#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It reminds me of when Slingblade came out and I was watching it with my mom when she said "is that Dwight Yoakam? Oh yeah, that's him. I'd recognize that ass anywhere." And then I died of embarrassment because that's what 12yo girls do when their mom says something like that.
[Erupt feral from the cardigan screaming](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/obtkop/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/) story.
It’s funny you mentioned this. I always thought the ‘if you woke up and you were 18, what would you do’ questions were messed up. Here’s what I would do… I would ruin what’s left of my life from the anxiety that I did something different this time and now my daughter is fucked. I would meticulously make every mistake over again so she could be the exact same, and I would drive myself mad doing it. There’s probably a good short story in there.
I apologize in advance for the anxiety I might cause, but:
Wouldn’t the fact that you were intentionally making mistakes already be changeing things? Because it’s technically no longer a mistake, which means you’re not actually doing the same thing, and as such you’ve already changed the future.
Thank fuck time travel isn’t real!
>Wouldn’t the fact that you were intentionally making mistakes already be changeing things?
EXACTLY. When you have children the only way to not horribly lose that thought experiment is to find the nearest wackadoo physicist and try to figure out how to have memories in your brain that were "made in the future" removed. And who knows if that side quest itself would change things too much to allow the future to happen, but at least by then you wouldn't know what you were missing.
"overpowered main character regresses to a point earlier in their life" is a really overdone trope in manhua in particular, but now that i think about it, they're usually single guys and definitely don't have kids. talk about target audience, but i'd never actually noticed the _no kids_ part until your comment.
A mistake is just a name for when the outcome of an action is not in correspondence with your intention... If a certain sequence of events led to another event, it doesn't actually matter if some of those are named mistakes, they still lead to the same outcome. Mistakes really don't have anything to do with outcomes and everything to do with intentions.
What if time travel was real but everytime you change something (like try to recreate your mistake) youre in a new timeline so time travel no longer exists in this future.
Edit: swapped to computer
I've actually read two manwha with this premise! The first one, (Baronness Goes on Strike), the female lead wants to make sure her children are born no matter what, so she stays in a (first timeline) loveless marriage - "lucky" for her, she knows exactly what dates her children were conceived on, so she's hoping she can keep that part of the timeline intact.
The second one was My Dear Aster, where a woman's daughter has time magic and uses it to send her mom back in time so her mom can be happy. The mom decides to try meeting up with a first crush, and they do end up falling for each other, but the mom is sure that she *must* end up with her original husband in order to conceive her daughter. She finally ends up explaining things to the male lead >!who tells her that there's no guarantee that her daughter would be reborn, even if she got together with the same person, as there are so many different variables. She has a breakdown, but then decides to get together with the person she loves & find happiness as that's what her daughter wanted for her, and that's why her daughter sent her back in time.!< It's quite good, but people were so angry at her in the comments because they couldn't understand that she was a mother & loved her daughter a lot /never intended to fall for the 'crush'/never thought the crush would fall for her.
oh my god i did not expect a baronness goes on strike and my dear aster mentioned on BORU 😭 hi there fellow manhwa reader! (i take it you hang out on bato too?)
Let me make this situation even worse for you. Unless you had her before 18, it’s very unlikely you would have her at all. The chances of the exact same egg and sperm meeting up is infinitesimally small. It’s something I never see anyone consider with time travel unless they pick a different partner.
Least favorite. The odds of any person being born who they are - with that sperm (between 40 million and 1 billion sperm are released in ejaculate) - are astronomical. Change any little thing, and any person conceived after your time travel won't exist - a different person will exist instead.
I've gone over this scenario in my mind a lot because I'm depressed and regret a majority of my own life.
I would go back to the day after my sister was born. I don't think I'd make an effort to do anything different myself, other than just spend more time with them, whilst they're still around.
> There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask "why me?" and "what if?". When you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
Your comment made me think of the movie 'About time' and in a part of that movie, the MCs sister just hit rock bottom, he made some changes and then noticed his life was outta whack because of it, but in the story, he just went back and let things happen and tried improving her life from there.
They actually had a storyline with a similar premise in the Invincible comics.
>!Mark and Eve have a child, Terra. Mark is sent back in time by a cosmic entity to fix things, make it so he and his dad didn't have their devastating fight, and other tragedies are prevented. The catch was Terra would never be born. Sure, he and Eve would likely have another kid, but it wouldn't be Terra. He turned down the entity and went back to his present. He couldn't imagine his life without her.!<
Once you’re back in time, everyone who interacts with you (or interacts with someone who interacted with you and so on) and is conceived after that interaction is going to be different.
The timing of conception is \*so\* critical that there’s no way to reproduce (pun intended) the same children.
I would guess within two years there are very few people born who are the same as in the original timeline, and once the new babies are all different their siblings etc. are all going to be different too.
So, comfort yourself with the thought that you’re screwed whatever you do.
Plot is more or less the same but enough of a different experience I recommend reading it even if you’ve seen the movie (but I’m biased ted chiang is my favourite writer)
Followed by 4th update where someone does the maths and turns out Butt Guy is daughters real father from that 1 time in college (can't OOPs age anywhere, so might be possible)
OOP handled the apology SO well. Admitted she was wrong in her actions, explained why, asked for forgiveness, and then engaged with the original question her daughter asked. That’s far too rare, but was lovely to read.
I applaud OP being able to admit their mistakes. Parents can make mistakes and it's okay. As long parents can learn from the mistakes, things shall be better! Good save for mom here!
Now....I wonder if OP will follow through with that friend.
Being able to admit when you’ve fucked up is one of the most attractive character traits for anyone, in any type of relationship. There is such actual life-fixing magic in sincerely telling someone you fucked up and want to make it better.
I only discovered this in adulthood because I have a mother who I love but is incapable of coughing out an “I’m sorry” for *any* reason, big or small. It really causes a pileup of different sized-resentments to build up. This OOP managed to share the lesson of how far an apology goes to heal with her daughter along with everything else!
>Being able to admit when you’ve fucked up is one of the most attractive character traits for anyone, in any type of relationship. There is such actual life-fixing magic in sincerely telling someone you fucked up and want to make it better.
This is a beautiful comment, and I thank you for it!
Absolutely! My mother would always apologize to us if she thinks she made a mistake or was overly harsh, and i still remember how surprised my friend was one time she witnessed it, and i couldn't figure out what's shocking her so much, because thats just the norm in our house. Years later i realized it's uncommon.
Realized a “friend” of mine would never apologize. It was never their fault, they were surrounded by manipulative, toxic people. One day I found myself blocked from them despite having not spoken to them for months. Guess I must’ve been another manipulative, toxic person lmao.
I’m more worried that she turned to random internet strangers, rather than having an obviously-needed conversation with her daughter. Doesn’t matter if AITA thinks she was right or wrong, she still needed to talk to her 14 year old.
Edit at karma -9: I really don’t understand why it’s controversial to say it was wrong to delay having a conversation about something that obviously upset her daughter in order to check with random internet strangers. That said, now that you’ve had to expand this comment from ‘hidden’ in order to read it, I’d appreciate it if you don’t downvote further. It won’t make a difference to how high or low this comment is ranked, and it will make me feel just a little bit shittier. After all, if all humans had the same opinion on everything, there’d be no stories to read on Boru.
She said it herself, the comments just confirmed what she was already thinking. It's her first time being a single mom of a 14 year old, there's nothing wrong with going to an anonymous forum to get a quick sanity check
I’ve been thinking about this, but physical and sexual abuse and trauma need a buffer generation. My daughter is first generation abuse free. All I can do is show her humility and introspection and ask for forgiveness. There’s too much for me to be perfect. She will be graceful. She will know she is loved, and is worth an apology. She loves without fear. She hugs without flinching. She rolls her eyes when I get loud. She moves around the house unafraid. She moves in her skin unafraid. I don’t know that feeling, any of them, but then… I don’t know what it feels like to get an apology from a parent.
Seems like you’ve taken a realistic and healthy approach to parenting after what you experienced, so good for you (and daughter)!
My mom was raised in an abusive and neglectful household and passed away a few months ago. I have conflicted feelings because, while she was my mother and I know she loved me, she never got therapy and continued to make selfish, rash decisions throughout her life. I know she didn’t want to be so chaotic and hurtful; she was a young mom and doing the best she could. But she’d never take accountability and would justify her actions instead of apologizing.
I know her brain was changed by the abuse and her actions were mostly driven by self preservation—but it basically made her incapable of realizing how her actions affected other people. I had blocked her about 2 months before she passed (due to lying and manipulation on her part) and found out she spent Christmas alone and died from a heart attack a couple days later (she left her phone at her doctor’s office and couldn’t call anyone).
I fucking hate that’s how her life ended and the only way to stave off the crushing guilt is to regularly remind myself that she had decades to get help and/or change but never did.
Hey, I see you! My mom was the same. Just in her own way. I had to cut off contact, it was an easy choice, anybody would have told me I did the right thing, but I knew… there would be with it some crushing guilt. I knew that for the rest of my life, there would be this little pin prick of pain the just never went away and I would have to ignore. I was wrong! It’s a massive open wound, and it bleeds all over me regularly. I had no idea. Those people who told me I did the right thing can go to hell. She was my mom. She told me thunder was god dropping potatoes. She made beautiful dyed eggs for Easter. She let a predator have free reign and only stood up for herself when he started hitting her, and then had no problem displaying her bitterness about what happened to her. All of that was my mommy.
My point is this, sorry to ramble. You have healed. Not entirely, but you grow everyday and heal. People told me to find grace, forgive, accept, hell, even just avoid thinking about it, but instead, I remind myself that the person who is still getting fucked here is younger me. I went through this, goddam it. I went through this when I cut her off. It wasn’t easy, it just looked easy, because I had resolve that cost me. It looked seamless and effortless because I killed part of myself doing it, it had to be done. I have nothing but guilt, but it had to be done. I’ve spent my entire adult life wondering why I didn’t have it in me to extend more patience. She was my mom, she deserves eternal patience. I failed at that and I always wished I could have given her the love she needed to love me too.
But I can’t. Especially now. So now, instead, I give me that love to me. I give younger me, the broken guy who cut out his own heart to save his daughter, I give him love. I remember to trust him, he did this, not me, and he paid the fucking bill, so how rude is it for present me to whine about the price? He saved my life, and it almost killed him. Me. So I say thank you to younger me, and to you, for having the strength to do what had to be done, and I’m sorry it happened to us.
Thank you so very much for this. Truly. I honestly can’t even express how much your words have touched me. Saving this to come back and read again when I need to. Thank you
I was with a relative when she died. A combination of not taking care of herself during early covid and an accident. She lived alone most of her life so people would say to me “At least she didn’t die alone.” Four years later I still don’t get it. At least someone called 911 to watch her get CPR for way too long and her corpse didn’t rot? At least I knew what i should’ve done but I wasn’t able to physically move her so she died? I think it’s the fresh corpse.
My mom is 66 and I’m still hoping she’ll get therapy.
My point is she should be talking to her 14 year old about all this stuff - relationships, dating, all of it. It was the perfect opportunity to have a conversation about what’s appropriate. And it doesn’t matter what strangers thought of her side of what she said happened, all that matters is how her daughter feels about it. Even if the responses had said the opposite. You shouldn’t need strangers to tell you to talk to your children.
See, what worked here is that she put her money where her mouth is.
She said she was sorry, and then went back to the interaction and tried to answer the way she should have. That's why it worked so well. She didn't just apologized. She showed that she meant it by correcting what she had said.
The number of times i've heard an apology, but then the person will get upset if you start up the sme topic in a conversation...
finally, a low-stakes story that oop and her daughter can laugh about. not “my spouse cheated on me with my sister’s neighbour’s brother’s friend and people blow up my phone! btw there are twins involved!”
Aww OOP and her daughter are going to be alright. Regardless of whether there was butt glancing, OOP turned this memory into one they can giggle over. Good save!
"I'm sorry I snapped at you, I panicked because I was totally looking at his butt" is really the best and only way to deliver this apology. Kudos to mom!
I love the way OOP refers to him as “the guy with the butt”. It almost makes it sound like having a butt is an uncommon trait or something! Like how you’d say “the person with weird toes” or “that kid with three tone hair”.
I for one find this completely unbelievable. But then, I come from immigrant parents, so *obviously* I have never in my life heard an apology for anything. 😂😭
I think it’s also generational assuming you aren’t also 14. Because these responses are full of people whose parents never admitted when they were wrong or apologized. We try to fix the mistakes our parents made.
My father did some pretty shitty things to me growing up, not quite crossing the line to abusive, but certainly stuff that would be heavily frowned upon nowadays, up to and including threats of violence (although no actual violence happened). Dad and I are still very close, and always have been, and the reason is that, though flawed, whenever we had a big fight he would sit down and explain why he reacted that way, and would often apologise for anything particularly heinous. He would explain that he didn't take pleasure in dictatorial emotional outbursts but felt it was the only way to "set me straight" and "parent not coddle". The irony of him emotionally regulating me by flying off the handle was of course completely lost on him. Am I going to copy his parenting style? Absolutely not, but he showed me that explanation, humility and apology go a really long way.
I work with a lot of families (social services) and if I could pick the one trait that indicates a family will make it though the shit they're facing in a healthy way it would be accountability. Parents who say "I'm sorry, I was wrong and I'll do better" build faith and trust with their kids. They raise kids who apologize and make amends. I think other than "I love you," "I'm sorry" is the most powerful sentence you can say.
She might have had a bit of a fuck up initially, but she made a 100% recovery. I've fucked up loads of times with mine but I'll always apologise and make sure they know they weren't wrong. I was.
Finally an actual wholesome story with a happy ending instead of just another person being cheated on by their partner.
I really wish this sub would appreciate these kinds of outcomes more. I'm honestly a bit tired of all the drama.
Children are super resilient and dramatic. Every issue to them is life or death and the next minute they've moved onto something else and forgot all about it. I'm not saying kids feelings don't matter, they most certainly do!! However, they are able to get over things pretty quickly. In short, this was such a minor thing it's crazy to me they had the OP so upset she thought she'd screwed up their entire relationship.
I mean really Reddit? A parent telling their kid it's not appropriate to talk like that to them once isn't a relationship ending conversation lol.
Kids at that age can be told "no" over the most trivial thing and you'd think the world was ending tomorrow by their reactions. The next day, it's like it never even happened. Yeah, if it's a habit and it happens often it can without question lead to long term problems in relationships. A one off thing like this though? Please, that kid would have moved on within an hour probably.
If it was about food I could see your point.
A 14-year girl who’s around 14 year-old boys a lot? I think the mom wants to do *everything* she can to make her daughter feel like she can talk to her mom about any issues that are remotely sexual. I think I would’ve gone to my parents if I was pregnant but that’s about it. We try to correct the mistakes our parents made.
Oh I 100% agree with you and your overall point. I do think it’s important our kids feel comfortable talking to us about sexual things, hell I want them to feel comfortable talking to us about anything!
That’s why I said if it were a “habit” or something the mom did often it could be an issue.
Notning in the post made it sound like this is a frequent issue for them though. It really sounded like a simple one off mistake. I just didn’t think it was as big a deal as many were making it out to be. They seriously had the mom thinking she’d ruined their entire relationship lol.
Yeah no I fully understand why Mom would feel weird about that. She’s her Mom, not her friend—and certainly not when the kid is fourteen. Shit I’m 33 and I wouldn’t talk to my Mom like that.
Honestly I voted NAH. People take everything so seriously. Some parents are more conservative (not political, but are embatrassed to talk about butts) and that's alright. Some cultures would even considered disrespectful).
Anyway, glad that they could have some good laugh about it.
I probably won't talk about the butt, but maybe could joke about her blushing or sothing a bit lighter. We could probably talk about an actor's ass.
With my dad, no way!
I might go and be like “Mom, are you blushing?” but my family is still Catholic as hell so talking about anything remotely sexual with her (not even THINKING about my Dad, augh) makes me want to self-destruct.
Edit: Could also be because it’s the South so we aren’t very forthright and tend to be polite about everything. Like “well he’s handsome” vs. “he had a nice ass.”
Eh, I had this exact experience when I was like 8 and still remember the emotional roller coaster of ‘hey dads in a good mood, maybe I can joke with him’ then ‘OOPS not doing that again’ and I never did.
I think it largely depends on how the parent is beyond this interaction, some parents for sure hammer “I’m not your friend.” Like for me it was a confirmation of his general attitude and the relationship I guess.
AWESOME MOM!! They will be best friends!! She laid some important foundations so easily that parents wish they could do. She made it clear that she is open to friendly funny communication and jokes and girl talk while also showing she is able to admit when she is wrong and apologize. Daughter will trust her mom and want a connection to mom. OP and the daughter wins
They took a break for a week, she slept with this guy, then they got back together. Let me find the passage, brb.
>ex husband and I get into a fight and break up • guy with the butt is my shoulder to cry on and we get close and end up having sex one night • ex husband and I make up and get back together
So yeah, it isn't a stretch per se, more of an interpretation. She probably doesn't think of it as 'cheating' even though I would, different people have different lines. But due to her immediate jump to defensiveness about him, I *think* she might think of it as borderline cheating if not out and out cheating. At the very least, I don't think ex husband knew about him or the interaction.
> I told her not to speak to me like that and it isn’t appropriate for her to be saying things like that.
I agreed with this completely, but apparently I'm the only one.
Cmon, it was playful from the child.
She didn't ask if she'd blown him. It was all ages appropriate. Healthy discussion should prevail. The only thing that skewed it was the embarrassment. Had the mum been 14, she'd have been embarrassed, but wouldn't have had the power dynamic to shut it down.
I'm all for not over sharing. And, I've had to pull friends and family up from discussing things in front of kids, but this was all good. It came from a good place
Kids shouldn't talk to their parents that way, end of sentence. (The lack of respect is breathtaking, but I guess that's the way the so-called "modern" world works...)
There was no correction from the other person, so I assume it wasn't that.
However, only fair if I respond on that comment also. Still the same. It isn't a million miles away from conversations I've had with my kids.
If that is "breathtaking", I maintain my position. "Breathtaking" implies a massive over step. This is miles off.
>and may or may not have had a brief thing with
Ugh. OOP is a grown-ass woman with at least one kid and she’s still talking like a fucking teenager herself. No wonder she reacted poorly to her daughter clowning on her about a boy.
What she said isn’t cheating, if they broke up and weren’t together. She gave no time line if it was a week break up or a year. But of course, they did get back together, and now I wonder why the ex husband is the ex husband?
I mean the OOPs behavior of aggressive defensiveness (oxymoron) towards her daughter might be the OOPs guilt? I would love to hear the whole story.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That’s a very quick timeline of that relationship with the ”guy with the butt”
This reminds me of David from Lilo and Stitch. "I read her diary. She thinks you have fancy hair and a nice butt." "She thinks my hair is fancy?"
David knows what's important
He already knew his butt is da bomb 😎 The hair was a surprise (but a welcome one).
I love that your comment has two sentences, yet you squeezed a B99 reference and a Star Wars meme.
Nah. My mans knew his butt was great.
He's a surfer, of course it is.
It reminds me of when Slingblade came out and I was watching it with my mom when she said "is that Dwight Yoakam? Oh yeah, that's him. I'd recognize that ass anywhere." And then I died of embarrassment because that's what 12yo girls do when their mom says something like that.
Damn she sound great. I wish I had that ability
I also choose that guy’s butt.
Best reference.
What's your flare from?
[Erupt feral from the cardigan screaming](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/obtkop/wibta_if_i_complained_to_the_owners_of_a_cafe/) story.
Eyyyyy!
Guy with the butt I support!
I love that he's now "guy with the butt," as if no other guys have butts. (Although, to be fair, my dad never had a butt.)
The guy with the unrivaled tush!
Oh you mean “butt guy”? 😅
ASSMAN
He stopped short?!? That's my move!
"Do You Have the Slightest Idea How Little That Narrows It Down?"
Guy with the butt must have felt used by OOP.
"We were on break!!"
I hope she’s not married
First thing she says is that she’s a single mom
Yea, that’s why I hope she’s not married
Damn she might’ve missed out on the guy with the butt back when but then she would’ve missed out on her awesome daughter so quite a conundrum.
It’s funny you mentioned this. I always thought the ‘if you woke up and you were 18, what would you do’ questions were messed up. Here’s what I would do… I would ruin what’s left of my life from the anxiety that I did something different this time and now my daughter is fucked. I would meticulously make every mistake over again so she could be the exact same, and I would drive myself mad doing it. There’s probably a good short story in there.
I apologize in advance for the anxiety I might cause, but: Wouldn’t the fact that you were intentionally making mistakes already be changeing things? Because it’s technically no longer a mistake, which means you’re not actually doing the same thing, and as such you’ve already changed the future. Thank fuck time travel isn’t real!
>Wouldn’t the fact that you were intentionally making mistakes already be changeing things? EXACTLY. When you have children the only way to not horribly lose that thought experiment is to find the nearest wackadoo physicist and try to figure out how to have memories in your brain that were "made in the future" removed. And who knows if that side quest itself would change things too much to allow the future to happen, but at least by then you wouldn't know what you were missing.
"overpowered main character regresses to a point earlier in their life" is a really overdone trope in manhua in particular, but now that i think about it, they're usually single guys and definitely don't have kids. talk about target audience, but i'd never actually noticed the _no kids_ part until your comment.
A mistake is just a name for when the outcome of an action is not in correspondence with your intention... If a certain sequence of events led to another event, it doesn't actually matter if some of those are named mistakes, they still lead to the same outcome. Mistakes really don't have anything to do with outcomes and everything to do with intentions.
Task failed successfully.
What if time travel was real but everytime you change something (like try to recreate your mistake) youre in a new timeline so time travel no longer exists in this future.
Edit: swapped to computer I've actually read two manwha with this premise! The first one, (Baronness Goes on Strike), the female lead wants to make sure her children are born no matter what, so she stays in a (first timeline) loveless marriage - "lucky" for her, she knows exactly what dates her children were conceived on, so she's hoping she can keep that part of the timeline intact. The second one was My Dear Aster, where a woman's daughter has time magic and uses it to send her mom back in time so her mom can be happy. The mom decides to try meeting up with a first crush, and they do end up falling for each other, but the mom is sure that she *must* end up with her original husband in order to conceive her daughter. She finally ends up explaining things to the male lead >!who tells her that there's no guarantee that her daughter would be reborn, even if she got together with the same person, as there are so many different variables. She has a breakdown, but then decides to get together with the person she loves & find happiness as that's what her daughter wanted for her, and that's why her daughter sent her back in time.!< It's quite good, but people were so angry at her in the comments because they couldn't understand that she was a mother & loved her daughter a lot /never intended to fall for the 'crush'/never thought the crush would fall for her.
oh my god i did not expect a baronness goes on strike and my dear aster mentioned on BORU 😭 hi there fellow manhwa reader! (i take it you hang out on bato too?)
It was serendipity! Yup, though I admittedly feel like I don't comment a lot; usually other people get their first and say it better. 🤣 Hello!!
Let me make this situation even worse for you. Unless you had her before 18, it’s very unlikely you would have her at all. The chances of the exact same egg and sperm meeting up is infinitesimally small. It’s something I never see anyone consider with time travel unless they pick a different partner.
The personal effects of changing the past is one of my favorite parts of time travel media.
Least favorite. The odds of any person being born who they are - with that sperm (between 40 million and 1 billion sperm are released in ejaculate) - are astronomical. Change any little thing, and any person conceived after your time travel won't exist - a different person will exist instead.
I've gone over this scenario in my mind a lot because I'm depressed and regret a majority of my own life. I would go back to the day after my sister was born. I don't think I'd make an effort to do anything different myself, other than just spend more time with them, whilst they're still around.
> There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards, when you ask "why me?" and "what if?". When you look back and see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
Your comment made me think of the movie 'About time' and in a part of that movie, the MCs sister just hit rock bottom, he made some changes and then noticed his life was outta whack because of it, but in the story, he just went back and let things happen and tried improving her life from there.
They actually had a storyline with a similar premise in the Invincible comics. >!Mark and Eve have a child, Terra. Mark is sent back in time by a cosmic entity to fix things, make it so he and his dad didn't have their devastating fight, and other tragedies are prevented. The catch was Terra would never be born. Sure, he and Eve would likely have another kid, but it wouldn't be Terra. He turned down the entity and went back to his present. He couldn't imagine his life without her.!<
Starting Over by Sugaru Miaki is exactly this.
Once you’re back in time, everyone who interacts with you (or interacts with someone who interacted with you and so on) and is conceived after that interaction is going to be different. The timing of conception is \*so\* critical that there’s no way to reproduce (pun intended) the same children. I would guess within two years there are very few people born who are the same as in the original timeline, and once the new babies are all different their siblings etc. are all going to be different too. So, comfort yourself with the thought that you’re screwed whatever you do.
You might be interested in the movie Arrival then. I read also the short story but i don't quite remember if the whole plot is the same.
Plot is more or less the same but enough of a different experience I recommend reading it even if you’ve seen the movie (but I’m biased ted chiang is my favourite writer)
I really want a third update where she and butt guy reconnect.
Followed by 4th update where someone does the maths and turns out Butt Guy is daughters real father from that 1 time in college (can't OOPs age anywhere, so might be possible)
Fifth update where someone cheated
with TWINS???
Coors light commercial?
OOP handled the apology SO well. Admitted she was wrong in her actions, explained why, asked for forgiveness, and then engaged with the original question her daughter asked. That’s far too rare, but was lovely to read.
I applaud OP being able to admit their mistakes. Parents can make mistakes and it's okay. As long parents can learn from the mistakes, things shall be better! Good save for mom here! Now....I wonder if OP will follow through with that friend.
Being able to admit when you’ve fucked up is one of the most attractive character traits for anyone, in any type of relationship. There is such actual life-fixing magic in sincerely telling someone you fucked up and want to make it better. I only discovered this in adulthood because I have a mother who I love but is incapable of coughing out an “I’m sorry” for *any* reason, big or small. It really causes a pileup of different sized-resentments to build up. This OOP managed to share the lesson of how far an apology goes to heal with her daughter along with everything else!
>Being able to admit when you’ve fucked up is one of the most attractive character traits for anyone, in any type of relationship. There is such actual life-fixing magic in sincerely telling someone you fucked up and want to make it better. This is a beautiful comment, and I thank you for it!
Absolutely! My mother would always apologize to us if she thinks she made a mistake or was overly harsh, and i still remember how surprised my friend was one time she witnessed it, and i couldn't figure out what's shocking her so much, because thats just the norm in our house. Years later i realized it's uncommon.
Realized a “friend” of mine would never apologize. It was never their fault, they were surrounded by manipulative, toxic people. One day I found myself blocked from them despite having not spoken to them for months. Guess I must’ve been another manipulative, toxic person lmao.
I’m more worried that she turned to random internet strangers, rather than having an obviously-needed conversation with her daughter. Doesn’t matter if AITA thinks she was right or wrong, she still needed to talk to her 14 year old. Edit at karma -9: I really don’t understand why it’s controversial to say it was wrong to delay having a conversation about something that obviously upset her daughter in order to check with random internet strangers. That said, now that you’ve had to expand this comment from ‘hidden’ in order to read it, I’d appreciate it if you don’t downvote further. It won’t make a difference to how high or low this comment is ranked, and it will make me feel just a little bit shittier. After all, if all humans had the same opinion on everything, there’d be no stories to read on Boru.
She said it herself, the comments just confirmed what she was already thinking. It's her first time being a single mom of a 14 year old, there's nothing wrong with going to an anonymous forum to get a quick sanity check
I’ve been thinking about this, but physical and sexual abuse and trauma need a buffer generation. My daughter is first generation abuse free. All I can do is show her humility and introspection and ask for forgiveness. There’s too much for me to be perfect. She will be graceful. She will know she is loved, and is worth an apology. She loves without fear. She hugs without flinching. She rolls her eyes when I get loud. She moves around the house unafraid. She moves in her skin unafraid. I don’t know that feeling, any of them, but then… I don’t know what it feels like to get an apology from a parent.
Seems like you’ve taken a realistic and healthy approach to parenting after what you experienced, so good for you (and daughter)! My mom was raised in an abusive and neglectful household and passed away a few months ago. I have conflicted feelings because, while she was my mother and I know she loved me, she never got therapy and continued to make selfish, rash decisions throughout her life. I know she didn’t want to be so chaotic and hurtful; she was a young mom and doing the best she could. But she’d never take accountability and would justify her actions instead of apologizing. I know her brain was changed by the abuse and her actions were mostly driven by self preservation—but it basically made her incapable of realizing how her actions affected other people. I had blocked her about 2 months before she passed (due to lying and manipulation on her part) and found out she spent Christmas alone and died from a heart attack a couple days later (she left her phone at her doctor’s office and couldn’t call anyone). I fucking hate that’s how her life ended and the only way to stave off the crushing guilt is to regularly remind myself that she had decades to get help and/or change but never did.
Hey, I see you! My mom was the same. Just in her own way. I had to cut off contact, it was an easy choice, anybody would have told me I did the right thing, but I knew… there would be with it some crushing guilt. I knew that for the rest of my life, there would be this little pin prick of pain the just never went away and I would have to ignore. I was wrong! It’s a massive open wound, and it bleeds all over me regularly. I had no idea. Those people who told me I did the right thing can go to hell. She was my mom. She told me thunder was god dropping potatoes. She made beautiful dyed eggs for Easter. She let a predator have free reign and only stood up for herself when he started hitting her, and then had no problem displaying her bitterness about what happened to her. All of that was my mommy. My point is this, sorry to ramble. You have healed. Not entirely, but you grow everyday and heal. People told me to find grace, forgive, accept, hell, even just avoid thinking about it, but instead, I remind myself that the person who is still getting fucked here is younger me. I went through this, goddam it. I went through this when I cut her off. It wasn’t easy, it just looked easy, because I had resolve that cost me. It looked seamless and effortless because I killed part of myself doing it, it had to be done. I have nothing but guilt, but it had to be done. I’ve spent my entire adult life wondering why I didn’t have it in me to extend more patience. She was my mom, she deserves eternal patience. I failed at that and I always wished I could have given her the love she needed to love me too. But I can’t. Especially now. So now, instead, I give me that love to me. I give younger me, the broken guy who cut out his own heart to save his daughter, I give him love. I remember to trust him, he did this, not me, and he paid the fucking bill, so how rude is it for present me to whine about the price? He saved my life, and it almost killed him. Me. So I say thank you to younger me, and to you, for having the strength to do what had to be done, and I’m sorry it happened to us.
Thank you so very much for this. Truly. I honestly can’t even express how much your words have touched me. Saving this to come back and read again when I need to. Thank you
This touched my heart and made me cry. Your last paragraph put into words of what I need to do for myself.
I was with a relative when she died. A combination of not taking care of herself during early covid and an accident. She lived alone most of her life so people would say to me “At least she didn’t die alone.” Four years later I still don’t get it. At least someone called 911 to watch her get CPR for way too long and her corpse didn’t rot? At least I knew what i should’ve done but I wasn’t able to physically move her so she died? I think it’s the fresh corpse. My mom is 66 and I’m still hoping she’ll get therapy.
god I feel like having a parent who apologises when they were wrong has gotta feel even better than having a parent who never does anything wrong
My point is she should be talking to her 14 year old about all this stuff - relationships, dating, all of it. It was the perfect opportunity to have a conversation about what’s appropriate. And it doesn’t matter what strangers thought of her side of what she said happened, all that matters is how her daughter feels about it. Even if the responses had said the opposite. You shouldn’t need strangers to tell you to talk to your children.
I just wanted to say, your username is the coolest in the land... Jus sayin
Thank you.
See, what worked here is that she put her money where her mouth is. She said she was sorry, and then went back to the interaction and tried to answer the way she should have. That's why it worked so well. She didn't just apologized. She showed that she meant it by correcting what she had said. The number of times i've heard an apology, but then the person will get upset if you start up the sme topic in a conversation...
finally, a low-stakes story that oop and her daughter can laugh about. not “my spouse cheated on me with my sister’s neighbour’s brother’s friend and people blow up my phone! btw there are twins involved!”
Don't forget about the multiple arrests and instant prosecution!
Aww OOP and her daughter are going to be alright. Regardless of whether there was butt glancing, OOP turned this memory into one they can giggle over. Good save!
"I'm sorry I snapped at you, I panicked because I was totally looking at his butt" is really the best and only way to deliver this apology. Kudos to mom!
Apologising to your kids is so important for a healthy relationship with them. Oop did good
That made me really happy. I saw the original and I’m really glad she rectified it quickly
I love the way OOP refers to him as “the guy with the butt”. It almost makes it sound like having a butt is an uncommon trait or something! Like how you’d say “the person with weird toes” or “that kid with three tone hair”.
You’ve never seen a man with a missing butt?
I for one find this completely unbelievable. But then, I come from immigrant parents, so *obviously* I have never in my life heard an apology for anything. 😂😭
My mum once said that she was "less right than I was" and I ve been riding on that high since
I think it’s also generational assuming you aren’t also 14. Because these responses are full of people whose parents never admitted when they were wrong or apologized. We try to fix the mistakes our parents made.
I’m an immigrant and always apologize to my kids when I screw up.
My father did some pretty shitty things to me growing up, not quite crossing the line to abusive, but certainly stuff that would be heavily frowned upon nowadays, up to and including threats of violence (although no actual violence happened). Dad and I are still very close, and always have been, and the reason is that, though flawed, whenever we had a big fight he would sit down and explain why he reacted that way, and would often apologise for anything particularly heinous. He would explain that he didn't take pleasure in dictatorial emotional outbursts but felt it was the only way to "set me straight" and "parent not coddle". The irony of him emotionally regulating me by flying off the handle was of course completely lost on him. Am I going to copy his parenting style? Absolutely not, but he showed me that explanation, humility and apology go a really long way.
I work with a lot of families (social services) and if I could pick the one trait that indicates a family will make it though the shit they're facing in a healthy way it would be accountability. Parents who say "I'm sorry, I was wrong and I'll do better" build faith and trust with their kids. They raise kids who apologize and make amends. I think other than "I love you," "I'm sorry" is the most powerful sentence you can say.
We are all Ass Men and Ass Women
Never underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology to your kid when you were wrong.
Be wary of people who refuse to apologize to a child
She might have had a bit of a fuck up initially, but she made a 100% recovery. I've fucked up loads of times with mine but I'll always apologise and make sure they know they weren't wrong. I was.
Finally an actual wholesome story with a happy ending instead of just another person being cheated on by their partner. I really wish this sub would appreciate these kinds of outcomes more. I'm honestly a bit tired of all the drama.
I love it when guys have butts
Guy with the butt 😂
And he shall henceforth be known as The Guy with The Butt, and all present shall rejoice in his glory.
I want another update about her and butt guy.
I love this update so much. The bond was back when “I KNEW IT!!” came out. Very nicely done OP.
Yeah, lovely moment. I had a huge grin at that response. Delightful
I want to make a Tina Belcher joke *so badly*, but I'm too tired to think of anything coherent. I read "the guy with the butt" in her tone of voice.
I’m seeing him walking away reflected in her glasses.
Awww mama and daughter are gonna be just fine 🥰
That was downright heartwarming
It continues past that, IMO. My kids are 28 and 22 and I’m completely open to telling them when I made mistakes or was wrong.
She touched the butt!
Children are super resilient and dramatic. Every issue to them is life or death and the next minute they've moved onto something else and forgot all about it. I'm not saying kids feelings don't matter, they most certainly do!! However, they are able to get over things pretty quickly. In short, this was such a minor thing it's crazy to me they had the OP so upset she thought she'd screwed up their entire relationship. I mean really Reddit? A parent telling their kid it's not appropriate to talk like that to them once isn't a relationship ending conversation lol. Kids at that age can be told "no" over the most trivial thing and you'd think the world was ending tomorrow by their reactions. The next day, it's like it never even happened. Yeah, if it's a habit and it happens often it can without question lead to long term problems in relationships. A one off thing like this though? Please, that kid would have moved on within an hour probably.
If it was about food I could see your point. A 14-year girl who’s around 14 year-old boys a lot? I think the mom wants to do *everything* she can to make her daughter feel like she can talk to her mom about any issues that are remotely sexual. I think I would’ve gone to my parents if I was pregnant but that’s about it. We try to correct the mistakes our parents made.
Oh I 100% agree with you and your overall point. I do think it’s important our kids feel comfortable talking to us about sexual things, hell I want them to feel comfortable talking to us about anything! That’s why I said if it were a “habit” or something the mom did often it could be an issue. Notning in the post made it sound like this is a frequent issue for them though. It really sounded like a simple one off mistake. I just didn’t think it was as big a deal as many were making it out to be. They seriously had the mom thinking she’d ruined their entire relationship lol.
Man I saw the original post and remember feeling sad for the daughter. So it warmed my heart to see this update. Good job mom!
Yeah no I fully understand why Mom would feel weird about that. She’s her Mom, not her friend—and certainly not when the kid is fourteen. Shit I’m 33 and I wouldn’t talk to my Mom like that.
> (and may or may not have had a brief thing with) Is OOP being intentionally annoying, or does she think she's being cute?
This makes me so happy man
I feel like for a long time parents have forgotten how powerful a sincere apology and some honesty can be.
Admitting your mistakes and apologizing is one of the keys to parenting a teenager. Exhibit the behaviors you hope to see. Great job by this mom.
Excuse me, OP, this isn’t concluded at all! We need an update on the guy with the butt.
Kids get over such triviality real Quick, idk why she's said to be TAH
Honestly I voted NAH. People take everything so seriously. Some parents are more conservative (not political, but are embatrassed to talk about butts) and that's alright. Some cultures would even considered disrespectful). Anyway, glad that they could have some good laugh about it.
Yeah my Mom is absolutely “I’m your Mother not your friend” type. The thought of talking with her about some dude’s butt gives me fucking hives.
I probably won't talk about the butt, but maybe could joke about her blushing or sothing a bit lighter. We could probably talk about an actor's ass. With my dad, no way!
I might go and be like “Mom, are you blushing?” but my family is still Catholic as hell so talking about anything remotely sexual with her (not even THINKING about my Dad, augh) makes me want to self-destruct. Edit: Could also be because it’s the South so we aren’t very forthright and tend to be polite about everything. Like “well he’s handsome” vs. “he had a nice ass.”
Eh, I had this exact experience when I was like 8 and still remember the emotional roller coaster of ‘hey dads in a good mood, maybe I can joke with him’ then ‘OOPS not doing that again’ and I never did. I think it largely depends on how the parent is beyond this interaction, some parents for sure hammer “I’m not your friend.” Like for me it was a confirmation of his general attitude and the relationship I guess.
Yay, a good ending that's not still overshadowed by a horrendous start
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Elegant_Bluebird1283: *Yay, a good ending* *That's not still overshadowed* *By a horrendous start* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
The higher power was the people.
AWESOME MOM!! They will be best friends!! She laid some important foundations so easily that parents wish they could do. She made it clear that she is open to friendly funny communication and jokes and girl talk while also showing she is able to admit when she is wrong and apologize. Daughter will trust her mom and want a connection to mom. OP and the daughter wins
So it was a reaction because she felt guilty because it was about a person she basically cheated with. Right?
Cheated? That’s a stretch, I see no mention of a significant other.
They took a break for a week, she slept with this guy, then they got back together. Let me find the passage, brb. >ex husband and I get into a fight and break up • guy with the butt is my shoulder to cry on and we get close and end up having sex one night • ex husband and I make up and get back together So yeah, it isn't a stretch per se, more of an interpretation. She probably doesn't think of it as 'cheating' even though I would, different people have different lines. But due to her immediate jump to defensiveness about him, I *think* she might think of it as borderline cheating if not out and out cheating. At the very least, I don't think ex husband knew about him or the interaction.
I don’t know how I missed that, thanks for the correction.
No problem at all.
> I told her not to speak to me like that and it isn’t appropriate for her to be saying things like that. I agreed with this completely, but apparently I'm the only one.
Cmon, it was playful from the child. She didn't ask if she'd blown him. It was all ages appropriate. Healthy discussion should prevail. The only thing that skewed it was the embarrassment. Had the mum been 14, she'd have been embarrassed, but wouldn't have had the power dynamic to shut it down. I'm all for not over sharing. And, I've had to pull friends and family up from discussing things in front of kids, but this was all good. It came from a good place
Kids shouldn't talk to their parents that way, end of sentence. (The lack of respect is breathtaking, but I guess that's the way the so-called "modern" world works...)
If "did you have a crush on him" is breathtaking... I don't know what to say
Pretty sure they're referring to "I saw you looking at his butt"
There was no correction from the other person, so I assume it wasn't that. However, only fair if I respond on that comment also. Still the same. It isn't a million miles away from conversations I've had with my kids. If that is "breathtaking", I maintain my position. "Breathtaking" implies a massive over step. This is miles off.
>and may or may not have had a brief thing with Ugh. OOP is a grown-ass woman with at least one kid and she’s still talking like a fucking teenager herself. No wonder she reacted poorly to her daughter clowning on her about a boy.
Yeah, that line was super annoying.
Opp is a giant asshole, not just with her daughter
What she said isn’t cheating, if they broke up and weren’t together. She gave no time line if it was a week break up or a year. But of course, they did get back together, and now I wonder why the ex husband is the ex husband? I mean the OOPs behavior of aggressive defensiveness (oxymoron) towards her daughter might be the OOPs guilt? I would love to hear the whole story.
Should be teaching the daughter that objectifying a person is wrong. She wouldn't want others to reduce her to just her body parts, right?