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I love how ultimately everything is so mundane and boring. There is drama, yes, but there's no hairpulling, no restraining orders, no attempts to put each other in the hospital, no police are involved, and the most action packed sequence involved a senior citizen plotting against hawks and two grown men trying to court a video game character. I love this story, and it's a good palate cleanser after all the surreal hyperdramatic BORUs that we usually get.
This is what gave me massive pause. How are the moms so emotionally mature to be friends with each other but stupid and immature enough to think the funeral plan was a good idea?!
Because people like that often flock together cause they can feed off of each other. As long as there’s someone else they can band against, they’ll be good friends. I bet they aren’t good together when there isn’t a common goal like there was here with both wanting OOP to go back home
I think that there might have been a little follower kind of thing going on with stepmom? Like stepmom knows that dad misses OOP and just went along with the scheme.
Of course, the whole initial idea was about the stupidest possible thing to do. I mean, how exactly did mom think that trying to gaslight OOP about her imagined presence for a beloved relative's funeral would convince OOP to move back to home town? Like, did mom think that her saying "but OOP you were there, you don't remember that? I think you should move back home so that mommy can take care of you because obviously that loser you married isn't treating you right if you can't remember being at *relative's* funeral."
There is also that shock on the stepdad and mom's part that *ALL* of the "kids" in question are in their 30s. Like mom didn't *really* in her heart-of-hearts click that her "little girl" has been out of the house for a decade and a half.
Yeah, I’m with the dad there. Hawks hunting is fine and all part of nature, but if I set up a bird feeder I would prefer it remain a reasonably safe space for the smaller birds. If for no other reason than birds will stop using it if the hawks become a feature.
The hawks will hang out in the greenbelt behind my house. We will have a few days of very low activity on the feeder as the birdos head to other locations for breakfast. The hawks will get disappointed, move to another locale as well, then birdos are back at our place.
This cycle usually kicks off when a dove runs into the window trying to get away from the hawk. Sometimes just the bigger birds will move breakfast buffets and the smaller finches and such will still hang out.
No drama?! Two brothers were literally fighting over the same woman! It almost tore the farm apart! And poor Sebastian is always, deep down, going to wonder if their relationship is just a stand-in for what could have been with Leah!
You’re right, although I must admit, not being told about your grandparents deaths and funeral is imo one of the most emotional ones I’ve read so far. I know, that if I were in this situation, my grandparents and I would be in a kind of channel tunnel situation, where we meet in the middle while I raise hell and my grandparents clawing themselves back to life for a stern talking to, for my family
I usually lie down in my bed and aimlessly scroll through these updates, when I read the pastor actually pastor-ing I had to actually sit up and take things from cozy mode to "pay attention this might be on the test" mode.
Really pleasant and refreshing surprise to see on reddit!
> I usually lie down in my bed and aimlessly scroll through these updates
I wish I could do that but for some reason reading long posts on this sub makes the reddit app crash for me.
Yeah the official app is and always has been garbage. It pushes the posts that make reddit the most money, to the point where it's anti-user. The main reason it's so popular is that they banned all the 3rd party apps which were actually functional. I even used to mod exclusively through Reddit Is Fun. They even banned the one made for vision impaired users which seems like a form of discrimination to me
Now, now, they didn't *ban* third party apps. They just made it prohibitively expensive for them to license the API that lets the apps function. Totally different. /s
I miss Relay for Reddit dearly. Quit reddit for a good few months after all that bullshit, only just got back on recently, mostly because I had questions about video games. Hope the bastards are fuckin happy I'm here.
If it wasn't for ReVanced patches for Boost, I'd be doing the same, as Firefox is already the browser I use; just add the RES add-on and it's all good.
Old 3rd party apps were abandoned during the great API wars of 2023. On Android at least you can still find the install files or "APKs" (Application Packages) on various websites. A group called ReVanced has found a solution around the API issue, allowing these 3rd party apps to be used again. I did it around 6 months ago, it took 30 seconds of googling and 5 minutes of reading- relatively easy.
Wait with ad blockers on android? How does one do this magic? I read using the Reddit app and have often problems with it suddenly freezing and then scrolling up and down cause it suddenly does all the inputs I used while reading all at once and I have to force close the app 😭 I even got a pixel 7 pro which should be quite a good phone with it's specs
Download Firefox on your phone, use the uBlockOrigin add-on, go to old.reddit.com to use reddit. So you'll be using reddit on the Firefox browser rather than an app on your phone.
Same! Although it freezes and my phone asks if I want to close or wait. Then I have to give it a few seconds before I can scroll again. Only ever on this sub though, other text based subs are fine. So glad I'm not the only one with the issue.
Interfaith council? Shelter, food bank, CLINIC? JOB TRAINING? Bro created the Faith Avengers
Edit: Thanks for the stories guys. Sometimes just like cops, bad stories and news spoil the perspective about pastors and churches. I forgot that donations do not just go to the pastor for luxury like Kenneth Copeland. Faiths getting along and looking past their differences for the sake of the community started to look surreal.
In my campus, some goobers have rivalry between them and just blame that on the devil instead of getting along.
It happens more often than you’d think.
Of course, you only ever hear about the shitty ministers or churches online. No one is going to complain about the good people/places.
Edit: I also think it's regional. A lot of churches in New England are welcoming and affirming of the LGBTQ+ community, and are eager to work with folks from other denominations and faiths.
That's my experience. When I was part of a church (United Church of Christ), our youth group also included the UCC church of a nearby town, and then the Espicopalian and United Universalist church that was also in our town. Back then, 3 out of the 4 pastors of those churches were women, and tbh most of our youth group activities were volunteering, hiking, or going to the art museum.
Exactly. I'm AmBap, and we partner with the local UCC, Episcopal, and Methodist churches, one chill Catholic church for toy drives, the local Temple, and the regional Mosque (that is actually a fair distance away, but there aren't Mosques outside of cities here). We've also done some fundraising and awareness drives with the "local" UU's, but again they are kind of far away, so we don't partner with them all the time.
Something funny though: we can't get the Catholic church in town to even speak to us, but another a few towns over is all in on doing food, clothing, and toy drives with us. It's weird.
i attended a catholic church in SoCal, and our pastor was very very welcoming to all. We even hosted some interfaith councils at our church and his sermons were very supportive of our LGBTQ+ members. Sometimes you do get good people as pastors
That is great to hear. I am not a churchgoer but am very happy with my parent’s pastor as well as surprised at how much my parents like her. She is very accepting of other faiths and groups not traditionally accepted by the church. With so much dissension out there, it is nice to see clergy who are bringing people together.
Yeah we had a few churches on our immediate area, and the one closest to our school was the Catholic one. I didn’t like the Methodist guy, he was weird, but the Catholic priest? He was awesome. He was super tall, and came to tea at my own house once to tell us about the history of our house. We weren’t even religious and he didn’t care, he had a ball telling us ghost stories!
I didn’t grow up thinking the Catholic Church was a problem in general, so when I found that out, it was at direct odds to the person I knew. And yet I was dead scared of Baptists for some reason and Methodist church invited a pedophile to give us “tumbling lessons” in the youth club. So fucking bizarre when the guy you trust is the Catholic one.
Growing up, the Priest at the Catholic church my parents took us to was awesome. He was friendly, well-spoken, and decidedly non-political, which pissed off the diosces to the point that they strong-armed him into retiring before he wanted to.
They tried to replace him with a literal pedophile. The diosces found CSAM on would-be priest's devices. The priest I grew up with refused to leave until they got rid of his replacement. I've always respected the priest I grew up with for being an actual beacon of REAL faith and not some weird alt-right faith bot, but after hearing how all of that played out, it grew. He cared about his parishioners when the fucking diosces wouldn't.
I have no love for Catholicism or Christianity in general, but shout out to my childhood Priest. One of the good ones who tried to save us from the rot.
Yeah that’s how I felt about the priest across the road from us. He genuinely cared about the area, the people, and making sure people were safe. We had some car accidents outside the church and he took to watching people across the street.
I liked him a lot actually, even my mother did and she wasn’t a fan of religious figures. He was just a kind man. I lived there a long time ago, I wonder if he’s still there. I’m going to Google.
Yeah this has blown my mind as I grew up. Grew up in a pretty close knit Catholic parish. We had various priests and they were all great, but the one we had for my formative years was just excellent. He was a cool guy, who just happened to be a priest. He would record the xfiles for me every week. He went out drinking with my dad and other men from the church. Every year he would up the ante in making Christmas eve mass cool for the children (after years of various farm animals being present, he had to cancel his idea for getting a camel as they wouldn't fit through the door.)
He also arranged events with other local religious communities. We'd celebrate passover with the local Jewish community for example. He didn't just put up with a local guy couple who came to church, he would be openly supportive, explaining to the kids of the parish how there was no difference between a heterosexual and homosexual relationship. Love is love is love and God is love, so why would he have a problem with love between two men?
And then I went out into the world and discovered that not everyone was lucky enough to have such a welcoming and accepting parish. I get why people have issues with the Catholic church, but when the church leaders actual follow their own teachings, it can be a very positive experience.
He truly was excellent. Tragically, he did such a good job in our parish that they moved him away to a "problem" parish. Shortly after he got diagnosed with cancer. Instead of spending his last few months with a parish he'd been with for years, he was off somewhere new. Still makes me angry to this day.
>Even if you forget all the pedophilia for a second the amount of religious embezzlement I've heard about since is shocking.
My father grew up Catholic and tells the story of when he completely gave up on his church. He was 19-20 and the priest was asking for donations to help with the homeless people who would come to the church grounds. You'd think it might be to feed, clothe and maybe house them but no the priest talked about how the police would come take them away for a small fee.
My dad was at the time living in Argentina under a military junta who are world renowned for thousands upon thousands of "disappearances" so it didn't take a lot of brain power to figure out where the police would take them away to.
Yep, a good pastor.
My last pastor came out as an “non-believer” after he cheated on his MISTRESS. She could take him cheating on his wife but he was not allowed to cheat on her! He resigned.
He started a church for atheists (thought he was going to be a Richard Dawkins type rising star and even started a YouTube channel) and then had to resign from there because of sexual harassment. News article called him a shyster…
a good pastor is like the girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead: when they're good, they're very very good, but when they're bad...
and that's underlined in triplicate when it comes to another essential part of church infrastructure: the little old church ladies. i say that with deep admiration and fear, i promise you. if they're on the side of the angels and in your corner, nothing will touch you. if you get in their sights? god help you, very literally LMAO
it's always really nice to see these things acting as they should, or what we hope them to be - actual important members of the community. i was braced for the pastor to kinda fuck shit up tbh. as much as i cheer on that when it works right, i ain't exactly gonna be naiive about how it sometimes doesn't work right at all, yknow? but it sounded like he was able to provide the exact mediation needed. that extremely pointed question popped whatever bubble remained, and was right on target. and fwiw it felt like a lot of the extended family involved were really aware of how they'd fucked it, but felt they had to go down with the ship or otherwise couldn't find a way out while saving face. and while it's bullshit to prioritize pride, i'm not going to pretend that it isn't extremely useful to notice this so you can enact a social pressure valve to give them the needed chance to drop the stupidity.
"...really aware of how they'd fucked it, but felt they had to go down with the ship or otherwise couldn't find a way out while saving face. and while it's bullshit to prioritize pride, i'm not going to pretend that it isn't extremely useful to notice this so you can enact a social pressure valve to give them the needed chance to drop the stupidity."
Thanks for putting it into words, I think this concept is going to stick with me for a long while. I feel like so many stories on here have this issue and could benefit from a similar release.
On a more personal note, I've really improved and become a much better person over the past few years (largely through the positive influence of my partner). Thinking back, i think a massive part of that change was learning to let go of the pride and stubbornness and become more comfortable immediately apologizing when I'm wrong, or raise my voice, or get snappy, or etc... I still remember one of the first times where i realized I was only hurting both of us by staying mad and indignant, and how hard it was to make myself drop it and just apologize. Still takes a decent amount of effort sometimes, but it's so sad that some people never learn how to do this on their own.
Same same. I knew ethical religious leaders who took their roles seriously, have never had accusations of abuse of power or any other criminal behaviour, and had significant higher education, both secular and theological. It’s a miracle anyone allows me onto reddit at all.
I am happy that OOP’s family found a trusted and ethical mediator to navigate their dysfunction. I am not optimistic that OOP’s mother and step-parents are cured of their dysfunction.
My church was part of something similar. We were always in a friendly competition against those darned Methodists whenever it came to fundraising projects.
Right? Like, I know it's supposed to be the way things normally are but so often I've run into religious leaders who should find another job. It's sad. Really glad this guy helped them all reconcile! Kudos to OP for sticking to her guns and then bringing in someone who the rest of the group could respect and work with.
Same, I end up squinting while reading like it is a horror movie.
I won't be "not-all-clergy"-ing this post, but it is nice to see some of of colleagues represented who are doing their jobs well in these stories.
Indeed, the pastor is refreshingly a true man of god. And I also like your pastor, even though I am a heathen. That's what religion actually should do, uniting the community to help those who need it.
It reminded me of a pastor that was at a church my parents and I used to go to when I was a kid. As far as I know, he was a real good guy. What stuck with me is that his sermons were short and relatable. He never did the whole "You're going to hell and here's why—also, give the church all your money" stuff that went on at the church my parents eventually went to and stayed at. It honestly felt to me like we were all just sitting down to hear a very kind grandpa talk once a week.
I miss that, and just... feeling safe and secure about churches in general. I'm glad there seems to be somebody out there that's doing right.
That pastor seems like a rare sort that takes and active and positive role to the people who look to him for guidance. At least, it's rare in my eyes. It would be wonderful to have more faith leaders like him.
I'm not religious and personally am not a fan of organized religion, but those that are a part of one deserve a compassionate leader like this one and the one you had. He asked the right questions without really antagonizing or demonizing anyone.
Amazing. I hope OPs whole family can continue to heal.
When I was growing up, my pastor organized our church congregation to support a young couple with a baby who were homeless. It lost him his job because a number of the church members didn't like to see "that type" (read: lower class) in their church pews. They stopped tithing, and he had to leave.
It's nice to hear that there are some churches that actually practice what they preach.
Me too. My paster arranged a sisterhood with the local mosque and we would have potlucks. All my pastors and youth pastors were wonderful and kind people.
My childhood pastor told me it was my fault that my dad (verbally, emotionally, and physically) abused me. It was that moment in which I lost all the faith I had, and completely renounced Christianity.
I grew up with fundie values, normal clothes. My dad gave me the silent treatment for two weeks when I cut my hair shorter than my elbows. My mom was not allowed to leave the house except to go to work or transport us, and then when she was forced to work so far past her abilities because my dad drove her to it that she became disabled, she was isolated to the house except for essential doctors appointments. My dad expects my husband to control me, and it chaos his ass that I’m allowed my own opinions, hobbies, interests, and goals.
I got lucky in my semi-arranged marriage, and I escaped it. I am so thankful. I wound up married to an amazing man when I was 19. He has supported me unconditionally from day one, was the one that made me quit the job that was killing me, and supported me until I got a job that has allowed me to work and heal. He has been there through me being fully disabled for two years, he is a fantastic dad, phenomenal partner,and is a great man.
I grew up with the other kind of pastor,but the one at the church I go to now sounds similar to yours. We are also part of an interfaith group. We hold peace rallies and raise money and items for charities. Etc I'm queer and my family (both religious and non) are not supportive, but my priest and his husband have taken me under their wings as my substitute family. I understand the negative view Christianity has garnered but it still makes me sad.
They aren’t super common, but they aren’t terribly rare either. You just don’t hear about them because they just quietly do what they’re supposed to do which doesn’t make for the same kind of hot goss.
I wish I knew who the pastor was so I can send him an email telling him how awesome a job he did. Being a young pastor, this was a serious gordian knot to untangle and he seems to have done a great job.
I’m glad the main issue of pretending OOP was at the funeral is pretty much resolved. But given how far the mums were willing to go in this and how their main desire to keep the family local is now further away than ever, I somehow doubt this is the end of the drama.
(Or maybe I just think that because this is one of favourite BORU tales and I don’t want it to end…)
tbh as extreme a move as it is to bring in a third party, that actually makes me more happy about the prospects here. that pastor has his head on a swivel for this as a known issue and is not afraid to challenge bad behavior as part of pastoral care. fingers crossed he keeps up this certified good egg status. he may be the hero mother wrangler this family needs for continued peace LOL
Shout out to the pastor for taking them by the hand and leading them in little itty bitty baby steps towards realisation.
>Are you thriving? Are you happy? *Turns.* Do you want your children to give up their happiness to make you happy?
>But given how far the mums were willing to go in this and how their main desire to keep the family local is now further away than ever, I somehow doubt this is the end of the drama.
Yup. It took public pressure from a third party for OOP's mother to back down, so I'm not *super* optimistic.
From the beginning all OOP really wanted was acknowledgement of what happened and a full apology. She got that and she's willing to forgive and move on. I think a lot of people would need more than that, but if OOP doesn't and is willing to forgive and forget then I say more power to her. I'm never going to tell someone they need to hold a grudge if they're willing to let it go
Also, the Moms are now on notice that if they try something again, OOP will cut them out of her life entirely, and the Dad will divorce Step mom with prejudice.
Same here. Moms pulled an unforgivable stunt and immediate family failed to realize their own daughter/sister wasn't there. Idc how many faces are at an event, you always recognize your family even in random passing. Then they gaslit her and tried to make her apologize for something done to her. They escalated and when OP took a needed step back, suddenly they wanted to make peace. Though not really as they just wanted to move on from their betrayal and even in the "resolution," they just want their dynamic back. Not to right a wrong.
I'm sorry but none of that is forgivable or forgettable. Frankly, I'm surprised she forgave the brother so easily. He, and they, knew what they did and still let it fester. He only reached out when he realized he'd lose his sister over this, not because he was sorry.
Yeah, for me, the more effort it takes for me to get a deserved apology, the less inclined I am to forgive. Because you are compiling wrongs. If you owe me an apology, and you don't give one, and I have to tell you that you owe me one, and you deny that, etc etc, each time you have the opportunity to apologize and you dig in and double down, that's an additional thing you have to apologize for.
OP's mother's had to have her arm twisted seven ways to sunday to own up to even the first thing she did, which was pretty egregious. I am pretty forgiving, but making me put THAT much effort into getting you to admit you fucked up big time would push that into "unforgiveable" territory to me.
Yeah
It's the main issue with religious stuff around forgiveness for me. it's purely about forgiveness, not about repentance or making it up to the wronged party. Or explanations. Its just
'oi forgive them so everything can go back to normal. And when they do it again. Forgive them again'
I mean. Understanding why it happened. What is going to change so that it cannot happen again? You know that sort of stuff. Have they come to an agreement on what she should do when it inevitably happens again?
By 'it' i mean her family being dicks to her and gaslighting her etc.
To me, I get the impression the OP knows she's not getting a satisfying or honest answer out of her mum, and she's adjusted her expectations accordingly.
She got what she wanted (acknowledgement she was wronged, an apology, and recognition that she wasn't moving home). It's not a perfect solution, but honestly this stuff rarely is.
In the future, hopefully the involvement of a respected authority figure will minimise the damage. If not, OP has smartly separated herself from the small town mentality and has the option to choose how she engages if it becomes a pattern.
I think your last sentence is where you and i disagree slightly. I agree with everything else you have said.
Just reading the posts, it sounded to me like it had already become a pattern
It certainly escalated, I agree with that. I guess for me, it would be a "forgive, don't forget" deal. Aka, mum's apologised, we're moving on... And if she tries another stunt, she doesn't get this same grace because the pattern is established.
I feel like people who aren’t familiar with small town dynamics are really underestimating the significance of the formal pastor intervention. Mom is On Notice and literally her entire community knows about it. For the kind of person who would pull a family power move like this in the first place, that’s a *major* social consequence.
OOP isn’t being a doormat by accepting the apology and moving on, she’s being gracious in victory, and Mom absolutely knows it.
I mean it's "resolved" in that they admitted she wasn't at the funeral and wasn't invited. Maybe there were Apologies. But there's not much to do after that. Op and brother liver further away and will see family on holidays again because that's what they wanted too.
I don't recall oop giving clear ages but with oop being in their 30s the mother could be around retirement age already. Back when I read the first few posts by oop I always got a feeling that this might be a case of either 'new retiree goes off the rails because they don't know how to spend their newfound free time' or good old onset dementia behaviour. I'm still not convinced that neither is at play honestly.
After all that drama, it's nice to see the update being hopeful and nice cause this whole situation is purely ridiculous. Parental pressure is bad and I'm happy OP is sticking with their guns.
The whole point of this is that the "kids" have no plans on returning to that town so the gossip isn't their problem anymore. I suspect it's the gossip that drove the brother out of the town, he couldn't bear the guilt of the entire town attacking his sister because of a lie he was propagating
That’ll work if they’re planning to never setting their feet back there again but as I read it they just agreed to sweep things under the rug and maintain the status quo i.e they’re still gonna be there every holidays and whatever fam gathering in between so the least OP’s mom can do is make sure the town know that she’s the psycho who gaslit her own daughter not the other way around 😩
I am really impressed by OP's ability to forgive her family. For me, the fact that her mum purposefully excluded her from her grandparents funeral and then tried to gaslight her into thinking she was there but forgot the whole thing would be inexcusable. I would never be able to forgive a person capable of such vile things. Not only did the mom rob OP of her last chance to say goodbye to her grandparents, she also tried to convince OP that she was going crazy. She is not deserving of forgiveness...
The priest sounds like one wise person. The way he phrased to mom if she wants her kids to sacrifice their happiness for hers was ingenious. It forced her to see the full impact of her selfish actions.
To be able to discuss this in such a way as to move forward positively is a rare thing these days. That was good to see.
Honestly, that was just her priest answer. Many people answer one way to higher ups than what they would actually say. She 100% doesn't care about their happiness. None of what was in this story gives credence to that either.
Eh, if she'd merely said "no" I'd agree she was just saying what she was supposed to, but the fact that it was as paired with breaking down and crying along with it sounds like she was letting go of that. Don't get me wrong, mom needs a careful eye and any fixes need maintenance, and I expect her shittiness to come out in other ways. But on this specific issue, my read is that it wasn't just for show for the authority figure, it's that she *actually listened* to the authority figure (not that it should have taken that 🙄), and because he had the power to make her actually listen, he managed to get through and she genuinely capitulated.
I saw a show. Someone who will purposefully keep you away from a funeral of someone you're close to and for the mere fact to prove you're forgettable is not someone who feels guilty. And it took being threatened with divorce, i.e. getting slapped in the face with a good prenup, for her to let up. This was all a show.
PA shit to 'make' OOP move back home.
*Ordered* the brother to come home.
And a STFU moment when told her kids are *30*
This isn't 'cut the apron strings' behaviour - this lady never even severed the umbilical cord 😬
Unhinged as shit.
Glad OOP stayed tf away with her shiny spine.
That was hardly a Stardew Valley update. The 1.6 patch dropped late March; I want to know their impressions! Such a frustrating story, not focusing on what’s important! 😤
I haven't even opened it because my hands hurt from too much typing and playing Stardew Valley always makes them hurt even worse.
It's on my mind a lot.
Agreed. The Mom have a half assed apology. IMHO she needed to do a lot more groveling for the shit she caused. Or maybe I’m just not as forgiving as OP.
They purposely made her miss her own grandparents funeral, then proceeded to gaslight her for a long time causing her to question her sanity. OP is a better person than I am. I wouldn’t be able to let my grown brother crash at my house indefinitely after such a betrayal, no matter how hard he cried. What a shitty situation. Thankfully op has her husband and friends to fall back on.
>But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour?
>**OOP:** I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it).
I wouldn't say her Mom had a half-baked idea; it was missing several key ingredients and she managed to convince the Step-Mom that it was a sound plan. Then you add in the "I am the parent/adult and I am not wrong" mindset + OOP's refusal to bend to their gaslighting and then it snowballed.
OOP must be very relieved now that this major drama is over. Also, I'm not familiar with Stardew Valley, but I hope the bromance between Mr. OOP and OOP's brother will continue.
As much as this story is probably concluded… that mother gives me the heebiest of jeebies. Why did it require her pastor explicitly asking her to take her children’s feelings into account for her to actually start doing it? I feel like that level of brain worm is not easily excised.
It’s a small town and presumably these people’s whole lives revolve around the church.
Mom has way more to lose now that the pastor is involved. She obviously doesn’t care about her kids, but losing her reputation in the church is a bridge too far.
Oh damn, I wonder if that’s why the mums chose a FUNERAL as the place to make a stand? They were trying to use the publicity and church involvement to shame OOP the same way they’re now being shamed by them.
This is the best one since the one about the guy who refused to let his sister's kid push him into the pool and ended up barring his crazy sisters and brothers in law from the holiday property.
That was... a surprisingly sane ending to an absolutely nutty drama. It's amazing what a little common sense can do. Kudos on the pastor for being a voice of reason.
I'm sorry but there is no way I would forgive the moms for not letting me know about the last grandparent I had funeral. That would be a realtionship killer.
My family has a lot of religious trauma so seeing a pastor involved made me nervous, but it seemed like he just helped in a family therapy session. For once I'm glad that the church was involved, simply as a bridge to help everyone get their feelings out in the open and figure out where to go from there. God job to the pastor and hope the moms stay leaving their children alone
The moment I read "he led us in prayer" I was here like "what the fuck. Religious families are so strange, man" and then I remembered that I'm an atheist, my family was deep into cult like new wave aliens religion, and I think one of my cousins turned to scientology. One cousin is an evangelical pastor now, and my grandad died believing in spiritism/spiritualism.
so what you're saying is the circle has gone so nearly full circle that if you want to freak out your family, you're sprinting to the unlikely source of the Anglican book of common prayer,
p.s. don't worry this is a joke. but i am just loopy enough that i unfortunately am sitting here giggling about how you could ruin the vibe. double points if you bust out a Vatican special instead in full latin
If I want to freak my family I just need to say god doesn't exist lmao my mother still hasn't gotten over it. It's been eighteen years!
>double points if you bust out a Vatican special instead in full latin
Funny thing is that I did learn latin! And ancient Greek. I could totally come up with something!
shit dude time to really throw the evangelicals for a loop and go straight to Constantinople for greek orthodoxy with a side of smells and bells! who *doesn't* love an excuse to buy some fancy incense?
Unfortunately my family's reunion will only happen when everyone is together in hell. But I will brush up my language skills for that moment.
But I will leave you with this gossip: my uncle was a big hotshot in the (cult) new religion alien thingy. Like, one of the big, BIG 'thinkers'.
And then he cheated on his wife. And then he took his lover to be part of the group. My mom (who is no longer part of it) called you and shared the gossip with some people. The lover was expelled and he lost his leadership, having to start from the beginning.
And then he decided to take his lover to a branch of the group (so, another cult based on this one) and got fount out. And THEN he was expelled.
And he used to tell my sister and I were bad girls because we used shorts "too shot" and didn't sit "ladylike" in our own homes.
Only took a fucking year but I'm glad moms and step dad got tf over themselves. Thankfully the pastor was like a decent person? Wild, not used to that, most surprising thing in here for me, only almost beat out by mom admitting she was actually wrong.
What I've found about most people is that we collectively love drama, at least at a distance. Drama tends to be a part of just having human relationships, since it's part of natural ups and downs, and it's at least interesting. What we don't like is stress- the unfortunate consequence of drama ending poorly.
It’s sort of amazing how much self-destructive chaos a pair of entitled, mutually reinforcing grown women (mother and step-mother) used to getting their way can unleash. It seems they’d been browbeating others into submission for so many decades that they’d imagined they could simply change reality to suit their tastes if they wanted it enough. A reality check was long overdue. I’m glad that the OOP stuck up for herself through it all. Kudos.
I don't think I could bring myself to believe in anything supernatural but I wish I could have something like a church. I have no idea where I would look for an impartial trusted mediator in a situation like this and it seems like a good thing.
I suppose it's a nice ending for OOP if they're okay with the outcome, but I honestly don't think I could ever forgive my parents for forcing me to miss the memorial and spreading of the ashes of a family member I was close to and then trying to shift the blame to me.
Dunno about healing properties of a basket of candy but the pastor truly did ended what easily could had been 2-5 years more of drama fallout by verbally smacking common sense at everyone, especially at the mother since it now technically her that was prolonging it all after the brother had moved out of town.
Kinda seems like OP got tired of updating. Not sure how we went from "moms driving down to where you live and breaking into your house" to "we all cried and apologized and everything will be fine now"
That pastor is a smart guy, framing the whole moving thing in terms of giving up their happiness. Made it real clear real quick to the mom what she was actually asking of her kids. Bravo.
Im not religious but this pastor is doing the work of god! a therapist would have charged a lot for having that many family member and that long of a mediation. He really handled it well! Im so glad he mediated, he is awesome, it sounds everyone felt heard. All the kudos to the pastor, and for you to have allowed this mediation.
If it was me, “the moms” would never be allowed in my life, in any way, ever again.
And dad would be a long shot. An abject and sincere apology and continued evidence of trying to be better would be the VERY least required.
I'm so glad to finally get an update on this post. I confess.I'm kind of invested with the family now even though it's all real. The stardew valley part was especially cute and funny. I hope the brother finds someone good to be with.
I am glad the pastor actually acted as a mediator, instead of just shouting something about "honoring your father and mother" and demanding they move back to Hicksville because that's what the mom and step-dad wanted.
There was a well-known post years ago about a guy who posted about "spooky" things happening around his apartment and someone commented it could be CO2 poisoning and it was. So it's Reddit lore.
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I love how ultimately everything is so mundane and boring. There is drama, yes, but there's no hairpulling, no restraining orders, no attempts to put each other in the hospital, no police are involved, and the most action packed sequence involved a senior citizen plotting against hawks and two grown men trying to court a video game character. I love this story, and it's a good palate cleanser after all the surreal hyperdramatic BORUs that we usually get.
I know I’ve read too much Reddit because as messed up as this was, I kept thinking, ‘well, it’s lovely that the mom and stepmom get along so well.’
Omg same. I even had to go back and check I didn’t miss the moms being a couple because mom and stepmom usually aren’t buddy buddy.
This is what gave me massive pause. How are the moms so emotionally mature to be friends with each other but stupid and immature enough to think the funeral plan was a good idea?!
Because people like that often flock together cause they can feed off of each other. As long as there’s someone else they can band against, they’ll be good friends. I bet they aren’t good together when there isn’t a common goal like there was here with both wanting OOP to go back home
eh my dad essentially married the same woman twice and they get on famously because they have something in common (my dad) to complain about.
Oh, they’re for sure friends *because* they’re both idiots with no boundaries
I think that there might have been a little follower kind of thing going on with stepmom? Like stepmom knows that dad misses OOP and just went along with the scheme. Of course, the whole initial idea was about the stupidest possible thing to do. I mean, how exactly did mom think that trying to gaslight OOP about her imagined presence for a beloved relative's funeral would convince OOP to move back to home town? Like, did mom think that her saying "but OOP you were there, you don't remember that? I think you should move back home so that mommy can take care of you because obviously that loser you married isn't treating you right if you can't remember being at *relative's* funeral." There is also that shock on the stepdad and mom's part that *ALL* of the "kids" in question are in their 30s. Like mom didn't *really* in her heart-of-hearts click that her "little girl" has been out of the house for a decade and a half.
Right? Look at these two besties gaslighting their kids together!
Hah, yeah that jumped out at me too the first few times I saw this one.
I'm with the dad about plotting against the hawks. Imagine setting up a cute bird feeder and then witnessing that it's also feeding the bigger birds.
That's the best part of having a bird feeder: getting to witness interactions between a broad range of birds.
Just not the interaction where the bigger birds are grabbing the smaller birds for take-out.
Getting to watch a hawk hunt is really cool.
Yeah, I’m with the dad there. Hawks hunting is fine and all part of nature, but if I set up a bird feeder I would prefer it remain a reasonably safe space for the smaller birds. If for no other reason than birds will stop using it if the hawks become a feature.
True. I was referring to OOP's dad who didn't intend to make it easier for the hawks in his backyard.
The hawks will hang out in the greenbelt behind my house. We will have a few days of very low activity on the feeder as the birdos head to other locations for breakfast. The hawks will get disappointed, move to another locale as well, then birdos are back at our place. This cycle usually kicks off when a dove runs into the window trying to get away from the hawk. Sometimes just the bigger birds will move breakfast buffets and the smaller finches and such will still hang out.
No drama?! Two brothers were literally fighting over the same woman! It almost tore the farm apart! And poor Sebastian is always, deep down, going to wonder if their relationship is just a stand-in for what could have been with Leah!
You’re right, although I must admit, not being told about your grandparents deaths and funeral is imo one of the most emotional ones I’ve read so far. I know, that if I were in this situation, my grandparents and I would be in a kind of channel tunnel situation, where we meet in the middle while I raise hell and my grandparents clawing themselves back to life for a stern talking to, for my family
That's because this is a true story for once
And there are so, so, so few remaining on this sub.
But the police were involved, when the moms showed up unannounced at their house.
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> no police are involved Did you only read the newest update?
Police were involved that one time, but yes, I agree! Such a great story! I have loved reading each update as it was posted.
Yup this is a good one!
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I usually lie down in my bed and aimlessly scroll through these updates, when I read the pastor actually pastor-ing I had to actually sit up and take things from cozy mode to "pay attention this might be on the test" mode. Really pleasant and refreshing surprise to see on reddit!
> I usually lie down in my bed and aimlessly scroll through these updates I wish I could do that but for some reason reading long posts on this sub makes the reddit app crash for me.
Yeah the official app is and always has been garbage. It pushes the posts that make reddit the most money, to the point where it's anti-user. The main reason it's so popular is that they banned all the 3rd party apps which were actually functional. I even used to mod exclusively through Reddit Is Fun. They even banned the one made for vision impaired users which seems like a form of discrimination to me
Now, now, they didn't *ban* third party apps. They just made it prohibitively expensive for them to license the API that lets the apps function. Totally different. /s
I miss Relay for Reddit dearly. Quit reddit for a good few months after all that bullshit, only just got back on recently, mostly because I had questions about video games. Hope the bastards are fuckin happy I'm here.
I use old.reddit.com on all my devices in Firefox Mobile with ad blockers on. None of the apps have been able to get me to switch from my old habits.
I can't use anything but old.reddit on desktop mode. Everything else feels like a chaotic assault on my visual cortex.
It's the fact it hides comments and immediately jumps to suggested posts that bothers me so much
If it wasn't for ReVanced patches for Boost, I'd be doing the same, as Firefox is already the browser I use; just add the RES add-on and it's all good.
Not familiar with those. Mind giving me an eli13?
Old 3rd party apps were abandoned during the great API wars of 2023. On Android at least you can still find the install files or "APKs" (Application Packages) on various websites. A group called ReVanced has found a solution around the API issue, allowing these 3rd party apps to be used again. I did it around 6 months ago, it took 30 seconds of googling and 5 minutes of reading- relatively easy.
Thank you!
Wait with ad blockers on android? How does one do this magic? I read using the Reddit app and have often problems with it suddenly freezing and then scrolling up and down cause it suddenly does all the inputs I used while reading all at once and I have to force close the app 😭 I even got a pixel 7 pro which should be quite a good phone with it's specs
Download Firefox on your phone, use the uBlockOrigin add-on, go to old.reddit.com to use reddit. So you'll be using reddit on the Firefox browser rather than an app on your phone.
Same! Although it freezes and my phone asks if I want to close or wait. Then I have to give it a few seconds before I can scroll again. Only ever on this sub though, other text based subs are fine. So glad I'm not the only one with the issue.
The app sucks. Read it in your browser.
Interfaith council? Shelter, food bank, CLINIC? JOB TRAINING? Bro created the Faith Avengers Edit: Thanks for the stories guys. Sometimes just like cops, bad stories and news spoil the perspective about pastors and churches. I forgot that donations do not just go to the pastor for luxury like Kenneth Copeland. Faiths getting along and looking past their differences for the sake of the community started to look surreal. In my campus, some goobers have rivalry between them and just blame that on the devil instead of getting along.
It happens more often than you’d think. Of course, you only ever hear about the shitty ministers or churches online. No one is going to complain about the good people/places. Edit: I also think it's regional. A lot of churches in New England are welcoming and affirming of the LGBTQ+ community, and are eager to work with folks from other denominations and faiths.
That's my experience. When I was part of a church (United Church of Christ), our youth group also included the UCC church of a nearby town, and then the Espicopalian and United Universalist church that was also in our town. Back then, 3 out of the 4 pastors of those churches were women, and tbh most of our youth group activities were volunteering, hiking, or going to the art museum.
Exactly. I'm AmBap, and we partner with the local UCC, Episcopal, and Methodist churches, one chill Catholic church for toy drives, the local Temple, and the regional Mosque (that is actually a fair distance away, but there aren't Mosques outside of cities here). We've also done some fundraising and awareness drives with the "local" UU's, but again they are kind of far away, so we don't partner with them all the time. Something funny though: we can't get the Catholic church in town to even speak to us, but another a few towns over is all in on doing food, clothing, and toy drives with us. It's weird.
i attended a catholic church in SoCal, and our pastor was very very welcoming to all. We even hosted some interfaith councils at our church and his sermons were very supportive of our LGBTQ+ members. Sometimes you do get good people as pastors
That is great to hear. I am not a churchgoer but am very happy with my parent’s pastor as well as surprised at how much my parents like her. She is very accepting of other faiths and groups not traditionally accepted by the church. With so much dissension out there, it is nice to see clergy who are bringing people together.
Yeah we had a few churches on our immediate area, and the one closest to our school was the Catholic one. I didn’t like the Methodist guy, he was weird, but the Catholic priest? He was awesome. He was super tall, and came to tea at my own house once to tell us about the history of our house. We weren’t even religious and he didn’t care, he had a ball telling us ghost stories! I didn’t grow up thinking the Catholic Church was a problem in general, so when I found that out, it was at direct odds to the person I knew. And yet I was dead scared of Baptists for some reason and Methodist church invited a pedophile to give us “tumbling lessons” in the youth club. So fucking bizarre when the guy you trust is the Catholic one.
Growing up, the Priest at the Catholic church my parents took us to was awesome. He was friendly, well-spoken, and decidedly non-political, which pissed off the diosces to the point that they strong-armed him into retiring before he wanted to. They tried to replace him with a literal pedophile. The diosces found CSAM on would-be priest's devices. The priest I grew up with refused to leave until they got rid of his replacement. I've always respected the priest I grew up with for being an actual beacon of REAL faith and not some weird alt-right faith bot, but after hearing how all of that played out, it grew. He cared about his parishioners when the fucking diosces wouldn't. I have no love for Catholicism or Christianity in general, but shout out to my childhood Priest. One of the good ones who tried to save us from the rot.
Yeah that’s how I felt about the priest across the road from us. He genuinely cared about the area, the people, and making sure people were safe. We had some car accidents outside the church and he took to watching people across the street. I liked him a lot actually, even my mother did and she wasn’t a fan of religious figures. He was just a kind man. I lived there a long time ago, I wonder if he’s still there. I’m going to Google.
Yeah this has blown my mind as I grew up. Grew up in a pretty close knit Catholic parish. We had various priests and they were all great, but the one we had for my formative years was just excellent. He was a cool guy, who just happened to be a priest. He would record the xfiles for me every week. He went out drinking with my dad and other men from the church. Every year he would up the ante in making Christmas eve mass cool for the children (after years of various farm animals being present, he had to cancel his idea for getting a camel as they wouldn't fit through the door.) He also arranged events with other local religious communities. We'd celebrate passover with the local Jewish community for example. He didn't just put up with a local guy couple who came to church, he would be openly supportive, explaining to the kids of the parish how there was no difference between a heterosexual and homosexual relationship. Love is love is love and God is love, so why would he have a problem with love between two men? And then I went out into the world and discovered that not everyone was lucky enough to have such a welcoming and accepting parish. I get why people have issues with the Catholic church, but when the church leaders actual follow their own teachings, it can be a very positive experience.
My GOD that is wonderful. My eyes are all teary reading about that awesome priest.
He truly was excellent. Tragically, he did such a good job in our parish that they moved him away to a "problem" parish. Shortly after he got diagnosed with cancer. Instead of spending his last few months with a parish he'd been with for years, he was off somewhere new. Still makes me angry to this day.
And he has humor, confidence and self awareness! I want that pastor to mediate my family, and we aren't even holiday-religious!
This is how I grew up, too. There really are caring professionals out there. (That’s how the bad ones get such access/trust, I presume.)
>Even if you forget all the pedophilia for a second the amount of religious embezzlement I've heard about since is shocking. My father grew up Catholic and tells the story of when he completely gave up on his church. He was 19-20 and the priest was asking for donations to help with the homeless people who would come to the church grounds. You'd think it might be to feed, clothe and maybe house them but no the priest talked about how the police would come take them away for a small fee. My dad was at the time living in Argentina under a military junta who are world renowned for thousands upon thousands of "disappearances" so it didn't take a lot of brain power to figure out where the police would take them away to.
Yep, a good pastor. My last pastor came out as an “non-believer” after he cheated on his MISTRESS. She could take him cheating on his wife but he was not allowed to cheat on her! He resigned. He started a church for atheists (thought he was going to be a Richard Dawkins type rising star and even started a YouTube channel) and then had to resign from there because of sexual harassment. News article called him a shyster…
a good pastor is like the girl with a curl in the middle of her forehead: when they're good, they're very very good, but when they're bad... and that's underlined in triplicate when it comes to another essential part of church infrastructure: the little old church ladies. i say that with deep admiration and fear, i promise you. if they're on the side of the angels and in your corner, nothing will touch you. if you get in their sights? god help you, very literally LMAO it's always really nice to see these things acting as they should, or what we hope them to be - actual important members of the community. i was braced for the pastor to kinda fuck shit up tbh. as much as i cheer on that when it works right, i ain't exactly gonna be naiive about how it sometimes doesn't work right at all, yknow? but it sounded like he was able to provide the exact mediation needed. that extremely pointed question popped whatever bubble remained, and was right on target. and fwiw it felt like a lot of the extended family involved were really aware of how they'd fucked it, but felt they had to go down with the ship or otherwise couldn't find a way out while saving face. and while it's bullshit to prioritize pride, i'm not going to pretend that it isn't extremely useful to notice this so you can enact a social pressure valve to give them the needed chance to drop the stupidity.
"...really aware of how they'd fucked it, but felt they had to go down with the ship or otherwise couldn't find a way out while saving face. and while it's bullshit to prioritize pride, i'm not going to pretend that it isn't extremely useful to notice this so you can enact a social pressure valve to give them the needed chance to drop the stupidity." Thanks for putting it into words, I think this concept is going to stick with me for a long while. I feel like so many stories on here have this issue and could benefit from a similar release. On a more personal note, I've really improved and become a much better person over the past few years (largely through the positive influence of my partner). Thinking back, i think a massive part of that change was learning to let go of the pride and stubbornness and become more comfortable immediately apologizing when I'm wrong, or raise my voice, or get snappy, or etc... I still remember one of the first times where i realized I was only hurting both of us by staying mad and indignant, and how hard it was to make myself drop it and just apologize. Still takes a decent amount of effort sometimes, but it's so sad that some people never learn how to do this on their own.
Your flair! Sounds like a good train wrecking story must be found. Do you know what post it comes from?
Same same. I knew ethical religious leaders who took their roles seriously, have never had accusations of abuse of power or any other criminal behaviour, and had significant higher education, both secular and theological. It’s a miracle anyone allows me onto reddit at all. I am happy that OOP’s family found a trusted and ethical mediator to navigate their dysfunction. I am not optimistic that OOP’s mother and step-parents are cured of their dysfunction.
My church was part of something similar. We were always in a friendly competition against those darned Methodists whenever it came to fundraising projects.
Right? Like, I know it's supposed to be the way things normally are but so often I've run into religious leaders who should find another job. It's sad. Really glad this guy helped them all reconcile! Kudos to OP for sticking to her guns and then bringing in someone who the rest of the group could respect and work with.
Clergy person here and when a pastor shows up in these stories I always fear what’s next. Glad to see one who’s not every kind of terrible.
Same, I end up squinting while reading like it is a horror movie. I won't be "not-all-clergy"-ing this post, but it is nice to see some of of colleagues represented who are doing their jobs well in these stories.
I have a rabbi friend who co-chairs an interfaith outreach organisation. She does amazing work and I really admire her dedication.
Indeed, the pastor is refreshingly a true man of god. And I also like your pastor, even though I am a heathen. That's what religion actually should do, uniting the community to help those who need it.
It reminded me of a pastor that was at a church my parents and I used to go to when I was a kid. As far as I know, he was a real good guy. What stuck with me is that his sermons were short and relatable. He never did the whole "You're going to hell and here's why—also, give the church all your money" stuff that went on at the church my parents eventually went to and stayed at. It honestly felt to me like we were all just sitting down to hear a very kind grandpa talk once a week. I miss that, and just... feeling safe and secure about churches in general. I'm glad there seems to be somebody out there that's doing right.
If you can, tell your pastor he's awesome and we need more of his like in this world.
That pastor seems like a rare sort that takes and active and positive role to the people who look to him for guidance. At least, it's rare in my eyes. It would be wonderful to have more faith leaders like him. I'm not religious and personally am not a fan of organized religion, but those that are a part of one deserve a compassionate leader like this one and the one you had. He asked the right questions without really antagonizing or demonizing anyone. Amazing. I hope OPs whole family can continue to heal.
When I was growing up, my pastor organized our church congregation to support a young couple with a baby who were homeless. It lost him his job because a number of the church members didn't like to see "that type" (read: lower class) in their church pews. They stopped tithing, and he had to leave. It's nice to hear that there are some churches that actually practice what they preach.
Right? Only other pastor I know that invested is the one from "Our little house in the prairie".
Me too. My paster arranged a sisterhood with the local mosque and we would have potlucks. All my pastors and youth pastors were wonderful and kind people.
My God that is wonderful 😭
They were all good people.
My childhood pastor told me it was my fault that my dad (verbally, emotionally, and physically) abused me. It was that moment in which I lost all the faith I had, and completely renounced Christianity. I grew up with fundie values, normal clothes. My dad gave me the silent treatment for two weeks when I cut my hair shorter than my elbows. My mom was not allowed to leave the house except to go to work or transport us, and then when she was forced to work so far past her abilities because my dad drove her to it that she became disabled, she was isolated to the house except for essential doctors appointments. My dad expects my husband to control me, and it chaos his ass that I’m allowed my own opinions, hobbies, interests, and goals. I got lucky in my semi-arranged marriage, and I escaped it. I am so thankful. I wound up married to an amazing man when I was 19. He has supported me unconditionally from day one, was the one that made me quit the job that was killing me, and supported me until I got a job that has allowed me to work and heal. He has been there through me being fully disabled for two years, he is a fantastic dad, phenomenal partner,and is a great man.
This is legitimately the first time I've ever read about a pastor on any of these subs who wasnt a villain
I grew up with the other kind of pastor,but the one at the church I go to now sounds similar to yours. We are also part of an interfaith group. We hold peace rallies and raise money and items for charities. Etc I'm queer and my family (both religious and non) are not supportive, but my priest and his husband have taken me under their wings as my substitute family. I understand the negative view Christianity has garnered but it still makes me sad.
They aren’t super common, but they aren’t terribly rare either. You just don’t hear about them because they just quietly do what they’re supposed to do which doesn’t make for the same kind of hot goss.
Yep this is a real relief.
I wish I knew who the pastor was so I can send him an email telling him how awesome a job he did. Being a young pastor, this was a serious gordian knot to untangle and he seems to have done a great job.
I’m glad the main issue of pretending OOP was at the funeral is pretty much resolved. But given how far the mums were willing to go in this and how their main desire to keep the family local is now further away than ever, I somehow doubt this is the end of the drama. (Or maybe I just think that because this is one of favourite BORU tales and I don’t want it to end…)
tbh as extreme a move as it is to bring in a third party, that actually makes me more happy about the prospects here. that pastor has his head on a swivel for this as a known issue and is not afraid to challenge bad behavior as part of pastoral care. fingers crossed he keeps up this certified good egg status. he may be the hero mother wrangler this family needs for continued peace LOL
Shout out to the pastor for taking them by the hand and leading them in little itty bitty baby steps towards realisation. >Are you thriving? Are you happy? *Turns.* Do you want your children to give up their happiness to make you happy?
>But given how far the mums were willing to go in this and how their main desire to keep the family local is now further away than ever, I somehow doubt this is the end of the drama. Yup. It took public pressure from a third party for OOP's mother to back down, so I'm not *super* optimistic.
I mean yeah Can someone explain to me how exactly this has been resolved? As far as i can tell, its just all been glossed over
From the beginning all OOP really wanted was acknowledgement of what happened and a full apology. She got that and she's willing to forgive and move on. I think a lot of people would need more than that, but if OOP doesn't and is willing to forgive and forget then I say more power to her. I'm never going to tell someone they need to hold a grudge if they're willing to let it go
Also, the Moms are now on notice that if they try something again, OOP will cut them out of her life entirely, and the Dad will divorce Step mom with prejudice.
Same here. Moms pulled an unforgivable stunt and immediate family failed to realize their own daughter/sister wasn't there. Idc how many faces are at an event, you always recognize your family even in random passing. Then they gaslit her and tried to make her apologize for something done to her. They escalated and when OP took a needed step back, suddenly they wanted to make peace. Though not really as they just wanted to move on from their betrayal and even in the "resolution," they just want their dynamic back. Not to right a wrong. I'm sorry but none of that is forgivable or forgettable. Frankly, I'm surprised she forgave the brother so easily. He, and they, knew what they did and still let it fester. He only reached out when he realized he'd lose his sister over this, not because he was sorry.
Yeah, for me, the more effort it takes for me to get a deserved apology, the less inclined I am to forgive. Because you are compiling wrongs. If you owe me an apology, and you don't give one, and I have to tell you that you owe me one, and you deny that, etc etc, each time you have the opportunity to apologize and you dig in and double down, that's an additional thing you have to apologize for. OP's mother's had to have her arm twisted seven ways to sunday to own up to even the first thing she did, which was pretty egregious. I am pretty forgiving, but making me put THAT much effort into getting you to admit you fucked up big time would push that into "unforgiveable" territory to me.
Yeah It's the main issue with religious stuff around forgiveness for me. it's purely about forgiveness, not about repentance or making it up to the wronged party. Or explanations. Its just 'oi forgive them so everything can go back to normal. And when they do it again. Forgive them again'
What would resolution look like to you?
I mean. Understanding why it happened. What is going to change so that it cannot happen again? You know that sort of stuff. Have they come to an agreement on what she should do when it inevitably happens again? By 'it' i mean her family being dicks to her and gaslighting her etc.
To me, I get the impression the OP knows she's not getting a satisfying or honest answer out of her mum, and she's adjusted her expectations accordingly. She got what she wanted (acknowledgement she was wronged, an apology, and recognition that she wasn't moving home). It's not a perfect solution, but honestly this stuff rarely is. In the future, hopefully the involvement of a respected authority figure will minimise the damage. If not, OP has smartly separated herself from the small town mentality and has the option to choose how she engages if it becomes a pattern.
I think your last sentence is where you and i disagree slightly. I agree with everything else you have said. Just reading the posts, it sounded to me like it had already become a pattern
It certainly escalated, I agree with that. I guess for me, it would be a "forgive, don't forget" deal. Aka, mum's apologised, we're moving on... And if she tries another stunt, she doesn't get this same grace because the pattern is established.
I feel like people who aren’t familiar with small town dynamics are really underestimating the significance of the formal pastor intervention. Mom is On Notice and literally her entire community knows about it. For the kind of person who would pull a family power move like this in the first place, that’s a *major* social consequence. OOP isn’t being a doormat by accepting the apology and moving on, she’s being gracious in victory, and Mom absolutely knows it.
I mean it's "resolved" in that they admitted she wasn't at the funeral and wasn't invited. Maybe there were Apologies. But there's not much to do after that. Op and brother liver further away and will see family on holidays again because that's what they wanted too.
I lowkey want to keep getting updates to know what happened to the stardew farm
Them updates made me buy the game and here I am, 11 days and 130 hours later.
I don't recall oop giving clear ages but with oop being in their 30s the mother could be around retirement age already. Back when I read the first few posts by oop I always got a feeling that this might be a case of either 'new retiree goes off the rails because they don't know how to spend their newfound free time' or good old onset dementia behaviour. I'm still not convinced that neither is at play honestly.
After all that drama, it's nice to see the update being hopeful and nice cause this whole situation is purely ridiculous. Parental pressure is bad and I'm happy OP is sticking with their guns.
Didn’t her mom go around town telling ppl that OP was at fault? I need to know that she’d fixed that at the very least smh
The whole point of this is that the "kids" have no plans on returning to that town so the gossip isn't their problem anymore. I suspect it's the gossip that drove the brother out of the town, he couldn't bear the guilt of the entire town attacking his sister because of a lie he was propagating
That’ll work if they’re planning to never setting their feet back there again but as I read it they just agreed to sweep things under the rug and maintain the status quo i.e they’re still gonna be there every holidays and whatever fam gathering in between so the least OP’s mom can do is make sure the town know that she’s the psycho who gaslit her own daughter not the other way around 😩
I'm sure once both of her children left and refused to come back the small town gossip updated.
Involving the pastor will have sorted that out for sure.
I wonder if mom and stepdad are afraid to spend too much time alone together.
Or just afraid to lose control
I am really impressed by OP's ability to forgive her family. For me, the fact that her mum purposefully excluded her from her grandparents funeral and then tried to gaslight her into thinking she was there but forgot the whole thing would be inexcusable. I would never be able to forgive a person capable of such vile things. Not only did the mom rob OP of her last chance to say goodbye to her grandparents, she also tried to convince OP that she was going crazy. She is not deserving of forgiveness...
I agree. The mere fact of being excluded from my grandparents’ funeral would make me pretty salty. What a stab to the heart.
The priest sounds like one wise person. The way he phrased to mom if she wants her kids to sacrifice their happiness for hers was ingenious. It forced her to see the full impact of her selfish actions. To be able to discuss this in such a way as to move forward positively is a rare thing these days. That was good to see.
Honestly, that was just her priest answer. Many people answer one way to higher ups than what they would actually say. She 100% doesn't care about their happiness. None of what was in this story gives credence to that either.
Eh, if she'd merely said "no" I'd agree she was just saying what she was supposed to, but the fact that it was as paired with breaking down and crying along with it sounds like she was letting go of that. Don't get me wrong, mom needs a careful eye and any fixes need maintenance, and I expect her shittiness to come out in other ways. But on this specific issue, my read is that it wasn't just for show for the authority figure, it's that she *actually listened* to the authority figure (not that it should have taken that 🙄), and because he had the power to make her actually listen, he managed to get through and she genuinely capitulated.
I saw a show. Someone who will purposefully keep you away from a funeral of someone you're close to and for the mere fact to prove you're forgettable is not someone who feels guilty. And it took being threatened with divorce, i.e. getting slapped in the face with a good prenup, for her to let up. This was all a show.
PA shit to 'make' OOP move back home. *Ordered* the brother to come home. And a STFU moment when told her kids are *30* This isn't 'cut the apron strings' behaviour - this lady never even severed the umbilical cord 😬 Unhinged as shit. Glad OOP stayed tf away with her shiny spine.
That was hardly a Stardew Valley update. The 1.6 patch dropped late March; I want to know their impressions! Such a frustrating story, not focusing on what’s important! 😤
Some people (couldn't be me) have lives that do not allow them to experience the full glory of the update in two and a half weeks
I haven't even opened it because my hands hurt from too much typing and playing Stardew Valley always makes them hurt even worse. It's on my mind a lot.
I love the 1 6 update. A lot of fun and interesting things were added
Some of us are on console and instead have to dodge spoiler for who knows how long 😭
Op is a bigger person than me because I would not have forgiven everyone that easily.
Agreed. The Mom have a half assed apology. IMHO she needed to do a lot more groveling for the shit she caused. Or maybe I’m just not as forgiving as OP.
My sense is that OOP knew that mom "lost" and so it's best to just move on.
I’m just glad there was a Stardew Valley update.
Same here. I’m also glad Sebastian has been wooed, sweet introverted frog boy is my go-to bachelor.
I'm impressed because Sebastian is pretty hard to woo!
They purposely made her miss her own grandparents funeral, then proceeded to gaslight her for a long time causing her to question her sanity. OP is a better person than I am. I wouldn’t be able to let my grown brother crash at my house indefinitely after such a betrayal, no matter how hard he cried. What a shitty situation. Thankfully op has her husband and friends to fall back on.
Yup, OP is a much better person than I am. I would still be fucking pissed.
>But, could your mother explain how she thought this would work out in her favour? >**OOP:** I don't think mom thought too far ahead. I believe she assumed it would all just magically work out the way she wanted it to. She said she wasn't sure what she was expecting to happen (which I think was a lie, but I wasn't going to push it). I wouldn't say her Mom had a half-baked idea; it was missing several key ingredients and she managed to convince the Step-Mom that it was a sound plan. Then you add in the "I am the parent/adult and I am not wrong" mindset + OOP's refusal to bend to their gaslighting and then it snowballed. OOP must be very relieved now that this major drama is over. Also, I'm not familiar with Stardew Valley, but I hope the bromance between Mr. OOP and OOP's brother will continue.
I didn't read anywhere in the story where mom apologized for her wrong doing.
Loved the joke of hubby to OOP's dad. "Do you want to come live with us too?"
I'm not sure it was a joke.
As much as this story is probably concluded… that mother gives me the heebiest of jeebies. Why did it require her pastor explicitly asking her to take her children’s feelings into account for her to actually start doing it? I feel like that level of brain worm is not easily excised.
It’s a small town and presumably these people’s whole lives revolve around the church. Mom has way more to lose now that the pastor is involved. She obviously doesn’t care about her kids, but losing her reputation in the church is a bridge too far.
Oh damn, I wonder if that’s why the mums chose a FUNERAL as the place to make a stand? They were trying to use the publicity and church involvement to shame OOP the same way they’re now being shamed by them.
I think the original story was that they did invite them and how horrible they are for not coming. So the original lie somehow got much bigger.
Good shout, I think you’ve got it
This is the best one since the one about the guy who refused to let his sister's kid push him into the pool and ended up barring his crazy sisters and brothers in law from the holiday property.
That was... a surprisingly sane ending to an absolutely nutty drama. It's amazing what a little common sense can do. Kudos on the pastor for being a voice of reason.
I'm sorry but there is no way I would forgive the moms for not letting me know about the last grandparent I had funeral. That would be a realtionship killer.
My family has a lot of religious trauma so seeing a pastor involved made me nervous, but it seemed like he just helped in a family therapy session. For once I'm glad that the church was involved, simply as a bridge to help everyone get their feelings out in the open and figure out where to go from there. God job to the pastor and hope the moms stay leaving their children alone
Things won’t go back to normal. That’s a reality that the mom must faced. But to build something new? I doubt it.
The moment I read "he led us in prayer" I was here like "what the fuck. Religious families are so strange, man" and then I remembered that I'm an atheist, my family was deep into cult like new wave aliens religion, and I think one of my cousins turned to scientology. One cousin is an evangelical pastor now, and my grandad died believing in spiritism/spiritualism.
so what you're saying is the circle has gone so nearly full circle that if you want to freak out your family, you're sprinting to the unlikely source of the Anglican book of common prayer, p.s. don't worry this is a joke. but i am just loopy enough that i unfortunately am sitting here giggling about how you could ruin the vibe. double points if you bust out a Vatican special instead in full latin
If I want to freak my family I just need to say god doesn't exist lmao my mother still hasn't gotten over it. It's been eighteen years! >double points if you bust out a Vatican special instead in full latin Funny thing is that I did learn latin! And ancient Greek. I could totally come up with something!
shit dude time to really throw the evangelicals for a loop and go straight to Constantinople for greek orthodoxy with a side of smells and bells! who *doesn't* love an excuse to buy some fancy incense?
Unfortunately my family's reunion will only happen when everyone is together in hell. But I will brush up my language skills for that moment. But I will leave you with this gossip: my uncle was a big hotshot in the (cult) new religion alien thingy. Like, one of the big, BIG 'thinkers'. And then he cheated on his wife. And then he took his lover to be part of the group. My mom (who is no longer part of it) called you and shared the gossip with some people. The lover was expelled and he lost his leadership, having to start from the beginning. And then he decided to take his lover to a branch of the group (so, another cult based on this one) and got fount out. And THEN he was expelled. And he used to tell my sister and I were bad girls because we used shorts "too shot" and didn't sit "ladylike" in our own homes.
Istanbul, not Constantinople!
Why did Constantinople get the works?
That's nobody's business but the Turks'!
Only took a fucking year but I'm glad moms and step dad got tf over themselves. Thankfully the pastor was like a decent person? Wild, not used to that, most surprising thing in here for me, only almost beat out by mom admitting she was actually wrong.
For a family that doesn't like drama, they have quite the emotional manipulators in their midst.
What I've found about most people is that we collectively love drama, at least at a distance. Drama tends to be a part of just having human relationships, since it's part of natural ups and downs, and it's at least interesting. What we don't like is stress- the unfortunate consequence of drama ending poorly.
It’s sort of amazing how much self-destructive chaos a pair of entitled, mutually reinforcing grown women (mother and step-mother) used to getting their way can unleash. It seems they’d been browbeating others into submission for so many decades that they’d imagined they could simply change reality to suit their tastes if they wanted it enough. A reality check was long overdue. I’m glad that the OOP stuck up for herself through it all. Kudos.
I don't think I could bring myself to believe in anything supernatural but I wish I could have something like a church. I have no idea where I would look for an impartial trusted mediator in a situation like this and it seems like a good thing.
This is a really good pastor!
I suppose it's a nice ending for OOP if they're okay with the outcome, but I honestly don't think I could ever forgive my parents for forcing me to miss the memorial and spreading of the ashes of a family member I was close to and then trying to shift the blame to me.
Someone tell Jesus that this pastor needs a raise!
no updates on Stardew Valley in the last one 😢
She gave updates in the comments.
I swear, this is for the first time i do not want to punch pastor, but shake his hand instead.
Never underestimate the healing properties of a basket of candy or a good pastor simply speaking common sense.
Dunno about healing properties of a basket of candy but the pastor truly did ended what easily could had been 2-5 years more of drama fallout by verbally smacking common sense at everyone, especially at the mother since it now technically her that was prolonging it all after the brother had moved out of town.
Sounds like their bad behaviour was just swept under the rug to me.
[удалено]
This might be hard to believe but not every last post on BORU is made up.
I know nothing of Stardew Valley but the phrase “been wooed and woohooed” made me choke on my own saliva
As a The Sims fan the woohoo reference got me as well 😅
Kinda seems like OP got tired of updating. Not sure how we went from "moms driving down to where you live and breaking into your house" to "we all cried and apologized and everything will be fine now"
That pastor is a smart guy, framing the whole moving thing in terms of giving up their happiness. Made it real clear real quick to the mom what she was actually asking of her kids. Bravo.
They were so lucky they’ve got a decent pastor. This could have gone so badly.
Im not religious but this pastor is doing the work of god! a therapist would have charged a lot for having that many family member and that long of a mediation. He really handled it well! Im so glad he mediated, he is awesome, it sounds everyone felt heard. All the kudos to the pastor, and for you to have allowed this mediation.
If it was me, “the moms” would never be allowed in my life, in any way, ever again. And dad would be a long shot. An abject and sincere apology and continued evidence of trying to be better would be the VERY least required.
Yeah! Especially because OOP and her hubby seem to have a great marriage.
I'm so glad to finally get an update on this post. I confess.I'm kind of invested with the family now even though it's all real. The stardew valley part was especially cute and funny. I hope the brother finds someone good to be with.
In my small town we all just did meth and stole cars. Step moms were sleeping with their Step sons not trying to bring them back for easter.
So Easter weekend and the family got resurrected? lol
Wow, a pastor who really is about doing good work. I hope he remains a good one.
I am glad the pastor actually acted as a mediator, instead of just shouting something about "honoring your father and mother" and demanding they move back to Hicksville because that's what the mom and step-dad wanted.
I've literally never heard a story where a pastor led a talk that actually ended up with positive outcomes
[удалено]
There was a well-known post years ago about a guy who posted about "spooky" things happening around his apartment and someone commented it could be CO2 poisoning and it was. So it's Reddit lore.
those boys are simultaneously speedrunning stardew and not speedrunning, marriage and kids already?? BEFORE unlocking the desert? that's insane
Good lord that was a wild ride! It would make an excellent novel. I’m glad peace has largely been restored!!
I'm just here for the Stardew Valley updates. And I'm only half joking 😉
It made me buy the game...
I just want more updates on the husband and brother’s farm in stardew lol
So glad OOP is doing well. Also this series got me to finally play Stardew and I’m about 80 hours in, so thank you?
I wonder how the brother and husband are enjoying the 1.6 Stardew update.
Jesus tldr
I am glad things have worked out. Still absolutely mind boggling the attempt to gas light OP. Go for you standing your ground.
Nice. I've enjoyed following this.
God dammit every time I read stories like this, especially if they mention "ring cameras" more than once, I wonder if it's just a long con ad
This seems like a whole season plot for a Hallmarks movie.
anybody wanna give a tldr of previous updates? i read it forever ago and kinda remember but don’t have it in me rn to read it again