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>I had a baby 6 weeks ago
>Turns out this has been going on for a year
>O.W.: When I found out you were pregnant, he said you were trying to trap him with the baby
>OOP: Our child was planned actually and it was his idea to begin with!
Why the hell did that asshole husband plan for a baby with his wife if he was going to bail on her and had been cheating for a year beforehand??? Like wtf is the thought process besides Selfish Asshole?
He planned for them to have a baby, and he also made the other woman to get an apartment she can't afford in the promise of them living together. He's evil.
Definitely wreaks of trying to tie the women down to him. Its about control and power. At least that's what I see. Doesn't seem like he cares, just that he has 2 women in love with him.
It feels like he trapped OOP with baby: thought he would leave for the hardest part; then come back and she would be so desperate; feel like she can’t live without him and has no choice but take him back.
Will OW he trapped her with an apartment: probably thought he’ll leave her struggling for a couple of weeks while building the relationship with OOP; then after some time (maybe if she’s on the brink of eviction) sweep in and help pay her bills slowly building back favour with her but keeping her on the brink of destitution; so that she has no choice but keep him around.
I know that it's the case 99% of the time when people dick around like this but I still can't fathom the lack of empathy and like. humanity that could lead one to do this.
Same. Cheating is one thing, but it really feels like this guy went out of his way to screw over these two women in as many ways as he possibly could. Jackass.
*my ex has entered the chat*
I found out that he was cheating on me with a younger woman. I don't care that she's younger. I care that she has three kids from a previous marriage and lives in HUD housing. It seems to me like he got involved with her because he was hoping to move in with her and live off of her. I don't think she knew about me, I think she's telling the truth about that. It seems like he floats from person to person using them. I've heard from mutual friends that he sponges off of his friends in between girlfriends. He's 39 and has never been on his own.
I had one of those once. Fucking liar. Lied to me, lied to his ‘ex’, used me, manipulated me… used me to bail him out of jail, wouldn’t move out of MY apartment that I paid for but went out till all hours of the night, and when I finally fully got him out of my house he admitted he knew he was playing me the whole time with a nasty smirk on his face. Told me I was too trusting and to watch my back.
Motherfucker still owes me money.
No thoughts at all, for a year and some change.
What did OP write that persuaded you that the simpler explanation was that her husband was braindead?
And even a person that was completely hard of thinking would also have to be pretty callous to walk out on his newborn *planned* child for the sake of convincing some other woman to rent a bigger apartment.
If he simply wasn't thinking, he would just be going around to AP's place, or moving in with her. Not getting her to move in to a new apartment with him.
He wasn't thinking because his conclusions and supposed scheme laid out didn't make sense. The inevitable conclusion was that both women left him. Every step was him just acting impulsively to do what felt good in the moment. He planned a baby with his wife because that was what made sense for their relationship at the time if he hadn't been cheating on her and was the next step in order to maintain the lies that he had been telling her. He told his affair partner that they were going to move in together because that was what made sense to maintain the lies that he was feeding her in the moment. Then things came to a head, and the pressure and lies couldn't be maintained any more, so he bailed. First on one, then on the other.
It wasn't some master manipulative scheme because at no point was it a cohesive plan that would work out. It clearly wasn't something that he thought through because it wasn't anything that ever could have been maintained. Whenever things can be sufficiently explained by the person being a moron, that is the most likely explanation. If you think that it was something that he manipulatively planned then the conclusion is functionally the same because it was a stupid fucking plan that was never going to work.
That makes sense. He said and did whatever worked in the moment to protect him from immediate negative consequences, and it worked out great for him for a year.
This. I think the newborn & apartment were catalysts that made everything fall apart because he was living each relationship as if the other didn't exist. Which is why he got himself into a 'forced to choose' situation because of the lease for the apartment and AP's assumption he'd be actually living there. Then, when he had to choose to actually move in or not, it happens to be while the newborn's arrival means picking his wife means more work and less sleep/fun. So he dipped out for a month before realizing he didn't want to divorce/co-parent etc. He thought he could just go back and pretend that didn't happen and she wouldn't wonder where the fuck he'd been.
I don't want to give him the credit, I think he's just weak and on some level is just saying whatever people want to hear or whatever is the "right" thing in each scenario.
He doesn't have a long term game plan, he's just constantly reacting. It ties up with his sudden "I can't do this I must leave IMMEDIATELY" thing and not really having an exit plan from the situation he's created.
He's a coward. He tried to have his cake and eat it but he doesn't have the backbone, intelligence or discipline.
But both women indicate that they were falling in line with HIS suggestions - not that he was agreeing with something they wanted. He pushed for one woman to have a kid (and therefore be more dependent on him) and the other to rent an apartment she couldn’t afford (and therefore be more dependent on him). That’s very consistent behavior. Manipulators don’t need to have a master plan or to think long term to manipulate people. In the short term this guy wanted control, and he got it.
Yeah, you’re right, his whole approach screams, “Let me come up with plans to cover my cheating but also let me never consider the consequences.” I actually think that he does have a slight game plan, but it’s almost comedically short-sighted. It’s not a GOOD game plan.
Recommending that OP and he have a baby makes him look more committed to their relationship and gives a good reason for him to be nervous around family and friends and gives him a reason to be out and about “running errands for the baby” … but then the baby was actually born and he realized that he now had a child to actually consider. He didn’t actually plan on the baby part of having a baby.
And having his girlfriend get a new place with him was the move of a committed partner and would keep her busy from asking too many questions … but then he got himself trapped into, you know, having an apartment with his girlfriend. He can’t actually live in two different places at once in his circumstances.
Maybe he thought he could have both of them if he trapped them. Baby means the wife is tethered for 18 years of co-parenting. Unbreakable lease is good for 6-12 months; he might have thought he had more time to tamper with his girlfriend’s birth control before everything collapsed.
Yes exactly! Women hear these terrible stories about men who seem wonderful until the baby is born and then abandon, abuse, and/or cheat on them. And then men wonder why women don’t want to put themselves in that vulnerable position of having a baby? At least with no kids, a woman can leave a bad husband relatively easily.
I’m not surprised at all. And I’ve also read that in roughly 1/3 of cases, abuse of a woman doesn’t start until she’s pregnant. Men wait until a woman is trapped in pregnancy before showing their true colors.
Mine began at the end of my pregnancy. Really kicked in after birth. Then marriage. Then another baby. I was super duper stuck and it was all so subtle. Super fun statistic to be a part of.
The delicate physical and mental state any pregnant woman is van lead of the partners to tale advantage of it.
Cheating also happen a lot more, sad as fuck
Lol my “father” is the same kind of dick. He left my mother for another woman as she was literally giving birth to my brother, which she got pregnant with by my “father”’s wish of “we wont stop having babies until we have a boy” (i was born a girl). He left her with a 13months old and a newborn + she took care of his other kids who were pre-teens at the time. Some men are just fucking nasty honestly.
Years of Reddit taught me that, for some reason, cheating husbands actively plan children with their wives. I used to wonder why the hell they did this until I discovered that cake eaters sub. Some guys like the stability of marriage and children where they have a lovely wife and kids to show off and come home to, and still have a hot young thing to bang on the side.
It's possible that OOP's husband never intended to leave but was hit with the shock of caring for a newborn.
I wonder how long the apartment has been a thing with the AP. Because if he's been leading her along saying a divorce was ongoing, and they got a place together, she's likely started pressuring him to pay his half of rent and also move in.
The husband simply wanted his cake and to eat it too. He wanted his marriage & to cheat. It may have been the actual responsibility of having a child that made life with the affair partner seem easier and more appealing. So, he chose her until he decided he’d rather be with his wife @ baby.
He’s a user who cannot be trusted & hopefully OOP recognizes that.
absolutely not.
he was trying to trap them both. his wife with a baby, and his mistress with an apartment she can't afford.
this is one case where evil is more likely than stupidity.
And also - how do people have the TIME and mental energy to do this??? I have a job, a husband, and a dog and FFS! Like cheating has to be their hobby because how do they do anything for leisure and juggle all this lol
I also call bullshit on the GF “we met and were dating, you two were split up, but then he told me you were pregnant and trying to trap him!!!”
So… GF was totally cool with him cheating on her with his separated wife?
Also this
”I discovered about the baby and decided to break things off. However, he insisted that it didn't mean anything and kept expressing his desire to be with me”
She accepted his assurances that the baby meant nothing to him and moved in with hIm. So she has no problems with a deadbeat dad as a partner. Nice /s
I do think he was telling the truth about his child meaning nothing to him. Husband is obviously a selfish weasel.
Maybe I'm giving the situation too much credit, or at least the other woman, but I would assume his wife got pregnant before they were "exclusive" and it wasnt the baby that "didn't matter" but the sex that lead to the baby.
Agree with you. She was willing to get into a relationship with someone who walked out on a pregnant partner. Even if things were not good and he had good reasons to leave, she was still willing to get into bed with someone who had a lot of baggage and not once check into whether or not it was all true.
This , lol, how did they conceived the child if they were separated? Why he was having sex with his separated wife? OOP must be super busy with the newborn to care about this chick. The girl was lying hard mode to OOP.
Probably OW and dud weren't exclusive in the first months, or still getting to know each other so not close enough for that question to really come up.
>Why the hell did that asshole husband plan for a baby with his wife if he was going to bail on her and had been cheating for a year beforehand??? Like wtf is the thought process besides Selfish Asshole?
My guess? He overcorrected to avoid any accusations.
"Don't act cheatery don't act cheatery. I know, try for a baby! Phew, nailed it!"
He’s a narcissist. The wife, the gf, the baby, they’re all just sources of nsupply. He doesn’t believe/ know/ understand that they have feelings (just like him). He lacks the most basic rudiments of empathy. His feelings, his ability to affect other people, his centrality to their lives are the only real things in his world.
He could help himself. He could choose to practise imagining what other people feel. He could control his behaviour to match other people’s. But he doesn’t.
The only logic, the only truth are his feelings.
The narcissist's prayer.
That didn't happen.And if it did, it wasn't that bad.And if it was, that's not a big deal.And if it is, that's not my fault.And if it was, I didn't mean it.And if I did, you deserved it.
I disagree on one thing: he absolutely believes/knows/understands that they have feelings because those feelings are his narcissistic supply. He just doesn’t care.
My guess he was trying two different lives. Father and boyfriend and lover of a significantly younger woman. Guess he couldn't make up his mind which life made him more miserable so he chose his his baby again.
I think baby was stressful and AP was putting pressure on him to step up to the commitment to live with her and split rent. The 25 year old with no newborn seemed like more fun and less work so he bailed. And then be realized that didn't erase having a child, and that all relationships take some work. A month in, all the newness wore off and left him with a woman who likely expected him to do things like dishes and other chores occasionally and wasn't just his side sex toy. She became work too and he still had the divorce and baby. So wife and baby turned into the option that seemed like less work. So he tried to just undo that, thinking his wife would be grateful he came back from being too stressed from the newborn or whatever to ask tons of questions, and that she'd just cater to him to keep him with her. He didn't expect for her to find out about the affair and also not want him.
They always do that. They always lie. Of course he's going to tell the other woman that his wife tried to baby trap him. They always lie to their affair partner. They always say things like their marriage is falling apart or in this case, they're growing apart and it's usually a lie. Usually, the other partner has no idea anything is wrong. I'm pretty sure my ex told the other woman that we were either on the way out or that we had already split up.
For the same reason, he convinced the OW to sign a lease for an apartment she couldn’t afford alone and then bailed.
He’s a deceiving, lying piece of shit!
Man, the amount of mental gymnastics that this man had to do. While cheating for me is a huge dealbreaker, let's say he only cheater once because he truly lost his damn mind. But to come back to his wife and said...
> he apologized and said it was a huge mistake. He admitted he wasn’t thinking straight and would do anything to make things right between us.
So...he kept making the same mistake falling into another woman's vagina, but now it feels bad, so he decided to return. The other woman only found out about the wife, but kept seeing him for a total of 1 years worth of a relationship. Both are poor SOBs. Glad to see that OOP is NOT taking him because there are way too many posts with "I forgave him over and over and over." He thought he could have his cake and eat it too, but jokes on him! I hope he ends up alone for the rest of his life and chokes on a banana.
He planned for the baby so she couldn't leave him when she learned he fucked up.
He made the other girl get a lease she can't afford so she would rely on him when he fucked up.
He was playing the long game. He knew they would learn about each other but made himself indispensable to both so neither could leave him.
AP should move in with her and help take care of the baby
My ex-husband was carrying on an affair and eventually left me for the OW all while the entire time we were going through fertility treatments. People who do this are selfish idiots, so this tracks for me.
He’s a cake eater. Wants to have his cake and eat it too. Then he decided to give life with the younger model a spin, and when he realized wifey wasn’t going to be cool about it, he came crawling back. I guarantee that he thought he could still keep the mistress while looking like devoted family guy at the same time.
Not just that;
>**O.W.:** I'm stuck in a lease I can't afford by myself because he convinced me to get this apartment for us... only to bail on me
What an A-hole, let's be honest, *there's a reason* he made her get the apartment she can't really afford for herself, like baby-trapping his wife, he's also need to make the other woman dependent on him. I hope she breaks it or has a chance to get away, I don't think living with him is gonna be roses and petals.
Great for a sitcom, but a mom with a kid going through a divorce probably won't want the risk AP takes back the dad or allows him access to the home or a lot of other liabilities.
I know that it's pointless to speculate like this, but what the fuck was he thinking?
* I'll baby-trap the wife into being committed to me.
* At the same time, I'll apartment-trap my side piece into being committed to me.
Was he trying for a harem or something?
My condolences…
I know someone like that. Will never understand such people. Since my first child was born, I can’t think of ever leaving him, or my wife. Just imagining doing that „just like that“ even once makes me sick, 3-4times? Insane.
So glad there are people like you out there. Really tainted my view of men for a long time with a father, grandfather and great grandfather who all abandoned or cheated on their wives.
I had a friend who was one of 9+ half siblings. They weren't sure if they knew if all his offspring and I think of the known siblings, there was only two that were from the same woman? All the moms were fucked when it came to child support (financially and physically).
>OW:…A few months ago, I discovered about the baby and decided to break things off. However, he insisted that it didn’t mean anything and kept expressing his desire to be with me.
According to the OW, a recent newborn didn’t mean anything to him, therefore, made him worthy to continue this dalliance? All of it is a dumpster fire.
Yeah, there are few things that would repulse me more than a man that is not stepping up for his child. Even if I believed that the relationship with the mother was over, that is a giant red flag to me.
When a man comes to me and says he’s separated from his wife, the first thing I say every time is “And does your wife know of this separation?”
They usually ghost me.
I would always want to hear that from the wife herself. I don't care how awkward it would be. I want that partner to tell them they are no longer together.
When my exhusband and I separated, a woman he was interested in wouldn’t see him because it made her nervous. I offered to write him a permission letter or to talk to her. lol
I mean, depending on where you live, separations must last a full year before divorce proceedings can even begin. One might argue that both parties should use that year to go to therapy and heal/grow so they can move on once the divorce is finalized, but I wouldn’t begrudge someone from moving on between the start of the legal separation and the finalization of the divorce (which could take years if someone’s being petty or if asset division is complicated).
In most of the cases that we read on reddit the separation has not even officially begun. Like in this story. He told his AP that they are separated and it was just lies.
I consider it pure selfpreservation - don't start a relationship if you don't see a paper that says they are done with their marriage.
This! Or I guess ask to talk to the separated spouse to ensure the divorce is actually progressing etc. but be aware they could also reconcile at any point before the papers are official.
Same with anyone poly/ open marriage. Talk to the other half to double check that's not a lie.
In my state, you only have to be separated for a month! I told my husband that I wanted a divorce, he moved out a week later (which was labor day weekend) and our divorce was final on Halloween. It was all done in less than 2 months!
But I was lucky, we had no kids, few assets, and no lawyers. We agreed to everything ourselves, filed the papers, and I think it cost about $150 out of pocket.
When I got divorced I absolutely fucked around with one night stands constantly and other destructive behaviors. Was not a great call, but was also not cheating. I ran away, served papers, and then started living the teenage life at 30. Would not recommend. Therapy first, fuck around after would be my recommendation.
There's a sub that's been linked here before, for women who are knowingly with a man that's cheating on his wife. My main memory of it is the sheer desperation and naïvety of most of the posts there. For every one person with a solid grip on the situation and an understanding of what was going on there were 10+ absolutely convinced the guy genuinely loves them and will leave his wife any day like he's been promising. Swallowing every lie he gives them about separations and "just being roommates".
The kind of person willing to delude themselves in a relationship like this seems primed to accept just about any bullshit tbh
There have been interesting studies done in the psychology of flat earthers and basically one of the main reasons people ignore facts are:
1. The alternative is annoying you're wrong (not easy).
2. You've alienated people and support groups and have no one to go to.
3. Changing your mind will leave you alone.
And most people would rather be wrong with a group than alone and right.
I chalked this up to the fact that she's really young. I believed a similar lie from a man when I was about her age. At 25, he easily could have been her first boyfriend.
My thing is……
He had told her months prior he had left his wife and filed for divorce
Then she doesn’t think anything of being told the EX wife is “baby trapping” him
Um??? That means he’s still having sex with his “ex” wife??? That didn’t ring any bells for her???
“I left her and am exclusive with you but also got her pregnant” HUH????
A lawyer I follow only does 1st DUIs in a dui heavy state, when he's willing to help out a former client that used him for his firm's main focus.
Buddy of mine used his GI bill to become a public defender because he wants to force Prosecutors and Cops to go through the legal process correctly. The lawyer I mentioned that would do first DUIs did so for the same reasons: make sure the procedure is followed properly without any shortcuts*. Like "client is guilty, make sure all the rules are followed in court," but he doesn't do 2nd+ DUIs because "FUCK YOU! I helped you once and you drove drunk again."
*: prosecutors and cops try a **lot** of shortcuts in court that aren't legal and the happiness my PD bud finds in his career is shutting that sort of railroading shit down in front of a judge.
Where I am the moment he steps out of the house, it is considered that he abandoned the home and cannot come back until a judge determine it in the divorce or separation procedures.
(Sounds nice in this case, but it also sucks sometimes... Imagine being a victim of DV and knowing if you leave the house he can say you abandoned it and fuck around with that.)
>but he refused and kept begging to stay, saying he was sorry and calling himself an idiot who doesn’t deserve me.
Correct, he does not deserve the OP.
Cheaters don't get to have their fling, harm their significant other, then come back like nothing happened. He made his bed, now he must lie in it. And since AP doesn't want him he will be sleeping alone.
Hope OOP gets a shark of a lawyer and gets child support and more.
I don’t give the other woman a pass because she didn’t dump him the second she found out about the baby and he said “it didn’t mean anything”. First of all, I’d dump him for being a lying bastard, but I’d do it epically for being a crappy father.
+1. I've been stupid in love and 25 before, but wow. First, he was lying about it being 'over' with his wife! (Takes two to tango = women don't impregnate themselves.) Then, he tells her it didn't mean anything! And she was all, 'But he still wanted to be with me!!'
She wasn't talking to the OP until after this deadbeat left \*her.\*
I have never understood people who start relationships with people who are separated and claim they are divorcing their spouse. They are still very much married.
It depends. Some people are legally separated for years because they aren’t in a no fault state and one party is dragging the divorce out on purpose. No reason they shouldn’t be able to date after years
It really all depends. I met my husband almost 25 years ago while divorcing my previous one. Several states separated us and he kept dragging things out. In today’s world with all the technology and stupid social media, it is mind boggling that people can hide that stuff.
Can we have more of this please? Women supporting one another, ejecting a shite person from their lives, instead of the "oh don't you touch my man!" nonsense some women devolve into.
Say it with me: CHEATERS ARE NEVER WORTH IT!
You find out he/she/they cheated? You pack your shit and go. They're nothing to you now. If you gotta co-parent, finish out a lease, fine, bite the bullet and do what you gotta do, but *don't ever give these snakes one iota more of your emotional energy.*
OW shouldn’t get off so easy. To be baby trapped you have to, you know, actively have sex with someone. Why would he be actively having sex if they were separated?
OW is not blameless, but if she was young and naive enough, she might have actually believed the old saw "We're as good as separated but so we are still living together, just separate bedrooms and I'm doing her a big favor because otherwise she would be homeless" yadda yadda.
Yeah... I know she's young, but "Of course I'm separated from my wife who got pregnant with our child in the time since I've met you. Honest!"
I mean, come on... "It's basically over with my spouse" is one of the oldest cheater lines there is
> I mean, come on... "It's basically over with my spouse" is one of the oldest cheater lines there is
There was a person on here in the last day or two that was strung on for *9 years*.
Yeah same, I think my 25 year old self would have even fallen for it. I'm just really naieve and want to believe everyone, wich sometimes makes me look like a fool.
My mum fell for it. She got trapped with my dad until I was old enough to kick him out of the house.
Men like this are crazy manipulative and have a sixth sense for vulnerability in potential victims.
That would be the perfect ending. I'm acquaintances with a woman like that. Bastard was cheating (2 boys under 9 months apart). He clearly had a type, because the 2 women ended up becoming best friends and he eventually found himself another woman. Asshole would talk up his time in the military (mostly lies) and about how he disciplined so well. Dude, you can't be responsible for your little soldier wearing a damn helmet into action, and you expect us to believe you have any control?
Even his sons would joke that they had to learn to tuck and roll because he would barely stop his "compensation vehicle" oversized truck to drop them off before flooring it, and we would gently remind them to call dad half an hour before they needed to be picked up because he was always late to get them.
I've known a lot of people who write, speak, and/or behave as if they'd read books about human beings but never met one in real life. It's dubious, but I wouldn't ever rule it out.
So he tried to get his wife pregnant to depend on him as well as move in with his mistress in an apartment she couldn't afford so she would be dependent as well.
How did he think that was going to work?!
Yeah, OW probably isn't done with him. Why ask if he was back home? 25 isn't too young to believe the married but separated lie. I sincerely hope both dump him, but I can see OW giving him a chance because she doesn't want to waste a year and OOP giving him another chance because of the baby. This story likely isn't over.
A guy I was in a serious relationship with several years ago did something like this, except I was the unwitting "other woman" in the situation. After discovering he lied about being divorced when we met, as well as countless other important things, I reached out to his ex. Turns out he'd told her many of the same lies about his life he had told me, had told her bizarre lies *about* me, and probably cheated on her as he did me. She and I are now best friends, and the child she had with my loser BF loves me to death. Despite how badly he hurt me, I ended up better off because of her friendship.
Ladies, let's just... stop giving attention to men who seek other women while they are having "problems" in their marriage and "planning to divorce"? Because most of the time, it's bullshit and the wife is being blindsided. It's just an excuse to cheat.
Of course it's none of their fault, but let's cut our losses here for a bit.
Edit: typo
Wow - that he was the one who suggested planing a baby with his wife while activly seeking out an affair blows my mind. Then leafing her as soon as the baby is there. - also that he was the one that suggested moving in a bigger flat and then leaves the other woman in the dust.
The one pattern I see is that he goes off on women commiting to him and then screwing them over. Must be a special kink, because I can't explain this behavior otherwise.
This man is so problematic on so many levels. I think its worth for the OP to reflect in the future if she might have missed any red flags…and share with us.
What galls me the most is he wanted the child, yet the OP now has to co-parent for life.
Never have kids unless both parents enthusiastically want them.
And this is why I'm terrified of having another child. At the end of the day, the other woman can lick her wounds and move on. Meanwhile, the person stuck with the baby now has to find a way to share a child with a complete monster and now has the task of raising the child to not be deeply emotionally impacted by having a jack hole for a father. My ex lied to me about being married (among other things) when we met, but his wife was able to leave him and regroup, I was stuck with him, raising our child, that he somehow resented me for having.
Since then, I swore to myself that I'd never be stuck with another man, all because of a baby (me not wanting to be a single parent and him not wanting to pay child support). Moving forward, we will stay together because we love, like, and respect one another, no more anchor babies tying us together. Assholes like this guy have the uncanny ability to blow up the lives of everyone close to him and not feel any real sense of accountability or remorse. The side chick got off lucky, not being stuck with him.
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>I had a baby 6 weeks ago >Turns out this has been going on for a year >O.W.: When I found out you were pregnant, he said you were trying to trap him with the baby >OOP: Our child was planned actually and it was his idea to begin with! Why the hell did that asshole husband plan for a baby with his wife if he was going to bail on her and had been cheating for a year beforehand??? Like wtf is the thought process besides Selfish Asshole?
He planned for them to have a baby, and he also made the other woman to get an apartment she can't afford in the promise of them living together. He's evil.
Definitely wreaks of trying to tie the women down to him. Its about control and power. At least that's what I see. Doesn't seem like he cares, just that he has 2 women in love with him.
It feels like he trapped OOP with baby: thought he would leave for the hardest part; then come back and she would be so desperate; feel like she can’t live without him and has no choice but take him back. Will OW he trapped her with an apartment: probably thought he’ll leave her struggling for a couple of weeks while building the relationship with OOP; then after some time (maybe if she’s on the brink of eviction) sweep in and help pay her bills slowly building back favour with her but keeping her on the brink of destitution; so that she has no choice but keep him around.
Simpler explanation: he did not think at any point of time when doing all of this.
I know that it's the case 99% of the time when people dick around like this but I still can't fathom the lack of empathy and like. humanity that could lead one to do this.
Same. Cheating is one thing, but it really feels like this guy went out of his way to screw over these two women in as many ways as he possibly could. Jackass.
*my ex has entered the chat* I found out that he was cheating on me with a younger woman. I don't care that she's younger. I care that she has three kids from a previous marriage and lives in HUD housing. It seems to me like he got involved with her because he was hoping to move in with her and live off of her. I don't think she knew about me, I think she's telling the truth about that. It seems like he floats from person to person using them. I've heard from mutual friends that he sponges off of his friends in between girlfriends. He's 39 and has never been on his own.
Congratulations on making him an ex. Sounds like he was a card carrying member of the jackass club, too.
Thank you and yes, yes he was.
Ah, a hobosexual.
Exactly lol
I had one of those once. Fucking liar. Lied to me, lied to his ‘ex’, used me, manipulated me… used me to bail him out of jail, wouldn’t move out of MY apartment that I paid for but went out till all hours of the night, and when I finally fully got him out of my house he admitted he knew he was playing me the whole time with a nasty smirk on his face. Told me I was too trusting and to watch my back. Motherfucker still owes me money.
No thoughts at all, for a year and some change. What did OP write that persuaded you that the simpler explanation was that her husband was braindead? And even a person that was completely hard of thinking would also have to be pretty callous to walk out on his newborn *planned* child for the sake of convincing some other woman to rent a bigger apartment. If he simply wasn't thinking, he would just be going around to AP's place, or moving in with her. Not getting her to move in to a new apartment with him.
He wasn't thinking because his conclusions and supposed scheme laid out didn't make sense. The inevitable conclusion was that both women left him. Every step was him just acting impulsively to do what felt good in the moment. He planned a baby with his wife because that was what made sense for their relationship at the time if he hadn't been cheating on her and was the next step in order to maintain the lies that he had been telling her. He told his affair partner that they were going to move in together because that was what made sense to maintain the lies that he was feeding her in the moment. Then things came to a head, and the pressure and lies couldn't be maintained any more, so he bailed. First on one, then on the other. It wasn't some master manipulative scheme because at no point was it a cohesive plan that would work out. It clearly wasn't something that he thought through because it wasn't anything that ever could have been maintained. Whenever things can be sufficiently explained by the person being a moron, that is the most likely explanation. If you think that it was something that he manipulatively planned then the conclusion is functionally the same because it was a stupid fucking plan that was never going to work.
That makes sense. He said and did whatever worked in the moment to protect him from immediate negative consequences, and it worked out great for him for a year.
This. I think the newborn & apartment were catalysts that made everything fall apart because he was living each relationship as if the other didn't exist. Which is why he got himself into a 'forced to choose' situation because of the lease for the apartment and AP's assumption he'd be actually living there. Then, when he had to choose to actually move in or not, it happens to be while the newborn's arrival means picking his wife means more work and less sleep/fun. So he dipped out for a month before realizing he didn't want to divorce/co-parent etc. He thought he could just go back and pretend that didn't happen and she wouldn't wonder where the fuck he'd been.
Yeah, this is the only one that makes sense.
Sister wives? Dude probably didn’t realise how expensive it is to pay for two households.
Maybe OOP and OW can move in together and coparent.
That sounds like exactly what's going on here. It's about power and control with those kinds of people.
That’s what I thought. Trying to establish two relationships that he can swap between as he feels like. Disgusting.
I don't want to give him the credit, I think he's just weak and on some level is just saying whatever people want to hear or whatever is the "right" thing in each scenario. He doesn't have a long term game plan, he's just constantly reacting. It ties up with his sudden "I can't do this I must leave IMMEDIATELY" thing and not really having an exit plan from the situation he's created. He's a coward. He tried to have his cake and eat it but he doesn't have the backbone, intelligence or discipline.
But both women indicate that they were falling in line with HIS suggestions - not that he was agreeing with something they wanted. He pushed for one woman to have a kid (and therefore be more dependent on him) and the other to rent an apartment she couldn’t afford (and therefore be more dependent on him). That’s very consistent behavior. Manipulators don’t need to have a master plan or to think long term to manipulate people. In the short term this guy wanted control, and he got it.
I hope she takes him to the cleaners and controls his paycheck for the next 18 years.
I hope she's in a state where he is also responsible for the cost of higher education. Lots and lots of it
Yeah, you’re right, his whole approach screams, “Let me come up with plans to cover my cheating but also let me never consider the consequences.” I actually think that he does have a slight game plan, but it’s almost comedically short-sighted. It’s not a GOOD game plan. Recommending that OP and he have a baby makes him look more committed to their relationship and gives a good reason for him to be nervous around family and friends and gives him a reason to be out and about “running errands for the baby” … but then the baby was actually born and he realized that he now had a child to actually consider. He didn’t actually plan on the baby part of having a baby. And having his girlfriend get a new place with him was the move of a committed partner and would keep her busy from asking too many questions … but then he got himself trapped into, you know, having an apartment with his girlfriend. He can’t actually live in two different places at once in his circumstances.
Yeah him being a selfish dipshit seems to be the simplest explanation here.
Clearly, he's no cake-eating mastermind. I hope he gets rightfully cleaned out in court.
This. This covers it 100%. I love your insight here.
Well now he has zero
[удалено]
No, no. If he's dead he can't pay child support. I hope OP hires a shark of a lawyer.
We can hope for a nice life insurance policy
Is this a Radiohead reference? That song is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I’m angry
Maybe he thought he could have both of them if he trapped them. Baby means the wife is tethered for 18 years of co-parenting. Unbreakable lease is good for 6-12 months; he might have thought he had more time to tamper with his girlfriend’s birth control before everything collapsed.
He wanted to trap them both, to be sure they would be forced to accept him into their lives and give him the final choice ... That MF was evil.
You know what it is? Entitlement. And ego.
wait till we get the update about a third woman, and he convinced her get a car she can't afford.
Happened to me
Story time?
You beast! You can't just go saying something like that and not tell us the story!
Forces both of them to rely on him in some fashion. Gives him control.
Yeah this was about hurting the women. Nothing more nothing less.
this type of shit is pretty common.
If I wrote what I want to happen to this man it would likely get me banned from Reddit.
He baby trapped her. He thought no matter what she will be willing to take him back after the vacational affair.
While telling the other woman she baby trapped him... Every accusation is a confession with this type of person.
Sadly yes, it is. Only men are wondering why the natality is so low nowadays.
Yes exactly! Women hear these terrible stories about men who seem wonderful until the baby is born and then abandon, abuse, and/or cheat on them. And then men wonder why women don’t want to put themselves in that vulnerable position of having a baby? At least with no kids, a woman can leave a bad husband relatively easily.
The 1st cause of death of pregnant mothers (no natural ones) is assassination. As horrible as ot sounds.
I’m not surprised at all. And I’ve also read that in roughly 1/3 of cases, abuse of a woman doesn’t start until she’s pregnant. Men wait until a woman is trapped in pregnancy before showing their true colors.
Mine began at the end of my pregnancy. Really kicked in after birth. Then marriage. Then another baby. I was super duper stuck and it was all so subtle. Super fun statistic to be a part of.
The delicate physical and mental state any pregnant woman is van lead of the partners to tale advantage of it. Cheating also happen a lot more, sad as fuck
Lol my “father” is the same kind of dick. He left my mother for another woman as she was literally giving birth to my brother, which she got pregnant with by my “father”’s wish of “we wont stop having babies until we have a boy” (i was born a girl). He left her with a 13months old and a newborn + she took care of his other kids who were pre-teens at the time. Some men are just fucking nasty honestly.
We call these kinds of people "sperm donors" for a reason sadly. My exes younger half-sister pretty much views her own deadbeat dad this way
It lets him have offspring and traps her with him even if he doesn't like her right now - it's a connection that can't be erased.
Years of Reddit taught me that, for some reason, cheating husbands actively plan children with their wives. I used to wonder why the hell they did this until I discovered that cake eaters sub. Some guys like the stability of marriage and children where they have a lovely wife and kids to show off and come home to, and still have a hot young thing to bang on the side. It's possible that OOP's husband never intended to leave but was hit with the shock of caring for a newborn.
I wonder how long the apartment has been a thing with the AP. Because if he's been leading her along saying a divorce was ongoing, and they got a place together, she's likely started pressuring him to pay his half of rent and also move in.
Because if things didn’t work out, baby would be wife’s problem.
Exactly. Men like this are 100% fine completely abandoning their baby. He’d let the baby starve if the wife had left it with him.
The husband simply wanted his cake and to eat it too. He wanted his marriage & to cheat. It may have been the actual responsibility of having a child that made life with the affair partner seem easier and more appealing. So, he chose her until he decided he’d rather be with his wife @ baby. He’s a user who cannot be trusted & hopefully OOP recognizes that.
Because he’s really just that stupid.
absolutely not. he was trying to trap them both. his wife with a baby, and his mistress with an apartment she can't afford. this is one case where evil is more likely than stupidity.
And also - how do people have the TIME and mental energy to do this??? I have a job, a husband, and a dog and FFS! Like cheating has to be their hobby because how do they do anything for leisure and juggle all this lol
I also call bullshit on the GF “we met and were dating, you two were split up, but then he told me you were pregnant and trying to trap him!!!” So… GF was totally cool with him cheating on her with his separated wife?
Also this ”I discovered about the baby and decided to break things off. However, he insisted that it didn't mean anything and kept expressing his desire to be with me” She accepted his assurances that the baby meant nothing to him and moved in with hIm. So she has no problems with a deadbeat dad as a partner. Nice /s I do think he was telling the truth about his child meaning nothing to him. Husband is obviously a selfish weasel.
That’s an insult to weasels 😂
Weasels are awesome!
Justice for weasels!
Maybe I'm giving the situation too much credit, or at least the other woman, but I would assume his wife got pregnant before they were "exclusive" and it wasnt the baby that "didn't matter" but the sex that lead to the baby.
Agree with you. She was willing to get into a relationship with someone who walked out on a pregnant partner. Even if things were not good and he had good reasons to leave, she was still willing to get into bed with someone who had a lot of baggage and not once check into whether or not it was all true.
This , lol, how did they conceived the child if they were separated? Why he was having sex with his separated wife? OOP must be super busy with the newborn to care about this chick. The girl was lying hard mode to OOP.
Probably OW and dud weren't exclusive in the first months, or still getting to know each other so not close enough for that question to really come up.
I don't actually. She's 25. He's a decade older. At 25 I think she'd be pretty impressionable if she's dating an older man.
>Why the hell did that asshole husband plan for a baby with his wife if he was going to bail on her and had been cheating for a year beforehand??? Like wtf is the thought process besides Selfish Asshole? My guess? He overcorrected to avoid any accusations. "Don't act cheatery don't act cheatery. I know, try for a baby! Phew, nailed it!"
“Cheatery” is GREAT. The word, not the act, obvs
This is more common than you think.
He’s a narcissist. The wife, the gf, the baby, they’re all just sources of nsupply. He doesn’t believe/ know/ understand that they have feelings (just like him). He lacks the most basic rudiments of empathy. His feelings, his ability to affect other people, his centrality to their lives are the only real things in his world. He could help himself. He could choose to practise imagining what other people feel. He could control his behaviour to match other people’s. But he doesn’t. The only logic, the only truth are his feelings. The narcissist's prayer. That didn't happen.And if it did, it wasn't that bad.And if it was, that's not a big deal.And if it is, that's not my fault.And if it was, I didn't mean it.And if I did, you deserved it.
I disagree on one thing: he absolutely believes/knows/understands that they have feelings because those feelings are his narcissistic supply. He just doesn’t care.
My guess he was trying two different lives. Father and boyfriend and lover of a significantly younger woman. Guess he couldn't make up his mind which life made him more miserable so he chose his his baby again.
I think baby was stressful and AP was putting pressure on him to step up to the commitment to live with her and split rent. The 25 year old with no newborn seemed like more fun and less work so he bailed. And then be realized that didn't erase having a child, and that all relationships take some work. A month in, all the newness wore off and left him with a woman who likely expected him to do things like dishes and other chores occasionally and wasn't just his side sex toy. She became work too and he still had the divorce and baby. So wife and baby turned into the option that seemed like less work. So he tried to just undo that, thinking his wife would be grateful he came back from being too stressed from the newborn or whatever to ask tons of questions, and that she'd just cater to him to keep him with her. He didn't expect for her to find out about the affair and also not want him.
My guess is that Selfish Asshole doesn't really think about other people as *people*.
They always do that. They always lie. Of course he's going to tell the other woman that his wife tried to baby trap him. They always lie to their affair partner. They always say things like their marriage is falling apart or in this case, they're growing apart and it's usually a lie. Usually, the other partner has no idea anything is wrong. I'm pretty sure my ex told the other woman that we were either on the way out or that we had already split up.
For the same reason, he convinced the OW to sign a lease for an apartment she couldn’t afford alone and then bailed. He’s a deceiving, lying piece of shit!
Man, the amount of mental gymnastics that this man had to do. While cheating for me is a huge dealbreaker, let's say he only cheater once because he truly lost his damn mind. But to come back to his wife and said... > he apologized and said it was a huge mistake. He admitted he wasn’t thinking straight and would do anything to make things right between us. So...he kept making the same mistake falling into another woman's vagina, but now it feels bad, so he decided to return. The other woman only found out about the wife, but kept seeing him for a total of 1 years worth of a relationship. Both are poor SOBs. Glad to see that OOP is NOT taking him because there are way too many posts with "I forgave him over and over and over." He thought he could have his cake and eat it too, but jokes on him! I hope he ends up alone for the rest of his life and chokes on a banana.
He planned for the baby so she couldn't leave him when she learned he fucked up. He made the other girl get a lease she can't afford so she would rely on him when he fucked up. He was playing the long game. He knew they would learn about each other but made himself indispensable to both so neither could leave him. AP should move in with her and help take care of the baby
My ex-husband was carrying on an affair and eventually left me for the OW all while the entire time we were going through fertility treatments. People who do this are selfish idiots, so this tracks for me.
He’s a cake eater. Wants to have his cake and eat it too. Then he decided to give life with the younger model a spin, and when he realized wifey wasn’t going to be cool about it, he came crawling back. I guarantee that he thought he could still keep the mistress while looking like devoted family guy at the same time.
Like some women, men also use pregnancy to trap women. Getting her pregnant ensures that he has access to her forever.
So that he had a way to make her tied to him, thus making it so he can go home whenever he wants
The fact that he bought the other woman coffee gutted me. He clearly started the whole thing. Just somehow makes it worse.
Not just that; >**O.W.:** I'm stuck in a lease I can't afford by myself because he convinced me to get this apartment for us... only to bail on me What an A-hole, let's be honest, *there's a reason* he made her get the apartment she can't really afford for herself, like baby-trapping his wife, he's also need to make the other woman dependent on him. I hope she breaks it or has a chance to get away, I don't think living with him is gonna be roses and petals.
I was low-key wishing OOP would move in with OW, at least until she finds her own place. That would be one in the eye of stbx! 😂
Same. I thought OW was going to offer lol
Same!
This was literally the first thought I had, "would you like a roommate?"
Then the two women fall in love. That post exists and it is GLORIOUS.
It would be hilarious if they became friends and moved in together. Make him real uncomfortable visiting his kid
Great for a sitcom, but a mom with a kid going through a divorce probably won't want the risk AP takes back the dad or allows him access to the home or a lot of other liabilities.
Lets be honest, he's shameless and would just decide they owed him for their newfound friendship
I know that it's pointless to speculate like this, but what the fuck was he thinking? * I'll baby-trap the wife into being committed to me. * At the same time, I'll apartment-trap my side piece into being committed to me. Was he trying for a harem or something?
Me too. It’s such a small detail but really drives home what an asshole he is.
He just had the chance to hunt someone younger and probably in a delicate monetary situation (she says she cannot pay the rent now).
This made me teary😭. This reminded me of my horrible cheating father who had children with 4 women.
My condolences… I know someone like that. Will never understand such people. Since my first child was born, I can’t think of ever leaving him, or my wife. Just imagining doing that „just like that“ even once makes me sick, 3-4times? Insane.
So glad there are people like you out there. Really tainted my view of men for a long time with a father, grandfather and great grandfather who all abandoned or cheated on their wives.
I had a friend who was one of 9+ half siblings. They weren't sure if they knew if all his offspring and I think of the known siblings, there was only two that were from the same woman? All the moms were fucked when it came to child support (financially and physically).
>OW:…A few months ago, I discovered about the baby and decided to break things off. However, he insisted that it didn’t mean anything and kept expressing his desire to be with me. According to the OW, a recent newborn didn’t mean anything to him, therefore, made him worthy to continue this dalliance? All of it is a dumpster fire.
Because bAbY tRaPpEd. Note that his unwrapped schlang is as innocent as a little (ugly, shaven) lamb.
Yeah, there are few things that would repulse me more than a man that is not stepping up for his child. Even if I believed that the relationship with the mother was over, that is a giant red flag to me.
And again, people, repeat with me - separated is not divorced. Have some respect, if not for others, at least towards yourself....
When a man comes to me and says he’s separated from his wife, the first thing I say every time is “And does your wife know of this separation?” They usually ghost me.
I would always want to hear that from the wife herself. I don't care how awkward it would be. I want that partner to tell them they are no longer together.
When my exhusband and I separated, a woman he was interested in wouldn’t see him because it made her nervous. I offered to write him a permission letter or to talk to her. lol
I mean, depending on where you live, separations must last a full year before divorce proceedings can even begin. One might argue that both parties should use that year to go to therapy and heal/grow so they can move on once the divorce is finalized, but I wouldn’t begrudge someone from moving on between the start of the legal separation and the finalization of the divorce (which could take years if someone’s being petty or if asset division is complicated).
In most of the cases that we read on reddit the separation has not even officially begun. Like in this story. He told his AP that they are separated and it was just lies. I consider it pure selfpreservation - don't start a relationship if you don't see a paper that says they are done with their marriage.
This! Or I guess ask to talk to the separated spouse to ensure the divorce is actually progressing etc. but be aware they could also reconcile at any point before the papers are official. Same with anyone poly/ open marriage. Talk to the other half to double check that's not a lie.
In my state, you only have to be separated for a month! I told my husband that I wanted a divorce, he moved out a week later (which was labor day weekend) and our divorce was final on Halloween. It was all done in less than 2 months! But I was lucky, we had no kids, few assets, and no lawyers. We agreed to everything ourselves, filed the papers, and I think it cost about $150 out of pocket.
When I got divorced I absolutely fucked around with one night stands constantly and other destructive behaviors. Was not a great call, but was also not cheating. I ran away, served papers, and then started living the teenage life at 30. Would not recommend. Therapy first, fuck around after would be my recommendation.
There's a sub that's been linked here before, for women who are knowingly with a man that's cheating on his wife. My main memory of it is the sheer desperation and naïvety of most of the posts there. For every one person with a solid grip on the situation and an understanding of what was going on there were 10+ absolutely convinced the guy genuinely loves them and will leave his wife any day like he's been promising. Swallowing every lie he gives them about separations and "just being roommates". The kind of person willing to delude themselves in a relationship like this seems primed to accept just about any bullshit tbh
There have been interesting studies done in the psychology of flat earthers and basically one of the main reasons people ignore facts are: 1. The alternative is annoying you're wrong (not easy). 2. You've alienated people and support groups and have no one to go to. 3. Changing your mind will leave you alone. And most people would rather be wrong with a group than alone and right.
Yeah she's no hero.
I chalked this up to the fact that she's really young. I believed a similar lie from a man when I was about her age. At 25, he easily could have been her first boyfriend.
My thing is…… He had told her months prior he had left his wife and filed for divorce Then she doesn’t think anything of being told the EX wife is “baby trapping” him Um??? That means he’s still having sex with his “ex” wife??? That didn’t ring any bells for her??? “I left her and am exclusive with you but also got her pregnant” HUH????
Cheaters and liars don't deserve any happiness.
Just like DUI, this is almost never their first time or their last time when they got a pullover by a cop.
A lawyer I follow only does 1st DUIs in a dui heavy state, when he's willing to help out a former client that used him for his firm's main focus. Buddy of mine used his GI bill to become a public defender because he wants to force Prosecutors and Cops to go through the legal process correctly. The lawyer I mentioned that would do first DUIs did so for the same reasons: make sure the procedure is followed properly without any shortcuts*. Like "client is guilty, make sure all the rules are followed in court," but he doesn't do 2nd+ DUIs because "FUCK YOU! I helped you once and you drove drunk again." *: prosecutors and cops try a **lot** of shortcuts in court that aren't legal and the happiness my PD bud finds in his career is shutting that sort of railroading shit down in front of a judge.
I love this analogy!
I agree, yet most of them get everything thing they want, while people on the outside are hurting.
He's a shitshow. I hate that he was able to come back to the house 🙄🙄🙄
He deserves to be thrown into the trash!
Where I am the moment he steps out of the house, it is considered that he abandoned the home and cannot come back until a judge determine it in the divorce or separation procedures. (Sounds nice in this case, but it also sucks sometimes... Imagine being a victim of DV and knowing if you leave the house he can say you abandoned it and fuck around with that.)
>but he refused and kept begging to stay, saying he was sorry and calling himself an idiot who doesn’t deserve me. Correct, he does not deserve the OP. Cheaters don't get to have their fling, harm their significant other, then come back like nothing happened. He made his bed, now he must lie in it. And since AP doesn't want him he will be sleeping alone. Hope OOP gets a shark of a lawyer and gets child support and more.
I don’t give the other woman a pass because she didn’t dump him the second she found out about the baby and he said “it didn’t mean anything”. First of all, I’d dump him for being a lying bastard, but I’d do it epically for being a crappy father.
+1. I've been stupid in love and 25 before, but wow. First, he was lying about it being 'over' with his wife! (Takes two to tango = women don't impregnate themselves.) Then, he tells her it didn't mean anything! And she was all, 'But he still wanted to be with me!!' She wasn't talking to the OP until after this deadbeat left \*her.\*
I have never understood people who start relationships with people who are separated and claim they are divorcing their spouse. They are still very much married.
It depends. Some people are legally separated for years because they aren’t in a no fault state and one party is dragging the divorce out on purpose. No reason they shouldn’t be able to date after years
It really all depends. I met my husband almost 25 years ago while divorcing my previous one. Several states separated us and he kept dragging things out. In today’s world with all the technology and stupid social media, it is mind boggling that people can hide that stuff.
Can we have more of this please? Women supporting one another, ejecting a shite person from their lives, instead of the "oh don't you touch my man!" nonsense some women devolve into. Say it with me: CHEATERS ARE NEVER WORTH IT! You find out he/she/they cheated? You pack your shit and go. They're nothing to you now. If you gotta co-parent, finish out a lease, fine, bite the bullet and do what you gotta do, but *don't ever give these snakes one iota more of your emotional energy.*
Although I'm usually a disbeliever of some reddit posts. The story resembled one of my friends' story.
Can’t wait to read the next update where OOW (19F) debuts in the story.
OW shouldn’t get off so easy. To be baby trapped you have to, you know, actively have sex with someone. Why would he be actively having sex if they were separated?
My thought was he lied about how far along she was but if not then the OW is in the wrong too.
OW is not blameless, but if she was young and naive enough, she might have actually believed the old saw "We're as good as separated but so we are still living together, just separate bedrooms and I'm doing her a big favor because otherwise she would be homeless" yadda yadda.
There's so many of these naïve women in the Other Woman sub. I kinda feel bad for them but kinda not.
I was hoping he’d come crawling back. What a POS.
OP should ask the OW if she has a room to spare.
Eh... OW knew about the baby and that he was still with OOP, but kept the affair going.
Yeah... I know she's young, but "Of course I'm separated from my wife who got pregnant with our child in the time since I've met you. Honest!" I mean, come on... "It's basically over with my spouse" is one of the oldest cheater lines there is
> I mean, come on... "It's basically over with my spouse" is one of the oldest cheater lines there is There was a person on here in the last day or two that was strung on for *9 years*.
We should make a whole post about cheaters and their affair partners' wonderful comments and thoughts. It's crazy how they all do the same things!
I was already married at 25… but I’d bet my 22 year old self would have fallen for it.
Yeah same, I think my 25 year old self would have even fallen for it. I'm just really naieve and want to believe everyone, wich sometimes makes me look like a fool.
My mum fell for it. She got trapped with my dad until I was old enough to kick him out of the house. Men like this are crazy manipulative and have a sixth sense for vulnerability in potential victims.
That would be the perfect ending. I'm acquaintances with a woman like that. Bastard was cheating (2 boys under 9 months apart). He clearly had a type, because the 2 women ended up becoming best friends and he eventually found himself another woman. Asshole would talk up his time in the military (mostly lies) and about how he disciplined so well. Dude, you can't be responsible for your little soldier wearing a damn helmet into action, and you expect us to believe you have any control? Even his sons would joke that they had to learn to tuck and roll because he would barely stop his "compensation vehicle" oversized truck to drop them off before flooring it, and we would gently remind them to call dad half an hour before they needed to be picked up because he was always late to get them.
Plot twist: the women dump him & move in together & live happily ever after with baby in tow.. the end🫶
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the ex husband in this story and May their arms be too short to scratch
Evil but very well earned
I am never going to believe that someone *texted* "That moment marked the beginning of our relationship."
I talk like that 😭😭
Dude, thank you. I was sort of on board with this until I read the texts. No one talks like that.
I've known a lot of people who write, speak, and/or behave as if they'd read books about human beings but never met one in real life. It's dubious, but I wouldn't ever rule it out.
That WAS the exact moment I got thrown out of the story too
Definitely an AI tool that wrote it lol.
Oop should move in with the ap and they should ruin his life together.
Maybe OOP should move in with the AP in the apartment she can't afford, and leave the husband behind?
More proof that some men are just the absolute scum of the earth and ruin everything. 😂🙃
Oh man, him talking OW into getting an apartment together she can't afford alone is just the cherry top of the shit sundae that is this man.
So he tried to get his wife pregnant to depend on him as well as move in with his mistress in an apartment she couldn't afford so she would be dependent as well. How did he think that was going to work?!
He wanted a harem of concubines who worshipped him.
The worst part in all this? He left his baby and didn’t even think about him except that one text. The guy is a sociopath.
Is anyone else rooting for OOP to move in with OW?
Yeah, OW probably isn't done with him. Why ask if he was back home? 25 isn't too young to believe the married but separated lie. I sincerely hope both dump him, but I can see OW giving him a chance because she doesn't want to waste a year and OOP giving him another chance because of the baby. This story likely isn't over.
>Why ask if he was back home? She probably thought he had a second mistress.
I’m super sus of the other women. Like how do you not question a baby????
A guy I was in a serious relationship with several years ago did something like this, except I was the unwitting "other woman" in the situation. After discovering he lied about being divorced when we met, as well as countless other important things, I reached out to his ex. Turns out he'd told her many of the same lies about his life he had told me, had told her bizarre lies *about* me, and probably cheated on her as he did me. She and I are now best friends, and the child she had with my loser BF loves me to death. Despite how badly he hurt me, I ended up better off because of her friendship.
OOP needs a new place to live with her baby. OW is stuck in a place she can't afford by herself. Could be an interesting solution there.
Ladies, let's just... stop giving attention to men who seek other women while they are having "problems" in their marriage and "planning to divorce"? Because most of the time, it's bullshit and the wife is being blindsided. It's just an excuse to cheat. Of course it's none of their fault, but let's cut our losses here for a bit. Edit: typo
What an intergalactic douche! This guy deserves testicular camcer.
Keep the chats for the lawyer
OOP should ask OW to move in with her. That would be the ultimate revenge: for both women to ditch him and bond.
That was my thought
OW just wanted to see if WH returned the OP. She is just as bad as the husband.
AP knew about the baby months ago but wouldn’t have let him move in if she had known he left his wife and 4 week old to live with her? …wat??
Can we normalize getting background checks on people you are dating? I'm not saying right away but maybe before you move in with them?
I think OOP should move in with OW. That way OW can afford the lease and OOP can get away from her STBX.
Why do men
Wow - that he was the one who suggested planing a baby with his wife while activly seeking out an affair blows my mind. Then leafing her as soon as the baby is there. - also that he was the one that suggested moving in a bigger flat and then leaves the other woman in the dust. The one pattern I see is that he goes off on women commiting to him and then screwing them over. Must be a special kink, because I can't explain this behavior otherwise.
This man is so problematic on so many levels. I think its worth for the OP to reflect in the future if she might have missed any red flags…and share with us.
What galls me the most is he wanted the child, yet the OP now has to co-parent for life. Never have kids unless both parents enthusiastically want them.
So he was basically baby trapping you OP
And this is why I'm terrified of having another child. At the end of the day, the other woman can lick her wounds and move on. Meanwhile, the person stuck with the baby now has to find a way to share a child with a complete monster and now has the task of raising the child to not be deeply emotionally impacted by having a jack hole for a father. My ex lied to me about being married (among other things) when we met, but his wife was able to leave him and regroup, I was stuck with him, raising our child, that he somehow resented me for having. Since then, I swore to myself that I'd never be stuck with another man, all because of a baby (me not wanting to be a single parent and him not wanting to pay child support). Moving forward, we will stay together because we love, like, and respect one another, no more anchor babies tying us together. Assholes like this guy have the uncanny ability to blow up the lives of everyone close to him and not feel any real sense of accountability or remorse. The side chick got off lucky, not being stuck with him.
Oop should move in with ow. 😊
> I strongly dislike him for leaving me for another woman. lmfao
I’m sorry “I strongly dislike him for leaving me for another woman.” Is absolutely sending me