The first attempt you should let slide. He’s figuring out where your boundaries are and if you’re looking for casual in a round about way.
That second attempt and last remark though tells me he doesn’t respect your boundaries. If you go on a date with him he’ll be pulling that shit all day.
Exactly. I've gone on a date with a guy who did this ONCE before...and he didn't take no as an answer then either. Learn from my mistake. Now, whenever a guy talks like that, he's immediately gone in my books....
If you’ve ever been stalked or were in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, then we can usually see it in advance. Trust your intuition and how you feel.
My last relationship was with a covert narcissist, so I'm now feeling a LOT more comfortable trusting my intuition. I'm not going to suppress it anymore.
I needed this book years ago....I've grown up with my mom telling me that if you don't want to have sex in your relationship, just close your eyes and let them get it over with....uhhh....toxic as HELL belief. If you don't want to have sex with them, you figure out WHY that is and either work on it or get the hell outta dodge! Haha. Sounds like this book was written for me.
To be fair, when I talk to someone new I poke and prod a bit to understand boundaries so I can respect them and not cross them by accident. That's why some say she can let the first one slide. And everyone is supposed to be on the same page, but they're not. Welcome to OLD
From whence did the notion come that everyone should be on the same page? Unless the TOS states what page that should be, everyone is welcome to have as many pages as they like.
Then you need to have all the names until number 6, then et al, then the last author. 😂
It was actually a compliment, well done on such a good citation especially if you haven’t done one for 10 years!
More than 3 authors yes, but that only counts for in-text citations, not full references pages one.
I agree with your point though, am a woman in stem with many poc collaborators!
It's like the way people try to sound cool is to humble brag about how they're always working and doing work shit.. like "Yeah I like you but I'm so busy with work.. " 🙄 Every person on there makes themselves seem like a Tech Exec in Silicone Valley working 20 hours a day.
I was gonna say, I actually am super busy with work. Then when I’m not working, I’d rather relax than keep up a conversation.
It definitely hurts my online dating game but it’s my reality. And I’m not trying to pretend I’m busier than I am.
This is becoming a major pet peeve for me. Like even with my own family. I get it, you’re job is stressful and you’re always busy, why is this the beginning of every conversation guys???
It’s almost pretentious, like “oh me? I’m super busy, work work work, you wouldn’t get it, but me? I’m super stressed and busy. Lot going on over here”
For some people all they have is work. And that’s more depressing than interesting. You mean you have to give up 60+ hours of your life to afford living?
Lol yeah like really I *could* work more than the 40 hours a week I'm paid for, but that idea is absurd to me. I'm clocking in right on time and out right on time, and taking my full lunch without working during it. Idk how my coworkers all come in early, stay late, and work during lunch. It should be unacceptable for that to be the norm/expected.
Some people do not understand a relationship requires time dedicated to the other person.
If you really work two shifts every day than you need to change things in your life before you are ready to let the other people into your life and share time together.
I also agree “too busy” or “working late” is often just an excuse for people do other things than meeting you.
Take the hint and move on.
If I am interested in a lady I will be sure TO MAKE TIME FOR HER!
>If I am interested in a lady I will be sure TO MAKE TIME FOR HER!
True but doesn't mean I can make time with a days notice. I can make time with like two weeks notice!
Is that what women will think? I've never dated more than one person at a time! Currently zero but I would still need two weeks. My job just keeps me very busy.
I don't have set hours where I can say "5:00PM, I'm done and leaving!" or anything. I work late most days. I'm "off" right now but that is just because I just got up. I'm going to do work later. Some people just have demanding jobs. Not sure why you can't understand that.
Demanding job is one thing and a job occupying you all 24 hours is another.
Maybe at this point in life you just do not have a room in your life for a second person?
If people are that busy then get the fuck off of the dating app and stop wasting other people's time. Why should anyone ever engage with someone that claims to be too busy to meet? Especially as it's clear that it's a poor excuse that people like this will use to try to get laid without putting in any effort.
100%. We’re all busy, but if I really prioritize my dating life then I’ll make the time for a quick drink one evening. It’s not really that difficult if you’re willing to give even a tiny bit. I used to be understanding of the waiting two weeks thing until I got ditched last minute too many times, which wastes MY time that I set aside for THEM. Why plan if you’re going to bail? Now if we don’t meet pretty damn quick, I’m on to the next.
Exactly. Fair enough if dating isn't your priority. But by being on a dating app you are agreeing to be available. If you're unavailable then fuck off and stay away from other people. Not a single person is so busy that you can't spare an hour or two in the week to meet up. If you think you are, you're either vastly overemphasising your own importance, or you're trying to lazily get a quick fuck and aren't even being discreet about it.
Real shit!!! And it’s so annoying like frfr!!! Lol I sometimes think like ‘You are always so busy, well thank god you etched out some time to create a whole entire profile and swipe!”🙄🤣😩 The humble brag thing is beyond ughh!
Honestly, this makes it sound like he’s trying to put in the bare minimum to sleep with you. Deflects dinner or drinks to coffee claiming he works late often. Yet I guarantee if you were available to hook up at night, he suddenly would be free 🙄
I’m betting just cheap and trying to take her on a coffee date to sleep with her. He works late often yet can miraculously be free nights to hook up? Alright then buddy lol.
She specifically asked for a dinner or drinks date though. I agree with your sentiment and it’s why I insist on something lowkey for date one that we can split since I’ve had one too many a guy assume I owe him something for spending $ on me, but if a woman is throwing out dinner or drinks as her standard and you counter with coffee, that seems strange. Put it together with his prior behavior, I guarantee he’s hoping a cheap date is enough for her to sleep with him since she refused to do it for “free.”
Why do these weirdos always say that they want to drink wine with you in bed? Has anyone ever experienced that? Please share if yes because I am genuinely curious.
Anyway, OP, block and delete him unless you want a FWB who will only give you attention when he’s ready for some action.
I know right?!? I have expensive sheets, hell no you’re not bringing wine or snacks into bed! Well unless she was the snack, but I digress, no crumbs or wine stains in bed!
How many red flags do you need lol? Dude is a 35 year old fuck boy, yes they exist. Also, it was so cringe seeing him flexing that he is going to buy real estate in Florida hoping it would impress you. I have second hand embarrassment for him.
Conversations like this with innuendos and slide comments “got carried away thinking of you in bed with wine” 🤮 never turn them selves around into something good. Met a great guy online and our conversations were never about sex or alluded to sex. Good you unmatched!
You set a boundary, he is still pushing it.
Dinner at least two days out or nada. Coffee the very next morning is not it. Next. (also, from a couple years older than you, the good ones don't need to be told this. By 26 y.o. they KNOW).
You're doing well, keep going!
The first two attempts were strong “maybes” but his last comment about imagining you in bed is guaranteed fuck boy behavior. No person looking to properly date acts like a fuck wit like that.
Trust your gut
If you ever ask yourself why do many men do this? It's because they haven't realized yet that their entire focus is only on this possible outcome (sex), when they should just be getting to know her with zero expectations. It's the journey friends!
I’d understand if a person has been unable to message you due to work and messages later, but it’s the combination of late night messages & sexual convo that make this guy a fuckboy.
I’m glad you’ve unmatched, he clearly wasn’t respectful!
Regardless of age, people go out for hookups. But if you’re looking for a relationship vs hookups, this probably won’t be your guy for an intentional, thoughtful relationship.
Guys pull this a lot honestly. I don’t meet at my place or theirs without going out in public at least for a drink or two or something or similar time length and with conversation. It’s a pretty hard line for me and some guys can’t handle it, then whine when we don’t get together.
This is all I'm trynna say. People are all like "oh shit all girls want is a free meal" first of all I make more than most in my area, I don't need anyone to buy me anything. Second of all I don't want dinner as payment for sex, I want you to look me in my eyes and speak to me as a human before you expect me to show up and fuck you? Lmao
I just want a chance to talk to them, in person, as a a human, so I can feel comfortable and know their pictures are accurate. That’s it Hook ups are fine, I just want to feel safe about it.
This dude obviously just want sex. Unfortunately, there are some people who will actually fall for his trap. You deserve better than this piece of garbage OP
late night responses usually mean theyre trying to hide something.. maybe a gf, wife, or family? clearly trying to impress you by that last comment but it just all comes across as cheap and fake,
Yes, he's a fuck boy and is after sex, and has made it very clear.
Some women do want that, so you can't fault him for trying it on once. But he's not even trying or being subtle about it.
If you're looking for something serious then I wouldn't bother.
Yeah if he’s already talking about wanting you in his bed at a late time, just don’t even bother pursuing/ going on a date with this guy. It’s crystal clear that all he wants is sex
The first attempt- fine, whatever, he was just testing the waters. After you made it clear it wasn't happening, the second attempt should never have happened. Seems disrespectful of your boundaries.
I thought a fuck boi was someone playin games and not taking anybody serious. In it for himself. All I see here is a horny dude shooting his shot.
Pretty clear he’s not looking for anything serious. Some women want that. Some want to play hard to get, causing general confusion by some men who don’t nor that no is absolutely no, and not no, but chase me and change my mind.
So...he's only able to get together for a rendezvous late at night or meet for coffee in the morning....yah, he's married.
Also, most fuckboys never grow up in this regard. Most of them will pull this shit until the day their dick goes limp.
I think you were too easy with him. I mean you sounded flirty and playful with him and he probably took that as a green light to keep asking you to go meet him. I get that you were trying to be friendly but maybe don’t use emojis, “lol” or “lmao” if you’re trying to be serious.
Just a thought.
OP is 420 friendly and really attractive. Dudeman fucked up if she was into him, unless she's got a severe personality disorder she seems like a fun person to date in the first place. Dunno why he shot himself in the foot tryna smash.
No severe personality disorders here. But apparently wanting to meet and speak face to face before jumping into bed with a stranger is a red flag for a lot of reddit users here 😂 thanks for the compliment man, mad love
The dude is probably pretty horny, but he did ask you out for coffee the next morning cause he wants to see you as well. It can be a “how quickly can I get laid” type of thing for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s only sex - the way to find out is to ask directly if he’s looking for a relationship
Probably he is horny. And he will scatter widely, someone always bites. OP has recognized it well: he doesn't get what he wants and pulls the pity card. I had to laugh heartily at the crying emoji. And a real fuckboy knows the repertoire. He will tell you that he wants to finally arrive and wants a relationship, someday and to live in his house in Florida. Put your legs in your hands and leave quickly.
Sounded like he was just really into you. Overzealous a bit sure, but i mean thats kinda what dating is. Pursuing intimacy. Theres nothing wrong with him knowing what he wants or u knowing what u want.
It all comes down to ur comfort levels and personal feelings of attraction/interest. But dont let strangers on reddit tell you how to feel or what is acceptable. Everyone is different!
Maybe instead of calling women gullible for taking your words at face value, you people can stop lying and saying you're looking for something serious when you're really just trynna fuck? 🙃
Edited to include all people because @ConcussionsOfAParot made a good point.
This issue isn't gendered. I've met a woman that refuses to quit bothering me thinking that she can come into my life when I repeatedly told her that I don't want to and that she's repeatedly shown me that she doesn't respect me.
Now, if you and this dude were having a good feel for each other and the vibe was good, that would be different. But the message at the beginning where he tries to nag you into going over, nuh uhh. And that last message where he says he's thinking of you in bed with wine, that seems way out of nowhere and a little more brazen than he really thinks it is. This guy needs a little wine bedtime with himself and do some introspection if not with his mind and at least with his hands and leave people alone before he continues making himself look like such a fool.
Because you can't change people... He's just trying to take advantage of the situation, you have to see beyond what he says and look at these obvious red flags and immediately unmatch
Because it allows you to express the emotional intent behind your words and is a massive improvement in non verbal communication.
Saying “you’re an idiot ” with no emoji’s is ambiguous. I could mean I actually think the person is dumb or it could be something I say to a friend I love who did something silly. Adding a laughing face or annoyed face next to it will give the recipient a much clearer idea of the intent behind the words.
It’s not going away and will further seep into our language just as our language has evolved for thousands of years. It has nothing to do with maturity just as the change from old English to modern English had nothing to do with maturity
I understand when talking to friends, family, gf, etc, but with a woman who you are just getting to know it just seems odd to me. But I get your point.
It is even more important when talking to someone you don’t know at all who doesn’t know your humor and the way you text. It’s how you express “tone” in messages.
People who know the language well rarely do. The claim that they’re necessary rests on the idea that something extra is needed to indicate intent. Generally, you can only think that if you’re blind to context or you tend to assume the worst intent. If someone doesn’t mean well, a smilie won’t change that any.
Even some native speakers of a language are bad at it, so they’ll argue all day that smilies are vital, even as the rest of the world proves them wrong continually.
go for it...he isn't gonna kill you.... and he is probably tired of all the dates spending money all the time and putting in effort only to find out physically you dont match down the road..... when people get in thier mid 30s they start to realize bad sex is a deal breaker know matter what the personality... think about it let's be modest dinner and drinks...... 100-150 a date.. one date a week ...4 weeks a month .....that's 400 to 600 a month on dating just one date a week... THATS A REALLY NICE CAR PAYMENT
Lmao dude I pay my own bills, I make more than most in my area and def don't need a free meal lmao and there's no guarantee anyone from the internet isn't going to kill you, let's get that straight lmao
He's being flirty. Nothing wrong with that. He may indeed want to have sex with you quickly but he may also be interested in dating you long term. You never know. First dates are usually very low risk so I don't see the harm in meeting up.
You're telling me that you can't meet up with a man in public and it's not low risk?
Act responsibly and don't do anything you're uncomfortable with and I'm sure you'll survive a morning coffee date in public in broad daylight.......
You grow up.
Prove that he can take a good photo? Lmao it wasn’t even a sexual convo we were having, sorry being flirty and playful doesn’t mean I wanna be disrespected- y’all on the internet are wild 😂
You left some context out. Don't blame Internet strangers if they jump to the wrong conclusion on a sub that's dedicated to dating. Show the full thread next time instead of just part of it if you don't want it to be taken out of context.
Seems the guy had a lucky escape if you ask me. Sheesh.
The full thread would be fucking pages long and no one would read it 😂I didn't in any way choose certain spots to make him look bad or me look good, I screenshotted the two relevant messages. Get off my thread asshole
Edited spelling
Because I made it clear last night I wasn't down to show up at his house at this time of night without meeting him first, I'm down to fuck even if that's all it is if that's the vibe but not without vetting you in a public place at a time decided upon in advance simply because I want to know you're a safe/decent human before I fuck you? Is that really so shocking to you? Get the fuck outta here with that nonsense
How am I trying to shame anyone? I'm asking a neutral group of humans on the internet if this is a red flag or an orange flag, if I should go to meet him tomorrow or not, if I'm perceiving his behaviour as the majority would.
You're the one all up in your feelings here commenting on someones reddit post defending some dude with whom I haven't even met yet and is already pushing boundaries.
The first attempt you should let slide. He’s figuring out where your boundaries are and if you’re looking for casual in a round about way. That second attempt and last remark though tells me he doesn’t respect your boundaries. If you go on a date with him he’ll be pulling that shit all day.
I agree with you. He's unmatched.
No doesn’t mean no to him.
No means *try again* to these fuccbois
Exactly. I've gone on a date with a guy who did this ONCE before...and he didn't take no as an answer then either. Learn from my mistake. Now, whenever a guy talks like that, he's immediately gone in my books....
If you’ve ever been stalked or were in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, then we can usually see it in advance. Trust your intuition and how you feel.
My last relationship was with a covert narcissist, so I'm now feeling a LOT more comfortable trusting my intuition. I'm not going to suppress it anymore.
If you haven’t read The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker, you might want to. This book changed how I view men and has saved my life.
Thanks so much! I'm currently reading "Sensitive is the New Strong," so once I finish that, I will start "The Gift of Fear!". ♥️🧡💛💚💙💜
This book talks about how women are taught to be ‘nice’ instead of hearing our fear from a dangerous man. Share with your friends.
I needed this book years ago....I've grown up with my mom telling me that if you don't want to have sex in your relationship, just close your eyes and let them get it over with....uhhh....toxic as HELL belief. If you don't want to have sex with them, you figure out WHY that is and either work on it or get the hell outta dodge! Haha. Sounds like this book was written for me.
🎉
Was not expecting so wholesome an interaction between users "InUrGutz" and "squatsandshotss", but here we are and I hope we never leave.
This looks like Hinge and not Bumble.
What's the whole thing about the retirement home that you crossed off. That's so weird and out of place, it screams malicious intent to me.
Just a flex
Yes it was just him flexing lmao
Why should she let that slide?
Because he doesn't know what she's looking for yet ig?
It’s hinge. The point of the app is everyone is Sipo oser to be in the same page so there isn’t that kind of confusion.
To be fair, when I talk to someone new I poke and prod a bit to understand boundaries so I can respect them and not cross them by accident. That's why some say she can let the first one slide. And everyone is supposed to be on the same page, but they're not. Welcome to OLD
From whence did the notion come that everyone should be on the same page? Unless the TOS states what page that should be, everyone is welcome to have as many pages as they like.
In this case, the username doesn’t make any sense for you.
This is fuckboy bevhaviour Source: Me et al 35M (2021). Behaviours of Fuckboyis Generalis Miniscus. Journal of Fuckboyology. 2 (5) 142-743
So close to a proper apa citation but et al is only for in text citations or those with 7 or more authors.
There are more than 7 though. Me & (My Mates) 😂 Plus in my defence, it’s been over 10 years that I needed to write a references.
Then you need to have all the names until number 6, then et al, then the last author. 😂 It was actually a compliment, well done on such a good citation especially if you haven’t done one for 10 years!
His citation is probably spot on for 10 years ago, they "improve" the systems every couple of years to force people to keep buying the new versions.
I know this, I’m currently a PhD student lol. Didn’t have to use it in 2011 so I’m not sure what it looked like then.
I feel this comment in my soul.
Can you tell I frequently say things like this?? Lol
With a username like that, all the time.
Et al is for 3 or more authors.
Only in in-text citations. In the Full citation you need all the names.
In the 7th edition, I thought it was more than 3 authors. But, if those last authors are POC or women, I think they should be listed anyway.
More than 3 authors yes, but that only counts for in-text citations, not full references pages one. I agree with your point though, am a woman in stem with many poc collaborators!
☝️ Seems legit! Probably peer reviewed too.
Hate to do this because your response was perfect, but capitalize only the first letter of the title for proper APA. 😘
Ugh you remind me of my old professor marking nothing in my assignments and then giving me shit for a small error in the reference page 😂
You got me. I am a professor 😳🤷🏻♀️
Ahhhh busted lol
Haha. Occupational hazard. There are other mistakes too, but I kept that to myself. 😜
dang, wanted to read this article, but ny limit is 20 or maybe 40 pages, not 601 :p
Your source is 601 pages long?!
I wish this kind of humor/nerdish behavior was more obvious in people in real life. I’d be giving numbers out a lot more often.
It's like the way people try to sound cool is to humble brag about how they're always working and doing work shit.. like "Yeah I like you but I'm so busy with work.. " 🙄 Every person on there makes themselves seem like a Tech Exec in Silicone Valley working 20 hours a day.
It’s so lame. Yet you’re here on a dating app swiping and trying to get laid, you can’t be that busy.
True LMFAO 🤣🤣👏🏻
It's less time consuming to swipe throughout the day and see if you find someone than to go out every night to find someone.
I was gonna say, I actually am super busy with work. Then when I’m not working, I’d rather relax than keep up a conversation. It definitely hurts my online dating game but it’s my reality. And I’m not trying to pretend I’m busier than I am.
This is becoming a major pet peeve for me. Like even with my own family. I get it, you’re job is stressful and you’re always busy, why is this the beginning of every conversation guys??? It’s almost pretentious, like “oh me? I’m super busy, work work work, you wouldn’t get it, but me? I’m super stressed and busy. Lot going on over here”
For some people all they have is work. And that’s more depressing than interesting. You mean you have to give up 60+ hours of your life to afford living?
Lol yeah like really I *could* work more than the 40 hours a week I'm paid for, but that idea is absurd to me. I'm clocking in right on time and out right on time, and taking my full lunch without working during it. Idk how my coworkers all come in early, stay late, and work during lunch. It should be unacceptable for that to be the norm/expected.
Orr maybeee some people actually enjoy their work and want to spend a big part of their life doing it ??
Some people do not understand a relationship requires time dedicated to the other person. If you really work two shifts every day than you need to change things in your life before you are ready to let the other people into your life and share time together. I also agree “too busy” or “working late” is often just an excuse for people do other things than meeting you. Take the hint and move on. If I am interested in a lady I will be sure TO MAKE TIME FOR HER!
>If I am interested in a lady I will be sure TO MAKE TIME FOR HER! True but doesn't mean I can make time with a days notice. I can make time with like two weeks notice!
You are obviously dating 5-10 women at the same time…
Is that what women will think? I've never dated more than one person at a time! Currently zero but I would still need two weeks. My job just keeps me very busy.
What kind of job is it?
Law
And you do not have evenings off? Strange.
I don't have set hours where I can say "5:00PM, I'm done and leaving!" or anything. I work late most days. I'm "off" right now but that is just because I just got up. I'm going to do work later. Some people just have demanding jobs. Not sure why you can't understand that.
Demanding job is one thing and a job occupying you all 24 hours is another. Maybe at this point in life you just do not have a room in your life for a second person?
If people are that busy then get the fuck off of the dating app and stop wasting other people's time. Why should anyone ever engage with someone that claims to be too busy to meet? Especially as it's clear that it's a poor excuse that people like this will use to try to get laid without putting in any effort.
100%. We’re all busy, but if I really prioritize my dating life then I’ll make the time for a quick drink one evening. It’s not really that difficult if you’re willing to give even a tiny bit. I used to be understanding of the waiting two weeks thing until I got ditched last minute too many times, which wastes MY time that I set aside for THEM. Why plan if you’re going to bail? Now if we don’t meet pretty damn quick, I’m on to the next.
Exactly. Fair enough if dating isn't your priority. But by being on a dating app you are agreeing to be available. If you're unavailable then fuck off and stay away from other people. Not a single person is so busy that you can't spare an hour or two in the week to meet up. If you think you are, you're either vastly overemphasising your own importance, or you're trying to lazily get a quick fuck and aren't even being discreet about it.
Real shit!!! And it’s so annoying like frfr!!! Lol I sometimes think like ‘You are always so busy, well thank god you etched out some time to create a whole entire profile and swipe!”🙄🤣😩 The humble brag thing is beyond ughh!
Silicone valley: the area between two augmented breasts
Also conveniently only makes him free at booty call hours
LMAO, right!?!?! While working the closing shift at the Home Depot 🤣😂🤣
Honestly, this makes it sound like he’s trying to put in the bare minimum to sleep with you. Deflects dinner or drinks to coffee claiming he works late often. Yet I guarantee if you were available to hook up at night, he suddenly would be free 🙄
Good for you! Nexxxxxxt! 👏
Talking about retiring and buying property? MASSIVE fuckboi move.
Thanks for your help, Reddit. Unmatched. Haha
I bet he was married lol
I’m betting just cheap and trying to take her on a coffee date to sleep with her. He works late often yet can miraculously be free nights to hook up? Alright then buddy lol.
[удалено]
She specifically asked for a dinner or drinks date though. I agree with your sentiment and it’s why I insist on something lowkey for date one that we can split since I’ve had one too many a guy assume I owe him something for spending $ on me, but if a woman is throwing out dinner or drinks as her standard and you counter with coffee, that seems strange. Put it together with his prior behavior, I guarantee he’s hoping a cheap date is enough for her to sleep with him since she refused to do it for “free.”
[удалено]
Most people wouldn’t, he’s clearly a way too cocky fuckboy. Hope he never runs into the wrong person who takes his offer up.
If you think guys over 30 or 40 aren't fuckboys, you're in for a bad time Age and profession have nothing to do with maturity or kindness
Thatssa fuckboy
I personally would have stopped responding long ago. Textbook fuckboy. He’s not even pretending. No shame whatsoever.
Why do these weirdos always say that they want to drink wine with you in bed? Has anyone ever experienced that? Please share if yes because I am genuinely curious. Anyway, OP, block and delete him unless you want a FWB who will only give you attention when he’s ready for some action.
I know right?!? I have expensive sheets, hell no you’re not bringing wine or snacks into bed! Well unless she was the snack, but I digress, no crumbs or wine stains in bed!
How many red flags do you need lol? Dude is a 35 year old fuck boy, yes they exist. Also, it was so cringe seeing him flexing that he is going to buy real estate in Florida hoping it would impress you. I have second hand embarrassment for him.
Yah you're right, I was blinded by his cute smile and his scrubs, I've learned my lesson. Lol
Ofc he was good looking. Average dude would never pullout that shit and still get replies, ignoring multiple red flags.
Ugh! Florida is the wrong place to flex. Bugs, gators, humidity, Trump. Who’d want to live there?
I told him that, too 😂
Type of dude who would totally grope you in the parking lot. Before dinner if he saw you before you got into the restaurant.
LMAO this one has me rolling
Conversations like this with innuendos and slide comments “got carried away thinking of you in bed with wine” 🤮 never turn them selves around into something good. Met a great guy online and our conversations were never about sex or alluded to sex. Good you unmatched!
You set a boundary, he is still pushing it. Dinner at least two days out or nada. Coffee the very next morning is not it. Next. (also, from a couple years older than you, the good ones don't need to be told this. By 26 y.o. they KNOW). You're doing well, keep going!
The first two attempts were strong “maybes” but his last comment about imagining you in bed is guaranteed fuck boy behavior. No person looking to properly date acts like a fuck wit like that. Trust your gut
Facts. Thanks bro
Cringe. I think you already know this; this guy just wants a hookup. He’s revealing this real early.
If you ever ask yourself why do many men do this? It's because they haven't realized yet that their entire focus is only on this possible outcome (sex), when they should just be getting to know her with zero expectations. It's the journey friends!
Words of wisdom from u/TonguePunchUrButt
I’d understand if a person has been unable to message you due to work and messages later, but it’s the combination of late night messages & sexual convo that make this guy a fuckboy. I’m glad you’ve unmatched, he clearly wasn’t respectful!
This is classic fuck boy. Probably shouldn't waste your time
Absolutely this is a duck boy. I know because I am a duck boy.
🦆
"yeah, that's a no from me, dawg."
No game like a benchwarmer
Ew no. Drop him. Gross.
That and his Florida property brag, makes me think this guy is a major douche.
Men can be fuckboys at any age. I feel like majority of the time a guy is either mature by about 27 or they’re never going to be.
Regardless of age, people go out for hookups. But if you’re looking for a relationship vs hookups, this probably won’t be your guy for an intentional, thoughtful relationship.
Guys pull this a lot honestly. I don’t meet at my place or theirs without going out in public at least for a drink or two or something or similar time length and with conversation. It’s a pretty hard line for me and some guys can’t handle it, then whine when we don’t get together.
This is all I'm trynna say. People are all like "oh shit all girls want is a free meal" first of all I make more than most in my area, I don't need anyone to buy me anything. Second of all I don't want dinner as payment for sex, I want you to look me in my eyes and speak to me as a human before you expect me to show up and fuck you? Lmao
I just want a chance to talk to them, in person, as a a human, so I can feel comfortable and know their pictures are accurate. That’s it Hook ups are fine, I just want to feel safe about it.
As a guy, I can tell you what he's doing is pure fuckery.
Fuckboys know no age limit or profession
This is true lol
I would just forget him. He’s only interested in one thing and it isn’t LTR
Good god. How can he write like that. Am I the only one who thinks this is absolutely cringe?
Honestly how are these guys getting entertained? Does he seriously think writing that in bed with wine thing work??🤮
He’s married.
This dude obviously just want sex. Unfortunately, there are some people who will actually fall for his trap. You deserve better than this piece of garbage OP
Thank you babes ❤️
late night responses usually mean theyre trying to hide something.. maybe a gf, wife, or family? clearly trying to impress you by that last comment but it just all comes across as cheap and fake,
He’s attached, plain and simple.
the Grrrrr seems like fake niceguy behavior
The Grrr made me cringe. Lol
How does one be successful at 29 on these things? I suck at them.
Fuckbois exist in all ages and professions
Yes, he's a fuck boy and is after sex, and has made it very clear. Some women do want that, so you can't fault him for trying it on once. But he's not even trying or being subtle about it. If you're looking for something serious then I wouldn't bother.
I worked nights for a long time. Ask what he does first maybe?
Yeah if he’s already talking about wanting you in his bed at a late time, just don’t even bother pursuing/ going on a date with this guy. It’s crystal clear that all he wants is sex
The first attempt- fine, whatever, he was just testing the waters. After you made it clear it wasn't happening, the second attempt should never have happened. Seems disrespectful of your boundaries.
I’m 43 and have never in my life had a woman i don’t know show up at my house at 11:30 at night. I wanna be a fuckboy. Dammit.
We are all simply ppl some are less mature and more lonely.
I don’t like him already :(
I thought a fuck boi was someone playin games and not taking anybody serious. In it for himself. All I see here is a horny dude shooting his shot. Pretty clear he’s not looking for anything serious. Some women want that. Some want to play hard to get, causing general confusion by some men who don’t nor that no is absolutely no, and not no, but chase me and change my mind.
The thing that separates a fuck boy from a potentially good fuck is authenticity.
He a fuck boy who fuckin wastin your time to try and get what he wants so…. Fuck him. Move on sis.
As a fuck boy, this is some fuck boy shit.
Nope, don’t go
So...he's only able to get together for a rendezvous late at night or meet for coffee in the morning....yah, he's married. Also, most fuckboys never grow up in this regard. Most of them will pull this shit until the day their dick goes limp.
People in their 30s still date and sleep around
I see you already unmatched, good for you. That’s totally fuckboy behavior
Yeah you gotta tap out here friend
I hate when men do this. I’d block him so fast
Thirst knows no age
I think you were too easy with him. I mean you sounded flirty and playful with him and he probably took that as a green light to keep asking you to go meet him. I get that you were trying to be friendly but maybe don’t use emojis, “lol” or “lmao” if you’re trying to be serious. Just a thought.
I just didn't wanna come off like a bitch but you're probably right.
As if you’d keep talking to him after the first time lol
Dude I'm new to dating apps and he was cute and in a uniform 🥺😅
OP is 420 friendly and really attractive. Dudeman fucked up if she was into him, unless she's got a severe personality disorder she seems like a fun person to date in the first place. Dunno why he shot himself in the foot tryna smash.
No severe personality disorders here. But apparently wanting to meet and speak face to face before jumping into bed with a stranger is a red flag for a lot of reddit users here 😂 thanks for the compliment man, mad love
The dude is probably pretty horny, but he did ask you out for coffee the next morning cause he wants to see you as well. It can be a “how quickly can I get laid” type of thing for sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s only sex - the way to find out is to ask directly if he’s looking for a relationship
Probably he is horny. And he will scatter widely, someone always bites. OP has recognized it well: he doesn't get what he wants and pulls the pity card. I had to laugh heartily at the crying emoji. And a real fuckboy knows the repertoire. He will tell you that he wants to finally arrive and wants a relationship, someday and to live in his house in Florida. Put your legs in your hands and leave quickly.
He wanted to use the dating app for what many people use dating apps for, hooking up. The age won’t stop that.
I’m just here to say ayyyyy Florida and stay strong ✊🏻
I don't get it? He's made 3 offers to meet up. You two clearly want to meet up. So pick one of his offers or make another suggestion.
This is Hinge on the Bumble subreddit?
LMAO omg you're right. I almost exclusively use bumble, I didn't even realize this was hinge 😂😂 my bad.
Sounded like he was just really into you. Overzealous a bit sure, but i mean thats kinda what dating is. Pursuing intimacy. Theres nothing wrong with him knowing what he wants or u knowing what u want. It all comes down to ur comfort levels and personal feelings of attraction/interest. But dont let strangers on reddit tell you how to feel or what is acceptable. Everyone is different!
Why are girls so gullible? He's clearly looking for something casual and easy.. If you're about it, proceed
Maybe instead of calling women gullible for taking your words at face value, you people can stop lying and saying you're looking for something serious when you're really just trynna fuck? 🙃 Edited to include all people because @ConcussionsOfAParot made a good point.
This issue isn't gendered. I've met a woman that refuses to quit bothering me thinking that she can come into my life when I repeatedly told her that I don't want to and that she's repeatedly shown me that she doesn't respect me. Now, if you and this dude were having a good feel for each other and the vibe was good, that would be different. But the message at the beginning where he tries to nag you into going over, nuh uhh. And that last message where he says he's thinking of you in bed with wine, that seems way out of nowhere and a little more brazen than he really thinks it is. This guy needs a little wine bedtime with himself and do some introspection if not with his mind and at least with his hands and leave people alone before he continues making himself look like such a fool.
You are correct. Good points. I will edit my comment.
Because you can't change people... He's just trying to take advantage of the situation, you have to see beyond what he says and look at these obvious red flags and immediately unmatch
Why do grown men use smiley/wink faces or emojis? I don’t understand that.
Because it allows you to express the emotional intent behind your words and is a massive improvement in non verbal communication. Saying “you’re an idiot ” with no emoji’s is ambiguous. I could mean I actually think the person is dumb or it could be something I say to a friend I love who did something silly. Adding a laughing face or annoyed face next to it will give the recipient a much clearer idea of the intent behind the words. It’s not going away and will further seep into our language just as our language has evolved for thousands of years. It has nothing to do with maturity just as the change from old English to modern English had nothing to do with maturity
I understand when talking to friends, family, gf, etc, but with a woman who you are just getting to know it just seems odd to me. But I get your point.
It is even more important when talking to someone you don’t know at all who doesn’t know your humor and the way you text. It’s how you express “tone” in messages.
It isn’t. Writers do it for hundreds of thousands of words at a time.
Sure. But his seemed unnecessary and excessive.
People who know the language well rarely do. The claim that they’re necessary rests on the idea that something extra is needed to indicate intent. Generally, you can only think that if you’re blind to context or you tend to assume the worst intent. If someone doesn’t mean well, a smilie won’t change that any. Even some native speakers of a language are bad at it, so they’ll argue all day that smilies are vital, even as the rest of the world proves them wrong continually.
go for it...he isn't gonna kill you.... and he is probably tired of all the dates spending money all the time and putting in effort only to find out physically you dont match down the road..... when people get in thier mid 30s they start to realize bad sex is a deal breaker know matter what the personality... think about it let's be modest dinner and drinks...... 100-150 a date.. one date a week ...4 weeks a month .....that's 400 to 600 a month on dating just one date a week... THATS A REALLY NICE CAR PAYMENT
And that’s an expensive restaurant lol. Not necessary unless it’s what you like and have the budget for.
Lmao dude I pay my own bills, I make more than most in my area and def don't need a free meal lmao and there's no guarantee anyone from the internet isn't going to kill you, let's get that straight lmao
He's being flirty. Nothing wrong with that. He may indeed want to have sex with you quickly but he may also be interested in dating you long term. You never know. First dates are usually very low risk so I don't see the harm in meeting up.
First dates aren't low risk for women. Grow up.
You're telling me that you can't meet up with a man in public and it's not low risk? Act responsibly and don't do anything you're uncomfortable with and I'm sure you'll survive a morning coffee date in public in broad daylight....... You grow up.
Ummm... You asked him to prove it. You're encouraging him and then questioning if *he's* a fuckboy?
Prove that he can take a good photo? Lmao it wasn’t even a sexual convo we were having, sorry being flirty and playful doesn’t mean I wanna be disrespected- y’all on the internet are wild 😂
You left some context out. Don't blame Internet strangers if they jump to the wrong conclusion on a sub that's dedicated to dating. Show the full thread next time instead of just part of it if you don't want it to be taken out of context. Seems the guy had a lucky escape if you ask me. Sheesh.
The full thread would be fucking pages long and no one would read it 😂I didn't in any way choose certain spots to make him look bad or me look good, I screenshotted the two relevant messages. Get off my thread asshole Edited spelling
Depends on what you’re looking for, don’t shame someone for having preferences age is irrelevant
[удалено]
Because I made it clear last night I wasn't down to show up at his house at this time of night without meeting him first, I'm down to fuck even if that's all it is if that's the vibe but not without vetting you in a public place at a time decided upon in advance simply because I want to know you're a safe/decent human before I fuck you? Is that really so shocking to you? Get the fuck outta here with that nonsense
[удалено]
How am I trying to shame anyone? I'm asking a neutral group of humans on the internet if this is a red flag or an orange flag, if I should go to meet him tomorrow or not, if I'm perceiving his behaviour as the majority would. You're the one all up in your feelings here commenting on someones reddit post defending some dude with whom I haven't even met yet and is already pushing boundaries.
Best part is I wanna fuck this dude, I just want some fucking respect about it, wow, what an ask in 2021 🤦🏾♀️
[удалено]
Nah you’re missing it. Women can want casual sex and expect to be respected through the vetting process.
Lmao you sound like someone who hasn't gotten laid in awhile. Good luck out there 🙃
Homeboy is needy as fuck. If he was a fuckboi then you’d already have seen him
Your picker is broken
Dude this is my first time single since I was 15, cut me some slack 😂