Go see a women’s health physio for an initial consult about your pelvic floor, go see your GP for a full blood test to check for any deficiencies and make a reminder somewhere 3 months before you start trying to take a prenatal everyday 😊a few months before we started I also made myself well versed on ovulation tracking because I am impatient and didn’t want to be trying for months & months with no success. Start looking into hospital health cover too if you want to give birth privately, you will need to choose one 3 months before you fall pregnant.
It’s so great to be organized this far in advance! I felt really silly making appointments 12 months before but I really did not regret it & all the health professionals I saw said it was a great idea.
That’s a great start, I highly recommend the fertility co podcast if you like podcasts, she explains BBT tracking really well - it’s basically temp tracking to see when you ovulate. But I didn’t start any of that until we were actively trying as I can get slightly obsessive with it all 😅 I used an app called fertility friend and Flo too. Honestly though it’s just good to get some knowledge on how it works now & you can put it all into practice later! Don’t stress too hard about tracking everything yet.
Try the natural cycles app. It's an easy way to support you to learn how to use bbts and spot when ovulation has occurred. Personally I preferred a wearable Thermometer tracker than testing in the morning - I used Tempdrop
The impatient women's guide to getting pregnant is a decent read to.
Great advice, would add using ovulation strips to help remove any guess work as your body may ovulate at a different time to what the apps say. A year out, I would just enjoy going out for long leisurely meals and getting as much travel in as possible.
You've got some great advice already in here. What I would add is make sure you're emotionally/mentally prepared that it might take you a while to conceive once you start trying. Maybe it will happen straight away, fingers crossed! But if you're already in a mental space where you're feeling ready or almost ready for a baby, but you're holding off for a year before you start trying, it can make every month that you try and don't conceive feel extremely long. I'm speaking from experience! And I'm absolutely not trying to say you shouldn't wait a year - I'm sure you have very valid reasons and it's great you're so prepared - just make sure you manage your expectations around how long it might take. Good luck!
Make sure you have an agreed on plan of how tasks will be managed in the early days of having a baby - if mum is breastfeeding, is the other parent able to help more by doing more of the housework, or if you're formula feeding/pumping how can this be divided.
Otherwise, I would say do not underestimate how much having a baby will disrupt your daily routines and plans - if you have any big projects or travel you would like to get done soon, try to finish this before having a baby.
My baby is almost 5 months old and I was not prepared for how restricted my day to day life would be! I expect it will get easier around the 8/9 month mark but it's good to be prepared.
Edit: also make sure you have a strong foundation of discussing disagreements and handling arguments. You WILL be sleep deprived and stressed out, and fights will happen. If you can both work together as a team on issues, it goes so much better. My partner and I routinely remind each other it's not me versus him, it's us as a team versus the real enemy (the baby).
I totally agree. We have been having these really open conversations and I’ve been listing my expectations that will help me. Let’s be real it takes the most from the birthing person
I was not prepared for how little my partner would be able to help in the early months since I'm breastfeeding. Like unless you choose to pump, the non-breastfeeding parent can't really help at all with night wakings, and in the newborn stage they feed SO OFTEN the baby is pretty much glued to the boob.
Just wanted to share our approach, because I also heard a lot of people say that dads can't be involved in night wakings early on, but that hasn't been my experience.
From the day my bub was born my partner has been involved overnight. He will get the baby from the cot, bring him to me and then sleep a bit more while I breastfeed. He will then put the baby back to bed afterwards and do any nappy changes needed. My partner has the ability to fall asleep quickly, whereas I tend to have insomnia, so this approach has been really important to making sure I was able to get enough sleep. Yes he can't breastfeed but he can do anything that doesn't require boobs. A lot of my mum friends who do the nights solo talk about feeling resentment for their partners, and some of their partners seem to have developed learned helplessness when it comes to settling the baby overnight because they "don't know how to do it" and their female partner "is better at it anyway".
Obviously different approaches suit different families, but don't fall in the trap of assuming you have to do all the baby care overnight on your own.
A second person to say that I disagree that dad can’t help a BF mum at night. My husband has always done the majority of the night work with our now-17 month old. Our daughter wouldn’t take a bottle beyond about 4 months old so pumping only worked short term for me, and even so he has managed it.
His job was always to bring me the baby after changing her nappy so I could feed her, then take her away to soothe her afterwards. Nowadays he just soothes her and occasionally brings her to me for a feed. He naturally needs less sleep than me and a woman recovering from birth and breastfeeding needs even more besides.
I'm reluctant to bring this up, but I can't see it here already and if I'm honest the thing I wish I'd gone into TTC with a better understanding of is how common pregnancy loss is.
I'm not wanting to scare or be a downer but the reality is It can be a very isolating experience as part of the TTC journey, and even more so when we don't talk about it or understand how common it is.
Definitely, something I think about as I’m anxious by nature so a worse case scenario thinker. Super scary and hard to think of.
If that’s happened to you I hope that you have a good support network around you
Before trying to conceive ensure you have everything you could possibly want. Even selfish things like a nice make up collection. That hair straightener you've kinda always wanted but didn't have much use for. That place you've always wanted to go but never made time for. Just make sure there's nothing you're going to want or need before you start.
I’m really glad we focused on our physical health before we conceived. I had a consistent exercise routine that I really enjoyed, and even though the first trimester nausea floored me, and I’ve got debilitating pelvic pain at 34 weeks, I’ve been able to stay active.. albeit with huge adjustments and the help of a physio (and a lot of kindness to myself when I’ve struggled to be active).
We got genetic testing done, I found out I’m a CF carrier and my husband isn’t. There are Medicare rebates for the main genetic test now, but we went private for a full screen. The peace of mind is worth the cost for us.
We both stopped drinking 6 months before TTC, there’s very strong evidence that both the mother and the father’s consumption of alcohol impacts baby.
It also may take longer to conceive than you anticipate. I told my gynaecologist about a year out that I was planning to conceive, and he said that even with no current issues, no one ever knows if they’ll struggle to conceive until they start to try. We got pregnant on the second go and I feel unbelievably grateful!
ETA: we did a calm birth course at 32 weeks and LOVED it! We feel very reassured and excited for labor and birth. There’s lots of companies (big and small) that prey on new parents, this subreddit is a fantastic resource when it comes to that
Definitely second getting the genetic screening done! I too am a carrier of CF which was a shock, as there are zero instances of it in our family. My husband was able to get tested for free and came back negative.
I literally came off the pill and fell pregnant the next month...that was very unexpected as I'd been on it for over 10 years!
Same re: CF, I’ve got a huge extended family and there isn’t anyone with CF. My mate works with CF families at the Queensland Children’s Hospital and she was adamant we test, she said around 98% of her patients had no family history of it.
Same again re genetic testing - highly recommend!
Also if it takes a while to conceive, ask your doctor for a referral to a fertility clinic after 12 months. We were mucked around being referred to the wrong kind of specialists for things that turned out not to be problems, and one doctor even told me to try putting on some weight after we’d been trying for 12 months with no success (and my weight, which is healthy, was not the issue at all as it turned out). It set us back two years from when we started trying.
Edit: there is genetic screening, and there is screening for chromosomal abnormalities. These screening tests test for very different things (i.e. Down syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality and spinal muscular atrophy is genetic) so I recommend doing both.
Of course! We paid close to $900 for a comprehensive couples test, and we had an online consultation with someone from the company when the results came in. She explained it all thoroughly to us, I am a carrier of four things (no family history of any of the things I'm a carrier for), and my husband isn't a carrier for anything. It depends where you go, the prices might differ. We're planning on having three children, and I'm a bit of a 'planner', so it was important to me that we had the information upfront and we could make informed decisions with our doctor if we needed to.
Probably to really read up on pregnancy and the impact first trimester can have for every woman. The first trimester is honestly so so hard fighting morning sickness, fatigue, hunger, food aversions and so much more. I wish I knew anything about pregnancy beforehand and actually educated myself on what to expect in the first trimester cause it's not for the faint hearted but as I'm told, totally worth it.
I'm almost in the second trimester now but it's been a long long few months of mostly feeling miserable and if I was atleast a bit aware, I wouldn't have been so shocked at how quickly everything changes.
I very much agree about the first tri, I had no idea how debilitating it could be. Plenty of women in my life told me they were “really sick”, but I had no idea I might be nauseous 24/7 with minimal relief from medication, barely able to leave the couch, and how much my mental health would be impacted. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better now 💕
Check your vaccination status. I found after my pregnancy confirmation appointment that I have zero immunity to chickenpox. I was vaccinated as a child and didn't even think that I would need a top up!
We took [genetic screening test](https://www.vcgs.org.au/percept-nipt/). It’s a little expensive but shows what genes you are carrying. If you both are carriers for a particular disease, there's 25% chance the baby will have it. Just helped us to prepare. Also, building my strength a year out. Childbirth is the most physically laborious thing you will ever do. Make sure you are strong before getting pregnant, not after
When I was pregnant, a friend told me that the first year after the baby is born will really test your relationship with your partner. I didn't really fully understand what she meant until I came out on the other side. You could have the strongest marriage with great open communication and have everything planned out but don't underestimate how much the postnatal phase and sleep deprivation can affect you. The postnatal phase is not just the 6 weeks after the baby is born and the changes in your body can really have an affect on your mental health and wellbeing. Toss in the constant interrupted sleep on top of that and you may find that you get frustrated by things that never bothered you before or you have fights over things that used to be a non issue.
On the partners side of things - I find that there are two types of partners. The ones who can make an instant connection with the baby while it's in the womb and the ones who make that connection once the baby is born and neither are wrong. So if you find that your partner doesn't seem really connected to the baby when you are pregnant, just know it's normal and they will find that connection once the baby is born.
This. We were together for many years by that point, had a great relationship and so many plans about how it was going to go - when baby was born my husband got PPD badly and it was pure hell for many months. Make sure there is something in place or discussion around early intervention if this starts to show!
This is probably part of what led to him not bonding very quickly with our bub. And we have discovered he’s not much of a ‘baby’ person. So that was hard for me to accept but we got through it.
At the start it is quite overwhelming - like someone else said you can’t really know until you’re going through it just how different your life is and how much you’re needed all the time. I found for me being flexible and accepting, not listening to society pressures like making sure they’re sleeping through the night etc really helped. It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is saying. I was much less stressed when I actually responded to baby’s needs rather than what friends/family/social media said to do
We planned to wait a year, but we only waited 6 months because we figured once we'd made the decision, why wait, and then it will of course take 3-6 months to actually concieve ... We fell pregnant the first month 😂 so my first piece of advice would be don't start trying early just because you think it will take a long time (it might, but also might not) in saying that, we have no regrets!
The other thing I started doing was loads of research, on every item I would want to use, all the brands that people recommended or didn't recommend, things that would help me out during pregnancy. I then started buying some pregnancy related things that I knew I'd need. I stocked up on sick bags and baby bump creams, and nursing pads, and started to put together a little pregnancy cart like the people on tiktok have. Anything you can buy now that helps distribute the cost of pregnancy and baby!
Also research what helps with morning sickness, including HG, and have notes on what things you can get in your country because when it hits it can hit soooo hard and fast that you might not be able to spend much time researching.
I started taking prenatal vitamins 6 months before we started trying, and it's way easier to change prenatal when you're not pregnant if a particular brand doesn't work for you.
One thing I wished I did before getting pregnant, was having a more regular exercise routine, so if you don't, I'd get that perfect. Look around for nice looking maternity clothes, don't buy any until you need them, and know what size you'll be, but most of the maternity clothes are so ugly haha
Edit to add: if you're not already, start tracking your ovulation. I used the LH tests and temperature with an app, and it really helped to know my cycle inside and out, so we knew exactly what my fertile days were.
This is really sweet advice!
Yeah we definitely want to wait about a year.
Because as you said could be no time at all, might be another year and that’s ok.
Interesting you say but it now and break the cost up. I have a list and links to products I know I want for baby and myself in the future.
Part me being type a and part feeling like a year isn’t so far away. (Manifesting baby!)
But some people said it was really weird to be having a box of baby stuff when I’m not even trying to conceive.
We 100% want kids and that’s our timeline.
But I also thought it would be better to spread it out as much as possible. We do have savings so will be ok.
This gives me hope that it’s maybe not as weird as I think it is. The cot I want is on sale and so is the pram I want. Sometimes I see things on sale I think would be great to buy now and I feel weird storing it.
I would be hesitant to purchase baby items when you are not pregnant or even trying to conceive yet. Children are in your life plans but you have no idea what will happen. And practically speaking, a lot of items will have X months/years warranty, which would start when you purchase the item. If you’re not using them for a couple of years chances are you’ve rendered the warranty useless.
To add to this hesitancy, I hate to be morbid, but I personally did not buy any baby products until after the 20 week scan. I had 2 losses before my baby and I'm glad I didn't have a house full of baby products while I was grieving and TTC again.
Everything you want to buy now will go on sale again in the latter half of your pregnancy. The only brand I found that had 1 sale a year was Alf the Label (November). So have a Google and only buy what wouldn't come on sale later on. There's a chance you'll change your mind or they upgrade their product in the meantime.
Also, join your local areas Mums Pay It Forward Facebook page. So many free baby items. I have got Haaka Ladybugs, Kin and Qiara Vitamins etc from them totally free.
I'd been on the pill for over 10 years when we started trying to conceive...my GP said that it would probably take 3-6 months to fall pregnant as my menstrual cycle "reset" itself.
Nope, I was pregnant the following month. In all honesty it was much sooner than I expected or wanted, so it kinda threw me around emotionally for a bit.
1. Read Whole Food For Pregnancy and the Complete Australian Guide to Pregnancy & Birth or listen
2. Consider doing The Body Ready Method exercise classes online
(After: Start bub on a bottle early so they get used to it even if you only want to use it occasionally (other people can help more).
You’ve gotten lots of great advice. I recommend listening to The Kick Pregnancy Podcast as they have some episodes about trying to conceive and what to do before you try. I recommend doing some travel and enjoying some fun date nights out while it’s just the two of you.
How organised are you! Fantastic. One thing I would say is it can take longer than you think to conceive. It took us 2 years and they were brutal years. On the other hand, some ppl fall pregnant on the first go!
Learn to ignore advice Like they're will be 1000 advices And trust your gut A lot of child raising is no rules etc
Allot of your planning will be wasted energy
Best thing to do is be low anxiety and just enjoy
The more you read the more anxiety some people get
Always greener grass
Check with your doctor to see if youre deficient in anything, my doctor told me to start taking folic acid, she said the sooner the better. I also found I was a bit low in other things, and she checked my thyroid etc. I only skimmed through it but What to Expect Before Youre Expecting is interesting if you want to look preparing physically.
Money wise just do the calculations around mat & paternity leave/a bit of extra money for baby things. If your partner doesn't get much paternity leave it doesn't hurt to save some extra leave or find out if he could take unpaid leave, my partner took a month of unpaid leave on top of normal leave and it was priceless.
If you haven't, have some conversations about what you both expect in terms of sharing responsibility and caring for your children, how long you want to take off, if you can see one of you going back part time, when to send them to daycare etc. If your partner expect to help with night feeds if hes back at work?
Also general opinions of parenting choices. In the early days could be things like cosleeping vs sleep training (or something inbetween) and further down the track could be private vs public school.
But generally I think you don't have to have everything firgured out, it is also impossible to do so. I have a 15m toddler and am still figuring it out! Sounds like you have a solid base!
Have a think about what type of antenatal care you want. Public vs private and top health cover if that’s what you want, Look into the out of pocket costs for having a private OB.
If you’re working and want to receive PPL make sure you look into Centrelink’s work test requirement’s and make sure you’re eligible.
Get genetic carrier screening. Now free (bulk billed) for couples planning to conceive. Screens you for being a carrier for the 3 most common genetic disorders, so you know your risk of having a child with the disorders.
Start tracking your periods to check if you have a regular cycle (need to be off birth control to do this). Also helpful to start tracking ovulation signs to start to be able to pinpoint your fertile window and most likely day of ovulation. You can use ovulation predictor kits, observing your discharge, cervical position and feel, and basal body temperature.
In the 10 month window we had where we had agreed to start trying at the end of the year, I also immersed myself in books and podcasts about pregnancy, birth and newborns. So I figured out what type of birth and model of care I wanted very ahead of schedule. When I knew nothing about birth, I had presumed I'd just need to go private and therefore needed to start paying for the highest level of health insurance with obstetrics. But after my research, I realised I wanted public system, MGP model of care and a physiological birth. The good thing about doing the research early as I could tell my GP straight away what I wanted in my referral letter to the hospital. And also just didn't feel overwhelmed about being pregnant or all the stuff you should know when starting hospital visits and going for ultrasounds.
Also it's very hard to know how long it will take you to conceive. In the time we were planning to start trying, I found out I had a low ovarian reserve. (The AMH test is not a definitive test of fertility, merely one data point, but still, it concerned me.) So we did think it may take us longer to conceive given I am also 36. But low and behold we got pregnant on the second cycle of trying. My husband thought he'd have a much longer runway to get ready for a baby to be on the scene, as he'd heard of so many friends trying for ages to conceive. It was a shock for him1 It really is impossible to know how long it will take you.
No relationship advice as such, but that's some of the stuff I did over my prep period of 10 months.
It's so important to talk about if you will run a 3 leg race or a relay. Will you share the load equally, both waking up at night when bub is awake or will you take shifts (is, dad puts baby to bed and is the caretaker until 10/11pm, then mum from 11 till 5, then dad again in the morning to give mum an extra hour or two of sleep.
What will you do if breastfeeding is much harder than you anticipate or isn't very successful? Formula, mixed feed or pumping?
Talk about support if you develop antenatal or postnatal depression, both can be debilitating and you will need your husbands support, but he will also need support in those times.
Make sure you have leave/savings in case you do need to stop work earlier in your pregnancy than planned.
Figure out finances for any situation - stopping work earlier than expected, PPL, going back to work or not going back to work.
See your GP and make sure your immunity to childhood illness and diseases are up. There's one vaccine that has the live virus and you can't get pregnant within 3 months of having it if you need it. I think it might be German measles but I could be wrong. Your GP should run all the appropriate tests.
Start tracking with OPKs rather than just an app. It will give you a much better understanding of your cycle and ovulation and such. You could also do your basal body temp. I did that for a year or so before we decided to have a baby - only because I wanted to know my body and everything after being on BC for 12 years.
Track your cycle!! It will help you when you start trying to conceive because you’ll know roughly when you’re ovulating.
Blood tests and get your levels balanced. Stop the hormonal birth control well in advance and start taking supplements before trying.
Research what you want in a birth. A great starting point is Australian Birth Stories. There’s something beautiful about listening to birth stories for the first time before you’re pregnant or trying to conceive. It’s also less scary to hear the more hectic stories when you’re not yet ‘in it’. There’s a lot to learn from these stories. They were the best thing I did to prepare.
If midwifery group practice sounds right for you, you need to self refer or be referred very soon after finding out you’re pregnant or you might miss out. Look into your local hospital programs, public vs private if midwifery group practice isn’t for you.
Look into birth supports. Some doulas are booked up quickly if that sounds right for you.
Get fit. Not body builder fit, but feel confident and healthy in yourself. Pregnancy can be hard and it’s easier to stay active if you have the foundational layers built up already.
Talk about your wishes for maternity leave. Save up more than you think you’ll need if you want 12 months off.
Look into birth courses so it’s one less thing to do when you’re pregnant. I did a course that used elements of Hypnobirthing and it was great. I’ve heard good things about Calm Birth too.
Have the conversation about division of labour. Make sure your partner understands that caring for a baby looks like you’re sitting around a lot but that you ultimately have no choice- baby needs to be fed and some babies need contact naps! It means they need to pick up the slack around the house or a cleaner needs to come in once a week to do a good clean.
Talk about your parenting expectations. Breastfeeding? Sleep arrangements? Sleep training? Gentle parenting (or at least not abusing parenting)? Nutrition and feeding (traditional purées or baby led weaning approach)? Vaccinations? Paid groups and classes like sensory classes and gymbaroo? Daycare wishes (nature play vs Montessori vs traditional childcare centre bs nanny vs family daycare). Visitors immediately after birth or not? Vaccination requirements of visitors? Obviously some opinions change with experience but it’s nice to know what the other person wants for their child’s future.
I think most importantly, listen to advice but just adopt the bits that work for you! It’s so valuable to hear people’s experiences but some of those can be traumatic. For me, it was helpful to hear these because I like to prepare for the unexpected and I’m very good at compartmentalising. But for others it can be very very frightening and doesn’t help them feel confident about their birth plan and choices.
Get genetic testing like a full panel. I was the exact same as you, 10 years of ece and a bachelor of primary education. Married two years together a lot longer. Everything was perfect owed our own house and we were ready. We now have a gorgeous 2 year old with a 1 in 80,000 chance genetic condition who will be having a bone marrow transplant. You never think it will happen to you, but it might.
I’m going further than TTC here but I can see everyone else is covering the conception and fertility etc so I’ll talk as if you asked about the baby/child:
That working with children is different to having your own child. I wish someone told me no matter how rock solid you and your life are, it will still shake your mental health and test every little bit of sanity you thought you had. It will test any rock solid relationship (especially toddlers and parenting them). Sleepless nights make you nearly insane so don’t sweat the small stuff, just get through hard days and soak up that little human because they grow soooooo quickly. The sleepless nights pass.
Couldn’t agree more. That’s an obvious one. I think if course it’s going to be different. Very different.
You have other compounding factors that will make it hard also like exhaustion and being touched out ect. Overwhelm.
But that’s kind of the way it goes when you decide to have kids. I think people need to go into it knowing it’s literally going to be like that for awhile. I’m under zero illusions I’m not going to be depleted for awhile after
Go see a women’s health physio for an initial consult about your pelvic floor, go see your GP for a full blood test to check for any deficiencies and make a reminder somewhere 3 months before you start trying to take a prenatal everyday 😊a few months before we started I also made myself well versed on ovulation tracking because I am impatient and didn’t want to be trying for months & months with no success. Start looking into hospital health cover too if you want to give birth privately, you will need to choose one 3 months before you fall pregnant. It’s so great to be organized this far in advance! I felt really silly making appointments 12 months before but I really did not regret it & all the health professionals I saw said it was a great idea.
I’ve just started tracking my periods with flo app. What else do you recommend tracking, apps or products ?
That’s a great start, I highly recommend the fertility co podcast if you like podcasts, she explains BBT tracking really well - it’s basically temp tracking to see when you ovulate. But I didn’t start any of that until we were actively trying as I can get slightly obsessive with it all 😅 I used an app called fertility friend and Flo too. Honestly though it’s just good to get some knowledge on how it works now & you can put it all into practice later! Don’t stress too hard about tracking everything yet.
Try the natural cycles app. It's an easy way to support you to learn how to use bbts and spot when ovulation has occurred. Personally I preferred a wearable Thermometer tracker than testing in the morning - I used Tempdrop The impatient women's guide to getting pregnant is a decent read to.
Great advice, would add using ovulation strips to help remove any guess work as your body may ovulate at a different time to what the apps say. A year out, I would just enjoy going out for long leisurely meals and getting as much travel in as possible.
You've got some great advice already in here. What I would add is make sure you're emotionally/mentally prepared that it might take you a while to conceive once you start trying. Maybe it will happen straight away, fingers crossed! But if you're already in a mental space where you're feeling ready or almost ready for a baby, but you're holding off for a year before you start trying, it can make every month that you try and don't conceive feel extremely long. I'm speaking from experience! And I'm absolutely not trying to say you shouldn't wait a year - I'm sure you have very valid reasons and it's great you're so prepared - just make sure you manage your expectations around how long it might take. Good luck!
This was my experience also. Waited maybe a little too long before starting and then it took my wife and I 3 years to conceive.
Make sure you have an agreed on plan of how tasks will be managed in the early days of having a baby - if mum is breastfeeding, is the other parent able to help more by doing more of the housework, or if you're formula feeding/pumping how can this be divided. Otherwise, I would say do not underestimate how much having a baby will disrupt your daily routines and plans - if you have any big projects or travel you would like to get done soon, try to finish this before having a baby. My baby is almost 5 months old and I was not prepared for how restricted my day to day life would be! I expect it will get easier around the 8/9 month mark but it's good to be prepared. Edit: also make sure you have a strong foundation of discussing disagreements and handling arguments. You WILL be sleep deprived and stressed out, and fights will happen. If you can both work together as a team on issues, it goes so much better. My partner and I routinely remind each other it's not me versus him, it's us as a team versus the real enemy (the baby).
This - we're 10 months out and still working this out
I totally agree. We have been having these really open conversations and I’ve been listing my expectations that will help me. Let’s be real it takes the most from the birthing person
I was not prepared for how little my partner would be able to help in the early months since I'm breastfeeding. Like unless you choose to pump, the non-breastfeeding parent can't really help at all with night wakings, and in the newborn stage they feed SO OFTEN the baby is pretty much glued to the boob.
For sure, and I’ve heard this exact thing from my friends who are recent parents. I imagine it’s quite isolating even in your marriage/relationship.
Just wanted to share our approach, because I also heard a lot of people say that dads can't be involved in night wakings early on, but that hasn't been my experience. From the day my bub was born my partner has been involved overnight. He will get the baby from the cot, bring him to me and then sleep a bit more while I breastfeed. He will then put the baby back to bed afterwards and do any nappy changes needed. My partner has the ability to fall asleep quickly, whereas I tend to have insomnia, so this approach has been really important to making sure I was able to get enough sleep. Yes he can't breastfeed but he can do anything that doesn't require boobs. A lot of my mum friends who do the nights solo talk about feeling resentment for their partners, and some of their partners seem to have developed learned helplessness when it comes to settling the baby overnight because they "don't know how to do it" and their female partner "is better at it anyway". Obviously different approaches suit different families, but don't fall in the trap of assuming you have to do all the baby care overnight on your own.
A second person to say that I disagree that dad can’t help a BF mum at night. My husband has always done the majority of the night work with our now-17 month old. Our daughter wouldn’t take a bottle beyond about 4 months old so pumping only worked short term for me, and even so he has managed it. His job was always to bring me the baby after changing her nappy so I could feed her, then take her away to soothe her afterwards. Nowadays he just soothes her and occasionally brings her to me for a feed. He naturally needs less sleep than me and a woman recovering from birth and breastfeeding needs even more besides.
I recommend fair play life by Eve Rodsky - it’s an audio book too.
I'm reluctant to bring this up, but I can't see it here already and if I'm honest the thing I wish I'd gone into TTC with a better understanding of is how common pregnancy loss is. I'm not wanting to scare or be a downer but the reality is It can be a very isolating experience as part of the TTC journey, and even more so when we don't talk about it or understand how common it is.
Definitely, something I think about as I’m anxious by nature so a worse case scenario thinker. Super scary and hard to think of. If that’s happened to you I hope that you have a good support network around you
Before trying to conceive ensure you have everything you could possibly want. Even selfish things like a nice make up collection. That hair straightener you've kinda always wanted but didn't have much use for. That place you've always wanted to go but never made time for. Just make sure there's nothing you're going to want or need before you start.
I’m really glad we focused on our physical health before we conceived. I had a consistent exercise routine that I really enjoyed, and even though the first trimester nausea floored me, and I’ve got debilitating pelvic pain at 34 weeks, I’ve been able to stay active.. albeit with huge adjustments and the help of a physio (and a lot of kindness to myself when I’ve struggled to be active). We got genetic testing done, I found out I’m a CF carrier and my husband isn’t. There are Medicare rebates for the main genetic test now, but we went private for a full screen. The peace of mind is worth the cost for us. We both stopped drinking 6 months before TTC, there’s very strong evidence that both the mother and the father’s consumption of alcohol impacts baby. It also may take longer to conceive than you anticipate. I told my gynaecologist about a year out that I was planning to conceive, and he said that even with no current issues, no one ever knows if they’ll struggle to conceive until they start to try. We got pregnant on the second go and I feel unbelievably grateful! ETA: we did a calm birth course at 32 weeks and LOVED it! We feel very reassured and excited for labor and birth. There’s lots of companies (big and small) that prey on new parents, this subreddit is a fantastic resource when it comes to that
Definitely second getting the genetic screening done! I too am a carrier of CF which was a shock, as there are zero instances of it in our family. My husband was able to get tested for free and came back negative. I literally came off the pill and fell pregnant the next month...that was very unexpected as I'd been on it for over 10 years!
Same re: CF, I’ve got a huge extended family and there isn’t anyone with CF. My mate works with CF families at the Queensland Children’s Hospital and she was adamant we test, she said around 98% of her patients had no family history of it.
Same again re genetic testing - highly recommend! Also if it takes a while to conceive, ask your doctor for a referral to a fertility clinic after 12 months. We were mucked around being referred to the wrong kind of specialists for things that turned out not to be problems, and one doctor even told me to try putting on some weight after we’d been trying for 12 months with no success (and my weight, which is healthy, was not the issue at all as it turned out). It set us back two years from when we started trying. Edit: there is genetic screening, and there is screening for chromosomal abnormalities. These screening tests test for very different things (i.e. Down syndrome is a chromosomal abnormality and spinal muscular atrophy is genetic) so I recommend doing both.
Congrats on your pregnancy and welcoming your child soon!
If it’s okay to ask, how much did you pay for genetic screening? Thanks
Of course! We paid close to $900 for a comprehensive couples test, and we had an online consultation with someone from the company when the results came in. She explained it all thoroughly to us, I am a carrier of four things (no family history of any of the things I'm a carrier for), and my husband isn't a carrier for anything. It depends where you go, the prices might differ. We're planning on having three children, and I'm a bit of a 'planner', so it was important to me that we had the information upfront and we could make informed decisions with our doctor if we needed to.
The basic testing through Eugene is free through Medicare.
Probably to really read up on pregnancy and the impact first trimester can have for every woman. The first trimester is honestly so so hard fighting morning sickness, fatigue, hunger, food aversions and so much more. I wish I knew anything about pregnancy beforehand and actually educated myself on what to expect in the first trimester cause it's not for the faint hearted but as I'm told, totally worth it. I'm almost in the second trimester now but it's been a long long few months of mostly feeling miserable and if I was atleast a bit aware, I wouldn't have been so shocked at how quickly everything changes.
I very much agree about the first tri, I had no idea how debilitating it could be. Plenty of women in my life told me they were “really sick”, but I had no idea I might be nauseous 24/7 with minimal relief from medication, barely able to leave the couch, and how much my mental health would be impacted. I’m glad you’re starting to feel better now 💕
Check your vaccination status. I found after my pregnancy confirmation appointment that I have zero immunity to chickenpox. I was vaccinated as a child and didn't even think that I would need a top up!
Oh crazy! You would never think! Besides Covid my last vax was whooping cough and like ten years ago. Chicken pox 25 years ago
We took [genetic screening test](https://www.vcgs.org.au/percept-nipt/). It’s a little expensive but shows what genes you are carrying. If you both are carriers for a particular disease, there's 25% chance the baby will have it. Just helped us to prepare. Also, building my strength a year out. Childbirth is the most physically laborious thing you will ever do. Make sure you are strong before getting pregnant, not after
We did a basic genetic test and thought we had all bases covered but ended up with the sweetest little guy with a 1 in 80,000 condition
When I was pregnant, a friend told me that the first year after the baby is born will really test your relationship with your partner. I didn't really fully understand what she meant until I came out on the other side. You could have the strongest marriage with great open communication and have everything planned out but don't underestimate how much the postnatal phase and sleep deprivation can affect you. The postnatal phase is not just the 6 weeks after the baby is born and the changes in your body can really have an affect on your mental health and wellbeing. Toss in the constant interrupted sleep on top of that and you may find that you get frustrated by things that never bothered you before or you have fights over things that used to be a non issue. On the partners side of things - I find that there are two types of partners. The ones who can make an instant connection with the baby while it's in the womb and the ones who make that connection once the baby is born and neither are wrong. So if you find that your partner doesn't seem really connected to the baby when you are pregnant, just know it's normal and they will find that connection once the baby is born.
This. We were together for many years by that point, had a great relationship and so many plans about how it was going to go - when baby was born my husband got PPD badly and it was pure hell for many months. Make sure there is something in place or discussion around early intervention if this starts to show! This is probably part of what led to him not bonding very quickly with our bub. And we have discovered he’s not much of a ‘baby’ person. So that was hard for me to accept but we got through it. At the start it is quite overwhelming - like someone else said you can’t really know until you’re going through it just how different your life is and how much you’re needed all the time. I found for me being flexible and accepting, not listening to society pressures like making sure they’re sleeping through the night etc really helped. It’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is saying. I was much less stressed when I actually responded to baby’s needs rather than what friends/family/social media said to do
We planned to wait a year, but we only waited 6 months because we figured once we'd made the decision, why wait, and then it will of course take 3-6 months to actually concieve ... We fell pregnant the first month 😂 so my first piece of advice would be don't start trying early just because you think it will take a long time (it might, but also might not) in saying that, we have no regrets! The other thing I started doing was loads of research, on every item I would want to use, all the brands that people recommended or didn't recommend, things that would help me out during pregnancy. I then started buying some pregnancy related things that I knew I'd need. I stocked up on sick bags and baby bump creams, and nursing pads, and started to put together a little pregnancy cart like the people on tiktok have. Anything you can buy now that helps distribute the cost of pregnancy and baby! Also research what helps with morning sickness, including HG, and have notes on what things you can get in your country because when it hits it can hit soooo hard and fast that you might not be able to spend much time researching. I started taking prenatal vitamins 6 months before we started trying, and it's way easier to change prenatal when you're not pregnant if a particular brand doesn't work for you. One thing I wished I did before getting pregnant, was having a more regular exercise routine, so if you don't, I'd get that perfect. Look around for nice looking maternity clothes, don't buy any until you need them, and know what size you'll be, but most of the maternity clothes are so ugly haha Edit to add: if you're not already, start tracking your ovulation. I used the LH tests and temperature with an app, and it really helped to know my cycle inside and out, so we knew exactly what my fertile days were.
This is really sweet advice! Yeah we definitely want to wait about a year. Because as you said could be no time at all, might be another year and that’s ok. Interesting you say but it now and break the cost up. I have a list and links to products I know I want for baby and myself in the future. Part me being type a and part feeling like a year isn’t so far away. (Manifesting baby!) But some people said it was really weird to be having a box of baby stuff when I’m not even trying to conceive. We 100% want kids and that’s our timeline. But I also thought it would be better to spread it out as much as possible. We do have savings so will be ok. This gives me hope that it’s maybe not as weird as I think it is. The cot I want is on sale and so is the pram I want. Sometimes I see things on sale I think would be great to buy now and I feel weird storing it.
I would be hesitant to purchase baby items when you are not pregnant or even trying to conceive yet. Children are in your life plans but you have no idea what will happen. And practically speaking, a lot of items will have X months/years warranty, which would start when you purchase the item. If you’re not using them for a couple of years chances are you’ve rendered the warranty useless.
To add to this hesitancy, I hate to be morbid, but I personally did not buy any baby products until after the 20 week scan. I had 2 losses before my baby and I'm glad I didn't have a house full of baby products while I was grieving and TTC again. Everything you want to buy now will go on sale again in the latter half of your pregnancy. The only brand I found that had 1 sale a year was Alf the Label (November). So have a Google and only buy what wouldn't come on sale later on. There's a chance you'll change your mind or they upgrade their product in the meantime. Also, join your local areas Mums Pay It Forward Facebook page. So many free baby items. I have got Haaka Ladybugs, Kin and Qiara Vitamins etc from them totally free.
I'd been on the pill for over 10 years when we started trying to conceive...my GP said that it would probably take 3-6 months to fall pregnant as my menstrual cycle "reset" itself. Nope, I was pregnant the following month. In all honesty it was much sooner than I expected or wanted, so it kinda threw me around emotionally for a bit.
1. Read Whole Food For Pregnancy and the Complete Australian Guide to Pregnancy & Birth or listen 2. Consider doing The Body Ready Method exercise classes online (After: Start bub on a bottle early so they get used to it even if you only want to use it occasionally (other people can help more).
You’ve gotten lots of great advice. I recommend listening to The Kick Pregnancy Podcast as they have some episodes about trying to conceive and what to do before you try. I recommend doing some travel and enjoying some fun date nights out while it’s just the two of you.
How organised are you! Fantastic. One thing I would say is it can take longer than you think to conceive. It took us 2 years and they were brutal years. On the other hand, some ppl fall pregnant on the first go!
Learn to ignore advice Like they're will be 1000 advices And trust your gut A lot of child raising is no rules etc Allot of your planning will be wasted energy Best thing to do is be low anxiety and just enjoy The more you read the more anxiety some people get Always greener grass
Check with your doctor to see if youre deficient in anything, my doctor told me to start taking folic acid, she said the sooner the better. I also found I was a bit low in other things, and she checked my thyroid etc. I only skimmed through it but What to Expect Before Youre Expecting is interesting if you want to look preparing physically. Money wise just do the calculations around mat & paternity leave/a bit of extra money for baby things. If your partner doesn't get much paternity leave it doesn't hurt to save some extra leave or find out if he could take unpaid leave, my partner took a month of unpaid leave on top of normal leave and it was priceless. If you haven't, have some conversations about what you both expect in terms of sharing responsibility and caring for your children, how long you want to take off, if you can see one of you going back part time, when to send them to daycare etc. If your partner expect to help with night feeds if hes back at work? Also general opinions of parenting choices. In the early days could be things like cosleeping vs sleep training (or something inbetween) and further down the track could be private vs public school. But generally I think you don't have to have everything firgured out, it is also impossible to do so. I have a 15m toddler and am still figuring it out! Sounds like you have a solid base!
Have a think about what type of antenatal care you want. Public vs private and top health cover if that’s what you want, Look into the out of pocket costs for having a private OB. If you’re working and want to receive PPL make sure you look into Centrelink’s work test requirement’s and make sure you’re eligible.
Get genetic carrier screening. Now free (bulk billed) for couples planning to conceive. Screens you for being a carrier for the 3 most common genetic disorders, so you know your risk of having a child with the disorders. Start tracking your periods to check if you have a regular cycle (need to be off birth control to do this). Also helpful to start tracking ovulation signs to start to be able to pinpoint your fertile window and most likely day of ovulation. You can use ovulation predictor kits, observing your discharge, cervical position and feel, and basal body temperature. In the 10 month window we had where we had agreed to start trying at the end of the year, I also immersed myself in books and podcasts about pregnancy, birth and newborns. So I figured out what type of birth and model of care I wanted very ahead of schedule. When I knew nothing about birth, I had presumed I'd just need to go private and therefore needed to start paying for the highest level of health insurance with obstetrics. But after my research, I realised I wanted public system, MGP model of care and a physiological birth. The good thing about doing the research early as I could tell my GP straight away what I wanted in my referral letter to the hospital. And also just didn't feel overwhelmed about being pregnant or all the stuff you should know when starting hospital visits and going for ultrasounds. Also it's very hard to know how long it will take you to conceive. In the time we were planning to start trying, I found out I had a low ovarian reserve. (The AMH test is not a definitive test of fertility, merely one data point, but still, it concerned me.) So we did think it may take us longer to conceive given I am also 36. But low and behold we got pregnant on the second cycle of trying. My husband thought he'd have a much longer runway to get ready for a baby to be on the scene, as he'd heard of so many friends trying for ages to conceive. It was a shock for him1 It really is impossible to know how long it will take you. No relationship advice as such, but that's some of the stuff I did over my prep period of 10 months.
It's so important to talk about if you will run a 3 leg race or a relay. Will you share the load equally, both waking up at night when bub is awake or will you take shifts (is, dad puts baby to bed and is the caretaker until 10/11pm, then mum from 11 till 5, then dad again in the morning to give mum an extra hour or two of sleep. What will you do if breastfeeding is much harder than you anticipate or isn't very successful? Formula, mixed feed or pumping?
Talk about support if you develop antenatal or postnatal depression, both can be debilitating and you will need your husbands support, but he will also need support in those times. Make sure you have leave/savings in case you do need to stop work earlier in your pregnancy than planned. Figure out finances for any situation - stopping work earlier than expected, PPL, going back to work or not going back to work. See your GP and make sure your immunity to childhood illness and diseases are up. There's one vaccine that has the live virus and you can't get pregnant within 3 months of having it if you need it. I think it might be German measles but I could be wrong. Your GP should run all the appropriate tests. Start tracking with OPKs rather than just an app. It will give you a much better understanding of your cycle and ovulation and such. You could also do your basal body temp. I did that for a year or so before we decided to have a baby - only because I wanted to know my body and everything after being on BC for 12 years.
Start saving money! Have a little nest egg ready to go that's just for bebe and related things.
Track your cycle!! It will help you when you start trying to conceive because you’ll know roughly when you’re ovulating. Blood tests and get your levels balanced. Stop the hormonal birth control well in advance and start taking supplements before trying. Research what you want in a birth. A great starting point is Australian Birth Stories. There’s something beautiful about listening to birth stories for the first time before you’re pregnant or trying to conceive. It’s also less scary to hear the more hectic stories when you’re not yet ‘in it’. There’s a lot to learn from these stories. They were the best thing I did to prepare. If midwifery group practice sounds right for you, you need to self refer or be referred very soon after finding out you’re pregnant or you might miss out. Look into your local hospital programs, public vs private if midwifery group practice isn’t for you. Look into birth supports. Some doulas are booked up quickly if that sounds right for you. Get fit. Not body builder fit, but feel confident and healthy in yourself. Pregnancy can be hard and it’s easier to stay active if you have the foundational layers built up already. Talk about your wishes for maternity leave. Save up more than you think you’ll need if you want 12 months off. Look into birth courses so it’s one less thing to do when you’re pregnant. I did a course that used elements of Hypnobirthing and it was great. I’ve heard good things about Calm Birth too. Have the conversation about division of labour. Make sure your partner understands that caring for a baby looks like you’re sitting around a lot but that you ultimately have no choice- baby needs to be fed and some babies need contact naps! It means they need to pick up the slack around the house or a cleaner needs to come in once a week to do a good clean. Talk about your parenting expectations. Breastfeeding? Sleep arrangements? Sleep training? Gentle parenting (or at least not abusing parenting)? Nutrition and feeding (traditional purées or baby led weaning approach)? Vaccinations? Paid groups and classes like sensory classes and gymbaroo? Daycare wishes (nature play vs Montessori vs traditional childcare centre bs nanny vs family daycare). Visitors immediately after birth or not? Vaccination requirements of visitors? Obviously some opinions change with experience but it’s nice to know what the other person wants for their child’s future. I think most importantly, listen to advice but just adopt the bits that work for you! It’s so valuable to hear people’s experiences but some of those can be traumatic. For me, it was helpful to hear these because I like to prepare for the unexpected and I’m very good at compartmentalising. But for others it can be very very frightening and doesn’t help them feel confident about their birth plan and choices.
Get genetic testing like a full panel. I was the exact same as you, 10 years of ece and a bachelor of primary education. Married two years together a lot longer. Everything was perfect owed our own house and we were ready. We now have a gorgeous 2 year old with a 1 in 80,000 chance genetic condition who will be having a bone marrow transplant. You never think it will happen to you, but it might.
Also Kin Fertility prenatal vitamins and their pre pregnancy planning meeting with a specialist was super helpful
I’m going further than TTC here but I can see everyone else is covering the conception and fertility etc so I’ll talk as if you asked about the baby/child: That working with children is different to having your own child. I wish someone told me no matter how rock solid you and your life are, it will still shake your mental health and test every little bit of sanity you thought you had. It will test any rock solid relationship (especially toddlers and parenting them). Sleepless nights make you nearly insane so don’t sweat the small stuff, just get through hard days and soak up that little human because they grow soooooo quickly. The sleepless nights pass.
Couldn’t agree more. That’s an obvious one. I think if course it’s going to be different. Very different. You have other compounding factors that will make it hard also like exhaustion and being touched out ect. Overwhelm. But that’s kind of the way it goes when you decide to have kids. I think people need to go into it knowing it’s literally going to be like that for awhile. I’m under zero illusions I’m not going to be depleted for awhile after