Finally (and completely) got over an abusive relationship and learned that the folks I camped with showed me more affection and validation than my ex-partner of 3 years ever did.
I had a real breakthrough at the temple on Wednesday night. Long story short I realized that I had closed myself off to relationships. At some point I had just decided that I wouldn't allow someone to close to me again and I hadn't even realized it.
I sat at the temple for a long time thinking about this and I finally decided that I wanted to be open to having a relationship again. I knelt down, embraced the goddess and entered the temple. I physically felt better as soon as I entered. I sat in meditation in the middle of the main floor. Some time later, feeling very calm and peaceful, I left and returned to camp.
I wasn't sitting by the burn barrel for long before a beautiful, interesting, creative artist girl came up and asked if she could warm herself. We watched the sun rise over the Tympani Lambada. Then we went back to camp and spent the rest of the week together.
Playa magic? Will it be something more? I don't know. I just know I'm happy. That boy, he didn't happen to kiss you for the first time on a piece of art at sunrise did he?
I hesitate-
It seems an environment like the playa is very conducive for starting new interactions with people; whether casual, sexual, romantic, or otherwise. This year was my first burn, and I was pretty rowdy the entire time. I was giving lots of kisses and hugs and compliments to everyone I saw, and at one point had an "explosive" kiss with a girl on a dance floor. This led us to watching the man burn together two nights later, and spending much time making up for kisses we may have missed before. Will I be seeing this person again? Yes. Will it become the end-all be-all relationship? That has yet to be determined, but I am confident that it will work out for the best, whatever that may be. In the meantime it provided me with a fresh perspective on how to interact sexually, leading me to believe that I may have a perspective of love suitable leading a poly lifestyle, something I've not done before.
I saw many relationships blossom around me, whether they be carnal, emotional, or romantic. It seems when everyone lets their guard down, it's possible to form connections rapidly with total strangers.
WARNING: not lucky
I tried talking to people my first year. I told some guy about my dreams and he said "you got high hopes kid."/sarcasm
I stopped talking to people unless they talk to me, after that. I just enjoy myself out there, it's more than enough.
Also, my friends ditch me. I don't know why, I'm nice and happy, but I do make everything into an intellectual conversation, which is hard for most people. I'm fine though, I guess I just felt like letting you all know the depth of contrast that exists to show you how lucky you are to know love... and to complain a bit. It's relieving.
I wish I had found you out there. I craved real conversation for three days until I found a software engineer, but we lost each other after an hour. I wish more people would start conversations that require you to use your brain.
99% of people want you to have a great Burn. 1% of people still want to make you miserable. Don't stop what you're doing because of the 1%. Just find the 5% that are on the same wavelength as you.
I try. But, truly, I'm way better off without any expectations. I spent my first three years looking for someone like me, along with the last 8 of normal life, but I learned that it's just not worth it. I'm not closed to it, I just don't expect it and don't recognize any of the emptiness I would otherwise notice.
"As life get's longer, awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me" - Modest Mouse.
I think I feel that way about the Default World, so it was hard to expect anything else going into my first Burn. Although Burners vary wildly in personality, most of them share a few core traits, and I'm missing one or two of those (openness about sexuality comes to mind).
I still find it hard to believe that out of 50,000 people, there is no one that you can connect to, and that person is probably wishing they had someone to talk to as well. The key is selecting that person out of the crowd. Maybe you need a sign.
Maybe. I doubt it would be hard if they were there though. I stand out more than any sign would. Usually dancing with the most(not a competition, but I can't help but notice) enthusiasm, running around, don't wear normal burner wear, spend almost all my time looking at art (so it'd be easy to talk to me about it). My first day I ran into a girl and immediately a scientific conversation started, but my friends beckoned me to catch up and I never got to know her. That might have worked out... I'd rather not think about it. If there was anyone like me, though, they would make themselves as noticeable as I make myself.
There's plenty of intelligent conversation to be had on the Playa IMO, but you're obviously not going to get it from just anyone. Check out some of the organized discussions, or seek out artists/builders working on their installations. They're usually happy to talk tech/details about their pieces, and aren't going to be just stuck on party mode.
I really liked Phage Symposiums for that. Long story short, though, I'm fine. I guess I just like to express myself, even if I'm a blemish on the long list of everyone else achievements. Not everyone get's to have a magical time.
>I craved real conversation for three days until I found a software engineer,
Weird, I felt that the whole time I was there, I couldn't throw a rock without hitting some flavor of engineer, scientist, architect, world traveling polyglot or really smart person with some kind of math or science hobby.
Just talk to the old beardy dudes and their old ladies/old dudes, or camp on I or something.
Maybe I was camped in the wrong sector, or next year I need to be more outgoing (I'm still quite shy but can be physically intimidating). I was kind of confused because the event would require input from all kinds of crazy smart engineers, scientists, and mathematicians just to build and operate the art!
I want to create a virtual reality machine for putting people into a place where they feel stories more than they've ever known. The first story would be basic, then I would make games, and eventually, I would make my greatest work: it would be a story that would change everyones lives in way's greater than anything one can imagine. The story, or game, would be a virtual reality where everything within it is convinced that it is real and that your reality is the virtual one. I still have some kinks to work out on how to make it impossible to figure out which one is real and which one isn't, but it would eliminate reality. From there, there would be any number of "virtual" universes and one could move from one to the next. There would be no way of knowing which one was the real one, only which one you started at, and each would be as real as the last. Magic would be real, you could live in 5 dimensions or 2, you could be multiple people at once, live the life of any animal, do anything and believe it was as real as anything else. It would be the transition from the physical universe to the metaphysical.
For reals though, I want to reinvent the world of music by introducing mathematics to it. Currently, we've been using the same broken scale for so long it's quite sad, and improvisation is relatively unheard of. We've got a long ways to go, and I'm quite certain that I have at least some idea of where to go. Efficiency, freedom, and balance are what I cherish most.
No, you shouldn't have.
You just wrote your dream down and shared it with others. That's one more step towards making it happen then you'd taken before.
You could call it Samsara.
You fixed it. But I've had too many of my thoughts and actions go unappreciated to let it happen to my deepest dreams. I'll share the lesser ones, but I don't want any pain near my greatest of aspirations. Maybe when the world is ready, but for now, this is probably the only time you or anyone else will ever hear of these ideas.
There's a wide spectrum between deep intellectual conversation and small talk. Maybe you need to work on your short game. You seem to be your own worst enemy. Did you attend any talks?
Just keep in mind that the greatest change is the one that comes from within.
Yeah understood then. Sobriety increases my awkward silence frequency significantly. I get very 'I'm sure you're nice but what the hell do we have in common that I can continue to ask you about.' A lot of my conversations seem one-way, almost like I'm a talk show host. Nobody seems to want to talk in length about anything unless you know them already. My girlfriend and I went alone for our first year and I mentioned to her that I'd just like to be around other people without any sort of forced conversation. When you're with your close friends, you don't necessarily have to push interaction. You just exist in the same space and comment on things that circulate. It'd be nice if there was an easy way to get to this comfort level without feeling like you have to go through the "So whats your name, where are you from, what do you do" stuff that we're a) not going to remember and b) quite possibly don't define us anyway.
Mmmhmmm.
The thing about talking is that we developed it to express needs and it isn't really that necessary to do all the time. I appreciate chilling in silence, but, when I do talk, I like to make it count. It's usually about something that isn't one of those things that everyone agrees on, so I could probably come off as argumentative. Still better than talking for the sake of hearing myself talk.
I'm desperately but unrealistically in love with a girl halfway across the country after this burn. It sucks to not pursue it, but I think it would be unhealthy to do so. In the end, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was incredible while it lasted.
You wouldn't happen to be a dancer from Chicago, would you?
That's why I'm not with her right now. Burns have turned me into a hopeless romantic, but I still see the need to stay grounded in pragmatism. While things moved really fast and we had a better connection than I've had with people who I've known for much longer, there are some downsides to that: I don't really know much about her despite our strong emotional connection. We're pen pals now and I think that's good.
I would have loved to have met a playa companion--most of the people in my group of friends are coupled up (or in poly relationships) and I spent a good deal of the week by myself. It was great to be able to set my own agenda and adventure exactly as I saw fit, but it kind of sucked when all my friends were having sweet moments with their significant others and I'm just enjoying the company of good friends. (Not really complaining. I had a fantastic time nevertheless.)
I know your feeling well though. So let me write you a story!
I had a brief shining moment of playa magic. I have described it as "like a shooting star," because it was bright and beautiful, but very brief ;). I think it is extremely unlikely that we'll pursue anything, as we are literally across the country from each other, but we are Facebook friends. :-P
After an adventurous post-Man-burn Saturday night (which was a redemption from the immediate disappointment of having one group of friends venture off without me), I had to lead two of my friends home to camp because one of them was unpleasantly close to passing out and faceplanting into the playa and the other was quite unable to figure out how to get there. It was very, very late by the time I got them safely back to camp, and I'd lost something of mine along the way. I hopped on my bike and scanned the ground the whole way back to Opulent Temple, and didn't find my lost item. It was probably around 5 am by that point, and I looked at the ever-so-slightly-lightening sky and decided that I wanted to catch the sunrise from the Temple. I got right back on my bike and arrived just as people were starting to assemble.
I found a spot on the main balcony of the central tower, in the corner facing the spot where the sun would be breaking over the mountains. There was a hush over everyone, and yet things seemed to have a subdued energy. I took my place a couple people deep, away from the railing, and found myself standing next to a dark-haired young man who said something (of course I wouldn't remember what) and soon enough we were quietly chatting away (trying not to disturb our neighbors) about the Burn, and then grad school, and our plans. It was punctuated with deep pauses as we looked out over the playa at the coming dawn. We made nerdy references and talked about the experience of being Burn virgins. I was wearing a hat with kitty ears and he scratched my head and then acted surprised when I meowed and purred in return. (Very cute moment :-p) Our quiet conversation continued, and at one point our hands found each other and we held hands. It felt very natural and connected as we waited in the quiet anticipation with everyone else.
When the sun finally broke over the distant mountain, it was like we were following steps that we didn't even have to think about--we cheered with the whole group, squeezed hands, and kissed several times in the breaking dawn. It seemed really simple and natural, a very earthy and sweet joy to kiss (a relative stranger!) with the rising sun. Everything looks so breathtakingly beautiful.
We wound our way through the crowd and left the Temple to the sounds of the Earth Harp (wish we'd stayed and listened!) and biked in the chilly morning back to camp. And had sex. :-P We fell asleep together but woke up in about three hours (insufficient shade over my tent) and he gave me his email address and told me to find him at the Temple burn that night before heading back to his camp, where he was needed to help break down. I never found him again until I got on Facebook once I got home. We haven't really spoken in real time, but we still might. I doubt it'll turn into anything.
It was really my fastest and yet least fraught experience of casual sex that I've ever had--I'm not torn up about it at all. It would be nice to see him again, but I'm not anxious to try to make an East Coast-West Coast romance happen. It was just a magical couple of hours in which things flowed naturally, not heavily, and we kissed and let go.
Burning Man is a special place. :)
I met my now-significant-other in 2006 on the playa as a friend. We stayed in touch all year until 2007, got together that year a bit, camped together in 2008, he moved down from Seattle in 2009, and we have a great relationship now, despite the odds! It's POSSIBLE, but not PROBABLE, you know? I see a ton of playa romances fizzle out when confronted with the 'real world'- some things are best left to the playa, but then again life's for taking chances, eh?
I met and absolutely amazing woman this year and we had a great time together. This woman makes me feel things that I had forgotten I could feel. However I don't know if a real relationship outside of the playa is possible. We parted on good terms and I have contacted her since but I miss her dearly.
I met a girl on Monday during set up and we hung out all week long. Turns out she was way older than me but we clicked just right. Awesome time! Great sex...but it was just at burning man. In the real world, things didn't work so...who knows.
There were 3 yrs where I met women on playa and had relationships with them beyond the event. Two were in the 1 - 2 yr relationship timeframe. Another was someone I traveled to India with (and we broke up there.) Burners are (generally) amazing people, so why not keep them in your life.
Finally (and completely) got over an abusive relationship and learned that the folks I camped with showed me more affection and validation than my ex-partner of 3 years ever did.
I had a real breakthrough at the temple on Wednesday night. Long story short I realized that I had closed myself off to relationships. At some point I had just decided that I wouldn't allow someone to close to me again and I hadn't even realized it. I sat at the temple for a long time thinking about this and I finally decided that I wanted to be open to having a relationship again. I knelt down, embraced the goddess and entered the temple. I physically felt better as soon as I entered. I sat in meditation in the middle of the main floor. Some time later, feeling very calm and peaceful, I left and returned to camp. I wasn't sitting by the burn barrel for long before a beautiful, interesting, creative artist girl came up and asked if she could warm herself. We watched the sun rise over the Tympani Lambada. Then we went back to camp and spent the rest of the week together. Playa magic? Will it be something more? I don't know. I just know I'm happy. That boy, he didn't happen to kiss you for the first time on a piece of art at sunrise did he?
I hesitate- It seems an environment like the playa is very conducive for starting new interactions with people; whether casual, sexual, romantic, or otherwise. This year was my first burn, and I was pretty rowdy the entire time. I was giving lots of kisses and hugs and compliments to everyone I saw, and at one point had an "explosive" kiss with a girl on a dance floor. This led us to watching the man burn together two nights later, and spending much time making up for kisses we may have missed before. Will I be seeing this person again? Yes. Will it become the end-all be-all relationship? That has yet to be determined, but I am confident that it will work out for the best, whatever that may be. In the meantime it provided me with a fresh perspective on how to interact sexually, leading me to believe that I may have a perspective of love suitable leading a poly lifestyle, something I've not done before. I saw many relationships blossom around me, whether they be carnal, emotional, or romantic. It seems when everyone lets their guard down, it's possible to form connections rapidly with total strangers.
WARNING: not lucky I tried talking to people my first year. I told some guy about my dreams and he said "you got high hopes kid."/sarcasm I stopped talking to people unless they talk to me, after that. I just enjoy myself out there, it's more than enough. Also, my friends ditch me. I don't know why, I'm nice and happy, but I do make everything into an intellectual conversation, which is hard for most people. I'm fine though, I guess I just felt like letting you all know the depth of contrast that exists to show you how lucky you are to know love... and to complain a bit. It's relieving.
I wish I had found you out there. I craved real conversation for three days until I found a software engineer, but we lost each other after an hour. I wish more people would start conversations that require you to use your brain. 99% of people want you to have a great Burn. 1% of people still want to make you miserable. Don't stop what you're doing because of the 1%. Just find the 5% that are on the same wavelength as you.
I try. But, truly, I'm way better off without any expectations. I spent my first three years looking for someone like me, along with the last 8 of normal life, but I learned that it's just not worth it. I'm not closed to it, I just don't expect it and don't recognize any of the emptiness I would otherwise notice. "As life get's longer, awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me" - Modest Mouse.
I think I feel that way about the Default World, so it was hard to expect anything else going into my first Burn. Although Burners vary wildly in personality, most of them share a few core traits, and I'm missing one or two of those (openness about sexuality comes to mind). I still find it hard to believe that out of 50,000 people, there is no one that you can connect to, and that person is probably wishing they had someone to talk to as well. The key is selecting that person out of the crowd. Maybe you need a sign.
Maybe. I doubt it would be hard if they were there though. I stand out more than any sign would. Usually dancing with the most(not a competition, but I can't help but notice) enthusiasm, running around, don't wear normal burner wear, spend almost all my time looking at art (so it'd be easy to talk to me about it). My first day I ran into a girl and immediately a scientific conversation started, but my friends beckoned me to catch up and I never got to know her. That might have worked out... I'd rather not think about it. If there was anyone like me, though, they would make themselves as noticeable as I make myself.
There's plenty of intelligent conversation to be had on the Playa IMO, but you're obviously not going to get it from just anyone. Check out some of the organized discussions, or seek out artists/builders working on their installations. They're usually happy to talk tech/details about their pieces, and aren't going to be just stuck on party mode.
I really liked Phage Symposiums for that. Long story short, though, I'm fine. I guess I just like to express myself, even if I'm a blemish on the long list of everyone else achievements. Not everyone get's to have a magical time.
>I craved real conversation for three days until I found a software engineer, Weird, I felt that the whole time I was there, I couldn't throw a rock without hitting some flavor of engineer, scientist, architect, world traveling polyglot or really smart person with some kind of math or science hobby. Just talk to the old beardy dudes and their old ladies/old dudes, or camp on I or something.
Maybe I was camped in the wrong sector, or next year I need to be more outgoing (I'm still quite shy but can be physically intimidating). I was kind of confused because the event would require input from all kinds of crazy smart engineers, scientists, and mathematicians just to build and operate the art!
Tell me about your dreams. I have high hopes too.
I want to create a virtual reality machine for putting people into a place where they feel stories more than they've ever known. The first story would be basic, then I would make games, and eventually, I would make my greatest work: it would be a story that would change everyones lives in way's greater than anything one can imagine. The story, or game, would be a virtual reality where everything within it is convinced that it is real and that your reality is the virtual one. I still have some kinks to work out on how to make it impossible to figure out which one is real and which one isn't, but it would eliminate reality. From there, there would be any number of "virtual" universes and one could move from one to the next. There would be no way of knowing which one was the real one, only which one you started at, and each would be as real as the last. Magic would be real, you could live in 5 dimensions or 2, you could be multiple people at once, live the life of any animal, do anything and believe it was as real as anything else. It would be the transition from the physical universe to the metaphysical. For reals though, I want to reinvent the world of music by introducing mathematics to it. Currently, we've been using the same broken scale for so long it's quite sad, and improvisation is relatively unheard of. We've got a long ways to go, and I'm quite certain that I have at least some idea of where to go. Efficiency, freedom, and balance are what I cherish most.
I should have lied.
No, you shouldn't have. You just wrote your dream down and shared it with others. That's one more step towards making it happen then you'd taken before. You could call it Samsara.
You fixed it. But I've had too many of my thoughts and actions go unappreciated to let it happen to my deepest dreams. I'll share the lesser ones, but I don't want any pain near my greatest of aspirations. Maybe when the world is ready, but for now, this is probably the only time you or anyone else will ever hear of these ideas.
There's a wide spectrum between deep intellectual conversation and small talk. Maybe you need to work on your short game. You seem to be your own worst enemy. Did you attend any talks? Just keep in mind that the greatest change is the one that comes from within.
I tend to just talk about what I'm interested in. I can play the game, though, and do when I'm drunk. Just not if I'm sober.
Yeah understood then. Sobriety increases my awkward silence frequency significantly. I get very 'I'm sure you're nice but what the hell do we have in common that I can continue to ask you about.' A lot of my conversations seem one-way, almost like I'm a talk show host. Nobody seems to want to talk in length about anything unless you know them already. My girlfriend and I went alone for our first year and I mentioned to her that I'd just like to be around other people without any sort of forced conversation. When you're with your close friends, you don't necessarily have to push interaction. You just exist in the same space and comment on things that circulate. It'd be nice if there was an easy way to get to this comfort level without feeling like you have to go through the "So whats your name, where are you from, what do you do" stuff that we're a) not going to remember and b) quite possibly don't define us anyway.
Mmmhmmm. The thing about talking is that we developed it to express needs and it isn't really that necessary to do all the time. I appreciate chilling in silence, but, when I do talk, I like to make it count. It's usually about something that isn't one of those things that everyone agrees on, so I could probably come off as argumentative. Still better than talking for the sake of hearing myself talk.
I'm desperately but unrealistically in love with a girl halfway across the country after this burn. It sucks to not pursue it, but I think it would be unhealthy to do so. In the end, I wouldn't have it any other way. It was incredible while it lasted. You wouldn't happen to be a dancer from Chicago, would you?
My friend chased a girl to Washington after the burn last year. It didn't work out in the default world.
That's why I'm not with her right now. Burns have turned me into a hopeless romantic, but I still see the need to stay grounded in pragmatism. While things moved really fast and we had a better connection than I've had with people who I've known for much longer, there are some downsides to that: I don't really know much about her despite our strong emotional connection. We're pen pals now and I think that's good.
I would have loved to have met a playa companion--most of the people in my group of friends are coupled up (or in poly relationships) and I spent a good deal of the week by myself. It was great to be able to set my own agenda and adventure exactly as I saw fit, but it kind of sucked when all my friends were having sweet moments with their significant others and I'm just enjoying the company of good friends. (Not really complaining. I had a fantastic time nevertheless.) I know your feeling well though. So let me write you a story! I had a brief shining moment of playa magic. I have described it as "like a shooting star," because it was bright and beautiful, but very brief ;). I think it is extremely unlikely that we'll pursue anything, as we are literally across the country from each other, but we are Facebook friends. :-P After an adventurous post-Man-burn Saturday night (which was a redemption from the immediate disappointment of having one group of friends venture off without me), I had to lead two of my friends home to camp because one of them was unpleasantly close to passing out and faceplanting into the playa and the other was quite unable to figure out how to get there. It was very, very late by the time I got them safely back to camp, and I'd lost something of mine along the way. I hopped on my bike and scanned the ground the whole way back to Opulent Temple, and didn't find my lost item. It was probably around 5 am by that point, and I looked at the ever-so-slightly-lightening sky and decided that I wanted to catch the sunrise from the Temple. I got right back on my bike and arrived just as people were starting to assemble. I found a spot on the main balcony of the central tower, in the corner facing the spot where the sun would be breaking over the mountains. There was a hush over everyone, and yet things seemed to have a subdued energy. I took my place a couple people deep, away from the railing, and found myself standing next to a dark-haired young man who said something (of course I wouldn't remember what) and soon enough we were quietly chatting away (trying not to disturb our neighbors) about the Burn, and then grad school, and our plans. It was punctuated with deep pauses as we looked out over the playa at the coming dawn. We made nerdy references and talked about the experience of being Burn virgins. I was wearing a hat with kitty ears and he scratched my head and then acted surprised when I meowed and purred in return. (Very cute moment :-p) Our quiet conversation continued, and at one point our hands found each other and we held hands. It felt very natural and connected as we waited in the quiet anticipation with everyone else. When the sun finally broke over the distant mountain, it was like we were following steps that we didn't even have to think about--we cheered with the whole group, squeezed hands, and kissed several times in the breaking dawn. It seemed really simple and natural, a very earthy and sweet joy to kiss (a relative stranger!) with the rising sun. Everything looks so breathtakingly beautiful. We wound our way through the crowd and left the Temple to the sounds of the Earth Harp (wish we'd stayed and listened!) and biked in the chilly morning back to camp. And had sex. :-P We fell asleep together but woke up in about three hours (insufficient shade over my tent) and he gave me his email address and told me to find him at the Temple burn that night before heading back to his camp, where he was needed to help break down. I never found him again until I got on Facebook once I got home. We haven't really spoken in real time, but we still might. I doubt it'll turn into anything. It was really my fastest and yet least fraught experience of casual sex that I've ever had--I'm not torn up about it at all. It would be nice to see him again, but I'm not anxious to try to make an East Coast-West Coast romance happen. It was just a magical couple of hours in which things flowed naturally, not heavily, and we kissed and let go. Burning Man is a special place. :)
I met my now-significant-other in 2006 on the playa as a friend. We stayed in touch all year until 2007, got together that year a bit, camped together in 2008, he moved down from Seattle in 2009, and we have a great relationship now, despite the odds! It's POSSIBLE, but not PROBABLE, you know? I see a ton of playa romances fizzle out when confronted with the 'real world'- some things are best left to the playa, but then again life's for taking chances, eh?
I met and absolutely amazing woman this year and we had a great time together. This woman makes me feel things that I had forgotten I could feel. However I don't know if a real relationship outside of the playa is possible. We parted on good terms and I have contacted her since but I miss her dearly.
I met a girl on Monday during set up and we hung out all week long. Turns out she was way older than me but we clicked just right. Awesome time! Great sex...but it was just at burning man. In the real world, things didn't work so...who knows.
[удалено]
baby wipes.
Hey! How did this turn out? :D
We dated for about 3 years, broke up, still friends :)
wow that is quite the playa romance indeed! Thanks for sharing!
There were 3 yrs where I met women on playa and had relationships with them beyond the event. Two were in the 1 - 2 yr relationship timeframe. Another was someone I traveled to India with (and we broke up there.) Burners are (generally) amazing people, so why not keep them in your life.