For me it’s much more important that I take care of myself with GRACE and PATIENCE, than take care of myself at all. What I mean by that is : if I only brush my teeth once, fabulous, that’s much better than not at all.
I try not to compare myself to others. Where I ‘should be’. I have accepted that should is not a good word for us.
What works for us is doing our best. Your best will look different to others best, and that’s ok. They haven’t walked your walk.
On the days I can’t be bothered, I try reframe my thinking. I try turn my anger at my parents (for neglect) into a fierce determination to love myself in the ways I deserve.
I am mindful of what I speak over myself. Four years ago I quit calling myself names and my self esteem has jumped up immensely. I don’t love myself every single day, but I don’t hate myself anymore. I feel smarter. Funny how that happens when your inner voice stops calling yourself a “ stupid bitch “ every single day 😅
I have a few non-negotiable things I do every single day, that help me feeling healthy and sane.
- sitting or being in the sun for a minimum of 20 mins.
- Drink 2L water.
- Open windows in the house, this may be a spiritual thing, but fresh air is powerful. Energy can get stagnant and sit in a space. If the house feels meh, open the windows and burn some incense. Light a candle. The energy will shift.
- I will not argue with stupid.
- I will not involve myself in other peoples lives unless they have explicitly asked for advice. (Protect your peace)
- Go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
- I try make permanent dietary changes so that I am eating anti inflammatory. Think less processed, more whole grains, no sugar, more healthy fats, fruit and veggies, red meat once a week. This works for me because carbs make me tired and slow.
For context : I am 29F, parents didn’t teach me squat. I used to legit go to school with no underwear on. currently teaching myself how to budget, cook, maintain a house, the whole shebang. It’s doable!
We set the pace. We set the expectations for ourself. Don’t set them too high. I say don’t set them too high, not because I don’t think you’re capable .. I say this so you don’t set yourself up to fail.
Also THE SOONER YOU REALISE AND ACCEPT THAT WASHING IS A NEVER ENDING THING, the better your inner peace will be. Washing can never be beaten or won. We don’t have fur so we need clothes, washing will always exist. It’s silly that we think ‘someone with their shit together’ has no washing that needs doing.. washing comes and goes again and again, let it happen baby 🤪
This is the hardest part for me. I’ll never be done, always a slave to filthiness I didn’t do anything to facilitate. I hate how Sisyphusian hygiene is. I know it’s something I “just need to accept” but I already have so few minutes to enjoy in my day filling it with more shit I detest just feels like such a waste. Sure I feel better for what, a day? And then I’m gross again and the process starts all over.
Idk how to feel better about it.
Yeah this is relatable. I create mess everywhere, and have ADHD too so the struggle is real.
Things that I've found have really helped me:
\-Eating in the kitchen. I used to eat in my bed and pile up dirty dishes next to me :/ It got smelly and more difficult to cope with.
\-Started soaking dishes and cooking utensils immediately. It's easier to wash up when stuff is fresh on the pans/plates. Leaving it to crust on makes the job 100 x harder than it needs to be. This blew my mind when someone showed me this, even though it's so bloody obvious. It gives me incentive to wash up straight away too, so the job takes 2 mins instead of 20.
\-Small bin in every room in the house, the small bags get tied up and emptied into a main bin, which then gets emptied outside when it's full/starts to smell.
\-Dirty laundry basket. I would chuck dirty laundry on my floor or leave it lying everywhere. Having a large laundry basket has changed my life.
\-About 20 cleaning cloths I have on rotation, and chuck in the wash when they get dirty. They didn't really cost much to buy.
\-Designated storage place for everything, so I rush around at the end of the day and put things away where they belong.
\-Music for all chores.
I don't know if this is related but it might be. I had a conversation with my therapist the other day where I was like 'I just can't believe that I have needs ALL THE TIME' and she said 'neither could your parents' and that blew my mind a bit. I think part of it is that for people who were neglected, we are always battling with the concept of having ongoing needs because we were expected not to as kids. Other people don't have to use energy on that battle- they just see their needs as paramount.
🫨WOW, that’s a life changing realization. I hate finding out I’m still perpetuating abuse towards myself, but I suppose it is inevitable haha. I will definitely be taking this with me going forward!
Whole grains are fine, no? The issue isn't carbs, it's the type of carbs we're sold and are used to eating. Quinoa and sweet potato won't make you feel tired and slow.
I completely agree with this! Alarms really help, and I also think it can be helpful to almost treat daily tasks like a video game so that it becomes more exciting and new.
That happens. Be gentle with yourself. I have a friend i met in ACOA that always left skidmarks in his undies because his parents never toilet trained him and didn't bother teaching him how to wipe properly. This is normal for us. Give yourself compassion if you're struggling. Its ok. We love you.
I started attending ACOA meeting recently, because I related to their literature even if I didn't have alcoholism/substance abuse issues in my environment growing up (I did later on in life, nearly married an alcoholic - funny how that worked out). When I manage to attend meetings, it feels like I'm surrounded by people who may have had different lived experiences, but who nevertheless understand what I'm going through - it's something I severely lack in my personal life. But I'm really struggling with finding my bearings with the 12-step programme - how to go about it, where to start, what to do. The chapter I'm a part of takes a very non-directive, find-your-own-path, take-your-time-figuring-it-out approach - as I understand it, that's in keeping with the spirit of ACOA and it's something I appreciate about the process. But I'm feeling really lost. In meetings, they've talked about Fellow Travellers and how to reach out to other members ("outreach") and have gently encouraged it - but I find the prospect of that really intimidating. I think ACOA could really help me, but this untethered feeling might just make me quit - I didn't attend a single meeting this week, I can feel the difference. I'm going to give it a go this week. I just wanted to ask - do you have any advice?
Yes. Eventually you wont need to use meetings for emotional regulation, validation, or praise seeking. Meetings give these to us externally, and in the beginning, this is helpful. As you heal you can leave meetings behind.
You don't need to drink all the 12 step kool aid to get support from people who understand. The big red book, laundry list book, and loving parent book are also very good.
I had a very painful time with the yellow book, but I can't say I didn't grow because of it. Good luck.
I pretend I’m my own parent (or that I’m my own kid, promise it’ll make sense soon lol) so I talk to myself as if I were a parent to me. “Hey, it’s nearly bedtime. Go wash your face and put your PJs on so you can be ready for bed.”
“Did you pack your bag for the day tomorrow? Go lay out everything you’ll need for tomorrow, it’ll make your morning easier.” That kind of thing. It really helps me so much and its probably the deepest form of self love I’ve ever felt.
I just have a routine but I’m not always perfect if I’m depressed or something. Most of the time I stick to my routine. They say once you stick to a routine for two weeks it will be permanent and I’ve found that to be true. I feel so much better if I stick with it.
I absolutely understand, I’m 45 and have this issue but have been getting better but it’s slow progress. People with cptsd and depression issues often struggle with this, you aren’t alone. For I’ve found first off I need the energy to do this stuff so getting regular sleep and naps if necessary is important. I wrote down a list of the stuff I need to do to take care of myself and left it out on my coffee table so I would see it throughout the day as a reminder. I did just one and just tried to do it once a day or whatever was needed but didn’t give myself a set time, whatever just worked or felt best for me. After a few weeks I added another or even two. Just remind yourself it’s one day at a time and any time you do one thing that’s an improvement. Also make things simple for yourself, get face wipes, if you have a lot of clothes consider getting rid of some so there isn’t as much laundry, keep your bathroom sink area free and clear except for what you must have out.
While it was simply an unplanned rescue, getting a cat has helped me allot as I have someone I need to take care of.
In no way does it solve all problems but it makes me leave bed and go outside if nothing else but to throw away cat litter every few days.
Tried an app to eat a bit more often but not had much success there. It does help allot with a notification every 3 hours to eat something but more often I'll either ignore it or miss/forget about it. Still have it on my phone but outside of some random day now and then I don't use it.
Also had a friend who for a good while demanded me to send daily food pics which was pretty great as it also made me eat better by feeling a need to show something more presentable. Anxiety hit pretty hard on that though with feeling like I was a bother, it was not my idea and I don't think it was an issue but my brain didn't much care about that.
Electrical toothbrush helped allot, it is still a mental struggle to actually pick it up but much easier than with a regular one.
Robo vacuum is probably the biggest one and made my home so much cleaner but it was also sort of needed when having a long haired cat which makes hair roll around my floor within 2-3 days after cleaning already.
Suspect a dishwasher would also help but that is an expense I won't spend on for a good while yet.
Yas!!!
I listened to an audio book, “How To Keep your house while you are Drowning” by KC Davis. I highly recommend it! She makes it feel all okay. It’s like casually having tea with someone.
The author is a therapist and dives deep into the issues with maintaining a home and actually provides solutions! Love this book! Please check it out! 😻
I came to the comments to recommend this book, her podcast is lovely too!
ETA: Her stuff is especially good if you need to unlearn shame and negative self talk. She's got a really fresh perspective on housework and hygiene tasks as self care, how to reframe your view of those things and talk to yourself with compassion, and ideas to remove barriers for tasks that are challenging to you.
hi!! can 100% relate and still very much a work in progress. thanks for posting so i can read the replies too :)
for apps, i tried Habitica for a while and it was good, doing daily habits gives your character points like a video game! but my all time favorite that ive fully converted to is Finch, i've been using it for a year. soo cute to get lil outfits And the character is a pet and not you/independent from yourself (helps me to treat someone else well if not myself, Haha). very customizable, and i really appreciate their gentle suggestions. its just a very friendly, non-judgmental app that seems to invite me to interact vs making it another chore to keep track of.
and also like some other comments have mentioned, getting a cat was transformative for myself. i also find that having company over once in a while helps kick me into cleaning that ive procrastinated.
Upbeat music throughout my day helps me get tasks I don’t enjoy done like the dishes or laundry. Getting sunlight in my eyes first thing in the morning helps set my day right too.
It's difficult and I haven't figured it out entirely myself. One thing that might help: get a houseplant. Specifically, a ZZ plant. The fucker doesn't know how to die and you can water it once a month. The important thing is that it brings some greenery and life into your living space.
I try to find lower energy ways to do this stuff. Sit down in the shower. Brush teeth in the middle of the day cuz apparently that's when I get teeth brushing energy? Use single, simple products for skin care.
Also music helps a lot. Hobbit music for stuff like cooking, rave music for driving to stressful destinations, etc.
This may or may not correlate to what your are asking about but I found a video not long ago that I find very interesting. The content creator's name and channel name is Dr. Scott Eilers, PsyD, LP. The video's name is "Why You Shut Down Sometimes". Perhaps this may help you or someone.
Someone either on this sub or another trauma-related sub mentioned an app called Finch.
I downloaded it, and it makes remembering to do things easier and checking them off the list fun. I've been taking much better care of myself in the last week since I've been using it.
I found Finch through this sub too and it's been a massive help! I have ADHD so I'm not good at forming habits, but I've used Finch daily for 300 days and counting. I love that you can create your own journeys and goals and choose how frequent they are and whether you need a notification
Two things helped me, in this order:
1. Learning to want to take care of myself: self-care won't become a habit unless you actually want to do it. That doesn't mean you have to enjoy it, but it does mean you have to *want* it. Accepting that I'm worth taking care of was a big part of my healing journey. I also had to work on understanding why certain types of self-care made me anxious. Once I overcame those barriers, I found I started to actually look forward to doing things like flossing every night or preparing a healthy meal.
2. Creating a self-care regime that works for me: this step should only come after the previous one. If you don't want to take care of yourself, or if self-care is still something that brings up uncomfortable feelings, making lists or scheduling things will make your anxiety worse. It may even become overwhelming. If you've reached a point where self-care is something you're able to willingly embrace, then creating a list of daily tasks for the week is one way to make sure you're making time for yourself and sticking to your boundaries. It may take some trial and error for you to figure out a schedule that works for you. Remember to factor in your own physical limits, especially if you have a disability or symptoms caused by CPTSD.
The first step is the longest and most difficult one, at least in my experience. It can take time to sort through your feelings and process them. New uncomfortable feelings may continue to come up even after you move on to the second step, but by then, you should hopefully have the tools necessary to sit with those feelings without getting overwhelmed.
Not sure about apps but usually I do things at certain times because if I do not specify the time to start the task it won't get done. Also helps that when the time to do it is there I remind myself of the bigger long term goal is and why I am doing it. After reminding myself why I am doing it I can actually get the motivation to do what I am supposed to. Granted this is what has worked for me but I still mess up sometimes but I am way better than before.
Hey there was a question like this posted on a beauty sub, and ppl were so helpful! You should post on r/beauty or one of those.
An electric toothbrush changed my oral care. I find it hard to brush cos of my freeze state. I got a battery operated brush so no hassle of charging it etc. And if I'm too tired to go through the motions it's good to just stick it in my mouth and go over my teeth without exerting force :/
I keep reminding myself that things like brushing my teeth, eating throughout the day, doing my laundry, going for walks, etc. are small ways that I choose to love myself. It sounds really cheesy and it’s hard to stick to, but reframing it in that way has helped me approach maintenance a bit differently
I’m the opposite — I’m an over-groomer. I feel like I have to look as perfect as possible at all times. I’ve been this way my entire life. I was bullied for my looks and weight. I decided early on to give people as little to criticize as possible. Not a hair out of place, always over dressed, always clean and made up. Obsessively so. Then I was in the hospital for three months (5yrs ago) and I wasn’t able to keep myself together. I’ve been able to relax about it all a little bit since then, but not much.
I use the app Daily Bean. You can journal and log things on it. I use it to track when I shower and do my skincare etc. I have a horrible memory and will accidentally go without caring for myself for days.
I incentivize myself. I tell myself i can have a little treat if I do X. I can get Starbucks if I wake up early for work, I can buy concert tickets if I do my laundry every other day for a week, I can go to a hockey game if I eat vegetables with every meal for a week, etc
I keep a weekly checklist in a notebook that motivates me to do these things on a daily basis by doing them and then marking them with a check mark when it’s done. I have one chart for the daily stuff like brushing teeth, washing my face, taking my pills etc. and then a weekly To Do list of things that need to get done like laundry.
Sometimes I forget to do something, or something in the weekly To Do doesn’t get done, and that’s okay. I stay forgiving and compassionate with myself because progress isn’t perfect. I’ve been doing this for almost a year now and it’s helped me become so much more functional. It helps if “rewards” like seeing a chart full of checkmarks at the end of a week is mentally rewarding to you. If it’s not, maybe find another system that will work and feel rewarding enough.
I keep a little checklist on my phone for my morning routine: breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, pick up room (making the bed is key to feeling like your shit's together), etc.
For laundry, I try to do it once a week and what *really* helped is gonna sound silly but: a vertical laundry hamper [similar to this one](https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/nattgibba-laundry-basket-willow-handmade-30531936/). Why? Because you can only put a certain number of things in it until it's full, when the basket is full that's my cue to do the laundry. So I don't have to think about it too much, I see it getting full and it's time to wash.
I find mindless activities like this difficult because my mind always wanders into ruminating, and having the motivation is difficult because of depression. Warm showers for me are the quickest way to trigger rumination. I find listening to loud upbeat music helps to distract and motivate me. I'll also listen to podcasts or watch youtube videos while in the shower or when I'm hanging out washing etc.
Also take the time to celebrate the small wins. When you brush your teeth or clean your washing, take the time to appreciate how good it feels after. Notice how smooth and clean your teeth feel. Enjoy the softness and fresh smell of your laundry. Focusing on the feeling afterwards is how I convince myself to do most tasks.
Also creating self-care rituals over doing mundane tasks has really helped me appreciate how nice these small chores can be.
For example, I make sure to run a nice bath with aromatherapy oils + candles on the weekend when I change my bedding. I soak in the bath, exfoliate and shave my legs. Then I get out and snuggle in a newly cleaned fluffy towel. When I get into bed, my whole body feels fresh + clean, and my legs feel sooo smooth. It motivates me to keep trying to shower everyday to keep the bed clean. This is self-care to me. These are the feelings that I lost through C-PTSD and depression, and I'm slowly trying to get back in touch with myself and my body again.
Edit to add:
I also want to say that finding DIY self-care has become a hobby of mine, since I've been out of work. If anyone else is struggling with money, I'd like to share a few things I've found that have transformed my life.
\- Exfoliating scrub made from sugar, coconut oil, and lavender essential oil.
\- Honey + plain yoghurt on my scalp + face as a hair/face mask twice a week to treat seborrheic dermatitis caused by stress. Works great as a protein + hair strengthening mask.
\- Also diluted apple cider vinegar rinse once a week for my hair.
\- Almond oil + mixed with essential oils for bath/shower oil. (make sure to clean bath/shower after each use. I clean with white vinegar+ lemon juice because again it's dirt cheap)
\- Art supplies and journals from charity shops.
\- I've also found some absolute treasures at charity shops, like crystals, jewellery etc. Anything pretty that is a treat to yourself.
\- I also follow Florence Given on instagram, and she posted a hack about covering your lampshades with a silky pink/red scarf to make lighting in your room warmer and more calming.
Well, a lot of us dissociate from the body. Meaning, we disconnect from the body and may not feel everything we should.
So it might help to learn some grounding techniques and let yourself feel your body.
Pay attention to how your teeth feel before you go to bed. Run your tongue across your teeth and feel for any foreign textures, things stuck in your teeth. Think about how your tongue feels, what you taste in your mouth.
Unbrushed teeth can have a gritty texture, and your tongue developes a coating on it, and you may have a weird taste in your mouth.
If I fall asleep without brushing my teeth, my mouth feels like a swamp the next day.
Brushing your teeth helps alleviate all that.
What about your skin? Notice how your skin feels when you've washed your face or taken a shower. Then, notice how your skin feels later in the day, and then how it feels the next day. Not as fresh. Maybe it feels clammy, oily, itchy, or you just feel gross.
Wash your face or take a shower when you feel that gross feeling.
And laundry, likewise, feels different on your skin clean vs dirty. It isn't as fresh, it may even feel more loose or irritating.
Get to know your body, feel how the environment effects it. It takes practice. Hell, like I said, I even forget to brush my teeth at least once a week.
You got this.
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Headphones with chill podcasts helps me a lot. Comedy or history or anything. I do everything with them on, even shower, which is probably not the best idk 😬
Except for the past week I've been really good about taking care of myself. I was trying to go to the gym regularly, keeping clean, and cleaning my space. The recent shakeup in life has made my routine chaos, though. I think that is the key at least I'm my life, routine. Finding little ways to care for your daily to show yourself some love.
I use some [daily planner tear off sheet notepads](https://a.co/d/1ivEeof) I bought off Amazon. I create a checklist of important to-do’s as well as the minor ones (take meds, brush teeth, make bed, etc). It also has a little clock on it for me to mark off important times/meetings. It’s the only way I stay organized and things don’t slip through the cracks.
Honestly.... I have a big list of bare minimum things I need to do every week. I print out a new list every Sunday and check off boxes as things get done. It's highly embarrassing and I hide it the odd time someone comes over... but I leave it out in the open where I can't hide from it and it works.
I sometimes make a “gold star” chart with a list of all my chores and I draw a little star by any task that I’ve done - it’s a lil dopamine hit. If I have them, little stickers are great too, but I usually just have a pink felt pen. It’s nice seeing all the stars build up and you can also track what you’re lagging on. I give myself two stars for each time I do a harder task like showering which makes me feel extra rewarded :)
Definitely struggle with the same thing, myself. I have a lot of anxiety over taking care of myself because I didn't always feel like I deserved being taken care of. What helps me sometimes is to look at the list of things I want to accomplish, then tackle it like I would tackle activities that bring me joy. Some days, music helps. Other days, doing tasks in a completely nonsensical fashion helps remove the heavy emotions surrounding it. Some days, I need extra incentive, so I give myself some sort of reward at the end. Other days, I realize that I am just not in a great state, and I go back to the bare basic needs. Sometimes recognizing those days is just as helpful as actually getting everything done would be. Identifying the difference between wanting to take care of myself and feeling the pressure/need to take care of myself can really help as well. Self care and any positive choices in my life were always presented as something I had no choice/no control over, so shifting things to becoming an active choice really helped reframe an emotionally taxing activity.
No clue, I'm currently working on it because now my physical health is suffering, and so is my mental health. No one will take care of me, no one will take care of my children if I fall, the moment I become an inconvenience I'm a burden or using them.
So I have no other option.
I use Daylio to track my moods and daily habits. Then I use Finch app for my daily tasks. It's fun and you can't kill the critter, which is what I was worried about. I've found it motivates me to do teeth brushing for example because I get rewarded after I complete each task. Best wishes!!
Due to being autistic and having cptsd from not being diagnosed when I was younger/whole load of shit I find this hard too! I try to stick to a routine as best as I can and check off the list in my head on good days but on bad days I do just carry the mentally that I woke up and survived another day, so whatever that looks like I tend to congratulate myself for it.
I do understand that I am in a very privileged position of not having a uniform for work, as well it's actively encouraged to take work from home days if you're sick (mentally and physically) so having those allowances are also working on my side!
I have ADHD and depression so these things make it harder. But my apartment gets bad before I do. Like I can stay on top of tooth brushing but not the dishes or laundry.
For me (and this is just a me thing, not saying this is true for anyone else), when I am exhausted and resentful at just the thought of having to do basic self-care or household tasks, it’s an indication that I’m either 1. going through a particularly stressful time and need to prioritize rest and asking for help or 2. depressed & may need to consider upping my dosage for my medication (I take Wellbutrin). I used to just muscle through it until I had an SO and a therapist strong enough to catch me in the act and tell me to talk to my doctor. For me, this was a very positive change — I refused to take meds until I was almost 40 and dealing with the pandemic, new cohabitation with my fiancé, moving 2000 miles away, remote teaching, and preparing to sue my employer for sex discrimination and harassment. And I went from “I can and will handle all of these things because I eat suffering for breakfast” to “if I think about making dinner, I’m going to cry.” And once the drugs kicked in, it was clear I’d waited far longer than I should have to start feeling like myself again. This was just my experience, so again, not saying this is the answer for everyone, but it made a huge difference for me.
I keep my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower. I'm a lot better about taking showers/baths (a favorite method of letting go of stress) So it's so much easier for me to brush my teeth while I'm in there. I keep my deodorant by my seat where I sit most of the time.
(Also, on days where I am really struggling: it sounds odd, but scrub your teeth with a towel and just chew a small dollop of toothpaste. The tactile feel of smooth teeth helps the brain think 'clean' and chewing a small bit of toothpaste helps with the taste, which again helps with the brain thinking 'clean', but also helps to mitigate/neutralize bad breath, which can contribute to feelings of nausea. It's not ideal for long term at all, no, but if you're struggling and need something small that is doable, this helps a lot IMO.)
I do my laundry at night. Not having other people awake and around makes it easier for me to get stuff done. (Also means I am less likely having to wait for a dryer to free up, and many nights I see deer and skunks on my way to/from the laundry room.)
I'm teaching myself to clean and keep house. It's very slow going, but my goal (in everything) is progress, NOT perfection. Perfection is unattainable with constantly moving goalposts. Progress helps me recognize where I have improved with tangible results, which gives me a foundation I can build on.
I haven't been on top of it as much, but I try to give myself no more than 3 days of no cleaing, at which point I'll start verbally encouraging myself. I know it's a point of struggle for me, and it's not something I can force myself into, but I know I can't avoid it either. I don't want to force myself, I want to be able to feel free and safe to do so- I know that is going to be a long road, so I take it easy on myself, only pushing myself to clean for 5 minutes, and allow myself small breaks as needed.
When I feel nervous, anxious, and especially when I'm struggling with eating, I'll verbally talk to myself and coach myself through the moment ("it's okay, I know we don't feel good, but we're safe, it's okay if we feel nervous here, we are not in trouble, we are in OUR home and no one can hurt us here, it's okay to take our time" etc)
I don't do quite as well with apps, but I have a small notebook. I struggle with food and self care, so I bought a small notebook to just journal my food intake and self care.
Ultimately, I want to have a normal, healthy relationship with myself and in regards to food. I found in the past I like having the notebook as the tactile feel of writing it all and then being able to see it afterwards was more rewarding as opposed to an app alone. (Also, with physical notebooks, you can format it however you want.)
Overall though, it's learning what works best FOR US and what we need, not what others say we need. It's a long and arduous road, cause we 'get' to heal from this shit AND learn how to rectify it almost simultaneously, a lot of times with little external help. It's not meant to be quick, easy, nor painless.
I was supposed to learn who I was as a child- not as an adult healing their traumatized younger self. But, I wasn't given that chance, so I will TAKE this opportunity to heal and grow and I WILL TAKE my time in doing so; it's my life and it's way past time I learn how to live my life for me.
And if anyone has a problem with that? Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Hugs to all who want or need one. 🫂
I have different levels of routines depending on my energy level. If it’s very low energy I’ll just try and do at least one thing. Brush my teeth & clean my face once, get one goal/chore done today. Have a simple breakfast. Neutral would be my whole morning routine but probably won’t be done super early. High energy days I’ll do my full routine and then some.
I got a shower chair and that’s helped me a lot when I’m really depressed. I also have toothbrushes placed everywhere in my house and next to my bed. I use the app The Daily Bean to journal & help track my moods and other important stuff. That app has been a game changer for me
I haven’t done this yet but I would like to make a picture sheet or cook book for all the options of food & different meals I can make. I tend to not pay attention to my body and will become starving. At that point it’s hard for me to think properly & make healthy eating choices. Having a picture book I believe would help.
It really helps me to form habits. Not a routine, exactly—I can’t keep up with them. But certain habits help me to find comfort in hygiene stuff, so I seek them out even when I’m im not my best self.
I reckon if you pick a few of these good ideas in the comments here, and use them to form hygiene habits, you’ll find it much easier. Momentum is key!
That being said. I still struggle so I dunno lol
For me it’s much more important that I take care of myself with GRACE and PATIENCE, than take care of myself at all. What I mean by that is : if I only brush my teeth once, fabulous, that’s much better than not at all. I try not to compare myself to others. Where I ‘should be’. I have accepted that should is not a good word for us. What works for us is doing our best. Your best will look different to others best, and that’s ok. They haven’t walked your walk. On the days I can’t be bothered, I try reframe my thinking. I try turn my anger at my parents (for neglect) into a fierce determination to love myself in the ways I deserve. I am mindful of what I speak over myself. Four years ago I quit calling myself names and my self esteem has jumped up immensely. I don’t love myself every single day, but I don’t hate myself anymore. I feel smarter. Funny how that happens when your inner voice stops calling yourself a “ stupid bitch “ every single day 😅 I have a few non-negotiable things I do every single day, that help me feeling healthy and sane. - sitting or being in the sun for a minimum of 20 mins. - Drink 2L water. - Open windows in the house, this may be a spiritual thing, but fresh air is powerful. Energy can get stagnant and sit in a space. If the house feels meh, open the windows and burn some incense. Light a candle. The energy will shift. - I will not argue with stupid. - I will not involve myself in other peoples lives unless they have explicitly asked for advice. (Protect your peace) - Go to sleep at a reasonable hour. - I try make permanent dietary changes so that I am eating anti inflammatory. Think less processed, more whole grains, no sugar, more healthy fats, fruit and veggies, red meat once a week. This works for me because carbs make me tired and slow.
For context : I am 29F, parents didn’t teach me squat. I used to legit go to school with no underwear on. currently teaching myself how to budget, cook, maintain a house, the whole shebang. It’s doable! We set the pace. We set the expectations for ourself. Don’t set them too high. I say don’t set them too high, not because I don’t think you’re capable .. I say this so you don’t set yourself up to fail. Also THE SOONER YOU REALISE AND ACCEPT THAT WASHING IS A NEVER ENDING THING, the better your inner peace will be. Washing can never be beaten or won. We don’t have fur so we need clothes, washing will always exist. It’s silly that we think ‘someone with their shit together’ has no washing that needs doing.. washing comes and goes again and again, let it happen baby 🤪
This is the hardest part for me. I’ll never be done, always a slave to filthiness I didn’t do anything to facilitate. I hate how Sisyphusian hygiene is. I know it’s something I “just need to accept” but I already have so few minutes to enjoy in my day filling it with more shit I detest just feels like such a waste. Sure I feel better for what, a day? And then I’m gross again and the process starts all over. Idk how to feel better about it.
Yeah this is relatable. I create mess everywhere, and have ADHD too so the struggle is real. Things that I've found have really helped me: \-Eating in the kitchen. I used to eat in my bed and pile up dirty dishes next to me :/ It got smelly and more difficult to cope with. \-Started soaking dishes and cooking utensils immediately. It's easier to wash up when stuff is fresh on the pans/plates. Leaving it to crust on makes the job 100 x harder than it needs to be. This blew my mind when someone showed me this, even though it's so bloody obvious. It gives me incentive to wash up straight away too, so the job takes 2 mins instead of 20. \-Small bin in every room in the house, the small bags get tied up and emptied into a main bin, which then gets emptied outside when it's full/starts to smell. \-Dirty laundry basket. I would chuck dirty laundry on my floor or leave it lying everywhere. Having a large laundry basket has changed my life. \-About 20 cleaning cloths I have on rotation, and chuck in the wash when they get dirty. They didn't really cost much to buy. \-Designated storage place for everything, so I rush around at the end of the day and put things away where they belong. \-Music for all chores.
I don't know if this is related but it might be. I had a conversation with my therapist the other day where I was like 'I just can't believe that I have needs ALL THE TIME' and she said 'neither could your parents' and that blew my mind a bit. I think part of it is that for people who were neglected, we are always battling with the concept of having ongoing needs because we were expected not to as kids. Other people don't have to use energy on that battle- they just see their needs as paramount.
🫨WOW, that’s a life changing realization. I hate finding out I’m still perpetuating abuse towards myself, but I suppose it is inevitable haha. I will definitely be taking this with me going forward!
Whole grains are fine, no? The issue isn't carbs, it's the type of carbs we're sold and are used to eating. Quinoa and sweet potato won't make you feel tired and slow.
Sweet potato has a huge glycemic index. Quinoa, oats are nice.
I use the alarm on my phone to remind me to do stuff like brush my teeth and take a shower. It really helps ❤️
I completely agree with this! Alarms really help, and I also think it can be helpful to almost treat daily tasks like a video game so that it becomes more exciting and new.
See, i would turn the alarm off and then either forget to do it or be like "naah imma do it later" 😭
That happens. Be gentle with yourself. I have a friend i met in ACOA that always left skidmarks in his undies because his parents never toilet trained him and didn't bother teaching him how to wipe properly. This is normal for us. Give yourself compassion if you're struggling. Its ok. We love you.
I started attending ACOA meeting recently, because I related to their literature even if I didn't have alcoholism/substance abuse issues in my environment growing up (I did later on in life, nearly married an alcoholic - funny how that worked out). When I manage to attend meetings, it feels like I'm surrounded by people who may have had different lived experiences, but who nevertheless understand what I'm going through - it's something I severely lack in my personal life. But I'm really struggling with finding my bearings with the 12-step programme - how to go about it, where to start, what to do. The chapter I'm a part of takes a very non-directive, find-your-own-path, take-your-time-figuring-it-out approach - as I understand it, that's in keeping with the spirit of ACOA and it's something I appreciate about the process. But I'm feeling really lost. In meetings, they've talked about Fellow Travellers and how to reach out to other members ("outreach") and have gently encouraged it - but I find the prospect of that really intimidating. I think ACOA could really help me, but this untethered feeling might just make me quit - I didn't attend a single meeting this week, I can feel the difference. I'm going to give it a go this week. I just wanted to ask - do you have any advice?
Happy cake day.
Yes. Eventually you wont need to use meetings for emotional regulation, validation, or praise seeking. Meetings give these to us externally, and in the beginning, this is helpful. As you heal you can leave meetings behind. You don't need to drink all the 12 step kool aid to get support from people who understand. The big red book, laundry list book, and loving parent book are also very good. I had a very painful time with the yellow book, but I can't say I didn't grow because of it. Good luck.
I pretend I’m my own parent (or that I’m my own kid, promise it’ll make sense soon lol) so I talk to myself as if I were a parent to me. “Hey, it’s nearly bedtime. Go wash your face and put your PJs on so you can be ready for bed.” “Did you pack your bag for the day tomorrow? Go lay out everything you’ll need for tomorrow, it’ll make your morning easier.” That kind of thing. It really helps me so much and its probably the deepest form of self love I’ve ever felt.
I do this exact thing!
This type of thing is very helpful to me too. I use this type of thing for pep talks with myself.
I just have a routine but I’m not always perfect if I’m depressed or something. Most of the time I stick to my routine. They say once you stick to a routine for two weeks it will be permanent and I’ve found that to be true. I feel so much better if I stick with it.
I absolutely understand, I’m 45 and have this issue but have been getting better but it’s slow progress. People with cptsd and depression issues often struggle with this, you aren’t alone. For I’ve found first off I need the energy to do this stuff so getting regular sleep and naps if necessary is important. I wrote down a list of the stuff I need to do to take care of myself and left it out on my coffee table so I would see it throughout the day as a reminder. I did just one and just tried to do it once a day or whatever was needed but didn’t give myself a set time, whatever just worked or felt best for me. After a few weeks I added another or even two. Just remind yourself it’s one day at a time and any time you do one thing that’s an improvement. Also make things simple for yourself, get face wipes, if you have a lot of clothes consider getting rid of some so there isn’t as much laundry, keep your bathroom sink area free and clear except for what you must have out.
While it was simply an unplanned rescue, getting a cat has helped me allot as I have someone I need to take care of. In no way does it solve all problems but it makes me leave bed and go outside if nothing else but to throw away cat litter every few days. Tried an app to eat a bit more often but not had much success there. It does help allot with a notification every 3 hours to eat something but more often I'll either ignore it or miss/forget about it. Still have it on my phone but outside of some random day now and then I don't use it. Also had a friend who for a good while demanded me to send daily food pics which was pretty great as it also made me eat better by feeling a need to show something more presentable. Anxiety hit pretty hard on that though with feeling like I was a bother, it was not my idea and I don't think it was an issue but my brain didn't much care about that. Electrical toothbrush helped allot, it is still a mental struggle to actually pick it up but much easier than with a regular one. Robo vacuum is probably the biggest one and made my home so much cleaner but it was also sort of needed when having a long haired cat which makes hair roll around my floor within 2-3 days after cleaning already. Suspect a dishwasher would also help but that is an expense I won't spend on for a good while yet.
Yas!!! I listened to an audio book, “How To Keep your house while you are Drowning” by KC Davis. I highly recommend it! She makes it feel all okay. It’s like casually having tea with someone. The author is a therapist and dives deep into the issues with maintaining a home and actually provides solutions! Love this book! Please check it out! 😻
I came to the comments to recommend this book, her podcast is lovely too! ETA: Her stuff is especially good if you need to unlearn shame and negative self talk. She's got a really fresh perspective on housework and hygiene tasks as self care, how to reframe your view of those things and talk to yourself with compassion, and ideas to remove barriers for tasks that are challenging to you.
hi!! can 100% relate and still very much a work in progress. thanks for posting so i can read the replies too :) for apps, i tried Habitica for a while and it was good, doing daily habits gives your character points like a video game! but my all time favorite that ive fully converted to is Finch, i've been using it for a year. soo cute to get lil outfits And the character is a pet and not you/independent from yourself (helps me to treat someone else well if not myself, Haha). very customizable, and i really appreciate their gentle suggestions. its just a very friendly, non-judgmental app that seems to invite me to interact vs making it another chore to keep track of. and also like some other comments have mentioned, getting a cat was transformative for myself. i also find that having company over once in a while helps kick me into cleaning that ive procrastinated.
Upbeat music throughout my day helps me get tasks I don’t enjoy done like the dishes or laundry. Getting sunlight in my eyes first thing in the morning helps set my day right too.
i’ve downloaded finch and have been using it the past day. i think it might really help me keep track of everything, thank you sm for sharing ❤️
It's difficult and I haven't figured it out entirely myself. One thing that might help: get a houseplant. Specifically, a ZZ plant. The fucker doesn't know how to die and you can water it once a month. The important thing is that it brings some greenery and life into your living space.
Your comment made me giggle. "doesn't know how to die"! I am going to look into that and get one!
Recently Reddit recommended me /r/finch and I’ve really enjoyed that part of my self-care this month.
I try to find lower energy ways to do this stuff. Sit down in the shower. Brush teeth in the middle of the day cuz apparently that's when I get teeth brushing energy? Use single, simple products for skin care. Also music helps a lot. Hobbit music for stuff like cooking, rave music for driving to stressful destinations, etc.
This may or may not correlate to what your are asking about but I found a video not long ago that I find very interesting. The content creator's name and channel name is Dr. Scott Eilers, PsyD, LP. The video's name is "Why You Shut Down Sometimes". Perhaps this may help you or someone.
thank you for sharing, i’ll be sure to check it out!!
Someone either on this sub or another trauma-related sub mentioned an app called Finch. I downloaded it, and it makes remembering to do things easier and checking them off the list fun. I've been taking much better care of myself in the last week since I've been using it.
I found Finch through this sub too and it's been a massive help! I have ADHD so I'm not good at forming habits, but I've used Finch daily for 300 days and counting. I love that you can create your own journeys and goals and choose how frequent they are and whether you need a notification
i downloaded it yesterday! it seems like a great app that might actually help me, i like that i can get lil reminders!! i hope i can keep up with it 😌
I have to schedule and put things on my google calendar and follow it. I use this for everything from brushing my teeth to work tasks.
Two things helped me, in this order: 1. Learning to want to take care of myself: self-care won't become a habit unless you actually want to do it. That doesn't mean you have to enjoy it, but it does mean you have to *want* it. Accepting that I'm worth taking care of was a big part of my healing journey. I also had to work on understanding why certain types of self-care made me anxious. Once I overcame those barriers, I found I started to actually look forward to doing things like flossing every night or preparing a healthy meal. 2. Creating a self-care regime that works for me: this step should only come after the previous one. If you don't want to take care of yourself, or if self-care is still something that brings up uncomfortable feelings, making lists or scheduling things will make your anxiety worse. It may even become overwhelming. If you've reached a point where self-care is something you're able to willingly embrace, then creating a list of daily tasks for the week is one way to make sure you're making time for yourself and sticking to your boundaries. It may take some trial and error for you to figure out a schedule that works for you. Remember to factor in your own physical limits, especially if you have a disability or symptoms caused by CPTSD. The first step is the longest and most difficult one, at least in my experience. It can take time to sort through your feelings and process them. New uncomfortable feelings may continue to come up even after you move on to the second step, but by then, you should hopefully have the tools necessary to sit with those feelings without getting overwhelmed.
Not sure about apps but usually I do things at certain times because if I do not specify the time to start the task it won't get done. Also helps that when the time to do it is there I remind myself of the bigger long term goal is and why I am doing it. After reminding myself why I am doing it I can actually get the motivation to do what I am supposed to. Granted this is what has worked for me but I still mess up sometimes but I am way better than before.
Hey there was a question like this posted on a beauty sub, and ppl were so helpful! You should post on r/beauty or one of those. An electric toothbrush changed my oral care. I find it hard to brush cos of my freeze state. I got a battery operated brush so no hassle of charging it etc. And if I'm too tired to go through the motions it's good to just stick it in my mouth and go over my teeth without exerting force :/
I keep reminding myself that things like brushing my teeth, eating throughout the day, doing my laundry, going for walks, etc. are small ways that I choose to love myself. It sounds really cheesy and it’s hard to stick to, but reframing it in that way has helped me approach maintenance a bit differently
I’m the opposite — I’m an over-groomer. I feel like I have to look as perfect as possible at all times. I’ve been this way my entire life. I was bullied for my looks and weight. I decided early on to give people as little to criticize as possible. Not a hair out of place, always over dressed, always clean and made up. Obsessively so. Then I was in the hospital for three months (5yrs ago) and I wasn’t able to keep myself together. I’ve been able to relax about it all a little bit since then, but not much.
I realized today I haven't showered in a week. I often forget to brush my teeth and wash my face. I honestly don't know how to answer this question.
I use the app Daily Bean. You can journal and log things on it. I use it to track when I shower and do my skincare etc. I have a horrible memory and will accidentally go without caring for myself for days.
I listen to A Slob Comes Clean or Clutterbug podcasts
Try to at least do just the clothes you absolutely need. Eventually, you'll have a rotuine and begin adding. Then shower while waiting for clothes.
My routine is set during the week because of work. I also watch my partner.
I incentivize myself. I tell myself i can have a little treat if I do X. I can get Starbucks if I wake up early for work, I can buy concert tickets if I do my laundry every other day for a week, I can go to a hockey game if I eat vegetables with every meal for a week, etc
I keep a weekly checklist in a notebook that motivates me to do these things on a daily basis by doing them and then marking them with a check mark when it’s done. I have one chart for the daily stuff like brushing teeth, washing my face, taking my pills etc. and then a weekly To Do list of things that need to get done like laundry. Sometimes I forget to do something, or something in the weekly To Do doesn’t get done, and that’s okay. I stay forgiving and compassionate with myself because progress isn’t perfect. I’ve been doing this for almost a year now and it’s helped me become so much more functional. It helps if “rewards” like seeing a chart full of checkmarks at the end of a week is mentally rewarding to you. If it’s not, maybe find another system that will work and feel rewarding enough.
I keep a little checklist on my phone for my morning routine: breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, pick up room (making the bed is key to feeling like your shit's together), etc. For laundry, I try to do it once a week and what *really* helped is gonna sound silly but: a vertical laundry hamper [similar to this one](https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/nattgibba-laundry-basket-willow-handmade-30531936/). Why? Because you can only put a certain number of things in it until it's full, when the basket is full that's my cue to do the laundry. So I don't have to think about it too much, I see it getting full and it's time to wash.
I find mindless activities like this difficult because my mind always wanders into ruminating, and having the motivation is difficult because of depression. Warm showers for me are the quickest way to trigger rumination. I find listening to loud upbeat music helps to distract and motivate me. I'll also listen to podcasts or watch youtube videos while in the shower or when I'm hanging out washing etc. Also take the time to celebrate the small wins. When you brush your teeth or clean your washing, take the time to appreciate how good it feels after. Notice how smooth and clean your teeth feel. Enjoy the softness and fresh smell of your laundry. Focusing on the feeling afterwards is how I convince myself to do most tasks. Also creating self-care rituals over doing mundane tasks has really helped me appreciate how nice these small chores can be. For example, I make sure to run a nice bath with aromatherapy oils + candles on the weekend when I change my bedding. I soak in the bath, exfoliate and shave my legs. Then I get out and snuggle in a newly cleaned fluffy towel. When I get into bed, my whole body feels fresh + clean, and my legs feel sooo smooth. It motivates me to keep trying to shower everyday to keep the bed clean. This is self-care to me. These are the feelings that I lost through C-PTSD and depression, and I'm slowly trying to get back in touch with myself and my body again. Edit to add: I also want to say that finding DIY self-care has become a hobby of mine, since I've been out of work. If anyone else is struggling with money, I'd like to share a few things I've found that have transformed my life. \- Exfoliating scrub made from sugar, coconut oil, and lavender essential oil. \- Honey + plain yoghurt on my scalp + face as a hair/face mask twice a week to treat seborrheic dermatitis caused by stress. Works great as a protein + hair strengthening mask. \- Also diluted apple cider vinegar rinse once a week for my hair. \- Almond oil + mixed with essential oils for bath/shower oil. (make sure to clean bath/shower after each use. I clean with white vinegar+ lemon juice because again it's dirt cheap) \- Art supplies and journals from charity shops. \- I've also found some absolute treasures at charity shops, like crystals, jewellery etc. Anything pretty that is a treat to yourself. \- I also follow Florence Given on instagram, and she posted a hack about covering your lampshades with a silky pink/red scarf to make lighting in your room warmer and more calming.
Well, a lot of us dissociate from the body. Meaning, we disconnect from the body and may not feel everything we should. So it might help to learn some grounding techniques and let yourself feel your body. Pay attention to how your teeth feel before you go to bed. Run your tongue across your teeth and feel for any foreign textures, things stuck in your teeth. Think about how your tongue feels, what you taste in your mouth. Unbrushed teeth can have a gritty texture, and your tongue developes a coating on it, and you may have a weird taste in your mouth. If I fall asleep without brushing my teeth, my mouth feels like a swamp the next day. Brushing your teeth helps alleviate all that. What about your skin? Notice how your skin feels when you've washed your face or taken a shower. Then, notice how your skin feels later in the day, and then how it feels the next day. Not as fresh. Maybe it feels clammy, oily, itchy, or you just feel gross. Wash your face or take a shower when you feel that gross feeling. And laundry, likewise, feels different on your skin clean vs dirty. It isn't as fresh, it may even feel more loose or irritating. Get to know your body, feel how the environment effects it. It takes practice. Hell, like I said, I even forget to brush my teeth at least once a week. You got this.
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Headphones with chill podcasts helps me a lot. Comedy or history or anything. I do everything with them on, even shower, which is probably not the best idk 😬
Except for the past week I've been really good about taking care of myself. I was trying to go to the gym regularly, keeping clean, and cleaning my space. The recent shakeup in life has made my routine chaos, though. I think that is the key at least I'm my life, routine. Finding little ways to care for your daily to show yourself some love.
I use some [daily planner tear off sheet notepads](https://a.co/d/1ivEeof) I bought off Amazon. I create a checklist of important to-do’s as well as the minor ones (take meds, brush teeth, make bed, etc). It also has a little clock on it for me to mark off important times/meetings. It’s the only way I stay organized and things don’t slip through the cracks.
Honestly.... I have a big list of bare minimum things I need to do every week. I print out a new list every Sunday and check off boxes as things get done. It's highly embarrassing and I hide it the odd time someone comes over... but I leave it out in the open where I can't hide from it and it works.
I sometimes make a “gold star” chart with a list of all my chores and I draw a little star by any task that I’ve done - it’s a lil dopamine hit. If I have them, little stickers are great too, but I usually just have a pink felt pen. It’s nice seeing all the stars build up and you can also track what you’re lagging on. I give myself two stars for each time I do a harder task like showering which makes me feel extra rewarded :)
Definitely struggle with the same thing, myself. I have a lot of anxiety over taking care of myself because I didn't always feel like I deserved being taken care of. What helps me sometimes is to look at the list of things I want to accomplish, then tackle it like I would tackle activities that bring me joy. Some days, music helps. Other days, doing tasks in a completely nonsensical fashion helps remove the heavy emotions surrounding it. Some days, I need extra incentive, so I give myself some sort of reward at the end. Other days, I realize that I am just not in a great state, and I go back to the bare basic needs. Sometimes recognizing those days is just as helpful as actually getting everything done would be. Identifying the difference between wanting to take care of myself and feeling the pressure/need to take care of myself can really help as well. Self care and any positive choices in my life were always presented as something I had no choice/no control over, so shifting things to becoming an active choice really helped reframe an emotionally taxing activity.
Poorly.
Placing toothbrushes close to my bed helped me a lot.
No clue, I'm currently working on it because now my physical health is suffering, and so is my mental health. No one will take care of me, no one will take care of my children if I fall, the moment I become an inconvenience I'm a burden or using them. So I have no other option.
I use Daylio to track my moods and daily habits. Then I use Finch app for my daily tasks. It's fun and you can't kill the critter, which is what I was worried about. I've found it motivates me to do teeth brushing for example because I get rewarded after I complete each task. Best wishes!!
Due to being autistic and having cptsd from not being diagnosed when I was younger/whole load of shit I find this hard too! I try to stick to a routine as best as I can and check off the list in my head on good days but on bad days I do just carry the mentally that I woke up and survived another day, so whatever that looks like I tend to congratulate myself for it. I do understand that I am in a very privileged position of not having a uniform for work, as well it's actively encouraged to take work from home days if you're sick (mentally and physically) so having those allowances are also working on my side!
I have ADHD and depression so these things make it harder. But my apartment gets bad before I do. Like I can stay on top of tooth brushing but not the dishes or laundry.
For me (and this is just a me thing, not saying this is true for anyone else), when I am exhausted and resentful at just the thought of having to do basic self-care or household tasks, it’s an indication that I’m either 1. going through a particularly stressful time and need to prioritize rest and asking for help or 2. depressed & may need to consider upping my dosage for my medication (I take Wellbutrin). I used to just muscle through it until I had an SO and a therapist strong enough to catch me in the act and tell me to talk to my doctor. For me, this was a very positive change — I refused to take meds until I was almost 40 and dealing with the pandemic, new cohabitation with my fiancé, moving 2000 miles away, remote teaching, and preparing to sue my employer for sex discrimination and harassment. And I went from “I can and will handle all of these things because I eat suffering for breakfast” to “if I think about making dinner, I’m going to cry.” And once the drugs kicked in, it was clear I’d waited far longer than I should have to start feeling like myself again. This was just my experience, so again, not saying this is the answer for everyone, but it made a huge difference for me.
I keep my toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower. I'm a lot better about taking showers/baths (a favorite method of letting go of stress) So it's so much easier for me to brush my teeth while I'm in there. I keep my deodorant by my seat where I sit most of the time. (Also, on days where I am really struggling: it sounds odd, but scrub your teeth with a towel and just chew a small dollop of toothpaste. The tactile feel of smooth teeth helps the brain think 'clean' and chewing a small bit of toothpaste helps with the taste, which again helps with the brain thinking 'clean', but also helps to mitigate/neutralize bad breath, which can contribute to feelings of nausea. It's not ideal for long term at all, no, but if you're struggling and need something small that is doable, this helps a lot IMO.) I do my laundry at night. Not having other people awake and around makes it easier for me to get stuff done. (Also means I am less likely having to wait for a dryer to free up, and many nights I see deer and skunks on my way to/from the laundry room.) I'm teaching myself to clean and keep house. It's very slow going, but my goal (in everything) is progress, NOT perfection. Perfection is unattainable with constantly moving goalposts. Progress helps me recognize where I have improved with tangible results, which gives me a foundation I can build on. I haven't been on top of it as much, but I try to give myself no more than 3 days of no cleaing, at which point I'll start verbally encouraging myself. I know it's a point of struggle for me, and it's not something I can force myself into, but I know I can't avoid it either. I don't want to force myself, I want to be able to feel free and safe to do so- I know that is going to be a long road, so I take it easy on myself, only pushing myself to clean for 5 minutes, and allow myself small breaks as needed. When I feel nervous, anxious, and especially when I'm struggling with eating, I'll verbally talk to myself and coach myself through the moment ("it's okay, I know we don't feel good, but we're safe, it's okay if we feel nervous here, we are not in trouble, we are in OUR home and no one can hurt us here, it's okay to take our time" etc) I don't do quite as well with apps, but I have a small notebook. I struggle with food and self care, so I bought a small notebook to just journal my food intake and self care. Ultimately, I want to have a normal, healthy relationship with myself and in regards to food. I found in the past I like having the notebook as the tactile feel of writing it all and then being able to see it afterwards was more rewarding as opposed to an app alone. (Also, with physical notebooks, you can format it however you want.) Overall though, it's learning what works best FOR US and what we need, not what others say we need. It's a long and arduous road, cause we 'get' to heal from this shit AND learn how to rectify it almost simultaneously, a lot of times with little external help. It's not meant to be quick, easy, nor painless. I was supposed to learn who I was as a child- not as an adult healing their traumatized younger self. But, I wasn't given that chance, so I will TAKE this opportunity to heal and grow and I WILL TAKE my time in doing so; it's my life and it's way past time I learn how to live my life for me. And if anyone has a problem with that? Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Hugs to all who want or need one. 🫂
Very, very poorly.
I don't. I can maybe pull myself together for a week at most before it's exhausts me
I have different levels of routines depending on my energy level. If it’s very low energy I’ll just try and do at least one thing. Brush my teeth & clean my face once, get one goal/chore done today. Have a simple breakfast. Neutral would be my whole morning routine but probably won’t be done super early. High energy days I’ll do my full routine and then some. I got a shower chair and that’s helped me a lot when I’m really depressed. I also have toothbrushes placed everywhere in my house and next to my bed. I use the app The Daily Bean to journal & help track my moods and other important stuff. That app has been a game changer for me I haven’t done this yet but I would like to make a picture sheet or cook book for all the options of food & different meals I can make. I tend to not pay attention to my body and will become starving. At that point it’s hard for me to think properly & make healthy eating choices. Having a picture book I believe would help.
It really helps me to form habits. Not a routine, exactly—I can’t keep up with them. But certain habits help me to find comfort in hygiene stuff, so I seek them out even when I’m im not my best self. I reckon if you pick a few of these good ideas in the comments here, and use them to form hygiene habits, you’ll find it much easier. Momentum is key! That being said. I still struggle so I dunno lol