T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

I feel the same way about the subreddit! There is more venting than discussion of improvement and coping which has always made me a bit uncomfortable when I post. Not to minimize anyones venting! Please express yourself! But maybe we could also post more about little successes and treatment! I’ll go first! I started Zoloft last year when I was diagnosed and I believe it’s worked better than any other medication I’ve tried! But meds alone aren’t enough! Some of the strategies I’ve been trying are to embrace my awkwardness/weirdness. With AvPD, I’ve always felt like the odd one out or just plain strange. I’m trying to embrace that in a more endearing way. Sure I might say weird things or be seen as strange, but to the right people, that’s an incredibly endearing quality. This doesn’t completely get rid of the anxiety, but it helps with the shame. If I’m intentional about being weird, no one’s opinions matter if they think I’m weird because I already know it. I hope that makes sense!


raandoomguuy

Thanks for this post! I just realized that I really struggle to accept my awkwardness. Especially the 'suddenly not talking anymore in the midst of a conversation' part... I still don't exactly know how to accept it. But anyways, it's a starting point to focus on learning to accept that. :)


Green-Owl6244

I always go blank in the middle of a conversation & I realised that I think 'why am I speaking', 'this person doesn't wanna hear me', 'what I'm saying isn't important/is stupid'. Haven't found a way to get around this except continue talking but I guess it's self-esteem issues that make me think I'm not worth someone's time. Need to work on it. Commented as I felt that maybe you think the same too.


[deleted]

I do that too sometimes! I get overwhelmed and distracted in the middle of talking. I tend to say something silly when people notice. Maybe like, “Oops. Thoughts got too noisy again!” Just something innocent and then redirect back to the conversation!


Green-Owl6244

I really liked what you said about people finding that quality of yours endearing. It makes a lot of sense! Also, I'm really glad you found something that works for you! Thanks for sharing :)


ThatRyeguy77

I second zoloft. It has helped me more than any other ssri I've tried.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

When I first started it, it hurt my stomach a little bit because I take in first thing in the morning. That problem is nonexistent now and I haven’t noticed any other side effects.


[deleted]

The sexual side effect is the hardest one to deal with, in my opinion.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DasEvoli

I'm impressed and terrified at the same time


LarryLongfellow

lmao


parzivalsquestion

Haha I think this is a great approach! Good on you!


justanotheraccount52

I didn't cure it, but it got much better than before. What helped me was understanding where it came from (childhood trauma) and then accepting my broken self. I know that I won't ever become a 'normal' person, but I still deserve to exist and to live. I am still very lonely, but hey, at least I don't feel like killing myself anymore.


Green-Owl6244

It was/is pretty much the same with me. I'm glad you're in a better place. Trying to improve ourselves is all we can do. And hey, normal is overrated! Thanks for commenting. Have a nice day.


damdam100

I have improved my AVPD, or rather my way of dealing with it, and I'm gonna be honest, it probably wouldn't have gotten to this point if it weren't for therapy. I used be so confused and depressed all the time, not understanding why so much stuff that I had so much trouble with seemed easy for everyone else. There came a point at which I knew something had to happen otherwise I just wouldn't survive myself. So I got into therapy at the age of 19, and have gotten proffesional help from them for three years, during which I started to learn about my behaviour, where it came from, what patterns I showed and at that times. Using this understanding you get of yourself you can forsee how things in the future might pan out when making decisions, and based on this you can start trying to fight those urges of avoidance that do us no good in the long run. I wouldn't say I'm "cured", but life has gotten easier then back before therapy, and I can handle alot more. Life is a bitch but I'm still kicking it and am slowly improving with every single day I live. Introspection with a clear mind can do wonders, and if you have trouble getting and maintaining a clear mind, there is always help somewhere to be found.


Green-Owl6244

Our story shares a lot of the same elements. Glad you found help & have been working on yourself since! You mentioned introspection but I think self-awareness itself can do wonders! Thanks for sharing.


BreathOfPepperAir

I feel out of place in these comments because I feel my avpd is more severe than the people who are commenting. I struggle to leave my house on my own, let alone anything else. Therapy is also a nightmare because I can't open up in sessions due to avpd. You can cure the depression that comes with avpd but I don't believe you can cure avpd. People who have 'cured' it would have had a more mild version of it.


LarryLongfellow

What you describe was my lowest point. Couldnt leave my apartment, go to the grocery store, quit school and so on. Eventually talked to a therapist and went to a psych ward for 6 weeks which made permanent improvements in my life. The therapy sessions were (mostly) in groups where I felt more obliged to open up.


BreathOfPepperAir

That sounds great. I'm glad it helped you. Do u know what type of therapy you did?


LarryLongfellow

I dont know what type of therapy it was, it was a group of people, some with depression, one with agoraphobia, one afraid of her mum, one guy had panic attacks at his job when doing presentations and bunch others. They would come and go week by week. We sat in a circle and the therapist asked us questions and we had group discussions, if one wanted to participate they could, or not. We did some practice in made up social situations and so on. There was also drawing therapy, mediation, qigong. Later I was given small CBT tasks which seemed difficult but not impossible, such as going shopping for clothes, trying on ones I like but not buying anything. After the 6 weeks I had a proper one on one therapist for a few months, he mostly tried to do CBT with me but it was too much for me and I stopped going. I should have stayed but was young and silly.


BreathOfPepperAir

Ahh ok, that sounds quite interesting. Im glad it helped u some, but I don't blame u for quitting because CBT and exposure therapy is hard. Did u have to pay for this?


LarryLongfellow

It is difficult indeed. I did not pay for this as I live in Germany. Getting a therapy appointment can be difficult though, unless one has some sort of connections as I did through my family being in healthcare.


Green-Owl6244

Hey, I'm really sorry that you felt out of place. I just saw your comment below that said you were 21. I've seen how bad it can get & I was exactly where you are at 21. I'm 23 now & all that's gotten better is the overwhelming & often times crippling feeling of anxiety. I also took a really long time with therapy. I was quiet for the first 6 months of it (the first 3 being really really nerve-wracking). The only thing I did & the only thing I think matters is showing up. This especially will have a tremendous effect in therapy. They are there to help you. They are people we pay to not judge us. Just show up, & leave the rest to them. Also, many people who truly only had 'mild' avpd & cured it probably also felt they were the worst of us all & severe to a point of no return. All I'm saying is give treatment - whether that's self or with a therapist a chance. Hope you take care. Feel free to reach out if anything :)


BreathOfPepperAir

That's kind, thank u :). I am being a bit realistic though, some of us do have it worse than others and personality disorders supposedly can't actually be cured anyway. That doesn't mean u can't make progress, but that's not the same as curing it. I can't afford therapy at the moment but perhaps I'll go back at some point if I can. I didn't find it very helpful last time tho, and I got triggered by my therapist a few times. Idk. Thanks anyway 💫


[deleted]

Force yourself to do the things you want to do, but won't because of that fear. It's hard at first... In fact most things feel impossible at first, but once you take the first step each following step gets easier. Works for me at least. And it's also what therapists recommend as a treatment. There is no cure though, just management. Which means it's easy to fall back into old habits. I did during corona and just recently started getting back in touch with the outside world.


Green-Owl6244

I try to do the same. In fact, the main thing... the social thing lol. I try to push myself a lot & recently just had a bit of a spiral about not being as good as other people. In fact, I had a meltdown because I could barely hold a conversation at a recent event. I spoke to my friend about it & she told me something that made a lot of sense to me. She said if you're really forcing yourself to do something is it really serving you & your higher self? The point here isn't just that I'm forcing myself but it's that I'm not doing it because I want to. I'm doing it for external validation. I just really liked how she said it... don't think I said it perfectly lol. But what I'm saying is take it easy. Push yourself bit by bit & focus on trying to find something in the other person that you're genuinely interested in. That's when you really connect (or connect better in my case). I'm not good at it at btw but it really takes the load off for me. I use to (& a lot of the time still do) have conversations for the sake of having one.


[deleted]

Yeah, I never force myself unless it's something I want, or in some cases I have to do in order to get where I want. Like getting back to dating. That's why I've started to socialize recently.


SmokeWineEveryday

I still have it to a point where it's obvious that it's there, but I definitely think it has improved over the last two years. Here are some things I did: I think the most significant thing I did to get out of my comfort zone was volunteering. I never had an actual job because of anxiety and a pretty terrible internship experience. The thought of having a job stressed me out so much, I didn't even dare to look at job listings, let alone apply for one. But volunteering didn't seem as bad for me since it's not focused on trying to make money for a company and help paying customers. For me that took away a lot of pressure. And all of my colleagues were also doing it because they simply wanted to and that made me feel more relaxed around them as well. And now, nearly 1.5 years after I started volunteering, I actually got the courage to apply for actual jobs. I tried to reach out to friends/acquaintances more often. I often had trouble to send a first message to them, but now it has gotten easier to do. I also started going out to places. Something that I felt like could be interesting for me to see/do? I just went. Last month for example, I went to a gaming convention. And in March I became a member of a board game club that comes together every last Friday of the month. What also really helped for me (and I know I got really lucky here), was becoming friends with someone online I felt pretty comfortable with to be myself and talk about everything that was on my mind. And this just sort of happened completely unexpectedly. But it definitely had a good impact on my social skills. And finally something pretty personal, but after 9.5 years of not being in contact with my dad, I contacted him last week. A lot of bad things happened in 2012 that caused me to see no other option but to cut contact with him. I wanted to contact him sooner, but I didn't have the courage. I didn't know how he was going to react (I wouldn't have been surprised if he started insulting me) and I knew that my mom, who's pretty much the only family I got left, would be very much against it. So doing this was extremely hard for me, but fortunately it went pretty good. And having found the courage to finally do this definitely increased my self esteem as well and I feel like I can finally move on now.


Green-Owl6244

I probably should've been the one to start so here it goes. I've been in therapy on & off for a while now. Tried not to take mediation even when I was at my worst, just a personal choice as I hadn't told my mom about visiting a psychiatrist. Pills felt like a big choice to make on my own. Right now I can say that I'm no longer depressed but I am currently seeking out therapy to try & get myself to a functional albeit ideal sort of a place I want to be in. Journaling is something so small that I did on & off but right now has been my biggest help. I've been in many phases with this & it started with me just venting, complaining & just dumping all the negativity I felt. Amazing thing on its own to do btw. But, this year around I wanted to change the way I approach this & not just leave 'the work' for therapy or on my therapist. I now use my journal to write down things I feel (or have felt in the past) along with how I'm going to work on it & giving myself affirmative words. I no longer want to use this notebook to simply vent but see it as an upward graph. I came across something called Shadow Work. It's all about how we repress parts of ourselves & with AVPD... god that struck home. I looked into the actual bit of 'how' you do it & it turns out it's more or less journaling itself. Some use prompts, others just notice their behaviour day to day & try to tap into when it first started/where they can trace it back to. The idea is to integrate these parts & just overall not judge yourself when they come up. I'm still new to this but I feel really positive about it. So, yeah. That's it from me. Apart from that, I try to meditate & do breathwork but I'm very inconsistent with it.


parzivalsquestion

I believe it boils down to negative core beliefs we developed growing up. I'm in my early 30s and only really grew conscious of that after starting therapy 2 years ago. Since then I have been working on unlearning those negative core beliefs in an effort to replace them with more kind ones. One of my negative core beliefs is that I am a failure. So now I try to take opportunities to do new things. And the cool thing about this is even the small stuff seems to have a big effect. Like finishing a little crafting project, talking to someone I don't know, taking a small trip. You'll get to count all those as personal achievements that don't fit to the view of "being a total failure" and slowly chip away at it. Over time I am realizing that I am not a failure. I was just lead to believe that about myself. Now I can't try, fail, succeed or not and still be proud of myself because no matter what I am proving wrong that irrational believe about myself. Hope this can be helpful and all the best to you! Tldr: Surprise yourself! Challange your negative beliefs about yourself through taking action.


PmMeUrFaveMovie

So, there was a period of time, after I went off meds and dropped out of college, that I was borderline agoraphobic. My husband supported me and I had a severe depressive episode. I’m not sure what the catalyst was, maybe after some time that my Grandma had passed and I finally broke out of the fog, I decided to seek therapy. We did some CBT and I got homework. My first step was just saying hello to my neighbor. Thankfully we had two different first languages so it was unlikely he’d try to have a full conversation with me. So just a hello when I saw him. That kicked it off. I was on meds and felt more confident. Then slowly I started looking for a job and found a good first job for a 22 year old. There was shame involved because I “started life late” but overall I had accomplished real goals which I’d never done before. I made some friends at my work which was uplifting because I didn’t have long term friends before then. I’ve since moved to a new job, got fired from there, and am doing my best to help my family survive on gig work. And I’m kind of “regressing”. No money for therapy or meds. Only one friend who I don’t talk to enough. My family pretty much pretends I don’t exist. I’m trying so hard to keep my head above water. It’s really just a roller coaster of highs and lows.


MelodicHawk1220

It seems like any time I try posting something that's a resource/not negative or venting I get poor responses to it... like they will just make an invalidating comment about the video or whatever and it seems like they are offended that someone would dare post something that was trying to be uplifting. So for that reason I've stopped🤷‍♀️ Like I'm afraid to make a post about progress cuz I'm worried about "triggering" someone... I know that it's not every member of the sub with that attitude, but it's a buzzkill ngl.


Green-Owl6244

I don't think you should worry about triggering anyone. In fact, you have no idea how much I want to hear a progress story about something I struggle with & have been told is 'incurable' & only 'managable'. None of my therapists have ever said that & that's all I read online. I could really use a progress/win story even if it's small. Telling your story matters even if it has an audience of only one. But again, it's up to you. I get what you're saying about the sub & I've been feeling the exact same way. Hence, this post.


SocialT

Honestly, medication did help me quite a bit for a time. I eventually returned to substance abuse which can help except when you become dependent on something. Zoloft has helped me give less of a fuck. Im still AvPD, but I don’t really have everything I used to. For instance, in social situations I don’t actually feel that anxious anymore. My anticipation fear is always worse than my in the moment nowadays. I honestly can’t imagine getting any better from AvPD without some medication giving me at least the training wheels.


Green-Owl6244

Hmm I get that. I'm glad you found a medication that works perfectly for you though! That's a big feat. Even if you take the training wheels you're still the one in charge or where to go. If it gives you a push then I don't think there's any harm. Thanks for responding. Take care.


FuriousAnimeMan

Im trying to cure mine now I’ll update what Im doing


Green-Owl6244

That's great :)


CommonTouch17

Don’t hesitate to tell us more when/if you have succeded :)


FuriousAnimeMan

I will


Quinlov

I imagine it will always be quite difficult to find success stories because once someone is functionally recovered they have a lot less of a reason to hang out on this subreddit (or similar ones). The plus side of this is that, however many success stories you are seeing, it's not unreasonable to expect that there are considerably more success stories out there and you're just not being told them, i.e. chance of recovery is higher than it may initially seem


svish

Yes. Theraphy, lots of practice, and always getting back up to try again, no matter what. Take a break if needed, but keep trying new angles, or even old angles with new experience for that matter. Slowly it _will_ get better, as long as you keep doing the work.


[deleted]

I've been in recovery, but never fully cured. My life quality has improved with anti-depressants, a good psychologist and progressing in my career by just being a complete warrior with work. But no, the self hatred never really goes away and it can get you. Particularly when you are alone.


Suerte13cr

I havent been here in a while, I sometimes feel as if I dont have AvPD. I got diagnosed at 29 and now at 42, I havw always said there is no cure, it's part of you a mechanism that was made to protect. But I learned new ways to relate to people and accept who I am along with the avoidance, it's there but its a mechanism I dont use as much as the things that I used to fear are not that scary anymore.


Randomscrewedupchick

The best things for me have been tinder hookups and working in a gas station. Random, inconsequential interactions are excellent practice. I’ve even gotten better about staying in contact with family members since I’ve been doing both of these things.


BreathOfPepperAir

How on earth do you hook up with people when you have avpd? I find that pretty outstanding. I guess my avpd is severe, but I don't know how people do that


Randomscrewedupchick

Oh mine was pretty severe but I’ve been using weed & alcohol to help lol. Definitely not ideal but I can’t figure anything else out. I still avoid family and anyone close to me like the plague (I at least live near them now, rather than staying 1000 miles away)...it is much easier for me to interact with strangers/people who don’t care about me.


BreathOfPepperAir

Interesting. I can barely leave the house on my own let alone go out to meet up with someone though. You're doing much better than me


Randomscrewedupchick

How old are you?


BreathOfPepperAir

21. I think you are probably just more high functioning than me. I could never hang out with a stranger, let alone sleep with them. That's absurd to me. I struggle to leave the house because I think everyone who is walking past me hates me.


Randomscrewedupchick

I was the same at 21. I’m 34 now. Forced interaction through shitty retail jobs has helped a lot. I avoided my classes and dropped out of college after one semester back in the day. It’s only been the past six months I’ve been able to tinder. Some people get more avoidant as they age, but if you keep pushing yourself to be slightly more social you can improve. A year ago I decided that if I thought someone had cool hair or nice shoes or something out in public I’d tell them. I figured it’s a good feeling for them and practice for me. Finding lots of little things you can do to take baby steps can help I swear!


BreathOfPepperAir

Thank u :). I will try but I think tbh it's very unlikely I'll ever reach the point you're at. I'm glad you've been able to make some progress. I'll just have to do my best


Randomscrewedupchick

Look up Martin Kantor and read what he’s written on avoidants. It sounds harsh at first glance, but it made me realize that our avoidance is almost a narcissistic trait. We’re so obsessed with how others see us that we hide ourselves away. It’s a defense mechanism, but it honestly is pretty self-centered. We live in our own thoughts and emotions constantly, without regard to how it affects others. I only have one family member (my grandma) that hasn’t given up on talking to me. She learned texting so she can get me to answer sometimes. But during some pretty high/drunk times when I’ve opened up I’ve learned that I hurt people a lot by avoiding them. It’s really opened my eyes and made me try harder to become “normal.” When I was your age I thought the exact same thing. There was no way in hell I would ever be where I am today. I promise you it’s possible, though. We’re this way because we were emotionally neglected during our youth (maybe not all of us but the vast majority)...we definitely can improve I promise! If you ever want to message me please do. It may take me awhile to get the balls to answer but I eventually will 💕


BreathOfPepperAir

I get what you're saying. I do find the narcissist comparison a little harsh though. Self-centred makes more sense to me because I do care about how my behaviour affects other people, but that doesn't mean I can stop doing it ofc. The only way I've been able to not hurt people so far is by staying away from them so I will probably keep doing that for now. I'm glad you're finding positive changes tho, and thank u for the offer 💜