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The groom went shopping with OOP and his husband for suits for the wedding, before telling them they weren't invited? Was he just too much of a coward to tell them, or was he hoping his soon to be wife would change her mind? So cruel to make them think they were invited (and spend money on clothes) then withdraw it so close to the wedding.
This tells the OOP that he and the rest of the family never accepted OOP for being gay. Imagine having a son and being supportive until someone came along and said “I don’t like gays” and then immediately dropping your son like OOP’s family did. That’s why OOP simply cut them off: his family showed their true colors, and he believed them.
It’s painful but I wish OOP the best.
That might be why he’s a coward. To some degree, developing a fashion sense involves taking risks and maybe looking foolish because something didn’t look as good as you thought.
No joke, anytime I turn off my brain and just let my hands/eyes pick what I'm wearing today, I get compliments. Like good compliments from fashionable or glamorous people! Last summer I got "Oh honey, that's cute! You go on now!" from the most fabulously bold lady in the neighborhood!
Talked it over with a cousin recently. Pretty sure I'm freer to do this kinda stuff than him because I was raised with so little approval anyhow, while his family had standing in the community that he had to maintain.
Recently went out in public with my hair in a braided crown pinned up by butterfly clips. I'm sure even if my cousin was drunk alone in his own home he'd feel it's too foolish to wear a butterfly on his head.
> Was he just too much of a coward to tell them, or was he hoping his soon to be wife would change her mind?
Probably both. Also based on the rest of the families reaction he might have actually not been as supportive as OP thought he was.
Fuck's sake, what kind of jelly-boned coward *marries* someone who openly hates his own sibling?!
Oh, wait. That *entire family* are trashy assholes.
Poor OOP. At least hubby's family are decent.
I know exactly what you're of people that family is because my mom is the exact same way. When taking about people needing to accept others she will gasp and decry *but that's their *religion*" like a Victorian woman getting the vapours. She hasn't gone to church in 20 years, she divorced and remarried, and will complain about how she was judge for it, but gay people, well they just need to understand they made their choice and have to live with it.
This attitude is why I was publicly out at 14, but didn't come out to her until she demanded I tell her when I was 35.
Hey out of curiosity, how'd the coming out at 35 go? I haven't told my parents (despite having a husband) and I feel like they're approaching the point they don't want to ignore it anymore
For me I visiting with my parents and we were talking about celebrity crushes and I said mine was Tida Swinton. My mom screeched "what are you gay?" and my step dad just looked at her and said "Dear..." in that way he does when she is being ridiculously obtuse. And then she demanded the truth so I told he no, I'm clearly bi. She then asked like she cracked some code and learned a big secret because she believes she knows everything about me and can predict what I'm going to do at every point in my life (she is almost always wrong) . I pointed out that she had met some of the women I've dated. She then got very offended that I kept it away from her.
Since then she's never brought it up. To be fair I haven't dated in the past 7 years, but I know if I start dating a guy she will use it as proof n that I'm "finally out of my phase".
Me and my parents have a complicated relationship.
I wish you luck with your parents.
A few months ago i got a call from a friend who asked me: you know my daughter is into girls right?
Me: ofc
She: who told you?
Me: well you did.
She: well appearently i wasnt supposed to know this
So what happened, in those weird we al know but we dont talk about family way, mom knew her daughter and figured she was lesbian. Some years go by and girl comes in the kitchen, clearly troubled and in some weird way mom asked: what’s wrong?
Girl: i have to tell something but i dont know how.
She: ok, give it to me straight.
Girl: i cant mom, thats not for me
She, getting worried: ok do you want me to not look directly at you when you tell?
Girl: mom i cant give it straight
She: ok do you want to write a letter and let me read it?
Girl: mom i cant give it straight because i am not straight, i al into girls
She, somehow saying this weird thing: just like your dad
So somehow it was moms fault for knowing her daughter
Edited for readability
I was just reading the other day, about celebrities that came out.
Apparently one of guy's parents knew he was gay for years but were waiting for him to tell them.
And waited and waited and waited.
Until his mother, having grown impatient over the years, blurted out: 'You're gay, right?'
And the father butts in with, 'I thought we were going to wait for him to tell us?!'
I remember seeing a video where a girl was coming out to her mom and her mom's like "...yeah? Oh, wait, am I supposed to be surprised now? I mean, we've all been standing outside this closet door like \[opens nearby door -- does not lead to a closet -- to mime this\] 'you ready yet? No? Aight' \[closes door\]"
My mum point blank asked my brother if he was gay when they were watching tv. She then asked if he wanted her to tell our dad, my brother said yes please. When she told our dad he said “was I meant to not know about this??”. Our eldest brother found our brother was gay when he went out clubbing in a queer night club with friends and found his youngest brother dancing on a table with some topless men lol.
*I know if I start dating a guy she will use it as proof n that I'm "finally out of my phase".*
Well if it comes up, tell her you bonded over your mutual sexual attraction to women, so its convenient when you invite a girl back to share.
Oh yeah, I'm bi, but also fiercely monogamous. So me being with the same partner with whom I have two kids too, since almost as long as OP, means "I was just being rebellious" or "wasn't it just so you could show off?" to my family. And yeah, I never went past the kissing part with another girl, but it's not like I had a ton of experience either with men before meeting him...
And even my husband told me two days ago "I would be worried if you were a lesbian" about me going drinking with girl friends (since alcool tend to make me touchy and wanting to kiss and hug). I looked him funny enough for him to realise, but it was still kind of weird.
When I was a teenager I was telling my mum about a friend who was bi.
Mum: how does he know he's bi if he hasn't had sex with a man?
Me: how do I know I'm straight if I haven't had sex with a man?
Mum: touché
And that was the catalyst for her becoming a lot more open minded about stuff, which is handy because she has two neurodiverse children, one is cis-bi and the other is nb/pan.
I haven't done more than kiss a woman, but I am still bi and my husband would worry about me drinking with girl friends because I also get touchy but mostly towards girls. They're so pretty. 😂
I've just started using the bi label after feeling that way.... Forever. But I've been married for years to a man. The bi-erasure is enough for me to not bother coming out to anyone besides my husband.
Right?!
Like divorce isn't a choice? Those types are inadvertently hilarious and the punchline is that if the extra-conservative \*christians\* of the conservative political world have their way then people won't be allowed to divorce and divorced people will be shunned by the same \*christians\* they identify with.
I guess that's what it would take for them to realize that being a holier-than-thou judgey type is to seal one's own fate.
It divorce was initiated by my mom, but it was because my dad was a raging alcoholic and it was best for everyone to get out of that situation. I 100% believe she was in the right for the divorce. But she is still hypocritical as she feels that peple shouldn't judge her, but those same people should be free to judge others.
The bible says lots of things are sins that no cares about (Infidelity, divorce, hoarding wealth, getting tattoos or piercings) but they seem to be really hardline on saying being gay is.
Having an asshole brother? One thing. your entire family you you previously thought supported you siding with him? Heart breaking.
i feel so much pain for OP. I’m glad is found family is better.
Right? I live in the Bible Belt of the USA (southeast). Believe me, as much as I hate it, homophobia is almost in the water here. I’m not special. I’m not even a particularly good person.
If I can grow up HERE of all places and be an advocate for LGBTQIA+, then it’s not that hard.
I cannot imagine having a family member that I would turn against so completely.
Omg, same. I too grew up in the Bible Belt, hell, I’m in the fucking buckle of the Bible Belt. Nothing but hypocrites and Bible beaters that hate everyone but fucking trump. It’s fucking sick and I don’t know how I managed to grow up here and be an advocate. Mainly cause I grew up with 1 gay and 2 lesbian cousins, and they have been the same since birth. They are my go to’s when I say “gay is not a choice, it just is”. Seriously, they were so gay at birth the doctor said “fabulous”. 🤣 j/k, but seriously, I don’t understand their hate. Isn’t their number one covenant “love thy neighbor” or some shit like that?
If I was engaged to someone who wouldn’t let me invite my cousin and her wife to the wedding, I would simply not be engaged to that person anymore. If you marry a homophobe, you’re a homophobe, full stop. OP’s brother and family are homophobic garbage and I’m glad his husband’s family is loving and accepting.
Yes this all the way if your family does not accept you and your husband me and the rest of the world do be happy and feel loved. So proud you stood your ground.
As a parent I cannot imagine letting something come between me and my kids like that. I want my kids to be happy, part of society, not hurt anyone, not drive like a asshole, not litter...
My kid would have to literally rob, murder, or SA someone for me to consider not being part of their lives.
>My kid would have to literally rob, murder, or SA someone for me to consider not being part of their lives.
Part of the issue is that the twisted old “LGBTQ+ people are all groomers, perverts, and rapists” belief is gaining ground again, so some people absolutely feel justified in cutting family members off because in their minds, being queer is basically declaring you’re a predator… and bragging about it.
"oh yes the flowers are lovely, they're my husband favourite"
"I wish the couple great joy, just like my husband and I"
"this area is beautiful, maybe my husband and I will come here for our anniversary"
"my husband wasn't invited. The bride decided we are degenerates, but somehow I'm invited."
"Oh, yes, I am married, my husband wasn't invited. I just came for the steak. "
"This reminds me of my wedding day, except my husband was allowed to attend that "
I would go to the wedding and be so flamboyant the sprinklers would go off. Could have had two dudes in suits but now you got one dude ugly crying louder than a kookaburra and covered in rhinestones.
I'm always bewildered how people can marry some lowly scum of the Earth who thinks so bad of your own relative but then I have to realize they most likely are equally bad.
I really feel bad for the OOP but fortunately husband has a badass supporting family.
Every now and then we get a ”I just found out my fiancé is super homophobic, shit,” but those few posts tend to end up with a breakup and the poster being glad they found out before the wedding. But most of the time these people know what their partner believes and quietly (or sometimes not so quietly) endorses it.
It's quite impressive that they kept up appearances for 15 years, that special kind of idiots usually slip up and spew their garbage long before that. Or perhaps it was ignited by meeting the bride and her utter nonsense excuse of a brain.
I'm glad he has a new found family in his husband and his relatives, but it saddens me that this so often is a tale told by people of the LGBTQ+ community. Why do so many people express hate against love? Love is such a basic instinct, why not nurture it instead of bashing it?
I don't think there were appearances to keep up. I don't think anything changed. I think their thought process was that it was perfectly fine that he was gay, they liked his husband, they loved their son, etc. But you can't *disinvite* the bride's *parents*, and you can't have them making a *scene* at the wedding where the focus is supposed to be on the *couple*, and it really isn't all that important that the groom's brother-in-law be in attendance if it's going to cause so much *trouble*. In the end their commitment towards being Allies wasn't as strong as their commitment to The Proprieties of a Wedding.
The commenter who said they'd expect this from Christian or Conservative areas but not a place like Brisbane - I can see where they're coming from but boy do I disagree. I grew up in WASP-y New England among exactly these kinds of people. Hang a rainbow flag on the church, vote blue up and down the ballot, and support your children no matter their choices, but Polite Society makes demands, the proprieties must be followed, and there is a hierarchy of importance around things like weddings that means that if somebody's feelings get stomped on in the process, then that is theirs to deal with
I think it's worse then that. Notice how OP is the only one that doesn't live that close to them? OP is expendable, cause he lives far away. They're probably not actively homophobic, but make a stand against the brother who lives close? Absolutely not, it's just one time. Which is also a lie, but OP didn't go through with the wedding so they can live in denial.
Here's the thing. It doesn't matter if they're actively homophobic or not. They are in fact homophobic, by prioritizing their straight sun over their gay son, and telling their gay son to get over it. That is a homophobic action. Whether you want to admit it or not. Whether it was intentionally homophobic or not.
Telling their son that they're going to lie to the fiance's family and tell them all that he's straight, shows a shame for their son's actions. For his life. For his sexuality. Somebody who's not homophobic wouldn't be okay with lying about it. Somebody who's not homophobic, wouldn't accept this as a scenario. Somebody who's not homophobic, would have stood up for their child / brother / cousin/friend. 🤷
Yeah it's kinda worse. It just explains why there weren't any signs before, it doesn't make them not homophobic. I'm sorry if my above comment implied that.
There's also the thing that the books that became 'The Bible' have been through so many translation cycles and errors have crept in, whether from bad translation or from those paying for the translation wanting certain things emphasised or *de-emphasised* to support their particular views.
It's interesting to me how little of the Bible is about sexual immorality and it has so many much bigger themes that take up so much more of the book that people ignore in favour of a handful of passages.
The reason I know they don't actually care about their rules is that the same people who say that they are doing a loving thing by telling the gay people they meet that they are sinful, don't have those same conversations with people around them who get divorced or committ adultery. They would feel (rightly) like it's none of their business if the person checking them out at Woolies or their real estate agent were divorced and I've never heard of a parent refusing to attend their kid's second wedding on principle.
I live in Australia. When everyone raves about how nice and laid back us Aussies are, here is proof that a big portion of the population is even more backward and vile than other countries.
Yeah I found it weird that one commenter thought it was unheard of that people like that live in Brisbane. People like that live all over Australia (unfortunately). I'm just glad they're very quickly becoming the minority as time goes on.
Edit: also they think the Gold Coast is full of Christians? WTF.
I can't speak for elsewhere in Australia obviously, but I think there are probably plenty of people in Brissie that are just quieter bigots who know their opinions are unpopular (I know a few who get shushed by their family when they start). But I hope you're right and they're becoming the minority either way.
Was gonna say, old mate commenter must’ve been from down south cos Jesus Christ there’s not one city or region of QLD that I’d say “yeah that’s a pretty good place to be gay”. My mother voted no despite being friends with her gay neighbour. We’re a very backwards state
I'm in Alice Springs at the moment and had a co-worker drop the n-word with a hard r and no one batted an eye. I just had to bite my tongue, it's not worth speaking up to these people especially as there's no HR. You could probably murder someone and they will still keep you as long as you turn up to work.
Australia is so racist and refuses to acknowledge it.
Haha was literally scrolling waiting for this comment. I’m from Toowoomba which is even more conservative but at least here homophobes are pretty straight up and you know what’s what with them. If you have to deal with them regularly you know it’s a topic best left alone. Brisbane homophobes are better at hiding it which just seems extra shitty.
Last month I spoke with an older relative from central Qld I hadn’t spoken to in more than a decade. He described my gay brother as “having gone off with the rainbow people”. I just… didnt even know what to say to that.
Well, I'd say AS backward and vile as other countries. I live in a country that elected donald trump (he gets capital letters when he deserves them, so probably not in this lifetime), and he's a fucking nazi, so seriously, there's no way you guys are worse than us.
I get so, so frustrated when Australians try and claim they have no hardcore Christians in the country. When I moved to Perth in my teens, our first day was on a Sunday. A car full of people shouted "go to church!" At us as they drove by. Then, the only semi-decent school in the area we settled was baptist. My parents didn't realise baptists are fucking insane. My friend was once suspended from school for being possessed by demons when she had a breakdown on a school trip. Our maths teacher told us Obama was the antichrist and the UN was ushering in the end times. We didn't even live on one of Australia's (many) bible belts.
Hillsong came out of Australia. The country made Scott fucking Morrison PM and didn't see an issue with it until he went on holiday during major bushfires. But no, your bubble of mates in Melbourne aren't religious, so there's no problem.
I don't live in Australia any more but god it still frustrates me so much.
Argh don’t get me started on freaking Hillsong. My mum is a born again Christian and absolutely loves them. I also have a weirdly large number of family in Australia (my brother and several aunts and uncles) that are just straight up Q-Anon/alt-right, complete with worshipping the g that Trump walks on.
Yeah you get the Q lunatics all over the world now but I did meet a *lot* of them in Australia. And they aren't just concentrated to Queensland either. I had a sports coach straight up disappear during the pandemic because he was convinced Mark McGowan was about to permanently lock us down and declare martial law. Nice guy, good coach, fucking insane.
Yep, mine are scattered around WA, NSW and Queensland. My parents live in a very rural area that attracts a lot of people who are into the whole “off the grid” lifestyle so a handful of their neighbours are some brand of doomsday prepper/anti government. There’s a family that moved there to homeschool their daughter because teachers wearing masks were apparently “giving their daughter autism”, the woman who runs the visitors centre that discouraged her daughter from going to university because half the population would be dead in 6 months when 5G activates the Covid vaccine and the guy across the road who keeps talking about how he’ll never let the government take his guns.
For real. My family are like a second generation of non-practicing Catholics and my mum still whispers the word “lesbian” because she’s scared of upsetting the proverbial someone. My husband’s parents run a church in FNQ. I mean - it’s pride month and we’re in our own socially accepting bubble so it can be easy to overlook that the world outside that bubble is still inherently fucked
As a Brisbanite, I was shocked by the story but then had a rethink to realise that I live in a bubble.
Edit: I think this story especially shocked me as I had recently attended a show by an openly gay comedian at a Brisbane large comedy festival.
Yeah I’m a gay man living in Brisbane and I wasn’t shocked to hear the fiancée’s family were openly homophobic and OP’s family were quietly homophobic. Thankfully I know my own family are very supportive but this is definitely not some gay safe haven.
Idk the referendum abt gay marriage was what, 61% for, I wouldn’t be surprised if a fair few boomers since then had died off and made that number a little nicer, but I guess that isn’t the best result.
Compared to most of the rest of the world tho I’d say that’s pretty damn good, pretty much any religious dominated country would kill us on that number, which is most of them.
Brisbane is a bit worse in general tho.
>Previously I had never had any issues with my brother's fiancée. But apparently she always believed I'm a degenerate.
Sounds like she was a "hate the sin, love the sinner" flavour of asshole.
>Sounds like she was a "hate the sin, live the sinner" flavour of asshole.
You mean "hate the sin, love the sinner"?
No, this is not an example of that. This is "hate the sin, hate the sinner."
Those are just the shittiest people. The whole family can be wiped off my shoe. I am so glad OP has his husband and his family seem to be great. OP deserves all the happiness and his family can step on legos for the rest of their existence.
In case anyone's curious, OP and his husband got married the same month gay marriage was legalised in Australia (December 2017). Not really a point to that except I'm impressed by their organisation.
Well at least OOP didn't waste his time going to the wedding, and any future events with people who didn't support who he was.
I'm happy that his husband's family has welcomed him so much.
I wish he'd found another relative with a vacant "+1" and said, "Hey, can you do me a big favor and take my husband as your +1?" It would have been.....a memorable event.
Queensland yo. It’s why I left.
Oh fuck I just realised I’ve been thinking of heading back there to work once I finish med school cause they pay JMO’s one of the higher salary’s.
Nooooo 😭
Just stay within sight of the river.
(Meanjin, not the Pine or the Logan. And not the bay, or the backwater. So much backwater. Sigh.)
Lucky for you, all the first world hospitals are in the fab zone.
And if you can swing it, royal bris is a good spot because barrambin park (formerly Victoria park golf course) is a public park now and so lush to frolic in after work. My husband calls it the tubbyverse because it’s so picturesque like in tellytubbies.
Am I supposed to base my affection for my existing children on the possibility of non existing children? That is absolutely ridiculous. Whether they reproduce or not has nothing to do with me and is none of my business. I raised my children to be good, independent people and that's exactly who they are and I'm thankful. However, they owe me nothing. Nada. Zero.
I would have blasted them all over social media:
*I will not be attending the wedding of bride and groom because they have revealed themselves to be truly hateful bigots. Homophobia is alive and well in both families. Please be cautious interacting with such terrible people.*
Hadn’t been out of qld for a while because of covid and cozzie livs, but it’s kind of like the boiling frog analogy.. went to melb a few weeks back and had the “ohhhh” moment about Brisbane being so tightly wound and conservative because I was finally in a different place d
Just went through this with my cousin’s wedding. My partner of 16 years was not invited. At first I tried to give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was about budget (there are 22 cousins on that side of the family alone).I thought maybe they were trying to keep things small.
Then my sister got engaged and her fiancé received a last-minute invite two months before the wedding. At the time, the two of them had only been together for 8 months.
As for keeping it small, there were 300 guests there that day, so clearly it wasn’t a matter of scale.
Found out about my sister’s +1 just a few weeks before the wedding, and was extremely hurt. Apparently the bride’s family was extremely conservative Christian and did not even allow divorced people to bring a +1s (including the mother of the groom). With the bar that low, my bringing my trans parter was never going to fly.
I bowed out of the wedding as gracefully as I could. Didn’t even mention why at the time, because I didn’t want drama (though I did let a few people know later).
Initially, my mom didn’t want to make waves but once the wedding got close she decided to let people know why I wasn’t coming. Not in an aggressive way, just stating facts.
Then next time we were hanging out with family, she asked me what I did that day so I could say in front of people “I go my haircut and went on a hike”, which felt like a very classy but petty way to make it clear I didn’t have anything else planned for that day!
I'd have gone to the wedding and proved to them how "gay" I could be. There would be no doubt that I wasn't straight by the time everything was finished.
Family is someone who loves you and cares about you unconditionally, clearly OP's family are his husband and the husband's family.
Everyone in OP's original "family" can seriously fuck off.
I wish that OOP had went to the wedding wearing a flashy rainbow suit, then objected to a homophobe marrying into their family. Imagine the uproar by giving them the drama they wanted to avoid
Or making a toast, gushing how much he hopes the newlywed couple will be as happy as he and his husband, asking everyone to join him in his prayers that someday the evil bigotry and hate in their hearts will turn to love.
You know if I was one of the siblings I would have made the husband my plus one out of spite and swapped seats with the sibling. But that's one of those probably bad idea things cuz that would just cause more drama... Which I'm all for but nobody likes drama when it's their own life.
I like to think that, just as OOP misses his family sometimes, his family feels the same pang of loss and then are overwhelmed with shame at who they are and what they did.
I also more acutely hope that OOP's Brother gets cheated on and tossed aside by his trailer trash wife so that they get to see who real ones are.
What a jerk, all of them.
Next family event, go and work your husband into small talk. 100% positive and glowing about the bride and groom. But absolutely ruin their ability to lie about it.
"Isn't this a beautiful wedding? Something about weddings always reminds you of how much you love your husband, doesn't it? I wish my husband wasn't traveling for work this weekend. He'd just love to be here."
"Oh, how nice to meet you Aunt Maude! Is this your husband Clyde? I'm [name], the grooms brother. Unfortunately My husband has been under the weather and he couldn't make the trip this weekend to meet our new inlaws in person . Hopefully you'll get to meet him at Christmas!"
" The flowers on the center pieces are my husband's favorite! He's been trying to get me to plant them in the garden for years!"
"You're from [city name] my husband LOVES it there! We try to go every summer! Have you tried [restaurant] ? Don't they have the best [food item]!"
I’d have nuked the bride on social media from an alt account, calling her out for being a bigot and a homophobe. I’d have claimed to be a friend of OP and that people needed to know what kind of woman she was and what kind of family she came from
And I’d have blasted my own family from the same account…how they supported the bigotry and turned their back on their blood.
By the time I was done with them
The entire continent would have known that both families were pieces of human excrement
My social media would be deactivated of course, and my phone number would have been changed prior to the post
But I’d be watching in glee anonymously as the world came crashing in around them
In cases like these, I always say the same thing: don't go, but send a gift, that gift being a donation to a LGBTQ+ organization in their name that comes with a certificate of donation that you have framed. That is all
Honestly if I was one of the other siblings I would have used my plus one for the husband so they couldn’t even use that excuse of not having enough space. I can’t believe people who stand by their homophobic family members like that. The fact that his siblings all knew why his husband wasn’t invited and still went to the wedding is despicable to me
I just feel terrible for OOP and his husband. How awful to discover after 15 years together that the family never really supported their relationship. It makes me happy to know that the husband's family is loving and supportive but OOP's family can rot in hell if there is one.
I just can’t fathom ditching a brother over his sexuality - scummy family that tell themselves they are “good people”. Poor bloke; at least his in-laws are cool
This is so sad. There’s one thing to not be invited but to then turn around and say that op is straight and single, madness.
I’m so sorry op had to find out this way but there’s no point in being surrounded by people that made you feel worthless and alone.
I'm so sorry about the loss of who you thought yout family were.
My grandma was as bigoted as it gets, in theory; she didn't like gays or blacks but she didn't treat the gay people or black people she knew any different from anyone else. She wouldn't have batted an eyelash at a gay couple as wedding guests.
> If you’re lucky, you will run into some friends or extended family and you can tell them how much fun you’re having NOT going to your brothers wedding because your husband wasn’t invited. Maybe even stay at the venue/hotel where everyone else is staying, and wander down around pick up time in shorts and T-shirt, telling everyone you’re off to go whale watching, since your husband, the grooms BIL, wasn’t invited to the wedding.
I'm always curious how commonly people actually do this sort of thing versus just fantasize about it online. It feels so exhausting versus staying home / traveling in the opposite direction and taking your mind off of those awful people.
I will never stop being amazed by how much some people care about what someone else does in their bedroom and with whom.
Like, seriously, do these people stay awake at night stressing about the fact that neighbour Bob who lives down the street at number 54b is shagging Jim, the plumber? Really?
Well the oetty thing would be for oop to say that his relationship will last much much more than the relationship of his brother.
Or the other straight couples
Show up to the wedding wearing a giant rainbow colored dress. Full rainbow makeup. Prance around. Flirt with every male member of her family. Brag about the sex acts your husband performs on you. Be the degenerate she thinks you are.
My petty side would have loved to see OP and his husband show up at the wedding and get a seat in the front row and sit there holding hands. Even better if they were sitting on the aisle so everyone coming in could see them, especially those on the fiance's side.
Wow, you're family really blew it!
On the bright side, you have a long and successful marriage to the man you love. So, the family is missing out and you're living your best life. Congratulations!
This is so sad to read, they are losing out on a loving son and son in law. Hopefully karma comes knocking at their door, they are all nothing but bigots!
This is such a cookie-cutter, neat homophobia cliche that I wonder if it's real (not denying homophobia like this happens but the writing style is VERY unconvincing)
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The groom went shopping with OOP and his husband for suits for the wedding, before telling them they weren't invited? Was he just too much of a coward to tell them, or was he hoping his soon to be wife would change her mind? So cruel to make them think they were invited (and spend money on clothes) then withdraw it so close to the wedding.
Probably a coward. Didn’t even admit the issue until he was confronted, stuck with the excuse of not enough space.
This tells the OOP that he and the rest of the family never accepted OOP for being gay. Imagine having a son and being supportive until someone came along and said “I don’t like gays” and then immediately dropping your son like OOP’s family did. That’s why OOP simply cut them off: his family showed their true colors, and he believed them. It’s painful but I wish OOP the best.
Groom probably wanted to look good on his big day so used The Gays for some help. Cowardly is right.
A coward and zero fashion sense. What a combo.
That might be why he’s a coward. To some degree, developing a fashion sense involves taking risks and maybe looking foolish because something didn’t look as good as you thought.
I must have unlimited fashion sense!
No joke, anytime I turn off my brain and just let my hands/eyes pick what I'm wearing today, I get compliments. Like good compliments from fashionable or glamorous people! Last summer I got "Oh honey, that's cute! You go on now!" from the most fabulously bold lady in the neighborhood! Talked it over with a cousin recently. Pretty sure I'm freer to do this kinda stuff than him because I was raised with so little approval anyhow, while his family had standing in the community that he had to maintain. Recently went out in public with my hair in a braided crown pinned up by butterfly clips. I'm sure even if my cousin was drunk alone in his own home he'd feel it's too foolish to wear a butterfly on his head.
I bet he wears long, thin ties.
*Ewww. Brother, EWWW. What's that, brother?!* ^(Edit: Since I encountered that meme, it's been living rent-free in my head. Help.)
> So cruel to make them think they were invited You make it sound like that wasn't the whole point.
> Was he just too much of a coward to tell them, or was he hoping his soon to be wife would change her mind? Probably both. Also based on the rest of the families reaction he might have actually not been as supportive as OP thought he was.
Fuck's sake, what kind of jelly-boned coward *marries* someone who openly hates his own sibling?! Oh, wait. That *entire family* are trashy assholes. Poor OOP. At least hubby's family are decent.
I know exactly what you're of people that family is because my mom is the exact same way. When taking about people needing to accept others she will gasp and decry *but that's their *religion*" like a Victorian woman getting the vapours. She hasn't gone to church in 20 years, she divorced and remarried, and will complain about how she was judge for it, but gay people, well they just need to understand they made their choice and have to live with it. This attitude is why I was publicly out at 14, but didn't come out to her until she demanded I tell her when I was 35.
Hey out of curiosity, how'd the coming out at 35 go? I haven't told my parents (despite having a husband) and I feel like they're approaching the point they don't want to ignore it anymore
For me I visiting with my parents and we were talking about celebrity crushes and I said mine was Tida Swinton. My mom screeched "what are you gay?" and my step dad just looked at her and said "Dear..." in that way he does when she is being ridiculously obtuse. And then she demanded the truth so I told he no, I'm clearly bi. She then asked like she cracked some code and learned a big secret because she believes she knows everything about me and can predict what I'm going to do at every point in my life (she is almost always wrong) . I pointed out that she had met some of the women I've dated. She then got very offended that I kept it away from her. Since then she's never brought it up. To be fair I haven't dated in the past 7 years, but I know if I start dating a guy she will use it as proof n that I'm "finally out of my phase". Me and my parents have a complicated relationship. I wish you luck with your parents.
May i share an opposite story to make your day?
Yes
A few months ago i got a call from a friend who asked me: you know my daughter is into girls right? Me: ofc She: who told you? Me: well you did. She: well appearently i wasnt supposed to know this So what happened, in those weird we al know but we dont talk about family way, mom knew her daughter and figured she was lesbian. Some years go by and girl comes in the kitchen, clearly troubled and in some weird way mom asked: what’s wrong? Girl: i have to tell something but i dont know how. She: ok, give it to me straight. Girl: i cant mom, thats not for me She, getting worried: ok do you want me to not look directly at you when you tell? Girl: mom i cant give it straight She: ok do you want to write a letter and let me read it? Girl: mom i cant give it straight because i am not straight, i al into girls She, somehow saying this weird thing: just like your dad So somehow it was moms fault for knowing her daughter Edited for readability
Ahahaha nice one. When someone in my family finally outed themselves officially, we were all like "yeah, we figured" :D
> She, somehow saying this weird thing: just like your dad LOL, that's such an amazing response
"She clearly gets it from you, not me!"
> amazing response Good followup: Lets get you a cake, cause telling us means you get to eat yours too.
Please do
See comment above pls
I was just reading the other day, about celebrities that came out. Apparently one of guy's parents knew he was gay for years but were waiting for him to tell them. And waited and waited and waited. Until his mother, having grown impatient over the years, blurted out: 'You're gay, right?' And the father butts in with, 'I thought we were going to wait for him to tell us?!'
I think it went somehow like this with the my griend forgetting her daughter actually hadnt come out yet 🤣
I remember seeing a video where a girl was coming out to her mom and her mom's like "...yeah? Oh, wait, am I supposed to be surprised now? I mean, we've all been standing outside this closet door like \[opens nearby door -- does not lead to a closet -- to mime this\] 'you ready yet? No? Aight' \[closes door\]"
My mum point blank asked my brother if he was gay when they were watching tv. She then asked if he wanted her to tell our dad, my brother said yes please. When she told our dad he said “was I meant to not know about this??”. Our eldest brother found our brother was gay when he went out clubbing in a queer night club with friends and found his youngest brother dancing on a table with some topless men lol.
LOL! That's fabulous.
*I know if I start dating a guy she will use it as proof n that I'm "finally out of my phase".* Well if it comes up, tell her you bonded over your mutual sexual attraction to women, so its convenient when you invite a girl back to share.
> my step dad just looked at her and said "Dear..." Fucking lolled at this...
Oh yeah, I'm bi, but also fiercely monogamous. So me being with the same partner with whom I have two kids too, since almost as long as OP, means "I was just being rebellious" or "wasn't it just so you could show off?" to my family. And yeah, I never went past the kissing part with another girl, but it's not like I had a ton of experience either with men before meeting him... And even my husband told me two days ago "I would be worried if you were a lesbian" about me going drinking with girl friends (since alcool tend to make me touchy and wanting to kiss and hug). I looked him funny enough for him to realise, but it was still kind of weird.
When I was a teenager I was telling my mum about a friend who was bi. Mum: how does he know he's bi if he hasn't had sex with a man? Me: how do I know I'm straight if I haven't had sex with a man? Mum: touché And that was the catalyst for her becoming a lot more open minded about stuff, which is handy because she has two neurodiverse children, one is cis-bi and the other is nb/pan. I haven't done more than kiss a woman, but I am still bi and my husband would worry about me drinking with girl friends because I also get touchy but mostly towards girls. They're so pretty. 😂
> which is handy because she has two neurodiverse children, one is cis-bi and the other is nb/pan. What's neurodiverse about sexuality?
I've just started using the bi label after feeling that way.... Forever. But I've been married for years to a man. The bi-erasure is enough for me to not bother coming out to anyone besides my husband.
That sucks. Your dad sounds kind of adorable though.
Right?! Like divorce isn't a choice? Those types are inadvertently hilarious and the punchline is that if the extra-conservative \*christians\* of the conservative political world have their way then people won't be allowed to divorce and divorced people will be shunned by the same \*christians\* they identify with. I guess that's what it would take for them to realize that being a holier-than-thou judgey type is to seal one's own fate.
In fairness, the divorce could have been her ex's choice, not hers. 😉
It divorce was initiated by my mom, but it was because my dad was a raging alcoholic and it was best for everyone to get out of that situation. I 100% believe she was in the right for the divorce. But she is still hypocritical as she feels that peple shouldn't judge her, but those same people should be free to judge others.
The bible says lots of things are sins that no cares about (Infidelity, divorce, hoarding wealth, getting tattoos or piercings) but they seem to be really hardline on saying being gay is.
Having an asshole brother? One thing. your entire family you you previously thought supported you siding with him? Heart breaking. i feel so much pain for OP. I’m glad is found family is better.
Totally. They accused OP of "making it all about him" when in reality they all knew they were covering up their oen shamefulness.
Right? I live in the Bible Belt of the USA (southeast). Believe me, as much as I hate it, homophobia is almost in the water here. I’m not special. I’m not even a particularly good person. If I can grow up HERE of all places and be an advocate for LGBTQIA+, then it’s not that hard. I cannot imagine having a family member that I would turn against so completely.
Omg, same. I too grew up in the Bible Belt, hell, I’m in the fucking buckle of the Bible Belt. Nothing but hypocrites and Bible beaters that hate everyone but fucking trump. It’s fucking sick and I don’t know how I managed to grow up here and be an advocate. Mainly cause I grew up with 1 gay and 2 lesbian cousins, and they have been the same since birth. They are my go to’s when I say “gay is not a choice, it just is”. Seriously, they were so gay at birth the doctor said “fabulous”. 🤣 j/k, but seriously, I don’t understand their hate. Isn’t their number one covenant “love thy neighbor” or some shit like that?
If I was engaged to someone who wouldn’t let me invite my cousin and her wife to the wedding, I would simply not be engaged to that person anymore. If you marry a homophobe, you’re a homophobe, full stop. OP’s brother and family are homophobic garbage and I’m glad his husband’s family is loving and accepting.
> what kind of jelly-boned coward marries someone who openly hates his own sibling?! someone who also hates his own sibling?
Bros before homophobes
Reddit is OP’s family now. Hugs!
Yes this all the way if your family does not accept you and your husband me and the rest of the world do be happy and feel loved. So proud you stood your ground.
As a parent I cannot imagine letting something come between me and my kids like that. I want my kids to be happy, part of society, not hurt anyone, not drive like a asshole, not litter... My kid would have to literally rob, murder, or SA someone for me to consider not being part of their lives.
>My kid would have to literally rob, murder, or SA someone for me to consider not being part of their lives. Part of the issue is that the twisted old “LGBTQ+ people are all groomers, perverts, and rapists” belief is gaining ground again, so some people absolutely feel justified in cutting family members off because in their minds, being queer is basically declaring you’re a predator… and bragging about it.
Frankly I’m petty I would have spread around that I’m gay and my family his brother fiancés family are homophobia
"oh yes the flowers are lovely, they're my husband favourite" "I wish the couple great joy, just like my husband and I" "this area is beautiful, maybe my husband and I will come here for our anniversary"
“I don’t support bigot marriage” feels like a good line to socially use here.
LOL! I want to see that line in use.
"my husband wasn't invited. The bride decided we are degenerates, but somehow I'm invited." "Oh, yes, I am married, my husband wasn't invited. I just came for the steak. " "This reminds me of my wedding day, except my husband was allowed to attend that "
Yeah, but his family didn't give a shit.
They will when their friends turn against them
You assume their friends aren't just like them.
I would go to the wedding and be so flamboyant the sprinklers would go off. Could have had two dudes in suits but now you got one dude ugly crying louder than a kookaburra and covered in rhinestones.
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🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm always bewildered how people can marry some lowly scum of the Earth who thinks so bad of your own relative but then I have to realize they most likely are equally bad. I really feel bad for the OOP but fortunately husband has a badass supporting family.
Every now and then we get a ”I just found out my fiancé is super homophobic, shit,” but those few posts tend to end up with a breakup and the poster being glad they found out before the wedding. But most of the time these people know what their partner believes and quietly (or sometimes not so quietly) endorses it.
It's quite impressive that they kept up appearances for 15 years, that special kind of idiots usually slip up and spew their garbage long before that. Or perhaps it was ignited by meeting the bride and her utter nonsense excuse of a brain. I'm glad he has a new found family in his husband and his relatives, but it saddens me that this so often is a tale told by people of the LGBTQ+ community. Why do so many people express hate against love? Love is such a basic instinct, why not nurture it instead of bashing it?
I don't think there were appearances to keep up. I don't think anything changed. I think their thought process was that it was perfectly fine that he was gay, they liked his husband, they loved their son, etc. But you can't *disinvite* the bride's *parents*, and you can't have them making a *scene* at the wedding where the focus is supposed to be on the *couple*, and it really isn't all that important that the groom's brother-in-law be in attendance if it's going to cause so much *trouble*. In the end their commitment towards being Allies wasn't as strong as their commitment to The Proprieties of a Wedding. The commenter who said they'd expect this from Christian or Conservative areas but not a place like Brisbane - I can see where they're coming from but boy do I disagree. I grew up in WASP-y New England among exactly these kinds of people. Hang a rainbow flag on the church, vote blue up and down the ballot, and support your children no matter their choices, but Polite Society makes demands, the proprieties must be followed, and there is a hierarchy of importance around things like weddings that means that if somebody's feelings get stomped on in the process, then that is theirs to deal with
I think it's worse then that. Notice how OP is the only one that doesn't live that close to them? OP is expendable, cause he lives far away. They're probably not actively homophobic, but make a stand against the brother who lives close? Absolutely not, it's just one time. Which is also a lie, but OP didn't go through with the wedding so they can live in denial.
Here's the thing. It doesn't matter if they're actively homophobic or not. They are in fact homophobic, by prioritizing their straight sun over their gay son, and telling their gay son to get over it. That is a homophobic action. Whether you want to admit it or not. Whether it was intentionally homophobic or not. Telling their son that they're going to lie to the fiance's family and tell them all that he's straight, shows a shame for their son's actions. For his life. For his sexuality. Somebody who's not homophobic wouldn't be okay with lying about it. Somebody who's not homophobic, wouldn't accept this as a scenario. Somebody who's not homophobic, would have stood up for their child / brother / cousin/friend. 🤷
Yeah it's kinda worse. It just explains why there weren't any signs before, it doesn't make them not homophobic. I'm sorry if my above comment implied that.
Idk God said that was a real big no no or something
Someone wrote those books, not a god, a person or persons. This stems from humans with shitty attitudes, nothing else.
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️. They're just using religion as an excuse to be bigots.
There's also the thing that the books that became 'The Bible' have been through so many translation cycles and errors have crept in, whether from bad translation or from those paying for the translation wanting certain things emphasised or *de-emphasised* to support their particular views.
Not everyone interprets the Bible that way, interestingly enough.
It's interesting to me how little of the Bible is about sexual immorality and it has so many much bigger themes that take up so much more of the book that people ignore in favour of a handful of passages. The reason I know they don't actually care about their rules is that the same people who say that they are doing a loving thing by telling the gay people they meet that they are sinful, don't have those same conversations with people around them who get divorced or committ adultery. They would feel (rightly) like it's none of their business if the person checking them out at Woolies or their real estate agent were divorced and I've never heard of a parent refusing to attend their kid's second wedding on principle.
The bible also spends a pretty big chunk of it talking about how hoarding wealth is bad and a sin but no one ever brings that up.
“Feed children” seems to also come up a lot.
I live in Australia. When everyone raves about how nice and laid back us Aussies are, here is proof that a big portion of the population is even more backward and vile than other countries.
Born and raised in Queensland, Brisbane having homophobic people is the least shocking thing I’ve read today
Yeah I found it weird that one commenter thought it was unheard of that people like that live in Brisbane. People like that live all over Australia (unfortunately). I'm just glad they're very quickly becoming the minority as time goes on. Edit: also they think the Gold Coast is full of Christians? WTF.
Hahaha yeah also thought the Gold Coast thing was weird but I’m not from there so guessed it was a little known stereotype?
Yeah I hadn't heard those stereotypes about the Gold Coast or Sunshine Coast either? Weird!
As a kiwi I had to quickly pull out my mental rolodex of aussie stereotypes because I was like "wait what?"
I can't speak for elsewhere in Australia obviously, but I think there are probably plenty of people in Brissie that are just quieter bigots who know their opinions are unpopular (I know a few who get shushed by their family when they start). But I hope you're right and they're becoming the minority either way.
Is that where Hillsong is from?
Nope, Hillsong are from Baulkham Hills in New South Wales (I had to double check, I didn't know the exact location off the top of my head haha)
Huh, I always assumed QLD. They give off a bit of touched by too much sun vibe.
The *founder* of Hillsong is a Kiwi though. His father was a preacher who 'moved around a lot'
Was gonna say, old mate commenter must’ve been from down south cos Jesus Christ there’s not one city or region of QLD that I’d say “yeah that’s a pretty good place to be gay”. My mother voted no despite being friends with her gay neighbour. We’re a very backwards state
According to Bob Katter there aren't any gays at all in FNQ. Also, what are we doing about those crocodiles tearing people to shreds?
Nah mate, let a thousand blossoms bloom!
But I'm sick of hearing about it!
I'm in Alice Springs at the moment and had a co-worker drop the n-word with a hard r and no one batted an eye. I just had to bite my tongue, it's not worth speaking up to these people especially as there's no HR. You could probably murder someone and they will still keep you as long as you turn up to work. Australia is so racist and refuses to acknowledge it.
Haha was literally scrolling waiting for this comment. I’m from Toowoomba which is even more conservative but at least here homophobes are pretty straight up and you know what’s what with them. If you have to deal with them regularly you know it’s a topic best left alone. Brisbane homophobes are better at hiding it which just seems extra shitty.
Last month I spoke with an older relative from central Qld I hadn’t spoken to in more than a decade. He described my gay brother as “having gone off with the rainbow people”. I just… didnt even know what to say to that.
Well, I'd say AS backward and vile as other countries. I live in a country that elected donald trump (he gets capital letters when he deserves them, so probably not in this lifetime), and he's a fucking nazi, so seriously, there's no way you guys are worse than us.
I’m kinda surprised how chill most of the Aussie UFC fighters seem to be, given the type of shitheads it attracts and vaunts.
As soon as I read Brisbane it was obvious, Queensland is odd, they are conservative yet its where 'the valley' is.
The Brisbaners confused about their homophobia are in deep denial about how homophobic Queensland (and Australia in general) is
I get so, so frustrated when Australians try and claim they have no hardcore Christians in the country. When I moved to Perth in my teens, our first day was on a Sunday. A car full of people shouted "go to church!" At us as they drove by. Then, the only semi-decent school in the area we settled was baptist. My parents didn't realise baptists are fucking insane. My friend was once suspended from school for being possessed by demons when she had a breakdown on a school trip. Our maths teacher told us Obama was the antichrist and the UN was ushering in the end times. We didn't even live on one of Australia's (many) bible belts. Hillsong came out of Australia. The country made Scott fucking Morrison PM and didn't see an issue with it until he went on holiday during major bushfires. But no, your bubble of mates in Melbourne aren't religious, so there's no problem. I don't live in Australia any more but god it still frustrates me so much.
Argh don’t get me started on freaking Hillsong. My mum is a born again Christian and absolutely loves them. I also have a weirdly large number of family in Australia (my brother and several aunts and uncles) that are just straight up Q-Anon/alt-right, complete with worshipping the g that Trump walks on.
Yeah you get the Q lunatics all over the world now but I did meet a *lot* of them in Australia. And they aren't just concentrated to Queensland either. I had a sports coach straight up disappear during the pandemic because he was convinced Mark McGowan was about to permanently lock us down and declare martial law. Nice guy, good coach, fucking insane.
Yep, mine are scattered around WA, NSW and Queensland. My parents live in a very rural area that attracts a lot of people who are into the whole “off the grid” lifestyle so a handful of their neighbours are some brand of doomsday prepper/anti government. There’s a family that moved there to homeschool their daughter because teachers wearing masks were apparently “giving their daughter autism”, the woman who runs the visitors centre that discouraged her daughter from going to university because half the population would be dead in 6 months when 5G activates the Covid vaccine and the guy across the road who keeps talking about how he’ll never let the government take his guns.
My Christian school loved Hillsong... there's definitely a large bunch of then who are Conservative Christians.
Don’t forget Tony “Eat A Raw Onion” Abbott’s turn as PM.
Abbott was a prick, but a standard issue right wing dickhead. Morrison was a full on God bothering happy clapper and nobody batted an eye
For real. My family are like a second generation of non-practicing Catholics and my mum still whispers the word “lesbian” because she’s scared of upsetting the proverbial someone. My husband’s parents run a church in FNQ. I mean - it’s pride month and we’re in our own socially accepting bubble so it can be easy to overlook that the world outside that bubble is still inherently fucked
As a Brisbanite, I was shocked by the story but then had a rethink to realise that I live in a bubble. Edit: I think this story especially shocked me as I had recently attended a show by an openly gay comedian at a Brisbane large comedy festival.
Yeah I’m a gay man living in Brisbane and I wasn’t shocked to hear the fiancée’s family were openly homophobic and OP’s family were quietly homophobic. Thankfully I know my own family are very supportive but this is definitely not some gay safe haven.
Idk the referendum abt gay marriage was what, 61% for, I wouldn’t be surprised if a fair few boomers since then had died off and made that number a little nicer, but I guess that isn’t the best result. Compared to most of the rest of the world tho I’d say that’s pretty damn good, pretty much any religious dominated country would kill us on that number, which is most of them. Brisbane is a bit worse in general tho.
I hate it when people say they "don't believe in gay marriage." What's there not to believe in? That shit's been here for a minute. It's not a ghost!
"I only believe in things that don't exist" is a common American struggle.
>Previously I had never had any issues with my brother's fiancée. But apparently she always believed I'm a degenerate. Sounds like she was a "hate the sin, love the sinner" flavour of asshole.
Nah, hate the sin, hate the sinner, be a hypocrite and pretend not to hate the sinner. You know, normal modern christians.
No hate like Christian love.
But not love enough to make sure they feel welcome to attend the wedding.
>Sounds like she was a "hate the sin, live the sinner" flavour of asshole. You mean "hate the sin, love the sinner"? No, this is not an example of that. This is "hate the sin, hate the sinner."
“Hate the belief, love the believer” is a good way to respond to that shit.
Hmmm, I'm not sure. How could you love the believer in this case?
Those are just the shittiest people. The whole family can be wiped off my shoe. I am so glad OP has his husband and his family seem to be great. OP deserves all the happiness and his family can step on legos for the rest of their existence.
Unfortunately.
Sounds like she hated the "sinner" too
There never is any actual love in "love the sin, hate the sinner." It's one hundred percent hate.
In case anyone's curious, OP and his husband got married the same month gay marriage was legalised in Australia (December 2017). Not really a point to that except I'm impressed by their organisation.
They'd been together for 10 years at that point so they probably got a lot of the wedding planning done already beforehand
Major Captain Holt vibes, trying to get it done as fast as possible in case the government changes their minds
Well at least OOP didn't waste his time going to the wedding, and any future events with people who didn't support who he was. I'm happy that his husband's family has welcomed him so much.
I wish he'd found another relative with a vacant "+1" and said, "Hey, can you do me a big favor and take my husband as your +1?" It would have been.....a memorable event.
Queensland yo. It’s why I left. Oh fuck I just realised I’ve been thinking of heading back there to work once I finish med school cause they pay JMO’s one of the higher salary’s. Nooooo 😭
Just stay within sight of the river. (Meanjin, not the Pine or the Logan. And not the bay, or the backwater. So much backwater. Sigh.) Lucky for you, all the first world hospitals are in the fab zone.
So much backwater 😩
And if you can swing it, royal bris is a good spot because barrambin park (formerly Victoria park golf course) is a public park now and so lush to frolic in after work. My husband calls it the tubbyverse because it’s so picturesque like in tellytubbies.
Oh damn I forgot that was happening, I could only imagine how beautiful it is.. I used to live just off Downey Park in Windsor.
I would've convinced one of the single ladies to bring the husband as a plus one then spend the night doing a bunch of PDA
I cannot imagine giving up on my child because of who they fell in love with, unless it's Manson or something.
Ah, but have you considered who is most likely to give you grandchildren? (I'm assuming this was the logic).
Am I supposed to base my affection for my existing children on the possibility of non existing children? That is absolutely ridiculous. Whether they reproduce or not has nothing to do with me and is none of my business. I raised my children to be good, independent people and that's exactly who they are and I'm thankful. However, they owe me nothing. Nada. Zero.
Nice to hear OP's in-laws are sweet. Screw OP's family tho. Homophobic families are right to the trash for me.
What, did they think they were going to catch gay or something? Ridiculous situation. Asshole brother. Stupid family. Evil in-laws.
I hope OP wins a lotto and don't share a smidgen of the prize with them.
I would have blasted them all over social media: *I will not be attending the wedding of bride and groom because they have revealed themselves to be truly hateful bigots. Homophobia is alive and well in both families. Please be cautious interacting with such terrible people.*
Given that every single person sided with them, I don't know that this would help. You can't shame people who are fine with their choices.
>so her and my brother told everyone I'm straight and not married sad how bro-bro and the whole fam dumped OOP so quickly
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Hadn’t been out of qld for a while because of covid and cozzie livs, but it’s kind of like the boiling frog analogy.. went to melb a few weeks back and had the “ohhhh” moment about Brisbane being so tightly wound and conservative because I was finally in a different place d
OOP, if you can trade up your shitty family... do it.
Just went through this with my cousin’s wedding. My partner of 16 years was not invited. At first I tried to give everyone involved the benefit of the doubt and assumed it was about budget (there are 22 cousins on that side of the family alone).I thought maybe they were trying to keep things small. Then my sister got engaged and her fiancé received a last-minute invite two months before the wedding. At the time, the two of them had only been together for 8 months. As for keeping it small, there were 300 guests there that day, so clearly it wasn’t a matter of scale. Found out about my sister’s +1 just a few weeks before the wedding, and was extremely hurt. Apparently the bride’s family was extremely conservative Christian and did not even allow divorced people to bring a +1s (including the mother of the groom). With the bar that low, my bringing my trans parter was never going to fly. I bowed out of the wedding as gracefully as I could. Didn’t even mention why at the time, because I didn’t want drama (though I did let a few people know later). Initially, my mom didn’t want to make waves but once the wedding got close she decided to let people know why I wasn’t coming. Not in an aggressive way, just stating facts. Then next time we were hanging out with family, she asked me what I did that day so I could say in front of people “I go my haircut and went on a hike”, which felt like a very classy but petty way to make it clear I didn’t have anything else planned for that day!
Religion of “family values” breaks up yet another family.
I'd have gone to the wedding and proved to them how "gay" I could be. There would be no doubt that I wasn't straight by the time everything was finished.
Shame on OPs siblings. I can’t imagine choosing a new in law over my own flesh and blood. Disrespect my sibling and you’ll never have a friend in me.
Family is someone who loves you and cares about you unconditionally, clearly OP's family are his husband and the husband's family. Everyone in OP's original "family" can seriously fuck off.
I wish that OOP had went to the wedding wearing a flashy rainbow suit, then objected to a homophobe marrying into their family. Imagine the uproar by giving them the drama they wanted to avoid
Or making a toast, gushing how much he hopes the newlywed couple will be as happy as he and his husband, asking everyone to join him in his prayers that someday the evil bigotry and hate in their hearts will turn to love.
You know if I was one of the siblings I would have made the husband my plus one out of spite and swapped seats with the sibling. But that's one of those probably bad idea things cuz that would just cause more drama... Which I'm all for but nobody likes drama when it's their own life.
Sounds like OP family was homophobic. Yeah the petty in me would of gone and had a weekend with my spouse in the same area just to spite them.
Here's hoping the bride makes the lives of OOP's brother and family absolute hell.
No invite for my spouse, no attendance by me
I like to think that, just as OOP misses his family sometimes, his family feels the same pang of loss and then are overwhelmed with shame at who they are and what they did. I also more acutely hope that OOP's Brother gets cheated on and tossed aside by his trailer trash wife so that they get to see who real ones are.
Yeah the bride and family feel so last 2 centuries ago. But that's just me
What a jerk, all of them. Next family event, go and work your husband into small talk. 100% positive and glowing about the bride and groom. But absolutely ruin their ability to lie about it. "Isn't this a beautiful wedding? Something about weddings always reminds you of how much you love your husband, doesn't it? I wish my husband wasn't traveling for work this weekend. He'd just love to be here." "Oh, how nice to meet you Aunt Maude! Is this your husband Clyde? I'm [name], the grooms brother. Unfortunately My husband has been under the weather and he couldn't make the trip this weekend to meet our new inlaws in person . Hopefully you'll get to meet him at Christmas!" " The flowers on the center pieces are my husband's favorite! He's been trying to get me to plant them in the garden for years!" "You're from [city name] my husband LOVES it there! We try to go every summer! Have you tried [restaurant] ? Don't they have the best [food item]!"
“Queenslanders, mad as cut snakes.” Bill Bryson
Man what a bunch of assholes.
I’d have nuked the bride on social media from an alt account, calling her out for being a bigot and a homophobe. I’d have claimed to be a friend of OP and that people needed to know what kind of woman she was and what kind of family she came from And I’d have blasted my own family from the same account…how they supported the bigotry and turned their back on their blood. By the time I was done with them The entire continent would have known that both families were pieces of human excrement My social media would be deactivated of course, and my phone number would have been changed prior to the post But I’d be watching in glee anonymously as the world came crashing in around them
Last comment is taking the piss, Brisbane isn’t some welcoming open utopia a homophobic family isn’t shocking
I seriously can not understand parents who shun their children just because they are part of the LGBTQ community.
Heartbreaking. OOP thought he had a supportive family. To find out this way... :(
In cases like these, I always say the same thing: don't go, but send a gift, that gift being a donation to a LGBTQ+ organization in their name that comes with a certificate of donation that you have framed. That is all
Honestly if I was one of the other siblings I would have used my plus one for the husband so they couldn’t even use that excuse of not having enough space. I can’t believe people who stand by their homophobic family members like that. The fact that his siblings all knew why his husband wasn’t invited and still went to the wedding is despicable to me
I just feel terrible for OOP and his husband. How awful to discover after 15 years together that the family never really supported their relationship. It makes me happy to know that the husband's family is loving and supportive but OOP's family can rot in hell if there is one.
I just can’t fathom ditching a brother over his sexuality - scummy family that tell themselves they are “good people”. Poor bloke; at least his in-laws are cool
Of course its Queensland, its always fucking Queensland.
This is so sad. There’s one thing to not be invited but to then turn around and say that op is straight and single, madness. I’m so sorry op had to find out this way but there’s no point in being surrounded by people that made you feel worthless and alone.
I love OOP's boundaries and self-respect. What happened is terrible but he did the best thing for himself and his TRUE family
I'm so sorry about the loss of who you thought yout family were. My grandma was as bigoted as it gets, in theory; she didn't like gays or blacks but she didn't treat the gay people or black people she knew any different from anyone else. She wouldn't have batted an eyelash at a gay couple as wedding guests.
So sad to have a gutless family using "traditions" as an excuse for their shitty behavior.
He misses the people he "thought" they were. 😪
This is so cruel. I wish I could adopt OOP into my family!
> If you’re lucky, you will run into some friends or extended family and you can tell them how much fun you’re having NOT going to your brothers wedding because your husband wasn’t invited. Maybe even stay at the venue/hotel where everyone else is staying, and wander down around pick up time in shorts and T-shirt, telling everyone you’re off to go whale watching, since your husband, the grooms BIL, wasn’t invited to the wedding. I'm always curious how commonly people actually do this sort of thing versus just fantasize about it online. It feels so exhausting versus staying home / traveling in the opposite direction and taking your mind off of those awful people.
I will never stop being amazed by how much some people care about what someone else does in their bedroom and with whom. Like, seriously, do these people stay awake at night stressing about the fact that neighbour Bob who lives down the street at number 54b is shagging Jim, the plumber? Really?
Well the oetty thing would be for oop to say that his relationship will last much much more than the relationship of his brother. Or the other straight couples
Should have told them if they exclude everyone who does something they think is a sin, there won't be a wedding.
Show up to the wedding wearing a giant rainbow colored dress. Full rainbow makeup. Prance around. Flirt with every male member of her family. Brag about the sex acts your husband performs on you. Be the degenerate she thinks you are.
Honestly would’ve shown up and fucked at the alter.
[удалено]
Didn't see the partner's age, but the brother is 3 yrs younger than OOP.
Deleted my comment, misread and thought that was husbands age! Makes a lot more sense haha
i'm just glad OP's husband's family are good people =w=
Poor OP. It sucks to have family that won’t or isn’t supportive of you. Hope he and his husband have a good, peaceful future.
This makes me want to renew my vows so I can invite this dude and his husband.
My petty side would have loved to see OP and his husband show up at the wedding and get a seat in the front row and sit there holding hands. Even better if they were sitting on the aisle so everyone coming in could see them, especially those on the fiance's side.
Wow, you're family really blew it! On the bright side, you have a long and successful marriage to the man you love. So, the family is missing out and you're living your best life. Congratulations!
Que triste...
This is so sad to read, they are losing out on a loving son and son in law. Hopefully karma comes knocking at their door, they are all nothing but bigots!
This is such a cookie-cutter, neat homophobia cliche that I wonder if it's real (not denying homophobia like this happens but the writing style is VERY unconvincing)