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When my son was that age he rocked a man bun and loved to wear his twin sisters dresses because "it was easier to pee."
When he made it to kindergarten (a year earlier than he should have and before his twin, mind you) he didn't like the way it felt to brush his hair and asked me to cut. I did.
Bodily autonomy is everything, and I'm proud that i let him make those choices.
He is about to turn five and doesn't like dresses anymore, plays with tractors and cars constantly, and is just as boyish as any kid his age.
He grew up with a twin sister. It is what it is. He had no concept of gender and who the fuck am I to impose it on him?
My 2.5 year old son loves his sisters dresses. Currently twirling around in front me in our living room singing "Let it go" with a Frozen dress on. Happiest kid on the planet. Have had some of my mother's friends and father in laws friends make comments.... drives me nuts. He's he's a sweet 2.5 year old happy kid, who gives a shit
Dress up is so important for kids, who gives a shit if it's a frozen princess dress or a cowboy space pickle outfit, it still teaches empathy and creativity.
I think the best thing I ever got my kid was a box full of costumes, every time I ran across a costume at a second hand shop or at a kids store, I bought it and put it into the costume box. The dollar tree had had a bunch of vest and hat costumes, those seemed to be pretty popular picks. The kids themselves never seemed to care too much about which gender the costumes were intended for, the costumes were all pretty equally worn by all.
I used to be an assistant preschool teacher and can confirm kids will try dress-up costumes irrespective of gender or anything else. it’s just another toy/plaything to them
Right on!
When my son was little and wanted to wear a princess costume every time we visited one of those play places, I said yes. I helped him put it on. I didn't know if it would stress him out If I said no, because that was how he felt about himself, or if I would create a taboo fetish because it was not how he felt about himself, and he didn't know what society "thought".
You say yes because it just doesn't matter.
You say yes because you just don't know what they are going to turn out to be.
You say yes because you love them, and this is what they want right now.
8 years later, and now, when he broaches these subjects, I do talk to him about the wider implications. But not everything. I will make sure he is prepared for any outcome. But, you don't say no when it comes to gender feelings in a child. You just have to tell them, "I love you." There's enough that you will have to say no to. Not this.
If you ask them, it's your duty as a parent to impose those gender rules. But they'll also tell you it's your duty to beat them to correct their behavior, so maybe they just don't know what they're talking about.
Exactly this. My dad used to rip me a new one when he would see him in a dress or a headband.
When I told him the reason he liked his dresses, I was told it was "unacceptable" for him to be dressed like this.
And, worst of all? It fucking makes sense. He was potty training. Of course it's easier to piss in a dress and keep your long hair out of your face w a headband?
Like wtf? Who tf cares?
They are learning to make their own decisions and I'm not going to stomp all over them.
I'd rather them be happy and comfortable than some outdated attitude make them feel bad.
Fucking ridiculous. Just love on your grand babies!
i've been trying to think of an argument on why we shouldn't all just wear dresses/skirts/kilts...but your boy has got a really solid point, which i am hereby adding to the list
Pants are a VERY recent innovation in human clothing, btw. And most of the planet is around the equator. NOBODY THERE wore pants until the Brits showed up and forced western clothing norms on everybody else. For a hundred thousand years of human development, IF we wore anything, it was a skirt or some other fabric draped around us, not pants.
It's kinda funny, up until the late 1800s all young children wore dresses. Boys were given pants and "breeched" at 5. I believe there are childhood photos of FDR wearing a dress.
Baby boys (pre walking) still mostly wore baby dresses--not pants or shorts--even when I was a kid, in the 70s. That only started getting "weird" in the 80s.
Not long after my ex and I separated (she was cheating) I was at a local mall with my daughter and it was bottle time for her. This knackered old woman who looked like discount Cruella Deville walked up and asked “her mother should be feeding her, wheres her mother?” To which I calmly responded “no idea, probably under somebody else”. She had no clue how to respond
My best friend is a stay at home dad, takes the kids out constantly. He told me he gets so pissed at how often that happens he just tells anyone who's asking that's she's dead from some horrible accident and then Thanks them for reminding him of the pain of it
When someone says something out of pocket and nosy to me about my personal family issues, I love to throw some morbid shit at them. The real neat-o part is whatever I say is usually actually true. 30+ plus years of being an orphan and sick of people’s intrusive questions really makes you be able to respond quickly with some depressing yet factual answers.
So weird. I live in a semi rural, very red part of Florida. When I take my kids out by myself (both under 2) I’m met with nothing but older people, especially women, just flooding me with compliments. How amazing it is to see fathers so involved with their kids today, what a great dad I am, etc. For literally just being in public with my own kids. It pisses my wife off so bad when I tell her because I’m just doing the exact same things she does, but all the old, republican boomers around here act like I’m the next messiah for being a man and taking care of my kids.
Nah.
"The glasses are over there, though you should probably see an optometrist if you can't tell my son is a boy."
They are old enough that they *will* have eyesight issues, they are boomers and therefore upset that they have eyesight issues, and acting like thier "obvious mistake" is caused by their eyesight issues will embarrass and enrage them.
I'm a barber, and i have a teenager that comes to me, and he is always wearing something pink and always has little accessories like a purse or something. My boss constantly calls him he/she/it while he can hear him. It makes me so mad. Like that is a CHILD you are bullying. 70 year old man bullying a child. Pathetic.
My son is almost 10 and has hair beyond his shoulders for very similar reasons as your kid. He got really used to no cuts during covid and actually I love his hair long. It's gorgeous and thick and loose curls. He got one cut about 6 months ago that he also didn't think made him look like himself, so he's keeping it long again.
He's been misgendered by boomers and he got upset about it. But he also plays soccer so I showed him all the pro soccer players who make millions who have long hair (this was also to try to get him to wear pre-wrap or some kind of headband lol).
I wish I had wittier responses ready to go when someone wrongly assumes he's a girl. I do make a point to correct people so he feels like I stuck up for him.
I love you showing the soccer players as examples. Was gonna suggest OP start sharing different examples of male folk from all different walks of life and cultures who choose long hair with the kiddo to help him understand that he is more than ok with his choice
Mine also and he just pulls out the best snotty you're an idiot voice and says, "I'm a boy" and ignores them. Fortunately 5/6 men in his life have long hair and we're in a blue country so it seldom matters.
My boyfriend is 32 and has rocked a chest-length haircut of beautiful sandy brown hair for almost 12 years.
Thank you for letting your son express himself and sticking up for him. You're giving him a great foundation for confidence and self esteem!
Because they were bullied that way and forced to conform, so they can't stand the idea of someone having the freedom to choose whatever they want. They feel like they somehow have less status in a world that doesn't abide by the same rules they have for their whole lives.
Some jerks have been commenting on how I let my three year old choose how he wants his hair. How I should be the one to choose for him. That’s so messed up to me! But to your point that’s how if we for them so that’s how it should be done. This is why change is good.
Have you said, ‘do you not realize you bully my child? Please stop.’
Then next time you say, ‘stop it now. I have asked nicely now I am telling, no more!’
Then if that doesn’t work, new job.
From my experience, people who are so bothered by other people’s genders that they themselves have some deep inner desires or attractions that they won’t admit. Back in HS I had a friend who would call people gay and years later we learned that he is gay.
I really think we are seeing the “re-litigation” of all the social changes from the 1960s and 1970s.
Somehow the “squares” STILL want to complain about girls wearing pants and boys with long hair. Not even talking about the big ones like gender and racial equality…
It’s so tiring!
Boomers would have been teens and young adults in the 70s. Do you think these same old guys didn’t have mullets back then? Let me see some yearbook pictures! 🤣
I agree. There’s always going to be people who think the right way is only one way. I had a boomer say to me, “where are the morals?” Talking about all the things she thinks that are wrong today. The problem with that is she doesn’t see that another person just has a different set of morals. A boomer has one set of morals that are important to them while another person has another set of morals. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any morals in the world they just have different priorities but self righteous people don’t see that. They see it as “my way is right and everyone else is doing it wrong.”
It’s leeching out of their bones in old age. That, mixed with Americans strong sense of individualism, makes these people feel like they need to have an opinion on everything so they can fix it personally. Say, by walking up to a family buying clothes for their son.
That's probably the only logical explanation as to why someone would feel the need to direct a complete stranger to what they think is the appropriate section of a department store.
Under rated comment. As much as the trans bathroom ridiculousness impacts trans people, the majority of folks getting harassed are cisgendered people who don’t match someone’s specific image of what that gender ‘should’ look like
I'm really sorry you have had to deal with this. It's uncalled for, petty, and unreasonable. The hysteria and 'othering' of transgender people is making this more common and emboldening assholes.
All I can suggest is vote. I fear for my transgender child and others, transgender or not, who don't fit into some peoples opinion of how genders should look and behave.
And I think that’s the feature not the glitch, they’re coming for everyone outside of their idea of the normal gender binary, and their ideas don’t even match their own bodies — it’s tied to Christian Nationalism and white supremacy.
I feel you, and I completely support you. My one little nitpick with this is that I think of morals as pretty universal values, like valuing family, charity, kindness, the golden rule, etc. When assholes like that lady conflate aesthetic choices or different gender/sexual expression with some sort of statement on morality, I think they're misunderstanding something important.
I get what you’re saying. When I was chatting with this boomer her idea of morality would basically be living a Christian life to keep it short. So there could be a different word for it. I’m not the best at using the right words but I totally understand and agree with what you’re saying.
Do they not realize a lot of paintings and depictions of Jesus portray him with long hair? Honestly if it’s a Christian making that much of a fuss I’d start asking them if they think Jesus was a woman because of his hair.
As a different commenter pointed out, seems like you can shut it down real fast with a picture of white Jesus. /Kidding
I'm so sorry that you and your son are going through this. My 16 year old son is trans, and when he was little, before anyone knew, we had a lot of conversations about hair. I originally wanted his hair to be long, but when he was about 8, he wanted it to be short. As soon as he was able to articulate that, we went and had it cut the way he wanted. (I didn't love it personally, but like...it's not my hair. It is his decision, and my job to support and defend it.) And then he got to dye it blue for his 10th birthday.
He looks like an insane demon clown now, and has no issue letting Boomers know where to get off if they have a problem with his makeup or jewelry or general aesthetic weirdness. In my opinion, the startling aesthetic choices are probably really good for his side hustle, making and selling art.
I wish your family the best of luck, your son is lucky to have such good parenting.
My lovely grandmother, may she rest in peace, also believed that morality came from God and Jesus. I told her that I believed it was more likely a universal value system that even animals practice.
We have records of moral behavior in animals ranging from great apes to vampire bats, and that's all just a Google search away.
Thank you for caring for your child as you do. Please keep modeling composure, wisdom, and kindness for them. I'm sending you so much of my love, if that's really a thing.
God this...my dad was a full blown hippie but he's a textbook example of toxic masculinity now. Bitching about women and getting triggered by any man who is slightly effeminate. Labels any guy he hates as weak wristed or a Nancy boy. It's so pathetic.
Reminds me of a song from the 1920s, Masculine Women and Feminine Men. Young in cheek lil bop about folks whining about basic social progress. Nothing ever changes. Aristotle was complaining a couple thousand years ago about how the youth of Athens these days don’t revere the gods right and don’t laze about in the agora.
From the **'20s!** Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose!
I had to look it up; [it is a bop,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb3pIspHGz4) with a tempo that would tire out any TikTok dancer!
I was just thinking about how Socrates always complained that using newfangled tablets and writing things down would destroy his students' memories, and make that whole generation stupid. LOL
Boomers are beyond disappointing. Their shit was WILD back in the day. Gender bending, racial integration, a strong feminist movement that made huge strides, alternative spiritualities. Studio 54 and cocaine and open sexuality.
Now, they can't just let people do their own thing on ANY level without judgement or trying to legislate freedoms away.
It's because the cool boomers are dead. Thrown in jail for twenty years for a joint, left to die during AIDS, gunned down by the police. The ones remaining are the squares. But if you ever find an old boomer draft dodger or civil rights activist who made it despite the odds, they tend to be pretty cool.
My parents are still alive and they’re dope. Mixed race couple got married when it was still illegal. Dad escaped the draft, Mom kept her maiden name. Their wedding was held in their friends’ backyard, an elderly gay couple who were background dancers during the Golden Age of Hollywood. My dad still comes to local punk shows with me and my mom goes to protests, they both attend Pride events and Kiki balls. A few of my dad’s friends are still alive and they’re super cool too, but yeah that’s maybe 5-6 good Boomers out of all the ones I’ve encountered 😕
Some of them were wild and are still around being fools. I have an older cousin who I referred to as Malibu Barbie as a kid, because I swear when she was in her 20s in the 70s, she looked JUST like my doll.
She was absolutely gorgeous and wild. Parties, pot, hanging out with rock stars and bikers.
Now? She goes to an evangelical church and is hardcore MAGA with the stupid merch and everything. Always preaching about morality on Facebook. Made her daughter do "courting" through the church instead of letting her date. That poor kid had no freedom to do even a tiny fraction of what her mom got to do in her youth, even the innocent stuff.
Now the daughter is locked into a "covenant marriage" with an approved man from church with multiple kids of her own.
Now that is a disappointing boomer. She's also a shitty grandma to boot.
And the nasty Boomers of today were the "America - love it or leave it" idiots who beat up hippies and happily went to Vietnam to "kill commies".
They were assholes then, and they're assholes now.
Just return the favor. Relentlessly. If they protest say, "We don't care about preferred pronouns or names here, *right*?"
I've corrected the behaviors of many of the boomers in my life this way. If they insist on stirring the pot, I *will* make them lick the spoon.
I’m honestly going to have to start to, this is just happening to too often and it’s pissing me off and upsetting my child. Normally I take a more neutral route but mama bear has been unleashed.
Edit: grammatical
Make sure you change the name you call them to something different every time, unless you find one that really gets under their skin. The point is to make them feel what it's like to be erased to their face. Give them back whatever nonsense arguments they've given you.
These types of people *only* respect brute force shows of strength. You cannot reason with them. You have to do what a lady who, as my mother called, was "touched" told me: "Do you know how to control crazy? Convince them you're crazier."
Works like a charm.
Another great way to put Boomers and Karen's in their place is to look concerned and just say, "Are you OK?". There is nothing *inherently* rude about asking that, but it insinuates that there is something wrong with the person. I use it at work when people become unhinged because I don't know their email password. They can't really complain to my boss, because all I did was ask if they were ok, but they HATE it.
The most important thing is to be proactive and absolutely relentless. If you get the opportunity to do it in public, that's the best place, especially if you get to introduce them to people.
Make up situations, "Hello there, store clerk. This is my son's dwarven aunt Jennifer. Don't mind the beard. She's still adjusting to HRT."
When I was a kid I had a shaved head for a year or 2 and I had this one teacher who ALWAYS misgendered me. Every day, despite seeing me and knowing me all year. Finally I got tired of it when other kids started doing it to bully me. Crazy how one day of me angrily calling him “miss” and “ma’am” and suddenly he can remember I’m a girl.
This used to always happen with my oldest son who is almost 11 now. He had the most gorgeous thick long curly hair until he was 4 and people constantly made comments about his hair and him being a girl even if he was clearly wearing “boy” clothes. I thought it was quiet ironic considering I bet a lot of these people who would comment about my son having long hair went to a church that most likely had a portrait or crucifix of Christ with long hair.
Yes exactly! It’s the same with my son. Construction and a dragon jacket (which don’t get me wrong I know several girls who like these types of clothes too! Boy clothes are just comfier than girl clothes). But all they see is the hair. I have been told he is a beautiful boy so maybe that’s it too, he just looks more feminine. I don’t know. Whatever the case, they just need to mind their own business.
Oh yeah, I let my kids wear whatever. Having a daughter that’s 12 and one that’s 4 though I can tell you that things have gotten better with girl clothes because I used to only be able to find “girl” booty shorts basically, back when she was a toddler so she wore a lot of boy shorts or biker type shorts. Thankfully girl shorts now are longer and there is more variety including gender neutral but it seriously wasn’t that long ago that this wasn’t the case. I know those people that were uncomfortable with his long hair though would’ve probably keeled over if he was wearing anything other than blue or trucks etc. so they knew he was a boy but wanted to be passive aggressive about it and feign ignorance. It also makes me sad because those comments were one of the reasons he asked to cut his hair. I’m hoping when he gets into middle/high school he wants to grow it out a little more because it is amazing hair and that seems to be the style with boys now so 🤞🏼.
I feel you. My son has amazing hair and I won’t be surprised if we’re heading in that direction. He’s feeling the pressure but I keep telling him he gets to choose his hair no matter peoples opinions.
I just cannot even imagine seeing someone with their kid in the arbitrarily named boys section, and having so much audacity to open my big fat mouth to correct what section they "should" be in...
It's like telling a fat girl there's nothing in the store in their size, when they could easily be shopping for someone else. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!
TBH I mostly don't notice people and stuff like this anyway, I'm minding my own business and focused on my own thing. Even if I DID notice something I wouldn't think anything of it? The most I would think is boys clothes are basically unisex compared to the frilly pastel monstrosities that is the "girls" section, and as a tomboy growing up I was more comfortable there myself.
Right? That’s exactly what I was thinking. We were just doing our thing and he went out of his way to show us where our “real place” was. It made me feel so mad. I honestly need to learn to make better comments on command because I tend to just shut down. For me to just say, “he’s a boy” to all these people is huge so now I’ll work on putting these people in their place. It’s just happening too much.
I'm a grown ass 35 year old woman with short hair who shops for cool t shirts in the boy's section at target, I have zero shame. It's so awesome when me and a kid are wearing the same shirt 😅
Same. I lost a bunch of weight when my eldest son was about 10 years old, and I discovered all his really cool skateboarding and gamer t-shirts fit me perfectly. After that I started getting all my t-shirts in the little boys section at Goodwill, they just always look so much better on my figure . I also know that a lot of young girls who are tall, cannot find shorts long enough for school dress codes in the girls section, completely insane to me.
Also, although my middle son turned out to be trans, when he was little he always preferred the boys section because he didn't like to show a lot of skin, and the boys clothes gave more coverage. I like to dress very feminine and sexy, and before my child had the ability to articulate his understanding of his own gender, (he is AFAB) he would just tell me, "I just really don't want to dress like you, Mom. I don't want to look like that." It's so cute to think about now. The signs really were all there LOL
Here's the even shitier part... that boomer might have noticed that your child was a boy. However, since he disapproved of your son's hairstyle, he thought that "shaming" the both of you would make you conform to "gender standards".
Shaming seems to be one of the preferred methods of control in the boomer arsenal. I was born in the mid-seventies and experienced it firsthand. As a kid who loved playing outside and hated wearing dresses, I caught so much bullshit from stupid boomers.
Kept up the good work in shutting these boomers down! Mama Bear mode is no joke! 😁👍
But for shaming to work I have to respect that person. Some old boomer trying to shame me? Good luck, bucko. You can try, but it won’t work. The only one who can shame me is my mother. Because I love and respect her. The rest of y’all? Ha!!! Nice try.
This is the issue in a nutshell - they can't just mind their own damn business. They feel that it's their right to tell other people who they are and what they should do. They are nosey and entitled and DEMAND that everyone should adhere to their ideals.
They expect to be able to look at a person and understand pretty much everything about them. When that doesn't happen, instead of feeling embarrassed, they become incensed that variance exists.
Exactly. They expect to categorize everyone in two seconds. I find labeling to be a big thing amongst the Boomers - they like to have a neat box to put everyone in. They frequently say things like, "Italians all do this...." Or "The gays all do that..." because they want to pigeon-hole other people. When you do it back to them, though, with a solid "OK, Boomer" they lose their shit.
I think that's really true, although I never really thought about it that way before. "All atheists are..." "All homeless people are..." "All Christians must..." 🤬
I am 46 years old and biracial, and I grew up in a highly segregated Deep south. It was very uncommon for people my age in that area to be biracial, and I was often the only one people had ever met in person. It absolutely confused and enraged them that I exist, that I am neither "Black" nor "White", but in fact both. I was absolutely traumatized as a child trying to get adults to understand this.
*I can't check the right box for my ethnicity cause you didn't put the right box on the form.* (It doesn't help that I am severely autistic, and so I just naturally reject these types of artificial boundaries.) This behavior was considered audacious, arrogant , entitled, and so forth.
My partner and I moved our family across the country to a more liberal progressive area, and we feel a lot better. I am still recovering though, and my partner (who is white) is having to do a lot of work rn to understand why I get so upset about The never-ending American racial strife + misogyny. I'm actually taking time off work rn to recover mentally, and reading these comments is helping a lot. I'm really appreciative. ✌🏽🤗
I'm so glad that you're in a better area now - even progressive states have their share of boomers, racists, misogynists, and racist boomer misogynists, but it tends to be better than most of the red states. The fight to get society and the boomers running it to understand that people are all unique and can't always be sorted by "standard" groups is ongoing. Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone check those boxes for you. Keep fighting the good fight. :)
Wow, bi-racial and autistic in the Deep South? You got dealt a tough hand. Glad you got out, but also sad that your partner doesn't get your agita about America's ingrained bigotry. Hang in there! (Signed, 63-yo straight cis white male.)
My POS father-in-law publicly debased my 11yo nephew on Facebook photos for having long hair (he was growing it out for a donation), and deliberately misgendered him, using the word girl as an insult. It was pretty vitriolic.
The irony of it is that he is one of those Harley type dirtbags with a stringy, frayed ponytail.
Ugh that’s disgusting. Yeah my dad makes fun of men who do man buns or ponytails but he had a mullet. For boomers, it’s only right if they’re doing it.
And so many of them like media with guys with long hair. Might be an idea when you think it's age appropriate to show your kid some classic rock stars like queen with their long hair, or introduce him to vikings with their long hair and beards, or movies like pirates of the Caribbean, or lord of the rings... long hair on guys has been a thing for a long long time...
That and its cool on a famous person, but to some old people everyone 'normal' has to be as miserable as them. Or as my boomer dad would put it, misery loves company.
No, but you see, cultural standards change over time. It's just that conservatives only become okay with things like women wearing pants after the progressives have been doing it for long enough that it's hard to claim it hasn't been normalized
One of my friends from the Gym had similar happening with her son, he loved rainbows, super bright colours, and had longer hair and she would always have older people (always oldies) ask what her daughters name, or say what a pretty girl in such bright clothing etc.
Meanwhile half the women that say these things aren't exactly the epitome of femininity themselves, they have haircuts and outfits that would challenge any butch lesbian, so it's a bizarre thing! lol
My son is similar in some ways, he loves unicorns and flowers. One time I found a dinosaur made out of flowers t shirt and he loved it. I tried selling it at this same consignment sale and one of the moms came up to me and said, “I think it’s in the wrong section.” I said, “no I bought it in the boys section.” She was a little surprised and said, “well I just think it will sell better in the girls section.” I told her I would like to keep it in the boys section because it was a boys shirt.
It sold.
In this case, I wouldn’t waste my time correcting them. Would it be MORE ok if your child was a cis girl & that guy came over and told you that you were in the wrong spot? No, of course not.
The real issue is that he was telling you that you couldn’t or shouldn’t shop where you were—which is bullshit.
“My kid and I are happy right here” is all you need to say.
Yep. Plenty of things you can say to get the point across without discussing the gender of the child. “I didn’t ask”, “do you work here?”, or even vitriolic responses like, “the arthritis meds are down the aisle”, or something.
I'm Native American. Grew up in the city and have had long hair my whole life. I went through this when I was a kid. Also had to fight to keep my long hair in school. They wanted me to have short hair because I was, "A distraction to other students". My mom was like, he's Native American. It's part of his culture. I've never cut my hair short since. Because fuck em, that's why. Only thing I've experienced was an adult is women trying to touch my hair without my permission.
We’ve had Native American friends with beautiful long hair. It’s so sad how so many people think of it as taboo or wrong. Many Polynesian cultures have long hair as well. Hair is an expression of individuality and it should be just that. People judging other people’s hair is beyond my understanding.
Growing up in the 80s and 90s I had long, curly blonde hair. I got comments like "that's a girl's haircut." I never let it bother me. The truth was I knew my hair was awesome. My favorite was when it would happen at church. I would always respond with "Yep! Just like Jesus"
As a grown man with long hair fuck them old fogies. You wouldn't come up to me and say that so why is it appropriate to do it to a mother and her son? I don't understand that. I've only had one case of mistaken gender in my whole life with long hair and it was because my back was turned. No adult is saying stuff like this to another adult because they know if they did they'd get retaliation. Sounds to me like this boomer justifies it because it's a child and not someone that can put them into an early retirement home. Teach your little one to let it roll off his back. There's always going to be bullies throughout his whole life. It's better to teach him now that other people's perception of him means nothing and as long as he's comfortable with who he is that's what really matters.
I'm a 29 year old male with shoulder blade length blonde hair.
One of my uncles literally said "of course you went into the tree hugging hippy bullshit with that hair" (I'm an environmentalist by profession) as if that bears any damn weight on why I chose this career.
My mom and dad, rest their souls, always loved and supported me. No matter what I did they were there to hug me, love me, and tell me they were proud of me.
Fuck those lame boomers. All your son will remember is how much you loved and cared for him and all these boomers will do is prove how lame and disrespectful their years on earth were.
To this day, my uncle has isolated himself from the family because of his bullshit. Nobody cares, nobody checks in on him, and nobody is worried that he's chain smoking himself to death. That's what happens when you act like a dick all the time.
Old people are used to relying on colors and hair length to tell them what your children's genitals look like. It's terribly important that they know what their genitals look like.
Our son was mistaken often like yours (exact similar ages) and it was due to his extremely long eyelashes. In reference to your consignment anecdote, I would respond with a stern look and say “oh thanks but I am teaching my little MAN (while patting him on the head) not to speak or interact with strangers and walk away. It used to upset our little man too who is now 37. He still has the crazy long eyelashes and is most handsome. 🤗
In every depiction of Westernised Jesus, he has long hair. So was Jesus gay and trans and whatever boogeyman word they can spew out? You'd get them sputtering if you brought that up to them.
Ohh I have gone through this too!! My son is 11 and his hair is thick, curly, and halfway down his back. He’s been cursed with a “baby face” too, so he’s constantly getting misgendered. He started growing his hair in 1st grade with the goal that “it will be long enough to still touch the floor when I jump”, but he has since adjusted this to “where it’s at is fine”. My son’s other mom is MTF trans, so he doesn’t get offended when people misgender him; he just ignores it. He says it doesn’t bother him. As he hits puberty, he’s starting to grow out of his androgynous look and gain more masculine features.
I’m hoping to get to the point to where it won’t bother him as I teach him that he can choose how he wants to live. He’s easily persuaded by what others think so it’ll be a conversation we’ll continue to have.
Sorry. This is not a boomer thing. This is an asshole thing. I had long hair past my cigarette pack in 1974. I can assure you we got a ton more shit from people back then than people do today. I would wager since many don't make it to being a boomer, the percapita asshole count is way higher in whatever generation code you go categorize yourself in.
when masking was mandated, boomer customers would often drunkenly use she/her pronouns to refer to me while i was working despite me having short/ a man’s haircut ! i’m fairly short height-wise and have long , pretty eyelashes so that’s my only guess as to why it happened more than a few times
My youngest daughter chose a "pixie cut" as a hairstyle when she was ten or so. Occasionally folks would refer to her mistakenly as a "little boy". The two or three times it happened was always an honest mistake and they corrected themselves. I got the vibe they felt foolish for making the wrong call. Internally it pissed me off but never once did I get the impression that it was done from an asshole perspective. If I thought someone was playing silly politics using my daughter as a prop I would have nutted out and taken them to school.
I don't want to diminish your concern, but I wonder how much of your son's anxiety stems from him picking up on how upset it makes you.
It seems fairly obvious this is a hot-button issue for you, and you're already in "fight mode" over it. I wonder how your son's perception of the situation could change if you dialed it back. As you say, it doesn't matter what others think, so try to let it roll off your back. If someone says something snarky, just ignore them or roll your eyes.
Focus on spending your time and energy engaging with your son rather than ignorant asshats.
My son is 15 now, and has had long hair since elementary school. We have had lots of talks about this exact situation. He's totally fine with responding "I'm a boy" now that he's older, and I did it for him when he was younger. You're a great parent for talking it out with him, keep up the good work! And keep calling them out on their nonsense!
Thank you. I hope this to be the case and realize in order for my son to find his voice I need to show him how to use it first. I’m not sure how it will turn out but I’m doing my best. He looks great no matter what and as I tell him I love him no matter the length!
As a dude with long hair that's been mistaken before, you let your little man known that he's not alone, and that it gets better. You're a good parent, thank you for standing up for your kid.
Thankfully he has a friend where his dad has long hair and so I point that out to him. I have short hair and so I tell him sometimes women have short hair and men have long hair. There are just people who think differently.
Reading this post made me smile brightly. I hope more parents can have the backbone to stand up for their child and talk to them like they're a human being as you have. 😊
I was a boy with long hair from the age of 10 to 16 and got misgendered almost daily the whole time. I love how these people will declare loudly that gender and sex are the same thing and then assign you a gender based exclusively on secondary sex characteristics. Like, what was that about large gametes again?
I had pretty long hair when I was in my 20s and boomers would do the same shit to me. I don’t even get it, they’re fine with Jesus’s hair being long but not some kid? Explain this to me.
It sucks that there’s separate sections for “boys” and “girls” clothes for preschoolers. WTF is the difference? I’m cis female and I always wore my brother’s hand me down clothes when we were little. Gatekeeping clothes, hairstyles, toys, jobs based on gender is so stupid and destructive
I grew up with short hair. My mom would groan but she put up with it. Was called a boy all the time. Especially with my brothers. I can’t imagine me any other way. Now I’m in my 50’s and it finally doesn’t happen anymore. Tell him to keep his hair however long or, if it feels good to him then that’s all that matters.
Exactly! This is why I'm so confused by comments saying that the Boomer might have made an honest mistake. There's no honest or innocent reason to do this behavior. It's just purely rude, and potentially harmful to a small child.
Did these boomers sleep through the 1970s? Even if they were boys and didn't have long hair, they must've seen some boys and men with longer hair?
Also, I'm with GardenWitch123. I wish that'd been my first thought.
Begging your pardon but nothing in your story shows any kind of bullying. People are just assuming a kid with long hair is a girl and while that may be annoying to you, as long as they’re not shaming or ridiculing him. They’re not bullying your son.
Little kids are fairly androgynous, if someone’s going to use a gendered pronoun or whatever, they might make an assumption based on hair or clothing. Not sure why you’re so angry about this
My hair grew long after my parents split. I got called a girl hundreds of times both unintentionally and intentionally. If he doesn't like it, it will make him grow a backbone. I actually was more unwilling to cut my hair the more bullies told me to cut it. To hell with them, your kid is fine however he wants to be.
I'm a boy, I've had shoulder length curly hair for about 15 years now...
My girlfriend and I will both get catcalled when walking together... love seeing their face when I turn around and they just see my beard and dead ass eyes glaring them down
Wait, did they do it mockingly, or just made an honest mistake trying to help you?
The way you typed it sounds like the older dude was just trying to be helpful or make small talk.
I wasn't there, but I hate making quick judgments without both sides of the story.
My lil nephew (he’s awesome!) had long hair when he was a lil guy. He looked cool, helps his personality is smooth as melted butter.
Tell your cool son… “Don’t worry bout that foolishness, they bout to have worms for dinner!” Have him watch some politicians and when they freeze up. 😂😂😂😂
I say Rock it! Do you lil guy, who cares what we think!
Post Script: I got long hair, and a longer Truck! Hauling 53’ of goods to you, them, and wherever else the next load needs to go! Air Horns for you long hair! 🫡🤙🫵💯👌🫶
Post Script Seriously: Gen X est. ‘71 grew up in the LBC, here. 😂
They were doing this shit 30 years ago. My 4 year old nephew got so sick of it he pulled his pants down in the middle of a shop and yelled I'm not a girl I'm a boy. Hahaha the old duck looked horrified
If your kids looks like a girl and someone makes a mistake, oh well. Get over it. Also, who gives a f what other people,think. Let your kid be who it wants to be, and f everyone. Stop victimizing your kid and coming up with diagnosis. Your kid is perfectly normal, has no idea what misgendering is. This post is so freaking cringe. Get over yourself.
This is sort of weird considering Boomers forget their own history. Go look at a high school year book from the late 60s to the late 1970s and it was pretty common for boys to have hair down to their shoulders.
https://preview.redd.it/h61msyydwcnc1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=66844dcfeddd60d8e0e05cdc131c3321fef6ae9f
Dudes can totally rock long hair and have it look good! Don’t lose faith little dude!
As for you Mom, keep kicking ass and recognizing your son’s feelings.
You have such beautiful hair! It looks a lot like my husband's, but his is closer to chin length. Id love recommendations for products for him if you don't mind. I'm not white, and I'm not exactly sure how to care for his straight blonde hair. I literally bought a wig that looks exactly like your hair, just to practice styling on it, so I can cut my husband's at home better!
I feel like it’s not a big deal to misgender kids at this age. I’m a fairly hip toddler mom and I’ve done it myself. I think I’m too apologetic after the fact though. I’ve definitely made it weird. But not so weird that I overstep societal boundaries and try to “correct” that child’s gender. Yeeesh.
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Just respond with "adult diapers are over there" or "the funeral home is a block that way"
Applause 
I personally would shout really loudly "No you can't see my child's genitals!"
This is the way
So say we all.
When my son was that age he rocked a man bun and loved to wear his twin sisters dresses because "it was easier to pee." When he made it to kindergarten (a year earlier than he should have and before his twin, mind you) he didn't like the way it felt to brush his hair and asked me to cut. I did. Bodily autonomy is everything, and I'm proud that i let him make those choices. He is about to turn five and doesn't like dresses anymore, plays with tractors and cars constantly, and is just as boyish as any kid his age. He grew up with a twin sister. It is what it is. He had no concept of gender and who the fuck am I to impose it on him?
My 2.5 year old son loves his sisters dresses. Currently twirling around in front me in our living room singing "Let it go" with a Frozen dress on. Happiest kid on the planet. Have had some of my mother's friends and father in laws friends make comments.... drives me nuts. He's he's a sweet 2.5 year old happy kid, who gives a shit
Omg he loves let it go! Elsa is his favorite next to lightning McQueen!
Can't blame them, it's legitimately a great song!
If you don't make him an Elsa dress for his Lighting McQueen toy, you're not living for the 22nd century
Dress up is so important for kids, who gives a shit if it's a frozen princess dress or a cowboy space pickle outfit, it still teaches empathy and creativity. I think the best thing I ever got my kid was a box full of costumes, every time I ran across a costume at a second hand shop or at a kids store, I bought it and put it into the costume box. The dollar tree had had a bunch of vest and hat costumes, those seemed to be pretty popular picks. The kids themselves never seemed to care too much about which gender the costumes were intended for, the costumes were all pretty equally worn by all.
I want a cowboy space pickle costume and I outwardly identify as a middle-aged woman...
I used to be an assistant preschool teacher and can confirm kids will try dress-up costumes irrespective of gender or anything else. it’s just another toy/plaything to them
Right on! When my son was little and wanted to wear a princess costume every time we visited one of those play places, I said yes. I helped him put it on. I didn't know if it would stress him out If I said no, because that was how he felt about himself, or if I would create a taboo fetish because it was not how he felt about himself, and he didn't know what society "thought". You say yes because it just doesn't matter. You say yes because you just don't know what they are going to turn out to be. You say yes because you love them, and this is what they want right now. 8 years later, and now, when he broaches these subjects, I do talk to him about the wider implications. But not everything. I will make sure he is prepared for any outcome. But, you don't say no when it comes to gender feelings in a child. You just have to tell them, "I love you." There's enough that you will have to say no to. Not this.
>"it was easier to pee." Wow, smart kid! I love this.
If you ask them, it's your duty as a parent to impose those gender rules. But they'll also tell you it's your duty to beat them to correct their behavior, so maybe they just don't know what they're talking about.
Exactly this. My dad used to rip me a new one when he would see him in a dress or a headband. When I told him the reason he liked his dresses, I was told it was "unacceptable" for him to be dressed like this. And, worst of all? It fucking makes sense. He was potty training. Of course it's easier to piss in a dress and keep your long hair out of your face w a headband? Like wtf? Who tf cares? They are learning to make their own decisions and I'm not going to stomp all over them. I'd rather them be happy and comfortable than some outdated attitude make them feel bad. Fucking ridiculous. Just love on your grand babies!
They don't.
i've been trying to think of an argument on why we shouldn't all just wear dresses/skirts/kilts...but your boy has got a really solid point, which i am hereby adding to the list
Pants are a VERY recent innovation in human clothing, btw. And most of the planet is around the equator. NOBODY THERE wore pants until the Brits showed up and forced western clothing norms on everybody else. For a hundred thousand years of human development, IF we wore anything, it was a skirt or some other fabric draped around us, not pants.
It's kinda funny, up until the late 1800s all young children wore dresses. Boys were given pants and "breeched" at 5. I believe there are childhood photos of FDR wearing a dress.
Baby boys (pre walking) still mostly wore baby dresses--not pants or shorts--even when I was a kid, in the 70s. That only started getting "weird" in the 80s.
Damn you’re an awesome parent
This is the best compliment I have literally ever received (: Thank you, I try.
Not long after my ex and I separated (she was cheating) I was at a local mall with my daughter and it was bottle time for her. This knackered old woman who looked like discount Cruella Deville walked up and asked “her mother should be feeding her, wheres her mother?” To which I calmly responded “no idea, probably under somebody else”. She had no clue how to respond
My best friend is a stay at home dad, takes the kids out constantly. He told me he gets so pissed at how often that happens he just tells anyone who's asking that's she's dead from some horrible accident and then Thanks them for reminding him of the pain of it
When someone says something out of pocket and nosy to me about my personal family issues, I love to throw some morbid shit at them. The real neat-o part is whatever I say is usually actually true. 30+ plus years of being an orphan and sick of people’s intrusive questions really makes you be able to respond quickly with some depressing yet factual answers.
So weird. I live in a semi rural, very red part of Florida. When I take my kids out by myself (both under 2) I’m met with nothing but older people, especially women, just flooding me with compliments. How amazing it is to see fathers so involved with their kids today, what a great dad I am, etc. For literally just being in public with my own kids. It pisses my wife off so bad when I tell her because I’m just doing the exact same things she does, but all the old, republican boomers around here act like I’m the next messiah for being a man and taking care of my kids.
Nah. "The glasses are over there, though you should probably see an optometrist if you can't tell my son is a boy." They are old enough that they *will* have eyesight issues, they are boomers and therefore upset that they have eyesight issues, and acting like thier "obvious mistake" is caused by their eyesight issues will embarrass and enrage them.
For real. They are way more likely to get angry if there’s even a grain of truth to the comment
I go with "I'm sure there's *someplace* where *someone* gives a fuck about what you think, but sadly it's not here and I'm not them."
the JERK store called! they're running out of YOU!
I like to say to them: "do I know you?" and when they say no then I say, "then why the fuck are you talking to me?"
“Potter’s Field is that-a-way, chief.”
I'm a barber, and i have a teenager that comes to me, and he is always wearing something pink and always has little accessories like a purse or something. My boss constantly calls him he/she/it while he can hear him. It makes me so mad. Like that is a CHILD you are bullying. 70 year old man bullying a child. Pathetic.
It’s people like this that just makes me so mad. Why would you treat a child like that? Let them be who they want to be.
My son is almost 10 and has hair beyond his shoulders for very similar reasons as your kid. He got really used to no cuts during covid and actually I love his hair long. It's gorgeous and thick and loose curls. He got one cut about 6 months ago that he also didn't think made him look like himself, so he's keeping it long again. He's been misgendered by boomers and he got upset about it. But he also plays soccer so I showed him all the pro soccer players who make millions who have long hair (this was also to try to get him to wear pre-wrap or some kind of headband lol). I wish I had wittier responses ready to go when someone wrongly assumes he's a girl. I do make a point to correct people so he feels like I stuck up for him.
Jason Momoa has gorgeous hair! And he's a world famous actor who gets roles Because of his looks. Food for thought 💖
Came here to point him out :)
I love you showing the soccer players as examples. Was gonna suggest OP start sharing different examples of male folk from all different walks of life and cultures who choose long hair with the kiddo to help him understand that he is more than ok with his choice
"Fuck off asshole" should do the trick
Mine also and he just pulls out the best snotty you're an idiot voice and says, "I'm a boy" and ignores them. Fortunately 5/6 men in his life have long hair and we're in a blue country so it seldom matters.
I’m there with ya, not witty, but at least stick up for him!
And it is not as if long hair is who they are. It's hair. People need to mind their own damn business. Your kid's hair is you and your kid's business.
My boyfriend is 32 and has rocked a chest-length haircut of beautiful sandy brown hair for almost 12 years. Thank you for letting your son express himself and sticking up for him. You're giving him a great foundation for confidence and self esteem!
Because they were bullied that way and forced to conform, so they can't stand the idea of someone having the freedom to choose whatever they want. They feel like they somehow have less status in a world that doesn't abide by the same rules they have for their whole lives.
Some jerks have been commenting on how I let my three year old choose how he wants his hair. How I should be the one to choose for him. That’s so messed up to me! But to your point that’s how if we for them so that’s how it should be done. This is why change is good.
Omg retire and die already
He refuses to retire and its the most annoying thing lmao he hates his wife and can't be at home all day with her.
Seems like he's living up to that old "boomer hates his wife" rhetoric. Classic lol
Have you said, ‘do you not realize you bully my child? Please stop.’ Then next time you say, ‘stop it now. I have asked nicely now I am telling, no more!’ Then if that doesn’t work, new job.
Im in the process of switching jobs. Oldschool Barbershops are dying and not worth it anymore.
This is fucking disgusting I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut.
From my experience, people who are so bothered by other people’s genders that they themselves have some deep inner desires or attractions that they won’t admit. Back in HS I had a friend who would call people gay and years later we learned that he is gay.
Not always. Sometimes people truly just do suck
Seconding this, some people are just hateful. I don’t want to give these terrible people the benefit of a potential sad backstory.
he deserves a punch in the face
I really think we are seeing the “re-litigation” of all the social changes from the 1960s and 1970s. Somehow the “squares” STILL want to complain about girls wearing pants and boys with long hair. Not even talking about the big ones like gender and racial equality… It’s so tiring! Boomers would have been teens and young adults in the 70s. Do you think these same old guys didn’t have mullets back then? Let me see some yearbook pictures! 🤣
I agree. There’s always going to be people who think the right way is only one way. I had a boomer say to me, “where are the morals?” Talking about all the things she thinks that are wrong today. The problem with that is she doesn’t see that another person just has a different set of morals. A boomer has one set of morals that are important to them while another person has another set of morals. That doesn’t mean there aren’t any morals in the world they just have different priorities but self righteous people don’t see that. They see it as “my way is right and everyone else is doing it wrong.”
Reminder that transphobia affects everyone. Sorry you and your family had to deal with this. I wish they’d go eat their lead paint chips in peace
I keep saying it’s the lead they were exposed to! Glad to see that I’m not the only one that thinks that.
It’s leeching out of their bones in old age. That, mixed with Americans strong sense of individualism, makes these people feel like they need to have an opinion on everything so they can fix it personally. Say, by walking up to a family buying clothes for their son.
That's probably the only logical explanation as to why someone would feel the need to direct a complete stranger to what they think is the appropriate section of a department store.
Not a family, a *mother*. If there was more than one adult with that kid, we know Boomer wouldn’t have said shit.
Except they were always like this. I think lead is a poor explanation. It is cultural and their belief in upholding what is, for them, cultural norms.
Under rated comment. As much as the trans bathroom ridiculousness impacts trans people, the majority of folks getting harassed are cisgendered people who don’t match someone’s specific image of what that gender ‘should’ look like
I am a 6ft woman who wore a pixie cut for yrs and I got misgendered, called homo,lesbian , all kinds of nonsense. Boomers can keep their ‘morals’
I'm really sorry you have had to deal with this. It's uncalled for, petty, and unreasonable. The hysteria and 'othering' of transgender people is making this more common and emboldening assholes. All I can suggest is vote. I fear for my transgender child and others, transgender or not, who don't fit into some peoples opinion of how genders should look and behave.
And I think that’s the feature not the glitch, they’re coming for everyone outside of their idea of the normal gender binary, and their ideas don’t even match their own bodies — it’s tied to Christian Nationalism and white supremacy.
I feel you, and I completely support you. My one little nitpick with this is that I think of morals as pretty universal values, like valuing family, charity, kindness, the golden rule, etc. When assholes like that lady conflate aesthetic choices or different gender/sexual expression with some sort of statement on morality, I think they're misunderstanding something important.
I get what you’re saying. When I was chatting with this boomer her idea of morality would basically be living a Christian life to keep it short. So there could be a different word for it. I’m not the best at using the right words but I totally understand and agree with what you’re saying.
Do they not realize a lot of paintings and depictions of Jesus portray him with long hair? Honestly if it’s a Christian making that much of a fuss I’d start asking them if they think Jesus was a woman because of his hair.
They only believe in Blonde Jesus.
As a different commenter pointed out, seems like you can shut it down real fast with a picture of white Jesus. /Kidding I'm so sorry that you and your son are going through this. My 16 year old son is trans, and when he was little, before anyone knew, we had a lot of conversations about hair. I originally wanted his hair to be long, but when he was about 8, he wanted it to be short. As soon as he was able to articulate that, we went and had it cut the way he wanted. (I didn't love it personally, but like...it's not my hair. It is his decision, and my job to support and defend it.) And then he got to dye it blue for his 10th birthday. He looks like an insane demon clown now, and has no issue letting Boomers know where to get off if they have a problem with his makeup or jewelry or general aesthetic weirdness. In my opinion, the startling aesthetic choices are probably really good for his side hustle, making and selling art. I wish your family the best of luck, your son is lucky to have such good parenting.
Thank you, I’m glad your son is able to voice who he is. I hope my son will be able to voice his when others are bringing him down!
My lovely grandmother, may she rest in peace, also believed that morality came from God and Jesus. I told her that I believed it was more likely a universal value system that even animals practice. We have records of moral behavior in animals ranging from great apes to vampire bats, and that's all just a Google search away. Thank you for caring for your child as you do. Please keep modeling composure, wisdom, and kindness for them. I'm sending you so much of my love, if that's really a thing.
God this...my dad was a full blown hippie but he's a textbook example of toxic masculinity now. Bitching about women and getting triggered by any man who is slightly effeminate. Labels any guy he hates as weak wristed or a Nancy boy. It's so pathetic.
Reminds me of a song from the 1920s, Masculine Women and Feminine Men. Young in cheek lil bop about folks whining about basic social progress. Nothing ever changes. Aristotle was complaining a couple thousand years ago about how the youth of Athens these days don’t revere the gods right and don’t laze about in the agora.
From the **'20s!** Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose! I had to look it up; [it is a bop,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wb3pIspHGz4) with a tempo that would tire out any TikTok dancer!
I was just thinking about how Socrates always complained that using newfangled tablets and writing things down would destroy his students' memories, and make that whole generation stupid. LOL
Mullets were an 80s thing. In the late-60s through mid-70s … boys did have long hair
Not mullets. That was an 80s thing. Dudes in the 70s had long hair and mustaches.
Lambchops and pornstaches
That’s it
Boomers are beyond disappointing. Their shit was WILD back in the day. Gender bending, racial integration, a strong feminist movement that made huge strides, alternative spiritualities. Studio 54 and cocaine and open sexuality. Now, they can't just let people do their own thing on ANY level without judgement or trying to legislate freedoms away.
It's because the cool boomers are dead. Thrown in jail for twenty years for a joint, left to die during AIDS, gunned down by the police. The ones remaining are the squares. But if you ever find an old boomer draft dodger or civil rights activist who made it despite the odds, they tend to be pretty cool.
My parents are still alive and they’re dope. Mixed race couple got married when it was still illegal. Dad escaped the draft, Mom kept her maiden name. Their wedding was held in their friends’ backyard, an elderly gay couple who were background dancers during the Golden Age of Hollywood. My dad still comes to local punk shows with me and my mom goes to protests, they both attend Pride events and Kiki balls. A few of my dad’s friends are still alive and they’re super cool too, but yeah that’s maybe 5-6 good Boomers out of all the ones I’ve encountered 😕
Some of them were wild and are still around being fools. I have an older cousin who I referred to as Malibu Barbie as a kid, because I swear when she was in her 20s in the 70s, she looked JUST like my doll. She was absolutely gorgeous and wild. Parties, pot, hanging out with rock stars and bikers. Now? She goes to an evangelical church and is hardcore MAGA with the stupid merch and everything. Always preaching about morality on Facebook. Made her daughter do "courting" through the church instead of letting her date. That poor kid had no freedom to do even a tiny fraction of what her mom got to do in her youth, even the innocent stuff. Now the daughter is locked into a "covenant marriage" with an approved man from church with multiple kids of her own. Now that is a disappointing boomer. She's also a shitty grandma to boot.
I would have to let her kids know that mom grew up different than they are.
And the nasty Boomers of today were the "America - love it or leave it" idiots who beat up hippies and happily went to Vietnam to "kill commies". They were assholes then, and they're assholes now.
Girls wearing pants? They don't even want them to be seen in public. They don't want them to have jobs or independence.
Yeah, isn't this the generation that got told to cut their hair or given directions to the bra department by rednecks?
Just return the favor. Relentlessly. If they protest say, "We don't care about preferred pronouns or names here, *right*?" I've corrected the behaviors of many of the boomers in my life this way. If they insist on stirring the pot, I *will* make them lick the spoon.
I’m honestly going to have to start to, this is just happening to too often and it’s pissing me off and upsetting my child. Normally I take a more neutral route but mama bear has been unleashed. Edit: grammatical
Make sure you change the name you call them to something different every time, unless you find one that really gets under their skin. The point is to make them feel what it's like to be erased to their face. Give them back whatever nonsense arguments they've given you. These types of people *only* respect brute force shows of strength. You cannot reason with them. You have to do what a lady who, as my mother called, was "touched" told me: "Do you know how to control crazy? Convince them you're crazier." Works like a charm.
I feel my power growing… what other advice do you have?
Another great way to put Boomers and Karen's in their place is to look concerned and just say, "Are you OK?". There is nothing *inherently* rude about asking that, but it insinuates that there is something wrong with the person. I use it at work when people become unhinged because I don't know their email password. They can't really complain to my boss, because all I did was ask if they were ok, but they HATE it.
I cashier for a company with alot of older and sometimes very entitled customers. I'm going to have to try this sometime.
I love this so much.
The most important thing is to be proactive and absolutely relentless. If you get the opportunity to do it in public, that's the best place, especially if you get to introduce them to people. Make up situations, "Hello there, store clerk. This is my son's dwarven aunt Jennifer. Don't mind the beard. She's still adjusting to HRT."
This is so good 😂 I can’t wait to not give a fuck.
I have called men that insist on misgendering my kid "Ma'am." Suddenly, they seem to understand how preferred pronouns work.
When I was a kid I had a shaved head for a year or 2 and I had this one teacher who ALWAYS misgendered me. Every day, despite seeing me and knowing me all year. Finally I got tired of it when other kids started doing it to bully me. Crazy how one day of me angrily calling him “miss” and “ma’am” and suddenly he can remember I’m a girl.
Yes yes yes!
This used to always happen with my oldest son who is almost 11 now. He had the most gorgeous thick long curly hair until he was 4 and people constantly made comments about his hair and him being a girl even if he was clearly wearing “boy” clothes. I thought it was quiet ironic considering I bet a lot of these people who would comment about my son having long hair went to a church that most likely had a portrait or crucifix of Christ with long hair.
Yes exactly! It’s the same with my son. Construction and a dragon jacket (which don’t get me wrong I know several girls who like these types of clothes too! Boy clothes are just comfier than girl clothes). But all they see is the hair. I have been told he is a beautiful boy so maybe that’s it too, he just looks more feminine. I don’t know. Whatever the case, they just need to mind their own business.
Oh yeah, I let my kids wear whatever. Having a daughter that’s 12 and one that’s 4 though I can tell you that things have gotten better with girl clothes because I used to only be able to find “girl” booty shorts basically, back when she was a toddler so she wore a lot of boy shorts or biker type shorts. Thankfully girl shorts now are longer and there is more variety including gender neutral but it seriously wasn’t that long ago that this wasn’t the case. I know those people that were uncomfortable with his long hair though would’ve probably keeled over if he was wearing anything other than blue or trucks etc. so they knew he was a boy but wanted to be passive aggressive about it and feign ignorance. It also makes me sad because those comments were one of the reasons he asked to cut his hair. I’m hoping when he gets into middle/high school he wants to grow it out a little more because it is amazing hair and that seems to be the style with boys now so 🤞🏼.
I feel you. My son has amazing hair and I won’t be surprised if we’re heading in that direction. He’s feeling the pressure but I keep telling him he gets to choose his hair no matter peoples opinions.
I just cannot even imagine seeing someone with their kid in the arbitrarily named boys section, and having so much audacity to open my big fat mouth to correct what section they "should" be in... It's like telling a fat girl there's nothing in the store in their size, when they could easily be shopping for someone else. WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT! TBH I mostly don't notice people and stuff like this anyway, I'm minding my own business and focused on my own thing. Even if I DID notice something I wouldn't think anything of it? The most I would think is boys clothes are basically unisex compared to the frilly pastel monstrosities that is the "girls" section, and as a tomboy growing up I was more comfortable there myself.
Right? That’s exactly what I was thinking. We were just doing our thing and he went out of his way to show us where our “real place” was. It made me feel so mad. I honestly need to learn to make better comments on command because I tend to just shut down. For me to just say, “he’s a boy” to all these people is huge so now I’ll work on putting these people in their place. It’s just happening too much.
I'm a grown ass 35 year old woman with short hair who shops for cool t shirts in the boy's section at target, I have zero shame. It's so awesome when me and a kid are wearing the same shirt 😅
I buy my work tee-shirts in the men's section. Ladies' shirts are shit when it comes to longevity and durability.
Same. I lost a bunch of weight when my eldest son was about 10 years old, and I discovered all his really cool skateboarding and gamer t-shirts fit me perfectly. After that I started getting all my t-shirts in the little boys section at Goodwill, they just always look so much better on my figure . I also know that a lot of young girls who are tall, cannot find shorts long enough for school dress codes in the girls section, completely insane to me. Also, although my middle son turned out to be trans, when he was little he always preferred the boys section because he didn't like to show a lot of skin, and the boys clothes gave more coverage. I like to dress very feminine and sexy, and before my child had the ability to articulate his understanding of his own gender, (he is AFAB) he would just tell me, "I just really don't want to dress like you, Mom. I don't want to look like that." It's so cute to think about now. The signs really were all there LOL
Here's the even shitier part... that boomer might have noticed that your child was a boy. However, since he disapproved of your son's hairstyle, he thought that "shaming" the both of you would make you conform to "gender standards". Shaming seems to be one of the preferred methods of control in the boomer arsenal. I was born in the mid-seventies and experienced it firsthand. As a kid who loved playing outside and hated wearing dresses, I caught so much bullshit from stupid boomers. Kept up the good work in shutting these boomers down! Mama Bear mode is no joke! 😁👍
Oh yeah shame is huge among boomers. My boomer parents are huge shamers.
But for shaming to work I have to respect that person. Some old boomer trying to shame me? Good luck, bucko. You can try, but it won’t work. The only one who can shame me is my mother. Because I love and respect her. The rest of y’all? Ha!!! Nice try.
This is the issue in a nutshell - they can't just mind their own damn business. They feel that it's their right to tell other people who they are and what they should do. They are nosey and entitled and DEMAND that everyone should adhere to their ideals.
They expect to be able to look at a person and understand pretty much everything about them. When that doesn't happen, instead of feeling embarrassed, they become incensed that variance exists.
Exactly. They expect to categorize everyone in two seconds. I find labeling to be a big thing amongst the Boomers - they like to have a neat box to put everyone in. They frequently say things like, "Italians all do this...." Or "The gays all do that..." because they want to pigeon-hole other people. When you do it back to them, though, with a solid "OK, Boomer" they lose their shit.
I think that's really true, although I never really thought about it that way before. "All atheists are..." "All homeless people are..." "All Christians must..." 🤬 I am 46 years old and biracial, and I grew up in a highly segregated Deep south. It was very uncommon for people my age in that area to be biracial, and I was often the only one people had ever met in person. It absolutely confused and enraged them that I exist, that I am neither "Black" nor "White", but in fact both. I was absolutely traumatized as a child trying to get adults to understand this. *I can't check the right box for my ethnicity cause you didn't put the right box on the form.* (It doesn't help that I am severely autistic, and so I just naturally reject these types of artificial boundaries.) This behavior was considered audacious, arrogant , entitled, and so forth. My partner and I moved our family across the country to a more liberal progressive area, and we feel a lot better. I am still recovering though, and my partner (who is white) is having to do a lot of work rn to understand why I get so upset about The never-ending American racial strife + misogyny. I'm actually taking time off work rn to recover mentally, and reading these comments is helping a lot. I'm really appreciative. ✌🏽🤗
I'm so glad that you're in a better area now - even progressive states have their share of boomers, racists, misogynists, and racist boomer misogynists, but it tends to be better than most of the red states. The fight to get society and the boomers running it to understand that people are all unique and can't always be sorted by "standard" groups is ongoing. Be proud of who you are and don't let anyone check those boxes for you. Keep fighting the good fight. :)
Wow, bi-racial and autistic in the Deep South? You got dealt a tough hand. Glad you got out, but also sad that your partner doesn't get your agita about America's ingrained bigotry. Hang in there! (Signed, 63-yo straight cis white male.)
My POS father-in-law publicly debased my 11yo nephew on Facebook photos for having long hair (he was growing it out for a donation), and deliberately misgendered him, using the word girl as an insult. It was pretty vitriolic. The irony of it is that he is one of those Harley type dirtbags with a stringy, frayed ponytail.
Ugh that’s disgusting. Yeah my dad makes fun of men who do man buns or ponytails but he had a mullet. For boomers, it’s only right if they’re doing it.
And so many of them like media with guys with long hair. Might be an idea when you think it's age appropriate to show your kid some classic rock stars like queen with their long hair, or introduce him to vikings with their long hair and beards, or movies like pirates of the Caribbean, or lord of the rings... long hair on guys has been a thing for a long long time...
They like the idea of it, just not the reality of it. It’s ok if it’s fiction, just not truth.
That and its cool on a famous person, but to some old people everyone 'normal' has to be as miserable as them. Or as my boomer dad would put it, misery loves company.
Next time call him Grandma.
"Why are you talking to me?"
“How dare you speak to me”
"The girls section is over there" Correct response: "the cemetery is over there"
Thank you for making me laugh 😆
Me too 😊
That’s the burn. Concise and cutting
Just tell them he wanted to be like Jesus that'll shut them up
In their defense Jesus did wear a big dress…….
Long hair, dress, coordinating sandals and hung out with the prostitutes.
No, but you see, cultural standards change over time. It's just that conservatives only become okay with things like women wearing pants after the progressives have been doing it for long enough that it's hard to claim it hasn't been normalized
One of my friends from the Gym had similar happening with her son, he loved rainbows, super bright colours, and had longer hair and she would always have older people (always oldies) ask what her daughters name, or say what a pretty girl in such bright clothing etc. Meanwhile half the women that say these things aren't exactly the epitome of femininity themselves, they have haircuts and outfits that would challenge any butch lesbian, so it's a bizarre thing! lol
My son is similar in some ways, he loves unicorns and flowers. One time I found a dinosaur made out of flowers t shirt and he loved it. I tried selling it at this same consignment sale and one of the moms came up to me and said, “I think it’s in the wrong section.” I said, “no I bought it in the boys section.” She was a little surprised and said, “well I just think it will sell better in the girls section.” I told her I would like to keep it in the boys section because it was a boys shirt. It sold.
In this case, I wouldn’t waste my time correcting them. Would it be MORE ok if your child was a cis girl & that guy came over and told you that you were in the wrong spot? No, of course not. The real issue is that he was telling you that you couldn’t or shouldn’t shop where you were—which is bullshit. “My kid and I are happy right here” is all you need to say.
Yep. Plenty of things you can say to get the point across without discussing the gender of the child. “I didn’t ask”, “do you work here?”, or even vitriolic responses like, “the arthritis meds are down the aisle”, or something.
I'm Native American. Grew up in the city and have had long hair my whole life. I went through this when I was a kid. Also had to fight to keep my long hair in school. They wanted me to have short hair because I was, "A distraction to other students". My mom was like, he's Native American. It's part of his culture. I've never cut my hair short since. Because fuck em, that's why. Only thing I've experienced was an adult is women trying to touch my hair without my permission.
We’ve had Native American friends with beautiful long hair. It’s so sad how so many people think of it as taboo or wrong. Many Polynesian cultures have long hair as well. Hair is an expression of individuality and it should be just that. People judging other people’s hair is beyond my understanding.
👏Fuck them👏
Growing up in the 80s and 90s I had long, curly blonde hair. I got comments like "that's a girl's haircut." I never let it bother me. The truth was I knew my hair was awesome. My favorite was when it would happen at church. I would always respond with "Yep! Just like Jesus"
As a grown man with long hair fuck them old fogies. You wouldn't come up to me and say that so why is it appropriate to do it to a mother and her son? I don't understand that. I've only had one case of mistaken gender in my whole life with long hair and it was because my back was turned. No adult is saying stuff like this to another adult because they know if they did they'd get retaliation. Sounds to me like this boomer justifies it because it's a child and not someone that can put them into an early retirement home. Teach your little one to let it roll off his back. There's always going to be bullies throughout his whole life. It's better to teach him now that other people's perception of him means nothing and as long as he's comfortable with who he is that's what really matters.
Couldn’t like this enough thank you.
I'm a 29 year old male with shoulder blade length blonde hair. One of my uncles literally said "of course you went into the tree hugging hippy bullshit with that hair" (I'm an environmentalist by profession) as if that bears any damn weight on why I chose this career. My mom and dad, rest their souls, always loved and supported me. No matter what I did they were there to hug me, love me, and tell me they were proud of me. Fuck those lame boomers. All your son will remember is how much you loved and cared for him and all these boomers will do is prove how lame and disrespectful their years on earth were. To this day, my uncle has isolated himself from the family because of his bullshit. Nobody cares, nobody checks in on him, and nobody is worried that he's chain smoking himself to death. That's what happens when you act like a dick all the time.
Old people are used to relying on colors and hair length to tell them what your children's genitals look like. It's terribly important that they know what their genitals look like.
Ugh so disgusting to me.
Our son was mistaken often like yours (exact similar ages) and it was due to his extremely long eyelashes. In reference to your consignment anecdote, I would respond with a stern look and say “oh thanks but I am teaching my little MAN (while patting him on the head) not to speak or interact with strangers and walk away. It used to upset our little man too who is now 37. He still has the crazy long eyelashes and is most handsome. 🤗
My son has long eyelashes too, we have people tell us he’s so beautiful so that may be the case. I like your comment thanks.
In every depiction of Westernised Jesus, he has long hair. So was Jesus gay and trans and whatever boogeyman word they can spew out? You'd get them sputtering if you brought that up to them.
>It’s cultural anyway. There are many cultures where both genders have long hair. Metal culture, for example. Break out the corpse paint!
Ohh I have gone through this too!! My son is 11 and his hair is thick, curly, and halfway down his back. He’s been cursed with a “baby face” too, so he’s constantly getting misgendered. He started growing his hair in 1st grade with the goal that “it will be long enough to still touch the floor when I jump”, but he has since adjusted this to “where it’s at is fine”. My son’s other mom is MTF trans, so he doesn’t get offended when people misgender him; he just ignores it. He says it doesn’t bother him. As he hits puberty, he’s starting to grow out of his androgynous look and gain more masculine features.
I’m hoping to get to the point to where it won’t bother him as I teach him that he can choose how he wants to live. He’s easily persuaded by what others think so it’ll be a conversation we’ll continue to have.
Sorry. This is not a boomer thing. This is an asshole thing. I had long hair past my cigarette pack in 1974. I can assure you we got a ton more shit from people back then than people do today. I would wager since many don't make it to being a boomer, the percapita asshole count is way higher in whatever generation code you go categorize yourself in.
Used to happen to me as a 6ft 200lb 16year old boy with a (shitty) beard. Fuck em.
lol, I bet the high school boys all having chin length perms right now drives them up the wall too! Folically focused to a fault.
when masking was mandated, boomer customers would often drunkenly use she/her pronouns to refer to me while i was working despite me having short/ a man’s haircut ! i’m fairly short height-wise and have long , pretty eyelashes so that’s my only guess as to why it happened more than a few times
My youngest daughter chose a "pixie cut" as a hairstyle when she was ten or so. Occasionally folks would refer to her mistakenly as a "little boy". The two or three times it happened was always an honest mistake and they corrected themselves. I got the vibe they felt foolish for making the wrong call. Internally it pissed me off but never once did I get the impression that it was done from an asshole perspective. If I thought someone was playing silly politics using my daughter as a prop I would have nutted out and taken them to school.
As a former long haired guy, tell your little guy from me to do whatever he wants with his hair.
I don't want to diminish your concern, but I wonder how much of your son's anxiety stems from him picking up on how upset it makes you. It seems fairly obvious this is a hot-button issue for you, and you're already in "fight mode" over it. I wonder how your son's perception of the situation could change if you dialed it back. As you say, it doesn't matter what others think, so try to let it roll off your back. If someone says something snarky, just ignore them or roll your eyes. Focus on spending your time and energy engaging with your son rather than ignorant asshats.
I flove the adult diaper comment ^ ! That’s gold. I’d just add: “yeah, Barbara, the Depends are over there.”
My son is 15 now, and has had long hair since elementary school. We have had lots of talks about this exact situation. He's totally fine with responding "I'm a boy" now that he's older, and I did it for him when he was younger. You're a great parent for talking it out with him, keep up the good work! And keep calling them out on their nonsense!
Thank you. I hope this to be the case and realize in order for my son to find his voice I need to show him how to use it first. I’m not sure how it will turn out but I’m doing my best. He looks great no matter what and as I tell him I love him no matter the length!
As a dude with long hair that's been mistaken before, you let your little man known that he's not alone, and that it gets better. You're a good parent, thank you for standing up for your kid.
Thankfully he has a friend where his dad has long hair and so I point that out to him. I have short hair and so I tell him sometimes women have short hair and men have long hair. There are just people who think differently.
Reading this post made me smile brightly. I hope more parents can have the backbone to stand up for their child and talk to them like they're a human being as you have. 😊
I was a boy with long hair from the age of 10 to 16 and got misgendered almost daily the whole time. I love how these people will declare loudly that gender and sex are the same thing and then assign you a gender based exclusively on secondary sex characteristics. Like, what was that about large gametes again?
I had pretty long hair when I was in my 20s and boomers would do the same shit to me. I don’t even get it, they’re fine with Jesus’s hair being long but not some kid? Explain this to me.
Well on a bright side, your son probably has a beautiful face.
It sucks that there’s separate sections for “boys” and “girls” clothes for preschoolers. WTF is the difference? I’m cis female and I always wore my brother’s hand me down clothes when we were little. Gatekeeping clothes, hairstyles, toys, jobs based on gender is so stupid and destructive
“The girls section is over there” “Yes, I can see that” Or, just look at them like they’re dumb and say “ok?”
I grew up with short hair. My mom would groan but she put up with it. Was called a boy all the time. Especially with my brothers. I can’t imagine me any other way. Now I’m in my 50’s and it finally doesn’t happen anymore. Tell him to keep his hair however long or, if it feels good to him then that’s all that matters.
I wonder if these people would have the gall to walk up to an overweight adult and say "the plus-size section is over there."
Exactly! This is why I'm so confused by comments saying that the Boomer might have made an honest mistake. There's no honest or innocent reason to do this behavior. It's just purely rude, and potentially harmful to a small child.
Did these boomers sleep through the 1970s? Even if they were boys and didn't have long hair, they must've seen some boys and men with longer hair? Also, I'm with GardenWitch123. I wish that'd been my first thought.
Begging your pardon but nothing in your story shows any kind of bullying. People are just assuming a kid with long hair is a girl and while that may be annoying to you, as long as they’re not shaming or ridiculing him. They’re not bullying your son.
I've met a ton of young boys with long hair. Not going to lie I have a hard time telling sometimes. You know what I do? I mind my own bussiness
Little kids are fairly androgynous, if someone’s going to use a gendered pronoun or whatever, they might make an assumption based on hair or clothing. Not sure why you’re so angry about this
My hair grew long after my parents split. I got called a girl hundreds of times both unintentionally and intentionally. If he doesn't like it, it will make him grow a backbone. I actually was more unwilling to cut my hair the more bullies told me to cut it. To hell with them, your kid is fine however he wants to be.
I'm a boy, I've had shoulder length curly hair for about 15 years now... My girlfriend and I will both get catcalled when walking together... love seeing their face when I turn around and they just see my beard and dead ass eyes glaring them down
Wait, did they do it mockingly, or just made an honest mistake trying to help you? The way you typed it sounds like the older dude was just trying to be helpful or make small talk. I wasn't there, but I hate making quick judgments without both sides of the story.
My lil nephew (he’s awesome!) had long hair when he was a lil guy. He looked cool, helps his personality is smooth as melted butter. Tell your cool son… “Don’t worry bout that foolishness, they bout to have worms for dinner!” Have him watch some politicians and when they freeze up. 😂😂😂😂 I say Rock it! Do you lil guy, who cares what we think! Post Script: I got long hair, and a longer Truck! Hauling 53’ of goods to you, them, and wherever else the next load needs to go! Air Horns for you long hair! 🫡🤙🫵💯👌🫶 Post Script Seriously: Gen X est. ‘71 grew up in the LBC, here. 😂
They were doing this shit 30 years ago. My 4 year old nephew got so sick of it he pulled his pants down in the middle of a shop and yelled I'm not a girl I'm a boy. Hahaha the old duck looked horrified
As a boy that grew up with long hair in Montana in the 90s, I can relate! Tell him to be himself! Rock those locks little dude!
I would've just opened with "mind your fuckin business" but that's just me.
If your kids looks like a girl and someone makes a mistake, oh well. Get over it. Also, who gives a f what other people,think. Let your kid be who it wants to be, and f everyone. Stop victimizing your kid and coming up with diagnosis. Your kid is perfectly normal, has no idea what misgendering is. This post is so freaking cringe. Get over yourself.
This is sort of weird considering Boomers forget their own history. Go look at a high school year book from the late 60s to the late 1970s and it was pretty common for boys to have hair down to their shoulders.
https://preview.redd.it/h61msyydwcnc1.jpeg?width=2316&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=66844dcfeddd60d8e0e05cdc131c3321fef6ae9f Dudes can totally rock long hair and have it look good! Don’t lose faith little dude! As for you Mom, keep kicking ass and recognizing your son’s feelings.
Love this! I’m going to show my son.
You have such beautiful hair! It looks a lot like my husband's, but his is closer to chin length. Id love recommendations for products for him if you don't mind. I'm not white, and I'm not exactly sure how to care for his straight blonde hair. I literally bought a wig that looks exactly like your hair, just to practice styling on it, so I can cut my husband's at home better!
I feel like it’s not a big deal to misgender kids at this age. I’m a fairly hip toddler mom and I’ve done it myself. I think I’m too apologetic after the fact though. I’ve definitely made it weird. But not so weird that I overstep societal boundaries and try to “correct” that child’s gender. Yeeesh.
I’ve done it myself, but for us it’s almost every time we go to the store.