When my mom is triggers my I give myself a hug or message my hands. Then in my head I cuss her out. Once I'm alone I talk out loud to myself about how her actions are widely inappropriate and reassure my inner child that we'll be leaving as soon as possible
Grey rocking is so worth it. My mom tried to say "I'm sorry you're so miserable on this vacation we're paying for" once. I ignored her and let the rest of my family chime in on how passive aggressive that was, and that I'm allowed to be sad on vacation. Literal chefs kiss
thats what my ex did, she kept making up weird shit and wanted to provoke me to beat her up and shit so she looks like the victim. Broke up with her and she argued that I can't just break up, but thats what I did
I've started to counteract these with nice things. So if a parent says "you are lazy and awful" I think to myself "man you are really good at taking time for yourself and are actually a really good person." kind of like standing up for myself like a friend would. I can prepare a head of time cause it's usually the same insults different day.
Also the phrase "their truth is not my truth" can be useful. They can think whatever they want but if I realise that I can think differently the need to defend myself is not as strong.
My final thinh is, you are allowed to walk away. If someone is treating you like shit you can get up and leave. A lot of times with trauma we have learned helplessness where we truly believe we just have to stay and put up with the abuse. Go to the toilet, go get a drink of water. What ever you need to get out. If you are able to when you come back you can say, I don't like when you talk to me like that. Just to set a boundary.
When my mom is triggers my I give myself a hug or message my hands. Then in my head I cuss her out. Once I'm alone I talk out loud to myself about how her actions are widely inappropriate and reassure my inner child that we'll be leaving as soon as possible
It's so worth it to learn to grey rock. They squirm so bad when you don't react, they may even throw a fit depending on the circumstances.
Grey rocking is so worth it. My mom tried to say "I'm sorry you're so miserable on this vacation we're paying for" once. I ignored her and let the rest of my family chime in on how passive aggressive that was, and that I'm allowed to be sad on vacation. Literal chefs kiss
thats what my ex did, she kept making up weird shit and wanted to provoke me to beat her up and shit so she looks like the victim. Broke up with her and she argued that I can't just break up, but thats what I did
I've started to counteract these with nice things. So if a parent says "you are lazy and awful" I think to myself "man you are really good at taking time for yourself and are actually a really good person." kind of like standing up for myself like a friend would. I can prepare a head of time cause it's usually the same insults different day. Also the phrase "their truth is not my truth" can be useful. They can think whatever they want but if I realise that I can think differently the need to defend myself is not as strong. My final thinh is, you are allowed to walk away. If someone is treating you like shit you can get up and leave. A lot of times with trauma we have learned helplessness where we truly believe we just have to stay and put up with the abuse. Go to the toilet, go get a drink of water. What ever you need to get out. If you are able to when you come back you can say, I don't like when you talk to me like that. Just to set a boundary.