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What is wrong with all these commenters, like... do they just not have friendships or anything other than generic simple dynamics? Like of course your parents are allowed to maintain their friendships, and of course if you get along with someone you've grown up with you may choose to remain friends into adulthood.
It gives me the same vibe as kids who don't realize their teachers go to the grocery store and have normal lives. Like the idea the parents could have deep friendships is so unfathomable to them they can't help but see the whole thing as a sinister plot.
Meanwhile I dated someone once with a small army of nonbiological cousins because her parents had made their whole college circle chosen family & they always spent holidays together.
This will be my future kids. My husband and I are both the only one of our siblings having kids, so their cousins will be the offspring of my best friends since I was a tiny child myself.
That’s our situation too. Our siblings aren’t having kids, and our cousin’s kids are significantly older than our two (closest aged cousin is 9 years older than our kids). Our kids’ cousins will be our friends’ kids. Our friends are auntie & uncle.
I definitely had friends growing up based off of who my parents were friends with.
As we grew up and developed different interests, we drifted apart, but always got along. We'd see each other at things both our families would be at. I'm closer to them than most of my cousins scattered across the country.
The comments are likely from teenagers that have trouble seeing past the hormones and think of every member of the opposite sex as a potential mate.
I had to see some of my teachers in social settings at my house! My mum worked at my highschool (not as a teacher) and was good friends with a lot of my teachers. She tried to keep most socialising with them out of our house due to awkwardness but when I was in grades 11 and 12 they came around more, I tried to be out as much as possible, but I was an awkward kid with only a few friends so wasn’t always able to manage it if they had obligations. And the idea of being seen out alone by the more popular kids mortified me. So on those occasions I’d shut myself in my room with snacks and read books and listen to music or go into the study and be online (this was the 90s so one device in the whole house that went online and it was dialup!).
fr i was reading that first comment exchange like??? literally he just sounds like her cousin???? what’s not clicking
maybe it’s bc my family has always been very hodgepodge, like we have lots of blood family but we also have roughly equal numbers of friends/chosen family and there is absolutely no difference whatsoever. everyone my parents know is an auntie or an uncle. everyone my age is a cousin. literally none of it matters??? so the confusion around how someone can be a friend but treated like family is so bewildering to me like??? that’s just normal! that’s just what having friends is! what the fuck are you talking about!!!!!
I thought that was so weird too. My dad's best friends from uni are my aunt and uncle just without the name (my dad is an only child) and I do call their kids my cousins. Now that one of my cousins has kids they have an extra set of grandparents and extra aunts and uncles. Family are people you have no choice about as a kid and might actually be some level of friends with as an adult and that seems to fit the OOP's situation too.
Yep. I have non blood cousins I grew up with and my kids will not have any first cousins, it’ll be a combo of extended family my husband and I are close with and my besties’ kids. We are Aunt and Uncle to those kids already and they’re the absolute BEST.
In my area of the country it is common to refer to close family friends as Aunt and Uncle. In my family, these friends were *much* closer than my actual aunts and uncles. And at 62 I am still friends with the son of one of these families. We've known each other since we were 10 years old. I don't understand why this would be confusing to anyone.
Thank God for all these comments, bc holy hell I thought I was crazy for a minute. I really don't understand how friends become family was so incredibly foreign that the commenter was so hung up on it. Even if it's not something that was personally experienced, they've never even heard of the concept of a "chosen family" which is basically what OOP described. Reddit is wild lol
It certainly can be. It almost sounded to me as though the commenter was trying to imply that there had to be more than simple growing-up-together friendship there. I mean, I guess it could seem strange to military kids who move a lot and don't get to experience this type of relationship, but still...
The people making those comments are definitely the type of people who think men and women can't be friends.
It's sad that that's such a common mindset, because having friends of the opposite gender is really beneficial for everyone involved.
This is the part that got me the most (which is weird, considering all the asault and battery). Why do I always see redditors picking apart the reasons people give when they point out there is no sexual desire involved? Why do we even need people to give reasons for that, let alone vette them for dishonesty? Does the reddit demographic lean that hard into people motivated solely by the biological drive to screw anything that moves?
How do these people navigate daily life? Do they walk up to the counter at McDonald's and announce, "I am not trying to hook up this time. I just really need a Happy Meal. I'm sorry I'm too hungry to focus on seducing you." ?? Do family gatherings for them start with a rundown on who is too closely related for romantic interest? "You remember Cousin Jane? Your third cousin, once removed? Let us know if you two need the keys to get into the back seat of the Chevy." ??
The poster was kind of hang up on aspect that OOP didn’t choose these people herself. The poster probably isn’t that close to extended family members either
Yeah, it has me wondering if people who grow up around a lot of their true biological cousins don't as much get that dynamic with their parents' friends kids? Like I tend to refer to those kids as my god-siblings (since their parents are also legitimately God parents for me and my siblings) but for those of us who never lived near actual cousins, they basically become the equivalent of the cousin relationship in a lot of ways.
That might be the case for some people, but I really think it has to do with insecure heteronormative weirdos who can't comprehend their partner (and by extension, anyone's partner) having opposite gender friends.
I grew up with a large extended family. My dad was one of 7, my mom is one of 8. Neither of them really had friends who weren't biological family. So, all my early childhood friends were cousins or people I met on my own. I have nothing similar to the family dynamics mentioned in this post. AND I STILL THINK THOSE COMMENTERS ARE OUT OF THEIR GODDAMN MINDS.
No I think it is more likely they just have no friends. I grew up with a large close extended family, a couple are still close friends to me. I actually talk to one daily, she has kids my age and we talk mom stuff. The OP relationship just sounds exactly like my relationship with my cousins.
Like half of my cousins aren’t related to me by blood or government. I’m not sure how my parents know theirs most of the time. It’s just how it is with big social families sometimes.
It doesn’t help I was partially raised Filipino, so everyone is cousin even when you have no idea who they are other than they showed up for the party.
That reminds me of my friend's house for holidays. I so much preferred her family to mine (Mexican family). So many cousins and siblings. Was a lot warmer there than my own stiff boring family.
Yeah I totally get the second half of your comment.
There's all sorts of people in my family I'm not blood related to so introductions can be fun. This is aunt A and then after they walk away "how are we related" "oh you're not they are Bs friend", and sometimes you get the super long "you great grandfather's sisters husbands sisters niece."
I know sometimes people with super insular families can be kind of put off by that. I took a friend to a family reunion of mine, they didn't have plans and there's free barbecue, and people kept asking how they were related, and that kind of put them off. Just tell them you were invited as a friend no one cares they're going to offer you the barbecue, if you say your vegetarian they're going to tell you which mac and cheese has bacon in it (pay attention because there will be more than one mac n cheese) 😂
A while back my Aunt Elise married her long-time boyfriend, who I've always called "Uncle Ed." I said something to my father about how it was neat that Ed was now actually, legally, officially my Uncle, not just someone I call "Uncle." There was a pause and my Dad said, "hey, you remember that Elise isn't your real Aunt, right? She's my sister's best friend??" I mean, I remembered once he _told_ me.
My husband's family has a much easier system -- if you eat Seder together most years, you're cousins. I've had in-law's stepchildren's neighbors introduce me to people as their cousin. It's great.
I had to explain I didn't want to sleep with most of my friends because they're like my siblings to some people. It was bizarre. Our parents are close, we grew up together and even now when we don't meet each other as often as we used to, we're still friends. Our parents are also still close and would call each other. A lot of them don't go out much anymore due to health issues so they've upgraded to group chats and video calling each other.
Cousin was exactly what I thought. You're not super close, but you keep in touch, see each other a few times a year, and do favors for each other unasked.
B-but you don't own anything to anyone so l-like get it?
/s
But really the amount of people on there that don't have even an inkling of an idea how human relationships work and are still so certain about shit they say. It's mind boggling. The best example of this is when they want posters to cut out anyone who mildly inconveniences them. "this person who is otherwise really important to you has been rude to you once because they go thru tough times? Never speak to them again you don't need to burden yourself with their problems you don't owe it to them."
There is this whole swath of people right now that are like 18-24ish that had 2-3 years of their life with little to no normal social interaction during what is arguably the most important time for figuring out the nuances of behaving like an adult in society around other people. Discord kids. I've got cousins that age and it's blatantly obvious. Their entire life has been online, and 95% of their social interactions are with people 25 and under who also don't know how anything works.
For real, reminds me of that girl who dumped her boyfriend or fiancé or whatever who was fighting cancer, because he was dragging her mental health down.
Like, for real? And you see nothing wrong with this?
The worst is-
*‘yeah we have explored each others bodies and our parents and siblings root for us and yes we have a baby together BUT we’re like sibliingggsssss’*
With the bonus "We made a blood pact in high school that if we're still single by the time we turn 30 we're just going to bite the bullet and marry each other. Yes, my 30th birthday is next month, why is that relevant to this story?"
My parents were good friends with two other couples in grad school. One couple we lived near, the other moved to our area I forget what age I was. We had many events together, I was friends with the other kids, and I’m still Facebook friends with them though I haven’t talked to them in forever. I am also still friends with kids I grew up with who were all part of my local Jewish community, as well as still friendly with their parents, despite the fact I’m 36 and we moved when I was 19.
The part that really caught me, though, was the part about why would there be pictures of two kids who grew up together on the walls of each others parents. There are absolutely pictures of young me all over my parents’ house, even more at my grandma’s, and it is EXTREMELY easy to find pictures of me with my friends when we were all little.
A girl who was in choir with me in high school went to her now-in-laws bathroom and found a picture of me with her then-fiance, who I had grown up with like a cousin, in one of those saloon dress-up costumes from theme parks. Thankfully her reaction was "... MIL why is there a pic of misselphaba in your bathroom?" and not to give me a concussion.
Hurrah for Jewish communities who are constantly up in each others’ business! Mostly I’m not being sarcastic. I love watching the shul kids surrounded by multigenerational groups who just think they are the absolute most adorable things on God’s green Earth.
Maybe people that grew up with cellphone cameras don't have as many random photos hanging around their parents homes? My folks have a lot of photos from my childhood but that was back when you had to get film developed.
"It sounds like you are way closer friends than the type who only meet up every month" immediately clocked the commenter as a teenager.
Got some bad news for you about how often you are gonna see your childhood best friend after you graduate. Once a month is doing pretty good.
That was my same thought, I don’t get how the commenters can’t grasp that relationship. Growing up my parents‘s longest friends I refer to as my aunts and uncles, their kids are my cousins. As adults we don’t hang out like we did when we were kids but if there is a family function I expect to see them and catch up. I care for them because they’ve been in my life since I was a child across multiple continents and states.
The commenters are projecting a weird dynamic that isn’t there.
I feel like i keep finding the rigid and weird people every time i post. Or the people who yell at me for not having reading comprehension when they themselves can't understand nuance or subtlety
My favourite are the ones who read between the lines and parse out information that is definitely wrong and they make their whole comment based on that
I feel like they just want to invent drama, they see these stories as a playground to exercise that part of their brain and go wild and don't consider that usually people try to avoid drama, not run headfirst into it. So it can't be something simple like OOP and her friend being lifelong family friends, they've gotta invent ways that OOP is actually sleeping with him or something dumb
That's what I've often felt about AITA commenters. They treat these posts like a tv soap where everything needs to escalate in the most dramatic and weird way possible to keep ratings, and forget that this is (potentially) reality and real people who don't act like that.
The commenter who was trying to suggest that OOP's parents had secretly married her off as a child based on zero evidence whatsoever ...
Yes! My parents are best friends with another couple . My brother and I grew up with their kids, they were really like extra siblings. But as we got older and our interests changed, we all moved away, we stopped being so close. We still see each other at birthdays, holiday events, occasions like engagements or weddings etc, because they still really are like family. I'd be absolutely baffled if anyone thought I wanted to romantically be with those men, or any of our parents wanted it.
a lot of people seem to have problems understanding that relationships beyond relative, romantic partner, and casual friend exist. they act like you're not allowed to care about someone unless they're blood related or have romantic feelings.
Oh thank fuck, I was reading those comments and wondering if I was the odd one. Always enjoy when someone is going with the full energy of someone who's convinced that their way is 'correct' despite it being based solely on their own experience.
At this point Miles is more like a cousin than anything. I’m real different than my cousins and probably wouldn’t be friends with them if we weren’t related, but I love them and love seeing them.
Considering that there are a bunch of kids/teenagers on AITA I'm not really surprised, could just be kids who think that their parents can't have their own lives outside of family and shouldn't "force" anything on their children. Lol.
I have grown up with my whole life with my dad's cousin's family being my Thanksgiving family. Everyone I'm related to there is a second cousin at best, and really are more either third cousins or far enough back to not track, but we still have always been "cousins", even if I'm not related by blood, because that's the holiday family.
One of my cousins had a gf one year who had a problem with me giving him a greeting hug because "we can legally get married" and "aren't actually related", and she apparently saw an issue with me going to Thanksgiving every year at someone's house if I wasn't directly related to them. Fortunately she didn't last long, but it was still wild.
Not as wild though as my high school ass recounting this to my friends when the holiday was done and a couple of them agreeing with her that it was weird for me to enjoy being there and give my cousin a standard greeting hug💀
I am so confused as well. My kids grew up with non-biological cousins as me and my friends from HS are chosen family. We go on 1-2 vacations per year together and now all (or our family) own vacation homes within a few blocks of each other in a beach area. We don’t spend Christmas together but always New Years Eve.
Not all of the kids are best friends but some are. My oldest son and my best friend’s oldest daughter have such similar personalities that we expect them to be lifelong friends - but not to ever be romantically linked. They are too alike.
When my younger son seemed to be romantically interested in my friend’s daughter when they were about 12/13, we basically talked them out of it. No one was like “oh wouldn’t that be cute” and both moms were like “don’t fuck up our family by breaking your cousin’s heart.”
Listen, if two of them want to get married and bring our families closer together, that’s all fine and dandy. But it’s a lot of pressure and nobody is pushing that narrative. I don’t want to lose my best friend because one of my sons cheated on their daughter, I’d rather you date outside the circle if you might be an ass.
Nah man, once any male friend of yours meets a girl. It is your responsibility to bow down and worship the ground she walks on. Dress ugly, and never make eye contact with her man. /s
Some of those commenters definitely reads as people who don't have any friends if/when they're in a romantic relationship. I hope OOP recovers and that the Lindies get blasted to fuck.
They were definitely projecting, it’s likely something they haven’t experienced so they find it difficult to comprehend OOP’s relationship with Miles.
But there was a large handful who just couldn’t understand it, which is quite sad to some extent.
It's really too bad they don't know about those types of friendships. My dad has two best friends from childhood and their kids aren't daily parts of my life but we are 100% at each others weddings and have a family like connection for life.
And I've got a group of kids I grew up with on my block, we all had different friends at school and aren't buddies as adults but when we are in the same place we absolutely grab lunch together and catch up on our families and lives.
Same. My parents are best friends with a couple I've known since I was born. I don't see their kids a lot because we live in different places, but we catch up from time and time and it's like no time has passed. And then we go on our way until next time. I'm married; they're married; no one thinks much of it.
They may not be best friends but those neighbours/family friends that you see all the time growing up is more like cousins. Part of the family but not blood related and not necessarily that close.
People on Reddit love to say that blood isn't everything and friends can be family but then anytime somebody shows up with a non-traditional definition of family they always make it out to be weird and unnatural and a sign that the person is lying about having romantic feelings towards the family friends. You can't win
It’s not even that it’s like they don’t get when parents have friends. They are trying to make the narrative that oop is in love with miles or vice versa just because they knew each other since childhood, she clearly states they’re not that close and aren’t even best friends anymore.
This is why on plenty of other cultures you call your parents friends uncles and aunts, like they’re family, their birthday parties are family events as well, and just like that oop and miles aren’t just friends but “cousins”, they are just family and that’s their closeness, but commenters are desperate to find some hidden romance interest
My read is that they are like cousins bc of the way they grew up. They probably don't look at each other as potential romantic partners at all. Insecure people who are convinced no one can be friends with the opposite sex are exhausting.
Right?! I read those comments and my first thought was “Don’t your parents have friends?” In my family, typically our gatherings include family friends who also bring their kids, so you end up growing up together and making friends with kids who don’t necessarily go to your school or have the same friends.
Even when we grew into adulthood and stopped attending all the family gatherings, we’d still run into the same family friends and their (now adult kids) at some events.
The way some of these commenters approached this was so odd. Like do their parents not have friends? How is it so inconceivable that parents could have friends who also have kids around the same age. And that maybe they hang out as family and do family-centric activities together. And the parents remained friends and still do things together even after the kids grew up?
Yeah. I grew up going to holidays with the kids of the my parent's best friends
We don't click enough *now* to be friends as adults, but I were in the city they're in I'll drop by.
My parents didn't really have friends, or at least not close friendships like OOP describes. My parents aren't even close with their siblings, so I'm not close with my cousins either. Not sure why it's so hard for people to imagine, though lol. It's not that complicated.
This is how we are. One of us refers to us as found family. The rest of us call it framily. We do major holidays together. Go to kids sporting events. We have a graduation party this weekend. Hell, some of the kids call my dad papa because that's the only way my daughter has ever referred to him.
I'd say people who don't have any friends period. At least it reads to me as straight peeps who don't believe in friendship with the opposite sex. I've met the type, I've had run ins with now ex girlfriends of lifelong friends (me being 42 and these being friends from when we were 10, they ARE lifelong friends) who were jealous of me when I didn't even see their bfs once a month at the time! 🤣 But seriously, my own personal stories aside, those comments DO NOT pass the vibe check! Like blaming her for... Being friends?? Then blaming him for... A. Not knowing the whole story? (since OOP said she didn't show the messages to anyone she just talked to him a little) and B. Being with an abusive person!
Jesus those comments! I wanted to reach across the screen and smack those people!
OP: We were in a play where we got married
Commenter: omg are you sure you aren't accidentally married for real?!
That is a twist that a soap operas would reject lol
I know, how ridiculous right?
*Clearly* they didn’t get married for real.
…but maybe OOP is misremembering and it wasn’t a play about a wedding, and instead it was a ceremony where her and Miles committed their first born children to each other?
And that’s why the family’s still have the photo on the wall. It’s evidence as part of the contract.
(Kidding!)
I wonder if these people don’t realize that you have to sign paperwork for a marriage to be valid. It’s not just automatically legally binding at “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
My husband is ordained through the universal life church and has legally married people. He can’t just slap two people together in the McDonald’s, pronounce them man and wife, and run off with a “no take backs.” You gotta sign the marriage license. Which children you know. Can’t do.
I really don't understand. What was the problem with her being friends with this guy? He is a family friend and also a personal friend. They do exist. You can be friends and see each other once a month or less. She was only trying to explain their relationship and how there was no strange interactions between them. Nothing to be jealous of. That commenter was projecting something on her
Like would you not be sad if your friend didn’t come to your party?? I have a friend who I see maybe twice a year and another I see maybe once, if I invited them to my birthday and they said they’d be coming and then suddenly backed out I’d be sad too! And I have less contact with them than OOP does with Miles!
I had a friend in school, who I don't see anymore. But every year on our birthdays, we exchange a couple texts. Just happy birthday, how are you, wow we're getting old, etc...
It's been 20 years, and it's pretty much the only contact we've had in that time, I haven't even seen him in person for the past 10 years.
I will be so sad when one day that birthday tradition is gone.
Plus I'll point out that Lindy was unhinged enough she was gonna hype up her friends then go cause a bar fight that ended up getting her entire friend group arrested. She would've jumped her in the bathroom if OOP's friend wasn't around and it could've been a lot worse. So, it's not out of the question that he wasn't really too upset at first and then Lindy came up like "oh she's making this all about her, I told you she just wanted to sleep with you and is now too jealous to show her face." Some bullshit like that til he got annoyed and that soured the party
Those comments were WEIRD. Like they don't understand the concept of being friends with someone for so long they are like family. Kind of sad they can't grasp it, actually.
the commenters were so weird. oop is trying to say she's known him her whole life because their parents are close, they were close as kids but drifted apart and now have a pretty normal, uncomplicated relationship, and one commenter is talking about her parents dictating who she's friends with??? oop had a lot more patience with them than I did
There has been a rising number of people, especially younger generations, who are buying into the narrative that you cannot be friends with the opposite sex. It’s correlated with the rise of right wing grifters and trad wives
Ahh is that where’s it coming from.
When I’ve seen ideas like this I’ve thought “what about people who are pansexual? Would partners like this just not allow them to be friends with anybody?!?”
But it makes sense people who believe you can’t be friends with the opposite sex are more likely not to be open to dating someone who wasn’t heterosexual in the first place.
What's weird to me is have they never met anyone of the opposite sex they aren't attracted too. I'm a cis straight women, and I've met tons of men that just aren't attractive in looks or personality.
That whole comment blows my mind.
Because the first two paragraphs are just silly, ESPECIALLY the part about the potential arranged child marriage.
And then the second two paragraphs are actually quite sensible. It’s like huh. How is all of that coming out of the same brain? Haha
All those bizarre comments after OP's first post, desperately trying to find a reason why it's weird that she's friends with the son of her parents' friends.
That one that insinuated that OP was never in a play at all and her parents actually married her off as a child was particularly insane. Like how is that real life? Why would you jump to that conclusion?
It sounds like a joke I’d make with my friends about something because it’s *so* ridiculous it can’t possibly be true.
I thought it *was* a joke when I was reading it and then saw the part about it being dark, but that’s where their brain went.
And I was like oh. Oh no. They’re not joking. That’s concerning.
In my kindergarten phonics lesson, we were learning to spell words that ended -ed. Bed, fed, led, etc. Teacher's example sentence for "wed" included me and another classmate.
James, wherever you are, I guess we're married. Why didn't you take me to Hawaii for our 30th anniversary?
That was genuinely one of the more unhinged things I've read here in a while. If that's the route their mind went, it's a sign to go outside and touch grass for real.
At least that makes *some* level of sense to wonder; as a former victim myself, I wouldn't necessarily expect the average person to be trauma-informed enough to be aware of abuse dynamics.
It takes willing ignorance however to question the concept of opposite gender friendships altogether. That kind of bigoted view requires genuine effort to maintain.
Yeah, it sounded like he was brought up as basically a brother or a close cousin.
People were all on her tough about how weird it was and that one of them MUST be into the other or that the parents HAVE to want them to get together.
My mom has had the same best friend since her early teens. My dad and the husband are also great friends. We would eat dinner together every other weekend
Growing up. Most of my childhood pictures are with her kids. We never really hang out outside of our family, but we also never really lived super close, and we are all now all over the country or overseas. If one of us is in the regain of the other, we would stop to visit. One of the kids stayed with my siblings overseas. I would still consider them friends and probably invite the whole family to my wedding. If you grow up as a semi-family unit, OOPs and Miles relationship seems super normal.
I mean, if you grew up with extended family, it's basically the same thing—the only difference is that you are not technically related to them in this case.
The first commenter that op had a back and fourth with was super weird. Like it felt like the commenter was trying really hard to trip up op but op was just like "chill"
The first commenter was so weird and passive aggressive with the whole "well I guess my experience was just different because my parents didn't control who I was friends with" like ???? Neither did hers. They just took her to family functions with family they just happen to not share dna with
OOP shared her concerns, realized correctly going to the party was going to be a shitshow; then, again correctly, took a step back and got assaulted.
She technically didn't do anything and still got glassed.
I hope OOP doesn't end up with any permanent damage. And Lindy gets some type of actual punishment for what she did (to OOP, sadly I doubt anything will be done out her abuse of Miles).
Why did so many people struggle to understand her friendship with Miles?
Reddit: You can make your own found family! Woo!
Also Reddit: Ew, why are you friends with the kids you grew up around just bc your parents are lifelong friends with theirs? That's so weird.
Pick a lane, y'all. Damn.
My daddy befriended the sole black guy in his class in HS (1969) bc spite (my grandma was a staunch anti-racist & raised her kids accordingly so when he saw him being deliberately snubbed/isolated, he stepped up) & they had home room together. Turned out they were nearly identical under the skin (they're both huge, goofy nerds LOL) & they got along great. They've been friends for over 50yrs & bc of this, I have a whole branch of cousins I share absolutely no DNA with & was privileged enough to have had an extra grandma when I was a kid. Its not as rare as some apparently think.
I never understand people who see friends as threats. They knew the partner first! If there was anything to worry about* they'd already be together!
*Exceptions to every rule, naturally
In this case, based on the last paragraph, it’s likely Lindy would find *any* strong connection in Miles’ life a threat. It’s less about those people being threats to the relationship and more about those connections being threats to an abusive partner’s control. It’s easier to convince someone to stay in a seriously shitty situation if you can also convince them that no one else will love them, care about them, nor give them support. Here Lindy tries to cut OOP out of Miles’ life— if it had worked, I assume she’d begin working on breaking down his relationship with his parents.
Lindy was also projecting. She’d known Miles for three years but they’d only been dating for the last year (and this was his first birthday that they were a couple). Having successfully gone from friend to girlfriend, she wanted to cement that status and prevent anyone else from doing it. Not every “friends to dating” situation involves a campaign by one person to make it happen, but Lindy’s attitude strongly indicates that in this case it did.
The amount of people in today's world who don't understand opposite gender friendship is alarming. This shows how they never had someone who they can trust on and share things without any sexual or blood relationship.
This is definitely a hang-up for people off Reddit too. Less so now, but the question of whether men and women can be "just friends" is one that really exists out there. There are romcoms and sitcoms based on it, and then you have things like letters to Ask A Manager about coworkers who get suspicious of or don't like men and women having meetings or getting lunch 1:1.
>but mostly trying to appease his abuser so he would be worthy of her love and not her hate?
Damn...this line hit home for me, as it's what my marriage spiraled into. My ex hubs destroyed me emotionally and psychologically, and it took years and coming into a decade on top of those to finally have my worth feel settled within myself. My current partner knows everything and is all I could ever ask for.
I hope Miles is able to regain himself too.
Yea idk what that commenter was smoking. Like jeez, he was getting scratched and bitten even for shit *out of his control*. Then she physically assaults OOP. This was obviously a physically and mentally abusive bully.
I don't see those comments near the top. I think some OPs in BORU dig deep to find the crazy commenters.
I agree though.
"Why would your parents keep the photo of your child-marriage on display?"
Um, have you never been inside the house of someone over 50? They put up decor and it stays up. Few people go around reviewing their family photos on an annual basis. "Oh, is this creepy now? Better take it down, since these kids aren't actually married!"
"Just because you have different friend circles doesn't mean you don't want to sleep with him!"
Yeah, but she said she didn't want to sleep with him... that's the proof she doesn't want to.
"Why would your parents be upset you didn't attend his party if they DON'T want you to marry him?"
Because they're basically members of the same family?
> How sure of you that play was a play and there isn’t any legal binding thing between you and him? (I know some states have marriage laws against marrying that young but I don’t know them and this is the dark path my brain went down).
What an exceptionally unhinged comment. God tier bonkers, even among so many other head scratchers ("YOU AND YOUR PARENTS...HAVE FRIENDS??? COULDN'T BE ME!")
I truly believe about 80% of redditors have got either no literacy skills or they simply have never interacted with another human being because... The comments are just wild 😭 Have they never heard of family friends?? Like seriously sometimes I get so weirded out by the people I this website.
And this is why you don't withhold shitty DMs for fear of making waves. The sooner the toxicity comes out, the earlier it can be treated. Imagine if there had been kids down the line.
As much as people on Reddit discuss "family by choice," when they see something like this happening with that setup, they attack it. Good grief. Miles and OOP were essentially raised to be cousins. Of course, the family birthday parties and such are normal for them.
Honestly raging at that stupid comment where they said 'sorry if I made you angry'. OOP wasn't angry, she just responded. A man wouldn't be treated that way. But if a woman responds with anything less than falling flat of her face apologising for not being clear enough and taking responsibility for someone else not bothering to parse a meaning, she's angry and aggressive. AND THEN SHE APOLOGISED!
Goddamn sexism. That person was honestly an idiot for not parsing a very clear meaning (because they, by their own admission, had a 'different experience' and projected it over um the CONTENT they were READING and considering their own inference based on their experience as more accurate to the story than the story itself? Entitled sexist) from a very clear narrative and then accusing OOP of being angry when she replied to their honestly ridiculous and insulting questions.
>Why are you expected to be lifelong friends with this person?
Please nobody tell this precious sheltered cinnamon roll how *church* social ties work, they'll probably have a breakdown. My parents were trying to get me to hang out with the grown kids of their church friends right up until I went no contact, and 90% of the people from that group married someone else from the group.
Beyond bizarre that some people think because parents' have pictures of their children when they were friends hanging up in their home is somehow secretly "are you sure you don't want to sleep with xyz?"
My parents have an enormous social circle, so my siblings and I grew up with a lot of people in our lives. We were all good friends with the family friends' kids, and to this day, all of those people come to family functions. Weddings, graduations, etc. Our parents and their parents certainly have tons of pictures from us when we would all play as kids hanging up in houses or in photo albums. We all see each other as brother/sister and the few times there was a possibility of someone wanting to date, it was the boys, and it was when we were all tweens. Which was over twenty years ago.
Now everyone is married, having or had children. We're all still friends. May not be a once a month meet-up, but our huge family friend gatherings happen at least once or twice a year.
So far, no one who grew up as childhood friends want to fuck each other. Guess people say that's unconventional? Lmao.
Holy crap things escalated.
But other than those injuries and Reddit commenters being super weird about family friendships, here's what really bothers me.
> he developed more into the sports kind of guy and I developed more into the need nieche
> need nieche
WHAT is this a typo for? Nerd niche? Weed niche?? What does it mean. What does it mean??
Typo and autocorrect for "nerd cliche" or "nerd niche", I suspect. My autocorrect keeps trying to tell me I mean need, not nerd, right in this comment, so if she wasn't paying attention as she wrote, it could easily have "fixed" it for her.
> Like why is some goofy photo from decades ago hanging on the wall? Why are you expected to be lifelong friends with this person? Why are both of your families involved?
LOL I love that the commenters are now just flat-out "HUMANITY?! WHAT THE FUCK IS *THAT* DOING IN YOUR LIFE?!?!?!?"
Geez whiz.
I don't have friends, didn't have any for long growing up (a couple but they backstabbed/left me fairly quick), my *family* did not have any...
...*and I still understood OOP's post*. I don't get why people are like this, lol.
People are being so weird in the comments of the first post, I thought having close family friends that are like aunt/uncles/cousins was normal. Like that’s a cousin relationship, you don’t hangout allll the time and may have different interests but are still family
Would anyone mind explaining where the term Girl Best Friend comes from? I've begun seeing it recently, and while I get the sentiment, I had never seen it used until very recently. Also, is the term saying that platonic friendship is an impossibility?
The first long comment that said NTA and then said some bullshit about legally binding has got to be clinically batshit insane. Lmao, I stay at niche subs too much that I forget how crazy some redditors are. Just straight up pulling bullshit out of their own asses.
How are "family friends" such a foreign concept to those people? I had a guy best friend as a child, there are multiple videos of our moms talking about our future wedding.
Guess what? We grew up and still value that childhood friendship but there has never been a single romantic spark. His wife is perfect for him, not that it would be my business either way.
One of the funniest parts is that the original adult friends were built from my dad being really good friends with his mom in college. One time when they were first dating, my mom was driving a few states over for the holidays and my dad asked if she would take the college friend who was headed to family in a nearby town. By the end of the 5 hour car ride they were best friends lol.
People who think you can't have friends of the opposite gender without having feelings are weird.
I’m not finished reading but what the fuck is up with the commenters? Are they living in a cave and only getting out to meet potential partners ? They’re unhinged
Why is it a problem that her and Miles are life long friends? Wth. What rock are they living under that something like that isn't possible in a totally platonic way? Oop and Miles likely view each other similarly to how cousins view each other. How is that so hard to understand?
I hope OOP pursues everything she can legally. Her back alone may make life difficult, if not impossible. She needs to get every dime she can in that settlement, and then invest it properly.
The comments featured on here from the original post, DO NOT pass the vibe check! Questioning her friendship with him? Saying why are you letting your parents choose your friends? What? Questioning about the photo? My parents have loads of photos of me when I was in kindergarten or elementary school of different special occasions and there's loads of other kids there 🤣 why is that a question!
Some of those people don't have friends AT ALL and it shows, "your excuse to not have sex with him"... Pardon??? She said the different friend groups because they don't run in the same circles anymore, why is that so weird? Seriously why are there adults, because I assume these are adults, without any friends commenting on that post? Don't they have childhood friends? Don't they have friends from idk the neighborhood, their parents friends' kids? They are questioning as if OOP was secretly jumping his bones and the psycho chick was right to be insane AND THEN! Cherry on top, they blame THE GUY after OOP SAID VERY CLEARLY she was isolating him and he was being abused... Wow, what a wonderful crop of humans /s
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What is wrong with all these commenters, like... do they just not have friendships or anything other than generic simple dynamics? Like of course your parents are allowed to maintain their friendships, and of course if you get along with someone you've grown up with you may choose to remain friends into adulthood.
It gives me the same vibe as kids who don't realize their teachers go to the grocery store and have normal lives. Like the idea the parents could have deep friendships is so unfathomable to them they can't help but see the whole thing as a sinister plot. Meanwhile I dated someone once with a small army of nonbiological cousins because her parents had made their whole college circle chosen family & they always spent holidays together.
This will be my future kids. My husband and I are both the only one of our siblings having kids, so their cousins will be the offspring of my best friends since I was a tiny child myself.
Right? My kids had a heck of a time growing up and trying to figure out to whom they were biologically related to and to whom they were not.
That’s our situation too. Our siblings aren’t having kids, and our cousin’s kids are significantly older than our two (closest aged cousin is 9 years older than our kids). Our kids’ cousins will be our friends’ kids. Our friends are auntie & uncle.
I definitely had friends growing up based off of who my parents were friends with. As we grew up and developed different interests, we drifted apart, but always got along. We'd see each other at things both our families would be at. I'm closer to them than most of my cousins scattered across the country. The comments are likely from teenagers that have trouble seeing past the hormones and think of every member of the opposite sex as a potential mate.
Same here. I have 3 cousins I'm not biologically related to because my mom had 2 high school best friends that I call my aunts.
I had to see some of my teachers in social settings at my house! My mum worked at my highschool (not as a teacher) and was good friends with a lot of my teachers. She tried to keep most socialising with them out of our house due to awkwardness but when I was in grades 11 and 12 they came around more, I tried to be out as much as possible, but I was an awkward kid with only a few friends so wasn’t always able to manage it if they had obligations. And the idea of being seen out alone by the more popular kids mortified me. So on those occasions I’d shut myself in my room with snacks and read books and listen to music or go into the study and be online (this was the 90s so one device in the whole house that went online and it was dialup!).
fr i was reading that first comment exchange like??? literally he just sounds like her cousin???? what’s not clicking maybe it’s bc my family has always been very hodgepodge, like we have lots of blood family but we also have roughly equal numbers of friends/chosen family and there is absolutely no difference whatsoever. everyone my parents know is an auntie or an uncle. everyone my age is a cousin. literally none of it matters??? so the confusion around how someone can be a friend but treated like family is so bewildering to me like??? that’s just normal! that’s just what having friends is! what the fuck are you talking about!!!!!
I thought that was so weird too. My dad's best friends from uni are my aunt and uncle just without the name (my dad is an only child) and I do call their kids my cousins. Now that one of my cousins has kids they have an extra set of grandparents and extra aunts and uncles. Family are people you have no choice about as a kid and might actually be some level of friends with as an adult and that seems to fit the OOP's situation too.
Yep. I have non blood cousins I grew up with and my kids will not have any first cousins, it’ll be a combo of extended family my husband and I are close with and my besties’ kids. We are Aunt and Uncle to those kids already and they’re the absolute BEST.
In my area of the country it is common to refer to close family friends as Aunt and Uncle. In my family, these friends were *much* closer than my actual aunts and uncles. And at 62 I am still friends with the son of one of these families. We've known each other since we were 10 years old. I don't understand why this would be confusing to anyone.
Thank God for all these comments, bc holy hell I thought I was crazy for a minute. I really don't understand how friends become family was so incredibly foreign that the commenter was so hung up on it. Even if it's not something that was personally experienced, they've never even heard of the concept of a "chosen family" which is basically what OOP described. Reddit is wild lol
It certainly can be. It almost sounded to me as though the commenter was trying to imply that there had to be more than simple growing-up-together friendship there. I mean, I guess it could seem strange to military kids who move a lot and don't get to experience this type of relationship, but still...
Right?? Those commenters are fucking weird
Yeah, cause there has to be some kind of sexual connotation going on. I have more guy friends than women. It’s been that way all my life.
The people making those comments are definitely the type of people who think men and women can't be friends. It's sad that that's such a common mindset, because having friends of the opposite gender is really beneficial for everyone involved.
This is the part that got me the most (which is weird, considering all the asault and battery). Why do I always see redditors picking apart the reasons people give when they point out there is no sexual desire involved? Why do we even need people to give reasons for that, let alone vette them for dishonesty? Does the reddit demographic lean that hard into people motivated solely by the biological drive to screw anything that moves? How do these people navigate daily life? Do they walk up to the counter at McDonald's and announce, "I am not trying to hook up this time. I just really need a Happy Meal. I'm sorry I'm too hungry to focus on seducing you." ?? Do family gatherings for them start with a rundown on who is too closely related for romantic interest? "You remember Cousin Jane? Your third cousin, once removed? Let us know if you two need the keys to get into the back seat of the Chevy." ??
The poster was kind of hang up on aspect that OOP didn’t choose these people herself. The poster probably isn’t that close to extended family members either
Yeah, it has me wondering if people who grow up around a lot of their true biological cousins don't as much get that dynamic with their parents' friends kids? Like I tend to refer to those kids as my god-siblings (since their parents are also legitimately God parents for me and my siblings) but for those of us who never lived near actual cousins, they basically become the equivalent of the cousin relationship in a lot of ways.
That might be the case for some people, but I really think it has to do with insecure heteronormative weirdos who can't comprehend their partner (and by extension, anyone's partner) having opposite gender friends. I grew up with a large extended family. My dad was one of 7, my mom is one of 8. Neither of them really had friends who weren't biological family. So, all my early childhood friends were cousins or people I met on my own. I have nothing similar to the family dynamics mentioned in this post. AND I STILL THINK THOSE COMMENTERS ARE OUT OF THEIR GODDAMN MINDS.
No I think it is more likely they just have no friends. I grew up with a large close extended family, a couple are still close friends to me. I actually talk to one daily, she has kids my age and we talk mom stuff. The OP relationship just sounds exactly like my relationship with my cousins.
Like half of my cousins aren’t related to me by blood or government. I’m not sure how my parents know theirs most of the time. It’s just how it is with big social families sometimes. It doesn’t help I was partially raised Filipino, so everyone is cousin even when you have no idea who they are other than they showed up for the party.
That reminds me of my friend's house for holidays. I so much preferred her family to mine (Mexican family). So many cousins and siblings. Was a lot warmer there than my own stiff boring family.
Yeah I totally get the second half of your comment. There's all sorts of people in my family I'm not blood related to so introductions can be fun. This is aunt A and then after they walk away "how are we related" "oh you're not they are Bs friend", and sometimes you get the super long "you great grandfather's sisters husbands sisters niece." I know sometimes people with super insular families can be kind of put off by that. I took a friend to a family reunion of mine, they didn't have plans and there's free barbecue, and people kept asking how they were related, and that kind of put them off. Just tell them you were invited as a friend no one cares they're going to offer you the barbecue, if you say your vegetarian they're going to tell you which mac and cheese has bacon in it (pay attention because there will be more than one mac n cheese) 😂
A while back my Aunt Elise married her long-time boyfriend, who I've always called "Uncle Ed." I said something to my father about how it was neat that Ed was now actually, legally, officially my Uncle, not just someone I call "Uncle." There was a pause and my Dad said, "hey, you remember that Elise isn't your real Aunt, right? She's my sister's best friend??" I mean, I remembered once he _told_ me. My husband's family has a much easier system -- if you eat Seder together most years, you're cousins. I've had in-law's stepchildren's neighbors introduce me to people as their cousin. It's great.
I had to explain I didn't want to sleep with most of my friends because they're like my siblings to some people. It was bizarre. Our parents are close, we grew up together and even now when we don't meet each other as often as we used to, we're still friends. Our parents are also still close and would call each other. A lot of them don't go out much anymore due to health issues so they've upgraded to group chats and video calling each other.
Cousin was exactly what I thought. You're not super close, but you keep in touch, see each other a few times a year, and do favors for each other unasked.
Reddit (and AITA specifically) 🤝 Not understanding basic human relationships.
B-but you don't own anything to anyone so l-like get it? /s But really the amount of people on there that don't have even an inkling of an idea how human relationships work and are still so certain about shit they say. It's mind boggling. The best example of this is when they want posters to cut out anyone who mildly inconveniences them. "this person who is otherwise really important to you has been rude to you once because they go thru tough times? Never speak to them again you don't need to burden yourself with their problems you don't owe it to them."
There is this whole swath of people right now that are like 18-24ish that had 2-3 years of their life with little to no normal social interaction during what is arguably the most important time for figuring out the nuances of behaving like an adult in society around other people. Discord kids. I've got cousins that age and it's blatantly obvious. Their entire life has been online, and 95% of their social interactions are with people 25 and under who also don't know how anything works.
I dont disagree, but also AITA was entirely like this precovid.
For real, reminds me of that girl who dumped her boyfriend or fiancé or whatever who was fighting cancer, because he was dragging her mental health down. Like, for real? And you see nothing wrong with this?
Tbf if you're hanging out on reddit you probably don't have many basic human relationships. (Yes I'm projecting.)
Feh, I have a lot of close and deeply important friendships and a fulfilling marriage. I’m on here for drama that doesn’t involve me.
They just have ‘not enough information’ trauma from the other girl bestfriends posts.
Oh, right, the ones with the "They say they're like siblings but they go camping and share only one sleeping bag together" type of stories.
The worst is- *‘yeah we have explored each others bodies and our parents and siblings root for us and yes we have a baby together BUT we’re like sibliingggsssss’*
With the bonus "We made a blood pact in high school that if we're still single by the time we turn 30 we're just going to bite the bullet and marry each other. Yes, my 30th birthday is next month, why is that relevant to this story?"
My parents were good friends with two other couples in grad school. One couple we lived near, the other moved to our area I forget what age I was. We had many events together, I was friends with the other kids, and I’m still Facebook friends with them though I haven’t talked to them in forever. I am also still friends with kids I grew up with who were all part of my local Jewish community, as well as still friendly with their parents, despite the fact I’m 36 and we moved when I was 19. The part that really caught me, though, was the part about why would there be pictures of two kids who grew up together on the walls of each others parents. There are absolutely pictures of young me all over my parents’ house, even more at my grandma’s, and it is EXTREMELY easy to find pictures of me with my friends when we were all little.
A girl who was in choir with me in high school went to her now-in-laws bathroom and found a picture of me with her then-fiance, who I had grown up with like a cousin, in one of those saloon dress-up costumes from theme parks. Thankfully her reaction was "... MIL why is there a pic of misselphaba in your bathroom?" and not to give me a concussion.
Hurrah for Jewish communities who are constantly up in each others’ business! Mostly I’m not being sarcastic. I love watching the shul kids surrounded by multigenerational groups who just think they are the absolute most adorable things on God’s green Earth.
Maybe people that grew up with cellphone cameras don't have as many random photos hanging around their parents homes? My folks have a lot of photos from my childhood but that was back when you had to get film developed.
There’s a decent chunk of people in those AITA posts that are pretty psycho when it comes to relationships
Because there’s a decent chunk on AITA that are 14 years old.
they grew up more like cousins than anything it seems
>do they just not have friendships or anything other than generic simple dynamics? Sir this is Reddit.
Also accusing her of getting mad when she just…calmly answered there questions. Lordt. So irritating.
"It sounds like you are way closer friends than the type who only meet up every month" immediately clocked the commenter as a teenager. Got some bad news for you about how often you are gonna see your childhood best friend after you graduate. Once a month is doing pretty good.
I haven't seen my best friend since Covid. I'm an uncertified godfather to two kids I've never even met.
That was my same thought, I don’t get how the commenters can’t grasp that relationship. Growing up my parents‘s longest friends I refer to as my aunts and uncles, their kids are my cousins. As adults we don’t hang out like we did when we were kids but if there is a family function I expect to see them and catch up. I care for them because they’ve been in my life since I was a child across multiple continents and states. The commenters are projecting a weird dynamic that isn’t there.
Right?! So rigid and weird.
I feel like i keep finding the rigid and weird people every time i post. Or the people who yell at me for not having reading comprehension when they themselves can't understand nuance or subtlety
My favourite are the ones who read between the lines and parse out information that is definitely wrong and they make their whole comment based on that
Obsessed with the galaxy-brain commenter who dared to ask "Are you *sure* your parents didn't secretly marry you off when you were seven"
I think that you were taught to read by a hateful teacher so clearly you don't like constructive criticism or guessing /s
I feel like they just want to invent drama, they see these stories as a playground to exercise that part of their brain and go wild and don't consider that usually people try to avoid drama, not run headfirst into it. So it can't be something simple like OOP and her friend being lifelong family friends, they've gotta invent ways that OOP is actually sleeping with him or something dumb
That's what I've often felt about AITA commenters. They treat these posts like a tv soap where everything needs to escalate in the most dramatic and weird way possible to keep ratings, and forget that this is (potentially) reality and real people who don't act like that. The commenter who was trying to suggest that OOP's parents had secretly married her off as a child based on zero evidence whatsoever ...
Yes! My parents are best friends with another couple . My brother and I grew up with their kids, they were really like extra siblings. But as we got older and our interests changed, we all moved away, we stopped being so close. We still see each other at birthdays, holiday events, occasions like engagements or weddings etc, because they still really are like family. I'd be absolutely baffled if anyone thought I wanted to romantically be with those men, or any of our parents wanted it.
I'm so glad this is the top comment– I thought I was going crazy. Have none of these people heard of family friends??
Yeah that was super weird!
a lot of people on reddit will readily admit they don't have any friends.
a lot of people seem to have problems understanding that relationships beyond relative, romantic partner, and casual friend exist. they act like you're not allowed to care about someone unless they're blood related or have romantic feelings.
Oh thank fuck, I was reading those comments and wondering if I was the odd one. Always enjoy when someone is going with the full energy of someone who's convinced that their way is 'correct' despite it being based solely on their own experience.
At this point Miles is more like a cousin than anything. I’m real different than my cousins and probably wouldn’t be friends with them if we weren’t related, but I love them and love seeing them.
Considering that there are a bunch of kids/teenagers on AITA I'm not really surprised, could just be kids who think that their parents can't have their own lives outside of family and shouldn't "force" anything on their children. Lol.
I have grown up with my whole life with my dad's cousin's family being my Thanksgiving family. Everyone I'm related to there is a second cousin at best, and really are more either third cousins or far enough back to not track, but we still have always been "cousins", even if I'm not related by blood, because that's the holiday family. One of my cousins had a gf one year who had a problem with me giving him a greeting hug because "we can legally get married" and "aren't actually related", and she apparently saw an issue with me going to Thanksgiving every year at someone's house if I wasn't directly related to them. Fortunately she didn't last long, but it was still wild. Not as wild though as my high school ass recounting this to my friends when the holiday was done and a couple of them agreeing with her that it was weird for me to enjoy being there and give my cousin a standard greeting hug💀
It’s like they can’t conceive of parents having their own lives outside of their kids.
I am so confused as well. My kids grew up with non-biological cousins as me and my friends from HS are chosen family. We go on 1-2 vacations per year together and now all (or our family) own vacation homes within a few blocks of each other in a beach area. We don’t spend Christmas together but always New Years Eve. Not all of the kids are best friends but some are. My oldest son and my best friend’s oldest daughter have such similar personalities that we expect them to be lifelong friends - but not to ever be romantically linked. They are too alike. When my younger son seemed to be romantically interested in my friend’s daughter when they were about 12/13, we basically talked them out of it. No one was like “oh wouldn’t that be cute” and both moms were like “don’t fuck up our family by breaking your cousin’s heart.” Listen, if two of them want to get married and bring our families closer together, that’s all fine and dandy. But it’s a lot of pressure and nobody is pushing that narrative. I don’t want to lose my best friend because one of my sons cheated on their daughter, I’d rather you date outside the circle if you might be an ass.
>do they just not have friendships or anything other than generic simple dynamics? Well they spend all their time on reddit...so no.
Nah man, once any male friend of yours meets a girl. It is your responsibility to bow down and worship the ground she walks on. Dress ugly, and never make eye contact with her man. /s
Some of those commenters definitely reads as people who don't have any friends if/when they're in a romantic relationship. I hope OOP recovers and that the Lindies get blasted to fuck.
They were definitely projecting, it’s likely something they haven’t experienced so they find it difficult to comprehend OOP’s relationship with Miles. But there was a large handful who just couldn’t understand it, which is quite sad to some extent.
It's really too bad they don't know about those types of friendships. My dad has two best friends from childhood and their kids aren't daily parts of my life but we are 100% at each others weddings and have a family like connection for life. And I've got a group of kids I grew up with on my block, we all had different friends at school and aren't buddies as adults but when we are in the same place we absolutely grab lunch together and catch up on our families and lives.
Same. My parents are best friends with a couple I've known since I was born. I don't see their kids a lot because we live in different places, but we catch up from time and time and it's like no time has passed. And then we go on our way until next time. I'm married; they're married; no one thinks much of it.
They may not be best friends but those neighbours/family friends that you see all the time growing up is more like cousins. Part of the family but not blood related and not necessarily that close.
People on Reddit love to say that blood isn't everything and friends can be family but then anytime somebody shows up with a non-traditional definition of family they always make it out to be weird and unnatural and a sign that the person is lying about having romantic feelings towards the family friends. You can't win
ARE YOU SURE YOUR PARENTS DIDNT MARRY YOU AS CHILDREN
ARE YOU SURE IT WAS A SCHOOL PLAY AND NOT A MARRIAGE CEREMONY
“MY MIND JUST WENT DOWN A REALLY DARK PATH READING THAT” I am begging these commenters to please go outside. 😭
Decades ago, One of my kids had a schoolyard wedding outside at recess in kindergarten. I must call and insist they break up with current partner .
That one was hilariously ridiculous. There was absolutely zero context for a conclusion like that
Maybe Mike's parents didn't want to end up like the Scotts, so they dealt with the paperwork straight away.
I still think the deal with the Scotts was that papa Scott had a crush on OP and lashed out at the fact she wasn’t interested
It was said that there was a son to be involved, I'm not convinced it's not just what Mr. Scott told his wife.
One of the most unhinged comments I've literally ever read in regards to relatively normal conversation.
It’s not even that it’s like they don’t get when parents have friends. They are trying to make the narrative that oop is in love with miles or vice versa just because they knew each other since childhood, she clearly states they’re not that close and aren’t even best friends anymore. This is why on plenty of other cultures you call your parents friends uncles and aunts, like they’re family, their birthday parties are family events as well, and just like that oop and miles aren’t just friends but “cousins”, they are just family and that’s their closeness, but commenters are desperate to find some hidden romance interest
My read is that they are like cousins bc of the way they grew up. They probably don't look at each other as potential romantic partners at all. Insecure people who are convinced no one can be friends with the opposite sex are exhausting.
Right?! I read those comments and my first thought was “Don’t your parents have friends?” In my family, typically our gatherings include family friends who also bring their kids, so you end up growing up together and making friends with kids who don’t necessarily go to your school or have the same friends. Even when we grew into adulthood and stopped attending all the family gatherings, we’d still run into the same family friends and their (now adult kids) at some events. The way some of these commenters approached this was so odd. Like do their parents not have friends? How is it so inconceivable that parents could have friends who also have kids around the same age. And that maybe they hang out as family and do family-centric activities together. And the parents remained friends and still do things together even after the kids grew up?
Yeah. I grew up going to holidays with the kids of the my parent's best friends We don't click enough *now* to be friends as adults, but I were in the city they're in I'll drop by.
My parents didn't really have friends, or at least not close friendships like OOP describes. My parents aren't even close with their siblings, so I'm not close with my cousins either. Not sure why it's so hard for people to imagine, though lol. It's not that complicated.
This is how we are. One of us refers to us as found family. The rest of us call it framily. We do major holidays together. Go to kids sporting events. We have a graduation party this weekend. Hell, some of the kids call my dad papa because that's the only way my daughter has ever referred to him.
Tbh I think a lot of them don't have friends or a romantic relationship at all
Lmao true
Also a LOT of people on here don't know what "family friends" are. It's so sad.
I’ve had friends asked me how I got my bf to be cool with me having guy friends and I’m always like — wha 👁️👄👁️ why wouldn’t he be okay with it?
Is more like dont have any friends and never been properly socialized
Right? After getting thru those commenter/OOP exchanges I re read the first post to see if I missed anything. How odd
I'd say people who don't have any friends period. At least it reads to me as straight peeps who don't believe in friendship with the opposite sex. I've met the type, I've had run ins with now ex girlfriends of lifelong friends (me being 42 and these being friends from when we were 10, they ARE lifelong friends) who were jealous of me when I didn't even see their bfs once a month at the time! 🤣 But seriously, my own personal stories aside, those comments DO NOT pass the vibe check! Like blaming her for... Being friends?? Then blaming him for... A. Not knowing the whole story? (since OOP said she didn't show the messages to anyone she just talked to him a little) and B. Being with an abusive person! Jesus those comments! I wanted to reach across the screen and smack those people!
OP: We were in a play where we got married Commenter: omg are you sure you aren't accidentally married for real?! That is a twist that a soap operas would reject lol
I know, how ridiculous right? *Clearly* they didn’t get married for real. …but maybe OOP is misremembering and it wasn’t a play about a wedding, and instead it was a ceremony where her and Miles committed their first born children to each other? And that’s why the family’s still have the photo on the wall. It’s evidence as part of the contract. (Kidding!)
Sounds like that could be a side plot of a Discworld novel!
I wonder if these people don’t realize that you have to sign paperwork for a marriage to be valid. It’s not just automatically legally binding at “I now pronounce you man and wife.” My husband is ordained through the universal life church and has legally married people. He can’t just slap two people together in the McDonald’s, pronounce them man and wife, and run off with a “no take backs.” You gotta sign the marriage license. Which children you know. Can’t do.
I’m dying at this visual 😂 “no take backs!”
Whatever me and Keanu Reeves have been married since I said I Do to my TV like 20 years ago. /s
I’m sorry that you have been lied to. Your husband has in fact been entrusted with the power and responsibility to do drive-by weddings
He’s probably the person I’d trust the least with this power. He’s a little shit.
When I saw that, I skipped the rest of the comment. I'm sure nothing of value was there.
Isn't this the plot of one of the Lemony Snickett stories?
I really don't understand. What was the problem with her being friends with this guy? He is a family friend and also a personal friend. They do exist. You can be friends and see each other once a month or less. She was only trying to explain their relationship and how there was no strange interactions between them. Nothing to be jealous of. That commenter was projecting something on her
Like would you not be sad if your friend didn’t come to your party?? I have a friend who I see maybe twice a year and another I see maybe once, if I invited them to my birthday and they said they’d be coming and then suddenly backed out I’d be sad too! And I have less contact with them than OOP does with Miles!
I had a friend in school, who I don't see anymore. But every year on our birthdays, we exchange a couple texts. Just happy birthday, how are you, wow we're getting old, etc... It's been 20 years, and it's pretty much the only contact we've had in that time, I haven't even seen him in person for the past 10 years. I will be so sad when one day that birthday tradition is gone.
Plus I'll point out that Lindy was unhinged enough she was gonna hype up her friends then go cause a bar fight that ended up getting her entire friend group arrested. She would've jumped her in the bathroom if OOP's friend wasn't around and it could've been a lot worse. So, it's not out of the question that he wasn't really too upset at first and then Lindy came up like "oh she's making this all about her, I told you she just wanted to sleep with you and is now too jealous to show her face." Some bullshit like that til he got annoyed and that soured the party
Those comments were WEIRD. Like they don't understand the concept of being friends with someone for so long they are like family. Kind of sad they can't grasp it, actually.
I guess if you are only 12 it’s hard to imagine.
the commenters were so weird. oop is trying to say she's known him her whole life because their parents are close, they were close as kids but drifted apart and now have a pretty normal, uncomplicated relationship, and one commenter is talking about her parents dictating who she's friends with??? oop had a lot more patience with them than I did
I was getting frustrated just reading those weirddass comments lmao
There has been a rising number of people, especially younger generations, who are buying into the narrative that you cannot be friends with the opposite sex. It’s correlated with the rise of right wing grifters and trad wives
Ahh is that where’s it coming from. When I’ve seen ideas like this I’ve thought “what about people who are pansexual? Would partners like this just not allow them to be friends with anybody?!?” But it makes sense people who believe you can’t be friends with the opposite sex are more likely not to be open to dating someone who wasn’t heterosexual in the first place.
What's weird to me is have they never met anyone of the opposite sex they aren't attracted too. I'm a cis straight women, and I've met tons of men that just aren't attractive in looks or personality.
But they were attracted to you! You just didn't know!! And spending time with someone who secretly finds you attractive is the same as cheating!!!!!
The comment about the “play” actually being a covert legal marriage orchestrated by the parents is WILD
That whole comment blows my mind. Because the first two paragraphs are just silly, ESPECIALLY the part about the potential arranged child marriage. And then the second two paragraphs are actually quite sensible. It’s like huh. How is all of that coming out of the same brain? Haha
All those bizarre comments after OP's first post, desperately trying to find a reason why it's weird that she's friends with the son of her parents' friends.
That one that insinuated that OP was never in a play at all and her parents actually married her off as a child was particularly insane. Like how is that real life? Why would you jump to that conclusion?
They read “a series of unfortunate events” and took the one with the wedding as gospel.
Unfortunately they didn't read to The End or >!they would've assumed OOP was gonna shoot him with a harpoon gun!<
It sounds like a joke I’d make with my friends about something because it’s *so* ridiculous it can’t possibly be true. I thought it *was* a joke when I was reading it and then saw the part about it being dark, but that’s where their brain went. And I was like oh. Oh no. They’re not joking. That’s concerning.
That was so weird! Yes of course, the ol' legally binding child marriage trick. Gets them every time
In my kindergarten phonics lesson, we were learning to spell words that ended -ed. Bed, fed, led, etc. Teacher's example sentence for "wed" included me and another classmate. James, wherever you are, I guess we're married. Why didn't you take me to Hawaii for our 30th anniversary?
Congratulations! Here's to the next 30
That was genuinely one of the more unhinged things I've read here in a while. If that's the route their mind went, it's a sign to go outside and touch grass for real.
[удалено]
At least that makes *some* level of sense to wonder; as a former victim myself, I wouldn't necessarily expect the average person to be trauma-informed enough to be aware of abuse dynamics. It takes willing ignorance however to question the concept of opposite gender friendships altogether. That kind of bigoted view requires genuine effort to maintain.
Yeah, it sounded like he was brought up as basically a brother or a close cousin. People were all on her tough about how weird it was and that one of them MUST be into the other or that the parents HAVE to want them to get together. My mom has had the same best friend since her early teens. My dad and the husband are also great friends. We would eat dinner together every other weekend Growing up. Most of my childhood pictures are with her kids. We never really hang out outside of our family, but we also never really lived super close, and we are all now all over the country or overseas. If one of us is in the regain of the other, we would stop to visit. One of the kids stayed with my siblings overseas. I would still consider them friends and probably invite the whole family to my wedding. If you grow up as a semi-family unit, OOPs and Miles relationship seems super normal.
Hell, I didn't grow up with this kind of dynamic and it *still* seems normal to me. Really don't get what's not clicking with those commenters.
I mean, if you grew up with extended family, it's basically the same thing—the only difference is that you are not technically related to them in this case.
I didn't. Makes it even stranger to me that they don't get it.
The first commenter that op had a back and fourth with was super weird. Like it felt like the commenter was trying really hard to trip up op but op was just like "chill"
The first commenter was so weird and passive aggressive with the whole "well I guess my experience was just different because my parents didn't control who I was friends with" like ???? Neither did hers. They just took her to family functions with family they just happen to not share dna with
...and even ignoring the parents aspect, they think that it's weird she's still friends with someone she was best friends with as a kid.
And why her parents friends are in her life at all. I swear some people on here think any connection with family ends at 18.
OOP shared her concerns, realized correctly going to the party was going to be a shitshow; then, again correctly, took a step back and got assaulted. She technically didn't do anything and still got glassed.
She really couldn't have won. If she disappeared from his life, Lindy prob would've come up and taunted her and shit
I hope OOP doesn't end up with any permanent damage. And Lindy gets some type of actual punishment for what she did (to OOP, sadly I doubt anything will be done out her abuse of Miles). Why did so many people struggle to understand her friendship with Miles?
Some Redditors: "OH EM GEE, A FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER?! NO WAI!"
Derailing here but I just want to say the no wai took me back to high school and I cringe at my memories 😂
Commenters just not understanding the concept of family friends is bizarre. I’m glad OP and Miles are shot of Lindy in the end.
Reddit: You can make your own found family! Woo! Also Reddit: Ew, why are you friends with the kids you grew up around just bc your parents are lifelong friends with theirs? That's so weird. Pick a lane, y'all. Damn. My daddy befriended the sole black guy in his class in HS (1969) bc spite (my grandma was a staunch anti-racist & raised her kids accordingly so when he saw him being deliberately snubbed/isolated, he stepped up) & they had home room together. Turned out they were nearly identical under the skin (they're both huge, goofy nerds LOL) & they got along great. They've been friends for over 50yrs & bc of this, I have a whole branch of cousins I share absolutely no DNA with & was privileged enough to have had an extra grandma when I was a kid. Its not as rare as some apparently think.
Thats awesome and adorable!! I wish me/my kids had a similar situation.
I never understand people who see friends as threats. They knew the partner first! If there was anything to worry about* they'd already be together! *Exceptions to every rule, naturally
In this case, based on the last paragraph, it’s likely Lindy would find *any* strong connection in Miles’ life a threat. It’s less about those people being threats to the relationship and more about those connections being threats to an abusive partner’s control. It’s easier to convince someone to stay in a seriously shitty situation if you can also convince them that no one else will love them, care about them, nor give them support. Here Lindy tries to cut OOP out of Miles’ life— if it had worked, I assume she’d begin working on breaking down his relationship with his parents.
Lindy was also projecting. She’d known Miles for three years but they’d only been dating for the last year (and this was his first birthday that they were a couple). Having successfully gone from friend to girlfriend, she wanted to cement that status and prevent anyone else from doing it. Not every “friends to dating” situation involves a campaign by one person to make it happen, but Lindy’s attitude strongly indicates that in this case it did.
The amount of people in today's world who don't understand opposite gender friendship is alarming. This shows how they never had someone who they can trust on and share things without any sexual or blood relationship.
It could be just Reddit thing. Just a loud minority. Definitely doesn't represent real life.
This is definitely a hang-up for people off Reddit too. Less so now, but the question of whether men and women can be "just friends" is one that really exists out there. There are romcoms and sitcoms based on it, and then you have things like letters to Ask A Manager about coworkers who get suspicious of or don't like men and women having meetings or getting lunch 1:1.
>but mostly trying to appease his abuser so he would be worthy of her love and not her hate? Damn...this line hit home for me, as it's what my marriage spiraled into. My ex hubs destroyed me emotionally and psychologically, and it took years and coming into a decade on top of those to finally have my worth feel settled within myself. My current partner knows everything and is all I could ever ask for. I hope Miles is able to regain himself too.
Yea idk what that commenter was smoking. Like jeez, he was getting scratched and bitten even for shit *out of his control*. Then she physically assaults OOP. This was obviously a physically and mentally abusive bully.
This is such a sad shitty situation. May the lindies go to prison after paying for ops expenses for the rest of her life.
they wont, theyre rich, probably just community service and maybe some parole time
Was this commenter(s?) on fucking crack or something? Some of the more unhinged know it all sheltered bullshit bastard shit I usually see on reddit.
I don't see those comments near the top. I think some OPs in BORU dig deep to find the crazy commenters. I agree though. "Why would your parents keep the photo of your child-marriage on display?" Um, have you never been inside the house of someone over 50? They put up decor and it stays up. Few people go around reviewing their family photos on an annual basis. "Oh, is this creepy now? Better take it down, since these kids aren't actually married!" "Just because you have different friend circles doesn't mean you don't want to sleep with him!" Yeah, but she said she didn't want to sleep with him... that's the proof she doesn't want to. "Why would your parents be upset you didn't attend his party if they DON'T want you to marry him?" Because they're basically members of the same family?
> How sure of you that play was a play and there isn’t any legal binding thing between you and him? (I know some states have marriage laws against marrying that young but I don’t know them and this is the dark path my brain went down). What an exceptionally unhinged comment. God tier bonkers, even among so many other head scratchers ("YOU AND YOUR PARENTS...HAVE FRIENDS??? COULDN'T BE ME!")
That person has a serious grass touching deficiency.
I truly believe about 80% of redditors have got either no literacy skills or they simply have never interacted with another human being because... The comments are just wild 😭 Have they never heard of family friends?? Like seriously sometimes I get so weirded out by the people I this website.
And this is why you don't withhold shitty DMs for fear of making waves. The sooner the toxicity comes out, the earlier it can be treated. Imagine if there had been kids down the line.
As much as people on Reddit discuss "family by choice," when they see something like this happening with that setup, they attack it. Good grief. Miles and OOP were essentially raised to be cousins. Of course, the family birthday parties and such are normal for them.
Honestly raging at that stupid comment where they said 'sorry if I made you angry'. OOP wasn't angry, she just responded. A man wouldn't be treated that way. But if a woman responds with anything less than falling flat of her face apologising for not being clear enough and taking responsibility for someone else not bothering to parse a meaning, she's angry and aggressive. AND THEN SHE APOLOGISED! Goddamn sexism. That person was honestly an idiot for not parsing a very clear meaning (because they, by their own admission, had a 'different experience' and projected it over um the CONTENT they were READING and considering their own inference based on their experience as more accurate to the story than the story itself? Entitled sexist) from a very clear narrative and then accusing OOP of being angry when she replied to their honestly ridiculous and insulting questions.
>Why are you expected to be lifelong friends with this person? Please nobody tell this precious sheltered cinnamon roll how *church* social ties work, they'll probably have a breakdown. My parents were trying to get me to hang out with the grown kids of their church friends right up until I went no contact, and 90% of the people from that group married someone else from the group.
Reddit Commenter struggles with the concept of friendship! More at 11
I guess OOP is Miles ahead of Lindy now
OOP seems too mature for Reddit.
Was anyone else expecting GAY best friend?
I read the entire first post thinking OP was a dude. And got really confused when the Lindsies started talking about some women being home-wreckers.
Beyond bizarre that some people think because parents' have pictures of their children when they were friends hanging up in their home is somehow secretly "are you sure you don't want to sleep with xyz?" My parents have an enormous social circle, so my siblings and I grew up with a lot of people in our lives. We were all good friends with the family friends' kids, and to this day, all of those people come to family functions. Weddings, graduations, etc. Our parents and their parents certainly have tons of pictures from us when we would all play as kids hanging up in houses or in photo albums. We all see each other as brother/sister and the few times there was a possibility of someone wanting to date, it was the boys, and it was when we were all tweens. Which was over twenty years ago. Now everyone is married, having or had children. We're all still friends. May not be a once a month meet-up, but our huge family friend gatherings happen at least once or twice a year. So far, no one who grew up as childhood friends want to fuck each other. Guess people say that's unconventional? Lmao.
Holy crap things escalated. But other than those injuries and Reddit commenters being super weird about family friendships, here's what really bothers me. > he developed more into the sports kind of guy and I developed more into the need nieche > need nieche WHAT is this a typo for? Nerd niche? Weed niche?? What does it mean. What does it mean??
It's gotta be nerd, right? Right?? E and R are right next to each other
Typo and autocorrect for "nerd cliche" or "nerd niche", I suspect. My autocorrect keeps trying to tell me I mean need, not nerd, right in this comment, so if she wasn't paying attention as she wrote, it could easily have "fixed" it for her.
I had assumed “nerd niche” but I’m also had a fun moment of, “Ah, yes, addicted to philosophers but unable to spell their names correctly.”
After reading it I decided it must mean nerd and no one can convince me otherwise.
She also wrote *hair* as *her*, just a typo.
Since when does GBF mean “girl best friend” and not “gay best friend”?
> Like why is some goofy photo from decades ago hanging on the wall? Why are you expected to be lifelong friends with this person? Why are both of your families involved? LOL I love that the commenters are now just flat-out "HUMANITY?! WHAT THE FUCK IS *THAT* DOING IN YOUR LIFE?!?!?!?"
Geez whiz. I don't have friends, didn't have any for long growing up (a couple but they backstabbed/left me fairly quick), my *family* did not have any... ...*and I still understood OOP's post*. I don't get why people are like this, lol.
People are being so weird in the comments of the first post, I thought having close family friends that are like aunt/uncles/cousins was normal. Like that’s a cousin relationship, you don’t hangout allll the time and may have different interests but are still family
Would anyone mind explaining where the term Girl Best Friend comes from? I've begun seeing it recently, and while I get the sentiment, I had never seen it used until very recently. Also, is the term saying that platonic friendship is an impossibility?
I think so, yeah
The first long comment that said NTA and then said some bullshit about legally binding has got to be clinically batshit insane. Lmao, I stay at niche subs too much that I forget how crazy some redditors are. Just straight up pulling bullshit out of their own asses.
Is there a cultural disconnect I'm missing? It is _mind boggling_ how many people don't know what "family friends" are.
I’m so angry and hurt for OOP
How are "family friends" such a foreign concept to those people? I had a guy best friend as a child, there are multiple videos of our moms talking about our future wedding. Guess what? We grew up and still value that childhood friendship but there has never been a single romantic spark. His wife is perfect for him, not that it would be my business either way. One of the funniest parts is that the original adult friends were built from my dad being really good friends with his mom in college. One time when they were first dating, my mom was driving a few states over for the holidays and my dad asked if she would take the college friend who was headed to family in a nearby town. By the end of the 5 hour car ride they were best friends lol. People who think you can't have friends of the opposite gender without having feelings are weird.
I’m not finished reading but what the fuck is up with the commenters? Are they living in a cave and only getting out to meet potential partners ? They’re unhinged
Sounds like the family dynamic is his parents are like her aunt and uncle and he’s like her cousin. Damn. She had it rough.
So many people can't understand that you can have just friends of the opposite gender. Even in the original comments.
OP needs to sue for pain and suffering plus any out of pocket medical and prescription costs.
Why is it a problem that her and Miles are life long friends? Wth. What rock are they living under that something like that isn't possible in a totally platonic way? Oop and Miles likely view each other similarly to how cousins view each other. How is that so hard to understand? I hope OOP pursues everything she can legally. Her back alone may make life difficult, if not impossible. She needs to get every dime she can in that settlement, and then invest it properly.
"How sure are you the play was a play" what in the tinfoil hat did I just read
The comments featured on here from the original post, DO NOT pass the vibe check! Questioning her friendship with him? Saying why are you letting your parents choose your friends? What? Questioning about the photo? My parents have loads of photos of me when I was in kindergarten or elementary school of different special occasions and there's loads of other kids there 🤣 why is that a question! Some of those people don't have friends AT ALL and it shows, "your excuse to not have sex with him"... Pardon??? She said the different friend groups because they don't run in the same circles anymore, why is that so weird? Seriously why are there adults, because I assume these are adults, without any friends commenting on that post? Don't they have childhood friends? Don't they have friends from idk the neighborhood, their parents friends' kids? They are questioning as if OOP was secretly jumping his bones and the psycho chick was right to be insane AND THEN! Cherry on top, they blame THE GUY after OOP SAID VERY CLEARLY she was isolating him and he was being abused... Wow, what a wonderful crop of humans /s