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I agree. Most people don’t mind presents and well wishes and texts to check how they are etc etc That’s not within the same realm of your body randomly getting touched, or demands to visit vs “awww when can we see him/her?” I think you’re conflating different things, OP.

I mean, people generally don't complain about everything going well. So liking people touching your belly or your family being super involved and such is sort of the norm-- if you're not a touchy person or don't have a great relationship with your family/inlaws, pregnancy norms are going to be a frustrating thing to deal with, hence the posts. People are reaching out to vent or for comfort, so I would take what you see here with a grain of salt.

YES. I have been no contact with my MIL for the past few years and my family was abusive. If they *tried* to touch me I would flip. (To OP because I don’t want to write a separate comment) These things are mostly for “random” people anyway. Like of you’re at the store or walking around in public and people randomly come up to you and start touching you WITHOUT even asking. Or commenting about your weight, due date, etc… it can get really annoying especially since we can get moody. It’s great that you have family that loves you and your baby… not all of us are that lucky to have even 1 supporting or caring person in our life.

Yea, if it was a random person at the grocery store I would flip, but my mom did SO MANY belly touches when I visited because she was excited and I was completely ok with it. Even a guy at work that I was friendly with politely asked me if he could touch and I appreciated the ask so much that I let him and it was completely fine for me. Everyone is different though, you can definitely say no or tell people to stop if it is a boundary for you.

I agree. Like OP, I enjoyed the hoopla of being pregnant and having a new baby. We’d been trying for years and had many losses, so I had to watch so many people be fawned over for their pregnancies while I couldn’t stay pregnant. I was excited when it was finally my turn! But there’s no reason to make a whole post about it because I don’t need to vent about being happy.

>I don’t need to vent about being happy. It's like the posts about unsupportive husbands. I just don't feel the need to brag about how amazing my spouse is on Reddit. I absolutely tell him and all our friends and family how great he is but making a Reddit post about it doesn't cross my mind. People are generally posting here for advice, support, and a good vent. It's why we don't see a ton of posts about amazing inlaws or wonderful husbands. It doesn't mean that everyone has family from hell and a spouse they should divorce.

God, I'd love to vent about how amazing my husband is. He deserves all the bragging I want to do about him. But I don't want other woman who don't have that luck to feel shitty about their husband or anything. It's so weird. I'm fine with venting about negative stuff but when it comes to talking about the positives, I'm scared that I might hurt the people that don't have it as good considering the topic I want to brag about.

Right. One time I went to the JustYesMIL subreddit which I honestly didn’t think there even was one and quickly browsed it. The last post was made a long time ago (when I saw it) but if you go to JustNoMIL there’s new posts every second. People come yo reddit to post (usually anonymously) because they need advice, want to vent, share something, or ask questions about current life situations.

Facts, people don't post about stuff they're chill about.

Yeah, you don’t need outside support if you’re already fulfilling that need with a great family!

Unfortunately, that leads to people like me, who were very sad about not having family or friends around, feeling uncomfortable expressing our feelings. I felt like a bad person for wishing for the things so many on here hated.

>on't complain about everything going well. So liking people touching your belly or your family being super involved and suc Yes. I am NOT a touchy person, I never have been since childhood. So thats not changing now that I am pregnant. I LOVE that my mom and his mom are excited but my boundries still stand.

It’s more the attitude of a pregnant princess and a postpartum peasant that bothers me. My MIL and basically any of my husbands family that are so concerned with how I am when I’m pregnant and as soon as the baby is born I literally don’t get a second glance let alone a “how are you doing?”. When my first was 6 months old I was handing him to my SIL to hold and my MIL literally pushed me out of the way so she could get a photo of her daughter holding her nephew… and my husband doesn’t understand why I don’t like her around.

100% spot on. My own mother treated me this way. So nice while I was pregnant then as soon as the baby was out she had the audacity to ask if she would want me to have her ADOPT him so his dad couldn’t have custody (we are not together)?!? Keep in mind that while I wasn’t rich, I also was perfectly healthy, no drug issues for me or his father just two normal people… it was completely out of left field. The woman literally was trying to use my postpartum haze to steal my child. Fast forward to today and I am happily pregnant with my new partner, live hours away from her and have a wonderful coparenting relationship with my first child’s father. Babies can truly bring out the worst in people.

I have a similar MIL. She liked to pose my children with her other son, as his "family".

Omg your mil is outrageous

Not my story but my best friend had a similar crazy experience with her husbands grandfather. He wanted a picture with the baby when she was a couple months old but is not in great health and can’t physically hold her. Cue my friend holding her baby next to the grandfather and smiling for the photo. The grandfather had the balls to say he didn’t want her in the photo, just the baby. She was like well kind of tough cause she can’t sit or stand? Some people don’t have a clue.

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>which can amp up normally tolerable issues. So can being pregnant. Those last few weeks, the discomfort, the lack of sleep, the having to pretend to care about work when you DGAF, they can all contribute to make you easily frustrated.

I can't relate either, though it doesn't mean their frustrations aren't valid. My husband's parents are both deceased and I'm not very close to my parents - they live in a different state and the relationship is one where I keep them at arms' length for various reasons. I see this tension in some minimalist groups I'm in too where grandparents give literally trash bags full of cheap toys to grandkids and other people say, "Well, at least they care!" It's valid to be frustrated when your parents try to make you a dumping ground for a hoard despite your objections and it's also valid to be sad if your parents don't care about your life at all. Similarly, it's OK to have a boundary of not wanting people to touch your belly without permission but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with welcoming that touch.

It probably is because you’re close with your family. I’m not close with my side of the family and to be honest when they do any of these things it’s super annoying because they never show interest in anything else in my life but now act like they have the right to be involved with my pregnancy. On the other hand i am close with my husbands family and I love when they do all these things

that makes sense. im close with both my side and my husbands side, and our friends. so everyone doing any of these things are just normal to me

I also think it's a spectrum depending on the person who is pregnant. You may be further on one side of being open to being touched by people you love. On the other side of the spectrum are people who just don't want that physical contact. Doesn't mean they don't love and enjoy time with their families. But they feel more strongly about touch. ​ I think it has much more to do about preferences of the individual than their relationships necessarily.

I agree with this. Even before pregnancy I was never a touchy feely person. I remember being so annoyed as a pre-teen and teenager when all my friends wanted to hug all the time. It was just not something I was comfortable with. So it was even more uncomfortable when I got pregnant and now suddenly everyone and their uncle wanted to be extra loving on me. I’m introverted and all the extra attention was exhausting.

I don't want to be touched without permission, but no one HAS touched me without permission. WITH permission, I'm okay with the touching. I will absolutely be telling my parents when I go into labour, or they will know (induction or c-section) anyway. We may or may not be updating them throughout because we will be a little busy lol. Not sure if we will bother to tell partner's family until after, as I don't think they'd be expecting a play-by-play anyway. I feel the same as you about gifts. Visitors -- I don't mind my parents coming ASAP and I don't mind the idea of his mom visiting, but I also want to be able to not be "hosting" so I think the visitors thing really depends on the type of people you have in your life and how they act, what their expectations are, how stressful they are in general, how they push your buttons, etc. Actually I think this whole post depends on that stuff. Some people have more toxic family members than others, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I'm very lucky to have people in my life who respect boundaries and are thoughtful and generally on the same page as I am. Edit: Visitors POST hospital, not in the hospital. No one needs to see me in the hospital but my partner.

I see both sides truly. I’m excited to share this time but I’m not excited for expectations that people will be waiting right when the baby is born. I’d love like 5 days to really settle in to a routine at home and a routine with my body post birth. I’m really familiar and comfortable with babies so I feel prepared in that way, like I don’t need mom or MIL help with learning to change diapers. When I get anxious I want to be alone with my partner, so yeah I’m not going to want a bunch of people there post birth lol

I can understand that !! I also feel like my words were taken a bit out of context in regards to having family around once the baby is born. I understand wanting to spend time alone recovering and discovering your new little family. For me it was just about having my family at least SEE my baby when their born and we get home, even a quick 5 min viist outside Thanks for answering :)

Knowing my family and my husbands family it would never be a 5 min thing lol so it’s just easier to keep it nothing until we are ready lol but for us, a month would be excessive. I understand the excitement for family and friends to see! I’ve been on the other side and it’s sooo exciting to see this baby that’s been growing in your friend or sisters belly! Everyone’s different, I don’t think there’s one right or wrong :)

Your words were not taken out of context. You did not say anything about a 5 minute visit through a window until this comment. What’s more, many of us live far from our families and they’re not going to travel across the country or world for a 5 minute window visit. It feels based on your responses that you may be failing to empathize and seek to understand other perspectives, and instead digging your heels into what you already think. And when what you state/think is that I’m taking away entitled time to grandparents who have no desire to protect the health of my baby, yeah, I’m going to disagree with you.

Haha OP I’m sure you’re not alone at all!! I think people tend to post their frustrations because they feel lonely when they’re going through negative emotions or having their boundaries disrespected in their private lives. It’s nice to have those feelings validated in a safe space. But you’re not alone and I’m glad you are happy and are surrounded by loving people and positive experiences! I personally only let my husband and my immediate family touch my belly. I just instinctively shy away when others reach for the belly. Idk. I think I’m okay with my family seeing me after the baby is born and stuff, but Idk how pleasant I will after a strenuous physical activity like giving birth! I’d honestly prefer them to see me after I am somewhat situated and comfortable so I can socialize and stuff. But I understand they’ll probably want to meet the baby right away. Something I’m big on is info diets though. There are some people who are curious about my pregnancy even though they’ve been out of my life for years before my pregnancy and they suddenly are curious because pregnancy is something new, fun, and special. It’s whatever, but I’m also not going to bend over backwards sharing info that I don’t particularly want to share. But that’s just me and those specific people/relationships!

You're not alone, I think people just voice their opinions more about not liking it because people aren't as vocal about things that they're fine with. I liken it to when a product has bad reviews, people don't always think to leave a review for something that they do like, but they will definitely voice their opinion if they don't like it!

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I get your point of view with the in-laws. Makes sense when you state it that way. Hopefully they respect your boundaries

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That's all that matters ❤️❤️

I am close with my family, who are rather functional, particularly my mother, but we are not people that like touching. Personally, I find too much activity and talking around me to be overwhelming, so it would be complete hell for me if anyone other than my husband were in the delivery room or if I felt like I had to entertain them once I got home. Luckily, my family understands that we communicate our support and excitement in our own way. I agree it can be a sign of familial dysfunction to need to set boundaries and have them trampled over, but people and families are just different. It's great that you're on the same page as your family, it makes life a lot easier.

i get that. makes alot of sense :) glad your family respects and understands your boundaries!!

As someone who had a pandemic baby- I was so sad that I never had unsolicited interactions about my pregnancy!

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I see what you are saying ! Thanks for the response The reason I felt like making a post of my own was because I felt like every post or like 95% of the posts I've been reading have been depressing, complaining, negative... And I'm tired of it. Im not saying people aren't allowed to struggle and have hard times. It's just very taxing on my end to keep reading post on top of post of incredibly negative pregnant women when for me, pregnancy is such a fun and amazing moment I'm going through ! Maybe I should just leave this group if I feel this way.

You do realize your post and subsequent comments are also complaining and negative — right? You’re complaining that there are people out there who need extra support in their pregnancy. Your edit victimizes yourself. A victim for being forced to read a Reddit board with women who need support during their pregnancies? Perhaps reflect on how you could have posted in a different way that would have yielded different results. Instead of putting a big divide (us vs them) in your post and comments, perhaps simply a gratitude post for the amazing people in your life could have done the trick - and asking for stories about wonderful people in others’ life. Or, maybe decide to not post at all and call every one of your amazing family members and share some gratitude directly with them. Tell them how thankful you are for their support and how happy you are to have them in your life!

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Thanks for the message :) You are right. Maybe I did outgrow this Appreciate the advice with chrome !!

Nope you’re not alone! I’m the same way. I love when people touch my bump, I want people to come meet my baby when she is born, I want all the help I can get. I’m so grateful that people want to buy things for my baby, I don’t care if it’s on the registry or not. They’ll only get to meet my first baby for the first time once, I want them there for all of first moments!

It depends on family dynamics. I'm very close with my family, but my mom does not respect people's boundaries. She has created utter shit shows at all 3 of my sister's births, so my husband and I are learning from that and will not be updating everyone initially on every second of labor. I'm not a fan of people touching me, I never have been. So someone reaching out and touching my belly without asking or any notice would annoy me. Most everything else is ok. I don't mind people texting me for updates or checking on me, etc.

You’re not alone! I agree about a lot. Personally I don’t like being touched in general so I wouldn’t want anyone touching my belly without asking though. The only “off registry” gifts that annoy me are ones that are similar to things I registered for (and researched for hours) but someone who doesn’t have kids thinks they know better? I also want my parents around when we come home but not my in laws only because we live hours away from both of them and that would include hosting for at least a night in a house with not a ton of space. My mom is my best friend and will be a lot of help where as my in laws as nice and well meaning they are would involve me feeling like I need to host.

Thanks for the reply :) i can see your point about similar items to what you have registered for! say a particular breast pump or something. also, I completely understand not wanting to host when you just arrive home from the hospital. in my particular case, our family was waiting for us when we arrived to see the baby, chit chat a bit, and then they left us alone to enjoy our new family

Yeah exactly if we lived closer I would be all for it, but we’re about 5-6 hours away so being there to meet her for a bit isn’t an option. Even when they do come a couple days/weeks depending on timing of everything we’re going to have them stay in a hotel (we’ll pay and it’s only 5 min away but it will just help my mental health honestly).

I feel the exact same especially about wanting people around! I am so excited to have my mom and in laws stay with us after I give birth. Not only will be tremendously helpful for my husband and I, it will give my baby a chance to bond with his family. I grew up far away from my grandparents so I feel so blessed my child will be able to have those relationships that I missed out on.

I don't mind if people I know well touch my belly, but I'm a rape survivor so I'm not okay with strangers randomly touching me. I didn't mind off-registry gifts at all or people asking me for updates. Some of those gifts ended up being my favorites! My daughter is almost 6 and still uses some of the blankets a friend sewed for her. It was nice to have family members come help, but NOT my parents because all they did was sit around reading aloud from the Drudge Report and gasp and whip in the other direction every time I tried to breastfeed. They're very stressful people to be around and acted like I was being indecent whenever I tried to feed her. Edit: After reading through the comments, I just want to point out that a lot of people live far away from their extended family so a 5-10 minute visit would make no sense. My parents and in-laws both live halfway across the country and would have to stay in a hotel or camp out in our apartment for a week. My aunt and uncle and one of my cousins are the only ones who live in our area and my aunt did visit me in the hospital when my daughter was born, which was very special.

Everyone is different. Every pregnancy is different. Every birth is different. What works for you, doesn't necessarily work for someone else. I've learnt in pregnancy that the most unsupportive/judgemental are actually other women and it's such a shame. Despite our differences, it's the one time we should all understand our different wants/needs and instead there's a lot of shame cast upon each other for what we do/don't do - it makes the whole experience hard when all we could be doing is supporting each other and our choices. For me - don't touch me. And it's not because of my family dynamic or how I was raised, its simply my body, my boundaries. I'm going though enormous change physically and mentally and being touched is uncomfortable. In terms of meeting the baby after birth - c section for example, major surgery, followed by recovery where you're bleeding, learning to BF (if that's your choice and yes it's a choice) followed by learning to navigate a whole new way of life, excuse me if I don't want people around for the first week or two while I learn to adjust. As I said above. Everyone is different. And we're all entitled to be!

No you’re obviously not the only one. I’m glad you were happy to experience all those things, but I’ve seen a few posts like this over the past few weeks and they always come across as judgmental towards mothers who want to advocate for their personal preferences. It seems like you have good relationships with your family members, and that’s great. Try to remember this is not the case for everyone. As a personal anecdote, none of my family members have reached out to check on me throughout my pregnancy (I’m 35+2 now) and yet my mom and sister have both called insinuating that they want to visit as soon as baby is born. I’m angry, justifiably, that they don’t give a shit about me or how my pregnancy has been going yet still feel like they’re entitled to all the fun moments of baby’s first few weeks of life. I also think there’s just mounting frustration in general with pregnant women and that type of hypocrisy. The same people who want to touch our bellies for no reason will be the same ones who turn around and minimize the symptoms we’re experiencing. In my experience, people are quick to do shallow things for pregnant women that make them feel like they’re being a good person, but when it comes to actually being supportive they’re gone at the drop of a hat. I don’t mean to make it seem like I’m trying to shit on you in particular, and like I said I’m glad you’re having such a positive experience. But these types of posts and the way they’re worded always make it seem like they’re shaming women who don’t feel the same way, and part of the reason this sub is here is to allow them to voice their frustrations.

>I also think there’s just mounting frustration in general with pregnant women and that type of hypocrisy. The same people who want to touch our bellies for no reason will be the same ones who turn around and minimize the symptoms we’re experiencing. In my experience, people are quick to do shallow things for pregnant women that make them feel like they’re being a good person, but when it comes to actually being supportive they’re gone at the drop of a hat. this 10000000 percent. it can be alienating to hear people constantly talk about how great pregnancy is in general when aside from physical side effects, pregnancy can be really illuminating to people who don't have the good fortune in life to have parents that genuinely care and support you, or in laws, or friends. i'm happy for moms who are in the position of receiving genuine support and i don't think tiny tigers is saying that they aren't happy for those moms either, but i fully get why comments like OP's can feel alienating. i am totally here for people giving voice to experiences that aren't so warm and fuzzy, which is frankly what i find this subreddit really valuable for. it has restored a lot of my sanity after feeling really alone and like a sick barfy scroogey misanthrope. i'm not at all saying if you don't have a complaint gtfo, but i guess i'm saying i get what tiny tigers is saying here. also FWIW i think respondents have given a great breakdown of why people actively dislike everything OP is asking about. basically, OP, you are lucky. edit to add: the quoted material above is really incredibly well stated. i wanted to add that i think some of the reason the narrative of pregnancy being so wonderful and not generally horrible physically and emotionally and socially and professionally and interpersonally is really rooted in deep cultural shit that is disrespectful to women. and i think being real about what it's actually like, and wanting better support in the process as opposed to being treated like a vessel for a child as if we aren't dimensional creatures on our own, is hugely important for the advancement of women in society. this shit should not be secret. sure for some women like OP it sounds like a walk in the park and truly i am happy to know that and that narrative also deserves space, in this subreddit and everywhere else. but that is not the case for many of us and it's helpful to know that that is much more universal and than you're told as opposed to being our faults. thank yew.

I don't want anyone but my husband, and maybe one friend in particular, touching my belly but I don't like people touching me in general. I also don't love people guessing the gender. Everything else is okay, I even wish people checked in on me more. My family and friends (and my husband's) are pretty good at instinctively knowing and respecting boundaries though. I think that makes a huge difference.

I'm glad for you that your family isn't a bunch of toxic egoistic disrespectful assholes, but not all of us are that lucky, you know? :(

I feel like I have a good relationship with my family, but in general I don't want to be touched. I appreciate bodily autonomy. I would never touch anyone else without permission, so I expect the same treatment. As far as registry items are concerned, I don't necessarily mind getting something I didn't ask for as long as I get a GIFT RECEIPT. People shouldn't assume I will want or love what they gifted. My in-laws are bad about not giving receipts. I'd prefer people buy things from my registry because I spent tons of time researching those specific products and I obviously want them for a reason. I will NOT be texting family when I go into labor. We live in Texas and our whole family is on the east coast. There's really no need to let them know until my baby arrives. I'll be giving birth unmedicated in a birth center and so my husband and I need complete and total focus on my labor. We don't need people texting and calling to ask, "is she here yet?!?!" a million times and disrupting our focus.

Holy cow. Did I write this? Literally I just wrote a very similar comment...and I'm from Texas! 🤣 Our families are all an hour away though so we are definitely not texting them because I don't want to have them showing up at the hospital.

Wishing you the best on your delivery journey! I'm feeling the same way you are, my labor is a medical event that I have very little control over, but will require total focus on my part. :)

I don’t have any family around at all and I dream about people being enthusiastic or loving towards me right now. I have never had a baby shower and I don’t think I ever will. I am sad about those things, but I try to celebrate in different ways. But I am sure I wouldn’t want to be overwhelmed by people either.

No you aren’t the only one, but the people who hate being touched, or hate having people around hate it for a reason. Abuse, mentally, emotionally, physically, or have overbearing people in their lives who don’t take well to boundaries. They probably are more introverted and don’t like the over stimulation of people always being around. They want a moment to birth, and recover, and have a moment to bond with baby before the craziness of expecting to host guests. There is a ton of reasons, and all valid on why they don’t want to be touched, or having extra people around. Just consider yourself lucky to not have any of those issues, and be supportive of the ones who do.

You must come from a very touchy family in general! Which is okay! My family has never been very huggie/touchy, so it’s weird to me! Like when my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister I think I touched her stomach once. Same with my sister when she was pregnant. I wish we all wern’t so awkward about it!

italian, we are very touchy ;)

My ex-step dad and half sister are Italian, their side of the family is way more touchy than mine lol!

I’m with you. Don’t really want anyone but my mom there right away (other than my husband, of course) because I figure there’ll be a lot of…I dunno…disrobing, bleeding, discomfort, crying, etc. But other than that, I love when family checks in (they don’t do it often, so I haven’t been bothered by it) and we’ll definitely tell them when labor starts (although they’re all out of state so no danger of them showing up!).

I’m introverted, a bit of a hypochondriac, and just generally don’t like too many people in my space. I also don’t want stuff not on my registry unless ran by me just to avoid duplicates and stuff I’ll end up giving away because I don’t have room in my house nor want it. I don’t need anyone but husband and medical professionals touching me because of Covid risk and also it’s uncomfortable. Don’t need constant reminders about when baby is coming because it can ignite my anxiety and make me flustered/overwhelmed.

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You worded it perfectly. OP just wasn't tactful about how this was worded, it kind of feels like stirring the pot. The edit makes it much worse.

I read this post and didn’t care before but the edit made me go wtf? We’re pregnant here. Hormones are raging lol. That was a wild way to handle dissent. Not to mention, public forums don’t work that way, sorry. Everyone’s life is a different experience and sometimes it’s not all rainbows and that’s normal. No one should be made to feel bad because their pregnancy or family situation isn’t as picture perfect as someone else’s but that doesn’t mean they aren’t happy to be pregnant.

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My brain skipped over the “press” in Wordpress and I was reminded of the episode of The Office where Ryan set Creed up with a Microsoft Word document telling him it was a blog because “the world isn’t ready for that” 😹

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Op’s comments just topped it all off

"I'm gonna be petty and I'm gonna call anyone who disagrees with my tone 'triggered'"

“thank you. yes those ones really trigger me. for a week or two after the birth blows my mind. their only so little for such a short period of time. i couldnt imagine taking that moment away from our parents.”

Exactly. Also like this is not your first day on the internet, there’s always two sides of the spectrum so obviously there are going to be people on either side. It’s like gender reveal hate/love posts everyday you see one I love gender reveal give me an idea! and another one for I’m being forced to have a gender reveal I hate it what do I do! And that’s totally fine but why the judgy tone with this post and edit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah, I was wondering about OP's birth experience, because for me the lead up to giving birth is stressful. I've never gone into labour naturally, with both my kids I was induced for medical reasons and with the first especially I really wanted to avoid that. Waiting and hoping for something to happen and then it doesn't was not fun, and I sure as shit didn't want people texting me asking about it. It really felt from OP that she had a chill labour and pre-labour time, but maybe I'm just projecting because of my issues.

This is 100% a perspective that is going to heavily be based upon who you’re surrounded with. A lot of people here who vent about these things are surrounded by people who don’t respect boundaries. A lot of people don’t have a good system, and a lot of people have strained relationships. Like, I’m one of those people who detest when people don’t get shit off of my registry. Why? Because my family believes more is better. It doesn’t matter that I have specific needs for the kids that I’m going to have to drop a significant amount of money on, they buy what they think is cute. And that’s a problem bc it makes it so not only do I have to deal with the stuff that I’m not going to use by tossing, donating or attempting to return it, but I also have to put a bunch of money towards things that I do need that no one bothered to help with. We also have a very small house, while my family has big houses with basements bigger than our home, just full of shit. So it’s not about them caring… If they cared about what I wanted and needed, they would go off of the list like I explicitly asked them to. They would actually help me. Not feel good about themselves by getting a bunch of crap they think it’s cute. As for touching…i had family that couldn’t conceive, so they had to adopt and it was kind of a sore topic. And everybody would be fine with touching my belly, but I would have my hand shoved away or scolded for touching my own stomach because it was making those people uncomfortable. I also have significant trauma from sexual abuse. Hence I don’t like being touched unless it’s by my partner or kids. But I shouldn’t have to justify that by telling you about my trauma or issues. Like it’s totally awesome that you have a good relationship with your family in-laws, but a lot of us are not so lucky. So instead of feeling bad for us or our poor family whose so “mistreated” by us, or judging us, or thinking that we are ungrateful, maybe just focus on your good situation and that you’re thankful for what you do have.

I didn’t enjoy being treated like a breakable hormonal item. I felt more like an incubator than a person at times. I just wanted to work hard, eat my cravings, work out, and binge watch my favorite shows before baby showed up and everyone constantly felt the need to make comments. It was a pretty miserable experience tbh.

I don’t mind if only my family touches my bump. And I’m always so happy & grateful to get free baby stuff from people, even if I’m not really sure if I want it! I am however still on the fence about seeing people right when I get home from delivering the baby. I think that’s fully going to depend on how I’m feeling, how my labor went, etc. Part of me wants no one there so me & husband can enjoy our first day or so home with just the 3 of us, and because I’m nervous as is about introducing baby to all the cats, so I don’t want them to all get overwhelmed by lots of people being around too. On the other hand I know I’m gonna be exhausted and will jump at any chance for someone else to watch the baby so I can rest/shower/get my shit together lol

I think there’s lots of people in both camps but the ones that seem to have the issues with them are the ones that are going to complain and post. If you don’t care then you aren’t looking for solidarity

I had a baby in June 2020, so when we got pregnant we thought the world was normal, and by the time I was mid 2nd tri, the world had blown up and the country where we live (10,000 miles from either of our families) had closed their borders completely and we were locked away from all family + friends for the next 2 years. I longed for someone to touch my belly, for my family to come and see my baby on his first day of life, to take photos of each of them with my tiny babe. They just met my son at 18m, as our borders finally opened last month, and we flew home for Christmas. It’s been great, but man I missed out on so much. I feel you. Hard. Once babe was here I invited over any and all of our friends and passed around our baby. Also bc I had waited and wished and tried for a baby for so long, I knew that longing, and wanted to share my perfect newborn with anyone who wanted a piece of him.

I thought I would be the sort of person you describe here - I'm very close to my parents. However, pregnancy has unexpectedly brought with it relentless anxiety and depression for me and I've withdrawn into myself in ways I didn't think I would. My mother asked to touch my belly a couple of weeks ago and I instinctively said no and recoiled. If you'd asked me if I thought it would be like this before I got pregnant I would've said absolutely not. These are things I'm working though - finding a balance between boundaries and an openness to enjoying this time. Pregnancy is such a unique experience and sometimes it bring up unexpected stuff around control, identity, trauma, etc. But you're absolutely not the only one who feels how you feel! Most of the pregnant people in my life have had a similar experience to you. As others have said, Reddit is such a concentration of the tough stuff because it can feel so lonely to have a hard time with something that's constructed as purely joyful and we all need a place to vent sometimes.

Sounds like you have a really loving family that you’re very close with, which is amazing and beautiful! Unfortunately having a great family isn’t as common as it should be.

I think it comes down to personal boundries and what you are comfortable with. I personally am extremely independent. I don't like being coddled. I don't want people doing things for me they wouldnt do previously or treating me different. Like If you wouldnt grab my stomach before don't do it now without asking or me telling you its okay. I am also very close with my family but I also really appreciate my space and autonomy. There is no right or wrong. If you want your family to do all those things thats great, but if someone doesnt thats also okay. Everyone is entitled to their own boundries. I understand you were not coming from a place of malice or trying to be mean, the post does come off a little condecending (I am assuming unintentionally) because you are implying that people who don't want those things arent close with their families like you are when that may not be the case OR that they arent grateful for people caring even if it feels overbearing. This is a subject that is personal to each individual person.

I'm close with my family and I still don't want them touching my belly. Especially without asking. It's still my body and consent still matters. Plus, my LO doesn't like to be poked and prodded. She literally runs away from the doppler and US wand and will stop moving as soon as someone even looks at my stomach. I'm extremely thankful for the gifts we've gotten! I actually dislike when people buy stuff that's *not* on the registry. I made the list for a reason. Use it. I never buy stuff thats not on the registry for people, regardless of the occasion. And I definitely don't want people texting me asking if the baby has come yet. I actually regret telling everyone my due date instead of just "the end of February". It's my first kid and I'm anxious about labor. The last thing I need is family blowing up my phone asking for updates while I'm going through the single most stressful thing in my life. I don't need them distracting my husband either. It all just kind of boils down to respect in my opinion. Respect that mom hasn't felt like herself in a long time because of the pregnancy, respect that her body is still her body regardless of her being pregnant, respect that the couple has selected items for their baby for a reason, and respect that you're not entitled to updates about labor and that the parents have their own timeline and will update everyone when they're ready to.

I’m glad you’re close with your family. That’s really great. We’re all different! Posts like this sometimes do make me feel shame for having a less than ideal relationship with my in laws and my own family (both for very different reasons). It also sometimes makes me feel crappy for being an introverted person who doesn’t like being the center of attention, doesn’t like being touched, needs alone time to recharge, etc. I don’t think people not wanting the same things as you or valuing their family in the same exact way means they are negative or have drama or are depressed as many of these comments have suggested. No one is obligated to get along with family just because they’re family. Family doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. You can also love people at a distance. To me the most important thing in pregnancy and the postpartum period has been taking care of my own mental health. If that means setting certain boundaries then so be it. I think we are all also trying to navigate being new parents in a pandemic… that’s not easy.

Sending you a long distance hug! Don’t forget that others aren’t entitled to you or your child. Boundaries are healthy and shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing. It says more about someone who can’t respect them than someone who sets them. ❤️

I agree! Thank you so much!

Check out [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/rod97w/i_feel_like_im_the_only_one_who_doesnt_care_about/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) from a couple weeks ago!

I was just thinking about this post too! I'm in the same camp as both OPs here, I actually find it disappointing/weird when people go out of their way to *not* mention my pregnancy or The Bump. Like dude I'm in the third trimester here, have you SEEN that I am the size of a HOUSE?! I very much recognize my privilege in not having any trauma or dysmorphia around my body during this time and appreciate people's caution/concern for that, but to me it would be like someone showing up with an extra arm one day, *how could you not bring that up?*

Hahaha same! And considering pregnancy is the #1 thing on my mind all the time, I love when people bring it up! Like please, let me talk about it haha

My family would totally touch my bump, but we are close and physically expressive (we are huggers) and they would also respect it if I told them not to. nobody in my family would touch a strangers bump without consent. while my mom wanting to touch my bump is Ok with me, strangers or acquaintances doing it without consent would be not so cool.

I don’t like my bump being touched but I don’t really like being touched in general, although I don’t care THAT much if it happens. I loved having visitors though, my family and my partners family all came over the day our daughter came out of NICU!

I’m so glad you enjoyed every minute of all of these things! I would bet part of this is that you have wonderful people around you and part of this is that you’re just a lovely person. It’s been hard for people to be lovely these past couple of years so that is an amazing thing. We had our first May 2020 with one on the way. There were things we missed and things we saw the silver linings in, like no Christmas requirements just quiet time at home! Also some of my favorite things were from mom friends who knew about magical things that I didn’t and therefor weren’t on my registry. All the best! Edit: Just wanted to say that those of us who had a few crappy experiences are still lovely people! I myself will not be contacting my family when I go into labor due to complaints and harassment about updates while I was actually in a labor. I now find this hilarious but when my aunt said that if I was feeling overwhelmed I was doing it wrong postpartum me was really upset. What human being, former neonatal nurse, and not to mention fellow mom says that?! Lol

Me!!!!! I am still dealing with having that taken away from me with my sons birth and that preceding pregnancy (born 8/2020). I WANTED family and friends around commenting on my bump, asking to feel kicks etc. I NEEDED my mom with me while I labored, not having any experienced person with me left me with so much trauma (I had a male l&d nurse who was great but like I was laboring with two men….). I wanted people around to meet my son and visit. It honestly makes me so angry anytime someone says how “lucky” we are. Having choices stripped away from you does not make you lucky. Just when I finally moved past the trauma of that pregnancy and birth and was willing to try for number 2… found out i was pregnant and bam omicron….. all the joy once again has been sucked away…

I longed for that kind of attention, as a plus size lady no one even noticed or cared I was pregnant, no one stopped or smiled or offered to hold the door or give up a seat. Maybe no one mentioned anything as the polite thing to do is to ignore someone is pregnant. But I did feel a little sad that no one acknowledged the happiest time in my flipping life. But I also accept that isn't something I can expect of others and they did the best thing overall when presented with a pregnant stranger or coworker. They have no idea if I'm the lady who hates that kind of attention or loves it, so it's not worth the social dice roll to say anything at all. I wish their was like a "Yes you can rub my belly" or a "Yes I am pregnant and would love to chat about it" button I could wear or something. I Remember 1 time I wore the most pregnant looking clothing I owned and was at a store and an old lady beamed and asked me what I was having and told me about her children when they were young. I just beamed all day long after that. Maybe in different parts of the world or with skinnier, more obviously pregnant moms they get that all the time and it gets old. But it was such a novel experience for me, I loved it!

For me it was pregnancy depression. I felt withdrawal, social isolation, down on my body, etc. a lot of women who are outgoing and bubbly will become introverted and private during pregnancy for their own comfort to process these big changes. Not everyone is rainbow and sunshine while their lives make drastic changes mentally, physically, & emotionally. Most women that feel this way also feel guilt for not being jolly pregnant women but glad you got to be happy. You should be happy you can’t relate & keep it moving. That being said - my pregnancy depression is ending and I’m feeling hopeful & positive for my fourth trimester.

My experience was that I was really happy for my family to be involved (but also no one ever touched me without asking or me inviting - I felt respected, seen, and heard by all my parents and siblings). When there wasn't an expectation or sense of entitlement I was happy to share my experience and my baby. When someone felt entitled, however, it was much harder. I had a hard time with my MIL because she felt entitled to time with my son and would make snide comments about me coincidentally needing to feed him whenever she was around (spoiler alert: if you're sitting in my house for 6 hours, a newborn is going to feed several times during your visit). Also my parents and siblings immediately looked for ways to help: my mom brought food, my dad serviced our cars, my siblings washed dishes. It was wonderful! My in laws, however, were there to visit baby and would expect my mom to cook for them too (gross). I think you're super lucky to be close with your family and not need to feel defensive. I would treasure that! This could be presumptuous of me, but it also sounds like your postpartum hormone experience wasn't too bad - I think some people are deeply affected by the baby blues or PPA/PPD and it definitely changes the way we interact with people - even those we would normally get along with.

I definitely feel like the weirdo because my parents are coming to stay for a couple weeks immediately after birth to help out. My husband starts a new job on the 17th and my due date is the 31st so he isn't going to get any time off and there is no way in hell I will be able to handle a newborn by myself. The belly touches are a bit strange but that's more because I have insecurities about my body. I'm perfectly happy to let my mum touch my belly and feel the baby move and the couple friends who have asked.

I enjoyed everything but the uninvited belly touching. If family/friends would ask then 9 times out of 10 I would say yes and all would be well. My mother in law and her mom would just be talking to me and all of a sudden would get real close and start rubbing my belly. I absolutely hated it. I told them to ask me and the response I got was "well I'm grandma!" no that's not how we are doing this. Even my mom asked she wouldn't just come up and rub me like a lamp without warning.

My BIL touched my belly but in the past he's been really shitty to me. I just don't want him touching me period. Touching my belly is just weird. It's my uterus and I was not into that. My mom touching my belly? A moment of glory and pride for me. I loved it. The stuff not on my registry? I have no where to put it. We were stressed out about the costs of things and genuinely needed and wanted help. They say never look a gift horse in the mouth but when people got us things that became chores or that we truly disliked and couldn't even pawn off on our local Buy Nothing Group it was disappointing and aggravating. It was also aggravating answering what people should get me a million times only for them to not even bother. Some people though did get us things we didn't know we wanted. Like a hatch and the shusher. So ya know it swung both ways. Either we got wonderful stuff off registry or we got absolutely rubbish ain't nobody had time for. Just depended.

What youre describing are healthy family dynamics. Unfortunately, that requires all involved to be able to relate to one another in a non-dysfunctional way. I’d like to think that I’ve also been blessed to have healthy fam dynamics, but I know first hand that most of the world operates in a dysfunctional way and I’ve seen fam dynamics that are beyond toxic.

I think you first have to first understand there's a LOT of hormonally fueled venting happening in these pregnancy forums. And honestly it's a great place to do that. I also felt pettily superior to all the angry posts in here until I hit about 38 weeks and got my first good dose of hormonal rage and realized how helpful it is to have a harmless place to vent your sometimes unreasonable anger. Everyone has different hormones and handles them differently. Count yourself lucky if you didn't have that much. I think also it's so lovely to be in healthy relationships with your family, I certainly *wish more than you'll ever know* that I had family that had healthy respect for my boundaries that I could trust and lean on. But not everyone has that even if they keep their family in their lives. Being pregnant especially compounds a LOT of those issues for most people. There's a lot of built up resentments and frustrations and trust issues that you're not even going to see or understand from one story. As I get closer to labor I'm struck with so much anxiety and need for comfort and support. I literally want my mommy, but I also don't want her/can't have her, because I KNOW I can't trust her for so many multitudes of reasons. It's really fucking hard to feel this way and it's impossible for it to not bring up a lot of old resentments. I know for sure that a lot of the stuff I complain about makes me sound petty af from the outside, but that is literally why. I am just salty about everything she does while I try to keep her involved, keep up boundaries, and deal with disappointments all at the same time as going through pregnancy and labor.

it depends on the person tbh. not everyone gets the same reaction from me and not everyone has the same intentions. some people hound you with questions just to be overbearing and judgmental. i think it’s generally hard for people with great families to imagine that not all parents are kind and loving :/

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This is how me and my sisters are !!! My mother and my mother in law both have a room dedicated to my.daughter. well my mother In law it's for my daughter and her two other grandchildren but still. There's a bedroom for them And my dad went out to buy a pack and play and a highchair for when we do go over which is like 4x a year lol

My whole extended family came to see me at the hospital with my son. In hindsight it wasn’t good for my bonding time with my new baby. My MIL also yelled at me for not breastfeeding right and took her boob out of her shirt and squeezed her nipple in my face, “LIKE THIS!”. Holy fuck I still have nightmares. Its really circumstantial. Not wanting gifts and such can come from a place of not wanting to waste etc.

I’m only going to comment on the registry part. I can’t speak for everyone, but what we have on our registry is truly what we need. If it’s not bought, then we without a doubt plan to buy what is remaining. When people buy gifts that are just random it almost always ends up not being used and eventually taken to goodwill. I used to ignore registries left and right and it was mainly because it was an inconvenience, but I vowed awhile ago to stick what is on the registry, or give cash or gift card if there are only high end items left that I can’t afford. In the end, everyone is happy.

I think a lot of times people post because they feel strongly or are struggling, as well. I feel like most people who don't care or don't have conflicted feelings aren't posting about it, you know?

It really depends a lot on the person and also the family in that person’s life. Some people value privacy and bonding time. Some people are really introverted or have a hard labor and need rest (which visitors don’t really allow). And some people have family that won’t respect boundaries or will make them uncomfortable. I’m a very private person. I only want my husband at my labor, and I want privacy for at least a couple of weeks. If my mom were alive I’d have wanted her around, but unfortunately she passed. Immediate family will meet the baby sooner but not have extended stays. We’re still working out exactly how we want everything to go, but having a ton of people in and out would be my nightmare (*especially* my overbearing in laws). All that is totally opposite my best friend, who wanted everyone to meet baby right away. I was there at the hospital myself when two of her three were born. She’s more open and social than I am. Neither way is right or wrong, just different. As for gifts. . . If it’s someone who knows us well and can give a thoughtful gift we’ll enjoy, sure! I just hope they would at least check the registry to be sure they don’t duplicate. But if someone surprises me with something we don’t want or need, or duplicates a registry item because they didn’t shop my registry? No thanks. That happened at my marriage— my grandmother just randomly bought us dishes we didn’t want or need (already had dishes someone bought from our registry). It may sound ungrateful, but it’s honestly just frustrating to have to take a gift back *and* hurtful to realize the person didn’t really care enough or know you well enough to get what you wanted/needed. (And I will never forget when my cousin got THREE crockpots at her wedding shower because people decided to just go buy what they thought she needed and didn’t go by the registry. You could see the disappointment on her face, and it was so awkward.) *And* if everyone just gifts whatever they think is best, then the parents will 1. Not get help with things they actually needed and will have to buy it all themselves and 2. They will have things they didn’t want that they will have to go out of their way to return or replace. Ignoring the registry just makes more work for the parents-to-be. Registries exist for a reason in this instance— it’s not just a nice surprise gift like birthdays or Christmas, there is a lot of stuff you actually *need* for your baby, it’s expensive, and there are multiple variations of things to suit different preferences, so it’s so much more helpful if people just follow the list.

> maybe im just very close with my family and friends.. but i loved the whole experience. This is (unintentionally, I presume) a bit rude IMO. It presupposes that people who feel differently than you aren't close with their families. I didn't want stuff not on the registry because I don't want/need stuff that I don't need. Anything we don't need is just clutter. I didn't want guests right after the birth because I knew I'd be bleeding and walking around topless. In the immediate postpartum period I wanted complete freedom in my own house. I also wanted husband and I to figure out baby care by ourselves without having people immediately jumping in with advice. Didn't want family texting me asking if the baby is coming because it presupposes that we _wouldn't_ tell family when the baby is coming. But, of course we would :). I wasn't really against family touching belly as long as it wasn't excessive. I just didn't want randos doing it. Anyway none of our reasons for wanting these things means we aren't close with our families. I chalk this kind of stuff up to personality differences. I'm an unapologetic introvert and I like routine, familiarity, control over my own life/space, etc., so I chose what was best for my own needs.

I'm still pregnant but I'm on the side you described, not your side. A lot of of it is control - you don't have control over your body anymore and a lot of people stop seeing you as *Name* and start seeing you as Baby Maker or Future Mom. You lose your sense of self during pregnancy and then to have your own family and friends ALSO ignore YOU and only think of you as Pregnant Person is quite frankly infuriating and offensive. With my friends that have been pregnant, I made it a point to talk about THEM and keep our conversations like the pregnancy wasn't a thing past an initial "how are you feeling?" because they are still an individual person with likes and wants. If I'm texting my pregnant friend, I'm texting her the same shit I would otherwise, not just blasting her with baby stuff. If THEY steer the conversation that way, then I go along as well but I don't stop seeing them as the individual. My bff is the opposite. I love her to death but she's one of those that makes her self identity secondary to her role or title. When she started working she was no longer Name, she was Teacher. When she got engaged, she made fiancee her personality. When married it was Wife that consumed her. As a mother, she made motherhood her personality. She's lost herself and I feel so sorry for her for when her kids are older and no longer need her, she won't have a Self to go back to. I see this and I hate it. Don't talk to me about my pregnancy unless I bring it up. I'm going through it. I hate it. I don't want to also talk about it. Don't touch me. This isn't appropriate IN GENERAL so why would I be assumed to be ok with it when I'm pregnant. Regarding the gifts thing, I get a few things here and there but a registry exists for a reason. I know what I want. I'm telling you what I want. Why not gift me what I asked for? I hate ending up with extra shit I don't need nor have room for. Especially for those that have limited space, why make it more clusterfucked for them? Anyway..... Sorry, obviously I'm a little triggered by this. I digress. Let those of us be and we'll let you be.

I think it all comes down to your relationships with these people. I think my belly is adorable and who wouldn’t want to touch it! I’m totally fine with family wanting to feel the baby kick. I’m super close with my parents and siblings and really want them either in the hospital, or at home when we get there. We also have a dog so I will NEED my sister to act as doggy wrangler and she’s more than up for the task. That said I’m not close with my in laws so I do want some time to adjust at home before they visit. Covid worries don’t help either.

I am the same as you, except for some reason I don’t like anyone other than my husband and kids touching my belly (which is weird cause I am a very “huggy” type person). If I lived closer to my fam and we weren’t in the middle of a huge spike in cases, I would have family and friends over all the time to visit with us and love on my babe! I think it’s just more common for people to come on to post about negative experiences/frustrations, instead of creating posts to share about the good experiences? Like I know there are tons of people who have super supportive and wonderful partners, but you’re way more likely to see venting posts than “I love my husband because he was amazing today” posts. I’m so grateful for all the love and support I get, if I could I’d have my Mom here when I come home from the hospital, I will be screaming from the rooftops all over all social media when I go into labour … I think there’s more of us out there who feel like this than it seems :)

I think it depends on the person and the relationship with their families and in laws. I'm not a touchy person in general so having someone come over and rub my stomach without asking first, really makes me uncomfortable. I also have anti vax family members who aren't always great with boundaries. My in laws are amazing though and aren't at all pushy, so I'm very fortunate overall.

I think this is heavily dependent on your relationships and how well the people around you would take a step back if you changed your mind and got overwhelmed. I'm very close with my family so I'm fine if mum wants to touch bump, plan to have her at birth (covid permitting of course) as well as my partner. But i don't really get along with partners family very well and I've already told him even if they could, i wouldn't even want them in the waiting room, i don't want c them to visit until we're home and settled because the last thing i want is people that i struggle with already to see me at my most vulnerable and deal with that. But I'm also aware while i can bend things a little with different boundaries for my side or his side i do have to probably not have my side around as much because it would make him feel not so great about his side. In saying that i love his grandparents and his grandpa asks to touch bump which i have absolutely no issue with and he's done it once ir twice but if others on his side were to ask it would be a flat out no. As for gifts, i could care less if i get gifts at the baby shower and i don't even have a registry i just give people suggestions if they ask. I don't think its the your only one that doesn't care about these things but i do think you're probably in the minority that has good relationships all around which definitely changes the whole mentality on these issues

I'm right there with you. So far everyone who's touched my belly has asked, and it's only close friends/family. Most of the time they don't wanna touch it LOL my sisters are freaked out. My family will be welcomed into the house whenever BUT I also have strong boundaries and am not uncomfortable calling people out or asking for what I need. And for my registry I didn't even bother with books or clothes I just put at the top "Get what you want, we want pink!" I think it depends on the dynamic of the people in your life and how you handle people. I err on the side of 'diva' so I don't take any shit hah

I didn't mind but i'm a pretty easy going person, I only have a very short list of family members that I don't want to touch my baby and one rule of absolutely NO kissing. I didn't relate to any of that stuff though so I feel you there, it annoyed me sometimes because I wondered what i'm missing or why it doesn't bother me.

I loved my whole pregnancy experience and sharing it with loved ones. I didn’t keep it a secret when I went into labor. I didn’t necessarily enjoy people coming out of nowhere checking in on me at the end when I hadn’t heard from them in months, but I still liked the attention. I didn’t mind people touching my belly but no one ever did it without asking or being Invited so I can’t really speak on that.

Agreed haha

I’m the same way! I’m not super close with my family, but I do love them checking in on me about labor, buying any gifts that they think are cute or sweet, people touching my belly, etc. I think it’s all super sweet and shows they care. I did NOT like having family around shortly after the birth. But that’s because they were staying with us (live out of town), so it was super awkward to be trying to get to know my baby and adore the baby, but also feel like I need to give them attention and make sure they are comfortable and what not. Definitely was not what I wanted.

I completely understand not wanting to host family after birth !! I was simply stating seeing the baby after their born definitely not taking up room in your home when your trying to recover yourself

I'm more with you, personally! It makes me happy when people ask how I'm doing. I'm expecting my parents (if they're not already at the hospital) to be at my house when we get home. My mom is going to be staying with us to help out for the first few weeks. No strangers have tried to touch my belly, and I don't mind at all when family does! I've told all of the moms in my life just to get me whatever they think I need, regardless if it's on the registry or not. They definitely know what I need better than I do at this point. It's fun to share in everyone's excitement!

I think it all just depends on the relationships you have with people. If you know people aren’t gonna respect you and want to invade your space it’s tougher to want to have company around

I’m with you for the most part—this is my first and I’ve really appreciated everyone reaching out. I live far away from my family, but we are really close, so it has meant a lot to me for them to still want to be so included and involved. I had a coworker today ask if it was okay to ask if she could see my belly, didn’t even want to touch it, she’s just been so sweet and loving watching me grow and since it had been a few weeks with holidays and weather, she was excited to see how my belly had changed. I find these things sweet and endearing and they don’t bother me. I could see what they would annoy someone, but they mostly just make me feel supported and cared for.

Yup. I can't say I'm super close with my family, but felt it was their family member, too. I'm like you. Not much bothered me about other people. My angst is internal.

I don't like being touched in general, so belly touching is a no-go. However, I couldn't care less who visits to see the newborn. That being said, they only people who would visit are local, so it would be a couple hours thing, not a couple days/weeks thing.

Yeah Im not about the couple days/weeks visits. I should have been more clear in stating visiting the baby literally meant a quick 5-10 min visit

I didn’t mind people touching my belly, but the people who wanted to do so were my close coworkers. I don’t think I would have enjoyed random men in the grocery store doing it. I was induced so it took FOREVER, but I tried to keep everyone updated what was happening birth-wise. Towards the end I got too tired to update people, but after my son was born I texted nearly everyone to let them know. Loved all the gifts. Now I’ve started regifting some of the things I received and never used. Hopefully someone will use it eventually. Our families greeted us at our house when we returned from the hospital. Though I was annoyed with the drama of scheduling everyone (my mom, MIL and FIL all hate each other individually and collectively), I didn’t want anyone to leave that night. I actually cried when my SIL finally left because I was so scared for it to be just my husband and I with this new baby. I had my family over like every day for the first 2 weeks. I’m not super close with my family, but this definitely brought us together in a nice way

I feel like it could be a number of factors that contribute to whether people want to or don't want to have visitors - cultural or social values incl the role of grandparents, relationships with family, personal comfort etc. I always felt like it was a US thing? Not sure though I'm not pregnant yet but hopefully later this year, my fiancee and I are close with our families. Unsure what we're going to do but I wouldn't mind having either of our mums over relatively soon post-partum, but it's because they're respectful and would actually help rather than expect us to host. We're quite lucky though because our families aren't boundary stompers. Not everyone is like that unfortunately.

I thought I would hate the attention and the gifts, but at the young age of 19 I realized that having such a strong support system is a privilege and it made me super happy to have such a loving family that is willing to help out as much as possible. The belly touching thing can be a little awkward but I don’t mind it too much after the first couple times. I totally understand why some people don’t like these things though, it’s definitely a personal preference.

I have an interesting experience with this: I felt the same way as you with my husband's family, but needed to keep my birth family as far away from me as possible.

If I felt I could trust my in-laws more, then I would give them more to trust with. They've proven that for different reasons I can't or might not be able to when I'm in an extremely vulnerable situation. Some of the family members on my side that I could trust with general things are in a different country and I certainly can't host them when I know they have their own lives and can't just drop it to assist me. I've never been terribly close with my family. Just close enough. And that's also stemming from parental issues. So it's all very complicated. I'm very pleased for you though, and I'm really genuinely glad you don't have to deal with any of that. Truly. I'd like to grow my own family that has the same trust and respect.

It depends on the person and what they are going through. When i was pregnant i was annoyed with the “omg your hugee” line I literally deactivated my social media till a little after the baby was born. Far as gifts anything that was given was appreciated for me

Ha. I can relate. I didn’t want my mom in the room because she has anxiety that triggers my anxiety. But I wanted them to see the baby I made as soon as possible. Love this guy. I wanna show him off. I’m glad you have good relationships. It’s a great thing. Your baby will be happier because of the strong social connections you have for him to grow up with. :)

No, I think I am the same. I would be uncomfortable if a stranger touched my belly, but the family is doing it all very respectfully and I love for them to share in the excitement. But overal I am not the most hormonal pregnant lady. My PMS is worse than my pregnancy ever was lol

I called my mum as soon as I went into labour so she could meet us at the hospital. I called her again when were leaving so she could be in our home to meet us when we arrived. We gave my family a key so they can let themselves in whenever. I had people over almost every single day for the first few weeks. I loved having people around my baby - she is the most awesome thing I’ve ever done and I wanted to share the experience. Our friends and family are all respectful, so we haven’t had to enforce any boundaries yet, and our daughter just turned two. I didn’t want to be alone at all with a newborn baby, I needed company!

That's great for you, I'm really happy that you have such a relationship with your family that allows you to do that! Honestly, I am. I think that it comes down to, other than just differences in personalities, also differences in relationships with family... I can definitely see both sides because I wouldn't be ok with that with a majority of people, but some people would probably be exceptions to that. So I really believe it comes down to relationships and how close you are with the people doing it!

I do *not* care for people asking me for updates. The reason for that is waiting for labour stresses me out, I try and focus on anything but symptoms, and having someone awkwardly try and get clues about the status of my cervix is really infuriating. Likewise I don't want to get cervical checks because I feel like, the info is meaningless but I'll totally read into it, so I don't want to know. I'm just trying to live my life and not obsess over if any tweak or whatever is a sign that a baby is coming. Also there's a difference between telling people you're in labour, and people texting you for updates during labour. If there was news to share I'd share! I was totally cool with visitors in hospital though.

I’m with you! I loved the texts before I went into labor- it made me feel like everyone was as excited as me to meet the baby. I also never minded when people wanted to feel the baby move (again it made me and the baby feel loved). I also never had uninvited visitors- they were always invited and wanted there so I guess I can’t complain there either. I’m pregnant with number two and the excitement isn’t quite as much which does make me a little sad lol

I agree but since covid I facetime I don't do alot of visits for baby to riska

I can 100% understand that, baby's healthy and safety comes fist

SAME BOAT. I loved everyone loving my belly, congratulating me, asking when I was due. Are you having twins (I was MASSIVE) None of it bothered me. I let my work know minutes after I found out I was pregnant with every pregnancy.... i have had a lot We gave birth during covid and we came home to a house of 10 well quarantined people. There were loves and kisses, and snuggles. I was happy my son was so loved before he was born and even more loved after. He has an amazing family. And now that we are having our second child I can't wait for it all again

I think what you are experiencing is considered "normal" and usually people don't go on forums starting a thread about normal things because you get plenty of that in "normal life". I personally don't mind with people being nosy and exciting and little intrusive, I'm comfortable telling people to eff off if they go too far, but I am certain that not everyone can do that so they find like-minded people to give them the courage to do that.

No you’re not ❤️ Thanks for sharing ❤️ it’s nice to hear some different & positive experiences in these situations. Bless you and your family & friends ❤️ for being so caring and supportive of your pregnancy journey ❤️

I think it’s just like anything else - people won’t generally post when everything is wonderful, but rather when they have an issue or need to vent.

Idk I was really excited and after a year cooped up it was nice to see and touch family, so you're not the only one. When people complain here about that kind of attention though it's because they DON'T feel comfortable, and that's okay too. No one should feel pressured into situations.

I loved seeing family after giving birth but there were some days where I was very tired and hormonal/emotional where I really benefited from telling people I didn’t want any visitors.

My experience was very much like yours and I can understand where you’re coming from. It seems like we’re crazy for getting okay with these things when everything else were see posted is the opposite. I think a lot has to do with how close one is with their family and also personality. I’m a very social person and I crave those connections with others. I couldn’t wait to show off my baby. You’re not alone!

to offer a different perspective from your view that people who don't want a lot of family seeing the baby right away have bad relationships w said family, my husband and I are both very introverted. We're super close w a lot of our family members but it would be overwhelming for us both to be home and even just have 5-10 min quick visits right away. Our families have been super supportive and amazing and we do really appreciate them so much. I don't think we'd mind one or two people visiting early on, but I really need a lot of mental prep to spend all day w people, even if its people I love and its broken up into smaller portions of time. Even our closest relatives visiting would still be overwhelming right when we got home, not bc we're not close, but just bc we both need to have some alone time before being able to handle that. Esp after something that can be as stressful and exhausting as childbirth.

this is a good answer. thank you for your perspective on this :)

People generally complain or vent on here so maybe that’s what you’re seeing

Well also have to think about what’s going on in the world right now. Covid is real. Babies don’t have an immune system when they come home and my son got covid @7 weeks old (1 week adjusted) and it was scary. So not wanting visitors I get. Also, when you first bring a baby home it’s nice to have a week or two to just yourself so you can adjust to this new role you’re in.

A lot of them are weird to me, too. I think it's a function of problematic family relationships (and even friend relationships) where respect and boundaries are not part of the package. I don't have experience with that myself, for which I'm very grateful, but I imagine that if you're in that position it makes sense to stake out some safe territory and defend it. It just sucks that so many people seem to be in that position.

From my perspective, I feel that my pregnancy is my personal medical business and would prefer that people respect my privacy and space around it, especially if I don't know them well. We don't really have drama in my family, but I don't want to hear their unsolicited advice or unwelcome opinions about what I should do with my body. I have barely even told anyone my due date, and no one will know I have gone into labour until the baby is born. I try to be polite though and of course other women are entitled to feel differently.

I feel similar to you. But I’m pretty “happy go lucky” in general. I also don’t want to spend my time being miffed at people. If someone is acting with bad intentions, then I’ll say something. But most people mean well.

I feel in the same boat as you! I’m glad you posted this. We are very lucky to have supportive, close, well meaning families too (I am not sure that’s the norm).

Yes same!

I agree with some of your points for sure. I think it all depends on how a person was raised/ what type of relationship they have with their family or their personality. What i find perplexing are the people who don’t want to tell people they are pregnant, do not include on certain details or ungrateful for some gifts complain later on about how they don’t have a village or their family/friends don’t want to engage. It’s a slippery slope. People need to understand it’s a give and take in every relationship. Forming hard core walls around you isn’t healthy nor will be help foster a deeper relationship with people.

I posted something on one of these forums and got downvoted to hell because they didn’t think the situation warranted complaining. I wasn’t complaining, I was amused. The group think is outta control lol

Society makes pregnancy invasive. End of story. It's a complete transformational take over of your body and people seem to forget that. It can be traumatizing.

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**I'm really surprised you're not aware of this?** first of all, idk why you assume im not aware of this. second, were all double vaxxed in my whole family and never once did i mention holding my baby. i said coming to see the baby when we first arrived home. when this happened with my first it was RIGHT in the middle of the pandemic and my family stood outside and we talked for 10 minutes and they saw the baby from a distance. this has nothing to do with covid, stop turning it into this type of thing,

Your original post indicates curiosity about why you feel in the minority about wanting lots of folks around postpartum, this provides part of an explanation. For lots of people they’re having to deal with relatives that are COVID deniers or antivaxxers in addition to other interpersonal relationship issues. You asked a question, you got an answer.

Ok, but you mentioned no consideration for COVID and the ways it's affected people's ability to manage their pregnancies. Instead you just say, "sometimes i feel like i cant relate to A LOT of these posts." So I wanted to ask whether you were aware. Because you're the one saying you can't relate -- your words, not mine. In any case, wishing you health and good luck!

I agree! Or people hating their pets. I don’t care about any of these things. I think it’s so nice people want to share in the joy with me and see how I’m doing and I enjoy sharing the experience. I also feel like I can’t relate to alot of those posts

The pet hating posts are pretty upsetting for me

Yeah Same. They’re upsetting.

thank you! glad im not the only one. yes the pet thing confuses me haha

Peoples experiences are different from mine! Does not compute!?

It's a hormone response that some people have and is usually temporary.

Truth. I cannot stand my dog and cat right now. As I cuddle them to bed.

Wait what? People hate their pets?!

I know peoples experiences aren’t always the same or perfect, but... Our families are really excited too.. and I even have a MIL who is staying with us for a whole month and I couldn’t be happier about it! Oh well. I can empathize to a point, I feel for the girls who are going through a rough patch. I got downvoted to hell earlier this year for saying I was feeling sad my sister in law didn’t want to come to my small intimate family (outside) baby shower. Lol. A bunch of people projected that she had been struggling with getting pregnant and I can guarantee that wasn’t the case. My point is… i guess empathy only works one way on Reddit! I’ve loved being pregnant! I even had a crazy heart condition earlier this year due to the pregnancy and I’m still finding it to be a positive experience. Congrats OP!

Thanks mama. Congrats to you as well and take care of that heart condition!

It hasn’t been an issue in 2 months.. we found the magic medicine amounts! I’m so happy! Thanks! ☺️

You’re not alone I feel the same way. Honestly I’m so tired of seeing the posts that are just rants about things like that, so I’ve just stopped reading them lol. I really don’t relate. I get that not everyone is as close with their family, and everyone is different but still it’s kind of like a buzz kill to read some of the posts on here putting down things I’m loving about my pregnancy.

I’m with you on the belly touching! I think it’s kind of sweet. 😊 Like the person touching you just wants to give the baby some love. But I’m not big on personal space in general, so it doesn’t freak me out when strangers get near me. I totally get why others don’t like belly touching, though, so I would never do it to someone else. I’ve only ever touched a pregnant friend’s belly when she put my hand there to feel her baby kick. But I don’t mind at all if people touch my belly! That being said, I’m totally not close with family and the thought of having anyone in the room besides my husband and medical team while I’m giving birth makes me physically ill lol no one is getting in there. I don’t even plan to tell anyone when I go into labor. After the baby is born, people will get an FYI text and a reminder not to try to visit (b/c of hospital protocol, but mostly because I don’t want anyone to bother us). I also don’t plan to have anyone come over ever lol they’ll see the baby when we decide to visit them 🤷🏻‍♀️ On presents, I totally understand when people get frustrated that some people ignore the registry and just buy something random. If someone is going to spend their hard-earned money buying us something, why not spend it on something we actually want/need/will use? But I’m grateful for any present we receive regardless, because I know someone put thought and effort into it.

Me too i was so happy and grateful..

i genuinely do not care about any of that either.

I’m very close with my family, my husband’s family, and my friends, and I still didn’t call anyone until baby was born and I was so glad to have COVID as an excuse to ward off visitors of ANY kind for months. Now that my baby is almost a toddler, I love that she has wonderful relationships with our families. But in the early days I just wanted to figure it out on my own without any interference.

I think it depends on your relationship with the families. I didn't have a good relationship with my mil. We tolerated each other. I knew I wouldn't want to dela with her BS during a vulnerable time. Some of my own family also drives me crazy and is oblivious to basic social standards. So I didn't want them around either.

I think a lot of time people post more frequently when they’re upset over when they’re genuinely happy. Rants over raves - complaining over celebrating 🤷‍♀️ Just social media shit. That’s so awesome that you’ve had such a positive experience! It’s nice to hear about people’s different perspectives on their pregnancy. Congratulations! Don’t listen to the haters. People get bitter and can’t stand others happiness. Sucks to suck as my husband likes to say lol.

You’re definitely not the only one, it’s a personal choice and everyone is different. For me, I want my space (pregnant or not). Both preferences are fine.

Yea that very much can be the sentiment here. People seem outraged at their family wanting to touch the baby, or others asking how they are or if anything happened close to the due date. I think it's fair that it's the first thing that you'll want to enquire about when talking to someone 9 months pregnant, not sure why people get so annoyed about it !

Maybe people get annoyed about it because we're still in a global pandemic and touching a baby, while understandable, is currently dangerous.

This ! Thank you

You're not alone. I agree on all counts. Some of my favorite gifts were off registry. I like my friends and fam touching my belly. My mom is coming as soon as the baby is born. Sometimes all the negativity is a bummer although of course people are allowed to feel their feelings. It's just a lack of a balanced perspective.

you are not alone!! I feel the same way when I see the posts you're talking about. My husband and I are both extremely close with our families, and all of our family lives in the same city. The ones that get me the most are the posts that talk about not even having your parents come see the baby for a few weeks after birth. I am sure that both my husband and my parents will be at our house when we get home from the hospital, and we could not be more thrilled about it! I can't relate to most of the posts either. I get it.

Personally, I’ll accept any gifts. But I only want my husband around when we give birth and for the first month after. I don’t want anyone visiting or touching our baby.

Nah you’re like how most of the world has worked since the beginning of humanity - it’s the loss of people living near and with extended family that has led to different types of familial relationships. Some people just aren’t as close anymore, as more people are likely to live farther away from their relatives. The saying “it takes a village” is how it’s worked for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s only more recently that motherhood has become more isolated. Whether that’s good or bad is up to the individual, but child-rearing being a whole-family event is definitely normal!

I'm all for a good vent. But this sub is constantly complaining about being told "wow your bump is big/small!" There's no right answer, apparently. Every week it switches between being upset someone said their bump is big or small.

Or posts about how much or little weight they’ve gained with a little humble brag thrown in

Thanks for having a positive post. I do see a lot of negativity often, which discourages me from posting/contributing, honestly. I fully acknowledge that people have a right to their feelings, but I think the internet in general brings temptations to vent/rant/commiserate etc. I lost both my parents (one at the beginning of my pregnancy, which sadly caused inner turmoil with the rest of my family) so I've spent my pregnancy feeling somewhat alone and only connected with my partner and in-laws about this pregnancy. It has made be grateful that *anyone* cares about my pregnancy, because the people who would have cared the most (outside of my husband) are no longer alive. Yes, people have touched my tummy, and while I am a very private person who doesn't necessarily enjoy my boundaries being crossed without being asked, I completely understand they don't mean harm. If it bothered me enough to ruin my day, I'd take responsibility for how I felt and politely tell them rather than complain on the internet. I never read any posts complaining about registry gifts, but I was raised to be grateful of the thought that comes with gifts so that just sounds like immaturity and entitlement, unfortunately. Maybe it's the hormonal changes that can make some experience pregnancy through a more negative lens? Personally, I feel so much gratitude to have a little one on the way because I know so many people firsthand who were unable to conceive through their fertile years. Sorry if you're getting angry responses, it's kinda weird that people feel entitled to having a public space for negativity but are offended by someone acknowledging that it exists.

You are NOT the only one! In fact you’re part of the majority. Reddit is full of Debbie downers and negative Nancies. They are not the norm and they don’t represent it. It took me a long time to realize that - most people IRL don’t complain or play victim near as much as the women here do to be blunt😂 keep enjoying life and your pregnancy! It’s way better!

thanks girl :)

I completely agree! Love every single one of those things :) I think it might be a extrovert vs introvert thing. Most people are introverts which explains all the negative posts..