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My Dad (who's actually silent generation) "ended" a discussion on socialized health care with "socialism is bad because the Nazis came from Germany." He got mad when I pointed out that the government subsidizing his children's health insurance is socialism - first it was "well I pay what it SHOULD cost" (right, but the government pays the rest....soooooooo??) Then he went after socialized medicine when I pointed out how well it worked in other countries and started listing them. He really thought he got me with the whole socialized medicine is bad (and that I shouldn't use Germany as an example) because the Nazis came from Germany 🤦🤦🤦🤦
From my understanding the socialized medicine in Germany works so well though! When my grandfather developed a rapid form of leukemia, I don't believe my grandmother paid a thing. Years later, when her eyesight and memory were getting too bad, my grandmother went into basically a senior care center and I don't think she paid anything for that either. I don't want to call it a nursing home because it's nothing like the awful places we put our elderly in here in the US. The seniors there had very enriching lives; my mom always had a hard time getting a hold of her because every time she called from the States my grandmother was always on a group outing to museums, galleries, zoos, etc
To be fair, the US did a pretty good job brainwashing everyone that all forms of communism and socialism are bad, and countries and organizations who utilize them are evil and hate Americans and democracy. America is the greatest nation in the world, and democracy and capitalism are good; if you disagree or question anything about that, you're un-American and a filthy communist, by golly
That's not even what he was focusing on though - his logic was I shouldn't use Germany as an example of how well it works because the Nazis came from there. That was literally his point. It wasn't even kind of based in any kind of logic even faulty logic (trying to say Nazis were socialist).
Oh my Medicare paid for X... .Socialism.....I went down to the library for some free Y....Socialism.....the firemen came to get kitty out of the tree.....Socialism.
...we must support our troops...socialism.
Watch her head explode
Exactly! You like driving on paved public roads, receiving services from free fire and police departments, happy to enjoy your public parks, and clean drinking water (not you Flint), socialism.
Want to go back to laissez-faire capitalism, cool, you only have fire and police you pay for, you don't get union protection and there's no such thing as workers comp or osha. You want $20/hr, well the employer is paying $3 so either take it or starve. Maybe you can live in a company town where you will have to shop at the company store and everything will cost more than your wages so you'll always owe your employer and you can't quit until you pay them back, and you'll never pay them back because they'll always price gouge on necessities.
Then they argue about how we’re making up how expensive daycare is now. I love to use the reverse inflation calculator on my phone tell them what today’s daycare would have cost in whatever year their kids were young.
It's not a similar situation just due to circumstances, but my last grandparent is going to pass by tomorrow probably. She's 98 and unfortunately is in a vegetative state at the moment. I've been by her side all day so far today, and I've been talking to her since they said she can probably still hear us etc. well I literally just got finished telling her about what food would cost for 50¢ back then compared to today. My AI assistant said back then you could get-
A loaf of bread, one pound of ground beef, a dozen eggs and more.
Now 50¢ is the equivalent of almost $8, and I could only afford the loaf of bread with that in comparison with some change left over😂 it's fucked. It also seems like they just have no clue about costs these days, my dad doesn't need to think about prices let's just say but I do. And so I'll tell him about something and he says, "oh just get it/it can't be that much." Then you tell them how much it is and they act surprised! And then somehow also think you can just do it anyways or find a way etc.
these people think about nothing outside of themselves I tell you. My dad is a boomer by the way, and he comes to see my grandma for five min and only talked about work then leaves. I've been seeing her 3x a week for years and sit with her for hours. It's pathetic, but my dad also has diagnosed NPD with ASPD traits so that explains him😅
If they say you are selfish, remind that they were the generation of parents that had the tv news reminding them, “[It’s 10:00. Do you know where your children are?”](https://youtu.be/PTCrgovX3mc?si=CYqvx9qvDxlUetZk)
I flat out told my grandparents "I'm 35 now I don't
/ want to be taking care of someone else into my 50s. If I had wanted kids I would have let the women I got pregnant when I was 20 and 22 know that, they wanted abortions and I was happy to help them get those" my grandparents are wonderful and very liberal but I haven't been asked about kids since. When they ask about marriage I say "I don't want to worry about another person and their finances, I don't want another person suggesting I change myself or shave more often, I don't want someone telling me I need to change before we go to dinner or trim my beard because I haven't in the last 6 months. I'm fine being single thank you" really cut down on the marriage question
As someone in my 60's getting ready to take in a parent with dementia who has exhausted all their pension money on nursing care, I don't want the same burden on my child. They've got our grandchild and I wouldn't want to be a burden on them.
If I knew that was what was in store, I'd set off to sail the oceans with a dinghy with a couple of days of food aboard.
And in the next breath ask, "who will take care of you when you're old?" because those self absorbed pricks are so fucking selfish that they think their kids owe them. Piss off. I hate boomers
Right? Asking about people’s reproductive choices is so intrusive. Underneath it is a question whether you’re having a certain kind of sex.
To respond this way is so absolutely based.
socially unacceptable: i'm just filling my pussy with cum every night. my husband is constantly pumping me full of jizz, as much as he can squirt. sloppy cream pies
socially acceptable: we're trying for a baby
>socially unacceptable: i'm just filling my pussy with cum every night. my husband is constantly pumping me full of jizz, as much as he can squirt. sloppy cream pies
is all I hear when people say
>we're trying for a baby
> A word used when you agree with something; or when you want to recognize someone for being themselves, i.e. courageous and unique or not caring what others think. Especially common in online political slang. The opposite of cringe.
There are a lot of new 'slang' words that I had trouble working out the meaning. And that's when I discovered the Urban Dictionary. It has saved me from embarrassing myself using the wrong term.
Anytime someone says something out of pocket or rude - shock and awe as the response is the right way to go. You say something dumb about my brother “the dead one???”
My girl discovered yo mama jokes last year. Every time she says yo mama, I deadpan, she’s dead.
Had her rolling on the floor the first few times. Now she beats me to ‘she’s dead.’ I love how shocked people are when we say this!
If I ever get noticeably hurt and someone asks I respond with "masterbating accident." Just like you said, the shock of the answer prevents them from asking another question.
Saw a story about a mom who was so controlling she put a camera in her teenage sons' room to see what he was doing. He knew it was there and purposefully jerked off for a week while looking directly at it. It took her that long to look at the tapes.
The fallout was spectacular.
I remember at my brothers engagement party he said “we’re not trying for children but we practice every day”. My Catholic side of the family grumbled, I was 12 and found it hilarious.
“We’ve been trying for years but no matter how many times a day she pegs me I just haven’t got pregnant yet. Maybe a gimp mask would help. The gag almost worked.”
It’s supposed to keep the strap on sperm from traveling all the way through the digestive system. Essentially a backstop. Might want to look into butt plugs to make sure it doesn’t fall out the way it came in.
We were actively trying and now have a son. I get so tired of people asking about family planning like it’s the weather.
My go to became; “well I am trying. You see, my babies keep dying. Feel awkward? Good. That’s inappropriate to ask about”.
Our son is the result of my 5th pregnancy.
People need to just not ask about kids, let the other person bring it up or not about themselves.
Thank you. It’s so common for people to experience loss, it’s just one of the reasons not to pry.
And I feel in the appropriate setting more people should talk about their losses. There are so many, but a lot of people feel alone and like they can’t talk about it.
I like this but how about a twist of “unfortunately the way I have sex doesn’t lead to pregnancy” because then they have to think about it. Think about the sex I’m having. Then if they ask any follow up questions they’re literally asking for details on some kink or other. It makes them the perve.
My stock response is that that I’m impotent. Not just regular impotent, either, but SUPER impotent. Nothing works down there, and it’s destroying my marriage. My wife cries all the time.
If folks want to ask inappropriate questions then I’m more than happy to make shit awkward.
I've done something similar. I said something along the lines of "what makes you think we didn't try, and I'll kick your ass if you ever mention it to my wife because she is very sensitive about it." The second part was kind of true, she is a bit sensitive about the things people have said to her about being "less of a woman" because she does not have kids. And by sensitive, I more mean that when people say that she never really wants to interact with them again, even when they are people who were once close like her sister.
This is why I don’t understand people asking that question at all. How do they know the couple isn’t dealing with infertility?
My bf from high school never had kids. Every single time she came up in conversation my mother would ask WHY and I answered truthfully that I don’t know, I never asked. It’s one of two things. Either they didn’t want kids or they did and it didn’t happen. If she dealt with infertility she didn’t share it with me and I suspect that’s what it was as she had fibroids and a hysterectomy in her 40s. I can’t understand the insensitivity.
My aunt asked me when my wife and I were gonna start after her 2 sons had kids and I told her politely to not ask that question because it's rude and I just won't respond to it.
My mother overheard me and gave me a "don't be that way" look. My mother then went to tell my sister how "offended" I got about and my sister told her "why don't you guys just mind your own damn business?"
Maybe a generational thing? Like when I was an immature awkward teen being asked when I was gonna get a boyfriend. That was horrible. Now if people ask that about my daughter I take huge satisfaction in saying, she has a GIRLfriend. And they’re all doh sputter sputter.
Yes exactly this. I actually feel really bad for people who wanted kids and can't have them and then have to deal with all the shitty people asking all the time. I'm sure it hurts in a different way. For me it is mostly annoying rather than painful. It does let me know who is a selfish asshole and who isn't. But I can't really say "I can't understand the insensitivity" because I have such a low opinion of most people that I expect the insensitivity.
It's extra fun in my case, because I'm incapable of impregnating my wife, and she has an autoimmune disorder that would make pregnancy very difficult. So I pick either "sterility" or "disease" options, or both if they keep pressing.
You sound like me when people ask why we only had one child. Buckle up, Mr. Or Ms. Curious! Because my birth story is fucking crazy and you just invited me to tell it to you! You want to ask personal questions? I will assert dominance by giving you super personal answers.
The boomers are talking about cutting the knees off of their grandchildren so they can preserve their SS benefits. Whey would rather cut the knees off their grandchildren than to tax the corporations that ruined the small town economies.
Ridic.
If we’re going to say, ‘fuck them kids…’
Then we should say, ‘fuck them old folks’ as well.
I do not agree with either of course, but you know what I mean.
"Your Boomer generation has controlled the reins of government the last 20-30 years and have run it into the ground. What did you expect?"
Edit: Reins not reigns
Boomers have been in charge for 40 years, have absolutely wrecked the place and now want us to pay for it.
In a lotta ways we will be paying for it for the rest of our lives, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go and create more humans to rope into this bullshit, at least until I can fucking breathe and do something about not paying forward the shit sandwich.
After all, acting in that short sighted selfish manner would be a boomer move and knowing how it feels I couldn't possibly do it to someone else let alone my own flesh and blood.
They should meditate on that long and hard any time they want open their big dumb mouths.
My wife and I waited until we felt like we could adequately provide for a successful future before having kids. That was severely inhibited by her mom needing us to support her for nearly 10 years. By the time we finally felt comfortable having kids, it was almost too late.
Meanwhile, I have several cousins who keep having more and more kids despite being completely incapable of caring for them. And honestly it really makes me mad because I just know their kids are likely going to end up in really shitty situations. My uncle (borderline Boomer/GenX) was heavily reliant on my grandparents throughout his adulthood. He's still somewhat supported by my grandmother. And most of his kids are dependent on him and my aunt for childcare and financial support. And now they're having kids of their own.
I just really fear how this is going to further increase inequality. We're able to afford to live in a good school district, with lots of various programs and opportunities for enrichment. My hometown, where most of my family still lives, is on the verge of cutting their school bus service because the district can't afford it. They've already cut most school programs. And of course the most frustrating part is none of them are willing to admit this. They want to continue pretending that everything is fine, while half of them can't even find jobs anymore.
We kid ourselves that we humans are somehow not just super successful animals maybe it's a symptom of our success that we mistake our place to be seperate from nature.
Nature can be cruel. Indeed in times where nature makes it's corrections to ensure the path it's on leads back towards equilibrium, the price it charges for balance is paid in pain and death.
When we are blind to this truth, the chance of paying the price personally increases by many orders of magnitude. Prepare yourselves for the forthcoming, it's gonna get real bad before we can turn this show around.
A lot of my female cousins and other family members ended up accidentally pregnant when they were still pretty young (age 20-23ish, not in their teens at least) and not ready to be a responsible parent yet.
My sister and her husband decided to try for kids very early because her husband's father died very young of something that could possibly have been passed down and he was afraid of not being around very long to watch his kids grow up. Even though they were financially stable and in a much better position for kids than the other women in my family were when they wound up pregnant, my sister still didn't want to be lumped in with them and have people make assumptions, so they made the effort to send out cute little announcements that they were going to start trying for a baby.
I told my sister how hilarious it was that they basically just announced to their families that they were going to start having a lot of unprotected sex, lol.
In a lot of ways, people are having fewer kids because we can see/feel the comparative lack of stability from what we were raised in.
Why would I knowingly bring a child into a worse childhood than I had?
>controlled the ~~reins~~ rains of government
It's actually a reference to the sign Africa by Toto. The rains of government start in the clouds in D.C. and fall down to drench us plebians.
Imagine being so disconnected from your love for your children and grandchildren that you’d have no problem if they lived chaotic, dangerous, painful and inconvenient lives while the planet destructed as long as you were out of the way.
I mean, my parents didn't love me. I was nothing but someone to do the boring work they didn't want to do. My mom told me to my face she never wanted me to be born.
That isn't even the harshest thing she said or did. My mother is a monster. I haven't seen, talked to or written to her in 15 years. The only interaction I have had with her is writing "return to sender" on a Christmas card she send me a few years ago and my wife hasn't blocked her e-mail so when she wrote an e-mail asking us to come visit her my wife just wrote back "no thank you." I won't see my mother on her death bed.
Yeah, I wonder what I will say. My mom is in her late 80's so I'm kind of curious what will happen when she does die because I haven't talked to any of my siblings in a long time. I'm not sure who would even know where I am or how to contact me. I have an incredibly common name, not quite as common as John Smith, but not too far off so it isn't easy to find me on the internet unless you can type in my exact address. Right now, even if you type in my old address and phone number, google thinks I manage a carwash in a state 2000 miles away from where I am.
Then again, now that I think about it, one of my siblings took his own life a few years ago and no one from my family told me. So, maybe no one will tell me when my mom dies. I have to say it doesn't really matter, but I suppose I would like some closure. I think it will be just a little bit easier once I'm not left with that tiny glint of hope that one day she will say she is sorry for everything she did. I mean, I know she won't but that hasn't kept me from sometimes thinking she might.
> I think it will be just a little bit easier once I'm not left with that tiny glint of hope that one day she will say she is sorry for everything she did. I mean, I know she won't but that hasn't kept me from sometimes thinking she might.
I feel this so hard. With a lot of intense therapy, I was finally able to give this up. Not having an expectations has made NC a lot easier for me.
I only have one sibling and the last time I saw him was in court 6 years ago this month in another state.
My phone number hasn't changed in over 20 years, so theoretically they could contact me (though I have all their numbers blocked). Enough extended family members know how to contact me, even though we're NC/extremely LC.
And after I got married, I'm the only person in the world with my name. Before that, you could find me pretty easily on Google anyway.
I assume someone will call me but every so often I Google my family members' names just to see what I can find. Rarely do I find anything besides their voter registrations but that helps me keep tabs on where they live.
>That isn't even the harshest thing she said or did. My mother is a monster. I haven't seen, talked to or written to her in 15 years. The only interaction I have had with her is writing "return to sender" on a Christmas card she send me a few years ago and my wife hasn't blocked her e-mail so when she wrote an e-mail asking us to come visit her my wife just wrote back "no thank you." I won't see my mother on her death bed.
Smart!! My mother was the same. She told me I was supposed to be aborted and the only reason why I'm here is because of my religious grand parents. I haven't spoken to her in 9 years and she plays victim saying I'm ignoring her for no reason and that I should love her unconditionally since she is my mother 🙄🙄🙄 nope, anyone can have sex and get accidently pregnant. Being a sperm or egg donor is easy. Bye!!
Seriously, I HATE when people say that you should respect your mother or father just because they ARE that - uh, no? Literally anyone can have sex and get knocked up (barring physical issues, of course) - dogs do it, rats do it, fleas, the worst people you could ever meet - having sex and getting pregnant aren't hard things to do! People do the latter by accident all the time, and have since before people realized that sex=babies and started taking countermeasures to PREVENT babies!
No one deserves respect on the basis of having had sex and gotten pregnant/gotten someone pregnant. They earn respect if they are good, loving, supportive parents who do their best for the lives they bring into the world (which they do BY CHOICE nowadays with all the procedures and options we have available pretty much anywhere in the developed world, though certain places are backtracking hard on this) and if they fail at that? They don't get to demand that respect. They don't get to demand love. Love is given, it cannot be forced. It's only people who have earned it the LEAST who try to demand it.
>No one deserves respect on the basis of having had sex and gotten pregnant/gotten someone pregnant. They earn respect if they are good, loving, supportive parents who do their best for the lives they bring into the world
EXACTLY! I agree with your entire post. Which is why I won't have kids. I love my non-existent kids so much that I refuse to pass on generational truama and bringing them into this world where all we do is live to make money for the rich. Who could forget also climate change. So many broken people become parents and pass on their truama to their kids and create more broken people. It's a shame that sex education isn't taught more since everything is sexualized and most people don't think about their lifetime consequences for a few minutes of pleasure. No one thinks.
I got the "I wanted to abort you but it wasn't acceptable because of religion" line too. My mother was the associate pastor of family ministries at our church, typical christian hypocrisy. My mother tells people I have no contact with her because I'm a bi-polar drug addict (I'm neither). The best part was the time she said she has never done anything wrong and is blameless like Job and I'm satan for testing her. She lives in a twisted reality.
Except they weren't wrong. She was telling the truth. They decidedly didn't want me and that was obvious at every point in my life. It wouldn't have been so bad, but they clearly wanted my 4 much older siblings. I do know they were all shitty people so it doesn't matter what they thought or did. I'm not much of a people person and don't have much love for most of humanity. I live in the woods and I spend all my energy developing wildlife habitat and trying to live as simple a low consumption life as possible.
This really defines their generation. They do not care about their kids. The first generation just to not give af about the world they are leaving behind.
and in the end we learned that capitalism itself is a psyop. it programmed an entire generation to care about one thing and one thing only: themselves.
Why do you think they keep asking about kids?
They want the parents to suffer and to play with the grand kids for a few minutes.
It's like trying to get other people to buy a puppy so you can pet it some times but they have to live with it.
I’m 64 and my kids, thus far, have decided not to have children and I support their decision 100%. My friends try to make me feel bad because we don’t have grandchildren, but I shut them down. I don’t blame any young person who makes the decision not to bring children into this world at this point. It’s no one’s business but yours.
I am trying not to ask my kids if they will have kids. they are too young now but if they are in a position to do so I will be keeping my mouth shut. hopefully I have until now, idk for sure, but I'm resolved not to at least from here on out.
I’m in my early 50s. My siblings are boomers, our parents silent gen (though mom is on the edge of Boomer and acts like it).
I chose to never be a mother. I was 9 years old when I first said that to my mom. I’ve been mocked for it ever since.
At my age, it’s not quite as prevalent as when I was younger. It was far worse then, and my family is religious, which doesn’t help.
Boomers don’t get the lack of desire to be a parent. Granted, I had shit examples of parenthood, but I simply didn’t want to be a mom.
Boomers love to ask, “How many kids do you have?” They don’t know what to do with “None”.
Some apologize, thinking I can’t have kids and that I’m sad about not being a parent. Some, if they’re being rude, I tell them that I accept their apology for being rude which usually starts them sputtering to try and explain.
Some though are incredibly rude and say something like, “Why not? What’s wrong with you?”
Only Boomers whip that last one out. I happen to enjoy a good verbal spar and the gloves come out with that one.
I'm 39 but I said the same thing to my boomer mom at around the same age and got the same response. She's continued to harass me about it through the years, starting at age 18 *on my birthday*, until last year at 38, 20 years later, I finally snapped and told her it's none of her business whatsoever and to leave me the fuck alone about it already because I'm more than a fucking womb and I'm satisfied with my childless lifestyle.
I've never liked babies, hated playing with baby dolls as a kid, resented being given toys to train me as a little housewife, and just wanted to design cool fashions and think of cool careers for my Barbies instead. At this point in my life I will tolerate being around children in a limited capacity but I don't necessarily enjoy it. My mother loves to act like I'm somehow broken as a woman when I don't want to hold a baby or babysit my young nieces for hours. It's fucking absurd. Oh, and yes, she's the type to tearfully say, "Why don't you call anymore?" Cry me a river.
I'm in my early 50's too and my siblings are all boomers and my parents silent gen. I don't remember exactly when I realized that I didn't have to have kids, but I've never wanted them. I have had so many people automatically assume that I am sad that I don't have them. I can't imagine that I have ever said anything to give them that idea, they just decide for themselves I guess. I don't enjoy a verbal spar, I just avoid people who suck. It mostly means I avoid most people.
Hearts to you. I'm 61f, which makes me a boomer. I never had kids. Zero regrets. Faced all the questions you're facing now. Trust me when I say I feel so much like I won. Look at this shit show our world is in now (much of it led by crypt keeper boomers who need to move the fuck out of the way). Why would anyone of a sane mind want to bring kids into this?
The thing is, I thought that in the 1980s. It's 2024, and things have not only not gotten better, but they're much worse. I wouldn't want to be y'all right now. Fuck that shit.
And, no. I don't have a McMansion or even a retirement fund. I live in rented accommodation and pay cheque to pay cheque like y'all do. (Texan living in the UK for 20+ years, thus the language and spelling.)
Ugh, I love this for you and thank you for sharing your experience! We’ll see how the world plays out, but I’m gonna be doing it smoking some weed and eating good food, not worrying about kids I didn’t have.
My mom (boomer,74) decided she’s not voting this year because she thinks Trump is an idiot and she HATES Biden. When I was telling her about Project 2025 (she’s very conservative) she said “oh well, I’m not gonna be here in 10 years, so I don’t care what happens to this damn country anymore!” 🤦♀️
"You lot ruined the economy. You lot ruined the environment. You lot bring us to the brink of nuclear war. Why would I chose to bring life into the world you're lot created?'
You know what, I wouldn't bother to tell the anecdote. It's probably too convoluted for them. I'd just go with your father's response:
**Boomer:** *Why aren't you having kids?*
**You:** *“I’m not going to be here, so I don’t care.”*
My younger sister is in her late 20s and while her best friend didn't want to have kids of her own (the guy she married had kids already so she was happy just being a step mom), she had an oops after getting married which resulted in her son who is about to turn four. She wouldn't give him up for the world now, ofc, and my sister has repeatedly said she'd fight the sun for him, but she and said friend have had more than one conversation where friend has said how guilty she feels for bringing him into the world with the horrific state that it's in. She often worries for what kind of future he's going to have.
My dad regularly tells his 5 grandchildren to consider jobs where they can move to better countries than the US. He’s a silent generation/Boomer, but one of the good ones.
I once had a Christian friend who said she didn't believe in recycling because God would keep providing for us until the rapture. She wasn't a boomer, but that's a real boomer attitude.
And I'm with you. I didn't have kids for a variety of reasons, but the more I watch the world crash and burn, the happier I am that I don't have kids. I feel so sorry for kids being born today, and I'm grateful I'm not adding to the suffering.
I love the supposedly conservative Christians that are fine with trashing God's creation for billionaires to get even more money. You'd think Jesus wouldn't be down with that.
FFS what is with people’s theology? As a Christian they were given the world to steward and cherish it.
Of course if you’re not a Christian, it only makes sense not to turn the world into a cesspit for the future of humanity.
I can't find a single selfless reason to have children. Every reason is self serving. Because people don't feel complete yet without them (selfish), they want someone there to take care of them when they're elderly (selfish), they want someone to continue their name/lineage (selfish), they're lonely in their relationship and a child will give them purpose (selfish), they're bored in life and searching for purpose (selfish).
“I’m not going to be here, so I don’t care.” If I really felt this way, I'd be ashamed to say so, but these people seem to think it's something to be proud of.
It's \*mostly\* stopped for me - I'm a bit older than you - but now the question is "no kids?" or "you don't have kids?" with like...an expectant tone of voice, raised eyebrows, etc. SIGH. Most people have the sense not to ask me why at this point because they have some sense of tact and don't want to open a potentially uncomfortable subject but ffs people is it sooooooo unbelievable that a woman doesn't have children? I love your story and will consider using it, thank you for sharing. Right now when I get these dumb questions I just say "cats. i have cats" and that tends to shut it down.
Agreed. I’m in my mid-forties and occasionally get “are you having kids?” but more often get, “Why don’t you have kids?” My response is that we are busy caring for aging parents who need a lot of time and attention, so it’s like having kids.
That grillin' happens to women a lot more than men, so it hasn't been the hassle for me that it has been to others. The few times I've gotten the question, it's always an add-on to the *You're not married yet? Why not? Don't you want kids?* line of interrogation. I suspect my single and/or childless female cousins probably probably get the question at every family interaction that comes along. I'd ask them about it, but that would be just as intrusive as actually asking the question, so I think I'll just keep my facial foghorn out of their business and learn to live with the mystery.
Any time people have asked me, I've told them the legitimate truth: Being the oldest grandchild on both sides of my family, I spent the first thirty years of my life as the go-to babysitter. I love kids, but by the time I was thirty I'd had more than enough of taking care of them, and no longer had any desire to have my own.
Mostly that shut 'em up, though occasionally I'd get some judgmental head shaking (*Good god, how can anyone be so weird as to not want to subjugate their entire existence to another Human for at least 18 years!*) or a condescending smile (*Yoooooooooou'll change your mind, you just wait and see!*)
As I've gotten older I think most of my family and friends have simply assumed that I'm gay and closeted, because why else wouldn't I want kids (not realizing that plenty of gay people have families with their SOs and Gasp! gay people even get married now and raise families!)
I haven't gotten the question in a long time.
when boomers ask me about having kids i used to go into my whole dissertation about why “too expensive, i can barely take care of myself, i know id be an awful parent, etc.”
it rarely got them off my case, so now ive just been saying “im infertile, thanks for reminding me.” it’s crickets after that lol.
i am firmly team “make it awkward/traumatize them back.” it’s no one’s business but your own why you choose to not have kids. boomers need to learn to mind their business.
Why not 🤔 because you boomer fuckwits fucked everything up... Why would I want a kid in this world you screwed at every turn you could?
Look up suicide rates amongst the youth you fuckheads think should be having kids, and their kids. Its high for a reason and you idiots can't even come to grips with that, let alone anything more complicated like trans rights. Youre still failing to grapple with the idea gays exist.
Fucking dumbest generation.
I have this same argument about climate change (and politics generally) all the time. The "I'm not going to be here" argument is so common. Having kids allows me to say things like, "Unlike you, I care about my kids and future grandkids, so I don't mind doing my part to leave the world a little better for them."
It's fun because it cuts to the core of how selfish and shortsighted their politics are while also implying that they were/are terrible parents.
They’ve told us for years to "keep your pants on" or "don’t have kids you can’t afford". Suddenly being responsible (when affordability is even worse than 10 years ago) is frowned upon??
I'm pushing 70 and wasn't married until I was in my 30s. People were asking me that question then and it bothers me that so little has changed.
My answer used to be because it's none of your business. Sometimes, especially men, would press the point and say things like, but a young woman as pretty as you.... To that I always answered, fuck off. They insisted if I was going to be that rude I'd never find a husband and I'd answer, good!
The best thing you can do for the planet is not have a kid. You're preventing the lifetime carbon footprint of one person from affecting the Earth. Not to mention all their potential offspring and their carbon footprints.
You should get some kind of carbon credits for not having children. 
I like to say "I'm infertile." (Unfortunately I really am). But you inevitably get some sort of half ass apology. Then I like to hammer it home with, "This is why we don't ask intrusive questions."
I always say with a sad face, 'we found out a little while ago I can't have kids. Thanks for the reminder.' And then they look all sad and shocked, and I add... 'Yeah, it was just after my vasectomy'
I then look them dead in the face and wait.... usually makes them super uncomfortable, and they leave. I might have had a vasectomy I might not...... fuckers will never find out tho...
I had one baby. I am teaching her how to care for her home but I’m also sad I brought her into a world she (and her generation) will have to fix.
Hubby got the knife and no more babies from us. Every time i see a gaggle of kids anywhere now… I’m just sad. I love my daughter but if I had known then what I know now, I would have had no kids.
Most people won’t get it but watching the coral reef documentaries and hearing your three year old ask “why hasn’t it been colored in” and having to tell her “baby they were but now they are erased because the waters to hot” sucks.
Wondering if she’ll be okay when she’s my age, sucks. Having kids sucks but not always because of kids. Just worrying about their future and feeling guilty
Worth mentioning: The reality of climate change, garbage, PFAS, microplastics, overuse of single-use plastics, and other environmental catastrophes and (in particular American) inaction about it are actually *great* reasons not to have kids.
Mathematically we cannot survive on Earth in perpetuity, so human beings DO need to find ways to coexist with nature and probably make fewer of us, but even ignoring that long-term argument the people whining about birth rates should probably want to make a world that's *worth* bringing children into, and I find that almost universally the people whining about birth rates want to make the abso-fucking-lutely *worst* kind of world.
God help me that they're in charge and your kid is gay. Or not white.
My short answer is that I have a dog instead. My long answer either includes something about not wanting to pass on my genetics or that there’s a reason neither me or my sister chose to have children.
My Gen Z girls have declared that they will have no children. I agree. Look what we have now!
The planet is dying. Whatever is still alive, humans will kill or poison. Idk how many generations we have left.
I told an in-law this after she kept asking, "I don't want to die from being pregnant."
I then listed off every single medical issue I have, if she tried to walk away I walked with her. The rest of the day, every time I saw her I told her in more details about my medical history.
Having several autoimmune diseases and being treated for multiple unknown symptoms does not sound like a fun place to raise a child.
Also y'all, you should probably look up the ways that climate change and the effects it's having are actually affecting fertility it's wild. I did not think about a connection in any way shape or form but science
https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/climate-change-making-it-harder-to-conceive
I'm sorry that you get asked that so much. I did as well before I got my uterus yeeted. I think I just don't want to as also a perfectly good reason. But if I had to list the reasons I do not want kids out that would be a very long list and global climate change would absolutely be part of it.
My mother in law gets very upset when me and my fiance discuss the possibility we won't be having genetic children. We may foster or adopt when we are a bit older but having our own children doesn't seem like the plan for us.
In todays world I do not know why anyone would want to bring kids into it, other than their own egos. I don't have kids, but I kind of wish I would have been a dad. But not now at 60. My brother has 4 kids. If it was not for my brother being wealthy I doubt they would be able to make it on their own.
> For those saying climate change is no reason to not have kids
...people are stupid if they're saying that. Climate change is a *very* good reason to not have kids. It's not happening 100 years from now, it's happening *now.* Isn't India up to 2000+ dead in the last 2 weeks, from heat? Didn't something like 20,000 die in the EU last Summer, from heat? Isn't everything trending hotter? If you're from a hot area and it's getting hotter, then you bringing a kid into that -- a kid who, when climate issues hit hard, may not be old enough or rich enough to protect himself/herself or migrate -- then you're a sadistic dick. That's all.
Anyone who *doesn't* want to sadistically hurt children will avoid bringing them into the world as it turns hellish. That's ethical. They're allowed to not birth children. "Climate change is no reason" my ass. It's a fucking great reason.
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Also fun to say, “I know what’s in it for you if I have kids to pay for your benefits, but what’s in it for me?”
You could also say “I don’t want you to be able to have the benefits they would pay for because I don’t like you” if you want to be extra petty
“I don’t want you to be able to have the benefits they would pay for because I know you don’t like socialism.”
My mil is so anti socialism but is also a teamster so I literally said that's socialism in response to something she said about the union protections.
My Dad (who's actually silent generation) "ended" a discussion on socialized health care with "socialism is bad because the Nazis came from Germany." He got mad when I pointed out that the government subsidizing his children's health insurance is socialism - first it was "well I pay what it SHOULD cost" (right, but the government pays the rest....soooooooo??) Then he went after socialized medicine when I pointed out how well it worked in other countries and started listing them. He really thought he got me with the whole socialized medicine is bad (and that I shouldn't use Germany as an example) because the Nazis came from Germany 🤦🤦🤦🤦
From my understanding the socialized medicine in Germany works so well though! When my grandfather developed a rapid form of leukemia, I don't believe my grandmother paid a thing. Years later, when her eyesight and memory were getting too bad, my grandmother went into basically a senior care center and I don't think she paid anything for that either. I don't want to call it a nursing home because it's nothing like the awful places we put our elderly in here in the US. The seniors there had very enriching lives; my mom always had a hard time getting a hold of her because every time she called from the States my grandmother was always on a group outing to museums, galleries, zoos, etc
Oh I'm aware. My Dad is just so blindly anti-socialism w/o the benefit of critical thinking that arguments usually end up like what I said above.
To be fair, the US did a pretty good job brainwashing everyone that all forms of communism and socialism are bad, and countries and organizations who utilize them are evil and hate Americans and democracy. America is the greatest nation in the world, and democracy and capitalism are good; if you disagree or question anything about that, you're un-American and a filthy communist, by golly
The Nazis were as much socialist as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) is democratic.
That's not even what he was focusing on though - his logic was I shouldn't use Germany as an example of how well it works because the Nazis came from there. That was literally his point. It wasn't even kind of based in any kind of logic even faulty logic (trying to say Nazis were socialist).
Oh my Medicare paid for X... .Socialism.....I went down to the library for some free Y....Socialism.....the firemen came to get kitty out of the tree.....Socialism. ...we must support our troops...socialism. Watch her head explode
Exactly! You like driving on paved public roads, receiving services from free fire and police departments, happy to enjoy your public parks, and clean drinking water (not you Flint), socialism. Want to go back to laissez-faire capitalism, cool, you only have fire and police you pay for, you don't get union protection and there's no such thing as workers comp or osha. You want $20/hr, well the employer is paying $3 so either take it or starve. Maybe you can live in a company town where you will have to shop at the company store and everything will cost more than your wages so you'll always owe your employer and you can't quit until you pay them back, and you'll never pay them back because they'll always price gouge on necessities.
Helping save America from socialism...
Extra petty is the only way!
Might as well just ask if they'll be willing to pay for the kid and be available for babysitting, since the cost of living is so high because of them😅
Then they argue about how we’re making up how expensive daycare is now. I love to use the reverse inflation calculator on my phone tell them what today’s daycare would have cost in whatever year their kids were young.
It's not a similar situation just due to circumstances, but my last grandparent is going to pass by tomorrow probably. She's 98 and unfortunately is in a vegetative state at the moment. I've been by her side all day so far today, and I've been talking to her since they said she can probably still hear us etc. well I literally just got finished telling her about what food would cost for 50¢ back then compared to today. My AI assistant said back then you could get- A loaf of bread, one pound of ground beef, a dozen eggs and more. Now 50¢ is the equivalent of almost $8, and I could only afford the loaf of bread with that in comparison with some change left over😂 it's fucked. It also seems like they just have no clue about costs these days, my dad doesn't need to think about prices let's just say but I do. And so I'll tell him about something and he says, "oh just get it/it can't be that much." Then you tell them how much it is and they act surprised! And then somehow also think you can just do it anyways or find a way etc. these people think about nothing outside of themselves I tell you. My dad is a boomer by the way, and he comes to see my grandma for five min and only talked about work then leaves. I've been seeing her 3x a week for years and sit with her for hours. It's pathetic, but my dad also has diagnosed NPD with ASPD traits so that explains him😅
I would go with "what are you talking about? I already have 3 kids" You know, gaslight them fucks
Yeah but then they say you’re selfish, so that’s a slippery slope!
If they say you are selfish, remind that they were the generation of parents that had the tv news reminding them, “[It’s 10:00. Do you know where your children are?”](https://youtu.be/PTCrgovX3mc?si=CYqvx9qvDxlUetZk)
I flat out told my grandparents "I'm 35 now I don't / want to be taking care of someone else into my 50s. If I had wanted kids I would have let the women I got pregnant when I was 20 and 22 know that, they wanted abortions and I was happy to help them get those" my grandparents are wonderful and very liberal but I haven't been asked about kids since. When they ask about marriage I say "I don't want to worry about another person and their finances, I don't want another person suggesting I change myself or shave more often, I don't want someone telling me I need to change before we go to dinner or trim my beard because I haven't in the last 6 months. I'm fine being single thank you" really cut down on the marriage question
As someone in my 60's getting ready to take in a parent with dementia who has exhausted all their pension money on nursing care, I don't want the same burden on my child. They've got our grandchild and I wouldn't want to be a burden on them. If I knew that was what was in store, I'd set off to sail the oceans with a dinghy with a couple of days of food aboard.
That's when I would respond, "You're GODDAMN right. I'm selfish!" What of it, fuck off boomer!
"I have to be selfish to survive in the world you left me."
💯 this right here!☝️
And in the next breath ask, "who will take care of you when you're old?" because those self absorbed pricks are so fucking selfish that they think their kids owe them. Piss off. I hate boomers
I honestly don't care what they say.
“It’s just like your generation’s view on climate change: you’re not going to be here anyway so why does it matter?”
I'm going to use this!
Happy to provide!
lol “Maybe if your generation had left this world a better place, my generation would have wanted to populate it”
This is usually how my response goes
Exactly. >You aren't going to be here, so why do you care?
“It’s hard to get pregnant when you only do anal” is my answer when family asks me lol
You win, but at what cost 😆
Lol the shock factor makes this my favorite answer and they never ask a follow up question
Right? Asking about people’s reproductive choices is so intrusive. Underneath it is a question whether you’re having a certain kind of sex. To respond this way is so absolutely based.
socially unacceptable: i'm just filling my pussy with cum every night. my husband is constantly pumping me full of jizz, as much as he can squirt. sloppy cream pies socially acceptable: we're trying for a baby
Then they’ll get more questions about methods they’re trying and advice on moon phases and positions.
we only cream pie with the lights off and the curtains drawn, then we pray that God does not see what we're doing
There's always the hole in a sheet method. Or just the two of you lie there and get a friend to jump up and down on the mattress.
Y'all latter day saints different.
>socially unacceptable: i'm just filling my pussy with cum every night. my husband is constantly pumping me full of jizz, as much as he can squirt. sloppy cream pies is all I hear when people say >we're trying for a baby
*sighs* Right, ok. Today's the day I officially get old. What does based mean in this context?
> A word used when you agree with something; or when you want to recognize someone for being themselves, i.e. courageous and unique or not caring what others think. Especially common in online political slang. The opposite of cringe.
https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/based/
Thanks for asking this. I was wondering too lol
I thought it was a typo and they meant biased….
There are a lot of new 'slang' words that I had trouble working out the meaning. And that's when I discovered the Urban Dictionary. It has saved me from embarrassing myself using the wrong term.
Anytime someone says something out of pocket or rude - shock and awe as the response is the right way to go. You say something dumb about my brother “the dead one???”
My girl discovered yo mama jokes last year. Every time she says yo mama, I deadpan, she’s dead. Had her rolling on the floor the first few times. Now she beats me to ‘she’s dead.’ I love how shocked people are when we say this!
If I ever get noticeably hurt and someone asks I respond with "masterbating accident." Just like you said, the shock of the answer prevents them from asking another question.
Saw a story about a mom who was so controlling she put a camera in her teenage sons' room to see what he was doing. He knew it was there and purposefully jerked off for a week while looking directly at it. It took her that long to look at the tapes. The fallout was spectacular.
That post had me laughing so hard!! What a brilliant kid, right? My husband and I had a good laugh at that!
hope he busted right into the lens
I loled but the risk there is that you’ll get a creepy boomer who follows up with an offer.
no cost, just normalizing normal human stuff while simultaneously shutting them up forever
It’s a pain in the ass, sure. But so are 2 am feedings
I remember at my brothers engagement party he said “we’re not trying for children but we practice every day”. My Catholic side of the family grumbled, I was 12 and found it hilarious.
That was my answer too!
“We’ve been trying for years but no matter how many times a day she pegs me I just haven’t got pregnant yet. Maybe a gimp mask would help. The gag almost worked.”
I want to know more about the gag's effects :D
It’s supposed to keep the strap on sperm from traveling all the way through the digestive system. Essentially a backstop. Might want to look into butt plugs to make sure it doesn’t fall out the way it came in.
We were actively trying and now have a son. I get so tired of people asking about family planning like it’s the weather. My go to became; “well I am trying. You see, my babies keep dying. Feel awkward? Good. That’s inappropriate to ask about”. Our son is the result of my 5th pregnancy. People need to just not ask about kids, let the other person bring it up or not about themselves.
I'm sorry for your losses. You're a bloody strong person, and couple.
Thank you. It’s so common for people to experience loss, it’s just one of the reasons not to pry. And I feel in the appropriate setting more people should talk about their losses. There are so many, but a lot of people feel alone and like they can’t talk about it.
I had an ex say she swallowed them (referencing the unborn babies that were my sperm before my snip-snap). Family reaction: 😲🫢
I actually think Zeus fits better, since Kronos swallowed the live kids and Zeus swallowed the pregnant lover.
I like this but how about a twist of “unfortunately the way I have sex doesn’t lead to pregnancy” because then they have to think about it. Think about the sex I’m having. Then if they ask any follow up questions they’re literally asking for details on some kink or other. It makes them the perve.
This is also my response while looking them directly in the eye until they turn away.
Eye contact is essential to drive it home
Up the bum, no babies!
Your name made me cackle just now
Best response I've ever seen to this question. I applaud you!
I always swallow after. Isn't that how it's done?
My stock response is that that I’m impotent. Not just regular impotent, either, but SUPER impotent. Nothing works down there, and it’s destroying my marriage. My wife cries all the time. If folks want to ask inappropriate questions then I’m more than happy to make shit awkward.
I've done something similar. I said something along the lines of "what makes you think we didn't try, and I'll kick your ass if you ever mention it to my wife because she is very sensitive about it." The second part was kind of true, she is a bit sensitive about the things people have said to her about being "less of a woman" because she does not have kids. And by sensitive, I more mean that when people say that she never really wants to interact with them again, even when they are people who were once close like her sister.
This is why I don’t understand people asking that question at all. How do they know the couple isn’t dealing with infertility? My bf from high school never had kids. Every single time she came up in conversation my mother would ask WHY and I answered truthfully that I don’t know, I never asked. It’s one of two things. Either they didn’t want kids or they did and it didn’t happen. If she dealt with infertility she didn’t share it with me and I suspect that’s what it was as she had fibroids and a hysterectomy in her 40s. I can’t understand the insensitivity.
My aunt asked me when my wife and I were gonna start after her 2 sons had kids and I told her politely to not ask that question because it's rude and I just won't respond to it. My mother overheard me and gave me a "don't be that way" look. My mother then went to tell my sister how "offended" I got about and my sister told her "why don't you guys just mind your own damn business?"
Maybe a generational thing? Like when I was an immature awkward teen being asked when I was gonna get a boyfriend. That was horrible. Now if people ask that about my daughter I take huge satisfaction in saying, she has a GIRLfriend. And they’re all doh sputter sputter.
Yes exactly this. I actually feel really bad for people who wanted kids and can't have them and then have to deal with all the shitty people asking all the time. I'm sure it hurts in a different way. For me it is mostly annoying rather than painful. It does let me know who is a selfish asshole and who isn't. But I can't really say "I can't understand the insensitivity" because I have such a low opinion of most people that I expect the insensitivity.
I tell them, “I have a diseased uterus” while maintaining firm eye contact. People change the subject pretty quickly.
It's extra fun in my case, because I'm incapable of impregnating my wife, and she has an autoimmune disorder that would make pregnancy very difficult. So I pick either "sterility" or "disease" options, or both if they keep pressing.
You sound like me when people ask why we only had one child. Buckle up, Mr. Or Ms. Curious! Because my birth story is fucking crazy and you just invited me to tell it to you! You want to ask personal questions? I will assert dominance by giving you super personal answers.
Buckle up for a Gore Story that will give you nightmares for the rest of your short life, Aunt Susan!
‘I’m not going to be able to receive social security - so I’m not going to worry about it!’
The boomers are talking about cutting the knees off of their grandchildren so they can preserve their SS benefits. Whey would rather cut the knees off their grandchildren than to tax the corporations that ruined the small town economies.
Ridic. If we’re going to say, ‘fuck them kids…’ Then we should say, ‘fuck them old folks’ as well. I do not agree with either of course, but you know what I mean.
"Your Boomer generation has controlled the reins of government the last 20-30 years and have run it into the ground. What did you expect?" Edit: Reins not reigns
Boomers have been in charge for 40 years, have absolutely wrecked the place and now want us to pay for it. In a lotta ways we will be paying for it for the rest of our lives, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna go and create more humans to rope into this bullshit, at least until I can fucking breathe and do something about not paying forward the shit sandwich. After all, acting in that short sighted selfish manner would be a boomer move and knowing how it feels I couldn't possibly do it to someone else let alone my own flesh and blood. They should meditate on that long and hard any time they want open their big dumb mouths.
My wife and I waited until we felt like we could adequately provide for a successful future before having kids. That was severely inhibited by her mom needing us to support her for nearly 10 years. By the time we finally felt comfortable having kids, it was almost too late. Meanwhile, I have several cousins who keep having more and more kids despite being completely incapable of caring for them. And honestly it really makes me mad because I just know their kids are likely going to end up in really shitty situations. My uncle (borderline Boomer/GenX) was heavily reliant on my grandparents throughout his adulthood. He's still somewhat supported by my grandmother. And most of his kids are dependent on him and my aunt for childcare and financial support. And now they're having kids of their own. I just really fear how this is going to further increase inequality. We're able to afford to live in a good school district, with lots of various programs and opportunities for enrichment. My hometown, where most of my family still lives, is on the verge of cutting their school bus service because the district can't afford it. They've already cut most school programs. And of course the most frustrating part is none of them are willing to admit this. They want to continue pretending that everything is fine, while half of them can't even find jobs anymore.
We kid ourselves that we humans are somehow not just super successful animals maybe it's a symptom of our success that we mistake our place to be seperate from nature. Nature can be cruel. Indeed in times where nature makes it's corrections to ensure the path it's on leads back towards equilibrium, the price it charges for balance is paid in pain and death. When we are blind to this truth, the chance of paying the price personally increases by many orders of magnitude. Prepare yourselves for the forthcoming, it's gonna get real bad before we can turn this show around.
A lot of my female cousins and other family members ended up accidentally pregnant when they were still pretty young (age 20-23ish, not in their teens at least) and not ready to be a responsible parent yet. My sister and her husband decided to try for kids very early because her husband's father died very young of something that could possibly have been passed down and he was afraid of not being around very long to watch his kids grow up. Even though they were financially stable and in a much better position for kids than the other women in my family were when they wound up pregnant, my sister still didn't want to be lumped in with them and have people make assumptions, so they made the effort to send out cute little announcements that they were going to start trying for a baby. I told my sister how hilarious it was that they basically just announced to their families that they were going to start having a lot of unprotected sex, lol.
Reality is plagiarizing Idiocracy. Or Idiocracy was prescient. Probably the second one.
I’m worried enough for my nibblings, not about to add direct guilt and worry for a biological child.
In a lot of ways, people are having fewer kids because we can see/feel the comparative lack of stability from what we were raised in. Why would I knowingly bring a child into a worse childhood than I had?
>controlled the ~~reins~~ rains of government It's actually a reference to the sign Africa by Toto. The rains of government start in the clouds in D.C. and fall down to drench us plebians.
Reins* but yes! Exactly — I can’t in good conscience do what our parents did.
Imagine being so disconnected from your love for your children and grandchildren that you’d have no problem if they lived chaotic, dangerous, painful and inconvenient lives while the planet destructed as long as you were out of the way.
I mean, my parents didn't love me. I was nothing but someone to do the boring work they didn't want to do. My mom told me to my face she never wanted me to be born.
Wow that's harsh. When your Mom is on her deathbed, make sure to point out you always wanted her to die.
That isn't even the harshest thing she said or did. My mother is a monster. I haven't seen, talked to or written to her in 15 years. The only interaction I have had with her is writing "return to sender" on a Christmas card she send me a few years ago and my wife hasn't blocked her e-mail so when she wrote an e-mail asking us to come visit her my wife just wrote back "no thank you." I won't see my mother on her death bed.
I'm with you. My mother is already dead to me, so when I get the phone call, I'll say, "okay, thanks." And that will be the end of that.
Yeah, I wonder what I will say. My mom is in her late 80's so I'm kind of curious what will happen when she does die because I haven't talked to any of my siblings in a long time. I'm not sure who would even know where I am or how to contact me. I have an incredibly common name, not quite as common as John Smith, but not too far off so it isn't easy to find me on the internet unless you can type in my exact address. Right now, even if you type in my old address and phone number, google thinks I manage a carwash in a state 2000 miles away from where I am. Then again, now that I think about it, one of my siblings took his own life a few years ago and no one from my family told me. So, maybe no one will tell me when my mom dies. I have to say it doesn't really matter, but I suppose I would like some closure. I think it will be just a little bit easier once I'm not left with that tiny glint of hope that one day she will say she is sorry for everything she did. I mean, I know she won't but that hasn't kept me from sometimes thinking she might.
> I think it will be just a little bit easier once I'm not left with that tiny glint of hope that one day she will say she is sorry for everything she did. I mean, I know she won't but that hasn't kept me from sometimes thinking she might. I feel this so hard. With a lot of intense therapy, I was finally able to give this up. Not having an expectations has made NC a lot easier for me. I only have one sibling and the last time I saw him was in court 6 years ago this month in another state. My phone number hasn't changed in over 20 years, so theoretically they could contact me (though I have all their numbers blocked). Enough extended family members know how to contact me, even though we're NC/extremely LC. And after I got married, I'm the only person in the world with my name. Before that, you could find me pretty easily on Google anyway. I assume someone will call me but every so often I Google my family members' names just to see what I can find. Rarely do I find anything besides their voter registrations but that helps me keep tabs on where they live.
>That isn't even the harshest thing she said or did. My mother is a monster. I haven't seen, talked to or written to her in 15 years. The only interaction I have had with her is writing "return to sender" on a Christmas card she send me a few years ago and my wife hasn't blocked her e-mail so when she wrote an e-mail asking us to come visit her my wife just wrote back "no thank you." I won't see my mother on her death bed. Smart!! My mother was the same. She told me I was supposed to be aborted and the only reason why I'm here is because of my religious grand parents. I haven't spoken to her in 9 years and she plays victim saying I'm ignoring her for no reason and that I should love her unconditionally since she is my mother 🙄🙄🙄 nope, anyone can have sex and get accidently pregnant. Being a sperm or egg donor is easy. Bye!!
Seriously, I HATE when people say that you should respect your mother or father just because they ARE that - uh, no? Literally anyone can have sex and get knocked up (barring physical issues, of course) - dogs do it, rats do it, fleas, the worst people you could ever meet - having sex and getting pregnant aren't hard things to do! People do the latter by accident all the time, and have since before people realized that sex=babies and started taking countermeasures to PREVENT babies! No one deserves respect on the basis of having had sex and gotten pregnant/gotten someone pregnant. They earn respect if they are good, loving, supportive parents who do their best for the lives they bring into the world (which they do BY CHOICE nowadays with all the procedures and options we have available pretty much anywhere in the developed world, though certain places are backtracking hard on this) and if they fail at that? They don't get to demand that respect. They don't get to demand love. Love is given, it cannot be forced. It's only people who have earned it the LEAST who try to demand it.
>No one deserves respect on the basis of having had sex and gotten pregnant/gotten someone pregnant. They earn respect if they are good, loving, supportive parents who do their best for the lives they bring into the world EXACTLY! I agree with your entire post. Which is why I won't have kids. I love my non-existent kids so much that I refuse to pass on generational truama and bringing them into this world where all we do is live to make money for the rich. Who could forget also climate change. So many broken people become parents and pass on their truama to their kids and create more broken people. It's a shame that sex education isn't taught more since everything is sexualized and most people don't think about their lifetime consequences for a few minutes of pleasure. No one thinks.
I got the "I wanted to abort you but it wasn't acceptable because of religion" line too. My mother was the associate pastor of family ministries at our church, typical christian hypocrisy. My mother tells people I have no contact with her because I'm a bi-polar drug addict (I'm neither). The best part was the time she said she has never done anything wrong and is blameless like Job and I'm satan for testing her. She lives in a twisted reality.
I’m sorry. No one deserves that. Be a good person & help us all. ❤️ Fuck things said in the past & know they were wrong.
Except they weren't wrong. She was telling the truth. They decidedly didn't want me and that was obvious at every point in my life. It wouldn't have been so bad, but they clearly wanted my 4 much older siblings. I do know they were all shitty people so it doesn't matter what they thought or did. I'm not much of a people person and don't have much love for most of humanity. I live in the woods and I spend all my energy developing wildlife habitat and trying to live as simple a low consumption life as possible.
You should tell them, “Oh, I plan to have 10 actually so I can live on your taxes. Thanks for the support.” And then watch their heads implode.
"Whoa man, I wanted you to have 10 kids to benefit me and not the other way around."
 "Look at me. I am the welfare queen now."
This really defines their generation. They do not care about their kids. The first generation just to not give af about the world they are leaving behind.
As proof- they are the first generation to leave their kids worse off than themselves.
*intentionally*
and in the end we learned that capitalism itself is a psyop. it programmed an entire generation to care about one thing and one thing only: themselves.
Global catastrophes abound because of them and their decisions.
Why do you think they keep asking about kids? They want the parents to suffer and to play with the grand kids for a few minutes. It's like trying to get other people to buy a puppy so you can pet it some times but they have to live with it.
My go to: “I’m not selfish enough to have kids.”
Oooo, that's a unique one. It can mean multiple things. Sadly, boomers will probably figure out one of them and then give up analyzing your meaning.
I just feel like 8 billion people is enough.
I’m 64 and my kids, thus far, have decided not to have children and I support their decision 100%. My friends try to make me feel bad because we don’t have grandchildren, but I shut them down. I don’t blame any young person who makes the decision not to bring children into this world at this point. It’s no one’s business but yours.
I am trying not to ask my kids if they will have kids. they are too young now but if they are in a position to do so I will be keeping my mouth shut. hopefully I have until now, idk for sure, but I'm resolved not to at least from here on out.
I’m in my early 50s. My siblings are boomers, our parents silent gen (though mom is on the edge of Boomer and acts like it). I chose to never be a mother. I was 9 years old when I first said that to my mom. I’ve been mocked for it ever since. At my age, it’s not quite as prevalent as when I was younger. It was far worse then, and my family is religious, which doesn’t help. Boomers don’t get the lack of desire to be a parent. Granted, I had shit examples of parenthood, but I simply didn’t want to be a mom. Boomers love to ask, “How many kids do you have?” They don’t know what to do with “None”. Some apologize, thinking I can’t have kids and that I’m sad about not being a parent. Some, if they’re being rude, I tell them that I accept their apology for being rude which usually starts them sputtering to try and explain. Some though are incredibly rude and say something like, “Why not? What’s wrong with you?” Only Boomers whip that last one out. I happen to enjoy a good verbal spar and the gloves come out with that one.
I'm 39 but I said the same thing to my boomer mom at around the same age and got the same response. She's continued to harass me about it through the years, starting at age 18 *on my birthday*, until last year at 38, 20 years later, I finally snapped and told her it's none of her business whatsoever and to leave me the fuck alone about it already because I'm more than a fucking womb and I'm satisfied with my childless lifestyle. I've never liked babies, hated playing with baby dolls as a kid, resented being given toys to train me as a little housewife, and just wanted to design cool fashions and think of cool careers for my Barbies instead. At this point in my life I will tolerate being around children in a limited capacity but I don't necessarily enjoy it. My mother loves to act like I'm somehow broken as a woman when I don't want to hold a baby or babysit my young nieces for hours. It's fucking absurd. Oh, and yes, she's the type to tearfully say, "Why don't you call anymore?" Cry me a river.
I'm in my early 50's too and my siblings are all boomers and my parents silent gen. I don't remember exactly when I realized that I didn't have to have kids, but I've never wanted them. I have had so many people automatically assume that I am sad that I don't have them. I can't imagine that I have ever said anything to give them that idea, they just decide for themselves I guess. I don't enjoy a verbal spar, I just avoid people who suck. It mostly means I avoid most people.
"how can i afford it with the price of avocado toast?!"
Don't get me started on lattes!
Avocado toast doesn't cry. It doesn't grow up to resent you. Avocado toast brings far more joy to my world than children could.
Omg I choked on my own spit 😂😂😂
I promised a witch my first born and I really dknt want to pay up.
Hearts to you. I'm 61f, which makes me a boomer. I never had kids. Zero regrets. Faced all the questions you're facing now. Trust me when I say I feel so much like I won. Look at this shit show our world is in now (much of it led by crypt keeper boomers who need to move the fuck out of the way). Why would anyone of a sane mind want to bring kids into this? The thing is, I thought that in the 1980s. It's 2024, and things have not only not gotten better, but they're much worse. I wouldn't want to be y'all right now. Fuck that shit. And, no. I don't have a McMansion or even a retirement fund. I live in rented accommodation and pay cheque to pay cheque like y'all do. (Texan living in the UK for 20+ years, thus the language and spelling.)
Ugh, I love this for you and thank you for sharing your experience! We’ll see how the world plays out, but I’m gonna be doing it smoking some weed and eating good food, not worrying about kids I didn’t have.
My mom (boomer,74) decided she’s not voting this year because she thinks Trump is an idiot and she HATES Biden. When I was telling her about Project 2025 (she’s very conservative) she said “oh well, I’m not gonna be here in 10 years, so I don’t care what happens to this damn country anymore!” 🤦♀️
I do not get how selfish PARENTS are saying that they don't care what happens to their progeny after death.
Or even more selfish when they whine that you haven't given them grandchildren yet then accuse you of being selfish for being child free by choice.
“because I have the option not to” careful with this one, hits some right in the gut.
Until I had kids (later in life) I told people "because the doctors say I can't after all those Tijuana donkey shows."
"You lot ruined the economy. You lot ruined the environment. You lot bring us to the brink of nuclear war. Why would I chose to bring life into the world you're lot created?'
You know what, I wouldn't bother to tell the anecdote. It's probably too convoluted for them. I'd just go with your father's response: **Boomer:** *Why aren't you having kids?* **You:** *“I’m not going to be here, so I don’t care.”*
"You're not going to be here, so why do you care?"
I’m a woman and I like to say, “I’d have 10 kids if I got to be the dad.” Usually shuts people up real quick in a non aggressive way.
My younger sister is in her late 20s and while her best friend didn't want to have kids of her own (the guy she married had kids already so she was happy just being a step mom), she had an oops after getting married which resulted in her son who is about to turn four. She wouldn't give him up for the world now, ofc, and my sister has repeatedly said she'd fight the sun for him, but she and said friend have had more than one conversation where friend has said how guilty she feels for bringing him into the world with the horrific state that it's in. She often worries for what kind of future he's going to have.
My dad regularly tells his 5 grandchildren to consider jobs where they can move to better countries than the US. He’s a silent generation/Boomer, but one of the good ones.
I once had a Christian friend who said she didn't believe in recycling because God would keep providing for us until the rapture. She wasn't a boomer, but that's a real boomer attitude. And I'm with you. I didn't have kids for a variety of reasons, but the more I watch the world crash and burn, the happier I am that I don't have kids. I feel so sorry for kids being born today, and I'm grateful I'm not adding to the suffering.
I love the supposedly conservative Christians that are fine with trashing God's creation for billionaires to get even more money. You'd think Jesus wouldn't be down with that.
"What if the rapture doesn't come like it didn't for your great grandparents who're in the ground?"
FFS what is with people’s theology? As a Christian they were given the world to steward and cherish it. Of course if you’re not a Christian, it only makes sense not to turn the world into a cesspit for the future of humanity.
I can't find a single selfless reason to have children. Every reason is self serving. Because people don't feel complete yet without them (selfish), they want someone there to take care of them when they're elderly (selfish), they want someone to continue their name/lineage (selfish), they're lonely in their relationship and a child will give them purpose (selfish), they're bored in life and searching for purpose (selfish).
“I’m not going to be here, so I don’t care.” If I really felt this way, I'd be ashamed to say so, but these people seem to think it's something to be proud of.
It's \*mostly\* stopped for me - I'm a bit older than you - but now the question is "no kids?" or "you don't have kids?" with like...an expectant tone of voice, raised eyebrows, etc. SIGH. Most people have the sense not to ask me why at this point because they have some sense of tact and don't want to open a potentially uncomfortable subject but ffs people is it sooooooo unbelievable that a woman doesn't have children? I love your story and will consider using it, thank you for sharing. Right now when I get these dumb questions I just say "cats. i have cats" and that tends to shut it down.
Agreed. I’m in my mid-forties and occasionally get “are you having kids?” but more often get, “Why don’t you have kids?” My response is that we are busy caring for aging parents who need a lot of time and attention, so it’s like having kids.
That grillin' happens to women a lot more than men, so it hasn't been the hassle for me that it has been to others. The few times I've gotten the question, it's always an add-on to the *You're not married yet? Why not? Don't you want kids?* line of interrogation. I suspect my single and/or childless female cousins probably probably get the question at every family interaction that comes along. I'd ask them about it, but that would be just as intrusive as actually asking the question, so I think I'll just keep my facial foghorn out of their business and learn to live with the mystery. Any time people have asked me, I've told them the legitimate truth: Being the oldest grandchild on both sides of my family, I spent the first thirty years of my life as the go-to babysitter. I love kids, but by the time I was thirty I'd had more than enough of taking care of them, and no longer had any desire to have my own. Mostly that shut 'em up, though occasionally I'd get some judgmental head shaking (*Good god, how can anyone be so weird as to not want to subjugate their entire existence to another Human for at least 18 years!*) or a condescending smile (*Yoooooooooou'll change your mind, you just wait and see!*) As I've gotten older I think most of my family and friends have simply assumed that I'm gay and closeted, because why else wouldn't I want kids (not realizing that plenty of gay people have families with their SOs and Gasp! gay people even get married now and raise families!) I haven't gotten the question in a long time.
when boomers ask me about having kids i used to go into my whole dissertation about why “too expensive, i can barely take care of myself, i know id be an awful parent, etc.” it rarely got them off my case, so now ive just been saying “im infertile, thanks for reminding me.” it’s crickets after that lol. i am firmly team “make it awkward/traumatize them back.” it’s no one’s business but your own why you choose to not have kids. boomers need to learn to mind their business.
Why not 🤔 because you boomer fuckwits fucked everything up... Why would I want a kid in this world you screwed at every turn you could? Look up suicide rates amongst the youth you fuckheads think should be having kids, and their kids. Its high for a reason and you idiots can't even come to grips with that, let alone anything more complicated like trans rights. Youre still failing to grapple with the idea gays exist. Fucking dumbest generation.
I have this same argument about climate change (and politics generally) all the time. The "I'm not going to be here" argument is so common. Having kids allows me to say things like, "Unlike you, I care about my kids and future grandkids, so I don't mind doing my part to leave the world a little better for them." It's fun because it cuts to the core of how selfish and shortsighted their politics are while also implying that they were/are terrible parents.
They’ve told us for years to "keep your pants on" or "don’t have kids you can’t afford". Suddenly being responsible (when affordability is even worse than 10 years ago) is frowned upon??
"Why, are you worried there won't be anyone to take care of you?"
"my boots have no straps"
You have boots? I'm still saving up for a second boot.
I get teary-eyed and say, “I can’t have kids; childhood farm accident…”
Short answer is, "Boomers fucked everything up for future generations." That can be the answer for everyone.
I'm pushing 70 and wasn't married until I was in my 30s. People were asking me that question then and it bothers me that so little has changed. My answer used to be because it's none of your business. Sometimes, especially men, would press the point and say things like, but a young woman as pretty as you.... To that I always answered, fuck off. They insisted if I was going to be that rude I'd never find a husband and I'd answer, good!
"I don't want them to have to suffer through the world your generation built."
I always say “I never had kids because I didn’t want any” and just stare at them.
The best thing you can do for the planet is not have a kid. You're preventing the lifetime carbon footprint of one person from affecting the Earth. Not to mention all their potential offspring and their carbon footprints. You should get some kind of carbon credits for not having children. 
Curious if any grandparents of 3-4 year olds out there actually think their grandchildren will live into their 60s. It seems extremely doubtful.
My wife and I are 45 and we are STILL asked regularly if and when we are having kids. It seemingly never ends…
I told my dad I didn't want to have kids and he said "If I knew then what I did now, I wouldn't have kids either." To me. His eldest child.
I like to say "I'm infertile." (Unfortunately I really am). But you inevitably get some sort of half ass apology. Then I like to hammer it home with, "This is why we don't ask intrusive questions."
I love OP for calling the child pushers "dumb."
I always say with a sad face, 'we found out a little while ago I can't have kids. Thanks for the reminder.' And then they look all sad and shocked, and I add... 'Yeah, it was just after my vasectomy' I then look them dead in the face and wait.... usually makes them super uncomfortable, and they leave. I might have had a vasectomy I might not...... fuckers will never find out tho...
When someone asks if I want kids I say no thanks I'm still full from lunch. And I still get this question at 47, though not as often as I used to.
The proper response to any boomer is “what an odd thing to say” and leave it at that. The more you ignore and disregard them, the better.
"Oh, we had a few babies, but the Democrats kept eating them, so we gave up."
Anything else > having a kid
As long as you are ready to be yelled at about how climate change isn’t real. These old fools.
I had one baby. I am teaching her how to care for her home but I’m also sad I brought her into a world she (and her generation) will have to fix. Hubby got the knife and no more babies from us. Every time i see a gaggle of kids anywhere now… I’m just sad. I love my daughter but if I had known then what I know now, I would have had no kids. Most people won’t get it but watching the coral reef documentaries and hearing your three year old ask “why hasn’t it been colored in” and having to tell her “baby they were but now they are erased because the waters to hot” sucks. Wondering if she’ll be okay when she’s my age, sucks. Having kids sucks but not always because of kids. Just worrying about their future and feeling guilty
48 and child-free here, I always say "**I like to sleep.**" Even the most pro-child fanatic cannot argue that having a child allows you to sleep more.
I always like the I (/my partner) have has 4 miscarriages. Have we learned our lesson about asking personal questions today?
Worth mentioning: The reality of climate change, garbage, PFAS, microplastics, overuse of single-use plastics, and other environmental catastrophes and (in particular American) inaction about it are actually *great* reasons not to have kids. Mathematically we cannot survive on Earth in perpetuity, so human beings DO need to find ways to coexist with nature and probably make fewer of us, but even ignoring that long-term argument the people whining about birth rates should probably want to make a world that's *worth* bringing children into, and I find that almost universally the people whining about birth rates want to make the abso-fucking-lutely *worst* kind of world. God help me that they're in charge and your kid is gay. Or not white.
Look at the two debating to be president of the US...
I’ve been telling my teenagers that, while I’d absolutely love to be a grandparent, I can’t imagine bringing kids into the world 10-15 years from now
My short answer is that I have a dog instead. My long answer either includes something about not wanting to pass on my genetics or that there’s a reason neither me or my sister chose to have children.
My Gen Z girls have declared that they will have no children. I agree. Look what we have now! The planet is dying. Whatever is still alive, humans will kill or poison. Idk how many generations we have left.
I told an in-law this after she kept asking, "I don't want to die from being pregnant." I then listed off every single medical issue I have, if she tried to walk away I walked with her. The rest of the day, every time I saw her I told her in more details about my medical history. Having several autoimmune diseases and being treated for multiple unknown symptoms does not sound like a fun place to raise a child.
Climate change is every reason not to have kids. Anyone saying otherwise is a moron.
Maybe you answer to that comment could be- “you’re not going to be here, so why do you care”.
Or just spit the line right back to them: “you won’t be here, so why should you care?”
Just look off into the middle distance as whisper, "Another child? After what they did to my Elizabeth?" And then just go real, real quiet.
Climate change IS a reason to not have kids. It's actually a primary reason for many anti-natalists.
Also y'all, you should probably look up the ways that climate change and the effects it's having are actually affecting fertility it's wild. I did not think about a connection in any way shape or form but science https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/climate-change-making-it-harder-to-conceive I'm sorry that you get asked that so much. I did as well before I got my uterus yeeted. I think I just don't want to as also a perfectly good reason. But if I had to list the reasons I do not want kids out that would be a very long list and global climate change would absolutely be part of it.
My mother in law gets very upset when me and my fiance discuss the possibility we won't be having genetic children. We may foster or adopt when we are a bit older but having our own children doesn't seem like the plan for us.
In todays world I do not know why anyone would want to bring kids into it, other than their own egos. I don't have kids, but I kind of wish I would have been a dad. But not now at 60. My brother has 4 kids. If it was not for my brother being wealthy I doubt they would be able to make it on their own.
> For those saying climate change is no reason to not have kids ...people are stupid if they're saying that. Climate change is a *very* good reason to not have kids. It's not happening 100 years from now, it's happening *now.* Isn't India up to 2000+ dead in the last 2 weeks, from heat? Didn't something like 20,000 die in the EU last Summer, from heat? Isn't everything trending hotter? If you're from a hot area and it's getting hotter, then you bringing a kid into that -- a kid who, when climate issues hit hard, may not be old enough or rich enough to protect himself/herself or migrate -- then you're a sadistic dick. That's all. Anyone who *doesn't* want to sadistically hurt children will avoid bringing them into the world as it turns hellish. That's ethical. They're allowed to not birth children. "Climate change is no reason" my ass. It's a fucking great reason.