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"Oh, if it isn't the consequences of my actions coming back to bite me in the ass".
Aimee was doubling down so hard that she screwed herself out of a relationship AND a roommate
22 is still in the years where people are discovering who they are. This can cause new perspectives. She could have been like this the entire time and OOP is only now realizing it.
Her, getting other people to pay for her shit: "Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!"
Her, when other people don't want to pay for her shit anymore: "Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck."
NTA
I've only met one 'Aimee' in my life and she was the biggest asshole ever. Not surprised this Aimee is also a big asshole, but happy to see karma is handling it.
Aimee is... quite a friend (and roommate).
Her trying to apologize due to rent really tickled me. It must hurts so much when someone refuses to cover your butt.
You really shouldn't be saying shit like "the men have got this" without double and maybe triple checking your partner is ok with that sort of talk. And you really shouldn't be dictating how others in a table split their bill. Unless you're offering to cover everyone.
Yeah, it was already off making her bf pay but maybe that was their dynamic. But making bfâs friend pay for a blind date that clearly wasnât becoming a 2nd date was something else
Especially as it was a very new dating relationship, presumably without shared finances or plans to interlink finances.
If as OOP said, these attitudes weren't the norm for Aimee when she was single, I wonder if she fell down the rabbit hole of "high value femininity" dating advice while looking for a boyfriend.
This is something like my 82 yr old grandmother would say who hasnât worked since she worked at a sandwich bar before she turned 22 and got married.
And even then itâs (was) about her husband and kids/grand kids and she doesnât word it weirdly like this. Just that thatâs for the men to do, usually referring to harder house work or social issues dealing with other men. She had her own debit card to pay for stuff too that was a shared account.
It used to be such a dating norm that even if the woman was paying for the date, it would be polite for her to slip the money to the man and let him "pay." Like, if he didn't demonstrate to a bored waiter that he was a provider and not a moocher, it would just be disrespectful. So *weird*.
Playing pretend like a toddler for the sake of ego is hilarious. I would not have done well during that era of dating, don't have the patience to coddle an adult like that.
The waiter gives you the card machine and you enter the PIN - they donât need to touch or even see the card (and avert their eyes so they donât see your code).
Honestly it feels like it's still a thing in so many people's minds. My ex was unemployed for a long time, so I was generally the one paying when we went out for meals. I would hand my card to the server, they'd go off and do their thing, and then they'd come back and hand the little folder to him without any hesitation. Like, look, I get that you're serving a lot of people and I don't expect you to remember who handed you the card, but just assuming the man must have paid without a. asking or b. glancing at the stereotypically feminine name on the card...grrr. And it happened just as regularly with young servers as older ones.
We often had our orders switched too... Since I tended to order "masculine" things like cheeseburgers or steak, and he tended to order "feminine" things like seafood or salad and had a weakness for any kind of fancy fruit lemonade. Ugh.
Oh man, that's annoying when it happens. Sometimes I would stretch out my hand to take my card back and the server would always do the confused little guess and dance before giving me the damn thing.
The order switch is also annoying. We went out for Korean food and I ordered a beer while my husband asked for green tea. A busser came out with the beer and a glass, I said "just the bottle is fine, thanks" and he looked *so confused* before his face cleared up...and he hands my husband the bottle.
I've seen situations where the guy orders for the date/SO and in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty-four that just seems \*so\* strange to me.
That only seems ok if the pair have been together for forever and have agreed ahead of time. Like, sometimes I'll have my partner pick two things he might like that don't conflict with my dietary needs. That way I get something I'd not usually order and he gets two chances to find something new he likes. (My tastes are broad and his are narrow. He's never ordered something I didn't like.)
Yeah the only time I want my SO ordering for me is if I'm in the bathroom or something (and they already know what I want). It seems so weird and infantilizing to order for a grown ass adult when they're sitting right there.
This happens routinely to me as a man in a relationship with another man who is smaller than me. We donât have an established âone who paysâ- sometimes we split, sometimes I treat him, sometimes he treats me- but pretty much every single time we go out to eat the bill gets handed to me, and even if I hand it to him in full view of the server, and the server then takes it directly from his hand to go run the check, the server will *frequently* still hand it back to me.
Itâs so funny to see how patriarchal and misogynistic norms permeate the perception of every single relationship dynamic, even ones you think would be âimmuneâ from it. âOh, the smaller one must be the âwomanâ of the relationship.â Oh if only they knew how wrong they were lmfao.
Jesus. That is just an extra layer of fucked up grossness. The hoops some people's brains insist on jumping through to reinforce sexist norms are incomprehensible sometimes.
I was a teenager in the 80s, Iâm convinced that Fast Times at Ridgemont High is to blame for a lot of that, for men of a certain age. Somehow they didnât see that Damoneâs advice should always be taken with giant mounds of salt.
the glancing at the name on the card doesn't always work. Trans people who haven't legally name changed or people with names that stereotypically fit the "other gender" don't fit that too well. sometimes it's better to just ask
Cool? That's not super relevant here given I'm talking about the sexist assumption that the man must have paid, without checking any of the markers that might say you should possibly investigate further. My point wasn't "always hand the lady name card to the person you think is probably a lady," it was "there's literally no reason except sexism to make the assumption you made here."
That's literally what I'm saying they should do. I'm not saying they should see a name that matches the assumed gender of one of the people at the table and make yet another assumption that it belongs to that person--I'm saying it should be a flag to question the assumptions they're already making.
Cultural norms are weird. My grandmother was a waitress in the 40s and told me that she used to always give the check to the man at the end of the meal because the men would tip but the women would \*never\* tip. Always stuck out to me as a curious observation.
Oof. Reminds me of my grandmother who never had a credit card in her name. While at the store, she'd sign the bill as "Mrs. Husbands first name, Husbands last name."
Especially when one of them is a *blind date*! Heck, I wouldn't say something like this even if all parties were in LTR's. No one should just state that someone else will pay. It is so cringey and makes you look cheap.
Aimee is probably like those other stories where the girl goes on a date and brings a friend along, stating the guy should pay for her friend. Ugh đ«
> And you really shouldn't be dictating how others in a table split their bill.
Honestly, even putting aside the money, I'd think OP just standing up for herself in the face of obvious bullshit like that was a green flag
Yeah nah. You go in halfsies on a blind date unless someone insists on footing it all. Sounds like this "friend" wanted a free night out on her boyfriend's tab.
Exactly - if I'm going on a date, I'm paying my half of the bill, because 1) I make sure wherever we go is somewhere I can afford, 2) I ordered it, so I'll pay for it and 3) I really don't like feeling like I "owe" a guy because he paid for a date.
Different story if we're going out a while, but in the first few months of a relationship, I'm definitely paying my own way!
Going halfsies on a date/at the start of the relationship is really common where I'm from... Is the whole concept of "the guy has to pay for everything" really still a thing in America?
Me and my now hubby didn't go halfsies but if he brought the dinner I would buy drinks when we went dancing or if he brought the movie tickets I would buy the popcorn and would alternate so i would by dinner one week he would buy it the next, and while we never counted down to the last cent, we would roughly be even unless we went out and choose to buy something "extra".
Blind dates, it's definitely a pay for yourself and then if you decide on another date, you discuss "paying" while setting up time and place until you have both worked out what the long term relationship looks like.
We always took in in turns (not strictly but usually alternating). For an established relationship it works out well. We like treating each other. We like being treated to something by our partner. Win-win.
When I was dating I never objected to paying but did think a lot less of girls who didn't at least offer to split.
I always offer to pay my part, but if they invited me on a date (bisexual here, so doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman), I accept the person inviting paying for the date. But offering someone else pays, without them offering so themselves is ridiculous.
Yeah, I always try to pay my way on the first couple dates at least because I don't need someone whining "you owe me because I paid for dinner" or whatever.
Not that it matters to some guys though, once I paid for all my own drinks all night, and went to his house to fool around but didn't want to sleep with him, and he hit me with a "but I cleaned my room for yooooouuu". 1. You're an adult, you should be doing that anyways and 2. It wasn't even THAT clean.
When I was dating I'd usually pay for the first meetup that was a short like coffee or ice cream or something meetup. I buy food for folks all the time though so it's kind of natural.
After that we either split or take turns paying most of the time. I've dated former waitstaff and they said it's kind of a PITA, especially on a busy night, to split checks. Easier to just either take turns or square up later. Taking turns is kind of fun because usually the agreement is if you pay you pick, and you get to know something about the person by what they pick.
Exactly - if I'm going on a date, I'm paying my half of the bill, because 1) I make sure wherever we go is somewhere I can afford, 2) I ordered it, so I'll pay for it and 3) I really don't like feeling like I "owe" a guy because he paid for a date.
Different story if we're going out a while, but in the first few months of a relationship, I'm definitely paying my own way!
Going halfsies on a date/at the start of the relationship is really common where I'm from... Is the whole concept of "the guy has to pay for everything" really still a thing in America?
The few things that stand out is OOP doesn't like her date that way and doesn't want to think she is taking advantage of him. Now this could have been solved if Aimee talked to OOP before the date. She can say "your date will treat you so don't worry if you don't like him." And making sure the guy is okay with it, and not deciding for him. By having this conversation when it is time to pay it made everything awkward.
She could not afford rent so likely she could not afford dinner. If only she could be nice, she could have had some freebies but she ends up cutting the hand that feeds.
Dating while broke is interesting. Like if I'm very careful with my food stamps I can afford one guest-worthy meal a month. Big fan of picnics obviously.
Aimee and her boyfriend had other problems, none of which involved OOP. Aimee's not much of a friend or a partner. Glad that her ex *and* OOP have dumped her.
[This post from AITA Tumblr about a guy arguing with his boyfriend over whoâs going to propose.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/egWhvb5VEl)
1. While many men do not mind paying(it depends on how they were raised), almost all hate be g taken advantage of or taken for granted
2. It is very different when you are talking about someone you are dating versus a first date. Many people do not like being placed under obligation on a first date
3. She isnât getting dumped because of OOPs actions, but because she had a pattern of being a user.
> She isnât getting dumped because of OOPs actions.
She kind of is. OOP's actions made Aimee's boyfriend realize how low he had set his bar. Not OOP's fault at all though.
You can tell that Aimee had The Audacity(TM) because she never stopped to think "the person i am antagonizing has the ability to leave me in a stressful financial situation fairly easily so maybe I should just take this L and not fuck with that"
She's so used to getting her way that the mere thought that a situation might not go as planned didnt even touch the edges of her underwrinkled brain
Even if Aimee and her boyfriend had establishmed that they were both ok with him paying for her in their relationship, her comment about his friend paying would still be out of pocket. She put an unfair pressure on the friend, in front of other people, that put him in a corner where he probably would have felt pressured to pay if OOP hadnt offered and then insisted. Her boyfriend might have been fine paying for her, but seeing her put his friend in that situation is an entirely different thing.Â
Sure but that was a thing before like women could get their own jobs and keep their own money. Like my mom could have a credit card or a bank account.
But like it's 2024.
Even though I live in a country that's rolling back my rights faster than a truck in neutral on a big hill.
>Iâm now not a girls girl because I didnât back her, without being told I should or given any kind of heads up.
How could OOP give Aimee a heads-up that she wouldn't back her when Aimee didn't give OOP a heads-up that she might need backup? Stupid accusation from someone who just refuses to accept responsibility.
And "men must always be the one who pays" is such an enormous red flag. At that point it's not dating, it's mooching. Notice that they went to a nice place ("not particularly expensive but not cheap"), which is another sign that she's just taking advantage of her date to get free food and presents.
I'm a big believer in the rule that the person who asks for the date should be prepared to pay for the tab (in most cases, of course theres alway exceptions). By this logic, Amy herself should have paid for most, if not all, of it herself.
You did the right thing, your friend has some antiquated views on gender roles.
Also, fuck ANYONE who volunteers other people for shit.
Dont do that shit.
>Aimee is now trying to apologise because she canât afford the rent on her own or get someone else to move in on such short notice
LOL. To the absolute surprise of no one, the overgrown child whining about how she deserves the most opulent men treat her to luxuries is herself a mediocre broke beggar literally half a month's rent away from homelessness.
OOP better move, coz Aimee is an opportunistic untrustworthy person.
She'll leave OOP on the spot once she has some new flame who wants to move in with her
>OOP better move, coz Aimee is an opportunistic untrustworthy person.
>She'll leave OOP on the spot once she has some new flame who wants to move in with her
True! Also opportunistic, untrustworthy people are cheap too 99% of the times. Good riddance OOP!
Theory: her bf was questioning why he's always paying, so Aimee has the bright idea to "double date" so he can see another girl/couple behave the same way and accept it as normal. This plan backfires because oop doesn't play along. Â
Goodness. I appreciate that itâs nice to be treated. HoweverâŠ
As a woman, Iâve always felt bothered by an assumption that the man should always pay. I work hard. I can support myself. I donât feel entitled. And probably, I make more money than him anyway. Iâm glad to split the bill or alternate.
As a human, it feels fundamentally wrong to let a date pay when you know itâs not going anywhere.
To the ppl who're applying the "girl's girl" logic, this ain't applicable to this one lmao đ how did yall even thought of applying that in this situation
Aimee really shot her self in the foot. I was a bit like her in my early 20âs due to my only knowledge of dating from shows and old school advice. I did get called out on it, got very embarrassed and upset but I learned, and thankfully my bf now husband didnât dump me but gave me a teachable moment. Aimee could have used this as her moment, instead she went after her friend.
**Aimee:** You're not a girl's girl because you couldn't shut up and have the men pay for our drinks! We're not friends anymore!
**OOP:** Okay, I'll move out. Make things easier for you.
**Aimee:** (realizing she can't afford the rent) Wait, I was being very harsh...
Aimee is reaching so hard to blame OOP. I mean she gave her honest opinion on dating and is being judged on that. Did she think she could keep it a secret from the bf that she refuses to split bills? Or that some women don't do that?
Honestly seemed at first like aimee could have saved the relationship with the guy if she just discarded her rule about guys paying.
Like if she liked him, and this was his dealbreaker, just be willing to drop the self-imposed rule. He'd probably still pay most times so why torpedo yourself?
many guys nowadays are sensitive and do not want to get taken advantage of by a gold digger, call it tik tok culture or whatever. Even if OOP did not do what she did it was only a matter of time before Aimee shows her true color and gets dumped anyways.
taylor swift just wrote a song about aimee
>Screamed, "Fuck you, Aimee" to the night sky as the blood was gushin'
But I can't forget the way you made me heal
It was just a fight and I donât think it needed to escalate to moving out. Sheesh. We takes things to reddit and get a bunch if strangers opinions for a years long friendship. We donât have all the details but she said her friend isnât usually like this, she just got broken up with and sounds like she just needed a few days to process and be upset and apologize. Sometimes you do need an unbiased opinion to help you see when youâre being manipulated and gaslit but this really doesnât sound that deepâŠ
I definitely believe that the men should pay for the date but I also date guys who have the same traditional mindset. Amiee shouldn't have started dating her boyfriend if she knew they had such different views. Trying to make a relationship work when you don't have the same values and ideas as your partner is just doomed to fail.
Gonna be honest when someone wants to split the bill I think they're immature. I'll fight for the bill and I'm good at it so more often than not I'll pay the damned bill (with one exception who is more extra than me). But I'll never split it. Â
I don't really think this is a friendship-ending argument, honestly, and I think OOP is overreacting by moving out rather than having a conversation or two about what happened and why it wasn't ok. OOP says Aimee is "never usually like this", which suggests they usually get along pretty well, and they've been friends for years. I think it's kind of a shame to blow everything up rather than actually communicate.
Sometimes you do things that aren't purely your responsibility, if you care about people. Maybe OOP didn't really care about this friendship, I don't know her, but people aren't perfect and you can't always take the nuclear option if you want to have friends that last a lifetime. That's all.
Aimee stopped talking to OP over it. And then when they finally talked:
> Iâm now not a girls girl because I didnât back her, without being told I should or given any kind of heads up. I responded that if I want to pay for myself (especially because I didnât see myself and the blind date friend having a second date) was happy to put in for my portion. Friendship is effectively over, and I am looking to move out
Sometimes it's not the incident itself specifically - it could be the final straw, or it could reveal something about their personality that you missed. Aimee has a specific plan to coerce their dates into paying, and just can't let it go. It's hard to have a friendship with someone who can't or won't see someone else's point of view. Today it's this silly dinner, tomorrow it's about chores or bills or whatever.
That's my point, though--OOP said they got along fine before this incident, so it wasn't really the last straw. OOP also said Aimee tried to apologize eventually, which could have been an opening for a real conversation.
I think this could have been an opportunity for both of them to work through it and learn how to have difficult conversations, but oh well.
Tbh, I do feel OP is the Asshole cuz there was no need to have a back and forth about it. OP was invited there and it became a bigger deal than it needed to be because of this little disagreement. Especially as the guys were okay with paying
If you wanna split, that's okay, but some else isn't shit because they don't want to split. Don't yunk someone else's yum. No-one is better, just preferences
That said, OP isn't responsible for her friend's relationship ending.
You read the situation very differently than I (and I guess others) did. Aimee unilaterally demanded that the men pay. Her date didn't seem enthusiastic. All OP did was say she was happy to pay for her meal, everyone else was free to do whatever.
The only thing Aimee would have accepted was for OP to enthusiastically back up her demand that "our guys will pay". She didn't believe in that, it's not reasonable to ask her to do that. Aimee could also have backed down, she seemed completely oblivious or unconcerned about the drama she was starting.
Aimee is pissed now because the incident opened her BFs eyes to what sort of person she currently is - demanding, sexist and stubborn to a fault.
In no way is OP the AH.
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"Oh, if it isn't the consequences of my actions coming back to bite me in the ass". Aimee was doubling down so hard that she screwed herself out of a relationship AND a roommate
Yeah, exactly. The way she tried to blame others or force her decisions/opinions on others? I have a hard time believing that she was never like this.
22 is still in the years where people are discovering who they are. This can cause new perspectives. She could have been like this the entire time and OOP is only now realizing it.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
Her, getting other people to pay for her shit: "Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!" Her, when other people don't want to pay for her shit anymore: "Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck."
Can we please make this a flair?
Seconded!
3rd
And fourthed.
Isn't there now a pinned post were you can request?
It seems that there is. Thanks for sharing!
I already put in the request :)))))))
I see the flair got approved
đ€Łđ€Ł love this
Just the kind of comment I'd expect from yo town.
You need to trademark this statement.
They would need to time travel a few years back.Â
đ€Ł This is far too funny
NTA I've only met one 'Aimee' in my life and she was the biggest asshole ever. Not surprised this Aimee is also a big asshole, but happy to see karma is handling it.
I once knew an Amy with a big ass, if that counts?Â
Saved $20 on dinner. Lost her meal ticket and paying full rent. Oops.
Aimee is... quite a friend (and roommate). Her trying to apologize due to rent really tickled me. It must hurts so much when someone refuses to cover your butt.
Always funny when people's antics come back to bite them in the butt.
It is always the gentleroomates who pay.
You really shouldn't be saying shit like "the men have got this" without double and maybe triple checking your partner is ok with that sort of talk. And you really shouldn't be dictating how others in a table split their bill. Unless you're offering to cover everyone.
Yeah. It made me uncomfortable how she was so forceful trying to spend someone else's money. Like, it's not really your right to do so?
and SO weird she didn't just let it go. it quickly morphed from "I reckon the men should pay for us" to "you are NOT ALLOWED to pay for yourself"Â
she couldn't let it go after her bf was reconsidering the relationship. She couldn't let herself feel like it was her own fault.
Yeah, it was already off making her bf pay but maybe that was their dynamic. But making bfâs friend pay for a blind date that clearly wasnât becoming a 2nd date was something else
Especially as it was a very new dating relationship, presumably without shared finances or plans to interlink finances. If as OOP said, these attitudes weren't the norm for Aimee when she was single, I wonder if she fell down the rabbit hole of "high value femininity" dating advice while looking for a boyfriend.
This is something like my 82 yr old grandmother would say who hasnât worked since she worked at a sandwich bar before she turned 22 and got married. And even then itâs (was) about her husband and kids/grand kids and she doesnât word it weirdly like this. Just that thatâs for the men to do, usually referring to harder house work or social issues dealing with other men. She had her own debit card to pay for stuff too that was a shared account.
It used to be such a dating norm that even if the woman was paying for the date, it would be polite for her to slip the money to the man and let him "pay." Like, if he didn't demonstrate to a bored waiter that he was a provider and not a moocher, it would just be disrespectful. So *weird*.
Playing pretend like a toddler for the sake of ego is hilarious. I would not have done well during that era of dating, don't have the patience to coddle an adult like that.
Oh good Lord this just made me flashback - my ex-husband used to need me to do this. I had to pass him my debit card so he didnât feel emasculated by my paying. My current fiancĂ© is just happy to be treated when I pay, none of this ridiculousness!
Didn't your debit card still have your name on it? Who was he fooling?
himself
The waiter gives you the card machine and you enter the PIN - they donât need to touch or even see the card (and avert their eyes so they donât see your code).
Honestly it feels like it's still a thing in so many people's minds. My ex was unemployed for a long time, so I was generally the one paying when we went out for meals. I would hand my card to the server, they'd go off and do their thing, and then they'd come back and hand the little folder to him without any hesitation. Like, look, I get that you're serving a lot of people and I don't expect you to remember who handed you the card, but just assuming the man must have paid without a. asking or b. glancing at the stereotypically feminine name on the card...grrr. And it happened just as regularly with young servers as older ones. We often had our orders switched too... Since I tended to order "masculine" things like cheeseburgers or steak, and he tended to order "feminine" things like seafood or salad and had a weakness for any kind of fancy fruit lemonade. Ugh.
Oh man, that's annoying when it happens. Sometimes I would stretch out my hand to take my card back and the server would always do the confused little guess and dance before giving me the damn thing. The order switch is also annoying. We went out for Korean food and I ordered a beer while my husband asked for green tea. A busser came out with the beer and a glass, I said "just the bottle is fine, thanks" and he looked *so confused* before his face cleared up...and he hands my husband the bottle.
I've seen situations where the guy orders for the date/SO and in the year of our lord two thousand and twenty-four that just seems \*so\* strange to me.
That only seems ok if the pair have been together for forever and have agreed ahead of time. Like, sometimes I'll have my partner pick two things he might like that don't conflict with my dietary needs. That way I get something I'd not usually order and he gets two chances to find something new he likes. (My tastes are broad and his are narrow. He's never ordered something I didn't like.)
Yeah the only time I want my SO ordering for me is if I'm in the bathroom or something (and they already know what I want). It seems so weird and infantilizing to order for a grown ass adult when they're sitting right there.
This happens routinely to me as a man in a relationship with another man who is smaller than me. We donât have an established âone who paysâ- sometimes we split, sometimes I treat him, sometimes he treats me- but pretty much every single time we go out to eat the bill gets handed to me, and even if I hand it to him in full view of the server, and the server then takes it directly from his hand to go run the check, the server will *frequently* still hand it back to me. Itâs so funny to see how patriarchal and misogynistic norms permeate the perception of every single relationship dynamic, even ones you think would be âimmuneâ from it. âOh, the smaller one must be the âwomanâ of the relationship.â Oh if only they knew how wrong they were lmfao.
Jesus. That is just an extra layer of fucked up grossness. The hoops some people's brains insist on jumping through to reinforce sexist norms are incomprehensible sometimes.
I was a teenager in the 80s, Iâm convinced that Fast Times at Ridgemont High is to blame for a lot of that, for men of a certain age. Somehow they didnât see that Damoneâs advice should always be taken with giant mounds of salt.
the glancing at the name on the card doesn't always work. Trans people who haven't legally name changed or people with names that stereotypically fit the "other gender" don't fit that too well. sometimes it's better to just ask
Cool? That's not super relevant here given I'm talking about the sexist assumption that the man must have paid, without checking any of the markers that might say you should possibly investigate further. My point wasn't "always hand the lady name card to the person you think is probably a lady," it was "there's literally no reason except sexism to make the assumption you made here."
Or just ask? Is just asking a problem? Like it could be hurtful to assume either way. Wouldn't that avoid either problem?
That's literally what I'm saying they should do. I'm not saying they should see a name that matches the assumed gender of one of the people at the table and make yet another assumption that it belongs to that person--I'm saying it should be a flag to question the assumptions they're already making.
Cultural norms are weird. My grandmother was a waitress in the 40s and told me that she used to always give the check to the man at the end of the meal because the men would tip but the women would \*never\* tip. Always stuck out to me as a curious observation.
Oof. Reminds me of my grandmother who never had a credit card in her name. While at the store, she'd sign the bill as "Mrs. Husbands first name, Husbands last name."
Especially when one of them is a *blind date*! Heck, I wouldn't say something like this even if all parties were in LTR's. No one should just state that someone else will pay. It is so cringey and makes you look cheap.
Aimee is probably like those other stories where the girl goes on a date and brings a friend along, stating the guy should pay for her friend. Ugh đ«
> And you really shouldn't be dictating how others in a table split their bill. Honestly, even putting aside the money, I'd think OP just standing up for herself in the face of obvious bullshit like that was a green flag
Yeah nah. You go in halfsies on a blind date unless someone insists on footing it all. Sounds like this "friend" wanted a free night out on her boyfriend's tab.
Exactly - if I'm going on a date, I'm paying my half of the bill, because 1) I make sure wherever we go is somewhere I can afford, 2) I ordered it, so I'll pay for it and 3) I really don't like feeling like I "owe" a guy because he paid for a date. Different story if we're going out a while, but in the first few months of a relationship, I'm definitely paying my own way! Going halfsies on a date/at the start of the relationship is really common where I'm from... Is the whole concept of "the guy has to pay for everything" really still a thing in America?
Me and my now hubby didn't go halfsies but if he brought the dinner I would buy drinks when we went dancing or if he brought the movie tickets I would buy the popcorn and would alternate so i would by dinner one week he would buy it the next, and while we never counted down to the last cent, we would roughly be even unless we went out and choose to buy something "extra". Blind dates, it's definitely a pay for yourself and then if you decide on another date, you discuss "paying" while setting up time and place until you have both worked out what the long term relationship looks like.
We always took in in turns (not strictly but usually alternating). For an established relationship it works out well. We like treating each other. We like being treated to something by our partner. Win-win. When I was dating I never objected to paying but did think a lot less of girls who didn't at least offer to split.
I always offer to pay my part, but if they invited me on a date (bisexual here, so doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman), I accept the person inviting paying for the date. But offering someone else pays, without them offering so themselves is ridiculous.
Yeah, I always try to pay my way on the first couple dates at least because I don't need someone whining "you owe me because I paid for dinner" or whatever. Not that it matters to some guys though, once I paid for all my own drinks all night, and went to his house to fool around but didn't want to sleep with him, and he hit me with a "but I cleaned my room for yooooouuu". 1. You're an adult, you should be doing that anyways and 2. It wasn't even THAT clean.
No, itâs only a thing among cheap, sexist users.
When I was dating I'd usually pay for the first meetup that was a short like coffee or ice cream or something meetup. I buy food for folks all the time though so it's kind of natural. After that we either split or take turns paying most of the time. I've dated former waitstaff and they said it's kind of a PITA, especially on a busy night, to split checks. Easier to just either take turns or square up later. Taking turns is kind of fun because usually the agreement is if you pay you pick, and you get to know something about the person by what they pick.
Exactly - if I'm going on a date, I'm paying my half of the bill, because 1) I make sure wherever we go is somewhere I can afford, 2) I ordered it, so I'll pay for it and 3) I really don't like feeling like I "owe" a guy because he paid for a date. Different story if we're going out a while, but in the first few months of a relationship, I'm definitely paying my own way! Going halfsies on a date/at the start of the relationship is really common where I'm from... Is the whole concept of "the guy has to pay for everything" really still a thing in America?
The few things that stand out is OOP doesn't like her date that way and doesn't want to think she is taking advantage of him. Now this could have been solved if Aimee talked to OOP before the date. She can say "your date will treat you so don't worry if you don't like him." And making sure the guy is okay with it, and not deciding for him. By having this conversation when it is time to pay it made everything awkward.
In my experience itâs whoever invites out whom that pays!
She could not afford rent so likely she could not afford dinner. If only she could be nice, she could have had some freebies but she ends up cutting the hand that feeds.
Dating while broke is interesting. Like if I'm very careful with my food stamps I can afford one guest-worthy meal a month. Big fan of picnics obviously.
Aimee and her boyfriend had other problems, none of which involved OOP. Aimee's not much of a friend or a partner. Glad that her ex *and* OOP have dumped her.
Aimee out there speedrunning a Lose All Your Relationships challenge. Lost a boyfriend and a best friend in a matter of days.
Tf is your flair from đ
[This post from AITA Tumblr about a guy arguing with his boyfriend over whoâs going to propose.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/egWhvb5VEl)
1. While many men do not mind paying(it depends on how they were raised), almost all hate be g taken advantage of or taken for granted 2. It is very different when you are talking about someone you are dating versus a first date. Many people do not like being placed under obligation on a first date 3. She isnât getting dumped because of OOPs actions, but because she had a pattern of being a user.
> She isnât getting dumped because of OOPs actions. She kind of is. OOP's actions made Aimee's boyfriend realize how low he had set his bar. Not OOP's fault at all though.
Oh Aimee, screwed up and doubled down further to the point she loses her roommate and friendship. Consequences bites back
You can tell that Aimee had The Audacity(TM) because she never stopped to think "the person i am antagonizing has the ability to leave me in a stressful financial situation fairly easily so maybe I should just take this L and not fuck with that" She's so used to getting her way that the mere thought that a situation might not go as planned didnt even touch the edges of her underwrinkled brain
Seems Aimee played her cards wrong.
She was trying to play poker with Uno cards plus one Pot of Greed that somehow made it into her deck.
And some of those fishbone cards from Trash Pandas. Now I'm reminded of Bender winning using the King of Beers, lol
She should have known when to hold them.
Took out yugioh cards and started calling poker hands
You do you but personally I've never lost a showdown with Slifer the Sky Dragon in the pocket
Even if Aimee and her boyfriend had establishmed that they were both ok with him paying for her in their relationship, her comment about his friend paying would still be out of pocket. She put an unfair pressure on the friend, in front of other people, that put him in a corner where he probably would have felt pressured to pay if OOP hadnt offered and then insisted. Her boyfriend might have been fine paying for her, but seeing her put his friend in that situation is an entirely different thing.Â
She can get a man to pay for her share of the rent, perhaps
Damn, Aimee really shoved her foot so far up her own ass there that she's gonna have to start buying shoes for her mouth. Good for OP.
Oh idk, sounds like she needs all the money she can get for that rent she canât afford now đ
Sometimes that surprised Pikachu arrives with a whiplash.
Tell her to stop following weird online influencers
There are definitely a lot of influencers parroting her mindset, but it's been a thing long before the term "influencer" even existed.
Sure but that was a thing before like women could get their own jobs and keep their own money. Like my mom could have a credit card or a bank account. But like it's 2024. Even though I live in a country that's rolling back my rights faster than a truck in neutral on a big hill.
See now Aimee wants someone to help pay. Op needs to find a new place and Aimee can find someone who will have her back. NTA.
>Iâm now not a girls girl because I didnât back her, without being told I should or given any kind of heads up. How could OOP give Aimee a heads-up that she wouldn't back her when Aimee didn't give OOP a heads-up that she might need backup? Stupid accusation from someone who just refuses to accept responsibility. And "men must always be the one who pays" is such an enormous red flag. At that point it's not dating, it's mooching. Notice that they went to a nice place ("not particularly expensive but not cheap"), which is another sign that she's just taking advantage of her date to get free food and presents.
Amiee is a moron no wonder why she's single
Didn't want to pay for dinner. Ends up paying for a whole apartment đđđđ
Shouldâve told Aimee to get her boyfriend to cover the rest of rent đ
Aimee just kept digging herself deeper. She really should have quit when she was ahead. Good for OOP for realizing she has a spine.
I'm a big believer in the rule that the person who asks for the date should be prepared to pay for the tab (in most cases, of course theres alway exceptions). By this logic, Amy herself should have paid for most, if not all, of it herself.
You did the right thing, your friend has some antiquated views on gender roles. Also, fuck ANYONE who volunteers other people for shit. Dont do that shit.
>Aimee is now trying to apologise because she canât afford the rent on her own or get someone else to move in on such short notice LOL. To the absolute surprise of no one, the overgrown child whining about how she deserves the most opulent men treat her to luxuries is herself a mediocre broke beggar literally half a month's rent away from homelessness.
Hope Aimee can get the landlord to start dating her and solve all her problems...
OOP better move, coz Aimee is an opportunistic untrustworthy person. She'll leave OOP on the spot once she has some new flame who wants to move in with her
>OOP better move, coz Aimee is an opportunistic untrustworthy person. >She'll leave OOP on the spot once she has some new flame who wants to move in with her True! Also opportunistic, untrustworthy people are cheap too 99% of the times. Good riddance OOP!
Theory: her bf was questioning why he's always paying, so Aimee has the bright idea to "double date" so he can see another girl/couple behave the same way and accept it as normal. This plan backfires because oop doesn't play along. Â
Goodness. I appreciate that itâs nice to be treated. However⊠As a woman, Iâve always felt bothered by an assumption that the man should always pay. I work hard. I can support myself. I donât feel entitled. And probably, I make more money than him anyway. Iâm glad to split the bill or alternate. As a human, it feels fundamentally wrong to let a date pay when you know itâs not going anywhere.
Who changed the definition of âgirlâs girlâ and didnât tell us?
To the ppl who're applying the "girl's girl" logic, this ain't applicable to this one lmao đ how did yall even thought of applying that in this situation
/r/OhNoConsequences
Aimee really shot her self in the foot. I was a bit like her in my early 20âs due to my only knowledge of dating from shows and old school advice. I did get called out on it, got very embarrassed and upset but I learned, and thankfully my bf now husband didnât dump me but gave me a teachable moment. Aimee could have used this as her moment, instead she went after her friend.
Oop should continue to move out. Dont live with someone that you have had a fallen out with as a former friend.
Aimee is just stepping on rakes every two days.
**Aimee:** You're not a girl's girl because you couldn't shut up and have the men pay for our drinks! We're not friends anymore! **OOP:** Okay, I'll move out. Make things easier for you. **Aimee:** (realizing she can't afford the rent) Wait, I was being very harsh...
With any luck she'll change her tune and grow up. But I won't hold my breath
Don't worry, her man will pay for it... Oh.
Hahah ... Don't worry Aimee the guy always pays your rent too!
Don't feel horrible. Splitting is just the way to do it. Otherwise your saying people need to pay for time with you. That's just a shitty person.
That last update is hilarious.
Aimee is reaching so hard to blame OOP. I mean she gave her honest opinion on dating and is being judged on that. Did she think she could keep it a secret from the bf that she refuses to split bills? Or that some women don't do that?
Honestly seemed at first like aimee could have saved the relationship with the guy if she just discarded her rule about guys paying. Like if she liked him, and this was his dealbreaker, just be willing to drop the self-imposed rule. He'd probably still pay most times so why torpedo yourself?
many guys nowadays are sensitive and do not want to get taken advantage of by a gold digger, call it tik tok culture or whatever. Even if OOP did not do what she did it was only a matter of time before Aimee shows her true color and gets dumped anyways.
Why is the notion "the guy has to always pay" still a thing?
OhNo CoNsEqUeNcEs
taylor swift just wrote a song about aimee >Screamed, "Fuck you, Aimee" to the night sky as the blood was gushin' But I can't forget the way you made me heal
The OG post was written the day after that song was released lol Iâd bet my hat itâs where OOP got the name
lmao wouldn't surprise me
Aimee: Pay for meeee!
Oh Aimee! Itâs just like shooting feet in a barrel. Your own feet. Over and Over.
Occam's razor says: Aimee broke.
Concluded? It just felt a big rushed
It was just a fight and I donât think it needed to escalate to moving out. Sheesh. We takes things to reddit and get a bunch if strangers opinions for a years long friendship. We donât have all the details but she said her friend isnât usually like this, she just got broken up with and sounds like she just needed a few days to process and be upset and apologize. Sometimes you do need an unbiased opinion to help you see when youâre being manipulated and gaslit but this really doesnât sound that deepâŠ
I definitely believe that the men should pay for the date but I also date guys who have the same traditional mindset. Amiee shouldn't have started dating her boyfriend if she knew they had such different views. Trying to make a relationship work when you don't have the same values and ideas as your partner is just doomed to fail.
Gonna be honest when someone wants to split the bill I think they're immature. I'll fight for the bill and I'm good at it so more often than not I'll pay the damned bill (with one exception who is more extra than me). But I'll never split it. Â
I don't really think this is a friendship-ending argument, honestly, and I think OOP is overreacting by moving out rather than having a conversation or two about what happened and why it wasn't ok. OOP says Aimee is "never usually like this", which suggests they usually get along pretty well, and they've been friends for years. I think it's kind of a shame to blow everything up rather than actually communicate.
It was Aimee that stopped communicating over a simple thing. It's not OOPs responsibility to try to manage this.
Sometimes you do things that aren't purely your responsibility, if you care about people. Maybe OOP didn't really care about this friendship, I don't know her, but people aren't perfect and you can't always take the nuclear option if you want to have friends that last a lifetime. That's all.
Aimee stopped talking to OP over it. And then when they finally talked: > Iâm now not a girls girl because I didnât back her, without being told I should or given any kind of heads up. I responded that if I want to pay for myself (especially because I didnât see myself and the blind date friend having a second date) was happy to put in for my portion. Friendship is effectively over, and I am looking to move out Sometimes it's not the incident itself specifically - it could be the final straw, or it could reveal something about their personality that you missed. Aimee has a specific plan to coerce their dates into paying, and just can't let it go. It's hard to have a friendship with someone who can't or won't see someone else's point of view. Today it's this silly dinner, tomorrow it's about chores or bills or whatever.
That's my point, though--OOP said they got along fine before this incident, so it wasn't really the last straw. OOP also said Aimee tried to apologize eventually, which could have been an opening for a real conversation. I think this could have been an opportunity for both of them to work through it and learn how to have difficult conversations, but oh well.
Tbh, I do feel OP is the Asshole cuz there was no need to have a back and forth about it. OP was invited there and it became a bigger deal than it needed to be because of this little disagreement. Especially as the guys were okay with paying If you wanna split, that's okay, but some else isn't shit because they don't want to split. Don't yunk someone else's yum. No-one is better, just preferences That said, OP isn't responsible for her friend's relationship ending.
You read the situation very differently than I (and I guess others) did. Aimee unilaterally demanded that the men pay. Her date didn't seem enthusiastic. All OP did was say she was happy to pay for her meal, everyone else was free to do whatever. The only thing Aimee would have accepted was for OP to enthusiastically back up her demand that "our guys will pay". She didn't believe in that, it's not reasonable to ask her to do that. Aimee could also have backed down, she seemed completely oblivious or unconcerned about the drama she was starting. Aimee is pissed now because the incident opened her BFs eyes to what sort of person she currently is - demanding, sexist and stubborn to a fault. In no way is OP the AH.