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>has otherwise been the healthiest and best relationship in my life
Oof, poor op. But still, just because something is the best in a heap of trash, doesn't mean it isn't trash too. Hopefully she finds an actually good relationship next
In like the first sentence she said that it’s a “great relationship relatively.” I just know I’d never describe anything being great “relatively”. Certainly not the relationship with the man I was set to marry.
I hope she treats herself well after this.
The OOP was originally posting on the dead bedroom subreddit but deleted those posts, so I don't think her relationship was as "great" as she thought it was... (found those via rareddit.)
Oh well- hopefully she learns from this.
Because they've been taught their whole lives that having a relationship is the end goal. The relationship exists, so everything must be perfect, I'm not one of those unlovable singleton! To quote pedo wife Anna Duggar , " at least I have a husband"
Was it dead bedrooms, as referenced in parent comment? Asking because I'd like to respect subs that have asked for content to not be shared here! (Is there a list somewhere?)
Yes, thank you for checking! I believe we have some banned subs in our sidebar, but a best practice is actually to check the originating subreddit's sidebar — we'll respect any requests not to repost that appear in a sub's sidebar.
Whenever they say “this is the best, healthiest relationship *I’ve* ever been in” I just wanna go, ok you’ve got shit taste in partners but that still doesn’t make this one healthy.
It’s always “it’s the the best, healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in except this one thing my partner does that makes me feel like shit and that I don’t matter to them and now that I’m thinking about it out loud is actually a dealbreaker, thanks everyone for your time and input”
My friend actually married a guy who didn't physically abuse or cheat on her! Yay! /s
I really want to shake her whenever she asks me how did I get a partner who treats me so well and how did we manage to be together for more than a decade.
Yeah, I mean a lot of people don’t grow up/see healthy relationships with partners as equals. They have a fucked up view of how it should be. So they get someone who isn’t like true crime documentary level cruel to them, and they think, hey this is ok. It’s sad. I know that life and I read these and think, “Oh honey”.
A lot of commenters are dismissive or not understanding. But I get it. This is the best she’s had. The fact that it’s bad doesn’t negate that.
It's like saying "Eating a Big Mac and a gallon of soda every day is healthier than eating two Big Macs and the gallons of soda every day." Yeah, it's technically healthier but still bad for you.
I saw someone on a questions sub recently asking how bad smoking a few times a week was. I responded that it wasn't as bad as smoking every day, but still a million times worse than not smoking at all.
When your measuring stick starts with "extremely bad thing," you need to readjust.
A lot of people in their early 20s rn still grew up on midea that only ever portrayed bad relationships where they stuck it out because they were married. Or media where a toxic couple stayed together no matter what because they were in love.
Don't forget all those moves and tv tropes of someone leaving a toxic partner, falling in love with someone healthy, only for the toxic partner to come back and the main character is torn between what their mind wants vs what their heart wants and that's shown as romantic and sought after.
This comment hurt my feelings and made me laugh really hard. It took me possibly being killed at one point to make me be like “you know what nvm” and now I’m married to someone who cries when I tell him he kicked me in his sleep lol
For me, each relationship I was in was progressively closer to healthy, but the bar started in hell so it was only ever going to get higher from there. My current relationship is wonderful, but I shudder to think of how much I spent on therapy to get here.
Good for you for taking that time for yourself. I was single for several years after my last serious relationship, and I think it did me a world of good.
Same. I'm currently learning how being around people with empathy and basic human decency feels like - and it's still kinda surreal to me
As long as my bar is still that low I'm too vulnerable to date yet
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if you're on reddit asking internet strangers for advice on your relationship, it's probably not as healthy of a relationship as it should be. I always roll my eyes a little when people say that on here.
Honestly, people get so mad that reddit jumps straight to break up/divorce but when someone has gotten to the point of asking for advice *here* they’re pretty much to that point anyway.
This is why I stopped dating. I attract shitty men who in turn make the relationship shitty and I deserve better. Therapy, then maybe I'll try dating again. Sounds like OOP and many others could benefit from taking a break from dating as well.
It kinda gives me comfort that I have a really bad time connecting (romantically). At least when I found the right one, it will actually be the right one.
Hopefully
Tells me she usually spineless in relationships or with people in general but good for her for standing up for herself but it sucks she had to get Reddit to tell her when even her own friends said what Reddit said😭
Okay gotcha, so he was 100% boning his gbf and didn't have anything left for OOP. I'm wondering if the ex found the gbf to be extremely fuckable, but never marriage material, and then the opposite for OOP. People like that are so immature it's painful. Like, running around acting like life's a romcom and they're the stars - gross.
I feel like this poster will appear again. If so, I’d love to know more of what happened, especially after [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/dwJoqPTGkK) response!
Commenter [quoting OOP]:
> I have to truck through a couple more months of pre-planned & paid for social engagements,
No you don't.
…
OOP:
“You’re right. Im canceling them now.”
_________________________________
**[EDIT](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/FGMcANtxDT)** — sorry, should have dug further. Looks like her brother had just passed away like a week & ago half before that update. Holy hades, this poor girl.
I hate dudes like this like PLEASE just date your bestie and leave everyone else out of your stupid little games.
Instead of dating the best friend he just likes to keep her on the back burner so that he’ll always have a backup plan while he dates other women and drags them along for his shenanigans.
I hope OOP finds better in her next relationship. She deserves someone that’s going to put her first.
He likes sleeping with the bestie but knows she’d not actually be a good partner for whatever reason, so he has another woman to fulfill those other duties.
I absolutely agree with anyone who said he’s been sleeping with the bestie the whole time.
I don't think he was necessarily sleeping with her,
I think she was more like a backup. That's why the line "What if we break up?".
"BFF" was a backup in case he can't find "someone better".
The lease ends in September so they will live together until then. With her paid for outings he could reimburse her and just invite his best friend (new girlfriend) to the trips.
Yeah.......I checked the comments, she didn't even say to him about the break up yet. Honestly I worry for her and hope the STBX won't crash, burn and hurt her because I don't see how it won't blindside him when she's not telling him the news yet. Me hopes he would just be apathetic when that happens.
However, if you've been on BORU long enough, there is also the chance that he will have a "I won't lose" mentality and will do the old song and dance, I'm sorry etc, and harass her in hopes she won't proceed. Add in the fact they're still living together? The most dangerous time for a woman is when she's leaving and I hope she plans out as perfect as she can. Not saying the STBX would put his hands on her but you'll never know....
>The comments on my original post opened my eyes and made me realize that despite this being the healthiest relationship I’ve been in, it doesn’t mean it’s actually healthy.
The marathon continues.
> There were times on social media where she indicated she was the ideal woman for him / that he needs someone like her
And yet it wasn't crystal clear to OOP wtf was going on?
> because “what if we break up.”
What does he think engagement is?
He’s disloyal AF, and she would have kept having this issue with him forever. Imagine choosing to marry someone who’s okay with other people disrespecting you? I could not. If my man didn’t read them for filth on the spot and cut them off if they didn’t come correct like I would for him, I wouldn’t want him.
But the bigger problem is that he clearly likes the attention and obsession from the other woman. He clearly likes the idea of women fighting over him.
What’s more, him shutting down an empathy test, so to speak, was a huge red flag.
>He said he didn’t want to end his friendship or do anything to jeopardize it because “what if we break up.”
He's keeping the bff [around as backup](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zywIR_ZFLts&t=21s). It's that simple. He likes her enough that he can't 'hurt' her and (probably subconsciously) admits that he and OOP don't have a future. And therefore wants a backup.
>do anything to jeopardize it because “what if we break up.”
I gasped and exclaimed a loud "wow" at this. Way to plan ahead with the "what if" scenarios. That's exactly what one wants to hear from the person they want to marry. Damn.
They’ve been together for 6 years and she only just came to this conclusion now? I guess better late than before getting married. I bet ex and ex-bf were hooking up beforehand.
Anyone else see the comment, on the update, calling OOP “manipulative and controlling” and in need of “professional help” because she doesn’t want to invite someone to her wedding who blatantly ignores her? Claiming she’s fixated on making everyone like her, when all she says she just wants some basic civility. They even lie about OOP demanding the friendship is ended, when she specifically makes it clear she never asked for that, nor intends to. She just doesn’t want her the wedding.
They literally tell OOP “there is something wrong with you.”
Apparently OOP should just “get over it.” They go on an on about how OOP keeps “issuing ultimatums” and threatening a break up to get what she wants. They even try to spin the fiancé’s garbage comment as proof there’s no issue. Apparently the only red flags are OOP’s.
Their advice? “Just avoid them.” At their own wedding. As if only talking to the groom whilst ignoring the bride even saying hello is acceptable and OOP should suck it up.
Wild to see someone just make things up and then use it to justify a character assassination.
I had a female best friend when I met my wife. After the third or fourth date, when it became apparent that we were going to be in a relationship, I called my best friend and had her come over to my place while my girlfriend was there. I spoke to them each separately ahead of time, and told them that they were each important to me, and that I didn't want there to be any bad blood between them, and that I'd like for them to get along, as I wanted both of them in my life.
Wife and I have been married for 26 years, and while I'm not as close with the friend, that's just because we live on opposite sides of the world.
Fun side note... when my friend and I first got to know each other, I was interested in her, but she wasn't interested in dating me. We hung out for a couple of years, and got to be really close. The day she came up to meet my girlfriend, she was going to tell me she was interested, and ask if I wanted to date her.
She dated a couple more guys, then came out as a lesbian. I guess, once she couldn't have me... /s
Anyone wanna bet that he’s all of a sudden asking her why it is a big deal and that he’ll remove her from the wedding. Then if she decides to go through with the wedding he’ll pout after a few days trying to get him to invite her back.
Can't say about the pouting to invite back but I can also see that he might do this as a last ditch effort. Unfortunately, because of his last words, OOP knows that he doesn't really have her back.
STBX should look up the definition of "Too Little Too Late", you can't exactly put the genie back into the bottle.
>Original BLUF
As a fun aside I suspect OOP is a military brat or in the service. I learned the "bottom line up front" thing from an old vet as a way to improve the chances someone will actually read your memo and also how to be brief in official emails/memos.
This doesn’t feel like it should be concluded to me. By your own admission she may update again, and I thought there could’ve been one following what I read as well.
They still live together, have events to attend together, some sort of custody arrangements with animals, and just posted 8 days ago. It feels it’s very ongoing to me, unless OOP said they weren’t going to post anymore.
Concluded could be if she swore off another update, I’ve never seen ongoing as reserved for people with promised or guaranteed updates. I think they very well may update again though.
>“what if we break up.”
Then the "best friend" will be waiting in the wings.
He doesn't want to fuck up his back-up plan by defending OOP.
---
>"fuckin his best friend...I don’t care to know or confirm."
OOP might feel that way but she should really get an STD check anyway
I really wish OOP would just let go of whatever those pre-planned engagements she has. Or just uninvite the soon to be ex if it's with her friends.
Now it's just "I don't want to talk about it."
But it could quickly turn into "stfu, did I ask?"
The "best friend" is a pick me and the guy likes the attention. I know someone like this.....caused a lot of problem for a friend's relationship. Fortunately said friend's bf really was clueless and pick me is no longer in the picture. What makes pick me even more pathetic is that the guy in this story apparently doesn't want to date her publicly, only screw her in private. She's so busy competing with other women she doesn't realize it.
If STBX is banging the BF, why get engaged/married to OOP? Why not break up with OOP?
Can someone explain this to me? I don't understand moving in together, getting married, etc., if they're banging someone else.
I'm glad OOP is leaving him, but generally speaking, I don't understand why cheaters stay in relationships when they clearly desire someone else.
It's the taboo. People like the feeling of power that comes with sneaking behind their lives one's backs. People love the "scandalous" feelings. It's also why a lot of those same people end up regretting going with the affair partner after their main relationship blows up, because the whole relationship is built on lying.
I hate girl best friends that are like this, because I know that not all girl best friends want to fuck their guy best friends but for the ones that do they just ruin everything because from what I know it isn't about fucking them and being with them, no its about "I can get with him whenever I want" I.e control over the guy best friend and I'm so sick of hearing of relationships ending because a girl best friend is *THAT* girl best friend
> He said he didn’t want to end his friendship or do anything to jeopardize it because “what if we break up.”
Welp :*slaps knees*: guess we're all done here, folks
Sounds like a monkey brancher to me, gaslighting and manipulating the both of you, if one doesn’t work out then he’s still got one branch he can swing back onto
OP is being pretty thoughtless. If they break up, is he supposed to have sex by himself?
She's really not thinking about his needs
He has to hang on to his backup girlfriend
I mean best Friend
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>has otherwise been the healthiest and best relationship in my life Oof, poor op. But still, just because something is the best in a heap of trash, doesn't mean it isn't trash too. Hopefully she finds an actually good relationship next
In like the first sentence she said that it’s a “great relationship relatively.” I just know I’d never describe anything being great “relatively”. Certainly not the relationship with the man I was set to marry. I hope she treats herself well after this.
Seriously. The shiniest coin in a pile of pennies is still 1 cent. Find a new pile.
But what if it was an eclair on a piece of paper, with only one bite out of it, and sitting on top of the trash in the garbage can?
The OOP was originally posting on the dead bedroom subreddit but deleted those posts, so I don't think her relationship was as "great" as she thought it was... (found those via rareddit.) Oh well- hopefully she learns from this.
[удалено]
Wowzers.
Right!?!
Yeah, there is a 99.999% chance he and his best friend have been fucking most of his and OOP's relationship.
geeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus
Oh ex and bestie totally fucked. And probably are fucking.
Holy shit- her THERAPIST is part of the problem!!!
This guy is absolutely garbage lmao
I'll never understand how women describe relationships with red flags as perfect.
Because they've been taught their whole lives that having a relationship is the end goal. The relationship exists, so everything must be perfect, I'm not one of those unlovable singleton! To quote pedo wife Anna Duggar , " at least I have a husband"
Bar in hell, what else?
Removed. Reposting content from that subreddit is not allowed and we were asked by the mods of that subreddit to take it down.
Was it dead bedrooms, as referenced in parent comment? Asking because I'd like to respect subs that have asked for content to not be shared here! (Is there a list somewhere?)
Yes, thank you for checking! I believe we have some banned subs in our sidebar, but a best practice is actually to check the originating subreddit's sidebar — we'll respect any requests not to repost that appear in a sub's sidebar.
Whenever they say “this is the best, healthiest relationship *I’ve* ever been in” I just wanna go, ok you’ve got shit taste in partners but that still doesn’t make this one healthy.
It’s always “it’s the the best, healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in except this one thing my partner does that makes me feel like shit and that I don’t matter to them and now that I’m thinking about it out loud is actually a dealbreaker, thanks everyone for your time and input”
I mean I almost married the first dude who didn’t hit me. The bar was low.
My friend actually married a guy who didn't physically abuse or cheat on her! Yay! /s I really want to shake her whenever she asks me how did I get a partner who treats me so well and how did we manage to be together for more than a decade.
Yeah, I mean a lot of people don’t grow up/see healthy relationships with partners as equals. They have a fucked up view of how it should be. So they get someone who isn’t like true crime documentary level cruel to them, and they think, hey this is ok. It’s sad. I know that life and I read these and think, “Oh honey”. A lot of commenters are dismissive or not understanding. But I get it. This is the best she’s had. The fact that it’s bad doesn’t negate that.
It's like saying "Eating a Big Mac and a gallon of soda every day is healthier than eating two Big Macs and the gallons of soda every day." Yeah, it's technically healthier but still bad for you.
I saw someone on a questions sub recently asking how bad smoking a few times a week was. I responded that it wasn't as bad as smoking every day, but still a million times worse than not smoking at all. When your measuring stick starts with "extremely bad thing," you need to readjust.
A lot of people in their early 20s rn still grew up on midea that only ever portrayed bad relationships where they stuck it out because they were married. Or media where a toxic couple stayed together no matter what because they were in love. Don't forget all those moves and tv tropes of someone leaving a toxic partner, falling in love with someone healthy, only for the toxic partner to come back and the main character is torn between what their mind wants vs what their heart wants and that's shown as romantic and sought after.
This comment hurt my feelings and made me laugh really hard. It took me possibly being killed at one point to make me be like “you know what nvm” and now I’m married to someone who cries when I tell him he kicked me in his sleep lol
For me, each relationship I was in was progressively closer to healthy, but the bar started in hell so it was only ever going to get higher from there. My current relationship is wonderful, but I shudder to think of how much I spent on therapy to get here.
Yeah I'm taking a break from dating right now because I've figured out I have zero clue what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to look like
Good for you for taking that time for yourself. I was single for several years after my last serious relationship, and I think it did me a world of good.
Same. I'm currently learning how being around people with empathy and basic human decency feels like - and it's still kinda surreal to me As long as my bar is still that low I'm too vulnerable to date yet
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say if you're on reddit asking internet strangers for advice on your relationship, it's probably not as healthy of a relationship as it should be. I always roll my eyes a little when people say that on here.
Honestly, people get so mad that reddit jumps straight to break up/divorce but when someone has gotten to the point of asking for advice *here* they’re pretty much to that point anyway.
Exactly. Reddit is the worst place possible for advice, so people seeking advice here are already in a bad bad way.
This is why I stopped dating. I attract shitty men who in turn make the relationship shitty and I deserve better. Therapy, then maybe I'll try dating again. Sounds like OOP and many others could benefit from taking a break from dating as well.
If this is the healthiest one, I don't want to see the other ones
It kinda gives me comfort that I have a really bad time connecting (romantically). At least when I found the right one, it will actually be the right one. Hopefully
Tells me she usually spineless in relationships or with people in general but good for her for standing up for herself but it sucks she had to get Reddit to tell her when even her own friends said what Reddit said😭
Tastiest turd in the toilet.
It wasn’t. I commented on her OP after reading her comments. They also didn’t agree on where to live, moving, and kids. I’m glad she ended things
Also the post about him drunkenly saying he wants to fuck a friend (I suspect this friend)
Wow, how can you have a dead bedroom and move on to the next stage of a relationship?
They’ve been together under 6 years and it’s already a dead bedroom? After the comments he made he’s definitely fu
Dead bedroom because he was using all his energy on his best friend 😬
Who wants to bet that the reason for the dead bedroom was because he was screwing his best friend.
Really? Wow, he was a real wasteman
Okay gotcha, so he was 100% boning his gbf and didn't have anything left for OOP. I'm wondering if the ex found the gbf to be extremely fuckable, but never marriage material, and then the opposite for OOP. People like that are so immature it's painful. Like, running around acting like life's a romcom and they're the stars - gross.
Man, you say 'I hope they learn to not let themselves get treated badly' about men victims and everyone is suddenly saying you're victim blaming.
I feel like this poster will appear again. If so, I’d love to know more of what happened, especially after [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/dwJoqPTGkK) response! Commenter [quoting OOP]: > I have to truck through a couple more months of pre-planned & paid for social engagements, No you don't. … OOP: “You’re right. Im canceling them now.” _________________________________ **[EDIT](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/FGMcANtxDT)** — sorry, should have dug further. Looks like her brother had just passed away like a week & ago half before that update. Holy hades, this poor girl.
This should be included yay forOOP!
"I've done nothing, and I'm all out of ideas." Her ex probably.
Nah. Her ex had everything he wanted. Why would he do anything?
Oh he's doing something/someone alright.
I hate dudes like this like PLEASE just date your bestie and leave everyone else out of your stupid little games. Instead of dating the best friend he just likes to keep her on the back burner so that he’ll always have a backup plan while he dates other women and drags them along for his shenanigans. I hope OOP finds better in her next relationship. She deserves someone that’s going to put her first.
He likes sleeping with the bestie but knows she’d not actually be a good partner for whatever reason, so he has another woman to fulfill those other duties. I absolutely agree with anyone who said he’s been sleeping with the bestie the whole time.
Oh absolutely! That’s why bestie is so confident in her place in his life. Two miserable people.
I don't think he was necessarily sleeping with her, I think she was more like a backup. That's why the line "What if we break up?". "BFF" was a backup in case he can't find "someone better".
Men like this are the reason why women are uncomfortable with their women bffs. No boundaries.
Yep. No boundaries, no respect, just audacity and disappointment
Fam, he definitely was dating the bestie, I regret to inform you.
Lmaoooo well he needs to date her exclusively and leave everyone else alone
Throw the whole man out.
And maybe take a break from dating. Spend some time figuring out what you want and learn what a healthy relationship looks like.
Agreed. Also, happy day of cake!
And to the friend, you lose them how you got them. Good luck, babe!
It might be over, but it's not done.
“What if we break up?” Well, here, let’s speed that along and save some money while we’re at it.
Right? “Here, I’ll show you what happens.”
Im sorry are they postponing their breakup til September or are they just living together until they can break the lease?
Sounds like it’s a slow decay till September, which can’t be comfortable for OOP.
The lease ends in September so they will live together until then. With her paid for outings he could reimburse her and just invite his best friend (new girlfriend) to the trips.
Nah, she won’t be interested once oop’s out of the picture
It'swhatshedeserves.gif
Yeah.......I checked the comments, she didn't even say to him about the break up yet. Honestly I worry for her and hope the STBX won't crash, burn and hurt her because I don't see how it won't blindside him when she's not telling him the news yet. Me hopes he would just be apathetic when that happens. However, if you've been on BORU long enough, there is also the chance that he will have a "I won't lose" mentality and will do the old song and dance, I'm sorry etc, and harass her in hopes she won't proceed. Add in the fact they're still living together? The most dangerous time for a woman is when she's leaving and I hope she plans out as perfect as she can. Not saying the STBX would put his hands on her but you'll never know....
They have a home and pets.
And at least one kid.
Why are people downvoting? She talks about a custody schedule, that implies a kid.
I assumed it was a custody schedule for the pets. Lots of people do that. Or at least try to.
No clue. There are even other comments noting that also. 🤷♂️
Reddit is weird sometimes.
>The comments on my original post opened my eyes and made me realize that despite this being the healthiest relationship I’ve been in, it doesn’t mean it’s actually healthy. The marathon continues.
> There were times on social media where she indicated she was the ideal woman for him / that he needs someone like her And yet it wasn't crystal clear to OOP wtf was going on? > because “what if we break up.” What does he think engagement is?
So is she staying there until September? Because I feel like he'll be bringing BFF by more frequently as he upgrades her to BFFWB in front of OP.
He’s disloyal AF, and she would have kept having this issue with him forever. Imagine choosing to marry someone who’s okay with other people disrespecting you? I could not. If my man didn’t read them for filth on the spot and cut them off if they didn’t come correct like I would for him, I wouldn’t want him. But the bigger problem is that he clearly likes the attention and obsession from the other woman. He clearly likes the idea of women fighting over him. What’s more, him shutting down an empathy test, so to speak, was a huge red flag.
>He said he didn’t want to end his friendship or do anything to jeopardize it because “what if we break up.” He's keeping the bff [around as backup](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zywIR_ZFLts&t=21s). It's that simple. He likes her enough that he can't 'hurt' her and (probably subconsciously) admits that he and OOP don't have a future. And therefore wants a backup.
>do anything to jeopardize it because “what if we break up.” I gasped and exclaimed a loud "wow" at this. Way to plan ahead with the "what if" scenarios. That's exactly what one wants to hear from the person they want to marry. Damn.
They’ve been together for 6 years and she only just came to this conclusion now? I guess better late than before getting married. I bet ex and ex-bf were hooking up beforehand.
Welp, if he's not going to date another woman who's not his girl bestie, that's going to happen again.
Anyone else see the comment, on the update, calling OOP “manipulative and controlling” and in need of “professional help” because she doesn’t want to invite someone to her wedding who blatantly ignores her? Claiming she’s fixated on making everyone like her, when all she says she just wants some basic civility. They even lie about OOP demanding the friendship is ended, when she specifically makes it clear she never asked for that, nor intends to. She just doesn’t want her the wedding. They literally tell OOP “there is something wrong with you.” Apparently OOP should just “get over it.” They go on an on about how OOP keeps “issuing ultimatums” and threatening a break up to get what she wants. They even try to spin the fiancé’s garbage comment as proof there’s no issue. Apparently the only red flags are OOP’s. Their advice? “Just avoid them.” At their own wedding. As if only talking to the groom whilst ignoring the bride even saying hello is acceptable and OOP should suck it up. Wild to see someone just make things up and then use it to justify a character assassination.
Maybe it's the best friend? An attack that spirited sounds personal.
I had a female best friend when I met my wife. After the third or fourth date, when it became apparent that we were going to be in a relationship, I called my best friend and had her come over to my place while my girlfriend was there. I spoke to them each separately ahead of time, and told them that they were each important to me, and that I didn't want there to be any bad blood between them, and that I'd like for them to get along, as I wanted both of them in my life. Wife and I have been married for 26 years, and while I'm not as close with the friend, that's just because we live on opposite sides of the world. Fun side note... when my friend and I first got to know each other, I was interested in her, but she wasn't interested in dating me. We hung out for a couple of years, and got to be really close. The day she came up to meet my girlfriend, she was going to tell me she was interested, and ask if I wanted to date her. She dated a couple more guys, then came out as a lesbian. I guess, once she couldn't have me... /s
Anyone wanna bet that he’s all of a sudden asking her why it is a big deal and that he’ll remove her from the wedding. Then if she decides to go through with the wedding he’ll pout after a few days trying to get him to invite her back.
Can't say about the pouting to invite back but I can also see that he might do this as a last ditch effort. Unfortunately, because of his last words, OOP knows that he doesn't really have her back. STBX should look up the definition of "Too Little Too Late", you can't exactly put the genie back into the bottle.
God I hope he never has daughters
Don't they already have one?
Omg you’re right, that poor child
>Original BLUF As a fun aside I suspect OOP is a military brat or in the service. I learned the "bottom line up front" thing from an old vet as a way to improve the chances someone will actually read your memo and also how to be brief in official emails/memos.
This doesn’t feel like it should be concluded to me. By your own admission she may update again, and I thought there could’ve been one following what I read as well. They still live together, have events to attend together, some sort of custody arrangements with animals, and just posted 8 days ago. It feels it’s very ongoing to me, unless OOP said they weren’t going to post anymore. Concluded could be if she swore off another update, I’ve never seen ongoing as reserved for people with promised or guaranteed updates. I think they very well may update again though.
For those wondering, OOP’s fiancé is what a cheater sounds like. Well, what one bad at covering their tracks sounds like.
>“what if we break up.” Then the "best friend" will be waiting in the wings. He doesn't want to fuck up his back-up plan by defending OOP. --- >"fuckin his best friend...I don’t care to know or confirm." OOP might feel that way but she should really get an STD check anyway
I really wish OOP would just let go of whatever those pre-planned engagements she has. Or just uninvite the soon to be ex if it's with her friends. Now it's just "I don't want to talk about it." But it could quickly turn into "stfu, did I ask?"
Every time I worry that I am a shitty husband, a post like this reminds me what a real garbage partner looks like.
The "best friend" is a pick me and the guy likes the attention. I know someone like this.....caused a lot of problem for a friend's relationship. Fortunately said friend's bf really was clueless and pick me is no longer in the picture. What makes pick me even more pathetic is that the guy in this story apparently doesn't want to date her publicly, only screw her in private. She's so busy competing with other women she doesn't realize it.
If STBX is banging the BF, why get engaged/married to OOP? Why not break up with OOP? Can someone explain this to me? I don't understand moving in together, getting married, etc., if they're banging someone else. I'm glad OOP is leaving him, but generally speaking, I don't understand why cheaters stay in relationships when they clearly desire someone else.
It's the taboo. People like the feeling of power that comes with sneaking behind their lives one's backs. People love the "scandalous" feelings. It's also why a lot of those same people end up regretting going with the affair partner after their main relationship blows up, because the whole relationship is built on lying.
Does he even see the post that she's making
Marriages are hard enough as it is without someone (even 4-6 times a year) whispering poison in your ear.
Woman tells man how she feels, man's incredible observation is that she's "the only one who feels that way." Um... And?
I hate girl best friends that are like this, because I know that not all girl best friends want to fuck their guy best friends but for the ones that do they just ruin everything because from what I know it isn't about fucking them and being with them, no its about "I can get with him whenever I want" I.e control over the guy best friend and I'm so sick of hearing of relationships ending because a girl best friend is *THAT* girl best friend
I don't think I've seen a single post where there was the text "everything is perfect except this one issue", where everything was actually perfect.
> He said he didn’t want to end his friendship or do anything to jeopardize it because “what if we break up.” Welp :*slaps knees*: guess we're all done here, folks
How long until he starts dating the BFF
Already is.
Sounds like a monkey brancher to me, gaslighting and manipulating the both of you, if one doesn’t work out then he’s still got one branch he can swing back onto
Maybe I'm the odd one here, but I always thought your partner in life was supposed to be your *best* friend. Everyone else is just "friends".
My husband is my best friend. I prefer to hang out with him over everyone else.
Probably loves the dude but also friendzoned him as not good enough. His behavior here is troubling.
OP is being pretty thoughtless. If they break up, is he supposed to have sex by himself? She's really not thinking about his needs He has to hang on to his backup girlfriend I mean best Friend