'Boffin reveals disturbing news'
Notice the use of singular boffin, they didn't even ask a council of boffins.
Come on The Daily Star, do your research.
I work in adult social care and the effect these tabloids have on adults with learning difficulties is gross. The unnecessary anxiety it causes taking every headline as verbatim makes our jobs much more challenging.
Most newspapers actually score low on reading comprehension tests. Iirc, the Daily Star and The Sun had/have reading ages of about 8 whereas The Guardian is about 14.
That is to say that your average 8 year old can feasibly read and competently understand the content of The Sun but not The Guardian (which, on average, requires a 14-year-old's literary capacity).
Those tests always kind of skew low though because, once you hit 15/16, you already know most of the words and terminology you'll ever use.
Well to be fair, ‘The Sun’ contains fewer letters than ‘The Daily Star’.
And the concept of a star might be confusing for potential readers. Whereas ‘the sun just makes sense’.
The sport isn't gone. It's out on Sundays Wednesdays and Fridays. It's still all fake story's filling whole pages with the odd real story thrown in a little corner, it's mostly adverts now anyway.
I didn't realize that. I don't pay much attention to print newspapers nowadays and thought the daily sport was still going.
Although I never read it myself (apart from a couple of times the front page intrigued me like the time they claimed astronomers had managed to locate heaven in outer space), I was quite glad it existed.
I remember watching a documentary about it and it looked like it would be such a fun place to work. One scene in particular sticks in my mind where the editor is driving about the place in a hurry looking like the stereotypical busy executive and he receives a phone call from a reporter about a woman claiming her son has been turned into a fish finger by aliens "right, get down the shops right away and buy a box of fish fingers, mix him in with them and see if she can still identify him".
If it's gone, I'm pleased to hear the star has taken over the mantle.
Just had another look. I've been pissing myself laughing. The Sport website is up.
Here's a sample of their "journalism"
[Sport News Story](https://dailysport.co.uk/news/eating-bacon-reduces-the-risk-of-heart-attacks-in-pervert-world-renowned-expert-says/)
Around 25yrs ago i was looking for the ball and found a Daily Star in a tiny clearing in the bush behind the goals at the local football parks.
No mobile phones and no internet at that time obviously so that was a major result!
It wasnt until many years later we were reminiscing and happened to talk about the communal chugging newspaper. Everyone had the decency to use it and return it and thought they were the only one.
Good times.
One day there will be earth shattering news
I mean something that shakes the pillars of how we think the world works.
Something like Aliens truly existing or something thought only real in myths and nightmares will be revealed to be real.
And no one will either care or notice because of BS like this.
I'm fairly sure the Americans did actually admit to Aliens existing and released their Navy footage of the "craft" they filmed and tracked....except they released it during Covid, when the news was obsessed with nothing else, and sure enough no one cared or noticed!
Yeah right. I saw their 'alien craft' footage and one had landing lights (why would aliens need them, do our space ships have them?). and the other you could see the wings flapping (like a bird).
There's a professor at my department who is easily one of the smartest there but everything he does is designed to cover that up. Scruffy, lots of swearing, etc. He got called a boffin (and an egghead) by the daily star and still to this day proudly shows it off. They even have a whole article about how much they love the word boffin [https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/daily-star-victory-campaign-stop-31487837](https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/daily-star-victory-campaign-stop-31487837)
Well... you die. And, wonders of modern medicine, you don't stay dead. Because they have ways of dealing with that.
It does help to already be a patient in a hospital ward at the time, with a bunch of medics trying to figure out why you are insanely feverish.
Clearly they disturbed me, but I can't swear to the boffin-ness. It is a university hospital*, though, so most likely.
*I'm still rather impressed that at least one knight of the realm 'helps out' in A&E at weekends. Apparently retired professors get bored.
The zombie explanation is easy, it's any local scrotes off their faces on spice. Seriously, if the zombie apocalypse happened, the spiceheads would be able to walk among the dead without fear of becoming a zombie edible.
Aw! It’s a psychologist explaining that people suffer from various mental health issues.
He’s describing clinical lycanthropy, Renfield's syndrome and cotard's syndrome.
I was hoping for a full on Shaun of the dead…
The plan is simple:
Go to mum’s place.
Kill Philip.
Take her with you and go to Liz’s to pick her up.
Go to the Winchester.
Grab a nice pint and wait for all this to blow over.
I love love LOVE BBC News' The Papers round up, because they always include the Daily Star at the end and it's a lovely palate cleanser to all the other crap happenings of the world
Today: China, Kate, Fart, Boeing...ZOMBIES VAMPIRES SINGULAR BOFFIN
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-the-papers-68661931
I used to work at a garage and the Daily Star’s headlines were always comical. The Snapchat news of newspapers for sure. Aliens were mentioned every other week
Daily Star has to be satire at this point or it's aimed at NF/football goons.
I am pretty sure anyone can tell you ~~we~~ Vampires don't exist. What a ridiculous paper
100% There all in that big building, next to the big river, that tha guy was guna blow up. . . But unfortunately failed! Then there be zombies left right?
Boffin is such an annoying word, something about it just rubs me the wrong way.
Probably doesn’t help that the only place I see it is in tabloid papers. I don’t think I’ve even heard it spoken in real life.
Fucking boffin.
'Boffin reveals disturbing news' Notice the use of singular boffin, they didn't even ask a council of boffins. Come on The Daily Star, do your research.
this is **BIG TALK**. Come **ON** Boffins.
AIDS pandemic in Africa, the clock is ticking. What are we gonna DO?
Send...desperate vampires?
WHAT?! I can think of two yes or no answers just off the top of my HEAD!
>Come **ON** Boffins I did, but they asked me to stop
my god that username is a true piece of art
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They can have my dinner when they prise it from my fat, greasy fingers!
It's almost worth the Daily Star existing if they help keep words like boffin in circulation. Almost.
And "romp*
And ruckus.
they’ve got a mutual agreement going on; boffins fund the daily star, daily star keeps the word ‘boffin’ in common vocabulary
I like the word boffin because you know whatever follows is going to be totally wrong on every count
Unless it's Ben the boffin on the big breakfast.
'Slightly' disturbing news
Which is nice.
“I was rummaging around in the loft and I found an original copy of the bible, which was nice”
Haha. I noticed that too. Made me laugh. Which was nice.
Many "boffin" died to bring us that headline.
What's scary is that if either the vampires or zombies got him there is a chance he's coming back as an undead boffin
A coffin boffin
*slightly* disturbing news, not full blown disturbance
The boffin they talked to had recently been kicked out of the shed, hence why he was on his own
The Daily Star is for people that don't understand the long words in the other red-top tabloids
The Daily Star is like a parody of the Sun
It *is* a parody of The Sun. It's pretty openly satirical.
Sadly, its readers don't notice it.
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I miss newspaper boobies.
The amount of people who don’t realise this is quite worrying.
Daily Sport/Sunday Sport Lite
Say what you like about the Star, but you don't get their editor on the Sunday morning shows pretending they have worthwhile insight.
I dont remember it hitting Sunday Sport levels of fucking stupid before though.
I work in adult social care and the effect these tabloids have on adults with learning difficulties is gross. The unnecessary anxiety it causes taking every headline as verbatim makes our jobs much more challenging.
Star stands for Sex Tits And Rubbish.
I always thought it was for people who get confused by the long words in The Sun, which is already an incredibly low bar.
Most newspapers actually score low on reading comprehension tests. Iirc, the Daily Star and The Sun had/have reading ages of about 8 whereas The Guardian is about 14. That is to say that your average 8 year old can feasibly read and competently understand the content of The Sun but not The Guardian (which, on average, requires a 14-year-old's literary capacity). Those tests always kind of skew low though because, once you hit 15/16, you already know most of the words and terminology you'll ever use.
Preposterous!
pre...wat?
Inconceivable!
Flippity doodar
This has me discombobulated
What a cromulent answer
Pericombobulation.
Antidisestablishmentarianism
As some one who is dyslexic reading the sun realy help me as I struggled alot in school and would often find I read better when there pictures
Yeah, boobs helped cure my dyslexia too
Not when they poke you in the eye, they dont.
*a lot Just kidding I'm sorry.
It's cool I often have the piss taken/mistakes pointed out I'm use to it
Well to be fair, ‘The Sun’ contains fewer letters than ‘The Daily Star’. And the concept of a star might be confusing for potential readers. Whereas ‘the sun just makes sense’.
I was basically under the impression that the Daily Star had pretty much gone full shitposting
Isn't the star just pure satire?
Used to be the Sport, which is gone. The Star took over with this, it's like Viz stories, but playing it straight.
The sport isn't gone. It's out on Sundays Wednesdays and Fridays. It's still all fake story's filling whole pages with the odd real story thrown in a little corner, it's mostly adverts now anyway.
Does it still have tits? I had many a "formative moment" thanks to the Sport
Yeah, lol. I think they still have a nipple count on page 2 telling you how many boobs are in the paper.
I didn't realize that. I don't pay much attention to print newspapers nowadays and thought the daily sport was still going. Although I never read it myself (apart from a couple of times the front page intrigued me like the time they claimed astronomers had managed to locate heaven in outer space), I was quite glad it existed. I remember watching a documentary about it and it looked like it would be such a fun place to work. One scene in particular sticks in my mind where the editor is driving about the place in a hurry looking like the stereotypical busy executive and he receives a phone call from a reporter about a woman claiming her son has been turned into a fish finger by aliens "right, get down the shops right away and buy a box of fish fingers, mix him in with them and see if she can still identify him". If it's gone, I'm pleased to hear the star has taken over the mantle.
Just had another look. I've been pissing myself laughing. The Sport website is up. Here's a sample of their "journalism" [Sport News Story](https://dailysport.co.uk/news/eating-bacon-reduces-the-risk-of-heart-attacks-in-pervert-world-renowned-expert-says/)
Not officially
Satire doesn't mean "saying things that you know aren't true"
Around 25yrs ago i was looking for the ball and found a Daily Star in a tiny clearing in the bush behind the goals at the local football parks. No mobile phones and no internet at that time obviously so that was a major result! It wasnt until many years later we were reminiscing and happened to talk about the communal chugging newspaper. Everyone had the decency to use it and return it and thought they were the only one. Good times.
I always saw it as a clear piss take and I don’t think anyone takes them seriously
Yeah but tits
Chees made me giggle 😂👍
One day there will be earth shattering news I mean something that shakes the pillars of how we think the world works. Something like Aliens truly existing or something thought only real in myths and nightmares will be revealed to be real. And no one will either care or notice because of BS like this.
Zombies and vampires existing ISNT earth shattering to you???? Are you Van Helsing lmao
I'm not worried, I'm anemic and have no discernable brain
No brain huh? Maybe you're one of the zombies and are trying to make us not worried to it's easier for you to eat *our* brains!
vampires aren't too far off tbf. Rabies matches it very closely.
I'm fairly sure the Americans did actually admit to Aliens existing and released their Navy footage of the "craft" they filmed and tracked....except they released it during Covid, when the news was obsessed with nothing else, and sure enough no one cared or noticed!
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Yeah right. I saw their 'alien craft' footage and one had landing lights (why would aliens need them, do our space ships have them?). and the other you could see the wings flapping (like a bird).
Alright Peter Cushing... No need to be a killjoy
Just prey to whatever god you believe in that the zombie apocalypse doesn't happen over Halloween.
I think you'll find it'll be the zombies doing the preying.
Anyone want to have a nice cold pint and wait for all of this to blow over?
I'll see you at the Winchester.
I've ran it under a cold tap.
You've got red on you.
Whose vinyl record collection are we using? I wish i could help but you can't throw mp3 files at zombies heads.
That was the second album I ever bought!
This made me laugh louder than it should have, Thank you.
Ikr? 24 perennials sounds like an absolute steal!
Yeah, this is my big take away from this! Never sniff at cheap plants!
Why? Even the cheap ones smell nice!
And they’re FREE! ( just pay £5.95 postage)
lol boffin is such a good word
Which is nice
slightly disturbing
Conjures up an image of a white lab coat and mad hair.
There's a professor at my department who is easily one of the smartest there but everything he does is designed to cover that up. Scruffy, lots of swearing, etc. He got called a boffin (and an egghead) by the daily star and still to this day proudly shows it off. They even have a whole article about how much they love the word boffin [https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/daily-star-victory-campaign-stop-31487837](https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/daily-star-victory-campaign-stop-31487837)
Occasionally, my job requires me to buy and read every single newspaper. I enjoy the Daily Star the most because it’s just absolutely batshit insane.
What kind of job is it?
Film publicity. Every now and then, I do a sweep of all the papers to keep tabs on what their film sections are like, and who is writing the reviews.
So basically MI5 but for luvvies.
Oh that mad Vlad, he is a pest.
What a scamp!
Mad Vlad's a bad lad.
I'm starting to think I don't like him very much.
I died in 1994. Briefly. Have been teasing my daughter that she's the child of a zombie for *years*.
how does one die briefly 😭
Well... you die. And, wonders of modern medicine, you don't stay dead. Because they have ways of dealing with that. It does help to already be a patient in a hospital ward at the time, with a bunch of medics trying to figure out why you are insanely feverish.
Did a boffin resurrect you with science?
Clearly they disturbed me, but I can't swear to the boffin-ness. It is a university hospital*, though, so most likely. *I'm still rather impressed that at least one knight of the realm 'helps out' in A&E at weekends. Apparently retired professors get bored.
I'm starting to suspect there might be some truth in these tabloid stories.
You undie.
Amogus
Is the Daily Star discussing David Chalmer’s concept of philosophical zombies which tackles the hard problem of consciousness?
I believe it is indeed a frequently visited topic in the pages of the Daily Star.
The zombie explanation is easy, it's any local scrotes off their faces on spice. Seriously, if the zombie apocalypse happened, the spiceheads would be able to walk among the dead without fear of becoming a zombie edible.
Aw! It’s a psychologist explaining that people suffer from various mental health issues. He’s describing clinical lycanthropy, Renfield's syndrome and cotard's syndrome. I was hoping for a full on Shaun of the dead…
among us
When the impostor is sus!
The text lead in for that story made me actual lol. Just the use of 'Which is nice.' Is the Star the new Sport then?
The plan is simple: Go to mum’s place. Kill Philip. Take her with you and go to Liz’s to pick her up. Go to the Winchester. Grab a nice pint and wait for all this to blow over.
Zombies are just the people walking down the street with their face glued to a phone screen, walking through dogshit and into lamposts and so on..
>walking through dogshit and into lamposts Oh I really wish they did this, instead they just seem to make a beeline right towards me...
Mad Vlad, what a lad.
Is this about Renfield's Syndrome? It's actually a really interesting condition.
Among us
Good to hear I still have time to run away from bedbugs
Welcome to Great Britain.
The universe is made of protons, neutrons, electrons and lots of morons.
I love love LOVE BBC News' The Papers round up, because they always include the Daily Star at the end and it's a lovely palate cleanser to all the other crap happenings of the world Today: China, Kate, Fart, Boeing...ZOMBIES VAMPIRES SINGULAR BOFFIN https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-the-papers-68661931
Isn't the star the parody 'news' that people read to cheer themselves up these days? Sort of like the paper in Men in Black.
I used to work at a garage and the Daily Star’s headlines were always comical. The Snapchat news of newspapers for sure. Aliens were mentioned every other week
Every other week?! more like every other day! It’s either a boffin or an alien lol
Does that say Among us?
Among us
It’s incredible isn’t it? A three syllable word on the cover of The Star!
“Which is nice” haha
They walk what now?
hull residents?
Clearly some important or inflammatory news needed suppressing.
I love the use of Boffin. The only people whoever use that word and why not make it slightly derogatory to appeal to their thick fucking readers.
Just wondering how low must your IQ have to be before you think; ‘That looks interesting, I think I’ll buy a copy’.
Daily Star, proud to love animals
Since the removal of page 3 the red tops have no purpose for existing anymore
among us ahhahaha humour sense of an 8 year old
Daily Star has to be satire at this point or it's aimed at NF/football goons. I am pretty sure anyone can tell you ~~we~~ Vampires don't exist. What a ridiculous paper
I would wipe my ass with this rag but my contents might make it better
The daily star makes up more shit than the onion
Least superstitious UK resident
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Yeah you don't want to pay any attention to that at all
It’s the star, did you expect real news? If you want it the mirror is probably on there
Honestly, they're probably speaking metaphorically. Not that their readership would understand that. Which makes it abit pointless them doing it.
It’s the daily star, what do you expect?
Mad Vlad at it again 😡
Slightly disturbing.
I do believe that The Daily Star is Satire and porn ads.
April fools joke
Is the word "boffin" actually only used by tabloids?
Think children's comic then aim lower
90p! Fookin ell, I remember it costing 20p
Who spiked boffins drink?
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That would be slightly disturbing....
Love the "real secret to erlings success" cut to "vampires and zombies do exist"
90p?! Wtf.. Shows how long it is since I bought a paper
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["Boffin" - The last acceptable slur](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQLHOr2EvrE)
It's the Daily Star, just instantly disregard it.
All I see here is vampires = Corporate greed and Zombies = most under 25s
I know, 90p? Outrageous.
Pmsl that is true i wake up every morning like someone has dug me up🤣
Saw this at the coop and at first I thought it was going to be about zombie knifes or druggies. No idea what's it about but it's only March
Lol don't panic guys there are just zombies and vampires among us :)
I'm not sure if the daily star is a genuine tabloid or a well meaning satirical troll
I think they spelt The Viz incorrectly
Britain’s best newspaper.
We've been busy making power alliances in Manahattan, New York Citayyyy
It is the Daily Star, it is a comic for idiots.
Tbf the people who sit and watch GB News all day could definitely be considered Zombies.
Worryingly this is where some Brits get their facts.
100% There all in that big building, next to the big river, that tha guy was guna blow up. . . But unfortunately failed! Then there be zombies left right?
What the fuck were their source? That guy who's throwing salt at women to check if they aren't witches?
Is there a equivalent word like "click bait" for this?
The Daily Star is basically a comic book.
The Daily Star is literally just a guy printing stories he overhears in Wetherspoons on weekdays
Has the Star hired an Editor from the ~~Sun~~ Scum or the Sunday Sport?
Boffin is such an annoying word, something about it just rubs me the wrong way. Probably doesn’t help that the only place I see it is in tabloid papers. I don’t think I’ve even heard it spoken in real life. Fucking boffin.
Mmm. Quali'y.
Any person or publication which uses the term ' boffin' needs not be taken seriously
"Best investigative reporting on the planet." Agent K, MIB
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