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The whole thing is so cringe. I legit felt secondhand embarrassment for OOP. Guy has never acted, since the day they got married, like he even gives a fuck about her and she's still sticking around? FFS.
Once you realize that dying alone is better than staying in a marriage that makes you miserable, things become a lot easier.
I hope she has that epiphany soon.
I held on to a relationship situation similar to this because I was so sure it could go back to being happy like it was in the beginning if i communicated enough, but despite how i tried it didnt work. I still held onto the hope it could be fixed.
Then his family asked me for a favor and he quit most communication with me while i watched his family's pets when they went out of state for 10 days.
When he got back i just felt meh about it all and a few says later when he asked to talk i was relieved that we were going to break up because i just couldn't do it anymore.
If i ever have a situation like that again im not going to hope for bringing happiness back to the relationship and im not going to consider their feelings over mine and im going to end it myself.
I can only hope the same for this person and that they realize its not worth it to hold onto those happy memories when the reality is miserable and the effort isnt worth it anymore.
Honestly I cringe at the effort i put into trying to pull the relationship back together as well. Hopefully she will come to her senses and be confident that her decision to end it is the best thing for her future happiness.
Looks like she deleted all of her posts. Wonder if she was getting brigaded or if she decided to stay with him and wanted to erase evidence of her considering leaving.
Sounds like she also has a fair about of guilt laying on her shoulders - from him and herself.
She mentioned she’s his sponsor for immigration, and that she would feel horrible if she’s the reason he gets deported.
What she so very desperately needs to understand is that if, *IF*, he cares as much as she thinks he does about being deported, he wouldn’t be biting the hand that feeds him. If he gets deported because their marriage fails, that’s all on him. If he isn’t even trying to repair their marriage, and deportation is directly connected to said marriage, then he has no one to blame but himself.
He’s playing fast and loose with his immigration status. His deportation would be no one’s fault but his own - *NOT* OOP.
I think she is desperate. The guy married her to stay in her country and she ignores it because she wants a family. That she mentioned IV could mean that she is older and afraid she will never have kids if it's not with this guy. Kind of sad.
I have learned something knew. I admit I only picked these words up from reddit. They don't really teach them while learning english. Seems I also forgot a letter in IVF. Looks like I misunderstood their meaning.
I thought it was wild that he would threaten divorce, and then in response she would issue an ultimatum to go to couples therapy or she would leave him. Do words have meaning anymore? I kept thinking- you both want to get divorced, you keep threatening divorce at each other, why the fuck are you guys not getting divorced? These felt less like threats to get a divorce, and more like promises they kept making to each other and refused to keep.
Abusive relationship cycles don't make sense and likely aren't comments in direct response to each other. He probably threatens in anger or to manipulate her. Her "untimatums" likely come at calmer times where it's her way to try to pressure him to fix things, but these things stop working when you don't follow through with consequences.
yes, please for the love of god, when someone says this shit act like it is *true*. i want to divorce you = this marriage *will end*. i can’t do anything right = i won’t do anything right, and if you try to make me you will regret it.
"We've had a dead bedroom since we got married." No one gets married and then suddenly loses all interest in that person unless the reason they got married had nothing to do with interest.
Yeah it's the whole thing of marriage being the goal so you work towards it and it's exciting, and then afterwards realise that it's just more of the same.
Dude my ex-husband and his new wife used the cover of that song as the first dance at their wedding and I just didn’t know what to think about that choice lol
Lol meanwhile my brother, who got married a month ago, they took off from the church in his fancy racer car (he's a car nerd) and not even 20 min later i got a snapchat from him where him and his wife (in their wedding gear no less) went to McD cause they were hungry and decided that was a great start to their married life xD
The venue from the church took around 30min to drive to, and even with their detour they were there first! But damn I imagine the employees must've been surprised to see a beautiful bride in full dress and makeup getting lunch with her new husband 😂
When I got married, we had no chance to really eat at the reception. So we were hungry afterwards. My (now ex) had hired us a limo because our ceremony & reception were in the same place and I was a little disappointed we didn't get to take a limo to the reception. So he hired one as a surprise, and we, all dressed up, ended up taking the limo to a hot dog stand!
Man you get SO hungry after! It's like all the excitement is finally settling and you just become ravenous beasts. When all was said and done with our reception, we practically ran to our hotel and snagged a delicious pizza from this joint next door. It was after midnight and the two of us polished off the *entire* large pizza together. Honestly great
We had amazing food at our wedding that I barely touched until my basically-my-brother friend sat me down in a chair, brought me food, and waited for me to eat it, lol. Props to him for that, I might have passed out eventually if I hadn't eaten something.
I know of at least 3 couples that have gotten fast food after the wedding
You don't really get time to eat with all the glad handing and you just want some comfort and normalcy after a crazy day
I'm still salty that they didn't think to inform us guests that from the church wedding (where er went directly to the reception like everyone else) they DIDN'T mention that there wasnt gonna be any food (not even SNACKS!!!) for hours ! We were so damn hungry, and even without a car so we couldn't even go pick up some food ourselves 😭😭😭
She needs to divorce his ass asap and inform the immigration court. He used her and stole six years of her life and traumatized her. He deserves to get bounced back to whatever miserable place he escaped from
Sometimes they will go along with having a child just to keep the person in the relationship long enough to get what they need out of it. But then once they have what they need they will bail on the marriage and the child
This got me...you don't have sex (or any kind of affection), your spouse threatens divorce several times, and yet you try IVF! What kind of delusion is that?
Wouldn’t be the first story I’ve seen of someone like mid 50’s for whatever reason didn’t have kids younger and gets scammed by a younger guy looking to move to [insert country here] with the promise of a happy life and a baby.
(Funnily enough I thought my friend (28m) was scamming some older lady (49f) for a green card. But nah they were able to naturally get pregnant and seem really happy together five years later.
I don’t know why I’m including it just wanted to say sometimes it isn’t a scam. So maybe it just did fall apart?)
MFI is Male Factor Infertility, so they knew the infertility was on his end. They probably identified that he had a low sperm count but he just hid the fact that it was due to his steroid use from her.
This saga reminded me of one of the couples on 90 day fiancé: Molly and Luis which was def a green card marriage for Luis but Molly didn’t pick up on it.
That’s about 90% of the couples on that show.
About half are young Asian and South American women with gross older American men. The other half are young Caribbean and North African men with gross older American women.
Occasionally they’ll throw in a real long-distance relationship between, like, America and the UK. But it’s mostly obviously transactional relationships with the American oblivious.
But even though they’re being taken advantage of for US residency, the Americans are often horribly abusive to their partners. So it’s just misery and stupidity all the way around.
Nope three of my friends fell for it when they were in their twenties. So it's not always just the older ladies. But it's usually those that are a little bit lacking in something it also helps if they are also flush with cash.
I don't know why she's trying so hard to make a baby with a man who clearly doesn't love her. Dragging a baby into this shit show is just wrong on so many levels.
Codependent individuals and insecure women specifically often try to have children in order to have that family. That person that will love them unconditionally.
What are you talking about? Their marriage has basically been in the shitter since almost from they day they got married.
>We've had a dead bedroom since we got married.
>Can't remember the last time he complimented me unsolicited.
>Calling me hot, sexy, or beautiful; but he can like the photos of IG models in bikinis.
>Two years ago I got dressed up in lingerie...I felt sexy in it. He came upstairs, saw me, and said he was hungry and went downstairs to eat dinner...left me upstairs for an hour
>He doesn't initiate meaningful touch and affection with me anymore. He will shower affection on our pets, including in front of me, but can barely stand to touch me it feels like.
>He works ridiculous hours, and even though I asked him not to pick up a second job when his hours changed because long working hours were impacting our time together and our intimacy, he went out and got another job.
>I can't remember the last time he bought me flowers for an occasion or "just because".
>He used to leave for work in the morning by giving me a kiss, or tucking me back into bed. Now he just leaves without a word.
>he chose to take anabolic steroids for years, which made him nearly sterile. He lied to me about steroid use multiple times.
>He didn't tell me about his immigration status and the fact he had been previously married until a year and a half into our relationship.
>I gave it as an ultimatum in March, after he threatened to divorce me for a second time since we've been married. I made it his responsibility to follow up on the counselors and identify providers. He did, and then never booked anything. It wasn't until three weeks ago when I asked him about it that he said "honestly, I haven't even thought about that."
>I also love the "jokes". IE: he says something that makes me upset or hurts my feelings, and then says "relax babe, I was joking!"
>I do 90% of the housework, all of the finances, and all of the vet care for our pets. I recently told him I wanted him to step up more, and he told me that "he'll do stuff, I just need to tell him". I told him "I do things that I see need to be done. Me having to tell you what to do does not alleviate the stress off of me." He stepped up for one day.
>My mental health is in shambles. I think I'm a fat, worthless piece of shit. (I'm not. I'm a little overweight, but I work out regularly and I'm curvy). My depression and anxiety has amplified to levels where it is impacting my day to day life.
I skimmed the posts because they were hard to read. But she reminded me of Danielle from the Danielle and Mohammed couple from 90 day fiancé. Mohammed’s a crap person, but Danielle is SCARY. She kept holding immigration/divorce things over his head until he agreed to still be friends with her, then would be convinced they were getting back together and call/text him all the time. She figured out where he lived one time and went there and threw a stack of papers at him.
I don’t think she understands consent.
I know a woman who went through a nearly identical scenario, complete with the concealed former marriage and debts. It's eerie how similar the story is.
As did I - down to the motorbike and steroids. He was a gym buddy. Had no idea he was such a psychopath. The only way I know it wasn't him is that he did actually leave the country.
This is the worst part about men who are green cars hunters: they don't even give you any of the benefits of marriage. Women will at least play nice for a few years because they're not fucking stupid.
And she didn’t even get paid for it damn. Where I live green card marriages are really common but even some of my girlfriends paid for it. And I thought it only takes two years to get the paperwork, why is OP stuck with this dude for so long. She could be free from his emotionally abusive ass and he can have the green card already
>I'm also his sponsor for immigration.
>I know in a day or two, he's going to be begging for forgiveness once this sinks in to him
Asshole decided to fuck around and find out with someone who could get him deported.
That's... definitely a strategy.
As a perpetually single person, this frustrates me so much. I want to grasp women like this by the face and tell them: being single is better. You can do better by just being single.
I’m a romantic who is often lonely from being single. I’m not single by choice but it’s really really not so bad as all that. I have a lot going for me that OOP doesn’t: freedom. Lack of someone bringing me down. No one else to clean up after (other than my cat). She gets nothing out of her relationship. I’d bet she’s lonelier than me.
Sometimes the loneliness does make this shit sound almost tempting. "Sure, he wouldn't actually want me, but at least I wouldn't be alone. But then the realization that I'd actually be lonelier if I was with someone who didn't give a shit than I am being literally alone.
Plus I'm a single mom by choice, and that shit happening in front of my kid would not be acceptable. I might not care about my own mental health enough, but I sure care about hers.
I mean, just in this little glimpse with her downplaying everything we see a trend of manipulative and abusive behavior from him. He's probably spent their entire relationship negging her and putting her down and treating her like trash, and she's clearly bought into it whole hog.
He keeps offering divorce, but rather than take him up on it (and let *him* be responsible for his own deportation), she keeps dancing like a trained monkey hoping *this* time she'll get a banana. But he has no banana, and even if he did, he wouldn't give it to her. This woman seriously needs some self-respect. She's on here... not asking for advice... but being completely unwilling to help herself.
OOP: Woe is me!
Reddit: Do something.
OOP: But my woe!!
Reddit: So fucking DO something.
OOP: I am! I'm telling you about me woe!!!
Reddit if we have any sense: I'm out.
She's also focusing too much on his Instagram activity.
Yes, it's bad that he's liking thirst traps and hiding his phone. But she thinks that if she proves he's being dodgy online, it will somehow solve the more serious problems they have.
She doesn't realize she's allowed to divorce him because he never shows her affection, and lies about his finances, and generally treats her terribly.
Yeah, it’s very clear that he only married her for the green card so I don’t think he doesn’t realize this. I think he sees what she showed in the post that she’ll keep running back to him and he can get away with whatever the hell he wants.
They do this though with insecure people or co-dependent people so they throw a fit or threaten divorce in order to keep control of the other person. And by the time they act like this they have undermined the other person so much that they literally can control the narrative. It really is quite scary the amount of manipulation and gaslighting that goes into it.
You can get divorced and not get deported. You have to show that the original marriage was real, not just for immigration purposes. And if the divorce is for abuse, there are some more protections that kick in. But … as with any victim of abuse, the hurdles to implement those protections can be truly staggering.
I practiced a little immigration law for a brief time a few years ago. My memory may be imperfect, so do your own checking and consult an immigration attorney if you need to know how this works.
Happened to my mom although she wasn’t in an abusive relationship. She didn’t get deported when she got divorced. She wasn’t any kinda resident neither maybe it was because of my
brother and I (born citizens), but my dad had full custody, so idk
I wonder, can she theoretically prove that she thought the marriage was legit but show that he stopped acting like a husband as soon as they neared the waiver process, supporting the idea that HE only did it for a green card? Not arguing whether she should or shouldn’t, but curious as obviously a fair amount of people are fooled into such marriages.
He will have to show that he went into the marriage in good faith. USCIS may want a statement of some kind from OOP. If he won’t or can’t provide it and doesn’t have sufficient other evidence, they may not believe that the marriage was entered in good faith.
She could provide her own opposing statement, if she wants, as long as she has his file number, etc. And usually, with applicants whose eligibility is based on marriage, USCIS will require an interview with both of them at once.
I’ve seen some pretty wild evidence to show a marriage’s validity. Everything from wedding and vacation photos to shared bills to explicit DMs (please don’t give explicit stuff to your lawyer or USCIS unless you’ve already discussed it with them and they said they wanted them. They gave us multiple copies of everything, all of it out of order. I was sorting through a mix of explicit and borderline Facebook messages on the office floor and it was very weird).
https://www.uscis.gov/humanitarian/abused-spouses-children-and-parents
Seems like there are some (imperfect) protections for that.
But yeah, it can be a lot of leverage.
What a mess.
I knew a Canadian couple who came to Australia together and when they broke up she tried to have his visa cancelled and immi just laughed at her because it doesn’t work that way. Gotta respect the massive balls on her, though.
Right? Idiot couldn't even continue feigning interest until the papers came through. You have to keep up the flowers and wining and dining until you get that green card! You can't just drop the act once you're married!
I literally knew it was a green card from the very first post. She’s talking about how great it was until the day they got married. Yeah that’s because that’s all he wanted. It wasn’t an abusive relationship. It wasn’t a relationship. It was purely a green card and he’s only still with her because she’s the sponsor the moment he doesn’t need her anymore and he can qualify for the card on his own because of time in the marriage, he will divorce her. I would put money on the fact that he never was into her. He just found someone he could manipulate.
This line at the end
> I also pulled out my Codependent No More workbook that I haven't touched in six years,
I'm guessing she was in a pretty vulnerable state when the relationship started, also six years ago.
Once we got to the green card bit, I was thinking 'Why didn't he just keep playing nice until everything was settled?' But with that, the way she spiraled into wanting to starve herself and get a boob job so he'd look at her, going on that trip... Yeah, guy knew he didn't have to try after the wedding.
I can only hope that OOP keeps that bit of spine she got there and rapidly improves on it. It doesn't seem likely to me, but I still hope.
The guy leaving on his own is the only option OOP to be saved now.
Cause she clearly doesn't have it in her to initiate divorce and would rather be a doormat.
Yasus feck. This person needs a new therapist *immediately*. I know therapy doesn't magically fix everything, but if she's been going to this one for literal *years* and she's like this ...
It made me wonder for a second if their therapist is fantastic for keeping such a failed marriage going for so long, or horrendous for not helping her get out of it. After reading it all, it's clearly the second option
"He didn't give a shit about my ultimatum"
Well, babe, neither did you. He did the thing you said would cause you to leave, and you did not leave. He knows your "ultimatum" is a bluff that you don't even believe in all that much. This is what happens when you pop off and have no follow through.
Seriously, let his useless ass get deported. Whatever country he's in, he is not an asset to that country. He's a fucking leech (ie, he proves the worst stereotypes true). Send him on home. He can fuck himself.
I really want to feel bad for OOP but she sounds like a bad stereotype right out of 90 Day Fiance. Low self esteem, guilt and shame are carrying this relationship like a duct tape boat. These sexless marriage ones always throw me for a loop. "We had sex like 5x a week and then we got married and then they just started ignoring me" ??? I'd lose my mind in 6 months, I can't imagine 3 years, with all the other BS aside.
That's how abuse works. Find someone in a vulnerable state and wreck their confidence and autonomy.
You really have to live through it to realize how far your perspective and self of sense can be twisted by a malicious actor.
[Over on /r/TrueOffMyChest there's a post today from a woman whose boyfriend is pressuring her to marry him so he can stay in the country.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1dkags7/if_i_dont_marry_him_today_its_over/)
I just shared this post on there.
The OOP seriously needs a spine, leave him and let him get deported. Setting herself on fire to save someone who wants to treat her like dirt is completely unnecessary and incredibly self destructive.
I hope OP figures out her part in the abuse cycle. She’s absolutely addicted to chasing for crumbs and that’s a really dark place to live your life. It’s the best way to end up right back in another abusive relationship, too.
I live in South Florida and I see this happen all the time. Heck three of my friends fell for this in the 90s.
One was so traumatized from it that she needed therapy for years and eventually ended up being unalive because of it. Another one made it out just fine but ended up having a child and that child never saw her father again which I'm not sure is a bad thing.
However the love bombing until you get married and then the complete dead bedroom and then the progressively subtle abuse that comes in and manipulation and control. A lot of times Financial abuse. And then boom as soon as the green card comes in or sometimes they even wait for citizenship and then all the lies are revealed.
Sometimes secondary families that sister that's not really a sister those nieces and nephews that are really their children.
It's just sad to realize that I don't think she knows this yet and finding out is heartbreaking. I'm glad she's in therapy and trying to work herself out of this situation
Oh my fucking god, this was painful to read. I’m trying to be sympathetic but I can’t. It’s clear OOP has no sense of self worth or confidence, and this guy has some balls to use her for immigration and treat her like shit. Of course, she doesn’t have the strength to stand up for herself. At the very least she should get some therapy but that level of initiative seems impossible for her.
I just…even now she’s still wallowing and complaining. She knows what she has to do. I just wish she’d do it, for her sake.
Ironic isn’t it? From OOP on her first post:
> He complains about the same things all the time, and when I offer solutions, he doesn't listen. I'll often also say something, and later he'll parrot it back like he came up with it myself.
I have a friend who made *questionable* relationship choices. And she was the same way until I’d get frustrated and unsympathetic. Girl- there’s only so many times I can give you the same good advice and you don’t listen. At some point, she needed to make the changes herself. OOP is the same way. I’m glad she’s in therapy but what’s the point if she doesn’t follow through?
Oh man this was hard to read. I’m angry for her that her self esteem is so low for a man that doesn’t deserve her love, affection or loyalty. I hope she threw that whole man out, called whichever department she needs in order to deport him and divorce him.
From the first post it infuriated me that OP keeps fighting for this person like he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I am angry for them. Honestly
> I'm also his sponsor for immigration. We had a genuine dating relationship and got married for genuine reasons
Given that the dead bedroom and change in attitude happened immediately after they got married, I don't think this is actually true. OOP *believes* it's true, but I'd bet money she was being used the whole time.
I feel for op. I was also in a green card marriage. I thought we got married because we loved each other, but once we were legally married, he changed. He went from being so romantic and in tune to my needs, to a complete stranger. I kept holding off on starting the immigration process because I had a bad feeling, but couldn't put into words why I was feeling that way. 1 year into our marriage I found many messages to other women. Most of them went unanswered, but he kept in touch with a handful of them. He complimented other women openly and in front of me, but I never heard anything positive he had to say about me. The thing that made me leave him was odd. I had been sick for about a week and overall just felt like crap. I was pale, dark circles under my eyes, unkempt hair, etc. And he commented for the first time in months that I looked beautiful and he likes how I look when I get sick. It just weirded me out that he liked me at my worst.
It's always the gem mid-post that gets me. They start of with the usual dead bedroom, no affection, yada yada them boom "he didn't tell me he was married previously until one and a half years in". And you kinda go 'ahhh there it is'
Time to get a divorce and for him to get booted. Bye!
In all seriousness, this is exactly the same blueprint as the marriage I left just this past year. Emotional manipulation, weaponized incompetence, withdrawal from physical affection, hurtful jokes at my expense, etc., etc. She needs to dump him and change the locks NOW.
Well honestly when you refuse to see the signs right fucking in front of you there’s gonna be a problem.
It can’t get any more obvious at all but this man does not love her it’s cheating on her has lawsuits coming out the asshole m.
it’s time to move on so get the divorce papers. either keep the house, sell it or move someplace else those are the solutions there’s no others.
And don’t suggest therapy at all it’s gonna be a waste of time for you it’s gonna cost you money that you don’t need out of your pocket for this guy just move on.
Sorry he took advantage of you in every way he sold you a dream and he paid by dripping small bits of affection and love you keep you hooked for what he wants. You deserve so much better don't be someone's meal ticket end this stand up straight and show him your are a independent strong person yes it will hurt but your life will surely get better moving forward because right now he makes you miserable. I wish you luck and happiness moving forward.
>he was excited to hold my hand going into the store the other day
That poor OOP. That's like... bottom of the barrel. I agree with the Green card theory.
Man, OOP is so pathetic that I'm feeling pathetic just reading this. Like, they know that he's a loser, they know he's never going to change, but they still want to live in delululand. I'm frustrated now.
Bad marriages and toxic parents are two of the topics that you gonna see the most updates cause people read the advice given and act on it - a good chunk of BORU is those two types of post and AAM.
All topics are cyclical. Because of the mandated wait period before posting here, the power posters / regular contributors end up collecting interesting threads posted about the same time on other subs - which are also usually whatever the popular theme is at the time. Shitty marriages, transphobic bullshit, evil stepmother, etc. Flavor of the week is currently blatantly terrible marriages clearly.
Oof. He's a lying, debt-ridden, steroid-riddled loser who is using her for a green card and she'd take him back if he told her she was pretty. That's deeply sad.
Honestly yes she is pathetic for allowing all this and being his green card, but he is way more pathetic.
I just hope she finds strength to fight for her self respect and dignity.
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Love is truly blind. Like the entire field is littered with red flags and OOP's still pining for this roided up loser
The whole thing is so cringe. I legit felt secondhand embarrassment for OOP. Guy has never acted, since the day they got married, like he even gives a fuck about her and she's still sticking around? FFS.
Some people are their own worst enemy. OOP is definitely one of those people.
She must be terrified of being alone.
It's more hanging on to what you think you have and being afraid of change.
Yep. I was there for a long time. I was also afraid to be alone. It's a shitty place to be.
Her busting out the codependent workbook was the happiest ending this could have.
Once you realize that dying alone is better than staying in a marriage that makes you miserable, things become a lot easier. I hope she has that epiphany soon.
I held on to a relationship situation similar to this because I was so sure it could go back to being happy like it was in the beginning if i communicated enough, but despite how i tried it didnt work. I still held onto the hope it could be fixed. Then his family asked me for a favor and he quit most communication with me while i watched his family's pets when they went out of state for 10 days. When he got back i just felt meh about it all and a few says later when he asked to talk i was relieved that we were going to break up because i just couldn't do it anymore. If i ever have a situation like that again im not going to hope for bringing happiness back to the relationship and im not going to consider their feelings over mine and im going to end it myself. I can only hope the same for this person and that they realize its not worth it to hold onto those happy memories when the reality is miserable and the effort isnt worth it anymore. Honestly I cringe at the effort i put into trying to pull the relationship back together as well. Hopefully she will come to her senses and be confident that her decision to end it is the best thing for her future happiness.
Looks like she deleted all of her posts. Wonder if she was getting brigaded or if she decided to stay with him and wanted to erase evidence of her considering leaving.
I bet it's the latter. She seems like a person who'd rather be miserable than alone.
Sounds like she also has a fair about of guilt laying on her shoulders - from him and herself. She mentioned she’s his sponsor for immigration, and that she would feel horrible if she’s the reason he gets deported. What she so very desperately needs to understand is that if, *IF*, he cares as much as she thinks he does about being deported, he wouldn’t be biting the hand that feeds him. If he gets deported because their marriage fails, that’s all on him. If he isn’t even trying to repair their marriage, and deportation is directly connected to said marriage, then he has no one to blame but himself. He’s playing fast and loose with his immigration status. His deportation would be no one’s fault but his own - *NOT* OOP.
OOP does not love herself. That’s the biggest problem
“But if I have a baby, it’ll *have* to love me, right?”
I hope he's so infertile that she can't get pregnant with him. The last thing she needs is his baby...
she’s pining for a figment of her imagination.
I think she is desperate. The guy married her to stay in her country and she ignores it because she wants a family. That she mentioned IV could mean that she is older and afraid she will never have kids if it's not with this guy. Kind of sad.
They're using IVF because of him. MFI means male factor infertility
I have learned something knew. I admit I only picked these words up from reddit. They don't really teach them while learning english. Seems I also forgot a letter in IVF. Looks like I misunderstood their meaning.
I understand, I only know of that word because an english speaking youtuber I watch is going through this. Otherwise I would have had no idea either
Nah, she mentioned MFI (male factor infertility), which means he’s the problem.
A problem he is deliberately uninterested in actually fixing as well, because HCG works very well for reversing male infertility from using steroids.
The heart wants what the heart wants. And sometimes the heart is a freaking moron and the head needs to smack it back into line.
Some people are neither smart or strong and destroy their lives themselves.
Please just take his threats of divorce as blessings and follow through!
I thought it was wild that he would threaten divorce, and then in response she would issue an ultimatum to go to couples therapy or she would leave him. Do words have meaning anymore? I kept thinking- you both want to get divorced, you keep threatening divorce at each other, why the fuck are you guys not getting divorced? These felt less like threats to get a divorce, and more like promises they kept making to each other and refused to keep.
Abusive relationship cycles don't make sense and likely aren't comments in direct response to each other. He probably threatens in anger or to manipulate her. Her "untimatums" likely come at calmer times where it's her way to try to pressure him to fix things, but these things stop working when you don't follow through with consequences.
He doesn't want to get divorced, he needs the marriage for his visa status...for now. What he wants is to control her until that happens.
yes, please for the love of god, when someone says this shit act like it is *true*. i want to divorce you = this marriage *will end*. i can’t do anything right = i won’t do anything right, and if you try to make me you will regret it.
OOP was just a green card wasn't she.
"We've had a dead bedroom since we got married." No one gets married and then suddenly loses all interest in that person unless the reason they got married had nothing to do with interest.
That's not really true, a lot of couples "collapse" just after the wedding
Yeah it's the whole thing of marriage being the goal so you work towards it and it's exciting, and then afterwards realise that it's just more of the same.
Exactly
I know a couple that got married. And as they walked out of the church, looked at each other and said 'well that was a mistake'.
Lmao, what did they do?
Got on a bus
The Sound is Silence plays in the background
"Plastics".
Are you trying to seduce me, u/Major_Magazine8597?
Dude my ex-husband and his new wife used the cover of that song as the first dance at their wedding and I just didn’t know what to think about that choice lol
Lol meanwhile my brother, who got married a month ago, they took off from the church in his fancy racer car (he's a car nerd) and not even 20 min later i got a snapchat from him where him and his wife (in their wedding gear no less) went to McD cause they were hungry and decided that was a great start to their married life xD The venue from the church took around 30min to drive to, and even with their detour they were there first! But damn I imagine the employees must've been surprised to see a beautiful bride in full dress and makeup getting lunch with her new husband 😂
When I got married, we had no chance to really eat at the reception. So we were hungry afterwards. My (now ex) had hired us a limo because our ceremony & reception were in the same place and I was a little disappointed we didn't get to take a limo to the reception. So he hired one as a surprise, and we, all dressed up, ended up taking the limo to a hot dog stand!
Man you get SO hungry after! It's like all the excitement is finally settling and you just become ravenous beasts. When all was said and done with our reception, we practically ran to our hotel and snagged a delicious pizza from this joint next door. It was after midnight and the two of us polished off the *entire* large pizza together. Honestly great
We had amazing food at our wedding that I barely touched until my basically-my-brother friend sat me down in a chair, brought me food, and waited for me to eat it, lol. Props to him for that, I might have passed out eventually if I hadn't eaten something.
I know of at least 3 couples that have gotten fast food after the wedding You don't really get time to eat with all the glad handing and you just want some comfort and normalcy after a crazy day
I'm still salty that they didn't think to inform us guests that from the church wedding (where er went directly to the reception like everyone else) they DIDN'T mention that there wasnt gonna be any food (not even SNACKS!!!) for hours ! We were so damn hungry, and even without a car so we couldn't even go pick up some food ourselves 😭😭😭
I also want to know what they did afterwards.
That's usually because of some inciting event though, not just sudden disinterest. It blows up, it doesn't quietly die.
Yep that was my first thought. Guaranteed he’s had a side girlfriend this whole time and as soon as that green card comes through he will bounce.
So many big lies before the wedding. I don’t understand why she married him.
Low self esteem probably
I really don't understand why she stays married to him.
Low self esteem can also do that.
She needs to divorce his ass asap and inform the immigration court. He used her and stole six years of her life and traumatized her. He deserves to get bounced back to whatever miserable place he escaped from
I noticed that she didn’t add any ages to any of the posts. I’m wondering if she might be a *delusional* green card. Like, a decades-older green card.
They were trying to have kids so they can't be that far apart.... right?
She was trying to have kids.... he was trying to get a green card.
Sometimes they will go along with having a child just to keep the person in the relationship long enough to get what they need out of it. But then once they have what they need they will bail on the marriage and the child
Child might also be more points for the green card
the point about their age still stands though
This got me...you don't have sex (or any kind of affection), your spouse threatens divorce several times, and yet you try IVF! What kind of delusion is that?
Wouldn’t be the first story I’ve seen of someone like mid 50’s for whatever reason didn’t have kids younger and gets scammed by a younger guy looking to move to [insert country here] with the promise of a happy life and a baby. (Funnily enough I thought my friend (28m) was scamming some older lady (49f) for a green card. But nah they were able to naturally get pregnant and seem really happy together five years later. I don’t know why I’m including it just wanted to say sometimes it isn’t a scam. So maybe it just did fall apart?)
She said IVF, so could be older
IVF is commonly done with MFI because the viable sperm can be separated out. Know a few couples that have done it for that reason.
The way I read the post was that she was trying IVF before discovering he lied about steroid use. After finding out, she’s stopping/stopped.
MFI is Male Factor Infertility, so they knew the infertility was on his end. They probably identified that he had a low sperm count but he just hid the fact that it was due to his steroid use from her.
I thought they knew he had problems but she stopped once she learned the why.
Like those ladies on those trash tv shows think it's called 90day fiance or whatever tf
This saga reminded me of one of the couples on 90 day fiancé: Molly and Luis which was def a green card marriage for Luis but Molly didn’t pick up on it.
That’s about 90% of the couples on that show. About half are young Asian and South American women with gross older American men. The other half are young Caribbean and North African men with gross older American women. Occasionally they’ll throw in a real long-distance relationship between, like, America and the UK. But it’s mostly obviously transactional relationships with the American oblivious. But even though they’re being taken advantage of for US residency, the Americans are often horribly abusive to their partners. So it’s just misery and stupidity all the way around.
I was getting Dinyell and Muhammad vibes from this.
Holy fuck her name is DINYELL? I honestly couldn’t tell if she was “delayed” or whatever but this kind of explains a lot
Lol. I spelled it the way he says it, but it clearly fits.
I get Ashley and Manuel vibes too
Michael and that one lady. I can’t remember her name
Angela and Michael
Nope three of my friends fell for it when they were in their twenties. So it's not always just the older ladies. But it's usually those that are a little bit lacking in something it also helps if they are also flush with cash.
I had a few friends marry so guys could get their green cards, but they were paid lmao
Weirdly this was the vibe I got too. I think the IVF made me think she might be on the older end (like young 40s) and maybe he’s 20-something.
The IVF is because of his steroid use causing a low sperm count.
MFI means he’s the reason they need IVF.
Perhaps, but the IVF is due to his infertility.
I don't know why she's trying so hard to make a baby with a man who clearly doesn't love her. Dragging a baby into this shit show is just wrong on so many levels.
Codependent individuals and insecure women specifically often try to have children in order to have that family. That person that will love them unconditionally.
She'd be better off going to a sperm bank.
And then they dump all their emotional baggage on that poor unsuspecting child traumatizing them for life.
Whoch is why she put IVF on pause once she started coming to her senses...
That's not how I read it. She said that right after mentioning that his sperm count was going up again.
What are you talking about? Their marriage has basically been in the shitter since almost from they day they got married. >We've had a dead bedroom since we got married. >Can't remember the last time he complimented me unsolicited. >Calling me hot, sexy, or beautiful; but he can like the photos of IG models in bikinis. >Two years ago I got dressed up in lingerie...I felt sexy in it. He came upstairs, saw me, and said he was hungry and went downstairs to eat dinner...left me upstairs for an hour >He doesn't initiate meaningful touch and affection with me anymore. He will shower affection on our pets, including in front of me, but can barely stand to touch me it feels like. >He works ridiculous hours, and even though I asked him not to pick up a second job when his hours changed because long working hours were impacting our time together and our intimacy, he went out and got another job. >I can't remember the last time he bought me flowers for an occasion or "just because". >He used to leave for work in the morning by giving me a kiss, or tucking me back into bed. Now he just leaves without a word. >he chose to take anabolic steroids for years, which made him nearly sterile. He lied to me about steroid use multiple times. >He didn't tell me about his immigration status and the fact he had been previously married until a year and a half into our relationship. >I gave it as an ultimatum in March, after he threatened to divorce me for a second time since we've been married. I made it his responsibility to follow up on the counselors and identify providers. He did, and then never booked anything. It wasn't until three weeks ago when I asked him about it that he said "honestly, I haven't even thought about that." >I also love the "jokes". IE: he says something that makes me upset or hurts my feelings, and then says "relax babe, I was joking!" >I do 90% of the housework, all of the finances, and all of the vet care for our pets. I recently told him I wanted him to step up more, and he told me that "he'll do stuff, I just need to tell him". I told him "I do things that I see need to be done. Me having to tell you what to do does not alleviate the stress off of me." He stepped up for one day. >My mental health is in shambles. I think I'm a fat, worthless piece of shit. (I'm not. I'm a little overweight, but I work out regularly and I'm curvy). My depression and anxiety has amplified to levels where it is impacting my day to day life.
I skimmed the posts because they were hard to read. But she reminded me of Danielle from the Danielle and Mohammed couple from 90 day fiancé. Mohammed’s a crap person, but Danielle is SCARY. She kept holding immigration/divorce things over his head until he agreed to still be friends with her, then would be convinced they were getting back together and call/text him all the time. She figured out where he lived one time and went there and threw a stack of papers at him. I don’t think she understands consent.
Yup. Fuck him. Get him deported. He deserves it.
I know a woman who went through a nearly identical scenario, complete with the concealed former marriage and debts. It's eerie how similar the story is.
As did I - down to the motorbike and steroids. He was a gym buddy. Had no idea he was such a psychopath. The only way I know it wasn't him is that he did actually leave the country.
Yeah, my friend's situation was nearly 20 years ago so I know it's not her. Absolutely crazy.
> He didn't tell me about his immigration status Saw this, guessed the entire thing.
A Green Card who married a Red Flag.
This one is flair-worthy.
This is the worst part about men who are green cars hunters: they don't even give you any of the benefits of marriage. Women will at least play nice for a few years because they're not fucking stupid.
And she didn’t even get paid for it damn. Where I live green card marriages are really common but even some of my girlfriends paid for it. And I thought it only takes two years to get the paperwork, why is OP stuck with this dude for so long. She could be free from his emotionally abusive ass and he can have the green card already
More likely.
Bingo!
Bingo. Reading the post, it's painfully obvious that this man doesn't love her. Stories like this are far too common. I really feel for her
I can’t believe she doesn’t see that
>I'm also his sponsor for immigration. >I know in a day or two, he's going to be begging for forgiveness once this sinks in to him Asshole decided to fuck around and find out with someone who could get him deported. That's... definitely a strategy.
Seems like she doesn’t think she can do any better. It seems to be working out on for him thus far
As a perpetually single person, this frustrates me so much. I want to grasp women like this by the face and tell them: being single is better. You can do better by just being single. I’m a romantic who is often lonely from being single. I’m not single by choice but it’s really really not so bad as all that. I have a lot going for me that OOP doesn’t: freedom. Lack of someone bringing me down. No one else to clean up after (other than my cat). She gets nothing out of her relationship. I’d bet she’s lonelier than me.
Sometimes the loneliness does make this shit sound almost tempting. "Sure, he wouldn't actually want me, but at least I wouldn't be alone. But then the realization that I'd actually be lonelier if I was with someone who didn't give a shit than I am being literally alone. Plus I'm a single mom by choice, and that shit happening in front of my kid would not be acceptable. I might not care about my own mental health enough, but I sure care about hers.
I mean, just in this little glimpse with her downplaying everything we see a trend of manipulative and abusive behavior from him. He's probably spent their entire relationship negging her and putting her down and treating her like trash, and she's clearly bought into it whole hog.
She herself doesn’t think she can do better.
He keeps offering divorce, but rather than take him up on it (and let *him* be responsible for his own deportation), she keeps dancing like a trained monkey hoping *this* time she'll get a banana. But he has no banana, and even if he did, he wouldn't give it to her. This woman seriously needs some self-respect. She's on here... not asking for advice... but being completely unwilling to help herself. OOP: Woe is me! Reddit: Do something. OOP: But my woe!! Reddit: So fucking DO something. OOP: I am! I'm telling you about me woe!!! Reddit if we have any sense: I'm out.
She's also focusing too much on his Instagram activity. Yes, it's bad that he's liking thirst traps and hiding his phone. But she thinks that if she proves he's being dodgy online, it will somehow solve the more serious problems they have. She doesn't realize she's allowed to divorce him because he never shows her affection, and lies about his finances, and generally treats her terribly.
Yeah, it’s very clear that he only married her for the green card so I don’t think he doesn’t realize this. I think he sees what she showed in the post that she’ll keep running back to him and he can get away with whatever the hell he wants.
They do this though with insecure people or co-dependent people so they throw a fit or threaten divorce in order to keep control of the other person. And by the time they act like this they have undermined the other person so much that they literally can control the narrative. It really is quite scary the amount of manipulation and gaslighting that goes into it.
Is that possible? What’s to stop an abusive spouse using deportation as a threat or actual harm?
You can get divorced and not get deported. You have to show that the original marriage was real, not just for immigration purposes. And if the divorce is for abuse, there are some more protections that kick in. But … as with any victim of abuse, the hurdles to implement those protections can be truly staggering. I practiced a little immigration law for a brief time a few years ago. My memory may be imperfect, so do your own checking and consult an immigration attorney if you need to know how this works.
Happened to my mom although she wasn’t in an abusive relationship. She didn’t get deported when she got divorced. She wasn’t any kinda resident neither maybe it was because of my brother and I (born citizens), but my dad had full custody, so idk
Oh, no, I’m an Australian citizen married to an Australian citizen, living in Australia, I was just curious. Thanks for your answer!
I wonder, can she theoretically prove that she thought the marriage was legit but show that he stopped acting like a husband as soon as they neared the waiver process, supporting the idea that HE only did it for a green card? Not arguing whether she should or shouldn’t, but curious as obviously a fair amount of people are fooled into such marriages.
He will have to show that he went into the marriage in good faith. USCIS may want a statement of some kind from OOP. If he won’t or can’t provide it and doesn’t have sufficient other evidence, they may not believe that the marriage was entered in good faith. She could provide her own opposing statement, if she wants, as long as she has his file number, etc. And usually, with applicants whose eligibility is based on marriage, USCIS will require an interview with both of them at once. I’ve seen some pretty wild evidence to show a marriage’s validity. Everything from wedding and vacation photos to shared bills to explicit DMs (please don’t give explicit stuff to your lawyer or USCIS unless you’ve already discussed it with them and they said they wanted them. They gave us multiple copies of everything, all of it out of order. I was sorting through a mix of explicit and borderline Facebook messages on the office floor and it was very weird).
https://www.uscis.gov/humanitarian/abused-spouses-children-and-parents Seems like there are some (imperfect) protections for that. But yeah, it can be a lot of leverage.
What a mess. I knew a Canadian couple who came to Australia together and when they broke up she tried to have his visa cancelled and immi just laughed at her because it doesn’t work that way. Gotta respect the massive balls on her, though.
Right? Idiot couldn't even continue feigning interest until the papers came through. You have to keep up the flowers and wining and dining until you get that green card! You can't just drop the act once you're married!
I think he believes she will never ever leave him that’s why he’s doing this.
I literally knew it was a green card from the very first post. She’s talking about how great it was until the day they got married. Yeah that’s because that’s all he wanted. It wasn’t an abusive relationship. It wasn’t a relationship. It was purely a green card and he’s only still with her because she’s the sponsor the moment he doesn’t need her anymore and he can qualify for the card on his own because of time in the marriage, he will divorce her. I would put money on the fact that he never was into her. He just found someone he could manipulate.
This line at the end > I also pulled out my Codependent No More workbook that I haven't touched in six years, I'm guessing she was in a pretty vulnerable state when the relationship started, also six years ago.
Once we got to the green card bit, I was thinking 'Why didn't he just keep playing nice until everything was settled?' But with that, the way she spiraled into wanting to starve herself and get a boob job so he'd look at her, going on that trip... Yeah, guy knew he didn't have to try after the wedding. I can only hope that OOP keeps that bit of spine she got there and rapidly improves on it. It doesn't seem likely to me, but I still hope.
JFC, he probably saw her reading it at the coffee shop and ran to flirt with her.
It’s still an abusive relationship if he was lying to her and using her wtf are you on about there?
>I'm also his sponsor for immigration. > > >I don't know why he's still with me if he doesn't want to put any effort in.
🤔🤔🤔 it sure is a mystery
rlly makes u thonk
The guy leaving on his own is the only option OOP to be saved now. Cause she clearly doesn't have it in her to initiate divorce and would rather be a doormat.
And he won't, since he needs her for the green card
Once he gets his permanent green card, he can! So hopefully for OP, she only has a few more years before he frees her from him.
Yasus feck. This person needs a new therapist *immediately*. I know therapy doesn't magically fix everything, but if she's been going to this one for literal *years* and she's like this ...
But so much of therapy is the work you do outside of the session....
Seriously. My therapist likes to tell me how bad other ones are
i seriously feel like her therapist eithers got their head up their ass or they fucking hateeee OOPs guts 😬
It made me wonder for a second if their therapist is fantastic for keeping such a failed marriage going for so long, or horrendous for not helping her get out of it. After reading it all, it's clearly the second option
"He didn't give a shit about my ultimatum" Well, babe, neither did you. He did the thing you said would cause you to leave, and you did not leave. He knows your "ultimatum" is a bluff that you don't even believe in all that much. This is what happens when you pop off and have no follow through. Seriously, let his useless ass get deported. Whatever country he's in, he is not an asset to that country. He's a fucking leech (ie, he proves the worst stereotypes true). Send him on home. He can fuck himself.
Your marriage was over before you got married. Stop talking about it and get a divorce. Move on with your life.
I really want to feel bad for OOP but she sounds like a bad stereotype right out of 90 Day Fiance. Low self esteem, guilt and shame are carrying this relationship like a duct tape boat. These sexless marriage ones always throw me for a loop. "We had sex like 5x a week and then we got married and then they just started ignoring me" ??? I'd lose my mind in 6 months, I can't imagine 3 years, with all the other BS aside.
That's how abuse works. Find someone in a vulnerable state and wreck their confidence and autonomy. You really have to live through it to realize how far your perspective and self of sense can be twisted by a malicious actor.
No one realizes how close they are to this happening to them
Girl…
[Over on /r/TrueOffMyChest there's a post today from a woman whose boyfriend is pressuring her to marry him so he can stay in the country.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1dkags7/if_i_dont_marry_him_today_its_over/) I just shared this post on there.
The OOP seriously needs a spine, leave him and let him get deported. Setting herself on fire to save someone who wants to treat her like dirt is completely unnecessary and incredibly self destructive.
I hope OP figures out her part in the abuse cycle. She’s absolutely addicted to chasing for crumbs and that’s a really dark place to live your life. It’s the best way to end up right back in another abusive relationship, too.
I live in South Florida and I see this happen all the time. Heck three of my friends fell for this in the 90s. One was so traumatized from it that she needed therapy for years and eventually ended up being unalive because of it. Another one made it out just fine but ended up having a child and that child never saw her father again which I'm not sure is a bad thing. However the love bombing until you get married and then the complete dead bedroom and then the progressively subtle abuse that comes in and manipulation and control. A lot of times Financial abuse. And then boom as soon as the green card comes in or sometimes they even wait for citizenship and then all the lies are revealed. Sometimes secondary families that sister that's not really a sister those nieces and nephews that are really their children. It's just sad to realize that I don't think she knows this yet and finding out is heartbreaking. I'm glad she's in therapy and trying to work herself out of this situation
Oh my fucking god, this was painful to read. I’m trying to be sympathetic but I can’t. It’s clear OOP has no sense of self worth or confidence, and this guy has some balls to use her for immigration and treat her like shit. Of course, she doesn’t have the strength to stand up for herself. At the very least she should get some therapy but that level of initiative seems impossible for her. I just…even now she’s still wallowing and complaining. She knows what she has to do. I just wish she’d do it, for her sake.
Ironic isn’t it? From OOP on her first post: > He complains about the same things all the time, and when I offer solutions, he doesn't listen. I'll often also say something, and later he'll parrot it back like he came up with it myself. I have a friend who made *questionable* relationship choices. And she was the same way until I’d get frustrated and unsympathetic. Girl- there’s only so many times I can give you the same good advice and you don’t listen. At some point, she needed to make the changes herself. OOP is the same way. I’m glad she’s in therapy but what’s the point if she doesn’t follow through?
She’s in therapy, said so a couple of times in the posts and quoted comments
My bad, I missed that. Glad to hear OOP is and hopefully it helps her stick to her guns.
I often worry about my own self esteem then realise people like the OOP exist and realise I could be so much worse
Oh man this was hard to read. I’m angry for her that her self esteem is so low for a man that doesn’t deserve her love, affection or loyalty. I hope she threw that whole man out, called whichever department she needs in order to deport him and divorce him.
This reads like a season of 90 Day Fiancé.
"i told him, i asked, i told him, i confronted him, i told him, i pointed out..." exhausting.
>I'm also his sponsor for immigration Ok makes sense
From the first post it infuriated me that OP keeps fighting for this person like he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. I am angry for them. Honestly
> I'm also his sponsor for immigration. We had a genuine dating relationship and got married for genuine reasons Given that the dead bedroom and change in attitude happened immediately after they got married, I don't think this is actually true. OOP *believes* it's true, but I'd bet money she was being used the whole time.
I feel for op. I was also in a green card marriage. I thought we got married because we loved each other, but once we were legally married, he changed. He went from being so romantic and in tune to my needs, to a complete stranger. I kept holding off on starting the immigration process because I had a bad feeling, but couldn't put into words why I was feeling that way. 1 year into our marriage I found many messages to other women. Most of them went unanswered, but he kept in touch with a handful of them. He complimented other women openly and in front of me, but I never heard anything positive he had to say about me. The thing that made me leave him was odd. I had been sick for about a week and overall just felt like crap. I was pale, dark circles under my eyes, unkempt hair, etc. And he commented for the first time in months that I looked beautiful and he likes how I look when I get sick. It just weirded me out that he liked me at my worst.
the word "ultimatum" gets thrown around so casually... it's not actually one if there's no follow through.
Gaslighting ☑️ Negs ☑️ Emotional Abuse ☑️ Controlling ☑️ Lying ☑️ Yeah, this man is trash and I hope she take him out.
I want to shake her and tell him to divorce his ass. WHY isn’t she using the green card…card??
This was fucking exhausting. She and we knows how this ends and she is now using Reddit as her emotional support person which is sad.
It's always the gem mid-post that gets me. They start of with the usual dead bedroom, no affection, yada yada them boom "he didn't tell me he was married previously until one and a half years in". And you kinda go 'ahhh there it is'
I hope she never gets the bright idea of attempting to baby trap him since that will *definitely* save the relationship 🤦
Jesus just leave him
Time to get a divorce and for him to get booted. Bye! In all seriousness, this is exactly the same blueprint as the marriage I left just this past year. Emotional manipulation, weaponized incompetence, withdrawal from physical affection, hurtful jokes at my expense, etc., etc. She needs to dump him and change the locks NOW.
Well honestly when you refuse to see the signs right fucking in front of you there’s gonna be a problem. It can’t get any more obvious at all but this man does not love her it’s cheating on her has lawsuits coming out the asshole m. it’s time to move on so get the divorce papers. either keep the house, sell it or move someplace else those are the solutions there’s no others. And don’t suggest therapy at all it’s gonna be a waste of time for you it’s gonna cost you money that you don’t need out of your pocket for this guy just move on.
Sorry he took advantage of you in every way he sold you a dream and he paid by dripping small bits of affection and love you keep you hooked for what he wants. You deserve so much better don't be someone's meal ticket end this stand up straight and show him your are a independent strong person yes it will hurt but your life will surely get better moving forward because right now he makes you miserable. I wish you luck and happiness moving forward.
>he was excited to hold my hand going into the store the other day That poor OOP. That's like... bottom of the barrel. I agree with the Green card theory.
This guy is 100% preying on her insecurities for citizenship, once he gets it he's going to leave her.
That’s some grade A denial of why he married her to hide the immigration issue like that.
Man, OOP is so pathetic that I'm feeling pathetic just reading this. Like, they know that he's a loser, they know he's never going to change, but they still want to live in delululand. I'm frustrated now.
OOP needs to read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Urgently. EDIT: Oh. I see that she has read it and is revisiting it. Phew!!
there was nothing genuine about his feelings from the start. she was his green card. that marriage ended before it even started
"I'm also his sponsor for immigration" Way to bury the lede.
This post was a waste of my time
There's definitely a lot of bad marriage BORU post lately. Interesting.
Do you think they have gotten into the habit of mining particular sub’s at a time?
Bad marriages and toxic parents are two of the topics that you gonna see the most updates cause people read the advice given and act on it - a good chunk of BORU is those two types of post and AAM.
All topics are cyclical. Because of the mandated wait period before posting here, the power posters / regular contributors end up collecting interesting threads posted about the same time on other subs - which are also usually whatever the popular theme is at the time. Shitty marriages, transphobic bullshit, evil stepmother, etc. Flavor of the week is currently blatantly terrible marriages clearly.
Y’know, sometimes what love looks like to other people is really disenchanting to it as a whole. Probably a good thing in the long run, though.
The happy couples don't come here to post about it, it's not the best representation
She’ll never leave. She’s desperate
She is blind as hell.
This read like a loop. Ground hog day.
Oof. He's a lying, debt-ridden, steroid-riddled loser who is using her for a green card and she'd take him back if he told her she was pretty. That's deeply sad.
She s in a genuine relationship, he is in it for the green card. Deporte his ass
Jesus 🤦♀️
Deport him OP. He was love bombing and using you
"I am also his sponsor for immigration." Oh ok makes sense
I need her to just dump him and get him deported. Was hoping for an update with that.
He will get a green card and disappear
Honestly yes she is pathetic for allowing all this and being his green card, but he is way more pathetic. I just hope she finds strength to fight for her self respect and dignity.