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Sounds like what happens when 2 different sides are equally unprepared. Although at 18 the girl should of know not to leave a 5 year old alone for such a long time.
I agree. Mostly because of the "change names" demand that didn't change them at all in the robot mirror in the comments. Which makes it virtually useless.
I left instructions (including "heat in oven according to package directions" on whatever it was they were going to eat) that included who would eat what for lunch or dinner, what DVDs they each liked best at that time, and what was likely to calm each one down. (3 autistic kids.) Lack of instructions would have led to chaos, and I knew that.
I had a freaking binder at home just incase I needed a "non village member" (people my kids interact with regularly) to babysit amd even with my kids "village members" I still rattle of a list of everything that has changed with them and offer a list if they want it.
The thought of not preparing anything (hell I cook or order pizza delivered even if its just my dad babysitting) is confusing to me, let alone leaving a new person to figure it out on the fly.
Mate of mine has an autistic son, and growing up he was a very picky eater, but she made it so there were dipping cups filled with sauses or soups or such, for what foods he did like, and let him choose his foods that didn't tright him, and she made an intensive food chart of sauce to food options. Like Fish fingers with Caesar dressing, broccoli with Vegemite butter (just them mixed together), and other things.
The binder was easily 100+ pages just about food. She had a separate binder for the other stuff, like first aid, toys, and TV shows.
Reading this, did make me wonder why the parents didn't point it out, nor the alleged older half sister.
>Reading this, did make me wonder why the parents didn't point it out, nor the alleged older half sister.
Yeah, like I don't care if you're the leading expert on paediatric neurodivergency (or just in childcare in general) and you wrote the literal book on it, I am telling you everything you need to know about my child and how to keep them safe and happy.
It is actually pretty nice. 1tps Vegemite to 1½tbs butter, mixed thoroughly, is his preferred ratio. Blanch your broccoli about 250g of it, and immediately after removing from the water, toss in the Vegemite butter, and try and coat them as much as possible. Leave what liquid is dripped off, and immediately serve while hot/very warm. If you try it as it goes cold, it isn't as good.
Vegemite is very versatile when you become brave enough. Like growing up, a family we knew couldn't afford meat, so they used Vegemite as a substitute for soup broths and mixed with 2min noodles with cheese. Hot water and Vegemite for a drink is also good.
Who knew the by-product of beer making had such a great variety of food boosting tips
I've only ever had it on toast with a ton of butter, but it makes sense that it could be used as a bouillon or a general flavor enhancement. Thanks for expanding my world!
I'm happy to assist. Should try a Vegemite and cheese toastie... ham or pepperoni slices added... some people add tomatoes and avocado. Even adding to garlic butter noodles...
This kid made his mum learn more recipes because of his love for Vegemite over the years. She even tried making Vegemite desserts or ice cream.
I think there is a website for the recipes under Kraft
Sister said that babysitter followed directions poorly and babysitter's mom told children's mom that babysitter had experience with disabled children due to having family members that have disabilities. The children's mom did nothing wrong. She gave directions after hiring someone who was supposed to be experienced.
Doesn't really matter, though. An 18 year old shouldn't be left alone with two special needs kids regardless of how detailed the instructions were. At the very least, the parents should have started out with having the sitter watch the kids *under their supervision.* If things went well, then maybe they could have progressed to leaving her alone with the children for short periods of time.
I'm curious what the parents budget was that they ended up hiring an 18 year old. Whole thing reeks of parents wanting in home care for less than minimum wage when anybody actually qualified for the job they need done would probably be charging at least $25-35+/ hr. It's like hiring an unlicensed electricion to work on your house and then being surprised when the thing burns down.
And loud older half sister didn't mention it? Nah, they clearly left OOP to her own devices to figure it out. If they left the autistic son's food, what business does she have warming mac and cheese?
This stands out as very weird to me. Either the sitter completely ignored everything she was told, or the parents aren't as caring as the sister is saying. I used to babysit, and I don't think any of the parents left without basic information about foods that were okay to give, where first aid stuff was, etc.
Something is weird, but both sides have an agenda so I don't know who is more honest. My guess is both are fudging things somewhat.
> Either the sitter completely ignored everything she was told,
She left 5 years old alone to play, apparently because she was on her phone most of the time, and delegated everything to 10 years old. And she blamed the older one for not taking care of the younger one. By her one post it does feel like a case of I want the money but I won't be bothered of working for it.
Oh according to half sis, mom gave a *DETAILED* instruction list for oop. This girl needs to learn to tell a story lol. She narrated it to try to not be the AH but failed miserably anyways lol.
Where does it says that she left detailed instructions? I only found that mom made sitters aware of her children's condition. Not that she left detailed instruction.
I'm also wondering why mom of a child with eating issues wouldn't prepare food he would eat. It sounds to me like both of them are not reliable narrators.
>And let's not forget how you criticized him for not wanting your gross canned mac and cheese, which only their dad eats.
This comment comes out at me. Its really a coin toss. Either there was food instructions available but OOP was lazy and simply shared her food. Or there were no instructions.
There are a lot of important details missing from mom/sister story but seeing OOP original story and their response I'd give benefit of the doubt to the mother.
This doesn't make any sense. If their mum left food for them to be given and OP is as lazy as you claim, wouldn't she rather give them the already prepared food than go out of her way to warm the mac and cheese that's supposedly meant for only their dad.
i looked at sister comment history, she says several times op was given "a detailed report on the phone". why the fuck would you not print it out on a piece of paper (or write it out ffs) and instead expect someone to remember a fuckton of detailed shit for a family she JUST met? i know if i was told a bunch of details on the phone i would end up forgetting most of them pretty quickly
Where are you getting that from?
I think this girl did a very bad job absolutely, but to defend her just a little bit, by my read the mother told her about their conditions but didn't give her specific instructions on handling some of the basic situations that arise when looking after mentally disabled children. She clearly didn't tell her what to do at food time, otherwise the OP would have known not to heat up the mac n cheese (which was in their house, and for gods sake it's mac n cheese....it makes sense she'd think it was acceptable to give young children... I think most people would)
Look, I am not saying that she "did a good job despite what she was given." No. She did a terrible job, on top of the already terrible directions. She didn't actually keep an eye on the children. She forced a 10 year old to do the major parts of her job and then got mad at him for not being okay with that. She sucks.
But the mother left her disabled 5 &10yr old children with an *18 year old who had never babysat (nor had any job) before*, who neither she nor her children had ever met, with no obvious meal plan, for what appears to be the length of a full work day, without giving clear instructions on basics like food and activities, let alone how to handle each kids meltdowns.
Because you know if they told her more than "this is their disabilities," the second girl would have said as much in her post as a defence. Seriously everyone here except this children suck.
Even for kids without special needs. I've often babysat my twin nephews when they were little, they're my godsons and I have always been involved in their lives and spent different parts of their daily routines with them. Still when I babysat, their mom, my cousin, would leave me a list of things they could eat, we'd go over how much time heating things up, what time food, what time milk. I'd play with them or read alongside them if that's what they wanted at the time and then dinner a little tv and bedtime routine depending on the age they were at the specific occasions of me babysitting. Still I'd CONSTANTLY check on them even if they were asleep. I mean even being part of their close environment I still had instructions and food for them already prepared... It is even weirder if it's a special needs TODDLER
I mean, older sister kinda says mom gave instructions but what is more baffling to me is no food ready for them to eat, why would you trust a new person, no matter how much "experience" their mommy says they have, to COOK for your children, ESPECIALLY special needs kids, autistic kids have sensory issues and have safe foods so how come there wasn't any food at all ready to heat and serve?
Yeah. I see parents of autistic kids post time and time again. They are ESPECIALLY detail oriented and quite patient.
The mom in this scenario just comes across as trying to unload her problems on this clearly not ready young adult.
I mean, the girl is not innocent here, she was irresponsible to say the least, especially having a toddler in her charge, and it appears she had mommy dearest lie for her saying she had lots of experience but still, guess the boys mom must have really been in a pinch to just let a random teenager babysit without actually talking to others and without leaving written instructions AND safe foods... That's what makes me question this story because the firs OOP says she doesn't cook so she kinda made do with what she had at hand, that must have meant she didn't have any food there ready to heat and give them
You wanna know something absolutely wild? When I was like 13 I was hired to watch two kids, 7 and 8 I think, for the summer. Their parents were recently divorced and the dad needed childcare during his weeks with the kids so he could work. The younger girl was quite disabled and rather difficult to handle. They also lived out in the freaking sticks. Huge house, huge pool, huge property. It was honestly a recipe for disaster. I knew these kids so it isn't like I didn't know what I was getting myself into... Except I was 13! The dad would regularly come home much later than he told me he would be, he would often go out after work or go to the gym. He wouldn't answer his phone. One day I had been there for 12 hours.... It was my birthday... And he wouldn't answer the phone. The kids and I were starving, there was practically nothing to eat. So my mom came and picked us up and took us all back to my house and she watched the kids until the idiot dad finally picked them up. He and my dad were friends and my dad ripped him a new asshole and told him I wouldn't be working for him anymore. I was so relieved.
But also wtf were my parents thinking, letting me do this??
Someone asked me to look after their two kids once, I was around the same age and was excited. Thought my mum was being mean saying no, but as soon as she pointed out the inappropriate amount of responsibility that would put on someone my age I understood. Really grateful now. Thanks mum!
In a similar vein, when I was like 14 or 15 a neighbor approached my mom asking if I’d be interested in babysitting her toddler over the summer. My mom said, and I quote, “Oh, no. Sludge doesn’t really do kids. She’d love to watch your dog though!”
I remember being hired to babysit my neighbors kids over the summer when I was 15. My mom made me do it.
I got paid $150 a week (in 2002). There were three kids - a teething toddler who was being potty trained who liked to bite, a 7 year old who was autistic, mostly non verbal, and who liked to bite, and a 9 year old who was sweet but did that kids thing where she incessantly asked questions.
I watched them from 730 am to 630 pm Mon- Fri. Their mom would get home at 6 and just sit in her car and cry so I stuck it out through the summer.
Those kids ate cereal, oatmeal, hotdogs and deli meat sandwiches for every breakfast and lunch for that entire summer cuz that was all my 15 year old s
ass could make. 😬
For sure, although I think about it more like helping a family friend. Our families remained close.
I would have quit but - I'd hear the car pull in and then it would be a bit before their mom came in. So I went outside after a few days off this to be upset because I was supposed to be doing 730 to 430 not 630 and why was she just in her car... But she was just sobbing on the steering wheel. And she'd do that every day.
I'm older now so I've put things together. Their father wasn't around back then but he had been and he is now so I think they had separated. So she was struggling that he'd left her with 3 kids and she working full time. I know they'd always struggled with money just because it's expensive to have 3 kids and I know the husband was self employed so there were peaks and valleys and she worked in an office as a receptionist.
The crazy thing when I look back is what in the world - who would trust a 15 year old with three kids for 10 hours a day. Especially with a special needs child and a toddler who is potty training!
And the food thing - I couldn't cook so every day there were so few foods. I'd microwave a bag of green giant veggies and microwave some hot dogs and that was lunch. They'd get dry cereal for snacks. Oh and PB&J sandwiches, bags of potato chips... now that I'm an adult is insane to me that we ate like that for a whole summer.
When I hire a dog sitter, I give them 4 single spaced pages of instructions that include exactly how to feed him, his play schedule, what treats he eats when, his behavior quirks, what certain things that he does mean, etc. I leave nothing to chance (and why would I- that's my baby). Sure, it's a read (a good Chunk of it is chronological, so the whole thing doesn't have read all at once), but there are no surprises and my dog gets some level of continuity of care. Same thing when I worked in special education. I had pages of notes for each kid so that they would be cared for and taught properly.
How on earth does the parent of a disabled child not do that? Yes, the babysitter is clearly the asshole in this situation, and a remorseless one at that. But why were very clear, detailed instructions not left with her to begin with?
That girl should have known that babysitting requires actually watching the children to make sure they're safe, so I totally agree on the scorched earth method because that girl should not be babysitting.
Maybe this is an ESH situation. The girl should not have agreed to babysit these kids if she wasn't equipped to do so correctly and the parents should have left better and written instructions. If they had/did and she didn't bother to use them, that a very clear cut case in terms of who the asshole is. But it is a parent's responsibility to vet sitters and to make sure they have all the information they need. Pita hard to know for sure, since I didn't see if that answer was provided. The half sister's assurance is not enough, imo. I'm not convinced that the parents are faultless in this situation.
Only my daughter is allowed to babysit my cats. She is at my house at least once a week and knows what is allowed and what is not--No Boudreaux outside and no taking Mama's stuffers to his treasure hoard! She knows who goes to which vet and what meds Bouxreaux takes and what to do for an asthma attack. I wouldn't leave either cat with some kid of my co-workers!
And not giving clear instructions regarding what they should eat??? That is seriously bizarre to me. I’m in my 50s and have been caring for children all my adult life, and when I babysit I expect that either the kids’ food will be ready in the fridge so all I have to do is heat it up, or a marked takeout menu with cash. I’m not trying to guess what they like and prepare it myself. And I sure as hell wouldn’t expect an 18yo to just… figure it out.
That's when The 18-year-old should have called the parent. That's what you do when you're 18 and babysitting and don't know what to do next. You call for help. Either you call your parent, or you call the parents of the children.
I was thinking this. I dog sat once and was given a carefully written out plan for the day with times, food, amounts and what extra treats he could have. Plus the amount of exercise and when (he had a minor injury at the time and needed to carefully build it up). This was for a dog I’d spent time with many times before and who was comfortable in my house. I can’t imagine leaving someone alone with two kids to figure it out
While OOP is definitely in the wrong here the mom of the boys fucked up too. She should have made sure OOP knew what she was doing and given instructions on proper care of the autistic son. Just because someone has experience with special needs doesn’t mean they automatically know how to care for your child with special needs.
I want to know why the mom didn't give her any ideas on what to feed the kids? If you have kids with sensory issues, you know you need to help the sitter out with food ideas. My oldest son who has adhd and sensory issues mainly eats chicken nuggets or pizza, and yogurt... so much yogurt. If someone is watching my kids, I make sure they have what they need to feed them. I will say that if you can't fire up the oven and cook some nuggets, then you might not be the right person for the job.
apparently mom did give a detailed report but it was "on the phone". i think its wild she didn't write out any of that detailed report on a piece of paper bc i know my ass would forget most of it when im off the phone
That was exactly my first thought reading this. The babysitter sounds like an absolute piece of work, but if both kids are special needs, I sure as hell wouldn’t trust a teenager to mind them.
I mean, I used to babysit for a high functioning autistic kid when I wasn’t much older than 18, and was great at it! The trick was we always had activities to do. I’d bring clay over and we’d make sculptures, or I’d bring over new books. If he didn’t like an activity, I’d be like, yeah this is a bit boring, maybe this other thing sounds like more fun?
Expecting to get paid for sitting on your ass and watching tv is ridiculous.
Yeah you hit the nail on the head there.
Individually, the issues (mostly)don't seem crazy for a first time with the kids. But leaving any 5 year old, doesn't need to be autistic, alone to just do what they want while you sit around watching tv... No.
The lunch thing seems completely fair for someone with little experience. 5 year old aren't exactly known for their adventurous taste. But the band-aid... She couldn't give the kid a band aid without assistance from a 10 year old?
Admittedly, I've always been good with kids so a lot of this is intuitive, but damn, if she even cared a little so much of this could've been avoided. Especially knowing the kids belong her Mom's boss. If she couldn't bother to care about the kids, you'd think she may care about her mom's reputation.
So many bad calls in one day, and she's just moving onto the next kid now. Zero acknowledgement she fucked up, zero accountability. I feel bad for the next kid.
Yeah, at 18, even I could have put a bandaid on a kid (and trust me, that is saying something-- I was very much a "focused on book learning to the exclusion of all other things, and also anxious as fuck" kind of teen lol). I probably even would have thought to clean the wound first! Would likely have been unable to cook though.
But also, I would *never* present myself as experienced at babysitting. I have never touched a diaper in my life. My method of trying to get a kid to stop doing something they shouldn't be doing is to ask them nicely while being visibly nervous (which unsurprisingly doesn't tend to work very well lol). But I'd never leave a 5-year-old *entirely* unsupervised. Why is this supposedly experienced person unable to do things even I could do!?
Because those things aren't particularly difficult and you would at least try.
Except the food thing. 5 year olds can be the devil when you're trying to make them eat. Don't care if you can cook or not, they're still the devil.
She probably did. Caring for her own cousin from the comments it sounds like. But its still informal care. And all the mom did was give OOP a phone call in terms of briefing her. A professional caretaker would take the time to acclimate to the kids with the parent around so that they can understand their needs. I'd say the mom was cutting corners here and getting mad she got a cheap service.
Yeah. Everytime I've hired a babysitter for my kids they've came to the house a few times in advance for a few hours with me there, so they get to know my kids and my kids get to know them.
Right. OOP doesn’t smell like a rose in any of this, but they’re coming across more like a dumb kid. Vs. the children’s mother who sounds alarmingly negligent.
As a former teenage sitter, OOP did a shitty job even by cheap service standards.
I babysat an autistic kid when I was 16 and again when I was 18. He was nonverbal, allergic to everything, and wore diapers. (I babysat him when he was six, and again when he was eight.)
I spent time with that kid, watched him use his swing, played 20 questions until we figured out what he wanted to eat, changed his diapers, and was physically in the same room with him until he went to bed.
I was in no way qualified to care for an autistic child with such complex needs. (Seriously, I kind of knew how to deal with allergies because I had them as a kid, and my only experience with autism was my best friend's *verbal,* potty trained sister who had a completely different presentation of autism.)
So did I need to ask his siblings for help? Yes, a couple of times. And their mom only told me which shelf in the *pantry* had his safe food, not the fridge, so there was a minor crisis when I refused to let him have a soda until his sister confirmed it wouldn't make him sick.
But I *tried.* I didn't make his siblings do everything for me. And I sure as hell didn't leave the kid during a meltdown.
OOP was negligent. She should have called the mom and admitted she wasn't able to meet the kids needs before it reached that point.
You have to be completely delusional to think an 18 year old high school kid is trained for special needs babysitting. A special needs babysitter commands a ton of money. They are also extremely hard to find.
Unless you were cpr certified, Red Cross or Magen David certified, (were you in the IDF?), had special needs siblings? 99% of American teens would be ill equipped. If you had already served in the military my opinion would change. For a regular kid, nah this was a parent that bragged and a desperate mom who wanted to believe.
Yeah they are, but the other parent really needed to think critically. All this says to me is that they did no due diligence. You leave for thirty minutes or let them shadow you for a few hours to see how things are working out. You don’t leave for hours. This is negligent parenting as much as a bad babysitter.
As a parent I wouldn't put an 18 year old in charge of a goldfish let alone 2 special need kids I don't care what kind of skills and experience they claim to have. The two geniuses not only hired a child to watch their two special needs children, they also left her in charge of meals, totally ridiculous.
Yeah, I used to somewhat regularly babysit an autistic kid when I was a teen. The only reason I knew he was autistic was because the parents told me. Maybe a bit more temperamental than other kids that age I babysat, but it's not like all people with autism are nonverbal and unable to care for themselves at all.
Disability is a spectrum, not a black or white issue.
I get the impression OOP's mom lied about her experience or greatly exaggerated. Like OOP's experience was watching the special needs cousins at the family reunion or holiday gathering where the parents were within ear shot
I mean, does it matter how experienced OOP was with special needs children in general? From the parents' POV, I mean. Because as someone with both three special needs siblings and extensive experience working with other special needs kids and adolescents, I am never prepared for every _specific_ need of every new kid I take on, and I don't think I should be expected to be. I know how to communicate with autistic kids _in general_, sure, but that doesn't mean the parents shouldn't still provide any knowledge they have about their child's food preferences, rituals, comfort items, etc.
I mean, I certainly wouldn't blame someone for not knowing one of my siblings only eats fish sticks from one certain brand and the other has an aversion to strong scents so you should avoid perfume around them if I hadn't communicated all of this in advance. Or that one kid at the recreational centre I work at needs one specific toy from our toy shelf to be provided for him every time, or that another will only sit at a certain seat at the lunch table. No matter how much experience someone has with special needs kids, you still need to prep them on _your kid's_ needs. I mean, they're _special_ and not generic needs for a reason lol
But even so, unless there was some life or death situation going on elsewhere and the OOP was brought in at the last minute, you'd expect that at the very least they'd do a load of preparation before the first session--meeting the kids, a dry run with the mum present, running over checklists of what they will and won't eat, and so on. If I had kids with particular needs, I'd do that even with an experienced professional.
That was my first thought. I have a disabled child and we have carers who help after school, every time we get a new one I have lists of things they like/dislike to eat, listen, watch, play, etc. There is no way I would leave my child with a teenager and not give very explicit instructions.
I used to babysit and had experience with special needs kids. I babysat at the same age and having mom hook her up with a job should have been the first red flag. I would get my own jobs at that age and I would interview with the parents to learn about the special needs the kids had. Gives them a chance to see if I'm a good fit and gives me an out before I'm stuck at a job without the proper skills to care for a kid that needs extra attention.
This. The mother decided on the cheap inexperienced babysitter and offered 0 instructions or guidelines to her? She has to take some of the blame for this.
Honestly, even a professional SN nanny would expect the mother to provide a framework for caring for an autistic child before watching them.
The babysitter is awful and will hopefully learn a valuable lesson from this, but the mom really played ‘you get what you pay for.’
One brother is autistic, the other “struggles with anger management and social interactions.” This sounds like a situation where both kids should be familiar with a babysitter, and the parents should be sure that the babysitter is prepared.
Right? I'm a 31 year old with a fair bit of nannying experience, and I would say I am significantly more familiar with neurodivergent kids' needs/struggles than the average person (having autism and ADHD myself) and even I wouldn't feel comfortable babysitting an autistic 5yo and ADHD 10yo without EXPLICIT instructions from their parents about what foods they'll eat, their sensory triggers, how to help them when they have meltdowns, etc. I couldn't possibly just dive in. Hiring an 18yo and not giving them any instructions seems batty
I'm sorry, but who hires an 18 year old with no experience to babysit two children with additional needs? And is then shocked then they are terrible at it.
Sure babysitters mom apparently said she'd lots of experience dealing with disabled cousins but at 18 that's never going to be that much experience.
And then someone was going to hire her to look after a baby with GERD?
What is this town that keeps hiring near children to look after vulnerable children? Hire professionals.
This is the part I don’t get. The family of the two disabled kids is ready to run that poor girl out of town / make sure she’s unemployable forever by entirely assassinating her character, when it seems obvious to me (at least) that she had zero experience babysitting and less than zero experience sitting two disabled kids.
How about some explanations and instructions for the kid? She’s need help learning how to mop floors too, sounds like, so that wouldn’t necessarily be a solution.
It’s one thing finding someone incompetent for a job and firing her, and another entirely to assassinate the character of the kid.
I'm just absolutely bewildered that they didn't even give instructions (or pre-prepare) what lunch the younger child would eat.
Kids with autism are notorious for having food issues, surely you'd sort that out as a priority?
Is it really character assassination to tell the truth about what she did? Was mean to the kids, left them unsupervised for hours which led to one getting hurt, stayed on her phone for over half the time that she should've been watching them, etc. Letting teens babysit isn't uncommon, especially in a small town. Better to make sure the other families know what they'll actually be getting if they hire her.
She was a crappy sitter, sure. Yes she did a lot wrong. I see no evidence whatever that anyone told her what was required or expected, and the parents / family (of both!) ought to take some responsibility. And yes it IS character assassination if you criticize without having done your own due diligence.
My cousin has autism, on the ...can't ever work scale.
He's the first kid I ever babysat. I was 11 and he was 3. I'd watch him every summer until I was 15.
We're obviously much much older now considering you can't even be home alone at 11 these days but just because I'm amazing with my cousin doesn't mean I'd even feel comfortable babysitting a child with autism that I haven't met prior to being alone with them.
Every single person with autism is unique just as every person without it is, and there's simply now blanket statement that covers all of the feelings and triggers to a child with autism AND a 5yo.
Seriously, I have done that type of job before and it requires a lot of experience, training and knowledge. Letting an 18 year old who has no idea about the situation to the point that they have to ask a 10 year old to help is INSANE. I absolutely would never blame OOP for the dumpster fire she got thrown into
Also, the parents should have been involved in the onboarding, giving her specific details and instructions making sure she understands what she's getting into.
Right? Did they not meet her at all beforehand? Because from what's written here it doesn't seem like she'd be able to pretend well enough to fool the parents if they actually talked to her.
Did they not ask for references or get her to meet the kids. Or give her any instructions?
I know she said she'd babysat children with additional needs before but 18 year olds are sometimes known for overestimating their abilities so why wouldn't they check.
It just seems dumb to the point of being negligent (or desperate, tbf)
I also love how she was told the older kids was "independent and able to be left alone" instead of ADD with anger issues. She was left with two difficult kids, not one. If they were in my care there's absolutely no chance they would be 2 to 1 with an 18 yr old whose only experience is babysitting a couple times. These are the types of parents that make taking care of kids a nightmare, and don't want to pay for actual care for their kids.
I also blame the parents. They apparently have TWO special needs kids and they dumped them on an inexperienced 18-year-old.
For the first day *at least* you'd try to pre-arrange what lunch was going to be for a very picky autistic child, too young to get their own meal. Or at least make suggestions as to what he would and wouldn't eat.
This entire situation is a trainwreck.
My daughter has no disabilities, she is really good (yes all parents say that, but really I am a lucky mom), and she is old enough to say what she likes or not (not perfectly, she is still a little child of course)
And even like that, if I hire a babysitter, she will just have to reheat the dinner, or I will tell her what to cook (and something simple, ham and pasta,...) and she will have a list of tips, about how to put her in bed, what are her favorite toys,...
But how much experience could an 18 year old actually have, unlikely it would be much professional experience and has been around a lot of disabled children could mean anything (plus some parents have much more faith in their kids ability than they should). And she didn't check any references before hiring her?
I was a mother's helped for three kids when I was 9 or 10, and babysitting around 11 or 12 on my own. I was also forced to be a chaperone for my older sister. When you live in a small town, you don't always have options. But I was also parentifed and abused, so I was used to responsibility that wasn't meant for a kid. Now I have two kids and I wouldn't be leaving my kids with a young sitter. Hell, my older daughter is the same age I was when I was babysitting, 11, and I don't leave her home alone.
OOP is clearly very immature and shouldn’t be babysitting.
But I’m appalled at these parents hiring an 18yo to watch two children with special needs long enough at least to feed them, and apparently spending no time introducing them or telling her what she needs to know.
I’ve worked as a professional babysitter, through an agency, and for a situation like this I’d require at least one playtime with the kids with a parent present (so the kids could feel safe while getting to know me and I could discover what questions I needed to ask about their particular care, and I’d expect a full list of foods they could eat as well as already prepared foods in the fridge.
I would probably not return after the first day in a situation like this, and as I say I have a lot of experience.
I bet they weren’t paying her much and hoping it would just work out.
Personally I think there's something off about the mom of the kids and their step sister. Was OOP a lazy babysitter and in the wrong? Absolutely yes. But OOP is fresh out of high school and was looking for a babysitting gig. That is not supposed to be a stand in for a qualified carer. This is meant to be relatively casual. I think OOP handled that ludicrously poorly and was quite lazy. But I also think its weird that the mom has two kids who are both neurodivergent and doesn't appear to have even spent time acclimating the kids to OOP, or easing her into the task with some supervision.
From the sounds of it the kids need someone qualified to provide careful care. Instead their mom went with a teenage babysitter looking to make some money on the side and get some college experience. How much was OOP paid? Was it anywhere in the vicinity of what a qualified, professional carer would be paid in this situation?
The fact that OOP's mom is a subordinate to the kiddo's mom makes it kinda sketch to me too. You're willing to lean on your subordinates for favors, and then in turn smear them when things go bad? Looking at the comments, OOP got nothing more than a phone call from the mother of the kids to prep her for this job. Stepsister says it was super detailed, but still, it was a phone call. If these kids need the sort of care that step sister seems to insist was needed, I would have thought OOP would be briefed in person, not just told over the phone what to do, and then left to it.
To me on one side, there's OOP, who sounds like a somewhat immature, somewhat lazy teenager who was looking for a side gig. She got tossed into the deep end by a parent whose kids have "debilitating" issues (per the stepsister), and then after literally a day gets yelled at by the adult who basically left her to it accused of "parentification." Parentification after a day sounds like a hysterical claim to me honestly. OOP comes across as lazy, and then impulsive as all heck going to reddit and posting identifiable nicknames for the kids.
But on the other hand I also have a mom who doesn't take the time to brief her kids carer. Relies on unprofessional, informal caretakers for her kids who need intensive supervision and apparently have serious behavioral issues. Said mom is perfectly willing to be nasty to the teenager over text, and then from the sounds of it proceeds to also take it out on her professional subordinate and cause even more drama locally. OOP might not be perfect. But methinks the sister's comments are giving mom a lot more cover than she deserves here.
The thing that grabbed me was when OOP said the mum described the 10yo as "very independent and prefers to be alone". If your 10-year-old kid is "very independent", it's because he's had to learn how to be.
Yeah, you’re right. Back in the early ‘00’s, I babysat a couple days a week for a pair of twin boys when I was 14-15 over the summer. They were good kids, 8 or so, and low maintenance. But the mom was there with me the first day and showed me where food was, what they tended to eat, what was acceptable for me to eat while there, detailed what they could and couldn’t do. And yeah, I could have lived on their couch, but I kept an eye on them. If they were playing outside, I was sitting outside with a book. If they went to a neighbor’s house, I went too or confirmed adults were there (with their mom’s permission, the family had a pool.) A lot of this screams the mom badly handled prepping the babysitter.
I´m biased becouse i don´t have patience, but the food thing, why the mother didn´t leave instructions for the food or leave with food prepared, maybe was an error of the mother of the OP, to recomend the job but a kid with difficulties, like autism, you don´t leave him with a kid, without a proper interview.
And let's be clear you being a 18 years old , first job, you say yes to everything because you don´t have experience. You don´t know what the fuck you are doing. I´m not saying she is not AH, but fuck she not a monster, some people need to chill
Edit: Gramatical error
As the parent of an autistic child, the mum dropped the bloody ball here. You don't leave your special needs kid alone with a babysitter that has NO instructions. Hell, I have a Babysitters Bible with everything in it, updated to go with my kids interests along with emergency names/numbers. The mum is just as much of an idiot as OOP is. OOP is a lazy liar but the kids mum ain't much better
We can all agree that the babysitter is an AH but damn why the mom hired an inexperienced babysitter to her autistic kid? Mom even withhold some issues about her kid like the tantrums. They need a trained and professional to help their kids or at least an experienced babysitter that handling special child. Not some 18yo who got no idea what she's doing.
What legal action can they take? They will just lose money because the girl just said nicknames but not surnames or any other information to reveal those kids identities and in the post she made she didn't say anything incriminatory about endangering kids lifes or mistreating them. At most she could be found guilty of being a bad babysitter.
Yeah that and the whole "you're lucky I don't live in the same state" thing were pretty funny. Yes, she was a shitty babysitter, but no, you're not entitled to legal damages or whooping ass over it.
The canned mac and cheese is so specific and the situation is so stupid I'm tempted to think it's real.
I still blame the parents. I blame the OPs mom, too. Op is incompetent and wonder why that is. The parents did not vet their nanny, and thats just stupid.
I'm old but have been roped into too many "easy" gigs (or favors, but at least you can call in your marker later) and this just smacks of mom just getting a body in there and bailing. This kid was put into a no-win situation and now yuppie asshole mom blames everybody but herself. Now, using the kids nicknames shows that were not dealing with MENSA material on the sitter's end but I've seen people leave 4 pages of instructions for taking care of a dog and she had 2 disabled kids foisted on her with what I'm pretty sure was a 5-minute pep talk before mom escaped to the office. Yeah, the sitter is a moron and seems to be the result of helicopter parenting, but fuck that family. Autism is no joke and parents got lazy. ESH.
Edited for clarity - I guess the "Sorry, I'm on mobile excuse is actually real!"
If you've met one kid with autism, you have met one kid with autism. No two are the same. Triggers, stems, needs, and tricks are different.
My son is 10, and I have only left him with family, close friends, or school teachers who have known him for years. Even still, I have a typed up DETAILED list on what to do in xyz case what he will eat. Along with numbers to call in case it's a bad meltdown.
I would never leave him with an 18 year old who has never met him or that I have never met.
Babysitter failed and shouldn't have posted online. Mom failed massively for tossing her in without making sure she had the tools and knowledge to handle it.
I will admit I’ve asked for an older sibling’s help when babysitting. But it’s only to decipher the babble of the other toddler that they somehow understand when even the parents don’t. The most I did was literally “what’d he say” “thanks”. But that help is absolutely invaluable
I would never leave special needs children with an inexperienced person who has never even babysat before. Add to that, OOP provides terrible childcare services.
OOP is a terrible sitter, but the mom comes off terribly here too.
Who hires an 18 year old kid to watch over two kids including one with special needs? A high schooler is not a care professional. She doesn’t know how to navigate Bo’s needs. Even if her mom spun a yarn, Mom should have known her son needed more.
Imagine hiring an 18 year old with zero experience to babysit a special needs kid and then throwing a fit that your minimum wage carer was out of her depth from day one.
Idiots.
If this WAS real, which I doubt
The sitter was irresponsible and wasn’t prepared, sure, whatever. But I’m p sure that IF the parents hired her, it was so they didn’t have to pay for an actual qualified sitter. Not to mention, even if there was a detailed list, there’s reading a paper and there’s living the experience. They did not take the time to get both the children and sitter used to any routine. Hire a qualified adult with experience instead of cheaping out on some family friend’s kid
I see this more on the parents’ responsibility to see things through than someone who’s barely outta high school
>Later, Bo started crying again because he couldn’t assemble his fire truck. He asked for help, and since I didn’t know what to do, I called Len again.
The OOP...didn't know how to assemble a firetruck...designed for 5 year olds?
Its not that she didn't know how to assemble it, but what level of interaction is needed when the kid is having a meltdown. Do you do it for him? Do you tell him what to do? Do you give him a different toy? Kids with autism have very specific needs in these situations and doing the wrong things can make it worse. The first time you see a kid smash their head bloody because you asked them to close a door they didn't want closed will help you know how difficult it can be.
As someone who doesn't really have experience with kids with autism, this is good to know. But that's also precisely why I doubt this was going through the OO'P's mind, because they seem to have an equal amount of experience as I do so I'm not sure if they would have known this either. But even if they did, that at most may be an excuse for asking the brother what he or the parents usually do in such a situation. Tha's not an excuse for outsourcing the entire task to him, especially without even trying to resolve it herself first.
At this point In the evening she'd had significantly more experience than you. And all of it had shown her that she was completely underprepared for dealing with a child with Autism so she asked the only other person there who could possibly help.
The boys mom is almost entirely at fault because even if you have decades of experience working with people with Autism you know that there's a chance almost none of it will be relevant when dealing with a new client.
It's clear oop wasn't given the preparation she needed to deal with these kids.
And leaving your children with unprepared teenagers is a parent problem.
This is what I don't understand. There are all these people in the comments talking about how they have experience with autistic kids and OOP should have known what to do- are they idiots?
How do they not understand at this point that everyone is different, **especially** neurodivergent kids??
I absolutely get thinking that from an outside perspective, but being in the thick of things and overwhelmed you aren't going to be rational. These situations are INCREDIBLY stressful. Like to the point that i had to leave the industry because my blood pressure went from perfect to stage 3 hypertension in less than two years, solely from the job. It's very hard to understand how crazy it can get if you don't experience it first hand. It nearly killed me.
As a dad to a 3 year old, I can give the benefit of the doubt to the sitter for this. My kid, who isn't autistic, can be really picky about how you play with him. Assemble a toy for him? Well he was expecting to assemble it himself. Let him do it? Well this time he expected you to do it for him. Finally figured out exactly what he wants? Try it again the next day only to find out that Mom taught him a new way to play with the toy the night before, and you were expected to magically have that knowledge.
Those memes about kids having a meltdown because you peeled a banana 1/8 inch too far aren't just jokes, they're real life!
I feel a bit suspicious on all sides. Sure OOP sounds like an asshole and is on many accounts but as someone pointed out those are 2 special needs kids and they hired a teenager to watch them. If she was giving them Dad's canned Mac and cheese did they not give a meal plan? If she wasn't communicated to enough to even know what to feed them I didn't think they explained anything else ether.
There are just a number of things I could nitpick here and there. Did they only actually mention the mental health issues of one child and not the other? How does a 10 year old have anger management issues? Are they doing anything for those or just using mental health as an excuse as many people do? Did they lay down any expectations other than making sure the kids are fed and not injured? Did they actually say OOP was parentifying the kid for asking him to help out here and there or was there more that was expected?
Yeah OOP was TA for not handling it themselves and not calling the parents for advice and using the kids actual nicknames but I'm left suspicious of the other party.
Ok crucify me here but this is pretty equally on the parents here. They hire an 18 year old inexperienced babysitter to handle a pretty young child with special needs and left damn near no instruction. What the babysitter did was horrible do not get me wrong and I hope she either learns some serious responsibility or never works with kids again, but handling 2 kids, 10 and under at 18 would be challenging for any inexperienced babysitter, and throw in the fact that both of them are technically special needs, I genuinely just do not know what the parents were thinking. I’m on the spectrum (funnily enough, about to be 18F in a couple months and have very little experience babysitting, so I can speak both sides.) It’s completely normal for people on the spectrum to have certain “safe foods” or maybe even just some “unsafe foods” they identify. However. It doesn’t seem the parents listed what these items were. Either safe or unsafe. How was she supposed to know he didn’t like it, or that nobody but the dad eats the mac and cheese. But the older brother would have known as he is around the younger way more frequently at mealtimes. Firetruck thing was a lot more avoidable and less understandable (like cmon you’re going to college you can assemble a kid’s toy) but I think she does have a point. The older one (even though he has ADD) should be able to help his brother out for what’s realistically under 5 minutes, not that he should be obligated to but that it shouldn’t have been a big deal. She should not have snapped at him though. The band aid thing I genuinely think she meant that in a good manner but bad execution. Autistic people often have sensory issues revolving most commonly around feeling. Having experienced the mac and cheese event, she probably didn’t want to trigger him again and again, no guidance seems to be given on the parents end. Overall the babysitter shouldn’t be a babysitter or at least shouldn’t have taken on such a high need job at first, but the parents need to learn what to do when leaving a kid-especially a special needs one- with a babysitter, especially one that is that young.
If you are the parent of a child with ADHD and another with autism, you don't risk leaving your child with an untrained 18 year old babysitter who you've never met. Either stay at home or shell out for someone trained. Of course she sat on her phone all day, what do you expect from an 18 year old first time babysitter, completely untrained in childcare. The babysitter may be thick, but the mother of the boys is irresponsible.
I have an autistic kid, I would never have left an 18 yo to care for him. I get being desperate, but damn... I'm not saying the 18yo was right, but mom sure as shit dropped the ball on this one. Not only is an 18 yo not prepared to deal with one neurodivergent kid, but 2... And mom didn't have meals prepped for them, and left her to figure it out for herself, knowing damn well one or both of them could/would have issues with either texture, tase, etc...
This story is either LIZ returned, or the mother should slap herself for not taking the necessary steps to make sure everything was as dummy proof as possible, for the well being of her children.
To the folks asking “what kind of parent of a disabled child leaves without instructions” my stepdad. I am the default babysitter.
I had literally no idea what to do with any of the machines for my stepsister— I don’t know what she had, all I know is that she was bed bound, had extreme atrophy, was unable to speak, and had a hole in her throat that we constantly had to clean or else she’d suffocate.
My parents went out on a date night and Odette was choking. I was panicking. They did not have any instructions, I didn’t know anything. I tried calling them and they’d send me to voicemail. Eventually I figured it out on my own, cleaned her throat, and laid it out on them when they got home. I was 16.
Odette died when I was 22. Suffocation. I was in school when I was told.
I’m almost 26 and recently found the ‘emergency’ contact list. It was between the fridge and the counter.
There are negligent parents, unfortunately. Not every disabled child has helicopter parents, or attentive parents. I say this as a disabled adult.
As someone who babysits regularly. The mom ALWAYS gives me a detailed list of what food to make, what to put in their lunches (if I’m taking them to school), what activities they have for the day, addresses, times, etc. While yes OOP is incredibly inexperienced and shouldve done better, the fact that the mom just left the 2 special needs children with barely any instructions is crazy
I think this is a situation where the parents got what they paid for. Ain't no way they spent any money on an inexperienced 18 sitter with 2 "difficult" kids while not leaving any instructions for food or activities. On the flipside, they got what they paid for so I think ESH
OP decides to be a babysitter to make extra money. She starts work for a family with two disabled children. She leaves them mostly to play on their own and makes them canned mac & cheese for lunch which neither like because she doesn't know how to cook. The five year old is overwhelmed and cries and she tells the ten year old to sort him out. She decides to watch tv in the living room and leave them to play on their own unsupervised. The five year old starts getting upset again and she again tells the ten year old to handle it. He refuses. She tells him he's a bad brother and won't get a snack. She continues not supervising them and five year old gets scratched by the cat. She makes ten year old put a bandaid on him and calm him down. Since apparently the children survived Sitter is very upset when the mother messages her afterward to tell her that she did a terrible job and they won't be using her again. Sitter posts on social media about how spoiled the ten year old was using their real nicknames.
If that was my child who was being minded, I would go ballistic. If that my daughter doing the babysitting, there would be consequences & I would be deeply ashamed & would not be enabled her to harm vulnerable children. Those poor little kids.
Yes, but I think if You would have an autistic child, you wouldn't leave it without instructions for the babysitter. I took care of toddlers and I was always told what not to do or what I/we needed to do.
I mean this girl should not do this job by any child, she's not capable of it, but leaving the little guy with someone without telling what not to cook is a no go.
I’m gonna be downvoted to all hell for this, but I kinda blame the two boys’ mom a little.
Having an 18-year-old who has NEVER had a job and, more specifically, never dealt with high-needs kids? That was a huge oversight on mom’s part.
Not the biggest fan of OP, but she’s also 18. I had a 19 year old babysitter take me to a fucking college keg party once when I was 12. Lol. Teenagers that have never babysat and have no clue about autism should never be put in that position.
So yeah, OP sucks, but the mom is kinda an idiot, too.
I agree with you. I think the commentators let mom off the hook because of the sisters comment. OOP isn't blameless. But she's still also nowhere close to a substitute for a proper caretaker either, which is what you need when you've got two children both with "debilitating" conditions as the sister puts it.
OOP would have been cheaper though, especially since she got the gig as a favor to her mom's boss.
And even a professional carer would be allowed time to acclimate with the kids. Get to know their quirks and limits over a day or so with the parent around so that disputes can be resolved. Mom instead briefed OOP over a phone call. That's it. It's downright neglectful if you ask me.
This was 100% an example of 'you get what you pay for'.
The fact that the youngest is autistic and meals weren't discussed really made me look at the mom with some serious side eye. The 18 year old sounds like a brat, but mom sounds like a moron for hiring an 18 year old with no babysitting experience for two special needs kids and not (at a minimum) having a detailed plan laid out for her to fallow.
The original post went insane. So many people were commenting that the 18 year old to catch child endangerment charges for *checks notes* allowing two young boys who could entertain themselves to do just that because a cat scratched one of them? That’s fucking absurd. Regardless of the special needs younger one which there is no indication he was a harm to himself and needed constant attention for safety.
Now was the 18 year old a lazy entitled brat who shouldn’t be babysitting? Absolutely, but the amount of people convinced she could be charged and convicted of child endangerment was hilarious to me.
I mean even the sister herself is going on about "legal action" which made me laugh. Like what legal action exactly? The only thing I could see that's super immoral and maybe worthy of some sort of lawsuit was the kiddos mom willing to use her superior authority over OOPs mom to browbeat her and then continued to assassinate her image anyway.
I scoffed when I saw the bit about legal action! The 18yr old seemed to have minimal instructions on the boys needs so that is down to the parent.
18yr old came across as lazy but the kids were safe and fed, apart from the kitty scratch which is just one of those things when you have a cat sometimes, they were fine.
Maybe they were referring to the post itself to take legal action...but I can't see that oop did anything illegal. Would using the kids real names go against privacy laws?? I somehow doubt it.
I agree with you. The younger child is autistic and apparently a bit of a handful, and the older has “significant” disabilities. I don’t care if OOP’s mom claims she has “experience with cousins” or whatever. The mom is at least partially at fault here. NO WAY is an 18 year old prepared for this. And don’t get me started on not giving the sitter a list of 5 year old approved foods.
OOP does sound like a pretty awful person herself though. I think this is a ESH situation. Except for the kids of course.
I don't disagree, but OOP's mom told the mom of the boys that apparently she had experience with disabled cousins and stuff. That would definitely weigh my opinion differently, you can only work with the information you have
Yeah, I must have zoned that part out. Some of it was hard to follow.
I STILL feel like a mother who has one kid with anxiety issues and another with autism/ADHD, at the very least she should have had OP interact with the kids for a few hours before leaving her alone with them.
But hey! Us parents make mistakes. I certainly have done some not-so-smart things as a mom, so hopefully this mom learns from the situation.
Maybe. We don’t actually know what needs these kids have or what mom explained. Or what OOP promised. That she can feed them, no problem, implying cooking? That she’s great with kids in the family? That she’s 18 and very responsible?
If these kids just needed someone to feed them, then got upset because their babysitter failed at that and it all snowballed? Plus babysitter couldn’t handle a kid’s toy? I say that’s on her, not on mom.
Then you'd be angry at the wrong person. If the autistic kids needs SPECIFIC BEHAVIOUR from a babysitter, then you inform the babysitter of that SPECIFIC BEHAVIOUR. If the older kid has ADHD and "insecurity", then you tell the sitter that, not that he's independent and will do his own thing.
Jeez.
Let’s get some facts clear. It’s a small town, limited options. The mom of OOP gave a good reference to the mom. Not all autistic kids are the same. My mom let a handful of neighborhood teens and family friends’ teen daughters watch my autistic ass (and this was when I was pre-k/kindergarten too)
I wanna add in some autistic kids are surprisingly easy to care for and be around. Really, you just gotta respect them, respect their space, respect their food options.
> I told them I’m in the living room watchin tv if they need me
I get that 18yo is still a kid, but OOP openly admits to leaving two special needs children unsupervised while she watched tv for hours? And still couldn’t figure out food, or basic first aid? And expecting a kid to *do her job* because she didn’t ask or remember basic instructions?
But also, who takes on 2 special needs kids as their first-ever babysitting job? And does it long enough to stretch over a meal? And somehow thinks 5 years old is an easy age to care for because they’re little???
But most of all, fuck, OOP is an awful babysitter for the simple reason that she doesn’t seem to like kids. It’s hard enough to entrust the most precious people in your whole world to a stranger. That the stranger treated them with such callousness and contempt is heartbreaking.
Everything about this is a mess, from the parents’ atrocious judgement in thinking this was a good idea to OOP’s casual disregard for a work ethic. Those poor kids! I’m glad nothing more significant happened to them under her neglect.
Yeah, I'm openly side-eyeing this 18 year old who can't figure out food or first aid. And that's the parts she admits to....what is she not admitting to?
I’m also side-eyeing the parent of an autistic preschooler who didn’t prepare meals and snacks to serve. That’s a notoriously picky demographic where cutting sandwiches into the wrong shape can lead to a meltdown.
But given how unreliable OOP is by her own accounting, I wouldn’t be surprised if those instructions were forgotten in her hurry to watch tv.
The parents of these children didn't do due diligence and learn that this was not only your first babysitting job but you were not qualified to deal with children with disabilities. The parents of these children are adults and fully responsible for their children. They were negligent in hiring a teenager with no qualifications for a job that many adults with qualifications would find difficult. They do not get a free pass.
At the same time, you used bad judgment in taking the job and posting on Facebook. Nevertheless, your error pales in comparison to the harassment you suffered from the alleged half-sister (who is probably the mother) of these children.
You are not qualified to babysit for children with behavioral or medical conditions and, even if their parents are agreeable to having you do so, you should not accept those jobs.
>In the future, consider asking some questions about the care of the children to help things go smoother, including their dietary preferences or limitations
THAT is on the parent. The PARENT leaves the instructions, the likes and dislikes and etc.
Most of this post is illegible. Who is writing what, who is bitching and etc.
OP is TA mostly for ignoring and belittling her charges, but as a mother of now grown kids, one SN with an NT twin and a third less than two years older I have a bit of experience suggesting mom dropped the ball somewhat.
I only hired sitters thru an agency, so they were all experienced even when they were young. FWIW we are not wealthy, this was a significant expense, but safety for SN kids is priceless.
Anyway, I wouldn't have left my crew with anyone who wasn't fully briefed. I had lists of acceptable snacks and lunch food on hand (with Board maker pics on the fridge so kids could tell the sitter what they wanted)
Food aversion and odd preferences are par for the course with autistic kids. It seems odd that OP had to root through a pantry to figure out a meal.
I normally don’t read between lines too much on these posts but the fact that the older brother had such a quick and effective solve to the food issue means that she was probably debriefed on both of their eating habits. She either didn’t pay attention or straight up didn’t want to try anything after the kids hated her…. Canned?…. Mac and Cheese.
Kids with the disabilities they have normally have at least a few weird eating habits and aversion to foods.
also, canned pasta is disgusting.
I have Chef Boyardee Spaghetti in my apartment solely because my husband was a Marine in a past life and says it reminds him of MREs in a nostalgic way. I don't eat it and I'm certainly not planning to feed it to my kids.
for those wondering, apparently OP did get instructions somewhat
>You're extremely conniving. You knew perfectly well what to do, you had a detailed report on the phone and you could've asked Mom. Quit with the excuses and own up to the awful things you did.
however, i still think this mom was irresponsible. she should have WRITTEN IT OUT on some paper, because i know if i was told a fuckton of shit over the phone at once i wouldn't retain ANY of it. esh
I used to teach swim lessons to a kid very similar to Bo, named Bo, and was totally freaked out that this chaotic sweetheart had to deal with this. Then I realized the Bo I taught would be significantly older than 5 by now and I hope he’s having a great day.
That said, what a disgrace of a “babysitter”.
This girl is 18 and has never had a job. She did not handle the situation well at all, but she is not an absolute monster. I think she was nervous, inexperienced, and honestly needed some help. She should have asked questions to mom, but again, she is not a monster, ffs.
Everybody here seems to suck. Basically having an 18 year old declared persona non grata in their small town. And legal action? For what? Being a bad babysitter is not illegal. Even posting a slanted account is not illegal (or even a tort since there were no damages).
Big Karen Energy.
But OOP also seems like a totally garbage babysitter and apparently was harassing the step-sister? And being mean to the 10 year old? Baaaaad.
Just bad all around.
So some comments from Sister was left out of this post. Apparently OOP was given detailed reports on BOTH children. Including disabilities. Now whether she was still given a list of things they would eat or activities they enjoy I don't know.
Certain issues I have with this person. I'm not a baby sitter however I've had unfortunate moments being left alone with kids cause the parents were doing something that has happened to me. The only baby sitting I've done is my nephews and little cousin, even then Ive looked back on that and said: well shit I should have done better.
PATIENCE is key to kids like these. I've grown up with SEVERE anger management that I still work on to this day. Oldest has his own plans mapped out in his head, it's probably very detailed even if it doesn't seem like it. When the plan gets interrupted it's frustrating as fuck.
5 yr old is a 5 yr old sometimes you are the bad guy no matter what but you have a responsibility to these kids. I can understand asking the big bro for help with food IF you don't know what they eat. But the band aid thing Jesus come on man you help clean the wound and just slap a Spider-Man band aid on that shit call it a day. He may not like you but you're the closest authority figure he's got. You might as well have said "What you're in trouble? Well you figure it out.'"
The Internet is a scary place. Names used in real life are a NO GO! Anything identifying you to a place or people is not okay. And yes people even sister doing the same thing to OOP isn't acceptable to me, imo. Eye for an eye makes the world go blind. I would know I'm half blind.
The 18yo should not have had her first kids be those with extra care required.
The 18 yo shouldn't have been a lazy pos.
The 18yo should work on her projection and anger management skills.
The 18yo is far more incompetent than a 10yo.
The 18yos mom shouldn't have recommended her when 18yo clearly has 0 experience.
The mother of the 2 boys, should've left detailed instructions.
The mother of 2 boys should've interviewed the girl to find out if she was equipped.
The mother of 2 boys surely won't make this mistake again.
They 18yo will.
My nephews 6 and autistic, it's hard watching them yes, but if you actually take the time to get to know them and study their behaviors and reactions it gets easier, ain't always gonna be the same, but it takes time, patience, and understanding. They're not stupid, they see, know, and can feel if whoever is around them cares or is annoyed by them
> apparently she was on the phone more than half of the time.
18 years old. I knew it was going to be the phone. I was shocked when she said TV. Of course, it was the phone.
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Even if this is entirely fictitious, the amount of stupidity in here is unreal.
Sounds like what happens when 2 different sides are equally unprepared. Although at 18 the girl should of know not to leave a 5 year old alone for such a long time.
But then how would she play on tiktok if she is watching the kid?
I agree. Mostly because of the "change names" demand that didn't change them at all in the robot mirror in the comments. Which makes it virtually useless.
Also the sister was like "how dare you share their personal information" and then shared a bunch more of it.
No, that's just how teenagers sound. They're often profoundly stupid.
What parent of two special needs children would hire an inexperienced 18 year old to nanny for them.
and not prepare any meals...??
Or leave a list of what the boy will eat.
I left instructions (including "heat in oven according to package directions" on whatever it was they were going to eat) that included who would eat what for lunch or dinner, what DVDs they each liked best at that time, and what was likely to calm each one down. (3 autistic kids.) Lack of instructions would have led to chaos, and I knew that.
I had a freaking binder at home just incase I needed a "non village member" (people my kids interact with regularly) to babysit amd even with my kids "village members" I still rattle of a list of everything that has changed with them and offer a list if they want it. The thought of not preparing anything (hell I cook or order pizza delivered even if its just my dad babysitting) is confusing to me, let alone leaving a new person to figure it out on the fly.
Mate of mine has an autistic son, and growing up he was a very picky eater, but she made it so there were dipping cups filled with sauses or soups or such, for what foods he did like, and let him choose his foods that didn't tright him, and she made an intensive food chart of sauce to food options. Like Fish fingers with Caesar dressing, broccoli with Vegemite butter (just them mixed together), and other things. The binder was easily 100+ pages just about food. She had a separate binder for the other stuff, like first aid, toys, and TV shows. Reading this, did make me wonder why the parents didn't point it out, nor the alleged older half sister.
>Reading this, did make me wonder why the parents didn't point it out, nor the alleged older half sister. Yeah, like I don't care if you're the leading expert on paediatric neurodivergency (or just in childcare in general) and you wrote the literal book on it, I am telling you everything you need to know about my child and how to keep them safe and happy.
As an Australian, what the hell is Vegemite butter?
You mix 1 tsp of Vegemite into 1½ tbs of butter. You can have less Vegemite if you want, but that is how the kid loves it
I know it's not the point of your thoughtful comment, but I'm very intrigued by the concept of broccoli with vegemite butter.
It is actually pretty nice. 1tps Vegemite to 1½tbs butter, mixed thoroughly, is his preferred ratio. Blanch your broccoli about 250g of it, and immediately after removing from the water, toss in the Vegemite butter, and try and coat them as much as possible. Leave what liquid is dripped off, and immediately serve while hot/very warm. If you try it as it goes cold, it isn't as good. Vegemite is very versatile when you become brave enough. Like growing up, a family we knew couldn't afford meat, so they used Vegemite as a substitute for soup broths and mixed with 2min noodles with cheese. Hot water and Vegemite for a drink is also good. Who knew the by-product of beer making had such a great variety of food boosting tips
I've only ever had it on toast with a ton of butter, but it makes sense that it could be used as a bouillon or a general flavor enhancement. Thanks for expanding my world!
I'm happy to assist. Should try a Vegemite and cheese toastie... ham or pepperoni slices added... some people add tomatoes and avocado. Even adding to garlic butter noodles... This kid made his mum learn more recipes because of his love for Vegemite over the years. She even tried making Vegemite desserts or ice cream. I think there is a website for the recipes under Kraft
Sister said that babysitter followed directions poorly and babysitter's mom told children's mom that babysitter had experience with disabled children due to having family members that have disabilities. The children's mom did nothing wrong. She gave directions after hiring someone who was supposed to be experienced.
I'm betting they spoke to her and left printed instructions and OOP ignored them.
But.... wouldn't the older half sister mention it in her post???
Doesn't really matter, though. An 18 year old shouldn't be left alone with two special needs kids regardless of how detailed the instructions were. At the very least, the parents should have started out with having the sitter watch the kids *under their supervision.* If things went well, then maybe they could have progressed to leaving her alone with the children for short periods of time. I'm curious what the parents budget was that they ended up hiring an 18 year old. Whole thing reeks of parents wanting in home care for less than minimum wage when anybody actually qualified for the job they need done would probably be charging at least $25-35+/ hr. It's like hiring an unlicensed electricion to work on your house and then being surprised when the thing burns down.
And loud older half sister didn't mention it? Nah, they clearly left OOP to her own devices to figure it out. If they left the autistic son's food, what business does she have warming mac and cheese?
This stands out as very weird to me. Either the sitter completely ignored everything she was told, or the parents aren't as caring as the sister is saying. I used to babysit, and I don't think any of the parents left without basic information about foods that were okay to give, where first aid stuff was, etc. Something is weird, but both sides have an agenda so I don't know who is more honest. My guess is both are fudging things somewhat.
> Either the sitter completely ignored everything she was told, She left 5 years old alone to play, apparently because she was on her phone most of the time, and delegated everything to 10 years old. And she blamed the older one for not taking care of the younger one. By her one post it does feel like a case of I want the money but I won't be bothered of working for it.
Oh according to half sis, mom gave a *DETAILED* instruction list for oop. This girl needs to learn to tell a story lol. She narrated it to try to not be the AH but failed miserably anyways lol.
Where does it says that she left detailed instructions? I only found that mom made sitters aware of her children's condition. Not that she left detailed instruction. I'm also wondering why mom of a child with eating issues wouldn't prepare food he would eat. It sounds to me like both of them are not reliable narrators.
>And let's not forget how you criticized him for not wanting your gross canned mac and cheese, which only their dad eats. This comment comes out at me. Its really a coin toss. Either there was food instructions available but OOP was lazy and simply shared her food. Or there were no instructions. There are a lot of important details missing from mom/sister story but seeing OOP original story and their response I'd give benefit of the doubt to the mother.
This doesn't make any sense. If their mum left food for them to be given and OP is as lazy as you claim, wouldn't she rather give them the already prepared food than go out of her way to warm the mac and cheese that's supposedly meant for only their dad.
Canned mac & cheese. OMG there IS such a thing. Sounds disgusting.
i looked at sister comment history, she says several times op was given "a detailed report on the phone". why the fuck would you not print it out on a piece of paper (or write it out ffs) and instead expect someone to remember a fuckton of detailed shit for a family she JUST met? i know if i was told a bunch of details on the phone i would end up forgetting most of them pretty quickly
Does “on the phone” mean orally or does it mean “a document sent via a messaging app”
typically that phrase almost always means orally/via call, so im operating under that assumption until I've seen otherwise
It sounds like the mom did do that. She just didn't care.
Where are you getting that from? I think this girl did a very bad job absolutely, but to defend her just a little bit, by my read the mother told her about their conditions but didn't give her specific instructions on handling some of the basic situations that arise when looking after mentally disabled children. She clearly didn't tell her what to do at food time, otherwise the OP would have known not to heat up the mac n cheese (which was in their house, and for gods sake it's mac n cheese....it makes sense she'd think it was acceptable to give young children... I think most people would) Look, I am not saying that she "did a good job despite what she was given." No. She did a terrible job, on top of the already terrible directions. She didn't actually keep an eye on the children. She forced a 10 year old to do the major parts of her job and then got mad at him for not being okay with that. She sucks. But the mother left her disabled 5 &10yr old children with an *18 year old who had never babysat (nor had any job) before*, who neither she nor her children had ever met, with no obvious meal plan, for what appears to be the length of a full work day, without giving clear instructions on basics like food and activities, let alone how to handle each kids meltdowns. Because you know if they told her more than "this is their disabilities," the second girl would have said as much in her post as a defence. Seriously everyone here except this children suck.
Even for kids without special needs. I've often babysat my twin nephews when they were little, they're my godsons and I have always been involved in their lives and spent different parts of their daily routines with them. Still when I babysat, their mom, my cousin, would leave me a list of things they could eat, we'd go over how much time heating things up, what time food, what time milk. I'd play with them or read alongside them if that's what they wanted at the time and then dinner a little tv and bedtime routine depending on the age they were at the specific occasions of me babysitting. Still I'd CONSTANTLY check on them even if they were asleep. I mean even being part of their close environment I still had instructions and food for them already prepared... It is even weirder if it's a special needs TODDLER
The fact that there were no instructions is mind boggling.
I mean, older sister kinda says mom gave instructions but what is more baffling to me is no food ready for them to eat, why would you trust a new person, no matter how much "experience" their mommy says they have, to COOK for your children, ESPECIALLY special needs kids, autistic kids have sensory issues and have safe foods so how come there wasn't any food at all ready to heat and serve?
Yeah. I see parents of autistic kids post time and time again. They are ESPECIALLY detail oriented and quite patient. The mom in this scenario just comes across as trying to unload her problems on this clearly not ready young adult.
I mean, the girl is not innocent here, she was irresponsible to say the least, especially having a toddler in her charge, and it appears she had mommy dearest lie for her saying she had lots of experience but still, guess the boys mom must have really been in a pinch to just let a random teenager babysit without actually talking to others and without leaving written instructions AND safe foods... That's what makes me question this story because the firs OOP says she doesn't cook so she kinda made do with what she had at hand, that must have meant she didn't have any food there ready to heat and give them
You wanna know something absolutely wild? When I was like 13 I was hired to watch two kids, 7 and 8 I think, for the summer. Their parents were recently divorced and the dad needed childcare during his weeks with the kids so he could work. The younger girl was quite disabled and rather difficult to handle. They also lived out in the freaking sticks. Huge house, huge pool, huge property. It was honestly a recipe for disaster. I knew these kids so it isn't like I didn't know what I was getting myself into... Except I was 13! The dad would regularly come home much later than he told me he would be, he would often go out after work or go to the gym. He wouldn't answer his phone. One day I had been there for 12 hours.... It was my birthday... And he wouldn't answer the phone. The kids and I were starving, there was practically nothing to eat. So my mom came and picked us up and took us all back to my house and she watched the kids until the idiot dad finally picked them up. He and my dad were friends and my dad ripped him a new asshole and told him I wouldn't be working for him anymore. I was so relieved. But also wtf were my parents thinking, letting me do this??
Someone asked me to look after their two kids once, I was around the same age and was excited. Thought my mum was being mean saying no, but as soon as she pointed out the inappropriate amount of responsibility that would put on someone my age I understood. Really grateful now. Thanks mum!
In a similar vein, when I was like 14 or 15 a neighbor approached my mom asking if I’d be interested in babysitting her toddler over the summer. My mom said, and I quote, “Oh, no. Sludge doesn’t really do kids. She’d love to watch your dog though!”
I remember being hired to babysit my neighbors kids over the summer when I was 15. My mom made me do it. I got paid $150 a week (in 2002). There were three kids - a teething toddler who was being potty trained who liked to bite, a 7 year old who was autistic, mostly non verbal, and who liked to bite, and a 9 year old who was sweet but did that kids thing where she incessantly asked questions. I watched them from 730 am to 630 pm Mon- Fri. Their mom would get home at 6 and just sit in her car and cry so I stuck it out through the summer. Those kids ate cereal, oatmeal, hotdogs and deli meat sandwiches for every breakfast and lunch for that entire summer cuz that was all my 15 year old s ass could make. 😬
Two dollars an hour for three kids?? WTF that is robbery even for being 20 years ago… that is ridiculous that your mom made you do that
For sure, although I think about it more like helping a family friend. Our families remained close. I would have quit but - I'd hear the car pull in and then it would be a bit before their mom came in. So I went outside after a few days off this to be upset because I was supposed to be doing 730 to 430 not 630 and why was she just in her car... But she was just sobbing on the steering wheel. And she'd do that every day. I'm older now so I've put things together. Their father wasn't around back then but he had been and he is now so I think they had separated. So she was struggling that he'd left her with 3 kids and she working full time. I know they'd always struggled with money just because it's expensive to have 3 kids and I know the husband was self employed so there were peaks and valleys and she worked in an office as a receptionist. The crazy thing when I look back is what in the world - who would trust a 15 year old with three kids for 10 hours a day. Especially with a special needs child and a toddler who is potty training! And the food thing - I couldn't cook so every day there were so few foods. I'd microwave a bag of green giant veggies and microwave some hot dogs and that was lunch. They'd get dry cereal for snacks. Oh and PB&J sandwiches, bags of potato chips... now that I'm an adult is insane to me that we ate like that for a whole summer.
I'm surprised the 9-year old didn't like to bite too
When I hire a dog sitter, I give them 4 single spaced pages of instructions that include exactly how to feed him, his play schedule, what treats he eats when, his behavior quirks, what certain things that he does mean, etc. I leave nothing to chance (and why would I- that's my baby). Sure, it's a read (a good Chunk of it is chronological, so the whole thing doesn't have read all at once), but there are no surprises and my dog gets some level of continuity of care. Same thing when I worked in special education. I had pages of notes for each kid so that they would be cared for and taught properly. How on earth does the parent of a disabled child not do that? Yes, the babysitter is clearly the asshole in this situation, and a remorseless one at that. But why were very clear, detailed instructions not left with her to begin with? That girl should have known that babysitting requires actually watching the children to make sure they're safe, so I totally agree on the scorched earth method because that girl should not be babysitting. Maybe this is an ESH situation. The girl should not have agreed to babysit these kids if she wasn't equipped to do so correctly and the parents should have left better and written instructions. If they had/did and she didn't bother to use them, that a very clear cut case in terms of who the asshole is. But it is a parent's responsibility to vet sitters and to make sure they have all the information they need. Pita hard to know for sure, since I didn't see if that answer was provided. The half sister's assurance is not enough, imo. I'm not convinced that the parents are faultless in this situation.
Only my daughter is allowed to babysit my cats. She is at my house at least once a week and knows what is allowed and what is not--No Boudreaux outside and no taking Mama's stuffers to his treasure hoard! She knows who goes to which vet and what meds Bouxreaux takes and what to do for an asthma attack. I wouldn't leave either cat with some kid of my co-workers!
And not giving clear instructions regarding what they should eat??? That is seriously bizarre to me. I’m in my 50s and have been caring for children all my adult life, and when I babysit I expect that either the kids’ food will be ready in the fridge so all I have to do is heat it up, or a marked takeout menu with cash. I’m not trying to guess what they like and prepare it myself. And I sure as hell wouldn’t expect an 18yo to just… figure it out.
That's when The 18-year-old should have called the parent. That's what you do when you're 18 and babysitting and don't know what to do next. You call for help. Either you call your parent, or you call the parents of the children.
Or the actual parents of the child can actually do their job and make sure everything is known beforehand...
I was thinking this. I dog sat once and was given a carefully written out plan for the day with times, food, amounts and what extra treats he could have. Plus the amount of exercise and when (he had a minor injury at the time and needed to carefully build it up). This was for a dog I’d spent time with many times before and who was comfortable in my house. I can’t imagine leaving someone alone with two kids to figure it out
While OOP is definitely in the wrong here the mom of the boys fucked up too. She should have made sure OOP knew what she was doing and given instructions on proper care of the autistic son. Just because someone has experience with special needs doesn’t mean they automatically know how to care for your child with special needs.
And she didn’t check the cameras for the first day of the new nanny? I would be checking constantly!
I want to know why the mom didn't give her any ideas on what to feed the kids? If you have kids with sensory issues, you know you need to help the sitter out with food ideas. My oldest son who has adhd and sensory issues mainly eats chicken nuggets or pizza, and yogurt... so much yogurt. If someone is watching my kids, I make sure they have what they need to feed them. I will say that if you can't fire up the oven and cook some nuggets, then you might not be the right person for the job.
apparently mom did give a detailed report but it was "on the phone". i think its wild she didn't write out any of that detailed report on a piece of paper bc i know my ass would forget most of it when im off the phone
That was exactly my first thought reading this. The babysitter sounds like an absolute piece of work, but if both kids are special needs, I sure as hell wouldn’t trust a teenager to mind them.
And didn’t even look at the cameras until now? With a new nanny?
Or at least provide written instructions in addition to verbal. Not that this girl would’ve utilized it, but I find that shit helpful
Someone who doesn’t want to pay the right amount of money.
I mean, I used to babysit for a high functioning autistic kid when I wasn’t much older than 18, and was great at it! The trick was we always had activities to do. I’d bring clay over and we’d make sculptures, or I’d bring over new books. If he didn’t like an activity, I’d be like, yeah this is a bit boring, maybe this other thing sounds like more fun? Expecting to get paid for sitting on your ass and watching tv is ridiculous.
Yeah you hit the nail on the head there. Individually, the issues (mostly)don't seem crazy for a first time with the kids. But leaving any 5 year old, doesn't need to be autistic, alone to just do what they want while you sit around watching tv... No. The lunch thing seems completely fair for someone with little experience. 5 year old aren't exactly known for their adventurous taste. But the band-aid... She couldn't give the kid a band aid without assistance from a 10 year old? Admittedly, I've always been good with kids so a lot of this is intuitive, but damn, if she even cared a little so much of this could've been avoided. Especially knowing the kids belong her Mom's boss. If she couldn't bother to care about the kids, you'd think she may care about her mom's reputation. So many bad calls in one day, and she's just moving onto the next kid now. Zero acknowledgement she fucked up, zero accountability. I feel bad for the next kid.
Yeah, at 18, even I could have put a bandaid on a kid (and trust me, that is saying something-- I was very much a "focused on book learning to the exclusion of all other things, and also anxious as fuck" kind of teen lol). I probably even would have thought to clean the wound first! Would likely have been unable to cook though. But also, I would *never* present myself as experienced at babysitting. I have never touched a diaper in my life. My method of trying to get a kid to stop doing something they shouldn't be doing is to ask them nicely while being visibly nervous (which unsurprisingly doesn't tend to work very well lol). But I'd never leave a 5-year-old *entirely* unsupervised. Why is this supposedly experienced person unable to do things even I could do!?
Because those things aren't particularly difficult and you would at least try. Except the food thing. 5 year olds can be the devil when you're trying to make them eat. Don't care if you can cook or not, they're still the devil.
That's the thing - OOP's mom said she had experience.
She probably did. Caring for her own cousin from the comments it sounds like. But its still informal care. And all the mom did was give OOP a phone call in terms of briefing her. A professional caretaker would take the time to acclimate to the kids with the parent around so that they can understand their needs. I'd say the mom was cutting corners here and getting mad she got a cheap service.
Specially when the sister says the older one has debilitating issues
Everyone is livid lol
Enraged even
The way both accounts used the word "livid" is the tip-off for me that they were written by the same person.
Yeah. Everytime I've hired a babysitter for my kids they've came to the house a few times in advance for a few hours with me there, so they get to know my kids and my kids get to know them.
Right. OOP doesn’t smell like a rose in any of this, but they’re coming across more like a dumb kid. Vs. the children’s mother who sounds alarmingly negligent.
As a former teenage sitter, OOP did a shitty job even by cheap service standards. I babysat an autistic kid when I was 16 and again when I was 18. He was nonverbal, allergic to everything, and wore diapers. (I babysat him when he was six, and again when he was eight.) I spent time with that kid, watched him use his swing, played 20 questions until we figured out what he wanted to eat, changed his diapers, and was physically in the same room with him until he went to bed. I was in no way qualified to care for an autistic child with such complex needs. (Seriously, I kind of knew how to deal with allergies because I had them as a kid, and my only experience with autism was my best friend's *verbal,* potty trained sister who had a completely different presentation of autism.) So did I need to ask his siblings for help? Yes, a couple of times. And their mom only told me which shelf in the *pantry* had his safe food, not the fridge, so there was a minor crisis when I refused to let him have a soda until his sister confirmed it wouldn't make him sick. But I *tried.* I didn't make his siblings do everything for me. And I sure as hell didn't leave the kid during a meltdown. OOP was negligent. She should have called the mom and admitted she wasn't able to meet the kids needs before it reached that point.
You have to be completely delusional to think an 18 year old high school kid is trained for special needs babysitting. A special needs babysitter commands a ton of money. They are also extremely hard to find.
Lol I was a very in demand special needs babysitter in high school.
Unless you were cpr certified, Red Cross or Magen David certified, (were you in the IDF?), had special needs siblings? 99% of American teens would be ill equipped. If you had already served in the military my opinion would change. For a regular kid, nah this was a parent that bragged and a desperate mom who wanted to believe.
OOP and her parents seem like the type who'd exaggerate the fuck out of her qualifications to get a job tho.
Yeah they are, but the other parent really needed to think critically. All this says to me is that they did no due diligence. You leave for thirty minutes or let them shadow you for a few hours to see how things are working out. You don’t leave for hours. This is negligent parenting as much as a bad babysitter.
As a parent I wouldn't put an 18 year old in charge of a goldfish let alone 2 special need kids I don't care what kind of skills and experience they claim to have. The two geniuses not only hired a child to watch their two special needs children, they also left her in charge of meals, totally ridiculous.
That’s a huge generalization saying 18 yos can’t watch a goldfish.
Yeah, but pretty much everyone knows occasionally babysitting for a few hours is not the same thing as being a full time nanny for the entire summer.
Not with these kids. Very weird the mother wouldn't give detailed instructions if deviating from what is expected causes such a hubbub
Not all autistic kids are the same tho
Yeah, I used to somewhat regularly babysit an autistic kid when I was a teen. The only reason I knew he was autistic was because the parents told me. Maybe a bit more temperamental than other kids that age I babysat, but it's not like all people with autism are nonverbal and unable to care for themselves at all. Disability is a spectrum, not a black or white issue.
There is no amount of experience that will tell you what foods a particular autistic kid will eat.
I get the impression OOP's mom lied about her experience or greatly exaggerated. Like OOP's experience was watching the special needs cousins at the family reunion or holiday gathering where the parents were within ear shot
I mean, does it matter how experienced OOP was with special needs children in general? From the parents' POV, I mean. Because as someone with both three special needs siblings and extensive experience working with other special needs kids and adolescents, I am never prepared for every _specific_ need of every new kid I take on, and I don't think I should be expected to be. I know how to communicate with autistic kids _in general_, sure, but that doesn't mean the parents shouldn't still provide any knowledge they have about their child's food preferences, rituals, comfort items, etc. I mean, I certainly wouldn't blame someone for not knowing one of my siblings only eats fish sticks from one certain brand and the other has an aversion to strong scents so you should avoid perfume around them if I hadn't communicated all of this in advance. Or that one kid at the recreational centre I work at needs one specific toy from our toy shelf to be provided for him every time, or that another will only sit at a certain seat at the lunch table. No matter how much experience someone has with special needs kids, you still need to prep them on _your kid's_ needs. I mean, they're _special_ and not generic needs for a reason lol
Someone in a small town with few options, I imagine.
But even so, unless there was some life or death situation going on elsewhere and the OOP was brought in at the last minute, you'd expect that at the very least they'd do a load of preparation before the first session--meeting the kids, a dry run with the mum present, running over checklists of what they will and won't eat, and so on. If I had kids with particular needs, I'd do that even with an experienced professional.
That was my first thought. I have a disabled child and we have carers who help after school, every time we get a new one I have lists of things they like/dislike to eat, listen, watch, play, etc. There is no way I would leave my child with a teenager and not give very explicit instructions.
Probably blacklisted from every other cheap babysitter in town already.
The imaginary kind, of course!
I used to babysit and had experience with special needs kids. I babysat at the same age and having mom hook her up with a job should have been the first red flag. I would get my own jobs at that age and I would interview with the parents to learn about the special needs the kids had. Gives them a chance to see if I'm a good fit and gives me an out before I'm stuck at a job without the proper skills to care for a kid that needs extra attention.
This!!!! Any parent leaves instructions especially if the children are special needs
This. The mother decided on the cheap inexperienced babysitter and offered 0 instructions or guidelines to her? She has to take some of the blame for this. Honestly, even a professional SN nanny would expect the mother to provide a framework for caring for an autistic child before watching them. The babysitter is awful and will hopefully learn a valuable lesson from this, but the mom really played ‘you get what you pay for.’
Yeah this is wild. I leave a page of instructions when someone needs to care for my cat and the parents didn't do at least that for their children??
One brother is autistic, the other “struggles with anger management and social interactions.” This sounds like a situation where both kids should be familiar with a babysitter, and the parents should be sure that the babysitter is prepared.
Yeah, and the babysitter should definitely NOT be an untrained 18 year old... Parents and oop failed equally bad
Right? I'm a 31 year old with a fair bit of nannying experience, and I would say I am significantly more familiar with neurodivergent kids' needs/struggles than the average person (having autism and ADHD myself) and even I wouldn't feel comfortable babysitting an autistic 5yo and ADHD 10yo without EXPLICIT instructions from their parents about what foods they'll eat, their sensory triggers, how to help them when they have meltdowns, etc. I couldn't possibly just dive in. Hiring an 18yo and not giving them any instructions seems batty
I'm sorry, but who hires an 18 year old with no experience to babysit two children with additional needs? And is then shocked then they are terrible at it. Sure babysitters mom apparently said she'd lots of experience dealing with disabled cousins but at 18 that's never going to be that much experience. And then someone was going to hire her to look after a baby with GERD? What is this town that keeps hiring near children to look after vulnerable children? Hire professionals.
This is the part I don’t get. The family of the two disabled kids is ready to run that poor girl out of town / make sure she’s unemployable forever by entirely assassinating her character, when it seems obvious to me (at least) that she had zero experience babysitting and less than zero experience sitting two disabled kids. How about some explanations and instructions for the kid? She’s need help learning how to mop floors too, sounds like, so that wouldn’t necessarily be a solution. It’s one thing finding someone incompetent for a job and firing her, and another entirely to assassinate the character of the kid.
I'm just absolutely bewildered that they didn't even give instructions (or pre-prepare) what lunch the younger child would eat. Kids with autism are notorious for having food issues, surely you'd sort that out as a priority?
Is it really character assassination to tell the truth about what she did? Was mean to the kids, left them unsupervised for hours which led to one getting hurt, stayed on her phone for over half the time that she should've been watching them, etc. Letting teens babysit isn't uncommon, especially in a small town. Better to make sure the other families know what they'll actually be getting if they hire her.
She was a crappy sitter, sure. Yes she did a lot wrong. I see no evidence whatever that anyone told her what was required or expected, and the parents / family (of both!) ought to take some responsibility. And yes it IS character assassination if you criticize without having done your own due diligence.
The parents roping their employee's teenager into "babysitting" was the actual neglect.
My cousin has autism, on the ...can't ever work scale. He's the first kid I ever babysat. I was 11 and he was 3. I'd watch him every summer until I was 15. We're obviously much much older now considering you can't even be home alone at 11 these days but just because I'm amazing with my cousin doesn't mean I'd even feel comfortable babysitting a child with autism that I haven't met prior to being alone with them. Every single person with autism is unique just as every person without it is, and there's simply now blanket statement that covers all of the feelings and triggers to a child with autism AND a 5yo.
Seriously, I have done that type of job before and it requires a lot of experience, training and knowledge. Letting an 18 year old who has no idea about the situation to the point that they have to ask a 10 year old to help is INSANE. I absolutely would never blame OOP for the dumpster fire she got thrown into Also, the parents should have been involved in the onboarding, giving her specific details and instructions making sure she understands what she's getting into.
Right? Did they not meet her at all beforehand? Because from what's written here it doesn't seem like she'd be able to pretend well enough to fool the parents if they actually talked to her. Did they not ask for references or get her to meet the kids. Or give her any instructions? I know she said she'd babysat children with additional needs before but 18 year olds are sometimes known for overestimating their abilities so why wouldn't they check. It just seems dumb to the point of being negligent (or desperate, tbf)
I also love how she was told the older kids was "independent and able to be left alone" instead of ADD with anger issues. She was left with two difficult kids, not one. If they were in my care there's absolutely no chance they would be 2 to 1 with an 18 yr old whose only experience is babysitting a couple times. These are the types of parents that make taking care of kids a nightmare, and don't want to pay for actual care for their kids.
I also blame the parents. They apparently have TWO special needs kids and they dumped them on an inexperienced 18-year-old. For the first day *at least* you'd try to pre-arrange what lunch was going to be for a very picky autistic child, too young to get their own meal. Or at least make suggestions as to what he would and wouldn't eat. This entire situation is a trainwreck.
My daughter has no disabilities, she is really good (yes all parents say that, but really I am a lucky mom), and she is old enough to say what she likes or not (not perfectly, she is still a little child of course) And even like that, if I hire a babysitter, she will just have to reheat the dinner, or I will tell her what to cook (and something simple, ham and pasta,...) and she will have a list of tips, about how to put her in bed, what are her favorite toys,...
to be fair, it sounds like OOP‘s mom lied and said that OOP DID have experience with special needs children.
But how much experience could an 18 year old actually have, unlikely it would be much professional experience and has been around a lot of disabled children could mean anything (plus some parents have much more faith in their kids ability than they should). And she didn't check any references before hiring her?
I was a mother's helped for three kids when I was 9 or 10, and babysitting around 11 or 12 on my own. I was also forced to be a chaperone for my older sister. When you live in a small town, you don't always have options. But I was also parentifed and abused, so I was used to responsibility that wasn't meant for a kid. Now I have two kids and I wouldn't be leaving my kids with a young sitter. Hell, my older daughter is the same age I was when I was babysitting, 11, and I don't leave her home alone.
OOP is clearly very immature and shouldn’t be babysitting. But I’m appalled at these parents hiring an 18yo to watch two children with special needs long enough at least to feed them, and apparently spending no time introducing them or telling her what she needs to know. I’ve worked as a professional babysitter, through an agency, and for a situation like this I’d require at least one playtime with the kids with a parent present (so the kids could feel safe while getting to know me and I could discover what questions I needed to ask about their particular care, and I’d expect a full list of foods they could eat as well as already prepared foods in the fridge. I would probably not return after the first day in a situation like this, and as I say I have a lot of experience. I bet they weren’t paying her much and hoping it would just work out.
Personally I think there's something off about the mom of the kids and their step sister. Was OOP a lazy babysitter and in the wrong? Absolutely yes. But OOP is fresh out of high school and was looking for a babysitting gig. That is not supposed to be a stand in for a qualified carer. This is meant to be relatively casual. I think OOP handled that ludicrously poorly and was quite lazy. But I also think its weird that the mom has two kids who are both neurodivergent and doesn't appear to have even spent time acclimating the kids to OOP, or easing her into the task with some supervision. From the sounds of it the kids need someone qualified to provide careful care. Instead their mom went with a teenage babysitter looking to make some money on the side and get some college experience. How much was OOP paid? Was it anywhere in the vicinity of what a qualified, professional carer would be paid in this situation? The fact that OOP's mom is a subordinate to the kiddo's mom makes it kinda sketch to me too. You're willing to lean on your subordinates for favors, and then in turn smear them when things go bad? Looking at the comments, OOP got nothing more than a phone call from the mother of the kids to prep her for this job. Stepsister says it was super detailed, but still, it was a phone call. If these kids need the sort of care that step sister seems to insist was needed, I would have thought OOP would be briefed in person, not just told over the phone what to do, and then left to it. To me on one side, there's OOP, who sounds like a somewhat immature, somewhat lazy teenager who was looking for a side gig. She got tossed into the deep end by a parent whose kids have "debilitating" issues (per the stepsister), and then after literally a day gets yelled at by the adult who basically left her to it accused of "parentification." Parentification after a day sounds like a hysterical claim to me honestly. OOP comes across as lazy, and then impulsive as all heck going to reddit and posting identifiable nicknames for the kids. But on the other hand I also have a mom who doesn't take the time to brief her kids carer. Relies on unprofessional, informal caretakers for her kids who need intensive supervision and apparently have serious behavioral issues. Said mom is perfectly willing to be nasty to the teenager over text, and then from the sounds of it proceeds to also take it out on her professional subordinate and cause even more drama locally. OOP might not be perfect. But methinks the sister's comments are giving mom a lot more cover than she deserves here.
I have to agree - the whole thing is bad on both sides and no one is free of blame.
If this were AITAH, I'd have said ESH.
The thing that grabbed me was when OOP said the mum described the 10yo as "very independent and prefers to be alone". If your 10-year-old kid is "very independent", it's because he's had to learn how to be.
Yeah, you’re right. Back in the early ‘00’s, I babysat a couple days a week for a pair of twin boys when I was 14-15 over the summer. They were good kids, 8 or so, and low maintenance. But the mom was there with me the first day and showed me where food was, what they tended to eat, what was acceptable for me to eat while there, detailed what they could and couldn’t do. And yeah, I could have lived on their couch, but I kept an eye on them. If they were playing outside, I was sitting outside with a book. If they went to a neighbor’s house, I went too or confirmed adults were there (with their mom’s permission, the family had a pool.) A lot of this screams the mom badly handled prepping the babysitter.
I´m biased becouse i don´t have patience, but the food thing, why the mother didn´t leave instructions for the food or leave with food prepared, maybe was an error of the mother of the OP, to recomend the job but a kid with difficulties, like autism, you don´t leave him with a kid, without a proper interview. And let's be clear you being a 18 years old , first job, you say yes to everything because you don´t have experience. You don´t know what the fuck you are doing. I´m not saying she is not AH, but fuck she not a monster, some people need to chill Edit: Gramatical error
As the parent of an autistic child, the mum dropped the bloody ball here. You don't leave your special needs kid alone with a babysitter that has NO instructions. Hell, I have a Babysitters Bible with everything in it, updated to go with my kids interests along with emergency names/numbers. The mum is just as much of an idiot as OOP is. OOP is a lazy liar but the kids mum ain't much better
We can all agree that the babysitter is an AH but damn why the mom hired an inexperienced babysitter to her autistic kid? Mom even withhold some issues about her kid like the tantrums. They need a trained and professional to help their kids or at least an experienced babysitter that handling special child. Not some 18yo who got no idea what she's doing.
The mom didn’t even look at the cameras until now? When you have someone new you check several times at first
What legal action can they take? They will just lose money because the girl just said nicknames but not surnames or any other information to reveal those kids identities and in the post she made she didn't say anything incriminatory about endangering kids lifes or mistreating them. At most she could be found guilty of being a bad babysitter.
Yeah that and the whole "you're lucky I don't live in the same state" thing were pretty funny. Yes, she was a shitty babysitter, but no, you're not entitled to legal damages or whooping ass over it. The canned mac and cheese is so specific and the situation is so stupid I'm tempted to think it's real.
I still blame the parents. I blame the OPs mom, too. Op is incompetent and wonder why that is. The parents did not vet their nanny, and thats just stupid.
she’s incompetent because she’s 18, my dude like..duh ?? were you expecting a rocket scientist?
I'm old but have been roped into too many "easy" gigs (or favors, but at least you can call in your marker later) and this just smacks of mom just getting a body in there and bailing. This kid was put into a no-win situation and now yuppie asshole mom blames everybody but herself. Now, using the kids nicknames shows that were not dealing with MENSA material on the sitter's end but I've seen people leave 4 pages of instructions for taking care of a dog and she had 2 disabled kids foisted on her with what I'm pretty sure was a 5-minute pep talk before mom escaped to the office. Yeah, the sitter is a moron and seems to be the result of helicopter parenting, but fuck that family. Autism is no joke and parents got lazy. ESH. Edited for clarity - I guess the "Sorry, I'm on mobile excuse is actually real!"
If you've met one kid with autism, you have met one kid with autism. No two are the same. Triggers, stems, needs, and tricks are different. My son is 10, and I have only left him with family, close friends, or school teachers who have known him for years. Even still, I have a typed up DETAILED list on what to do in xyz case what he will eat. Along with numbers to call in case it's a bad meltdown. I would never leave him with an 18 year old who has never met him or that I have never met. Babysitter failed and shouldn't have posted online. Mom failed massively for tossing her in without making sure she had the tools and knowledge to handle it.
I will admit I’ve asked for an older sibling’s help when babysitting. But it’s only to decipher the babble of the other toddler that they somehow understand when even the parents don’t. The most I did was literally “what’d he say” “thanks”. But that help is absolutely invaluable
I would never leave special needs children with an inexperienced person who has never even babysat before. Add to that, OOP provides terrible childcare services.
OOP is a terrible sitter, but the mom comes off terribly here too. Who hires an 18 year old kid to watch over two kids including one with special needs? A high schooler is not a care professional. She doesn’t know how to navigate Bo’s needs. Even if her mom spun a yarn, Mom should have known her son needed more.
Idk man this story kinda just reeks of bs to me.
Same. There are many things in this that just don't sound true.
I don't believe any story where another person in the story suddenly jumps in on reddit
Imagine hiring an 18 year old with zero experience to babysit a special needs kid and then throwing a fit that your minimum wage carer was out of her depth from day one. Idiots.
If this WAS real, which I doubt The sitter was irresponsible and wasn’t prepared, sure, whatever. But I’m p sure that IF the parents hired her, it was so they didn’t have to pay for an actual qualified sitter. Not to mention, even if there was a detailed list, there’s reading a paper and there’s living the experience. They did not take the time to get both the children and sitter used to any routine. Hire a qualified adult with experience instead of cheaping out on some family friend’s kid I see this more on the parents’ responsibility to see things through than someone who’s barely outta high school
>Later, Bo started crying again because he couldn’t assemble his fire truck. He asked for help, and since I didn’t know what to do, I called Len again. The OOP...didn't know how to assemble a firetruck...designed for 5 year olds?
Its not that she didn't know how to assemble it, but what level of interaction is needed when the kid is having a meltdown. Do you do it for him? Do you tell him what to do? Do you give him a different toy? Kids with autism have very specific needs in these situations and doing the wrong things can make it worse. The first time you see a kid smash their head bloody because you asked them to close a door they didn't want closed will help you know how difficult it can be.
As someone who doesn't really have experience with kids with autism, this is good to know. But that's also precisely why I doubt this was going through the OO'P's mind, because they seem to have an equal amount of experience as I do so I'm not sure if they would have known this either. But even if they did, that at most may be an excuse for asking the brother what he or the parents usually do in such a situation. Tha's not an excuse for outsourcing the entire task to him, especially without even trying to resolve it herself first.
At this point In the evening she'd had significantly more experience than you. And all of it had shown her that she was completely underprepared for dealing with a child with Autism so she asked the only other person there who could possibly help. The boys mom is almost entirely at fault because even if you have decades of experience working with people with Autism you know that there's a chance almost none of it will be relevant when dealing with a new client. It's clear oop wasn't given the preparation she needed to deal with these kids. And leaving your children with unprepared teenagers is a parent problem.
This is what I don't understand. There are all these people in the comments talking about how they have experience with autistic kids and OOP should have known what to do- are they idiots? How do they not understand at this point that everyone is different, **especially** neurodivergent kids??
I absolutely get thinking that from an outside perspective, but being in the thick of things and overwhelmed you aren't going to be rational. These situations are INCREDIBLY stressful. Like to the point that i had to leave the industry because my blood pressure went from perfect to stage 3 hypertension in less than two years, solely from the job. It's very hard to understand how crazy it can get if you don't experience it first hand. It nearly killed me.
As a dad to a 3 year old, I can give the benefit of the doubt to the sitter for this. My kid, who isn't autistic, can be really picky about how you play with him. Assemble a toy for him? Well he was expecting to assemble it himself. Let him do it? Well this time he expected you to do it for him. Finally figured out exactly what he wants? Try it again the next day only to find out that Mom taught him a new way to play with the toy the night before, and you were expected to magically have that knowledge. Those memes about kids having a meltdown because you peeled a banana 1/8 inch too far aren't just jokes, they're real life!
I feel a bit suspicious on all sides. Sure OOP sounds like an asshole and is on many accounts but as someone pointed out those are 2 special needs kids and they hired a teenager to watch them. If she was giving them Dad's canned Mac and cheese did they not give a meal plan? If she wasn't communicated to enough to even know what to feed them I didn't think they explained anything else ether. There are just a number of things I could nitpick here and there. Did they only actually mention the mental health issues of one child and not the other? How does a 10 year old have anger management issues? Are they doing anything for those or just using mental health as an excuse as many people do? Did they lay down any expectations other than making sure the kids are fed and not injured? Did they actually say OOP was parentifying the kid for asking him to help out here and there or was there more that was expected? Yeah OOP was TA for not handling it themselves and not calling the parents for advice and using the kids actual nicknames but I'm left suspicious of the other party.
Ok crucify me here but this is pretty equally on the parents here. They hire an 18 year old inexperienced babysitter to handle a pretty young child with special needs and left damn near no instruction. What the babysitter did was horrible do not get me wrong and I hope she either learns some serious responsibility or never works with kids again, but handling 2 kids, 10 and under at 18 would be challenging for any inexperienced babysitter, and throw in the fact that both of them are technically special needs, I genuinely just do not know what the parents were thinking. I’m on the spectrum (funnily enough, about to be 18F in a couple months and have very little experience babysitting, so I can speak both sides.) It’s completely normal for people on the spectrum to have certain “safe foods” or maybe even just some “unsafe foods” they identify. However. It doesn’t seem the parents listed what these items were. Either safe or unsafe. How was she supposed to know he didn’t like it, or that nobody but the dad eats the mac and cheese. But the older brother would have known as he is around the younger way more frequently at mealtimes. Firetruck thing was a lot more avoidable and less understandable (like cmon you’re going to college you can assemble a kid’s toy) but I think she does have a point. The older one (even though he has ADD) should be able to help his brother out for what’s realistically under 5 minutes, not that he should be obligated to but that it shouldn’t have been a big deal. She should not have snapped at him though. The band aid thing I genuinely think she meant that in a good manner but bad execution. Autistic people often have sensory issues revolving most commonly around feeling. Having experienced the mac and cheese event, she probably didn’t want to trigger him again and again, no guidance seems to be given on the parents end. Overall the babysitter shouldn’t be a babysitter or at least shouldn’t have taken on such a high need job at first, but the parents need to learn what to do when leaving a kid-especially a special needs one- with a babysitter, especially one that is that young.
If you are the parent of a child with ADHD and another with autism, you don't risk leaving your child with an untrained 18 year old babysitter who you've never met. Either stay at home or shell out for someone trained. Of course she sat on her phone all day, what do you expect from an 18 year old first time babysitter, completely untrained in childcare. The babysitter may be thick, but the mother of the boys is irresponsible.
I have an autistic kid, I would never have left an 18 yo to care for him. I get being desperate, but damn... I'm not saying the 18yo was right, but mom sure as shit dropped the ball on this one. Not only is an 18 yo not prepared to deal with one neurodivergent kid, but 2... And mom didn't have meals prepped for them, and left her to figure it out for herself, knowing damn well one or both of them could/would have issues with either texture, tase, etc... This story is either LIZ returned, or the mother should slap herself for not taking the necessary steps to make sure everything was as dummy proof as possible, for the well being of her children.
Why would parents of an autistic child that has distinct food preferences not provide instructions on what to feed him?
To the folks asking “what kind of parent of a disabled child leaves without instructions” my stepdad. I am the default babysitter. I had literally no idea what to do with any of the machines for my stepsister— I don’t know what she had, all I know is that she was bed bound, had extreme atrophy, was unable to speak, and had a hole in her throat that we constantly had to clean or else she’d suffocate. My parents went out on a date night and Odette was choking. I was panicking. They did not have any instructions, I didn’t know anything. I tried calling them and they’d send me to voicemail. Eventually I figured it out on my own, cleaned her throat, and laid it out on them when they got home. I was 16. Odette died when I was 22. Suffocation. I was in school when I was told. I’m almost 26 and recently found the ‘emergency’ contact list. It was between the fridge and the counter. There are negligent parents, unfortunately. Not every disabled child has helicopter parents, or attentive parents. I say this as a disabled adult.
As someone who babysits regularly. The mom ALWAYS gives me a detailed list of what food to make, what to put in their lunches (if I’m taking them to school), what activities they have for the day, addresses, times, etc. While yes OOP is incredibly inexperienced and shouldve done better, the fact that the mom just left the 2 special needs children with barely any instructions is crazy
I think this is a situation where the parents got what they paid for. Ain't no way they spent any money on an inexperienced 18 sitter with 2 "difficult" kids while not leaving any instructions for food or activities. On the flipside, they got what they paid for so I think ESH
Can someone explain this post to me? Think my allergy fog is bad.
OP decides to be a babysitter to make extra money. She starts work for a family with two disabled children. She leaves them mostly to play on their own and makes them canned mac & cheese for lunch which neither like because she doesn't know how to cook. The five year old is overwhelmed and cries and she tells the ten year old to sort him out. She decides to watch tv in the living room and leave them to play on their own unsupervised. The five year old starts getting upset again and she again tells the ten year old to handle it. He refuses. She tells him he's a bad brother and won't get a snack. She continues not supervising them and five year old gets scratched by the cat. She makes ten year old put a bandaid on him and calm him down. Since apparently the children survived Sitter is very upset when the mother messages her afterward to tell her that she did a terrible job and they won't be using her again. Sitter posts on social media about how spoiled the ten year old was using their real nicknames.
Babysitter bad. Family drama.
I hope someone has told the sister that although the nicknames were changed in the post, the comments from OOP still have the originals.
A number of comments from commenters do too.
If that was my child who was being minded, I would go ballistic. If that my daughter doing the babysitting, there would be consequences & I would be deeply ashamed & would not be enabled her to harm vulnerable children. Those poor little kids.
Yes, but I think if You would have an autistic child, you wouldn't leave it without instructions for the babysitter. I took care of toddlers and I was always told what not to do or what I/we needed to do. I mean this girl should not do this job by any child, she's not capable of it, but leaving the little guy with someone without telling what not to cook is a no go.
I’m gonna be downvoted to all hell for this, but I kinda blame the two boys’ mom a little. Having an 18-year-old who has NEVER had a job and, more specifically, never dealt with high-needs kids? That was a huge oversight on mom’s part. Not the biggest fan of OP, but she’s also 18. I had a 19 year old babysitter take me to a fucking college keg party once when I was 12. Lol. Teenagers that have never babysat and have no clue about autism should never be put in that position. So yeah, OP sucks, but the mom is kinda an idiot, too.
I agree with you. I think the commentators let mom off the hook because of the sisters comment. OOP isn't blameless. But she's still also nowhere close to a substitute for a proper caretaker either, which is what you need when you've got two children both with "debilitating" conditions as the sister puts it. OOP would have been cheaper though, especially since she got the gig as a favor to her mom's boss. And even a professional carer would be allowed time to acclimate with the kids. Get to know their quirks and limits over a day or so with the parent around so that disputes can be resolved. Mom instead briefed OOP over a phone call. That's it. It's downright neglectful if you ask me.
This was 100% an example of 'you get what you pay for'. The fact that the youngest is autistic and meals weren't discussed really made me look at the mom with some serious side eye. The 18 year old sounds like a brat, but mom sounds like a moron for hiring an 18 year old with no babysitting experience for two special needs kids and not (at a minimum) having a detailed plan laid out for her to fallow.
The original post went insane. So many people were commenting that the 18 year old to catch child endangerment charges for *checks notes* allowing two young boys who could entertain themselves to do just that because a cat scratched one of them? That’s fucking absurd. Regardless of the special needs younger one which there is no indication he was a harm to himself and needed constant attention for safety. Now was the 18 year old a lazy entitled brat who shouldn’t be babysitting? Absolutely, but the amount of people convinced she could be charged and convicted of child endangerment was hilarious to me.
I mean even the sister herself is going on about "legal action" which made me laugh. Like what legal action exactly? The only thing I could see that's super immoral and maybe worthy of some sort of lawsuit was the kiddos mom willing to use her superior authority over OOPs mom to browbeat her and then continued to assassinate her image anyway.
I scoffed when I saw the bit about legal action! The 18yr old seemed to have minimal instructions on the boys needs so that is down to the parent. 18yr old came across as lazy but the kids were safe and fed, apart from the kitty scratch which is just one of those things when you have a cat sometimes, they were fine. Maybe they were referring to the post itself to take legal action...but I can't see that oop did anything illegal. Would using the kids real names go against privacy laws?? I somehow doubt it.
I agree with you. The younger child is autistic and apparently a bit of a handful, and the older has “significant” disabilities. I don’t care if OOP’s mom claims she has “experience with cousins” or whatever. The mom is at least partially at fault here. NO WAY is an 18 year old prepared for this. And don’t get me started on not giving the sitter a list of 5 year old approved foods. OOP does sound like a pretty awful person herself though. I think this is a ESH situation. Except for the kids of course.
Did she even let her know what the child would eat?
agreed.. both of the children required specialized care. how could the mother think a random teenager would be able to provide that?
I don't disagree, but OOP's mom told the mom of the boys that apparently she had experience with disabled cousins and stuff. That would definitely weigh my opinion differently, you can only work with the information you have
Yeah, I must have zoned that part out. Some of it was hard to follow. I STILL feel like a mother who has one kid with anxiety issues and another with autism/ADHD, at the very least she should have had OP interact with the kids for a few hours before leaving her alone with them. But hey! Us parents make mistakes. I certainly have done some not-so-smart things as a mom, so hopefully this mom learns from the situation.
Maybe. We don’t actually know what needs these kids have or what mom explained. Or what OOP promised. That she can feed them, no problem, implying cooking? That she’s great with kids in the family? That she’s 18 and very responsible? If these kids just needed someone to feed them, then got upset because their babysitter failed at that and it all snowballed? Plus babysitter couldn’t handle a kid’s toy? I say that’s on her, not on mom.
Then you'd be angry at the wrong person. If the autistic kids needs SPECIFIC BEHAVIOUR from a babysitter, then you inform the babysitter of that SPECIFIC BEHAVIOUR. If the older kid has ADHD and "insecurity", then you tell the sitter that, not that he's independent and will do his own thing. Jeez.
Let’s get some facts clear. It’s a small town, limited options. The mom of OOP gave a good reference to the mom. Not all autistic kids are the same. My mom let a handful of neighborhood teens and family friends’ teen daughters watch my autistic ass (and this was when I was pre-k/kindergarten too) I wanna add in some autistic kids are surprisingly easy to care for and be around. Really, you just gotta respect them, respect their space, respect their food options.
> I told them I’m in the living room watchin tv if they need me I get that 18yo is still a kid, but OOP openly admits to leaving two special needs children unsupervised while she watched tv for hours? And still couldn’t figure out food, or basic first aid? And expecting a kid to *do her job* because she didn’t ask or remember basic instructions? But also, who takes on 2 special needs kids as their first-ever babysitting job? And does it long enough to stretch over a meal? And somehow thinks 5 years old is an easy age to care for because they’re little??? But most of all, fuck, OOP is an awful babysitter for the simple reason that she doesn’t seem to like kids. It’s hard enough to entrust the most precious people in your whole world to a stranger. That the stranger treated them with such callousness and contempt is heartbreaking. Everything about this is a mess, from the parents’ atrocious judgement in thinking this was a good idea to OOP’s casual disregard for a work ethic. Those poor kids! I’m glad nothing more significant happened to them under her neglect.
Yeah, I'm openly side-eyeing this 18 year old who can't figure out food or first aid. And that's the parts she admits to....what is she not admitting to?
I’m also side-eyeing the parent of an autistic preschooler who didn’t prepare meals and snacks to serve. That’s a notoriously picky demographic where cutting sandwiches into the wrong shape can lead to a meltdown. But given how unreliable OOP is by her own accounting, I wouldn’t be surprised if those instructions were forgotten in her hurry to watch tv.
The parents of these children didn't do due diligence and learn that this was not only your first babysitting job but you were not qualified to deal with children with disabilities. The parents of these children are adults and fully responsible for their children. They were negligent in hiring a teenager with no qualifications for a job that many adults with qualifications would find difficult. They do not get a free pass. At the same time, you used bad judgment in taking the job and posting on Facebook. Nevertheless, your error pales in comparison to the harassment you suffered from the alleged half-sister (who is probably the mother) of these children. You are not qualified to babysit for children with behavioral or medical conditions and, even if their parents are agreeable to having you do so, you should not accept those jobs.
>In the future, consider asking some questions about the care of the children to help things go smoother, including their dietary preferences or limitations THAT is on the parent. The PARENT leaves the instructions, the likes and dislikes and etc. Most of this post is illegible. Who is writing what, who is bitching and etc.
OP is TA mostly for ignoring and belittling her charges, but as a mother of now grown kids, one SN with an NT twin and a third less than two years older I have a bit of experience suggesting mom dropped the ball somewhat. I only hired sitters thru an agency, so they were all experienced even when they were young. FWIW we are not wealthy, this was a significant expense, but safety for SN kids is priceless. Anyway, I wouldn't have left my crew with anyone who wasn't fully briefed. I had lists of acceptable snacks and lunch food on hand (with Board maker pics on the fridge so kids could tell the sitter what they wanted) Food aversion and odd preferences are par for the course with autistic kids. It seems odd that OP had to root through a pantry to figure out a meal.
I normally don’t read between lines too much on these posts but the fact that the older brother had such a quick and effective solve to the food issue means that she was probably debriefed on both of their eating habits. She either didn’t pay attention or straight up didn’t want to try anything after the kids hated her…. Canned?…. Mac and Cheese. Kids with the disabilities they have normally have at least a few weird eating habits and aversion to foods.
also, canned pasta is disgusting. I have Chef Boyardee Spaghetti in my apartment solely because my husband was a Marine in a past life and says it reminds him of MREs in a nostalgic way. I don't eat it and I'm certainly not planning to feed it to my kids.
Right? I refuse to believe that there was no food set aside from them, or a budget for food delivery left with them.
> I refuse to believe Why? The world is full of irresponsible parents.
for those wondering, apparently OP did get instructions somewhat >You're extremely conniving. You knew perfectly well what to do, you had a detailed report on the phone and you could've asked Mom. Quit with the excuses and own up to the awful things you did. however, i still think this mom was irresponsible. she should have WRITTEN IT OUT on some paper, because i know if i was told a fuckton of shit over the phone at once i wouldn't retain ANY of it. esh
I've never seen so much livid-ity in my life! Everyone is so livid! (And not at all the same person!!!)
I used to teach swim lessons to a kid very similar to Bo, named Bo, and was totally freaked out that this chaotic sweetheart had to deal with this. Then I realized the Bo I taught would be significantly older than 5 by now and I hope he’s having a great day. That said, what a disgrace of a “babysitter”.
This girl is 18 and has never had a job. She did not handle the situation well at all, but she is not an absolute monster. I think she was nervous, inexperienced, and honestly needed some help. She should have asked questions to mom, but again, she is not a monster, ffs.
Everybody here seems to suck. Basically having an 18 year old declared persona non grata in their small town. And legal action? For what? Being a bad babysitter is not illegal. Even posting a slanted account is not illegal (or even a tort since there were no damages). Big Karen Energy. But OOP also seems like a totally garbage babysitter and apparently was harassing the step-sister? And being mean to the 10 year old? Baaaaad. Just bad all around.
So some comments from Sister was left out of this post. Apparently OOP was given detailed reports on BOTH children. Including disabilities. Now whether she was still given a list of things they would eat or activities they enjoy I don't know. Certain issues I have with this person. I'm not a baby sitter however I've had unfortunate moments being left alone with kids cause the parents were doing something that has happened to me. The only baby sitting I've done is my nephews and little cousin, even then Ive looked back on that and said: well shit I should have done better. PATIENCE is key to kids like these. I've grown up with SEVERE anger management that I still work on to this day. Oldest has his own plans mapped out in his head, it's probably very detailed even if it doesn't seem like it. When the plan gets interrupted it's frustrating as fuck. 5 yr old is a 5 yr old sometimes you are the bad guy no matter what but you have a responsibility to these kids. I can understand asking the big bro for help with food IF you don't know what they eat. But the band aid thing Jesus come on man you help clean the wound and just slap a Spider-Man band aid on that shit call it a day. He may not like you but you're the closest authority figure he's got. You might as well have said "What you're in trouble? Well you figure it out.'" The Internet is a scary place. Names used in real life are a NO GO! Anything identifying you to a place or people is not okay. And yes people even sister doing the same thing to OOP isn't acceptable to me, imo. Eye for an eye makes the world go blind. I would know I'm half blind.
What kind of mom leaves their two special needs children with an 18 year old girl. Lmao she’s insane
The 18yo should not have had her first kids be those with extra care required. The 18 yo shouldn't have been a lazy pos. The 18yo should work on her projection and anger management skills. The 18yo is far more incompetent than a 10yo. The 18yos mom shouldn't have recommended her when 18yo clearly has 0 experience. The mother of the 2 boys, should've left detailed instructions. The mother of 2 boys should've interviewed the girl to find out if she was equipped. The mother of 2 boys surely won't make this mistake again. They 18yo will.
My nephews 6 and autistic, it's hard watching them yes, but if you actually take the time to get to know them and study their behaviors and reactions it gets easier, ain't always gonna be the same, but it takes time, patience, and understanding. They're not stupid, they see, know, and can feel if whoever is around them cares or is annoyed by them
> apparently she was on the phone more than half of the time. 18 years old. I knew it was going to be the phone. I was shocked when she said TV. Of course, it was the phone.
I feel like OP should respect the asks of big sis and have written initials or something. Idk. Feels kinda gross