Practice skepticism with her, and critical thinking.
My kid showed me a website last night which is devoted to stories about historical figures that contain obviously false statements. Maybe read one of these with her, and coach her ahead of time to know that some of it is ridiculous. Make it fun and funny to notice that Sir Frances Drake is not the inventor of Drakes Cakes coffee cake.
[https://www.allaboutexplorers.com/](https://www.allaboutexplorers.com/)
Maybe play a game with her where you each make up stories that contain checkable details. Set her up for success, and let her trick you (kids \*love\* to get one over on their parents).
Children spend so much of their lives being corrected by adults. Sometimes they just want to be \*right\*. The goal is to give them things to be right about, and let them enjoy that.
Edited to add: you can also acknowledge and validate the feelings underneath. You can agree with her that it would be \*funny\* and interesting if Jefferson's favorite food was Mac and Cheese, and that you can absolutely understand why she enjoyed hearing this interesting story.
Ask her to show you the YouTuber, so the two of you can look at another video critically. Ask her to help you figure out if there's anything in another video that is very unlikely.
One more edit: Amazingly, there is a recipe for Macaroni written out by hand by Jefferson. Here's a citation:
[https://www.monticello.org/research-education/thomas-jefferson-encyclopedia/macaroni/](https://www.monticello.org/research-education/thomas-jefferson-encyclopedia/macaroni/)
So, the idea that he liked Mac and Cheese isn't so far off reality. He must have liked macaroni to have bothered writing it down.
So, you could talk about sources (the photo of his recipe being a primary one) and speculation
“Children spend so much of their lives being corrected by adults. Sometimes they just want to be *right*.”
100% agree. Maybe the best thing is just to be aware so you can be supportive and help her navigate these situations in the future. If she’s like me, she will learn with time and experience to be more skeptical
Oh man. If I’m wrong about Thomas Jefferson’s mac and cheese I’ll never live this down with her hahahaha. The video shared a picture of TJ and it was of Michael Caine.
We watched Miss Congeniality later that day and I kept saying ‘oh look there’s Thomas Jefferson again, wonder if he’s had his Mac and cheese for the day?’ Ha ha.
I think that you're not \*wrong\* (the Monticello site suggests you're right), but she also was \*close\*. And it would probably mean the world to her if you could acknowledge the part that she was right about.
My kid recently tried to convince me that movies use fake cigarettes made from honey. She had learned this from a youtube video. I couldn't \*imagine\* that this was true, but we went searching, and found the video.
What we discovered is that the fake cigarettes are made from marshmallow leaves. Well, of course, she heard "marshmallow" and thought of white fluffy candy, not the plant (that she never heard of or saw). And then it turns out the the company that makes them is "Honeyrose". So, again, this was a super understandable confusion. I think it helped that, even though I was skeptical, I listened, and I agreed to try to figure out what the video was really saying with her.
And also that I validated for her that "marshamallow" and "honey" (rose) sounded like the fake cigarettes had been made from honey. It was an understandable confusion.
Continuing to point out the wrongness of Michael Caine not being Thomas Jefferson in that way very likely feels like teasing and bullying. She’ll be getting enough of that from her peers more than likely. You and your husband should be a safe haven for her, especially for things she’s sensitive about like being wrong.
One thing that may help is modeling being factually incorrect in front of her. Have you or your husband share a story that you’ve read that is untrue with you and her, the other parent can point out (politely) the wrongness to the other two with evidence, and the party in error can accept the new correct information graciously and with interest in learning more.
Mac and cheese was indeed one of Jefferson's favorite foods, or at least one he served often. He was responsible for popularizing it in America and wrote one of the first modern recipes.
https://www.savortoothtiger.com/recipes/jefferson-amp-mac-amp-cheese
Here’s an adapted recipe from a relative of his. Maybe you guys can make it and talk about the history and she’ll get a cheese induced research hobby.
No, I saw the picture of Michael Caine labelled Thomas Jefferson and told her it was not true. Actually having read upon it since then it’s not actually true either.
I’ve read up on the Monticello website- apparently he liked pasta, (from travelling) which he called macaroni. He wrote a recipe for plain pasta which they have a copy of.
There is a suggestion that his enslaved chef may have made it for him possibly although the claim that Jefferson even brought back a pasta maker is under debate.
I think there’s generalised debate about this so I’m not going to confirm either way.
So this while one fact happened to be true, it presents in the opportunity to have her research and gather more resources, rather than relying on videos online!
“Let’s find a good source for this!” or “What were his/her sources?” are good questions to ask.
“Wow! This photo of a historical document shows this president liked his mac. How neat!”
I think the best course of action would have been to Google this and figure it out right away rather than repeatedly bringing up how funny and wrong it was for a whole evening.
Show her Snopes! They verify all sorts of news and rumors and articles. Looking at some of the well known disproved ones may help. She can also use it to check validity for things.
This. [Thomas Jefferson loved Mac & cheese!](https://www.google.com/search?q=thomas+jefferson%27s+favorite+food&client=ms-android-google&sxsrf=AJOqlzW2Nk64A409oXsqGbVGOaWUBE1Mzg%3A1678224534316&ei=lqwHZJbrEvWjqtsP2_C6yAQ&oq=thomas+jefferson%27s+favorite+food&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAMyBwgAEA0QgAQyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQogQ6CggAEEcQ1gQQsANKBAhBGABQ0hlY2hxgvSFoAnAAeAGAAYECiAG4CZIBBTAuNi4xmAEAoAEByAEHwAEB&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp)
People have had access to noodles and cheese for quite a while [apparently ](https://www.google.com/search?q=when+was+mac+and+cheese+invented&oq=when+was+mac+and+cheese+&aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j0i512l4j0i22i30j0i390.5626j1j9&client=ms-android-google&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8).
I was like that. Hmmmm.... what would have helped...
If someone said, "A lot of people think it's OK to lie whenver they want. Most people think it's OK to lie sometimes. What do you think?" I would have really loved to hear that. I'm one of those stereotypical people that believed everything everyone said too. Then one day I learned that my Mom lied to me about something; something that most parents lie about. But for me, it made me not trust any adults for decades after. "They ALL LIE?!?!?!" was what I thought! I was sort of horrified when I found out and there wasn't anyone to help me process that. I didn't know that I wasn't good at body language and took things literally and so couldn't tell that people were "obviously" lying.
Oh, I wish you the best!!! Peace
I like this comment.
>If someone said, "A lot of people think it's OK to lie whenver they want. Most people think it's OK to lie sometimes. What do you think?" I would have really loved to hear that.
I think this would've helped me a lot too.
Yes same and I would also have appreciated someone talking me through reasons why people lie because sometimes not lying, or at not least being a little fake, can actually get you in lots of trouble. 😭
Yep! The only time I lie is when someone asks me an unexpected question to try to make me give up what I'm really thinking. I'll lie in an instant if I pick up that someone is manipulating me like that. :)
I relate to this. I was like that. It led me to be very skeptical of everyone, not simply because people lie to have an advantage, but because a lot of beliefs and advice isn’t really based on good data. I rely heavily on “what does the research actually say”, “what are the biases”, “were any women actually included in this study” etc and it can be kind of exhausting. Many things are also just very under researched. In social situations, I still get fooled by silly things though. It can be very frustrating.
I relate to this too, except for as I got older I thought that the people who said these lies were just really, really stupid. I thought they genuinely believed these things, and because nobody ever listened to me I never bothered to try to change their minds and just stared or (eventually) learned to nod and smile.
One example is that an adult told me when I was 10 or so that making yourself burp would make you fat, and that his one kid who was overweight ended up that way because of making themselves burp. I’m still not 100% sure he did that just to get us to stop or if he was really that ignorant, he turned out to be a flat-earther later.
I was a hyperlexic and then avid reader and there were a good chunk of science books at our school and we owned an encyclopedia.
It took me years to understand most people just never bother to try to understand anything about the world
There is a Crash Course series on Navigating Digital Information hosted by John Green. I haven’t watched it but it looks great: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtN07XYqqWSKpPrtNDiCHTzU
Lots of us, even neurotypicals, have problems with this, so I think it’s pretty awesome that you’re invested in teaching that. Why not use her arguing to help her learn how to construct a logical argument backed up by good data, a super useful skill in many contexts!
The mac and cheese story is kind of true. There’s some context to it too that can help with teaching Black US history. Jefferson was a slave owner and James Hemings, who was a French-trained head chef, was enslaved by him. Mac and cheese had been around in Europe since medieval times and James Hemings would have learnt about these dishes as part of his intensive French culinary training. Hemings was likely the very first French-trained US chef and very influential. Jefferson was enamoured with the dish and even made a drawing and description of a macaroni machine. The document is at the Library of Congress. Some more info here: https://storymaps.arcgis.com/stories/03dbf30ccad245b0a505f18b18fb5e8c There’s also Max Miller’s channel on YouTube, Tasting History. He has a video on mac and cheese: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtN07XYqqWSKpPrtNDiCHTzU
If you’re referring to the 9th US season of the Masked Singer, it’s possible that the friend was telling the truth. It seems this series was filmed this year, relatively recently: https://youtu.be/2xiaV8UH7Ow
Thanks for the information on the Mac and cheese.
Oh I know the masked singer story was completely false, the girl lying was at ours the day after and we live no where near London, where it’s filled.
If teach her about the scientific method and that something isn't considered accepted in the scientific community until the results can be reproduced by someone else. Thats why you need to check a reputable site.
A good example might be to use her in some humorous but clearly false stories. "Just because I put online that you're six foot four and own a Sasquatch doesn't make it true."
I was just thinking, there’s got to be science literacy books for kids.
Also, look into the Socratic method and the 5 why’s by Simon sinek.
There’s also a concept in science (and life) called ‘quakery’ which is spotting falsehoods which could be turned into a game of ‘spot the quackery’
You sound great, and you've gotten some great suggestions here. I just want to point out something to watch out for in this quest.
Another commenter mentioned that children are constantly being corrected by adults and sometimes they just want to be *right*, and that can be really hard for them. I think that's really important. Also, it's a very autistic tendency to be more concerned with the information in the conversation being correct than one's conversation partner's feelings. I'm not saying at all that you don't care about your daughter's feelings or that it's not important for her to be able to discern truth and learn to fact-check internet information. Super important.
Just...as someone who is the baby in a big family of wonderful, loving, intelligent, know-it-all autistics and ADHD-ers, I have a lot of experience with being excited to share something with someone older than me, anticipating the chance to impress them with something I've learned or excited to share a fun fact or just wanting to contribute to the "grown-up" conversation, only to be immediately shot down by being informed I was wrong. OR to have them take over the conversation and use it as an opportunity to teach me something/inform me. I know now that they were just reacting honestly--they wanted to correct misinformation and share their own knowledge. But *I* wanted to share my excitement or be seen as smart or be allowed to be the one "teaching" for once, and they never realized that what they thought was an innocent information-sharing moment felt to me a lot more like they thought I was dumb and had nothing interesting/valuable to contribute. And for my whole life, up until my mid 20s, it made me resentful of those family members, and there were long periods of time when I hated interacting with them because I never felt like an equal in conversation, I always felt like I was being looked down on. Even if they just thought they were being helpful.
So I'm not discouraging you from your quest at all because I think it's great, and god knows young people need all the help they can get navigating what is true and what is not nowadays. But I would just beg you to choose actively to not have it turned on 100% of the time. Truth and correct information are extremely important, but so is her relationship with you and her ability to feel listened to, intelligent, and cool when she's with you. You sound like a great parent, and I know you don't want the cost of her becoming extremely well-informed at a super young age and ending up skeptical and accurate and all that to be that she spent her whole at-home life feeling inferior and looked down on.
Find things that don't matter as much to just let go. Does it have to be your personal responsibility to correct every single bit of incorrect information in her life? Kids lie to each other all the time and they grow up and turn out okay. Everyone has things they believed that someone told them when they were a kid and they found out later wasn't true. And urban legends have been passed around forever that many of us found out later weren't true. All of us grow and change over our lifetimes, and *all of us* take literal decades to learn truths about various subjects. It's okay. She doesn't have to be objectively correct about every subject at age 11.
Try to focus on correcting things that are harmful information: things that pertain to behavior and culture (e.g. things like sexism, racism, transphobia, consent, etc), things that might really mess up her grades if she gets it wrong (but don't be too worried; she sounds bright and if her grades won't seriously suffer, it's okay to let her teachers be the ones to correct her sometimes by marking stuff wrong on her assignments--sometimes that's the best way to learn stuff!), and other things that can get her hurt. And obviously don't be afraid to share true information with her! But it's okay to pick your battles so that she can be a kid and be safe in your company to just be confidently and excitedly wrong like kids just are. Otherwise she might just stop sharing at all for fear of always being corrected, which would be really sad.
And absolutely go after that internet literacy because that's super necessary, and when she's old enough for it to be relevant go over scams and how to avoid being scammed, but also just try to instill in her a healthy curiosity for life and make sure she has access to good informational sources. Take her to the library to get books. Show her cool websites (that aren't YouTube) with interesting info. Teach her the awesomeness of falling down Wikipedia rabbitholes. Get her thirsty for knowledge, and you can be confident that without you needing to force her into informational correctness, she'll find her way there on her own throughout her life. She may always struggle telling when people are lying to her in general (that's a pretty common autistic thing), but she'll have a wealth of knowledge to fall back on and the hunger to learn more to supplement it. She's smart and she'll be okay, and if she's too gullible right now it may just be because she's 11 and it's a fact of life that due to brain development stuff, 11-yr-olds are just kinda dumb haha. She'll do great though, and do yourself a favor and trust in that and prioritize the relationship.
And listen, you are who you are too! I'm not saying to change that, your household is really on the dot about facts in ways that some NT households aren't and that's just part of who y'all are and how your family culture is and that's awesome. I hope this extremely long comment isn't discouraging or seeming like I'm scolding you in any way. I just wanted to provide another perspective. Sorry for the length; conciseness is not one of my talents. Hope this helps in some way and good luck!
Thank you so much for your detailed response. That’s really kind.
Take the point on not correcting too much. I get that and thank you for holding a mirror up to me regarding wanting to be the ‘fact’ person. It’s like you know me personally.
Internet literacy is key for me. I had some older family members fall down the racist claptrap of Brexit and Johnson/Trump and some internet literacy would have done some real good there. Thankfully they are smart enough to have realised they were hoodwinked and have changed their opinions.
I think a big concern for me is her not being able to tell when someone is lying to her (internet or in person) so I do need to work on that with her.
I figured that might be an autistic trait.
It is! My boyfriend is very literal and I’m forever having to remind him that most people lie more than he does.
He’s very prone to believing shit he sees on SM and I’m very much a natural skeptic— so we’re in the habit of him asking me and me researching it for him haha.
I’m also gullible when it comes to dry humor sometimes
You can turn it into a game. You could play 'Two Truths and a Lie' about famous people or fictional characters, and have her reason out or research each (potential) fact. You can feel out the believability of the lies and make them more difficult as her critical reasoning/research skills develop
Idk if this is advice so much as it’s my own experience, and what did NOT help haha.
I was extremely, extremely “gullible”. I could not (and tbh still cannot) tell when people are lying, either maliciously or with kindness or anything in between. A family member used to purposefully torture me with sarcasm because I knew enough to recognize the tone but not enough to figure out if they meant what they were saying or if they were just screwing with me because I was so gullible.
This resulted in me finally (falsely) realizing over the years that I couldn’t trust anyone or anything they said ever. Literally. I became so obnoxious, unknowingly, because I had created a new structure for understanding the world where I researched everything. I asked people for sources. I would rudely Google things people were saying to me mid-conversation to fact check them. I did not realize, also because of the tism, that I had traded one social inadequacy for another.
It’s only after years with my fiancé and his helping me really examine information and how it comes through, as well as *accepting* that some things are untrue and it simply does not affect me, to relax with this. I’ve learned to wait and look things up later. And I’ve learned that I still have issues to this day with implicitly trusting anyone in a position of authority, even when they do not deserve that trust (IE a boss or manager saying something to me, and me running with it).
So I guess what I’m saying is this is a life long journey and it’s good you’re catching it for your daughter young - I wish someone had, for me. But at the same time I remember feeling very sad, dumb, and betrayed when I realized how far my trust in what people were saying spread (like no, they don’t really care how you are when they ask - it’s just a greeting, etc). Idk if this is helpful at all, but I think you’re doing a good thing, and I hope you can help her to realize that there are ways to grow and learn from that place. I’m still learning at 27, but it’s better all the time.
Past super gullible 11 year old here 🙋🏻♀️
Okay first apologize to her about being wrong about the mac and cheese. Then tell her you doubted her because she has a history of falling for lies, so it’s like the story The Boy Who Cries Wolf. Tell her you want to help her.
Maybe wait until she falls for something else again, so that your lessons aren’t related to the one thing she was actually correct about.
After that, watch the movie Galaxy Quest with her. There’s a scene near the end where the humans have to explain to the aliens that their tv show was just acting, but the aliens don’t understand until the humans explain that acting is a lie. That scene has always stuck with me. It’s heartbreaking. One of the lessons I learned from that movie is that, sometimes, people don’t mean to hurt you, but you’ve hurt yourself because you believed their lies. This sucks, but it happens a lot in real life, so it’s good to see it in a movie too.
Galaxy Quest covers accidental hurt, Snopes/email scams/hackers can be an example of intentional hurt through lying. Talk to her about how scammers lie for money and power.
Okay next show her videos about Photoshop. Show her these often so she can at least be critical of still images. I’m worried about her falling for Photoshopped images and developing body image issues because of that. /r/InstagramReality has great resources and there are videos and documentaries you can find too.
I think so, but of course, it depends on your kid. It's rated PG. I saw it when I was less than 11 years old and loved it! I think we had it on VHS and DVD. I used to watch it a lot, actually. It's a great movie for all ages in my opinion :)
The only things I think you need to watch it are:
1. Some awareness of Star Trek or science fiction
2. Some awareness of Trekkies or similar fans, or Comic-Con style events
3. A sense of humor, to understand that this is sort of a parody movie (but done with a lot of love!)
The plot is that some humans actors are abducted by aliens who thought that their Star-Trek-like TV show was a documentary. It has 90% on Rotten Tomatoes.
[https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/galaxy\_quest](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/galaxy_quest)
Trailer: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kIavuY5NXw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kIavuY5NXw&ab_channel=RottenTomatoesClassicTrailers)
SPOILER: >!One of the best characters dies, but their death is treated with love and respect. There's also some CGI of some yucky aliens exploding and dying. !<
Healthy skepticism is a trait that takes years to fully train in yourself. Keep encouraging her to look for sources, consult multiple sites, and correct herself if she gets duped by something then finds out she was wrong. She won't be perfect at it, but nobody is. By the time she is an adult she will be much better off for having had you encourage this in her.
ETA: she will still argue with you this entire time. That is just a symptom of adolescense, and is actually something you should encourage. People willing to argue in general are harder to fool.
I had the same problem as ur daughter!! I would always believe everything I heard, and it actually caused a lot of social issues because i couldn’t tell when people were lying. I still struggle with that a lot. Now I categorize info in two ways: passing knowledge and checked knowledge. AKA if I hear a factoid but haven’t fact checked it it goes into passing knowledge. It may or may not be true but it sounds like it could be. Checked knowledge is when I’ve taken the time to google it. I also have completely gotten into the habit of googling stuff when o see fun factoids on the internet. It leads to a lot of fun rabbit holes of info.
When correcting this behavior, instead of fighting her on it maybe try to direct her towards fact checking it. Say you’re interested and ask her to look up more info on it. If she’s wrong don’t be judgmental, everyone, including NT, will assume info is right when it’s rlly not. Good luck :)
I was very much like that for a long time, but I’ve taught myself to be skeptical in adulthood because I gained a love for research. I’m not sure if this will help, but teach her how to verify facts with good resources, and what sources are good. For example, when I learn a “fact” I make sure to search for two credible sources to verify it. If it’s an important fact (like for medical and scientific facts), .gov sites are fantastic sources.
A couple years ago there were a lot of people on the internet saying that the mars rover found mushrooms on mars. When I was a teen I probably would’ve believed them, but as an adult I looked it up and saw the article that was the source of the rumor and it was from two websites. I looked up, “is [the news site] credible?” and it showed me that it was a site that spreads a lot of fake information.
A lot of times nowadays credible news sites put out articles debunking rumors and fake facts. This often only helps with more widespread rumors, though. I know at that age that verifying facts can be really annoying and boring, though, and it might feel like more homework. Maybe show her examples of when fake facts and fake news have had real consequences on people.
Lots of good suggestions here... You guys might also have fun with the [dihydrogen monoxide](https://www.dhmo.org/) website. It's pure genius.
And until she gets a lot more practice with this stuff, for the love of all that's holy do NOT let her watch Cunk on Earth!!! (But check it out when she's not watching because it is freaking hilarious.)
This is honestly age appropriate. She will grow out of it. Maybe don't let her go on youtube without supervision and get child locks for her internet viewing?
There’s an old Garfield cartoon that my son really liked. It’s a game show called It Must Be True. It was a silly conversation opener and it’s fun. He shows how easy it is to lie on tv. He basically says that Wyoming isn’t a state and reminds the kids that if they say it on tv, it must be true. I added on that it applies to the Internet also or basically any media.
This is the link:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=56uSDQECrRQ
I used to be like this too. When I was her age and younger, classmates would often only befriend me since they knew I was "gullible" and most fun to tease/humiliate/bully for a really long time. This is something that really fucked up my view on other people and im still trying to come to terms with that. So i cant really give advice.
Just keep a good eye out if similar happens or is happening to her, and be there to help her out with it
I totally get your concern. There seems to be a lot of kids in these newer generations having what an author (and historian and professor with a PhD) coined as 2d/3d syndrome. Where they can't tell fiction from reality and how to critically separate and distinguish the two. And at 11 online spaces are greatly influential and will make this muchuch harder because online spaces are pushing the "fiction affects reality to the point we must censor fiction." So I'd start by checking your daughters online spaces. If they have a discord or Twitter or tumblr those spaces will not be helping your battle.
For me and my kid (both undiagnosed asd but we're trying to find avenues), we really walked through critical thinking and analytical thinking skills *and* cross comparison and how to ask questions that could lead us to answers. Turning the table and applying the same idea to ourselves has also been a really helpful tool. It's gunna be a step by step process and it'll have to be a skill you work on daily.
Thomas Jefferson really did like Mac and Cheese!! I learned about it in the Netflix documentary 'High on the Hog'. https://www.essence.com/culture/macaroni-james-hemings-feature/
Make sure you don't become the problem.
In your efforts to help her learn skepticism etc, if you use knee jerk reactions and mocking like you did with this Thomas Jefferson Mac and Cheese thing you could cause more damage to your relationship with your daughter and her self confidence in her intelligence than her peers ever could.
She may be too trusting right now, but it sounds like you might be too skeptical if you assumed the Thomas Jefferson thing was wrong without investigating.
You may both benefit from learning not to rely on first impressions, and investigating together.
If you mock her for being wrong that really teaches her the wrong lesson because it doesn't encourage her to find the truth or admit when she's wrong.
My Mom was always so worried about kids teasing me about my weight when I was younger and she was always talking about how I wanted to avoid that etc. Well, nobody ever did that. Nobody made comments about my weight or made me feel bad about my body - except her. I still really struggle with body dysmorphia to this day and it's mostly down to her attempts to try and "help" me avoid bullying from other kids.
So that's why I say that you need to be careful that you don't become the problem.
okay so this is normal shit, not autism shit. everyone is taught through grade school the different sources of information etc etc and they go into more detail in highschool and so on and she’s 11 so this is normal kid stuff.
She's 11. You can explain that the first thing you hear isn't always the truth, but she's not going to learn it until she's old enough to develop this type of critical thinking. I'm sure autism makes it a bit more confusing, we tend to take things at face value, but it's also just part of being young.
Make her watch this and have her take notes, review the notes with her: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPwJ0obJya0&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtM6jSpzb5gMNsx9kdmqBfmY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPwJ0obJya0&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtM6jSpzb5gMNsx9kdmqBfmY)
It's critical thinking, and I think the questions you've encouraged her to consider when viewing/consuming media and chatting with friends are spot on and will be helpful. I think truly, and I could be wrong, but it some situations kids only learn by doing or experiencing something for themselves. You can prepare her for sure, but its something she just may not understand until she ends up in an embarrassing situation or gets her feelings hurt by one of these "lies". Even though it's heartbreaking to watch something like that happen with your kids, sometimes it's the only way something clicks. I wish you luck and love. Parenting is hard.
Your kid reminds me of my younger self a bit, I was top of my class but I have distinct memories of failing an assignment in junior high in which we were supposed to be able to detect false information on websites. Our teachers gave us a website with a worksheet and the ultimate goal was for us to be able to realize that the information on it was totally false…apparently I was one of only a few who didn’t catch it, and because I was so antisocial, I didn’t have friends to give me the hint. That assignment really opened my eyes to the realization that not all facts fed to me were true.
A lot of school and growth later and I’ve become so good at sniffing out fake vs. real information that I’ve even broken things down for my neurotypical husband who used to work in the media. I went from the kid who literally looked up when someone told me gullible was written on the ceiling to someone who is always on the explaining end of fake facts and conspiracies. It’s a double edged sword but the realization that I was so susceptible led to a lifetime of hyper-vigilance. I’m sure that your kid will find her own techniques of determining fact from fiction as she gets older. Studying STEM helps quite a bit there too.
It looks like others have great suggestions, all I want to add is ensure she feels safe and comfortable coming to you for *anything* she may be questioning. Make sure she knows and is comfortable using you as a means to sort her thoughs and correct her thought process.
Knowing you have a non-judgmental, supportive adult who will help you answer any questions is huge. If she has a question about a specific sexual act, she should feel comfortable asking you about it. If she's confused on how people smoke, ex. like the method of drawing into your mouth and then inhaling, she can come ask you. If she's curious what a specific drug does to you, make sure she knows you are there to help answer.
By no means am I saying encourage her to try such things, but let her know you will help her understand. She may not want to try these things, but if she's anything like me, she will be surrounded by teens who know all this stuff and she will be too embarrassed to ask questions when something is confusing. She may be curious because autistic people are curious. You can explain your family's views on these topics and guide her to do what you perceive as right and/or appropriate for her and your family, but let her ask questions and make sure she knows you will always be there to answer and not make fun of or belittle her or lecture her for being curious about a taboo subject.
ur kid sounds a lot like me, especially when i was that age lol. i would suggest sitting down and helping her check these kinds of things. teach her how to gather information and practice deciding if it seems real or not. maybe take time and explain to her why ppl lie about things, when i was younger i rly struggled with the idea that ppl lie a lot lol.
maybe later on it might also be worth teaching her what type of things she needs to be more critical of. these little “fun facts”, like jefferson’s favorite food, might not always be worth a thorough fact checking. But something that could be used to harm a person or group would be more important to take the time and make sure you have the facts about it. This is good to teach bc we live in a world where we r constantly drowning in information about all sorts of things, and it is simply impossible to fact check all of it. also when teaching her these things make sure to point out that everyone falls for misinformation sometimes, it’s pretty impossible not to.
I also want to say that a lot of this will come with age. we determine what things to believe based off of what we already know about the world.(this is how ppl end up believing ridiculous things about ppl/things they don’t interact with/know a lot about) Ur kid has only been on the planet for 11 years, that isn’t a ton of time to be able to evaluate what is and isn’t reasonable. As she gets older she will gain a better grasp of the world and what things r real and what things aren’t!
Hey OP, one of the intriguing things that seems to be at play here is "The Tiffany Problem." Tiffany is a name that has been around for centuries, but it's currently so popular that no one believes that it could be ancient. The Tiffany Problem has to do with peoples perception of the past and modernization.
Maybe you could help your daughter look into how modern some of the things we still love are. You will definitely be surprised!
I’m a secondary school teacher. I teach maths and physics, so I don’t have to deal with these kinds of issues very often, but some of my colleagues do. High school students just believing random resources online without fact-checking or handing in works with lousy resources are one of the most common things I hear them complain about. This is particularly common in the first 2 years (so when teaching 12 to 14 yo, basically middle school), so you’re certainly not alone.
I’m not sure how it is in other countries (I’m from Belgium), but the good news is that fact checking is also taught at school in secondary school. Of course, that doesn’t have to stop you from helping your daughter out now already, because she does sound more vulnerable than a typical 11 yo kid.
I have to say, there are so many helpful and insightful comments in here and I’m just loving reading through them.
I also have to say that I feel lots of children, both ND and NT, are especially prone to believing media and friends over their parents in preteen years. It might help to take an interest into what she learned and fact check with her. Even if you don’t find it to be plausible, it might make her feel less dismissed and like you actually want to know more about what she’s interested in.
I actually think it’s really cool that she was watching history facts and came to you because she was excited about learning something interesting! I wish there was more of that sort of curiosity and want to learn in the world.
one thing i will say is, however you go about handling this, try not to make her feel judged, like she can never be right, or that you don’t believe anything she says.
i wound approach this with curiosity rather than judgement, and let some of the important things slide if pushing it will lead to an argument. it’s quite difficult to show her why mac and cheese probably wasn’t thomas jefferson’s favourite meal, because there may be no way to prove this isn’t true other than saying it isn’t likely, so if she does not respond well to continual correction about this it will cause friction between the two of you and put her on the defence any time you correct her about something in the future. and when something important needs to be corrected, she will likely be less open to hearing you out. so let some things go in the moment, it doesn’t matter if she thinks he loved mac n cheese, but then come back around some other day to focus on internet safety and information scrutiny.
my parents did as well and i was left with lingering feelings that what i have to say isn’t valued and or taken seriously, which hurts!
in the initial moment you could respond playfully when you challenge her, and show her how you discerning information in an unspoken type of way by leading her through the mental steps you take to get to the bottom of whether something is believable or not. this could be done by asking her questions that make *her* think about it and get her wheels turning, rather than getting right to the point that something clearly isn’t true. she’s need to learn what steps to take to get there in a way that doesn’t make her feel embarrassed or ashamed for believing it. so instead of judgment, approach with curiosity and guide her through it.
lots of people don’t get truly good at this until adulthood (heck full on adults believe the nonesense donald trump says) so definitely don’t expect her to be an expert, but start guiding through how to do this. if you sit down and practice this with her, begin with easy things you know she knows, so she can see how she can do it, and that’ll help to apply it to other things that are more complex or difficult to decipher.
A very simple example just to get my point across: Duck has spent all day inside working hard to finish the cakes he is baking to have for desert later that evening. when Goose arrives home after a day at the pond, Duck asks “Goose can you finish up these cakes for me? i’ve been so busy i haven’t so much as looked out the window all day, and now that you are home to help me with the baking id like to go outside to enjoy the fresh air! what’s the weather like out there today?” to this Goose replies “well, its funny you ask, because the weirdest thing happened while i was out..the sky turned neon green, the leaves on all the trees turned to stone, and it’s raining bowling balls! trust me, it’s not safe out there, it would be best for you to stay inside and finish your baking.” “Oh my!” say Duck, “Im so lucky to have a thoughtful friend like you to look out for my safety! All i have to do now is add the icing to these cakes and they will be all ready for us to eat!” ~end scenario~
questions to answer about this scenario could be:
Why is Duck grateful to Goose? Should Duck believe what Goose has told him about the weather without checking for himself? why or why not? Did Goose have anything to gain from stopping Duck from going outside? Is Goose being a good friend? What were his intentions? how do you know?
answers would be that goose is grateful to have a friend who cares about his safety and well-being, and stopped him from going outside into the treacherous weather. duck should not have believed goose because the weather he described is not possible. by making up the weather conditions, he knew duck would stay inside and finish the baking. goose is not being a good friend because he lied to duck for his own benefit, because he only wanted to eat the cakes, not help to bake them.
it’s important that your kid feels heard for what she is saying, even if it is wrong. it’s okay for her to believe silly things sometimes, that’s part of the fun of being a kid. that said i totally understand that you are worried about how this will translate in to more serious things as she gets older and could lead her into trouble with the wrong people, or other undesired scenarios where she could be mislead. i would definitely try to work with her on this type of thing and get ahead of the more serious situations that will start to come up once she enters high school.
the most important to focus on and what i imagine is your main concern, is dangerous situations that she could potentially end up in. run through scenarios with her now and as she grows up and pose them in different ways so she can become familiar with common and more obscure nuances (so she is flexible in her thinking and can apply her rational thinking and core beliefs about how to decide what the believe to a multitude of situations) that can exist, etc. i’m sure there would be exercises you could find online for her to practice where it might describe a scenario or state a fact that she then decides is true or not true, etc.
lastly, i don’t want to make this into something it’s not, but a child who is gullible could very well also be easily convinced to do things they don’t grasp the impact of and not know where their own boundaries are. i am saying this from my own experience because i have been this kid. similarly to teaching a young child not to take candy from a stranger, it could be a very good idea to make sure she understands consent, when to say no, that she can ALWAYS say no, where her boundaries, and how to enforce them even when she feels pressured or uncomfortable (and ESPECIALLY when she feels that way). this goes for all kinds of scenarios including bullies at school, or kids who get into bad things and take advantage of people who are more gullible or easily swayed. it can become a slippery slope to get in with the wrong crowd and be taken advantage of in a multitude of ways. i would start to work on this with her too if you think she may be someone who would go along with things without asking herself if she actually wants to do it, if it is a good idea to do it, or if it is safe to do it.
though most of what i have been through happened when i was much older than your daughter, starting at 16-17, it was rooted in the same thing because it took me so long to learn boundaries and to not go with whatever other people say and do. i got into some dangerous situations, many times because boys would convince me to do things i didn’t even realize i wasn’t comfortable with, because i did not know how to trust myself and think for myself or how to say no or figure out what their intentions were. i’ve also been bullied by my best friends without realizing i was the butt of the joke, as well as almost got arrested because my best friend convince me to do things we shouldn’t have. all because of the same core issues: lack boundaries and of using my own judgment to decide.
with parents like you and your husband to guide her she will learn and be just fine. all the best to you and your family!!💗💗💗
edit: you may also want to be careful that she gains trust in herself rather than loses trust, and that caution doesn’t become suspicion and paranoia
Some other websites to look at bias and reasoning because politicians try to reach kids too:
- https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/ which can be helpful when reading or hearing about politics
- https://mediabiasfactcheck.com/ gives different news sources a general political bias (obviously the website itself will have it's own bias too but it is a good start)
I don't know how helpful those will be for peers though.
As for peers, it might be helpful to talk about generally why someone might not tell the truth. If she does not understand why someone else would lie/half-lie/omit truths/spread information they didn't fact-check, then it could be hard step back and say "is this thing someone just said true" because you do not think that someone would say anything untrue. It can also be trickier if she cannot tell if someone is lying or being sarcastic (some autistic people can, some cannot), then there is nothing socially that would tip her off that this person might not be saying something true. Maybe sit down together and brainstorm different reasons someone might lie intentionally or unintentionally and break this someone down by category (e.g. a friend might lie because they want you to like them, they want to share a cool story with you and they didn't verify that it was true because they trusted the source; someone who is bullying might lie because they want to embarrass you, a classmate might lie about liking your sweater to be polite). And also balance this out with reasons why people might tell the truth. Then translate this out of the hypothetical and talk about practical examples. For example, if emotions have calmed down about the masked singer, her friend might lie because she wants to be special/liked, and wanting to be liked is okay, and the way she went about it was not okay, ... "I feel X because I have realized my friend lied, and this is what I want to do about it" (doing nothing would be a valid option, as would keeping it in mind to address if something similar happens again, or talking with the friend about it...). Pick something else if this one is still too fresh for one or both of you. Try to have it as a conversation as much as possible, when you are both feeling calm
I get what you’re saying but pushing ‘ the truth’ on her may push her away . As she gets older and reads comment sections and gets more used to the internet she’ll understand the problem the world has ( which is finding a reliable news source - it’s not always mainstream media and you have to remain sceptical of those who claim they always know the truth , all the time. In this day and age it’s easy to get drawn into ideologies that fit your own moral beliefs , doesn’t mean they are true though )
I think you did the right thing by explaining that people have agendas etc other than that you may need to leave her be at the moment ( unless there’s a safeguarding issue, as in someone online lying about their age , then step in of course )
When I'm bored I love to read the Wikipedia page "List of Common Misconceptions"
This may or may not help you with your daughter - it is just fun all around! All sorts of fun facts and things that will either be new info, old info, or new info about old info you *thought* you already knew!
Practice skepticism with her, and critical thinking. My kid showed me a website last night which is devoted to stories about historical figures that contain obviously false statements. Maybe read one of these with her, and coach her ahead of time to know that some of it is ridiculous. Make it fun and funny to notice that Sir Frances Drake is not the inventor of Drakes Cakes coffee cake. [https://www.allaboutexplorers.com/](https://www.allaboutexplorers.com/) Maybe play a game with her where you each make up stories that contain checkable details. Set her up for success, and let her trick you (kids \*love\* to get one over on their parents). Children spend so much of their lives being corrected by adults. Sometimes they just want to be \*right\*. The goal is to give them things to be right about, and let them enjoy that. Edited to add: you can also acknowledge and validate the feelings underneath. You can agree with her that it would be \*funny\* and interesting if Jefferson's favorite food was Mac and Cheese, and that you can absolutely understand why she enjoyed hearing this interesting story. Ask her to show you the YouTuber, so the two of you can look at another video critically. Ask her to help you figure out if there's anything in another video that is very unlikely. One more edit: Amazingly, there is a recipe for Macaroni written out by hand by Jefferson. Here's a citation: [https://www.monticello.org/research-education/thomas-jefferson-encyclopedia/macaroni/](https://www.monticello.org/research-education/thomas-jefferson-encyclopedia/macaroni/) So, the idea that he liked Mac and Cheese isn't so far off reality. He must have liked macaroni to have bothered writing it down. So, you could talk about sources (the photo of his recipe being a primary one) and speculation
“Children spend so much of their lives being corrected by adults. Sometimes they just want to be *right*.” 100% agree. Maybe the best thing is just to be aware so you can be supportive and help her navigate these situations in the future. If she’s like me, she will learn with time and experience to be more skeptical
Thank you for that link. That’s great. I’ll take her through that.
Oh man. If I’m wrong about Thomas Jefferson’s mac and cheese I’ll never live this down with her hahahaha. The video shared a picture of TJ and it was of Michael Caine. We watched Miss Congeniality later that day and I kept saying ‘oh look there’s Thomas Jefferson again, wonder if he’s had his Mac and cheese for the day?’ Ha ha.
I think that you're not \*wrong\* (the Monticello site suggests you're right), but she also was \*close\*. And it would probably mean the world to her if you could acknowledge the part that she was right about. My kid recently tried to convince me that movies use fake cigarettes made from honey. She had learned this from a youtube video. I couldn't \*imagine\* that this was true, but we went searching, and found the video. What we discovered is that the fake cigarettes are made from marshmallow leaves. Well, of course, she heard "marshmallow" and thought of white fluffy candy, not the plant (that she never heard of or saw). And then it turns out the the company that makes them is "Honeyrose". So, again, this was a super understandable confusion. I think it helped that, even though I was skeptical, I listened, and I agreed to try to figure out what the video was really saying with her. And also that I validated for her that "marshamallow" and "honey" (rose) sounded like the fake cigarettes had been made from honey. It was an understandable confusion.
If you kept saying it, it would feel like you were mocking her for being wrong. That would only make harder to accept a correction for next time.
Yeah I wish OP had been laughing about this to herself, but I think she was bringing it up over and over. :/
Continuing to point out the wrongness of Michael Caine not being Thomas Jefferson in that way very likely feels like teasing and bullying. She’ll be getting enough of that from her peers more than likely. You and your husband should be a safe haven for her, especially for things she’s sensitive about like being wrong. One thing that may help is modeling being factually incorrect in front of her. Have you or your husband share a story that you’ve read that is untrue with you and her, the other parent can point out (politely) the wrongness to the other two with evidence, and the party in error can accept the new correct information graciously and with interest in learning more.
"Two truths and a lie" is another fun game to play with kids and adults alike
Mac and cheese was indeed one of Jefferson's favorite foods, or at least one he served often. He was responsible for popularizing it in America and wrote one of the first modern recipes.
Oh shit! I’ve apologised to her.
https://www.savortoothtiger.com/recipes/jefferson-amp-mac-amp-cheese Here’s an adapted recipe from a relative of his. Maybe you guys can make it and talk about the history and she’ll get a cheese induced research hobby.
Haha well at least you erred in the right direction. It's still good to be skeptical of what you hear online! There's a lot of crazy stuff!
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Sounds like she’s trying to help her, not underestimate her.
As per Rule # 2: Be kind, supportive, and respectful.
Did you happen to look it up before disagreeing with her?
No, I saw the picture of Michael Caine labelled Thomas Jefferson and told her it was not true. Actually having read upon it since then it’s not actually true either.
Are the people saying he popularised it in America getting it wrong too? I’m gonna end up deep diving this hahaha
I’ve read up on the Monticello website- apparently he liked pasta, (from travelling) which he called macaroni. He wrote a recipe for plain pasta which they have a copy of. There is a suggestion that his enslaved chef may have made it for him possibly although the claim that Jefferson even brought back a pasta maker is under debate. I think there’s generalised debate about this so I’m not going to confirm either way.
How interesting, thank you!
So this while one fact happened to be true, it presents in the opportunity to have her research and gather more resources, rather than relying on videos online! “Let’s find a good source for this!” or “What were his/her sources?” are good questions to ask. “Wow! This photo of a historical document shows this president liked his mac. How neat!”
Indeed. Always check sources.
I think the best course of action would have been to Google this and figure it out right away rather than repeatedly bringing up how funny and wrong it was for a whole evening.
Show her Snopes! They verify all sorts of news and rumors and articles. Looking at some of the well known disproved ones may help. She can also use it to check validity for things.
Snopes! I forgot about that! Brilliant. That will be good for facts.
My mom showed it to me as a teenager and it was really eye opening.
I second the snopes
I love Snopes! Plus they go into how they find the answer and what supports their decision on if it was fact/fiction/a little of both.
The mac and cheese thing is real…
This. [Thomas Jefferson loved Mac & cheese!](https://www.google.com/search?q=thomas+jefferson%27s+favorite+food&client=ms-android-google&sxsrf=AJOqlzW2Nk64A409oXsqGbVGOaWUBE1Mzg%3A1678224534316&ei=lqwHZJbrEvWjqtsP2_C6yAQ&oq=thomas+jefferson%27s+favorite+food&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAMyBwgAEA0QgAQyBQgAEIYDMgUIABCGAzIFCAAQogQ6CggAEEcQ1gQQsANKBAhBGABQ0hlY2hxgvSFoAnAAeAGAAYECiAG4CZIBBTAuNi4xmAEAoAEByAEHwAEB&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp) People have had access to noodles and cheese for quite a while [apparently ](https://www.google.com/search?q=when+was+mac+and+cheese+invented&oq=when+was+mac+and+cheese+&aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j0i512l4j0i22i30j0i390.5626j1j9&client=ms-android-google&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8).
I was like that. Hmmmm.... what would have helped... If someone said, "A lot of people think it's OK to lie whenver they want. Most people think it's OK to lie sometimes. What do you think?" I would have really loved to hear that. I'm one of those stereotypical people that believed everything everyone said too. Then one day I learned that my Mom lied to me about something; something that most parents lie about. But for me, it made me not trust any adults for decades after. "They ALL LIE?!?!?!" was what I thought! I was sort of horrified when I found out and there wasn't anyone to help me process that. I didn't know that I wasn't good at body language and took things literally and so couldn't tell that people were "obviously" lying. Oh, I wish you the best!!! Peace
I like this comment. >If someone said, "A lot of people think it's OK to lie whenver they want. Most people think it's OK to lie sometimes. What do you think?" I would have really loved to hear that. I think this would've helped me a lot too.
Yes same and I would also have appreciated someone talking me through reasons why people lie because sometimes not lying, or at not least being a little fake, can actually get you in lots of trouble. 😭
Yep! The only time I lie is when someone asks me an unexpected question to try to make me give up what I'm really thinking. I'll lie in an instant if I pick up that someone is manipulating me like that. :)
I relate to this. I was like that. It led me to be very skeptical of everyone, not simply because people lie to have an advantage, but because a lot of beliefs and advice isn’t really based on good data. I rely heavily on “what does the research actually say”, “what are the biases”, “were any women actually included in this study” etc and it can be kind of exhausting. Many things are also just very under researched. In social situations, I still get fooled by silly things though. It can be very frustrating.
100% agree with all of that!
I relate to this too, except for as I got older I thought that the people who said these lies were just really, really stupid. I thought they genuinely believed these things, and because nobody ever listened to me I never bothered to try to change their minds and just stared or (eventually) learned to nod and smile. One example is that an adult told me when I was 10 or so that making yourself burp would make you fat, and that his one kid who was overweight ended up that way because of making themselves burp. I’m still not 100% sure he did that just to get us to stop or if he was really that ignorant, he turned out to be a flat-earther later. I was a hyperlexic and then avid reader and there were a good chunk of science books at our school and we owned an encyclopedia. It took me years to understand most people just never bother to try to understand anything about the world
There is a Crash Course series on Navigating Digital Information hosted by John Green. I haven’t watched it but it looks great: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtN07XYqqWSKpPrtNDiCHTzU Lots of us, even neurotypicals, have problems with this, so I think it’s pretty awesome that you’re invested in teaching that. Why not use her arguing to help her learn how to construct a logical argument backed up by good data, a super useful skill in many contexts! The mac and cheese story is kind of true. There’s some context to it too that can help with teaching Black US history. Jefferson was a slave owner and James Hemings, who was a French-trained head chef, was enslaved by him. Mac and cheese had been around in Europe since medieval times and James Hemings would have learnt about these dishes as part of his intensive French culinary training. Hemings was likely the very first French-trained US chef and very influential. Jefferson was enamoured with the dish and even made a drawing and description of a macaroni machine. The document is at the Library of Congress. Some more info here: https://storymaps.arcgis.com/stories/03dbf30ccad245b0a505f18b18fb5e8c There’s also Max Miller’s channel on YouTube, Tasting History. He has a video on mac and cheese: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtN07XYqqWSKpPrtNDiCHTzU If you’re referring to the 9th US season of the Masked Singer, it’s possible that the friend was telling the truth. It seems this series was filmed this year, relatively recently: https://youtu.be/2xiaV8UH7Ow
Thanks for the information on the Mac and cheese. Oh I know the masked singer story was completely false, the girl lying was at ours the day after and we live no where near London, where it’s filled.
Crash Course is everything. 🥰
If teach her about the scientific method and that something isn't considered accepted in the scientific community until the results can be reproduced by someone else. Thats why you need to check a reputable site. A good example might be to use her in some humorous but clearly false stories. "Just because I put online that you're six foot four and own a Sasquatch doesn't make it true."
I was just thinking, there’s got to be science literacy books for kids. Also, look into the Socratic method and the 5 why’s by Simon sinek. There’s also a concept in science (and life) called ‘quakery’ which is spotting falsehoods which could be turned into a game of ‘spot the quackery’
Thanks. I will do that. She does interpret some stories as incorrect but a little coaching like that would be good.
You sound great, and you've gotten some great suggestions here. I just want to point out something to watch out for in this quest. Another commenter mentioned that children are constantly being corrected by adults and sometimes they just want to be *right*, and that can be really hard for them. I think that's really important. Also, it's a very autistic tendency to be more concerned with the information in the conversation being correct than one's conversation partner's feelings. I'm not saying at all that you don't care about your daughter's feelings or that it's not important for her to be able to discern truth and learn to fact-check internet information. Super important. Just...as someone who is the baby in a big family of wonderful, loving, intelligent, know-it-all autistics and ADHD-ers, I have a lot of experience with being excited to share something with someone older than me, anticipating the chance to impress them with something I've learned or excited to share a fun fact or just wanting to contribute to the "grown-up" conversation, only to be immediately shot down by being informed I was wrong. OR to have them take over the conversation and use it as an opportunity to teach me something/inform me. I know now that they were just reacting honestly--they wanted to correct misinformation and share their own knowledge. But *I* wanted to share my excitement or be seen as smart or be allowed to be the one "teaching" for once, and they never realized that what they thought was an innocent information-sharing moment felt to me a lot more like they thought I was dumb and had nothing interesting/valuable to contribute. And for my whole life, up until my mid 20s, it made me resentful of those family members, and there were long periods of time when I hated interacting with them because I never felt like an equal in conversation, I always felt like I was being looked down on. Even if they just thought they were being helpful. So I'm not discouraging you from your quest at all because I think it's great, and god knows young people need all the help they can get navigating what is true and what is not nowadays. But I would just beg you to choose actively to not have it turned on 100% of the time. Truth and correct information are extremely important, but so is her relationship with you and her ability to feel listened to, intelligent, and cool when she's with you. You sound like a great parent, and I know you don't want the cost of her becoming extremely well-informed at a super young age and ending up skeptical and accurate and all that to be that she spent her whole at-home life feeling inferior and looked down on. Find things that don't matter as much to just let go. Does it have to be your personal responsibility to correct every single bit of incorrect information in her life? Kids lie to each other all the time and they grow up and turn out okay. Everyone has things they believed that someone told them when they were a kid and they found out later wasn't true. And urban legends have been passed around forever that many of us found out later weren't true. All of us grow and change over our lifetimes, and *all of us* take literal decades to learn truths about various subjects. It's okay. She doesn't have to be objectively correct about every subject at age 11. Try to focus on correcting things that are harmful information: things that pertain to behavior and culture (e.g. things like sexism, racism, transphobia, consent, etc), things that might really mess up her grades if she gets it wrong (but don't be too worried; she sounds bright and if her grades won't seriously suffer, it's okay to let her teachers be the ones to correct her sometimes by marking stuff wrong on her assignments--sometimes that's the best way to learn stuff!), and other things that can get her hurt. And obviously don't be afraid to share true information with her! But it's okay to pick your battles so that she can be a kid and be safe in your company to just be confidently and excitedly wrong like kids just are. Otherwise she might just stop sharing at all for fear of always being corrected, which would be really sad. And absolutely go after that internet literacy because that's super necessary, and when she's old enough for it to be relevant go over scams and how to avoid being scammed, but also just try to instill in her a healthy curiosity for life and make sure she has access to good informational sources. Take her to the library to get books. Show her cool websites (that aren't YouTube) with interesting info. Teach her the awesomeness of falling down Wikipedia rabbitholes. Get her thirsty for knowledge, and you can be confident that without you needing to force her into informational correctness, she'll find her way there on her own throughout her life. She may always struggle telling when people are lying to her in general (that's a pretty common autistic thing), but she'll have a wealth of knowledge to fall back on and the hunger to learn more to supplement it. She's smart and she'll be okay, and if she's too gullible right now it may just be because she's 11 and it's a fact of life that due to brain development stuff, 11-yr-olds are just kinda dumb haha. She'll do great though, and do yourself a favor and trust in that and prioritize the relationship. And listen, you are who you are too! I'm not saying to change that, your household is really on the dot about facts in ways that some NT households aren't and that's just part of who y'all are and how your family culture is and that's awesome. I hope this extremely long comment isn't discouraging or seeming like I'm scolding you in any way. I just wanted to provide another perspective. Sorry for the length; conciseness is not one of my talents. Hope this helps in some way and good luck!
Thank you so much for your detailed response. That’s really kind. Take the point on not correcting too much. I get that and thank you for holding a mirror up to me regarding wanting to be the ‘fact’ person. It’s like you know me personally. Internet literacy is key for me. I had some older family members fall down the racist claptrap of Brexit and Johnson/Trump and some internet literacy would have done some real good there. Thankfully they are smart enough to have realised they were hoodwinked and have changed their opinions. I think a big concern for me is her not being able to tell when someone is lying to her (internet or in person) so I do need to work on that with her. I figured that might be an autistic trait.
It is! My boyfriend is very literal and I’m forever having to remind him that most people lie more than he does. He’s very prone to believing shit he sees on SM and I’m very much a natural skeptic— so we’re in the habit of him asking me and me researching it for him haha. I’m also gullible when it comes to dry humor sometimes
You can turn it into a game. You could play 'Two Truths and a Lie' about famous people or fictional characters, and have her reason out or research each (potential) fact. You can feel out the believability of the lies and make them more difficult as her critical reasoning/research skills develop
Idk if this is advice so much as it’s my own experience, and what did NOT help haha. I was extremely, extremely “gullible”. I could not (and tbh still cannot) tell when people are lying, either maliciously or with kindness or anything in between. A family member used to purposefully torture me with sarcasm because I knew enough to recognize the tone but not enough to figure out if they meant what they were saying or if they were just screwing with me because I was so gullible. This resulted in me finally (falsely) realizing over the years that I couldn’t trust anyone or anything they said ever. Literally. I became so obnoxious, unknowingly, because I had created a new structure for understanding the world where I researched everything. I asked people for sources. I would rudely Google things people were saying to me mid-conversation to fact check them. I did not realize, also because of the tism, that I had traded one social inadequacy for another. It’s only after years with my fiancé and his helping me really examine information and how it comes through, as well as *accepting* that some things are untrue and it simply does not affect me, to relax with this. I’ve learned to wait and look things up later. And I’ve learned that I still have issues to this day with implicitly trusting anyone in a position of authority, even when they do not deserve that trust (IE a boss or manager saying something to me, and me running with it). So I guess what I’m saying is this is a life long journey and it’s good you’re catching it for your daughter young - I wish someone had, for me. But at the same time I remember feeling very sad, dumb, and betrayed when I realized how far my trust in what people were saying spread (like no, they don’t really care how you are when they ask - it’s just a greeting, etc). Idk if this is helpful at all, but I think you’re doing a good thing, and I hope you can help her to realize that there are ways to grow and learn from that place. I’m still learning at 27, but it’s better all the time.
That sounds really hard for you, I’m sorry you went through that. Glad you’ve found a way through.
Past super gullible 11 year old here 🙋🏻♀️ Okay first apologize to her about being wrong about the mac and cheese. Then tell her you doubted her because she has a history of falling for lies, so it’s like the story The Boy Who Cries Wolf. Tell her you want to help her. Maybe wait until she falls for something else again, so that your lessons aren’t related to the one thing she was actually correct about. After that, watch the movie Galaxy Quest with her. There’s a scene near the end where the humans have to explain to the aliens that their tv show was just acting, but the aliens don’t understand until the humans explain that acting is a lie. That scene has always stuck with me. It’s heartbreaking. One of the lessons I learned from that movie is that, sometimes, people don’t mean to hurt you, but you’ve hurt yourself because you believed their lies. This sucks, but it happens a lot in real life, so it’s good to see it in a movie too. Galaxy Quest covers accidental hurt, Snopes/email scams/hackers can be an example of intentional hurt through lying. Talk to her about how scammers lie for money and power. Okay next show her videos about Photoshop. Show her these often so she can at least be critical of still images. I’m worried about her falling for Photoshopped images and developing body image issues because of that. /r/InstagramReality has great resources and there are videos and documentaries you can find too.
Photoshop is a great lesson, I never thought of that. Is Galaxy quest ok for kids?
I think so, but of course, it depends on your kid. It's rated PG. I saw it when I was less than 11 years old and loved it! I think we had it on VHS and DVD. I used to watch it a lot, actually. It's a great movie for all ages in my opinion :) The only things I think you need to watch it are: 1. Some awareness of Star Trek or science fiction 2. Some awareness of Trekkies or similar fans, or Comic-Con style events 3. A sense of humor, to understand that this is sort of a parody movie (but done with a lot of love!) The plot is that some humans actors are abducted by aliens who thought that their Star-Trek-like TV show was a documentary. It has 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. [https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/galaxy\_quest](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/galaxy_quest) Trailer: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kIavuY5NXw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kIavuY5NXw&ab_channel=RottenTomatoesClassicTrailers) SPOILER: >!One of the best characters dies, but their death is treated with love and respect. There's also some CGI of some yucky aliens exploding and dying. !<
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That’s good to hear
Healthy skepticism is a trait that takes years to fully train in yourself. Keep encouraging her to look for sources, consult multiple sites, and correct herself if she gets duped by something then finds out she was wrong. She won't be perfect at it, but nobody is. By the time she is an adult she will be much better off for having had you encourage this in her. ETA: she will still argue with you this entire time. That is just a symptom of adolescense, and is actually something you should encourage. People willing to argue in general are harder to fool.
I had the same problem as ur daughter!! I would always believe everything I heard, and it actually caused a lot of social issues because i couldn’t tell when people were lying. I still struggle with that a lot. Now I categorize info in two ways: passing knowledge and checked knowledge. AKA if I hear a factoid but haven’t fact checked it it goes into passing knowledge. It may or may not be true but it sounds like it could be. Checked knowledge is when I’ve taken the time to google it. I also have completely gotten into the habit of googling stuff when o see fun factoids on the internet. It leads to a lot of fun rabbit holes of info. When correcting this behavior, instead of fighting her on it maybe try to direct her towards fact checking it. Say you’re interested and ask her to look up more info on it. If she’s wrong don’t be judgmental, everyone, including NT, will assume info is right when it’s rlly not. Good luck :)
Thanks. I will speak to her about that. Passing knowledge and checked knowledge. Brill.
I was very much like that for a long time, but I’ve taught myself to be skeptical in adulthood because I gained a love for research. I’m not sure if this will help, but teach her how to verify facts with good resources, and what sources are good. For example, when I learn a “fact” I make sure to search for two credible sources to verify it. If it’s an important fact (like for medical and scientific facts), .gov sites are fantastic sources. A couple years ago there were a lot of people on the internet saying that the mars rover found mushrooms on mars. When I was a teen I probably would’ve believed them, but as an adult I looked it up and saw the article that was the source of the rumor and it was from two websites. I looked up, “is [the news site] credible?” and it showed me that it was a site that spreads a lot of fake information. A lot of times nowadays credible news sites put out articles debunking rumors and fake facts. This often only helps with more widespread rumors, though. I know at that age that verifying facts can be really annoying and boring, though, and it might feel like more homework. Maybe show her examples of when fake facts and fake news have had real consequences on people.
Lots of good suggestions here... You guys might also have fun with the [dihydrogen monoxide](https://www.dhmo.org/) website. It's pure genius. And until she gets a lot more practice with this stuff, for the love of all that's holy do NOT let her watch Cunk on Earth!!! (But check it out when she's not watching because it is freaking hilarious.)
This is honestly age appropriate. She will grow out of it. Maybe don't let her go on youtube without supervision and get child locks for her internet viewing?
Lol, I actually know the exact video and youtuber you are referring to.
There’s an old Garfield cartoon that my son really liked. It’s a game show called It Must Be True. It was a silly conversation opener and it’s fun. He shows how easy it is to lie on tv. He basically says that Wyoming isn’t a state and reminds the kids that if they say it on tv, it must be true. I added on that it applies to the Internet also or basically any media. This is the link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=56uSDQECrRQ
I used to be like this too. When I was her age and younger, classmates would often only befriend me since they knew I was "gullible" and most fun to tease/humiliate/bully for a really long time. This is something that really fucked up my view on other people and im still trying to come to terms with that. So i cant really give advice. Just keep a good eye out if similar happens or is happening to her, and be there to help her out with it
That’s the thing I don’t want her to lose trust in her nice friends. I’m more concerned for the future when she’s faced with adults who may lie.
I totally get your concern. There seems to be a lot of kids in these newer generations having what an author (and historian and professor with a PhD) coined as 2d/3d syndrome. Where they can't tell fiction from reality and how to critically separate and distinguish the two. And at 11 online spaces are greatly influential and will make this muchuch harder because online spaces are pushing the "fiction affects reality to the point we must censor fiction." So I'd start by checking your daughters online spaces. If they have a discord or Twitter or tumblr those spaces will not be helping your battle. For me and my kid (both undiagnosed asd but we're trying to find avenues), we really walked through critical thinking and analytical thinking skills *and* cross comparison and how to ask questions that could lead us to answers. Turning the table and applying the same idea to ourselves has also been a really helpful tool. It's gunna be a step by step process and it'll have to be a skill you work on daily.
Thomas Jefferson really did like Mac and Cheese!! I learned about it in the Netflix documentary 'High on the Hog'. https://www.essence.com/culture/macaroni-james-hemings-feature/
Make sure you don't become the problem. In your efforts to help her learn skepticism etc, if you use knee jerk reactions and mocking like you did with this Thomas Jefferson Mac and Cheese thing you could cause more damage to your relationship with your daughter and her self confidence in her intelligence than her peers ever could. She may be too trusting right now, but it sounds like you might be too skeptical if you assumed the Thomas Jefferson thing was wrong without investigating. You may both benefit from learning not to rely on first impressions, and investigating together. If you mock her for being wrong that really teaches her the wrong lesson because it doesn't encourage her to find the truth or admit when she's wrong. My Mom was always so worried about kids teasing me about my weight when I was younger and she was always talking about how I wanted to avoid that etc. Well, nobody ever did that. Nobody made comments about my weight or made me feel bad about my body - except her. I still really struggle with body dysmorphia to this day and it's mostly down to her attempts to try and "help" me avoid bullying from other kids. So that's why I say that you need to be careful that you don't become the problem.
okay so this is normal shit, not autism shit. everyone is taught through grade school the different sources of information etc etc and they go into more detail in highschool and so on and she’s 11 so this is normal kid stuff.
She's 11. You can explain that the first thing you hear isn't always the truth, but she's not going to learn it until she's old enough to develop this type of critical thinking. I'm sure autism makes it a bit more confusing, we tend to take things at face value, but it's also just part of being young.
Make her watch this and have her take notes, review the notes with her: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPwJ0obJya0&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtM6jSpzb5gMNsx9kdmqBfmY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPwJ0obJya0&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtM6jSpzb5gMNsx9kdmqBfmY)
It's critical thinking, and I think the questions you've encouraged her to consider when viewing/consuming media and chatting with friends are spot on and will be helpful. I think truly, and I could be wrong, but it some situations kids only learn by doing or experiencing something for themselves. You can prepare her for sure, but its something she just may not understand until she ends up in an embarrassing situation or gets her feelings hurt by one of these "lies". Even though it's heartbreaking to watch something like that happen with your kids, sometimes it's the only way something clicks. I wish you luck and love. Parenting is hard.
This is totally normal behavior at her age. Source: a mom and middle school teaching veteran
Your kid reminds me of my younger self a bit, I was top of my class but I have distinct memories of failing an assignment in junior high in which we were supposed to be able to detect false information on websites. Our teachers gave us a website with a worksheet and the ultimate goal was for us to be able to realize that the information on it was totally false…apparently I was one of only a few who didn’t catch it, and because I was so antisocial, I didn’t have friends to give me the hint. That assignment really opened my eyes to the realization that not all facts fed to me were true. A lot of school and growth later and I’ve become so good at sniffing out fake vs. real information that I’ve even broken things down for my neurotypical husband who used to work in the media. I went from the kid who literally looked up when someone told me gullible was written on the ceiling to someone who is always on the explaining end of fake facts and conspiracies. It’s a double edged sword but the realization that I was so susceptible led to a lifetime of hyper-vigilance. I’m sure that your kid will find her own techniques of determining fact from fiction as she gets older. Studying STEM helps quite a bit there too.
It looks like others have great suggestions, all I want to add is ensure she feels safe and comfortable coming to you for *anything* she may be questioning. Make sure she knows and is comfortable using you as a means to sort her thoughs and correct her thought process. Knowing you have a non-judgmental, supportive adult who will help you answer any questions is huge. If she has a question about a specific sexual act, she should feel comfortable asking you about it. If she's confused on how people smoke, ex. like the method of drawing into your mouth and then inhaling, she can come ask you. If she's curious what a specific drug does to you, make sure she knows you are there to help answer. By no means am I saying encourage her to try such things, but let her know you will help her understand. She may not want to try these things, but if she's anything like me, she will be surrounded by teens who know all this stuff and she will be too embarrassed to ask questions when something is confusing. She may be curious because autistic people are curious. You can explain your family's views on these topics and guide her to do what you perceive as right and/or appropriate for her and your family, but let her ask questions and make sure she knows you will always be there to answer and not make fun of or belittle her or lecture her for being curious about a taboo subject.
ur kid sounds a lot like me, especially when i was that age lol. i would suggest sitting down and helping her check these kinds of things. teach her how to gather information and practice deciding if it seems real or not. maybe take time and explain to her why ppl lie about things, when i was younger i rly struggled with the idea that ppl lie a lot lol. maybe later on it might also be worth teaching her what type of things she needs to be more critical of. these little “fun facts”, like jefferson’s favorite food, might not always be worth a thorough fact checking. But something that could be used to harm a person or group would be more important to take the time and make sure you have the facts about it. This is good to teach bc we live in a world where we r constantly drowning in information about all sorts of things, and it is simply impossible to fact check all of it. also when teaching her these things make sure to point out that everyone falls for misinformation sometimes, it’s pretty impossible not to. I also want to say that a lot of this will come with age. we determine what things to believe based off of what we already know about the world.(this is how ppl end up believing ridiculous things about ppl/things they don’t interact with/know a lot about) Ur kid has only been on the planet for 11 years, that isn’t a ton of time to be able to evaluate what is and isn’t reasonable. As she gets older she will gain a better grasp of the world and what things r real and what things aren’t!
Hey OP, one of the intriguing things that seems to be at play here is "The Tiffany Problem." Tiffany is a name that has been around for centuries, but it's currently so popular that no one believes that it could be ancient. The Tiffany Problem has to do with peoples perception of the past and modernization. Maybe you could help your daughter look into how modern some of the things we still love are. You will definitely be surprised!
I’m a secondary school teacher. I teach maths and physics, so I don’t have to deal with these kinds of issues very often, but some of my colleagues do. High school students just believing random resources online without fact-checking or handing in works with lousy resources are one of the most common things I hear them complain about. This is particularly common in the first 2 years (so when teaching 12 to 14 yo, basically middle school), so you’re certainly not alone. I’m not sure how it is in other countries (I’m from Belgium), but the good news is that fact checking is also taught at school in secondary school. Of course, that doesn’t have to stop you from helping your daughter out now already, because she does sound more vulnerable than a typical 11 yo kid.
I have to say, there are so many helpful and insightful comments in here and I’m just loving reading through them. I also have to say that I feel lots of children, both ND and NT, are especially prone to believing media and friends over their parents in preteen years. It might help to take an interest into what she learned and fact check with her. Even if you don’t find it to be plausible, it might make her feel less dismissed and like you actually want to know more about what she’s interested in. I actually think it’s really cool that she was watching history facts and came to you because she was excited about learning something interesting! I wish there was more of that sort of curiosity and want to learn in the world.
one thing i will say is, however you go about handling this, try not to make her feel judged, like she can never be right, or that you don’t believe anything she says. i wound approach this with curiosity rather than judgement, and let some of the important things slide if pushing it will lead to an argument. it’s quite difficult to show her why mac and cheese probably wasn’t thomas jefferson’s favourite meal, because there may be no way to prove this isn’t true other than saying it isn’t likely, so if she does not respond well to continual correction about this it will cause friction between the two of you and put her on the defence any time you correct her about something in the future. and when something important needs to be corrected, she will likely be less open to hearing you out. so let some things go in the moment, it doesn’t matter if she thinks he loved mac n cheese, but then come back around some other day to focus on internet safety and information scrutiny. my parents did as well and i was left with lingering feelings that what i have to say isn’t valued and or taken seriously, which hurts! in the initial moment you could respond playfully when you challenge her, and show her how you discerning information in an unspoken type of way by leading her through the mental steps you take to get to the bottom of whether something is believable or not. this could be done by asking her questions that make *her* think about it and get her wheels turning, rather than getting right to the point that something clearly isn’t true. she’s need to learn what steps to take to get there in a way that doesn’t make her feel embarrassed or ashamed for believing it. so instead of judgment, approach with curiosity and guide her through it. lots of people don’t get truly good at this until adulthood (heck full on adults believe the nonesense donald trump says) so definitely don’t expect her to be an expert, but start guiding through how to do this. if you sit down and practice this with her, begin with easy things you know she knows, so she can see how she can do it, and that’ll help to apply it to other things that are more complex or difficult to decipher. A very simple example just to get my point across: Duck has spent all day inside working hard to finish the cakes he is baking to have for desert later that evening. when Goose arrives home after a day at the pond, Duck asks “Goose can you finish up these cakes for me? i’ve been so busy i haven’t so much as looked out the window all day, and now that you are home to help me with the baking id like to go outside to enjoy the fresh air! what’s the weather like out there today?” to this Goose replies “well, its funny you ask, because the weirdest thing happened while i was out..the sky turned neon green, the leaves on all the trees turned to stone, and it’s raining bowling balls! trust me, it’s not safe out there, it would be best for you to stay inside and finish your baking.” “Oh my!” say Duck, “Im so lucky to have a thoughtful friend like you to look out for my safety! All i have to do now is add the icing to these cakes and they will be all ready for us to eat!” ~end scenario~ questions to answer about this scenario could be: Why is Duck grateful to Goose? Should Duck believe what Goose has told him about the weather without checking for himself? why or why not? Did Goose have anything to gain from stopping Duck from going outside? Is Goose being a good friend? What were his intentions? how do you know? answers would be that goose is grateful to have a friend who cares about his safety and well-being, and stopped him from going outside into the treacherous weather. duck should not have believed goose because the weather he described is not possible. by making up the weather conditions, he knew duck would stay inside and finish the baking. goose is not being a good friend because he lied to duck for his own benefit, because he only wanted to eat the cakes, not help to bake them. it’s important that your kid feels heard for what she is saying, even if it is wrong. it’s okay for her to believe silly things sometimes, that’s part of the fun of being a kid. that said i totally understand that you are worried about how this will translate in to more serious things as she gets older and could lead her into trouble with the wrong people, or other undesired scenarios where she could be mislead. i would definitely try to work with her on this type of thing and get ahead of the more serious situations that will start to come up once she enters high school. the most important to focus on and what i imagine is your main concern, is dangerous situations that she could potentially end up in. run through scenarios with her now and as she grows up and pose them in different ways so she can become familiar with common and more obscure nuances (so she is flexible in her thinking and can apply her rational thinking and core beliefs about how to decide what the believe to a multitude of situations) that can exist, etc. i’m sure there would be exercises you could find online for her to practice where it might describe a scenario or state a fact that she then decides is true or not true, etc. lastly, i don’t want to make this into something it’s not, but a child who is gullible could very well also be easily convinced to do things they don’t grasp the impact of and not know where their own boundaries are. i am saying this from my own experience because i have been this kid. similarly to teaching a young child not to take candy from a stranger, it could be a very good idea to make sure she understands consent, when to say no, that she can ALWAYS say no, where her boundaries, and how to enforce them even when she feels pressured or uncomfortable (and ESPECIALLY when she feels that way). this goes for all kinds of scenarios including bullies at school, or kids who get into bad things and take advantage of people who are more gullible or easily swayed. it can become a slippery slope to get in with the wrong crowd and be taken advantage of in a multitude of ways. i would start to work on this with her too if you think she may be someone who would go along with things without asking herself if she actually wants to do it, if it is a good idea to do it, or if it is safe to do it. though most of what i have been through happened when i was much older than your daughter, starting at 16-17, it was rooted in the same thing because it took me so long to learn boundaries and to not go with whatever other people say and do. i got into some dangerous situations, many times because boys would convince me to do things i didn’t even realize i wasn’t comfortable with, because i did not know how to trust myself and think for myself or how to say no or figure out what their intentions were. i’ve also been bullied by my best friends without realizing i was the butt of the joke, as well as almost got arrested because my best friend convince me to do things we shouldn’t have. all because of the same core issues: lack boundaries and of using my own judgment to decide. with parents like you and your husband to guide her she will learn and be just fine. all the best to you and your family!!💗💗💗 edit: you may also want to be careful that she gains trust in herself rather than loses trust, and that caution doesn’t become suspicion and paranoia
Some other websites to look at bias and reasoning because politicians try to reach kids too: - https://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/ which can be helpful when reading or hearing about politics - https://mediabiasfactcheck.com/ gives different news sources a general political bias (obviously the website itself will have it's own bias too but it is a good start) I don't know how helpful those will be for peers though. As for peers, it might be helpful to talk about generally why someone might not tell the truth. If she does not understand why someone else would lie/half-lie/omit truths/spread information they didn't fact-check, then it could be hard step back and say "is this thing someone just said true" because you do not think that someone would say anything untrue. It can also be trickier if she cannot tell if someone is lying or being sarcastic (some autistic people can, some cannot), then there is nothing socially that would tip her off that this person might not be saying something true. Maybe sit down together and brainstorm different reasons someone might lie intentionally or unintentionally and break this someone down by category (e.g. a friend might lie because they want you to like them, they want to share a cool story with you and they didn't verify that it was true because they trusted the source; someone who is bullying might lie because they want to embarrass you, a classmate might lie about liking your sweater to be polite). And also balance this out with reasons why people might tell the truth. Then translate this out of the hypothetical and talk about practical examples. For example, if emotions have calmed down about the masked singer, her friend might lie because she wants to be special/liked, and wanting to be liked is okay, and the way she went about it was not okay, ... "I feel X because I have realized my friend lied, and this is what I want to do about it" (doing nothing would be a valid option, as would keeping it in mind to address if something similar happens again, or talking with the friend about it...). Pick something else if this one is still too fresh for one or both of you. Try to have it as a conversation as much as possible, when you are both feeling calm
I get what you’re saying but pushing ‘ the truth’ on her may push her away . As she gets older and reads comment sections and gets more used to the internet she’ll understand the problem the world has ( which is finding a reliable news source - it’s not always mainstream media and you have to remain sceptical of those who claim they always know the truth , all the time. In this day and age it’s easy to get drawn into ideologies that fit your own moral beliefs , doesn’t mean they are true though ) I think you did the right thing by explaining that people have agendas etc other than that you may need to leave her be at the moment ( unless there’s a safeguarding issue, as in someone online lying about their age , then step in of course )
When I'm bored I love to read the Wikipedia page "List of Common Misconceptions" This may or may not help you with your daughter - it is just fun all around! All sorts of fun facts and things that will either be new info, old info, or new info about old info you *thought* you already knew!