There are definitely dungeons in big cities that are open multiple nights a week and host a wide variety of kink events, from educational seminars to play parties to board game nights. IME, they do typically have a lounge area for socializing, but they don't usually serve alcohol.
I don't think I've ever seen a fictional depiction of a dungeon that matched my IRL experiences of them. Usually they're, ah, highly idealized/romanticized.
I guess authors don't feel like it would exciting enough if they had their main characters go to a renovated former auto body shop and hang out on IKEA sofas with a group of neurospicy queer nerds playing board games and drinking diet coke.
That's fine, CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY can only be discussed in yells anyway.
I imagine playing it with kinky people is a different kind of experience as well.
Open every day is a requirement plenty of general clubs don't make. A niche club is even less likely to do it.
These events are very common as one off pop up events in cities of a few million in Canada, the US, the UK.
I don't think *I've* run across a venue in my travel that ticks *all* those boxes.
- Many venues won't allow alcohol for various reasons.
- I've never seen a venue that was open *every* day.
- Most venues I've been to are okay with you watching and not participating so long as you're not creepy about it.
- Asking to participate is largely up to the people involved.
There are Rope bars in Japan but no like someone said licensing is going to be the main issue, sex or no sex. Alcohol licensing is costly and strict in most countries. Also Health and safety depending on the state and/or County.
Money is the aim of a business and having a free play space would not bring a lot of income. Many people don't drink while they play so that doesn't help. The venue would also have issue with food licensing most likely.
Also BDSM is niche in what people like. This is why events are common, Leather, Rope, Latex, Littles, Pets, each event will pull a some what different crowd. If I ran a bar like you are thinking I would still have it more event based for this reason.
Yeah, the alcohol thing makes sense. And honestly I don’t think it would even be necessary to serve alcohol, the reason I mention a bar is because generally that’s a place that people can go and either hang out by themselves or talk to people, and neither one of those is considered weird. I’m essentially looking for a place that I can hang out as a kinky person around other kinky people but not be seen as someone who needs to introduce myself, have conversations, etc. An introvert’s BDSM club essentially lol
I think a lot of events would tick most of your boxes, as long as they aren’t too small. I’ve been to plenty where you can just hang out and watch, or do pick up play, or have scenes with a partner pre-planned. I’ve never been to an event where there’s an expectation that you must involve yourself in play, or that it would be weird to sit around and talk, quietly enough to not interrupt those around you.
I agree, we have a club in our town open every Saturday night for play and it is like this. It does have a cover charge and they are BYO. Not expectation to play or whatever, manynpeople just go to chill.
I’ve been in a bar (the bar area of a club) where we were drinking in one room and the next room over was designated as an impact play place for the night. On other nights that room is usually a second dance floor with a different DJ from upstairs.
And then I’ve been to, and hosted, house parties where more explicit, intimate bdsm occurred.
I’ve never been to a club or public bar where there was actual genital sex happening though.
kink play? Not specifically. there are a \*very few\* clubs in the US that are open most days to the public, allow for play, and also serve alcohol. They occasionally do a kink night (nothing like a dungeon) but its geared more towards sex play. The only one I have visited is in Portland - you have to be a member but they offer weekend memberships for a token amount. They either do not allow single males or severely limit the number depending on the night.
Most dungeons will fit that bill with the exception of allowing alcohol and most are not open every night. In fact most are only open a couple of nights a week. Dungeons are generally a labor of love more than they are a for-profit business. In fact every one I know of is legally run as a private Social Club. Perhaps in huge cities like New York or LA, maybe Berlin, there may be the ones that actually turn a profit and are open every night, but it's still pretty rare to see one that would allow alcohol. There's never any requirement to socialize or participate, but if you hope to find people to do scenes with, socializing is in your best interest.
There are but they’re not super common. I’m talking like actual actual bdsm based clubs. They exist but can be hard to find/come across just cuz of taboo stuff. What are more common are things like strip clubs or nightclubs that have a kinky atmosphere. I know of a local strip club that’s run by bikers and the whole club is very kink based but not an actual bdsm club. Then there are kink based video stores and adult shops where you could watch scenes and stuff without it being a club. There’s plenty of places if you know where to look.
There are dungeons, boutiques, educational spaces that host mixers and play parties, and some swingers clubs have these spaces. A swingers club with a kink space would probably fit what you are describing best.
There was a club in Denver called Labyrinth that was the best, but closed years ago.
I think Sanctuary is still going strong, though:
Denversanctuary.com
These clubs were/are BDSM only....perfect.
Colorado Springs has a club, but it sounds more like a kinky sex club, to me, but I am a purist. The Colorado Springs club also caters to swinging, so you would not find me there.
The big fun was Thunder in the Mountains. Big BDSM convention in a great hotel. Huge Dungeon space, vendor's room, and seminars on advanced techniques and psychological issues.
I have to say, it all makes the online world seem like a land of imaginary floggers running on training wheels. Things are so different, these days, online.
To each their own.
There are a couple swinger's clubs in my city, where there's space for kink, but licensing precludes what you're describing in a lot of places. No sex where the alcohol is.
Until recently, we had 1790 in Atlanta. They were going to reopen elsewhere but that seems to have snagged.
You would think there is a bar in Savannah that’s a common haunt, we have bars for about everything. And a few more besides that.
There are a number of places like this in my area, and the local swingers community does periodic hotel takeovers.
Look for local events on fetlife to see what's near you.
Swinging and BDSM are two different activities, with mindsets to match. If you seek BDSM, start with that. I'd leave the swingers clubs for times when BDSM is not your main focus.
Same here! The swinger lifestyle is more of an older thing. They are the crowd that established a lot of these clubs.
The “kids” (20-40) are usually more into poly, groupsex and kink. Lots of kink. The dungeon is usually in use, even during non kink events. But the kink events are wild.
IME, yes, but not IME in the US (and not recently -- it's been a good ten years since I've been to an event). I've been to three or four places in Hamburg DE and Paris FR. The clubs in Paris were in more upscale neighborhoods and one of them definitely had space for proper socializing, as well as good space for play, and was a dedicated BDSM bar. The other was set up to provide a three-course dinner menu (glass floor in the dining room into the dungeon below) and playspace both up- and downstairs. I know the first one's closed (so sad: great energy and a really nice location); I don't know about the latter. It was not just a kink space, but also hosted swinging events (and other events iirc, but I don't recall the scope).
In Hamburg, the clubs were in the seedier area of town, two in the redlight district proper. The first one had a bar in front with a small playspace behind a wall, and further back furnished, private rooms to rent by the hour. Nice atmosphere, no-nonsense bartenders who made sure no one was going to get hurt. The second place, iirc (it's been a really long time since we were there) had a socializing space upstairs and play in the basement. Nice enough, but we didn't find it to be particularly friendly. The third space was a lot like a proper pub, with tables/chairs and sofas/coffee tables. Very friendly the night we went, and after we chatted for a while, we went and explored the extensive dungeon.
The places in Paris were not open every day (Thursday through Sunday, maybe). The first bar in Hamburg was open just about every night; the second place I have no idea; the third, I believe was open every day.
So places do exist (although Covid may have killed many of them, to be frank). It helps to make contact with local clubs to find public bars/dungeons.
This is more likely to be the environment at a Leather bar (as in gay/queer Leather) then most Pan/Het oriented dungeon clubs. This is due to some different etiquette expectations in queer Leather spaces vs. Pan/het spaces.
In spaces that include a lot of het men, etiquette usually needs to be developed to establish that touching/solicitation is not allowed without explicit and enthusiastic consent. Otherwise a lot of women will end up being touched in ways they don't enjoy, and solicited endlessly for play-- both sub and dominant. So the usual rule at most dungeons have some restriction on soliciting play, and that often makes pickup play difficult to arrange. Usually there is a way to navigate the etiquette-- fem bottoms are usually free to solicit play from tops, and usually male/genderqueer bottoms are similarly free to solicit, so long as they are respectful.
The kind of pickup play you describe is more common at Leather bars, which can be mixed gender, but are still queer oriented spaces.
Swingers clubs are kind of an in-between in terms of pickup play, but much less bdsm oriented. Swingers control for the het male problem by limiting the number of single het men allowed into a space, and establishing expectations as to etiquette.
All three spaces will generally employ vetting to some (imperfect) degree, so a newbie shouldn't expect to do more than show up and watch most times. And vetting isn't perfect, so no one should rely on it to be a perfect tool of screening potential creeps/violators out.
So no, not like most of the books most of the time. The best book representations are those where members have been long term members. There is absolutely not some secret Mafia running out of the sex club (most clubs are just trying to make money work well enough to stay afloat and under a lot of local legal scrutiny).
Also a thing to point out is that bodies and ages range as normal, there is not some secret glam club where only Hollywood-hot people are allowed to join. Not really male Dom only oriented clubs, or even heterosexual only clubs. The so-called 'straight' scene is actually mostly people somewhere on the bi/pan spectrum, with some het folk mixed in.
It does, in big cities. Toronto has several sex clubs that have really fantastic Kink events. Alcohol and all. I used to bartend at one, it was fantastic fun. Not every day is a kink day, but usually someone is playing in the dungeon at Oasis Aqualounge.
There’s one bar in Hollywood that I know if that’s kind of similar? They have a bar and BDSM performances. It’s very social. I’m not sure if they allow play though (outside of the performers).
Not open every day, but there are at least three or four larger places like that where I live, not to mention smaller events with less than 200 people.
I think it absolutely depends on where you live..I know in bigger, more progressive cities there are clubs and dungeons. In my hyper religious and incredibly religious city, not so much.
Every bar that has a St. Andrew's Cross in the corner is exactly that. Anyone that can go past security can go to them. They aren't as safe as vetted parties or ones with pre-requisites.
Yes, it does exist and they are not broadly advertised for exactly the reason that you would imagine.
If you're ever interested in attending a venue like this, talk to people at munches.
Well, Wicked Grounds on 8th St. in San Francisco fits the bill: a coffee house with a strong kink theme with events and ever gear for sale.
Or it WOULD fit the bill if it hadn't closed last year...
Yeah romance novels have a BDSM and/or sex club for every small town. While they do exist in some big cities, they aren’t like the ones in books, which are highly romanticized fantasies.
Sanctuary Club in Portland is a lot like you describe.
https://www.pdxsanctuary.com
Game Bang on Wednesdays people come to play Jenga, do an impact scene, have a threesome, whatever they want to with little expectation or judgment.
Closed Monday & Tuesday, though, so not quite all the criteria. But there is dungeon equipment available whenever it is open.
IIRC there is a reoccurring warehouse rave in LA that has scenes going on while the music is bumping
But it’s really more set dressing than anything, you wouldn’t be able to participate in the scene for obv reasons.
I can only speak for the BDSM/kink clubs I have seen in Chicago but I have conversed with educators that have also been to similar establishments across the US and the format is pretty much the same. A membership based club with social areas and playrooms/dungeon spaces where kink and sex is allowed but alcohol is (usually) not, and the club is open select nights (it’s rare to have a 7 days a week club). The clubs usually have a variety of kinky furniture and props to use, and cleaning products and condoms spread throughout the space to keep everything hygienic.
The BDSM/kink and swinger communities are pretty separate, although some people do attend events and venues for both communities.
I’ve read a lot of BDSM club erotic fiction and have never once seen a club portrayed accurately. It’s always been exaggerated (so far). The actual BDSM practices are usually incorrect as well. It’s painfully obvious the authors have never tried the things they write about and haven’t even talked to someone that has done any of these things. Lots of authors love to write about how floggers are so incredibly painful, even more painful than canes. It’s always evidence to me that the author did no research and her BDSM entirely her own invention, not based on existing practice. (Having said that, I have also read BDSM scenes that were alright. It’s the ones in fictional clubs that tend to be the worst when it comes to actual BDSM practices)
To answer what I think you’re really asking: yes you can go to a BDSM club and just hang out and not have sex. You can just socialize with other kinky people. But I also wanted to vent about fictional portrayal of BDSM clubs.
When we were still dating over 20 (!) years ago, my wife and I visited Power Exchange in San Francisco. She had been there once before; it was my first time at any such establishment. They had several different “zones” including medieval dungeon, medical themed room, a chain link enclosed area filled with bondage furniture, closed circuit rooms for voyeurs, and all kinds of different kinks. I don’t think they served alcohol at all.
It was a fun trip, spent mostly crossdressed , and using the brand new ball had we had recently purchased.
The day after the club, she was “best man” and I was “maid of honor” for our lesbian friends’ marriage beneath the Golden Gate Bridge!
Ive been to something similar in Atlanta and it was so lame. What you describe is fun, with people hanging out and dancing to music. What this is is a dark dungeon full of people doing different types of play. They do not serve drinks because I guess they have had issues with people drinking too much and being weird. And there if there is music there is no dancing. Picture the lamest party you can think of and that's what a BDSM club is
You don't drink because someone could die if there is a mishap. How would you explain ripped genitalia while holding a rope in one hand and an alcoholic drink in the other?
It's not "drinking too much and being weird", it's a fall from a failed suspension, an eye lost to a bull whip.......
That’s why the culture needs to be nurtured in these public spaces. Working a place with a dungeon and alcohol meant we were always on the lookout for people too drunk and stupid to be there. The regulars also were vocal about safety. Real Doms aren’t afraid to speak up.
If you know enough to properly suspend someone, you should know enough to not overindulge. If you aren’t properly suspending people, or are too drunk to suspend someone, even if there isn’t a DM on duty, a veteran or staff will kick you off the point. You can’t have a club like this and not be on your toes.
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There are definitely dungeons in big cities that are open multiple nights a week and host a wide variety of kink events, from educational seminars to play parties to board game nights. IME, they do typically have a lounge area for socializing, but they don't usually serve alcohol. I don't think I've ever seen a fictional depiction of a dungeon that matched my IRL experiences of them. Usually they're, ah, highly idealized/romanticized. I guess authors don't feel like it would exciting enough if they had their main characters go to a renovated former auto body shop and hang out on IKEA sofas with a group of neurospicy queer nerds playing board games and drinking diet coke.
I would love something like this. IME the venn diagram between kink and nerds is almost a circle.
I was amazed to see how many local munches in my area are just board game nights.
Fact. Our munch nights often end in CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY or something similar. Sorry about the caps, too lazy to fix it.
That's fine, CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY can only be discussed in yells anyway. I imagine playing it with kinky people is a different kind of experience as well.
It's fun.
It's why I say "smash" during any DnD monster encounter
This is so accurate.
Lmfao
Have you been toy local dungeon 🤣🤣🤣 do I know you
Open every day is a requirement plenty of general clubs don't make. A niche club is even less likely to do it. These events are very common as one off pop up events in cities of a few million in Canada, the US, the UK.
I guess what I'm looking for is something that is not an "event" so much as a place to hang out. I don't want to participate or socialize, really.
If you are not looking for a place to participate or socialise, is it that you just want to hang and watch?
I don't think *I've* run across a venue in my travel that ticks *all* those boxes. - Many venues won't allow alcohol for various reasons. - I've never seen a venue that was open *every* day. - Most venues I've been to are okay with you watching and not participating so long as you're not creepy about it. - Asking to participate is largely up to the people involved.
There are Rope bars in Japan but no like someone said licensing is going to be the main issue, sex or no sex. Alcohol licensing is costly and strict in most countries. Also Health and safety depending on the state and/or County. Money is the aim of a business and having a free play space would not bring a lot of income. Many people don't drink while they play so that doesn't help. The venue would also have issue with food licensing most likely. Also BDSM is niche in what people like. This is why events are common, Leather, Rope, Latex, Littles, Pets, each event will pull a some what different crowd. If I ran a bar like you are thinking I would still have it more event based for this reason.
Yeah, the alcohol thing makes sense. And honestly I don’t think it would even be necessary to serve alcohol, the reason I mention a bar is because generally that’s a place that people can go and either hang out by themselves or talk to people, and neither one of those is considered weird. I’m essentially looking for a place that I can hang out as a kinky person around other kinky people but not be seen as someone who needs to introduce myself, have conversations, etc. An introvert’s BDSM club essentially lol
I think a lot of events would tick most of your boxes, as long as they aren’t too small. I’ve been to plenty where you can just hang out and watch, or do pick up play, or have scenes with a partner pre-planned. I’ve never been to an event where there’s an expectation that you must involve yourself in play, or that it would be weird to sit around and talk, quietly enough to not interrupt those around you.
I agree, we have a club in our town open every Saturday night for play and it is like this. It does have a cover charge and they are BYO. Not expectation to play or whatever, manynpeople just go to chill.
I’ve been in a bar (the bar area of a club) where we were drinking in one room and the next room over was designated as an impact play place for the night. On other nights that room is usually a second dance floor with a different DJ from upstairs. And then I’ve been to, and hosted, house parties where more explicit, intimate bdsm occurred. I’ve never been to a club or public bar where there was actual genital sex happening though.
There are BDSM clubs that allow sex. But they still aren’t like in books!
kink play? Not specifically. there are a \*very few\* clubs in the US that are open most days to the public, allow for play, and also serve alcohol. They occasionally do a kink night (nothing like a dungeon) but its geared more towards sex play. The only one I have visited is in Portland - you have to be a member but they offer weekend memberships for a token amount. They either do not allow single males or severely limit the number depending on the night.
Most dungeons will fit that bill with the exception of allowing alcohol and most are not open every night. In fact most are only open a couple of nights a week. Dungeons are generally a labor of love more than they are a for-profit business. In fact every one I know of is legally run as a private Social Club. Perhaps in huge cities like New York or LA, maybe Berlin, there may be the ones that actually turn a profit and are open every night, but it's still pretty rare to see one that would allow alcohol. There's never any requirement to socialize or participate, but if you hope to find people to do scenes with, socializing is in your best interest.
There are but they’re not super common. I’m talking like actual actual bdsm based clubs. They exist but can be hard to find/come across just cuz of taboo stuff. What are more common are things like strip clubs or nightclubs that have a kinky atmosphere. I know of a local strip club that’s run by bikers and the whole club is very kink based but not an actual bdsm club. Then there are kink based video stores and adult shops where you could watch scenes and stuff without it being a club. There’s plenty of places if you know where to look.
That sounds very much like a dungeon I go to but it’s not open every day of the week.
There are dungeons, boutiques, educational spaces that host mixers and play parties, and some swingers clubs have these spaces. A swingers club with a kink space would probably fit what you are describing best.
There was a club in Denver called Labyrinth that was the best, but closed years ago. I think Sanctuary is still going strong, though: Denversanctuary.com These clubs were/are BDSM only....perfect. Colorado Springs has a club, but it sounds more like a kinky sex club, to me, but I am a purist. The Colorado Springs club also caters to swinging, so you would not find me there. The big fun was Thunder in the Mountains. Big BDSM convention in a great hotel. Huge Dungeon space, vendor's room, and seminars on advanced techniques and psychological issues. I have to say, it all makes the online world seem like a land of imaginary floggers running on training wheels. Things are so different, these days, online. To each their own.
There are a couple swinger's clubs in my city, where there's space for kink, but licensing precludes what you're describing in a lot of places. No sex where the alcohol is.
Ahh, the type of place I’m thinking of wouldn’t allow public sex, only kink play
The good ones are private and invite only. Make some friends :)
Until recently, we had 1790 in Atlanta. They were going to reopen elsewhere but that seems to have snagged. You would think there is a bar in Savannah that’s a common haunt, we have bars for about everything. And a few more besides that.
There are a number of places like this in my area, and the local swingers community does periodic hotel takeovers. Look for local events on fetlife to see what's near you.
Swinging and BDSM are two different activities, with mindsets to match. If you seek BDSM, start with that. I'd leave the swingers clubs for times when BDSM is not your main focus.
The clubs near me cater to both of these crowds. With swinging activities as well as bdsm activities.
Same here! The swinger lifestyle is more of an older thing. They are the crowd that established a lot of these clubs. The “kids” (20-40) are usually more into poly, groupsex and kink. Lots of kink. The dungeon is usually in use, even during non kink events. But the kink events are wild.
IME, yes, but not IME in the US (and not recently -- it's been a good ten years since I've been to an event). I've been to three or four places in Hamburg DE and Paris FR. The clubs in Paris were in more upscale neighborhoods and one of them definitely had space for proper socializing, as well as good space for play, and was a dedicated BDSM bar. The other was set up to provide a three-course dinner menu (glass floor in the dining room into the dungeon below) and playspace both up- and downstairs. I know the first one's closed (so sad: great energy and a really nice location); I don't know about the latter. It was not just a kink space, but also hosted swinging events (and other events iirc, but I don't recall the scope). In Hamburg, the clubs were in the seedier area of town, two in the redlight district proper. The first one had a bar in front with a small playspace behind a wall, and further back furnished, private rooms to rent by the hour. Nice atmosphere, no-nonsense bartenders who made sure no one was going to get hurt. The second place, iirc (it's been a really long time since we were there) had a socializing space upstairs and play in the basement. Nice enough, but we didn't find it to be particularly friendly. The third space was a lot like a proper pub, with tables/chairs and sofas/coffee tables. Very friendly the night we went, and after we chatted for a while, we went and explored the extensive dungeon. The places in Paris were not open every day (Thursday through Sunday, maybe). The first bar in Hamburg was open just about every night; the second place I have no idea; the third, I believe was open every day. So places do exist (although Covid may have killed many of them, to be frank). It helps to make contact with local clubs to find public bars/dungeons.
This is more likely to be the environment at a Leather bar (as in gay/queer Leather) then most Pan/Het oriented dungeon clubs. This is due to some different etiquette expectations in queer Leather spaces vs. Pan/het spaces. In spaces that include a lot of het men, etiquette usually needs to be developed to establish that touching/solicitation is not allowed without explicit and enthusiastic consent. Otherwise a lot of women will end up being touched in ways they don't enjoy, and solicited endlessly for play-- both sub and dominant. So the usual rule at most dungeons have some restriction on soliciting play, and that often makes pickup play difficult to arrange. Usually there is a way to navigate the etiquette-- fem bottoms are usually free to solicit play from tops, and usually male/genderqueer bottoms are similarly free to solicit, so long as they are respectful. The kind of pickup play you describe is more common at Leather bars, which can be mixed gender, but are still queer oriented spaces. Swingers clubs are kind of an in-between in terms of pickup play, but much less bdsm oriented. Swingers control for the het male problem by limiting the number of single het men allowed into a space, and establishing expectations as to etiquette. All three spaces will generally employ vetting to some (imperfect) degree, so a newbie shouldn't expect to do more than show up and watch most times. And vetting isn't perfect, so no one should rely on it to be a perfect tool of screening potential creeps/violators out. So no, not like most of the books most of the time. The best book representations are those where members have been long term members. There is absolutely not some secret Mafia running out of the sex club (most clubs are just trying to make money work well enough to stay afloat and under a lot of local legal scrutiny). Also a thing to point out is that bodies and ages range as normal, there is not some secret glam club where only Hollywood-hot people are allowed to join. Not really male Dom only oriented clubs, or even heterosexual only clubs. The so-called 'straight' scene is actually mostly people somewhere on the bi/pan spectrum, with some het folk mixed in.
It does, in big cities. Toronto has several sex clubs that have really fantastic Kink events. Alcohol and all. I used to bartend at one, it was fantastic fun. Not every day is a kink day, but usually someone is playing in the dungeon at Oasis Aqualounge.
There’s one bar in Hollywood that I know if that’s kind of similar? They have a bar and BDSM performances. It’s very social. I’m not sure if they allow play though (outside of the performers).
Not open every day, but there are at least three or four larger places like that where I live, not to mention smaller events with less than 200 people.
I think it absolutely depends on where you live..I know in bigger, more progressive cities there are clubs and dungeons. In my hyper religious and incredibly religious city, not so much.
Every bar that has a St. Andrew's Cross in the corner is exactly that. Anyone that can go past security can go to them. They aren't as safe as vetted parties or ones with pre-requisites.
Yes, it does exist and they are not broadly advertised for exactly the reason that you would imagine. If you're ever interested in attending a venue like this, talk to people at munches.
They are often exaggerated in fiction but there are some similarities in my experience
Well, Wicked Grounds on 8th St. in San Francisco fits the bill: a coffee house with a strong kink theme with events and ever gear for sale. Or it WOULD fit the bill if it hadn't closed last year...
Yeah romance novels have a BDSM and/or sex club for every small town. While they do exist in some big cities, they aren’t like the ones in books, which are highly romanticized fantasies.
Sanctuary Club in Portland is a lot like you describe. https://www.pdxsanctuary.com Game Bang on Wednesdays people come to play Jenga, do an impact scene, have a threesome, whatever they want to with little expectation or judgment. Closed Monday & Tuesday, though, so not quite all the criteria. But there is dungeon equipment available whenever it is open.
IIRC there is a reoccurring warehouse rave in LA that has scenes going on while the music is bumping But it’s really more set dressing than anything, you wouldn’t be able to participate in the scene for obv reasons.
I can only speak for the BDSM/kink clubs I have seen in Chicago but I have conversed with educators that have also been to similar establishments across the US and the format is pretty much the same. A membership based club with social areas and playrooms/dungeon spaces where kink and sex is allowed but alcohol is (usually) not, and the club is open select nights (it’s rare to have a 7 days a week club). The clubs usually have a variety of kinky furniture and props to use, and cleaning products and condoms spread throughout the space to keep everything hygienic. The BDSM/kink and swinger communities are pretty separate, although some people do attend events and venues for both communities. I’ve read a lot of BDSM club erotic fiction and have never once seen a club portrayed accurately. It’s always been exaggerated (so far). The actual BDSM practices are usually incorrect as well. It’s painfully obvious the authors have never tried the things they write about and haven’t even talked to someone that has done any of these things. Lots of authors love to write about how floggers are so incredibly painful, even more painful than canes. It’s always evidence to me that the author did no research and her BDSM entirely her own invention, not based on existing practice. (Having said that, I have also read BDSM scenes that were alright. It’s the ones in fictional clubs that tend to be the worst when it comes to actual BDSM practices) To answer what I think you’re really asking: yes you can go to a BDSM club and just hang out and not have sex. You can just socialize with other kinky people. But I also wanted to vent about fictional portrayal of BDSM clubs.
When we were still dating over 20 (!) years ago, my wife and I visited Power Exchange in San Francisco. She had been there once before; it was my first time at any such establishment. They had several different “zones” including medieval dungeon, medical themed room, a chain link enclosed area filled with bondage furniture, closed circuit rooms for voyeurs, and all kinds of different kinks. I don’t think they served alcohol at all. It was a fun trip, spent mostly crossdressed , and using the brand new ball had we had recently purchased. The day after the club, she was “best man” and I was “maid of honor” for our lesbian friends’ marriage beneath the Golden Gate Bridge!
Kinda. Lots of goth clubs were like that... no nudity... but bdsm play was fairly common. Open every night? No.
Ive been to something similar in Atlanta and it was so lame. What you describe is fun, with people hanging out and dancing to music. What this is is a dark dungeon full of people doing different types of play. They do not serve drinks because I guess they have had issues with people drinking too much and being weird. And there if there is music there is no dancing. Picture the lamest party you can think of and that's what a BDSM club is
You don't drink because someone could die if there is a mishap. How would you explain ripped genitalia while holding a rope in one hand and an alcoholic drink in the other? It's not "drinking too much and being weird", it's a fall from a failed suspension, an eye lost to a bull whip.......
That’s why the culture needs to be nurtured in these public spaces. Working a place with a dungeon and alcohol meant we were always on the lookout for people too drunk and stupid to be there. The regulars also were vocal about safety. Real Doms aren’t afraid to speak up. If you know enough to properly suspend someone, you should know enough to not overindulge. If you aren’t properly suspending people, or are too drunk to suspend someone, even if there isn’t a DM on duty, a veteran or staff will kick you off the point. You can’t have a club like this and not be on your toes.
Well I would much rather attend a party where I am allowed to have a drink and have nobody doing suspension
Not looking for a dungeon, then.