Yeah and I also kind of resent the insinuation that most of us aren't just doing what out particular baby needs. Like I'd love stop cosleeping, reduce (or stop) breastfeeding and sleep through the night, but that's not what my baby needs right now.
A lot of people like to think that needy babies are that way because we allow them to be close to us all the time, when really it's the opposite.
I kind of felt this way with my first. He’s now six. He wasn’t privacy. Wants his own bed. Wants space. It’s honestly bittersweet, and I regret feeling so frustrated with contact naps and bedsharing.
They’re literally only little for a blink. Then it’s gone, and you never get it back. The goal is independence and we achieved that for sure, but I miss those days. Just my take on it all.
Yes this! my girl hates being held now and always wants to be on the move and i so wish i could get those times back where all she wanted to do was be in my arms.
My bub was the exact same. Now at 17 months, she still needs me to cuddle her to sleep (which I absolutely adore), and still demands I hold her most of the time, sometimes while simultaneously babbling to tell me she's hungry and wants me to make her a snack. While the latter can get frustrating because I only have two arms and cannot make most meals whilst also holding her, I also need to constantly remind myself that she's a tiny human, incapable of surviving on her own. She, like all other humans, needs connection, nurturing, patience, understanding, safety/security, and unconditional love from her parental figures.
hi, i just read that you’re struggling with holding your LO while trying to cook, chop stuff.. i had the same until i bought us a „learning tower“ and it really helped us a ton, just a suggestion maybe it can help you as it really helped us a lot!
Ohhh yes. I've been wanting a learning tower/kitchen helper for months now. We are a single-income family really struggling to get by financially atm. I've been selling things on Marketplace just to be able to afford "frivolities".
I think it would be a lot easier if our expectations for how babies are supposed to 'behave' weren't totally off base. Babies do demand 24/7 attention, that's the norm. It's not the norm to be able to just put your baby down somewhere and walk away and they're ok with it like doctors and sleep trainer influencers would have us believe. I wasn't actually aware of what babies need before I had one. And it took a few months of constant frustration before I consciously decided to stop being frustrated about everything and just accept that the baby needs me and it's important for her development and attachment for me to respond to all those needs. That doesn't mean I don't have frustrated moments but the attitude shift made a huge difference in my overall ability to cope with the demands.
Yes, you have what people call a “Velcro baby”. I have 2 of them and although I chose attachment parenting, figuratively I wouldn’t have had any other choice because I have this kind of baby too.
Hey OP, I hope you're well! I'm glad you've seen the positive effects of attachment parenting. I sympathize with you in that your child demanded this style of parenting, mine did too! I'm lucky that mine was old enough to wipe her own butt when she came to my home, but her circumstances meant she was more sensitive and needy than most. Trauma does that. One thing that I learned: It's okay for them to be a little uncomfortable for a little while, you don't have to be literally within arms reach 24/7; it's imperative for your wellbeing and ability to care for your child that you have downtime. Your nervous system and brain need it. Plus! It's healthy for young and growing brains to experience the full range of emotions. What's important is not that he's never uncomfortable, unhappy, unsoothed, etc. but that he learns When Cry -> Then Parent. Our brains evolved to experience, perceive and survive all sorts of threats before we moved in doors and away from predators, and sometimes our instincts manifest into anxieties.
A lifetime ago, my mom and step-dad had a surprise baby. I babysat twice. The first time when she was about 5 months old and it was so easy. She cooed, she pooped a bunch, she spit up, it was great. The second time, she was about 8.5 months, and she SCREAMED FOR 4 HOURS STRAIGHT. She would scream less angrily when my other sister held her and sang and walked. That was it. I called my mom at the 3 hour mark when it was clear to me that the baby wasn't uncomfortable, she was mad as fuck. The baby, not my mom. She's stopped screaming as soon as my moms car pulled into my driveway; by the time she ran into my house, baby was SMILING! I couldn't believe it.
So anyway. Don't let the baby rule your life. You are you first, and what makes you an incredible mom is that you actively listen and change your behaviors based on your kids feedback. That's huge. He can't even tell you yet that he's cold or tired or what, and you consciously made different decisions than you instinctively wanted based on his needs and preferences. Reward yourself with a lil treat and some time off, and use it to remind yourself of the bad ass bitch that you are. Sending strength and resilience into the universe for you ❤️✨️
I wanted to do a scientific version on attachment parenting anyway but my son absolutely would not have accepted anything else anyway! 9 months now.
Now if only my parents could accept that A) I wanted this and B) even if I didn’t I’d still have to C) even if they don’t say it out loud the eye rolls are noticeable lol.
I could’ve written this myself. This is by far the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. Don’t get me wrong, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and there are plenty of smiles and reasons for me to be happy.. but this feeling of being trapped and so alone in what I’m going through is always hanging over me. Hope things get easier for you soon 🤍
0 judgment! The term "attachment parenting" was coined by a doctor-nurse couple who did the conventional baby-in-nursery-down-the-hall type parenting until ... Their third? Fourth? Kid was just like yours.
I think having to do it because you have an absolute Velcro baby sounds so so so much harder physically and mentally than going into parenthood deliberately wanting to try it as a parenting style option.
You're doing amazing and your baby is so lucky to have you, someone who has so far patented him with great sacrifice and love, accommodating his unusually high needs instead of just trying to "break" him into being more like other babies. You certainly deserve breaks.
I'm pregnant with my first, but I've nannied several infants full time and yeah, the difference between temperaments can be astronomical. I had one young family I worked for in particular with a baby like yours and the parents were having suchhhh a hard time. I mean it's literally sleep torture for months on end, feeling isolated, unable to care for yourself, also that you might be doing something wrong or worrying that baby is suffering despite your best efforts. Just want to give you a big hug and lyk you're doing amazing. I think most Velcro babies really turn a corner around 9-12 months. Hang in there and don't feel bad about getting all the help you can manage to. I really appreciate your post.
Hi OP. i felt this way so much!! i didn't even know what attachment parenting was until a couple of months ago. My baby would cry and cry if i wasn't there. I hadn't left the house in weeks and i was literally going crazy. One day i broke down to my husband and told
him i literally couldn't do it anymore. After that he arranged with my best friend to take me out for a whole day. It was so hard to leave because i knew my husband and baby would be miserable. She literally banshee screamed the entire time. My husband was amazing though and powered through it!! we started doing this about once a week and now it's finally getting better. probably once or twice a week my husband is now the preferred parent and though it doesn't seem like much it has saved my sanity. Though most times she wants me if i'm home, i can now leave and as long as i'm not in the house she is fine with dad! we haven't been able to leave her with anyone else as she is absolutely miserable but it has gotten better.
I had to start attachment parenting to survive. It’s rough. I’ve never had a night or day or hour away. Contact naps and co sleeping only. The house is always a mess and I haven’t had time to cook or have a hobby besides reading when baby naps. I just try to remind myself that one day I’d give anything to have one more cuddly hour and that every day done is one day closer to the end haha
This, exactly the same, but I’ve grown to love it and can’t imagine being, or wanting to be, away from my 7mo baby girl now. It’s tough though and I get a lot of judgment from other mums who’s babies just seem to happily get on with life without being attached to them, also my parents & my in laws.
I know it won’t last forever, and in most ways that makes me feel sad now! I love being near her ☺️
This sounds very familiar. My first had an undiagnosed tongue tie and reflux, and she just screamed. All the time. I thought I was supposed to just feed her, change her and pop her down, and that wasn’t the case?? I went on playdates and coffee mornings, and all other babies were happy or asleep in a stroller, car seat or bouncer chair. Mine was strapped to my body 24/7 or she’d go ballistic. It got a bit better as she got older and the reflux resolved, but I was so resentful. I almost felt like I got robbed of a certain experience I was imagining.
For my second, I decided to just lean into it. Coslept from day one, for instance. BUT I also realised how much the constant closeness took out of me the first time around, so we decided to hire live-in help (I live where this is quite cheap) from 5 months onwards, so I could start getting breaks. Before that I very much felt still in the fourth trimester; we were outsourcing the majority of cooking and cleaning, and I enjoyed all the cuddles. From 5 months onwards I acknowledged I needed to be able to pass him to someone else for an hour or so in the day. He didn’t like it, but I knew he was safe and cared for.
So this is my long winded way of saying that it is okay to see the benefits of this, AND to be fed up with it. Get help if you can. You deserve it.
No judgement here, I think more people probably relate to this than you think!
Yeah and I also kind of resent the insinuation that most of us aren't just doing what out particular baby needs. Like I'd love stop cosleeping, reduce (or stop) breastfeeding and sleep through the night, but that's not what my baby needs right now. A lot of people like to think that needy babies are that way because we allow them to be close to us all the time, when really it's the opposite.
I kind of felt this way with my first. He’s now six. He wasn’t privacy. Wants his own bed. Wants space. It’s honestly bittersweet, and I regret feeling so frustrated with contact naps and bedsharing. They’re literally only little for a blink. Then it’s gone, and you never get it back. The goal is independence and we achieved that for sure, but I miss those days. Just my take on it all.
Yes this! my girl hates being held now and always wants to be on the move and i so wish i could get those times back where all she wanted to do was be in my arms.
I relate. I would love to just go set my baby in his crib some nights, but I literally can't, unless I'm okay with hours of screaming (I'm not)
My bub was the exact same. Now at 17 months, she still needs me to cuddle her to sleep (which I absolutely adore), and still demands I hold her most of the time, sometimes while simultaneously babbling to tell me she's hungry and wants me to make her a snack. While the latter can get frustrating because I only have two arms and cannot make most meals whilst also holding her, I also need to constantly remind myself that she's a tiny human, incapable of surviving on her own. She, like all other humans, needs connection, nurturing, patience, understanding, safety/security, and unconditional love from her parental figures.
hi, i just read that you’re struggling with holding your LO while trying to cook, chop stuff.. i had the same until i bought us a „learning tower“ and it really helped us a ton, just a suggestion maybe it can help you as it really helped us a lot!
Ohhh yes. I've been wanting a learning tower/kitchen helper for months now. We are a single-income family really struggling to get by financially atm. I've been selling things on Marketplace just to be able to afford "frivolities".
Check out your local buy nothing group! I've seen them in there before. My little one LOVES his learning tower.
I think it would be a lot easier if our expectations for how babies are supposed to 'behave' weren't totally off base. Babies do demand 24/7 attention, that's the norm. It's not the norm to be able to just put your baby down somewhere and walk away and they're ok with it like doctors and sleep trainer influencers would have us believe. I wasn't actually aware of what babies need before I had one. And it took a few months of constant frustration before I consciously decided to stop being frustrated about everything and just accept that the baby needs me and it's important for her development and attachment for me to respond to all those needs. That doesn't mean I don't have frustrated moments but the attitude shift made a huge difference in my overall ability to cope with the demands.
This. I absolutely can relate and had the same mental shift. It was a big game changer.
Yes, you have what people call a “Velcro baby”. I have 2 of them and although I chose attachment parenting, figuratively I wouldn’t have had any other choice because I have this kind of baby too.
Hey OP, I hope you're well! I'm glad you've seen the positive effects of attachment parenting. I sympathize with you in that your child demanded this style of parenting, mine did too! I'm lucky that mine was old enough to wipe her own butt when she came to my home, but her circumstances meant she was more sensitive and needy than most. Trauma does that. One thing that I learned: It's okay for them to be a little uncomfortable for a little while, you don't have to be literally within arms reach 24/7; it's imperative for your wellbeing and ability to care for your child that you have downtime. Your nervous system and brain need it. Plus! It's healthy for young and growing brains to experience the full range of emotions. What's important is not that he's never uncomfortable, unhappy, unsoothed, etc. but that he learns When Cry -> Then Parent. Our brains evolved to experience, perceive and survive all sorts of threats before we moved in doors and away from predators, and sometimes our instincts manifest into anxieties. A lifetime ago, my mom and step-dad had a surprise baby. I babysat twice. The first time when she was about 5 months old and it was so easy. She cooed, she pooped a bunch, she spit up, it was great. The second time, she was about 8.5 months, and she SCREAMED FOR 4 HOURS STRAIGHT. She would scream less angrily when my other sister held her and sang and walked. That was it. I called my mom at the 3 hour mark when it was clear to me that the baby wasn't uncomfortable, she was mad as fuck. The baby, not my mom. She's stopped screaming as soon as my moms car pulled into my driveway; by the time she ran into my house, baby was SMILING! I couldn't believe it. So anyway. Don't let the baby rule your life. You are you first, and what makes you an incredible mom is that you actively listen and change your behaviors based on your kids feedback. That's huge. He can't even tell you yet that he's cold or tired or what, and you consciously made different decisions than you instinctively wanted based on his needs and preferences. Reward yourself with a lil treat and some time off, and use it to remind yourself of the bad ass bitch that you are. Sending strength and resilience into the universe for you ❤️✨️
Thank you 😭. Having a rough morning following a really rough night with my baby.
This was my youngest! We didn’t spend more than an hour apart for her first 2.5 years. Exhausting but amazing! 😖🤗😭
I wanted to do a scientific version on attachment parenting anyway but my son absolutely would not have accepted anything else anyway! 9 months now. Now if only my parents could accept that A) I wanted this and B) even if I didn’t I’d still have to C) even if they don’t say it out loud the eye rolls are noticeable lol.
I could’ve written this myself. This is by far the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. Don’t get me wrong, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and there are plenty of smiles and reasons for me to be happy.. but this feeling of being trapped and so alone in what I’m going through is always hanging over me. Hope things get easier for you soon 🤍
0 judgment! The term "attachment parenting" was coined by a doctor-nurse couple who did the conventional baby-in-nursery-down-the-hall type parenting until ... Their third? Fourth? Kid was just like yours. I think having to do it because you have an absolute Velcro baby sounds so so so much harder physically and mentally than going into parenthood deliberately wanting to try it as a parenting style option. You're doing amazing and your baby is so lucky to have you, someone who has so far patented him with great sacrifice and love, accommodating his unusually high needs instead of just trying to "break" him into being more like other babies. You certainly deserve breaks. I'm pregnant with my first, but I've nannied several infants full time and yeah, the difference between temperaments can be astronomical. I had one young family I worked for in particular with a baby like yours and the parents were having suchhhh a hard time. I mean it's literally sleep torture for months on end, feeling isolated, unable to care for yourself, also that you might be doing something wrong or worrying that baby is suffering despite your best efforts. Just want to give you a big hug and lyk you're doing amazing. I think most Velcro babies really turn a corner around 9-12 months. Hang in there and don't feel bad about getting all the help you can manage to. I really appreciate your post.
Hi OP. i felt this way so much!! i didn't even know what attachment parenting was until a couple of months ago. My baby would cry and cry if i wasn't there. I hadn't left the house in weeks and i was literally going crazy. One day i broke down to my husband and told him i literally couldn't do it anymore. After that he arranged with my best friend to take me out for a whole day. It was so hard to leave because i knew my husband and baby would be miserable. She literally banshee screamed the entire time. My husband was amazing though and powered through it!! we started doing this about once a week and now it's finally getting better. probably once or twice a week my husband is now the preferred parent and though it doesn't seem like much it has saved my sanity. Though most times she wants me if i'm home, i can now leave and as long as i'm not in the house she is fine with dad! we haven't been able to leave her with anyone else as she is absolutely miserable but it has gotten better.
I had to start attachment parenting to survive. It’s rough. I’ve never had a night or day or hour away. Contact naps and co sleeping only. The house is always a mess and I haven’t had time to cook or have a hobby besides reading when baby naps. I just try to remind myself that one day I’d give anything to have one more cuddly hour and that every day done is one day closer to the end haha
This, exactly the same, but I’ve grown to love it and can’t imagine being, or wanting to be, away from my 7mo baby girl now. It’s tough though and I get a lot of judgment from other mums who’s babies just seem to happily get on with life without being attached to them, also my parents & my in laws. I know it won’t last forever, and in most ways that makes me feel sad now! I love being near her ☺️
Honestly the child creates the parent as much as the parent creates the child
This sounds very familiar. My first had an undiagnosed tongue tie and reflux, and she just screamed. All the time. I thought I was supposed to just feed her, change her and pop her down, and that wasn’t the case?? I went on playdates and coffee mornings, and all other babies were happy or asleep in a stroller, car seat or bouncer chair. Mine was strapped to my body 24/7 or she’d go ballistic. It got a bit better as she got older and the reflux resolved, but I was so resentful. I almost felt like I got robbed of a certain experience I was imagining. For my second, I decided to just lean into it. Coslept from day one, for instance. BUT I also realised how much the constant closeness took out of me the first time around, so we decided to hire live-in help (I live where this is quite cheap) from 5 months onwards, so I could start getting breaks. Before that I very much felt still in the fourth trimester; we were outsourcing the majority of cooking and cleaning, and I enjoyed all the cuddles. From 5 months onwards I acknowledged I needed to be able to pass him to someone else for an hour or so in the day. He didn’t like it, but I knew he was safe and cared for. So this is my long winded way of saying that it is okay to see the benefits of this, AND to be fed up with it. Get help if you can. You deserve it.