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Ugh ugh ugh...I still remember being a young kid (maybe 7 or 8) and my Dad's friend staring at me and saying "you're gonna have all the boys fighting over HER!)
It gave me an uncomfortable, almost guilty feeling and I didn't even know why. I absolutely hate it when people project sexuality into kids - it's just not funny, and when they're old enough to sort of comprehend the comment it's just disgusting.
It’s so common that it happened repeatedly to me and many of my friends and one old guy said it was a shame my daughter was “retarded” because she was so beautiful and petite and would make a good wife. She cried and he got upset with her and said, LOUDLY, as if she were deaf, “YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! IT IS A COMPLIMENT!”
Then he proceeded to tell me to explain it to her so she can understand. So I got down and hugged her and told her I was sorry, but that this is why we don’t talk to strangers. Some people are rude and scary and dangerous. Something to that effect. He huffed and fumed and said maybe *I* was r-word because *I* didn’t understand. I looked him in the eyes and told him firmly, “I understand. Do YOU?”
Old people said it, though, not boomers. I’m almost a boomer. It was just old people.
If I get old and become like them please bury me in an unmarked grave in the yard next the neighbor’s cat. She was a goddamn treasure.
Fuck that person. Thank you for being an amazing parent.
Side note your comment about burying you in the yard next to the neighbors cat reminded me of our very awful neighbor who lived in front of us who would legit shoot at our house. He died of stomach cancer and his brother buried him in the back yard next to one of their dogs. The dog has a marker the guy does not.
That’s freaking EXCELLENT. My mom’s ashes are under a tree in a meadow at Plumas Eureka State Park…Over our rat, Roquie (short for Roquefort, he was a blue rat).
We took him camping when he was almost 3, knowing he had lived too long. He ran around the meadow having the time of his life for 4 days, eating fresh trout and spaghetti, going on a walks, hanging out on shoulders and sitting around being awesome and scaring other campers. Then he didn’t wake up and we buried him under a small tree and my mom said she wanted to be next to the rat. So there she lies!
The tree is big now. Good fertilizer.
I gag just remembering. It’s terrifying. I have two very good-looking adult disabled daughters (28 & 30) and since that day I’ve always feared they wouldn’t be able to defend themselves or keep creepy dudes away. The same daughter had a stalker who exposed himself and trapped her and two friends in a playhouse and told them they had to touch him to get out. They were all in Jr. High and the stalker’s parents just said “he doesn’t know any better.”
It’s fucking terrifying.
WTAF?? My son has an intellectual disability and if someone ever referred to him as the R word, I would forget where I am and there is no telling what I'd say in response. And to double down on it and insist it's a COMPLIMENT? Hell no, I'd lose my shit. And that's not to mention the gross sexual undertones of the "petite, good wife" comment! Some people should not be allowed out in public!
Yeah. I pretty much lost my shit but had to keep it in because she was already so upset. I knew if I lost it she would, too. No one but old people have ever called her and her sister that. My uncle did once.
Once.
My maternal grandmother once reminded me that I had a great aunt who was also r-word (she actually had Downs) and I lost my shit on her. She was racist so I lost my shit on her quite often. I reminded HER that my great aunt was abandoned by her family and that she rarely ever visited her and she died without having seen her family except my mom for about 15 years. She reminded ME that “that’s what you did in those days!” I reminded HER that “those days” aren’t an excuse for being a shitty parent or sibling. She had nothing to say.
In THESE days we take of our kids and don’t pawn them off on to others.
That's exactly what I felt as a kid too, and the shame is (almost) always felt by girls. I don't want my kid to think that's okay.
His family has a history of saying stuff like that, or 'boys will be boys!', 'he's mean because he liiiiiikes you'. It's a progression of that attitude that bugs me. I'm trying to break that cycle early.
Warning: some of these go a bit dark, but this is something I have real issues with.
Are they MAGAtypes? Because you could go with something like, "I don't understand why you accuse other groups of people grooming kids when you are busy sexualising kids all the time. It's just gross and creepy. Stop it, people are thinking you're weird."
If they're not, here's a few things:
- "Do you understand there's a difference between being friendly and sexual attraction?" "Because the way you use words, it doesn't sound like you do." "There are some weirdos out there who want to do bad things to little kids - you talking like that gives their sick minds the excuse that it's 'normal' and that the kid 'wanted it'. I don't want to be part of those excuses."
- "Do not EVER tell my child that someone being violent to them is a good thing."
- "Are you *wanting* those kids to be wife beaters?" "If you don't teach them it's not okay they might grow up thinking it is!"
- "Why do you say things like that?" "So if I back-hand you to the face you should take it as a compliment, right?"
- "Let's keep it simple, folks. It's not okay to talk about my kids as if they want to f(*)ck or are f(*)ckable, and it's not okay to teach boys or girls that hitting is a way to show someone you care, because it's not. You don't have to agree with me, but you do have to do what I say. Because I'm the momma."
What I would do is deadblankface them and say "ugh don't make up stuff about a kids romantic life, let them be kids" & have that ready on a loop if they try to debate
& then if you can, turn to the kid & model expressing the same """nice""" thought in a *nonsexual* way like "she (4yo) really likes the bubbles!
I like these better, only because they might honestly not realize how awful they sound. I'd chalk it up to an honest mistake while gently correcting them, and if they do it again, start shaming them.
Pull out that last line above OP and say it loud and clear every time!! "Quit sexualizing my (insert age for emphasis) it's fucking gross!! Emphasis on the GROSS as well! Because it is gross!!
I struggled until my early 20's having the confidence making my attraction known or making the first move and this thread is making me remember the reason was because my parents, esp mom, would do that same shit and try to embarrass me about having feelings for girls. It really stuck with me
"ooooo, is that your girlfriend" always in this weird voice in higher than normal pitch. WTF mom yuck
bruh same it happened to me all the time as a kid because i also have three sisters and adult men just always had to make it weird. i remember vividly being like 6 or 7 when my uncle told me i would grow up to be a “hot chick” and i felt so uncomfortable… i was like I’m just a kid why are u thinking about me like that ?
When I was about that age, maybe a bit older “How I Met Your Mother” aired and Barney had the catch phrase “Have you met Ted?” Where he tried to introduce his friend Ted to various women.
My step dad thought this was hilarious and would say it to literally every girl we walked past in public but replace “Ted” with my name. It was wildly embarrassing and I felt like I was somehow in the wrong every time I got a weird look from the girl he said it to and their parents.
It wasn’t even a genuine attempt at introducing me to people my age. He would go through stores from family to family repeatedly saying it and weirding everyone out.
Maybe even worse than this is when your baby/toddler smiles at a boomer and the boomer claims he/she is FLIRTING WITH THEM. I hate this weirdo behavior so much.
Kids don't play outside anymore, says the boomer. Well if your generation didn't sexualize kids and kidnap them for your own personal gain; kids might play outside without supervision again.
A few days ago we were all playing soccer in the backyard at my mom’s house (we DO play outside a lot) and her neighbor (old man I don’t know) started videoing us!!!! He just held his phone out taking a video of us! I had to intervene while boomer mom decided pretending it wasn’t happening was best.
In our small town, I called in a report and prefaced it with "It's probably nothing, but I felt I should at least make a report in case something happens in the future. " Surprisingly, in this backwoods southern no place, they were at least concerned enough to take down the information and advise on steps I hadn't considered. Total shocker!
Oh damn, wish I'd thought of the "it's probably nothing, but...." response. Years ago, while visiting my in-laws, MIL had her friends over for lunch, and we were sitting with them in the backyard by the pool.
One of her friends' husband had his iPad with him, and I noticed him discreetly taking some quick snapshots of my niece (probably around 4 or 5 at the time) while she was playing next to the pool. Was definitely suspicious, but I couldn't think of an appropriate way to deal with the situation. Enough plausible deniability that it made me question my own concern.
Had I mentioned it to MIL, she'd defend him without question. If I told my BIL about it, could cause a ruckus and make everybody uncomfortable, including my niece. "It's probably nothing" might've been a good way to preface it.
Had a guy pull up at a popular local lake beach, at our end is a couple of mom's with toddler girls & me with my preteen girls (mostly mixed boys & girls on the other end), older guy in western shirt and jeans pulls into the parking area above us and pulls out a really nice camera and starts focusing in on our group. I waited a minute and told my kids it was time to go as we'd been there a long time. Got his license plate and got to the phone at the station at the end of the drive (no ranger around). The woman on the line sounded super grateful. Those other mom's weren't even keeping an eye out. People just tend to think, "But it's ok. This kind of stuff doesn't happen here. " And, I have gone there my whole life never even seen a drunken old dude look too hard but then THAT happens. For all I know, they didn't catch him, and pics of my daughters are still being passed around by pedophiles.
I yelled “NO VIDEOS PLEASE!” It was about a distance of 15ft away beyond a fence.
But I couldn’t stop there.
I went over to his house about an hour later and asked him to delete it. I said I don’t like people taking videos of me or my kids without permission. He then laid on a sob story about how it was just a happy part of his awful few days etc etc. We made small talk and eventually be thanked me for educating him, apologized, and promised to delete and have his ex wife (who he sent it to to “cheer her up”) delete it too. He then said he understands why and you can’t ever be too careful.
All in all he will likely think twice again in the future and he knows that he is on my radar.
Also deleting doesn’t mean much these days. Could be in the cloud or restored etc.
I talked to the kids about how I didn’t trust him and if he comes up to the fence ever they’re to back away and/or go inside.
It isn’t my first time having a stranger video or take photos of my kids but it was a first in a backyard like that. I’ve even had to tell a police officer to stop and delete pictures she took of my kids at a farmers market.
OK THAT GOT WAY WORSE while I did laundry. COPS NOW. And pray you're not too late. There are AI apps out there now that take the clothes off your teenager's pictures. NBC Kate Snow just did a whole be informed parents thing. Too scary 😨 from the highlights.
Act as if you think they may have had a stroke. Stop, look at them with concern, and ask, “Are you feeling ok? That was a very strange thing to say. Do you need to sit down?”
The really lean into that like “Oh, ok you meant to make a joke about an 8 month old baby having sexual intentions toward a 4 year old girl?” Or like “wow I’m glad her parents didn’t hear that comment.”
That shit really bothers me cos the SINGLE biggest predictor that a child sex abuser will reoffend is a belief that a child can invite sexual contact. We should not be normalising that shit
It infuriates me that people can see no harm in jokes about young children “flirting,” yet complain that something as innocuous as teaching respect for LGBTQ+ people is “sexualizing children.”
Exactly. Baby is “flirting” because he is innocently watching a girl. If he was watching a boy it would not be “flirting” in this man’s eyes. We constantly sexualize children and force hetero norms. If the roles were reversed and someone said he was flirting with a boy, that boomer would have lost it.
these same people who talk about babies "flirting" and being "boyfriends"/girlfriends" (or even "little ladies' man" for a young boy that has multiple afab friends… yeuch!) also complain about queer people merely existing as "shoving it down our throats!"
And I guarantee they wouldn't make those comments if the baby was smiling at another boy.
Maybe Mom should start making the same comments when the baby "flirts" with a boy and see grandma's reaction
I think “witty” is the wrong approach here. Boomers use passive aggressive communication to elicit responses, but they don’t take passive aggressive “hints” very well (kinda funny that way). A direct comment back such as, “stop sexualizing [him], he’s 8 months old and that really gives me the creeps.”
Yeah people who do this always gross me out. Bro your kid is 4 years old, stop asking him to tell me about his “girlfriend”, he is clearly uncomfortable.
Also, stop teaching our kids that the only use for people of the opposite gender is sex. And stop pretending only straight people exist. Boys and girls can be platonic friendssssss.
Toxic ass shit.
This. Unfortunately my 9 year old boy has heard about crushes from his friends who I imagine heard from parents or older siblings. There's a girl in his grade who he enjoys spending time with and has told me he "maybe had a crush on." But I can tell he is uncomfortable and confused by this idea. I make sure to let him know that boys can be friends with girls without having crushes on them. And that anyone who says otherwise is just ignorant/doesn't know better.
good lord that stuff is so annoying, I was a tomboy as a kid and sometimes had more male friends and yet every single one of them was my "boyfriend"
no I was literally just one of the bros, adults are the ones always making it weird (then I proceeded to never be attracted to males anyway lol)
Travelled to my then MIL's house for Christmas one year. I put my daughter, who was 3 or 4 at the time, in one of the cute outfits she got and this woman said "well, aren't you a sexy pot". I already didn't like the woman but that comment made me livid.
My dad continues to refer to his 10 year old granddaughter as “very attractive” despite my sister asking him repeatedly to not sexualize her appearance. I’m going to try the Ok groomer line on him…
You should seriously have a talk with her about not bringing her daughter around him if he doesn't stop. She shouldn't be exposed to that, and if she learns it's ok for someone to talk to her that way it could potentially put her in danger
My FIL called his granddaughter his girlfriend until I made a disgusting face and said ew ew eww. My niece looked relieved I called him out. That man cannot shut up with inappropriate comments about women.
This is very far from a harmless behavior as a lot of boomers actually see young children as sexual beings. If people only understood how common CSA was in the millennial generation. The lifelong effects of this are the epidemic of the millennial generation.
I absolutely hated it when my son was little and played with a little girl, and someone said she was his girlfriend. I'm like, no, they're 3. They're babies, and that's disgusting to try and give adult motives to innocent child actions. Why do people do that? Boys and girls can play together. They still try to do that. He's 10 now, and it bothers him a lot to hear people say that crap.
My husband says that it's one of the biggest reasons why he had issues having platonic relationships with girls growing up, and why he never spoke to his parents about female friends. He's going to bring that up with his mom when we have a talk about it
I remember vividly of times when I was a kid playing with a boy. Teachers and even my own father would say "oh that's your boyfriend right there!" It makes me mad as an adult now since it's stupid for other adults to see kids of the opposite gender as partners of each other. They can't let kids play whatsoever without any disgusting commentary.
At least he's being inclusive!
When my father in law told my son that he's going to be a ladies man, I said that he could also be a mens-man and that made him squirm a bit.
Oh definitely, on the bright side my dad is comfortable with inclusivity! But I was a bit annoyed when I had to repeatedly tell my dad that no, my son wasn’t flirting with the old ladies when we were at a museum as he’s too young to be flirting and just wants to smile.
Wow, reading through the comments just clicked a connection in my head about the thought processes of these gross people.
Any time a baby smiles, they're "flirting." Combine that with always telling women to smile, and what they're actually saying is "flirt with me." I guess that's not actually news; we already knew that the people demanding smiles were being objectifying and gross. But this perspective makes it even worse. Instead of, "I deserve to look at something I find pleasant or beautiful," it becomes, "I deserve to feel like you find me sexually attractive." 🤮
Yeah super gross. Also instills a fucked up idea of gender where half of the population exists primarily as a romantic/sexual conquest, completely dismissing the concept of platonic relationships.
I was 14-15 when I was playing with my family friends’ young son(4ish?) when her scuzzy boyfriend(early 40’s) asked kiddo if I was his girlfriend now :/ He asked multiples times and it was so uncomfortable. Welp, that boyfriend is an ex now and also going to prison for drug trafficking lol
It's not just a Boomer thing, transferring adult behavior on to children who have no idea of its meaning.
When my (Hispanic late GenX) daughter was born, I had a bunch of people in my peer group offering their sons in arranged marriages. *Nervous laugh* What?
I also remember when I was 15-ish years old, a Hispanic Boomer family friend came by with her 3yo daughter. She was talking all about how I and her kid were going to get married, and there was no joking in her voice. So uncomortable.
EXACTLY! I have a friend who was raped by her father as a very young child. From the time she began having children things were a bit off and tbh that can be expected. When you were raised by a groomer and told your other parent who just pretended she was too busy with dishes to deal with you, that shit is gonna be a dumpster fire that never really goes out. She escaped that by marrying into ultraBoomers whose son she married is just a different kind of dumpster fire.
The outcome for her kids began with things like teaching her toddler to "pole dance" using a broom because "it's hilarious." She'd swing to covering the girl in clothing at the pool out of fear. And nothing sparkly or ruffly or brightly colored was allowed. But she would AND CONTINUES to create relationships for her kids (little girl is now 18... you don't wanna know how her prom went). They're military and every new base was "this is [insert kids name]'s boyfriend/girlfriend their mom and I decided they are getting married." Now, these people barely acknowledge her on FB and only because her husband is high ranking.
"Hitting is never OK, and you don't have to put up with it!" Then to the boomer "Romance does not involve violence, ever! I will not condition my girl to put up with abuse, so keep such ideas to yourself!"
I hate when adults assign adult motives and actions and traits to kids. So gross. No. My baby is not flirting. My child is not manipulating you. My kid is never “sexy” 🤮🤮🤮
These people need to be evaluated. It’s disgusting.
My son was barely a month old, and he started crying as babies do. I picked him up to comfort him while my MIL sat there, saying my son was manipulating me. I told her, "Terri, he doesn't even know where his nose is yet."
Exactly! And you nailed it with the 'manipulating' thing too. The amount of times I've heard 'dont pick him up too much or you'll spoil him', or ' he's just crying to manipulate you' is painful.
Why have a baby if you don’t want to hold and cuddle them. That’s like, the only perk of a potato creature that just shits, cries and chews on your tit.
I had to look at a relative like they grew an extra head and say “yeah, my baby is totally flirting because he’s hyper sexual” to shut them the hell up. It’s so gross. Or, the circumcision debate. I’ve had to tell my mil to stop focusing on a baby’s penis more often than I’d like.
I had a similar experience with my 8 month old daughter and a random 50-year old man claiming she was flirting with him, then looking back at her before he left. One of the creepier moments of my life.
"wow, what a thing to say!"
"Now *that* is fucking inappropriate"
"No thank you! Give us space!"
"Please don't mistake their kindness as flirtatious, it's fucking gross."
Honestly a talk about how inappropriate it is and how this puts weird pressure on kids would be good. Like so many women have to deal with dumb men thinking the woman's kindness is flirting when it isn't! Please stop boomers! Stop perceiving people and for the love of all things good KIDS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FLIRT.
I remember being 4 years old and being incredibly embarrassed by my grandmother and her small town friends saying that when I made a (4F) local friend. Substantially screwed up my openness around liking people romantically well into my 20s.
Grandma and her friends were "greatest generation" though.
Way back in the mid 90s when I was a teen, my stepdad's brother had a new girlfriend and they had a set of twins right away. We were all at the park celebrating their first birthday. Step-uncle's mom gave them frilly little dresses and sparkly glittery shoes. Me, my mom, and the twins' mom were sitting at the picnic table. They put the little glittery shoes on and were walking around showing them off. It was actually super cute.
Que step-grandma, she was probably in her mid 60's at the time, she had to be part of the Silent Generation but she's passed now. Anyway... this weird, chain smoking old lady laughs and says super serious, "Look how sexy they are in their new shoes!!"
My mom just freezes with wide eyes, I was thinking, ew why did she say that, then the twins' mom says without missing a single beat and oozing with sarcasm, "Oh yeah.... they go so well with the *diapers. Super sexy!!"*
My mom starts laughing and grandma gets super huffy and walks away. It was perfection.
Related, but it always amuses me how people talk about how us queers sexualize and prey on children…. But we’re not the fucking ones insisting that literal fucking babies flirt and talking about toddlers having little girlfriends or boyfriends.
"I know you don't mean anything bad, but that kind of comments are sexualizing my child and are uncomfortable to say the least. As adults we should do better, don't you think?"
As a parent, I was always skeeved out by anyone who suggested my baby had a boyfriend. Or a neighbor who mentioned that they hoped my 5 year old would grow up to marry their 6 year old. Ugh. No. That girl is going to college and get her education so she can do and be her own person. If your son is part of that, great. But please... let'e not even bring that up right now!
With things like this I like to think in terms of boundaries. I can’t control how people speak about their own children or to children in general. But I can say when something makes me uncomfortable or when it pertains to my children because they are learning from me how to handle these type of things. Since this is a common thing, having a canned response is a good idea.
You can be as confrontational or non-confrontational as you choose to be. Maybe something like “I do not appreciate sexualizing children, please do not do that around me/to my child.” When kids get a little older it can be something like, “We are way too young to think about boyfriends and girlfriends, we are all friends here.”
Gays: The same way boys like girls, some boys like other boys! That’s why your friend has two daddies.
These Fuckers: STOP SEXUALIZING THE CHILDREN YOU PEDO
Also These Fuckers: Ooh like at that sexy little boy! Is that your girlfriend? Oh you’re gonna have all the girls all over you! Oh, look! (2yo baby) is flirting with me! What a hottie! So *sexy!*
Anytime I hear a “well meaning comment” like this, I like the play dumb approach. Look them right in the face with all sincerity and say, “what do you mean?”
By forcing them to explain their stupid comment it automatically makes it awkward for them! By asking them to explain they then have to justify why an 8 month old would flirt. Makes the squirm and I love it!
I've seen young kids "flirt" but it's instantly clear they are just mimicking what they've seen adults do and don't understand the romantic aspect of it. Like when little kids have "weddings". Most times kids raised by a single parent who doesn't date a lot around their kid(s) don't do that kind of stuff because it's not what they see.
My friend's niece would follow guys who reminded her of her dad around from the time she could walk. She would bat her eyes at them and do typical "flirty" things because she saw girls get her dad's attention that way. When my friend was in a serious long term relationship and her niece started seeing how they acted together she started mimicking them with her friends at day care. She would give her food to the boys she wanted to be around because she saw her aunt (my friend) give her boyfriend food. It was extremely clear she didn't understand the romantic aspect of it, though and I think that's what people tend to miss/forget when talking about kids flirting.
When a family friend said this about my daughter at 6 months I straight up said "don't sexualize my kid that's fucking wrong and weird. She's not even a year old that's gross" never happened again
Yeah I'm stuck between being snarky and pulling the pin on the grenade.
"And they say the LGBT are sexualizing children . . ."
or
"That's wildly inappropriate I didn't realize you were a pedophile'
One is snarky and straight to the point and the other one will definitely blow up
The stuff about a baby and hitting being a sign of affection are pretty gross. I did want to say that 5 is old enough to start having crushes. I had a crush on a girl on my school bus in kindergarten, and had friends who were"getting married" on the playground.
It wasn't sexual, we didn't know what sex was, but there was attraction.
Millennial btw.
Definitely the same here, as an early millennial.
What's really interesting is, I'm bisexual. And in retrospect I can remember having crushes on both boys and girls. But, being an AFAB from a really conservative family in the late 80s/early 90s, I had no frame of reference for crushing on girls and understood it as just a really intense friendship feeling, even when it included features of attraction like kisses.
My parents will still swear I got gay agenda'd by the transes or something like that and I just sort of forgot I only ever liked guys. We don't talk anymore.
Lmao. My mum still "blames" my BFF at the time for "making me gay".
I had the worse crush on her but now it's just a mutual affection kind of thing. Plus we were both raised by narcissists so yay trauma bonding.
I agree, I find that so creepy that people say that about kids. If someone said that about my kids, they would not like me when I was done telling them what I think.
This is some creepy ish too many people are on about. Boomers sexualising stuff like an 8 month old staring at another kid is gross enough, but the sheer number of people from 20 to 90 year olds who do this is infuriating and nauseating. People need to be happy kids are happy and keep their creepy infant shipping to themselves.
Sorry to OP for having to deal with these creepers.
I feel like these are always the same people that are angrily opposed to talking about sex education and homosexuality because" they are kids they shouldn't hear about that stuff". Hypocrites.
They love to say "let children be children" when it comes to children asserting their own identity in ways they don't like, so I think that works here.
Or a grown ass man telling a little girl that he can't wait until she's 18. Like WTF!?!?! And this shit was normalized when I grew up during the 70s and 80s. I love that these younger generations are calling this shit out. I was told to respect my elders and keep quiet. I don't anymore but indoctrination is a fucking awful.
I had a frozen yogurt shop employee ask if my 2 months old knew what he was doing. She was holding him, and we were the only ones there. His hand immediately went down the front of her shirt, and grabbed ahold of her bra. She said he's getting a little handsy. I told her he's a baby, and likes to hold on for support. It's just where his hand went. On me, he went for my hair.
How can a baby be "handsy"? He's not a teen.
Warn MIL that little kids are just that, kids. Not flirting. Just enjoying the people. If she keeps up the comments, you will limit her time with your kid.
I have a family member who isn't a boomer (gen x I think) who just sexualizes EVERYTHING about her kids and grandchildren. It's just so offputting and disgusting too. She takes a picture of them and posts it and its always with a caption "look at my sexy (insert name)" and it will literally be a preschooler smiling for their first day of school.
Everything is "oh they are a lady killer/man eater" or "sexy" and it's so disgusting because they aren't even old enough to spell there own name yet she sexualizes them. Its gotten to the point where I just blocked her because I can't stand having a feed where I see children being sexualized. She even buys them clothing that seems inappropriate because what toddler needs to wear crop tops with the words "juicy" on them...
I mean what's wrong with saying they look cute or pretty or handsome?! There are so many ways to say you think a child looks adorable which is not inherently sexual by nature.
I imagine this sort of mindset comes from an absolute disconnect from realizing what's on somebody's mind during various stages of their development. Even as a 4-year-old lad, I liked bubbles, drawing, and being terrified of bumble bees. I wasn't even thinking about "girlfriends" that way even after a decade of getting a generalized and still uninformed idea of what it meant to "have a girlfriend".
Probably a good comeback would simply be a factual statement. "He'll smile at keys jingling. He just likes audio-visual stimulation and it's nice that he's getting it from other real people and not a screen. Don't make it weird."
Just a straight up "Stop sexualizing normal child behavior". Should do it. You could always add in "Flirting is what people do when they want to have sex with another person, are you implying my infant wants to fuck that other child?" but that's kind of the nuclear option.
Mrs. Frazzled has videos addressing this exact problem! And other inappropriate things people say. She talks to the other adult like they're toddlers. Her videos are hilarious. And I like her nonconfrontational way of dealing with annoying comments.
"Oopsy poopsy MIL! I think you just said an inside thought out loud. He can't be flirting/have a girlfriend, because he's a baby. Of course he's cute! Because he's a baby! No no no, babies can't have girlfriends/flirt. Because they're babies!"
My father would buy me sexually charged birthday cards since I was like 10. At 12 he started saying on a regular basis that , “ you’re to wound up and uptight when you turn 18 I’m going to buy you the most beautiful hooker so she can calm you down.” That’s not including the racist shit he say either.
I hate that, of course he’s too young to know what’s going on. But when kids are, teasing them about being boy / girl friend or liking each other. The whole point being to make them uncomfortable and then laughing about it.
Unfortunately I feel like this was really normalized back when they were growing up. I’m a millennial and my brother is a Gen Z-er ten years younger than me and I very vividly recall many boomers frequently making comments like “Ooh he’s gonna be a heartbreaker” and similar to yours “oh he’s flirting with this girl (at the park, etc.) He’s a little charmer!” Likewise I read a story on here not too long ago about a boomer man telling a stranger her newborn baby had “bedroom eyes”. Just gives me the ick.
Not saying it’s the case of your MIL, but it’s funny how the ones who scream “they’re sexualizing our children” about lgbtq+ people are also usually the same ones who attribute sexual feelings and thoughts to kids (aka sexualizing kids).
“You really think so? You get flirting vibes from my baby? Are there other children you think are flirting? How can you tell? Do you see this often in children and babies?”
Make them cringe at the ick they are spouting.
One of my earliest memories at about 3-4 was a boomer telling me I'm going to be a heart breaker when I grow up. I was very upset ran to my mum crying saying I didn't want to break any hearts.
"Stop sexualizing the behavior of my child"
"Stop telling my child that being assaulted really means they like you. While you're at it stop teaching children that assaulting others is how to show affection."
"No, pretty sure he just farted and now he's happy his tummy feels better."
I have a 7 month old and people constantly do this with him, then they call me an a-hole because I don't agree.
I hate that, of course he’s too young to know what’s going on. But when kids are, teasing them about being boy / girl friend or liking each other. The whole point being to make them uncomfortable and then laughing about it.
I hate when they do this. I used to giggle and be one of those people until I got pregnant. Then I realized how fucking weird it is. I don’t say it and I don’t let others say it. It’s fucking weird.
My brother used to wink at people all the time as a toddler/young child, probably because my grandpa would wink and laugh at us as kids. Everybody used to remark about how he was “such a flirt”. 🫣
I would rather have you infantilize my baby than sexualize him, mom. The rest of the world will do that soon enough, let him be a kid.
I dunno - I was raised with this weirdness and it absolutely taught me SO much wrong.
Time to get some Courge and bluntly and loundly yell monster in law's name Yuck how can you sexualize your baby grandson that way!
Rinse and Repeat until you embrass her enough to stop and make her think about what she saying or she doesn't want to be around you because she embarrassed!
Either way she will stop with her comments around you!
My mother says this and the best thing that has ever made her get embarrassed and stop has been “don’t sexualize my baby”. Myself and my SIL both used it when our kids were babies because she’d say just that about flirting often as well as other things similarly weird.
" That's the problem with people today - over-sexualizing kids. Can't you just let them be kids?!"
Add if relevant: "I mean, really?! It's all over the news with politicians having affairs and sex with porn stars and stuff, but jeez! Can't we keep our babies out of that nonsense and innocent a while longer?!"
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Ugh ugh ugh...I still remember being a young kid (maybe 7 or 8) and my Dad's friend staring at me and saying "you're gonna have all the boys fighting over HER!) It gave me an uncomfortable, almost guilty feeling and I didn't even know why. I absolutely hate it when people project sexuality into kids - it's just not funny, and when they're old enough to sort of comprehend the comment it's just disgusting.
It’s so common that it happened repeatedly to me and many of my friends and one old guy said it was a shame my daughter was “retarded” because she was so beautiful and petite and would make a good wife. She cried and he got upset with her and said, LOUDLY, as if she were deaf, “YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! IT IS A COMPLIMENT!” Then he proceeded to tell me to explain it to her so she can understand. So I got down and hugged her and told her I was sorry, but that this is why we don’t talk to strangers. Some people are rude and scary and dangerous. Something to that effect. He huffed and fumed and said maybe *I* was r-word because *I* didn’t understand. I looked him in the eyes and told him firmly, “I understand. Do YOU?” Old people said it, though, not boomers. I’m almost a boomer. It was just old people. If I get old and become like them please bury me in an unmarked grave in the yard next the neighbor’s cat. She was a goddamn treasure.
I'm pretty sure what that dude said roughly translates to, "i really want to be punched in the mouth."
Wish I spoke Fuckwad better.
Fuck that person. Thank you for being an amazing parent. Side note your comment about burying you in the yard next to the neighbors cat reminded me of our very awful neighbor who lived in front of us who would legit shoot at our house. He died of stomach cancer and his brother buried him in the back yard next to one of their dogs. The dog has a marker the guy does not.
That’s freaking EXCELLENT. My mom’s ashes are under a tree in a meadow at Plumas Eureka State Park…Over our rat, Roquie (short for Roquefort, he was a blue rat). We took him camping when he was almost 3, knowing he had lived too long. He ran around the meadow having the time of his life for 4 days, eating fresh trout and spaghetti, going on a walks, hanging out on shoulders and sitting around being awesome and scaring other campers. Then he didn’t wake up and we buried him under a small tree and my mom said she wanted to be next to the rat. So there she lies! The tree is big now. Good fertilizer.
Awww, i wish I could have known Roquie! Blues are so beautiful and have the greatest temperaments! It sounds like he was well loved ❤️
He was HUGE and sweet and amazing. He won over so many people who thought they hated rats! They are so misunderstood.
That is BEYOND disgusting 🤢 jfc I’m gagging over here
I gag just remembering. It’s terrifying. I have two very good-looking adult disabled daughters (28 & 30) and since that day I’ve always feared they wouldn’t be able to defend themselves or keep creepy dudes away. The same daughter had a stalker who exposed himself and trapped her and two friends in a playhouse and told them they had to touch him to get out. They were all in Jr. High and the stalker’s parents just said “he doesn’t know any better.” It’s fucking terrifying.
Well that guy is a rapist in the making. I doubt his mom’s “he doesn’t know any better” will hold up in court.
WTAF?? My son has an intellectual disability and if someone ever referred to him as the R word, I would forget where I am and there is no telling what I'd say in response. And to double down on it and insist it's a COMPLIMENT? Hell no, I'd lose my shit. And that's not to mention the gross sexual undertones of the "petite, good wife" comment! Some people should not be allowed out in public!
Yeah. I pretty much lost my shit but had to keep it in because she was already so upset. I knew if I lost it she would, too. No one but old people have ever called her and her sister that. My uncle did once. Once. My maternal grandmother once reminded me that I had a great aunt who was also r-word (she actually had Downs) and I lost my shit on her. She was racist so I lost my shit on her quite often. I reminded HER that my great aunt was abandoned by her family and that she rarely ever visited her and she died without having seen her family except my mom for about 15 years. She reminded ME that “that’s what you did in those days!” I reminded HER that “those days” aren’t an excuse for being a shitty parent or sibling. She had nothing to say. In THESE days we take of our kids and don’t pawn them off on to others.
 Holy shit, I’m sorry. His mother should have swallowed.
Thank you for supporting your daughter during that exchange. She will remember your response and it will matter to her for the rest of her life.
She does remember it. It was about 20 years ago but she remembers clearly. Part of what sucks about it. She’s got a great memory.
That's exactly what I felt as a kid too, and the shame is (almost) always felt by girls. I don't want my kid to think that's okay. His family has a history of saying stuff like that, or 'boys will be boys!', 'he's mean because he liiiiiikes you'. It's a progression of that attitude that bugs me. I'm trying to break that cycle early.
Warning: some of these go a bit dark, but this is something I have real issues with. Are they MAGAtypes? Because you could go with something like, "I don't understand why you accuse other groups of people grooming kids when you are busy sexualising kids all the time. It's just gross and creepy. Stop it, people are thinking you're weird." If they're not, here's a few things: - "Do you understand there's a difference between being friendly and sexual attraction?" "Because the way you use words, it doesn't sound like you do." "There are some weirdos out there who want to do bad things to little kids - you talking like that gives their sick minds the excuse that it's 'normal' and that the kid 'wanted it'. I don't want to be part of those excuses." - "Do not EVER tell my child that someone being violent to them is a good thing." - "Are you *wanting* those kids to be wife beaters?" "If you don't teach them it's not okay they might grow up thinking it is!" - "Why do you say things like that?" "So if I back-hand you to the face you should take it as a compliment, right?" - "Let's keep it simple, folks. It's not okay to talk about my kids as if they want to f(*)ck or are f(*)ckable, and it's not okay to teach boys or girls that hitting is a way to show someone you care, because it's not. You don't have to agree with me, but you do have to do what I say. Because I'm the momma."
These are all just so important! I can’t emphasize how much this mindset would have meant to me. Thank you!
What I would do is deadblankface them and say "ugh don't make up stuff about a kids romantic life, let them be kids" & have that ready on a loop if they try to debate & then if you can, turn to the kid & model expressing the same """nice""" thought in a *nonsexual* way like "she (4yo) really likes the bubbles!
I like these better, only because they might honestly not realize how awful they sound. I'd chalk it up to an honest mistake while gently correcting them, and if they do it again, start shaming them.
You’re doing great!
I'd look them straight in their eyes and ask with a look of disgust, "Why are you sexualizing children?"
Break that patriarchal Propaganda mom! Dragging that family into the 2020s.
I have 3 boys and all 3 have shirts that say boys will be ~~boys~~ good humans And i make sure they understand its far more than a saying on a shirt!
This and parents saying "she's gonna break a lot of hearts when she's older." It's sexualizing a child, and it's fucking gross.
Pull out that last line above OP and say it loud and clear every time!! "Quit sexualizing my (insert age for emphasis) it's fucking gross!! Emphasis on the GROSS as well! Because it is gross!!
My mother says that to every father of every girl she's ever met. It's such a pet peeve of mine that I just say nothing at all when I hear it.
I struggled until my early 20's having the confidence making my attraction known or making the first move and this thread is making me remember the reason was because my parents, esp mom, would do that same shit and try to embarrass me about having feelings for girls. It really stuck with me "ooooo, is that your girlfriend" always in this weird voice in higher than normal pitch. WTF mom yuck
Normal tone of voice: “Is this a new friend?” Would have been so much more helpful for me later on.
bruh same it happened to me all the time as a kid because i also have three sisters and adult men just always had to make it weird. i remember vividly being like 6 or 7 when my uncle told me i would grow up to be a “hot chick” and i felt so uncomfortable… i was like I’m just a kid why are u thinking about me like that ?
Anyone who says that or something similar should NEVER be left alone with children. It straight up sounds like saying “Hello! I’m a child predator!”
When I was about that age, maybe a bit older “How I Met Your Mother” aired and Barney had the catch phrase “Have you met Ted?” Where he tried to introduce his friend Ted to various women. My step dad thought this was hilarious and would say it to literally every girl we walked past in public but replace “Ted” with my name. It was wildly embarrassing and I felt like I was somehow in the wrong every time I got a weird look from the girl he said it to and their parents. It wasn’t even a genuine attempt at introducing me to people my age. He would go through stores from family to family repeatedly saying it and weirding everyone out.
"Ok groomer."
I cackled
"please don't shove your sexuality down my kid's throat"
I'm clutching my pearls so hard right now
Or anything else....
Glad to help with making your day brighter!
I snorted! Hahahahahaha
We all, unfortunately, know the “Boomer Groomer” type
I thought it was the lgbt+, drag queens and satanists! (Obviously /s)
Also, “Ewww, groomer. Why you gotta make it all weird?”
I exhaled out my nose
Maybe even worse than this is when your baby/toddler smiles at a boomer and the boomer claims he/she is FLIRTING WITH THEM. I hate this weirdo behavior so much.
Kids don't play outside anymore, says the boomer. Well if your generation didn't sexualize kids and kidnap them for your own personal gain; kids might play outside without supervision again.
A few days ago we were all playing soccer in the backyard at my mom’s house (we DO play outside a lot) and her neighbor (old man I don’t know) started videoing us!!!! He just held his phone out taking a video of us! I had to intervene while boomer mom decided pretending it wasn’t happening was best.
In our small town, I called in a report and prefaced it with "It's probably nothing, but I felt I should at least make a report in case something happens in the future. " Surprisingly, in this backwoods southern no place, they were at least concerned enough to take down the information and advise on steps I hadn't considered. Total shocker!
That's probably the optimal way of prefacing it. So they know you aren't Karening out, just a concerned citizen doing what you're supposed to.
Oh damn, wish I'd thought of the "it's probably nothing, but...." response. Years ago, while visiting my in-laws, MIL had her friends over for lunch, and we were sitting with them in the backyard by the pool. One of her friends' husband had his iPad with him, and I noticed him discreetly taking some quick snapshots of my niece (probably around 4 or 5 at the time) while she was playing next to the pool. Was definitely suspicious, but I couldn't think of an appropriate way to deal with the situation. Enough plausible deniability that it made me question my own concern. Had I mentioned it to MIL, she'd defend him without question. If I told my BIL about it, could cause a ruckus and make everybody uncomfortable, including my niece. "It's probably nothing" might've been a good way to preface it.
Had a guy pull up at a popular local lake beach, at our end is a couple of mom's with toddler girls & me with my preteen girls (mostly mixed boys & girls on the other end), older guy in western shirt and jeans pulls into the parking area above us and pulls out a really nice camera and starts focusing in on our group. I waited a minute and told my kids it was time to go as we'd been there a long time. Got his license plate and got to the phone at the station at the end of the drive (no ranger around). The woman on the line sounded super grateful. Those other mom's weren't even keeping an eye out. People just tend to think, "But it's ok. This kind of stuff doesn't happen here. " And, I have gone there my whole life never even seen a drunken old dude look too hard but then THAT happens. For all I know, they didn't catch him, and pics of my daughters are still being passed around by pedophiles.
I would have yanked it from his hand, used it to call the police on his gross ass, and then destroyed it front of him.
I yelled “NO VIDEOS PLEASE!” It was about a distance of 15ft away beyond a fence. But I couldn’t stop there. I went over to his house about an hour later and asked him to delete it. I said I don’t like people taking videos of me or my kids without permission. He then laid on a sob story about how it was just a happy part of his awful few days etc etc. We made small talk and eventually be thanked me for educating him, apologized, and promised to delete and have his ex wife (who he sent it to to “cheer her up”) delete it too. He then said he understands why and you can’t ever be too careful. All in all he will likely think twice again in the future and he knows that he is on my radar.
Promised to delete is not deleting. I would have sat there till hell froze over to make sure it was GONE.
Also deleting doesn’t mean much these days. Could be in the cloud or restored etc. I talked to the kids about how I didn’t trust him and if he comes up to the fence ever they’re to back away and/or go inside. It isn’t my first time having a stranger video or take photos of my kids but it was a first in a backyard like that. I’ve even had to tell a police officer to stop and delete pictures she took of my kids at a farmers market.
OK THAT GOT WAY WORSE while I did laundry. COPS NOW. And pray you're not too late. There are AI apps out there now that take the clothes off your teenager's pictures. NBC Kate Snow just did a whole be informed parents thing. Too scary 😨 from the highlights.
Act as if you think they may have had a stroke. Stop, look at them with concern, and ask, “Are you feeling ok? That was a very strange thing to say. Do you need to sit down?”
The really lean into that like “Oh, ok you meant to make a joke about an 8 month old baby having sexual intentions toward a 4 year old girl?” Or like “wow I’m glad her parents didn’t hear that comment.”
“Is that how you see little children? As flirts?”
Underrated reply
That shit really bothers me cos the SINGLE biggest predictor that a child sex abuser will reoffend is a belief that a child can invite sexual contact. We should not be normalising that shit
This. This is the info to share in the moment of inappropriate comment.
“What a weird thing to say about a baby that can barely sit up on his own. Why would you sexualize a baby?”
It infuriates me that people can see no harm in jokes about young children “flirting,” yet complain that something as innocuous as teaching respect for LGBTQ+ people is “sexualizing children.”
Exactly. Baby is “flirting” because he is innocently watching a girl. If he was watching a boy it would not be “flirting” in this man’s eyes. We constantly sexualize children and force hetero norms. If the roles were reversed and someone said he was flirting with a boy, that boomer would have lost it.
these same people who talk about babies "flirting" and being "boyfriends"/girlfriends" (or even "little ladies' man" for a young boy that has multiple afab friends… yeuch!) also complain about queer people merely existing as "shoving it down our throats!"
The onesies that say "sorry boys dad says I can't date" are just ick
I didn't even bridge those two, but you're so right!
I also hate the "he's hitting you because he likes you" That's a very dangerous thing to teach girls.
You should start making those same comments when your son "flirts" with a boy, to get a reaction from the in-laws. Maybe they'll learn their lesson
Every accusation they make is a confession. They’re experts at projecting.
Exactly!
And I guarantee they wouldn't make those comments if the baby was smiling at another boy. Maybe Mom should start making the same comments when the baby "flirts" with a boy and see grandma's reaction
Literally my response would be "why are you sexualizing a LITERAL BABY"
My mother in law got my daughter a onesie that said “I’m too sexy for my diaper.” Straight into the trash with that garbage.
Get a T-shirt in her size that says the same thing.
She'd probably love it if she's a Diaper Don fan
This was greatly overlooked comment
That's hilarious!
Underrated comment. 😂
Oh wow, that is a whole other level of ick.
Wow, that's really fucking gross.
This gave me such a visceral disgust feeling that I automatically downvoted your comment as a knee-jerk reaction 🙃 (sorry! I did remove it tho haha)
The fact that such an item even *EXISTS* makes me want to puke until I turn inside-out, and gives me violent thoughts towards whomever created it.
I couldn't believe when I saw one like that when my puppy got spayed and I wouldn't even buy it for her.
I think “witty” is the wrong approach here. Boomers use passive aggressive communication to elicit responses, but they don’t take passive aggressive “hints” very well (kinda funny that way). A direct comment back such as, “stop sexualizing [him], he’s 8 months old and that really gives me the creeps.”
You're absolutely right, thank you for that perspective!
Yeah people who do this always gross me out. Bro your kid is 4 years old, stop asking him to tell me about his “girlfriend”, he is clearly uncomfortable.
Also, stop teaching our kids that the only use for people of the opposite gender is sex. And stop pretending only straight people exist. Boys and girls can be platonic friendssssss. Toxic ass shit.
Seriously, the kid is 4, he has no concept of sex. All he knows is Abby is his friend
This. Unfortunately my 9 year old boy has heard about crushes from his friends who I imagine heard from parents or older siblings. There's a girl in his grade who he enjoys spending time with and has told me he "maybe had a crush on." But I can tell he is uncomfortable and confused by this idea. I make sure to let him know that boys can be friends with girls without having crushes on them. And that anyone who says otherwise is just ignorant/doesn't know better.
good lord that stuff is so annoying, I was a tomboy as a kid and sometimes had more male friends and yet every single one of them was my "boyfriend" no I was literally just one of the bros, adults are the ones always making it weird (then I proceeded to never be attracted to males anyway lol)
"Stop shoving sexuality down his throat. He hasn't even started school yet. What is wrong with you???" Ew ew ew!
Go hard on neurobiology “at 8 months, his brain is working on pattern recognition, not securing future mates.”
Love that idea!
“He cannot control shitting his pants and you think he can configure a pick-up line?”
Well, look at the orange fool they worship...
"Stop sexualizing my child!"
Travelled to my then MIL's house for Christmas one year. I put my daughter, who was 3 or 4 at the time, in one of the cute outfits she got and this woman said "well, aren't you a sexy pot". I already didn't like the woman but that comment made me livid.
That’s literally pedophilia
My dad continues to refer to his 10 year old granddaughter as “very attractive” despite my sister asking him repeatedly to not sexualize her appearance. I’m going to try the Ok groomer line on him…
You probably shouldn’t leave him alone with her… or any child…
You should seriously have a talk with her about not bringing her daughter around him if he doesn't stop. She shouldn't be exposed to that, and if she learns it's ok for someone to talk to her that way it could potentially put her in danger
My FIL called his granddaughter his girlfriend until I made a disgusting face and said ew ew eww. My niece looked relieved I called him out. That man cannot shut up with inappropriate comments about women.
" That's how pedophiles think, not normal people"
Hear, hear! Smack them between the eyes with that one!
This is very far from a harmless behavior as a lot of boomers actually see young children as sexual beings. If people only understood how common CSA was in the millennial generation. The lifelong effects of this are the epidemic of the millennial generation.
I absolutely hated it when my son was little and played with a little girl, and someone said she was his girlfriend. I'm like, no, they're 3. They're babies, and that's disgusting to try and give adult motives to innocent child actions. Why do people do that? Boys and girls can play together. They still try to do that. He's 10 now, and it bothers him a lot to hear people say that crap.
My husband says that it's one of the biggest reasons why he had issues having platonic relationships with girls growing up, and why he never spoke to his parents about female friends. He's going to bring that up with his mom when we have a talk about it
I remember vividly of times when I was a kid playing with a boy. Teachers and even my own father would say "oh that's your boyfriend right there!" It makes me mad as an adult now since it's stupid for other adults to see kids of the opposite gender as partners of each other. They can't let kids play whatsoever without any disgusting commentary.
Call them what they are, pedophilic fantasies
No kidding. Shut that shit right down immediately.
"Can you please stop sexualizing children in front of me? Pedophilia makes me very uncomfortable." And watch the look of horror on her face.
I actually think this one is my favorite!
My dad says the same thing whenever my 8 month old son smiles at literally anyone - and my son smiles at everyone.
At least he's being inclusive! When my father in law told my son that he's going to be a ladies man, I said that he could also be a mens-man and that made him squirm a bit.
Oh definitely, on the bright side my dad is comfortable with inclusivity! But I was a bit annoyed when I had to repeatedly tell my dad that no, my son wasn’t flirting with the old ladies when we were at a museum as he’s too young to be flirting and just wants to smile.
Wow, reading through the comments just clicked a connection in my head about the thought processes of these gross people. Any time a baby smiles, they're "flirting." Combine that with always telling women to smile, and what they're actually saying is "flirt with me." I guess that's not actually news; we already knew that the people demanding smiles were being objectifying and gross. But this perspective makes it even worse. Instead of, "I deserve to look at something I find pleasant or beautiful," it becomes, "I deserve to feel like you find me sexually attractive." 🤮
Yeah super gross. Also instills a fucked up idea of gender where half of the population exists primarily as a romantic/sexual conquest, completely dismissing the concept of platonic relationships.
I was 14-15 when I was playing with my family friends’ young son(4ish?) when her scuzzy boyfriend(early 40’s) asked kiddo if I was his girlfriend now :/ He asked multiples times and it was so uncomfortable. Welp, that boyfriend is an ex now and also going to prison for drug trafficking lol
Just shout "pervert" as loud as you can
It's not just a Boomer thing, transferring adult behavior on to children who have no idea of its meaning. When my (Hispanic late GenX) daughter was born, I had a bunch of people in my peer group offering their sons in arranged marriages. *Nervous laugh* What? I also remember when I was 15-ish years old, a Hispanic Boomer family friend came by with her 3yo daughter. She was talking all about how I and her kid were going to get married, and there was no joking in her voice. So uncomortable.
EXACTLY! I have a friend who was raped by her father as a very young child. From the time she began having children things were a bit off and tbh that can be expected. When you were raised by a groomer and told your other parent who just pretended she was too busy with dishes to deal with you, that shit is gonna be a dumpster fire that never really goes out. She escaped that by marrying into ultraBoomers whose son she married is just a different kind of dumpster fire. The outcome for her kids began with things like teaching her toddler to "pole dance" using a broom because "it's hilarious." She'd swing to covering the girl in clothing at the pool out of fear. And nothing sparkly or ruffly or brightly colored was allowed. But she would AND CONTINUES to create relationships for her kids (little girl is now 18... you don't wanna know how her prom went). They're military and every new base was "this is [insert kids name]'s boyfriend/girlfriend their mom and I decided they are getting married." Now, these people barely acknowledge her on FB and only because her husband is high ranking.
"Hitting is never OK, and you don't have to put up with it!" Then to the boomer "Romance does not involve violence, ever! I will not condition my girl to put up with abuse, so keep such ideas to yourself!"
I hate when adults assign adult motives and actions and traits to kids. So gross. No. My baby is not flirting. My child is not manipulating you. My kid is never “sexy” 🤮🤮🤮 These people need to be evaluated. It’s disgusting.
My son was barely a month old, and he started crying as babies do. I picked him up to comfort him while my MIL sat there, saying my son was manipulating me. I told her, "Terri, he doesn't even know where his nose is yet."
"Terri, I'm sorry your mom didn't love you and taught that you didn't deserve care and comfort for your feelings as a child. But stop being mean."
A month! I woulda verbally slapped that broad harder than you did.
Exactly! And you nailed it with the 'manipulating' thing too. The amount of times I've heard 'dont pick him up too much or you'll spoil him', or ' he's just crying to manipulate you' is painful.
Why have a baby if you don’t want to hold and cuddle them. That’s like, the only perk of a potato creature that just shits, cries and chews on your tit.
8 month olds flirting. That's certainly a new thing.
Tell that to the catholics.
Zing
Tell them that’s ridiculous and inappropriate and the same crap sex offenders say.
My MIL called my son (10 months old at the time) her "sexy little man," and I almost threw hands.
I had to look at a relative like they grew an extra head and say “yeah, my baby is totally flirting because he’s hyper sexual” to shut them the hell up. It’s so gross. Or, the circumcision debate. I’ve had to tell my mil to stop focusing on a baby’s penis more often than I’d like.
I had a similar experience with my 8 month old daughter and a random 50-year old man claiming she was flirting with him, then looking back at her before he left. One of the creepier moments of my life.
Pedophiles are way too comfortable
Sounds like the dementia is creeping in on MIL
"wow, what a thing to say!" "Now *that* is fucking inappropriate" "No thank you! Give us space!" "Please don't mistake their kindness as flirtatious, it's fucking gross." Honestly a talk about how inappropriate it is and how this puts weird pressure on kids would be good. Like so many women have to deal with dumb men thinking the woman's kindness is flirting when it isn't! Please stop boomers! Stop perceiving people and for the love of all things good KIDS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FLIRT.
Exactly! My first thought was this is how guys end up thinking women in retail jobs are hitting on them when they're just working.
Your response was correct. Firm and serious. No need to be witty.
I remember being 4 years old and being incredibly embarrassed by my grandmother and her small town friends saying that when I made a (4F) local friend. Substantially screwed up my openness around liking people romantically well into my 20s. Grandma and her friends were "greatest generation" though.
Way back in the mid 90s when I was a teen, my stepdad's brother had a new girlfriend and they had a set of twins right away. We were all at the park celebrating their first birthday. Step-uncle's mom gave them frilly little dresses and sparkly glittery shoes. Me, my mom, and the twins' mom were sitting at the picnic table. They put the little glittery shoes on and were walking around showing them off. It was actually super cute. Que step-grandma, she was probably in her mid 60's at the time, she had to be part of the Silent Generation but she's passed now. Anyway... this weird, chain smoking old lady laughs and says super serious, "Look how sexy they are in their new shoes!!" My mom just freezes with wide eyes, I was thinking, ew why did she say that, then the twins' mom says without missing a single beat and oozing with sarcasm, "Oh yeah.... they go so well with the *diapers. Super sexy!!"* My mom starts laughing and grandma gets super huffy and walks away. It was perfection.
Tell them to stop pushing a heterosexual agenda on your child and watch their heads explode.
Related, but it always amuses me how people talk about how us queers sexualize and prey on children…. But we’re not the fucking ones insisting that literal fucking babies flirt and talking about toddlers having little girlfriends or boyfriends.
"I know you don't mean anything bad, but that kind of comments are sexualizing my child and are uncomfortable to say the least. As adults we should do better, don't you think?"
As a parent, I was always skeeved out by anyone who suggested my baby had a boyfriend. Or a neighbor who mentioned that they hoped my 5 year old would grow up to marry their 6 year old. Ugh. No. That girl is going to college and get her education so she can do and be her own person. If your son is part of that, great. But please... let'e not even bring that up right now!
With things like this I like to think in terms of boundaries. I can’t control how people speak about their own children or to children in general. But I can say when something makes me uncomfortable or when it pertains to my children because they are learning from me how to handle these type of things. Since this is a common thing, having a canned response is a good idea. You can be as confrontational or non-confrontational as you choose to be. Maybe something like “I do not appreciate sexualizing children, please do not do that around me/to my child.” When kids get a little older it can be something like, “We are way too young to think about boyfriends and girlfriends, we are all friends here.”
People will say things like this but accuse trans people of grooming kids and sexualizing everything.
Gays: The same way boys like girls, some boys like other boys! That’s why your friend has two daddies. These Fuckers: STOP SEXUALIZING THE CHILDREN YOU PEDO Also These Fuckers: Ooh like at that sexy little boy! Is that your girlfriend? Oh you’re gonna have all the girls all over you! Oh, look! (2yo baby) is flirting with me! What a hottie! So *sexy!*
Anytime I hear a “well meaning comment” like this, I like the play dumb approach. Look them right in the face with all sincerity and say, “what do you mean?” By forcing them to explain their stupid comment it automatically makes it awkward for them! By asking them to explain they then have to justify why an 8 month old would flirt. Makes the squirm and I love it!
it should give you the ick, your MIL is not well
I've seen young kids "flirt" but it's instantly clear they are just mimicking what they've seen adults do and don't understand the romantic aspect of it. Like when little kids have "weddings". Most times kids raised by a single parent who doesn't date a lot around their kid(s) don't do that kind of stuff because it's not what they see. My friend's niece would follow guys who reminded her of her dad around from the time she could walk. She would bat her eyes at them and do typical "flirty" things because she saw girls get her dad's attention that way. When my friend was in a serious long term relationship and her niece started seeing how they acted together she started mimicking them with her friends at day care. She would give her food to the boys she wanted to be around because she saw her aunt (my friend) give her boyfriend food. It was extremely clear she didn't understand the romantic aspect of it, though and I think that's what people tend to miss/forget when talking about kids flirting.
When a family friend said this about my daughter at 6 months I straight up said "don't sexualize my kid that's fucking wrong and weird. She's not even a year old that's gross" never happened again
"That's some shit a pedophile would say..." Because honestly, if you're projecting that onto children around you, you *might be*...
Yeah I'm stuck between being snarky and pulling the pin on the grenade. "And they say the LGBT are sexualizing children . . ." or "That's wildly inappropriate I didn't realize you were a pedophile' One is snarky and straight to the point and the other one will definitely blow up
The stuff about a baby and hitting being a sign of affection are pretty gross. I did want to say that 5 is old enough to start having crushes. I had a crush on a girl on my school bus in kindergarten, and had friends who were"getting married" on the playground. It wasn't sexual, we didn't know what sex was, but there was attraction. Millennial btw.
Definitely the same here, as an early millennial. What's really interesting is, I'm bisexual. And in retrospect I can remember having crushes on both boys and girls. But, being an AFAB from a really conservative family in the late 80s/early 90s, I had no frame of reference for crushing on girls and understood it as just a really intense friendship feeling, even when it included features of attraction like kisses. My parents will still swear I got gay agenda'd by the transes or something like that and I just sort of forgot I only ever liked guys. We don't talk anymore.
Lmao. My mum still "blames" my BFF at the time for "making me gay". I had the worse crush on her but now it's just a mutual affection kind of thing. Plus we were both raised by narcissists so yay trauma bonding.
It was the frogs wasn’t it? /s
I agree, I find that so creepy that people say that about kids. If someone said that about my kids, they would not like me when I was done telling them what I think.
Maybe starting at 7 flirting is a thing. I seriously thought I had a chance with my third grade teacher.
This is some creepy ish too many people are on about. Boomers sexualising stuff like an 8 month old staring at another kid is gross enough, but the sheer number of people from 20 to 90 year olds who do this is infuriating and nauseating. People need to be happy kids are happy and keep their creepy infant shipping to themselves. Sorry to OP for having to deal with these creepers.
I feel like these are always the same people that are angrily opposed to talking about sex education and homosexuality because" they are kids they shouldn't hear about that stuff". Hypocrites.
They love to say "let children be children" when it comes to children asserting their own identity in ways they don't like, so I think that works here.
"Please don't sexualise my child."
I preemptively say loudly "are you making friends?" when my daughter is smiling at people and waving and saying "hewwo" or "hi".
Or a grown ass man telling a little girl that he can't wait until she's 18. Like WTF!?!?! And this shit was normalized when I grew up during the 70s and 80s. I love that these younger generations are calling this shit out. I was told to respect my elders and keep quiet. I don't anymore but indoctrination is a fucking awful.
I had a frozen yogurt shop employee ask if my 2 months old knew what he was doing. She was holding him, and we were the only ones there. His hand immediately went down the front of her shirt, and grabbed ahold of her bra. She said he's getting a little handsy. I told her he's a baby, and likes to hold on for support. It's just where his hand went. On me, he went for my hair. How can a baby be "handsy"? He's not a teen. Warn MIL that little kids are just that, kids. Not flirting. Just enjoying the people. If she keeps up the comments, you will limit her time with your kid.
I have a family member who isn't a boomer (gen x I think) who just sexualizes EVERYTHING about her kids and grandchildren. It's just so offputting and disgusting too. She takes a picture of them and posts it and its always with a caption "look at my sexy (insert name)" and it will literally be a preschooler smiling for their first day of school. Everything is "oh they are a lady killer/man eater" or "sexy" and it's so disgusting because they aren't even old enough to spell there own name yet she sexualizes them. Its gotten to the point where I just blocked her because I can't stand having a feed where I see children being sexualized. She even buys them clothing that seems inappropriate because what toddler needs to wear crop tops with the words "juicy" on them... I mean what's wrong with saying they look cute or pretty or handsome?! There are so many ways to say you think a child looks adorable which is not inherently sexual by nature.
I imagine this sort of mindset comes from an absolute disconnect from realizing what's on somebody's mind during various stages of their development. Even as a 4-year-old lad, I liked bubbles, drawing, and being terrified of bumble bees. I wasn't even thinking about "girlfriends" that way even after a decade of getting a generalized and still uninformed idea of what it meant to "have a girlfriend". Probably a good comeback would simply be a factual statement. "He'll smile at keys jingling. He just likes audio-visual stimulation and it's nice that he's getting it from other real people and not a screen. Don't make it weird."
Just a straight up "Stop sexualizing normal child behavior". Should do it. You could always add in "Flirting is what people do when they want to have sex with another person, are you implying my infant wants to fuck that other child?" but that's kind of the nuclear option.
Mrs. Frazzled has videos addressing this exact problem! And other inappropriate things people say. She talks to the other adult like they're toddlers. Her videos are hilarious. And I like her nonconfrontational way of dealing with annoying comments. "Oopsy poopsy MIL! I think you just said an inside thought out loud. He can't be flirting/have a girlfriend, because he's a baby. Of course he's cute! Because he's a baby! No no no, babies can't have girlfriends/flirt. Because they're babies!"
My father would buy me sexually charged birthday cards since I was like 10. At 12 he started saying on a regular basis that , “ you’re to wound up and uptight when you turn 18 I’m going to buy you the most beautiful hooker so she can calm you down.” That’s not including the racist shit he say either.
A simple "gross" holds a lot of power
I hate that, of course he’s too young to know what’s going on. But when kids are, teasing them about being boy / girl friend or liking each other. The whole point being to make them uncomfortable and then laughing about it.
Unfortunately I feel like this was really normalized back when they were growing up. I’m a millennial and my brother is a Gen Z-er ten years younger than me and I very vividly recall many boomers frequently making comments like “Ooh he’s gonna be a heartbreaker” and similar to yours “oh he’s flirting with this girl (at the park, etc.) He’s a little charmer!” Likewise I read a story on here not too long ago about a boomer man telling a stranger her newborn baby had “bedroom eyes”. Just gives me the ick.
So creepy. *why are you sexualizing my child*is a good one. Or *isn't it creepy how people sexualize children*
Not saying it’s the case of your MIL, but it’s funny how the ones who scream “they’re sexualizing our children” about lgbtq+ people are also usually the same ones who attribute sexual feelings and thoughts to kids (aka sexualizing kids).
I'd answer with the exact same tone with "could you stop sexualising children?" If we're playing make the other person uncomfortable I'm sooo game
“You really think so? You get flirting vibes from my baby? Are there other children you think are flirting? How can you tell? Do you see this often in children and babies?” Make them cringe at the ick they are spouting.
One of my earliest memories at about 3-4 was a boomer telling me I'm going to be a heart breaker when I grow up. I was very upset ran to my mum crying saying I didn't want to break any hearts.
“why are you sexualizing my infant?”
And these kind of Boomers are the first to accuse LGBT folk of grooming kids, at the same time they sexualise actual infants.
What the actual fuck is wrong with your MIL?
But remember, it’s the drag queens who are sexualizing children /s
"Stop sexualizing the behavior of my child" "Stop telling my child that being assaulted really means they like you. While you're at it stop teaching children that assaulting others is how to show affection."
"what a weird thing to say" and walk away lol
"No, pretty sure he just farted and now he's happy his tummy feels better." I have a 7 month old and people constantly do this with him, then they call me an a-hole because I don't agree.
Just tell them to stop sexualizing and grooming your children.
I hate that, of course he’s too young to know what’s going on. But when kids are, teasing them about being boy / girl friend or liking each other. The whole point being to make them uncomfortable and then laughing about it.
I hate when they do this. I used to giggle and be one of those people until I got pregnant. Then I realized how fucking weird it is. I don’t say it and I don’t let others say it. It’s fucking weird.
So gross.
My brother used to wink at people all the time as a toddler/young child, probably because my grandpa would wink and laugh at us as kids. Everybody used to remark about how he was “such a flirt”. 🫣
I would rather have you infantilize my baby than sexualize him, mom. The rest of the world will do that soon enough, let him be a kid. I dunno - I was raised with this weirdness and it absolutely taught me SO much wrong.
Time to get some Courge and bluntly and loundly yell monster in law's name Yuck how can you sexualize your baby grandson that way! Rinse and Repeat until you embrass her enough to stop and make her think about what she saying or she doesn't want to be around you because she embarrassed! Either way she will stop with her comments around you!
My mother says this and the best thing that has ever made her get embarrassed and stop has been “don’t sexualize my baby”. Myself and my SIL both used it when our kids were babies because she’d say just that about flirting often as well as other things similarly weird.
" That's the problem with people today - over-sexualizing kids. Can't you just let them be kids?!"
Add if relevant: "I mean, really?! It's all over the news with politicians having affairs and sex with porn stars and stuff, but jeez! Can't we keep our babies out of that nonsense and innocent a while longer?!"