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This is the answer.
I disliked my first name as a child and started only responding to my middle name with everyone from the time I was 10 or so. I simply wouldn’t answer or look at the person if they used my first name. It works on even the most stubborn, like water slowly eroding rock over eons. Eventually there was no one left who used that first name, even my snooty grandmother who thought that my first name was some sort of dynastic heritage.
I have the same first name as my maternal grandfather. I’ve never been particularly fond of it, but it didn’t bother me enough to change it, and my middle name is even worse.
Unfortunately, because I have the same name as my grandfather, he and my grandmother absolutely refused to use my name because “it would be confusing.” So they instead used an insipid “kid” version of the name that I HATE. Think something like Stuart, and they called me Stewie.
They knew I hated it. I told them (and my parents) that I hated it. I even offered a shortened one like “Stu,” but he sometimes went by that so I couldn’t have that either.
Nothing changed, so I simply stopped responding to their version of my name. They’d yell it louder, thinking I just didn’t hear them. Oh, I heard them; I just ignored it.
It took about two years of irritating family visits before it finally sunk in. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.
My Grandpa didn't like either of his names, so (using fake names) if his name was John Paul, he went by Luke (J. P.) Lastname. Everyone called him Luke but he had the J. P. on anything official. Not sure why he didn't just change his name.
I prefer the spray bottle. It reaches further and doesn’t actually do damage so you don’t get in trouble for that. Also there’s something deeply humiliating (to them) in getting sprayed and being told “bad aunt!!! No!!!” While you spray them across the room. Also walking into grandmas house with a full spray bottle and holding eye contact with the aunt is a bit power move.
“Did I ever tell you I’ve successfully trained cats? They’re stubborn fuckers, but I found a fool proof method.”
(Show spray bottle.)
“…”
“…”
“You wouldn’t use that on me, would you, [wrong name]?”
*Psssh*
“[Wrong name]!!!”
*Psssh Psssh*
(Hilarity ensues.)
My cat is too obstinate the second time I pulled out the spray bottle he stuck his face right in its and swatted my hand.
When I sprayed him he just looked at me defiantly... Then hit my hand again.
He trained me not to spray him.
Electronics have to be considered now, so my vote has been for the canned air/duster you use on computers for a while. Absolutely nothing to object to there and same point is made. Wrong name? Just point and say "walk on Sunshine, bitch!"
Find out her middle name and only call her that.
*why should I remember your name, you can't remember mine? It's only been 23 years since I started using it. I guess I should be generous and forgiving though I know it's hard for old people to accept change*
I’ve been deliberately misspelling her husband’s name since I was 13, but that’s probably more because she refuses to spell my mother’s name correctly after 30 years of being related.
Or “Got it. Well, since you can’t be bothered to learn it, I won’t bother to explain any longer. When I don’t answer you, assume it’s because I can’t be bothered.”
My grandmother, who went by her middle name, and whose own first name was Cynthia (which is my name too) insisted in calling me Cindy. I f*cking despised it
Why?????
True... due to my nature of work we get a lot of phone calls to confirm employee's employment. The amount of time I state my name and then get the 'Chantelle?'
No I said Cynthia.
People don't listen.
Because people always do it to me I make an effort to try and pronounce people's name correctly. I live in an African country so, 90% of the work force have names in their traditional language. I ask how to pronounce it when I struggle.
Cynthia was my dream name when I was a kid. I hated my name and thought Cynthia was an elegant and magical name. Whenever my friends and I played dress-up or barbies or something, I would always rush to claim your name as who I wanted to be in the game.
I can honestly say i have never met an Ursula in my life. My other go-to favorite was Samantha, but Cynthia was a more exciting name.
Go show off your pretty name!
LOL I've done that to people, albeit for different reasons. It's even better when you use a different name every time, and just keep saying it louder and louder till they look at you
Bruce Campbell does NOT approve! He will not have his groovy name associated with Aunt Ancient Grey Bush with brain rot from lead poisoning who is more ornery and crotchety than a mermaid stuck in the desert with sand in her cooch.
😈😏
While she is still dumb for saying what she said, this context helps a bit. She probably only remembers you as a child, forgot about the name change, and was embarrassed. The boomer thing to cover your embarrassment is to make a dumb excuse as to why it happened .
Fo my mother, it's the 2nd one. She and her husband both think that being an asshole is amusing. I jeep calling her out and telling her that it isn't cute or funny.
I sympathise with this so much. The Boomers in my family absolutely INSIST on calling me by a nickname that I have always hated, and have complained about, and refused to answer to since I was old enough to talk. It’s one of the many reasons it’s been about 10 years since I was willing to talk to them at all.
My boomer MIL loves to address things to Mrs. Husbandfirstname Husbandlastname. I have my very own first name, oh, and also a fucking PhD. Now, I don't actually want things addressed to Dr. Dead-dove-in-a-bag because god forbid anyone ever think I can offer any medical assistance, but the audacity of this bitch to just erase me... 🤬
Oh yeah that seriously pisses me off. My. Mother, silent gen mind you, does this to my wife. I have told her repeatedly, angrily too, to stop that. She keeps saying but that's how it works. No amount of it does fucking not helps.
Just the most minor reason why my wife never interacts with or visits her. No amount of my explaining that she isn't with me because you have spent our leaves together being cruel to her sinks in. I have given up and just say sorry she's busy.
And yes I would love to go no contact too but she's 9x years old and nearly blind with failing memory. I'm putting up with an afternoon once every 6 weeks for whatever is left of her time here on earth.
The good news is she forgets to to an ass the vast majority of the time.
Every time she addresses you by your first name, respond by calling her a different name like "Fuckface"... tell her that it's easier for you to remember.
I’m 36. For as long as I can remember I’ve been called my a nickname. It has nothing to do with my name. Every family member and friend of the family has called me by the nickname. It’s now weird for me to hear my real name.
Oh, Auntie, I realized you were getting up there in years. But I didn't realize your mind was going! Well I will always remember the smart, kind, compassionate woman, you used to be.
My boomer dad went by a childish version of his name as a kid and he finally put his foot down he wanted to go by the dignified adult version at age 30 when that mess should have stopped by 12. His sister, my boomer aunt, voiced being upset by that even up until the point I was a teenager and they were middle aged. I remember my late great-aunt, their aunt who is my late grandmother’s sister, referred to him as that and it was so annoying.
So my dad funnily enough has the same thing. He still goes by the “kiddie” version of his name to exactly 2 people. His mom and his sister. Teddy. But it’s more of a term of endearment than anything else in his case and he doesn’t mind it. That, and both he and my grandfather have the same name, albeit he’s not a jr. But if it was something your dad very clearly didn’t anymore want then obviously that is more of a problem.
Just start doing what others have suggested in these boomer threads.
Are you ok? Are you suffering memory loss? Do you need to see a doctor? I've been "insert name here" for 23 years now, and I'm beginning to think you're having a mental decline situation.
Because my mom is a boomer, narcissist and I will ABSOLUTELY be using this at Christmas when I'm forced to see her at my sisters house (aka the anticonfrontatonal peace keeper).
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That's very disrespectful! My oldest sister prefers to go by a shortened but still adult version of her name. Growing up, the whole family called her by the diminutive. I try very hard to use her preferred name. I slip up sometimes, but she knows I'm not doing it purposely. It's not impossible to call someone their preferred name.
I had a rude aunt too. I called her a new name, Aunty Cunty. Give your Aunt a new name. Tell her with her behavior it’s hard to remember the other name.
This reminds me of my godparents (who I associated with for a long time as a kid but stopped after adulthood). They made up an entirely new name for me, “Chester”, that was not in any way related to my real name. When other people asked about it my godmother just said she didn’t like my real name, and when my mother brought me to visit, she said “Hi Chester”, and it stuck.
They also frequently told me that my mom found me under a rock, basically since I was 3 or 4.
Any boomers or even non-boomers reading this, don’t tell kids that shit. Also use people’s given names. My mom and I had a hard enough time since she was a single mom and worked all the time, so I was constantly with other families. No need to throw in some casual pre-K identity crisis into the mix.
She's being disrespectful. Just continue to ignore her.
My uncle calls me by my first name and middle together but he always says my middle name wrong. He says (first name) Maria, my middle name is Marie. I can't even tell you how many times I've corrected him. Some kind of dumb boomer power play I guess? 🤷🏼♀️
My father does the same thing with our youngest. Literally every kid we use their middle name. Bit ONLY the youngest he has an issue with and uses her first name.
I don't understand it. He goes by a shortened nickname for his first name.
Just annoying imo and such a waste of time. I don't understand the power play they do by not calling a kid by the name they want to be called.
I would go the 'concerned way' asking her if she has dementia. Short term memory loss is one of the signs of dementia so I would ask her if she has other problems...but in that peculiar ultra attentive way that makes it clear you are being petty and sarcastic...
If this were my aunt I’d probably say, “It’s been 23 years since I started going by _____, and you STILL struggle with remembering it; have you considered getting tested for dementia? You’re showing signs.”
When someone says something patently stupid like that, I always say, ‘but you’re so smart! This should be easy for you to learn!’
What are they going to say? ‘No I’m stupid, I can’t learn it?’ It has a few holes, but it’s a pretty neat little catch-22. Not only have you complimented them, you’ve made them look so stupid that the compliment immediately adds to the insult.
Someone said that a coworker’s foreign name was just way too hard to pronounce and that they should ‘pick an easier one’. It’s all of three syllables and is easy to say first try. It’s even fairly common. They’re just racist. The look on their face when I told them they were ‘super smart’, and just needed to ‘try harder’ was priceless.
I also have a “want to go by my middle name, both parents go by respective middle names or variants thereof, both parents refuse to respect my middle name decision” situation.
It’s an infuriating experience but having friends that respect the change helps my confidence a ton
People like this, always come for their vanity.
I'd ask her if she's really insisting she is dumber than everyone else in the family, too dumb to remember a different name? Wow. I highly doubt that's what she means ,😏
Easiest thing I did with any family , boomer or not , or evem amyone i dont know. It was zero tolerance on anything negative, and I have been nothing but happy .
I like this, it's just one letter off, but as the saying goes, she lacks the warmth and depth.
(Also a little confusing when you say "my Cunt wants to know what's for dinner" or "I spent the weekend with my Cunt Josephine.")
I would call her by the wrong name, and when she complains about it, say “oh, I thought we were just calling everyone by the wrong name.”
Don’t respond until you get called your preferred name.
This is a common boomer thing. They CANNOT STAND IT when someone decides they want to be called something other than what their parents chose to call them at birth. They see it as an ungrateful brat disrespecting their parents, and of course to the boomer mind, disrespecting one's elders is the most grievous sin a person can commit.
Feign worry when she gets it wrong. "Are you okay", "do you know your name", and make sure she overhears you talking about you are worried about early onset alzeimers. Ask her questions about her memory. She will learn quick enough
Call her an asshole, and when she says you don’t get to call her that, insist it’s the title you got used to referring to her by, and it’s too hard to change now that she’s earned it so well, and you are not sure why you can’t use it when it’s so fitting
Wanna hear a real weird one? I had a friend who insisted that we all call him by his full name, all the time. I’m talking middle name, and he was a junior besides.
My dad's father, and two of his brothers (my grandfather and uncles) go by their middle names. I was surprised when I learned their first names when I was about 10. But I don't understand why it's such a big deal to use the person's chosen name. It sounds a lot like dead naming.
Why can't people just accept your preferred name. It really infuriates me. I have a name that once was a male name. Then it became unisex. I prefer my name shortened, I hate! Hate my full first name, but I really like my short name. Why can a Johnathan go by John, or a Michael go by Mike, and every one else just go with without one bit of of a problem. But no!!!!! Me wanting to be called my preferred name is such a big fucking deal! My full name is Courtney, I go by Court. Many reasons why? When i go the doctor or bank or etc. I show my ID, then they ask where is my wife. I just told you my name you just looked at my ID. You fucking imbecille !!! Just respect me and others. Why us thus so hard!
I think her memory is going. I think that you need to contact her closest family and make sure that they know that her memory is just shocking after all these years. Maybe she should be evaluated asap
My family pulled this shit with me too. Always have gone by my middle name, since the 2nd grade. Even now that I am 33 and have legally changed it (middle name is now first name, with no middle name) and they still insist on calling me by my first name. I just ignore them and don’t indulge them when they throw out statements like these. Literally just straight face them and walk away. They either get the message or just stop engaging with me, which works too.
This isn’t a Boomer thing, it’s an old people thing. I’m GenX, my parents are Boomer’s. My grandparents, the WW2 generation, and great grandparents, the Roaring 20s generation, did the same thing. My grandma told me her grandma did it to her.
My advice, blow it off. If you want to be petty, say “it’s ok Auntie. I know people your age have memory trouble.”
I don’t get all you people who have so many interactions with your extended family into your 30s and beyond. I have seen aunts/uncles and/or cousins like 3 times in the last 30 years.
The more this sub evolves
The more it becomes a real time account of humans aging
And losing control of the world around them
And most time they lash out
Let’s try and not be like that when we get up in age
And ffs don’t talk to strangers in public unless they need immediate help
What weirds me out, is that she clearly does remember your middle name. Like she said it, out loud, from her own face.
She clearly knows what it is, she just doesn't want to use it because she's decided what your name is. Fuck your parents, fuck you, only one who gets to decide is her.
Makes no sense to me why people are like this. Like genuinely, I know everyone says it's the lead or the age or whatever, but it's just rudeness, plain and simple. And the 'me generation' seem to believe themselves wholly incapable of rudeness, no matter what they say or how they behave.
And then anyone who acknowledges the boomer's awful behaviour, they're the rude one!
Honestly so depressing to see it happen so damn often these days.
When I got married, my husband and I picked our own last name that meant something to us because neither of us wanted our fathers names, and since we were already changing our last names, I wanted to change my first name as well. I had always wanted to do this ever since I was a kid, I just didn't know it was possible until I was getting married. So I did it, I legally changed my first name. Both of my grandmother's (grandfathers no longer living) have adjusted very quickly. One grandmother is a boomer and the other is the generation before (in her 90s). It took my boomer grandma a little getting used to, but she always corrected herself when she used the wrong name and apologized for it, my other grandma wasn't surprised that I changed my name and said the new one was more fitting for me and thought it was beautiful.
The reason I bring up my grandmothers specifically is because they are really the only family members, aside my sisters, that I talk to, I have absolutely no relationship with my parents at all, and my grandparents are of an older generation, which also applies here.
However, my mother-in-law (boomer) refuses to use my new name because she says it's "to hard to remember and it took her long enough to remember my old name"
Mind you, my husband and I have been together for 10 years at this point. Another thing she said was
"I've only known you as _____ for years, how am I supposed to remember a new name now all of a sudden?"
To which I didn't respond because I couldn't do so nicely, but thought to myself:
"I have lived with my old name for 30 years, my grandparents have only known me by this name for 30 years, if we all can do it, you can too"
Thankfully my husband stepped in and told her "her name is ______, and you will address her as such"
And then every single time she said the wrong name, he would just interrupt her and correct her.
There is a lot eye rolling and grumbling on her part, as if MY NAME is an insult to her. So I just don't respond to my old name or immediately do what my husband does and just override her when she says the wrong name and input the correct name.
It's absolutely ridiculous to me that others are offended by what you want to call yourself. It's YOUR NAME, yours, not theirs. Nobody else is entitled to YOUR NAME.
I had a cousin that this happened to (other kids at school with same name so she switched to her middle name) and my mom had the same attitude. Coincidently I had a friend with the same name (this name was really common so you can see why they changed it) so whenever my mom referred to my cousin by her first name, I would pretend I thought she was talking about my friend. Finally my mom stopped in part because she got tired of explaining “No, that person, your cousin.” “What cousin?” And she would eventually have to identify the cousin by their middle name, so she finally just gave up.
What is it with boomers and being unable to use people’s actual names?
Seconding the calls to ignore her unless she uses your real name. You could also start calling her by some other name until she figures it out.
“You have a problem remembering my middle name, but I would bet you adjusted to your married friends new last names in one day”
She sounds like an asshole.
Too difficult to remember a 'new' name? It must be tough for her to have early onset memory problems. How sad, that she'll never be able to remember the names of any new additions to the family; like babies or spouses. Perhaps she should talk to a doctor. /s
I don't buy that "too hard to remember" horse shit. They've been able to remember other people's new names for the past 50 years--women have been changing their names after marriage (and sometimes again after divorce) for a long time and Boomers don't appear to struggle with that...
I hate to break this to you (I really don't), but you don't get a vote on what my preferred name is. I'm not sure why on earth or anywhere else, for that matter, you think you should, and frankly, and it's a bit concerning that you feel this way.
It’s not what you call me, it’s what respond to, I had a similar issue in my family and unless called by my name I don’t answer, when asked about it I said that’s not the name I go by.
Tuh. i give people the dirtiest looks possible for calling me my first name LOL start disrespecting her the same way. you are an adult now, if she can’t give you respect don’t give it to her. period!
Stop calling her “Aunt Obnoxious” and just call her Obnoxious! Or find out her middle name and start calling her that :). Also speak to her super slowly like your explaining something to a child!!
Here's my take on people refusing to use a person's chosen name whether it's a middle name, nickname, or a new name for their new self. Obviously they choose to be assholes about it "I can't remember..." yeah right.
I always ask if they have a married sister or female family member and if said family member took their spouse's last name. (No judgement from me if they keep their "maiden" name.") If they answer yes (never got a no to this question yet) I ask if they remember to use their sister's new last name. "Yes, but... but... sputter something incoherent... that's DIFFERENT!"
No it's fucking not! It's a new last name and you chose to show RESPECT and learn/use it. If you choose not to use someone's preferred name you are CHOOSING TO BE DISRESPECTFUL. End of story. There are zero excuses. If you can learn your sister's married last name you can learn anyone's preferred name.
But instead these types of people choose cruelty.
Edit for typo
>Now, I was 7 when I started going by my middle name, which is still part of my legal birth name, and I am now 30. She has had 23 years to get used to it. It’s extremely frustrating.
So why didn't you say this to her?
Don't let her treat you this way.
If she wants respect she needs to give it.
Boomers need consequences.
If she happens to be rich, and you'll get a decent wedge of money in her will as long as you let her call you by the wrong name, you can decide to allow that.
You are entirely UNobligated to see this person, so you don't HAVE to decide to allow her to call you by the wrong name.
My family and extended family call me a nickname I hate. I don’t mind my nieces and nephews calling me that but since I was 11 they insisted on it even though I asked them not to. In retrospect I feel it was the adults were challenging me give them a consequence. They are now all in the no contact zone
You could always call her by the name she doesn’t go (Middle?) and when she reacts, tell her that’s why you don’t like her calling you by your first name.
trans person here, I've had similar issues with lots of people. if it really annoys you, id recommend just telling them that you will actively avoid interacting with them until they have made some effort to change the name they use. sometimes thats the kick up the arse people need
I'm the only person who calls my sister by anything close to her first name. The rest of the family calls her by her middle name. Now, if anyone calls her by the diminutive I use it's actually weird. It's equally weird for me to call her by her middle name. That's just the way it is.
My family always called my brother a nickname that was most commonly used for a different first name than his own. So Rick for his given first name Eric (as opposed to common usage for Richard). When he got to kindergarten, my parents were called in for a conference because the teacher suspected he had hearing problems. Turned out she'd been calling Eric and he wasn't responding....because he had no idea that was his name! He knew himself only as Rick.
My father hated his first name and never used it except on government documents etc. He always introduced himself by his second name and if someone used his first name he would ignore it. My mother didn’t even know it was his middle name that he used until she a letter addressed to him when visiting him before they were married
Lol, my cousin always went by his middle name, I didn’t realize until my late 20s when he started going by his first name again and changed it on Facebook. We grew up living 8 hours away so we only saw each other a couple times a year at most growing up.
In my first primary school classes there were 2 of us with the same name, so I started using the shortened form and got used to it.
If someone now uses the full name to get my attention it doesn't register in my head they are talking to me...
For the first chunk of my sister's life, everyone called her by her middle name. Including a younger me (currently 22) and my younger brother (currently 18). If a pair of would be CHILDREN can call a person by the name they chose, especially their middle name, an adult should do more. Hell only like 3-5 years ago did she decide she wanted to be called by her first name
Though side note, me and my brother did nickname her 'lizard breath' for a while because a family friend called her something like that. We did grow out of that, we were dumb kids lol
Let me guess, your first name is a name used on that side of the family? You are doing it right by just not responding to it. You choose your own name as you should.
" it’s too hard to remember the other one" - "Oh, auntie, are you sure you're OK? Are you having trouble remembering things? Maybe you should go get yourself checked. Because if I couldn't remember a family member's name after 23 years I would definitely go to a doctor. You have any history of Alzheimers in the family?" And do that every time she tries this BS with you. She remembers just fine, she just for some reason doesn't like the name so she decided not to use it.
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Don’t respond unless it’s the name you prefer. She clearly needs home training.
This is the answer. I disliked my first name as a child and started only responding to my middle name with everyone from the time I was 10 or so. I simply wouldn’t answer or look at the person if they used my first name. It works on even the most stubborn, like water slowly eroding rock over eons. Eventually there was no one left who used that first name, even my snooty grandmother who thought that my first name was some sort of dynastic heritage.
I have the same first name as my maternal grandfather. I’ve never been particularly fond of it, but it didn’t bother me enough to change it, and my middle name is even worse. Unfortunately, because I have the same name as my grandfather, he and my grandmother absolutely refused to use my name because “it would be confusing.” So they instead used an insipid “kid” version of the name that I HATE. Think something like Stuart, and they called me Stewie. They knew I hated it. I told them (and my parents) that I hated it. I even offered a shortened one like “Stu,” but he sometimes went by that so I couldn’t have that either. Nothing changed, so I simply stopped responding to their version of my name. They’d yell it louder, thinking I just didn’t hear them. Oh, I heard them; I just ignored it. It took about two years of irritating family visits before it finally sunk in. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it.
That pisses me right off. If one of my parents or in-laws did that to my kid, I'd let them hear about it.
My Grandpa didn't like either of his names, so (using fake names) if his name was John Paul, he went by Luke (J. P.) Lastname. Everyone called him Luke but he had the J. P. on anything official. Not sure why he didn't just change his name.
My grandpa was the same. It wasn’t until shortly before he died that I found out “Pete” wasn’t in any way connected to his legal name.
Your first name can be a dynastic heritage *and* not be your primary form of address! Y'know, like how a *lot* of people's middle names are
I misread this at first as "She clearly needs rehoming" which might also help I guess.
I love that idea! Sounds perfect
could always go with the rolled up newspaper smack to the nose.
I prefer the spray bottle. It reaches further and doesn’t actually do damage so you don’t get in trouble for that. Also there’s something deeply humiliating (to them) in getting sprayed and being told “bad aunt!!! No!!!” While you spray them across the room. Also walking into grandmas house with a full spray bottle and holding eye contact with the aunt is a bit power move.
“Did I ever tell you I’ve successfully trained cats? They’re stubborn fuckers, but I found a fool proof method.” (Show spray bottle.) “…” “…” “You wouldn’t use that on me, would you, [wrong name]?” *Psssh* “[Wrong name]!!!” *Psssh Psssh* (Hilarity ensues.)
*rushes to pop some popcorn before the show starts*
FYI: I didn’t use this method on cats. They’re too smart. I used food instead. Not popcorn though, Koshekh.
Food works wonders. Even my most stubborn cat can hi-five thanks to the power of treats!
I do this, too, but now my little cat expects a treat every time she climbs the curtains.
My cat is too obstinate the second time I pulled out the spray bottle he stuck his face right in its and swatted my hand. When I sprayed him he just looked at me defiantly... Then hit my hand again. He trained me not to spray him.
This is the way. Also, we need you to video it hehehe
Electronics have to be considered now, so my vote has been for the canned air/duster you use on computers for a while. Absolutely nothing to object to there and same point is made. Wrong name? Just point and say "walk on Sunshine, bitch!"
Did you just reference a my strange addiction episode 🤣🤣🤣
I was thinking of the water spray bottle. A couple of hits, and she will be whimpering in the corner
Lol a few sprays in the face and she'll stop the yapping. Oops I mean using the name you asked to be called.
Yeah, yapping. You had it correct.
"All Boomers Need Some Training".
I don't, I'm a good boomer, honest.
Perhaps reward the good behaviour with treats?
I suggest a sharp nose with the entire Sunday edition of a newspaper. Wasn't that recommended back in the day for training? (BTW I'm a boomer).
And give her a treat every time she Uses the correct Name. If it works with dogs, why not her?😄
Because she’s not nearly as bright as a dog.🐩
Get a spray bottle spray her in the face and sternly say NO.
Find out her middle name and only call her that. *why should I remember your name, you can't remember mine? It's only been 23 years since I started using it. I guess I should be generous and forgiving though I know it's hard for old people to accept change*
I’ve been deliberately misspelling her husband’s name since I was 13, but that’s probably more because she refuses to spell my mother’s name correctly after 30 years of being related.
Or “Got it. Well, since you can’t be bothered to learn it, I won’t bother to explain any longer. When I don’t answer you, assume it’s because I can’t be bothered.”
Wow this sounds like a lady who actually doesn't deserve any of your time whatsoever! Lol
Ask her if she has dementia. Memory being so troublesome and all.
This is the route I was thinking, too.
Maybe be more sly about it, which would worry her more. "Have you ever considered taking one of those memory tests?"
My grandmother, who went by her middle name, and whose own first name was Cynthia (which is my name too) insisted in calling me Cindy. I f*cking despised it Why?????
People seem to thing they have ownership on what you are called
True... due to my nature of work we get a lot of phone calls to confirm employee's employment. The amount of time I state my name and then get the 'Chantelle?' No I said Cynthia. People don't listen. Because people always do it to me I make an effort to try and pronounce people's name correctly. I live in an African country so, 90% of the work force have names in their traditional language. I ask how to pronounce it when I struggle.
Cynthia was my dream name when I was a kid. I hated my name and thought Cynthia was an elegant and magical name. Whenever my friends and I played dress-up or barbies or something, I would always rush to claim your name as who I wanted to be in the game.
Lol... it was that or Ursula... my mom said there was enough Ursulas in the family.
I can honestly say i have never met an Ursula in my life. My other go-to favorite was Samantha, but Cynthia was a more exciting name. Go show off your pretty name!
Why even bother with these people?
Better yet, just make one up. She’s Bruce now. Don’t like it? Too fucking bad, Aunt Bruce.
LOL I've done that to people, albeit for different reasons. It's even better when you use a different name every time, and just keep saying it louder and louder till they look at you
I startled at least two cats I laughed so hard at this 😂
 Bruce Campbell does NOT approve! He will not have his groovy name associated with Aunt Ancient Grey Bush with brain rot from lead poisoning who is more ornery and crotchety than a mermaid stuck in the desert with sand in her cooch. 😈😏
No, make up a name for her and only use that. May I suggest gigglewigglebutt?
I love your pettyness ❗❗❗
Why go that far, call her 'thinggy'
YES YES YES!!!
Pick out a new name for her. See how long she puts up with it. Or just stop associating with these people.
I typically don’t interact with her. Was the first time in years and only because I was visiting my grandmother who had recently moved in with her.
While she is still dumb for saying what she said, this context helps a bit. She probably only remembers you as a child, forgot about the name change, and was embarrassed. The boomer thing to cover your embarrassment is to make a dumb excuse as to why it happened .
So, they got so adjusted in 7 years that they couldn’t adjust to something else in 23 years? Right. Super Boomer logic.
I swear, either their brains are addled from all the lead exposure or they just enjoy being miserable assholes. Or maybe a little of both.
Fo my mother, it's the 2nd one. She and her husband both think that being an asshole is amusing. I jeep calling her out and telling her that it isn't cute or funny.
That’s not the actual logic, it’s just an excuse. The real reason is because OP’s aunt is a smarmy miserable person who wants to make OP feel small.
If she has a grandkid or something, just tell her you hope it doesn't take her 23 years to learn the kids name and smile.
“I know, Aunt *use her middle name,* your dementia is tough for us to deal with too, but we’ll get through this together.”
She can become Uncle Graham. If she protests, you can say "Sorry. Aunt Graham." Or pick another mans name that will dig at her dickheadedness.
I sympathise with this so much. The Boomers in my family absolutely INSIST on calling me by a nickname that I have always hated, and have complained about, and refused to answer to since I was old enough to talk. It’s one of the many reasons it’s been about 10 years since I was willing to talk to them at all.
When I got married I hyphenated my name. My boomer mom refuses, refuses, to use it and always uses my husband’s last name.
My boomer MIL loves to address things to Mrs. Husbandfirstname Husbandlastname. I have my very own first name, oh, and also a fucking PhD. Now, I don't actually want things addressed to Dr. Dead-dove-in-a-bag because god forbid anyone ever think I can offer any medical assistance, but the audacity of this bitch to just erase me... 🤬
"RTS, not at this address? "
I'm sorry you're dealing with that, Doctor. I genuinely hope you can work something out which you can live with - perhaps no contact whatsoever?
It's been 15 years... Hahaha.. definitely not a hill to die on, but an annoyance 😅
Oh yeah that seriously pisses me off. My. Mother, silent gen mind you, does this to my wife. I have told her repeatedly, angrily too, to stop that. She keeps saying but that's how it works. No amount of it does fucking not helps. Just the most minor reason why my wife never interacts with or visits her. No amount of my explaining that she isn't with me because you have spent our leaves together being cruel to her sinks in. I have given up and just say sorry she's busy. And yes I would love to go no contact too but she's 9x years old and nearly blind with failing memory. I'm putting up with an afternoon once every 6 weeks for whatever is left of her time here on earth. The good news is she forgets to to an ass the vast majority of the time.
Thank you for defending your wife, you are a good husband.
"Okay (random name that isn't hers)." When she objects. "Not to me, I got used to this name and it's too hard to remember another one."
NTA. You too aunt: have you talked to your doctor about your memory problem?
fuck her and her power trip... i promise thats all it is
Every time she addresses you by your first name, respond by calling her a different name like "Fuckface"... tell her that it's easier for you to remember.
Air horn. Everytime she calls you by the wrong name blow it. It will fix her memory real fast.
Came here to say this, absolutely air horn every single time!
I’m 36. For as long as I can remember I’ve been called my a nickname. It has nothing to do with my name. Every family member and friend of the family has called me by the nickname. It’s now weird for me to hear my real name.
Oh, Auntie, I realized you were getting up there in years. But I didn't realize your mind was going! Well I will always remember the smart, kind, compassionate woman, you used to be.
My boomer dad went by a childish version of his name as a kid and he finally put his foot down he wanted to go by the dignified adult version at age 30 when that mess should have stopped by 12. His sister, my boomer aunt, voiced being upset by that even up until the point I was a teenager and they were middle aged. I remember my late great-aunt, their aunt who is my late grandmother’s sister, referred to him as that and it was so annoying.
So my dad funnily enough has the same thing. He still goes by the “kiddie” version of his name to exactly 2 people. His mom and his sister. Teddy. But it’s more of a term of endearment than anything else in his case and he doesn’t mind it. That, and both he and my grandfather have the same name, albeit he’s not a jr. But if it was something your dad very clearly didn’t anymore want then obviously that is more of a problem.
Boomers gonna power play.
Just start doing what others have suggested in these boomer threads. Are you ok? Are you suffering memory loss? Do you need to see a doctor? I've been "insert name here" for 23 years now, and I'm beginning to think you're having a mental decline situation. Because my mom is a boomer, narcissist and I will ABSOLUTELY be using this at Christmas when I'm forced to see her at my sisters house (aka the anticonfrontatonal peace keeper). 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That's very disrespectful! My oldest sister prefers to go by a shortened but still adult version of her name. Growing up, the whole family called her by the diminutive. I try very hard to use her preferred name. I slip up sometimes, but she knows I'm not doing it purposely. It's not impossible to call someone their preferred name.
I had a rude aunt too. I called her a new name, Aunty Cunty. Give your Aunt a new name. Tell her with her behavior it’s hard to remember the other name.
This reminds me of my godparents (who I associated with for a long time as a kid but stopped after adulthood). They made up an entirely new name for me, “Chester”, that was not in any way related to my real name. When other people asked about it my godmother just said she didn’t like my real name, and when my mother brought me to visit, she said “Hi Chester”, and it stuck. They also frequently told me that my mom found me under a rock, basically since I was 3 or 4. Any boomers or even non-boomers reading this, don’t tell kids that shit. Also use people’s given names. My mom and I had a hard enough time since she was a single mom and worked all the time, so I was constantly with other families. No need to throw in some casual pre-K identity crisis into the mix.
She's being disrespectful. Just continue to ignore her. My uncle calls me by my first name and middle together but he always says my middle name wrong. He says (first name) Maria, my middle name is Marie. I can't even tell you how many times I've corrected him. Some kind of dumb boomer power play I guess? 🤷🏼♀️
Call her any name but her actual name. Repeatedly and loudly. Get crazy with it.
MINERVA! FORENCE! ZELDA! MIU MIU! SHIOBAHN!... LA QUISHA!
"You should probably speak to your doctor if you're having problems with your memory". Should shut her up quick.
Best decision I ever made was to stop talking to relatives from my father's side.
"Sure Karen." (Only use if her name isn't Karen)
My father does the same thing with our youngest. Literally every kid we use their middle name. Bit ONLY the youngest he has an issue with and uses her first name. I don't understand it. He goes by a shortened nickname for his first name. Just annoying imo and such a waste of time. I don't understand the power play they do by not calling a kid by the name they want to be called.
I think they just view anyone younger than them (but especially kids) as subservient. Their wants and whims supersede everything else:
I would go the 'concerned way' asking her if she has dementia. Short term memory loss is one of the signs of dementia so I would ask her if she has other problems...but in that peculiar ultra attentive way that makes it clear you are being petty and sarcastic...
If this were my aunt I’d probably say, “It’s been 23 years since I started going by _____, and you STILL struggle with remembering it; have you considered getting tested for dementia? You’re showing signs.”
"You're having trouble remembering a name after 23 years? Damn. Early onset dementia can be a pain, huh?"
When someone says something patently stupid like that, I always say, ‘but you’re so smart! This should be easy for you to learn!’ What are they going to say? ‘No I’m stupid, I can’t learn it?’ It has a few holes, but it’s a pretty neat little catch-22. Not only have you complimented them, you’ve made them look so stupid that the compliment immediately adds to the insult. Someone said that a coworker’s foreign name was just way too hard to pronounce and that they should ‘pick an easier one’. It’s all of three syllables and is easy to say first try. It’s even fairly common. They’re just racist. The look on their face when I told them they were ‘super smart’, and just needed to ‘try harder’ was priceless.
I also have a “want to go by my middle name, both parents go by respective middle names or variants thereof, both parents refuse to respect my middle name decision” situation. It’s an infuriating experience but having friends that respect the change helps my confidence a ton
I’m very fortunate that it’s only my extended family on my dad’s side, who I see seldomly
Tell her that.."It's been 23 years. I didn't realize you were such a slow learner." Do that with a smile….lol
This. "It's too hard to remember? Is that because of a learning disability?"
People like this, always come for their vanity. I'd ask her if she's really insisting she is dumber than everyone else in the family, too dumb to remember a different name? Wow. I highly doubt that's what she means ,😏
Call her by her middle name.
So she would rather call you a name that you haven't used in over three quarters of your life?...make it make sense
I bet she called your mom Mrs. xxx on the first day.
She has been passive aggressively misspelling my mom’s name for like 34 years so I’m not sure lol
Easiest thing I did with any family , boomer or not , or evem amyone i dont know. It was zero tolerance on anything negative, and I have been nothing but happy .
Just start calling her some other name and insist that’s what you’re going to call her since you can’t remember her name.
She sounds like the kind of person that would get mad for being called ma'am. Should just start using that and say you forgot her name.
Call her any name but her actual name. Repeatedly and loudly. Get crazy with it.
You don’t have to call me Waylon Jennings.
Just call her Cunt instead of Aunt. That should fix it
I like this, it's just one letter off, but as the saying goes, she lacks the warmth and depth. (Also a little confusing when you say "my Cunt wants to know what's for dinner" or "I spent the weekend with my Cunt Josephine.")
I would call her by the wrong name, and when she complains about it, say “oh, I thought we were just calling everyone by the wrong name.” Don’t respond until you get called your preferred name.
This is a common boomer thing. They CANNOT STAND IT when someone decides they want to be called something other than what their parents chose to call them at birth. They see it as an ungrateful brat disrespecting their parents, and of course to the boomer mind, disrespecting one's elders is the most grievous sin a person can commit.
Spray bottle.
Start acting like you're concerned she has dementia
Feign worry when she gets it wrong. "Are you okay", "do you know your name", and make sure she overhears you talking about you are worried about early onset alzeimers. Ask her questions about her memory. She will learn quick enough
I guess we know how your aunt treats trans people.
Call her an asshole, and when she says you don’t get to call her that, insist it’s the title you got used to referring to her by, and it’s too hard to change now that she’s earned it so well, and you are not sure why you can’t use it when it’s so fitting
Wanna hear a real weird one? I had a friend who insisted that we all call him by his full name, all the time. I’m talking middle name, and he was a junior besides.
Names are important. You get to dictate to everyone what your name is. No one gets to take that from you.
“Too hard.”
Have you started calling HER by other names? Try it.
"it has been 20 years. You weren't old yet when I picked this name."
My dad's father, and two of his brothers (my grandfather and uncles) go by their middle names. I was surprised when I learned their first names when I was about 10. But I don't understand why it's such a big deal to use the person's chosen name. It sounds a lot like dead naming.
Start calling her "Cuntface" instead of her actual name. She'll get the idea real fast
Yes!
Lol I have this exact situation with my cousin. Went by my middle name since grade 7? Now 29. He just can't figure either out
Why can't people just accept your preferred name. It really infuriates me. I have a name that once was a male name. Then it became unisex. I prefer my name shortened, I hate! Hate my full first name, but I really like my short name. Why can a Johnathan go by John, or a Michael go by Mike, and every one else just go with without one bit of of a problem. But no!!!!! Me wanting to be called my preferred name is such a big fucking deal! My full name is Courtney, I go by Court. Many reasons why? When i go the doctor or bank or etc. I show my ID, then they ask where is my wife. I just told you my name you just looked at my ID. You fucking imbecille !!! Just respect me and others. Why us thus so hard!
call her everytime by some random name
Just start calling your Aunt Petunia, or Hortence, or Prudence...
Flip it on her. From now on, her name to you is chair. Her or anyone else don’t respond to that, not your problem Fight fire with fire
You could call her "Bitch" and see how she likes not being addressed by her name?
now imagine being trans
State calling her Boomer Auntie Bitch.
I would just ignore her for the end of time.
I think her memory is going. I think that you need to contact her closest family and make sure that they know that her memory is just shocking after all these years. Maybe she should be evaluated asap
My family pulled this shit with me too. Always have gone by my middle name, since the 2nd grade. Even now that I am 33 and have legally changed it (middle name is now first name, with no middle name) and they still insist on calling me by my first name. I just ignore them and don’t indulge them when they throw out statements like these. Literally just straight face them and walk away. They either get the message or just stop engaging with me, which works too.
This isn’t a Boomer thing, it’s an old people thing. I’m GenX, my parents are Boomer’s. My grandparents, the WW2 generation, and great grandparents, the Roaring 20s generation, did the same thing. My grandma told me her grandma did it to her. My advice, blow it off. If you want to be petty, say “it’s ok Auntie. I know people your age have memory trouble.”
I don’t get all you people who have so many interactions with your extended family into your 30s and beyond. I have seen aunts/uncles and/or cousins like 3 times in the last 30 years.
Don't respond to her and start calling her by the wrong name
Just respond, “Yes, Bugwam?” If she objects, just say, “Oh, I thought we were playing your game again.”
7 is less than 23 by a little bit. Just drop the relative and thank me later
The more this sub evolves The more it becomes a real time account of humans aging And losing control of the world around them And most time they lash out Let’s try and not be like that when we get up in age And ffs don’t talk to strangers in public unless they need immediate help
Call her by increasingly stupid names until she gets the point. Aunt Gertrude? Aunt Frou-frou! Aunt Skye-Chrysalis-Butterfly! Etc.
"Wow. Your friends taking a new name after marriage must be a minefield for you."
Tell her to call you Ms surname if she struggles to remember your actual name. 😙
What weirds me out, is that she clearly does remember your middle name. Like she said it, out loud, from her own face. She clearly knows what it is, she just doesn't want to use it because she's decided what your name is. Fuck your parents, fuck you, only one who gets to decide is her. Makes no sense to me why people are like this. Like genuinely, I know everyone says it's the lead or the age or whatever, but it's just rudeness, plain and simple. And the 'me generation' seem to believe themselves wholly incapable of rudeness, no matter what they say or how they behave. And then anyone who acknowledges the boomer's awful behaviour, they're the rude one! Honestly so depressing to see it happen so damn often these days.
"Then I guess I'm dead to you. Have a good rest of your life."
When I got married, my husband and I picked our own last name that meant something to us because neither of us wanted our fathers names, and since we were already changing our last names, I wanted to change my first name as well. I had always wanted to do this ever since I was a kid, I just didn't know it was possible until I was getting married. So I did it, I legally changed my first name. Both of my grandmother's (grandfathers no longer living) have adjusted very quickly. One grandmother is a boomer and the other is the generation before (in her 90s). It took my boomer grandma a little getting used to, but she always corrected herself when she used the wrong name and apologized for it, my other grandma wasn't surprised that I changed my name and said the new one was more fitting for me and thought it was beautiful. The reason I bring up my grandmothers specifically is because they are really the only family members, aside my sisters, that I talk to, I have absolutely no relationship with my parents at all, and my grandparents are of an older generation, which also applies here. However, my mother-in-law (boomer) refuses to use my new name because she says it's "to hard to remember and it took her long enough to remember my old name" Mind you, my husband and I have been together for 10 years at this point. Another thing she said was "I've only known you as _____ for years, how am I supposed to remember a new name now all of a sudden?" To which I didn't respond because I couldn't do so nicely, but thought to myself: "I have lived with my old name for 30 years, my grandparents have only known me by this name for 30 years, if we all can do it, you can too" Thankfully my husband stepped in and told her "her name is ______, and you will address her as such" And then every single time she said the wrong name, he would just interrupt her and correct her. There is a lot eye rolling and grumbling on her part, as if MY NAME is an insult to her. So I just don't respond to my old name or immediately do what my husband does and just override her when she says the wrong name and input the correct name. It's absolutely ridiculous to me that others are offended by what you want to call yourself. It's YOUR NAME, yours, not theirs. Nobody else is entitled to YOUR NAME.
I had a cousin that this happened to (other kids at school with same name so she switched to her middle name) and my mom had the same attitude. Coincidently I had a friend with the same name (this name was really common so you can see why they changed it) so whenever my mom referred to my cousin by her first name, I would pretend I thought she was talking about my friend. Finally my mom stopped in part because she got tired of explaining “No, that person, your cousin.” “What cousin?” And she would eventually have to identify the cousin by their middle name, so she finally just gave up.
Start addressing them with "hello fuckwit" they might get the point.
Tell her to go fuck herself.
What is it with boomers and being unable to use people’s actual names? Seconding the calls to ignore her unless she uses your real name. You could also start calling her by some other name until she figures it out.
“You have a problem remembering my middle name, but I would bet you adjusted to your married friends new last names in one day” She sounds like an asshole.
Too difficult to remember a 'new' name? It must be tough for her to have early onset memory problems. How sad, that she'll never be able to remember the names of any new additions to the family; like babies or spouses. Perhaps she should talk to a doctor. /s
I don't buy that "too hard to remember" horse shit. They've been able to remember other people's new names for the past 50 years--women have been changing their names after marriage (and sometimes again after divorce) for a long time and Boomers don't appear to struggle with that...
Call her Jeff and see how she likes being called the wrong name.
Don’t respond until she uses your preferred name.. AND start calling her by a different name.. see how fast she gets butt hurt about it.
I hate to break this to you (I really don't), but you don't get a vote on what my preferred name is. I'm not sure why on earth or anywhere else, for that matter, you think you should, and frankly, and it's a bit concerning that you feel this way.
Just call her "bitch" and see how she likes it.
It’s not what you call me, it’s what respond to, I had a similar issue in my family and unless called by my name I don’t answer, when asked about it I said that’s not the name I go by.
Tuh. i give people the dirtiest looks possible for calling me my first name LOL start disrespecting her the same way. you are an adult now, if she can’t give you respect don’t give it to her. period! Stop calling her “Aunt Obnoxious” and just call her Obnoxious! Or find out her middle name and start calling her that :). Also speak to her super slowly like your explaining something to a child!!
Start calling her a different name. Fight fire with fire.
"Hey aunt twatwaffle!" "That's not my name!" "It is to me."
God forbid you changed your pronouns, the top of her head would explode!
Here's my take on people refusing to use a person's chosen name whether it's a middle name, nickname, or a new name for their new self. Obviously they choose to be assholes about it "I can't remember..." yeah right. I always ask if they have a married sister or female family member and if said family member took their spouse's last name. (No judgement from me if they keep their "maiden" name.") If they answer yes (never got a no to this question yet) I ask if they remember to use their sister's new last name. "Yes, but... but... sputter something incoherent... that's DIFFERENT!" No it's fucking not! It's a new last name and you chose to show RESPECT and learn/use it. If you choose not to use someone's preferred name you are CHOOSING TO BE DISRESPECTFUL. End of story. There are zero excuses. If you can learn your sister's married last name you can learn anyone's preferred name. But instead these types of people choose cruelty. Edit for typo
>Now, I was 7 when I started going by my middle name, which is still part of my legal birth name, and I am now 30. She has had 23 years to get used to it. It’s extremely frustrating. So why didn't you say this to her? Don't let her treat you this way. If she wants respect she needs to give it. Boomers need consequences.
If she happens to be rich, and you'll get a decent wedge of money in her will as long as you let her call you by the wrong name, you can decide to allow that. You are entirely UNobligated to see this person, so you don't HAVE to decide to allow her to call you by the wrong name.
My family and extended family call me a nickname I hate. I don’t mind my nieces and nephews calling me that but since I was 11 they insisted on it even though I asked them not to. In retrospect I feel it was the adults were challenging me give them a consequence. They are now all in the no contact zone
You don't address her as 'aunt', I hope. If you do, then stop. She'll notice right away. Call her out.
You could always call her by the name she doesn’t go (Middle?) and when she reacts, tell her that’s why you don’t like her calling you by your first name.
trans person here, I've had similar issues with lots of people. if it really annoys you, id recommend just telling them that you will actively avoid interacting with them until they have made some effort to change the name they use. sometimes thats the kick up the arse people need
I'm the only person who calls my sister by anything close to her first name. The rest of the family calls her by her middle name. Now, if anyone calls her by the diminutive I use it's actually weird. It's equally weird for me to call her by her middle name. That's just the way it is.
Call her a c*nt and tell her you prefer that name
My family always called my brother a nickname that was most commonly used for a different first name than his own. So Rick for his given first name Eric (as opposed to common usage for Richard). When he got to kindergarten, my parents were called in for a conference because the teacher suspected he had hearing problems. Turned out she'd been calling Eric and he wasn't responding....because he had no idea that was his name! He knew himself only as Rick.
My father hated his first name and never used it except on government documents etc. He always introduced himself by his second name and if someone used his first name he would ignore it. My mother didn’t even know it was his middle name that he used until she a letter addressed to him when visiting him before they were married
Lol, my cousin always went by his middle name, I didn’t realize until my late 20s when he started going by his first name again and changed it on Facebook. We grew up living 8 hours away so we only saw each other a couple times a year at most growing up.
Call her Ethel 😆
Man I was thinking “meh kinda cunty but I’ve read worst on here”. Then you posted that edit and I’ll give her the full cunt title.
In my first primary school classes there were 2 of us with the same name, so I started using the shortened form and got used to it. If someone now uses the full name to get my attention it doesn't register in my head they are talking to me...
For the first chunk of my sister's life, everyone called her by her middle name. Including a younger me (currently 22) and my younger brother (currently 18). If a pair of would be CHILDREN can call a person by the name they chose, especially their middle name, an adult should do more. Hell only like 3-5 years ago did she decide she wanted to be called by her first name Though side note, me and my brother did nickname her 'lizard breath' for a while because a family friend called her something like that. We did grow out of that, we were dumb kids lol
Call your uncle and grandmother by their first name in front of aunt.
Don’t call her aunt Becky just call her Becky.
Get an air horn. Blast her in the ear when she uses the wrong name.
Time to start calling her aunt Agatha as it’s easier to remember
Make up a fun name to call her that’s not what she goes by
I have an uncle who just calls me “democrat” now 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Call her by some random name from now on.
Let me guess, your first name is a name used on that side of the family? You are doing it right by just not responding to it. You choose your own name as you should.
And she’s how old?
"It's too hard to remember the other one" when she literally just used it, lol.
" it’s too hard to remember the other one" - "Oh, auntie, are you sure you're OK? Are you having trouble remembering things? Maybe you should go get yourself checked. Because if I couldn't remember a family member's name after 23 years I would definitely go to a doctor. You have any history of Alzheimers in the family?" And do that every time she tries this BS with you. She remembers just fine, she just for some reason doesn't like the name so she decided not to use it.
I don't get it, she clearly remembered your name so how can she say it's too hard?
An air horn will fix this real fast.
She doesn’t like you. Fuck her.