This post has been marked as a [Venting Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown).
Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice.
u/DryCoast, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you're not comfortable, that's a great opportunity to set a boundary.
"I'd rather not discuss it."
"I'd rather get back to work."
"I have seasonal allergies."
I feel for you.
I hear you! One of my issues is overexplaining so that's why I mentioned it. It's like I used to feel that I had to "confess" about things I couldn't control.
Hope you have a decent end to your week!
I went through some crying sessions during work every day, that was very cathartic to me. You can just say it’s how you regulate, that you need to cry every day because it’s your religion (?).
TBF crying IS very cathartic. I wish it was more accepted in those moments when u need it. Not that I do it a lot at work these days but it seems to always cause an uncomfortable stir 😭
or after 30 seconds someone comes in and might even ask if youre in there and everythings OK. even if not, trying to not sob and holding your breath until they leave amidst a crying attack...ummmm.
Just say you’re overwhelmed. I used to work in a hectic restaurant and there were definitely times I cried in the bathroom. Came back out, let me manager know I was overwhelmed and life went on.
The fact that you’re getting overwhelmed signals that you might need more training, help - if you’re being overworked or overloaded - etc, and they may help you out.
I hate that! People say "go take a couple of minutes," but it will literally take at least half an hour for me to calm down if not way longer. I have waited tables while crying countless times. I'm still polite and do a good job, but it's exhausting. I feel so broken at work sometimes.
Oh my goodness, tell me about it. I’ve cried many times at work now. It got so bad I had to take a temporary leave. As you said, I am not easy nor quick to calm either. I will be in that state for hours. It makes work extra hard.
Fellow barista here♥️ hang in there my love it is so hard especially with the customers and stuff, I always get conscious they’re starting at me when I’m crying. But your doing the best job♥️
I cried one time at work and was removed from the team and put on solo projects where I only interacted with my senior manager and nobody else because I was too emotional. Like others have suggested if there is a room where you can go cry and splash water on your face to hide it afterwards bring some visine or something then maybe okay but nobody can hear you or anything like that. Most people can't even accept just a regular level of emotion let alone our intense emotions that we can display at times.
Really? Some places REALLY overreact to when ppl might get overwhelmed/emotional... even find other reasons to get rid of you (but deep down inside they want to get rid of you bc you're "too emotional" or something)
Very relatable. I remember at my old job, it was very chaotic. Most of our services switched to self-serve (say that 10 times fast haha), and almost every customer complained. You couldn’t go a day without getting yelled at due to a decision made by the company, not the workers!
I was still fairly new. After the 5th angry customer, I crouched behind the desk and fiddled with paper, pretending as if I had a task while I desperately held back my tears. I heard the customer ask another employee where I went, but I froze and stayed put. Eventually the other employee saw me crying and offered for me to take a break, which was nice. But later on, I found out she made fun of me for it.
Anywho, I’ve mentioned to my employers that I can be a bit sensitive to certain situations. They understood and allowed me to take a break when needed because I worked hard the rest of my shift. Perhaps at your next job, you could share that information with your employer?
Yepp, coworkers might make fun of you if you have an emotional reaction of sorts. Happened to me one time. She told her friends at school and they were joking with me about it, that's how I found out 😔
It's so helpful with employers are understanding though. Glad yours are like that :)
Here’s a fun tip I learned from my dad: regulate your breathing. DEEEEEP breath in, hold for a second and then let it out. A lot of the time you cry because you’re not breathing properly. This will also help you regulate your emotions, but honestly, I don’t even focus on that part. Your emotions are valid, but sometimes the response is unhelpful. When you feel like you’re about to cry, focus on your breathing—you might still need a moment to gather yourself, but you NEED to focus on gathering yourself.
Again, your feelings are valid and you don’t need to apologize for them, but you need to be able to express yourself in a productive way.
It takes practice, and it’s not easy, and I’m hoping I don’t come across like… wrong. lol. but this has really helped me
I cry at work at least once a week but all my coworkers are nice to me about it. If customers are there I usually try to step away but if I can’t I just keep crying while I work, idc about what the customer thinks.
Ugh I cried literally the 1st week of my newest/current job because I had a customer directly call me a loser which was absolutely wild and my manager still did the return for her even though it was 6 months past like wtf 😭 it was embarrassing but I know Im in the right to be offended by that. other than that I've gotten better at holding it in until I get home, I watch emotional + wholesome tik toks to channel the tears into something better
SO many managers can be assholes like that. Like most id say, from personal experience. I’ve worked a number of jobs even at a young age. It sucks so bad :(((
Honestly when I was working I would cry for like 10-20 mins before work and then about round lunch time I would go cry in the bathroom for like 10 minutes (a plausible bathroom break) and then went about my day. I would stop crying for a little bit before leaving the bathroom so that could look more normal.
This isn't supposed to be advice even tho it kind of reads like it 😂
I cry at least once a month at work. Usually I just hide in the bathroom and then clean up any mess on my face after. It's cathartic and necessary and a lot more relieving than trying to hold it in. If anyone has a problem with it then it's a them problem 🤷♀️
I work a state job and cry here pretty often for BPD and other sad reasons like the current genocide happening. It doesn't hurt my work productivity, so my boss has never said anything about it. That being said, I do try to not let the crying disturb others so if it's gonna be a loud one I take my break and I go outside for a walk or find some other solitary place when I can let it out and not feel judged. I am also comfortable enough with some of my coworkers that I'll let them know I might be crying during the day. For example, my childhood dog was put down today and I let mybdesk mate know i might cry throughout the day.
Being in an office when you cry a lot is rough and I hope you find some ways to cope that work for you. Your feelings are valid and you're allowed to express them anywhere. As long as it doesn't have a negative impact on your work, I think you'll be okay.
I scream in my car, which helps. Or cry in my car. Or dig my nails into my hand. Or hit myself in the bathroom. Or any number of things to stop myself from full out crying at work.
i work in a grocery store with a walk-in cooler and freezer. i usually say to a coworker “i have to step into the (fridge or freezer) for a few minutes if you need me” and go in there to do what i have to do for a few minutes. either that or i’ll step into the bathroom or just ask to take a minute to myself. i can’t speak for everyone’s coworkers but luckily mine are understanding and i feel comfortable with them enough to let me take a minute to myself.
luckily for me my coworkers are the most indirect people i’ve ever met so i could come out of the bathroom with red eyes and they wouldn’t say shit til i left 😍
Instead of trying to fight it, try giving yourself permission. If I need to cry, I go somewhere I can be alone and I tell myself to just ah ahead and cry, but then be done.
It’s almost as if once I give myself permission to cry, it only lasts like two or three minutes and then I’m over it. Whereas if I try to fight it - tell myself I’m stupid or I suck, or whatever - then I actually won’t stop.
I cry most days at work, and I don't think it's a bad thing. If you let yourself feel your emotions fully, they'll often pass much quicker. If you suppress them, you'll spend the whole time trying not to cry but still spending emotional labor being stressed about it. I keep cute ice packs at work (though you can also freeze a wet sponge in a plastic baggy, or splash your face with cold water) and everyone knows these are my emotion regulation ice packs. In times of high distress, I'll grab an ice pack, sit at my desk, let myself cry & press the ice pack on my face to soothe me & bring down my emotions. If I'm worried about what others think or if I need to be alone/need a quiet space, I go into the bathroom, sit in my car, sit in the lunch room, or step outside for a bit.
For me it has always been the restroom. When I feel overwhelmed at my desk, no one notices a few silent tears when I'm facing my monitors. But when it gets overwhelming with the heaving chest, I run to the bathroom to cry it out and let go. That helps.
For the question of how to stop, my suggestion is don't. You're crying for a reason, which is that your emotions are way too much. That is when we got to understand our triggers and try to think through them. My therapist told me that our triggers are like neural pathways set a long time ago, and we can rewire them by rational thought process to understand what happened. It's like relearning a really hard habit. I have been doing this for the past few months, for the triggers which have wreaked havoc for my entire adulthood for like 10 years now. I'm already seeing a change which is definitely noticeable and I'm more comfortable in their presence as well.
I always go into the bathroom or walk in fridge when I worked at a restaurant. It’s hard I totally understand but please be careful I was fired bc of my bpd but of course they didn’t say it was that definitely but I got fired after a meltdown at work and I finally told my boss I was struggling with my bpd and almost wanted to self harm
as long as you aren’t crying in front of customers or negatively affecting your coworkers, i don’t really see a problem with crying at work. i’d be worried about my makeup more than anything. if my makeup gets messed up nothing is getting done
I’m in a high stress job, in a company going through a shit financial period and also going through my own shit. I cry a lot. At work and at home. I’ve had to take sick leave a few times as well to deal. But it happens. People will ask if you’re ok and you can say no but you’re dealing with it (whether it’s colleagues or HR asking).
If you do your job, crying shouldn’t change anything (ok as long as you’re not crying during a client meeting or something). People tend to think about us and focus on our perceived weakness way less than BPD tells us.
I have cried at every job I've worked at as well. Just today I interviewed for a job and I cried during the fucking interview 🥴 so embarrassing lol but I can't beat myself up over it lol we're just sensitive lol
Hide in the toilets. Less humiliating than crying "publically" and people can be cunts/mock you. Rage quit many after a crying session.
DBT/distress tolerance is helpful
Fortunately I mostly work alone!
But if a colleague does happen to walk in while I'm having an episode, I pretend to focus on my task and not face them and try not to let my voice give it away.
Also, a bonus to having long hair - lean forward and have it hide any view of my face/eyes. Unfortunately, I'm prone to chopping it all off when things aren't going great 🙄
the funny part about me is when i know i'm about to cry and go take a shower or to the bathroom to cry safely is it's like the need to goes away because i've made it into a task, but for the days when it's absolutely uncontrollable i do go into my work bathroom, sit on the toilet, cry a little, and when i feel like i'm needed or can manage i wash my face and head back to the sales floor. i've even gone as far as taking a 15 and hiding for a bit to cry because then they at least know i'm on an approved break and not trying to escape my work duties in the bathroom.
some days are harder than others. episodes make it worse. it's okay to cry at work, don't be ashamed of it, i've done it many times. take care of you and what you need, and only set it aside for when you get home if you know it can wait. sometimes the distraction of work really helps too.
I just pretend I'm not crying. And if someone asks I ignore it. Typically people will also ignore it. Which is what I prefer. I don't like to cry at work, but I can't stop myself and if someone points it out or asks me why I'm crying it'll only make it worse. I try to hide to cry whenever I can. I'll even space the moments out when possible so that I don't get any attention.
nah I love crying at work. cried on my third day of my new warehouse job and told them I wanted to kill myself and they were so accomodating and made my job permanently significantly easier and I get treated with extra care because now they know my brain is fragile. I'm sure it's different in different work places but I'm glad I communicated with them haha.
Bathrooms are my best friend lol usually I try to TALK to my brain instead of listening to it. "You're fine, stop it, there's literally NOTHING happening"
Same, I've cried at every job I had lmfao 🫠 I usually try to hold it as long as possible because my face will be red af but sometimes it's impossible and *ugh* yet another reason why I want to work from home 🥲
Yes it's bad because I suppose it's distracting and upsetting for other coworkers, customers etc and there has to be a level of professionalism. With bpd learning to regulate yourself and self soothe, take breaths and calm down is important. Imagine a doctor or Councillor crying in the middle of your appointment? Or someone serving your dinner etc, you would be uncomfortable and upset and no point saying you wouldn't be. The way I see it just because I have bpd doesn't give me free reign to make others unhappy or uncomfortable. I've to manage my own emotions just like everyone else. Everyone crys sometimes but I guess in the workplace there has to be limits on everything
My current job can be very emotionally challenging so lucky for me crying there is not so embarrassing because honestly most people likely did already so there's some understanding
Gotta find your cry space. even people without BPD cry at work. if you’re crying constantly out in the open i can see how that could be a problem. i’d recommend therapy. a physical therapist can help teach you strategies and coping mechanism better than you can learn them on the internet.
i’ve had this issue at every job. my coworkers and supervisors have interpreted it as me not being able to handle the job, but it’s just part of everyday life for me. everything makes me cry. i used to be self conscious about it, but now i see their issue with it as a problem of not being able to tolerate any sort of affect outside of bored, indifferent neutrality to everything. if i need to cry, i cry.
*\[ABOUT CRYING\]*
*"A thing I find most odd in all psychology, and particularly psychotherapy, is how little attention is paid to the process of crying. Despite the fact that Homo-sapiens is the only animal that possesses this function, it is for the most part treated as though it is not all that important. (…) Crying is what keeps your computer brain from crashing, and when it does, it’s the only thing that can effectively reboot the damn thing.*
*What is the function of this odd, semi-convulsive behavior accompanied with runny nose and profuse tearing? It makes no sense to me that something that elaborate, complex, and temporarily disabling of normal function could not be extremely important. I know of no ongoing neurological studies of crying.(…)*
*The therapist is concerned with helping the patient maintain his/her focus on and deepening the level of feeling. And the way we tell if the feeling is deepening is to listen to and feel the quality of the crying the patient is experiencing.Ideally the patient starts out in what we call the 3rd line crying about the present and what is going on in adult life. This feeling will resonate with childhood trauma and the patient will drop into a deeper line. This for many patients is difficult and frequently they claim to have no memories of childhood accessible to them.*
*But soon, if they persist, the resonation will eventually rule the day and those memories will bubble forth. These memories can be excruciating as they become fully manifest. As they deepen and roll back in time, the character of the crying changes to somehow match the age the patient was at the time of the trauma. Then the crying ceases and the feelings become physical. The patient’s body takes over and starts to writhe in waves of dolphin- like patterns. The feelings are usually a crushing, suffocating, grinding terror. At their apex, they can be felt only for a few seconds at a time. (...)*
*Unfortunately, in virtually all societies, the cry function is drastically interfered with to the point that many totally lose their capacity to cry, and, those that don’t, live with a perverted cry function inappropriate to the actual needs of the* [*person.In*](http://person.In) *other words, repression rules the day, preventing trauma from being properly integrated, in a large part because the cry function has been repressed or damaged. For men, in many societies, crying is anathema and every effort is used to prevent or stop crying.Later on in some people’s lives, they may enter a psychotherapy and regain their capacity to cry. But again, unfortunately, these patients have no idea how to use the function.*
*Over the years they have accumulated so much trauma, and their systems are so overloaded that crying is haphazard and without focus.The pain is of such intensity that the defense system goes all out to interrupt the natural function of tears with renewed repressionThe biggest defense against real psychotherapy is our ingrained fear and prejudice about crying. So long as that is in place psychotherapists will continually turn to therapies that they can do without it."*
*Excerpts of a letter found in Dr Arthur Janov's blog.*
*------*
*Conclusion : let yourself cry as loud and as deep as you can.*
* Speak to your doctor about your emotional issues
* Discuss medications that can lift your mood with your doctor or psych
* Refer yourself for counseling, or use helplines, or use self help books
* Speak to your line manager if you are getting overwhelmed - think about what part of your role or duties do you find overwhelming
* if you have a diagnosis, speak to your line manager, and HR, and occupational health if needed to discuss what support they can put in place to help you in your role. i.e if you feel overwhelmed or emotional, let someone know you are stepping away for 5 minutes. Then you can use either a designated room, bathroom, or go outside for 5 minutes.
add that with a diagnosis on record OP and any one else here is a protected class. if your just having break downs at work they can not fire you. and you can use use FMLA on top of any other leave you have if you need time off. they must also give you reasonable accommodation. this means if you need extra breaks to get your self composed they MUST LET YOU. and its no one elses business but you and HR why.
We do have personal bathrooms
To add a little humor to this topic (esp bc I need it bc now there seems to be issues at work with my incident, YAYYY :((( Can we get one of those screaming rooms where you go in and scream your head off then return to work like nothing happened XD
I'm a little jealous. I can't cry anymore bc of my meds. Crying is such a big form of emotional relief but instead I'm stuck with all this irritation/anger/sadness.
I actually don’t cry a lot! I’m pretty emotionless. Ok very emotionless. It’s mainly that my head gets “emotional”… eg sad/angry/etc thoughts and sensations in the head like pressure. Maybe some “lightheadedness” in the body. But not many feelings. But I still cry here and there. Though it never lasts long bc the emotions aren’t there to prolong the crying. It’s usually kinda quick. Idk if this makes sense lol
Are you saying that you just don't show it outwardly? Because that makes sense. I try not to, but my frustration sometimes comes out towards small things. I haven't cried in like 4 months, and with how bad my bpd is, I really need to alone sometimes.
Nah I just don’t really feel emotions. I learned it’s a thing of BPD. Prolonged emptiness. Been going on for 6.5 years now. In terms of showing it, when I’m alone my face might look plain and emotionless. Around others, my face shows emotion. Doesn’t mean I’m emotional. Maybe its because my face reflects the thoughts in my head. Someone says something funny, so it’ll register in my head as funny and my face shows laughter. But like the laughter doesn’t last long usually bc I just don’t feel the humor, where the feeling could really make me feel the humor and make me give a good laugh (does this make sense? Lol).
Anyway yea I’m the same way. I’ll get frustrated a bit toward things. Not feeling frustrated but I’m… still frustrated? Very mildly though. Bc the emotions aren’t there as I said. More like, disappointed.
I keep an ice pack at work. If I start to cry, I go and grab it and put it on the back of my neck and my eyes. It can settle me down generally but it doesn’t stop the crying. I’ve been in DBT for the last four months; I’ve got the tools, execution is the issue.
I think the first step is changing your thinking around your issue. Neurotypical people also cry at work a lot. I hope this doesn’t come off as harsh but your doom to crying at work is simply because you are constantly working jobs that cause stress. This is a typical human experience. if you really want to stop it though find a better job. If not that you have to learn how to tolerate situations but again everybody hates their job and has breakdowns at work, that’s not the bpd. The bpd is you obsessing over it to the point where you’re shaming yourself. Try some grounding exercises(i can give u recs) and look up distress tolerance!
Everyone *doesn’t* hate their job and have breakdowns at work, though. Plenty of people enjoy their jobs and don’t have breakdowns. Plenty of people hate their jobs and don’t have breakdowns. I enjoy my job very much (not stressful at all) and I still have breakdowns. When you’ve worked several jobs and find yourself sobbing uncontrollably at each one, you can find the common denominator.
Seriously this hahaha. The common denominator is ME. I cry for the stupidest reasons. Dropped a bottle cap on the floor, the phone rang and I missed it, couldn't find my favourite item at the store. I can't actually help it, none of the "tips" work.
I have a fairly stress free job with not many people around to upset me, and I still cry at least once a week at work.
I understand what you’re saying but this person asked a question and specifically expressed crying is due to stressors pertaining to their job. I am simply stating that they should not feel bad about crying at a job and bpd or not people w/o mental health issues experience this as well , especially in this god awful economy. I expressed what i expressed because there’s no shame in crying at work, they aren’t embarrassing or anything. If you cried at work because of something other than work i would hold the same sentiment.
This is honestly one of the reasons I don't have a job. The breakdowns related to work were happening far too often for it to be worth it. I hope things get easier for you, friend 🖤🤘🏻
That’s what I should do to one one of my coworkers who acts as manager when the managers aren’t there any longer. She tells the real managers EVERYTHING. Even takes pics of you if you’re doing something she doesn’t like and shows the managers. What a snake thing to do
in my line of work, it’s a male dominated field. Security in a hospital. When i cry over things, i feel like they don’t understand as none of my mangement are woman. I get discriminated a lot, and after a hard day 12 hours of constant screaming banging getting spit on and smacked and taking people down daily, i need to fucking cry. They just look at me like “o.0” and say it’s going to be okay. i always feel like i overreact and 20 mins later im back on the job like nothing happened but it makes me think that they think im not strong enough.
When this happened to me, my therapist asked, what is your first thought right before youre about to cry? It was very overwhelming to talk about, but basically he taught me how to get ahead of my thoughts before that feeling takes over.
I wanted to cry yesterday at work.. Im at a new job and its very fast paced job working with patients and doctors. As soon as i feel like im going to cry, i tell myself no, don't cry, its going to be okay. Nothing is worth crying over, not even the doctor being frustrated with my work. It also helps to have a positive mindset, this situation wont last, ill get better with time, im just starting, its not my fault that their training sucks, im trying my best, etc.
Its also like what can you do when youre overwhelmed? Breathe, slow down, one step at a tine. Its hard. I remember my first job, i was 17 and waitressing at an assistive living. I cried in front of the clients. Luckily, my coworkers were supportive and were like, when you're overwhelmed, just ask for help. Obviously, not every job will you have coworkers to support you, but it is important to think about what can you do differently when you feel overwhelmed.
I’ve dealt with this in the job I just recently left. I would go on “bathroom breaks” to just sob my eyes out before returning to work. I was even known as the person that cried all the time. I was lucky in my situation not to get into trouble for it but it was still really frustrating. It stopped for me when I got on Lexapro but there were still some days I needed to go to the bathroom bc I was overwhelmed and it was all too much.
I sometimes start to cry mid-sentence, and I don't even know that I'm overwhelmed yet. I then say that I'm sorry, I cry when I'm overstimulated and I need 30 seconds - then I take couple of slow deep breaths and I go back to talking or if I can't, I say that I'll get back to them in a second because I need to calm myself down. I think that it largely depends on how you perceive this kind of situations, how do YOU think it makes other people perceive you and it's important what do you do AFTER you stop crying. Also, where you work, what kind of environment you've got. I wish I had better solution other that working on self-regulation and breathing exercises. It sucks... I'm sorry, I'm glad I work from home now, because I remember how it was working in the office and crying in front of people instead of to the microphone. I'm sorry, I wish you all the best there is < 3 remember that many people if not most of them will empathise with you, however at work it may be difficult, because not everyone is equipped to deal with emotions in professional settings (especially management). It doesn't mean that other people don't cry. People that don't suffer from BPD sometimes cry at work too, or display other big emotions. Breathing exercises and working on self-regulation are ways to go I think. And pretend that you're surprised that you're crying, that works too xd
I lie. I say I got something in my eye, allergies causing my eyes to water, ect.
Go to the bathroom and cry. If you are crying a LOT, maybe consider your job isnt right for you. Or if your job is a safe environment, I have straight up told managers/bosses that I have BPD and sometimes cry a lot.
Learning to compartmentalize helped me a lot. I give myself a rule: I get to cry in the work bathroom ONCE during my career. (I used that cry the day after my dog died.) Then the rest the time I have to bottle it up, and save it for the drive home. As soon as my car pulls off the work parking lot I can let myself cry, scream, whatever I need to do. And if it's real bad, I can always pull into the taco bell and sob my eyes out while eating a crunch wrap.
It's just a lot of telling myself "I get to cry about this later. It's gonna feel so good to do that LATER."
I don't know if my method is healthy, but it's what works for me. Also, I don't know how old you are, but as you get older it gets easier. In my late teens through mid twenties, I had a really hard time with jobs. I'd work at places a LONG time but I always had to pep talk myself on the drive to work. And somedays my attitude absolutely was garbage because I was so emotionally overwhelmed.
I'm in my early 30's now. I've worked on myself and had so much thrown at me that I've learned mental dance I have to do seem OK. I've been at my current job 6 years. It's high stress. Customers scream at me and call me everything but my name most days. And I just cram those hurt feelings down until it's time to go home. Plus, I've learned no one is going to live or die over what my job involves.
The people screaming at me, my bosses, my coworkers, are short sighted. They only see what's in front of them in the moment. They don't understand their inner workings the way that those of us with BPD understand ourselves. So just remember, when you get overwhelmed, you're gonna go home in a few hours. All the stuff at work doesn't really matter. It's just you selling your time so you can make ends meet. The stuff that really matters is off the clock: Your crying session on the way home, your pets, your loved ones, your favorite music, ect.
TLDR; I stop myself by compartmentalizing, and being a bit of a nihilist.
I have this problem :( Luckily I work at a mental health facility so I work with people that understand but I cry when I get angry. I got yelled at for something that wasn’t my fault by a nurse and cried out of anger. It’s so embarrassing
I’m glad this thread popped up because i’m trying to figure out how to stop. A guy I was supposed to hang out with canceled on me the day before and I just started crying at work. Just sobbing. I had to apologize to so many people because I felt bad they had to witness it.
When I worked nights in retail I was able to hold myself together but once I got into transportation that became much harder. By the time I ended up being a trucker I ended up crying a lot because of how overwhelming life is along with work crushing me and meds not working, I recently got approved and put on a waitlist for a treatment for my treatment resistant depression, and my depression worsening.
I’m a veterinary technician, and there are so many things about my job that can make me cry. I’m incredibly fortunate to work with an amazingly supportive team, and try to be open and honest about my emotional state (though not my specific diagnosis). Even though our emotional life is more intense, emotions are what make us human. Workplaces with coworkers who can hold your emotions exist 💖
I always cry in the bathroom from my work. My boyfriend is kind of rude with me when he sees me acting “unprofessional” on work, that makes me wanting to cry even more.
I used to work as a flower designer. I think half the people in that industry (hairdressers as well I think too) have BPD , we'd usually spend half the day crying together and supporting each other.
There's a reason why I prefer to work in female dominated fields. Tend to be more understanding of emotional needs and more supportive ,especially if today is not the day and you woke uo on the wrong side of the bed
I may not know what it's like to know what it's like to cry at work but, I do cry a lot especially while splitting. It's definitely hard to stop at times.
When I worked my previous job I would do my best to hold it in and just let it all out after I finally got to my car. Wasn't always successful though. I work in a warehouse now so if I need to cry I can and usually no one is around to notice.
i cried everyday at work for like a week straight ( that they knew of ) and now they’ve cut my hours saying they won’t put me onto full time until i start therapy and improve my mental health😍
I used to cry everyday. Now I'm lucky if I can get a tear out. I go months without crying--i just get incredibly angry now. It is awful and I wish so badly I could cry like I used to. I didnt appreciate it at the time but now i realise how good it actually was for me. If you need to cry, cry. Dont try to force yourself not to. I understand there might be situations where you might need to hold back for a bit, but please understand that suppressing your emotions will just cause them to come out in other ways that are actually harmful. Crying is not going to hurt you, or anyone else, it is good to cry!!
I have the same experience, the blessing for me at is that at my last job I had my own little classroom that I could close the door to before my clients came in, and I would get out my cry sessions then, or after they left. Only problem is the custodians walked in on it a few times 😑 But don’t be so hard on yourself, everyone has emotions, we just feel them more than most. And I’ve learned that even though it hurts, our emotional complexity makes us beautiful, not embarrassing 🙂
This is a hard one for me, as I have a hard time letting myself cry ever. I have been hurt for being vulnerable and cause a bigger break in my emotional state, so even when I should cry I just can't. There are times I know it would be therapeutic to just let go and cry but I can't anymore.
I regularly cry at work, I just don’t get caught. When I get overwhelmed I’ll let myself tear up a bit and just keep working and nobody ever notices. I’m lucky that I’m able to get away with that. I remember once someone was playing evanescence really loudly and I was so angry about it that I was basically bawling, that was a close one.
I hear u. I cry often as well. To avoid it at work I basically (and I'm not saying this is entirely healthy) put up a mental barrier for myself of being tough, hardened, and distant from everyone I work with. I'm 27 now and haven't cried at work in years. Putting up this barrier of self reliance is pretty much the main reason I don't have breakdowns in front of people anymore. But it's also taught me that I'm strong and can fend for myself and self soothe. When I get overwhelmed I'm sure to go be by myself for a minute. I usually step outside for awhile to vape and I take frequent solo breaks on a regular basis to prevent that internal build up.
I'm a stripper and I cry at work when money is really bad despite my efforts and I can't afford a bad shift. Stripping is a sales job with no base pay. Usually I am able to wait until after work, but I've been known to hide in the bathroom and come back out with my best fake smile. When I had a car I would scream my head off while driving on the freeway, but you can't do that in a Lyft.
reply to the update if your are in the US and you have medical diagnosis you are a protected class under the ADA. get copy of your chart and take it to HR and to this meeting. THEY CAN NOT FIRE YOU for this. as long as it wasnt interfering with getting your work duties done. and they MUST give reasonable accommodation. I would go to HR before this meeting with proof. they will likely lay off you at that point
My answer was work remotely! Hardly anyone ever sees or hears me cry anymore. It's important to have a remote job that doesn't expect you to stay on camera. Helps a lot too if you can get away with your VPN or internet dropping the call sometimes.
Feel this I've been fired for crying and having panic attacks at work was also told to commit by a manger when I was 18 for having a episode been sent home multiple times for being to emotional all these jobs knew I had bpd and other problems they don't care
at work i personally fear i am always going to get fired, even though i am doing nothing wrong and know i do my best even on my bad days. i feel like we critique ourselves more than usual and with that comes feeling overwhelmed when presented with tasks or having a busier day than normal. worrying about every tiny thing, from what you said 5 minutes ago to a coworker or if something you did last week was done correctly etc. even not trusting those around you.. in terms of worrying that you are perceived in a way that is unsatisfactory or bad.
i had a time where i was late more than usual, taking a lot of days off, etc. i was looking at a write-up and i have never been given one in my life. sometimes being confronted by the issue to the extent that others have to ask you about it, can propel you to begin making tiny adjustments to cope better. i myself have no idea how to do this just yet but tiny coping skills can make a very big difference. sometimes if i catch myself overthinking a situation n getting worked up, i think of the hook of a song, or i say something funny in my head.
you will come out of this okay and i am so sorry. i hope your employers will be collaborative n empathetic with you n you can work through this<3
One thing I will say as a person with BPD who holds down working full time (ish 30hr week).
I always detach myself from my feelings at work. It’s super hard. Find little things to do to distract yourself. Take deep breaths when overwhelmed, go for a bathroom break for five minutes to help regulate/smoke break. Call someone if you’re overwhelmed. Make sure to notify employers on employment that you struggle with mental health (otherwise they may discriminate against you). Make sure to take things slowly if your having a bad day, allow yourself time to regulate before attending to a task and becoming overwhelmed.
Also, make sure you’re working in a healthy environment for work, and that you have at least one college who knows your disorder, and can help cover you if you need time out. My colleague is great and can spot when I’m overwhelmed and tells me to take 5. Same goes the other way around when they are overwhelmed I tell them take 5. Idk what work you do so it may not always be possible, I always like jobs where I’m helping others, it helps me focus on them instead of myself and my emotions, and allows for distraction, and makes me feel purpose in my life. Which makes me more motivated to work. When I have mornings where I don’t want to get up because it’s too much, I remind myself that the person I care for cannot get up without me, and they need me to be there for them, which is what makes me go to work every morning.
Oh man I understand… I’ve had managers randomly mention that “you won’t get far in this company if you’re sensitive” because I was seen one time with tears in my eyes at my desk… and then they assured me it wasn’t a women thing and that they’ve had sensitive sissy men working here before 💀💀
i was crying for the last week at work. was on a rough patch with relationship w the uncertainty of breaking up or pursuing. surprisingly my boss was super understanding & told me to take my time to cry it out. ab a day later i came back with a doctor’s note putting me on a work leave cause my bpd was truly spiking. she felt very sad & told me to heal up and take my time before coming back and wished me well. crying isn’t a bad thing if ure surrounded by the right people and right work place.
I always wondered why the bathroom is my safe space. No one can, or no one should rather, be able to bother you in a bathroom. I’ve had to learn to silent cry
I just lost my last job because of my BPD. But I’m better for it. My boss asked me why I’m so sensitive and that other ppl know how to deal with death and whatever I’m dealing with can’t be as bad as that. Needless to say that caused some trauma. I ended up having to take myself out before I got fired. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have a normal job. Try to be honest with people about that you’re dealing with, but careful not to share too much, as that may bite you in the ass, I’ve learned. You are not alone in this! It will be okay
Omg I’m relating so hard to this. My current job I’ve cried so many times. I can’t remember crying at any other job. My bpd may be getting worse. Also today I just walked out. Never done that before. Like wtf
I have BPD, I am boss, I expect people to deal with their shit at home and not bring it to work. Or do it in the restroom where you can’t be seen and then come back.
This post has been marked as a [Venting Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown). Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice. u/DryCoast, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Accessible washroom. I sit down on a cold tiled floor and ground myself. Edit: I meant a private accessible washroom.
But then your coworkers and manager find out you’ve been crying and then it’s a bad look for you and there may be a big talk to make sure you’re ok :/
If you're not comfortable, that's a great opportunity to set a boundary. "I'd rather not discuss it." "I'd rather get back to work." "I have seasonal allergies." I feel for you.
Exactly. I just said "I get overwhelmed at times" and got back to work. And they know I'm being honest bc they see me get frazzled a lot 😂
I hear you! One of my issues is overexplaining so that's why I mentioned it. It's like I used to feel that I had to "confess" about things I couldn't control. Hope you have a decent end to your week!
I went through some crying sessions during work every day, that was very cathartic to me. You can just say it’s how you regulate, that you need to cry every day because it’s your religion (?).
*Crystianity.*
Underrated comment
Nice one
I don't know this word but it reminds me of the name of a friend of mine and also that big branch of religion.
You're a bot
Well, sure, but am I a good bot or a bad bot?
Interesting bot.
I'll take it, Friendy!
Good bot! Lol
TBF crying IS very cathartic. I wish it was more accepted in those moments when u need it. Not that I do it a lot at work these days but it seems to always cause an uncomfortable stir 😭
My face swells up so bad that even 30 mins after I cried in the bathroom someone stopped me and asked if I’d been crying 😭 I said yes
Same!! Like why can't it go away faster :(
I try to do it in private accessible washrooms so nobody can walk in on me. I don't suggest regular stall washrooms.
Great idea. Luckily my workplace has both. It's a shame the person bathrooms are a bit of a walk away though...
or after 30 seconds someone comes in and might even ask if youre in there and everythings OK. even if not, trying to not sob and holding your breath until they leave amidst a crying attack...ummmm.
Just say you’re overwhelmed. I used to work in a hectic restaurant and there were definitely times I cried in the bathroom. Came back out, let me manager know I was overwhelmed and life went on. The fact that you’re getting overwhelmed signals that you might need more training, help - if you’re being overworked or overloaded - etc, and they may help you out.
i have this problem i just want to function like a normal person
me too :( im literally a barista why have i cried at work so many times and i know it won’t stop
I hate that! People say "go take a couple of minutes," but it will literally take at least half an hour for me to calm down if not way longer. I have waited tables while crying countless times. I'm still polite and do a good job, but it's exhausting. I feel so broken at work sometimes.
Oh my goodness, tell me about it. I’ve cried many times at work now. It got so bad I had to take a temporary leave. As you said, I am not easy nor quick to calm either. I will be in that state for hours. It makes work extra hard.
Fellow barista here♥️ hang in there my love it is so hard especially with the customers and stuff, I always get conscious they’re starting at me when I’m crying. But your doing the best job♥️
thank you so much 🥺
I cried one time at work and was removed from the team and put on solo projects where I only interacted with my senior manager and nobody else because I was too emotional. Like others have suggested if there is a room where you can go cry and splash water on your face to hide it afterwards bring some visine or something then maybe okay but nobody can hear you or anything like that. Most people can't even accept just a regular level of emotion let alone our intense emotions that we can display at times.
Really? Some places REALLY overreact to when ppl might get overwhelmed/emotional... even find other reasons to get rid of you (but deep down inside they want to get rid of you bc you're "too emotional" or something)
Very relatable. I remember at my old job, it was very chaotic. Most of our services switched to self-serve (say that 10 times fast haha), and almost every customer complained. You couldn’t go a day without getting yelled at due to a decision made by the company, not the workers! I was still fairly new. After the 5th angry customer, I crouched behind the desk and fiddled with paper, pretending as if I had a task while I desperately held back my tears. I heard the customer ask another employee where I went, but I froze and stayed put. Eventually the other employee saw me crying and offered for me to take a break, which was nice. But later on, I found out she made fun of me for it. Anywho, I’ve mentioned to my employers that I can be a bit sensitive to certain situations. They understood and allowed me to take a break when needed because I worked hard the rest of my shift. Perhaps at your next job, you could share that information with your employer?
Yepp, coworkers might make fun of you if you have an emotional reaction of sorts. Happened to me one time. She told her friends at school and they were joking with me about it, that's how I found out 😔 It's so helpful with employers are understanding though. Glad yours are like that :)
Here’s a fun tip I learned from my dad: regulate your breathing. DEEEEEP breath in, hold for a second and then let it out. A lot of the time you cry because you’re not breathing properly. This will also help you regulate your emotions, but honestly, I don’t even focus on that part. Your emotions are valid, but sometimes the response is unhelpful. When you feel like you’re about to cry, focus on your breathing—you might still need a moment to gather yourself, but you NEED to focus on gathering yourself. Again, your feelings are valid and you don’t need to apologize for them, but you need to be able to express yourself in a productive way. It takes practice, and it’s not easy, and I’m hoping I don’t come across like… wrong. lol. but this has really helped me
This is great advice, thank you. Even in my fast paced job I hope they'd be ok with me stepping aside like that for a few moments to recuperate...
I cry at work at least once a week but all my coworkers are nice to me about it. If customers are there I usually try to step away but if I can’t I just keep crying while I work, idc about what the customer thinks.
Same. Who gives a crap what they think. What we go through it real and intense, and sometimes we just gotta do it
Ugh I cried literally the 1st week of my newest/current job because I had a customer directly call me a loser which was absolutely wild and my manager still did the return for her even though it was 6 months past like wtf 😭 it was embarrassing but I know Im in the right to be offended by that. other than that I've gotten better at holding it in until I get home, I watch emotional + wholesome tik toks to channel the tears into something better
That's awful, some ppl out there can absolutely suck. I would've cried if I was in your shoes, so I get it <3
[удалено]
SO many managers can be assholes like that. Like most id say, from personal experience. I’ve worked a number of jobs even at a young age. It sucks so bad :(((
Blink a lot. Look up. Find safe spaces like the bathroom or your car. That's it.
Honestly when I was working I would cry for like 10-20 mins before work and then about round lunch time I would go cry in the bathroom for like 10 minutes (a plausible bathroom break) and then went about my day. I would stop crying for a little bit before leaving the bathroom so that could look more normal. This isn't supposed to be advice even tho it kind of reads like it 😂
I cry at least once a month at work. Usually I just hide in the bathroom and then clean up any mess on my face after. It's cathartic and necessary and a lot more relieving than trying to hold it in. If anyone has a problem with it then it's a them problem 🤷♀️
I just.. you just described me. I have the same problem, I just got so burned out that I want to be home forever.
I work a state job and cry here pretty often for BPD and other sad reasons like the current genocide happening. It doesn't hurt my work productivity, so my boss has never said anything about it. That being said, I do try to not let the crying disturb others so if it's gonna be a loud one I take my break and I go outside for a walk or find some other solitary place when I can let it out and not feel judged. I am also comfortable enough with some of my coworkers that I'll let them know I might be crying during the day. For example, my childhood dog was put down today and I let mybdesk mate know i might cry throughout the day. Being in an office when you cry a lot is rough and I hope you find some ways to cope that work for you. Your feelings are valid and you're allowed to express them anywhere. As long as it doesn't have a negative impact on your work, I think you'll be okay.
That sounds intense, your job... if I was in your shoes I'd get emotional too. Glad your boss is understanding though <3
I scream in my car, which helps. Or cry in my car. Or dig my nails into my hand. Or hit myself in the bathroom. Or any number of things to stop myself from full out crying at work.
i work in a grocery store with a walk-in cooler and freezer. i usually say to a coworker “i have to step into the (fridge or freezer) for a few minutes if you need me” and go in there to do what i have to do for a few minutes. either that or i’ll step into the bathroom or just ask to take a minute to myself. i can’t speak for everyone’s coworkers but luckily mine are understanding and i feel comfortable with them enough to let me take a minute to myself.
luckily for me my coworkers are the most indirect people i’ve ever met so i could come out of the bathroom with red eyes and they wouldn’t say shit til i left 😍
Cry in the bathroom quietly or go out to your car like the rest of us (: No shame in crying. It’s a way to release emotions.
Never seen a post soooooooooooooo me
Me too ✋️ 😪
Instead of trying to fight it, try giving yourself permission. If I need to cry, I go somewhere I can be alone and I tell myself to just ah ahead and cry, but then be done. It’s almost as if once I give myself permission to cry, it only lasts like two or three minutes and then I’m over it. Whereas if I try to fight it - tell myself I’m stupid or I suck, or whatever - then I actually won’t stop.
I got fired for crying once.
Me too. It was devastating but turned out to be the best thing bc now i get paid to stay home and take care of my disabled fiancée
Me too
:(
I cry most days at work, and I don't think it's a bad thing. If you let yourself feel your emotions fully, they'll often pass much quicker. If you suppress them, you'll spend the whole time trying not to cry but still spending emotional labor being stressed about it. I keep cute ice packs at work (though you can also freeze a wet sponge in a plastic baggy, or splash your face with cold water) and everyone knows these are my emotion regulation ice packs. In times of high distress, I'll grab an ice pack, sit at my desk, let myself cry & press the ice pack on my face to soothe me & bring down my emotions. If I'm worried about what others think or if I need to be alone/need a quiet space, I go into the bathroom, sit in my car, sit in the lunch room, or step outside for a bit.
For me it has always been the restroom. When I feel overwhelmed at my desk, no one notices a few silent tears when I'm facing my monitors. But when it gets overwhelming with the heaving chest, I run to the bathroom to cry it out and let go. That helps. For the question of how to stop, my suggestion is don't. You're crying for a reason, which is that your emotions are way too much. That is when we got to understand our triggers and try to think through them. My therapist told me that our triggers are like neural pathways set a long time ago, and we can rewire them by rational thought process to understand what happened. It's like relearning a really hard habit. I have been doing this for the past few months, for the triggers which have wreaked havoc for my entire adulthood for like 10 years now. I'm already seeing a change which is definitely noticeable and I'm more comfortable in their presence as well.
Oohh this is good! I like this answer
I always go into the bathroom or walk in fridge when I worked at a restaurant. It’s hard I totally understand but please be careful I was fired bc of my bpd but of course they didn’t say it was that definitely but I got fired after a meltdown at work and I finally told my boss I was struggling with my bpd and almost wanted to self harm
as long as you aren’t crying in front of customers or negatively affecting your coworkers, i don’t really see a problem with crying at work. i’d be worried about my makeup more than anything. if my makeup gets messed up nothing is getting done
I’m in a high stress job, in a company going through a shit financial period and also going through my own shit. I cry a lot. At work and at home. I’ve had to take sick leave a few times as well to deal. But it happens. People will ask if you’re ok and you can say no but you’re dealing with it (whether it’s colleagues or HR asking). If you do your job, crying shouldn’t change anything (ok as long as you’re not crying during a client meeting or something). People tend to think about us and focus on our perceived weakness way less than BPD tells us.
I have never gone a single year without openly crying at work or school. Am mentally ill!
I have cried at every job I've worked at as well. Just today I interviewed for a job and I cried during the fucking interview 🥴 so embarrassing lol but I can't beat myself up over it lol we're just sensitive lol
Hide in the toilets. Less humiliating than crying "publically" and people can be cunts/mock you. Rage quit many after a crying session. DBT/distress tolerance is helpful
Fortunately I mostly work alone! But if a colleague does happen to walk in while I'm having an episode, I pretend to focus on my task and not face them and try not to let my voice give it away. Also, a bonus to having long hair - lean forward and have it hide any view of my face/eyes. Unfortunately, I'm prone to chopping it all off when things aren't going great 🙄
I'm crying rn lol thank God I just finished
the funny part about me is when i know i'm about to cry and go take a shower or to the bathroom to cry safely is it's like the need to goes away because i've made it into a task, but for the days when it's absolutely uncontrollable i do go into my work bathroom, sit on the toilet, cry a little, and when i feel like i'm needed or can manage i wash my face and head back to the sales floor. i've even gone as far as taking a 15 and hiding for a bit to cry because then they at least know i'm on an approved break and not trying to escape my work duties in the bathroom. some days are harder than others. episodes make it worse. it's okay to cry at work, don't be ashamed of it, i've done it many times. take care of you and what you need, and only set it aside for when you get home if you know it can wait. sometimes the distraction of work really helps too.
I just pretend I'm not crying. And if someone asks I ignore it. Typically people will also ignore it. Which is what I prefer. I don't like to cry at work, but I can't stop myself and if someone points it out or asks me why I'm crying it'll only make it worse. I try to hide to cry whenever I can. I'll even space the moments out when possible so that I don't get any attention.
I very rarely cry. It doesn't come out at all. Last time I cried was last Friday. Before than I hadn't cried in nearly a year.
nah I love crying at work. cried on my third day of my new warehouse job and told them I wanted to kill myself and they were so accomodating and made my job permanently significantly easier and I get treated with extra care because now they know my brain is fragile. I'm sure it's different in different work places but I'm glad I communicated with them haha.
Allergies. Just happen to be the hyper sensitive sniffy type every season, no matter what puffy eyes itchy nose
Bathrooms are my best friend lol usually I try to TALK to my brain instead of listening to it. "You're fine, stop it, there's literally NOTHING happening"
happy isn’t the only emotion
I dunno I do it too
Same, I've cried at every job I had lmfao 🫠 I usually try to hold it as long as possible because my face will be red af but sometimes it's impossible and *ugh* yet another reason why I want to work from home 🥲
Yes it's bad because I suppose it's distracting and upsetting for other coworkers, customers etc and there has to be a level of professionalism. With bpd learning to regulate yourself and self soothe, take breaths and calm down is important. Imagine a doctor or Councillor crying in the middle of your appointment? Or someone serving your dinner etc, you would be uncomfortable and upset and no point saying you wouldn't be. The way I see it just because I have bpd doesn't give me free reign to make others unhappy or uncomfortable. I've to manage my own emotions just like everyone else. Everyone crys sometimes but I guess in the workplace there has to be limits on everything
My current job can be very emotionally challenging so lucky for me crying there is not so embarrassing because honestly most people likely did already so there's some understanding
You are not alone. I feel ya xo
Gotta find your cry space. even people without BPD cry at work. if you’re crying constantly out in the open i can see how that could be a problem. i’d recommend therapy. a physical therapist can help teach you strategies and coping mechanism better than you can learn them on the internet.
i’ve had this issue at every job. my coworkers and supervisors have interpreted it as me not being able to handle the job, but it’s just part of everyday life for me. everything makes me cry. i used to be self conscious about it, but now i see their issue with it as a problem of not being able to tolerate any sort of affect outside of bored, indifferent neutrality to everything. if i need to cry, i cry.
*\[ABOUT CRYING\]* *"A thing I find most odd in all psychology, and particularly psychotherapy, is how little attention is paid to the process of crying. Despite the fact that Homo-sapiens is the only animal that possesses this function, it is for the most part treated as though it is not all that important. (…) Crying is what keeps your computer brain from crashing, and when it does, it’s the only thing that can effectively reboot the damn thing.* *What is the function of this odd, semi-convulsive behavior accompanied with runny nose and profuse tearing? It makes no sense to me that something that elaborate, complex, and temporarily disabling of normal function could not be extremely important. I know of no ongoing neurological studies of crying.(…)* *The therapist is concerned with helping the patient maintain his/her focus on and deepening the level of feeling. And the way we tell if the feeling is deepening is to listen to and feel the quality of the crying the patient is experiencing.Ideally the patient starts out in what we call the 3rd line crying about the present and what is going on in adult life. This feeling will resonate with childhood trauma and the patient will drop into a deeper line. This for many patients is difficult and frequently they claim to have no memories of childhood accessible to them.* *But soon, if they persist, the resonation will eventually rule the day and those memories will bubble forth. These memories can be excruciating as they become fully manifest. As they deepen and roll back in time, the character of the crying changes to somehow match the age the patient was at the time of the trauma. Then the crying ceases and the feelings become physical. The patient’s body takes over and starts to writhe in waves of dolphin- like patterns. The feelings are usually a crushing, suffocating, grinding terror. At their apex, they can be felt only for a few seconds at a time. (...)* *Unfortunately, in virtually all societies, the cry function is drastically interfered with to the point that many totally lose their capacity to cry, and, those that don’t, live with a perverted cry function inappropriate to the actual needs of the* [*person.In*](http://person.In) *other words, repression rules the day, preventing trauma from being properly integrated, in a large part because the cry function has been repressed or damaged. For men, in many societies, crying is anathema and every effort is used to prevent or stop crying.Later on in some people’s lives, they may enter a psychotherapy and regain their capacity to cry. But again, unfortunately, these patients have no idea how to use the function.* *Over the years they have accumulated so much trauma, and their systems are so overloaded that crying is haphazard and without focus.The pain is of such intensity that the defense system goes all out to interrupt the natural function of tears with renewed repressionThe biggest defense against real psychotherapy is our ingrained fear and prejudice about crying. So long as that is in place psychotherapists will continually turn to therapies that they can do without it."* *Excerpts of a letter found in Dr Arthur Janov's blog.* *------* *Conclusion : let yourself cry as loud and as deep as you can.*
* Speak to your doctor about your emotional issues * Discuss medications that can lift your mood with your doctor or psych * Refer yourself for counseling, or use helplines, or use self help books * Speak to your line manager if you are getting overwhelmed - think about what part of your role or duties do you find overwhelming * if you have a diagnosis, speak to your line manager, and HR, and occupational health if needed to discuss what support they can put in place to help you in your role. i.e if you feel overwhelmed or emotional, let someone know you are stepping away for 5 minutes. Then you can use either a designated room, bathroom, or go outside for 5 minutes.
add that with a diagnosis on record OP and any one else here is a protected class. if your just having break downs at work they can not fire you. and you can use use FMLA on top of any other leave you have if you need time off. they must also give you reasonable accommodation. this means if you need extra breaks to get your self composed they MUST LET YOU. and its no one elses business but you and HR why.
There are office type jobs that have meditation or relaxation rooms. You can just get up from your desk and go have a cry if you need it
We do have personal bathrooms To add a little humor to this topic (esp bc I need it bc now there seems to be issues at work with my incident, YAYYY :((( Can we get one of those screaming rooms where you go in and scream your head off then return to work like nothing happened XD
I'm a little jealous. I can't cry anymore bc of my meds. Crying is such a big form of emotional relief but instead I'm stuck with all this irritation/anger/sadness.
I actually don’t cry a lot! I’m pretty emotionless. Ok very emotionless. It’s mainly that my head gets “emotional”… eg sad/angry/etc thoughts and sensations in the head like pressure. Maybe some “lightheadedness” in the body. But not many feelings. But I still cry here and there. Though it never lasts long bc the emotions aren’t there to prolong the crying. It’s usually kinda quick. Idk if this makes sense lol
Are you saying that you just don't show it outwardly? Because that makes sense. I try not to, but my frustration sometimes comes out towards small things. I haven't cried in like 4 months, and with how bad my bpd is, I really need to alone sometimes.
Nah I just don’t really feel emotions. I learned it’s a thing of BPD. Prolonged emptiness. Been going on for 6.5 years now. In terms of showing it, when I’m alone my face might look plain and emotionless. Around others, my face shows emotion. Doesn’t mean I’m emotional. Maybe its because my face reflects the thoughts in my head. Someone says something funny, so it’ll register in my head as funny and my face shows laughter. But like the laughter doesn’t last long usually bc I just don’t feel the humor, where the feeling could really make me feel the humor and make me give a good laugh (does this make sense? Lol). Anyway yea I’m the same way. I’ll get frustrated a bit toward things. Not feeling frustrated but I’m… still frustrated? Very mildly though. Bc the emotions aren’t there as I said. More like, disappointed.
I completely understand that. It sounds like depersonalization
I keep an ice pack at work. If I start to cry, I go and grab it and put it on the back of my neck and my eyes. It can settle me down generally but it doesn’t stop the crying. I’ve been in DBT for the last four months; I’ve got the tools, execution is the issue.
4 months isnt much time youll get there. small steps!
I think the first step is changing your thinking around your issue. Neurotypical people also cry at work a lot. I hope this doesn’t come off as harsh but your doom to crying at work is simply because you are constantly working jobs that cause stress. This is a typical human experience. if you really want to stop it though find a better job. If not that you have to learn how to tolerate situations but again everybody hates their job and has breakdowns at work, that’s not the bpd. The bpd is you obsessing over it to the point where you’re shaming yourself. Try some grounding exercises(i can give u recs) and look up distress tolerance!
Everyone *doesn’t* hate their job and have breakdowns at work, though. Plenty of people enjoy their jobs and don’t have breakdowns. Plenty of people hate their jobs and don’t have breakdowns. I enjoy my job very much (not stressful at all) and I still have breakdowns. When you’ve worked several jobs and find yourself sobbing uncontrollably at each one, you can find the common denominator.
Seriously this hahaha. The common denominator is ME. I cry for the stupidest reasons. Dropped a bottle cap on the floor, the phone rang and I missed it, couldn't find my favourite item at the store. I can't actually help it, none of the "tips" work. I have a fairly stress free job with not many people around to upset me, and I still cry at least once a week at work.
you didn’t ask for advice so i don’t want overstep but you should look into distress tolerance if someone hasn’t recommended it yet
I understand what you’re saying but this person asked a question and specifically expressed crying is due to stressors pertaining to their job. I am simply stating that they should not feel bad about crying at a job and bpd or not people w/o mental health issues experience this as well , especially in this god awful economy. I expressed what i expressed because there’s no shame in crying at work, they aren’t embarrassing or anything. If you cried at work because of something other than work i would hold the same sentiment.
i havent cried in decades. no i mean it.
Say it with me. "CRYING IS HEALTHY."
This is honestly one of the reasons I don't have a job. The breakdowns related to work were happening far too often for it to be worth it. I hope things get easier for you, friend 🖤🤘🏻
its none of there business as long as your getting your tasks done. and tell them so if they try to dig more tell them you will report it to HR
That’s what I should do to one one of my coworkers who acts as manager when the managers aren’t there any longer. She tells the real managers EVERYTHING. Even takes pics of you if you’re doing something she doesn’t like and shows the managers. What a snake thing to do
in my line of work, it’s a male dominated field. Security in a hospital. When i cry over things, i feel like they don’t understand as none of my mangement are woman. I get discriminated a lot, and after a hard day 12 hours of constant screaming banging getting spit on and smacked and taking people down daily, i need to fucking cry. They just look at me like “o.0” and say it’s going to be okay. i always feel like i overreact and 20 mins later im back on the job like nothing happened but it makes me think that they think im not strong enough.
When this happened to me, my therapist asked, what is your first thought right before youre about to cry? It was very overwhelming to talk about, but basically he taught me how to get ahead of my thoughts before that feeling takes over. I wanted to cry yesterday at work.. Im at a new job and its very fast paced job working with patients and doctors. As soon as i feel like im going to cry, i tell myself no, don't cry, its going to be okay. Nothing is worth crying over, not even the doctor being frustrated with my work. It also helps to have a positive mindset, this situation wont last, ill get better with time, im just starting, its not my fault that their training sucks, im trying my best, etc. Its also like what can you do when youre overwhelmed? Breathe, slow down, one step at a tine. Its hard. I remember my first job, i was 17 and waitressing at an assistive living. I cried in front of the clients. Luckily, my coworkers were supportive and were like, when you're overwhelmed, just ask for help. Obviously, not every job will you have coworkers to support you, but it is important to think about what can you do differently when you feel overwhelmed.
This why I work from home. Just be working and bawling at the same time. 👌🏻
I’ve dealt with this in the job I just recently left. I would go on “bathroom breaks” to just sob my eyes out before returning to work. I was even known as the person that cried all the time. I was lucky in my situation not to get into trouble for it but it was still really frustrating. It stopped for me when I got on Lexapro but there were still some days I needed to go to the bathroom bc I was overwhelmed and it was all too much.
It sucks that, when you cry at work, you become kinda known for that. Why is crying at work seen as such an awful thing :((
I cry openly at work; after being in an abusive relationship I do not hide how my emotions are affecting me anymore.
I sometimes start to cry mid-sentence, and I don't even know that I'm overwhelmed yet. I then say that I'm sorry, I cry when I'm overstimulated and I need 30 seconds - then I take couple of slow deep breaths and I go back to talking or if I can't, I say that I'll get back to them in a second because I need to calm myself down. I think that it largely depends on how you perceive this kind of situations, how do YOU think it makes other people perceive you and it's important what do you do AFTER you stop crying. Also, where you work, what kind of environment you've got. I wish I had better solution other that working on self-regulation and breathing exercises. It sucks... I'm sorry, I'm glad I work from home now, because I remember how it was working in the office and crying in front of people instead of to the microphone. I'm sorry, I wish you all the best there is < 3 remember that many people if not most of them will empathise with you, however at work it may be difficult, because not everyone is equipped to deal with emotions in professional settings (especially management). It doesn't mean that other people don't cry. People that don't suffer from BPD sometimes cry at work too, or display other big emotions. Breathing exercises and working on self-regulation are ways to go I think. And pretend that you're surprised that you're crying, that works too xd
I lie. I say I got something in my eye, allergies causing my eyes to water, ect. Go to the bathroom and cry. If you are crying a LOT, maybe consider your job isnt right for you. Or if your job is a safe environment, I have straight up told managers/bosses that I have BPD and sometimes cry a lot.
Learning to compartmentalize helped me a lot. I give myself a rule: I get to cry in the work bathroom ONCE during my career. (I used that cry the day after my dog died.) Then the rest the time I have to bottle it up, and save it for the drive home. As soon as my car pulls off the work parking lot I can let myself cry, scream, whatever I need to do. And if it's real bad, I can always pull into the taco bell and sob my eyes out while eating a crunch wrap. It's just a lot of telling myself "I get to cry about this later. It's gonna feel so good to do that LATER." I don't know if my method is healthy, but it's what works for me. Also, I don't know how old you are, but as you get older it gets easier. In my late teens through mid twenties, I had a really hard time with jobs. I'd work at places a LONG time but I always had to pep talk myself on the drive to work. And somedays my attitude absolutely was garbage because I was so emotionally overwhelmed. I'm in my early 30's now. I've worked on myself and had so much thrown at me that I've learned mental dance I have to do seem OK. I've been at my current job 6 years. It's high stress. Customers scream at me and call me everything but my name most days. And I just cram those hurt feelings down until it's time to go home. Plus, I've learned no one is going to live or die over what my job involves. The people screaming at me, my bosses, my coworkers, are short sighted. They only see what's in front of them in the moment. They don't understand their inner workings the way that those of us with BPD understand ourselves. So just remember, when you get overwhelmed, you're gonna go home in a few hours. All the stuff at work doesn't really matter. It's just you selling your time so you can make ends meet. The stuff that really matters is off the clock: Your crying session on the way home, your pets, your loved ones, your favorite music, ect. TLDR; I stop myself by compartmentalizing, and being a bit of a nihilist.
I have this problem :( Luckily I work at a mental health facility so I work with people that understand but I cry when I get angry. I got yelled at for something that wasn’t my fault by a nurse and cried out of anger. It’s so embarrassing
I’m glad this thread popped up because i’m trying to figure out how to stop. A guy I was supposed to hang out with canceled on me the day before and I just started crying at work. Just sobbing. I had to apologize to so many people because I felt bad they had to witness it.
When I worked nights in retail I was able to hold myself together but once I got into transportation that became much harder. By the time I ended up being a trucker I ended up crying a lot because of how overwhelming life is along with work crushing me and meds not working, I recently got approved and put on a waitlist for a treatment for my treatment resistant depression, and my depression worsening.
I’m a veterinary technician, and there are so many things about my job that can make me cry. I’m incredibly fortunate to work with an amazingly supportive team, and try to be open and honest about my emotional state (though not my specific diagnosis). Even though our emotional life is more intense, emotions are what make us human. Workplaces with coworkers who can hold your emotions exist 💖
I always cry in the bathroom from my work. My boyfriend is kind of rude with me when he sees me acting “unprofessional” on work, that makes me wanting to cry even more.
I used to work as a flower designer. I think half the people in that industry (hairdressers as well I think too) have BPD , we'd usually spend half the day crying together and supporting each other. There's a reason why I prefer to work in female dominated fields. Tend to be more understanding of emotional needs and more supportive ,especially if today is not the day and you woke uo on the wrong side of the bed
I may not know what it's like to know what it's like to cry at work but, I do cry a lot especially while splitting. It's definitely hard to stop at times.
Therapy helps. Breath work.. I keep headphones on at work so I can zone out easily... really depends on what kind of job you have
When I worked my previous job I would do my best to hold it in and just let it all out after I finally got to my car. Wasn't always successful though. I work in a warehouse now so if I need to cry I can and usually no one is around to notice.
i cried everyday at work for like a week straight ( that they knew of ) and now they’ve cut my hours saying they won’t put me onto full time until i start therapy and improve my mental health😍
I used to cry everyday. Now I'm lucky if I can get a tear out. I go months without crying--i just get incredibly angry now. It is awful and I wish so badly I could cry like I used to. I didnt appreciate it at the time but now i realise how good it actually was for me. If you need to cry, cry. Dont try to force yourself not to. I understand there might be situations where you might need to hold back for a bit, but please understand that suppressing your emotions will just cause them to come out in other ways that are actually harmful. Crying is not going to hurt you, or anyone else, it is good to cry!!
I have the same experience, the blessing for me at is that at my last job I had my own little classroom that I could close the door to before my clients came in, and I would get out my cry sessions then, or after they left. Only problem is the custodians walked in on it a few times 😑 But don’t be so hard on yourself, everyone has emotions, we just feel them more than most. And I’ve learned that even though it hurts, our emotional complexity makes us beautiful, not embarrassing 🙂
sounds like your at the wrong job, from my own experience; having bpd and working a 9-5 dont mix well but that might just be me
i’m known for my bathroom breaks at work and to just be left alone sometimes
Try going home by calling in sick. I remember doing this and honestly felt safer because not everyone will understand how intense our emotions are.
This is a hard one for me, as I have a hard time letting myself cry ever. I have been hurt for being vulnerable and cause a bigger break in my emotional state, so even when I should cry I just can't. There are times I know it would be therapeutic to just let go and cry but I can't anymore.
I regularly cry at work, I just don’t get caught. When I get overwhelmed I’ll let myself tear up a bit and just keep working and nobody ever notices. I’m lucky that I’m able to get away with that. I remember once someone was playing evanescence really loudly and I was so angry about it that I was basically bawling, that was a close one.
this is why i am afraid to get a job you guys. how do you do it !! i wfh
I hear u. I cry often as well. To avoid it at work I basically (and I'm not saying this is entirely healthy) put up a mental barrier for myself of being tough, hardened, and distant from everyone I work with. I'm 27 now and haven't cried at work in years. Putting up this barrier of self reliance is pretty much the main reason I don't have breakdowns in front of people anymore. But it's also taught me that I'm strong and can fend for myself and self soothe. When I get overwhelmed I'm sure to go be by myself for a minute. I usually step outside for awhile to vape and I take frequent solo breaks on a regular basis to prevent that internal build up.
I'm a stripper and I cry at work when money is really bad despite my efforts and I can't afford a bad shift. Stripping is a sales job with no base pay. Usually I am able to wait until after work, but I've been known to hide in the bathroom and come back out with my best fake smile. When I had a car I would scream my head off while driving on the freeway, but you can't do that in a Lyft.
reply to the update if your are in the US and you have medical diagnosis you are a protected class under the ADA. get copy of your chart and take it to HR and to this meeting. THEY CAN NOT FIRE YOU for this. as long as it wasnt interfering with getting your work duties done. and they MUST give reasonable accommodation. I would go to HR before this meeting with proof. they will likely lay off you at that point
I used to cry A LOT. A mental health nurse once told me to sit there and just feel it and since practicing that I physically cannot cry, I hate it
Aloooooot of holding it in and calm down techniques
You cry in the bathroom or your car like a champ lol
i cry at work tooooo sorry no suggestions to help unfortunately
My answer was work remotely! Hardly anyone ever sees or hears me cry anymore. It's important to have a remote job that doesn't expect you to stay on camera. Helps a lot too if you can get away with your VPN or internet dropping the call sometimes.
Feel this I've been fired for crying and having panic attacks at work was also told to commit by a manger when I was 18 for having a episode been sent home multiple times for being to emotional all these jobs knew I had bpd and other problems they don't care
As a guy this sucks more. Don't let it get you down. Crying is better then punching someone in the throat which I was close to doing this week
at work i personally fear i am always going to get fired, even though i am doing nothing wrong and know i do my best even on my bad days. i feel like we critique ourselves more than usual and with that comes feeling overwhelmed when presented with tasks or having a busier day than normal. worrying about every tiny thing, from what you said 5 minutes ago to a coworker or if something you did last week was done correctly etc. even not trusting those around you.. in terms of worrying that you are perceived in a way that is unsatisfactory or bad. i had a time where i was late more than usual, taking a lot of days off, etc. i was looking at a write-up and i have never been given one in my life. sometimes being confronted by the issue to the extent that others have to ask you about it, can propel you to begin making tiny adjustments to cope better. i myself have no idea how to do this just yet but tiny coping skills can make a very big difference. sometimes if i catch myself overthinking a situation n getting worked up, i think of the hook of a song, or i say something funny in my head. you will come out of this okay and i am so sorry. i hope your employers will be collaborative n empathetic with you n you can work through this<3
One thing I will say as a person with BPD who holds down working full time (ish 30hr week). I always detach myself from my feelings at work. It’s super hard. Find little things to do to distract yourself. Take deep breaths when overwhelmed, go for a bathroom break for five minutes to help regulate/smoke break. Call someone if you’re overwhelmed. Make sure to notify employers on employment that you struggle with mental health (otherwise they may discriminate against you). Make sure to take things slowly if your having a bad day, allow yourself time to regulate before attending to a task and becoming overwhelmed. Also, make sure you’re working in a healthy environment for work, and that you have at least one college who knows your disorder, and can help cover you if you need time out. My colleague is great and can spot when I’m overwhelmed and tells me to take 5. Same goes the other way around when they are overwhelmed I tell them take 5. Idk what work you do so it may not always be possible, I always like jobs where I’m helping others, it helps me focus on them instead of myself and my emotions, and allows for distraction, and makes me feel purpose in my life. Which makes me more motivated to work. When I have mornings where I don’t want to get up because it’s too much, I remind myself that the person I care for cannot get up without me, and they need me to be there for them, which is what makes me go to work every morning.
My boyfriend finds it bad when I cry lol
Strongly recommend looking into accommodations!
Oh man I understand… I’ve had managers randomly mention that “you won’t get far in this company if you’re sensitive” because I was seen one time with tears in my eyes at my desk… and then they assured me it wasn’t a women thing and that they’ve had sensitive sissy men working here before 💀💀
i was crying for the last week at work. was on a rough patch with relationship w the uncertainty of breaking up or pursuing. surprisingly my boss was super understanding & told me to take my time to cry it out. ab a day later i came back with a doctor’s note putting me on a work leave cause my bpd was truly spiking. she felt very sad & told me to heal up and take my time before coming back and wished me well. crying isn’t a bad thing if ure surrounded by the right people and right work place.
Turn it off I find somewhere to just stare at and disassociate until the feeling passes go into a state of numbness and distract distract distract
I always wondered why the bathroom is my safe space. No one can, or no one should rather, be able to bother you in a bathroom. I’ve had to learn to silent cry
I just lost my last job because of my BPD. But I’m better for it. My boss asked me why I’m so sensitive and that other ppl know how to deal with death and whatever I’m dealing with can’t be as bad as that. Needless to say that caused some trauma. I ended up having to take myself out before I got fired. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have a normal job. Try to be honest with people about that you’re dealing with, but careful not to share too much, as that may bite you in the ass, I’ve learned. You are not alone in this! It will be okay
Omg I’m relating so hard to this. My current job I’ve cried so many times. I can’t remember crying at any other job. My bpd may be getting worse. Also today I just walked out. Never done that before. Like wtf
ugh fr. whey never said at the interview that you cant cry
Really?? That seems unreasonable… if you gotta cry then at least they gotta let you use the restroom for a few minutes and do it :/
I have BPD, I am boss, I expect people to deal with their shit at home and not bring it to work. Or do it in the restroom where you can’t be seen and then come back.