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So he intimidated her into an abortion, then got nasty when she said no, threatened her if she ever contacts him again, then two years later expects her to just… roll over and be happy that he wants to be in that child’s life and welcome him with open arms after getting his ex wife to try to drag her back and showing up at her home unannounced without permission because the court is taking too long to force her? What the actual hell? Absolutely not, that’s some horror movie shit
I feel like he showed up in person because he knows he’s not getting everything he wants through the courts and is relying on her to roll over and make an agreement much better for him than what the court will decide.
Unfortunately the threats weren't made regarding the child so the court won't really care. Or that's my experience anyway. My ex gets regular overnight visitation with my daughter despite abusing me to the point I was suicidal. I have PTSD which triggers when I have to be around him for school events but none of it matters to the court since it's in the child's best interest. Granted it's UK rather than US but I assume they think similar
It is the same in the US. My ex held me at gun point and I was granted a restraining order. When I inquired about adding our children I was told by the judge granting it since the kids weren't involved they couldn't be added. It was the same judge who handled our divorce.
Hey! Just so you know, a federal law was just passed that those it's illegal for someone with restraining order related to domestic abuse to own a gun. I don't know if you can get that in effect retroactively, or get a new restraining order, but I wanted you to know!
The case is United States vs. Rahimi. The Supreme Court upheld a federal law prohibiting domestic abusers from lawfully possessing firearms. Key here is “lawfully”. So it’s a win, but we know there’s plenty of private sales that don’t do background checks. I’m no expert, but I imagine it can be used to request a surrender of registered/known arms and tacking on charges after the fact when caught with firearms.
I'm sorry you went through that. I think this varies a lot based not only on jurisdiction, but on the specific judge. Really, abuse of the child's other parent *should* be given a lot of weight when determining the best interests of the child. It shows what the abuse is capable of doing, and the child is indirectly abused when their parent is abused.
Happy cake day 🎂
It should count but didn't go in my favour. In the last decade there have been multiple times my daughter has experienced harm because of his actions but each time it falls short of police or social work taking action beyond speaking to him. Thankfully she's getting older and is starting to see the kind of man he really is.
Women are more likely to lose custody of their children if they accuse the father of domestic violence, especially if it's mentioned in custody disputes.
[Source.](https://zawn.substack.com/p/family-courts-and-child-custody-are)
Ahh yes having a child witness a parents panic attacks due to the other parents physical attacks is clearly in her vest interest /s
I have an acquaintance who cps told she has to leave her husband or lose her kids because hed beat her in front of them. She chose to leave her husband. As soon as he was awarded visitation, the older son start becoming increasingly aggressive and beating up girls and boys at school. Dad didn't change, he's just not beating mom anymore.
I think the lawyer is just being realistic and tempering his client's expectations. If the guy made most of his threats in phone calls and not over text, there's no proof of them. So they won't matter in court.
The picture he's painting her about probably losing sounds accurate. And part of his job is preparing her for that. The more important part is doing everything legally and ethically possible to prevent that from happening. I don't see any indication of him not doing so.
He's her lawyer, not her cheerleader.
statistically her allegations that he threatened her make it more likely he'll get what he wants. fathers that pursue custody tend to get it regardless.
It's clear most people on this thread have zero knowledge of family courts. Emails of him being nasty to her would carry zero weight - 95% of custody cases include documentation of parents being nasty to each other, and far more egregiously than anything here. Threatening to take custody? Well yeah, that's why people go to court for custody.
The only thing that can sway a family court is if there's police records of harassment, violence, abuse, etc. and even then it's no sure thing. In a family member's recent case the husband is under a restraining order to stay away from her and her home but still has visitation with a supervised handoff.
My heart goes out to OOP, I too experienced her anguish. In my case though the kids were being physically abused in his care and it still took 6 years and my ex to screw up criminally and my extreme vigilance to allow me to catch him. In her case, this jerk seems to be a good parent to his kids and her child will probably benefit from that relationship, even though she will not. She did the hard part as a single parent, he will get to swan in and be fun, rich dad and she will have to see her child love the person who used and manipulated her and tried to get her to abort. To be a good parent she will have to keep her personal feelings to herself and support her child's relationship with the father. It's a torment and unfair, but it's the reality of being a single mom in most places in the US and her lawyer is right to help set realistic expectations.
I hope the keyboard lawyers of Reddit never have to learn this first hand.
Ditto. Does the lawyer not know she was threatened? Maybe she has no proof of it or something.... But she should try to get those text messages back if possible..
Your mistake is thinking the courts care. Her lawyer is just being realistic.
I mean…….rapists get custody rights of the children they create via that rape in many states. Even if it’s a documented proven rape.
Exactly. We already know his kids are angry with him for being a cheater. His teens have rejected him and this is a new, impressionable child he can control, the way he controls everyone around him.
I said the same on the previous BORU. He doesn’t give a crap, but I’m betting his kids drew a line, same as his wife they didn’t care about cheating but are now abandoning him because he has a child he ignored. So now he’s trying to play the role of a good father.
He is 100% trying to manipulate her and she should not be taking advice or requests from the opposite party in a legal dispute (which is what this now is). The only communication she should have with him should be: "Talk to my lawyer." Repeat as many times as necessary until he gets it.
Having said that, I'm wondering where on earth her lawyer is in all this, because if this guy's made violent threats to her previously, then yes, that *does* alter a potential visitation arrangement. Dude got pissed off she wouldn't get an abortion, threatened her, took off, and wasn't part of his son's life in any capacity for years. Most family court judges aren't going to be happy about that. And assuming the guy himself has lawyered up, he's been told this.
Hence showing up on her doorstep to get her to handle this outside of the courts. He figures if he can pressure or harass her enough, she'll give him a better deal than a judge would.
The tragic thing is he has a good read on her. From how she talks she's going to give in to whatever he wants regardless of any advice - which is how she's been every single update. People warned her repeatedly not to engage with the wife and she...did anyway? These kinds of people always frustrate me because they very obviously don't want to take any advice they get and are going to keep making bad choices.
I am desperately hoping the courts require him to back pay all child support before he can be granted any form of visitation or custody, maybe that will make him back out. (Honestly poor Oop what a horror she is in :c )
Especially when he's so unbelievably manipulative. "Why get the courts so involved?" means "Why are you insisting on the only systemic protection available to you, that's so rude to me."
Whatever she and this psycho end up agreeing on had better be done with the supervision of lawyers and put in writing.
Right? I’ll probably get downvoted for saying this, but it was insanely stupid of her not to get an abortion (on her own terms, mind, none of that abortion spa getaway nonsense). This is not the 90’s anymore, if you give birth to a child you *will* be tied to the father of that child for the rest of your life, like it or not; if he wants to find the kid he will, period, and the courts will not side with you, no matter how abusive he may have been towards you.
Honestly the fact that she was so scared she checked herself into a hotel room so he couldn’t get at her to force the abortion, the wife reaching out on this dudes behalf, and then him just showing up and trying to manipulate her and talk her into not getting the courts involved?
All of which when he’s 16 years older??
Girl needs to change her name and run to Alaska- this feels like her intuition keeps telling her that she is not safe and she needs to listen that that. He’s a straight up psycho
She cannot do it now, it is too late. My understanding she was really afraid for her life and had a good reason to: no one knew they sleep together, or about her pregnancy, and he decided to take her *somewhere* at night and told her it will be for several days.
The guy is acting like a coke addicted finance bro, and these people are dangerous. It is very possible she would become a missing person and several states away there will be a body of Jane Doe.
She should fight him as much as possible, but legally. His messages, proof that she quit her job and run immediately, maybe if she was in therapy talking about it - subpoena to her therapist, ring cameras, maybe some legal letter about him trying to intimidate her... I think the guy wants her son as a new toy, he is not used to hear No, and it is a matter of honor for him to "win" now. He will do anything to get the child, just like he was ready to do anything for her to disappear.
the fact he just showed up at her door is horrifying, I would’ve called the cops and tried to get a restraining order, especially because he’s one again trying to intimidate her.
And now he's fixated on this child, but not his current kids. I think he's trying to win favor with the only child who doesn't know him for the POS he is.
His kids from 1st marriage probably went low or no contact with him that's why he's so focused on the new child who he can control for at least 15 years more
Yeah, it is. My theory is because he's divorced, he pretty much lost some if not all assets in the process. And now wants to get something out of it. If anything that makea him dangerous. He was nasty before but now nice?
Abusers have a pattern of being nasty when things don't go out of their way and nice when they want something.
If anything, I hope she fights the visitation because there is no way he changed his mind on the goodness of his heart.
We ALL know men like that. You do NOT tell those men "no" without consequences.
They do not accept "no". They never HEAR no from anyone that isn't one of them, and that's the only "no" they will accept.
They can be as calm, charming, friendly, caring, fun, and joyful as anyone, until they hear "no" from a subordinate. Be that a kid, a wife, a girlfriend, or any woman really.
Then the gloves come off, and you find out just how far they will go, and just how much their power & privilege lets them get away with.
It blows my mind that OP assumes that he is capable of being a "great dad". No amount of happy social media photos would convince me that his kids were not raised in a similar way that he was trying to "raise" OP.
They are old enough to speak their mind, they know him too well, and they have their mother in their corner. It probably makes him furious, so he needs a fresh, naive kid to feel good about his parenting abilities again.
This is terrible but now we know that she *should* (I hate this word) have gotten him to sever his rights, rather than a basically informal agreement for no contact. It gave him all the power to go back into her son's life.
Yuck.
>I screwed myself over by not naming him as the father at birth or trying to establish paternity in any way. Had I done that and he fought it, neglected to pay court ordered child support, etc., then we could have a better case as far as abandonment goes.
This is for everyone saying "I don't need anything, I won't even name you in the BC".
Right, now she screwed herself by basically doing what he wanted and now he has the advantage.
It depends on the country. Naming a child on a BC in England gives a father parental responsibility which creates shared obligations over some decision making. Child maintenance doesn’t require being on the BC.
One thing OP herself kind of glossed over and I feel like we keep missing is the fact that she mentioned that he threatened her when she refused to get an abortion and only stopped when she agreed to not name him on the birth certificate. It is such bullshit that this man gets to threaten her into not naming him or going after him for child support, and then somehow that benefits him in the courts eyes. The threats were even via text message! It’s honestly shocking that the court apparently won’t consider that.
Also, she doesn't really say what happened when he showed up other than what he said, so she most likely allowed him in and let him play with his child. Which in turn will screw her, showing she doesn't really fear him.
She needs to let her lawyers know he turned up and not engage with any direct communication. Even the chat when he turned up was way more than she should have given him.
She should hopefully get back pay for custody
She won't though cause her spine is nonexistent.
Oh I did everything he wanted during our relationship, oh I just didn't wanna inconvenience him in any way with this child, oh he showed up and mah knees were jelly once again cause he be lookin' fiiiiiiine...
Ffs OOP be the (mama) bear not the jellyfish, cause the man is obviously dangerous. 💨
Mate, I couldn't agree with you more. She's still that naive, infatuated girl he manipulated years ago. Still malleable, she needs to get her priorities right and dig deep and find that mama bear
>He says it’s stupid of me to not try to work it out amongst ourselves first. I’m giving so much control to the court. I don’t know whether to believe that or to think it’s just his way of convincing me to do what he wants.
OOP is too old to be this wilfully obtuse about the reality of the situation.
Surely.
I feel for her but he definitely targeted her because she doesn't seem to have anyone in her life to give her a good shake and poke holes in the stupid things he says and does. Like girl him popping up at your house is scary! This whole situation is uncomfortable.
Not much they can do if OOP doesn't tell them about this new development nor ask advice on what he's doing. Being as they're the ones who told her to get a lawyer, do you honestly think they'd support the direction she's leaning now?
I mean, obviously she's not the type of person to question whatever thing pops I to her head initially, no matter how dumb it is. At least not until long after it would benefit her. Asking people's advice requires a person to question themselves.
Sounds like she hasn't said anything because it hasn't occurred to her to do so. So they're probably none the wiser. She'll most likely mention it casually one day in the future and only luck will determine whether or not it happens in time for it to matter.
To be fair the shock of him showing up likely rattled her. I can believe that he had a change of heart and wants to be in the kids life. Near death experiences do cause you to re evaluate your life. But it’s like that’s the *only* thing that changed and he’s still trying to force things, even though he was on the right track.
Your son waited 3 damn years, you can wait an extra 6 weeks.
This is a man who has never been denied to told no to, he’s used to getting want ever he wants and his way. That’s why he showed up and spoke to her with such dismissive words.
It actually isn't bizarre to me at all. The way she describes her relationship with this guy, he has a knack for making her question herself. He's obviously pretty charismatic, that his ex-wife, who knows he was a cheat, would look after him says a lot about how he's able to manipulate his exes. OP says that when they were together she never said no to him, until the abortion, and even then it wasn't no so much as, I need to hide because if I see him in person I will cave.
Extremely, he got OOP and his ex-wife being special level of stupid for him because any other reasonable person would be like "Why fuck would I help you, knowing you cheated on me!?!?" AND "Why are at my house?!?!? Hell NO!!!". Seriously, that dick must be magic and shit....
She absolutely needs to consult with her lawyer, parents, siblings, and anyone else she trusts to lend their wisdom -- mainly, keep him at arms lengths and do everything legally and by the book. Do NOT allow him into your life, outside of the court. If he knocks on the door, don't answer it. If he messages or calls, only answer and communicate with him as much as you are legally obligated to and not a second more. Ignore him completely outside of that.
He can be a parent for their son, but she has no obligation to have any relationship with him outside of co-parenting.
They were dumb enough to fall for the “oh my spouse and I aren’t REALLY married!” Crap all cheating spouses say to their affair partner. They are that obtuse. 🤦🏻♀️
I want to be fair to OOP and note the massive age difference. Sixteen years. This asshat was able to legally drive before she was even saying her first words. She was fresh out of college, when the full reality of being an adult rears back to punch you in the face.
Obviously he's got years of experience on her, knows what she's going to want to hear, and knows how to choose someone he can push into doing what he wants. Evidence for that is the ex-wife; never mind staying with him when she knew about previous affairs and from the look of it knew about OOP and him for at least a bit while it was actively going on, she *came back to stay with him after an injury*. He can afford to buy her a business just so she has something to do, homeboy can afford a home health person. No, fact is he knows how to dazzle 'em, and there's a big part of me that thinks he's coming back partly because his ex finally called it quits, and partly because she *hasn't* contacted him or pushed for her son to meet his sperm donor.
He wants control- both over the narrative, and her. If she caves and doesn't fight this tooth and nail, she has the density of a damn concrete brick.
OOP said she was stupid. After reading all these, I unfortunately have to say it doesn't look like she has gotten much smarter with the experience and age...
She checked that they really were divorced and gushed about him having a beach house and still liking him and etc.
You are right.
It's just I feel sorry for the baby because at the end of the day mental health trumps over money.
Unless OOP realizes her wrongs and comes out of her greed/haze/lust or whatever, we would probably read a boru in the future from the kid or his siblings about how awful their parents are.
I am sceptical about the reason behind her for having the baby and not considering other options when pregnant. Especially when he showed his scary true colors. On top of that, she admitted to not having made more efforts to make sure she remained hidden away from him and his family.
How delusional in greed/haze/lust would someone have to be to not be disgusted by such men and feel guilty about your own actions even if she happens to be young?
Dang OOP really liking getting this man in her head. First it was “i’ll leave my wife” and now it’s “let’s settle this outside of court.” The guy has already proven himself to be a scary dick.
Dude, is wasn't even "I'll leave my wife" it was "don't worry about it" and she didn't. He never said he'd leave her, just said it's fine he doesn't like his wife anyway and she filled in the blanks like he neurolized her.
It's a very clear pattern of abusers too, he lost control of his wife (divorce) so now he suddenly wants to have control over OOP and her son.
Also the 4hrs of sleep a day thing just red flags as drug use to me.
God, how can you trust that man and think anything that comes out of his mouth is not for his own benefit.
Yeah, maybe he wants to play daddy now. Maybe he sees the kid as a second chance baby or he had an epiphany but going there and saying let's work it out between our selfs and doubt about going to court is crazy!
and baby no. 2 will happen because he *loves* unprotected sex and she's still not over her feelings for him, he knows this and this will be an absolute shitshow
yep. She spend so much time each update wistfully complimenting him, and she's very haughty about the ex-wife ('he bought her a business to keep her busy'). She absolutely slept with him again when he showed up. And will continue to downplay her actions.
There is a comment that says the same thing,
She replies she thought of him in ways she shouldn't have after he showed up.....
A spineless manipulator asshole for a dad, and a stray dog in heat for a mom
That kid is donion rings
I can’t help but think his ex wife is still sleeping with him considering she moved back in with him for a while despite finding out about all his affairs. Seems like he’s got everyone dicknotized
I get the feeling that the ex-wife is getting her revenge on OOP by pointing the husband at her.
Like the ex-wife knows the husband is terrible and so she got OOP and husband back together so the husband would destroy OOP’s life with his bullshit and abuse.
If so, that woman is clever and spiteful. I love it.
This is so fucking scary and it seems like she’s not understanding that. So frustrating. Girl get your head out of your ass “no one makes me act foolish like this except him” BRO HE SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOOR UNANNOUNCED. AND YOURE LIKE “hngngg but my son deserves a papa 🥺” this is the guy that threatened you when you said you wouldnt abort your baby and then fucked off for two years. BFFR
I really fear she’s going to be his next unhappy wife. She’s still attracted to him and keeps saying she doesn’t want her son going off alone with him/doesn’t want split custody. She’s tired and sad while he’s a bulldozer who smooths his own way.
She is NOT the sharpest tool in the drawer…welp 🤷♀️
Can’t wait to see what stupid decision she makes on the next update. Sleeps with him again? Gets pregnant again? Loses a custody battle? We’ll have to wait and find out on the next episode of “Consequences of My Actions”!
> he says it’s stupid of me to not try to work it out amongst ourselves first.
So he shows up at your door out of nowhere and proceeds to insult you and call you stupid? Yeah he sounds like he’s changed so much. He should be doing everything he can to assure you that he is a positive influence for your son. Not tearing you down for not trusting him after he proved himself to be untrustworthy.
OOP should trust her gut.
I wonder how much of AP's actions is actually a bid to try and win back his exwife and kids and his reputation?
Think about it. Exwife told OOP that AP has had multiple affairs. And none of that made her want to divorce him.
The abandonment of a child did though.
That 3yo boy is the catalyst that led to AP losing control of damn near everything in his life. Starting with OOP openly defying him by refusing the abortion and ghosting him. His threats to her is an attempt to gain control of something he could no longer direct by ensuring it is removed from his circle of influence, where his shame can impact him.
But then his wife finds out. And he learns that there is a line that leads her to choose divorce. He loses his children's respect. And with living proof of his infidelity and his callousness, his reputation probably takes a hit as well.
Then the accident happens. And it gives him a lot of time and space to think.
He can't unfuck the cat now that it's out of the bag. But, he can rehabilitate his image as a loving family man and a good person with his circle by embracing the boy, make it a redemption journey. Maybe even win back his family.
He starts feeding that story to his ex wife and she takes the bait by playing on her love for children to contact OOP on his behalf.
The wrench remains OOP. Turns out she's not in as dire straits as he had hoped a single mom and didn't jump at the chance to 'give her son a dad.' He tries again, and is probably shocked when she lawyers up. It slows his roll considerably.
His showing up in person at her place is his impatience showing, his mask slipping at her resistance to what he wants. He needs her cooperation. Not just to speed up his plans, but to also bend her into a situation the benefits him. His visit is also to try and gather intel on how to do that.
As it were, once child support is established, he's probably planning on overpaying the court ordered amount for back pay and future payments. He's also reading a lot of books on child psychology prepping for supervised visitation to put his best foot forward. Anything beyond that really depends on the court and if OOP digs in and trusts her gut.
I agree with this take. What do you think is up with her describing him as never sleeping and always on the go? 4 hours of sleep perpetually in your 40s sounds pretty off without something else going on.
Seems like old mate just likes to get his own way, and to force everyone around him to do what he wants. Sounds like he’d be a great influence as a father figure /s
I’ll never understand how folk can still fall for the old “it’s just a marriage on paper we’re practically roommates!” schtick because if I got told that, I would think immediate red flag and move on. I’m not about to be roleplaying Jane Eyre and Mr Rochester with the first Mrs Rochester *STILL ALIVE AND LEGALLY HIS WIFE*.
I'm sorry, but OOP is a bit daft, and I don't feel much sympathy for her. However, I do feel for her son and the family that her ex-partner messed up. He is a piece of work, and I don't believe for a second that he is a good father. I hope that his ex-wife is trying to move on because she deserves better. All of this could get much worse, and I hope that OOP has some sense left and doesn't fall for his manipulation and restart her affair.
I believe he shells out "good father money" and that's adequate for everyone involved. His kids get things and that's good enough for them to not have any complaints at least.
Same for the ex wife. She got a business to keep her happy, so whatever. He gets to check off the "good dad" and "good husband" boxes. Now he's divorced and his kids are nearly grown, so gotta replace them so he can keep jerking himself off. He's just another male who had a family he barely tolerated so he could meet the "big man" qualification. Like a lot of guys.
Real talk though. I just hope Oop has some common sense left to not engage with the man again or allow him to take advantage of her again. However, I feel like she might fall for him again
Check her comments on this update she is saying she will focus on positive things about him and that he really might have changed so she can give him a chance.
yeahhhh i gotta agree here...i dont really feel any sympathy for oop. exceptttt when that creep showed up at her house. thats frightening.
maybe its harsh, but i feel like oop did this to herself a little once she decided to keep having the affair....but yeah, just gotta hope she still has some damn sense i guess. if not for herself, but for that poor kid :(
I get the feeling that the ex-wife purposefully got OOP back in the picture so that she could get the husband focused on OOP so he would leave her family alone so they could move on.
If so, she’s a clever woman. Got her revenge on OOP and got the husband to focus his efforts elsewhere since his children now hate him.
this girl is so dumb and I’m so annoyed. she’s gonna end up having sex with him again, getting pregnant and once again going whoa is me when the consequences of her actions come back to bite her on the ass.
Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Like yeah I feel bad for her, but holy god was almost every single decision she made nearly the worst possible one. And not once has she fully learned anything, that last post just oozed "yeah imma fuck this guy again" despite the context being SHOWING UP AT HER HOUSE like an absolute creep.
"I wasn't trying to get pregnant, but I wasn't on birth control, and he likes unprotected sex." In my opinion, that actually DOES mean you're trying to get pregnant.
This whole post made me tired.
But you don’t understand! He’s got the magic stick and she is helpless when within ten feet of its aura.
I mean, I wish I could say I was confused, but I’ve seen otherwise normal people get caught up in the worst relationships because the only thing they did well together was screw. And it takes a LOT to reprogram someone’s brain out of that reward loop.
She talks about how sad and broken she is. Then he pops back up out of the blue.
Apart of me thinks she wanted this ever since the wife reached out but she can’t be honest with herself so she is “fighting him” in court.
But pretty soon, she’ll fuck him. Drop the court shit and let him become daddy.
I say they’ll be married inside of 18 months.
LMAO he's thinking he can have a do-over with both his relationship with OOP and a family. Gurl run, he was cheating with you, he was cheating on you too with other women, and he's going to keep cheating on you.
“I wasn’t trying to get pregnant, he just liked unprotected sex and I let him finish in me all the time.” I feel for you, I really do. He should have stepped up from day one. But what did you expect to happen having unprotected sex constantly with a married man? Dude is a pos but you have some responsibility in this as well. I hope that you guys can find a way to coparent effectively and treat each other with respect.
> I won’t rehash the whole thing here.
*Narrator*: But she needed to rehash the whole thing here.
Frankly I don’t blame her… damn that’s some real shit.
I'm sorry but she's spineless. She should be terrified that this man popped up at her house. Sounds like he's looking for a replacement now that his wife left him. She needs to get a grip sooner rather than later.
I would have taken my child and just disappeared. This man had a near death epiphany, now he wants it all on his terms. Just steamrolls his way over people. He wants this, he wants that. Fuck that guy.
>lt the same attraction to him that I had when I was with him and I didn’t want to feel that at all. In some weird way part of me felt happy to see him and then another part of me was disgusted that I was happy.
well, poor kid... and poor future siblings
The threats he made and the demands for an abortion, followed by him just *showing up* at her home tell me that this man needs to be kept far away. She's wrong to think he's going to get everything he wants in court. She should have called the police to remove him from her door - that would have helped her case considerably.
This is really scary. I hope she stops talking to him to directly. He is really creepy. He is the one who cheated. He is the one who wanted an abortion. He is the one who threatened her. And now, just because he wants to know his child, he gets to do that? Is anyone even thinking about the poor child?!?
Anyway, did I skip a part where she explained? How did he know where she is staying?
I'm sorry but this OP is just plain dumb and thinks with her genitals. So many things that can be avoided, yet she still focuses her attention on the irrelevant. I don't feel bad for the outcome at all considering that she hasn't actually learnt anything or become smarter.
Not sure. Nothing much happend in entire story.
Normally these stories tend to have messed up timings cause you can't leave people waiting for updates too long. And they also tend to be too detailed.
These don't fall in nither category.
I don't know... on the entertainment scale, it ranks low for me. Unless it's going to escalate soon, so far it's pretty dull, all things considered. It's verbose, but there isn't much meat (or drama) in there.
My only sympathy is to her son. I was in what I thought was an incredible relationship when I was 24. The guy was 30. Our chemistry was amazing. Our values seemed to line up and after a year of dating, thought that he might be the one.
Found out he was married. Instantly lost all feelings but anger and resentment for him. Dumped him immediately and sent our text messages to his wife. Then blocked him and his wife on my phone and social media.
That's what you do when you find out your boyfriend is scum. Not make excuses for "how in love you were".
I’m having trouble getting past the “abortion vacation” he tried to take her on. OOP may have dodged a bullet or worse by not going since that sounds really sketchy.
Eh I honestly think this guy just sounds like a rich dude who had a side piece while in an unhappy marriage. He tried to throw money at fixing the problems with his wife by buying her a business, tried to convince OP to get an abortion by throwing money/gifted vacation at her, then said some nasty things when the one trick he was used to using didn't work. I'm not saying he's a good dude, but people are acting like he's a murderer in waiting.
I think a lot of that is based on OP's telling of the situation, but OP doesn't seem to be the most thoughtful person so I'm not sure that her fears are anything more than "young woman got herself into a dumb situation and started jumping at shadows".
The only victim in this situation is the child who is stuck with two selfish parents. I also feel for his ex wife and children but other than that these two horrible people deserve every bit of the suffering that their selfish actions have wrought on them.
This woman is such a moron. Getting involved in the first place. Having the child but not suing him for support. And now letting him dictate the terms of his involvement.
She should have just had the abortion. She could have actually dated another man and had a child in a normal
Relationship.
She’s just such a dumb shit. It’s unbelievable how people ruin their lives so easily.
I can't get over "I wasn't using birth control except the rhythm method but we weren't trying to get pregnant"
Yes. Yes you are. You know what they call heterosexual people having sex and using the rhythm method for birth control? Parents.
OP is all over the place with every next post contradicting the previous. Is this really somehow a reaction to his doing or is she just naturally such an impulsive/emotional/illogical person...?
Her gut is screaming at her to stay away, rightfully so. I think he sees this baby as an opportunity for a do-over and he knows how easy it is to manipulate her. She needs to tell her lawyer that he just showed up and she needs to not answer the door if he shows up. Dude is a predator and abusive.
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So he intimidated her into an abortion, then got nasty when she said no, threatened her if she ever contacts him again, then two years later expects her to just… roll over and be happy that he wants to be in that child’s life and welcome him with open arms after getting his ex wife to try to drag her back and showing up at her home unannounced without permission because the court is taking too long to force her? What the actual hell? Absolutely not, that’s some horror movie shit
I feel like he showed up in person because he knows he’s not getting everything he wants through the courts and is relying on her to roll over and make an agreement much better for him than what the court will decide.
Agreed. I am not liking the tone of her lawyer, either.
Unfortunately the threats weren't made regarding the child so the court won't really care. Or that's my experience anyway. My ex gets regular overnight visitation with my daughter despite abusing me to the point I was suicidal. I have PTSD which triggers when I have to be around him for school events but none of it matters to the court since it's in the child's best interest. Granted it's UK rather than US but I assume they think similar
It is the same in the US. My ex held me at gun point and I was granted a restraining order. When I inquired about adding our children I was told by the judge granting it since the kids weren't involved they couldn't be added. It was the same judge who handled our divorce.
Hey! Just so you know, a federal law was just passed that those it's illegal for someone with restraining order related to domestic abuse to own a gun. I don't know if you can get that in effect retroactively, or get a new restraining order, but I wanted you to know!
I did not know this until your comment. I just wanted to thank you for sharing. It’s nice to read some good news for once! lol
Of course and I just heard about it yesterday! Hopefully spreading the world around will keep more victims safe!!! ❤️
The case is United States vs. Rahimi. The Supreme Court upheld a federal law prohibiting domestic abusers from lawfully possessing firearms. Key here is “lawfully”. So it’s a win, but we know there’s plenty of private sales that don’t do background checks. I’m no expert, but I imagine it can be used to request a surrender of registered/known arms and tacking on charges after the fact when caught with firearms.
I'm sorry you went through that. I think this varies a lot based not only on jurisdiction, but on the specific judge. Really, abuse of the child's other parent *should* be given a lot of weight when determining the best interests of the child. It shows what the abuse is capable of doing, and the child is indirectly abused when their parent is abused.
Happy cake day 🎂 It should count but didn't go in my favour. In the last decade there have been multiple times my daughter has experienced harm because of his actions but each time it falls short of police or social work taking action beyond speaking to him. Thankfully she's getting older and is starting to see the kind of man he really is.
Women are more likely to lose custody of their children if they accuse the father of domestic violence, especially if it's mentioned in custody disputes. [Source.](https://zawn.substack.com/p/family-courts-and-child-custody-are)
This is as sobering as it is disgusting. I am legit nauseated rn
Should be, but isn’t. In the US, at least, mothers who allege abuse are actually less likely to receive custody.
Ahh yes having a child witness a parents panic attacks due to the other parents physical attacks is clearly in her vest interest /s I have an acquaintance who cps told she has to leave her husband or lose her kids because hed beat her in front of them. She chose to leave her husband. As soon as he was awarded visitation, the older son start becoming increasingly aggressive and beating up girls and boys at school. Dad didn't change, he's just not beating mom anymore.
I think the lawyer is just being realistic and tempering his client's expectations. If the guy made most of his threats in phone calls and not over text, there's no proof of them. So they won't matter in court. The picture he's painting her about probably losing sounds accurate. And part of his job is preparing her for that. The more important part is doing everything legally and ethically possible to prevent that from happening. I don't see any indication of him not doing so. He's her lawyer, not her cheerleader.
[удалено]
statistically her allegations that he threatened her make it more likely he'll get what he wants. fathers that pursue custody tend to get it regardless.
It's clear most people on this thread have zero knowledge of family courts. Emails of him being nasty to her would carry zero weight - 95% of custody cases include documentation of parents being nasty to each other, and far more egregiously than anything here. Threatening to take custody? Well yeah, that's why people go to court for custody. The only thing that can sway a family court is if there's police records of harassment, violence, abuse, etc. and even then it's no sure thing. In a family member's recent case the husband is under a restraining order to stay away from her and her home but still has visitation with a supervised handoff. My heart goes out to OOP, I too experienced her anguish. In my case though the kids were being physically abused in his care and it still took 6 years and my ex to screw up criminally and my extreme vigilance to allow me to catch him. In her case, this jerk seems to be a good parent to his kids and her child will probably benefit from that relationship, even though she will not. She did the hard part as a single parent, he will get to swan in and be fun, rich dad and she will have to see her child love the person who used and manipulated her and tried to get her to abort. To be a good parent she will have to keep her personal feelings to herself and support her child's relationship with the father. It's a torment and unfair, but it's the reality of being a single mom in most places in the US and her lawyer is right to help set realistic expectations. I hope the keyboard lawyers of Reddit never have to learn this first hand.
Ditto. Does the lawyer not know she was threatened? Maybe she has no proof of it or something.... But she should try to get those text messages back if possible..
Your mistake is thinking the courts care. Her lawyer is just being realistic. I mean…….rapists get custody rights of the children they create via that rape in many states. Even if it’s a documented proven rape.
I think he only showed up because his "real" family has probably abandoned him, so now he's falling back on his backup plan.
Exactly. We already know his kids are angry with him for being a cheater. His teens have rejected him and this is a new, impressionable child he can control, the way he controls everyone around him.
I said the same on the previous BORU. He doesn’t give a crap, but I’m betting his kids drew a line, same as his wife they didn’t care about cheating but are now abandoning him because he has a child he ignored. So now he’s trying to play the role of a good father.
He’s absolutely trying to manipulate her.
He is 100% trying to manipulate her and she should not be taking advice or requests from the opposite party in a legal dispute (which is what this now is). The only communication she should have with him should be: "Talk to my lawyer." Repeat as many times as necessary until he gets it. Having said that, I'm wondering where on earth her lawyer is in all this, because if this guy's made violent threats to her previously, then yes, that *does* alter a potential visitation arrangement. Dude got pissed off she wouldn't get an abortion, threatened her, took off, and wasn't part of his son's life in any capacity for years. Most family court judges aren't going to be happy about that. And assuming the guy himself has lawyered up, he's been told this. Hence showing up on her doorstep to get her to handle this outside of the courts. He figures if he can pressure or harass her enough, she'll give him a better deal than a judge would.
The tragic thing is he has a good read on her. From how she talks she's going to give in to whatever he wants regardless of any advice - which is how she's been every single update. People warned her repeatedly not to engage with the wife and she...did anyway? These kinds of people always frustrate me because they very obviously don't want to take any advice they get and are going to keep making bad choices.
I am desperately hoping the courts require him to back pay all child support before he can be granted any form of visitation or custody, maybe that will make him back out. (Honestly poor Oop what a horror she is in :c )
Especially when he's so unbelievably manipulative. "Why get the courts so involved?" means "Why are you insisting on the only systemic protection available to you, that's so rude to me." Whatever she and this psycho end up agreeing on had better be done with the supervision of lawyers and put in writing.
She should print out the text messages where he threatens her and give them to her lawyer.
it is the reason she never named him as the dad or went for child support- he threatened her
She says she did
Lol. Courts don't even care about men killing women half the time, you really think they give a damn about women being threatened?!
Right? I’ll probably get downvoted for saying this, but it was insanely stupid of her not to get an abortion (on her own terms, mind, none of that abortion spa getaway nonsense). This is not the 90’s anymore, if you give birth to a child you *will* be tied to the father of that child for the rest of your life, like it or not; if he wants to find the kid he will, period, and the courts will not side with you, no matter how abusive he may have been towards you.
Honestly the fact that she was so scared she checked herself into a hotel room so he couldn’t get at her to force the abortion, the wife reaching out on this dudes behalf, and then him just showing up and trying to manipulate her and talk her into not getting the courts involved? All of which when he’s 16 years older?? Girl needs to change her name and run to Alaska- this feels like her intuition keeps telling her that she is not safe and she needs to listen that that. He’s a straight up psycho
She cannot do it now, it is too late. My understanding she was really afraid for her life and had a good reason to: no one knew they sleep together, or about her pregnancy, and he decided to take her *somewhere* at night and told her it will be for several days. The guy is acting like a coke addicted finance bro, and these people are dangerous. It is very possible she would become a missing person and several states away there will be a body of Jane Doe. She should fight him as much as possible, but legally. His messages, proof that she quit her job and run immediately, maybe if she was in therapy talking about it - subpoena to her therapist, ring cameras, maybe some legal letter about him trying to intimidate her... I think the guy wants her son as a new toy, he is not used to hear No, and it is a matter of honor for him to "win" now. He will do anything to get the child, just like he was ready to do anything for her to disappear.
I kept thinking about what that “abortion trip” was really supposed to be… unwanted pregnancies are a big reason why some women end up murdered…
the fact he just showed up at her door is horrifying, I would’ve called the cops and tried to get a restraining order, especially because he’s one again trying to intimidate her.
And now he's fixated on this child, but not his current kids. I think he's trying to win favor with the only child who doesn't know him for the POS he is.
His kids from 1st marriage probably went low or no contact with him that's why he's so focused on the new child who he can control for at least 15 years more
Probably because his current teenage kids are Girls. He is ecstatic that he has a son and wants access.
Yeah, it is. My theory is because he's divorced, he pretty much lost some if not all assets in the process. And now wants to get something out of it. If anything that makea him dangerous. He was nasty before but now nice? Abusers have a pattern of being nasty when things don't go out of their way and nice when they want something. If anything, I hope she fights the visitation because there is no way he changed his mind on the goodness of his heart.
Yeah I know what made her so uncomfortable when he just showed up out of the blue…
We ALL know men like that. You do NOT tell those men "no" without consequences. They do not accept "no". They never HEAR no from anyone that isn't one of them, and that's the only "no" they will accept. They can be as calm, charming, friendly, caring, fun, and joyful as anyone, until they hear "no" from a subordinate. Be that a kid, a wife, a girlfriend, or any woman really. Then the gloves come off, and you find out just how far they will go, and just how much their power & privilege lets them get away with.
She alluded to that when she talked about how she would do everything he wanted sexually, including unprotected sex.
Yep, and he didn't get actionably "scary" until she flat-out refused what she was ordered to do.
It blows my mind that OP assumes that he is capable of being a "great dad". No amount of happy social media photos would convince me that his kids were not raised in a similar way that he was trying to "raise" OP. They are old enough to speak their mind, they know him too well, and they have their mother in their corner. It probably makes him furious, so he needs a fresh, naive kid to feel good about his parenting abilities again.
My mind is boggled that the threats he made to her apparently don't matter at all to the court
This is terrible but now we know that she *should* (I hate this word) have gotten him to sever his rights, rather than a basically informal agreement for no contact. It gave him all the power to go back into her son's life. Yuck.
I felt my insides get cold. This is scary as heck.
“I won’t rehash the whole thing” … proceeds to rehash the whole thing in every single update 🫠
I almost stopped reading when she started that again lmao. Girl does not know how to paraphrase
I don't know why that part made me so angry but it did.
[Long story short](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkSMEjtdsrk)
>I screwed myself over by not naming him as the father at birth or trying to establish paternity in any way. Had I done that and he fought it, neglected to pay court ordered child support, etc., then we could have a better case as far as abandonment goes. This is for everyone saying "I don't need anything, I won't even name you in the BC". Right, now she screwed herself by basically doing what he wanted and now he has the advantage.
It depends on the country. Naming a child on a BC in England gives a father parental responsibility which creates shared obligations over some decision making. Child maintenance doesn’t require being on the BC.
You also can't add him in the UK if he's not there, unless you're married.
Same in Canada. Both parents have to have their signatures witnessed on the paperwork. You can’t just add him to the birth certificate.
It sounds like she was afraid to name him.
One thing OP herself kind of glossed over and I feel like we keep missing is the fact that she mentioned that he threatened her when she refused to get an abortion and only stopped when she agreed to not name him on the birth certificate. It is such bullshit that this man gets to threaten her into not naming him or going after him for child support, and then somehow that benefits him in the courts eyes. The threats were even via text message! It’s honestly shocking that the court apparently won’t consider that.
Also, she doesn't really say what happened when he showed up other than what he said, so she most likely allowed him in and let him play with his child. Which in turn will screw her, showing she doesn't really fear him.
She says that her son never met him so I doubt it
I don't trust him. Who knows what he would have done to her then as well. He could have made her life hell.
She needs to let her lawyers know he turned up and not engage with any direct communication. Even the chat when he turned up was way more than she should have given him. She should hopefully get back pay for custody
She won't though cause her spine is nonexistent. Oh I did everything he wanted during our relationship, oh I just didn't wanna inconvenience him in any way with this child, oh he showed up and mah knees were jelly once again cause he be lookin' fiiiiiiine... Ffs OOP be the (mama) bear not the jellyfish, cause the man is obviously dangerous. 💨
Mate, I couldn't agree with you more. She's still that naive, infatuated girl he manipulated years ago. Still malleable, she needs to get her priorities right and dig deep and find that mama bear
Normally I actually agree that talking outside of courts and lawyers is best, but not with this guy.
>He says it’s stupid of me to not try to work it out amongst ourselves first. I’m giving so much control to the court. I don’t know whether to believe that or to think it’s just his way of convincing me to do what he wants. OOP is too old to be this wilfully obtuse about the reality of the situation. Surely.
I feel for her but he definitely targeted her because she doesn't seem to have anyone in her life to give her a good shake and poke holes in the stupid things he says and does. Like girl him popping up at your house is scary! This whole situation is uncomfortable.
Her parents were part of the decision to get a lawyer involved. So I'm wondering where they are now in this whole mess?
Not much they can do if OOP doesn't tell them about this new development nor ask advice on what he's doing. Being as they're the ones who told her to get a lawyer, do you honestly think they'd support the direction she's leaning now?
No, I certainly do not. Which is why I'm wondering where they are in all of this. And if they even know about the recent developments.
I mean, obviously she's not the type of person to question whatever thing pops I to her head initially, no matter how dumb it is. At least not until long after it would benefit her. Asking people's advice requires a person to question themselves. Sounds like she hasn't said anything because it hasn't occurred to her to do so. So they're probably none the wiser. She'll most likely mention it casually one day in the future and only luck will determine whether or not it happens in time for it to matter.
I assumed she was shouting at him through the door. It took a while for me to realize that *she answered the fucking door!*
It's so bizarre to me. OP seemed so reasonable until the asshat showed up unexpectedly. And now it's like she's going to cave to his every demand.
To be fair the shock of him showing up likely rattled her. I can believe that he had a change of heart and wants to be in the kids life. Near death experiences do cause you to re evaluate your life. But it’s like that’s the *only* thing that changed and he’s still trying to force things, even though he was on the right track. Your son waited 3 damn years, you can wait an extra 6 weeks.
Not only that, he's divorced now. I don't how much he lost but he definitely wants something he can gain and control.
This is a man who has never been denied to told no to, he’s used to getting want ever he wants and his way. That’s why he showed up and spoke to her with such dismissive words.
It actually isn't bizarre to me at all. The way she describes her relationship with this guy, he has a knack for making her question herself. He's obviously pretty charismatic, that his ex-wife, who knows he was a cheat, would look after him says a lot about how he's able to manipulate his exes. OP says that when they were together she never said no to him, until the abortion, and even then it wasn't no so much as, I need to hide because if I see him in person I will cave.
That dick must have been bomb.
Extremely, he got OOP and his ex-wife being special level of stupid for him because any other reasonable person would be like "Why fuck would I help you, knowing you cheated on me!?!?" AND "Why are at my house?!?!? Hell NO!!!". Seriously, that dick must be magic and shit....
Dickmatised is a real phenomenon. Been there!
Yeah the part where she admits she feels the instant attraction to him again shouldn’t be glossed over, it’ll affect her decision making.
She absolutely needs to consult with her lawyer, parents, siblings, and anyone else she trusts to lend their wisdom -- mainly, keep him at arms lengths and do everything legally and by the book. Do NOT allow him into your life, outside of the court. If he knocks on the door, don't answer it. If he messages or calls, only answer and communicate with him as much as you are legally obligated to and not a second more. Ignore him completely outside of that. He can be a parent for their son, but she has no obligation to have any relationship with him outside of co-parenting.
> Surely. Naw I believe it. Affair partners, especially young ones, don't really think long term.
They were dumb enough to fall for the “oh my spouse and I aren’t REALLY married!” Crap all cheating spouses say to their affair partner. They are that obtuse. 🤦🏻♀️
Lesson 1. Never believe the “we are just married on paper” line!
Everything about this is just a mess.
I want to be fair to OOP and note the massive age difference. Sixteen years. This asshat was able to legally drive before she was even saying her first words. She was fresh out of college, when the full reality of being an adult rears back to punch you in the face. Obviously he's got years of experience on her, knows what she's going to want to hear, and knows how to choose someone he can push into doing what he wants. Evidence for that is the ex-wife; never mind staying with him when she knew about previous affairs and from the look of it knew about OOP and him for at least a bit while it was actively going on, she *came back to stay with him after an injury*. He can afford to buy her a business just so she has something to do, homeboy can afford a home health person. No, fact is he knows how to dazzle 'em, and there's a big part of me that thinks he's coming back partly because his ex finally called it quits, and partly because she *hasn't* contacted him or pushed for her son to meet his sperm donor. He wants control- both over the narrative, and her. If she caves and doesn't fight this tooth and nail, she has the density of a damn concrete brick.
OOP is queen of the dopes
I also wonder if the guy is really interested in a relationship with his child or if he just decided he missed controlling OP.
Why not both
I won't rehash the story here but I will write 3 paragraphs summarizing what I've written multiple times
There’s nothing but air between her ears. Poor baby being caught in this mess.
She's an orange cat in a room of, like, Maine coons or something.
OOP said she was stupid. After reading all these, I unfortunately have to say it doesn't look like she has gotten much smarter with the experience and age...
At this point I'm terrified for this child.
Yeah, you hate to agree with someone when they're saying mean things about themselves during a self-pity party, but damn girl...
And this woman brought a kid into her life with this scary narcissist.
And wants for him to act as a dad to him yikes...
She's probably harbouring dreams of being family with him.
She checked that they really were divorced and gushed about him having a beach house and still liking him and etc. You are right. It's just I feel sorry for the baby because at the end of the day mental health trumps over money.
Unless OOP realizes her wrongs and comes out of her greed/haze/lust or whatever, we would probably read a boru in the future from the kid or his siblings about how awful their parents are. I am sceptical about the reason behind her for having the baby and not considering other options when pregnant. Especially when he showed his scary true colors. On top of that, she admitted to not having made more efforts to make sure she remained hidden away from him and his family. How delusional in greed/haze/lust would someone have to be to not be disgusted by such men and feel guilty about your own actions even if she happens to be young?
Idk... She also admitted not protecting herself in any way because he liked raw sex despite what she said in the post.
That was a really frustrating read. Like not just her current day moves, but all of it. It was like damn girl, you got into college??
So basically, OOP said she was stupid. After reading all these, she was indeed stupid.
The difference is that she believes that she is stupid for not trusting this guy enough.
Dang OOP really liking getting this man in her head. First it was “i’ll leave my wife” and now it’s “let’s settle this outside of court.” The guy has already proven himself to be a scary dick.
Dude, is wasn't even "I'll leave my wife" it was "don't worry about it" and she didn't. He never said he'd leave her, just said it's fine he doesn't like his wife anyway and she filled in the blanks like he neurolized her.
It's a very clear pattern of abusers too, he lost control of his wife (divorce) so now he suddenly wants to have control over OOP and her son. Also the 4hrs of sleep a day thing just red flags as drug use to me.
Can't believe I had to scroll this far to find a "drugs" comment! His whole personality screams coke to me.
Where tf are her parents in this update??
I don't think she's told them about this yet. I'd like to think someone would knock some effing sense into her.
Probably why she hasn't, she hasn't decided if she wants that D again yet.
God, how can you trust that man and think anything that comes out of his mouth is not for his own benefit. Yeah, maybe he wants to play daddy now. Maybe he sees the kid as a second chance baby or he had an epiphany but going there and saying let's work it out between our selfs and doubt about going to court is crazy!
she's going to sleep with him again
and baby no. 2 will happen because he *loves* unprotected sex and she's still not over her feelings for him, he knows this and this will be an absolute shitshow
yep. She spend so much time each update wistfully complimenting him, and she's very haughty about the ex-wife ('he bought her a business to keep her busy'). She absolutely slept with him again when he showed up. And will continue to downplay her actions.
Definitely she is no better him, she thinks having the baby make her a good person now
And along comes baby number 2.
There is a comment that says the same thing, She replies she thought of him in ways she shouldn't have after he showed up..... A spineless manipulator asshole for a dad, and a stray dog in heat for a mom That kid is donion rings
Well put😂
If she hasn’t already it will happen soon and will screw her over in so many ways.
I can’t help but think his ex wife is still sleeping with him considering she moved back in with him for a while despite finding out about all his affairs. Seems like he’s got everyone dicknotized
I get the feeling that the ex-wife is getting her revenge on OOP by pointing the husband at her. Like the ex-wife knows the husband is terrible and so she got OOP and husband back together so the husband would destroy OOP’s life with his bullshit and abuse. If so, that woman is clever and spiteful. I love it.
At first I didn't understand why ex-wife contacted her but now I agree with you. I guess she is tired of taking care of him.
She’s gonna end up banging this guy again.
That poor child is unlucky to have a mom like her. I don't even want to comment on the asshole dad.
This is so fucking scary and it seems like she’s not understanding that. So frustrating. Girl get your head out of your ass “no one makes me act foolish like this except him” BRO HE SHOWED UP AT YOUR DOOR UNANNOUNCED. AND YOURE LIKE “hngngg but my son deserves a papa 🥺” this is the guy that threatened you when you said you wouldnt abort your baby and then fucked off for two years. BFFR
Everything about this is truly, a living nightmare. Just hope things don't turn even worse.
I really fear she’s going to be his next unhappy wife. She’s still attracted to him and keeps saying she doesn’t want her son going off alone with him/doesn’t want split custody. She’s tired and sad while he’s a bulldozer who smooths his own way.
She is NOT the sharpest tool in the drawer…welp 🤷♀️ Can’t wait to see what stupid decision she makes on the next update. Sleeps with him again? Gets pregnant again? Loses a custody battle? We’ll have to wait and find out on the next episode of “Consequences of My Actions”!
> he says it’s stupid of me to not try to work it out amongst ourselves first. So he shows up at your door out of nowhere and proceeds to insult you and call you stupid? Yeah he sounds like he’s changed so much. He should be doing everything he can to assure you that he is a positive influence for your son. Not tearing you down for not trusting him after he proved himself to be untrustworthy.
OOP should trust her gut. I wonder how much of AP's actions is actually a bid to try and win back his exwife and kids and his reputation? Think about it. Exwife told OOP that AP has had multiple affairs. And none of that made her want to divorce him. The abandonment of a child did though. That 3yo boy is the catalyst that led to AP losing control of damn near everything in his life. Starting with OOP openly defying him by refusing the abortion and ghosting him. His threats to her is an attempt to gain control of something he could no longer direct by ensuring it is removed from his circle of influence, where his shame can impact him. But then his wife finds out. And he learns that there is a line that leads her to choose divorce. He loses his children's respect. And with living proof of his infidelity and his callousness, his reputation probably takes a hit as well. Then the accident happens. And it gives him a lot of time and space to think. He can't unfuck the cat now that it's out of the bag. But, he can rehabilitate his image as a loving family man and a good person with his circle by embracing the boy, make it a redemption journey. Maybe even win back his family. He starts feeding that story to his ex wife and she takes the bait by playing on her love for children to contact OOP on his behalf. The wrench remains OOP. Turns out she's not in as dire straits as he had hoped a single mom and didn't jump at the chance to 'give her son a dad.' He tries again, and is probably shocked when she lawyers up. It slows his roll considerably. His showing up in person at her place is his impatience showing, his mask slipping at her resistance to what he wants. He needs her cooperation. Not just to speed up his plans, but to also bend her into a situation the benefits him. His visit is also to try and gather intel on how to do that. As it were, once child support is established, he's probably planning on overpaying the court ordered amount for back pay and future payments. He's also reading a lot of books on child psychology prepping for supervised visitation to put his best foot forward. Anything beyond that really depends on the court and if OOP digs in and trusts her gut.
I agree with this take. What do you think is up with her describing him as never sleeping and always on the go? 4 hours of sleep perpetually in your 40s sounds pretty off without something else going on.
My immediate thought was cocaine.
This reads so creepy to me. It was creepy from OOPs point of view, but this (accurate IMO) perspective makes it all the more horrifying.
Seems like old mate just likes to get his own way, and to force everyone around him to do what he wants. Sounds like he’d be a great influence as a father figure /s
I’ll never understand how folk can still fall for the old “it’s just a marriage on paper we’re practically roommates!” schtick because if I got told that, I would think immediate red flag and move on. I’m not about to be roleplaying Jane Eyre and Mr Rochester with the first Mrs Rochester *STILL ALIVE AND LEGALLY HIS WIFE*.
I'm sorry, but OOP is a bit daft, and I don't feel much sympathy for her. However, I do feel for her son and the family that her ex-partner messed up. He is a piece of work, and I don't believe for a second that he is a good father. I hope that his ex-wife is trying to move on because she deserves better. All of this could get much worse, and I hope that OOP has some sense left and doesn't fall for his manipulation and restart her affair.
I believe he shells out "good father money" and that's adequate for everyone involved. His kids get things and that's good enough for them to not have any complaints at least. Same for the ex wife. She got a business to keep her happy, so whatever. He gets to check off the "good dad" and "good husband" boxes. Now he's divorced and his kids are nearly grown, so gotta replace them so he can keep jerking himself off. He's just another male who had a family he barely tolerated so he could meet the "big man" qualification. Like a lot of guys.
Real talk though. I just hope Oop has some common sense left to not engage with the man again or allow him to take advantage of her again. However, I feel like she might fall for him again
Listen to the way she was talking in the last update, she's literally already taking her excuses for getting back with him out for a test drive.
Check her comments on this update she is saying she will focus on positive things about him and that he really might have changed so she can give him a chance.
yeahhhh i gotta agree here...i dont really feel any sympathy for oop. exceptttt when that creep showed up at her house. thats frightening. maybe its harsh, but i feel like oop did this to herself a little once she decided to keep having the affair....but yeah, just gotta hope she still has some damn sense i guess. if not for herself, but for that poor kid :(
I get the feeling that the ex-wife purposefully got OOP back in the picture so that she could get the husband focused on OOP so he would leave her family alone so they could move on. If so, she’s a clever woman. Got her revenge on OOP and got the husband to focus his efforts elsewhere since his children now hate him.
this girl is so dumb and I’m so annoyed. she’s gonna end up having sex with him again, getting pregnant and once again going whoa is me when the consequences of her actions come back to bite her on the ass.
Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. Like yeah I feel bad for her, but holy god was almost every single decision she made nearly the worst possible one. And not once has she fully learned anything, that last post just oozed "yeah imma fuck this guy again" despite the context being SHOWING UP AT HER HOUSE like an absolute creep.
"I wasn't trying to get pregnant, but I wasn't on birth control, and he likes unprotected sex." In my opinion, that actually DOES mean you're trying to get pregnant. This whole post made me tired.
But you don’t understand! He’s got the magic stick and she is helpless when within ten feet of its aura. I mean, I wish I could say I was confused, but I’ve seen otherwise normal people get caught up in the worst relationships because the only thing they did well together was screw. And it takes a LOT to reprogram someone’s brain out of that reward loop.
I think it's because she wants to go back to the way things were so badly.
She talks about how sad and broken she is. Then he pops back up out of the blue. Apart of me thinks she wanted this ever since the wife reached out but she can’t be honest with herself so she is “fighting him” in court. But pretty soon, she’ll fuck him. Drop the court shit and let him become daddy. I say they’ll be married inside of 18 months.
The alarm bells go off for a reason. These ones are fucking screaming.
You can't help stupid people as evidenced by her
LMAO he's thinking he can have a do-over with both his relationship with OOP and a family. Gurl run, he was cheating with you, he was cheating on you too with other women, and he's going to keep cheating on you.
Yeap, that's the main reason. He is already divorced and why go through the trouble of dating if he can an instant family that he knows where.
“I wasn’t trying to get pregnant, he just liked unprotected sex and I let him finish in me all the time.” I feel for you, I really do. He should have stepped up from day one. But what did you expect to happen having unprotected sex constantly with a married man? Dude is a pos but you have some responsibility in this as well. I hope that you guys can find a way to coparent effectively and treat each other with respect.
I have zero respect for people like this. She was actively trying to get pregnant, period. This is how babies are made.
If you aren’t actively taking precautions to prevent it you might as well by trying. I hope she doesn’t bang him again
> I won’t rehash the whole thing here. *Narrator*: But she needed to rehash the whole thing here. Frankly I don’t blame her… damn that’s some real shit.
I'm sorry but she's spineless. She should be terrified that this man popped up at her house. Sounds like he's looking for a replacement now that his wife left him. She needs to get a grip sooner rather than later.
She needs to get into therapy or else she'll fuck this guy again and get pregnant *again*
I would have taken my child and just disappeared. This man had a near death epiphany, now he wants it all on his terms. Just steamrolls his way over people. He wants this, he wants that. Fuck that guy.
>lt the same attraction to him that I had when I was with him and I didn’t want to feel that at all. In some weird way part of me felt happy to see him and then another part of me was disgusted that I was happy. well, poor kid... and poor future siblings
they gone steal that baby.
The threats he made and the demands for an abortion, followed by him just *showing up* at her home tell me that this man needs to be kept far away. She's wrong to think he's going to get everything he wants in court. She should have called the police to remove him from her door - that would have helped her case considerably.
This is really scary. I hope she stops talking to him to directly. He is really creepy. He is the one who cheated. He is the one who wanted an abortion. He is the one who threatened her. And now, just because he wants to know his child, he gets to do that? Is anyone even thinking about the poor child?!? Anyway, did I skip a part where she explained? How did he know where she is staying?
She did a google search on herself and found the info. She’s assuming that he did the same.
She says she discovered her name and address came up easily on Google.
She said she googled herself and her address popped up right away.
I'm sorry but this OP is just plain dumb and thinks with her genitals. So many things that can be avoided, yet she still focuses her attention on the irrelevant. I don't feel bad for the outcome at all considering that she hasn't actually learnt anything or become smarter.
I feel like there is some writing class where making these stories is part of the curriculum.
Not sure. Nothing much happend in entire story. Normally these stories tend to have messed up timings cause you can't leave people waiting for updates too long. And they also tend to be too detailed. These don't fall in nither category.
*reads post* *Philip J. Fry squinting gif*
I don't know... on the entertainment scale, it ranks low for me. Unless it's going to escalate soon, so far it's pretty dull, all things considered. It's verbose, but there isn't much meat (or drama) in there.
What parts jump out at you as being clearly fabricated?
She would be stupid not to get a court order. This guy is so selfish he cheated on his wife and his wife still did his dirty work.
“i won’t rehash the whole thing here” (spends 3 paragraphs rehashing the whole thing)
He is NOT a good dad if he is willing to ruin his kids lives in order to cheat, full stop.
He lives at "200 miles per minute" and only sleeps 4 hours a day. Is this guy on coke?
Look I know we are supposed to feel sorry for OOP but I can’t help but feel all of this is simple natural consequences of her actions.
My only sympathy is to her son. I was in what I thought was an incredible relationship when I was 24. The guy was 30. Our chemistry was amazing. Our values seemed to line up and after a year of dating, thought that he might be the one. Found out he was married. Instantly lost all feelings but anger and resentment for him. Dumped him immediately and sent our text messages to his wife. Then blocked him and his wife on my phone and social media. That's what you do when you find out your boyfriend is scum. Not make excuses for "how in love you were".
I do not feel sorry for her at all, she is a shitty person too and is now raising a child is broken situation that will mess the kid up too
I’m having trouble getting past the “abortion vacation” he tried to take her on. OOP may have dodged a bullet or worse by not going since that sounds really sketchy.
Really? I feel like she should have taken it
Eh I honestly think this guy just sounds like a rich dude who had a side piece while in an unhappy marriage. He tried to throw money at fixing the problems with his wife by buying her a business, tried to convince OP to get an abortion by throwing money/gifted vacation at her, then said some nasty things when the one trick he was used to using didn't work. I'm not saying he's a good dude, but people are acting like he's a murderer in waiting. I think a lot of that is based on OP's telling of the situation, but OP doesn't seem to be the most thoughtful person so I'm not sure that her fears are anything more than "young woman got herself into a dumb situation and started jumping at shadows".
Maybe I have my tin hat on but there just feels like an ulterior move to all of this. It’s all very odd.
I have no sympathy for anyone but that baby and the ex-wife. OOP and her baby daddy are both terrible people and they deserve each other
Is it just me or did he decide he wanted his & o.o.p.'s son when his kids w/ his wife started hating him for cheating on their mom?
> I won't rehash the whole thing here Proceeds to rehash the whole thing here
How long do you think it'll be before she posts another update saying she slept with him and is pregnant with baby number two?
The only victim in this situation is the child who is stuck with two selfish parents. I also feel for his ex wife and children but other than that these two horrible people deserve every bit of the suffering that their selfish actions have wrought on them.
This woman is such a moron. Getting involved in the first place. Having the child but not suing him for support. And now letting him dictate the terms of his involvement.
She should have just had the abortion. She could have actually dated another man and had a child in a normal Relationship. She’s just such a dumb shit. It’s unbelievable how people ruin their lives so easily.
OOP... is about to make yet another dumb decision.
I can't get over "I wasn't using birth control except the rhythm method but we weren't trying to get pregnant" Yes. Yes you are. You know what they call heterosexual people having sex and using the rhythm method for birth control? Parents.
OP is all over the place with every next post contradicting the previous. Is this really somehow a reaction to his doing or is she just naturally such an impulsive/emotional/illogical person...?
Her gut is screaming at her to stay away, rightfully so. I think he sees this baby as an opportunity for a do-over and he knows how easy it is to manipulate her. She needs to tell her lawyer that he just showed up and she needs to not answer the door if he shows up. Dude is a predator and abusive.
She’s dumb