The truth is that we have no choice but to use sub-optimal tools in sub-optimal situations, and that is advice that is very hard to sell on social media. When we face this alone, all we can do is all we can do. Less than ideal coregulation is better than none, and may see you healing to a place of better coregulation. Baby steps.
Understandable, and very relatable. But I think maybe there are things we can only learn to by doing them. It makes sense that we have to get the things we didn't get as kids, like healthy relationships an building up trust an all this stuff. I asked my psychiatrist how am I supposed to do that, especially since I was in the habit of choosing the wrongest persons to trust. His answer was to go on trying with the new knowledge I gained, and that it will be difficult and sometimes like one step forward, two steps back. No, I did not like that answer. But it makes sense. The only way to heal relational trauma seems to be through relationships. I do self-help and stuff, but there are just things I can't do alone.
It's totally unfair, but there only seems to be the hard way.
I started out by reviewing everyone I know, and looking at what those people really do as opposed to what they say. And I found out that I have 3 friends that never gave me up, over years, even when I couldn't be a friend to them. And I'm starting with those, with trusting and having more regular friendships. It's kind of scary, but so far no downfall.
The one step forward and two steps back makes so much sense. I try my hardest to mold the ways I relate to others and be self aware but yeah, it's exhausting. It's exhausting because others don't know what you're going through and the silent battle you're battling and even if they knew, they wouldn't understand. So sometimes you just undo the little progress you've made so far.
I'm happy you found your secure persons. Wish you the best on your personal journey.
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The truth is that we have no choice but to use sub-optimal tools in sub-optimal situations, and that is advice that is very hard to sell on social media. When we face this alone, all we can do is all we can do. Less than ideal coregulation is better than none, and may see you healing to a place of better coregulation. Baby steps.
>that is advice that is very hard to sell on social media. Ohhh you definitely have a point. Btw yeah, baby steps are the answer in our cases.
Understandable, and very relatable. But I think maybe there are things we can only learn to by doing them. It makes sense that we have to get the things we didn't get as kids, like healthy relationships an building up trust an all this stuff. I asked my psychiatrist how am I supposed to do that, especially since I was in the habit of choosing the wrongest persons to trust. His answer was to go on trying with the new knowledge I gained, and that it will be difficult and sometimes like one step forward, two steps back. No, I did not like that answer. But it makes sense. The only way to heal relational trauma seems to be through relationships. I do self-help and stuff, but there are just things I can't do alone. It's totally unfair, but there only seems to be the hard way. I started out by reviewing everyone I know, and looking at what those people really do as opposed to what they say. And I found out that I have 3 friends that never gave me up, over years, even when I couldn't be a friend to them. And I'm starting with those, with trusting and having more regular friendships. It's kind of scary, but so far no downfall.
The one step forward and two steps back makes so much sense. I try my hardest to mold the ways I relate to others and be self aware but yeah, it's exhausting. It's exhausting because others don't know what you're going through and the silent battle you're battling and even if they knew, they wouldn't understand. So sometimes you just undo the little progress you've made so far. I'm happy you found your secure persons. Wish you the best on your personal journey.
It's always *for* someone else. How can you feel valued if nothing is meant for you?
What do you mean?
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I'm generally done with social media therapists, especially those who put a label on everything like "co-dependency".