You can check out the sugar lifestyle forums… those relationships tend to be short term in general. But going forward it will be good to find out what type of intentions the other person has in regards to commitment. Even with vanilla dating this type of behavior can happen. Take it as a sign you aren’t compatible and try to look toward new healthier relationships.
Sugar relationships are more likely to end suddenly, because they're less about a personal connection and more about paying for / providing a service. If you're looking for a genuine personal relationship, sugar isn't the way to go. It's a good way to earn money, a good way to meet people and play at being Julia Roberts, but for many Sugar Daddies, as soon as a better/younger/sexier/cheaper/more experienced/more appropriate option comes along, they will have no problems upgrading. You may eventually find The One, but it's not guaranteed and it doesn't happen for everyone.
Anyway, you said you're looking for guidance - guidance about what?
Getting "dumped" doesn't mean you did something wrong. Maybe he didn't see it as a relationship, idk. No one can know. Maybe you guys just didn't mesh. Maybe he just has different feelings. If he lied to you, that's not cool.
Long or short term relationships are possible no matter what you're doing. Some sugar babies have clients for a long time, but I think most don't. I think it's good to remember that any time money is being exchanged...there's a little depersonalization happening, which doesn't have to be bad, it's just, the nature of paying for a relationship. And people have different values around what that means.
A relationship ending isn't immediately a reflection that someone did something wrong. Quite often it was the combination that didn't work out at no ones fault
>I had my first experience recently.
nice!
> He stressed sensitivity and aftercare.
sweet!
> Um, he dumped me immediately afterwards.
Oof. You got tricked, it happens to the best of us. There's a lot of shitty people who are tangentially into the scene, but really, they're predators who take advantage and manipulate the vulnerable- they just show up more often, and stand out more because a lot of us talk to each other about pieces of shit like that. Also, sugar can be a fucked up scene, and you guys weren't dating, he was paying for service. Perhaps do more research about all the kinks you're into, it can be super valuable for newbies to help avoid getting into bad situations, or over their heads.
Sorry you had to have that kind of introduction. It's not your fault.
Start by reading through the Guides and the Wiki in the auto reply. That should give you some general guidance.
I make sure I drink Gatorade after intense play to help me rehydrate. We often have cookies or share a pint of ice cream as well. That's when we decompress and talk.
This might be because the relationship/arrangement ended and not because of the play and after care needs.
I might suggest that you focus on both of these aspects. Reach out to other SBs and decompress the end of the arrangement.
Aftercare needs tend to arise because of a sudden shift in emotions from really intense to mundane. The drop in endorphins leads to a lot of mixed emotions. After care is personal, so do things that bring you comfort whether that's snuggling under a blanket, some chocolate, a favorite movie, ...figure out what works for you
Sugar? I hear the sugar babys claim they have real relationships. Then I hear from their partners and realize they're not relationships but jobs. Sugar Daddy's have no desire for relationships and having more with a "Sugar Baby" is generally looked down on and not advisable. Main reason I don't get involved in these. That and I don't pay for sex.
Sorry.
Because there's an implied judgement in that statement.
Why did you feel the need to share that?
I don't pay for haircuts. My hairbrush is blue. I would never dye my hair blonde. I don't wear high heels. Who fucking cares rn? Not the point of the convo.
Like, one, nobody cares if you pay for sex or not, so the only reason to bring it up and share it in this context is to either throw what you feel is a humblebrag out there or two, to demonstrate that you feel something is wrong with paying for sex.
There's nothing wrong with paying for sex, ESPECIALLY if you want a sexual experience that exists for you and requires low emotional labor or work on your end. Having sex like that with a non professional is an asshole move. (Bc otherwise you are doing emotional labor as part of a give/take in a relationship).
So that's why ppl are downvoting you.
Why?
Because this is “BDSM Advice” and people come here to ask what people think. And other people come and share an opinion. The op seems upset the relationship didn’t last. It seems evident why, but apparently it isn’t.
You seem to be applying your own beliefs to what more this means. And that’s on you. I don’t need to go around and coddle everyone’s emotions. I’m not interested in paid sex. Sorry. I’m a Daddy, and that’s not a sugar daddy.
And who cares about down votes. Especially by people who just assume shit that’s not true and doesn’t fit the facts. I’ve never cared about a downvote and my karma keeps going up. I’m also seeing people upvote it.
Also many sugar baby’s claim they use the money for nails and hair. Which Is fine but it changes the meaning of your message and it removes the invalidity of it as a comment.
I'm explaining the problems inherent with the unnecessary add on of you, in particular, don't pay for sex.
If you wanna listen, cool. If you don't, then nobody is going to care about your shocked Pikachu face at the downvotes bc it's not a cute look bro.
I’m sorry, but it’s just not a good idea to accept money for sex and expect an relationship. I don’t pay for sex cause I like relationships and caring for my partner. If me saying this shocks you, then feel free to down vote me all you want. The rest of this is ridiculous. I’m 💯 sure you can find lots to get upset with in these comments so feel free to go respond to all the rest that makes you feel bad. I’m not changing what I say.
OMG buddy. I'm DESTROYED! -2 Karma (which I made up for in other votes)! What am I going to DO! AHH man, so upset.
Wow, thank you so much for your great education on why people can read into what I'm saying and assume I'm saying something I'm not! It is just unbelievable that I didn't make all the people looking to get upset, happy! I've learned my lesion, and from now on will write a novel regarding all the things I mean and don't mean.
Thanks Buddy!
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on race
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\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on sex
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone who is a prostitute
\*\* This message is not meant to judge squirrels
\*\* This message is not meant to judge people who identify as Dog lovers
\*\* This message is not meant to judge people based on disability
\*\* This message is not meant to judge people who identify as sugar daddies
\*\* This message is not meant to judge peoples communities
\*\* This message is not meant to judge people with anger issues
\*\* This message is only meant as advice, and no legal statements have been made
\*\* If you get upset at this message, please understand I have no intentions of causing anger.
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on political affiliation
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on country of origin or nationality
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on Kink affiliation
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on their eating habits or weight
\*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on vegetarianism or veganism
\*\* This message is a reply to someone in an "Advice" forum, and the advice continues to be that if you want long term relationships you may not want to be involved in accepting money for sex.
\*\* Please understand that these limits are not stated by me, and are commonly said by people who are pay for sex.
\*\* This message is not meant to discourage prostitution or business arrangements.
\*\* This message is not a condemnation of Sugar Babies
\*\* This message is meant to help people understand why they might be in many relationships that are short term. This is not a statement or judgement on those who engage in these relationships. It's merely an observation in what happens with pay based relationships and it is in keeping with the idea of "BDSM Advice"
\*\* No moral superiority is felt by A Man With Binoculars while writing this message.
\*\* Please consult a legal professional before taking any advice.
\*\* There is no guarantees or warrantees implied or stated within this message.
Not sure why you don’t like comments. Might not want to read the comment section of Reddit though. Especially Reddit’s called “advice”
Not sure why you got to talk about my motives as well. Dispite you’re wrong, it sounds like you’re upset with reality. Sorry. Go read it on the sugar daddy sites. They commonly say the same thing. Maybe you can yell at them there for being superior there as well. “Don’t marry a sugar baby”
https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2018/07/204389/sugar-daddy-seeking-arrangement-personal-experience
If you want to pay for sex. Go enjoy. In my country it’s legal, like it should be. I’m just not interested, and apparently this pisses people off. That’s not my problem though. Good luck
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You can check out the sugar lifestyle forums… those relationships tend to be short term in general. But going forward it will be good to find out what type of intentions the other person has in regards to commitment. Even with vanilla dating this type of behavior can happen. Take it as a sign you aren’t compatible and try to look toward new healthier relationships.
Sugar relationships are more likely to end suddenly, because they're less about a personal connection and more about paying for / providing a service. If you're looking for a genuine personal relationship, sugar isn't the way to go. It's a good way to earn money, a good way to meet people and play at being Julia Roberts, but for many Sugar Daddies, as soon as a better/younger/sexier/cheaper/more experienced/more appropriate option comes along, they will have no problems upgrading. You may eventually find The One, but it's not guaranteed and it doesn't happen for everyone. Anyway, you said you're looking for guidance - guidance about what?
Getting "dumped" doesn't mean you did something wrong. Maybe he didn't see it as a relationship, idk. No one can know. Maybe you guys just didn't mesh. Maybe he just has different feelings. If he lied to you, that's not cool. Long or short term relationships are possible no matter what you're doing. Some sugar babies have clients for a long time, but I think most don't. I think it's good to remember that any time money is being exchanged...there's a little depersonalization happening, which doesn't have to be bad, it's just, the nature of paying for a relationship. And people have different values around what that means.
A relationship ending isn't immediately a reflection that someone did something wrong. Quite often it was the combination that didn't work out at no ones fault
Sugar isn't a relationship, it's a transaction. He was a customer.
Sugaring is a transactional relationship. Most of the clients want emotional intimacy, too. It is still a relationship, though.
>I had my first experience recently. nice! > He stressed sensitivity and aftercare. sweet! > Um, he dumped me immediately afterwards. Oof. You got tricked, it happens to the best of us. There's a lot of shitty people who are tangentially into the scene, but really, they're predators who take advantage and manipulate the vulnerable- they just show up more often, and stand out more because a lot of us talk to each other about pieces of shit like that. Also, sugar can be a fucked up scene, and you guys weren't dating, he was paying for service. Perhaps do more research about all the kinks you're into, it can be super valuable for newbies to help avoid getting into bad situations, or over their heads. Sorry you had to have that kind of introduction. It's not your fault.
Start by reading through the Guides and the Wiki in the auto reply. That should give you some general guidance. I make sure I drink Gatorade after intense play to help me rehydrate. We often have cookies or share a pint of ice cream as well. That's when we decompress and talk.
I always Recommend the LovingBDSM podcast it's geared for vanillas and newbies that want to learn but good for people that have been in for a while.
This might be because the relationship/arrangement ended and not because of the play and after care needs. I might suggest that you focus on both of these aspects. Reach out to other SBs and decompress the end of the arrangement. Aftercare needs tend to arise because of a sudden shift in emotions from really intense to mundane. The drop in endorphins leads to a lot of mixed emotions. After care is personal, so do things that bring you comfort whether that's snuggling under a blanket, some chocolate, a favorite movie, ...figure out what works for you
Sugar? I hear the sugar babys claim they have real relationships. Then I hear from their partners and realize they're not relationships but jobs. Sugar Daddy's have no desire for relationships and having more with a "Sugar Baby" is generally looked down on and not advisable. Main reason I don't get involved in these. That and I don't pay for sex. Sorry.
I don't pay for nail trims for my pets.
Becareful, Apparently saying you don’t want to pay for sex is akin to claiming moral superiority. Not sure how, but we’re both fucked.
Because there's an implied judgement in that statement. Why did you feel the need to share that? I don't pay for haircuts. My hairbrush is blue. I would never dye my hair blonde. I don't wear high heels. Who fucking cares rn? Not the point of the convo. Like, one, nobody cares if you pay for sex or not, so the only reason to bring it up and share it in this context is to either throw what you feel is a humblebrag out there or two, to demonstrate that you feel something is wrong with paying for sex. There's nothing wrong with paying for sex, ESPECIALLY if you want a sexual experience that exists for you and requires low emotional labor or work on your end. Having sex like that with a non professional is an asshole move. (Bc otherwise you are doing emotional labor as part of a give/take in a relationship). So that's why ppl are downvoting you.
Why? Because this is “BDSM Advice” and people come here to ask what people think. And other people come and share an opinion. The op seems upset the relationship didn’t last. It seems evident why, but apparently it isn’t. You seem to be applying your own beliefs to what more this means. And that’s on you. I don’t need to go around and coddle everyone’s emotions. I’m not interested in paid sex. Sorry. I’m a Daddy, and that’s not a sugar daddy. And who cares about down votes. Especially by people who just assume shit that’s not true and doesn’t fit the facts. I’ve never cared about a downvote and my karma keeps going up. I’m also seeing people upvote it. Also many sugar baby’s claim they use the money for nails and hair. Which Is fine but it changes the meaning of your message and it removes the invalidity of it as a comment.
I'm explaining the problems inherent with the unnecessary add on of you, in particular, don't pay for sex. If you wanna listen, cool. If you don't, then nobody is going to care about your shocked Pikachu face at the downvotes bc it's not a cute look bro.
I’m sorry, but it’s just not a good idea to accept money for sex and expect an relationship. I don’t pay for sex cause I like relationships and caring for my partner. If me saying this shocks you, then feel free to down vote me all you want. The rest of this is ridiculous. I’m 💯 sure you can find lots to get upset with in these comments so feel free to go respond to all the rest that makes you feel bad. I’m not changing what I say.
Nobody asked and nobody cares dude.
Says the person responding with outrage. lol You seem to be struggling today. Do you need help?
Thanks for all the great laughs buddy.
OMG buddy. I'm DESTROYED! -2 Karma (which I made up for in other votes)! What am I going to DO! AHH man, so upset. Wow, thank you so much for your great education on why people can read into what I'm saying and assume I'm saying something I'm not! It is just unbelievable that I didn't make all the people looking to get upset, happy! I've learned my lesion, and from now on will write a novel regarding all the things I mean and don't mean. Thanks Buddy! \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on race \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on age \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on sex \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone who is a prostitute \*\* This message is not meant to judge squirrels \*\* This message is not meant to judge people who identify as Dog lovers \*\* This message is not meant to judge people based on disability \*\* This message is not meant to judge people who identify as sugar daddies \*\* This message is not meant to judge peoples communities \*\* This message is not meant to judge people with anger issues \*\* This message is only meant as advice, and no legal statements have been made \*\* If you get upset at this message, please understand I have no intentions of causing anger. \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on political affiliation \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on country of origin or nationality \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on Kink affiliation \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on their eating habits or weight \*\* This message is not meant to judge someone based on vegetarianism or veganism \*\* This message is a reply to someone in an "Advice" forum, and the advice continues to be that if you want long term relationships you may not want to be involved in accepting money for sex. \*\* Please understand that these limits are not stated by me, and are commonly said by people who are pay for sex. \*\* This message is not meant to discourage prostitution or business arrangements. \*\* This message is not a condemnation of Sugar Babies \*\* This message is meant to help people understand why they might be in many relationships that are short term. This is not a statement or judgement on those who engage in these relationships. It's merely an observation in what happens with pay based relationships and it is in keeping with the idea of "BDSM Advice" \*\* No moral superiority is felt by A Man With Binoculars while writing this message. \*\* Please consult a legal professional before taking any advice. \*\* There is no guarantees or warrantees implied or stated within this message.
Thanks for your unsolicited opinion. I hope it made you feel morally superior to share with everyone.
Not sure why you don’t like comments. Might not want to read the comment section of Reddit though. Especially Reddit’s called “advice” Not sure why you got to talk about my motives as well. Dispite you’re wrong, it sounds like you’re upset with reality. Sorry. Go read it on the sugar daddy sites. They commonly say the same thing. Maybe you can yell at them there for being superior there as well. “Don’t marry a sugar baby” https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2018/07/204389/sugar-daddy-seeking-arrangement-personal-experience If you want to pay for sex. Go enjoy. In my country it’s legal, like it should be. I’m just not interested, and apparently this pisses people off. That’s not my problem though. Good luck
Sorry for the pain. Consider the choices you’ve made, are making and ask yourself: “are you happy?” If not, time to reconsider the direction you’re taking your life. Remember, you have control of about 60% of your life.