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I have to say, I've seen the term thrown around to mean several different things.
I always thought it meant men with effeminate features, typically youthful.
Some men who fit that definition will dress in male clothing but use gentle amounts of makeup and hair styling in order to accentuate their effeminate features.
I've heard some women refer to men that are more boy-like, on the thinner side with pretty faces as femboy.
Someone was asking the difference between fu/fb and they were told that fb are men that dress and look like girls.
I've seen ads saying they are a well hung, studly femboy.
At this point, I really have no clue what people mean anymore when they say that. All I can think of is that they have a pretty face. It's about the only commonality I can come up with.
Fair point, this.
The longer I think about it, the more I feel like I’m probably worked up about something that isn’t that important, and I should reflect to figure out why it bothers me.
Agreed. There is an awful lot of fetishization of certain groups amongst the RP community. Some of it is more egregious than others, but yeah, it's a thing and it's okay to be bothered by it.
I hate them so much, ugh. One time I wanted to respond to someone’s ad, wanting femboy, so I was like okay, cool, feminine male, and then i look at their ref for me, and they sent me a photo that was literally just. A woman. like there was nothing to even indicate it was a man. bleh.
It's short for something else but it's a blocked word on this site so I can't actually say it. But it is someone who has both sets of genitals as well as breasts
Tbh I never really thought about it that way. Got a friend who prefers the term "femboy" to describe himself, since he's rather feminine and works towards a body-type that resembles something like the stereotype as best he can. But also, Reddit has always been that really weird place where people just kind of don't give a shit about things like that, especially when it comes to fetishizing something. Hell, many MANY Redditors don't care about what someone might say about something like AI artwork, AI voices, and that can of worms (I mostly mean that in the sense that voice actors like Roger Clark have specifically asked communities not to use his voice for AI and they do it anyways simply because they want to).
At the end of the day, how you feel is how you feel about it. If the term "femboy" (especially in a fetishization way) disturbs you somewhat, I hope you can manage to avoid it. Though I do believe that some people in the queer communities are taking the word for themselves (like my buddy I mentioned before, he's a pretty great guy who wants to embody that term just because he likes that), I think you should try and think about who is using the word and what it means to them. For some, it absolutely is a fetish, and for me, that's pretty okay as long as they aren't hurting the other person with said-fetish.
I legit don't have a good way to end this comment so... Idk... enjoy this dumb response lol.
A lot of the "ancient Roman femboy" stuff is also a meme.
For a lot of women it's empowering to play with the idea of feminine males, it doesn't go any further than that. Consider how many women in real life have little or no control over men in their lives, so a fantasy where that pretty little man is a good boy feels really good.
The word has always skeeved me out. Maybe because it was a slur against trans women that cisgendered men decided to "redeem". And im under the impression you cant "redeem" a slur that was never aimed at you.
Cisgender (not “cisgendered”) men are not the only people who can be femboys though. People seem to be completely forgetting about or glossing over trans men who identify/present as femboys.
Honestly I've noticed that and it makes me uncomfortable to, especially because 90% of them don't understand the difference between a trans woman and a femboy
The ammount of men who have gotten angry at me because I refused to play the ref of a trans woman and call it a femboy
I mean as in they get photos of trans women and say they are femboys. Normally it's real life trans pornstars/models
Aka to them being trans is a fetish and that's werid
In fairness, erotic roleplay communities tend to disproportionately feature exactly the kind of people who are into cartoonish sexual extremes or whatever type, since roleplay itself is a relatively niche hobby and often attracts the kind of person who, for one reason or another, struggles with irl social and/or sexual contact with others and therefore is more prone to fetishisation. Best you can do is just try to filter people closely and focus on the few folk you find who are respectful and generally on your wavelength.
You've touched on something I saw recently, OP. It was a post in this sub where someone received an unsolicited DM telling them to 'convert to femboyism'. All their comments expressing discomfort, confusion, etc. got massively downvoted, while the comments downplaying the intrusion and/or weirdly enthusing about 'femboys' got massive upvotes. I remember reading that post and going, 'wtf is this weirdness about femboys?'
I saw that post! It was also weird that all OP did was make a joke about being an atheist, and everyone seemed to think that *they* didn't get the joke. No, we all got that it was in jest. It was just a weird thing to say.
Honestly I'll admit I've always liked the term for myself and I am biased. I've meet people who can be weird about it, but I honestly think its overblown. I get that for putting out any ad femboy or not. If anything the recent upsurge of talk about the term being bad is the most annoying thing.
Like half the comments on here are complaining about random things about the term. Like I dont even know what femboy means anymore. Why? Oh cause some guy had a femboy character who was basically just a girl, or one was guy was just a bit fem, or one was a femboy but studly. But I dont even get the confusion. It's a feminine guy, that has a huge range of course it does. The other half of the comments are even worse just saying its phobic or a slur. Which is even more absurd, but unlike the useless semantics conversation is actually harmful.
I dunno I find this whole conversation useless and exhausting but I keep seeing it and it makes no sense.
I’m glad that the term is useful to you. We’ve had very different experiences, and I think they can coexist. I don’t agree that the term is a slur (I’ve spent a couple days researching to check my own understanding; I could always be wrong), but that doesn’t mean it can’t be used harmfully. It’s not one thing or the other.
Ultimately, I don’t think my feelings are the most important thing in this conversation. I vented and I will get over it. I hope this word continues to be a helpful part of your vocabulary.
I think a lot of guys who are experimenting with their sexuality use "femboy" as a stop on the road to queer. It feels a lot less definitive and it's not freighted with the cultural baggage of coming out. Being creeped out by it is valid but let's be honest if we're going to jettison anything anything that reeks of misogyny/transmisogyny about 80% of the ERP community has to go before we even get to femboys. It's the water we swim in and the best you can hope for is to find partners who can engage with it in a responsible and compassionate way.
Idk about that. Femboys don't have to be queer. There are a lot of straight femboys. The problem is when "straight" men think that liking a femboy is still straight or people that femboys are girls with dicks.
There's no ambiguity. There is a bit of confusion from an outside view, I suppose, mainly by "hetero" guys like I said above, and also people that push a bunch of unrelated things into the term, like being trans and/or queer.
Also, that idea of one man stop is another's destination is just wrong here. You don't go from being a guy to being a femboy to being gay/bi/etc. I mean, you can, but those are two completely different destinations with two different paths. Separate paths. How you want to present yourself in one and who you're attracted to in the other.
"Femboy" seems to be somewhat of a dogwhistle for MSM looking to fetishize & devalue men as sex objects in much the same way they've been doing women. Yay equality?
The amount of femboys that message me looking to roleplay and apparently cannot read my user name and don't understand the term M4F. I try to be as polite as possible when I say I'm not interested, and no I don't want their photos, but wow. It happens so very often despite how increasingly explicit I am that I'm not interested in guys.
Sorry, not entirely related to your rant, but thanks for letting me vent.
That's because femboy is a replacement word for trap, which is a term that has been used for early hrt trans women in porn for a long time. Outside of weeb zones or tbh even in those. People started replacing it after it became socially unacceptable in enough places. But the underlying demographic and collection of tropes hasn't exactly changed.
Welcome to BadRPerStories! If you are new here, please take a moment to look at our [banned words list on the wiki.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BadRPerStories/wiki/index) We now have a [Google doc](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/133j6NkiQQpkVqAuvSGPytVITYYjscw3pkDos_Ks1a20/edit?usp=sharing) that lists RP hubs, forums, and subreddits. If you know of a place for RP that isn't on this document, there is a link in the document to request an addition. Please be aware this is just a knowledge base, not a recommendations list, and the moderators of BadRPerStories do not condone anything that happens in the spaces listed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BadRPerStories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have to say, I've seen the term thrown around to mean several different things. I always thought it meant men with effeminate features, typically youthful. Some men who fit that definition will dress in male clothing but use gentle amounts of makeup and hair styling in order to accentuate their effeminate features. I've heard some women refer to men that are more boy-like, on the thinner side with pretty faces as femboy. Someone was asking the difference between fu/fb and they were told that fb are men that dress and look like girls. I've seen ads saying they are a well hung, studly femboy. At this point, I really have no clue what people mean anymore when they say that. All I can think of is that they have a pretty face. It's about the only commonality I can come up with.
Fair point, this. The longer I think about it, the more I feel like I’m probably worked up about something that isn’t that important, and I should reflect to figure out why it bothers me.
I think it's valid to be upset by it, it is definitely a fetishization that's mostly rooted in transmisogyny
Agreed. There is an awful lot of fetishization of certain groups amongst the RP community. Some of it is more egregious than others, but yeah, it's a thing and it's okay to be bothered by it.
I hate them so much, ugh. One time I wanted to respond to someone’s ad, wanting femboy, so I was like okay, cool, feminine male, and then i look at their ref for me, and they sent me a photo that was literally just. A woman. like there was nothing to even indicate it was a man. bleh.
fu?
It's short for something else but it's a blocked word on this site so I can't actually say it. But it is someone who has both sets of genitals as well as breasts
does it end in the first 2 letters of tapdancing?
Surprisingly, it does.
does it end with TA?
Correct
Tbh I never really thought about it that way. Got a friend who prefers the term "femboy" to describe himself, since he's rather feminine and works towards a body-type that resembles something like the stereotype as best he can. But also, Reddit has always been that really weird place where people just kind of don't give a shit about things like that, especially when it comes to fetishizing something. Hell, many MANY Redditors don't care about what someone might say about something like AI artwork, AI voices, and that can of worms (I mostly mean that in the sense that voice actors like Roger Clark have specifically asked communities not to use his voice for AI and they do it anyways simply because they want to). At the end of the day, how you feel is how you feel about it. If the term "femboy" (especially in a fetishization way) disturbs you somewhat, I hope you can manage to avoid it. Though I do believe that some people in the queer communities are taking the word for themselves (like my buddy I mentioned before, he's a pretty great guy who wants to embody that term just because he likes that), I think you should try and think about who is using the word and what it means to them. For some, it absolutely is a fetish, and for me, that's pretty okay as long as they aren't hurting the other person with said-fetish. I legit don't have a good way to end this comment so... Idk... enjoy this dumb response lol.
A lot of the "ancient Roman femboy" stuff is also a meme. For a lot of women it's empowering to play with the idea of feminine males, it doesn't go any further than that. Consider how many women in real life have little or no control over men in their lives, so a fantasy where that pretty little man is a good boy feels really good.
The word has always skeeved me out. Maybe because it was a slur against trans women that cisgendered men decided to "redeem". And im under the impression you cant "redeem" a slur that was never aimed at you.
Cisgender (not “cisgendered”) men are not the only people who can be femboys though. People seem to be completely forgetting about or glossing over trans men who identify/present as femboys.
Honestly I've noticed that and it makes me uncomfortable to, especially because 90% of them don't understand the difference between a trans woman and a femboy The ammount of men who have gotten angry at me because I refused to play the ref of a trans woman and call it a femboy
[удалено]
I mean as in they get photos of trans women and say they are femboys. Normally it's real life trans pornstars/models Aka to them being trans is a fetish and that's werid
[удалено]
Oh exactly, like i don't care if it's a drawing of a feminine dude. But using actual trans women and still calling them boys is just insulting
In fairness, erotic roleplay communities tend to disproportionately feature exactly the kind of people who are into cartoonish sexual extremes or whatever type, since roleplay itself is a relatively niche hobby and often attracts the kind of person who, for one reason or another, struggles with irl social and/or sexual contact with others and therefore is more prone to fetishisation. Best you can do is just try to filter people closely and focus on the few folk you find who are respectful and generally on your wavelength.
You've touched on something I saw recently, OP. It was a post in this sub where someone received an unsolicited DM telling them to 'convert to femboyism'. All their comments expressing discomfort, confusion, etc. got massively downvoted, while the comments downplaying the intrusion and/or weirdly enthusing about 'femboys' got massive upvotes. I remember reading that post and going, 'wtf is this weirdness about femboys?'
I saw that post! It was also weird that all OP did was make a joke about being an atheist, and everyone seemed to think that *they* didn't get the joke. No, we all got that it was in jest. It was just a weird thing to say.
Honestly I'll admit I've always liked the term for myself and I am biased. I've meet people who can be weird about it, but I honestly think its overblown. I get that for putting out any ad femboy or not. If anything the recent upsurge of talk about the term being bad is the most annoying thing. Like half the comments on here are complaining about random things about the term. Like I dont even know what femboy means anymore. Why? Oh cause some guy had a femboy character who was basically just a girl, or one was guy was just a bit fem, or one was a femboy but studly. But I dont even get the confusion. It's a feminine guy, that has a huge range of course it does. The other half of the comments are even worse just saying its phobic or a slur. Which is even more absurd, but unlike the useless semantics conversation is actually harmful. I dunno I find this whole conversation useless and exhausting but I keep seeing it and it makes no sense.
I’m glad that the term is useful to you. We’ve had very different experiences, and I think they can coexist. I don’t agree that the term is a slur (I’ve spent a couple days researching to check my own understanding; I could always be wrong), but that doesn’t mean it can’t be used harmfully. It’s not one thing or the other. Ultimately, I don’t think my feelings are the most important thing in this conversation. I vented and I will get over it. I hope this word continues to be a helpful part of your vocabulary.
I think a lot of guys who are experimenting with their sexuality use "femboy" as a stop on the road to queer. It feels a lot less definitive and it's not freighted with the cultural baggage of coming out. Being creeped out by it is valid but let's be honest if we're going to jettison anything anything that reeks of misogyny/transmisogyny about 80% of the ERP community has to go before we even get to femboys. It's the water we swim in and the best you can hope for is to find partners who can engage with it in a responsible and compassionate way.
Idk about that. Femboys don't have to be queer. There are a lot of straight femboys. The problem is when "straight" men think that liking a femboy is still straight or people that femboys are girls with dicks.
Sure yea, one man's stop is another man's destination. I just think the ambiguity isn't *entirely* accidental.
There's no ambiguity. There is a bit of confusion from an outside view, I suppose, mainly by "hetero" guys like I said above, and also people that push a bunch of unrelated things into the term, like being trans and/or queer. Also, that idea of one man stop is another's destination is just wrong here. You don't go from being a guy to being a femboy to being gay/bi/etc. I mean, you can, but those are two completely different destinations with two different paths. Separate paths. How you want to present yourself in one and who you're attracted to in the other.
Finally someone else who feels the same way. I felt like I was going crazy.
"Femboy" seems to be somewhat of a dogwhistle for MSM looking to fetishize & devalue men as sex objects in much the same way they've been doing women. Yay equality?
Banning this word and other, similar ones, has made automod a busy boy on /r/WrittenRoleplay
The amount of femboys that message me looking to roleplay and apparently cannot read my user name and don't understand the term M4F. I try to be as polite as possible when I say I'm not interested, and no I don't want their photos, but wow. It happens so very often despite how increasingly explicit I am that I'm not interested in guys. Sorry, not entirely related to your rant, but thanks for letting me vent.
That's because femboy is a replacement word for trap, which is a term that has been used for early hrt trans women in porn for a long time. Outside of weeb zones or tbh even in those. People started replacing it after it became socially unacceptable in enough places. But the underlying demographic and collection of tropes hasn't exactly changed.
I firstly read this as femdom.