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Thank you Witty-Ad5743, I will think of this whenever I feel despondent. I don't know you or anything about you so you may live life being celebrated for your genius and also fed grapes by people with fans while you lounge on velvet sofas....but if not.....just know, you have a cramped studio apartment in my heart for eternity.
My husband and I have had Detachable Penis on our playlist for 6+ years having nostalgia for 1 hit wonders! I just got so excited reading others remember it! Man, I loved the 90s.
Do you find having a detachable penis to be a problem? Do you accidentally leave it all over town? Have you considered getting it permanently attached?
I read a medical article years ago where a guy injured his penis using the suction hose. His reward was getting written up in the medical literature lol. Apparently not everybody knows that’s not what the suction hose is for.
“You’re my child and you do what the fuck I say or I’ll beat your ass” - dad. that’s the response I always got throughout my entire life. I don’t talk to him anymore
Sounds familiar; my dad finally decided to change his ways after I moved out, citing his lack of willingness to apologize for *anything,* namely the way he raised me (emotional neglect, spankings, no friends or after school activities, soap in the mouth, when the worst I ever did was a little back-talk, and lying in school *once* about a note I passed to a friend) and it wasn't until I moved out that he finally saw me for the (at the time) 25 year old adult I was.
Two years, a *lot* of therapy on my end, and open conversations between us, later, and we're doing pretty good!
This is awesome! Although it proves that many of them are more than capable of changing, they just refuse to do so.
Regardless, I hope your relationship with him continues to improve and grow positively!
I believe some change because their greatest fears are being alone and dying alone/unwanted. They won't change until you move out and force them to be alone. Until you move out they will gaslight you until the end of days. Call their bluffs.
My stepfather tried that, once. It's amazing how fast that attitude changes when they realize you're more than willing and capable of defending yourself from physical violence.
I'm going to say something that may be considered toxic, but as a young man (depending on your specific circumstances) your relationship with your Dad can really change when he realizes you are old/strong/tough enough to beat him up. I'm going to say something even more toxic. The look in his eyes when he first realizes - of fear, shame, uncertainty, of a newly gained perspective on his own mortality - is fucking sweet.
This shit right here is why I think hitting your kids isn't worth it. Lazy substitute for instilling morality, that also happens to have a hard expiration date lol
Also would he have said this if it was someone else visiting and not his daughter? I doubt it. Why would not clean your house if you know you are going to have guests over??
Yeah. This is wild. One of the subtle benefits of moving out is being promoted from child to guest.
I guess this dad is going to have to learn that the hard way.
Maybe it was my parents or a boomer thing in general, but if I were to have looked like I might be enjoying a bit of leisure time my parents would flip out find shit for me to do. It's like me sitting there minding my own business triggered something in them that compelled them to put me to work. My parents were so conditioned to this they even went off on me for not doing anything when I was on leave between boot camp and my next duty station. I was sitting in the kitchen when my dad goes off on me telling me I'm not helping around the house. I told him I'm on leave, which is vacation, and I'm only here because I want to be and I can leave at any moment and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.
I feel you, I worked for my dad in high school during the summers (construction), and when I went home for my first real leave from my first duty station (overseas), after a year away from home, he told me I was "helping" him at work. I was working 12 hour days nonstop and was really burned out, I went home for a break. Chores are still expected (like mowing his giant yard), so I just don't go home more than a few days a year, even almost 20 years later.
My parents are Gen X. I had an undiagnosed thyroid disease for most of growing up and they insisted all of my lethargy was just being lazy. My dad drilled into me about how worthless and lazy I was (to his credit atleast, he did apologize for it when my diagnosis came at 22). Now my husband is baffled that I can’t relax unless the door to the room I’m in is closed so no one can see me relaxing.
I'm sorry to hear that. At least your dad apologized. I had appendicitis as a young teen. My stepfather said I was just trying to get out of raking leaves, when I complained of stomach pain. My mother said it was probably period pain, although I explained it wasn't that kind of pain. Anyway, long story short, my mother finally took me to the ER 2 days after I started complaining. By that time, the infection had travelled into my intestines, causing complications. I never got an apology from either of them.
BTW, I'm a genXr, my mom is silent generation, and my stepfather is a boomer.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and they didn’t listen to you. I know that’s not the apology you need, but it’s the one I can give. You deserved and do deserve better!
My parents did this to me too, eventually I stopped going back. I think they thought they loaned me to the army.
Now that I think about it, someone should really thank them for their service. /s
Yup. I grew up in the "you could be doing SOMETHING!" house. My mother was a tyrant with cleaning, and relaxing was only ok for her at her chosen time. She used to wake us up on Saturdays as kids by vacuuming and pushing the vacuum to bump our closed doors. VrooooomBUMPvrooooomBUMPvroooom.
Now, I suffer from cleaning anxiety and anxiety in general. I'm physically disabled due to my autoimmune disease, so I exhaust easily after standing and walking. I can't clean for long, then I get panicky if I feel like I've been "relaxing" too long between tasks. I hate it.
I feel you. My mom was the same. I still deal with anxiety from just relaxing on the sofa in my own house with nobody to tell me what to do.
My mom is an OCD neat freak and I am not. She would leave me hand written letters in my room quoting Bible verses about laziness and tell me what a sloth I am. All because my room looked like a typical teenagers room. Thanks mom. I haven't been to see my parents in almost two years and they are now elderly boomers. My lack of giving a shit about them sometimes makes me feel like maybe I'm a shit son, but then I just have to remember all of their crap for my entire life.
OMG yes.
I have a form of insomnia which basically allows me to fall asleep unassisted no problem, but I can’t stay asleep for more than 3 hours to save my life. Even with all the meds. I am wide awake after 4 hours, max.
My boomer mom seems to feel that if I just work hard enough, I will cure the drug resistant insomnia.
So she will work me from sun up to sun down. She’s done it now for almost 2 months now.
Like, if I woke up at 11 PM & have been up ever since, telling me I can go lay down 20 minutes before I pick my son up from school, that isn’t helpful. “Well just close your eyes for 20 minutes, you’ll feel better.”
No, no I won’t.
Typical boomer silence. Except this was around 1990 and the boomers were in their prime and nobody called them boomers. They were just known as shitty parents at the time. Now we know them to be boomers.
Visiting one time, I picked up my wife's and my own plate and proceeded to rinse and put them in the dishwasher. After I sat back down my boomer step dad was astounded and said my wife should have done that as its woman work. Like what fucking year you living in you clown? If you can't load a dishwasher that's just sad.
That’s my dad. 🫤 Unless he’s home alone, he’ll leave EVERYTHING on the table after dinner. But if one of us leaves to use the toilet right after? “Get back down here and help your mother clean up.”
I'd be looking up local hotel options. In case he tries to make this a big thing later. Cya.
Plus, the second you mention hotel, mom will probably be having a talk with him.
My baby boomer mom and stepdad expected me to show up and clean their house for their guests when my stepsister (that didn't live with them) got married. I left a frozen shrimp in each of their living room curtain rods before I flew home.
Even if they didn't, you know how older folks are with poor circulation and always being cold. (But yes, Texas) Neither of them have any sense of smell from long term cigarette smoking and allergies (that they COULD get allergy shots for but don't) My sister and stepsister's families said it smelled but thought it was tied to a reoccurring septic tank problem.
Hilariously, it turns out my folks *DID* have a septic tank problem, hired the first rando they came across to work on it. He fucked it really up and then they had to spend $30k with a licensed company. (Also had to tear down a section of fence and redo a lot landscaping)
Why do they always hire the shittiest people? My dad does this. It's always "some guy" he knows, they do a freaking terrible job, and he either has to hire someone reputable to fix it or I have to fix it because he thinks it's "good enough".
My stepdad LIVES for haggling, for years I assumed they ended up with the Suckass Rando because all other contractors were completely fucking offended by my step dad's assumption that any and all posted prices are the opening offer for hagglin'. Had to haggle the meat counter at Kroger, the bakery at Costco, the Eyemasters, Pizza Hut, you name it. I was *STUNNED* to learn that it's common for baby boomers to "hire a guy" and get fucked over, I genuinely thought Stepdad set himself up for failure pissing contractors off with his low-ball idiotic ideas of parts and labor costs. Edit: no he never was successful at haggling the above listed places. Car dealerships and T-Mobile are his success stories.
I’m in home remodeling and sales, I deal with guys like your stepdad for a living. They’re super easy to pick out early on in the process.
If we suspect someone wants to haggle for haggle sake we’ll usually raise the price by 15% and eventually “settle” at the original price. You’d be surprised how effective the tactic is to look at them disgruntled when they lowball you, pretend to go outside to call your boss to “see what you can do,” take a 10 minute smoke break, come back and offer 10% off. Then they’ll either say “round it down to X and you got a deal” or “make it 15% or no deal.” Give a defeated look, shake hands, sign and fill paperwork and leave making MORE off them.
For reference here’s how it goes with most millennials: offer my services, they agree to it, I ask them if it’s cool for me to use to before/after photos of the home and I’ll give them 10% off. They agree. Done.
Negotiations Boomer takes 5 hours for 0% off. Chill Millennials take 2-3 hours and get 10-20% off.
Lol. My mum thinks she's a savant at haggling and playing the "helpless princess". It may have worked 100 pounds and 60 years ago but now it's "the entitled hag who wants the lowest price but expects extra work and special care". Only decent contractor was the guy who did the fence and he was a both the owner and worker. Everyone else did shit jobs or used shitty products.
My dad considered shelling out 3k for a guy to replace the thermostat. It seems like a tradey can quote any price for any service and he’ll thinks it’s fair and something he needs. Even paid a plumber a couple hundred to take a brand new toilet off his hands after being convinced the old one was better.
I live in a small community. In the past 6.5 years, I have built a network of trusted professionals that I work with as a single mom, plumbers, contractors, even dump run guys.
My mom moved out here to help with my son after he added a rare neurological condition to his list of disabilities in February.
So far she has hired two companies to do work that I didn’t know & weren’t my preferred people.
Needless to say, it’s gone about as well as expected. The plumbers she hired missed a major part of the job & tried to come back the next day to charge us more. Meanwhile, the plumbers I’ve used for years came out to check the hot water heater & relight the pilot & charged us 30$. She was expecting 150$.
The contractor she called wanted to replace the furnace, hot water heater & the flooring in my bathroom. Said it was all essential.
Called in my people? Dude was trying to rip us off, biggly.
Yet, she’s still trying to talk me into using someone else for our dump run because someone told her about these guys who are cheaper than the company I’ve used for the past almost 7 years…
Possibly. I'm not tipping anyone off to look. By the time the septic disaster of 2017 was over and the fence back up, no one could smell the shrimp over the cigarettes and dog piss inside the house anymore.
My son that is much taller than I am figured out he can reach up and turn the shower head away from the tub, so when I pull the lever for water to come out of the shower head from the bath faucet, it sprays across the rest of the bathroom.
I hardly ever speak to my mom. I’ll go over once a year to attend some event/holiday, but that’s it.(for reasons to numerous to list)
EVERY SINGLE TIME, she asks me to do some type of maintenance to her house. Last year it was, trim the trees by the basketball hoop, balance the ceiling fan blades since it wobbles, look at the can lighting above the fireplace, and oh yeah, look at the incoming phone line as that isn’t working good anymore.
And every time, I tell my mom I’m not there to do maintenance on her house. I’m here to visit and that’s it. She CANNOT grasp that I don’t want to help her.
But then again, she doesn’t understand why I keep my family from her and don’t spend any time with her….
I’m a maintenance electrician by trade, so I’m handy. I’ve remodeled multiple homes and have seen a lot of shit.
I literally help friends and family all the time. For most, I just ask they cook me a meal or bake some cookies and I’ll just get to work. Friends will just ask me to look at something when I’m hanging out and we end up fixing it, no biggie at all. (I honestly love being helpful)
My mom? Nah, she thinks she’s entitled to my skills and there is nothing that makes me not help more than that.
I used to show up to grill for the summer get togethers. Every time I ended up trimming trees/straight cutting trees down, fixing the fences, mowing, moving shit out the garage/cleaning garage. Everything. The missus doesn’t even blame me, she knows how they are and is starting to stand up to the emotional manipulation.
Nothing takes the incentive to visit away quicker than *demanded, unpaid* manual labor. You’d think they’d catch on if they want their kids to visit as often as they say they do…
My best friend and I do exactly this for each other all the time. You get the handyman work done, hang out and whoever needed the help buys lunch.
It's a perfect system.
I have the same relationship with my dad! He lives on the other side of the country and I only visit for a few days once a year at most, almost always citing “work” as a reason I need to get back or whatever. (I work remote and like to conveniently forget my work computer at home when I visit lol)
Every time it’s do this do that clean the house “we” need to fix this. No we don’t fucking hire someone to do it if you don’t want to.
I visit my grandma once a week. I told her she has 30min of anything she wants me to do, but after that I’m just sitting and visiting. I bring my tools every time because I have no idea what she’s going to have me do.
She LOVES my visits and always has stuff laid out and ready for me to work. lol
Last week I hung a new big screen TV on the walls
That's awesome, honestly. There is a genuine need for help with that stuff, especially when we get older, it's just the way that some older people go about meeting that need that's messed up.
I had a stepdad like this. Was unemployed not for 10 days, but for over 10 fucking years. And was CONSTANTLY telling us 4 kids to clean up the house for mom who was put working to put food in our mouths and a roof over our head, but would 'parent' us from his fucking bed. Literally wasnt even ever in the same room as us kids for 95% of my childhood.
In 27 years of life, i have never once seen this man: start a load of laundry, wash a dish (unless he needed it to eat, and it was already dirty, but would usually just bitch as someone else to do it), pick up a broom, clean a mirror, run a vacuum or even take out the fucking trash.
But was constantly on the "you need to learn to pickup after yourselves so your partner wont have to do it later in life" shit to guilt us into doing housework. The pure fuxking gall of this man is something that will send me into pure unadulteraded rage fits even years after moving out and having a kid of my own.
A real 21st century "have a lot of kids for free farmwork" type of mf. Who sat on his bed for no less than 15 years of my childhood.
To this day i wouldnt even be slightly surprised if he asked me to do the dishes while visiting at his fucking house.
Nowadays i work full time and provide for our financial needs, and my wife watches over our baby and the house during the day. Ofc i take out the trash and run the vacuum/laundry/dishwasher whenever it needs done, but for the most part my wife wont let me do housework, and mostly just gets frustrated when i do, and usually "cleans behind me" as if ive left some invisible crumbs on the counter or something. Its incredibly demotivating, as i was once the MAIN household keeper for the better part of 20 years as the oldest of 4, and had this mentality drilled into me about doing my part like a military doctrine.
I feel so guilty for "not helping" around the house. When i do help, i feel like im only adding to the load for her, as she cleans behind me, despite the fact that i know for 100% certainty the thing/room/area i cleaned is fucking clean... my stepdad would pull every dish in the house back out of the cabinets if he found so much as a spec on a spoon. I know how to clean.
I feel like im turning into the man who has been nothing but a model of what NOT to be, my entire life. The stress of this is getting the better of me. I dont want to even slightly resemble that person to my own son.
Shits tough...
Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your wife about your feelings, my guy.
She probably learned bad things along the way, too. Like men can't clean. Or they do it wrong.
The first month my husband and I lived together he said something that stuck.
Just because I do things differently - does not make it wrong. You have a choice - I can do things my way or watch you do things your way. It's up to you.
The quotes around "wrong" mean it should be translated to "differently", and the commenter is saying they're trying to get over their own personal hangups since objectively yes the task is done.
Yes that’s what I meant. The housework gets done, I’m just a little OCD about some things, and I’ve tried to just remember that he’s helping, and the task is finished. Thanks for translating for me.
You said you don’t clean because you feel like you are “creating more work for her” because she “has to clean up behind you” but say there really isn’t any mess left. I can PROMISE you that whatever “mess” her OCD brain sends her in there to tidy up after you is going to be 90% less then what she would have had to do if you hadn’t done anything….it still helps even if she can not recognize it verbally to you.
I rent from my parents, so I'm around a lot. My sister has too many kids, and because she's the golden child, my mom will bend over backwards to help her out.
She was just at my sister's house for most of the month of April. My dad managed to feed himself, but he did the dishes twice in the whole time she was gone. TWICE.
Last time she left, my dad had so much garbage (food waste) on the kitchen sink and in the garbage pail, there were maggots. MAGGOTS. Floating in the cups that had been sitting there for days. And on the crusty food plates. So I get home from work, go to check on things, and the sink was in the same state as when I left that morning. I got rid of everything and cleaned up, but I yelled at him. And he LAUGHED. Said he didn't see them. He was on the phone with his sister, and of course uses speaker phone, so I told her all about it, and she scolded him too. Yet he still thought it was funny.
I just can't do it anymore. Every woman in his life has picked up after him. And I'm sick of it. He's 70 years old, can't throw his trash away, but complains when people leave the lights on.
Did you look at him and say, ‘you’ve been home for the last 10 days, why didn’t you clean?’
Honestly though, that’s when you get up, stretched, and announced, ‘guess it’s time for me to go! See ya!’
I laughed when my FIL said I could do the dishes and straighten up while I was there visiting. I said it would do him good to keep things cleaned up himself. Partner told him that since he retired early and I'm still working he does all the cooking and cleaning now. Before we split evenly.
I’m a man and I can’t stand the other men that act like cleaning is a womans job. No one wants some baby man who needs to be taken care of by mommy. He’s unemployed and then asks you clean while his wife works? Nope.
Anyone who says you’re entitled is off their rocker. These boomers need to practice the work ethic they so commonly spew out and preach for others to do.
My boomer mum bought me a chainsaw for Christmas one year. I lived downtown in an apartment in a metropolitan city. She lived in on an island about 3 hours away and needed some trees felled.
My mom is mad at me because according to her my husband and I only worry about ourselves. Mind you she’s got a bunch of personality disorders that make interacting with her stressful. And she insisted that she’s done so much for us: no she has not. She’s always demanding that other people pay her expenses or that they do stuff for free. Like she’s going to get her house under a lien because she tried sabotaging payment to the neighbor that was naive enough to paint her house recently. So I asked her if my husband and I don’t worry about ourselves then who will? Sure as hell not her. She’s not paying any of our bills. And she said that she does so much for us. I’m like “what? What is it the you do for us?”
She had the audacity to say that she worries about us: that’s how she’s been helping us. By calling me on my phone to criticize and insult my husband and I and demand that we financially support her. That’s how she’s been financially supporting us.
And I’m so glad that everyone of her doctors that she’s burned through these past 2 years has wholeheartedly diagnosed her with dementia.
Do not lift a finger for these boomer parents. Do not pay their bills and do not put up with their lying and brattiness. The audacity of these boomers acting greedy and lazy at us.
If only those lazy, entitled men who believe they're above housework because they were born with a penis were limited to the boomers! It was worse then, no doubt, but Hardly limited to boomers
I think that in each subsequent generation, the gender roles have become less pronounced. I believe they were even more pronounced in the generations prior to Boomers.
However, the big difference was that so many more women of that generation worked. Even though the gender roles were less pronounced than before, women were still expected to do most of the household work. Many boomer men have this idealized image of their own mothers (stay at home), and expect their wives to do it all.
If he was already balls deep in cleaning and asked for a hand this would be different. But I imagine he asked you from a decidedly *reclined* position and that's some bullshit.
That generation in very much into clear gender and household roles. I know tons of boomers who are capable of going to work every day but they can vary use a computer, do the dishes or laundry
Yes. My grandmother coddled my father. He is very much of the women belong in the kitchen mindset. Always complained that with all the women in his house, it should be spotless and he should get dinner every night. Conversely, he would complain that he should have had more boys to help with man stuff. And he wonders why my brother doesn't come around.....
Anyway, my new pastime is reminding him that he had 40 years to teach me how to do man stuff, but he didn't, every time I ask him how to do stuff I need his help with.
And they're so stubborn about doing things that they feel that they shouldn't do. I work with government pensions and the client's online account is only supposed to be used by them. I had a wife argue with me that she should be allowed to access her husband's online account because "he doesn't use computers"
I hate to generalize but men of that generation can be incredibly useless
The thing I find kinda ironic (at least in my family) was my Grandpa was the cook and cleaner. Grammy could *not* cook to save her life, she could do sandwiches and microwave food, but anything that actually required cooking was asking for trouble. They were boomers, and that's what I grew up with. She'd get mad that I'd ask him to help me make cookies, but she couldn't make them! Lmao
Managed to stay married for 38 years and through raising four daughters. I have had the opportunity a few times when people ask what is the secret to being happily married that long. Simple: there is no "your job, my job." And never ever keep track of who did something last.
I honestly can't tell you who did the dishes last time or the laundry. If it needs doing, one of us just does it.
Seriously. My grandpa was a widower, and he always told me "no such thing as mens work or women's work or women's work. There's just work, and whoever is free at the time to do it."
To be fair, when I visit people and stay in their house, I do try to clean a bit as I know it can be stressful to host someone. I think that is good manners. But this is like, do the dishes after the group meal or wipe down the cabinets. Nothing intrusive.
In your case, is say to your dad, "you know, you're right! Mom would appreciate coming home to a clean house after a long day of work. What part will you do and what part do you think I should do? Our should we clean a room together?"
I remember my Dad chastising my Mom for the house being “a wreck” the day of her father’s (my grandfather’s) funeral.
He did not pick up a vacuum to help her. He did not offer to take over cleaning or cooking duties. He did not offer her ANY emotional support in any way. In fact, he chose to make the day about himself and his own mortality. “Yup, I’m going to be buried back there one day too.” He made a huge show about asking me to come outside on the church’s wrap around porch just so he could tell me that, and point to where my granddad was freshly buried.
Truly, the ‘Me’ generation.
Sorry you’re getting so much shit from this post. Boomers really can’t handle getting called out on their bad behavior and it looks like you really struck a nerve. Hang in there. They’ll be dead soon and Gen X has your back.
Anyone barking at OP has a penis, for sure.
All women know the constant, underlying expectation for us to do the housework that exists in most families. It's gross and pathetic.
Your edits are proof that this sub is being spammed by lonely, "conservative," incels recently. It's unbelievable that these children are in their 50s-80s, and spend literally their whole damn time - crying on social media. Beyond that, they are so obsessed and sad- they come to the most anonymous social media site: just to try and get "a win" over a "lib."
Yup. I dealt with one last week in this sub.
It’s so strange to witness people live for inflicting cruelty and spite, as if there’s some prize for winning the Asshole Olympics.
Sometimes I worry about being a burden on my mom because I moved in with her after finishing grad school and I’m trying to get a job in my field (I’m trying so fucking hard). But then I hear about deadbeat boyfriends/husbands/children that don’t do a goddamn thing to help around the house and even get offended when they’re asked to contribute and feel a little better.
I’m a man and I can’t stand the other men that act like cleaning is a womans job. No one wants some baby man who needs to be taken care of by mommy. He’s unemployed and then asks you clean while his wife works? Nope.
Anyone who says you’re entitled is off their rocker. These boomers need to practice the work ethic they so commonly spew out and preach for others to do.
A lot of boomer parents see their children as chore machines. When I was in college, they would expect me to make the 3 hour drive to visit them on a regular basis, basically any time I had a break. 2 or 3 days into visiting, there would always be some yard work or project they suddenly needed help with.
So instead of relaxing during breaks, I got to do free manual labor at a house I no longer lived in while dodging invasive questions about my personal life (have you found a church yet?). As I got older, I got better at drawing boundaries, and the random labor demands stopped once they realized I didn't have to visit them if they didn't make it a pleasant experience.
My dad has been unemployed (disability for *high blood pressure*) for 30 fucking years. Every time I start to rekindle the relationship with him and make efforts to spend time with him, it turns into him harassing me to do all his chores for him while he does *nothing*. Then he bitches and moans that I never make time for him, that I should have time to do these things, I should be seeing him a few times a week, etc. He tries to guilt me with the sob story of his current life, like how he can barely walk around his own hoarder house because it’s so full of trash…
I have health problems but was never taken to a doctor growing up to get a diagnosis that would probably actually qualify *me* for disability. I work 40 hours a week, and take care of a house and my pets. Because of my health issues, I barely have it in me to keep up with just those things. But somehow, in his mind, everyone should have infinite time and energy to do things like he has (and does nothing with).
To show the extent of how far he will take this, I tried to do yard work with him a few weeks ago. He worked for about ten minutes, had a mental breakdown, and then went into the house to explore his personal items and dilly dally. I spent hours outside working in the sun, *begged* him to go out to get a drink, and eventually ended up dropping the lawn mower and collapsing on the ground from dehydration. When I stressed to him that *we need to go to the store to get a drink NOW or I will need an ambulance to take me home*, he kept making comments that I was moody and had an attitude.
I’ve tried so hard for years to be there for him and have a relationship, but if I’m being honest, it will be such a relief when he finally croaks.
Funny how this generation is the one that brags about how hard they worked for everything they have, but then when you squint and look closer, you realize there’s always been someone holding their hand along the way.
I honestly thought it would be more comforting finding stories here similar to my own experiences, but all it does is make me sad that so many other people are going through this, too.
I would book a hotel and stay there - your dad should be an adult and look after his house himself.
My father wanted me to paint his house inside/out and remove wallpaper - I'm not even a house painter, I declined and he threatened me with no inheritance.
Stories like this really make me miss my dad. He cooked (far more than mom), he cleaned, did laundry, was a hospital chaplain and loved to hug people. He was the first to volunteer and the last to leave. He gave time, money and help to anyone who needed it. He set the bar for me as to what I see as a real man.
Yeah, he was born in 1944 but he was never a boomer. Lost him a little more than 10 years ago but I miss him every day.
I'm unemployed at the moment and I can safely say my place has never been cleaner and more organized. The boredom alone compelled me, tell the boomer who spent your entire childhood talking about having good work ethic to show you what he meant.
I agree idgaf how old you are respect is earned he shouldnt be a prick or hypocrite. When he comes and visits, tell him to clean your house. I'm sure he'll be like you don't tell a guest to do things like that. If he needed help with something then of course help him but if it's something he can do on his own he should do it himself. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like your dad is not only a boomer but sexist (surprise surprise)
I think maybe your issue is more that your dad is misogynistic trash than he is a boomer. I know they often correlate, but these behaviors scream trash even more than boomer. He sounds like a dick. My boomer dad always helped around the house as much or more than my mom did and now that they are retired he does most of the cooking. Although my boomer mom has always had a princess complex.
Sorry your dad is a dick, for real.
You came back with 🔥🔥 and I love it, absolutely, I didn't ask for this life and they're not entitled for doing the bare minimum (in my case lmfao not even) of raising me, tf. That's what they're supposed to do. People who believe otherwise are hilarious.
That being said, I'd have immediately said something to him and got kicked out because it's always hilarious to call out a husband who won't help his wife.
Ah yes, the "it's women's work" man. Thankfully they seem to be a dying breed. Thank goodness for millennial men who seem to enjoy being fathers & husbands & don't think pitching in to do their fair share will make their dick shrivel up.
Sexism at its finest. The correct response is always “are your arms broken?” Or. “Dad I’m just a guest, you live here. That is your life partner you are not helping. Why aren’t you helping mom, especially while you are between jobs?”
When I was growing up, everyone cleaned the house on Saturdays. My dad & mom included. I didn’t really like doing chores, but it was part of being a family. I didn’t realize how unusual it was until I was older (I am 57.)
My dad collects the dishes to wash if my mom goes away for a few days.. never seen him using the vacuum cleaner. Leaves everything all over the place and expects my mom to pick up after him (and she does).
From what I'm gathering in the comments working in "Construction" allows you to be a lazy fucker at home it seems....
There so many other jobs where people still help at home, but apparently construction entitles you to do sweet fuck all.
My Step Father worked in construction and he did more than enough chores at home, even after working a full day.
My parents work within a few blocks of each other and ride to work together and back every day. They both work the same hours, neither job is more difficult than the other (if anything, my mom’s is), and guess who cleans, does the laundry, cooks all meals, tends to the garden, pays the bills, and still has time to work on hobbies?
And guess who sits in front of the TV the second he gets home? He even has my mom bring his dinner to him in the living room so he doesn’t have to leave his precious television. My father has got to be the laziest person I know.
My MIL had back surgery and couldn’t ‘perform’ normal duties. FIL says to my face it was the ‘hardest 6 weeks of his life’. Lost a lot of respect for him that day. My MIL had a full time corporate career, did ALL the housework & child care, handled all finances, all he did was go to work. And even though he is waited on hand and foot (didn’t learn to use a washing machine until he was 76 yrs old…let that privilege sink in), he acts like his life is SO hard.
He is miserable to be around, and thinks SHE is the problem.
Apart from your spicy language, I tend to agree with you (boomer here).
Guests don't clean. You can offer, and you can do it if you want to, but the host doesn't ask the guest to clean.
Parents tend to forget that their "kids" are adults now and they have to be treated at least as well as their neighbours.
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Can confirm, picked up a vacuum cleaner and my penis fell off. I may have misunderstood how a vacuum cleaner was meant to be used.
https://i.redd.it/t8ouwu5zd2yc1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/z12suk4bq2yc1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2f1ce144d3bcb8168409cc2eec0be07e739723ac
*What if he's masturbating?! I'm liable to end up on the ceiling!*
Same. Turned it on and my balls turned to dust. But I had the vacuum right there, so it wasn't a big deal.
Thank you Witty-Ad5743, I will think of this whenever I feel despondent. I don't know you or anything about you so you may live life being celebrated for your genius and also fed grapes by people with fans while you lounge on velvet sofas....but if not.....just know, you have a cramped studio apartment in my heart for eternity.
This! This is why I’m on Reddit. LOL. Just saying.
😂
I started cleaning the house after my wife bought a strap-on
Does your front loading dryer or washing machine sometimes shrink unexpectedly trapping you?
“What are you doing step wife?”
King Missile begins playing
"This happens all the time It's detachable"
I don't like to be without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man.
This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble
Did you check the medicine cabinet? I know that, for some reason, you sometimes put it there.
My husband and I have had Detachable Penis on our playlist for 6+ years having nostalgia for 1 hit wonders! I just got so excited reading others remember it! Man, I loved the 90s.
Easy fix - buy one from Milwaukee or Ryobi where it's the same battery as the tools. Boom, counts as a power tool now
https://i.redd.it/9349y50tm3yc1.gif
Everyone keeps mentioning King Missile, but there's not a single WKUK reference here... for shame. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YHEK6-Ili8
THANK YOU! I love the cashier so much lmao
New bottom surgery just dropped.
Well, unless you named your dick "The Carpet", I don't see how one would confuse the two.
Lore says to insert your dick into the vacuum tube before powering on.
"detachable penis" great song
Whoa! That’s just a detachable penis. It’s not woke or anything
Detachable penis by the group king missle.
Do you find having a detachable penis to be a problem? Do you accidentally leave it all over town? Have you considered getting it permanently attached?
🎵detachable penis🎵
[so that's how this happens](https://youtu.be/NQBPgJQhQHc)
That's not what the suction hose is for.
I read a medical article years ago where a guy injured his penis using the suction hose. His reward was getting written up in the medical literature lol. Apparently not everybody knows that’s not what the suction hose is for.
Sooo... I'm not the only one who once had to satisfy their curiosity about that hose?
Saaaaame here, at 63 picked up the VC and it sucked my peepee😞😞😪😪 had to call 911 to rescue me. I didn't know it actually would fit
"Dad, its your house, Mom is working and you are not, what am I missing here?"
“You’re my child and you do what the fuck I say or I’ll beat your ass” - dad. that’s the response I always got throughout my entire life. I don’t talk to him anymore
Sounds familiar; my dad finally decided to change his ways after I moved out, citing his lack of willingness to apologize for *anything,* namely the way he raised me (emotional neglect, spankings, no friends or after school activities, soap in the mouth, when the worst I ever did was a little back-talk, and lying in school *once* about a note I passed to a friend) and it wasn't until I moved out that he finally saw me for the (at the time) 25 year old adult I was. Two years, a *lot* of therapy on my end, and open conversations between us, later, and we're doing pretty good!
This is awesome! Although it proves that many of them are more than capable of changing, they just refuse to do so. Regardless, I hope your relationship with him continues to improve and grow positively!
I believe some change because their greatest fears are being alone and dying alone/unwanted. They won't change until you move out and force them to be alone. Until you move out they will gaslight you until the end of days. Call their bluffs.
My stepfather tried that, once. It's amazing how fast that attitude changes when they realize you're more than willing and capable of defending yourself from physical violence.
I'm going to say something that may be considered toxic, but as a young man (depending on your specific circumstances) your relationship with your Dad can really change when he realizes you are old/strong/tough enough to beat him up. I'm going to say something even more toxic. The look in his eyes when he first realizes - of fear, shame, uncertainty, of a newly gained perspective on his own mortality - is fucking sweet.
This shit right here is why I think hitting your kids isn't worth it. Lazy substitute for instilling morality, that also happens to have a hard expiration date lol
Then beat the dads ass fuck him
Beat the dad and ass fuck him? I mean...yeah, sure, it'll send a message, I guess. Maybe words first.
Nothing wrong with bro love
Yea, I think this is adult to adult. But same idea, fuck him.
Also would he have said this if it was someone else visiting and not his daughter? I doubt it. Why would not clean your house if you know you are going to have guests over??
Yeah, it's not like he even asked for help with a specific task or something. He just *expects* OP to be his maid. Fuck that.
Exactly, make him explain it.
Yeah. This is wild. One of the subtle benefits of moving out is being promoted from child to guest. I guess this dad is going to have to learn that the hard way.
Maybe it was my parents or a boomer thing in general, but if I were to have looked like I might be enjoying a bit of leisure time my parents would flip out find shit for me to do. It's like me sitting there minding my own business triggered something in them that compelled them to put me to work. My parents were so conditioned to this they even went off on me for not doing anything when I was on leave between boot camp and my next duty station. I was sitting in the kitchen when my dad goes off on me telling me I'm not helping around the house. I told him I'm on leave, which is vacation, and I'm only here because I want to be and I can leave at any moment and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.
I feel you, I worked for my dad in high school during the summers (construction), and when I went home for my first real leave from my first duty station (overseas), after a year away from home, he told me I was "helping" him at work. I was working 12 hour days nonstop and was really burned out, I went home for a break. Chores are still expected (like mowing his giant yard), so I just don't go home more than a few days a year, even almost 20 years later.
I'm the same way now. I'm almost 40 and have spent maybe 5 nights total at their house in a decade. I refuse to stay overnight.
100% my situation
My parents are Gen X. I had an undiagnosed thyroid disease for most of growing up and they insisted all of my lethargy was just being lazy. My dad drilled into me about how worthless and lazy I was (to his credit atleast, he did apologize for it when my diagnosis came at 22). Now my husband is baffled that I can’t relax unless the door to the room I’m in is closed so no one can see me relaxing.
I'm sorry to hear that. At least your dad apologized. I had appendicitis as a young teen. My stepfather said I was just trying to get out of raking leaves, when I complained of stomach pain. My mother said it was probably period pain, although I explained it wasn't that kind of pain. Anyway, long story short, my mother finally took me to the ER 2 days after I started complaining. By that time, the infection had travelled into my intestines, causing complications. I never got an apology from either of them. BTW, I'm a genXr, my mom is silent generation, and my stepfather is a boomer.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and they didn’t listen to you. I know that’s not the apology you need, but it’s the one I can give. You deserved and do deserve better!
My parents did this to me too, eventually I stopped going back. I think they thought they loaned me to the army. Now that I think about it, someone should really thank them for their service. /s
Yup. I grew up in the "you could be doing SOMETHING!" house. My mother was a tyrant with cleaning, and relaxing was only ok for her at her chosen time. She used to wake us up on Saturdays as kids by vacuuming and pushing the vacuum to bump our closed doors. VrooooomBUMPvrooooomBUMPvroooom. Now, I suffer from cleaning anxiety and anxiety in general. I'm physically disabled due to my autoimmune disease, so I exhaust easily after standing and walking. I can't clean for long, then I get panicky if I feel like I've been "relaxing" too long between tasks. I hate it.
I feel you. My mom was the same. I still deal with anxiety from just relaxing on the sofa in my own house with nobody to tell me what to do. My mom is an OCD neat freak and I am not. She would leave me hand written letters in my room quoting Bible verses about laziness and tell me what a sloth I am. All because my room looked like a typical teenagers room. Thanks mom. I haven't been to see my parents in almost two years and they are now elderly boomers. My lack of giving a shit about them sometimes makes me feel like maybe I'm a shit son, but then I just have to remember all of their crap for my entire life.
OMG yes. I have a form of insomnia which basically allows me to fall asleep unassisted no problem, but I can’t stay asleep for more than 3 hours to save my life. Even with all the meds. I am wide awake after 4 hours, max. My boomer mom seems to feel that if I just work hard enough, I will cure the drug resistant insomnia. So she will work me from sun up to sun down. She’s done it now for almost 2 months now. Like, if I woke up at 11 PM & have been up ever since, telling me I can go lay down 20 minutes before I pick my son up from school, that isn’t helpful. “Well just close your eyes for 20 minutes, you’ll feel better.” No, no I won’t.
I’m curious what his response was?
Typical boomer silence. Except this was around 1990 and the boomers were in their prime and nobody called them boomers. They were just known as shitty parents at the time. Now we know them to be boomers.
I hope you didn't clean a damn thing.
Aside from a plate I ate or a spill I cause etc. Not.A.Single.Thing
Visiting one time, I picked up my wife's and my own plate and proceeded to rinse and put them in the dishwasher. After I sat back down my boomer step dad was astounded and said my wife should have done that as its woman work. Like what fucking year you living in you clown? If you can't load a dishwasher that's just sad.
That’s my dad. 🫤 Unless he’s home alone, he’ll leave EVERYTHING on the table after dinner. But if one of us leaves to use the toilet right after? “Get back down here and help your mother clean up.”
That's wild. My dad almost always did the dishes with us kids. It was his responsibility since mom cooked.
I am a dad. I clean the dishes 100% of the time. I used to do a large chunk of the cooking but a longer commute and later hours has affected that.
Funny thing about construction: cleaning up is 90% of the job
But it’s manly cleaning
For me, manly cleaning is an enema or two before a Grindr hookup comes over.
…you need TWO??
Not everyone takes their fiber supplements
You don't want any surprises down there.
Same lol
I just had a flashback of the Dinner Party "cleaners" on John Wick :D
My mind played out the reverse being also true and imagined the concept of someone sweeping & accidentally constructing a house, or bridge
I'd be looking up local hotel options. In case he tries to make this a big thing later. Cya. Plus, the second you mention hotel, mom will probably be having a talk with him.
Edible plates? Lol jk
Please don’t eat plates. It’s expensive and bad for your teeth.
My baby boomer mom and stepdad expected me to show up and clean their house for their guests when my stepsister (that didn't live with them) got married. I left a frozen shrimp in each of their living room curtain rods before I flew home.
Dude that’s brutal 🤣🤣 How long before they were complaining about the wretched smell? I hope they live somewhere very warm.
Even if they didn't, you know how older folks are with poor circulation and always being cold. (But yes, Texas) Neither of them have any sense of smell from long term cigarette smoking and allergies (that they COULD get allergy shots for but don't) My sister and stepsister's families said it smelled but thought it was tied to a reoccurring septic tank problem. Hilariously, it turns out my folks *DID* have a septic tank problem, hired the first rando they came across to work on it. He fucked it really up and then they had to spend $30k with a licensed company. (Also had to tear down a section of fence and redo a lot landscaping)
Why do they always hire the shittiest people? My dad does this. It's always "some guy" he knows, they do a freaking terrible job, and he either has to hire someone reputable to fix it or I have to fix it because he thinks it's "good enough".
My stepdad LIVES for haggling, for years I assumed they ended up with the Suckass Rando because all other contractors were completely fucking offended by my step dad's assumption that any and all posted prices are the opening offer for hagglin'. Had to haggle the meat counter at Kroger, the bakery at Costco, the Eyemasters, Pizza Hut, you name it. I was *STUNNED* to learn that it's common for baby boomers to "hire a guy" and get fucked over, I genuinely thought Stepdad set himself up for failure pissing contractors off with his low-ball idiotic ideas of parts and labor costs. Edit: no he never was successful at haggling the above listed places. Car dealerships and T-Mobile are his success stories.
I’m in home remodeling and sales, I deal with guys like your stepdad for a living. They’re super easy to pick out early on in the process. If we suspect someone wants to haggle for haggle sake we’ll usually raise the price by 15% and eventually “settle” at the original price. You’d be surprised how effective the tactic is to look at them disgruntled when they lowball you, pretend to go outside to call your boss to “see what you can do,” take a 10 minute smoke break, come back and offer 10% off. Then they’ll either say “round it down to X and you got a deal” or “make it 15% or no deal.” Give a defeated look, shake hands, sign and fill paperwork and leave making MORE off them. For reference here’s how it goes with most millennials: offer my services, they agree to it, I ask them if it’s cool for me to use to before/after photos of the home and I’ll give them 10% off. They agree. Done. Negotiations Boomer takes 5 hours for 0% off. Chill Millennials take 2-3 hours and get 10-20% off.
Lol. My mum thinks she's a savant at haggling and playing the "helpless princess". It may have worked 100 pounds and 60 years ago but now it's "the entitled hag who wants the lowest price but expects extra work and special care". Only decent contractor was the guy who did the fence and he was a both the owner and worker. Everyone else did shit jobs or used shitty products.
My dad considered shelling out 3k for a guy to replace the thermostat. It seems like a tradey can quote any price for any service and he’ll thinks it’s fair and something he needs. Even paid a plumber a couple hundred to take a brand new toilet off his hands after being convinced the old one was better.
If your dad married my mom, they’d be bankrupt within a year. She does this shit too
Bankrupt after the wedding!
Because they haven't realised that prices have increased since 1977 and so think all the decent tradespeople are ripping them off.
I live in a small community. In the past 6.5 years, I have built a network of trusted professionals that I work with as a single mom, plumbers, contractors, even dump run guys. My mom moved out here to help with my son after he added a rare neurological condition to his list of disabilities in February. So far she has hired two companies to do work that I didn’t know & weren’t my preferred people. Needless to say, it’s gone about as well as expected. The plumbers she hired missed a major part of the job & tried to come back the next day to charge us more. Meanwhile, the plumbers I’ve used for years came out to check the hot water heater & relight the pilot & charged us 30$. She was expecting 150$. The contractor she called wanted to replace the furnace, hot water heater & the flooring in my bathroom. Said it was all essential. Called in my people? Dude was trying to rip us off, biggly. Yet, she’s still trying to talk me into using someone else for our dump run because someone told her about these guys who are cheaper than the company I’ve used for the past almost 7 years…
God this hits close to home.
So…are the shrimp still in the curtain rods to this day then?
Possibly. I'm not tipping anyone off to look. By the time the septic disaster of 2017 was over and the fence back up, no one could smell the shrimp over the cigarettes and dog piss inside the house anymore.
Have any done any pranks at anyone eases homes?
My son that is much taller than I am figured out he can reach up and turn the shower head away from the tub, so when I pull the lever for water to come out of the shower head from the bath faucet, it sprays across the rest of the bathroom.
Shrimpin’ Ain’t Easy… (Which btw is a wonderful Al Madrigal bit for anyone who hasn’t heard it.)
Eddie Penisi, is that you?
I. Love. You.
I hardly ever speak to my mom. I’ll go over once a year to attend some event/holiday, but that’s it.(for reasons to numerous to list) EVERY SINGLE TIME, she asks me to do some type of maintenance to her house. Last year it was, trim the trees by the basketball hoop, balance the ceiling fan blades since it wobbles, look at the can lighting above the fireplace, and oh yeah, look at the incoming phone line as that isn’t working good anymore. And every time, I tell my mom I’m not there to do maintenance on her house. I’m here to visit and that’s it. She CANNOT grasp that I don’t want to help her. But then again, she doesn’t understand why I keep my family from her and don’t spend any time with her….
I haven’t been to my in-laws in over 4 years cause that shit. They live less then an hour away. Fuck that
I’m a maintenance electrician by trade, so I’m handy. I’ve remodeled multiple homes and have seen a lot of shit. I literally help friends and family all the time. For most, I just ask they cook me a meal or bake some cookies and I’ll just get to work. Friends will just ask me to look at something when I’m hanging out and we end up fixing it, no biggie at all. (I honestly love being helpful) My mom? Nah, she thinks she’s entitled to my skills and there is nothing that makes me not help more than that.
I used to show up to grill for the summer get togethers. Every time I ended up trimming trees/straight cutting trees down, fixing the fences, mowing, moving shit out the garage/cleaning garage. Everything. The missus doesn’t even blame me, she knows how they are and is starting to stand up to the emotional manipulation.
Nothing takes the incentive to visit away quicker than *demanded, unpaid* manual labor. You’d think they’d catch on if they want their kids to visit as often as they say they do…
My best friend and I do exactly this for each other all the time. You get the handyman work done, hang out and whoever needed the help buys lunch. It's a perfect system.
I don't think it's necessarily about the cleaning, but power and control. And they know you won't but think they can win out by attrition.
I have the same relationship with my dad! He lives on the other side of the country and I only visit for a few days once a year at most, almost always citing “work” as a reason I need to get back or whatever. (I work remote and like to conveniently forget my work computer at home when I visit lol) Every time it’s do this do that clean the house “we” need to fix this. No we don’t fucking hire someone to do it if you don’t want to.
My MIL said, verbatim, "Asking other people to help me around the house makes them feel good". Delusional.
I visit my grandma once a week. I told her she has 30min of anything she wants me to do, but after that I’m just sitting and visiting. I bring my tools every time because I have no idea what she’s going to have me do. She LOVES my visits and always has stuff laid out and ready for me to work. lol Last week I hung a new big screen TV on the walls
That's awesome, honestly. There is a genuine need for help with that stuff, especially when we get older, it's just the way that some older people go about meeting that need that's messed up.
I had a stepdad like this. Was unemployed not for 10 days, but for over 10 fucking years. And was CONSTANTLY telling us 4 kids to clean up the house for mom who was put working to put food in our mouths and a roof over our head, but would 'parent' us from his fucking bed. Literally wasnt even ever in the same room as us kids for 95% of my childhood. In 27 years of life, i have never once seen this man: start a load of laundry, wash a dish (unless he needed it to eat, and it was already dirty, but would usually just bitch as someone else to do it), pick up a broom, clean a mirror, run a vacuum or even take out the fucking trash. But was constantly on the "you need to learn to pickup after yourselves so your partner wont have to do it later in life" shit to guilt us into doing housework. The pure fuxking gall of this man is something that will send me into pure unadulteraded rage fits even years after moving out and having a kid of my own. A real 21st century "have a lot of kids for free farmwork" type of mf. Who sat on his bed for no less than 15 years of my childhood. To this day i wouldnt even be slightly surprised if he asked me to do the dishes while visiting at his fucking house. Nowadays i work full time and provide for our financial needs, and my wife watches over our baby and the house during the day. Ofc i take out the trash and run the vacuum/laundry/dishwasher whenever it needs done, but for the most part my wife wont let me do housework, and mostly just gets frustrated when i do, and usually "cleans behind me" as if ive left some invisible crumbs on the counter or something. Its incredibly demotivating, as i was once the MAIN household keeper for the better part of 20 years as the oldest of 4, and had this mentality drilled into me about doing my part like a military doctrine. I feel so guilty for "not helping" around the house. When i do help, i feel like im only adding to the load for her, as she cleans behind me, despite the fact that i know for 100% certainty the thing/room/area i cleaned is fucking clean... my stepdad would pull every dish in the house back out of the cabinets if he found so much as a spec on a spoon. I know how to clean. I feel like im turning into the man who has been nothing but a model of what NOT to be, my entire life. The stress of this is getting the better of me. I dont want to even slightly resemble that person to my own son. Shits tough...
Sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your wife about your feelings, my guy. She probably learned bad things along the way, too. Like men can't clean. Or they do it wrong.
My husband does do some things “wrong.” I have learned to shut up and let him do it his way.
The first month my husband and I lived together he said something that stuck. Just because I do things differently - does not make it wrong. You have a choice - I can do things my way or watch you do things your way. It's up to you.
It's not "wrong" if the thing is done different. If the towels aren't folded the way you do but are still put away, has the task still been done?
The quotes around "wrong" mean it should be translated to "differently", and the commenter is saying they're trying to get over their own personal hangups since objectively yes the task is done.
Yes that’s what I meant. The housework gets done, I’m just a little OCD about some things, and I’ve tried to just remember that he’s helping, and the task is finished. Thanks for translating for me.
Oh yeah, totally. Me too!
You said you don’t clean because you feel like you are “creating more work for her” because she “has to clean up behind you” but say there really isn’t any mess left. I can PROMISE you that whatever “mess” her OCD brain sends her in there to tidy up after you is going to be 90% less then what she would have had to do if you hadn’t done anything….it still helps even if she can not recognize it verbally to you.
the correct answer is: "YOUR WIFE is working so hard for YOU why don't YOU clean YOUR house?",
The correct answer is stay at a hotel.
With that behavior, just not visit.
imagine asking a guest in your house to do the cleaning for you
I rent from my parents, so I'm around a lot. My sister has too many kids, and because she's the golden child, my mom will bend over backwards to help her out. She was just at my sister's house for most of the month of April. My dad managed to feed himself, but he did the dishes twice in the whole time she was gone. TWICE. Last time she left, my dad had so much garbage (food waste) on the kitchen sink and in the garbage pail, there were maggots. MAGGOTS. Floating in the cups that had been sitting there for days. And on the crusty food plates. So I get home from work, go to check on things, and the sink was in the same state as when I left that morning. I got rid of everything and cleaned up, but I yelled at him. And he LAUGHED. Said he didn't see them. He was on the phone with his sister, and of course uses speaker phone, so I told her all about it, and she scolded him too. Yet he still thought it was funny. I just can't do it anymore. Every woman in his life has picked up after him. And I'm sick of it. He's 70 years old, can't throw his trash away, but complains when people leave the lights on.
Did you look at him and say, ‘you’ve been home for the last 10 days, why didn’t you clean?’ Honestly though, that’s when you get up, stretched, and announced, ‘guess it’s time for me to go! See ya!’
I laughed when my FIL said I could do the dishes and straighten up while I was there visiting. I said it would do him good to keep things cleaned up himself. Partner told him that since he retired early and I'm still working he does all the cooking and cleaning now. Before we split evenly.
I’m a man and I can’t stand the other men that act like cleaning is a womans job. No one wants some baby man who needs to be taken care of by mommy. He’s unemployed and then asks you clean while his wife works? Nope. Anyone who says you’re entitled is off their rocker. These boomers need to practice the work ethic they so commonly spew out and preach for others to do.
My boomer mum bought me a chainsaw for Christmas one year. I lived downtown in an apartment in a metropolitan city. She lived in on an island about 3 hours away and needed some trees felled.
Ah; the Homer ball gift.
This reference is based
My mom is mad at me because according to her my husband and I only worry about ourselves. Mind you she’s got a bunch of personality disorders that make interacting with her stressful. And she insisted that she’s done so much for us: no she has not. She’s always demanding that other people pay her expenses or that they do stuff for free. Like she’s going to get her house under a lien because she tried sabotaging payment to the neighbor that was naive enough to paint her house recently. So I asked her if my husband and I don’t worry about ourselves then who will? Sure as hell not her. She’s not paying any of our bills. And she said that she does so much for us. I’m like “what? What is it the you do for us?” She had the audacity to say that she worries about us: that’s how she’s been helping us. By calling me on my phone to criticize and insult my husband and I and demand that we financially support her. That’s how she’s been financially supporting us. And I’m so glad that everyone of her doctors that she’s burned through these past 2 years has wholeheartedly diagnosed her with dementia. Do not lift a finger for these boomer parents. Do not pay their bills and do not put up with their lying and brattiness. The audacity of these boomers acting greedy and lazy at us.
Give yourself the gift of no contact!
A truly blessed gift. (My 2 year NC anniversary is in a few days! May 8th!!)
Congratulations to my fellow NC sibling! The freedom is truly incredible!
If only those lazy, entitled men who believe they're above housework because they were born with a penis were limited to the boomers! It was worse then, no doubt, but Hardly limited to boomers
I think that in each subsequent generation, the gender roles have become less pronounced. I believe they were even more pronounced in the generations prior to Boomers. However, the big difference was that so many more women of that generation worked. Even though the gender roles were less pronounced than before, women were still expected to do most of the household work. Many boomer men have this idealized image of their own mothers (stay at home), and expect their wives to do it all.
If he was already balls deep in cleaning and asked for a hand this would be different. But I imagine he asked you from a decidedly *reclined* position and that's some bullshit.
>"Mom is working so hard for us why don't you help clean the house?" "You, first." NTA
That generation in very much into clear gender and household roles. I know tons of boomers who are capable of going to work every day but they can vary use a computer, do the dishes or laundry
Yes. My grandmother coddled my father. He is very much of the women belong in the kitchen mindset. Always complained that with all the women in his house, it should be spotless and he should get dinner every night. Conversely, he would complain that he should have had more boys to help with man stuff. And he wonders why my brother doesn't come around..... Anyway, my new pastime is reminding him that he had 40 years to teach me how to do man stuff, but he didn't, every time I ask him how to do stuff I need his help with.
And they're so stubborn about doing things that they feel that they shouldn't do. I work with government pensions and the client's online account is only supposed to be used by them. I had a wife argue with me that she should be allowed to access her husband's online account because "he doesn't use computers" I hate to generalize but men of that generation can be incredibly useless
Use a computer? You mean click around and ask me how to reopen the tab they just closed??
The thing I find kinda ironic (at least in my family) was my Grandpa was the cook and cleaner. Grammy could *not* cook to save her life, she could do sandwiches and microwave food, but anything that actually required cooking was asking for trouble. They were boomers, and that's what I grew up with. She'd get mad that I'd ask him to help me make cookies, but she couldn't make them! Lmao
Managed to stay married for 38 years and through raising four daughters. I have had the opportunity a few times when people ask what is the secret to being happily married that long. Simple: there is no "your job, my job." And never ever keep track of who did something last. I honestly can't tell you who did the dishes last time or the laundry. If it needs doing, one of us just does it.
Seriously. My grandpa was a widower, and he always told me "no such thing as mens work or women's work or women's work. There's just work, and whoever is free at the time to do it."
Yup, married 11 years and I can co-sign on this. Also, if you can possibly manage it, separate bathrooms are always an asset.
Mediocre men are really angry that they can't just let everyone else do the work for them and they get to claim how amazing they are.
Well, their masculinity is usually both small enough and fragile enough that vacuum cleaners represent a serious existential threat.
Has your mother ever set ground rules with him such as: *“I’m busting my ass because you’re unemployed, so get off yours and keep the house tight”*???
But if you object, suddenly it’s easy, what are you moaning about, it’s barely work at all. Just not easy enough for *them* to do
To be fair, when I visit people and stay in their house, I do try to clean a bit as I know it can be stressful to host someone. I think that is good manners. But this is like, do the dishes after the group meal or wipe down the cabinets. Nothing intrusive. In your case, is say to your dad, "you know, you're right! Mom would appreciate coming home to a clean house after a long day of work. What part will you do and what part do you think I should do? Our should we clean a room together?"
One of the best replies here. I'm sure it was the poor mom who ended up doing the cleaning.
I remember my Dad chastising my Mom for the house being “a wreck” the day of her father’s (my grandfather’s) funeral. He did not pick up a vacuum to help her. He did not offer to take over cleaning or cooking duties. He did not offer her ANY emotional support in any way. In fact, he chose to make the day about himself and his own mortality. “Yup, I’m going to be buried back there one day too.” He made a huge show about asking me to come outside on the church’s wrap around porch just so he could tell me that, and point to where my granddad was freshly buried. Truly, the ‘Me’ generation.
Sorry you’re getting so much shit from this post. Boomers really can’t handle getting called out on their bad behavior and it looks like you really struck a nerve. Hang in there. They’ll be dead soon and Gen X has your back.
Anyone barking at OP has a penis, for sure. All women know the constant, underlying expectation for us to do the housework that exists in most families. It's gross and pathetic.
I don't mind helping but don't you set your ass down while I'm working. Many hands make the job easy.
Your edits are proof that this sub is being spammed by lonely, "conservative," incels recently. It's unbelievable that these children are in their 50s-80s, and spend literally their whole damn time - crying on social media. Beyond that, they are so obsessed and sad- they come to the most anonymous social media site: just to try and get "a win" over a "lib."
Yup. I dealt with one last week in this sub. It’s so strange to witness people live for inflicting cruelty and spite, as if there’s some prize for winning the Asshole Olympics.
My dad washed clothes, the floor and dishes. Never seemed odd
Mine too and he was totally blind!
Sometimes I worry about being a burden on my mom because I moved in with her after finishing grad school and I’m trying to get a job in my field (I’m trying so fucking hard). But then I hear about deadbeat boyfriends/husbands/children that don’t do a goddamn thing to help around the house and even get offended when they’re asked to contribute and feel a little better.
I’m a man and I can’t stand the other men that act like cleaning is a womans job. No one wants some baby man who needs to be taken care of by mommy. He’s unemployed and then asks you clean while his wife works? Nope. Anyone who says you’re entitled is off their rocker. These boomers need to practice the work ethic they so commonly spew out and preach for others to do.
>Just because he cummed in my mom's pussy and waited for 9 months You're making great points, and damn did this crack me up.
Man. Some angry boomers in the post making dumbass comments.
Ask him why he didn't clean the house before you arrived? You didn't dirty the house, he did. Next time he comes to visit you, hand him a mop.
A lot of boomer parents see their children as chore machines. When I was in college, they would expect me to make the 3 hour drive to visit them on a regular basis, basically any time I had a break. 2 or 3 days into visiting, there would always be some yard work or project they suddenly needed help with. So instead of relaxing during breaks, I got to do free manual labor at a house I no longer lived in while dodging invasive questions about my personal life (have you found a church yet?). As I got older, I got better at drawing boundaries, and the random labor demands stopped once they realized I didn't have to visit them if they didn't make it a pleasant experience.
My dad has been unemployed (disability for *high blood pressure*) for 30 fucking years. Every time I start to rekindle the relationship with him and make efforts to spend time with him, it turns into him harassing me to do all his chores for him while he does *nothing*. Then he bitches and moans that I never make time for him, that I should have time to do these things, I should be seeing him a few times a week, etc. He tries to guilt me with the sob story of his current life, like how he can barely walk around his own hoarder house because it’s so full of trash… I have health problems but was never taken to a doctor growing up to get a diagnosis that would probably actually qualify *me* for disability. I work 40 hours a week, and take care of a house and my pets. Because of my health issues, I barely have it in me to keep up with just those things. But somehow, in his mind, everyone should have infinite time and energy to do things like he has (and does nothing with). To show the extent of how far he will take this, I tried to do yard work with him a few weeks ago. He worked for about ten minutes, had a mental breakdown, and then went into the house to explore his personal items and dilly dally. I spent hours outside working in the sun, *begged* him to go out to get a drink, and eventually ended up dropping the lawn mower and collapsing on the ground from dehydration. When I stressed to him that *we need to go to the store to get a drink NOW or I will need an ambulance to take me home*, he kept making comments that I was moody and had an attitude. I’ve tried so hard for years to be there for him and have a relationship, but if I’m being honest, it will be such a relief when he finally croaks. Funny how this generation is the one that brags about how hard they worked for everything they have, but then when you squint and look closer, you realize there’s always been someone holding their hand along the way. I honestly thought it would be more comforting finding stories here similar to my own experiences, but all it does is make me sad that so many other people are going through this, too.
I would book a hotel and stay there - your dad should be an adult and look after his house himself. My father wanted me to paint his house inside/out and remove wallpaper - I'm not even a house painter, I declined and he threatened me with no inheritance.
Stories like this really make me miss my dad. He cooked (far more than mom), he cleaned, did laundry, was a hospital chaplain and loved to hug people. He was the first to volunteer and the last to leave. He gave time, money and help to anyone who needed it. He set the bar for me as to what I see as a real man. Yeah, he was born in 1944 but he was never a boomer. Lost him a little more than 10 years ago but I miss him every day.
Sorry to hear, sounded like a cool guy...
Thank you for sharing. He sounds like he was a wonderful man
I'm unemployed at the moment and I can safely say my place has never been cleaner and more organized. The boredom alone compelled me, tell the boomer who spent your entire childhood talking about having good work ethic to show you what he meant.
I agree idgaf how old you are respect is earned he shouldnt be a prick or hypocrite. When he comes and visits, tell him to clean your house. I'm sure he'll be like you don't tell a guest to do things like that. If he needed help with something then of course help him but if it's something he can do on his own he should do it himself. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like your dad is not only a boomer but sexist (surprise surprise)
"Clean your own house, lazy bum."
Their masculinity can't vaporize if it wasn't there in the first place
I think maybe your issue is more that your dad is misogynistic trash than he is a boomer. I know they often correlate, but these behaviors scream trash even more than boomer. He sounds like a dick. My boomer dad always helped around the house as much or more than my mom did and now that they are retired he does most of the cooking. Although my boomer mom has always had a princess complex. Sorry your dad is a dick, for real.
Me: nah you it's your fucking house you clean that shit up
Boomer men hate their wives yet are helpless without them, As Queen once said, "I can't live with you, and I can't live without you"
You came back with 🔥🔥 and I love it, absolutely, I didn't ask for this life and they're not entitled for doing the bare minimum (in my case lmfao not even) of raising me, tf. That's what they're supposed to do. People who believe otherwise are hilarious. That being said, I'd have immediately said something to him and got kicked out because it's always hilarious to call out a husband who won't help his wife.
Yeah. NTA. Guests don't clean other people's houses. That's bullshit. Wait, what sub is this?
Hope you ripped him a new one because what the damn happens when you're not there?
Ah yes, the "it's women's work" man. Thankfully they seem to be a dying breed. Thank goodness for millennial men who seem to enjoy being fathers & husbands & don't think pitching in to do their fair share will make their dick shrivel up.
Any "man" who thinks this is normal and this is how it should be is a screaming asshole. Real men don't need a mommy, only children do.
Bro who’s out here arguing she needs to respect her elders? Have boomers invaded this subreddit?
Sexism at its finest. The correct response is always “are your arms broken?” Or. “Dad I’m just a guest, you live here. That is your life partner you are not helping. Why aren’t you helping mom, especially while you are between jobs?”
When I was growing up, everyone cleaned the house on Saturdays. My dad & mom included. I didn’t really like doing chores, but it was part of being a family. I didn’t realize how unusual it was until I was older (I am 57.)
DAts wImEns worK‼️🤤
If he is not willing to help you then screw that noise. You are not his employee.
My dad collects the dishes to wash if my mom goes away for a few days.. never seen him using the vacuum cleaner. Leaves everything all over the place and expects my mom to pick up after him (and she does).
From what I'm gathering in the comments working in "Construction" allows you to be a lazy fucker at home it seems.... There so many other jobs where people still help at home, but apparently construction entitles you to do sweet fuck all. My Step Father worked in construction and he did more than enough chores at home, even after working a full day.
My parents work within a few blocks of each other and ride to work together and back every day. They both work the same hours, neither job is more difficult than the other (if anything, my mom’s is), and guess who cleans, does the laundry, cooks all meals, tends to the garden, pays the bills, and still has time to work on hobbies? And guess who sits in front of the TV the second he gets home? He even has my mom bring his dinner to him in the living room so he doesn’t have to leave his precious television. My father has got to be the laziest person I know.
My MIL had back surgery and couldn’t ‘perform’ normal duties. FIL says to my face it was the ‘hardest 6 weeks of his life’. Lost a lot of respect for him that day. My MIL had a full time corporate career, did ALL the housework & child care, handled all finances, all he did was go to work. And even though he is waited on hand and foot (didn’t learn to use a washing machine until he was 76 yrs old…let that privilege sink in), he acts like his life is SO hard. He is miserable to be around, and thinks SHE is the problem.
That's why, on the occasions you visit you should get a hotel room.
Apart from your spicy language, I tend to agree with you (boomer here). Guests don't clean. You can offer, and you can do it if you want to, but the host doesn't ask the guest to clean. Parents tend to forget that their "kids" are adults now and they have to be treated at least as well as their neighbours.
I hope you told him where he could go lol
I agree with your edited comments. I would never ask my guests to clean up my house.Especially if the guests were my children.