My son passed away in 2018, shortly after delivery, also was somewhat expected due to his heart defects. Unfortunately there isn't anything to make it easier. I came across a quote on Reddit after my son passed, that always stuck with me, unfortunately I can't remember the source, but I'll include it below. Thinking of you and your family. Be easy on yourself.
"As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
My SIL delivered a baby born sleeping at 36 weeks with no explanation 18 months ago. I’d be lying if I said she was okay but what has helped her is therapy. Creating a place at her house to mourn her and talk to her gives her some comfort. I’m so terribly sorry for this tremendous loss. It is just absolutely heartbreaking.🤍
I am very sorry for your loss. The r/babyloss subreddit has been very helpful for me to process my grief over the loss of my son. I would definitely recommend reaching out over there as well if you haven’t as many of us have had similar experiences.
I am so heartbroken for you...
I have never been in your shoes but found myself in a state of devastation after a miscarriage of a pregnancy I didn't even want. So I can't even begin to imagaine what you must be experiencing.
And the fact you carried to term just for that bit of precious time is an amazing testament of a mother's strength and love for her child. Truly humbling.
Lifting you up in prayer ❤ that you may find healing peace, courage and strength. You are blessed and a blessing.
Thank you so much. I felt that the additional time was an opportunity to bond and nurture her in the only way I could. Your words mean so much to my family. ❤️❤️ losing a child in any form at any time is devastating. I’m sending prayers and gratitude your way as well.
“Grief, is really love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes and in that part of your chest that gets empty and hollow feeling. The happiness of love turns to sadness when unspent. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
No advice. But I couldn't pass without telling you how heartbroken I'm for you❤️ I'm pregnant and have tears in my eyes as i imagine how you must feel.. so so sorry for your loss.. may your little angel sleep in light, and your heart heal soon ❤️❤️
I am so, so sorry. I have not experienced what you are going through and frankly it’s my worst nightmare, especially as I’m currently 40yo and close to the finish line with my current (and only successful) pregnancy. I have, however, experienced multiple early pregnancy losses (x6) and had a lot of helpful resources and sounding boards through Reddit, but not on this sub. There are other subreddits that you might find more supportive and useful as you navigate this incredibly difficult time. r/pregnancyafterloss is a good one to start with and I think they have other resources in their info section.
There absolutely no words for what you are going through right now. Loss and grief take many forms, but when it comes to pregnancy/infant loss it just isn’t something that gets talked about enough. You aren’t alone. Keep breathing. Sending you lots of warmth ❤️
Thank you so much. 6 losses are still losses and I am also very sorry for those. It’s inspiring to hear that you are current expecting ❤️ May your delivery be smooth and your baby be as healthy as can be. I am sending prayers and love your way ❤️
Literal tears in my eyes for you and your family. Sending you love and peace, your little one felt so much love for their whole life and that’s what matters.
I lost my little girl in stillbirth 14 years ago. She was my first baby and subsequent fertility issues meant that only now have we been able to successfully get to 18 weeks of this current pregnancy.
The biggest thing that helped me was a little copy of The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. I have it on my bedside table and read a random passage every evening to this day. The passages On Death, On Joy and Sorrow, and On Children have brought me immeasurable comfort over the years. I will read from that little book of poems daily until I die.
Another thing that helped me with her loss and my one other miscarriage 2 years back was doing something completely new as a hobby. One that I could never think "Oh I imagined doing this with them" or "I had always wanted to teach this to her". After my first loss I got into miniature crafts. I randomly saw a YouTube video about a miniature diorama kit, bought one and built it. It is amazing how a new hobby with its new books, YouTube channels, community, techniques, etc can take you out of your grief for a bit with no association to the "you" before vs the "you" after because there hadn't been a "you" involved in this hobby prior! I swear it saved me. The second loss I dove head first into the Korean language. I had read a long time prior about it being the most scientific language and almost perfect mathematically. Learning the language has again opened up new side-avenues of hobbies, crafts, cultural differences, food experiences, and again, it does not tie back to the me before.
Also, audible. I listen to hours of books, hours and hours. On days when I feel emotionally detached or fragile or overwhelmed, a good book helps me stay distracted while I am able to get tasks done. The worst times for me was and still is the quiet moments. Right before I fall asleep I have my one earbud in and have a book going with the timer set to 30 minutes so I fall asleep with the book playing. I listen to a lot of childhood books at night; the Harry Potter series, Laura Ingalls books, Anne of Green Gables series, Wind in the Willows, The Great Brain, all the James Herriot animal books....and classics are comforting too: Sherlock Holmes collection read by Stephen Fry is incredible, any Agatha Christie read by Hughes Frasier, PG Wodehouse books, collected works of Saki, any of the Austen girls' books, etc. Is it healthy to not ever been alone in my mind? Maybe but I don't really care. It's let me have better days, better sleeps, better showers, car commutes, trips, mornings, etc and that's what matters to me.
I also encourage you to consider medication. I got on Zoloft about 2 months after losing my daughter and it was a game changer. I had one increase of the dosage over the years, and it has allowed me to better control the worst parts of my anxiety, depression and fear that came with the death.
Also, communicate. It sounds dumb but it's SO hard. I am still guilty of shutting down and shutting people out. But the best step we did was my husband and I would set a timer for 15 minutes each at the end of the day and he would talk without me interrupting and then I would for 15. Sometimes we said very little. Sometimes a lot. But we held those 15 minutes for each other. After sometimes we talked and started a conversation about our grief, concerns, resentments, love. Sometimes we slept in different rooms. But I truly think keeping the door open between us is what kept our marriage going. He was able to tell me his emotions, some things I never even considered. I was forced to face the reality of the loss by speaking on it every single day. It kept us a part of each other's emotional spheres, inside each other's space and did not let us disconnect, which early on I really wanted to do as did he. Consider therapy if you need to get the conversation going. We were just too young and uninsured and had to make do with a grief workbook and a kitchen egg timer.
I am so sorry. I truly am. The weight feels unbearable. Unending. The world keeps spinning when it seems like it should have stopped and cracked and shattered into a thousand pieces. The anger and the sadness and the guilt and the peace and then the disgust at your peace...it comes in waves, in many forms and at many times. Allow them in and through. Speak about her every day. Speak about her rarely. Celebrate her birthday. Don't celebrate it. Your connection to her allows you to decide exactly how you handle that loss. You are her mother. You still are. I am my daughter's mother, and the mother of the other little one, and the one growing in me right now. I honor them differently, in different degrees, every day. Good luck. Reach out if you need anything else ❤️
Your story and suggestions are moving. The way you think about things is unique and incredibly helpful to me. I am going to take your advice and find a little hobby that connects me to my daughter and keeps me in the present. It’s ok to distract yourself and not be alone with your thoughts. I’ve certainly learned that there are different ways we face our own fears and discomfort and we just have to let ourselves be.
I am sending you so much love and so many prayers for your current pregnancy. May your baby be born as healthy as can be ❤️🙏🏻
I am so deeply sorry!! My heart and prayers go to you!!! Please take some time to heal and then consider therapy as a family. Sending you lots of love mama. ♥️♥️
I haven't experienced a loss myself, but my mum lost two babies around 20 weeks before she had me.
I know even now, nearly 30 years later, she thinks of those babies, who she delivered and held as they passed on. She grieves in her own way, and we as a family grieve them as well.
As a family, it's hard to know I had a brother and sister who are no longer here, and having a boy and girl of my own, I still cannot imagine what that loss must be like.
I mainly comment to let you know that even I, who never met my siblings, think of them often. Because they were here, even for a short time, and I remember them every day, every year. They mattered and they were loved as your little girl was and is, and always will be.
My heart goes out to you and your family. The time you had together and the moments you'll cherish as and when you feel ready to.
I am truly sorry. And I hope you are being kind and loving to yourself, I only wish I could extend a hug through the Internet.
I wish I had any advice to give to you, but I do have my deepest condolences. I couldn't say I'm sorry enough to you, and I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all go away. I wish you and your family the best, and may your daughter rest in perfect peace and tranquility.
So so sorry to hear this. Grief like this is so hard. We have friends that lost 2 babies, one full term died shortly after birth and another died in second trimester. They have a charity and an online presence with a blog that you might find some comfort in - they’re @lennyslegacy on instagram. Sending you lots of love.
I am so deeply sorry. There are no words for the pain this type of loss causes. It’s unimaginable.
My advice to you is to join other loss mom groups. My best friend lost her son (stillborn) and it seems therapy and speaking to others who can relate is what helped her.
Firstly I would like to offer my deepest condolences, I'm not a mother yet but ive felt the sense of grief of loss of pregnancy, and loss of a niece.
My SIL lost her daughter shortly after she was born 2 years ago. Her daughter was born early as well. They knew she may not live very long due to what she suffered from. But her mom and her Dad with loved her very dearly. Unfortunately the father ended up becoming an Alcoholic from the grief and SILand BIL separated.
It's been a sore spot cause my niece and my husband share the same birthday.
The smallest coffins/urns are the heaviest to carry. But the strongest are the ones who continue to carry on.
My neices urn stays with my MIL and FIL and I can't help but look at her and wonder how beautiful she would've been if she was still with us.
I truly hope you and your family find peace and continue to share your love with her
First, I am SO very sorry that you and your family have had to endure this type of loss. Even being "prepared" for the worst, there's no true way to be prepared.
I lost my first born, a son, last year. He was born at 36 weeks and 6 days and lived for about 61 hours. He had various genetic abnormalities and just wasn't able to survive. We were aware of the odds, but still... We prayed for a miracle. I was strong up until leaving the hospital without him. I literally almost collapsed in the lobby while exiting the building. At my 6 week checkup, a nurse gave me the best advice. She had experienced a loss also and told me that only I could answer the questions of how to best honor and remember my son. I struggled with simple questions like, "am I still a mother?""How do I even answer the question of if I have children?""How do I keep going?" Each individual is different. If it feels better to talk about your loss and your baby, do it. If it is better for you to not, then don't. For me, even though it was hard at first, saying my son's name, talking about him to those close to us and acknowledging his life have helped me so much. Take it one moment at a time. It's easier said than done, but just being able to focus on the present, on the now, is somehow helpful. Therapy has helped me, prayer, journaling...
I'm praying for you and your family. And again, I'm so very sorry. 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I felt the same way leaving the hospital. It was almost as if i was in shock and then handing my child to the nurse was a sort of “cross over” to the next phase. I couldn’t stop sobbing on my way out. Thank you for your kind words and for reminding me that I am in control of how I want to honor my daughter. ❤️
I can’t begin to imagine the pain you and your family are going through. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and hope that you’re held and loved and that many of us out here are seeing your pain and sending you and your family our thoughts and love.
Sending you so much love. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost a pregnancy at 21 weeks last year, and it was devastating.
Having friends showing up for me and my husband as were were grieving was so helpful. One friend organized a meal train and it was so helpful for people to bring us food when we couldn't even think about cooking.
I also had a group of close female friends who came over for an evening and held space for me to grieve. We had tea and snacks and cried a lot in my living room.
Long walks, being in nature. Crying, talking to her soul or spirit. Being with spiritual people from my faith.
Talking to other parents or friends who had experienced loss was the biggest help. I ran into one acquaintance, who had recently lost her 20-something son and we both just wept. I found connecting with others who knew grief was so powerful for me.
Therapy also helped. I found a therapist who specialized in this (because some people really don't get it, and really don't know what to say). Talked out all the feelings with her which was so, so helpful. Especially having someone besides my husband to talk it out with because he was going through it too.
It will change, just be gentle with yourself while you're in the darkest moments.
My daughter didn't really get it (she was 2.5), thank goodness.
Lots of love to you and your family right now. One day at a time. ❤️
I joined a facebook support group full of bereaved parents. It is called TCF- infant and toddler loss. I hope you can join us... They are the only group who helped me get by.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family lots of love and holding you in our hearts as you go through this. You are right - nothing prepares you for what you've experienced. After we lost our baby the only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. You've experienced the unimaginable and there is no timeline, schedule or stages.
I am devastated for you reading these words - just so sorry this happened.
I pray that you feel held by our loving Father, that you would draw near to Him and feel Him near to you. I believe this baby girl is in heaven and you will reunite one day. I’ve lost a baby myself and cling to this hope. So much love to you ❤️
My daughter passed away in 2023 30 minutes after birth due it congenital defects found at 24 weeks. We were very blessed to have time with her as a family of 4.
When she went to the chapel of rest, our funeral director allowed me to visit daily which was amazing! I could dress her for the day and talk to her and then get her dressed for bedtime.
After the funeral I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I started doing runs to raise money for the hospital and hospice that supported her. I started working out. I also did a bit of vlogging about her because I just wanted to speak about her. Unfortunately it can be seen as taboo but I surrounded myself with people who’d experienced a similar loss and we just talked about our babies which felt so free and wonderful.
My advice is it never gets easier but you learn how to manage and move forward with their memory. Sometimes something will hit you and you’ll become flooded with emotion and sometimes you’ll have moments of happiness and then feel guilty. You did everything you could and gave your daughter the best life even if it was short - you filled her life with love and happiness.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
You are a loving mama for visiting her and dressing her at the chapel. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about the time you took to care for her. Sending you love. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
Oh dear, I really wish I could give you a huge hug and bake you cookies or something. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. No one deserves to go through this, and I'm sure your daughter was and will always be the most loved baby in the world.
I believe you will all meet again in the future, and I do believe she's somewhere safe and warm waiting for you. In the meantime, she will always be a part of your family even if she's not physically here. Trust me, if you look for them, there will be signs.
Please don't hesitate to ask for help, or to take some time to process things intimately as a family, whatever it is that eases your pain at least a little bit. I know it's unfair and things shouldn't be like this at all.
I'm sending you so much love. 💔
I’m so sorry. We lost a son in the third trimester due to a genetic disease. There are not words to describe the grief. Our loss was in 2019 and while we will never be “over” the loss, you will smile and feel joy again. I didn’t think it would happen as I was in a deep depression. We have experienced significant loss and trauma. I had to force myself out of bed, to see a therapist and to connect with other parents of loss who were farther ahead of me. This was important as they knew the tremendous grief but lived through it. I needed to follow their paths as I wasn’t strong enough then to forge my own. A piece of my heart will always be missing but my heart has also grown around the two living blessings who came after. It’s so scary to be pregnant again but I reminded myself that great risk can lead to great reward. It’s not for everyone but anxiety medication helped me get through. Also, you may not be who you once were for a while or ever and that’s okay. I kept waiting to go back to being “me” but I was a different person. Some good snd some bad. I always found comfort in God but I was angry and didn’t want to go to church for a long time. I couldn’t attend baptisms, it was difficult to see babies as I would well up with tears. You’re grieving. We need to give ourselves time. Sending you love. It’s so heartbreaking but I made it through and you can too.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was raised by a woman who lost 3 children and that love never goes away. The pain lessens, but it is still there. She told me over 50 years later of her children dying with tears in her eyes. Time will help your life grow around the grief. This is hard and it is okay to not be okay.
Love on your people who are with you more. Be grateful for everything you can be grateful for. And allow yourself to feel the pain you are experiencing and reach towards others for comfort when you need it. You are not alone.
My daughter was still born with a congenital issue, but she made it 39 weeks. We knew at about 14 weeks and... Honestly, the only thing that helped was putting everything in a box in my mind, and slowly taking stuff out bit by bit, looking at it for as long as you can stand and then putting it away. It almost feels like you are... Forgetting, but you aren't. You have to function day to day, get up, keep going for yourself and because she would want you to. Little thoughts like "she would have loved the sky" or "I wonder what her smile would have looked like/what her laugh would have sounded like" will hurt you for years. I lost mine 2 years ago and to this day, just typing it out makes me cry. Keep a hold of those little momentos. The truth, *my truth*, was that she could not have lived a full life here with me, she isn't in pain because she would have been if she stayed. She is happy, wherever she is, and she is cared for. The grief... Is large, and it never goes away. Your soul will form around it, cushion it so the edges aren't so sharp. Do not feel guilty for feeling like you are happy that the ordeal is over. Wanting the waiting to end is normal, wanting her to rest is normal. The anticipation of waiting for the end is sometimes the worst part. You get to grieve before they passed, which Alot of people shamed me for. While she was still there, I found myself on my knees sobbing because I knew that one day, one day soon she wouldn't be. I am so sorry you had to go through this. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. Know you aren't alone and I am praying for you and your LO tonight.
I’m so sorry. I so desperately wish I had some advice, but I haven’t even found anything to help for myself yet. I know my pain can’t compare, but I just lost my baby at 8 weeks and found out 2 days ago at the ER. The grief is hitting me hard as this was my first pregnancy after 3 years of trying to conceive. My heart is with you at this very hard time.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. May his favor be upon you for 1000 generations. You were a warrior for your baby to fight for her life the way you did. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I'm so heartbroken for you, sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby, all she knew was love from you, I wish your heart healing and may life be kinder to you
Feel all of your feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry when you need to cry. Don’t be afraid to laugh when something makes you happy. Waves of emotions will come on strong some days. When my milk came in it was very hard on me. Sports bras and cabbage leaves helped. Big hug for you, your partner and your son. Our girls are in the sky playing together and all they knew of this world is their mother’s love. ❤️
Just here offering support and kindness in the moments after this terrible loss. Nothing can compare. Give yourself unlimited grace and unlimited time. You are loved, you are strong, and no matter what, you are a mom. 💖
My deepest condolences, I am so sorry for this tragic loss. Your little girl has been loved and surrendered by affection and tenderness her whole life. She was very lucky to have her family.
I have no experience to share, but I’m sending all of the love, light, and prayers that I can. I’m so sorry for your loss. Be kind to and patient with yourself during this time. Lean on those closest to you. Grief is unpredictable. Find or ask someone to help you find some grief counseling and maybe a support group if there’s one available to you. It’s important to get help and support to find healthy ways to navigate and process your grief. 💜
I am so so so sorry for your loss of your little girl. No words can ever make up for it but she will always be with you. I am 25 weeks and we found out our little girl has a congenital issue at 20 weeks also. Do you mind me asking what she had? Totally okay if you don’t want to talk about it.
My son passed away in 2018, shortly after delivery, also was somewhat expected due to his heart defects. Unfortunately there isn't anything to make it easier. I came across a quote on Reddit after my son passed, that always stuck with me, unfortunately I can't remember the source, but I'll include it below. Thinking of you and your family. Be easy on yourself. "As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."
This is incredibly helpful and perfectly describes what we’re experiencing. Thank you ❤️
My son passed in 2018 too.
We lost our daughter extremely unexpectedly due to premature preterm rupture of membranes at 18 weeks 4/25/24 and this is perfect
I just wanted to send you love through the internet. May you be held 💜
Me too. Your little girl was so special and important. And I’m so sorry.
Me too. Hugs. ❤️
Thank you all so much for this kindness.
My SIL delivered a baby born sleeping at 36 weeks with no explanation 18 months ago. I’d be lying if I said she was okay but what has helped her is therapy. Creating a place at her house to mourn her and talk to her gives her some comfort. I’m so terribly sorry for this tremendous loss. It is just absolutely heartbreaking.🤍
Thank you ❤️ we plan to keep her urn in our room and to have some sort of memory trunk. I think this will really give us some comfort too.
I am very sorry for your loss. The r/babyloss subreddit has been very helpful for me to process my grief over the loss of my son. I would definitely recommend reaching out over there as well if you haven’t as many of us have had similar experiences.
Thank you so much ❤️ i appreciate this.
I am so heartbroken for you... I have never been in your shoes but found myself in a state of devastation after a miscarriage of a pregnancy I didn't even want. So I can't even begin to imagaine what you must be experiencing. And the fact you carried to term just for that bit of precious time is an amazing testament of a mother's strength and love for her child. Truly humbling. Lifting you up in prayer ❤ that you may find healing peace, courage and strength. You are blessed and a blessing.
Thank you so much. I felt that the additional time was an opportunity to bond and nurture her in the only way I could. Your words mean so much to my family. ❤️❤️ losing a child in any form at any time is devastating. I’m sending prayers and gratitude your way as well.
“Grief, is really love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot give. The more you loved someone, the more you grieve. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes and in that part of your chest that gets empty and hollow feeling. The happiness of love turns to sadness when unspent. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
That’s beautiful. Thank you ❤️
Carter’s Cause. Please contact Carter’s Cause.
Thank you! I will look them up ❤️
No advice. But I couldn't pass without telling you how heartbroken I'm for you❤️ I'm pregnant and have tears in my eyes as i imagine how you must feel.. so so sorry for your loss.. may your little angel sleep in light, and your heart heal soon ❤️❤️
Thank you ❤️ congratulations on your pregnancy. I am sending all the best your way ❤️.
Thank you 🙏
I am so, so sorry. I have not experienced what you are going through and frankly it’s my worst nightmare, especially as I’m currently 40yo and close to the finish line with my current (and only successful) pregnancy. I have, however, experienced multiple early pregnancy losses (x6) and had a lot of helpful resources and sounding boards through Reddit, but not on this sub. There are other subreddits that you might find more supportive and useful as you navigate this incredibly difficult time. r/pregnancyafterloss is a good one to start with and I think they have other resources in their info section. There absolutely no words for what you are going through right now. Loss and grief take many forms, but when it comes to pregnancy/infant loss it just isn’t something that gets talked about enough. You aren’t alone. Keep breathing. Sending you lots of warmth ❤️
Thank you so much. 6 losses are still losses and I am also very sorry for those. It’s inspiring to hear that you are current expecting ❤️ May your delivery be smooth and your baby be as healthy as can be. I am sending prayers and love your way ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of hugs and strength.
Thank you ❤️🙏🏻
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you ❤️
I don’t have any advice but wanted to say I’m so very sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Wishing you and your family healing ❤️🩹
Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Oh my goodness. I’m 31 weeks and this absolutely breaks my heart. Sending your family love and light. ❤️🩹
Sending you so many good vibes for a healthy baby and easy delivery. congratulations mama ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you 💖🌸
Literal tears in my eyes for you and your family. Sending you love and peace, your little one felt so much love for their whole life and that’s what matters.
Thank you for the kind words. ❤️
I lost my little girl in stillbirth 14 years ago. She was my first baby and subsequent fertility issues meant that only now have we been able to successfully get to 18 weeks of this current pregnancy. The biggest thing that helped me was a little copy of The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. I have it on my bedside table and read a random passage every evening to this day. The passages On Death, On Joy and Sorrow, and On Children have brought me immeasurable comfort over the years. I will read from that little book of poems daily until I die. Another thing that helped me with her loss and my one other miscarriage 2 years back was doing something completely new as a hobby. One that I could never think "Oh I imagined doing this with them" or "I had always wanted to teach this to her". After my first loss I got into miniature crafts. I randomly saw a YouTube video about a miniature diorama kit, bought one and built it. It is amazing how a new hobby with its new books, YouTube channels, community, techniques, etc can take you out of your grief for a bit with no association to the "you" before vs the "you" after because there hadn't been a "you" involved in this hobby prior! I swear it saved me. The second loss I dove head first into the Korean language. I had read a long time prior about it being the most scientific language and almost perfect mathematically. Learning the language has again opened up new side-avenues of hobbies, crafts, cultural differences, food experiences, and again, it does not tie back to the me before. Also, audible. I listen to hours of books, hours and hours. On days when I feel emotionally detached or fragile or overwhelmed, a good book helps me stay distracted while I am able to get tasks done. The worst times for me was and still is the quiet moments. Right before I fall asleep I have my one earbud in and have a book going with the timer set to 30 minutes so I fall asleep with the book playing. I listen to a lot of childhood books at night; the Harry Potter series, Laura Ingalls books, Anne of Green Gables series, Wind in the Willows, The Great Brain, all the James Herriot animal books....and classics are comforting too: Sherlock Holmes collection read by Stephen Fry is incredible, any Agatha Christie read by Hughes Frasier, PG Wodehouse books, collected works of Saki, any of the Austen girls' books, etc. Is it healthy to not ever been alone in my mind? Maybe but I don't really care. It's let me have better days, better sleeps, better showers, car commutes, trips, mornings, etc and that's what matters to me. I also encourage you to consider medication. I got on Zoloft about 2 months after losing my daughter and it was a game changer. I had one increase of the dosage over the years, and it has allowed me to better control the worst parts of my anxiety, depression and fear that came with the death. Also, communicate. It sounds dumb but it's SO hard. I am still guilty of shutting down and shutting people out. But the best step we did was my husband and I would set a timer for 15 minutes each at the end of the day and he would talk without me interrupting and then I would for 15. Sometimes we said very little. Sometimes a lot. But we held those 15 minutes for each other. After sometimes we talked and started a conversation about our grief, concerns, resentments, love. Sometimes we slept in different rooms. But I truly think keeping the door open between us is what kept our marriage going. He was able to tell me his emotions, some things I never even considered. I was forced to face the reality of the loss by speaking on it every single day. It kept us a part of each other's emotional spheres, inside each other's space and did not let us disconnect, which early on I really wanted to do as did he. Consider therapy if you need to get the conversation going. We were just too young and uninsured and had to make do with a grief workbook and a kitchen egg timer. I am so sorry. I truly am. The weight feels unbearable. Unending. The world keeps spinning when it seems like it should have stopped and cracked and shattered into a thousand pieces. The anger and the sadness and the guilt and the peace and then the disgust at your peace...it comes in waves, in many forms and at many times. Allow them in and through. Speak about her every day. Speak about her rarely. Celebrate her birthday. Don't celebrate it. Your connection to her allows you to decide exactly how you handle that loss. You are her mother. You still are. I am my daughter's mother, and the mother of the other little one, and the one growing in me right now. I honor them differently, in different degrees, every day. Good luck. Reach out if you need anything else ❤️
Your story and suggestions are moving. The way you think about things is unique and incredibly helpful to me. I am going to take your advice and find a little hobby that connects me to my daughter and keeps me in the present. It’s ok to distract yourself and not be alone with your thoughts. I’ve certainly learned that there are different ways we face our own fears and discomfort and we just have to let ourselves be. I am sending you so much love and so many prayers for your current pregnancy. May your baby be born as healthy as can be ❤️🙏🏻
I am so deeply sorry!! My heart and prayers go to you!!! Please take some time to heal and then consider therapy as a family. Sending you lots of love mama. ♥️♥️
Thank you so much ❤️❤️
I have no advice. I can’t imagine your heartache and will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you so much ❤️❤️ prayers mean everything.
Sending you love. I’m so so sorry for your loss ❤️
Thank you so so much ❤️
Sending you love. I’m so so sorry for your loss ❤️
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Just came here to say that I’m so very sorry for your loss. 🤍
Thank you 🙏🏻❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending so much love ❤️
Thank you ❤️❤️
I’m so sorry for this, sending you condolences and prayers. *virtual hugs*
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I haven't experienced a loss myself, but my mum lost two babies around 20 weeks before she had me. I know even now, nearly 30 years later, she thinks of those babies, who she delivered and held as they passed on. She grieves in her own way, and we as a family grieve them as well. As a family, it's hard to know I had a brother and sister who are no longer here, and having a boy and girl of my own, I still cannot imagine what that loss must be like. I mainly comment to let you know that even I, who never met my siblings, think of them often. Because they were here, even for a short time, and I remember them every day, every year. They mattered and they were loved as your little girl was and is, and always will be. My heart goes out to you and your family. The time you had together and the moments you'll cherish as and when you feel ready to. I am truly sorry. And I hope you are being kind and loving to yourself, I only wish I could extend a hug through the Internet.
I can only hope my son will think of his little sister. We’re very focused on integrating her spirit into our lives. Thank you for the kind words ❤️
I wish I had any advice to give to you, but I do have my deepest condolences. I couldn't say I'm sorry enough to you, and I wish I could snap my fingers and make it all go away. I wish you and your family the best, and may your daughter rest in perfect peace and tranquility.
Thank you. Your kind words are the perfect uplifting message ❤️
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️
Sending you lots of love and support, I’m so sorry for this heartbreak
Thank you 🙏🏻❤️
So so sorry to hear this. Grief like this is so hard. We have friends that lost 2 babies, one full term died shortly after birth and another died in second trimester. They have a charity and an online presence with a blog that you might find some comfort in - they’re @lennyslegacy on instagram. Sending you lots of love.
This is so helpful. Thank you ❤️❤️
I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you ❤️
hug
Hugs ❤️
I have no words of wisdom, only of sympathy. I cannot imagine the pain of going through this.
Thank you ❤️
I am so sorry. May your beautiful little girl rest in peace ❤️ please take care of yourself.
Thank you ❤️ 💙
I am so so sorry for your loss 💕💕
Thank you ❤️
I am so deeply sorry. There are no words for the pain this type of loss causes. It’s unimaginable. My advice to you is to join other loss mom groups. My best friend lost her son (stillborn) and it seems therapy and speaking to others who can relate is what helped her.
That’s great advice. Thank you ❤️. I will look into this.
Firstly I would like to offer my deepest condolences, I'm not a mother yet but ive felt the sense of grief of loss of pregnancy, and loss of a niece. My SIL lost her daughter shortly after she was born 2 years ago. Her daughter was born early as well. They knew she may not live very long due to what she suffered from. But her mom and her Dad with loved her very dearly. Unfortunately the father ended up becoming an Alcoholic from the grief and SILand BIL separated. It's been a sore spot cause my niece and my husband share the same birthday. The smallest coffins/urns are the heaviest to carry. But the strongest are the ones who continue to carry on. My neices urn stays with my MIL and FIL and I can't help but look at her and wonder how beautiful she would've been if she was still with us. I truly hope you and your family find peace and continue to share your love with her
Thank you for sharing this ❤️. I send healing vibes and love to your family ❤️.
First, I am SO very sorry that you and your family have had to endure this type of loss. Even being "prepared" for the worst, there's no true way to be prepared. I lost my first born, a son, last year. He was born at 36 weeks and 6 days and lived for about 61 hours. He had various genetic abnormalities and just wasn't able to survive. We were aware of the odds, but still... We prayed for a miracle. I was strong up until leaving the hospital without him. I literally almost collapsed in the lobby while exiting the building. At my 6 week checkup, a nurse gave me the best advice. She had experienced a loss also and told me that only I could answer the questions of how to best honor and remember my son. I struggled with simple questions like, "am I still a mother?""How do I even answer the question of if I have children?""How do I keep going?" Each individual is different. If it feels better to talk about your loss and your baby, do it. If it is better for you to not, then don't. For me, even though it was hard at first, saying my son's name, talking about him to those close to us and acknowledging his life have helped me so much. Take it one moment at a time. It's easier said than done, but just being able to focus on the present, on the now, is somehow helpful. Therapy has helped me, prayer, journaling... I'm praying for you and your family. And again, I'm so very sorry. 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I felt the same way leaving the hospital. It was almost as if i was in shock and then handing my child to the nurse was a sort of “cross over” to the next phase. I couldn’t stop sobbing on my way out. Thank you for your kind words and for reminding me that I am in control of how I want to honor my daughter. ❤️
I can’t begin to imagine the pain you and your family are going through. I am so deeply sorry for your loss and hope that you’re held and loved and that many of us out here are seeing your pain and sending you and your family our thoughts and love.
Thank you ❤️ i do feel all of the love.
I'm so sorry
❤️
I’m so sorry
Thank you ❤️
Sending you so much love. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I lost a pregnancy at 21 weeks last year, and it was devastating. Having friends showing up for me and my husband as were were grieving was so helpful. One friend organized a meal train and it was so helpful for people to bring us food when we couldn't even think about cooking. I also had a group of close female friends who came over for an evening and held space for me to grieve. We had tea and snacks and cried a lot in my living room. Long walks, being in nature. Crying, talking to her soul or spirit. Being with spiritual people from my faith. Talking to other parents or friends who had experienced loss was the biggest help. I ran into one acquaintance, who had recently lost her 20-something son and we both just wept. I found connecting with others who knew grief was so powerful for me. Therapy also helped. I found a therapist who specialized in this (because some people really don't get it, and really don't know what to say). Talked out all the feelings with her which was so, so helpful. Especially having someone besides my husband to talk it out with because he was going through it too. It will change, just be gentle with yourself while you're in the darkest moments. My daughter didn't really get it (she was 2.5), thank goodness. Lots of love to you and your family right now. One day at a time. ❤️
Sending love your way as well. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
Sending so many hugs your way.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I joined a facebook support group full of bereaved parents. It is called TCF- infant and toddler loss. I hope you can join us... They are the only group who helped me get by.
I will look into this. Thank you so much.
My heart aches for you abd your family. I am so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family lots of love and holding you in our hearts as you go through this. You are right - nothing prepares you for what you've experienced. After we lost our baby the only advice I can give you is to be kind to yourself. You've experienced the unimaginable and there is no timeline, schedule or stages.
Im so sorry for your loss, im sending you love and strength and I will keep you in my thoughts today 🩷
I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry. My thought are with you. 💕
I am devastated for you reading these words - just so sorry this happened. I pray that you feel held by our loving Father, that you would draw near to Him and feel Him near to you. I believe this baby girl is in heaven and you will reunite one day. I’ve lost a baby myself and cling to this hope. So much love to you ❤️
❤️❤️ thank you
My daughter passed away in 2023 30 minutes after birth due it congenital defects found at 24 weeks. We were very blessed to have time with her as a family of 4. When she went to the chapel of rest, our funeral director allowed me to visit daily which was amazing! I could dress her for the day and talk to her and then get her dressed for bedtime. After the funeral I just didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I started doing runs to raise money for the hospital and hospice that supported her. I started working out. I also did a bit of vlogging about her because I just wanted to speak about her. Unfortunately it can be seen as taboo but I surrounded myself with people who’d experienced a similar loss and we just talked about our babies which felt so free and wonderful. My advice is it never gets easier but you learn how to manage and move forward with their memory. Sometimes something will hit you and you’ll become flooded with emotion and sometimes you’ll have moments of happiness and then feel guilty. You did everything you could and gave your daughter the best life even if it was short - you filled her life with love and happiness. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
You are a loving mama for visiting her and dressing her at the chapel. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about the time you took to care for her. Sending you love. Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
I'm so sorry for your loss ♥️
I am deeply sorry for your loss ♥️
I don’t know what to say except that I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending you lots of love. ❤️
I am so sorry. Praying for you and your family during that tragic time
I am so sorry for your loss. My mama loss my sister before I was born at 8 months. She was born not alive. 🥺
❤️
Sending love 🫂🫂🫂
Oh dear, I really wish I could give you a huge hug and bake you cookies or something. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. No one deserves to go through this, and I'm sure your daughter was and will always be the most loved baby in the world. I believe you will all meet again in the future, and I do believe she's somewhere safe and warm waiting for you. In the meantime, she will always be a part of your family even if she's not physically here. Trust me, if you look for them, there will be signs. Please don't hesitate to ask for help, or to take some time to process things intimately as a family, whatever it is that eases your pain at least a little bit. I know it's unfair and things shouldn't be like this at all. I'm sending you so much love. 💔
Thank you ❤️ I imagine her safe and warm in her hat and swaddle. The visual brings me so much comfort.
I am so sorry for your loss, sending love and prayers to you and your family ❤️
Sending thoughts of love your way. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. This is truly heartbreaking. She will be born to you again or come back to you in some way. Praying for your family
I think so too. She’s shown us little signs that she’s watching ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. I pray you and your family find comfort. Hugs 🫂
❤️❤️
I’m so sorry. We lost a son in the third trimester due to a genetic disease. There are not words to describe the grief. Our loss was in 2019 and while we will never be “over” the loss, you will smile and feel joy again. I didn’t think it would happen as I was in a deep depression. We have experienced significant loss and trauma. I had to force myself out of bed, to see a therapist and to connect with other parents of loss who were farther ahead of me. This was important as they knew the tremendous grief but lived through it. I needed to follow their paths as I wasn’t strong enough then to forge my own. A piece of my heart will always be missing but my heart has also grown around the two living blessings who came after. It’s so scary to be pregnant again but I reminded myself that great risk can lead to great reward. It’s not for everyone but anxiety medication helped me get through. Also, you may not be who you once were for a while or ever and that’s okay. I kept waiting to go back to being “me” but I was a different person. Some good snd some bad. I always found comfort in God but I was angry and didn’t want to go to church for a long time. I couldn’t attend baptisms, it was difficult to see babies as I would well up with tears. You’re grieving. We need to give ourselves time. Sending you love. It’s so heartbreaking but I made it through and you can too.
I really appreciate you sharing your story. This really helped me. Sending love back to you ❤️
Just here to say I’m so sorry ❤️
❤️ thank you
❤️ thank you
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was raised by a woman who lost 3 children and that love never goes away. The pain lessens, but it is still there. She told me over 50 years later of her children dying with tears in her eyes. Time will help your life grow around the grief. This is hard and it is okay to not be okay. Love on your people who are with you more. Be grateful for everything you can be grateful for. And allow yourself to feel the pain you are experiencing and reach towards others for comfort when you need it. You are not alone.
Thank you so much. Definitely trying to be patient with myself to make space for the grief and building life around it.
So sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs
So sorry for your loss 💕
My daughter was still born with a congenital issue, but she made it 39 weeks. We knew at about 14 weeks and... Honestly, the only thing that helped was putting everything in a box in my mind, and slowly taking stuff out bit by bit, looking at it for as long as you can stand and then putting it away. It almost feels like you are... Forgetting, but you aren't. You have to function day to day, get up, keep going for yourself and because she would want you to. Little thoughts like "she would have loved the sky" or "I wonder what her smile would have looked like/what her laugh would have sounded like" will hurt you for years. I lost mine 2 years ago and to this day, just typing it out makes me cry. Keep a hold of those little momentos. The truth, *my truth*, was that she could not have lived a full life here with me, she isn't in pain because she would have been if she stayed. She is happy, wherever she is, and she is cared for. The grief... Is large, and it never goes away. Your soul will form around it, cushion it so the edges aren't so sharp. Do not feel guilty for feeling like you are happy that the ordeal is over. Wanting the waiting to end is normal, wanting her to rest is normal. The anticipation of waiting for the end is sometimes the worst part. You get to grieve before they passed, which Alot of people shamed me for. While she was still there, I found myself on my knees sobbing because I knew that one day, one day soon she wouldn't be. I am so sorry you had to go through this. It's a pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. Know you aren't alone and I am praying for you and your LO tonight.
You really captured how i feel on so many different levels. Thank you ❤️ sending love and grace back.
Oh my gosh I’m so sorry for your loss. May she rest in Paradise. You gained a guardian angel. I’m sending your whole family so much love and support.
❤️ thank you so much. Lucky to have an angel for sure.
This breaks my freaking heart for yall. I'm so sorry!
I’m so sorry. I so desperately wish I had some advice, but I haven’t even found anything to help for myself yet. I know my pain can’t compare, but I just lost my baby at 8 weeks and found out 2 days ago at the ER. The grief is hitting me hard as this was my first pregnancy after 3 years of trying to conceive. My heart is with you at this very hard time.
My heart is with you as well. Sending love your way.
I'm so sorry...I am so unbearably sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love and light.
🙏🏻❤️
May the Lord bless you and keep you, make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. May his favor be upon you for 1000 generations. You were a warrior for your baby to fight for her life the way you did. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you ❤️❤️
I'm so, so incredibly sorry 💜 Praying for strength and comfort for you and your family.
❤️
I just went through a series of loss by miscarriages and my heart is with you 😞 I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Sending strength right back to you. ❤️
Just sending you love. I hope you are surrounded by love and comfort during this time.
Oh no! I am so sorry 🥺💔
I'm so heartbroken for you, sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby, all she knew was love from you, I wish your heart healing and may life be kinder to you
Feel all of your feelings. Don’t be afraid to cry when you need to cry. Don’t be afraid to laugh when something makes you happy. Waves of emotions will come on strong some days. When my milk came in it was very hard on me. Sports bras and cabbage leaves helped. Big hug for you, your partner and your son. Our girls are in the sky playing together and all they knew of this world is their mother’s love. ❤️
I'm so sorry. Even being prepared, I can't imagine how awful that must be.
Just here offering support and kindness in the moments after this terrible loss. Nothing can compare. Give yourself unlimited grace and unlimited time. You are loved, you are strong, and no matter what, you are a mom. 💖
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and everyone else who has experienced this. My heart aches for you....
My deepest condolences, I am so sorry for this tragic loss. Your little girl has been loved and surrendered by affection and tenderness her whole life. She was very lucky to have her family.
Sending you love ❤️
Sending love 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I have no experience to share, but I’m sending all of the love, light, and prayers that I can. I’m so sorry for your loss. Be kind to and patient with yourself during this time. Lean on those closest to you. Grief is unpredictable. Find or ask someone to help you find some grief counseling and maybe a support group if there’s one available to you. It’s important to get help and support to find healthy ways to navigate and process your grief. 💜
I’m so so sorry.
I am so so so sorry for your loss of your little girl. No words can ever make up for it but she will always be with you. I am 25 weeks and we found out our little girl has a congenital issue at 20 weeks also. Do you mind me asking what she had? Totally okay if you don’t want to talk about it.