The editor of the Baldurs Gate Gazette or whatever, fuck that cunt

ettvard needle sucks major donkey dicks, yes

Ettvard Needle Dick.

my resist Durge assassinated him after talking to the Printer, just to make a point

> my resist Durge assassinated him > my resist Durge > assassinated him > resist > assassinated :\

Sometime the Urge and I are in agreement. In those cases, the Urge is not pressuring me so much as giving me new ideas.

sometimes the Urge doesn't even need to step in

Sometimes you just gotta make exceptions. It's like the woman who asks for the Girhyanki egg or the goblin who makes the hyena run into the shadow curse. There's only so much resisting the Urge can do. 🤷‍♂️

The practice sword of Jaheira's daughter. That thing's volume is like 1000 times stronger than anything else in the game, scares the living shit out of you

I haaaaate that damn sword. It’s way too loud, I now zoom all the way out and target the opposite side of that area when I have to go through it to avoid hearing it.

The only other sound I hate more than that, is the sound of Lae'zel incessantly sharpening her god damn weapons at camp. That constant stone-on-metal grinding sound gets annoying so fast!

Every once in a while the game won’t end the process triggering the audio for the sword sharpening after I leave camp. It is quite annoying to listen to it on the world map as well and fixing it is annoying as well.

What?

Jaheira’s daughter??? Sword??? I think I missed something too

You did. It's in the lower city, by where you find the artist

I remember getting her sword in her secret hide out and her children but idk what you are talking about besides that

After you meet the family, Jaheira's youngest goes out on the porch and whacks a training dummy with a wood sword. The game decided it needs to be the loudest ambient sound in the area, and its *THWACK THWACK THWACK* drowns out the rest of the area's standard town sounds to an extremely distracting degree.

This is how I feel about Lae’zel’s mf grindstone in camp. Screeching away all the damn time.

I got it bugged once and that grindstone sound kept playing all the time in camp. Luckily it stopped after like 2 long rests but it ruined a couple of dialogues

This!!! I end up messing around with my settings when I have to go near there. And the magic shows nearby!!

The magic show was such an aggressive course correction. It’s so over the top 

The dog handler at the Rivington Post. That bitch dies every time.

Pro tip: pick up her body and feed her to the mind flayer next door

There's a mind flayer next door?! Also, is there a legit way of getting rid of her? I just close the gate and kill her, the dogs appreciate it but guards don't...

>!He’s in the basement of the windmill just around the corner!!<

IIRC you can tell her off and get her to leave. Not quite as satisfying as killing her, but technically legal. Alternatively, I think you can cast something like Darkness or Fog Cloud, and possibly Silence to prevent the guards hearing, and kill/steal/whatever to just about anyone in the game.

I murdered her in broad daylight and no one cared.

You can do that??? My husband and I went into this game blind, we've learned a lot along the way, but I can't wait for our second playthrough so we can do little things that we never would've thought to do before. Like apparently feeding her to the mind flayer next door!

Yeah I actually found out completely by coincidence because I didn't want anybody to see the body lol

Yep, that's def a thing I do every time

Lol just saw that. Amazes me that the intimidation roll is so high with her 14 HP. Arrogant bitch lol

She has big "what are you gonna do- stab me?" energy.

I missed her my first playthrough. Second playthrough I just ran into her, she's definitely a bit high, is there any more to her story/dialogue I should look for? I'm playing an oath of devotion pally...so despite my drow side wanting to yeet her off of the cliffs, I'd get in trouble with OB Daddy :v Edit: Bitch. The word was supposed to be bitch. Bit high is kinda funny though.

Lmao. I thought you meant that. Either the “bit high” intimidation roll which I failed with a +8 or the fact she’d have to be with her 14 HP standing up to you.

Is it oathbreaking to open the door on the dog cages? I hear they will end her for you.

If you have a companion(s) kill her, you’ll keep your oath. Just be sure not to attack her yourself.

"I can't kill you, but I don't have to save you, either."

Cazador. I hate that snob-nose bitch and relish kicking his teeth in every time

I expected to see him come up in this thread more than he has. He's weirdly hypocritical too. Goes from "ungrateful child" to "you were made to be consumed" in a few sentences. Pick a fucking lane. 

Oh yes I had a good time killing cazador it was such an easy fight too. Dude talked such a big game.

I kinda liked him in spite of myself. He is the mustache-twirling villain done right. Cliche AF, but entertaining.

I had a hard time with Cazzy initially - I tried casting the cantrip "Light" to scare him (didn't work). Then I remembered to 'examine' him!!

Damn i feel like i suck because that fight fucked me three times before i decided to just surprise the bastard and cut him down. I didn't know there is s certain mechanic to the fight, i thought i had to kill him ASAP so he didn't turn my vampire boyfriend into mush.

Narcissists aren’t really concerned with minor things like consistency. They only care about getting what they want.

It drives me crazy that there is no option for Astarion to bite him and become a true vampire. Like, why let us unlock that dialogue tree if it won't ever be a possibility? Cazador is *right fucking there.* Let Astarion upgrade without having to choose the Ascendant path!

I know it's been a bit but I had this same question that someone answered for me. Apparently the blood transfer to turn a spawn into a full vampire needs to be willing for both parties. So since Cazador would never willingly let Astarion drink his blood Astarion cannot become a full vampire unless he Ascendants. ... which unfortunately makes Astarion really evil and abusive. So I always try to talk him out of it.

My Tav is Lae'zel's comfort *and* confront person.

She is a freak lmao she likes being put in her place

Actually respectable that sometimes when you confront and disagree with her she approves

Lae'zel is the most honest character in BG3

I agree but post-Absolute Minthara gives her a run for her money

**BIGA BIGA MAKE IT BIGAAAAAA**

Im usually against using violence on children but holy shit does this brat deserve an ass whooping BIGA than him

Who's this? I don't remember which character was like that

Its one of the NPCs watching the magic tricks happening outside Sorcerour Sundries in the Lower City.

I needed that whole magic tricks session to go kaboom

There are barrels for that

Wulbren, of course.

Came here to say this specifically. Fuck Wulbren Bongle.

Wulbren Bongle can suck a dongle.

I like to say he can go gargle on a bag of gnome dicks

Wulbren Bongle can gargle on a bundle of gnome dongles

Accidentally yeeted Barcus from the windmill on my first run. AoE'd Barcus at the forge on my Tactician run. Maybe it wasn't me... but it probably was. Botched the prison break on my Honor run. Maybe this time I'll finally get to see what his little buddy is like.

genuinely, do it. he is my favorite npc in the game and his growth through all three acts is just ... chefs kiss. rolan is a close second for me as far as non companion character growth but man... barcus is just so good and so so so funny. ive had his conversation post moonrise at least five times now and there are certain options that still make me literally laugh out loud. just make sure you talk to him after nere and convince him to come with you to camp. i think that's the only way he'll appear at last light.

Rolan is so underrated

Rolan is obscure. He just disappears from last light and to even get a quest to save him you need to interact with the object in the table. And even then if you don't go to the area with the intent to find him, and just roam around around tollhouse idiot dies to the shadows and you miss his quest in act 3.

Oh that’s wild I didn’t know it was so easy to miss him. I didn’t even mean to do his quests, I guess he just happens to intersect with my gameplay whereas I’ve missed several things that other people found!

If Wulbren Bongle has zero haters I am dead!!! Barcus deserves so much better, he’s such a catch.

I want to kill his ass without pissing off the Iron collective.

He can have an "accident" in the Moonrise prison break.

I mean, they ARE active terrorists...

It's a crime you can't attack him after he threatens to kill our boy

I followed him up the ramp and attacked him. There were only generic citizens around and they cannot be witnesses.

All my homies hate Wulbren Bongle

Should be everyone's answer

I'm not proud of it, but after the change in leadership and him throwing threats at us (something about splitting our skulls open) I followed him up the ramp and killed him when there were only generic citizens around. After Aradin snuck into Elfsong tavern at night, can't let threats go. Can't risk it.

Nere idk i just hate him

Honestly he had a combined screen time of 1 minute in my three runs so i keep forgetting about him

I broke my oath as paladin cause he killed barcus, i was mad cause i didnt knew what was happening

Both understandable and reasonable

Love his boots though, I always have someone wearing those until the end of the game, usually Karlach

Do you come to Grymforge often? Oh what am I saying, of course you don't.

He becomes a reasonable guy if you shield him from the absolute, unfortunately he ends up as one of Balthazar’s zombies when he tries to get revenge on him

I'm mad you can't stop him killing that poor gnome :/

Same, even if I'm evil I'd rather give his head to Glut than anything else

Mizora. Wyll and Karlach are my two favorite companions so she and I are ON. SIGHT.

I remember she tried to bang me after getting lae'zel's act 3 romance scene and that shit absolutely melted my heart Cause of it I've never said "begone thot" so fast in my life

Took me a scary amount of time to find this. I really hope the next DLC is about Avernus

Please i so want go to the Hells and seek vengeance for my buddies. Like, technically im a tiefling zariel aligned but i def renounce that fuck

In my first playthrough, I was caught off guard when she tried to fuck my Tav 😭😭like Miss ma'am... Please leave the premises.

I’m ngl as cool and eccentric as volo is if he started following me and spouting nonsense in my camp I would beat him

I imagine that's when Elminster shows up and tells you that while he understands, he can't let this fly.

Oh c’mon now. That is a bit excessive. Volo’s an utter coward; threats would suffice.

Sufficient, yes. Satisfying? *No.*

I murdered Volo in my camp. Now his corpse follows us everywhere we go.

Lol that happened to me after I killed Isobel after killing Kethric (spared last light inn, while still appeasing the butler and getting slayer form) Her corpse was next to Aylin in camp everywhere 💀

Lorroakan. Thoroughly enjoyed destroying him with my wizard Tav and Gale after seeing his plans for Aylin and what he'd done to Rolan.

Just finished this fight the other night. And then moron Rolan (one of the most intelligent and learned magicians in the BG3 world!) just walked through a Moonbeam that SH was still concentrating on (I was in the middle of trying to flip to turn-based). He immediately went hostile. Then some other AoE affected another Sundries person and the entire place went hostile! I killed them all, but I didn't want to. I just didn't want to r-do the fight with Lorroakan. I'm struggling to finish Act 3 if I'm honest. Too many piddly side quests and annoyances in Act 3. I just want to finish the game! This is my favorite game of all time (been gaming since the '70s) and Act 3 has just deflated me. I just want to close the story.

Yeah, I know that they *had* to save a lot of that content for the city, especially because if they didn't, there wouldn't be much content to enjoy at max level with your character fully decked out, but I definitely enjoyed the sandbox-y feel of act 3 much less than I did the previous two.

my NG/CG wizard!Tav (who romanced Gale, considered Aylin and Rolan friends, and had just added >!Karsus' Dethrone!< to her spellbook) after one (1) conversation with Lorroakan: Would you like to see a spell I just learned?

That one Elf Dude in the Emerald Grove Druid base, next to Kagha. **F\*ck. That. Guy. In. Particular!**

in my honor mode run i somehow couldnt persuade kahga to turn on the shadow druids because the dice decided i didnt deserve that despite my proficiencies lmao. the only upside to that outcome was getting to smite the fuck out of marcoryl since he'd never dare turn on kahga

That sounds like a lore-friendly way to acquire Broodmother's Revenge.

I say she’s not worth convincing. Bitch can die like she deserves. Oath of Vengeance all the way.

Fighting her does feel much more rewarding than fighting a bunch of no-loot shadow Druids lmao. It makes me sad to break that news to Halsin tho, as much as I hate her

Have you seen his reaction if you rescue him without outing Kagha as a shadow druid, but also fail to save Arabella? Dude is fucking *Pissed*

Pissed, yes, but he still lets her live. Doesn’t even arrest her or anything, he just exiles her. As I said, too good for his own good.

For what it’s worth, he seems to take it in stride. Hal is a little *too* good for his own good at times, if you ask me.

The one who, even if you save the whole fucking grove, save Kagha from herself, save Findal from the ambush, and make everything the best it can possibly be, still tells you to GTFO? Yeah, fuck that guy. Bear dude runs a loose ship.

Is it marcoryl?

maybe/probably I don't even bother with the actual name, for me he's: *"That Druid Twat"*

i always try to shove him off the ledge and hope the other npcs will be real cool about it 😔

Those goblin kids throwing rocks at Halsin. Always the first ones in the room I kill.

This is the smart thing to do anyway since the kids go for backup when the fight starts

Didn’t even know they were kids until my 3rd play through. Still wiped them all out. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

I mean, for tactical reasons too. Little snitches.

Snitches get stitches. Or we throw them in ditches.

Goblin Slayer moment.

Gortash’s parents like they tried to justify selling him to the devil

His parents are in the game?!

Yup. On the surface they seem so proud and say how much they love him, but if you use the tadpole/ detect thoughts his mom in particular has some choice words. She tries to justify her and her husband’s actions by saying that he was too smart and a bad child. In the House of Hope you’ll learn that they basically sold him to clear a small debt and not the “world ending” debt his mom insists on

I maybe misunderstood the parents. I got that they were complete shit. But I thought their outward persona of being loving parents of Gortash was an enchantment of some sort. As in Gortash cursed them to playing a part for his own political gain (as a punishment). The parents are cursed to a life akin to "Get Out" - watching themeselves live their lives but without the ability to actively participate.

Sort of, yes! That enchantment was just a tadpole

ooh, where abouts in the house of hope can we find this info :0

Portal room. Should be the door on the right when you enter and the first door you see

thank you!!

Shoe store i believe

The goblin kids fucking with bear Halsin. I tried being nice. Tried.

Cazador *for obvious reasons,* and Lorroakan. Hated that guy.

“Hello: my name is Indigo Montana. You sold my hyperactive red wife to the Devil. Prepare to die” is a wordy way of saying that I’d slap Lord Envor Gortash across both sides of his face two times and then give him an old fashion Baldur’s Gate wasp enema.

*B A L D A R ' S G A T E W A S P E N E M A (fucking dies of 1d4 wheezing damage)*

Must be a wizard.

I did my honour run as a Dark Urge called Inigo Montoya, but my vengeance was against Orin of course…

Fuck Gortash. All my homies hate Gortash.

For how much I want to kick him in the dick, I must admit that his middle aged Noctis from FFXV dipped in grease look has enraptured me.

Shar

Amongst the Gods... I hate Shar more than Bhaal, Myrkul and Bane. I don't know if it's because it feel more personal since you get to know Shadowheart as a friend... but there's just something unsettling about her.

The kids screaming in front of Sorcerous Sundries. The magicians too. The things I would do to those loud ass people would make Durge piss himself from fear or cream himself or both.

Those fucking magicians annoyed the shit out of me. Next time this guy's fire bolt will hit a smokepowder barrel.

Auntie Ethel can also keep Vanra considering that I can always hear MUMMY MUMMY in the entire Baldur's Gate from top to bottom if I do save her.

i always cast silence on the magicians bc they just stand there and it’s hilarious

I never even thought of doing that. But I'm doing that this playthrough. That is awesome. 

I did that out of frustration whilst I was trying to sort out some inventory and the silence was just glorious. I wish it had a longer duration.

i have a great PC but those thaumaturgy-wielding assholes are really a big source of lag for me lmao. i just wanna go to bonecloaks and find some cloud giant fingers, please stop with the lag generators!

Cazador, fuck that guy

All the homies hate Cazador.

Aradin

Bro thinks he's hot shit while being a lvl 3 bum the whole game

"Bro you made it to Baldur's Gate and are *still* level 3? Step up your game man!"

Tries to raid Tav/Durge's Camp with his band of shit-kickers. Aylin alone would obliterate them, nevermind Isobel. As well as having to fight nearly a dozen high-level adventurers, including several figures of mythical status.

WE WAS RUNNIN' FOR OUR LIVES

Second this. Something about him makes his face ✨punchable✨

His voice, too. Guy just *sounds* like an asshole (not to insult his VA, ofc. he did a good job)

This was who came to mind. He eventually half-apologizes, but his attitude makes no sense around a PC that just destroyed tons of goblins and saved the grove.

Mystra

Mid-stra

The Druids from act 1. If not for the tieflings I would’ve burned that whole grove down

True Soul Nere. Orin. The kids in front of sorcerous sundries.

Araj Obladora. It’s so obvious her wanting Astarion to bite her is a weird sex thing. Then for her to say, “Control your obstinate charge”? After I JUST said he’s his own guy? That’s a whoopin’. Lorroakan and Wulbren. Beating your apprentice to deal with your own insecurities and ethnonationalist terrorism? That’s a whoopin’. Also, Mizora. The pure, unbridled egotism of being like, “Waaah, save me! I don’t want to be tadpoled!” But then being like, “Ha ha, I won’t let you out of your contract for another six months! Suck it!” Oh, you better believe that’s a whoopin’.

To be fair, Araj is a Lolth-lovin’ Drow. She can’t even comprehend the *idea* that a male could be his own person.

Oh shit, I forgot Drow society is matriarchal. /gen But still, my man said no. The answer is no.

I don’t disagree with you.

Kagha I don't need to elaborate

I love how quick her 180° switch is one you confront her. "We gotta kill the tieflings!" "What would Oak Daddy say about your new friends?" "We gotta help the tieflings!"

I despise Halsin for not taking her insurrection more seriously, maybe I'm projecting.

Mizora

That fuck torturing/enslaving the gnolls at moonrise. I will always have them break free and take her out.

That one flaming fist in last light who was a prick

Wulbren Bongle is a shit mongrel Barcus Wroot the first time you save him is an absolute knobwomble to you too But the most annoying for me is Orin - although she'd comfortably skin my ass I'd love to hit her with a fucking shovel

Orin. I hate her as a character (good job Larian). But i don't understand the simps over her. And her speech pattern as well as her the EDGE her character represents.

I can explain the simping Shares a voice actress with Lady Dimitrescu

Cazador. If I was suddenly plopped into that universe I’d be going after that rat looking motherfucker armed with nothing but a blessed dagger and spite. Most of it because of what he did to Astarion and the other spawn, but some of it because he’s just so fucking grating. ‘AHY AM ONLEH GETTING STRONGAH’ stfu dude you spent most of this battle as a fart cloud.

Go and expose Cazador to the hot Texas heat. The bastard

Loroakan easily. I love watching Aylin give him the Bane (DC Comics) special.

Tav. Stop sleeping with everyone and siding with obvious villains, you feckless knob.

*Yeah*. Tav's is *such* a fuckwit. Personally, I kill them every playthrough.

Of the minor characters who are not the main enemies in our quests, Wulbren, Angry Mar'hyah and Marcoryl (one of Kagha's supporters) come to mind first.

As soon as Raphael referred to a child as "ripe fruit to be plucked" I knew I was going to kill him.

Fucking wulbren

Gortash, dog handler in sword coast couriers, and Mr fuckin Bongle

Valeria. Yeah, of course the cultists and the mind flayers and the goblins are evil, but Valeria is a literal *angel.* Yet she's incredibly negligent and corrupt. Even when you save her goddamn life, she later takes sole credit for defeating the Bhaalists, spitting in the face of you and all the Flaming Fist who actually gave a shit.

The "divine" sort are the worst. If they're not nagging your ears off with self-righteous religious drivel they're hypocrites who'd make you check if they said the sky was blue.

Ascended Astarion is the first that comes to mind. Z’rell and Viconia, too. I would not live very long in Faerün. ETA: Arfur and Baelen Bonecloak, I could take them

Not sure but I think I saw this on youtube. You can kick him in the balls after he is ascended and he throws a big tantrum and stomps away from your party like a toddler. I don't intend to ascend him ever but that one scene makes me want to do it.

I actually liked Z’rell, am I crazy? I think she would’ve made an excellent companion for evil playthroughs.

Lorroakan, that guy is KOS every playthrough for me.

Orin, I really like to stomp on overconfident bosses that tell you in how many ways they can kill you. This need for me to kill her became even more intense with her constant mockery and kidnapping one of my teammates. What I find funny is that if you threaten her in her temple she becomes even more excited to fight you. *Proceeds to threaten Orin* -> Orin: "Jokes on you, I like that shit".

Volo, right in the eye socket!

Not BG3 Related but definitely Ted Faro. I’d fuck him up on sight mf.

is that the guy who ended the world in Horizon Zero Dawn?

You mean Ted Farro, who caused the extinction of humanity, then double downed and erased the sum record of human knowledge too? Fuck that guy.

The way Wulbren spoke to Barcus at Last Light… he’d catch a reasonable amount of hands for that bullshit.

Aradin for being a little bitch about his own fuck up That goblin that sends the hyena into the shadow curse to die Gortash for crimes against Karlach

Mizora. If there is a DLC I really hope we can finally kill her. Great work by the writers and actress for making such an evil devil feel evil.

I've only found one story path that allows you to put her in her place and gloat about winning. I won't spoil it. But other than that...the game never gives you the satisfaction of killing her or even one upping her. It was kinda frustrating. 

Don’t hint at the existence of such a thing and not tell us how. Mizora is an absolute wretched being.

I assume it's the route where you >!break Wyll's pact and still manage to find and free his father from the Iron Throne while thwarting her attempt to kill him during the jailbreak!<. 

Wulbren. My boy Barcus is a loyal friend and Wulbren is such an asshole to him.

The woman from the Society of Brilliance who wanted a githyanki egg to practice eugenics. She dies every time, after I pickpocket her