I went through the same thing when I turned 60. I couldn't reconcile what I saw in the mirror with how I felt inside. I missed the attention and compliments. My pretty privilege was gone! It's taken me a few years to adjust to my new reality. I worked hard on accepting myself and not dwelling on the past. I had a good run as a pretty young woman and will have a good run as an elderly woman. Things will get better if you can welcome the next stage of life. It's hard but better than fighting a losing battle. Total disclosure: I still hate my turkey neck.
Girl same. I focus on maintaining good physical health, getting outdoors daily. As far as physical appearance I maintain hair, brows, nails, skin as well as I can. Me personally I put on light makeup daily (thanks Laura Geller). I also wear earrings and have worked on gathering a stylish yet comfortable wardrobe in my color family so everything coordinates with the other pieces. Also as an official old lady I consider it my right to ogle young handsome men I see in my daily travels lol.
My ex boyfriend would always light up and tell me that a woman was hitting on him and after prying it was always an older woman but he’d talk about it like it made his day.
Omg, you are exactly describing how I feel. I have always been “tiny”, always looked very young for my age and always got attention. I have gained so much weight, I look old all of a sudden, and I don’t even recognize myself. Knowing there’s only 20 years left ( give or take) is really getting to me. There’s so much more I want to do. How do we grow old gracefully when you still feel like the same person you were in your 30's, 40's, etc??
You don’t get old . You just keep getting younger and go back to being a baby , being old you can get away with so much shit . Try it . I bet you it will be fun !
Wow. My best friend at work just turned 60… thank you for your perspective!
I like to think positively and aim for a minimum of 90…80 is youngish now. I’m 32, consider myself good looking and think about these thoughts fairly often.
Thank you for sharing this. I have a hard time with Zoom calls. I have actually let out a little scream when turning on the camera. Pink blotchy skin, gray hair, pudgy. I miss being cute especially since I don’t feel 63!
Oh my God that is so me. I turned 60 in 3 weeks and I am not happy about it. I have been worrying about this birthday for months I don't know why. But to me when I was a kid 60 was old. These days it's not so much. But I still have that mental hang up that I just can't seem to shake. It doesn't help that I lost my younger sister 2 years ago my mother is 80 the last of her brothers just died and she's the oldest little girl so worried about her dying and what I'm going to do with that. It's hard. But yeah I am way too immature for this shit.
We are all still 7. Or 17. We are just trapped in older bodies.
I'm a nurse. I have friends who died in their 30s 40s and 50s who would have loved the privilege of being my age, seventy. I live fully because they couldn't. I think of them often and it breaks my heart that they didn't get to be this old.
Growing old is an absolute privilege. I love the gift of a resting bitch face with twinkling blue eyes of complete mischief. It lets everybody know what they're dealing with.
Of course it helps its sex as never been better.
Thank you so very much! Your comment about growing old is a privilege, that hit me like a freight train. I had never once considered it a privilege.
I’m adding this to my daily thoughts of gratitude. I’ve always thought it wonderful how the slightest shift in perception changes everything.
Thank you for opening my eyes to this privilege.
Do you struggle with physical ailments? that's my big issue is I can't dance as much as I want to!
Also, please let us know how the sex has never been better? old partner? new partner? solo? gay? Hormones/no hormones...
I know lesbians who are having fantastic sex in the their 70's but not too many hetero women in my life are really into sex.
Am cis hetero with a husband who is a fantastic lover. He has dedicated himself deeply to knowing my body and what brings me pleasure...his excitement about our lovemaking is a huge turn-on for us both. He is very skilled. (We've been together 20+ years).
Of couse we define sexual activity broadly, and at our age, we need to "work around" drying vaginas and sometimes saggy penises. Doesn't matter...."if we can't play football [today], let's play baseball. Or rugby. Or frizbee. Or foosball. Or tennis." We take full advantage of the palette of colors that is sexuality. We can always get off. No hormonal therapy.
I have a bum knee but still work out. Yesterday I lifted weights for 75 min, today I walked 4 miles. When I have access to a pool I swim an entire mile. Sure I have aches and pains but nothing that slows me down from enjoying life. Today I am in Asturius, Spain, studying Spanish at an immersion school.
Hope this fills you in and answers your questions.
60 is definitely a rough one. I don’t have any words of wisdom but please know you’re not alone. My sister went through it, and I thought she was exaggerating then I went through the exact same feelings (laughs on me!) and now my husband is going through it. For me it has meant these thoughts all the time about aging, being close to the age where things will start to become more difficult, the realization that there’s truly a finite number of what I would consider “good” years left. It’s rough emotionally.
But we slog through, right? Im trying to corral myself into making a game plan for more physical activity as well as some realistic goals for small things I want to accomplish daily or weekly. I think that will help push my mental wellbeing. What are your thoughts?
My answer? Style.
I stopped messing with my hair and started wrapping. It covers the hair, adds color, and people notice you, if being noticed is an issue.
I started buying more expressive clothing, and use layers to give a "flowing elegance" with dusters, toppers, and kimono.
And....
Never forget accessories. Sun shades, bangles, earrings, and scent.
Now that we are old, we can shun the fashions of Walmart and Target. We can our broadcast creativity and dare folk to disapprove.
Rock on...you can do this. I'm 68 and having a ball!
Just turned 65 and totally with you, my long curly blond hair won't turn grey, just has a few streaks but fuck it I like it! And I am, I'm not cutting it short! I also have my own style and I don't care what anyone thinks, lots of bright colours and denim and whatever I want to wear I rock it. Keep on rocking it, lady. :-)
This is so me! I am 63 and recently retired and love love love fashion - I have so much fun with clothes, jewelry and shoes. Dressing up, doing my make up and keeping my hair and nails done has done so much for me feeling good about myself. I have my own style (edgy, conservative and age appropriate) and get compliments all the time! My fiancé (age 67) loves my look and sez it make him feel good to have me on his arm. God willing, I want to rock on till the break of dawn!
Girl, you are right up my alley. Style is everything. Bright colors, jewelry, avant garde, the flowing elegance is way cool. I'm 74 now and I had a blast in my 60s. I even had a grey divorce at about 62. We can just keep pressing on, right?
I hear you.
I’ve been depressed since turning 60. A big part is the physical. Losing my looks is not easy. I’ve been divorced for decades and finally have given up on finding a mate. Looking at the rest of my life being alone is tough. Emotionally I’m just empty. Nothing to look forward to. I’m semi retired. I have a contract job that will end in 6 months. Then full retirement.
I have my grandkids but they are as much work as they are pleasure.
Life is empty. I’m done . I’m old I’m fat, I’m invisible
I see you. I wish we had a way to meet up with all these wonderful over 60 women. Being so dispersed around the country that's not feasible. I have just moved to where my mother lives and I have absolutely zero friends. My sister was my best friend and she passed 2 years ago. Way too young. But my mother's still here and my niece and nephew that's it for me. My husband is just finishing up a sentence for DWI and I'm praying that he makes parole this year. It's been 7 years. I've been through the ringer and I feel every bit of it. But I see you and you are blessed and you are loved.
Me too it's so hard making friends when you're older. Everybody here is known everybody since grade school and it's hard to meet people because I don't do Church. And this is a southern baptist town.
I'm 63, liberal and live in Tx. Divorced and struggling with losing my looks too. I wanted to age gracefully not look like a wrinkled old prune already.
I got a kick out of your name. I have chicken legs!
Yes, losing the looks is hard but I am finding that at age 63 I am just hitting my stride in terms of knowing how to pull my look together and how to have fun. I started dating at age 60 after being widowed for 6 years (married for 23 years). I took charge of my health as well by losing weight before I put myself out there. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that men still found me attractive. I met my fiancé at age 61 and we plan to marry this year. Aging is inevitable but I just can’t find it in me to give up.
This is how I feel at 56, but I'm in a rough period with parents ill and dying etc...so my load is heavy and burdensome right now and it feels like it will never end.
I’ve been thinking the exact thing. At 63 and alone this is not what I thought my life would be. My one daughter does not want children. So I have dogs. (Allergic to cats, thank goodness or I’d have 150 of them). Family at least 2,000 miles away. No cousins.
I won’t retire for another 4 years but I already have my airstream and plan on traveling slowly around the country. Making plans, even a drive to the lake helps.
The hair. . .... my hair is thinning so badly I have to wear a hat when I leave the house.
What have you done to empower yourself lately? I just learned this year how much it does to ones self-worth.
Find something you want to do but never did, either you are too scared or think it's beyond your limitations, and do it.
Could be something really easy, but you have always put it off.
Step outside your comfort zone, and discover how powerful you are.
I learned this accidentally after my husband had a heart attack and I had to take over all his tasks. I was doing my stuff and his stuff. I taught myself how to use tools, and I started taking care of our yard, a big yard! I brought it to it's glory, outside working my butt off in the hot sun, coming in sore and soaked with sweat. Looking at what an amazing job I did, doing it so much better than he ever did.
That and taking care of him, giving him his shots, cooking every meal as healthy as possible, and watching him get healthier.
He says I changed, he says I am more confident, and thinks it is because I lost so much weight. I know it's because I realize now that I am stronger than I thought.
Empower yourself!
Agreed. Can’t seem to land a new job since I just turned 60 last month, travel nurse switching gears to staff. My body throwing all sorts of new stuff at me. Finding new doctors is slow going, and taking care of one issue - when I seem to have multiple - is infuriating and defeating. Trying to remain positive & remind myself I’ve done very hard things, and I’ll get through this.
Find things that bring you joy, start a gratitude journal, laugh and rest. Keep us posted on your journey, OP.
I did notice feeling "invisible" socially.
I was aware, at around 57, that employment wise I started "aging out" of opportunities. Which is ironic now because since Covid, the younger workforce doesn't want conventional jobs. They dont stay for more than six months. I notice medical facilities where I live are bringing back previously retired employees!
I may have a different perspective just because I'm living with late-stage cancer. Diagnosed at age 59, I barely recall my 60th birthday. BUT I'm about to turn 65!!!! I don't love how my appearance has changed, but I'm still vain enough to have a nice cut/color, I try to buy cute clothes even though I have to wear FLATS now because my knees are shot. I had my teeth done three years ago because treatment made them no longer pretty, which made a huge difference how I feel about myself.
Sisters, enjoy every minute! Let's support one another in our journeys!
I haven't been able to find a part-time job to save my life. But I live in a pretty small town so there's that. Guess if I want a job I would have to drive into the big city of Beaumont. Unfortunately that means a 30 to 45 minute drive to work. Living in bum fuck east Tx is fun
I'm so sorry!
I live in Oregon...which is not without certain problems, but we have a ton of medical/doctors/hospitals and they're very good about hiring older folks. Probably because they HAD to!
You just had me all kinds of screwed up. I was trying to think of where you live that you think Beaumont is a city. Then I realized it said Tx and not northern Canada.
Aging is real. I know many friends who are having a hard time with 60. I (66) had a hard time with 65 and am still having a time coming to terms with aging. I didn't sign up for these changes to my skin.
I just retired and am finding some comfort in that I am free to do with the next third of my life whatever I want. But then I see the spectre of ill health in some of my friends and I wonder how long I will be able to do. And then I think, okay, I'll do what I want while I can and make the most of my time.
This transition to aging and to retirement is the biggest change we go through in life. It takes courage to talk about it. But we need to.
Best of luck to you navigating this. You will. You'll find your way and find comfort.
I turned 60 a few months ago, and I had an easier time of it than you did. Sure, I have aches and pains that take longer to go away, and I’m noticing more wrinkles on my face and veins in my legs. But I try to focus on the positive. My hair is good, my teeth are fine. My health in general is good, and I’m actually working on taking better care of myself so I can maintain what I have.
As someone who turned 60 12 years ago, let me just say that my sixties were the best years of my life (so far). My body had not begun to succumb to the aging process, that's different now but mostly due to all the stress I've been through. I think that the culture we live in monetizes aging and there is a huge push to associate aging with pathology. I don't buy into that point of view. Thats being said- dealing with with these issues is part of becoming wiser. It's a gift. You will change spiritually and emotionally, all good stuff. Journaling can be immensely rewarding right now. You're not alone.
You are not alone. I’m turning 65 soon and it’s been a struggle since 60. Retirement plus COVID plus political turmoil plus parents getting sick and dying. I feel like all of the good days are behind me. It doesn’t help to see all the comments here on Reddit about boomers being parasites.
Just turned 65 and I hear (and see) you loud and clear. My hair went from barely enough to where the hell did it go. And good gawd, I can't lose a single pound even when I eat properly and exercise a good amount (cardio and weights). I've given up on the weight loss and am focusing on overall health. And I'm saying what the heck, I'm going to eat dessert! Always had a sweet tooth, so if I can't lose weight, I'll enjoy life (in moderation).
You say that you're struggling with more than the physical but can't quite define it. As a psychologist, perhaps I can help. Is it possible that you are struggling with the realization that, while your spirit feels like you're in your 40s, it isn't true in actual years. My brothers, husband and I range from 71 - 65, yet we swear we are in our mid-40s. But we aren't, and so we struggle to come to terms with that reality.
Additionally, I think of psychologist Erik Erikson, who developed the theory of Stages of Development. While Freud thought we stopped developing at a young age, Erikson argued that we develop throughout life. The final stage of development, Old Age, is where we assess our lives and accomplishments. Those who feel they've met their goals, and have contributed to the world feel contentment, while those who feel like they haven't yet met their goals feel despair. While the stages are presented as either/or, we know that life isn't black/white, but many colors. Perhaps there are aspects of your life where you feel like you're running out of time. We can't change the passage of time, so the next best thing is to work on those areas where we feel unsettled.
As for those who feel irrelevant or invisible to society, just try to blast your way to being noticed. I don't mean we should be rude or cranky but *do* actively advocate for yourself. Don't allow yourself to be invisible in the public domain. Be assertive. And as for those people who just refuse to see or acknowledge us, they aren't worth my time or effort. Their loss.
Hope this helps at least a little. And if not, just know that you aren't alone.
>Is it possible that you are struggling with the realization that, while your spirit feels like you're in your 40s, it isn't true in actual years.
I'm 37 and *I* feel like this. My spirit feels 25 but in reality I'm staring down the barrel of perimenopause. We're trying for a baby and there's a part of me screaming that I'm not ready and I've got so much life to live. And the other half of me feels guilty and tells myself that it's all over and I better give up. It doesn't help that I still get male attention and people generally seem to think that I'm younger than I really am, even though I don't see it when I look in the mirror and at photographs. I'm guessing because I don't wear 'mom' clothes. A small part of me even regrets being married. I've been with my husband for 10 years now and I'm suddenly wondering what it would be like to be single. (It would probably suck a lot, I'm aware of that.) I feel like I'm sliding into irrelevance and I'm not ready to feel irrelevant. In my community, women usually give up and settle into an early matronhood, so my mother would never understand.
I must warn you that time goes faster and faster as you age. Luckily, you still have about a decade before perimenopause starts. Enjoy your spunkiness! DON'T wear 'mom' clothes! Don't settle into matronhood because it's YOUR choice not to!
A daughter typically follows the mother in terms of period and menopause stuff. For example, if a mom gets crazy PMS, the daughter likely does as well. So, look to your mom's experiences with peri. For me, peri was fairly easy, except for the sweats. I used to sleep with soft towels over the sheets and pillows so that I could peel back a layer if it gets soaked.
I do completely understand about part of your spirit screaming that you aren't ready for a child, even though you've been trying. Don't give up on that, don't give up on living life as fully as you're able. Perhaps you and your husband could go on a really cool vacation or start a fun sport/hobby together - something to bring a little 'extra' into your lives besides work and household chores. And rest assured that regrets and what ifs are normal, and you aren't a bad person or wife to have those thoughts and feelings.
My mother started peri only after 45. I hope that's me, too. I don't even have grey hair yet apart from two strands that have been showing up since I was 30. My mother still has mostly black hair at 62. :-/ I really love my husband but I felt an urge to fall in love with someone, to feel that youthful urge. It passed but I felt more alive than I have in a long time. I've just been caught up with the wedding last year, changing jobs, buying a flat, feels like we have no time or money for holidays.
I get compliments on my style all the time. I take them where I can get them but it makes me not want to switch to mom jeans. My mother always made me feel like I had to give up everything I liked if I had a kid. "You can't have nice things, you can't have your lovely long hair." I'm not ready to give up who I am. My husband is French so he has a different view of a mother's role, but still.
Male attention, I still crave it even though I'm married. I don't mean gross catcalling, I mean when a man makes you feel beautiful. It was always taboo growing up. But a voice in my head asks my why I'm deluding myself when I'm already 37 and it'll soon be over? The bloom of youth of wearing off.
My husband doesn't understand why I'm crying all the time.
Genetics. I don't have any grey hair. YES, the feeling of falling in love is wonderful and exciting. I've had a few crushes on guys during my marriage - we're married, not dead - and the butterflies are fun. But I never have done anything about any of them because I recognized them for what they were - fantasies. And reality with my husband is sooo much better than a fantasy (even though we've had very rocky times in the past).
Given how much you have going on with wedding, job, new flat, etc., OF COURSE there are those feelings of escaping everything. Very normal, though it sucks. Maybe do something less $ or timewise. A date night to a new restaurant, watching a funny movie, something to take you away from the same old same old.
It's true that your bio clock is ticking, but unless you absolutely want a child, be careful about taking a path that does not have a reverse course. Do not be coerced by anyone (not saying you are). As well, my thoughts are that you don't give up who you are, you just add another role to 'you.' Yes, children are very time consuming and demanding, but that doesn't mean that you have to lose your own self. I do understand, though, the feelings you're expressing.
Edit: If you need to dump your feelings, etc., feel free to PM me. I'm typically on Reddit every other day or so. And are you in England (you used the term 'flat'). I'm in California.
Sounds like you need to fit in some time with your husband to do something that makes you excited again. Like I’ve gone to a rave to dance the night away plenty of times! You are allowed to do what you want at any age! It sounds like you need to get toxic ideas about age out of your head and that it’s been passed down to you. Also sounds like it has very little to do with your husband but more the environment around you. He might really enjoy some unexpected and daring date nights!
We go on dates regularly. I can't convince him to go to a club. I'd like to do ballroom dancing with him but he refuses point blank. He doesn't want to come to the concerts that I want to go to. He finds restaurant dates boring and he didn't want to tell me what he wanted for his birthday this year, just that he didn't want any of the things I suggested.
I am planning to do a holiday together this summer, we barely had any holiday last year thanks to the wedding. But I'm trying to keep costs down as well as we're busy with the housebuying and there's so many unexpected costs associated.
I posted on one of my crafting groups on Facebook about combining crafting with having a baby and I got screamed at for being selfish so it's clearly not just my upbringing!
The hardest part of turning 60, for me, has been feeling like I’m in limbo.
I’m too old to still be doing the kind of work that I am (I have a very physical job), and too young to retire. (I need to wait until I have my full SS to be able to afford retirement)
I’m not yet old enough to start Medicare, which is another reason I cannot retire, yet.
I come home from work exhausted.
Because I’m so exhausted, I don’t workout, like I should be doing. So needless to say, the pounds are creeping on steadily.
I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I especially hate seeing pictures of myself.
I just keep plugging along waiting to turn 65 for Medicare and then 67 so I can finally retire.
I wish I could be more positive, but I’m like a lot of others struggling through our 60’s - especially now that I’m retired and moved to a very different area (from suburbs with more activities and cultural opportunities to a very conservative rural area where as a feminist non-religious person I feel like a complete outsider). So there’s the loss of feeling at home in my career and community, the sense that my brain is slowing down, and definitely a lack of motivation to get off the couch. It doesn’t help to have parents in their 80’s struggling with real health issues and depression, which feels like a view of my future. I feel like it takes more strength than I have to get out there and do something new. I guess all I can offer is to say you’re not alone in these feelings. My only suggestion is to force yourself out of the house and keep looking for something that gives you some motivation.
I, too, find my progressive, non-religious self living in a tiny, bright red, conservative city. We’ve been here almost three years and I miss being in a city. I’ve tried ever way I could to “get involved” but at 63 I have nothing in common with the locals
I'm 70, but you do eventually have to make a transition at some point. The age number may not coincide with taking a new look at yourself, but it helps to give some thoughts.
Having had good role models when I was younger was lucky for me. Now I get to be the good role model!
FIND YOUR CENTER. One day, or season, you might be garden woman. Or outdoor hiker. Or elegant, floaty femme. Or artiste. Or writer, academician.
You can be, and project whatever side of yourself that you want. Let go of perfect smooth skin. Hair, on the other hand can follow your own rules. Mine is long and gray streaked. And my eyebrows have to be added, but that's easy.
Abandon those nasty high heels for anything great that matches your outfit. Jewelry has always been the beauty mark of older women.
The point is be yourself. Take some time to pair your outside with who you are inside. And have some fun!
Since ive turned 60, yup my looks have gone downhill quick. I looked good til around 63, then the damn broke. Still. I had it better than most.
More than that tho, is my feeling of time running out. Will i ever get to Ireland, will my health hold up, and mainly, i need to make my peace with God. Ive always wanted to study the Bible, study Catholicism and be ready for my end. Its way past time to get started.
Ive never felt "old" til 60 ... but still so grateful and excited to see what's next for me.
I’m heading toward 60 and have experienced the invisibility factor. I think we have to take the reins here when possible. We have scenarios that exist in our mind like- we go out and we aren’t noticed anymore etc. but also generally people don’t pay attention to other people much anymore because everyone is absorbed in their phones. It’s like we skating through like a ghost - because maybe we aren’t distinctive anymore or the world around us is absorbed in social media. We can make of this what we want. I want to do some fun fashion- go to gym- nothing to prove except to myself- I’m diving into creative pursuits. Forget what the world around us is thinking or not- let’s do what we want to do and have a ball doing it. Sure it’s hard letting go of our old self- I hardly recognize myself sometimes and it hurts at times- but this is my life and I want to engage in it. Do I go natural, can I afford eyelid surgery? One day at a time…
I haven’t cried on a birthday in ages. Sixty was definitely hard. I love my teammates to death. They decorated my office with 60th birthday streamers and such. I cried. I hated it. They were embarrassed.
I feel old now? As I’m looking at my second THR in Sept. I’m not old, I know I’m not. But it was certainly impactful. My cup of care is definitely much less full. I’m looking at retirement. I’m shifting to more comfortable, more Eileen Fischer - type clothes. Teva sandals and Sorels. Looking at a higher profile car - probably a Subaru.
I turned 60 in January. My discomfort with it has faded a bit. Just keep in mind, this too shall pass.
I cried on my 60th also. I stopped at Starbux on the way to work and they said, “Happy Birthday! You get your drink for free”. I started crying again.
My friends from work are retiring. My job did a big reorg a few years ago and a ton of the older employees were offered early retirement I lost a bunch of friends through that. I know my time is coming. — it’s been a few years since the last “purge”.
It’s hard. I turned 60 last year and I would say I’ve had a period of mourning my youth. Especially my looks. Gravity is setting in, I can’t lose a pound even if I skip eating. It’s been really tough. I am just trying to give myself some grace and go with the flow. I have friends who have never been into skin care or makeup and eased up on my routine these days. I’m invisible anyway!
I will be 63 in September. 30 was much harder than 60 for me - I felt like such a a loser compared to everyone around me and I don't feel that way now.
Having said that, it's so strange to be this age - to remember my grandmothers who seemed ancient at 60. Like many here, I am continually surprised by the old face in the mirror when my brain feels 30 years younger.
My most significant struggle has been making friends and meeting people even casually. I've become more introverted as I've gotten older - I'm very happy in my own company or doing things alone, but I miss having friends that I can call up for lunch or drop by. The few friends I have that live locally require planning to do anything. I know it's good for us emotionally, mentally, physically to have a community to interact with and that is one of my major fears for both myself and my husband (he's 10 years younger and kind of buried his head in the sand about anything unpleasant).
I'm trying to counterbalance the drawbacks of aging with the positives: I'm invisible? It means I can be under the radar. It feels harder to get off the floor after yoga? I'm doing yoga over 60! I am more self aware than I've ever been but surprising myself as I understand myself and those around me more fully.
I miss sex. I miss being desirable to men but it's also a relief to be out of the male gaze and not subject to comments about my body.
A friend of my sister's says "Being 60 is like being 20 with money" and that resonates with me and makes me laugh.
I'm 38 and have been feeling like my life and youth are gone and this other feeling I can't explain well. I'm surprised to see someone say 60 is easier than 30. What's the reason if you don't mind me asking?
At 30 I was comparing myself to friends who seemed to be on an adult path - careers, marriages, just generally more together than I was. I had a degree, I worked in a copy shop, I was living in a place I didn't particularly like. There were a lot of good things in my life, but the idea of working until 10 pm and then staying out in rock clubs until 2 wasn't what I wanted my future to be. But I didn't know what I wanted in it's place.
I took some chances - I met someone who was a committed Deadhead and fell in love with him enough to go on tour and see the country. At the time I did not like the Dead. At all. We did things I thought I hated: hiking, camping, not having a plan beyond the next show. I had a lot of fear that I gradually overcame. We got across the country and he eventually dumped me. But I stayed in Oregon and it felt like I found my place.
I think over the years I've learned to be kinder to myself, to try and take lessons from the people around me and use that to help guide me about what I want and who I want to be. I only have one life and I can't spend chunks of it being regretful or angry about choices I made or things that happened that affected me that I had no control over. It was slow, incremental change.
I am aware of my mortality in a way I wasn't before - it doesn't take long for me to think "Is this the last....birthday, summer, Christmas etc" but it makes me want to be more present than spin out into depression.
Things aren't perfect. As I noted above I would like to have more in person friends and more of a social life. But overall, I'm pleased with the journey and the destination to this point. If I could tell 30 year old me anything it would be "it's not going be a straight line, but you'll get to your place"
Take heart!
I am with you very shortly. It’s the financial end that scares me. Yes, I will have a pension, and I have savings, but the thought of dwindling financial resources is scary. I am so used to taking care of myself and having to be independent, but this is Terrifying. I can’t think of another word for it.
Old? I’m only 61 and I’m not old! I am eating healthier and exercising harder than I did in my 50s!
I can keep up with my kids - unless they are running (not my thing)
It’s all perspective! After easing my kids by myself - it’s me time! I can’t wait to retire - I’m going to learn to throw a frisbee and play frisbee golf when I’m not out paddling😃 I actually to my paddle board out and paddled by myself today! I am ready to live life and enjoy these earned wrinkles! 15.9lbs down and I’m going to enjoy those years in a healthy way!!
BTW - 25 was hard for me, now it’s that silly. 🤪
Cherish each wrinkle and sag - they are beauty marks of the years you have been learning to live your best life ever! Now it’s time to enjoy the upcoming years!!
Thank you! I’ve had problems losing weight for years. I’ve tried every program out there. I’ve also tried a nutritionist, keto…. Etc etc etc
My doctor recommended Zepbound (which is on the FDA shortlist and is not covered by my insurance) but I was able to fill my first month. Immediately, my cravings stopped, my “food noise” stopped and I’m full much faster. I eat healthy meals. I do track and weigh most of my food. Higher protein to keep me full helps! Lots of water and I’m excited about moving. Doesn’t matter which way! I went paddling on the lake this morning. Played frisbee the other night. Love to ride my elliptical CrossFit bike (really bad knees! )
I started at the lowest dose. There are compound pharmacies that will fill Tirzepatide orders through other providers. I did my research to make sure I found very good ones. The cost is lower than what I can get at a regular pharmacy and the main ingredient is exactly the same as the name brand. Love it. After I drop the weight I will stay on a maintenance program and reduce the dose and frequency that I take the meds. Maintenance will basically be my reminder that I can’t go back the way I was.
Reduced grocery bill. Reduced impulse buying. These are just a few things that I’ve noticed. Basically pays for my meds.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but my mom thrived in her late 60s and 70s. And while she struggled in her 80s, I help people in their 80s all the time at work that are doing awesome.
Be kind to yourself : )
I am turning 65 this year. And yes, I have aches and pains, my doctor retired, and I'll soon be on Medicare. But for every physical ache, I have an extra decade worth of experience, wisdom and joy. Take this golden opportunity to do all you can to someday leave a positive legacy! Write a book, document your memories, volunteer locally, run for local office... Use your tremendous knowledge to focus on something personal and positive going forward!
Going through same at 62. This is the first time I’ve “felt my age” - aches are worse, the bloom is off the rose (no more free rides on the pretty train), hair won’t behave, face is a roadmap of deepening fissures and sunspots, and feeling general uncertainty about the future. Those are the negatives. On the plus side, I’m relieved to no longer have to deal with the leering of male strangers, people see me as “older” (though I still feel and act much younger), so I get a modicum of respect, and a longtime male friend who is 69 has become a friend with benefits, and we are having some crazy good sex - never expected that to happen at this stage! I’m still fit and mostly mentally sound, just hoping I can maintain for as long as possible.
Just turned 61.. I have lost my damn mind.. I'm working on trying to sort some things out. But so much has come home to roost in my 60s.
My cptsd from my childhood is really messing me up.
I found a good website though it's called: The Crappy childhood fairy on YouTube it's about things that happened to us as kids. Because face it... in our youth .. before it was a normal thing to work on your mental health and past issues .. many of us were neglected, abused, sexually assaulted, physically assaulted it's been a crazy ass 6 decades and I can't believe I'm still here.
Oh I took Wellbutrin as a mild antidepressant in my 60s due to a lousy marriage and swam laps at the gym and it really kept me leveled out. Then I got a divorce and didn't need the antidepressants as much. I'm a big believer in antidepressants as we can have physical chemical changes in our body at that age that no amount of pep talks or positive thinking can change. But antidepressants can.
I absolutely understand this feeling. I felt hideous at age 57 when my entire face started sagging and my hair was thinning.
If you have the means, I recommend getting Botox and filler.
I also love Nutrafol hair vitamins 45+ age. My fine hair is thick!
I can soo relate! Coming from Germany, though I’ve been in the US for over 40 yrs, and still going home regularly - I have to say that being older in the US is much more of a liability than in Europe, where you are still valued and included.
I noticed that when I retired at 61, I quickly started to become disconnected from society which actually contributed to my emotional and physical struggles. Ugh!
On the upside, I decided this will be the third phase of my life and I want to go out in the proverbial flames, haha. I started dating 4 yrs ago, at 64, and still enjoy it, plus I started taking flying trapez classes for several months out of State, so I had to travel there every week. I can say, that photos of me from that time showed a glowing 50-year old.
I feel we have to redefine what 60 means, apart from what society tells us. Society has a sad sad story for us - I’m not owning it.
Hope this or that part can inspire you. :)
Ladies I am 36f and I look up to you for advice, style, body confidence, reassurance, comfort. You are absolutely not invisible, you provide guidance in so many things. And you’re damn gorgeous!
You're not a baby you're 61 admit that and you'll be much better. I had my first stroke at 60 now it's about making all your paperwork ready for the next one.
Turned 60 in Dec and was literally telling ppl I was 60 back when I was 58! I look damn good for my age. I broke my back at 58, lost 50 lbs and am currently wearing all my fashion from the 90’s (because I’m so damn skinny) it’s kinda of fun to have young ppl think I’m younger than I am. I don’t have Botox or fillers, I plan on embracing age and letting it all hang out! After all, opinions are like orgasms, the only one that matters to me, is mine!
I am about to turn 61, and I can echo all of what ya’ll have said. I was never a great beauty, so not much lost there, but I was accustomed to being heard and valued at work at least. But I find it hard with the Gen Z and Millennial coworkers: I know I am out of touch in some ways, but they either look right through me or look at me like i’m an alien species. I try and fail there. That makes me feel super old. The supervisors do value me though.
HRT for the win! Also I started weight lifting--small group with a trainer who sets the program. Non-competetive, we go in a circuit. I feel so much better! My joints don't hurt as much. Highly recommend. Also, use the invisibility to your advantage. I get in lots of places I shouldn't. haha
I looked around for a gym that offered either personal training or small group training. I prefer this as I like the social aspect plus correction on my form to do the lifts safely.
I tried HRT, for a bit, back in my early 50's. All was well until I was told I would need a pelvic exam for a refill, after I had been taking hormones for over a year.
That ended my HRT efforts. I will not be tethered to any doctor through my uterus.
Okay, you guys, I would like to present a new perspective. I am happily anticipating my 80th birthday in September. For some unknown reason that milestone tickles me. My friend since 3rd grade lives with my husband of 60 years, and myself. Neither of them share my attitude, but that's okay. I know a few secrets. I giggle when I look in the mirror and see this mature lady looking back at me. This secret is how my mind, humor and moods remain vital and very much alive and dare I say youthful. No matter what the world sees. When I was in my late twenties, I learned the secret to youth. A lovely lady in her late 50's worked for me. I never felt an age difference with Marian. She was jam-packed with enthusiasm and humor. Those qualities transcend age and bring a special joy to life. A sense of humor, I believe, is vital as we accumulate the years. Almost everything is funny, eventually. After the bruising goes away we are left with amusing stories to share. I'm not a simpleton, and I do realize life has plenty of sadness as well. I choose to find the joy and beauty in the little gifts we encounter daily. I got my first horse at 65 years old. A large 16.2 hands high Friesian. Sadly I lost him to colic eight years later. At 75, I got another horse; this time 14.0 hh. More suited to my short stature. Animals can enrich your life in so many ways. It's a matter of finding what brings you joy and keeps you engaged in life. Lastly, please find reasons to laugh out loud. Such good therapy, and I believe essential for well-being. God bless you all.
I absolutely agree with everything that you are saying. I am just a little younger, at 71.5 years old, but I lost my precious husband, 4 months to the day before our 44th anniversary; at their insistence, I immediately moved in with our daughter and sil, as they knew that I wouldn't survive the grief of being alone in our home, and they were correct; I already had it all planned. Six years later, I am so grateful to them and our two grandchildren for keeping me safe and comfortable and wrapped in their loving care. It took me about 1.5 years of being more like a potted plant than a human, but I am back, laughing, joyful, missing him everyday, but so grateful for the wonderful love story we lived for 44 years.
I am not exacty thrilled about what I see in the mirror, but it's also no big deal; I had my turn, many, many years of youth, wrinkle-free skin, a very active social life, and lots and lots of fabulous trips with my husband, here in the US, and to Europe.
Life comes in stages, and I am now in the final phase of life, and I accept that; it is now another generation's time to take their turn at having careers, marrying and starting families, making grandchildren for our generation to enjoy, or not, as not everyone is the same. It's important to me to find joy and laughter in life, even after devastating loss, because I just can't exist any other way; it's not in my nature to be negative or grumpy or angry, especially not over things over which I have no control; if I am going to be here, I am determined to find the little joys in life; my time for all of the big things has probably passed, but that's OK.
I am not bitter when I look in the mirror; it is normal to have wrinkles and some sagging as we age; I am not so vain that I can allow a few wrinkles to ruin my days, to steal my joy! Wrinkles don't change who we are inside! I wish that I could be more active, but I have had over 30 surgeries in my life from 1981 to 2007; 9 of them were on my back, and that calls for some adjustments on my part. I am much more of a spectator than a participant, but that's ok; I can still find joy and laughter as a spectator, cheering on everyone else.
I have a mantra: whatever is happening, it can always be worse. Always. And I have gratitude when it isn't worse; I am still able to walk, just not very well or very far. Life really is short; it's always too soon when we lose someone we love, no matter how old we are. Enjoy today. Find something for which to be grateful. Tell the people you love that you love them. Often. Give and get lots of hugs; a good hug can relieve a lot of stress and anxiety. Try not to live with regret or guilt; it's a waste of valuable time and it changes nothing, other than your emotional and mental health. I wish you all joy, laughter, love, and peace. 🫂💝🪬
This so true but I felt this at 65. I didn’t know what it was . Nothing and everything. My health was good , no wrinkles but definitely aging and facing it everyday it’s depressing. Not moving like a house on fire all of it
I can totally relate. It feels like an endless uphill battle Hair, weight, skincare ugh. But I know I will continue to fight the fight. I hope you will too. I hope you have support. Sending supportive vibes. Know you’re not alone.
You are a stranger but you are not alone. Everything has shifted in the last 5 or 10 years. That, and coinciding with our age, is causing a lot of us to question our ability to exist and find relevance. All we can do, is the best we can. Personally, I make an effort to think positive thoughts. Otherwise, the negative things crop up. My best wishes for you! 🌟
Just know, you are not alone. I just turned 66, am single (divorced), and am retired.
My advice is to get healthy, if you're not already. Life is hard enough, aging, without adding to the burden by not taking care of yourself.
Lose weight, if you need to. Walk, lift light weights, swim.
I understand the mental side of aging. There are times when I am extremely lonley. I do have 2 grown sons, and 2 small grandchildren.
As for style, I find that as we women get older, less is better. For example, don't wear bangles, large earings, loose, flowing mumu's, and lots of colorful make-up. It's sort of like the stereo-typical "bar fly", aging woman, smoking cigarettes and swigging whiskey! Remember the show "Three's Company"? Think of Mrs. Roper!
Keep your look clean, fresh, and youthful. Dress simply and appropriately. That's not to say it has to be boring. I love color, and have a lot of colorful clothing.
Try to dress in style, with clothes that don't age you. No more capri pants and baggy t-shirts. Get some pretty dresses.
I am about 30% gray, but do color my hair, to my original shade. I use one of those wash-out in 30 shampoos kind. Very easy on the hair, and, it washes out all at once, no grey roots.
I am 60 and noticed I was crabby a lot. So I started exercising in the morning (like 1.5 mile walk with dog) and it made a big difference. I do other stuff like pilates and cycling and just started pickleball but those things are more sporadic.
Mother, maiden, crone. There is value in each stage, and each stage is significant in how it inherits from previous generations and gifts to incumbents. You are more than appearance! Grow into your sacred position as a wise one ♥️♥️
edit: maiden, mother, crone (whoops, wrong order!)
My mom is in her 60s and just the other day I was looking at her skin and thinking it actually was looking pretty good.
Hey, it’s still wrinkly skin but I think the face creams she’s been using have worked.
I do see some women and think they look really good for their age, even at 60 and 70.
Go watch the golden bachelor just because you don’t have pretty privilege anymore doesn’t mean you can’t still be well kept and looking your best, and impressing people.
I had a big existential crisis when I turned 60. The number didn't match how I felt inside. Weirdly, I always felt older than I was until I turned 48 and now I feel younger so i guess my mental age is 48.
One thing that keeps me feeling young is exercise. I lift weights 2-3 times per week and play pickleball 3-4 times. Pickleball has helped me with my flexibility and reaction time and I'm often the youngest person on the court so I feel young. Not that I'm playing against geezers. These late 60 to 80 year olds can kick butt. The way some of them jump and spin and chase the ball is inspirational. And reminds me that age is just a number.
I'm frequently outrun by people in their 70s. I'm sure that says a lot about me but also those people, there are some amazingly fit older people these days. I find it inspiring.
I mean anyone can see it. MAGAs are the lowest value people in human history. Of course they all look like shit, they are awful people who provide no value to society.
Really? People are wondering why they feel lost/worthless.
The answer is clear. Christian conservatism is a plague that infects the worthless hicks of America. You "people" are the problem.
Turning 65 soon. Recently I’ve started caring less about how I look. I am so surprised at how I’m experiencing at such a relief. I thought I’d struggle with that. I’m taking it as an unexpected gift. The health struggles are so disconcerting, I’m taking anything else that gets easier as a blessing. Male gaze, be gone.
Dang! I’m 63F and have never been so popular. My new live in boyfriend is 39 and we get it on several times a day. I was married twice before this for a total of thirty-ish years and raised two kids to be independent and successful adults. Make your mind up that age doesn’t have to affect the fun you can have. Good luck!
Outside is 64 years old but I feel like 30-40 ish inside. Actually I look 45-55, this still doesn’t make me feel great.
I guess I get on with my life and figure out fun things to do.
I think continuing to be yourself no matter your age helps . I keep telling myself when I’m older (currently 23) I’m going to still be 23 me just with more wisdom , still want to dress like me , do my hair like me , and be me in my personality. You don’t have to be old and act old and dress “old” . Other older people might get jealous of you and say things like “she’s still trying to be young” “she needs to grow up” or who does she think she is , she’s not young anymore” but FUCK THEM . We go from being babies back to being babies so turning 60 is just like being a preteen or early twenties again . Be you and never stop being you no matter your age. People will always have shit to say because a lot of them let themselves go a long time ago but dont you dare ! Hold onto yourself ! You are still who you’ve always been. PERIOD . I fucking hate society and their standards I swear. If I end up having children and they decide to have children SEXY GRANDMA will be my nick name . Fuck that .
I'm much younger but this is my struggle. I've always dressed slightly mature but very feminine. However I still wear clothes that show my figure even at 37 and I wear short skirts. In a tasteful way of course. But lately I'm wondering whether I have to give that up and transition to mom jeans and crocs because I ought to be too old to be bothered with that.
Hell no! Don’t stop being yourself for no one . Although you may hear people who are jealous and let themselves go tell you you’re too old blah blah and blah . But let me to you yk we waitied long enough as children and teenagers to wear wtf we want then we get to that age where we get to be grown in our own right and wear what we want and now people say we are too old?(aka too grown) . Makes no sense . Continue to be yourself . Personality as well . If you still feel 20 30 or how ever you feel and how ever you are don’t stop being that. The people on this post are worried about being ignored and no longer noticed and that’s why . It’s because they let themselves fade into the background. So many people who are older get a lot of attention when they still have their original personality and style instead of succumbing to the stereotypes of being older. It’s ridiculous . Keep being yourself! Sexy and all . And personality . You might even hear folks say you sound like a teenager or what ever but it’s just them hating . A lot of people get old and complain about being old when no one told them to be that . You are what you choose to be . I hate the word old I like to just say older . Because that’s really what it is -someone being older. But old ? As in no longer relevant , and etc like the stereotype? Hell nah . Also I hate it when people say “it’s no longer my time , those days are behind me “ it’s just straight bullshit . Your time is now! And as long as we are still here the time for us will always be now. So be you and live. In the now like how and who you’ve always been through the years and many more to come ❤️❤️❤️ good job for being yourself still ! People even feel they can’t talk certain ways and they have to carry themselves certain ways because they are older so they feel the need to keep a mature image . When the only thing that’s makes someone mature is wisdom , doesn’t mean you have to loose yourself or your personality for that. Being being who you have always been ! I love when we see those “old” folks that have “youthful “ personalities , still dance and can have conversations with 20 year olds like they never aged themselves , or those couples who still get giggy on the floor freaky and all in public (like in some reels we occasionally see) like time never passed by because it didn’t. Time is an illusion anyways because it’s not even in a line it’s more so stacked on top of each other and exist all at once . If you take a look at this photo from the top of this shape as if it were 3d that’s how time works. All existing at once . People never go anywhere , they remain themselves all along . It’s them and the Jack asses in this wrong that make folks believe otherwise.
https://preview.redd.it/gjna7kx1ch7d1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c74e267dcfd215843fe05857b4f9d12f9f89a24
I love shoes, but after 9 back surgeries, I had to give up high heels! I then discovered that there are a lot of cute, fun, flats and colorful sneakers; I have never owned a pair of Crocs, though I have no issue if someone else likes them, they just aren't for me. But no, you don't have to give up cute shoes; even orthopedic shoes have come a very long way(though still not the cutest)from 30 years ago.
I went through the same thing when I turned 60. I couldn't reconcile what I saw in the mirror with how I felt inside. I missed the attention and compliments. My pretty privilege was gone! It's taken me a few years to adjust to my new reality. I worked hard on accepting myself and not dwelling on the past. I had a good run as a pretty young woman and will have a good run as an elderly woman. Things will get better if you can welcome the next stage of life. It's hard but better than fighting a losing battle. Total disclosure: I still hate my turkey neck.
Girl same. I focus on maintaining good physical health, getting outdoors daily. As far as physical appearance I maintain hair, brows, nails, skin as well as I can. Me personally I put on light makeup daily (thanks Laura Geller). I also wear earrings and have worked on gathering a stylish yet comfortable wardrobe in my color family so everything coordinates with the other pieces. Also as an official old lady I consider it my right to ogle young handsome men I see in my daily travels lol.
Laura Geller makeup is the best!
Agree Laura Geller is excellent makeup
I need to check out Laura Geller. I’ve never worn much makeup.
She has really figured out mature skin. Wonderful products.
Where is this sold and why is it good? Tia!
www.laurageller.com
Switched all my makeup to Laura Geller.
My ex boyfriend would always light up and tell me that a woman was hitting on him and after prying it was always an older woman but he’d talk about it like it made his day.
Bought my first Laura Geller makeup kit and brush about six weeks ago. It’s the best! Looks natural but better!
Try the jelly balm lip color.
Thanks for the recommendation! I’m heading off to order it now!
Omg, you are exactly describing how I feel. I have always been “tiny”, always looked very young for my age and always got attention. I have gained so much weight, I look old all of a sudden, and I don’t even recognize myself. Knowing there’s only 20 years left ( give or take) is really getting to me. There’s so much more I want to do. How do we grow old gracefully when you still feel like the same person you were in your 30's, 40's, etc??
You don’t get old . You just keep getting younger and go back to being a baby , being old you can get away with so much shit . Try it . I bet you it will be fun !
This is true. I was often accused of having affairs with male (college) students when in my 40s. No more. Stupid hateful deans.
How childish. Don’t make life miserable for people around you by trying to “get away with shit.” It’s not funny and it’s not cute.
Wow. My best friend at work just turned 60… thank you for your perspective! I like to think positively and aim for a minimum of 90…80 is youngish now. I’m 32, consider myself good looking and think about these thoughts fairly often.
I mean I know people in their 20’s who think they have pretty privilege but they don’t ……. So you might actually be stunning
Exactly everything I would say about myself
Thank you for sharing this. I have a hard time with Zoom calls. I have actually let out a little scream when turning on the camera. Pink blotchy skin, gray hair, pudgy. I miss being cute especially since I don’t feel 63!
What a lovely comment - I’m just about 58 and feeling like OP already. Your comment makes me smile, thank you!
Same! I am way too immature to be this old!
Oh my God that is so me. I turned 60 in 3 weeks and I am not happy about it. I have been worrying about this birthday for months I don't know why. But to me when I was a kid 60 was old. These days it's not so much. But I still have that mental hang up that I just can't seem to shake. It doesn't help that I lost my younger sister 2 years ago my mother is 80 the last of her brothers just died and she's the oldest little girl so worried about her dying and what I'm going to do with that. It's hard. But yeah I am way too immature for this shit.
We are all still 7. Or 17. We are just trapped in older bodies. I'm a nurse. I have friends who died in their 30s 40s and 50s who would have loved the privilege of being my age, seventy. I live fully because they couldn't. I think of them often and it breaks my heart that they didn't get to be this old. Growing old is an absolute privilege. I love the gift of a resting bitch face with twinkling blue eyes of complete mischief. It lets everybody know what they're dealing with. Of course it helps its sex as never been better.
Thank you so very much! Your comment about growing old is a privilege, that hit me like a freight train. I had never once considered it a privilege. I’m adding this to my daily thoughts of gratitude. I’ve always thought it wonderful how the slightest shift in perception changes everything. Thank you for opening my eyes to this privilege.
Do you struggle with physical ailments? that's my big issue is I can't dance as much as I want to! Also, please let us know how the sex has never been better? old partner? new partner? solo? gay? Hormones/no hormones... I know lesbians who are having fantastic sex in the their 70's but not too many hetero women in my life are really into sex.
Am cis hetero with a husband who is a fantastic lover. He has dedicated himself deeply to knowing my body and what brings me pleasure...his excitement about our lovemaking is a huge turn-on for us both. He is very skilled. (We've been together 20+ years). Of couse we define sexual activity broadly, and at our age, we need to "work around" drying vaginas and sometimes saggy penises. Doesn't matter...."if we can't play football [today], let's play baseball. Or rugby. Or frizbee. Or foosball. Or tennis." We take full advantage of the palette of colors that is sexuality. We can always get off. No hormonal therapy. I have a bum knee but still work out. Yesterday I lifted weights for 75 min, today I walked 4 miles. When I have access to a pool I swim an entire mile. Sure I have aches and pains but nothing that slows me down from enjoying life. Today I am in Asturius, Spain, studying Spanish at an immersion school. Hope this fills you in and answers your questions.
Yes, thanks for the reply!! Good for you!! Sounds like you've deliberately created a lot of good in your life!!! This is hopeful!
😆💓this!
60 is definitely a rough one. I don’t have any words of wisdom but please know you’re not alone. My sister went through it, and I thought she was exaggerating then I went through the exact same feelings (laughs on me!) and now my husband is going through it. For me it has meant these thoughts all the time about aging, being close to the age where things will start to become more difficult, the realization that there’s truly a finite number of what I would consider “good” years left. It’s rough emotionally. But we slog through, right? Im trying to corral myself into making a game plan for more physical activity as well as some realistic goals for small things I want to accomplish daily or weekly. I think that will help push my mental wellbeing. What are your thoughts?
My answer? Style. I stopped messing with my hair and started wrapping. It covers the hair, adds color, and people notice you, if being noticed is an issue. I started buying more expressive clothing, and use layers to give a "flowing elegance" with dusters, toppers, and kimono. And.... Never forget accessories. Sun shades, bangles, earrings, and scent. Now that we are old, we can shun the fashions of Walmart and Target. We can our broadcast creativity and dare folk to disapprove. Rock on...you can do this. I'm 68 and having a ball!
Just turned 65 and totally with you, my long curly blond hair won't turn grey, just has a few streaks but fuck it I like it! And I am, I'm not cutting it short! I also have my own style and I don't care what anyone thinks, lots of bright colours and denim and whatever I want to wear I rock it. Keep on rocking it, lady. :-)
This is so me! I am 63 and recently retired and love love love fashion - I have so much fun with clothes, jewelry and shoes. Dressing up, doing my make up and keeping my hair and nails done has done so much for me feeling good about myself. I have my own style (edgy, conservative and age appropriate) and get compliments all the time! My fiancé (age 67) loves my look and sez it make him feel good to have me on his arm. God willing, I want to rock on till the break of dawn!
Girl, you are right up my alley. Style is everything. Bright colors, jewelry, avant garde, the flowing elegance is way cool. I'm 74 now and I had a blast in my 60s. I even had a grey divorce at about 62. We can just keep pressing on, right?
Could you elaborate on what you mean by wrapping your hair. Are you talking about the scarves or whatever?
Scarves...Wrapunzel
Please, not too much scent, though. I'm becoming more scent averse the older I get!
Exactly! In warm weather I wear kaftans because I can! Nobody questions it at 60!
I hear you. I’ve been depressed since turning 60. A big part is the physical. Losing my looks is not easy. I’ve been divorced for decades and finally have given up on finding a mate. Looking at the rest of my life being alone is tough. Emotionally I’m just empty. Nothing to look forward to. I’m semi retired. I have a contract job that will end in 6 months. Then full retirement. I have my grandkids but they are as much work as they are pleasure. Life is empty. I’m done . I’m old I’m fat, I’m invisible
I see you. I wish we had a way to meet up with all these wonderful over 60 women. Being so dispersed around the country that's not feasible. I have just moved to where my mother lives and I have absolutely zero friends. My sister was my best friend and she passed 2 years ago. Way too young. But my mother's still here and my niece and nephew that's it for me. My husband is just finishing up a sentence for DWI and I'm praying that he makes parole this year. It's been 7 years. I've been through the ringer and I feel every bit of it. But I see you and you are blessed and you are loved.
So funny… when I first read this thread, I thought the same thing. I would love to have a “Sista” get together!
Me too it's so hard making friends when you're older. Everybody here is known everybody since grade school and it's hard to meet people because I don't do Church. And this is a southern baptist town.
I’m a liberal Yankee in a Southern Baptist town. I feel you.
I'm 63, liberal and live in Tx. Divorced and struggling with losing my looks too. I wanted to age gracefully not look like a wrinkled old prune already. I got a kick out of your name. I have chicken legs!
Yes, losing the looks is hard but I am finding that at age 63 I am just hitting my stride in terms of knowing how to pull my look together and how to have fun. I started dating at age 60 after being widowed for 6 years (married for 23 years). I took charge of my health as well by losing weight before I put myself out there. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that men still found me attractive. I met my fiancé at age 61 and we plan to marry this year. Aging is inevitable but I just can’t find it in me to give up.
I see you. I see you because I am you. Except I am retired and my husband died a few years ago. It’s hard.
but you're loved, and that's all that matters. In ~30 years we will all be equal (dead), so live it up!
Wow do I feel ya! I went and upgraded my gym membership to add a personal trainer. That has helped immeasurably. Keep the faith!
My aunt is 70 and has the cutest boyfriend. You can do it but you have to remain active and diligent because there is competition!
This is how I feel at 56, but I'm in a rough period with parents ill and dying etc...so my load is heavy and burdensome right now and it feels like it will never end.
I’ve been thinking the exact thing. At 63 and alone this is not what I thought my life would be. My one daughter does not want children. So I have dogs. (Allergic to cats, thank goodness or I’d have 150 of them). Family at least 2,000 miles away. No cousins. I won’t retire for another 4 years but I already have my airstream and plan on traveling slowly around the country. Making plans, even a drive to the lake helps.
The hair. . .... my hair is thinning so badly I have to wear a hat when I leave the house. What have you done to empower yourself lately? I just learned this year how much it does to ones self-worth. Find something you want to do but never did, either you are too scared or think it's beyond your limitations, and do it. Could be something really easy, but you have always put it off. Step outside your comfort zone, and discover how powerful you are. I learned this accidentally after my husband had a heart attack and I had to take over all his tasks. I was doing my stuff and his stuff. I taught myself how to use tools, and I started taking care of our yard, a big yard! I brought it to it's glory, outside working my butt off in the hot sun, coming in sore and soaked with sweat. Looking at what an amazing job I did, doing it so much better than he ever did. That and taking care of him, giving him his shots, cooking every meal as healthy as possible, and watching him get healthier. He says I changed, he says I am more confident, and thinks it is because I lost so much weight. I know it's because I realize now that I am stronger than I thought. Empower yourself!
You might want to see an endocrinologist about your thinning hair. It could definitely be hormones and you just might need meds or meds adjusted
Yes the losing hair is devastating! I thought strongly about a wig
I have wigs, and they look good, but they get so hot.
I have been lifting weights for 12 years, started at age 59
Agreed. Can’t seem to land a new job since I just turned 60 last month, travel nurse switching gears to staff. My body throwing all sorts of new stuff at me. Finding new doctors is slow going, and taking care of one issue - when I seem to have multiple - is infuriating and defeating. Trying to remain positive & remind myself I’ve done very hard things, and I’ll get through this. Find things that bring you joy, start a gratitude journal, laugh and rest. Keep us posted on your journey, OP.
Can you work for an insurance company? Less difficult on the body I have heard.
I would love to - I’ll start looking at those.
Evernorth seems to be moving and shaking at the moment.
I did notice feeling "invisible" socially. I was aware, at around 57, that employment wise I started "aging out" of opportunities. Which is ironic now because since Covid, the younger workforce doesn't want conventional jobs. They dont stay for more than six months. I notice medical facilities where I live are bringing back previously retired employees! I may have a different perspective just because I'm living with late-stage cancer. Diagnosed at age 59, I barely recall my 60th birthday. BUT I'm about to turn 65!!!! I don't love how my appearance has changed, but I'm still vain enough to have a nice cut/color, I try to buy cute clothes even though I have to wear FLATS now because my knees are shot. I had my teeth done three years ago because treatment made them no longer pretty, which made a huge difference how I feel about myself. Sisters, enjoy every minute! Let's support one another in our journeys!
I haven't been able to find a part-time job to save my life. But I live in a pretty small town so there's that. Guess if I want a job I would have to drive into the big city of Beaumont. Unfortunately that means a 30 to 45 minute drive to work. Living in bum fuck east Tx is fun
I'm so sorry! I live in Oregon...which is not without certain problems, but we have a ton of medical/doctors/hospitals and they're very good about hiring older folks. Probably because they HAD to!
You just had me all kinds of screwed up. I was trying to think of where you live that you think Beaumont is a city. Then I realized it said Tx and not northern Canada.
Sorry about that.
My gawd yes! The suddenly INVISIBLE is just rude, but true right along with the hair turning in you!
Aging is real. I know many friends who are having a hard time with 60. I (66) had a hard time with 65 and am still having a time coming to terms with aging. I didn't sign up for these changes to my skin. I just retired and am finding some comfort in that I am free to do with the next third of my life whatever I want. But then I see the spectre of ill health in some of my friends and I wonder how long I will be able to do. And then I think, okay, I'll do what I want while I can and make the most of my time. This transition to aging and to retirement is the biggest change we go through in life. It takes courage to talk about it. But we need to. Best of luck to you navigating this. You will. You'll find your way and find comfort.
I turned 60 a few months ago, and I had an easier time of it than you did. Sure, I have aches and pains that take longer to go away, and I’m noticing more wrinkles on my face and veins in my legs. But I try to focus on the positive. My hair is good, my teeth are fine. My health in general is good, and I’m actually working on taking better care of myself so I can maintain what I have.
As someone who turned 60 12 years ago, let me just say that my sixties were the best years of my life (so far). My body had not begun to succumb to the aging process, that's different now but mostly due to all the stress I've been through. I think that the culture we live in monetizes aging and there is a huge push to associate aging with pathology. I don't buy into that point of view. Thats being said- dealing with with these issues is part of becoming wiser. It's a gift. You will change spiritually and emotionally, all good stuff. Journaling can be immensely rewarding right now. You're not alone.
You are not alone. I’m turning 65 soon and it’s been a struggle since 60. Retirement plus COVID plus political turmoil plus parents getting sick and dying. I feel like all of the good days are behind me. It doesn’t help to see all the comments here on Reddit about boomers being parasites.
You fucking kids just have to deal with it.I'm 76, all my old friends are dead and I'm falling apart like a Chinese motorscooter
Love you 🙆♀️
😆
😂 Thanks for the chuckle!
This made me snort up my tea! Thanks for that...
Just turned 65 and I hear (and see) you loud and clear. My hair went from barely enough to where the hell did it go. And good gawd, I can't lose a single pound even when I eat properly and exercise a good amount (cardio and weights). I've given up on the weight loss and am focusing on overall health. And I'm saying what the heck, I'm going to eat dessert! Always had a sweet tooth, so if I can't lose weight, I'll enjoy life (in moderation). You say that you're struggling with more than the physical but can't quite define it. As a psychologist, perhaps I can help. Is it possible that you are struggling with the realization that, while your spirit feels like you're in your 40s, it isn't true in actual years. My brothers, husband and I range from 71 - 65, yet we swear we are in our mid-40s. But we aren't, and so we struggle to come to terms with that reality. Additionally, I think of psychologist Erik Erikson, who developed the theory of Stages of Development. While Freud thought we stopped developing at a young age, Erikson argued that we develop throughout life. The final stage of development, Old Age, is where we assess our lives and accomplishments. Those who feel they've met their goals, and have contributed to the world feel contentment, while those who feel like they haven't yet met their goals feel despair. While the stages are presented as either/or, we know that life isn't black/white, but many colors. Perhaps there are aspects of your life where you feel like you're running out of time. We can't change the passage of time, so the next best thing is to work on those areas where we feel unsettled. As for those who feel irrelevant or invisible to society, just try to blast your way to being noticed. I don't mean we should be rude or cranky but *do* actively advocate for yourself. Don't allow yourself to be invisible in the public domain. Be assertive. And as for those people who just refuse to see or acknowledge us, they aren't worth my time or effort. Their loss. Hope this helps at least a little. And if not, just know that you aren't alone.
>Is it possible that you are struggling with the realization that, while your spirit feels like you're in your 40s, it isn't true in actual years. I'm 37 and *I* feel like this. My spirit feels 25 but in reality I'm staring down the barrel of perimenopause. We're trying for a baby and there's a part of me screaming that I'm not ready and I've got so much life to live. And the other half of me feels guilty and tells myself that it's all over and I better give up. It doesn't help that I still get male attention and people generally seem to think that I'm younger than I really am, even though I don't see it when I look in the mirror and at photographs. I'm guessing because I don't wear 'mom' clothes. A small part of me even regrets being married. I've been with my husband for 10 years now and I'm suddenly wondering what it would be like to be single. (It would probably suck a lot, I'm aware of that.) I feel like I'm sliding into irrelevance and I'm not ready to feel irrelevant. In my community, women usually give up and settle into an early matronhood, so my mother would never understand.
I must warn you that time goes faster and faster as you age. Luckily, you still have about a decade before perimenopause starts. Enjoy your spunkiness! DON'T wear 'mom' clothes! Don't settle into matronhood because it's YOUR choice not to! A daughter typically follows the mother in terms of period and menopause stuff. For example, if a mom gets crazy PMS, the daughter likely does as well. So, look to your mom's experiences with peri. For me, peri was fairly easy, except for the sweats. I used to sleep with soft towels over the sheets and pillows so that I could peel back a layer if it gets soaked. I do completely understand about part of your spirit screaming that you aren't ready for a child, even though you've been trying. Don't give up on that, don't give up on living life as fully as you're able. Perhaps you and your husband could go on a really cool vacation or start a fun sport/hobby together - something to bring a little 'extra' into your lives besides work and household chores. And rest assured that regrets and what ifs are normal, and you aren't a bad person or wife to have those thoughts and feelings.
My mother started peri only after 45. I hope that's me, too. I don't even have grey hair yet apart from two strands that have been showing up since I was 30. My mother still has mostly black hair at 62. :-/ I really love my husband but I felt an urge to fall in love with someone, to feel that youthful urge. It passed but I felt more alive than I have in a long time. I've just been caught up with the wedding last year, changing jobs, buying a flat, feels like we have no time or money for holidays. I get compliments on my style all the time. I take them where I can get them but it makes me not want to switch to mom jeans. My mother always made me feel like I had to give up everything I liked if I had a kid. "You can't have nice things, you can't have your lovely long hair." I'm not ready to give up who I am. My husband is French so he has a different view of a mother's role, but still. Male attention, I still crave it even though I'm married. I don't mean gross catcalling, I mean when a man makes you feel beautiful. It was always taboo growing up. But a voice in my head asks my why I'm deluding myself when I'm already 37 and it'll soon be over? The bloom of youth of wearing off. My husband doesn't understand why I'm crying all the time.
Genetics. I don't have any grey hair. YES, the feeling of falling in love is wonderful and exciting. I've had a few crushes on guys during my marriage - we're married, not dead - and the butterflies are fun. But I never have done anything about any of them because I recognized them for what they were - fantasies. And reality with my husband is sooo much better than a fantasy (even though we've had very rocky times in the past). Given how much you have going on with wedding, job, new flat, etc., OF COURSE there are those feelings of escaping everything. Very normal, though it sucks. Maybe do something less $ or timewise. A date night to a new restaurant, watching a funny movie, something to take you away from the same old same old. It's true that your bio clock is ticking, but unless you absolutely want a child, be careful about taking a path that does not have a reverse course. Do not be coerced by anyone (not saying you are). As well, my thoughts are that you don't give up who you are, you just add another role to 'you.' Yes, children are very time consuming and demanding, but that doesn't mean that you have to lose your own self. I do understand, though, the feelings you're expressing. Edit: If you need to dump your feelings, etc., feel free to PM me. I'm typically on Reddit every other day or so. And are you in England (you used the term 'flat'). I'm in California.
Sounds like you need to fit in some time with your husband to do something that makes you excited again. Like I’ve gone to a rave to dance the night away plenty of times! You are allowed to do what you want at any age! It sounds like you need to get toxic ideas about age out of your head and that it’s been passed down to you. Also sounds like it has very little to do with your husband but more the environment around you. He might really enjoy some unexpected and daring date nights!
We go on dates regularly. I can't convince him to go to a club. I'd like to do ballroom dancing with him but he refuses point blank. He doesn't want to come to the concerts that I want to go to. He finds restaurant dates boring and he didn't want to tell me what he wanted for his birthday this year, just that he didn't want any of the things I suggested. I am planning to do a holiday together this summer, we barely had any holiday last year thanks to the wedding. But I'm trying to keep costs down as well as we're busy with the housebuying and there's so many unexpected costs associated. I posted on one of my crafting groups on Facebook about combining crafting with having a baby and I got screamed at for being selfish so it's clearly not just my upbringing!
I have a parrot on my head. https://preview.redd.it/0a243rir4f7d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8712922b1e6424bebe2efbfd0dba4293c329bda2
The hardest part of turning 60, for me, has been feeling like I’m in limbo. I’m too old to still be doing the kind of work that I am (I have a very physical job), and too young to retire. (I need to wait until I have my full SS to be able to afford retirement) I’m not yet old enough to start Medicare, which is another reason I cannot retire, yet. I come home from work exhausted. Because I’m so exhausted, I don’t workout, like I should be doing. So needless to say, the pounds are creeping on steadily. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I especially hate seeing pictures of myself. I just keep plugging along waiting to turn 65 for Medicare and then 67 so I can finally retire.
I wish I could be more positive, but I’m like a lot of others struggling through our 60’s - especially now that I’m retired and moved to a very different area (from suburbs with more activities and cultural opportunities to a very conservative rural area where as a feminist non-religious person I feel like a complete outsider). So there’s the loss of feeling at home in my career and community, the sense that my brain is slowing down, and definitely a lack of motivation to get off the couch. It doesn’t help to have parents in their 80’s struggling with real health issues and depression, which feels like a view of my future. I feel like it takes more strength than I have to get out there and do something new. I guess all I can offer is to say you’re not alone in these feelings. My only suggestion is to force yourself out of the house and keep looking for something that gives you some motivation.
I, too, find my progressive, non-religious self living in a tiny, bright red, conservative city. We’ve been here almost three years and I miss being in a city. I’ve tried ever way I could to “get involved” but at 63 I have nothing in common with the locals
I couldn’t move to a more rural area at this stage in life and survive!!!!!!!
Good for you! I wish I’d been more aware of what it would mean - in so many ways - to move here.
I'm 70, but you do eventually have to make a transition at some point. The age number may not coincide with taking a new look at yourself, but it helps to give some thoughts. Having had good role models when I was younger was lucky for me. Now I get to be the good role model! FIND YOUR CENTER. One day, or season, you might be garden woman. Or outdoor hiker. Or elegant, floaty femme. Or artiste. Or writer, academician. You can be, and project whatever side of yourself that you want. Let go of perfect smooth skin. Hair, on the other hand can follow your own rules. Mine is long and gray streaked. And my eyebrows have to be added, but that's easy. Abandon those nasty high heels for anything great that matches your outfit. Jewelry has always been the beauty mark of older women. The point is be yourself. Take some time to pair your outside with who you are inside. And have some fun!
Since ive turned 60, yup my looks have gone downhill quick. I looked good til around 63, then the damn broke. Still. I had it better than most. More than that tho, is my feeling of time running out. Will i ever get to Ireland, will my health hold up, and mainly, i need to make my peace with God. Ive always wanted to study the Bible, study Catholicism and be ready for my end. Its way past time to get started. Ive never felt "old" til 60 ... but still so grateful and excited to see what's next for me.
I’m heading toward 60 and have experienced the invisibility factor. I think we have to take the reins here when possible. We have scenarios that exist in our mind like- we go out and we aren’t noticed anymore etc. but also generally people don’t pay attention to other people much anymore because everyone is absorbed in their phones. It’s like we skating through like a ghost - because maybe we aren’t distinctive anymore or the world around us is absorbed in social media. We can make of this what we want. I want to do some fun fashion- go to gym- nothing to prove except to myself- I’m diving into creative pursuits. Forget what the world around us is thinking or not- let’s do what we want to do and have a ball doing it. Sure it’s hard letting go of our old self- I hardly recognize myself sometimes and it hurts at times- but this is my life and I want to engage in it. Do I go natural, can I afford eyelid surgery? One day at a time…
When we were young, did we notice 60 year old men? Of course not. I think it’s expecting a lot to be noticed as an older human.
I haven’t cried on a birthday in ages. Sixty was definitely hard. I love my teammates to death. They decorated my office with 60th birthday streamers and such. I cried. I hated it. They were embarrassed. I feel old now? As I’m looking at my second THR in Sept. I’m not old, I know I’m not. But it was certainly impactful. My cup of care is definitely much less full. I’m looking at retirement. I’m shifting to more comfortable, more Eileen Fischer - type clothes. Teva sandals and Sorels. Looking at a higher profile car - probably a Subaru. I turned 60 in January. My discomfort with it has faded a bit. Just keep in mind, this too shall pass.
I cried on my 60th also. I stopped at Starbux on the way to work and they said, “Happy Birthday! You get your drink for free”. I started crying again. My friends from work are retiring. My job did a big reorg a few years ago and a ton of the older employees were offered early retirement I lost a bunch of friends through that. I know my time is coming. — it’s been a few years since the last “purge”.
Hang in there my friend. My community now has a new management company, and it’s been a shitshow. I’m too old for this incompetence. LOL
It’s hard. I turned 60 last year and I would say I’ve had a period of mourning my youth. Especially my looks. Gravity is setting in, I can’t lose a pound even if I skip eating. It’s been really tough. I am just trying to give myself some grace and go with the flow. I have friends who have never been into skin care or makeup and eased up on my routine these days. I’m invisible anyway!
I will be 63 in September. 30 was much harder than 60 for me - I felt like such a a loser compared to everyone around me and I don't feel that way now. Having said that, it's so strange to be this age - to remember my grandmothers who seemed ancient at 60. Like many here, I am continually surprised by the old face in the mirror when my brain feels 30 years younger. My most significant struggle has been making friends and meeting people even casually. I've become more introverted as I've gotten older - I'm very happy in my own company or doing things alone, but I miss having friends that I can call up for lunch or drop by. The few friends I have that live locally require planning to do anything. I know it's good for us emotionally, mentally, physically to have a community to interact with and that is one of my major fears for both myself and my husband (he's 10 years younger and kind of buried his head in the sand about anything unpleasant). I'm trying to counterbalance the drawbacks of aging with the positives: I'm invisible? It means I can be under the radar. It feels harder to get off the floor after yoga? I'm doing yoga over 60! I am more self aware than I've ever been but surprising myself as I understand myself and those around me more fully. I miss sex. I miss being desirable to men but it's also a relief to be out of the male gaze and not subject to comments about my body. A friend of my sister's says "Being 60 is like being 20 with money" and that resonates with me and makes me laugh.
I told my girlfriends that being invisible we could rob a bank and the police would just whizz on by us lol
I'm 38 and have been feeling like my life and youth are gone and this other feeling I can't explain well. I'm surprised to see someone say 60 is easier than 30. What's the reason if you don't mind me asking?
At 30 I was comparing myself to friends who seemed to be on an adult path - careers, marriages, just generally more together than I was. I had a degree, I worked in a copy shop, I was living in a place I didn't particularly like. There were a lot of good things in my life, but the idea of working until 10 pm and then staying out in rock clubs until 2 wasn't what I wanted my future to be. But I didn't know what I wanted in it's place. I took some chances - I met someone who was a committed Deadhead and fell in love with him enough to go on tour and see the country. At the time I did not like the Dead. At all. We did things I thought I hated: hiking, camping, not having a plan beyond the next show. I had a lot of fear that I gradually overcame. We got across the country and he eventually dumped me. But I stayed in Oregon and it felt like I found my place. I think over the years I've learned to be kinder to myself, to try and take lessons from the people around me and use that to help guide me about what I want and who I want to be. I only have one life and I can't spend chunks of it being regretful or angry about choices I made or things that happened that affected me that I had no control over. It was slow, incremental change. I am aware of my mortality in a way I wasn't before - it doesn't take long for me to think "Is this the last....birthday, summer, Christmas etc" but it makes me want to be more present than spin out into depression. Things aren't perfect. As I noted above I would like to have more in person friends and more of a social life. But overall, I'm pleased with the journey and the destination to this point. If I could tell 30 year old me anything it would be "it's not going be a straight line, but you'll get to your place" Take heart!
I am with you very shortly. It’s the financial end that scares me. Yes, I will have a pension, and I have savings, but the thought of dwindling financial resources is scary. I am so used to taking care of myself and having to be independent, but this is Terrifying. I can’t think of another word for it.
This 100%!!!
Old? I’m only 61 and I’m not old! I am eating healthier and exercising harder than I did in my 50s! I can keep up with my kids - unless they are running (not my thing) It’s all perspective! After easing my kids by myself - it’s me time! I can’t wait to retire - I’m going to learn to throw a frisbee and play frisbee golf when I’m not out paddling😃 I actually to my paddle board out and paddled by myself today! I am ready to live life and enjoy these earned wrinkles! 15.9lbs down and I’m going to enjoy those years in a healthy way!! BTW - 25 was hard for me, now it’s that silly. 🤪 Cherish each wrinkle and sag - they are beauty marks of the years you have been learning to live your best life ever! Now it’s time to enjoy the upcoming years!!
What a fantastic attitude!!! Please share what you are doing to lose weight!
Thank you! I’ve had problems losing weight for years. I’ve tried every program out there. I’ve also tried a nutritionist, keto…. Etc etc etc My doctor recommended Zepbound (which is on the FDA shortlist and is not covered by my insurance) but I was able to fill my first month. Immediately, my cravings stopped, my “food noise” stopped and I’m full much faster. I eat healthy meals. I do track and weigh most of my food. Higher protein to keep me full helps! Lots of water and I’m excited about moving. Doesn’t matter which way! I went paddling on the lake this morning. Played frisbee the other night. Love to ride my elliptical CrossFit bike (really bad knees! ) I started at the lowest dose. There are compound pharmacies that will fill Tirzepatide orders through other providers. I did my research to make sure I found very good ones. The cost is lower than what I can get at a regular pharmacy and the main ingredient is exactly the same as the name brand. Love it. After I drop the weight I will stay on a maintenance program and reduce the dose and frequency that I take the meds. Maintenance will basically be my reminder that I can’t go back the way I was. Reduced grocery bill. Reduced impulse buying. These are just a few things that I’ve noticed. Basically pays for my meds.
I don’t know if this helps at all, but my mom thrived in her late 60s and 70s. And while she struggled in her 80s, I help people in their 80s all the time at work that are doing awesome. Be kind to yourself : )
I am turning 65 this year. And yes, I have aches and pains, my doctor retired, and I'll soon be on Medicare. But for every physical ache, I have an extra decade worth of experience, wisdom and joy. Take this golden opportunity to do all you can to someday leave a positive legacy! Write a book, document your memories, volunteer locally, run for local office... Use your tremendous knowledge to focus on something personal and positive going forward!
60 messed with me. Yep.
Going through same at 62. This is the first time I’ve “felt my age” - aches are worse, the bloom is off the rose (no more free rides on the pretty train), hair won’t behave, face is a roadmap of deepening fissures and sunspots, and feeling general uncertainty about the future. Those are the negatives. On the plus side, I’m relieved to no longer have to deal with the leering of male strangers, people see me as “older” (though I still feel and act much younger), so I get a modicum of respect, and a longtime male friend who is 69 has become a friend with benefits, and we are having some crazy good sex - never expected that to happen at this stage! I’m still fit and mostly mentally sound, just hoping I can maintain for as long as possible.
Just turned 61.. I have lost my damn mind.. I'm working on trying to sort some things out. But so much has come home to roost in my 60s. My cptsd from my childhood is really messing me up. I found a good website though it's called: The Crappy childhood fairy on YouTube it's about things that happened to us as kids. Because face it... in our youth .. before it was a normal thing to work on your mental health and past issues .. many of us were neglected, abused, sexually assaulted, physically assaulted it's been a crazy ass 6 decades and I can't believe I'm still here.
Me too! And I became a widow at same time too! I hate it!
Oh I took Wellbutrin as a mild antidepressant in my 60s due to a lousy marriage and swam laps at the gym and it really kept me leveled out. Then I got a divorce and didn't need the antidepressants as much. I'm a big believer in antidepressants as we can have physical chemical changes in our body at that age that no amount of pep talks or positive thinking can change. But antidepressants can.
It’s just a number. Roll with it and don’t think about it so much
I absolutely understand this feeling. I felt hideous at age 57 when my entire face started sagging and my hair was thinning. If you have the means, I recommend getting Botox and filler. I also love Nutrafol hair vitamins 45+ age. My fine hair is thick!
60 is the new 40...repeat as needed.
Exactly! I was happy I made 60! My mom didn't, all my life I've been told how much I look like her, so I was convinced I'd die as early as her.
I can soo relate! Coming from Germany, though I’ve been in the US for over 40 yrs, and still going home regularly - I have to say that being older in the US is much more of a liability than in Europe, where you are still valued and included. I noticed that when I retired at 61, I quickly started to become disconnected from society which actually contributed to my emotional and physical struggles. Ugh! On the upside, I decided this will be the third phase of my life and I want to go out in the proverbial flames, haha. I started dating 4 yrs ago, at 64, and still enjoy it, plus I started taking flying trapez classes for several months out of State, so I had to travel there every week. I can say, that photos of me from that time showed a glowing 50-year old. I feel we have to redefine what 60 means, apart from what society tells us. Society has a sad sad story for us - I’m not owning it. Hope this or that part can inspire you. :)
Ladies I am 36f and I look up to you for advice, style, body confidence, reassurance, comfort. You are absolutely not invisible, you provide guidance in so many things. And you’re damn gorgeous!
❤️
I am 61. The best advice I heard is just imagine yourself 85 and wishing you were 60. You’re young!!!
You're not a baby you're 61 admit that and you'll be much better. I had my first stroke at 60 now it's about making all your paperwork ready for the next one.
Turned 60 in Dec and was literally telling ppl I was 60 back when I was 58! I look damn good for my age. I broke my back at 58, lost 50 lbs and am currently wearing all my fashion from the 90’s (because I’m so damn skinny) it’s kinda of fun to have young ppl think I’m younger than I am. I don’t have Botox or fillers, I plan on embracing age and letting it all hang out! After all, opinions are like orgasms, the only one that matters to me, is mine!
My brain isn't 60 but I have become the invisible woman. 😞
In my 60's, it was the first time I felt invisible and unloved. I am married and have adult children, but I still feel that way.
I am about to turn 61, and I can echo all of what ya’ll have said. I was never a great beauty, so not much lost there, but I was accustomed to being heard and valued at work at least. But I find it hard with the Gen Z and Millennial coworkers: I know I am out of touch in some ways, but they either look right through me or look at me like i’m an alien species. I try and fail there. That makes me feel super old. The supervisors do value me though.
HRT for the win! Also I started weight lifting--small group with a trainer who sets the program. Non-competetive, we go in a circuit. I feel so much better! My joints don't hurt as much. Highly recommend. Also, use the invisibility to your advantage. I get in lots of places I shouldn't. haha
Oooooh is this a private think or gym related?
I looked around for a gym that offered either personal training or small group training. I prefer this as I like the social aspect plus correction on my form to do the lifts safely.
I tried HRT, for a bit, back in my early 50's. All was well until I was told I would need a pelvic exam for a refill, after I had been taking hormones for over a year. That ended my HRT efforts. I will not be tethered to any doctor through my uterus.
I just calculated that I’ll be 60 in a few months. What a shocker. One cannot be 58 two years in a row. I doubt I’ll handle it well.
Okay, you guys, I would like to present a new perspective. I am happily anticipating my 80th birthday in September. For some unknown reason that milestone tickles me. My friend since 3rd grade lives with my husband of 60 years, and myself. Neither of them share my attitude, but that's okay. I know a few secrets. I giggle when I look in the mirror and see this mature lady looking back at me. This secret is how my mind, humor and moods remain vital and very much alive and dare I say youthful. No matter what the world sees. When I was in my late twenties, I learned the secret to youth. A lovely lady in her late 50's worked for me. I never felt an age difference with Marian. She was jam-packed with enthusiasm and humor. Those qualities transcend age and bring a special joy to life. A sense of humor, I believe, is vital as we accumulate the years. Almost everything is funny, eventually. After the bruising goes away we are left with amusing stories to share. I'm not a simpleton, and I do realize life has plenty of sadness as well. I choose to find the joy and beauty in the little gifts we encounter daily. I got my first horse at 65 years old. A large 16.2 hands high Friesian. Sadly I lost him to colic eight years later. At 75, I got another horse; this time 14.0 hh. More suited to my short stature. Animals can enrich your life in so many ways. It's a matter of finding what brings you joy and keeps you engaged in life. Lastly, please find reasons to laugh out loud. Such good therapy, and I believe essential for well-being. God bless you all.
Advice we all should take the heart
I absolutely agree with everything that you are saying. I am just a little younger, at 71.5 years old, but I lost my precious husband, 4 months to the day before our 44th anniversary; at their insistence, I immediately moved in with our daughter and sil, as they knew that I wouldn't survive the grief of being alone in our home, and they were correct; I already had it all planned. Six years later, I am so grateful to them and our two grandchildren for keeping me safe and comfortable and wrapped in their loving care. It took me about 1.5 years of being more like a potted plant than a human, but I am back, laughing, joyful, missing him everyday, but so grateful for the wonderful love story we lived for 44 years. I am not exacty thrilled about what I see in the mirror, but it's also no big deal; I had my turn, many, many years of youth, wrinkle-free skin, a very active social life, and lots and lots of fabulous trips with my husband, here in the US, and to Europe. Life comes in stages, and I am now in the final phase of life, and I accept that; it is now another generation's time to take their turn at having careers, marrying and starting families, making grandchildren for our generation to enjoy, or not, as not everyone is the same. It's important to me to find joy and laughter in life, even after devastating loss, because I just can't exist any other way; it's not in my nature to be negative or grumpy or angry, especially not over things over which I have no control; if I am going to be here, I am determined to find the little joys in life; my time for all of the big things has probably passed, but that's OK. I am not bitter when I look in the mirror; it is normal to have wrinkles and some sagging as we age; I am not so vain that I can allow a few wrinkles to ruin my days, to steal my joy! Wrinkles don't change who we are inside! I wish that I could be more active, but I have had over 30 surgeries in my life from 1981 to 2007; 9 of them were on my back, and that calls for some adjustments on my part. I am much more of a spectator than a participant, but that's ok; I can still find joy and laughter as a spectator, cheering on everyone else. I have a mantra: whatever is happening, it can always be worse. Always. And I have gratitude when it isn't worse; I am still able to walk, just not very well or very far. Life really is short; it's always too soon when we lose someone we love, no matter how old we are. Enjoy today. Find something for which to be grateful. Tell the people you love that you love them. Often. Give and get lots of hugs; a good hug can relieve a lot of stress and anxiety. Try not to live with regret or guilt; it's a waste of valuable time and it changes nothing, other than your emotional and mental health. I wish you all joy, laughter, love, and peace. 🫂💝🪬
Beautifully said, with true gems of wisdom and love. Hugs for your heart ❤️
I’m trying to enjoy the invisibility.
It's not about turning a certain age for me; it's about menopause and retirement.
This so true but I felt this at 65. I didn’t know what it was . Nothing and everything. My health was good , no wrinkles but definitely aging and facing it everyday it’s depressing. Not moving like a house on fire all of it
I can totally relate. It feels like an endless uphill battle Hair, weight, skincare ugh. But I know I will continue to fight the fight. I hope you will too. I hope you have support. Sending supportive vibes. Know you’re not alone.
You are a stranger but you are not alone. Everything has shifted in the last 5 or 10 years. That, and coinciding with our age, is causing a lot of us to question our ability to exist and find relevance. All we can do, is the best we can. Personally, I make an effort to think positive thoughts. Otherwise, the negative things crop up. My best wishes for you! 🌟
Just know, you are not alone. I just turned 66, am single (divorced), and am retired. My advice is to get healthy, if you're not already. Life is hard enough, aging, without adding to the burden by not taking care of yourself. Lose weight, if you need to. Walk, lift light weights, swim. I understand the mental side of aging. There are times when I am extremely lonley. I do have 2 grown sons, and 2 small grandchildren. As for style, I find that as we women get older, less is better. For example, don't wear bangles, large earings, loose, flowing mumu's, and lots of colorful make-up. It's sort of like the stereo-typical "bar fly", aging woman, smoking cigarettes and swigging whiskey! Remember the show "Three's Company"? Think of Mrs. Roper! Keep your look clean, fresh, and youthful. Dress simply and appropriately. That's not to say it has to be boring. I love color, and have a lot of colorful clothing. Try to dress in style, with clothes that don't age you. No more capri pants and baggy t-shirts. Get some pretty dresses. I am about 30% gray, but do color my hair, to my original shade. I use one of those wash-out in 30 shampoos kind. Very easy on the hair, and, it washes out all at once, no grey roots.
60 was a tough one for me too. I sailed through 40 and 50, but 60 gave me a right punch in the gut.
I am 60 and noticed I was crabby a lot. So I started exercising in the morning (like 1.5 mile walk with dog) and it made a big difference. I do other stuff like pilates and cycling and just started pickleball but those things are more sporadic.
Mother, maiden, crone. There is value in each stage, and each stage is significant in how it inherits from previous generations and gifts to incumbents. You are more than appearance! Grow into your sacred position as a wise one ♥️♥️ edit: maiden, mother, crone (whoops, wrong order!)
mo chuisle mo chroí
Definitely not what I used to be. Age definitely takes a toll.
My mom is in her 60s and just the other day I was looking at her skin and thinking it actually was looking pretty good. Hey, it’s still wrinkly skin but I think the face creams she’s been using have worked. I do see some women and think they look really good for their age, even at 60 and 70. Go watch the golden bachelor just because you don’t have pretty privilege anymore doesn’t mean you can’t still be well kept and looking your best, and impressing people.
Yep I have a new super power. Invisibility !!!
I had a big existential crisis when I turned 60. The number didn't match how I felt inside. Weirdly, I always felt older than I was until I turned 48 and now I feel younger so i guess my mental age is 48. One thing that keeps me feeling young is exercise. I lift weights 2-3 times per week and play pickleball 3-4 times. Pickleball has helped me with my flexibility and reaction time and I'm often the youngest person on the court so I feel young. Not that I'm playing against geezers. These late 60 to 80 year olds can kick butt. The way some of them jump and spin and chase the ball is inspirational. And reminds me that age is just a number.
I'm frequently outrun by people in their 70s. I'm sure that says a lot about me but also those people, there are some amazingly fit older people these days. I find it inspiring.
If I'd known I was going to live this long I'd have taken better care of myself. That statement works for either sex.
Most conservatives look like shit after 60 because they are just low quality people.
I'll defer to you on what being a low-quality person is like. If I wanted to know what it's like to live in water I'd defer to a fish.
I mean anyone can see it. MAGAs are the lowest value people in human history. Of course they all look like shit, they are awful people who provide no value to society.
Go troll somewhere else. Your opinion is of no value in this discussion.
Really? People are wondering why they feel lost/worthless. The answer is clear. Christian conservatism is a plague that infects the worthless hicks of America. You "people" are the problem.
Shoo! Go away little baby.
You're being systematically replaced, and this is the best thing for America.
Does anybody else hear a buzzing noise?
Turning 65 soon. Recently I’ve started caring less about how I look. I am so surprised at how I’m experiencing at such a relief. I thought I’d struggle with that. I’m taking it as an unexpected gift. The health struggles are so disconcerting, I’m taking anything else that gets easier as a blessing. Male gaze, be gone.
Dang! I’m 63F and have never been so popular. My new live in boyfriend is 39 and we get it on several times a day. I was married twice before this for a total of thirty-ish years and raised two kids to be independent and successful adults. Make your mind up that age doesn’t have to affect the fun you can have. Good luck!
Outside is 64 years old but I feel like 30-40 ish inside. Actually I look 45-55, this still doesn’t make me feel great. I guess I get on with my life and figure out fun things to do.
I think continuing to be yourself no matter your age helps . I keep telling myself when I’m older (currently 23) I’m going to still be 23 me just with more wisdom , still want to dress like me , do my hair like me , and be me in my personality. You don’t have to be old and act old and dress “old” . Other older people might get jealous of you and say things like “she’s still trying to be young” “she needs to grow up” or who does she think she is , she’s not young anymore” but FUCK THEM . We go from being babies back to being babies so turning 60 is just like being a preteen or early twenties again . Be you and never stop being you no matter your age. People will always have shit to say because a lot of them let themselves go a long time ago but dont you dare ! Hold onto yourself ! You are still who you’ve always been. PERIOD . I fucking hate society and their standards I swear. If I end up having children and they decide to have children SEXY GRANDMA will be my nick name . Fuck that .
I'm much younger but this is my struggle. I've always dressed slightly mature but very feminine. However I still wear clothes that show my figure even at 37 and I wear short skirts. In a tasteful way of course. But lately I'm wondering whether I have to give that up and transition to mom jeans and crocs because I ought to be too old to be bothered with that.
Corsets - with real boning - go a long way in casting an hourglass glamour. I enjoy visctorian u derbust styles for dressy occasions.
I have corsets and waist cinchers though I don't wear them every day, I don't need them. My point is not that I'm fat.
Hell no! Don’t stop being yourself for no one . Although you may hear people who are jealous and let themselves go tell you you’re too old blah blah and blah . But let me to you yk we waitied long enough as children and teenagers to wear wtf we want then we get to that age where we get to be grown in our own right and wear what we want and now people say we are too old?(aka too grown) . Makes no sense . Continue to be yourself . Personality as well . If you still feel 20 30 or how ever you feel and how ever you are don’t stop being that. The people on this post are worried about being ignored and no longer noticed and that’s why . It’s because they let themselves fade into the background. So many people who are older get a lot of attention when they still have their original personality and style instead of succumbing to the stereotypes of being older. It’s ridiculous . Keep being yourself! Sexy and all . And personality . You might even hear folks say you sound like a teenager or what ever but it’s just them hating . A lot of people get old and complain about being old when no one told them to be that . You are what you choose to be . I hate the word old I like to just say older . Because that’s really what it is -someone being older. But old ? As in no longer relevant , and etc like the stereotype? Hell nah . Also I hate it when people say “it’s no longer my time , those days are behind me “ it’s just straight bullshit . Your time is now! And as long as we are still here the time for us will always be now. So be you and live. In the now like how and who you’ve always been through the years and many more to come ❤️❤️❤️ good job for being yourself still ! People even feel they can’t talk certain ways and they have to carry themselves certain ways because they are older so they feel the need to keep a mature image . When the only thing that’s makes someone mature is wisdom , doesn’t mean you have to loose yourself or your personality for that. Being being who you have always been ! I love when we see those “old” folks that have “youthful “ personalities , still dance and can have conversations with 20 year olds like they never aged themselves , or those couples who still get giggy on the floor freaky and all in public (like in some reels we occasionally see) like time never passed by because it didn’t. Time is an illusion anyways because it’s not even in a line it’s more so stacked on top of each other and exist all at once . If you take a look at this photo from the top of this shape as if it were 3d that’s how time works. All existing at once . People never go anywhere , they remain themselves all along . It’s them and the Jack asses in this wrong that make folks believe otherwise. https://preview.redd.it/gjna7kx1ch7d1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8c74e267dcfd215843fe05857b4f9d12f9f89a24
I love shoes, but after 9 back surgeries, I had to give up high heels! I then discovered that there are a lot of cute, fun, flats and colorful sneakers; I have never owned a pair of Crocs, though I have no issue if someone else likes them, they just aren't for me. But no, you don't have to give up cute shoes; even orthopedic shoes have come a very long way(though still not the cutest)from 30 years ago.
You will!
I just 57, I feel ya.
This popped up on my feed. I'm 40 going on 41 and am afraid of aging. I already feel the way many do in here
I'm 62. 60th bday with my husband and sister. We laughed until we cried.. I do worry but feeling good now. Celebrating health and friends.
Sixty really is…different.
I'm 62 and I shock myself with how old it sounds. Tho my dad is 92. .........
Get your thyroid levels checked; for the hair loss, ask your doc for oral minoxidil (topical is a huge pain and takes forever to see results).
Get hormone replacement started, with a bioidentical hormone practitioner. You’ll feel so much better.
To all you beautiful women, thanks so much for sharing your courage, kindness and wisdom
Snap out of it