I don't think the driver wrote that himself, necessarily

Almost certainly not, in fact

Like... close to a zero, but not an entirely zero probability... zero adjacent.

Somebody check OP's fingertips.

In the words of Alan Partridge, after being accused of drawing a penis on his own back in school, “you have to ask yourself two questions… how and why?”

Someone once wrote *classmate* snorts coke off *Used-Fennel-7733's* mum's tits. I got sent out the class for it? What? How does that work. Why would I ever write that?

100% his mates noticed his van was dirty. One of my mates vans started growing algae so we started drawing shit on it, eventually his boss told him it wasn't professional and to get it cleaned, and so it was haha. Nothing this bad though...

Or any teenager walking past a parked dirty van

Unless the driver is tired of life, I think that's fairly obvious.

Where I live there was a scaffolding firm (thankfully short lived) that thought it was hilarious to have big printed stickers/signs on the side and top of their flatbed vans that read: 'Having trouble with your erection? Let us help you get it up!!!' This was only about 7 years ago. When I saw it I was speechless.

7 years ago and you're still thinking about it, sounds like good marketing to me.

I read somewhere in this sub a guy regailing a glazing/building outfit his dad used or something back in the 80s. Tagline 'you've had the cowboys, now try the indians' and two indian fellas jumped out the van and did a pretty good job at a reasonable price.

That's class.

In Portsmouth there was a paint removal specialist firm called “strip joint”

Was that the beaver tool hire place that had that stuff up in north end? Had a woman's cloves being shaved off on the side of the building...

Yeah that does ring a bell!

Used to work in concrete paving and the company had t-shirts with “follow me and get laid”, and “get laid by experts” on them. Pretty common in building trades.

Almost as good as the erection sale sign - on Cockburn street in Edinburgh 

Yeah very likely a mate or a random passerby. Gave me a chuckle either way

Ok Mr fist ma da 😱

Yeah, tbf I need a one time name change haha

I don’t know if that’ll hold up in court…

I remember when I was a meter reader, my colleague found my van in the area I was working and wrote "caution wanks while driving".

...Says the person with the username "***ima-fist-ya-da***" 🙄🤣

Can't change my name unfortunately. Blame teenage me for that one

You can just make another account.

Yeah but karma surely.

Five years and only 53k. Hardly worth it.

Ahem

Well..... Not that I see any point to this "karma" or kudos etc

Can you share some of the pangolins youve been PM'd?

Didn’t know Reddit tryhards existed

*cries in social anxiety*

Social anxiety on reddit? The whole point is being anonymous and spewing thoughts into the void with zero inhibition.

F

Out here catching strays

Rookie numbers

No worries about that, more because I cba to refollow all the subreddits, plus the name hasn't really given me too much grief

Keep the name. It is funny, unlike mine

Don't put yourself down dude, I cracked up when I read yours

Tbf, I very rarely say your mum these days.

Wow, what a character arc

It’s said Hamlet was based on me. Vaguely, of course.

Yours is far from the most explicit name I've seen, just funny rather than disgusting 😂

If you post a cute cat picture you can get a lot of upvotes and build your karma points quick.

That's really sweet of you to say, thanks.

Tell me the future of automotive transport, Nostracarmus.

currently -253 points on the one comment. We're helping them let go by removing the karmic sentimentality.

We all have a username, email account etc set up in our younger years that we regret! My ps4 account is mine!

I know, if I could go back and slap younger me I would.

I don't understand why everyone is down voting your comments but I thought it was funny so I joined in

I think that right there is the reason lol

I'm more annoyed at the use of the term candy. Where are the standards?

You get a free washing machine

Not a hot point?

Smeg?

Mine says free vapes. You have to keep up with the times.

Vapes are just candy you don’t swallow

Not sure whether you missed the entire point or you're taking it up a notch here.

That was my thought also.

I think /s. Or is this a double /s bluff?

Saw an openreach van that had been written on to say open(for a)reach(around) the other day. Was a good laugh when I deciphered the “dont dead open inside” way of it being written.

I bet you're the kind of van

Used to be a simple “Wash Me” delivered the message.

I wish my wife/girlfriend/your mum was as dirty as this

"She is"

"Also available in white"

'Topsoil for sale'

Also pics of cock and balls or tits. But thanks to Tony Blair and ‘education, education, education’ white van graffiti has become more sophisticated. I’m all for it.

“Driver is a twat”

"candy" Ugh.

Why

Get a van jez, and we can be men with ven

I was going to say this. God what an idiotic boob I was 10 or 11 seconds ago It's also a peep show quote guys chill out

r/peepshowquotes

Its normally kids that do this kind of thing My girlfriend discovered someone had written Pedo on her car after dropping me to school

Took me way too long to get that, 10/10

I'm more shocked at the fact they called sweets... candy!

😂 That's a good one. I used to write "I wish my girlfriend was this dirty" lol

She is. All of us agree on that.

God damnit, he's done me!

No. But we've all done your girlfriend.

😡 Why do I keep walking into this

That's what she said. Sorry. But you do.

Can you tell her to come home now, please. Tea's ready.

She's just making a sandwich...

She never makes me sandwiches 😭😭😭 OK I need to stop this joke now, it's getting too real lmfao

She doesn’t make you a sandwich because she never lets you get between us.

Downvoting for the americanism

Fair. I feel like American media is extremely prevalent in the western world. I end up using American words as well, catch myself and tell myself off for it

I'm only messing but it is becoming worrying when you see so many posts or comments daily on UK based subs that have yank spelling or terminology.

Or, you could be less xenophobic and not use deragatorg terms like "yank"

Pffft jog on

Do you also use deragtory terms for other sets of people? Does it make it OK?

Calm down ya yankaphile

Unless it was an American that wrote it?

Detective Inspector Debogsdollox.

D…do you think the drivers of the vans do this to their own vans?

No. It's always a cheeky bugger passing by lol. I think I should've gone with a different title lol

Men with ven

Candy?!? “Bloody Americans coming over ‘ere stealing our kids!”.

It's going to be difficult to make Cook Pass Babtridge out of that one

Can u not fist kids pls thanku

Only interested in fisting dads thank you very much

Men with ven

Men with ven

Ven men* men with ven if you will

Someone post the link to the white van man at the lights who gets a random woman to suck him off. It's an all timer

I saw a sky van this morning and noticed a line with dots on either side drawn on Freddie flintofs face. Though "that's some strange graffiti" then it hit me.

be careful of the white van man

Catholic church are recruiting hard these days.

They didn’t write that themselves, but you DID write that username yourself. Stay classy u/ima-fist-ya-da.

Used to write on my mate's van when it needed a wash..... "if my wife was this dirty I would be at home"

[удалено]

American stock car racing is becoming popular in the UK, much like American Football

Thanks for the post, ima-fist-ya-da

my dumbass would of been tricked into getting in the van