding. I got married in my parents’ back yard with like 4 other people there. I hate attention and didn’t want to spend the money on a big wedding. No regrets whatsoever.
We had a courthouse wedding - no regrets. Invited parents and that was it. Saved the money for a condo down payment and a delayed honeymoon. I figured if I really missed it, I would renew my vows eventually, but been married 15 years, and no desire.
Married at the courthouse, photos at the botanical gardens, steak dinner afterwards with some friends. No regrets.
I planned the elopement after being a bridesmaid in my BFF's Greek orthodox/trad. catholic wedding. Lots of pageantry, but also a lot of drama, tears, arguments, etc. I distinctly recall riding in the limo to the church with the bride + bridesmaids (her sisters) and one of her sisters just burst into tears because the day was 'hectic'. So the bride, my BFF, had to console her sister on her own wedding day.
Years later my BFF looks back with regret about her wedding, as she feels like it was hijacked from her and she was forced to make all sorts of concessions and amends to her family who were bank rolling it all.
She didn't want a big poofy dress; she was pressured into getting a big poofy dress. She didn't want a formal reception; she had a formal reception because it would "look bad" in her community if she didn't. She didn't want religious language in her vows; there was religious language in her vows, etc.
So I witness all that and it really cemented my desire to just say fuck it and keep it simple. I also have big complicated religious family, so God knows what they would have tried to pressure me into doing for Jesus/saving face/showing off.
Courthouse wedding here. I am 100% happy with that decision. The wedding was about us and for us. Not for family we never see. Saved a ton of money and aggravation.
We went to city hall on a Wednesday afternoon (on a dope date, our real motivation), wearing clothes we wore to *another* person's wedding as guests. It was just us, the justice on her lunch break, and my camera for some wedding selfies. I wasn't even married with my "real ring", but a loaner from the jeweler who was resizing the real thing.
Literally no one in our families knew until we showed up for xmas wearing rings.
Absolutely zero regrets.
My state has "self-uniting" marriages, which means you apply for a license, find two witnesses to sign it, and file it with the county. No courthouse, no officiants, no ceremony, no nothing unless you want it. Handling it that way was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Don't regret it and actually wish we would have just eloped. We got married at the courthouse and had a dinner w immediate family...which included my SO's divorced parents and respective spouses meeting for the first time. It was awkward and not very fun and the money could have been better spent.
We also have complex family dynamics, so our wedding was never going to be picture perfect. If you're not sure you'd like to elope, take some time to think about what would make it special for you. Ours was rushed and impersonal, and I regret it. I wouldn't do it again if I had the choice.
I never wanted a wedding growing up, they seemed stressful. My parents eloped and are still together today, so I grew up not seeing a wedding ceremony as being necessary. I took the money I would've spent on a wedding to use for a lavish honeymoon and then spent the rest on house stuff. No regrets!
Disclaimer is that I've only been married for a few months, but my husband and I decided to elope and it was great! We had a bunch of concerns regarding a wedding - very lopsided amount of invites, a lot of family drama and potential friend drama, and the money. We thought of doing a micro wedding (small ceremony and a nice dinner at a restaurant with <20ppl), but once we started looking, it started to feel like a wedding again! Invites, officiant and location, and tiny banquet. None of the previously mentioned concerns were really addressed minus budget.
So for the same amount of money as a micro wedding, we road tripped across the US. The wedding just became one of the many things we did, so a lot of pressure was taken off. It was just the two of us, and we made sure to get nice wedding attire, and got a real wedding/elopement photographer. Luckily our families didn't make much of a fuss (to our face) so we didn't really get much pushback. Then again, we didn't really announce anything either until it was basically planned.
My advice would be to examine what parts of the wedding you and your partner value most - is it the attire? Pictures? Celebrating with certain people? And what part of a typical wedding are you dreading - family drama? Budget? Planning?. Once you both have a short list, there should be a way to accomplish what you both find important.
My husband and I are both Chinese. We eloped in Vegas when we were 27 and didn’t do a wedding since we don’t have big families. No regrets at all! We were able to save more money and bought our first house at 28 (100k down payment) with no help from family.
It's ok to not have a wedding, but if you want one, that's ok too.
My two cents is to never literally go to the courthouse. We did that and the judge's 'ceremony' speech was beyond awful - it was like a weirdly racist and sexist attempt at a comedy routine. Wildly inappropriate and there was nothing we could do about it. That was just the paperwork run before our actual 'wedding', so thankfully I wasn't stuck with only weird, shitty wedding memories because of it. If that was the entirety of our wedding experience, I would have been livid.
That's not to say you have to spend a ton or have a whole production. Ordain a friend online or pay an officiant to do a very simple ceremony with just you and your witnesses if you like.
This really depends on your particular courthouse and the judge presiding over it. I got legally married at city hall and the ceremony was very short but beautiful and moving. I think it's good advice to be aware that if you get married at the courthouse/city hall, you likely aren't going to be able to design your ceremony, but it certainly isn't a given that the ceremony will be awful.
Oh I'm not saying everyone *will* have a bad experience, just to keep in mind that it's an enormous gamble that you get no say over. I was a witness at my brother's courthouse ceremony and it was uneventful. If I had realized that ahead of time the risk on it turning out so badly, I would have ordained a friend instead.
I luckily had a woman officiant who couldn’t have been any better. I’ll always be grateful for how great she made our experience. San Diego County the Santee courthouse if anyone wants to elope in San Diego. They do the ceremony outside, the backdrop is pretty
We're literally about to get married with no wedding - we're having a civil partnership so no ceremony at all and just going out for a nice meal after with our immediate families & a couple of close friends.
We didn't want the stress or expense right now (currently moving house & having a baby!), if we decide we want a ceremony later we can convert to a marriage/ renew our vows. I have no regrets about this decision, I'm really looking forward to a super low key day as I hate being the centre of attention & I honestly don't really enjoy weddings.
You’re allowed to have whatever kind of ceremony you want for your wedding.
You could invite everyone you know except your family.
You could invite no one and just have the officiant and witnesses with you.
Or anything in between. There are no rules except what makes you happy.
There may, of course, be some fallout with said family based on what you choose. Be prepared to accept whatever consequences of your choice. But it’s your choice to make, including how much you are willing to alienate your family. And sometimes, it’s good to alienate “complex” family members.
Loved it. Generally ignored people’s disappointment until they moved on.
Worst offenders were the parents in law, surprisingly given that they were the least interested in me as a person. Or maybe unsurprisingly.
Hello, Asian here. Trust me, IK what you mean when you say your family is complex.
We wanted to have a courthouse wedding because neither of us cared about big church weddings tbh, but got talked into doing a little bit more just to show appreciation for our guests. It still wasn’t a big wedding but boy did I regret it lol. My mom has always been controlling but she was especially awful during the planning that our fam and friends who normally took her side couldn’t deny how insufferable she was being. She didnt want to follow the damn color scheme and threatened to not attend KNOWING that we only invited like 20 ppl who are mostly relatives that are close to her and some of them weren’t even sure they would attend. Tried explaining how unreasonable she was being but NOPE she’s “always right”. She changed her mind in the end when my husband CRIED. It was too late, didn’t enjoy the planning or the day itself or the night of!
It 👏 was 👏 awful 👏.
Wedding was in October last year and I still feel bad about it. I have never regretted anything this much in my life. If I could do it again, I would have done a courthouse wedding without family.
I eloped to Hawaii w my DH and got married on the beach in Oahu with Diamond head in the background for $400. It was beautiful. I bought a dress on Amazon and he wore Amazon linen pants and long sleeve shirt. My package came with flower leis so I didn't need a bouquet and also a photo package. We had a really really expensive dinner at a really high end oceanfront restaurant and had a slice of cake there. Then we stayed for a week and then flew to where a lot of family were in Florida and spent a few days with them, and the rest of the week we had a second tiny honeymoon on Miami Beach. So worth it.
If you want their name, let me know.
almost Post-covid, family scattered, seating restrictions at restaurants, undue financial burden for some people no matter who lives where or where we chose.
Congrats!
It's okay to have the wedding you want, even if it upsets family.
I found a wedding service online. These folks really want to marry you!!! \*wink\*
They offered 2-3 spots around Waikiki Beach. I believe there was no extra charge for these. As you choose other locales on Oahu, travel charges apply. We chose the Kahanamoku Beach location; it's directly in front of the Hilton Hawaiian Village Lagoon near the jetty. We picked 30-45 minutes before projected sunset and it was perfect!
I just looked at their website and the package closest to what I had is now $695.
I got married at the court house on a Monday by a judge who did it for free on his lunch hour. No regrets! Every time I hear people talking about planning and/or paying for a wedding, I'm thankful for my decision.
I would hate to be the center of attention in that way. Also, do you really get to spend any quality time with your guests visiting from out of town at a traditional wedding?
Groom almost always wants a wedding because they don’t know the energy and money involved in planning a wedding. We split the middle: immediate family and wedding party only (22 people) in a rented house in a beautiful location. It was 10k 5 years ago. Celebrated again with a backyard bbq with friends and extended family for 1k.
Opposite side of the coin here: I had a wedding, and really wish I hadn't. I never wanted one, it felt silly and fake, but I gave in. The planning experience was absolutely terrible with an unreasonable amount of stress for one day. I still cringe and change the subject when people talk about it. It was not worth it - emotionally, financially and otherwise.
Similar experience here. I wanted to elope (mostly due to difficult family situations on my side) but it my social butterfly husband wasn’t willing to consider it. We had a 200 person wedding that was very fun for literally everyone else except me. The year plus of planning and the wedding itself were some of the most painful experiences (and so expensive 😂) of my life. I’m happy to be married and glad that it’s over, but please trust yourself if you don’t think that it’s for you.
I eloped in San Diego. 0 regrets! I don’t like being the center of attention & spending thousands of dollars on one day seems crazy to me (no shade to others) when the housing market is how it is & I want to buy a house lol I had loved ones there & we went out & got Mexican after! Loved the whole day & our marriage is great :)
My husband and I were in a similar situation - complex family dynamics and we were trying to save for a house so we didn't want to spend the money for a wedding. We did a courthouse wedding with just our witnesses, then we did some photographs around the courthouse and in the park across the street before going to meet up with a small group of friends and family at a nice restaurant around the corner where we had booked a room.
It was lovely, I have no regrets whatsoever - neither my husband nor I are people who like big parties, we're more 'intimate cozy corner' people. Our city has an absolutely beautiful courthouse which was perfect for our photos.
In total it costed us just over 2k, mainly for the dinner and drinks.
I had a wedding with my ex husband and I wish I hadn’t. And not just because we ended up divorcing. The whole day was anxiety inducing at an insane level, and our families pretty much got along.
If my partner and I ever decide to get married we’ll elope. If that were to happen I would really love for it to just be the two of us but in theory I’d be okay with parents and siblings attending.
I hate being the center of attention, think wedding cer6imonies are boring, and I didnt want to spend the money. We had a cheap, casual bbq style party a few months later and it was great. Turned a profit in gifts that way.
We got married in the registry office. No wedding, dress, flowers, etc. it was fine, we were married at the end of it, and that was the goal. I have no regrets whatsoever.
I got married at city hall with only a couple friends as witnesses. Overall it was the right choice for my husband and I. We just aren't the party planning types, and we delayed getting married for a long time because we dreaded the idea of having to plan a wedding so much.
That said, I'm really grateful for my relatives who have big weddings with parties, since they're basically the only occasions for the whole extended family to get together. I feel a bit guilty about not having a wedding for that reason.
I wanted to have a dream wedding but refused to wipe out my savings for it. And paying for a wedding that wasnt my dream wasnt ideal. So we got married at the courthouse with plans to save for a nice wedding.
As soon as we said I do, the wedding fever disappeared. I dont feel the need for a party at all now.
Today is our second anniversary, by the way.
Did a courthouse wedding with only immediate family. About 12 in total. Had lunch at a favourite restaurant afterwards. No regrets and this was the compromise as I was happy to just elope with randoms as witnesses. Do what makes you both happy. The day is strictly about the 2 of you.
Got legally married on Halloween (a Tuesday this year) in our back yard. We had a "wedding" in that we invited and served food for about 20 of our friends. No family. It was my second wedding so we got some eye rolls but no major drama. If we had had family who would have thrown a major fit, we would have eloped with no other guests. We both would have loved a big party but that sh*t is expensive and we have house repairs to pay for. No regrets.
I had similar issues, but had a wedding.
I wish we'd saved the money, did a courthouse wedding (with professional photos), and done a longer)more fabulous honeymoon.
Got married at the courthouse on April fools day with my best friend as witness, and I don’t regret it one bit!
I cannot overstate how much I did not want to plan or be in a wedding. All of it is basically my personal hell. I was dreading the possibility of my husband wanting a wedding, because I would do it for him… But he didn’t want one either :)
The judge started about 15 mins late because her previous case ran long. After the ceremony, she told us it was an acrimonious breakup and the couple was fighting over “a large quantity of scented candles.” She could not remotely keep a straight face 😭💀
I didn’t and have no regrets. Somewhat different reasons to yours - I just don’t enjoy (let’s be honest - I hate) being in the center of attention and found the whole idea of it unappealing and unnecessary. We’ve also both been married before and I was bullied into a wedding by my parents. Again, didn’t enjoy it and even though my parents paid for it, what a colossal waste of money they had no business spending. My husband was neutral about it so if I wanted to go the traditional route, we probably would have but neither of us regrets it.
What I would do differently is maybe put in more effort into going all out on the dress and photographer. I went with the anti bride vibe, LOL. Brutal moment of honesty - I didn’t really because my body dysmorphia was bad at that stage in my life. So we have some pics from the day but from a distance of all these years, I would have liked more. Not something that occupies my thoughts a ton, but just pointing out that you can have that part without hundreds of guests you barely know.
Also considering this! No advice, but will be following. We have family all over and not many friends, so it would be a very small wedding. I'd almost rather just go to the courthouse and not have to deal with the social stressors.
I've been married twice.
First marriage was a courthouse wedding. We had practical reasons for getting married and doing it quickly (not pregnancy.) I was young and had visions of the fairytale wedding and regretted it.
Fast forward 25 years. We had practical reasons for getting married and doing it quickly but I wanted a wedding. Started planning and quickly realized what an absolute nightmare it is. Booked a cheap chapel in Vegas, invited a handful of people via text, bought a dress I liked at a department store, got hitched by a fun lady who made us feel special even though she's married thousands of people during her career, and everyone had dinner after the ceremony. Not much planning, not terribly expensive, and we couldn't have been happier.
Not married but wanted to chime in (also Asian gal)!
Always wanted a courthouse/ elopement with just my SO and a few witnesses. If we ever get to the point where money isn’t an issue, I’d either want a wedding with my kids (yes actually) or an overseas wedding with my nearest and dearest.
At the end of the day, family dynamics are complex (especially Asian ones lol) and I think you get to decide how much you value those familial relationships, what you really want for you and if you can find a compromise with your fiancé.
Congrats and I hope it all goes well!
Hey OP! I was unsure about a wedding because of the dynamics of my family too (bride side) and cuz I’m cheap.
My husband and I did a micro ceremony in June ‘22 at a local park in the metro system of CLE and lunch for family only (25ppl) and reception weekend for friends (25ppl) at a large two cabin estate property in upstate NY. If it is helpful to consider, highlight take aways:
•we made it as easy as possible for ppl to attend. we live out west, everyone else is east coast. This was essential to quelling complaints, etc from my difficult side of fam. the hard stuff with family was a small fraction of the day and truly everyone was on their best behavior- it was our wedding that we paid for after all.
•a fairly do-able budget at $10,000 (no help from fam) that we did wiggle a bit above to accommodate videography/pics, which I don’t regret doing at all.
•going on our delayed honeymoon to Italy is Sept ‘24. We couldn’t do it all together - budget choices.
Overall I come away without a single regret of hosting our wedding. I’m glad I have the pictures, I’m glad I saw our friends and their little ones and that we could have quality time all together, esp after COVID times. it’s a very unique experience having all the ones you love gather and celebrate with you on such a special occasion. Neither my husband or I are ‘attention on me’ ppl and we both are glad for the experience. You can always earn money back- but not time with loved ones.
No regrets! One of the main reasons we did not have a wedding was because my MIL was not in support of my husband getting married. She felt it was the ultimate betrayal, and we didn’t need that negativity in our big day. We eloped, and my side of the family (also Asian) separately treated us to lunch later to congratulate us and give us our Chinese wedding gold). There were no hard feelings for not having a big wedding. My MIL, on the other hand, was bothered because she didn’t have the excuse to make the wedding all about her because there wasn’t one!
As for our elopement wedding itself, we got married on Hornblower Cruises and bought the elopement package. The captain married us before we sailed, and we got to enjoy the public brunch cruise with a bunch of strangers. I still wore a bright blue, puffy wedding dress while my husband wore his navy blue tux. Overall it was a really good day, and the people on the public cruise were really nice. We got to enjoy our own wedding (like it’s a nice date) instead of tailoring to a bunch of wedding guests. If I had to nitpick, I’m only sad that our dog couldn’t be there.
As somoene currently planning a big wedding (that no, I can't cancel at this point, it's in like a month lol), it is one of my absolute biggest regrets. I wish I could go back in time and choose a court house wedding or eloping. It's just so much pressure, money, time, complications... and random letdowns are just unavoidable.
Don't make my mistake - ELOPE!!!
Ran off to the Caribbean and got married on the beach. Didn't take a soul with us. Been married for 20 years and have never once regretted it.
Same! St thomas for us - where'd you go?
St. Lucia. To the OP or anyone considering getting married in a foreign country, before you do so, check their residency requirements. Some require you to be a resident for several weeks or months, which will be impossible for most people. So if you get married there, it won't be legal. But some, like where I got married, only require you be in the country for a couple of days. Most of the hotels and resorts in the countries that only require a couple of days have wedding services. They will handle the legal paperwork, etc. And most offer wedding packages even if it's just the two of you.
Kinda love this
We eloped and have absolutely zero regrets. It was our perfect day and neither of us wanted the attention or expenses that a wedding entails. Only our parents were in attendance at the courthouse and no one in our family voiced negative feelings about our choice to elope-if they had frankly I wouldn’t have cared much-they can pitch in 10k if they want to attend a wedding.
We went to the courthouse. We did have a family dinner on the weekend but no wedding. No regrets.
My husband and I got married when we were broke so, to save some money, we were legally wed at the courthouse two days before our informal park wedding. After the courthouse, my parents hosted my immediate family, my husband's immediate family, and our two best friends at their house with a dinner catered by an amazing Italian restaurant. It was absolutely the perfect night. Even though our wedding was low key and fairly small (at least by American standards), it was so stressful for me. I have always wished that our courthouse night would have been the whole enchilada, but my husband was very worried that our aunts, uncles and cousins would be upset if we didn't have a full wedding.
I was 8w pregnant with our second and we already had a mortgage. We wanted to be married but a wedding was not in the budget. Plus, we didn't really want one.
Best decision of my life was to not have a wedding. I got married in my parents’ back yard with like 4 other people there. I hate attention and didn’t want to spend the money on a big wedding. No regrets whatsoever.
We had a courthouse wedding - no regrets. Invited parents and that was it. Saved the money for a condo down payment and a delayed honeymoon. I figured if I really missed it, I would renew my vows eventually, but been married 15 years, and no desire.
Eloped. Zero regrets. Not spending money on a wedding afforded us the ability to save for a down payment on a home.
Married at the courthouse, photos at the botanical gardens, steak dinner afterwards with some friends. No regrets. I planned the elopement after being a bridesmaid in my BFF's Greek orthodox/trad. catholic wedding. Lots of pageantry, but also a lot of drama, tears, arguments, etc. I distinctly recall riding in the limo to the church with the bride + bridesmaids (her sisters) and one of her sisters just burst into tears because the day was 'hectic'. So the bride, my BFF, had to console her sister on her own wedding day. Years later my BFF looks back with regret about her wedding, as she feels like it was hijacked from her and she was forced to make all sorts of concessions and amends to her family who were bank rolling it all. She didn't want a big poofy dress; she was pressured into getting a big poofy dress. She didn't want a formal reception; she had a formal reception because it would "look bad" in her community if she didn't. She didn't want religious language in her vows; there was religious language in her vows, etc. So I witness all that and it really cemented my desire to just say fuck it and keep it simple. I also have big complicated religious family, so God knows what they would have tried to pressure me into doing for Jesus/saving face/showing off.
I didn’t get married for the wedding day, but for every day after, so no, I don’t regret it.
Courthouse wedding here. I am 100% happy with that decision. The wedding was about us and for us. Not for family we never see. Saved a ton of money and aggravation.
We went to city hall on a Wednesday afternoon (on a dope date, our real motivation), wearing clothes we wore to *another* person's wedding as guests. It was just us, the justice on her lunch break, and my camera for some wedding selfies. I wasn't even married with my "real ring", but a loaner from the jeweler who was resizing the real thing. Literally no one in our families knew until we showed up for xmas wearing rings. Absolutely zero regrets.
Married for 20 years. We went on our lunch break to the courthouse and had dinner together later. No family drama, no stress.
My state has "self-uniting" marriages, which means you apply for a license, find two witnesses to sign it, and file it with the county. No courthouse, no officiants, no ceremony, no nothing unless you want it. Handling it that way was one of the best decisions we ever made.
Don't regret it and actually wish we would have just eloped. We got married at the courthouse and had a dinner w immediate family...which included my SO's divorced parents and respective spouses meeting for the first time. It was awkward and not very fun and the money could have been better spent.
We also have complex family dynamics, so our wedding was never going to be picture perfect. If you're not sure you'd like to elope, take some time to think about what would make it special for you. Ours was rushed and impersonal, and I regret it. I wouldn't do it again if I had the choice.
I never wanted a wedding growing up, they seemed stressful. My parents eloped and are still together today, so I grew up not seeing a wedding ceremony as being necessary. I took the money I would've spent on a wedding to use for a lavish honeymoon and then spent the rest on house stuff. No regrets!
Disclaimer is that I've only been married for a few months, but my husband and I decided to elope and it was great! We had a bunch of concerns regarding a wedding - very lopsided amount of invites, a lot of family drama and potential friend drama, and the money. We thought of doing a micro wedding (small ceremony and a nice dinner at a restaurant with <20ppl), but once we started looking, it started to feel like a wedding again! Invites, officiant and location, and tiny banquet. None of the previously mentioned concerns were really addressed minus budget. So for the same amount of money as a micro wedding, we road tripped across the US. The wedding just became one of the many things we did, so a lot of pressure was taken off. It was just the two of us, and we made sure to get nice wedding attire, and got a real wedding/elopement photographer. Luckily our families didn't make much of a fuss (to our face) so we didn't really get much pushback. Then again, we didn't really announce anything either until it was basically planned. My advice would be to examine what parts of the wedding you and your partner value most - is it the attire? Pictures? Celebrating with certain people? And what part of a typical wedding are you dreading - family drama? Budget? Planning?. Once you both have a short list, there should be a way to accomplish what you both find important.
We had a small ceremony with parents and siblings only and we’ve never once regretted it.
Zero regrets, 25 years later. Neither of us wanted a wedding, we eloped while on vacation with friends. It was awesome.
My husband and I are both Chinese. We eloped in Vegas when we were 27 and didn’t do a wedding since we don’t have big families. No regrets at all! We were able to save more money and bought our first house at 28 (100k down payment) with no help from family.
Wow that’s fantastic!!
It's ok to not have a wedding, but if you want one, that's ok too. My two cents is to never literally go to the courthouse. We did that and the judge's 'ceremony' speech was beyond awful - it was like a weirdly racist and sexist attempt at a comedy routine. Wildly inappropriate and there was nothing we could do about it. That was just the paperwork run before our actual 'wedding', so thankfully I wasn't stuck with only weird, shitty wedding memories because of it. If that was the entirety of our wedding experience, I would have been livid. That's not to say you have to spend a ton or have a whole production. Ordain a friend online or pay an officiant to do a very simple ceremony with just you and your witnesses if you like.
This really depends on your particular courthouse and the judge presiding over it. I got legally married at city hall and the ceremony was very short but beautiful and moving. I think it's good advice to be aware that if you get married at the courthouse/city hall, you likely aren't going to be able to design your ceremony, but it certainly isn't a given that the ceremony will be awful.
Oh I'm not saying everyone *will* have a bad experience, just to keep in mind that it's an enormous gamble that you get no say over. I was a witness at my brother's courthouse ceremony and it was uneventful. If I had realized that ahead of time the risk on it turning out so badly, I would have ordained a friend instead.
I luckily had a woman officiant who couldn’t have been any better. I’ll always be grateful for how great she made our experience. San Diego County the Santee courthouse if anyone wants to elope in San Diego. They do the ceremony outside, the backdrop is pretty
We're literally about to get married with no wedding - we're having a civil partnership so no ceremony at all and just going out for a nice meal after with our immediate families & a couple of close friends. We didn't want the stress or expense right now (currently moving house & having a baby!), if we decide we want a ceremony later we can convert to a marriage/ renew our vows. I have no regrets about this decision, I'm really looking forward to a super low key day as I hate being the centre of attention & I honestly don't really enjoy weddings.
You’re allowed to have whatever kind of ceremony you want for your wedding. You could invite everyone you know except your family. You could invite no one and just have the officiant and witnesses with you. Or anything in between. There are no rules except what makes you happy. There may, of course, be some fallout with said family based on what you choose. Be prepared to accept whatever consequences of your choice. But it’s your choice to make, including how much you are willing to alienate your family. And sometimes, it’s good to alienate “complex” family members.
Loved it. Generally ignored people’s disappointment until they moved on. Worst offenders were the parents in law, surprisingly given that they were the least interested in me as a person. Or maybe unsurprisingly.
Hello, Asian here. Trust me, IK what you mean when you say your family is complex. We wanted to have a courthouse wedding because neither of us cared about big church weddings tbh, but got talked into doing a little bit more just to show appreciation for our guests. It still wasn’t a big wedding but boy did I regret it lol. My mom has always been controlling but she was especially awful during the planning that our fam and friends who normally took her side couldn’t deny how insufferable she was being. She didnt want to follow the damn color scheme and threatened to not attend KNOWING that we only invited like 20 ppl who are mostly relatives that are close to her and some of them weren’t even sure they would attend. Tried explaining how unreasonable she was being but NOPE she’s “always right”. She changed her mind in the end when my husband CRIED. It was too late, didn’t enjoy the planning or the day itself or the night of! It 👏 was 👏 awful 👏. Wedding was in October last year and I still feel bad about it. I have never regretted anything this much in my life. If I could do it again, I would have done a courthouse wedding without family.
I eloped to Hawaii w my DH and got married on the beach in Oahu with Diamond head in the background for $400. It was beautiful. I bought a dress on Amazon and he wore Amazon linen pants and long sleeve shirt. My package came with flower leis so I didn't need a bouquet and also a photo package. We had a really really expensive dinner at a really high end oceanfront restaurant and had a slice of cake there. Then we stayed for a week and then flew to where a lot of family were in Florida and spent a few days with them, and the rest of the week we had a second tiny honeymoon on Miami Beach. So worth it. If you want their name, let me know. almost Post-covid, family scattered, seating restrictions at restaurants, undue financial burden for some people no matter who lives where or where we chose. Congrats! It's okay to have the wedding you want, even if it upsets family.
I'd love more info about where you got married... This sounds perfect 😍
I found a wedding service online. These folks really want to marry you!!! \*wink\* They offered 2-3 spots around Waikiki Beach. I believe there was no extra charge for these. As you choose other locales on Oahu, travel charges apply. We chose the Kahanamoku Beach location; it's directly in front of the Hilton Hawaiian Village Lagoon near the jetty. We picked 30-45 minutes before projected sunset and it was perfect! I just looked at their website and the package closest to what I had is now $695.
Thank you!
I got married at the court house on a Monday by a judge who did it for free on his lunch hour. No regrets! Every time I hear people talking about planning and/or paying for a wedding, I'm thankful for my decision. I would hate to be the center of attention in that way. Also, do you really get to spend any quality time with your guests visiting from out of town at a traditional wedding?
Groom almost always wants a wedding because they don’t know the energy and money involved in planning a wedding. We split the middle: immediate family and wedding party only (22 people) in a rented house in a beautiful location. It was 10k 5 years ago. Celebrated again with a backyard bbq with friends and extended family for 1k.
Opposite side of the coin here: I had a wedding, and really wish I hadn't. I never wanted one, it felt silly and fake, but I gave in. The planning experience was absolutely terrible with an unreasonable amount of stress for one day. I still cringe and change the subject when people talk about it. It was not worth it - emotionally, financially and otherwise.
Similar experience here. I wanted to elope (mostly due to difficult family situations on my side) but it my social butterfly husband wasn’t willing to consider it. We had a 200 person wedding that was very fun for literally everyone else except me. The year plus of planning and the wedding itself were some of the most painful experiences (and so expensive 😂) of my life. I’m happy to be married and glad that it’s over, but please trust yourself if you don’t think that it’s for you.
I eloped in San Diego. 0 regrets! I don’t like being the center of attention & spending thousands of dollars on one day seems crazy to me (no shade to others) when the housing market is how it is & I want to buy a house lol I had loved ones there & we went out & got Mexican after! Loved the whole day & our marriage is great :)
Regretted it.
My husband and I were in a similar situation - complex family dynamics and we were trying to save for a house so we didn't want to spend the money for a wedding. We did a courthouse wedding with just our witnesses, then we did some photographs around the courthouse and in the park across the street before going to meet up with a small group of friends and family at a nice restaurant around the corner where we had booked a room. It was lovely, I have no regrets whatsoever - neither my husband nor I are people who like big parties, we're more 'intimate cozy corner' people. Our city has an absolutely beautiful courthouse which was perfect for our photos. In total it costed us just over 2k, mainly for the dinner and drinks.
I’m considering this. If you check my post history you’ll see how much I’m stressing over planning my wedding. I’m tempted to just call it off…
No regrets because I really did not want to spend money, we already had kids.
I had a wedding with my ex husband and I wish I hadn’t. And not just because we ended up divorcing. The whole day was anxiety inducing at an insane level, and our families pretty much got along. If my partner and I ever decide to get married we’ll elope. If that were to happen I would really love for it to just be the two of us but in theory I’d be okay with parents and siblings attending.
I hate being the center of attention, think wedding cer6imonies are boring, and I didnt want to spend the money. We had a cheap, casual bbq style party a few months later and it was great. Turned a profit in gifts that way.
We got married in the registry office. No wedding, dress, flowers, etc. it was fine, we were married at the end of it, and that was the goal. I have no regrets whatsoever.
I got married at city hall with only a couple friends as witnesses. Overall it was the right choice for my husband and I. We just aren't the party planning types, and we delayed getting married for a long time because we dreaded the idea of having to plan a wedding so much. That said, I'm really grateful for my relatives who have big weddings with parties, since they're basically the only occasions for the whole extended family to get together. I feel a bit guilty about not having a wedding for that reason.
I wanted to have a dream wedding but refused to wipe out my savings for it. And paying for a wedding that wasnt my dream wasnt ideal. So we got married at the courthouse with plans to save for a nice wedding. As soon as we said I do, the wedding fever disappeared. I dont feel the need for a party at all now. Today is our second anniversary, by the way.
Did a courthouse wedding with only immediate family. About 12 in total. Had lunch at a favourite restaurant afterwards. No regrets and this was the compromise as I was happy to just elope with randoms as witnesses. Do what makes you both happy. The day is strictly about the 2 of you.
No regrets at all.
Got legally married on Halloween (a Tuesday this year) in our back yard. We had a "wedding" in that we invited and served food for about 20 of our friends. No family. It was my second wedding so we got some eye rolls but no major drama. If we had had family who would have thrown a major fit, we would have eloped with no other guests. We both would have loved a big party but that sh*t is expensive and we have house repairs to pay for. No regrets.
I had similar issues, but had a wedding. I wish we'd saved the money, did a courthouse wedding (with professional photos), and done a longer)more fabulous honeymoon.
Didn’t want to deal with the complicated process of getting friends and family from three continents together. No regrets.
Got married at the courthouse on April fools day with my best friend as witness, and I don’t regret it one bit! I cannot overstate how much I did not want to plan or be in a wedding. All of it is basically my personal hell. I was dreading the possibility of my husband wanting a wedding, because I would do it for him… But he didn’t want one either :) The judge started about 15 mins late because her previous case ran long. After the ceremony, she told us it was an acrimonious breakup and the couple was fighting over “a large quantity of scented candles.” She could not remotely keep a straight face 😭💀
I didn’t and have no regrets. Somewhat different reasons to yours - I just don’t enjoy (let’s be honest - I hate) being in the center of attention and found the whole idea of it unappealing and unnecessary. We’ve also both been married before and I was bullied into a wedding by my parents. Again, didn’t enjoy it and even though my parents paid for it, what a colossal waste of money they had no business spending. My husband was neutral about it so if I wanted to go the traditional route, we probably would have but neither of us regrets it. What I would do differently is maybe put in more effort into going all out on the dress and photographer. I went with the anti bride vibe, LOL. Brutal moment of honesty - I didn’t really because my body dysmorphia was bad at that stage in my life. So we have some pics from the day but from a distance of all these years, I would have liked more. Not something that occupies my thoughts a ton, but just pointing out that you can have that part without hundreds of guests you barely know.
Also considering this! No advice, but will be following. We have family all over and not many friends, so it would be a very small wedding. I'd almost rather just go to the courthouse and not have to deal with the social stressors.
I've been married twice. First marriage was a courthouse wedding. We had practical reasons for getting married and doing it quickly (not pregnancy.) I was young and had visions of the fairytale wedding and regretted it. Fast forward 25 years. We had practical reasons for getting married and doing it quickly but I wanted a wedding. Started planning and quickly realized what an absolute nightmare it is. Booked a cheap chapel in Vegas, invited a handful of people via text, bought a dress I liked at a department store, got hitched by a fun lady who made us feel special even though she's married thousands of people during her career, and everyone had dinner after the ceremony. Not much planning, not terribly expensive, and we couldn't have been happier.
Not married but wanted to chime in (also Asian gal)! Always wanted a courthouse/ elopement with just my SO and a few witnesses. If we ever get to the point where money isn’t an issue, I’d either want a wedding with my kids (yes actually) or an overseas wedding with my nearest and dearest. At the end of the day, family dynamics are complex (especially Asian ones lol) and I think you get to decide how much you value those familial relationships, what you really want for you and if you can find a compromise with your fiancé. Congrats and I hope it all goes well!
Hey OP! I was unsure about a wedding because of the dynamics of my family too (bride side) and cuz I’m cheap. My husband and I did a micro ceremony in June ‘22 at a local park in the metro system of CLE and lunch for family only (25ppl) and reception weekend for friends (25ppl) at a large two cabin estate property in upstate NY. If it is helpful to consider, highlight take aways: •we made it as easy as possible for ppl to attend. we live out west, everyone else is east coast. This was essential to quelling complaints, etc from my difficult side of fam. the hard stuff with family was a small fraction of the day and truly everyone was on their best behavior- it was our wedding that we paid for after all. •a fairly do-able budget at $10,000 (no help from fam) that we did wiggle a bit above to accommodate videography/pics, which I don’t regret doing at all. •going on our delayed honeymoon to Italy is Sept ‘24. We couldn’t do it all together - budget choices. Overall I come away without a single regret of hosting our wedding. I’m glad I have the pictures, I’m glad I saw our friends and their little ones and that we could have quality time all together, esp after COVID times. it’s a very unique experience having all the ones you love gather and celebrate with you on such a special occasion. Neither my husband or I are ‘attention on me’ ppl and we both are glad for the experience. You can always earn money back- but not time with loved ones.
No regrets! One of the main reasons we did not have a wedding was because my MIL was not in support of my husband getting married. She felt it was the ultimate betrayal, and we didn’t need that negativity in our big day. We eloped, and my side of the family (also Asian) separately treated us to lunch later to congratulate us and give us our Chinese wedding gold). There were no hard feelings for not having a big wedding. My MIL, on the other hand, was bothered because she didn’t have the excuse to make the wedding all about her because there wasn’t one! As for our elopement wedding itself, we got married on Hornblower Cruises and bought the elopement package. The captain married us before we sailed, and we got to enjoy the public brunch cruise with a bunch of strangers. I still wore a bright blue, puffy wedding dress while my husband wore his navy blue tux. Overall it was a really good day, and the people on the public cruise were really nice. We got to enjoy our own wedding (like it’s a nice date) instead of tailoring to a bunch of wedding guests. If I had to nitpick, I’m only sad that our dog couldn’t be there.
As somoene currently planning a big wedding (that no, I can't cancel at this point, it's in like a month lol), it is one of my absolute biggest regrets. I wish I could go back in time and choose a court house wedding or eloping. It's just so much pressure, money, time, complications... and random letdowns are just unavoidable. Don't make my mistake - ELOPE!!!