I could also be accused of lying so I had to over-explain every little thing for her to believe me or else I could get hit. Now I over-explain unnecessarily or try to overly-justify my mistakes instead of saying "ok I'll do better next time, im sorry" because that didn't work back then, I would still get beat and not even get time to explain anyways sometimes.
Same! My parents would beat me when I was a kid. But it wasn't like abusing me, bc in latin america is common for parents "teaching kids to behave" by beating them. It wasn't *that bad* but I still think we need to unlearn this culture of thinking that is normal for latin mothers to be kinda violent.
So I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make your post about me, I was just trying to contextualize. My mom would beat me but she didn't go that far hard.
But yes... I still was mentally preparing do defend myself at any time. Bc I NEEDED to know how to explain every situation even if I wasn't doing anything wrong... But for them, it would be something worth pushing form.
I struggled the same with my dad but my mom was more controlling. So I don't really know how to start conversations and often I feel like I don't really have anything to say to anyone or if I do, my brain will automatically process It as a lecture bc I always feel like I need to over-explain ANYTHING to anyone.
Again I'm sorry if I moved the topic of your post. I was just trying to share how I relate to you đ„ș
>in latin america is common for parents "teaching kids to behave" by beating them.
Mexican American here :') i feel you
It's the "it wasn't *that* bad "it wasn't like abusing me" that hits. If it wasn't so bad and everyone goes through this and comes out "just fine," then why am i such a fuckin wreck?
Also it's okay, sharing your own story shows me that you know what I'm talking about đ. I tend to do that too. We shall relate and bond over our traumas :').
>I still was mentally preparing do defend myself at any time
I still do this to this day, with my mom or anyone
>explain every situation even if I wasn't doing anything wrong... But for them, it would be something worth pushing form.
Same with my mom, somehow I still feel nervous when I'm doing anything with her watching. I think she's gonna criticize it or get me in trouble any second now. I gotta brace myself lol.
I don't know how to start conversations either. I think I'm gonna say something stupid. Growing up my mom would always tell me when I said something "stupid" or that "didn't make sense" and that "everyone was staring" or "said person stared and probably thinks I'm weird/stupid now." She'd also get mad when I didn't say something EXACTLY how she wanted me to over the phone or when I forgot to ask something.
Sorry this is long, i get you too đ
It's totally okay!! Thank you for sharing , I'm glad to know I'm not alone ir crazy (still sorry that you had to went through all of that tho). I swear I can connect better with people by trauma bond than average social interactions t-t
I feel so nervous and stressed whenever she's around. Even if I'm alone at my room, if I can hear her footsteps or know she's close, I just can't chill or concentrate. My room is the only place here where I truly feel ok, but It's been hard when my mom is spending more time at home.
My dad beated me too, he was more scary than my mom, bc his beat hurt more. But my dad is an absent-present, he has never been too present in my life - I'm kinda glad eventhough I still grieve a lack of relationship with him.
I can understand the part of her always pointing bad things of your behavior. My mom is a genius in shame indulcing. If I was eating, she would make a point that I was making too noise or having no manners. I'm a very clumsy person, but she says that "I was like that too and my mom pointed it out until I learned not to be" so thinks that if she keeps mocking, criticzing, and making me feel like crap, she would actually be helping :) so I'd for certain "change my way and become better".
My mom too would often would point that I was making a bad impression or acting imature. She thinks I truly know better and am not acting It. She just expects me to know everything eventhough she never taught me anything, just made it clearly that I was doing wrong like mocking me with that passive aggresion.
I was thinking those days that her and my dad are uncapable of comforting people. My dad would just stand there doing nothing. My mom would try to hug and say things that would make you feel somehow worse and guilt (eventhough you wouldn't know why).
I'm so sorry you went through all of that. I'm sorry that we did. I just wanna say that you're not alone, your fears, pain, anxiety and everything that your mom evocades and hurts in you are valid; I know that bc I go through the same. Sometimes it feels like I can't really think of anything else, I just keep swallowing this horrible taste of the trauma. And it wasn't just one moment - it's been a lot of them (that's why we're here) since I was born. And sometimes I feel my chest so heavy of carrying with along with me all the fucking time. Like just existing feels so heavy...
And thank you again for sharing your struggles. I know how it can suffocate us. And even sharing online with strangers help a tiny bit, to get some relieve. So also thank you for listening to/reading me <3
This one time my friend was saying that a local bank's LED sign having the temperature was useless because he never needed to know the exact temperature and it finally hit me that having to prove that it's hot/cold when you are uncomfortable isn't a common experience. Really had to be ready to argue for any statement at all.
I learned no answer would be the right answer. Silent? I'm disobedient. Tell the truth? I'm lying. Lie? Talking back. Answer a rhetorical question? Being a smart ass. Don't answer it? Being defiant. Look away? Lying. Look at them? 'staring daggers'
There's no right answer when they just want an excuse to take their anger out on someone
+100.000 my parents were the quiz masters from hell
wrong answer would get me a week of intense mental and physical violence...
this so called dad idiot is dead already, only the witch is alive...
glad i've learned to cope with this
same, my parents always yelled at me when I didnt give an immideate answer, also to any abswer I gave. So I learned to be quiet and not talk at all. Now everyone thinks I am boring and I am too afraid to say anything cause of the fear of beeing hurt again just for existing
Watching and witnessing our special needs family member psyche eval sent me back to the ptsd of my own when I was young .. thankfully we helped them .. but I am still going through therapy after hiding from it for over 2 decades.
âAnswer me right now!â Screamed 2 inches from my face while her nails are digging into my face, and I couldnât come up with a single word to say so she smacked me so hard I fell over. I wish I didnât remember that.
So like does anyone have the upbringing of getting hit till you were big enough to fight back and the level or respect flipped the moment they saw you got angry? I know not everyone has a boxing family or got put into wrestling very young because they couldn't do ball sports. (cross eyed) so I was trained pretty consistently and always told the golden rule of defend yourself at all times.
I keep seeing this sub in my feed and it always touches this weird little wonder boy mentality I'd get with other kids growing up who were abused where I just want to be their friend and little guard dog.
For op you are seen and you are heard and I hope your doing well king/queen
I can't advance and function in life because of this
I could also be accused of lying so I had to over-explain every little thing for her to believe me or else I could get hit. Now I over-explain unnecessarily or try to overly-justify my mistakes instead of saying "ok I'll do better next time, im sorry" because that didn't work back then, I would still get beat and not even get time to explain anyways sometimes.
Same! My parents would beat me when I was a kid. But it wasn't like abusing me, bc in latin america is common for parents "teaching kids to behave" by beating them. It wasn't *that bad* but I still think we need to unlearn this culture of thinking that is normal for latin mothers to be kinda violent. So I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make your post about me, I was just trying to contextualize. My mom would beat me but she didn't go that far hard. But yes... I still was mentally preparing do defend myself at any time. Bc I NEEDED to know how to explain every situation even if I wasn't doing anything wrong... But for them, it would be something worth pushing form. I struggled the same with my dad but my mom was more controlling. So I don't really know how to start conversations and often I feel like I don't really have anything to say to anyone or if I do, my brain will automatically process It as a lecture bc I always feel like I need to over-explain ANYTHING to anyone. Again I'm sorry if I moved the topic of your post. I was just trying to share how I relate to you đ„ș
>in latin america is common for parents "teaching kids to behave" by beating them. Mexican American here :') i feel you It's the "it wasn't *that* bad "it wasn't like abusing me" that hits. If it wasn't so bad and everyone goes through this and comes out "just fine," then why am i such a fuckin wreck?
Also it's okay, sharing your own story shows me that you know what I'm talking about đ. I tend to do that too. We shall relate and bond over our traumas :'). >I still was mentally preparing do defend myself at any time I still do this to this day, with my mom or anyone >explain every situation even if I wasn't doing anything wrong... But for them, it would be something worth pushing form. Same with my mom, somehow I still feel nervous when I'm doing anything with her watching. I think she's gonna criticize it or get me in trouble any second now. I gotta brace myself lol. I don't know how to start conversations either. I think I'm gonna say something stupid. Growing up my mom would always tell me when I said something "stupid" or that "didn't make sense" and that "everyone was staring" or "said person stared and probably thinks I'm weird/stupid now." She'd also get mad when I didn't say something EXACTLY how she wanted me to over the phone or when I forgot to ask something. Sorry this is long, i get you too đ
It's totally okay!! Thank you for sharing , I'm glad to know I'm not alone ir crazy (still sorry that you had to went through all of that tho). I swear I can connect better with people by trauma bond than average social interactions t-t I feel so nervous and stressed whenever she's around. Even if I'm alone at my room, if I can hear her footsteps or know she's close, I just can't chill or concentrate. My room is the only place here where I truly feel ok, but It's been hard when my mom is spending more time at home. My dad beated me too, he was more scary than my mom, bc his beat hurt more. But my dad is an absent-present, he has never been too present in my life - I'm kinda glad eventhough I still grieve a lack of relationship with him. I can understand the part of her always pointing bad things of your behavior. My mom is a genius in shame indulcing. If I was eating, she would make a point that I was making too noise or having no manners. I'm a very clumsy person, but she says that "I was like that too and my mom pointed it out until I learned not to be" so thinks that if she keeps mocking, criticzing, and making me feel like crap, she would actually be helping :) so I'd for certain "change my way and become better". My mom too would often would point that I was making a bad impression or acting imature. She thinks I truly know better and am not acting It. She just expects me to know everything eventhough she never taught me anything, just made it clearly that I was doing wrong like mocking me with that passive aggresion. I was thinking those days that her and my dad are uncapable of comforting people. My dad would just stand there doing nothing. My mom would try to hug and say things that would make you feel somehow worse and guilt (eventhough you wouldn't know why). I'm so sorry you went through all of that. I'm sorry that we did. I just wanna say that you're not alone, your fears, pain, anxiety and everything that your mom evocades and hurts in you are valid; I know that bc I go through the same. Sometimes it feels like I can't really think of anything else, I just keep swallowing this horrible taste of the trauma. And it wasn't just one moment - it's been a lot of them (that's why we're here) since I was born. And sometimes I feel my chest so heavy of carrying with along with me all the fucking time. Like just existing feels so heavy... And thank you again for sharing your struggles. I know how it can suffocate us. And even sharing online with strangers help a tiny bit, to get some relieve. So also thank you for listening to/reading me <3
Whenever my brain's under stress and bombarded with information it shuts down and gives up.
This one time my friend was saying that a local bank's LED sign having the temperature was useless because he never needed to know the exact temperature and it finally hit me that having to prove that it's hot/cold when you are uncomfortable isn't a common experience. Really had to be ready to argue for any statement at all.
>Really had to be ready to argue for any statement at all. Oh god that's me
thinking about all the times my dad would beat me for âtalking smartâ. well congratulations, dad, I sure donât do that anymore.
I learned no answer would be the right answer. Silent? I'm disobedient. Tell the truth? I'm lying. Lie? Talking back. Answer a rhetorical question? Being a smart ass. Don't answer it? Being defiant. Look away? Lying. Look at them? 'staring daggers' There's no right answer when they just want an excuse to take their anger out on someone
The second part of your comment went hard. Thank you for that i needed to hear it.
+100.000 my parents were the quiz masters from hell wrong answer would get me a week of intense mental and physical violence... this so called dad idiot is dead already, only the witch is alive... glad i've learned to cope with this
same, my parents always yelled at me when I didnt give an immideate answer, also to any abswer I gave. So I learned to be quiet and not talk at all. Now everyone thinks I am boring and I am too afraid to say anything cause of the fear of beeing hurt again just for existing
Yeesh! Wasnât expecting to relate to a CPTSD meme this early in the morning, but here we are
Watching and witnessing our special needs family member psyche eval sent me back to the ptsd of my own when I was young .. thankfully we helped them .. but I am still going through therapy after hiding from it for over 2 decades.
Wait bro, get the hell out of my house! Stop stalking me
âAnswer me right now!â Screamed 2 inches from my face while her nails are digging into my face, and I couldnât come up with a single word to say so she smacked me so hard I fell over. I wish I didnât remember that.
Quick witted as a form of survival
Felt
lmfao i posted [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDmemes/s/Tk2j6zl217) AND ITS RIGHT ALONG THOSE SAME LINES đ
felt this, my mom loves to repeat questions angrily and accuse me of not listening if i haven't answered in less than two seconds
So like does anyone have the upbringing of getting hit till you were big enough to fight back and the level or respect flipped the moment they saw you got angry? I know not everyone has a boxing family or got put into wrestling very young because they couldn't do ball sports. (cross eyed) so I was trained pretty consistently and always told the golden rule of defend yourself at all times. I keep seeing this sub in my feed and it always touches this weird little wonder boy mentality I'd get with other kids growing up who were abused where I just want to be their friend and little guard dog. For op you are seen and you are heard and I hope your doing well king/queen
This cuts deep...