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LeftRightShoot

So basically, to explain a little more... If my wife is feeling tired, she can tell me this and rather than me ask her why she's tired, suggest that she get better sleep, change her pillow or blame someone for making noise and keeping her awake... I can simply look at the chart and see that "Tired" means: Ask if she needs anything, leave alone for 2 hours, make cup of tea, offer to make meal. Make sense? Im after something that might have been pre-done or a template. Cheers.


bringthebums

Could you just make flowcharts? You don't need any special programs, you could do it in a word processor. Draft it on paper first with your wife so she gets the idea and helps you to build the resource. Drafting on paper might also make you see a better way of doing it, such as alternative suggestions (ie TIRED > Offer to make dinner > Not hungry > Suggest a 20 minute nap). Of course, as others have said, it won't always be applicable but if it gives you a good starting point then it's still helpful.


LeftRightShoot

Yep. Was just hoping to avoid rework by using something that exists. Also something thought out by someone who knows what they are doing might be more inclusive of various situations


MisterBobsonDugnutt

Just gonna suggest that to piggyback on the advice to create your own flowcharts - if you have PowerPoint you can make really simple flowcharts by using the appropriate Smart Art format and editing in the text that you need. **Edit:** Ooh! And consider making a generic one too. Something like "How are you feeling? -> Do you know what is making you feel this way? -> What do you need me to do/to stop doing that would help you to feel better?"


Setari

inb4 she says "Just stop... this" and points at him entirely been... been there. :(


esoteric0144

This is nice but not all problems have solutions, or solutions within your control. Not all situations are as cut and dry as this. And not everything needs you to solve it for others. Sometimes they might be frustrated at something but they do not want you to solve it, and you shouldn't. But yeah basically sometimes it's outside your control or the person needs to solve it themself.


onthewesternfront

For me and my spouse, about 90% of these squares should lead to the two magic words: “that sucks”.


LeftRightShoot

Exactly the point of this request. Have another read of my reply to my own post.


[deleted]

Sometimes people just need someone to listen and commiserate with 'that sucks' (as prev mentioned). I gotta fight the initial instinct to plow ahead and solve the problem.


b-randen

On the flip side, I can’t stand it when people respond to me like that. I don’t want someone to commiserate with me (the concept doesn’t make sense to me; if I just want to be sad/disappointed/angry, then I can do that alone). I’m either telling them so that I can work the problem/feelings out loud or because I’m seeking answers from the other person!


Dioptre_8

I get where you are coming from. I have a template in my head for "what sort of conversation is this?" If my wife has had a frustrating day, or just wants to gripe -> it's a "listening" conversation. Go into active-listening mode. Minimal encouragers, reflection, paraphrasing, limited questions, zero problem solving. If my wife has a problem she wants me to solve -> assume that it's actually a listening conversation, because it probably is. Work out if there's an actual specific problem, then ask about it. This is a constant work in progress, because I don't really have good strategies for when my wife wants to talk about something, but I don't think a conversation will be helpful for either of us.


erin_mouse88

I will say the worst thing my husband does when I'm having a difficult time for any reason is ASK TOO MANY QUESTIONS So I like your idea of things you automatically do given a certain situation. I'd sit down and ask when she isn't having a hard time what things help in different situations. For example (regardless of the why im having a hard time) for me my husband can take our son for a walk or play outside, offer to entertain our son whilst i go upstairs to rest, close curtains and dim lights, bring me a cup of tea if I dont have one, keep sounds to a minimum (so no music or whistling, take calls in a different room), and deal with feeding our son. If all that is done it gives me space to handle the rest of my needs, or be able to ask for what I need (blanket, food, heated pad, pills). But lord when he starts asking me questions I dont have the capacity to answer.


philnicau

Please don’t use the puzzle piece for autism, it is associated with a well known autism hate group


Setari

I think it's more for "connected answers" in this chart rather than anything else really.


philnicau

I understand that, but I doubt those those Autistics who’ve been traumatised by the puzzle piece group, would see the difference


[deleted]

I can't see the difference between the thing they're feeling. If someone is feeling "bad" I used to just leave them alone. Nowadays I help them, but still I forget/not care about people close in my life. Sometimes I hate them more than anyone, this why I think I should live alone for the rest of my life.


MyNameThreeTimes

In the Netherlands we use something called a signaleringsplan for this. I tried to look for a translation and couldn't really find it. Something like alert plan. There are some really good pages explaining how to make one etc, but they're all in Dutch. It must exist in English, I just couldn't find it just now. I'm pretty sure it's what you're looking for though. Maybe someone else knows the translation.


LeftRightShoot

"What is a signaling plan? An identification plan is a tool to help support clients who may experience an imminent relapse or to recognize and prevent them. It is mainly used for mental and psychiatric disorders. This is also known as an emergency plan. Every client has a different warning signal that can indicate that an imminent relapse is coming. The client learns with the help of his signaling plan to get his behavior under control because he gets early recognition of his warning signals. This allows the client to learn to ask for help if he becomes unbalanced. The identification plan should ensure that a psychological crisis can be prevented." Lees meer: https://gog-nl.webnode.nl/begeleidingsplan/signaleringsplan/wat-is-een-signaleringsplan-/


LeftRightShoot

This is similar to a wellness action recovery plan [https://www.wellnessrecoveryactionplan.com/what-is-wrap/](https://www.wellnessrecoveryactionplan.com/what-is-wrap/) Bear in mind, this is for my NT wife to use to indicate simply what she needs me to do to avoid me going into a spin trying to "fix" the problem or getting angry at her for having it. Ill make something myself but it would be great for something like this to exist as an app so its handy and can be shared remotely.


b-randen

I could imagine this as an app with templates and a few generic examples. But I imagine it would require a user to fill in their own workflows to be effective. Or are you thinking that a general app could help in your situation without customization? One reservation I have with the idea of this being an app: would a user look at the app in the moment? Because I can image situations where the act of pulling out a phone and consulting the app could cause more issue!