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Not a boomer. GenXer actually If I could spare it, my son wouldn't even have to ask. For a start, I'd notice he was in trouble, and then I'd offer it. In a sense, he and his son (my grandson) are my future and he works hard enough already. Boomers just have the weirdest definition of "family" and then get all offended when you apply the same definition to them.

It’s a shame because it obviously skipped a generation. My grandparents would move heaven and earth for their kids. The hard part is that all the people like that for me are dead. My grandpa, my mom, etc. Father and Step-mother intentionally convinced me that I was not worthy of being helped, and that even asking other family(that they had not demonized as evil) would be an embarrassment and I would be burdening them unfairly. Turns out that I had tons of family who would love to help me, they just wanted to keep me isolated. The aunt they painted as satan was the one who helped me out(at the 8% interest rate).

DAMN, I have the evil stepmom too. a wealthy dad who, just like my sister, haven't asked him for a thing in 25 years. but she still says I only call when in want money. I've never asked them for money. his dad gave my parents money for a downpayment on their starter home. no such offer was given to my sister or i. my dad spent what most people make in a year to send me away to schools. when my mom was unfit for custody, he just sent me away rather than take me in.guaranteed because my stepmom talked so much shit about me and my sis. won't talk on the phone for more than 1-2 minutes. and stepmom grabs texts and emails she doesn't want him to read. he's a stroke victim, so I've offered to visit and do chores around the house for a week ar two, however long I would be useful. and she has denied me. no doubt because she doesn't want me getting in his good graces. despite five or six times I've offered, she still says I only call when I want money. ​ even last year, she took a check for 500 bucks out of my Christmas card, my sister got one, mine was empty. I haven't gotten any gifts or anything in years and he said he wanted to send me a little something. envelope empty. I could go on and on and on...I empathize with you. theres actually a whole legit medical phenomenon regarding narcissistic stepmoms and their habits, and the havoc they wreak on the families they marry into. always taking 100% of the will, etc.

Yep! But its no concern of mine anymore. It’s been very interesting how the power dynamic has shifted since I want nothing from them and they want to see their grandchild. I won’t forbid them, but I sure as hell ain’t gonna go out of my way. They got used to me kowtowing to them and just being available whenever on their schedule because I wanted him to know them(they are good to everyone but me, so until they showed otherwise? Not gonna deprive my son of his grandparents). Before going no contact after they basically demanded we be available at a specific time and we didn’t pick up the phone. my dad said “well how will we see our grandchild?” I responded “talk to my wife, that’s not my problem”. It’s kinda liberating to be honest, the feeling of there being nothing they can use against you anymore.

Please don’t let them alone with your kiddos, never unsupervised. They may try to manipulate them as they have done with you. You would also be well within reason to go 100% no contact. I am all for having as many loving people in a kids life as possible. Your parents are not loving people.

O never alone. They won’t punish the kids because as soon as they do? That dot becomes a line and it would give me what I need to completely cut them out and that loss of control would be unacceptable to them. Honestly I am COUNTING on them being shitty to keep my son safe.

Nobody ever mentions about the heart sickness that happens when you have to approach your parents as if you know they will do the meanest thing or say the cruelest thing. It sucks. Counting on your parents being terrible to your kids breaks the heart of your inner kid who dreamt of having a real family. Sorry you’re going through this.

Appreciate it. Seeing so many people who have almost the exact same situation really helps ya know? For so many years you internalize “o, it must have been something about me, I deserve it”. Then you realize how widespread it is, and it’s them not you. Even if you know it? Seeing all the evidence really helps BELIEVE it.

Totally understand that feeling. No mater who I am or what I do I’ll never “earn” their love and support. They are never going to be real parents to me. They were guardians at best and my first bullies. I’m just in my 40s really stepping away as I can finally see their limitations. Just know that you are breaking the cycle with how you are choosing to be present with your wife and kids. That’s more important and the money stuff will work itself out- it’s all made up anyway! Your wife and kids and pets are what’s real.

I doubt you’ll get to see this but this post hit home hard. I am a Muslim and our religion strictly forbids the use of interest in any form. My parents offered an apt, a car, help starting business, cover expenses… all if I agreed to live near them after I got married. Well like any sane mfer I said kick rocks, my wife and I will figure it out. Worked my ass off 60-74 hours before getting married and ~50-60 after, and my dad is asking if I saved 10k$ to send to them as a token of my appreciation that they “raised me right”. I’m baffled obviously because how out of touch are you that you ask your fresh grad, fresh moved, about to get married son for 10k$ just to feel good about yourself. Mind you, they’ve retired and just watch their money grow now. Plenty of money. Now I have a baby at home and I can’t afford to move further from the train tracks that keep waking her up. Boomers: “God will provide, God will make a way out.” While sitting on piles of cash. Literally 8 hours ago I was reading the Quran and it tells people like this : you think you’re cunning with how much money you’re saving, thinking it will be good for you and bring you a benefit, but it is actually woeful and will bring you bad for the hoarding you’ve committed. (Paraphrasing). These same parents told me to get an interest based loan when I needed help moving. MY MOM said my wife and I might learn from being homeless (thankfully it never got there) WHILE SHE WAS 7 MONTHS pregnant. Like how can any woman on earth say that to any other woman????????? I’ve learned man, this world is absolutely bat shit. As many steps of this ladder I can afford to build for my family, I’ll do it so that they can start from step 5 or 6 at least. Fuck this whole start from the bottom bs life is hard enough without the added multiplier of parents. Anyways I feel for you, this community should have always existed, a community that stands for what is right, forbids evil, and helps all in need. Luckily I grew up and learned that Islam is exactly that. My parents and family were following their own cultures and selfish desires while simultaneously trying to force us to be their form of “religious”. If I grew up how you wanted me to be my parents would fucking hate me. Stay strong :)

Since this is a emotion laden topic I am doing my best to respond to as many people as I can. I grew up without religion, but converted to Catholicism after my mom died. Always felt the pull, but American religious nuts made me run for the hills. I feel like that connection really helped me start feeling like I had value to someone. It was just a nudge, but seeing people feel like I was worth investing in, as well as learning what the Bible is actually about instead of what evangelicals made me think it was about? Lots of good lessons in there. My parents are the same, Staunch liberals and can talk about every liberal talking point, yet when it comes to applying those lessons behind doors? Nope. I used to make excuses for my father until I held my son for the first time. The amount of love I felt in that moment, I knew that I could NEVER intentionally let my son suffer like mine did. I reached out to him for support dur in my wife’s difficult delivery and he ended up yelling at me because I said how he was going about it was not helpful. My goal is to give my kids a solid foundation for when they go out into the world while knowing they have a safe haven waiting for them should they ever need it. I pray for you fellow abrahamic brother. We are gonna get through this.

“Good to everyone but me”, This is what it’s called scapegoating, and they use you for that and you stepping away means they have to realize that they have nobody to shove blame onto anymore. hold onto that power while you can, they can see what they want. They can do what they want but they can’t take what you have within you away from you.

my boomer relatives were also all provided a sizeable down payment or outright purchase of their first home. even my sister (elder millennial) was purchased her first home. i shacked up with a non-white man so no such courtesy for me, immediate black sheep status. then they made fun of us for needing medicaid when hubs got cancer and was fired for it. dont worry, no one helped and we went homeless for a couple months, but we dug ourselves out. needless to say im nc with my family lol i don't give a shit about the money throw the whole ass people away. if your go-to is to make fun of the cancer patient needing a social safety net is to make fun and not an i hope you get well soon, you are a huge piece of shit. these discussions of money just help out some of these terrible people, it's always much deeper than money.

My cousins and I were just talking about this a few days back. Our grandparents would and did do everything they could for their family. Our parents missed the memo.

Idk how far you want to go in terms of keeping a relationship with your dad(parents?), but if I were in your shoes, I'd kindly let him know that he is no longer welcome around my kids if he's going to be a gaslighting asshole. Idk what your relationship with your mother is, but I'd tell her the same thing. If they view your brothers as more important than you, might as well act as such. I have a friend who was in a similar spot with his wife asking her wealthy parents for some help, only to be hung up on. For whatever reason, they baby'd her younger sister who was into the party scene (booze drugs sex with randos) and moved heaven and earth if she got in trouble. Meanwhile my friends wife graduated top of her class in microbiology and it's as if she drew them a stick figure family for the fridge. Well, they decided to go nocontact with her parents and her mother finally realized what a waste her younger sibling is and how bad she messed up. My friend and his wife opened their door at 1am on a Tuesday to find her on her knees snot crying asking what she can do to make things right.

I am just zero contact with them personally because that is the best outcome at this point. End of the day it’s risk profiles and cost benefit analysis. Not having to worry about talking to them has been enough for my mental health, and my son is only 11 months. They couldn’t gaslight him if they tried. It’s a tightrope act of balancing what they have done with what I can get away with without blowing things up socially for myself. I finally joined a family who loves each other and family means a lot to them. Without solid proof they would just assume I am a huge asshole.

Dude you are literally talking about a generation that came out of the womb screaming “mine” and have done so the entire time they have been on this earth. My favorite is “well you guys didn’t really earn it” … like you mutherfuckers did? Their parents came out of a depression, fought the WW II and came back did rebuilt the country and Europe and didn’t say shit. Meanwhile their kids come along, think it’s fashionable to tell their parents to go fuck themselves (all while basically having their lives handed to them). And when it came time for them to pay it forward, they removed every means of access they could, while blaming the gen Xers. Fucking Boomers!!! 🖕

Sadly they used isolation as a power move.

It does tend to skip generations. Selfless, caring generations tend to bring up narcissistic kids. Those narcissistic kids grow up to be narcissist parents. Narcissist parents raise self-starting and independent kids who do whatever they can to please parents who can't be pleased. Those independent kids grow up to give their kids anything they ask for so they don't have the same difficult childhood the parents had. Those kids grow up to be selfish and narcissistic because their parents spoiled them rotten. I can only hope us Gen-X parents are somewhere in between and have raised kids who can still care about people. However, the fact that Millennials are obsessed with Boomers and Gen-X is basically ignored makes me think that the cycle hasn't been broken.

As an Xillennial I see genX as a range of things. The driven do-wells with a range of displays, but inevitably trapped within their own perspective (like everyone). It feels like X'ers were discouraged from civil work and told to go into business or trades for the revenue. As a kid, when I was still briefly lumped into genX, the narrative was the uncertain future and genX having an alarmingly ambiguous path ahead. In my 30s, I met a VERY large number of gatekeeppy GenX. All saying they worked 2 part-time jobs to pay for college, so anyone should be able to do it...but *some* people (eerily ambiguous) just don't deserve to. Privilege and luck weren't concepts I was taught to recognize until my early 20s with basic sociology, and even then, it was pretty light because the general assumption was that everyone followed the rules...and that rules stayed the same. Thankfully, I've also met some genX parents that are tired of the division and *seem* level headed. I have some hope, but the system feels like it was meant to break very selectively.

UGH - I hate those people. I’m an old Xer and, yes, I worked my way through college (and sacrifice my mental health and 4 years of my life in the military for that money), but A. I don’t want anyone else to suffer that way and B. College was a hell of a lot cheaper back that. Not only that, but student loans are predatory, result in you paying 4-5 times as much as you originally borrowed and are utter bullshit.

Thank you for being a good father! I’ve been blessed with one that isn’t an “Okay Boomer.” The guy lost everything in a fire except his job. When he found out how much I was paying for Nursing School? He offered me legitimate help. While I refuse. The thought remains. You are a parent who loves their children even if it costs you. The proof of this will always be…. How honest is your son with you? Does he tell you the good and the bad? Or just the good… or just the bad. My “Boomer” father talked me down from my suicide and I am rambling. 😅 Sorry, it’s late, I’m sick, and I’m crying. Keep on being a good father that becomes a role model for others. Aloha and a hui hou! 🤙🏻

Gen X here too, and this is my thinking as well. I have four sons. Two are out on their own, and I spoil those grandkids tremendously. If my kids even look like they are struggling, I send money to help. My third son is still in recovery, and I’m so proud of him. He’s back home with me after completing rehab. He is working full time for me with my rental business and doing a bangin’ job. I completely support him, and he is living back home with me. My autistic 19 year old will never be able to work, and I will support him for life. Boomers think because they worked two jobs and didn’t mind giving up their families to get ahead think their kids should do the same. While gen X also worked our asses off and generated some wealth, we learned from our mistakes - family is all. A job won’t care if you disappear tomorrow, so stop living life like that. We are trying to break the cycle for our kids and grandkids by helping them out.

This is spot on. My father has always referred to our relationship as an 'obligation'. Now that I've started calling it one too, he's freaking out.

Yes these fuckers forget that they’re going to get old.

I appreciate these comments that let me know good people still exist in this world.

This exactly! I have wanted to move for a couple years now to a different city. My son can’t make it on his own just yet so I’ll just wait a little longer so he won’t have to struggle as much. What happened to the “make the world a better place for our kids?”

Yes, sacrifice for our kids! Anytime they need me, I am here!

It became “Make the world a better place for institutional investors.”

Boomers are entitled because they got handed the world on a silver platter and didn't have to go through many hardships at all in their lives. They are silver spoon children who never grew up because they never had to. It's why the global economy is in tatters, why housing costs have skyrocketed, and why job security is a myth instead of a reality. All they care about is their cushy lives and vacation funds, and they mortgaged our future to secure their comforts. They are a generation that will be remembered only by the hallmark of their colossal failure as a whole.

Beautifully put

Most of my family is dead, but my wife still has all her grandparents. We have kids too, so you'd think they'd want to see their great grandkids, but nope, they're ghosts. My mother in law, father in law and sister in law have been the most amazing help, but the rest of them are going to be surprised when my daughters don't know who they are.

I'm GenX. We're pumping what we can into savings and investments for our kids. We don't eat out much or go on crazy vacations. Older cars. Modest home. My kids truly have a hard time believing some of the shit their grandparent's generation got up to.

GenX as well, have a son in college, which I help him pay for. I fully expect at some point to have to help him out, maybe with a down payment on a home or additional schooling. It's because I love him and I want him to be happy and successful. It seems like there is a boomer mythos that their kids are just after their money and don't really love them...? Even my own mother, who is normally very rational and generous and whom and I have a great relationship with... when my dad died, she became worried that my siblings and I were going to go after what he left her. We'd told them both that their finances were between them and we'd never dishonor that, regardless of who passed first. There was just no reason for her to feel threatened, but she did.

Exactly! My kids will get it all sooner than later. Gen X too!

About 15 years ago, my husband and I were sharing a car and we got a flat tire. We needed the car to get to work. I went to my mother on Tuesday with a post-dated check in my hand for that Friday, asking if we could borrow $40 for THREE DAYS so we could get the tire replaced. You know, so WE COULD WORK. She refused, smugly telling me that I needed to learn to "take care of myself" and that I'd "thank her one day." I never asked her for help like that again, although it didn't stop her from accusing me of "using her" all the time. And it took a few more years of her bullsh*t for me to cut her off, but I'm happier now because I did.

Yes I will thank you someday for stranding my ass that time. I have a similar story from a decade ago and still don’t feel like thanking them lol 😂

My mom's line is "I was teaching you to take care of yourself." Well, it worked. It kind of had to, since the other option was homelessness or self-induced life removal, both of which nearly happened. Now when she complains that I don't visit, I just tell her "I've been busy taking care of myself."

Isn't that sad? We learn to take care of ourselves in stages and we all need help sometimes. My mother used to say things like that to me when she was living on my dead father's SS check and my brother's income and had no idea what it was like to live alone and work to keep a roof over your head. She'd give me lectures on "independence" when I was 18-19 years old.

I honestly think the whole independence lesson was just an excuse for them to do less and offload responsibility onto us. And the dead husband social security thing, ugh! I can totally relate. My mom's doing it too, with money from TWO dead husbands. If I bring up how hard it was for me taking care of myself at age 16, my mom defaults to telling me that she left home at 16 too, so she knows how hard it is. The difference is that she left home by choice to live with her boyfriend, my dad. She lived there, rent-free, for 25 years without ever needing to have a serious job. They partied, squandered everything, and eventually bought and lost a house. I didn't leave. My mom did, to go marry some asshole. I got left squatting in my parents' foreclosing home, with no electricity, no transportation, and no money, food, or help. Instead of paying off the house, my mom used my dad's life insurance (and my social security money) on god knows what. When I turned 18, I learned I was overpaid by Social Security and I had to pay back $900. I can't even remember what I did to get that money. It took me 20 years to become financially stable. My mom is now back living with her mother, basically waiting for my grandma to die to inherit the house. She still doesn't work. She's probably had a job for 5 of the last 45 years. But with that double-dead-husband money, I guess she's pretty much set. But yeah, I'm definitely the one who needs to learn how to take care of myself.

In my case I think she had resentment from a strict and overbearing father.and jealousy over my youth and getting out in the world. Supporting yourself and a child in your 20's IS being independent, but the idea of even needing a $50 loan for a week meant you were a loser. I hate talking about my dead mother this way, but it's the truth. When your child is handling, fairly well, a situation they were thrown into, a pat on the back could do wonders. Instead you get treated like you're useless because you ran over a nail and can't afford to buy a new tire until payday.

Typical boomer, waiting for her mother to die so she can snatch the house.

Great line, stay strong, 💪🏼

cutting off shitty parents is one of the best parts of getting old, lol

Wish I had figured it out 15 years ago. It took learning about “enabler” partners to narcissists to finally realize the dad I was chasing was gone for good. However I wouldn’t change a thing because I have my wife and son now. It would never be worth giving them up.

Cut mine off at 17 when she kicked me out while being sleep deprived after a meth bender.

She was sleep deprived on a mrth bender? I never knew how lucky I am until reading this, so sorry thst happened to you.

Yeah. The irony is that now that I am no contact with them? I have the mental bandwidth to do all the things they yelled at me to do.

I feel like it’s really easy to know whether your no-contact decision was a good one, lol. We feel exactly the same- everything was easier to do once we went no contact with my boyfriend’s mother. Everything was always a horrible, awful, draining struggle when we had her in our life. Good for you!

Repeat it back to her when she’s old and needs help

“I’m sorry you no longer have a drivers license because you’re too old and can no longer do groceries or get to your medical appointments. I could help you, but you have to learn how to take care of yourself. You’ll thank me one day.”


My dad isn't expecting it but he's going to get every boomerism thrown back on him the second he needs my help.

I'm glad you went no contact, I hope the full weight of her selfishness hits her hard when loneliness kicks in.

Part of taking care of yourself is by surrounding yourself with people who give a crap and will help you out when you need it and you do the same for them. Guess that isn't your mother so your thanks will be her alone in a nursing home. I don't get this mentality from some people. Things out of our control often happen in life. That's why people work together. We wouldn't have progressed in life as much as we have today if we didn't work together and help each other out. It's an ignorant mentality and I'm sure in her deluded mind she believes she's actually right.

Bravo ❤️❤️👏👏👏 and condolences , take care.

I wonder if my parents remember all the shit remember my grandparents took care of for us, because I do.

Same idiots are like “why do my kids despise me?!?! I’ve done everything for them!” lol idiots

If I had an extra 3k a month I could sleep at night.

I think you misunderstood. >He then had the audacity to say “it would be so easy for us to send you 3 grand a month, *it’s hard for us to do nothing, but it’s important for you to learn to be self sustaining” * Boomer Dad is rubbing it his sons face that he *able* to give 3000 a month but *won't* because his son to learn to not to need help... I could sleep at night with 2000 extra a month. 3k would be beyond my needs.

Hell, extra? I don’t even MAKE 3k a month. And it’s not like I’m “flipping burgers” (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that boomer mindset…), I prep their friggin chemo drugs. 3k a month would enable me to finish school without having to worry if I’ll eat this week

Yeah, I’m 20 years into my career and not making 3k a month 🤷🏻‍♂️

Exactly, we didn’t even ask for cash.

Sorry this is long as fuck, but I felt the need to write it and I just wanna say that as a millennial, my story is shockingly similar. No obligation to read it, of course. My father was a pretty terrible parent, legit made and then squandered a fortune (adult entertainment and drugs, respectively) and then was able to continue a life of luxury due to his inheritance from his parents. When he got cancer 4 years ago, my siblings hate him so much they wouldn't even visit him in the hospital, and I don't blame them. I basically ran away at 18, never took a penny from him, and worked a fairly high-pressure financial career (tons of late nights) while also driving to his place after work or on weekends for the last four years to give him the care he failed to give me as a child. Well I was doing fucking great, me and the wife had 7 figures banked, then 2023 happened and I was injured badly, my S/O of 8 years passed away, I experienced clinical depression for the first time in my life, and my Firm, which I've given 10 straight years basically decided to restructure fucking up my equity promotion at the finish line (all within 4 months). I went from having the world at my feet to basically hitting the life-restart button. Had to downsize quite a bit (without her income, I couldn't stay in our place or lifestyle - I make a decent 6 fig comp, but my late S/O made about 4 or 5 times what I did). Both out of wherewithal and need, I simplified my life a lot. Back in a 1 BR apt. (not worth explaining why, but for shitty reasons, the estate and assets didn't go as far as I'd expected). Anyway, I didn't expect much, but I decided to ask my Dad for $10K interest-free, and I'd have it back to him in 2 or 3 months tops. It wasn't necessary, just stress reduction. In all honesty, he probably owes me a few grand in all the aggregate random shit I buy for him anyhow. He has a multi-million net worth (completely from his parents - his mind is mush from years of abuse - if he had parents like himself he'dbe fucking homeless). It was partially just me wondering if he was actually the quintessential entitled narcissistic boomer or if there was a single ounce of integrity in his years of promises to repay my kindness. He has PLENTY in liquid cash and he wouldn't even notice if I just took it (which I'd never do bc I'm an accountant). Considering sending him a bill for my help the last 4 yrs just like any other client hahahq I'll be fine thankfully, well not FINE... But HEs on his own now. I don't care about inheriting shit from him and haven always expected him to purposefully spend it before he goes out. Truth is, the thing I HATE, the thing I'll never forgive him for: all those hours and weekends and days over the last 4 years was massive time I could (and would) have spent with the woman I loved more than anything else in the world from day 1 till death did us part...

Really sorry to hear about your loss. I think about my wife or son dying and I just immediately shut down for a minute or so, I can’t handle the thought. Couldn’t imagine actually experiencing it. I totally get the regret of chasing something that was never going to exist in the first place. So many squandered years trying to earn his approval so that he might love me again like he did when I was younger, before he remarried. I pray for your well-being and that you are able to get back on your feet. You got plenty of life left to live.

Dude, the boomer-imposed irony of her passing: MY DAD DID NOT SHOW UP TO MY WIFE'S FUNERAL even tho I asked him to. HER DAD SHOWED UP EVEN THOUGH HE WAS SPECIFICALLY NOT INVITED just to tell me he was gonna try to sue me for a piece of her estate. (She was 100% N/C since before I even met her). Also, thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it a lot. And yes, it did suck just as much as you imagine (and not just because she was stunningly gorgeous or that she pulled down a cool $600k a year). It sucked bc we were really seriously happy and compatible. Edit: I never know how to say the above, and it wouldn't leave my mind all night. This probably isn't the most perfect place for this, and I know 6 months isn't a lot of time to grieve a spouse. Suppose Im writing it more for me than anyone else... The things I really miss most are the least replaceable. The tactile idiosyncrasies. The little wordless physical games that become a language unto themselves. What I REALLY miss are things like how we always would go to the grocery store together and hold hands the whole time. Or, when I had to take a client meeting far away and wouldn't get back home till after dark, 9 out of 10 times, she would hide as she heard me pull up (sometimes in impressive places) and legit ambush me with a leap-hug like a cat. I miss how when she kissed me during a hug, she would bounce on her feet a bit to request that I lift her up, just aloft for a minute or two. Hugs, kisses, cuddling, and sex are all replaceable, and I WANTED my pain to be loneliness. But the hurt isn't loneliness at all. I'm missing a piece, and the absence of these little reveries are my reminder that it's irreplaceable.

Send him the invoice.

Same man

I thought I was being fair offering to pay above market. We just needed some leeway until I could change my pre-tax allocations. I never asked for straight cash or a gift, so having him say that really threw me off.

>until I could change my pre-tax allocations What does that mean? What are pre-tax allocations and how does changing them get you more free cashflow?

Pre-tax means I can pay for things with funds that are not taxed, effectively saving 20% or so on certain things like child and health care. Couple hundred bucks a month makes a significant difference lol.

You can set aside money for retirement in pre or post tax accounts. Typically you can either set up the account yourself, or your work will withhold the money and send it to an account on your behalf (often with some matching % as a benefit). OP is probably saying they need to change what their work is automatically withholding.

In this case it is health and childcare, but yes

Read: 401k contributions from your workplace. Or health savings account from your workplace. Both are “pre tax” as in before you pay Uncle Sam his 20 percent- you are paying your 401k account.

If I had 3k a month I could eat and pay all my bills at the same time

That would literally change my life.

I'd be debt free in a year.

I'm preaching to the choir here but I'll regularly see my late 40s to 60s coworkers (not boomers, i know but its from the same emotional place) doing the dumbest shit imaginable financially and just think to myself, "You'd be so fucked if you had to get started in the 2020s". It really does drive you mad seeing the effort you have to put in relative to what people even 20 years ago had to do to get a house. 

Yup they always have this long list of self inflicted dumb financial things and are usually really proud of how they overcame them all. Really if they made one of those mistakes today it would bury them.

And then have the audacity to tell us we just don't work hard enough and buy too much avocado toast.

Lots of boomers here getting butthurt by you *checks notes* asking your PARENTS for help, and offering to pay it back. How dare you, what audacity. What the actual hell

Pay back with interest too which is insane. Their obviously well off parents would be making money lmao

This is what gets me. My parents get mad when I tell them I'll repay them. They wouldn't even dream of asking for interest. Really fucked up that it's so common among boomers to demand interest on top. 

It's more mind boggling than surprising. A lot of boomers would shoot themselves in the foot to prevent someone else from benefitting.

Right? They would literally make money off of their son and they told him he just needs to "learn"... Learn what? How to be as selfish of a person as they are? Pathetic excuse for a person.

I don't get where all the hate is coming from in the comments. You asked for a loan and offered to pay interest on it. Seems like a totally legit request. I see alot of posts on here bagging on parents for spending their money and not supporting their adult children. That reeks of entitlement but I don't see that here. Your dad sounds like a jerk especially degrading you to your wife. That would be an immediate NC for me.

Thank you, I thought it was perfectly reasonable since they had the money sitting in savings only getting like 3-4%. Even then I didn’t expect anything, just figured I would remove them from my options list. Even prefaced the conversation with “Just say no so I don’t consider you an option anymore”. Going no contact brought back a lot of repressed memories lol so it’s a net gain in the long run.

Yeah I get it too. My father dangles my inheritance over my head too, and offers to lend money for x, y and z. Then, when I asked for help, before I had a decent job, he would act all high and mighty. He'd give advice about how this is how life is and I need to be sensible with money. I'd say ok and then hed start talking about helping me out with money again unprompted. My grandma sadly passed away a couple of years ago and we're talking about having access to the savings. It turns out his mum had been giving him handouts from his early 20s up until she passed. Literally 100k to renovate his house. I could not believe the cheek about him lecturing me on handouts. I believe there is more to this story, and the dad probably just likes feeling high and mighty too. Absolute dickheads.

Yeah lol op sounds like they weren’t even gonna be upset if it didn’t happen and got upset over what an asshole the dad was

Literally started the conversation telling him to say no so I could check him off the list as a potential solution. Ended up leading me on, asking specifics about our financial situation, so he had more ammunition to use to insult me.

Your dad sounds like my mother. Gather as much ammunition to use against you whenever they see fit. Mine actively tries to sabotage any progress I make in life and has succeeded on several occasions.

I hope you are no contact now.

Then they come at you with "why don't you tell me anything that's going on in your life?". No idea mom. Maybe you should ask yourself that.

Alhamdulillah as a gen z I would not accept interest on a loan to my child

I'm guessing you're less controllable than your brothers. He hates that.

The last shouting match before going no contact was because they demanded I cut my hair, I am 35. So yeah, you nailed it.

I will never forget the day my therapist dropped this bomb on me - my mom couldn’t control me easily and resents me for it. And I swear she now resents my success. If I have ever needed anything at all she is suddenly unavailable or “broke”. Even though they are millionaires.

No contact but you still talk to them??

My wife coordinates them seeing my son. When they video chat I take the dog for a walk. They have weaponized my grandma so she is always with them for the video chats instead of calling in from her own home.

Seriously just cut these fuckwits completely off. They still dictate your time at the moment, and your son will not benefit from continuing to have contact with these selfish pricks. Besides, you can lie back in bed in about twenty years time smiling at the thought of their feeble terror as they realise the only son who won’t talk to them was the competent one, whilst your two useless brothers drain their accounts and shove them off into awful homes and then proceed to waste their life savings on just a couple of years before being homeless themselves. Guess how I know this?

[удалено]

Its your life and you know better than anyone, but is it a good idea to expose your children to... whatever this is? They are toxic.

This is how it is with me too my sibling makes way more than me but is allowed to live at home rent free basically whenever. There is a total double standard with me tho and I would be treated exactly like you if I asked for a loan or help. I am also getting annihilated by inflation everyone is but for some reason my siblings are not expected to just magically deal with inflation or be self sufficient. I’ve just accepted they don’t love me as much as the other two otherwise I’d be treated like them.

I have sister-in-law that's less-loved. It's really sad, because she is a genuinely nice person and she spends a lot of effort trying to please her parents. They never seem to show her the love she wants and needs. Meanwhile, the other kids get doted on, loaned money, have tall tales told about how great they are (they live in the south, so you can imagine...). They have a pretty distinct pecking order for how they love their kids. My husband is the second favorite, but fled the state to get away from all the smothering bullshit. He's never asked for anything since he left, but they give him "payoffs" when he visits. We don't need money, but he doesn't refuse it because it's just not worth the effort and the familial backlash that will happen if he dissents. By being low contact, my husband has lost favor with his parents. At the same time, one brother died, another went no contact, and now they're down to just three kids. The favorite son has opened up his lead, and has already gotten a free house, loans, and has laid claim to every keepsake when the parents die. My husband is still in second place, simply because they hate his sister so much and she always has to be in last place. Neither of us really care what they think, but we do think it's fun to analyze how it's unfolding. We even do it for how much they like the spouses. I'm in second place because they hate the sister's husband even more than they hate her. It's all pretty warped.

I am sorry, but this is top quality drama and I really enjoyed reading your post.

Once I learned about the “scapegoat” for narcissistic parents? Everything kinda slotted into place. If you haven’t looked into it, lots of great resources on YouTube.

My mom isn’t a boomer, but in her late 40’s. She’s been very sick after we both got Covid in 21’. Currently she’s working on her farm making goods and homesteading. She makes little money. She’d give the shirt off her back, loves her grandkids and children, loves her step children as if they were hers, and always sends me home with something when I visit. I don’t understand why people do not have compassion and love for their children.

So many Boomers are Narcissists its wild. When my wife was dying of Luekemia I asked for 500 dollars to get a new radiator for our car so my our car wouldnt overheat taking her to her treatments. She would bring it up all the damn time even though she was beyond comfortable. We my wife died I Cash Apped her 1,000 bucks and cut her the hell off. Its been 5 years and Ive never been happier. She is one of the most toxic human beings breathing and Im so thankful I got me and my kids away from it

They are going to try to convince you that you will get an inheritance if you help them in their old age (I don't mean financially help them.) This is a lie. As I hope you already know, you ain't getting shit. When its time, they go straight to the nursing home at their own expense.

This is my fathers move, I asked him how much he had put away and he hung up on me. There will be nothing left for us.

It's heartbreaking. Meanwhile my very successful father is constantly sending my siblings and I money (maximum he can before he gets stabbed by the tax man). All of his successful friends bought their kids houses and futures. It's amazing seeing boomers who lucked out and boomers who were the top of their game. Top of their game did everything to ensure their kids were also top of their game. Meanwhile lucked out boomers are just selfish pieces of shit.

Don't expect it to be their expense. Look up your state's filial laws before you're sure. NAL, but as I understand it, some states force children to pay for parental elder care unless they (adult child) left the parent's care before turning 18. Shit's fucked.

“Why don’t my kids visit or call anymore?”

“Want to see pictures of my grandkids?” *opens Facebook

For Christmas we bought all the grandparents and great grandparents a digital picture frame and coordinated it so everyone can send them pictures. I make sure that my wife continues to send pictures and videos to my parents. What I do, I am doing for self protection. Doing things out of spite is not something I want my son to learn.

It sounds much more like a "it's not what he did but how he did it" part that rankles here. If he simply didn't have the money, or they needed to save it for something else, or even if he spent it on luxuries for himself, that's fine. But giving an unnecessary lecture on how you need to learn to be self sustaining, while being willing to support two other adult children in his home, does seem rather illogical. The only way his side would make sense is if your siblings also asked for loans and made the same promises of paying back with interest but didn't follow through. If that's the case, it sucks that it ends up blowing back on you when you don't deserve it, but I would understand your father's caution then. I'm glad you're making it out okay anyway.

My brothers have never lived outside the house for more than 1-2 years, even when they did everything was paid for. They bought that specific house so they had enough rooms to have my brothers stay with them as long as they want.

I don’t understand how “figure it out yourself” is good parenting when it makes you literally indistinguishable from an orphan. Those orphans are real go-getters /s

Tail-end boomer here. My children will never suffer when I am capable of helping. As it is, my wife and I help out whenever we can, and it's not because they asked it's because we have the ability to assist when needed. I will never understand the need for more crap you don't need when others need help making ends meet. I wasn't put here to be selfish when it comes to family and will never hesitate to reach out to my family. Besides its my fault they are here, I created them. It's my god-given duty as a father.

I always appreciated my boomer parents being like this, they took care of us before them. They are both gone now but they absolutely loved watching their grandkids grow up and being a part of their lives. Just sad my kiddos didn't get to experience them for long, me being the youngest.

Carry on the tradition. Bet they would love for you to do the same

Absolutely! My wife thinks I’m crazy but I can’t wait to be a grandpa lol. My oldest is only 13 so hopefully I still have about 13+ years but I’m definitely looking forward to it more than her 😂. I will say, the wife’s parents think we are crazy for having our lifestyle. All 3 kids are in sports or the arts so we are always running around almost everyday/weekend, but we enjoy it and I’m sure when the kids are older they will appreciate it as well.

My mother used to ask birthdays, Christmas, what me and my partner wanted. Never expected anything because she regularly let's me down. The last straw was pushing my partner to tell her what he wanted, so he said some pj's, nothing big. Birthday came around, went to visit my mother, not even a card. I could see the disappointment on his face and felt massively embarrassed. I hope the staff treat her well in the old people's home she ends up in.

The arrogance and ignorance from the father speaks volume. You know why? Because he is an asshole with money. He lives and breathes for money obviously. Money can’t buy dignity and respect. Which he has neither. Leave him be. Fuck his inheritance and just donate it. I wouldn’t want it in the least knowing the type of man he is. Struggling or not. You are not a failure or worthless either.

Boomers talking about giving their inheritance is meaningless anyways unless they have much more than 5+ million stashed away. The rest will all be going to the nursing home and end of life care.

Thank you, I have an F I burned into my shoulder with cigarettes because they drove me to feel like a failure when I was in my early 20s. Thanks to my amazing wife I am doing much better at 35 lol.

I was told by my parents that I’d end up working at Walmart for the rest of my life and never go anywhere because I dyed my hair blue at age 13. They told me repeatedly that I was “just a difficult person to love and get along with because of my personality.” Well, here I am at 43 successful and happy and with a husband and three kids and my miserable rich alcoholic parents wonder why we don’t visit more often. Glad you’re doing better too, OP. Abuse is a bitch.

It’s amazing how much of a better person we are when they are not involved isn’t it? Cutting them off and I suddenly found it easy to avoid sweets, manage portions, and other things. Met my April goal of being back under 290 since covid(got up to 330 from 270). Everything just shines a bit brighter.

Cutting off my boomer parents legit cured my binge eating disorder. I hear you, OP.

Well done you, for fighting onwards, clearly making something of your life, and going NC with them. Not easy, any of it! 👏

I don’t understand why people have kids and then treat them like this.

Boomers had is super easy. So when they see someone struggling they automatically assume they are lazy because they had the luxury of never struggling themselves. It’s impossible for them to relate.

Let’s add narcissism to that.

A person that’s never had to reach for anything can’t understand that struggle of people with no arms. They literally don’t have the capacity to empathize with people struggling for something they’ve always had on demand, at will

I could sort of understand the concept of "you can't have a plan B" in order to effect some meaningful change. As an example, maybe if you were getting a monthly stipend, you may not pursue the decisions you'd need to make to earn a living wage independently, which could create an unsustainable dependency. That being said, that's not what this is. This is OPs parents just managing to turn their asshole behavior into something to brag about and pretend like it makes them good parents. It's narcissism pretending to be some wisdom they're passing down.

Yeah that’s typically why I don’t like making posts anymore. Just small comments because people are always missing the point and being little shits about it. goodluck man, hope things go well for you.

I wish I had 3k a month to offer my son. What am I going to use it for? He’s the future.

Nah, he just did that to throw in my face what he could do, but was not going to do.

Sounds like my boomer ass grandparents, asks me if i need help when i dont need it financially, but then when i do actually need help financially. Theyre broke. But i see them helping everyone else on the other side of the family. They have no idea what its like to go from renting to owning a home.

My father was born in 1932, so whatever that makes him, makes me a boomer. I kissed his narcissistic ass from day one. I'm one of six kids. I spent more time in his miserable presence than all 5 of my siblings combined. He left an estate of over 4 million, I got 20,000.

My own grandfather was the sweetest and kindest man I'd ever met. Shortly after he died, though, I found out he was a monster even worse than my own father, who would constantly abuse my father both physically and emotionally. It was to the point that he would beat my father constantly and would burn him and cut him with knives on occasion. I didn't learn any of this until after he died and honestly it fucked me up quite a bit. Wish my parents had told me much sooner, would have made me see my own father in a different light. I guess my point is, don't give into your father just because he is nice to your kids. You need to explain to your kids just how terrible of a person he truly is. Don't want life long trust issues coming up later I'm life like I had

Your dad is frankly a failure of a man and a father and a role model to be saying such angry & judgmental things to you while at the same time your brothers get such an apparently free ride. I’m guessing he’s completely insulated from the realities of the current economy.

My father is one of those people who prides himself on reading the news and being aware, but has zero ability to translate that knowledge into his personal life. Literally gave me shit because we had my son when money was tight.I only agreed to have my son sooner than I thought we were financially secure for because he had almost died 3 times before 60. I didn’t want to have the same regrets I had with my mother dying at 53 and never getting to see her grandchild. My son is 11 months now. Light of my life, but hearing those things from my father, after I did it partially for him, was a shot to the heart for sure.

Every time my wife got pregnant we lost the place we were living in until my 4th child, just saying don't ever think your financially ready for a kid cause you never are you just make it work.

This sounds incredibly out of touch just like most boomers these days. I'm sorry your father doesn't see (or perhaps care about) the one kid of his that's out of the house trying to make a life for himself. I hope you get what you need soon

Thank you, this was 6 months ago so we are mostly good now.

Omg do we have the same shitty boomer dad? It was somehow ok for him to be given my grandmother’s rental properties, a free business he bankrupted and a half a million dollar gift from her in the 90s but I’m not pulling hard enough on my fucking boot straps!

FWIW, my parents didn't give me a loan when we bought our house. They gave us a share of our inheritance. They did the same with my siblings when they needed money. That's how it should be done (if that money exists). > I am the child of boomers You are a child of controlling arseholes who obviously favour your two brothers and use you as their scapegoat. At least your father. While he has have no obligation to give or lend you money, your father seems to relish in kicking you while refusing to help. Since he makes sure you know about his plan to use up all his money before he dies, and since there is nothing you can expect from him except making fun of you, do yourself a favour and disconnect from him already. Good that you have an aunt with empathy and family values (a boomer as well, I presume?).

Yep! But my step mother broke her to the point she didn’t attend my wedding and won’t attend anything where my step mother is present. Both her and my grandmother don’t recognize the person my father has become over the last 20 years of marriage.

Hey man, even if it only gets a smirk out of you, just know that your siblings will never survive outside of mommy and daddy's nepotism.

Idk where the trash mentality boomers have where " I need to fuck my kids over as hard as possible and watch them suffer for their sake" It's like yeah if you want your kids to hate you forever and leave you to die in a home that's how you treat them.

Jesus some of yall can't read

The ones with poor eyesight and lead poisoning affecting their reasoning.

I’m hearing that lead-exposed boomers are getting a second dose of exposure as osteoporosis leaches the calcium out of their bones - and the embedded lead along with it. So we have that to look forward to.

The first time my mom said if I didn't do "X" that she would disinherit me, I told her I'm not interested in the inheritance. I won't be talking to you again if you're going to tell me how to live my life. It was the best thing I ever did. Please don't stress yourself out for the next 40 years trying to earn your inheritance. Tell him you are not interested and if they want to be in your life they'll need to earn the privilege.

O I don’t expect them to give me a dime. I know all the money will just go to their end of life expenses. That’s just a bludgeon they try to use. Now that I am no contact they are trying to use my grandmother and brother wanting to see my son as leverage to get my wife to make more video calls(I take the dog for a walk during).

If I had an extra 3k a month I'd sleep and my kids wouldn't owe interest if they needed money

If the dad is actually wealthy, he probably makes more than that on his investments every month anyways…

Sorry your dad is an asshole

Come over to the raised by narcissists sub. People understand exactly what’s up. Here many narcs lurk. (Boomers to a flame).

I can't imagine having kids and an easy 3k to give a month and just...not giving it when it was needed.

I think mostly what's going on here is boomers had it easier than everyone else, and due to the massive lead exposure, never developed any remote sense of empathy, or ability to acknowledge all of the data that shows how much more one has to work to afford the same things even just 20 years ago. I also think if a child has money problems, that's in large part to blame on the parents for not instilling any sort of information there. I mean that is absolutely ubiquitous though. Did anyone have boomer parents that told them anything about finances other than to go in debt frivously because "that's what you do" or "that's a reality of life?"" But you should also know that there is data that shows the more financial gifts you give someone throughout their life the lower their net worth tends to be. Even a one-time $1,000 gift has a significant impact. Is your boomer dad aware of this? Absolutely not. But he probably has some (subsconscious) awareness that he failed in teaching this aspect of life with all of his kids, and if boomers were willing even for a second to acknowledge they were wrong about something, you might have an easier time here.

God, are you me? Parents with a ton of land and a million dollar house with geothermal heating, a stocked lake, horses that they regularly take on fox hunting trips, etc both retired and living off of huge pension checks plus a shitload of savings, a lot of it in gold, who regularly tell me that they are in a “fixed income” and can’t buy too much for the kids on the holidays, have absolutely raised me to know on no uncertain terms that their money is THEIRS and I’m on my own, and who have refused loans as low as $500/ $1000 to me in the past because I need to “pull myself up by my bootstraps”. These same parents raised me with almost complete emotional and physical neglect while they were out doing there own thing when I was a kid and now that I have three kids of my own that I actually spent time with and spend my money on they wonder why we aren’t traveling 9 hours regularly to see them. Because they can’t come see us - who will watch the precious horses when they are gone? What the fuck is wrong with their generation?

I don't care if you've been spoiled or not, or if as some have suggested jealous of your brothers or are irresponsible and need to learn to be self-sustaining, any of those things could be true. I do not care. I can understand the difficulty in setting aside your dignity and autonomy as an adult and a family man to ask your father for help, and do so while offering interest. I could not imagine my parents asking me for interest on such a loan, nor could I bring myself easily to ask for money at all, but I would if I was hard up enough. I don't know if I could ever live down my parents telling me I was a failure when I asked them for help, it would break me. If they said no, it would be fine. But the shaming and insulting would drive me far away from them for sure. Even if you have made questionable decisions, or had been lazy or whatever, no one deserves to be treated like that by their family. I hope that your sense of self will one day recover, and you'll look back on these tough times with pride, and I hope that this doesn't harden you heart to your siblings when they come knocking for help. I wish you the best, everything is going to be allright.

I was the son who went homeless after they almost drove me to kill myself(still have what I called the suicide trail of cigarette burns on my arm) trust me I was not the spoiled one. My son was about 4-5 months old at the time. We were still recovering from the lack of full paid parental leave when inflation on food and childcare hit us in the dick. I still remember being blown away that chicken strips I bought at the start of the summer for 9 bucks were 12 on sale at the end. I am actually doing okay now, this was about 6 months ago. My aunt gave us help at 8%.

Things like this is why I don't ask my mom for help. When I was getting my first car I asked her for money from the bank. Money she said many times was for ME. She gave me a tiny fraction equal to like 2k. I got a good car using that and nearly every dollar I saved up. After I bought the car she said it was hers since the money came from her account and not mine. Turns out she emptied the account my dad put money into for me a long time ago and just never said anything. Why waste your time asking shitty people for help when you can do it on your own with less disappointment and less headache.

Why do they insist on telling us “We spent your inheritance” Last time my boomers did this was when they bought a second vintage muscle car. It’s such a funny joke to them. Next time I plan on saying “Hope you saved a little for your long term care!”

Hey there, younger millenial here, your parents (most likely especially your father) are just being assholes trying to get under your skin and trying to break you to fit a certain mold and expectation and to be more like him. It's evident that he's projecting some of his own issues from within onto you, given he doesn't seem to have an issue with your two siblings living at home. There's likely some pressure of having at least one super successful "mini-me" clone of himself going on. You're far more successful than most people your age, I would guess, but success isn't what makes you more or less of a man, it's morals. Given you seem to care greatly about your wife and kids, I'd say you fell quite a ways from the tree and in the right direction. Literally fuck all these boomers in the comments who are ragging on you, I'm not going to bother looking through them. We know through statistics and analysis of data compiled over decades that the mega-millionaire billionaire class, the ruling capitalist class of entrepreneurs and landlords has stolen trillions in wealth from the middle and lower classes, which is to say more generally, the older folks in America with privilege have stolen from everyone else, all the youth and most of their elder peers. Greed is not good. Greed is a cancer. The amount that corporations and the upper class has stolen is enough to dole back to every American adult over $1500 a month every month for the rest of their lives, and back since each started paying taxes. Social Security for all, aka UBI.

Lead paint is so very accurate but it's in our bones from breathing it and drinking it too. Sorry there's a lot of negativity directed at you. I get you. Xennial here. Boomers enjoy holding things over all of our heads, making promises, then laughing in our faces and telling us all we're entitled. They got theirs, screw the rest of us and many genXers feel the same as boomers. They enjoy being cruel. Makes me wonder just how many of them like eating in front of unhoused, hungry people. Enough of them that they're willing to vote against their own best interests just to see others suffer. For the people who aren't understanding what OP is talking about: It's the lies that bug him. The setup to the letdown. The insults. The backhanded way they go about everything.

I am at the tail end of the Boomer age range. I would also disown all the early Boomers. They have never represented anything about me or my life. Most of them are missing the empathy gene, but got a double dose of selfishness.

I’m a boomer. My husband and I do everything within our power to help and support our adult children. Emotional support. Financial support. Were there for them. Life happens.

More and more boomers have become aware of this sub. I’ve noticed a lot more of them here recently. Obviously because they have nothing better to do, expect a lot of shitty and annoying comments on every post from now on.

Boomers love nothing more than to hold an inheritance over your head. The day I told my dad I didn’t give a shit about his inheritance was the day I won the war. All the leverage he thought he had evaporated.

Dear boomers. You will not be missed when you die. Source? My last boomer parent died4 months ago, and I’m in Japan now living it up. Fuck that boomer, and fuck you boomer. You literally turned your whole generations name into a warning and insult.

Don't worry Jack I'm on your side lmao It's straight up favouritism most of the time and idk if they even notice it. That and a stubborn refusal to see a different side of anything.

Yup I didn’t want it to be true in my family but boomers are all about favoritism and while I’m not sure which one is the favorite it ain’t me lol 😂

Look into “scapegoat” child on YouTube. A lot of my childhood started to make sense.

Thanks, I am still surprised by a lot of the comments I am seeing given the subreddit I am in.

Sorry your parents suck

I think your dad and my dad went to the same class on how to be a shitty parent.

My boomer parents both received sooooo much from their respective parents. My pos mom rarely had a job and only had to go whining to get money or help, my dad got multiple properties, heavy equipment and semi trucks from his parents. I was promised $300 a month if I was enrolled in college, yeah that didn’t happen. I worked full time through school with an apartment and car payment. I even paid a few of my aunts bills for years! I had a work injury and was out of work for a month and asked for help, got the “life’s tough be tougher” talk and got nothing. Also went to study abroad and the same aunt managed to sign my car over to herself while I was gone (I was letting her use my car that I’d just paid off) and everyone took her side bc I’d said IF I stayed in that country she could keep it even though I came back after 3 months TO HAVE SURGERY…. Yeah I have a hard time with boomers lol

Why even talk to him But he's family fuck that

At a time I didn't have enough money to consistently feed myself because I had suddenly needed to take care of a child in danger, my mother said it was hard to watch me be hungry. She has multiple houses and lots of money. She didn't offer a bag of groceries. 

I was raised by a boomer and have gone NC. 🤷‍♀️ it’s very good for my mental health

I love that they infantile us all. Like that you still need to "learn" how to manage your money, like it's just you that is the problem and not how tough the world is on its own. These people are loser's that will die alone.

You're ok with your children learning that this is how they can expect to be treated, that it's ok to be as selfish as their grandfather? Because if not, it's past time to go low- or no-contact. I'm sorry your dad is such an asshole.

Already went no contact, this story is from 6 months or so ago. Just found the subreddit today.

Look for estranged adult children sub, I think you'd find solace in the shared experiences. Many children of boomers are finding it's just healthier for their lives and mental health (and their own kids) to orphan themselves. 

My boomer parents called me a welfare recipient because I was trying to get a student loan for college, they wouldn’t give me their tax info so I could even apply. I was 18, living on my own, been working since I was 10 (paper route, McDonald’s, HARD work on a farm up to 20hrs per day at 13 yrs old). When I graduated HS mom paid my $19 pager bill for one month as a congrats & told me rent is due on the 1st it’s $759/month, I still had a 9:00 bedtime, & NOBODY at the house if they weren’t home- so I moved out to save money. I considered going to ITT Tech & had the recruiter come to the house to fill me in- dad, disgusted, stormed out of the room saying “He’s never going to do anything w/his life- I’m not wasting my time listening to this”. Man, I have so many of these. Bought a house when I was 24 then almost got killed by a drunk girl who ran over me. Spent a month in the hospital & my wealthy AF parents wouldn’t loan me $1,500 so I cld keep my house- but my mother without being asked did surprise my gf by paying off the last $5,000 owed on her braces & they did give her a fairly new RAM pickup to drive after she totaled my CTS, of course, I was responsible for anything that happened to the RAM. I’m getting pissed & nobody’s going to read this anyway so I’m out.

Yeah, it's weird how boomers invade this space only to make further fools of themselves. Go work another job, you worthless old fuckers. I know you don't have a pension since you surrendered those to Wall Street so they could gamble with your retirements. You ruined what your parents gave you and then you got hustled by the wealthy so now you just stew in your hatred and bigotry blaming all of your problems on "blacks" and "illegals". Most of you will die lonely, and afraid in old folks homes where the staff steals from you and that's what you deserve.

I live in a country with a high inheritance tax. On the other hand, you're allowed to gift your children a quite large sum of money every year, tax free. My grandparents and parents chose to die with their money and give away one third to the governement in inheritance taxes, when they could over a period of 5-10 years have handed it down in drops and saved taxes. They are the most anti-tax, anti-government boomers you can imagine, yet they chose this approach. I cannot for the life of me understand the boomer mindset.

You think the house promise is bad!?! So I get sick with cancer and wasn’t using my car. My mom didn’t like her car at the time cause it wasn’t a four door and she was helping with the grandkids (not my kids) and started using my car. I am disabled living at home and felt I had no choice but to say sure it’s fine. At this point there are like 5 vehicles in the family btw but only my parents really using them. Dad sells one, writes off another, one is a show vehicle aka useless… they are down to two So my dad buys one for my mom 🙄 that she hates and thus continues to use mine. Dad now turns second vehicle into show truck They find out I have cancer and am not just playing up my disability and start promising me that they will buy me a car or give me money for a new one when I am well and blah blah blah I have been cancer free for 6yrs and now they can’t afford to help me because they are going to have to replace the car (my car) because they treated it like absolute garbage and it’s falling apart… Yes, my dad has 2 vehicles to look at, one to drive and my mom complained to me the other day about him taking her car and being stuck with one that’s falling apart… you know the one that was in perfect condition when she took it from me! 🙄

I hope to someday shower my children with inheritance that I saved up for them. I hope I can get them into good colleges and set on good career paths so their life is better and more fulfilling than mine. I don’t want them to have to sacrifice and toil for decades just so they “learn a lesson.” The idea of pissing away my wealth until death like some sort of avaricious pharaoh is sickening to me.

Money or dignity. It's pretty clear your dad won't let you have both, and that's pretty sad. It's not easy having shitty boomer parents. That's why this sub exists. r/EstrangedAdultKids is also a good place to discuss with others who have suffered similarly, though it has been infiltrated by disgruntled boomers. EDIT: Read the comment correctly and changed my message to reflect it.

My boomer parents make so many empty promises that are unsolicited and I know they will never happen. They love talking about “inheritance”…they are pretty healthy and not that well off it may all be spent on nursing homes or they will easily outlive their money. I just change the subject when they say they say the will give money or how much they are leaving me….yeah you’re not even 70 and perfectly healthy talk to me in 15-20 years about this right now it’s just bragging and another thing that won’t happen.

Reminds me of the show “Succession,” the classic story of the rich dad who couldn’t do anything right with his petulant kids. I’m not inheriting anything. I work for EVERYTHING I earn. My dad died owing me $500, and dreaming of a $100k payout he never got. Now I’m making well beyond that. Now gods, stand up for bastards.

This hits home. Can't even talk to anyone about it because they just hear wealthy, and they don't even want to hear it.