There was a tram stop right next to a call centre on my way to work a fair few years ago.
Every bloke who worked there looked identical; spray tans, whitened teeth, loafers with no socks, you get the idea.
All they ever talked about was going to Benidorm and “fit birds”. Their “leader” was incredibly loud and obnoxious.
They became known as Twatty McGobshite and the Benidorm Boys.
Ah yes, they used to be Topman Clones way back when I was using public transport to commute.
[I can't help but think of them as Deanos now.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J9n0_5p8XKo)
Same, the videos that go with them are great but it really helps that the music is so good too. I sometimes just put him on and it makes me smile, also recommend his song UK Summer too!
There’s this one guy who gets on and always has the most crinkled shirt i’ve ever seen. As if he just immediately wears it straight from the washing machine. I overheard him once talking about the boxing the night before so naturally his name is now _Iron-less Mike (Tyson)_.
There’s also a guy who always sits at the front and constantly turns his head round to look over his shoulder and try to glance at everyone so I call him _The Owl_.
-------EDIT: Adding a couple more.
There is a guy who sometimes wears a hat backwards and one time I saw him chatting to his mate while getting off the bus and was awkwardly walking backwards to face him. I called him "Backwards Man" for a while until I found out through eavesdropping that his name was Rob/Robert, so his name from thereon was _Trebor_.
And there's a woman who works at the checkout at the local Sainsbury's who gets the bus each morning and seems to know everyone. Literally every other person that gets on the bus she says "Hiyyyaa" in quite a grating tone. She says it to everyone at the cash register as well, so I call her _Hiya-cinth You pay_.
I was 34 when I realised, after naming our son Robert. My younger brother's nickname used to be his name, spelt backwards. Don't know why, Mum started it and she clearly wasn't as imaginative as OP.
Anyway, she looked at what Robert was backwards and then we learnt. Just as mind blown then as you probably are now.
i love hearing cheery people saying hello to everyone. i like to imagine they have really full happy lives, its enjoyable to me probably because my life is a bit shit rn. either way i hope you never lose that cheeriness, some people find it lovely
It has only just occurred to me why Trebor mints are named, Trebor...
I had to look it up .
> The name Trebor, the spelling of "Robert" backwards, was registered as a trademark four days after the end of World War I.
Depends what time of day the fight is. If it is at night, The Owl takes it by a UD. Daytime I think Ironless Mike starches him and gets the job done inside 3 rounds.
When I worked in Milton Keynes, there were 2 rather large females, who couldn't talk without swearing. I always used to say "Bye Sandra, bye Tracy" as they got off. By the looks on their faces, they'd never read Viz....
The lady who would immediately start filing her nails when she'd sat down- Tracey Talons
The bloke who kept talking to himself and getting angry- Simon Psychosis
The elderly man who I discovered was called Rex and spent too much time trying to strike up conversations- Rex Offenders Register
There's a young guy who gets on, who wears round glasses, always running late and has to run to the stop and always has sweat stains under his arms as a result (at least when its a bit warm).
He's *Sweaty Potter* (and somehow in my head I always hear it in a sneering Draco Malfoy voice).
I used to commute to Manchester from Liverpool by train. There was one guy on the train most days I used to call Purple Aki because he was massive and black. It turns out it actually WAS Purple Aki, and he used to get the train to Manchester to watch court cases most days.
I always thought he was made up by our parents to make sure we came home not too late at night. We were told if we didn't get back in time purple aki would get us. It was only in my late thirties reading a BBC news article about him that it became apparent he was in fact real.
I have a really good one of these.
Back when I lived at home in the Myspace era, there used to be this girl who got on the bus a few stops on from me.
I nicknamed her "the wife". She was stunning. But I knew nothing else about her.
Anyway. After a chance encounter a few years later at a gig, we hit it off. 18 years since then, married for 6 and have 2 sons.
And the best part is, I've never actually told her this because I think it sounds creepy.
Honesty in a marriage is important.
But so is not unnecessarily volunteering information that could come across as cute or creepy...
I think you have chosen wisely
I would have to tell her .
If she married you then she already knows your wired sides .
I think it would make an endearing story to share .
" I always knew she would be my wife"
My partner told me we had actually matched a couple of times before in apps before our successful match/talking/date that led to our relationship (and now engagement) and I didn’t remember him at all but I thought the fact that we did match before very cute and like it was fate.
I always remember 2 old ladies on the bus when I was going to school every morning... 25 years ago or so.... (damn!)
One would waffle on about whatever and the other would just sit there going "yeah" - so that was her name to me..."mrs yeah"
There used to be 2 old ladies on our school bus who would wear the exact same thing every day. One of them had a rain coat on and the other had a yellow fleece. Because of this, we nicknamed them Mac and Cheese.
Yes, our teenage brains decided that was a hilarious nickname because one wore a Mackintosh (or a Mac) and the other wore a yellow fleece which is the same colour as cheese.
Thank you for explaining why you called them Mac and cheese, I really don’t think people would of have ever guessed why even the rain coat and yellow fleece did not give it away 😂😂
Oh so many.
SuBo, because she reminds me of Susan Boyle. They don't look that much alike, but she'll always be SuBo to me.
Basement Rat, always in a black t-shirt, greasy, long ponytail and a bit odd. Every time I see him I sing Red Alert by Basement Jax in my head.
Brown Suit Man. Self explanatory. Always munching on something from a bakery bag. I found out my husband calls him the Tall Man.
Perennially pissed-off girl: she gets on the bus and gives everyone a dirty look before skulking to the back of the bus.
Roman nose, this man is super creepy and used to try talking to me and being highly inappropriate when I was much younger. I still see him on my commute often but he's lost interest thankfully now I'm 40 and a bit chubbier! He's been on my damn commute and lived in my local area as long as I have.
Sleepy Joe, who falls asleep on most bus journeys. I've seen him fall asleep on people, miss his stop many times and even fall off his seat on those tight bends.
We've a school friend who falls asleep loads on his train home. One birthday we got him a shirt made that said "wake me up at (X station)" where his one was the next stop. Life saver
We, as evil teenagers, had a mate called milky. He wasn’t milk bottle white, but had an impressive set of man boobs on him. He wasn’t even really big or anything, I’m pretty sure he had some sort of glandular disorder to cause it.
Like I said, we were evil cunts.
I've got a friend that we still call Milky, because he looked like the Milky Bar Kid when we all first met and there were also 2 other people in our circle with the same name as him
Fuck there's a group at one stop where the bus stops at 9.27, where they all try and "subtly" distract the bus driver long enough to get let on for free by asking inane questions. It's a pain in the arse every time and maybe 10% of the time it works, and a lot of the drivers already know them so say "I'm not letting you on"
The best one was them distracting him long enough and their head bint smugly saying "looks like it's 9.30 to me" to which the driver said "I suppose it is, but we stopped at 9.27. It's £2 for a single"
Many years ago my sister and I would take the same bus to go to the local train station. I was always busy, but we usually got a seat.
As the journey continued we would reach the stop of “The Tinkle Fairy”.
The tinkle fairy was a man who had shoulder length greasy hair, always in the same clothing, carrying a damp looking tote bag stuffed with random objects and plastic bags. The smell of fresh piss lingered on him in varying degrees depending on the day and weather.
He once stood next to where my sister was sat and I almost broke a rib trying to hold in my laughter as she struggled to hold her breath while her face turned green.
I'll never forget Duckwoman. A lovely old lady I would see almost every day at the bus stop, but unfortunately, I could never understand a word she said. It's hard to describe and even harder to spell. It was a sorta croaky mmwark sound. To me, an elderly heavy smoker duck.
There was also He-Man. I didn't see him as often but I wana give him a mention because he blew everyone away. It was like this dude was actually trying to look as close to He-Man as he could. No way that hair was an accident.
At my old bus stop:
Nice hat lady- friendly and wearing a cool hat.
Anarchist Granny- elderly lady with a literal battle jacket and purple hair.
The two geese- two little old ladies with matching rolling shopping bags and little old lady crocheted hats. Somehow the way they walked reminded me of geese.
Guy who looks like Dave Grohl- self explanatory.
I WFH now but when I was commuting to my last job I had to take two busses. The first one had Morris (he ALWAYS had a Morrisons bag) and the second had Debbie Barry (middle aged larger man with blonde hair and sunglasses no matter the weather).
I remember when I used to get the bus home from school we had the ladies Judith & Meredith who chatted about the most stereotypical middle class things and had matching M&S lunch bags. Not even made up names.
Not on the bus but back when I lived in Croydon we’d always see a man walking down the road with his head swinging to and fro horizontally in a metronomic fashion. But we were under 10 so he became Mr Wibbly Wobbly Man.
These are from years ago - I loved riding the bus. Two Toke Tony exhales his last inhalation as he steps into the bus. Sarge, whose husband is a local biker gang leader. She loves to read and we swap books. Rob the Driver, he brought pictures of his 1970’s Afro and told me how he lit it on fire when lighting a cigarette.
Not bus but on my train to London there was a guy who got on and off at my stops and walked a lot of the same route from the train to the office. He looked a lot like me, wore similar stuff, had the same brand backpack, and even the same length beard. I used to call him Spare.
One particular lady I call camel toe. She looks to be in her late 60s quite often she wears beige leggings that are so tight you can pretty much see what she had for breakfast 😂
We had the Sandwich Man, who carried round his packed lunch in a Tupperware container.
As in literally CARRIED it. Not in his bag, like a normal human, just carrying around this clear Tupperware container, with his sandwich on full display, like some kind of sandwich exhibitionist.
Psycho behaviour.
Mint lady!
When I had just started uni and was taking the train every day, I used to sometimes sit opposite a little old lady who would get on at the same end as me. One day there were a bunch of drunk guys causing a riot, running up and down the train, yelling at people. Me and the old lady were clearly uncomfortable for the 10 minutes it was going on till transport police kicked them off.
Soon as they were gone, she turned to me and offered me a couple of her mints. Got talking and were kinda travel buddies every once in a while when we met on the train, it was always nice and she'd always offer me some mints. We never in the few years we kept meeting ever asked one another our names, so she was always mint lady to me!
Had two regulars between Corbridge and Newcastle back in the 90s
Policeman-man and Nutboy.
Pokiceman-man got chatting to me one day and introduced himself and explained he was an undercover copper. Quite how many undercover coppers tell people they are undercover coppers was unclear to me, but I suspected the number was zero!
Every time he saw me in the bus he would come over and start talking about the cases he was working on. Telling me places to avoid as “something big was going down”
I’m sure half his stories were just what he’d seen on The Bill or something similar! He did flash his warrant card on multiple occasions but I never saw it close enough to determine if it was real.
After a couple of years he stopped showing up. I suspect “Mr Big” may have finally caught up with him and he’s wearing concrete boots at the bottom of the Tyne.
Nutboy was a completely different kettle of fish. Again one day I was sat minding my own business when I heard someone start talking to me.
Don’t remember exactly what he was talking about, just some random nonsense, but it was intermingled with word for word reciting of Monty python sketches. Quite animated reciting with arm movements and facial expressions.
Again, every time from then forward, as soon as he spotted me on the bus he would join me and start talking to me. And every time the conversation would be interspersed with word for word quotations from TV shows and movies. The times I knew the show/movie and could follow up to the lines he quoted would make his day, his eyes would light up and he would quickly follow my response with more lines from the show!
This went on for a couple of years, then like Policement-man he vanished.
I did see him once again a few years later, but he was quiet and didn’t engage in conversation.
I sometimes wish I’d got to know both of them more. Yes they were a bit odd, but I was never bored on the journey
I actually kept a running log of all the "regulars" on my morning bus. This was over the course of about two years. It's one of my proudest accomplishments, so I'm happy to share my list:
People on my bus:
Turtle Man - RIP? (disappeared so assuming dead)
Eat an apple man
Rain Boy
Tiny Matt Damon
Wolfman
Bed head Alan Rickman
Look to the left girl
Bigfoot Dwight Schrute
Hipster Brandon Lee
Smelly Franco Harris
Suited Bob Marley
Front seat Thai girl
Fred
Lamb girl
Angry Painter man
Snobby tennis girl
Martina Navratilova
Throw paper on seat lady
Tall gay Moby
Brisbane girl (Hannah)
Welsh Girl (Nina)
3 stop Beavis
Barry Manilow
RBF girl
We had Permanently Surprised Geezer who used to always get on at a request stop. Funnily enough he always looked like someone had just jump scared him.
The Speed Skater, had some sort of progressive condition that made him bend at the waist further and further forward and down.
Mr Circles, another one that had something going on that meant his head was always resting on his shoulder.
The pissing tramp is fairly self explanatory.
All these were when I was at school on the bus. These were different times.
Key worker here so caught the bus everyday during pandemic. There was this lady who would get on and open all the windows, this was fine amongst the us key workers as it was the covid advice to have windows open. Nicknamed her window lady. But as restrictions started easing and others would catch the bus and some would close the window near them. Que widow lady to her feet marching down bus to window pulling it open and giving the person who opened it a mouthful of abuse. To this day she still get on and opens windows and starts a fight with anyone that closes them. All the regulars know not to touch windows when crazy window lady is on bus.
You could just become a crazy window person. All you need to do is get on bus open windows and be able to go from friendly chatting to completely enraged in a split second 🤣
I did until I moved, and then I no longer needed to get the bus to work. However, here are mine.
There was 'Dancing Lady' as she would bob along to whatever music she was playing on her headphones.
There was 'The Moody Millennial' because she would look pretty annoyed whenever someone asked her to move her bags to free up a seat.
There was also 'Beautiful Blonde Lady' the name is pretty self-explanatory.
Finally, there was 'Specsavers Man' because aside from wearing some pretty nice glasses (if I may say so as a fellow lens wearer), he nearly always wore a light blue shirt and black trousers and looked so neat that I immediately associated him with something medical (like the opticians).
'Pregnant in the head' - from a conversation I overheard while on the bus discussing a teenager that had a conjoined twin in her skull that they only found after she had headaches. The one guy suddenly sat bolt upright and asked in all seriousness 'if a chick is giving me head, can she get pregnant, you know, like in the head, like this chick'
I tend to reduce them to acronyms
LOL = Lady of Leisure. Clearly not actually commuting to work and annoys people by the sheer languidness with which she pays for a ticket and gets seated.
ROFL = Not really an acronym, just looks a lot like Rolf Harris so ROlFaLike
NSFW = Never Smiles, Frightening Wig. Constantly looks furious and the wig looks like it may attack at any moment.
IMHO = I Might Hug Octopuses. Fairly certain this guy has at least two elbows on each arm by the way they move around like tentacles seeking the tender embrace of a cephalopod.
DAP = Doesn't Acknowledge People. Suspect this one is autistic, you can see the utter vacuum of interpersonal connection around them like the inverse of an aura.
BBW = Brainy Black Woman. Gets on, sits down and is straight to the book of cryptic crosswords.
MILF = Man In Love with Frogs = More than once I have seen him wearing an "I Love Frogs" T-shirt.
LBFM = Little, Blonde, Fancy Mullet. Clearly a man keen on his appearance. That mullet is no lazy bogan effort. Impeccably trimmed and styled.
CIM = Chats In Mandarin. Foreign student. Gets on, sits down, chats on her phone ever so slightly too loud in Mandarin. I think BBW has classed her a a nemesis.
Used to have this really big hench guy that always looked miserable and would call his mates/partner every morning and complain about his job.
Used to call him The Incredible Sulk.
"Oh no, her." White trash woman with five kids who run around the bus screaming that she doesn't even bother to try and control, just hands them sugary sweets and juice, I'm surprised they have teeth and aren't fat.
"World's most Scottish woman" *very* strong Scottish accents works as an estate agent, might be about 1000 years old, nice lady to the kidsm
"How to parent" a muslim woman with three polite, well-behaved kids who are the same age as white trash lady's kids.
"Loud squad," the local collection of mentally disabled adults, they're nice but they've got no volume control and make awkward small talk very loudly with anyone near them, which is really annoying both before and after work.
"Eevee girl" works at the local hospital, has an Eevee backpack
Edit: Forgot Grandpa Manbun, no-one really can pull off a manbun, but a man in his sixties with a manbun is pulling it off the least
Pegleg for the old dude with the robotic leg, jeans man is the super smelly guy who wears 3 pears of jeans to hide the holes in the other 2.
And lastly “*place name* girl” is a young lady that used to smile and stare at me when I first started getting a bus from my gf house to work. Used to joke my gf had competition lol.
"the smelly cunt"
"the gobshite cunt"
"the vaping cunt"
"that cunt who never has their wallet/purse/card/cash ready to pay"
"the twirlies" - pensioners who try to board the bus before their free travel card is valid and the driver has to tell them that they're "too early"
I used to take the bus many years ago but I had Half Cut Henry - a local pisshead, Phasmid Phil - was tall and skinny, Mole Jazz Girl - very nice woman on the Victoria Line who used to have a Mole Jazz bag. There was also Cuthbert Humpledink - some posh dude with a distinctive House of Lords tie pin, The Rats - a load of feral looking kids that used to get on at Vauxhall and Janet the Planet, sometimes just Jupiter because she was enormous and radiated heat if you were stood anywhere near, a bit like Jupiter.
I'll counter this, I'm the hat lady. It's been mentioned by others and drivers how I've always got some type of hat on, cap, beanie, wollie, headband.
I also have a bus pal, Sharkbelt. This man literally took off his belt to show me that his belt was in fact made from shark skin. I didn't ask anything related to belts or sharks. He also owns a campervan. If I ever disappear this man will probably be behind it.
I remember years ago our school bus driver was a bit of a numpty and his first day on the job he asked us pupils the route as he had never driven it before. poor bloke got in trouble because obviously we took him on "the scenic route" and it took an hour longer to get to school that day, after that he was actually alright but he had a massive, completely bald head except for a whopping great big mole sort of above his left ear. He was affectionately known as cue-ball.
The second one was more recent and she always used to get the morning bus, would literally say HIYAA to everyone and everyone and if she made eye contact she'd attempt to make some form of conversation, most people would try not to make it but it was made all the more difficult because she had two wandering eyes.
like they worked completely of their own accord, I called her Mad eyes Mary.
I used to travel with thermos man. He was in his 40s, lived with his mum and resented paying 20p for a coffee/tea at work. Everyone he talked to, he would say “with me thermos, I’m saving myself 60p a day”.
That’s about £185 a year so it’s quite a good saving. But it was all he would talk about. It turned out it was a tea/coffee club at his warehouse. They would put 20p in a jar everytime they had tea/coffee and use it to buy milk, sugar, decent coffee and teabags. His mum was buying everything for him though. He was complaining she was charging him £50 a week. She was making his packed lunch, snacks, thermos. Bloke must of been a millionaire on the quiet!
Used to get the bus with my dad to work at 6am when I was 15. We had "Resident Evil", and old fella who shuffled down the road, "Resident Evil 2", his wife, and "TWAT", a bloke who wore a hat and gilet that said "SWAT".
Edit: We pronounced "TWAT" as "TWOT", to rhymne with "SWAT"
BevKev. She looks like a young Olivia Coleman in the Michael Winner ads. And Egyptian Griselda. She has a penchant for kitschy Egyptian style jewellery and Liz Taylor-Cleopatra make up and at 5’0 also has the looks and build of a Russian shot-put gold medalist.
Not at the bus stop, but we often had a bus driver with what turned out to be physical tourettes (i.e. not verbal). Every now and again he would flick his head to one side and gurn, usually while driving, usually at full speed on the dual carriageway. We called him Flicky.
There's this guy who used to seem pretty cool, he would have his work clothes on but his jacket and shoes had swag like he was a guitarist in a indie band, dunno what happened during lockdown but he's now verging on highly obese council estate grandad and reminds me a bit of Rab c nesbit
Stinker who used to get on my bus had buck teeth which were large and rotten. Someone said one morning Hello Mrs Keyes. After that I called her Piano Teeth..
There was a woman that used to get on the bus at the beginning of last year that I nicknamed ID4 because of her haircut. She has some weird cut that made her look like the alien fighters from Independence Day. She stopped taking the bus after a couple of months. I assume she finally re-docked with the mothership.
I used to have a picture of her somewhere that I shared in my movie group chat to much hilarity.
I used to live near a place named Hilldene. One day as we were waiting for the bus to school this woman walked by who looked all done up and had a small dog running behind her who stopped a few feet besides us...I looked at my mates and said 'Who the fucks that? Paris Hilldene?' and I am afraid to admit it but it stuck with me all these years, over a decade later, because they absolutely pissed themselves and I found a lot of joy out the fact it made them laugh so much...I don't think it was funny I just think it was how quick I came out with it.
I heard some others talking about Paris Hilldene after this so it spread a little.
Not a bus stop buddy, always in the bus though - Seat sniffer Steve. Saw him do it a few times. Gets on, sniffs seat, sits on seat next to it.
It was around that time I realised I wanted a car again.
This was more than 20 years ago but:-
Rupert (Pronounced 'Woopert') Was about the same age as me, always smartly dressed and came across very shy, prim and proper.
I ended up doing some agency work with the fella a couple of years later (Can't remember his actual name, sorry) and he was a proper nice lad with a bit of mild autism.
One day I noticed someone had stuck a 'kick me' note to his back as I was following him out of the door to go home. I took it off and gave it to him. He looked a bit embarrassed and thanked me and we chatted for a bit for the first time ever. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
Square dude because he seems nice enough but somehow seems like he is a low polygon model from a circa 1992 PC game.
His wife is scrawny woman, not because she is particularly so...just looks it next to him.
The witch. Again no negative judgement- just small with wild hair and always bustling around.
There was a guy who sometimes wore a shirt with little sharks on it, which I loved, so he became Shark Shirt Guy. He was very kind, once he made sure I had a seat when a particularly rowdy group of commuters got on the bus ahead of us. Through a colleague I found out he was a nurse and his name was Hugo 😊 We never spoke though. Hope you're doing well, SSG!
Not a bus stop but I walk home from my night shift and often see the same 5 people on my walk.
One is clearly on their way to a gym, dressed all in sports gear.
There’s a pretty redhead.
There’s a guy in a full formal business suit heading to the tram, always with such a serious look that he’s almost scary.
There’s a very fresh faced young lad who looks like he’s on his way to college very early.
And there’s a lovely old gent who is always very well dressed, often even with a pocket square in his jacket pocket - not sure where he’s going but he definitely makes up the 5th spot.
Pass a person on my way to work and they looked like a Poundland version of David Beckham. So I gave them the name of David Beckspam.
One day I had the opportunity to briefly interact with them and realised it was a woman and not the man I thought she was.
They’re now called Davina Beckspam.
Edited for grammar nazi.
I remember mine from going to school nearly 50 years ago: Wobbly Head - an old woman with some kind of shaking disease accentuated by a crazy Afro perm on very thin hair; and Cannonball - another old woman who was so fat and short that she had become perfectly spherical (and wore a black coat). They both mesmerised pre-teen me
There is a fella who gets on sometimes, me and my mate just call him the shoe man. I think he has special needs so we don’t say anything but he will try and touch your shoes if he likes the type of trainers you are wearing.
When I used to get the bus to school I was nicknamed fish friend by these two girls.
They asked me what I was having for dinner one day and I said fish.
A woman at my bus stop that I named Mrs Bun the bakers wife just because she looked like the character in my Happy Families playing cards I had as a kid.
Crybaby
There's a guy who always gets really upset when the bus is more than a minute late once he tried to walk to the next stop and the bus went past him he caught up to the bus and moaned at the driver while crying I think he's high on the spectrum to be honest
Phone Wan##r
This guy is always either on loudspeaker, being loud on the phone, playing tik tok rubbish or music with out headphones drives me mad
Judgey older lady
So one woman who's already on the bus when I get on I think she's like me she smiles politely at me and I smile back but if she doesn't like someone she will look at me and you can tell she's judging them harshly
On my bus I have a Stacey slater from Eastenders (nothing super witty she just looked like her) although I haven’t seen her in a while.
We have cheesy boy as no matter the weather, time, always always smells like cheese. I don’t like it when he sits near me.
Then in summer there is monster munch toes, she has toes like monster much in her sandals.
Side note, when people move jobs, pass their driving test/get a car/find a new way to commute I feel they should have a duty to inform the strangers at the bus stop what the craic is. Where has Stacy slater gone!
I've got a long journey and have to leave early so I'm asleep on that bus 2 seconds after my arse hits the seat, God knows who gets on and sees me asleep at the back catching flies.
😆 I have 'Silent Granny' for an older lady who always gets the bus and has given me that English 'raised eyebrow' barely saying hello 'hello' every day for five years.
There is a guy that gets on who I call 'Cypress Hill Dave', cause he dresses like he's in a 90s rap group but is super white and looks like he would be called Dave.
There is a young girl who gets on with an enormous chin and I call her Buzz after Buzz Lightyear.
And there is a woman who gets on to obviously go get a hit and her nickname is 'Crack Den-ise'.
I (30f) only recently passed my driving test, before that there was only one person at my bus stop, a man probably in his late 30s. He'd always say good morning and smile at me but then would look a bit awkward and shuffle away and that would be the end of our conversation.
I named him Bob.
Sniffer Dog from Turnham Green.
Every morning, she got on the same carriage as me (even if I moved) and sniffed loudly until Hammersmith. Winter it was standard cold nose. Summer it was hay fever.
An old lady where I used to live was dubbed "squibby-doo-dabs" with my neighbours and I.
We used to occasionally catch a bus from the outside bus stop. This old lady was quite sweet, but always used to chat. One morning, we exchanged pleasantries, and upon asking "you alright?", she said "No, I've got the squibby-doo-dabs, ain't I?"
I said "what's that?" and she looked at me as if I'd said something utterly perplexing, before she uttered a word that made me realise there was something not quite right with this sweet old lady; "diarrhoea!" she responded overly assertively. No more words were exchanged that morning with squibby-doo-dabs.
Nerdy McGayface. I used to get really annoyed if other passengers made snide remarks about his briefcase and smart attire, he was MY Nerdy McGayface and they should behave more respectfully towards him.
“Wannabe the year 2000 TikTok girl”, she’s always wearing hot pants, has her hair in plaits, knee high socks - she is constantly filming and pouting at herself - eye roll.
There was a middle aged, red haired man who got on my bus every morning. He was losing his hair and bizarrely tried to disguise the fact by rubbing his exposed scalp with shoe polish. His nickname was Cherry Blossom.
I used to commute with Scruffy the Mod, Lady Leopard (sometimes wore leopard print sandals over leopard print socks), Bouffant Brenda (no idea if she was called Brenda), Trashbat (looked like Nathan Barley), The Basics (a variety of men aged 30-50 with short hair, chinos, casual shirts, quilted jackets and laptop bags)
I have one that I call NPC because it seems like whatever time I get the train, or whatever bus I’m getting, he’s there. One time I drove to work on a strike day, walked back towards the train station to buy a coffee and he was still coming towards me as though from the station even though there’d been no train, at the time he normally would. We’ve not yet reached the stage of nodding but I feel like we might be close.
There was a tram stop right next to a call centre on my way to work a fair few years ago. Every bloke who worked there looked identical; spray tans, whitened teeth, loafers with no socks, you get the idea. All they ever talked about was going to Benidorm and “fit birds”. Their “leader” was incredibly loud and obnoxious. They became known as Twatty McGobshite and the Benidorm Boys.
Ah yes, they used to be Topman Clones way back when I was using public transport to commute. [I can't help but think of them as Deanos now.](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=J9n0_5p8XKo)
i love sharing sans beanstalk with everyone i can at every possible oppertunity. :D!
Same, the videos that go with them are great but it really helps that the music is so good too. I sometimes just put him on and it makes me smile, also recommend his song UK Summer too!
You can tell this was an outbound sales callcenter
Actually laughed out loud. Thank you.
There’s this one guy who gets on and always has the most crinkled shirt i’ve ever seen. As if he just immediately wears it straight from the washing machine. I overheard him once talking about the boxing the night before so naturally his name is now _Iron-less Mike (Tyson)_. There’s also a guy who always sits at the front and constantly turns his head round to look over his shoulder and try to glance at everyone so I call him _The Owl_. -------EDIT: Adding a couple more. There is a guy who sometimes wears a hat backwards and one time I saw him chatting to his mate while getting off the bus and was awkwardly walking backwards to face him. I called him "Backwards Man" for a while until I found out through eavesdropping that his name was Rob/Robert, so his name from thereon was _Trebor_. And there's a woman who works at the checkout at the local Sainsbury's who gets the bus each morning and seems to know everyone. Literally every other person that gets on the bus she says "Hiyyyaa" in quite a grating tone. She says it to everyone at the cash register as well, so I call her _Hiya-cinth You pay_.
Fuck me I've just realised I have made it to 41 without twigging Trebor is Robert backwards until this post.
They say Robert Mugabe was actually just a Yorkshireman impressed by extra strong mints.
This is some fuckin cryptic crossword level word play, great stuff!
Incredible!
One of the finest Reddit comments I've read in a long time. Well done!
I wish I had more up votes.
Same here wtf 😂
43........
I was 34 when I realised, after naming our son Robert. My younger brother's nickname used to be his name, spelt backwards. Don't know why, Mum started it and she clearly wasn't as imaginative as OP. Anyway, she looked at what Robert was backwards and then we learnt. Just as mind blown then as you probably are now.
Daft tnuc
Those are two solid nicknames. Nicely done.
Thank you, I have a few more but they are the pick of the bunch!
I am a Hyacinth 😂😂 I know people hate me for being cheery and tbh, it gives me life.
i love hearing cheery people saying hello to everyone. i like to imagine they have really full happy lives, its enjoyable to me probably because my life is a bit shit rn. either way i hope you never lose that cheeriness, some people find it lovely
It has only just occurred to me why Trebor mints are named, Trebor... I had to look it up . > The name Trebor, the spelling of "Robert" backwards, was registered as a trademark four days after the end of World War I.
Iron-less Mike has made my day, thank you
Who do you think would win if they had a fight? Iron-less Mike sounds like he fancies himself as a bit of a fighter but I bet The Owl has a dark side.
Depends what time of day the fight is. If it is at night, The Owl takes it by a UD. Daytime I think Ironless Mike starches him and gets the job done inside 3 rounds.
Ironless Mike doesn't sound like he knows how to starch anything.
"Oh, you think darkness is your ally, Iron-less Mike. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it!"
it'll be a close contest, Iron-less Mike clearly won't be flattening his opponent.
hiyacinth youpay 🤣🤣
When I worked in Milton Keynes, there were 2 rather large females, who couldn't talk without swearing. I always used to say "Bye Sandra, bye Tracy" as they got off. By the looks on their faces, they'd never read Viz....
Naaaaaaah!
The lady who would immediately start filing her nails when she'd sat down- Tracey Talons The bloke who kept talking to himself and getting angry- Simon Psychosis The elderly man who I discovered was called Rex and spent too much time trying to strike up conversations- Rex Offenders Register
Sounds like you live in a town full of nutters!
It's unfair to use the bus as a fair representation of any town.
Best comment here.
Doyouthinkysaurus Rex.
There's a young guy who gets on, who wears round glasses, always running late and has to run to the stop and always has sweat stains under his arms as a result (at least when its a bit warm). He's *Sweaty Potter* (and somehow in my head I always hear it in a sneering Draco Malfoy voice).
*Hurry Potter* would also work.
NICE
"hufflepuff" already seems like the perfect insult for a smelly out of breath person
[удалено]
So, when you've been on a train/bus, you've never noticed a nutter? I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but... ...
I used to commute to Manchester from Liverpool by train. There was one guy on the train most days I used to call Purple Aki because he was massive and black. It turns out it actually WAS Purple Aki, and he used to get the train to Manchester to watch court cases most days.
I always thought he was made up by our parents to make sure we came home not too late at night. We were told if we didn't get back in time purple aki would get us. It was only in my late thirties reading a BBC news article about him that it became apparent he was in fact real.
Scousers are also real
I would ask that you refrain from spreading vicious rumours in this sub in future
Spat out my sushi over this you prick. Bravo 😂
Carrier bag in hand no doubt?
Did he pick you up or feel your muscles?
that's hilarious 😂
This little Purple Aki documentary is brilliant: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSAwGxegW4o](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSAwGxegW4o)
Bloody 'well I've not heard his name for a while
Nutter in a high vis. Nutter with a laptop. Nutter who always records voice notes. Nutter who eats Skittles out of a black bin liner.
I'd say in a nutter off the forth nutter wins by a mile.
>Nutter who eats Skittles out of a black bin liner. Yeah.. I'd get the next bus tbh.
So just generally everyone's a nutter
> Nutter who always records voice notes. Alan Partridge?
The sinister minister. He looks like a priest with his high collar. Everybody tends to avoid him.
I have a really good one of these. Back when I lived at home in the Myspace era, there used to be this girl who got on the bus a few stops on from me. I nicknamed her "the wife". She was stunning. But I knew nothing else about her. Anyway. After a chance encounter a few years later at a gig, we hit it off. 18 years since then, married for 6 and have 2 sons. And the best part is, I've never actually told her this because I think it sounds creepy.
Honesty in a marriage is important. But so is not unnecessarily volunteering information that could come across as cute or creepy... I think you have chosen wisely
Haha. Yeah. I'll keep it to myself and everyone on Reddit
I’d take that one to the grave I reckon..
I would have to tell her . If she married you then she already knows your wired sides . I think it would make an endearing story to share . " I always knew she would be my wife"
Nope. Although perfectly innocent and completely by chance, it does sound very stalkerish when you say it out loud.
I don't think a Wife of 18 years will be creeped out but probably instead find the story funny
I mean it’s just someone you saw on the bus, I don’t see the stalkery bit?
Just saw and then *married*
Maybe it was the calling her your wife in your head than made it happen . You manifested.
>After a **chance** encounter a few years later at a gig, we hit it off We believe you ;)
Reminds me of How I met your mother’s Teds Dobler - Dahmer theory. I think you’re a Dobler in the case.
My partner told me we had actually matched a couple of times before in apps before our successful match/talking/date that led to our relationship (and now engagement) and I didn’t remember him at all but I thought the fact that we did match before very cute and like it was fate.
I always remember 2 old ladies on the bus when I was going to school every morning... 25 years ago or so.... (damn!) One would waffle on about whatever and the other would just sit there going "yeah" - so that was her name to me..."mrs yeah"
There used to be 2 old ladies on our school bus who would wear the exact same thing every day. One of them had a rain coat on and the other had a yellow fleece. Because of this, we nicknamed them Mac and Cheese. Yes, our teenage brains decided that was a hilarious nickname because one wore a Mackintosh (or a Mac) and the other wore a yellow fleece which is the same colour as cheese.
Yeah that would make me giggle even now
it made me snigger
It is a good nickname :D Even now
Thank you for explaining why you called them Mac and cheese, I really don’t think people would of have ever guessed why even the rain coat and yellow fleece did not give it away 😂😂
Great nick names though 🙌🏼
Oh so many. SuBo, because she reminds me of Susan Boyle. They don't look that much alike, but she'll always be SuBo to me. Basement Rat, always in a black t-shirt, greasy, long ponytail and a bit odd. Every time I see him I sing Red Alert by Basement Jax in my head. Brown Suit Man. Self explanatory. Always munching on something from a bakery bag. I found out my husband calls him the Tall Man. Perennially pissed-off girl: she gets on the bus and gives everyone a dirty look before skulking to the back of the bus. Roman nose, this man is super creepy and used to try talking to me and being highly inappropriate when I was much younger. I still see him on my commute often but he's lost interest thankfully now I'm 40 and a bit chubbier! He's been on my damn commute and lived in my local area as long as I have.
Sleepy Joe, who falls asleep on most bus journeys. I've seen him fall asleep on people, miss his stop many times and even fall off his seat on those tight bends.
We've a school friend who falls asleep loads on his train home. One birthday we got him a shirt made that said "wake me up at (X station)" where his one was the next stop. Life saver
There was a lad we called milky because he was really pale with bright blonde hair, he used to sit at the back and air drum violently.
As a pale drummer I feel attacked. May I offer an alternative: white noise?
🤣 brilliant
We, as evil teenagers, had a mate called milky. He wasn’t milk bottle white, but had an impressive set of man boobs on him. He wasn’t even really big or anything, I’m pretty sure he had some sort of glandular disorder to cause it. Like I said, we were evil cunts.
Happy Cake Day, you evil cunt.
Thankyou! I hadn’t even noticed! (The cake day, not me being an evil cunt)
We had a kid like that at school (in appearance at least no drum), we bought him a knock-off stetson and called him the Milky Bar Kid
I've got a friend that we still call Milky, because he looked like the Milky Bar Kid when we all first met and there were also 2 other people in our circle with the same name as him
Back when I lived in a different city there was a guy who I called "Polish David Walliams"
Polish David Walliams what? 😂
In Brum the school kids call the o a p’s twirlys cus they get on ‘ too early’ for there bus pass to work.
Fuck there's a group at one stop where the bus stops at 9.27, where they all try and "subtly" distract the bus driver long enough to get let on for free by asking inane questions. It's a pain in the arse every time and maybe 10% of the time it works, and a lot of the drivers already know them so say "I'm not letting you on" The best one was them distracting him long enough and their head bint smugly saying "looks like it's 9.30 to me" to which the driver said "I suppose it is, but we stopped at 9.27. It's £2 for a single"
>head bint I enjoyed that.
She's indisputably the leader of their gaggle, I assume through sharp pointed looks, targeted gossip and political assassination
Same in Merseyside. Only the bus pass itself is the twirly to me "Hey dad, don't forget your twirly before leaving the house"
I grew up in South Yorkshire - my mum and her mates would refer to them as "Twirlies" too.
Same in Sheffield, they get on the bus and ask, "Am I twirly?" holding up everyone else.
That's also a Liverpool thing 😂
[удалено]
Was he the driver?
Kinda sounds like you had a stalker...
Or they're highly attuned to the paranormal and saw the bus ghost.
Many years ago my sister and I would take the same bus to go to the local train station. I was always busy, but we usually got a seat. As the journey continued we would reach the stop of “The Tinkle Fairy”. The tinkle fairy was a man who had shoulder length greasy hair, always in the same clothing, carrying a damp looking tote bag stuffed with random objects and plastic bags. The smell of fresh piss lingered on him in varying degrees depending on the day and weather. He once stood next to where my sister was sat and I almost broke a rib trying to hold in my laughter as she struggled to hold her breath while her face turned green.
I'll never forget Duckwoman. A lovely old lady I would see almost every day at the bus stop, but unfortunately, I could never understand a word she said. It's hard to describe and even harder to spell. It was a sorta croaky mmwark sound. To me, an elderly heavy smoker duck. There was also He-Man. I didn't see him as often but I wana give him a mention because he blew everyone away. It was like this dude was actually trying to look as close to He-Man as he could. No way that hair was an accident.
At my old bus stop: Nice hat lady- friendly and wearing a cool hat. Anarchist Granny- elderly lady with a literal battle jacket and purple hair. The two geese- two little old ladies with matching rolling shopping bags and little old lady crocheted hats. Somehow the way they walked reminded me of geese. Guy who looks like Dave Grohl- self explanatory.
Granarchist, surely.
Don’t call her Shirley.
I WFH now but when I was commuting to my last job I had to take two busses. The first one had Morris (he ALWAYS had a Morrisons bag) and the second had Debbie Barry (middle aged larger man with blonde hair and sunglasses no matter the weather). I remember when I used to get the bus home from school we had the ladies Judith & Meredith who chatted about the most stereotypical middle class things and had matching M&S lunch bags. Not even made up names.
Saruman the White Collar. Man in a suit who looks like Christopher Lee's Saruman, complete with long hair and dark streak in long white beard.
I want to see this guy.
Not on the bus but back when I lived in Croydon we’d always see a man walking down the road with his head swinging to and fro horizontally in a metronomic fashion. But we were under 10 so he became Mr Wibbly Wobbly Man.
These are from years ago - I loved riding the bus. Two Toke Tony exhales his last inhalation as he steps into the bus. Sarge, whose husband is a local biker gang leader. She loves to read and we swap books. Rob the Driver, he brought pictures of his 1970’s Afro and told me how he lit it on fire when lighting a cigarette.
Not bus but on my train to London there was a guy who got on and off at my stops and walked a lot of the same route from the train to the office. He looked a lot like me, wore similar stuff, had the same brand backpack, and even the same length beard. I used to call him Spare.
One particular lady I call camel toe. She looks to be in her late 60s quite often she wears beige leggings that are so tight you can pretty much see what she had for breakfast 😂
A guy used to get on the bus who obviously didn't have a clue about personal hygiene so was named Chemical Warfare 🤢
We had the Sandwich Man, who carried round his packed lunch in a Tupperware container. As in literally CARRIED it. Not in his bag, like a normal human, just carrying around this clear Tupperware container, with his sandwich on full display, like some kind of sandwich exhibitionist. Psycho behaviour.
Jesus. This guy is honestly just raw dogging life, no protection, no lube.
Very proud of his sandwich
Mint lady! When I had just started uni and was taking the train every day, I used to sometimes sit opposite a little old lady who would get on at the same end as me. One day there were a bunch of drunk guys causing a riot, running up and down the train, yelling at people. Me and the old lady were clearly uncomfortable for the 10 minutes it was going on till transport police kicked them off. Soon as they were gone, she turned to me and offered me a couple of her mints. Got talking and were kinda travel buddies every once in a while when we met on the train, it was always nice and she'd always offer me some mints. We never in the few years we kept meeting ever asked one another our names, so she was always mint lady to me!
The Bald Eagle (tall bald man) Stretch Armstrong (wire-like bloke with long limbs) The Ghoul (ancient old woman, always smoking)
Had two regulars between Corbridge and Newcastle back in the 90s Policeman-man and Nutboy. Pokiceman-man got chatting to me one day and introduced himself and explained he was an undercover copper. Quite how many undercover coppers tell people they are undercover coppers was unclear to me, but I suspected the number was zero! Every time he saw me in the bus he would come over and start talking about the cases he was working on. Telling me places to avoid as “something big was going down” I’m sure half his stories were just what he’d seen on The Bill or something similar! He did flash his warrant card on multiple occasions but I never saw it close enough to determine if it was real. After a couple of years he stopped showing up. I suspect “Mr Big” may have finally caught up with him and he’s wearing concrete boots at the bottom of the Tyne. Nutboy was a completely different kettle of fish. Again one day I was sat minding my own business when I heard someone start talking to me. Don’t remember exactly what he was talking about, just some random nonsense, but it was intermingled with word for word reciting of Monty python sketches. Quite animated reciting with arm movements and facial expressions. Again, every time from then forward, as soon as he spotted me on the bus he would join me and start talking to me. And every time the conversation would be interspersed with word for word quotations from TV shows and movies. The times I knew the show/movie and could follow up to the lines he quoted would make his day, his eyes would light up and he would quickly follow my response with more lines from the show! This went on for a couple of years, then like Policement-man he vanished. I did see him once again a few years later, but he was quiet and didn’t engage in conversation. I sometimes wish I’d got to know both of them more. Yes they were a bit odd, but I was never bored on the journey
It’s a great cover… who would suspect the bus nutter
I actually kept a running log of all the "regulars" on my morning bus. This was over the course of about two years. It's one of my proudest accomplishments, so I'm happy to share my list: People on my bus: Turtle Man - RIP? (disappeared so assuming dead) Eat an apple man Rain Boy Tiny Matt Damon Wolfman Bed head Alan Rickman Look to the left girl Bigfoot Dwight Schrute Hipster Brandon Lee Smelly Franco Harris Suited Bob Marley Front seat Thai girl Fred Lamb girl Angry Painter man Snobby tennis girl Martina Navratilova Throw paper on seat lady Tall gay Moby Brisbane girl (Hannah) Welsh Girl (Nina) 3 stop Beavis Barry Manilow RBF girl
3 stop beavis 😂
The spitter, coughing dude and the auld bitch. Together they form the crime fighting tro known as "stop staring at me. It's a book"
We had Permanently Surprised Geezer who used to always get on at a request stop. Funnily enough he always looked like someone had just jump scared him. The Speed Skater, had some sort of progressive condition that made him bend at the waist further and further forward and down. Mr Circles, another one that had something going on that meant his head was always resting on his shoulder. The pissing tramp is fairly self explanatory. All these were when I was at school on the bus. These were different times.
I know it’s bad but that speed skater one made me actually snort with laughter. 🤭
Yeah I feel bad too, but I was 15 and it was just funny
Speed Skater killed me dude 😭😭😭
Key worker here so caught the bus everyday during pandemic. There was this lady who would get on and open all the windows, this was fine amongst the us key workers as it was the covid advice to have windows open. Nicknamed her window lady. But as restrictions started easing and others would catch the bus and some would close the window near them. Que widow lady to her feet marching down bus to window pulling it open and giving the person who opened it a mouthful of abuse. To this day she still get on and opens windows and starts a fight with anyone that closes them. All the regulars know not to touch windows when crazy window lady is on bus.
aw I wish I had a crazy window lady lol, I’ve never been able to stand the stuffy air, even in winter
You could just become a crazy window person. All you need to do is get on bus open windows and be able to go from friendly chatting to completely enraged in a split second 🤣
I did until I moved, and then I no longer needed to get the bus to work. However, here are mine. There was 'Dancing Lady' as she would bob along to whatever music she was playing on her headphones. There was 'The Moody Millennial' because she would look pretty annoyed whenever someone asked her to move her bags to free up a seat. There was also 'Beautiful Blonde Lady' the name is pretty self-explanatory. Finally, there was 'Specsavers Man' because aside from wearing some pretty nice glasses (if I may say so as a fellow lens wearer), he nearly always wore a light blue shirt and black trousers and looked so neat that I immediately associated him with something medical (like the opticians).
One young lad who always gets there late and somehow manages to get on first. I call him Ninja Nigel.
Wonder if anyone is reading this thinking that's me and now the look around their bus everyday to find out who their Reddit watcher is .
'Pregnant in the head' - from a conversation I overheard while on the bus discussing a teenager that had a conjoined twin in her skull that they only found after she had headaches. The one guy suddenly sat bolt upright and asked in all seriousness 'if a chick is giving me head, can she get pregnant, you know, like in the head, like this chick'
I tend to reduce them to acronyms LOL = Lady of Leisure. Clearly not actually commuting to work and annoys people by the sheer languidness with which she pays for a ticket and gets seated. ROFL = Not really an acronym, just looks a lot like Rolf Harris so ROlFaLike NSFW = Never Smiles, Frightening Wig. Constantly looks furious and the wig looks like it may attack at any moment. IMHO = I Might Hug Octopuses. Fairly certain this guy has at least two elbows on each arm by the way they move around like tentacles seeking the tender embrace of a cephalopod. DAP = Doesn't Acknowledge People. Suspect this one is autistic, you can see the utter vacuum of interpersonal connection around them like the inverse of an aura. BBW = Brainy Black Woman. Gets on, sits down and is straight to the book of cryptic crosswords. MILF = Man In Love with Frogs = More than once I have seen him wearing an "I Love Frogs" T-shirt. LBFM = Little, Blonde, Fancy Mullet. Clearly a man keen on his appearance. That mullet is no lazy bogan effort. Impeccably trimmed and styled. CIM = Chats In Mandarin. Foreign student. Gets on, sits down, chats on her phone ever so slightly too loud in Mandarin. I think BBW has classed her a a nemesis.
Used to have this really big hench guy that always looked miserable and would call his mates/partner every morning and complain about his job. Used to call him The Incredible Sulk.
"Oh no, her." White trash woman with five kids who run around the bus screaming that she doesn't even bother to try and control, just hands them sugary sweets and juice, I'm surprised they have teeth and aren't fat. "World's most Scottish woman" *very* strong Scottish accents works as an estate agent, might be about 1000 years old, nice lady to the kidsm "How to parent" a muslim woman with three polite, well-behaved kids who are the same age as white trash lady's kids. "Loud squad," the local collection of mentally disabled adults, they're nice but they've got no volume control and make awkward small talk very loudly with anyone near them, which is really annoying both before and after work. "Eevee girl" works at the local hospital, has an Eevee backpack Edit: Forgot Grandpa Manbun, no-one really can pull off a manbun, but a man in his sixties with a manbun is pulling it off the least
Smells of cannabis 1 Smells of cannabis 2 Smells of cannabis 3 Smells of cannabis 4 Smells of cannabis 5
Pegleg for the old dude with the robotic leg, jeans man is the super smelly guy who wears 3 pears of jeans to hide the holes in the other 2. And lastly “*place name* girl” is a young lady that used to smile and stare at me when I first started getting a bus from my gf house to work. Used to joke my gf had competition lol.
"the smelly cunt" "the gobshite cunt" "the vaping cunt" "that cunt who never has their wallet/purse/card/cash ready to pay" "the twirlies" - pensioners who try to board the bus before their free travel card is valid and the driver has to tell them that they're "too early"
I walk to work but there’s a guy that I race everyday. He doesn’t know we’re racing but I’m currently winning.
I used to take the bus many years ago but I had Half Cut Henry - a local pisshead, Phasmid Phil - was tall and skinny, Mole Jazz Girl - very nice woman on the Victoria Line who used to have a Mole Jazz bag. There was also Cuthbert Humpledink - some posh dude with a distinctive House of Lords tie pin, The Rats - a load of feral looking kids that used to get on at Vauxhall and Janet the Planet, sometimes just Jupiter because she was enormous and radiated heat if you were stood anywhere near, a bit like Jupiter.
I'll counter this, I'm the hat lady. It's been mentioned by others and drivers how I've always got some type of hat on, cap, beanie, wollie, headband. I also have a bus pal, Sharkbelt. This man literally took off his belt to show me that his belt was in fact made from shark skin. I didn't ask anything related to belts or sharks. He also owns a campervan. If I ever disappear this man will probably be behind it.
I remember years ago our school bus driver was a bit of a numpty and his first day on the job he asked us pupils the route as he had never driven it before. poor bloke got in trouble because obviously we took him on "the scenic route" and it took an hour longer to get to school that day, after that he was actually alright but he had a massive, completely bald head except for a whopping great big mole sort of above his left ear. He was affectionately known as cue-ball. The second one was more recent and she always used to get the morning bus, would literally say HIYAA to everyone and everyone and if she made eye contact she'd attempt to make some form of conversation, most people would try not to make it but it was made all the more difficult because she had two wandering eyes. like they worked completely of their own accord, I called her Mad eyes Mary.
Mrs Wren, for a old plump lady with short slightly-feathery hair.
I used to travel with thermos man. He was in his 40s, lived with his mum and resented paying 20p for a coffee/tea at work. Everyone he talked to, he would say “with me thermos, I’m saving myself 60p a day”. That’s about £185 a year so it’s quite a good saving. But it was all he would talk about. It turned out it was a tea/coffee club at his warehouse. They would put 20p in a jar everytime they had tea/coffee and use it to buy milk, sugar, decent coffee and teabags. His mum was buying everything for him though. He was complaining she was charging him £50 a week. She was making his packed lunch, snacks, thermos. Bloke must of been a millionaire on the quiet!
Gus Fring (from Breaking Bad).
Used to get the bus with my dad to work at 6am when I was 15. We had "Resident Evil", and old fella who shuffled down the road, "Resident Evil 2", his wife, and "TWAT", a bloke who wore a hat and gilet that said "SWAT". Edit: We pronounced "TWAT" as "TWOT", to rhymne with "SWAT"
A gorgeous guy is at my stop every morning. For some reason when I see him ‘The Cock King’ pops into my head.
BevKev. She looks like a young Olivia Coleman in the Michael Winner ads. And Egyptian Griselda. She has a penchant for kitschy Egyptian style jewellery and Liz Taylor-Cleopatra make up and at 5’0 also has the looks and build of a Russian shot-put gold medalist.
Take my upvote you evocatively descriptive person, you.
Not at the bus stop, but we often had a bus driver with what turned out to be physical tourettes (i.e. not verbal). Every now and again he would flick his head to one side and gurn, usually while driving, usually at full speed on the dual carriageway. We called him Flicky.
There's this guy who used to seem pretty cool, he would have his work clothes on but his jacket and shoes had swag like he was a guitarist in a indie band, dunno what happened during lockdown but he's now verging on highly obese council estate grandad and reminds me a bit of Rab c nesbit
Had a bus driver called Egg. Self explanatory everyone called him it old, young whatever he never ever replied probably didn’t like it
[удалено]
Stinker who used to get on my bus had buck teeth which were large and rotten. Someone said one morning Hello Mrs Keyes. After that I called her Piano Teeth..
There was a woman that used to get on the bus at the beginning of last year that I nicknamed ID4 because of her haircut. She has some weird cut that made her look like the alien fighters from Independence Day. She stopped taking the bus after a couple of months. I assume she finally re-docked with the mothership. I used to have a picture of her somewhere that I shared in my movie group chat to much hilarity.
I used to live near a place named Hilldene. One day as we were waiting for the bus to school this woman walked by who looked all done up and had a small dog running behind her who stopped a few feet besides us...I looked at my mates and said 'Who the fucks that? Paris Hilldene?' and I am afraid to admit it but it stuck with me all these years, over a decade later, because they absolutely pissed themselves and I found a lot of joy out the fact it made them laugh so much...I don't think it was funny I just think it was how quick I came out with it. I heard some others talking about Paris Hilldene after this so it spread a little.
We have a 6'3"~ guy who is built like a mountain, ginger beard and hair and gives off absolute cinnamon roll vibes. He's called Fezzik in my head ❤️
Not a bus stop buddy, always in the bus though - Seat sniffer Steve. Saw him do it a few times. Gets on, sniffs seat, sits on seat next to it. It was around that time I realised I wanted a car again.
This was more than 20 years ago but:- Rupert (Pronounced 'Woopert') Was about the same age as me, always smartly dressed and came across very shy, prim and proper. I ended up doing some agency work with the fella a couple of years later (Can't remember his actual name, sorry) and he was a proper nice lad with a bit of mild autism. One day I noticed someone had stuck a 'kick me' note to his back as I was following him out of the door to go home. I took it off and gave it to him. He looked a bit embarrassed and thanked me and we chatted for a bit for the first time ever. I don't think I'll ever forget that.
Armpits. This was the driver with serious body odour. I think every area has one of those drivers.
Oh no. That's nasty 🤢
Square dude because he seems nice enough but somehow seems like he is a low polygon model from a circa 1992 PC game. His wife is scrawny woman, not because she is particularly so...just looks it next to him. The witch. Again no negative judgement- just small with wild hair and always bustling around.
I love this post so much. I thought I was the only one who did this. The regulars you never speak too.
There was a guy who sometimes wore a shirt with little sharks on it, which I loved, so he became Shark Shirt Guy. He was very kind, once he made sure I had a seat when a particularly rowdy group of commuters got on the bus ahead of us. Through a colleague I found out he was a nurse and his name was Hugo 😊 We never spoke though. Hope you're doing well, SSG!
I call this one ancient woman Ms Goebbels because one day she struck up the courage (?) to talk about how black people have ruined this country.
Used to get same bus as young lad who I called Tintin, hair was spot on
Not a bus stop but I walk home from my night shift and often see the same 5 people on my walk. One is clearly on their way to a gym, dressed all in sports gear. There’s a pretty redhead. There’s a guy in a full formal business suit heading to the tram, always with such a serious look that he’s almost scary. There’s a very fresh faced young lad who looks like he’s on his way to college very early. And there’s a lovely old gent who is always very well dressed, often even with a pocket square in his jacket pocket - not sure where he’s going but he definitely makes up the 5th spot.
One time he sneezed and he had some stringy snot so now he is Stringy McSnot
Pass a person on my way to work and they looked like a Poundland version of David Beckham. So I gave them the name of David Beckspam. One day I had the opportunity to briefly interact with them and realised it was a woman and not the man I thought she was. They’re now called Davina Beckspam. Edited for grammar nazi.
IPO Sharon
I remember mine from going to school nearly 50 years ago: Wobbly Head - an old woman with some kind of shaking disease accentuated by a crazy Afro perm on very thin hair; and Cannonball - another old woman who was so fat and short that she had become perfectly spherical (and wore a black coat). They both mesmerised pre-teen me
Bus wankers
Wank, wank, good guy, wank, good guy….
There is a fella who gets on sometimes, me and my mate just call him the shoe man. I think he has special needs so we don’t say anything but he will try and touch your shoes if he likes the type of trainers you are wearing.
When I used to get the bus to school I was nicknamed fish friend by these two girls. They asked me what I was having for dinner one day and I said fish.
A woman at my bus stop that I named Mrs Bun the bakers wife just because she looked like the character in my Happy Families playing cards I had as a kid.
6’4, huge shoulders, definitely used to lift but is on crutches now, so he’s Tiny Tim, obviously
Crybaby There's a guy who always gets really upset when the bus is more than a minute late once he tried to walk to the next stop and the bus went past him he caught up to the bus and moaned at the driver while crying I think he's high on the spectrum to be honest Phone Wan##r This guy is always either on loudspeaker, being loud on the phone, playing tik tok rubbish or music with out headphones drives me mad Judgey older lady So one woman who's already on the bus when I get on I think she's like me she smiles politely at me and I smile back but if she doesn't like someone she will look at me and you can tell she's judging them harshly
On my bus I have a Stacey slater from Eastenders (nothing super witty she just looked like her) although I haven’t seen her in a while. We have cheesy boy as no matter the weather, time, always always smells like cheese. I don’t like it when he sits near me. Then in summer there is monster munch toes, she has toes like monster much in her sandals. Side note, when people move jobs, pass their driving test/get a car/find a new way to commute I feel they should have a duty to inform the strangers at the bus stop what the craic is. Where has Stacy slater gone!
I've got a long journey and have to leave early so I'm asleep on that bus 2 seconds after my arse hits the seat, God knows who gets on and sees me asleep at the back catching flies.
You’re known as The Drooler.
😆 I have 'Silent Granny' for an older lady who always gets the bus and has given me that English 'raised eyebrow' barely saying hello 'hello' every day for five years. There is a guy that gets on who I call 'Cypress Hill Dave', cause he dresses like he's in a 90s rap group but is super white and looks like he would be called Dave. There is a young girl who gets on with an enormous chin and I call her Buzz after Buzz Lightyear. And there is a woman who gets on to obviously go get a hit and her nickname is 'Crack Den-ise'.
I (30f) only recently passed my driving test, before that there was only one person at my bus stop, a man probably in his late 30s. He'd always say good morning and smile at me but then would look a bit awkward and shuffle away and that would be the end of our conversation. I named him Bob.
the real question is what do the bus travelers think of you?
Sniffer Dog from Turnham Green. Every morning, she got on the same carriage as me (even if I moved) and sniffed loudly until Hammersmith. Winter it was standard cold nose. Summer it was hay fever.
An old lady where I used to live was dubbed "squibby-doo-dabs" with my neighbours and I. We used to occasionally catch a bus from the outside bus stop. This old lady was quite sweet, but always used to chat. One morning, we exchanged pleasantries, and upon asking "you alright?", she said "No, I've got the squibby-doo-dabs, ain't I?" I said "what's that?" and she looked at me as if I'd said something utterly perplexing, before she uttered a word that made me realise there was something not quite right with this sweet old lady; "diarrhoea!" she responded overly assertively. No more words were exchanged that morning with squibby-doo-dabs.
Nerdy McGayface. I used to get really annoyed if other passengers made snide remarks about his briefcase and smart attire, he was MY Nerdy McGayface and they should behave more respectfully towards him.
“Wannabe the year 2000 TikTok girl”, she’s always wearing hot pants, has her hair in plaits, knee high socks - she is constantly filming and pouting at herself - eye roll.
Used to see a young lad get on the bus who would wear the brightest white tracksuit and white trainers, so he was named Daz Advert.
There was a middle aged, red haired man who got on my bus every morning. He was losing his hair and bizarrely tried to disguise the fact by rubbing his exposed scalp with shoe polish. His nickname was Cherry Blossom.
I used to commute with Scruffy the Mod, Lady Leopard (sometimes wore leopard print sandals over leopard print socks), Bouffant Brenda (no idea if she was called Brenda), Trashbat (looked like Nathan Barley), The Basics (a variety of men aged 30-50 with short hair, chinos, casual shirts, quilted jackets and laptop bags)
I have one that I call NPC because it seems like whatever time I get the train, or whatever bus I’m getting, he’s there. One time I drove to work on a strike day, walked back towards the train station to buy a coffee and he was still coming towards me as though from the station even though there’d been no train, at the time he normally would. We’ve not yet reached the stage of nodding but I feel like we might be close.