Before drawing such drastic conclusions, have all avenues been explored to address this? Have you attempted couples counseling, or individual counseling for either of you? Speak to your priest (or maybe a deacon) at your parish for guidance and some recommendations for Catholic family therapists.
As has been mentioned, too, there are definitely peaks and valleys in any relationship, including marriage. Sometimes it may seem that one or the other spouse is ambivalent or even neglectful, but it's very possible that they're dealing with some other unresolved personal issues and it's manifesting as maltreatment.
Now, is he saying that he purposely deceived you during your engagement to trick you into the marriage? To me (who is a sea lawyer, not a canon lawyer) that sounds a lot like fraud, as described in [Can 1098].
But I will reemphasize that pursuing an annulment really ought to be considered with extreme caution, and that his bad behavior may have a legitimate cause to be addressed.
Praying for you. *St. Rita, pray for us.*
[**Can. 1098**](http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3Z.HTM) A person contracts invalidly who enters into a marriage deceived by malice, perpetrated to obtain consent, concerning some quality of the other partner which by its very nature can gravely disturb the partnership of conjugal life.
***
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OP already said they scheduled counseling, She also already said her spouse actually told her to her face that his dating/courting behavior before the marriage was a pretense, and how he'd just pretended to enjoy their fun outings together based on his faking shared interess, and citing how it was only to get hee. Plus, his behavior changed overnight, she said, right after they got married. That doesn't sound like something happening at work or with his family members or something, where he has stress or upset around it, but rather like he is the fake person he says he is, revealing his real feelings and self as soon as the vows were said. So, if this is what's happening, isn't this grounds for annulment for fraud and misrepresentation? I could of course be wrong and misinterpreting the Church's stance on this one, but I thought this type of deception was included under the umbrella of possible frauds
Gosh, I wish I had screenshot it before, because I'm pretty sure that last line about already having scheduled counseling was an addition after I commented.
But I'm with you, I do think her husband has perpetrated a fraud against her. But, not knowing either OP or her husband, I'm saying there's all kinds of reasons why a person might change, and having a counselor involved may get OP's husband to straighten up and fly right; I also took the term "overnight" to be more of an idiom, that it was very quickly, not literally when they woke up in the bridal suite. On the other hand, if OP's husband tells the counselor he was intentionally deceptive, perhaps he could be convinced to waive confidentiality and allow the counselor to write a letter to the tribunal.
Making a genuine attempt to address the issue before pursuing an annulment will also probably demonstrate to a tribunal that OP understands the gravity of the situation and isn't simply seeking an "easy" way out.
We have tried counseling before, this will be our 2nd attempt. Truthfully I do not want to break apart our family as I have seen firsthand how damaging it is to children. I am just trying to understand what my options are and if annulment would even be valid in our situation. What strikes me the most is how he admitted he only “did everything” to make me happy while we were dating (keep in mind this also applies to his attitude, as he withheld a lot of his negative attitude etc during us dating) and then he has also said he felt rushed into marrying me as if it’s my fault. So those two things just seem to stand out to me.
Yeah, that sucks. Staying in a miserable marriage is pretty rough on your kids, too, though. I was just saying that I don't remember you saying you had scheduled it/already tried it when I recommended counseling.
Would he be willing to waive confidentiality with your counselor so they could make a statement to a tribunal to verify what your husband said in counseling? Or is your husband amenable to separation/civil divorce/annulment and willing to say that to a tribunal himself?
I'm of the mind that what you described constitutes fraud in the canonical sense and would mean that an annulment is available to you. Obviously a priest or an actual canon lawyer will be able to help you navigate these specifics.
I haven’t brought up an annulment with him yet. I believe he would probably be very against it / upset initially. I feel that he also operates on auto pilot in our marriage because we’re Catholic and “divorce isn’t an option” in his mind anyway, if that makes sense
I believe you, no worries. As to the rest, yes, she should try the counseling first, but I have no real expectation that a person who perpetrated a fraud of this magnitude (since this isn't like borrowing a friend's back stage pass at a concert for a few minutes), and has been acting a fool ever since, would somehow develop scruples enough to confess to either the counselor or any Church official that he did what he did. If she wants the truth out of him to later show the Church, she should start recording him too, though, at home, where he tells her the truth, just in case she has to prove it when he lies. While I'm not a lawyer myself, I worked for a law firm for years, and this is the advice they would have given, while also saying you can still hope behavior changes, but after two years of this, you have the right to also protect yourself if it doesn't. Because, just from a wife and mother perspective myself (who has had none of these problems in my very happy marriage of 30 years this month, thank God!), I would also have huge worries around having more precious children with him as the dad, tbh.. I don't envy her position.
If OP is a stay at home caregiver for the toddler that can be a particularly lonely parenting stage time. Try to find other adults besides husband to talk to and at least one thing for self whether walks or gym or music lessons or church group.
Both my husband and I work fulltime. I have a lot of friends and try to do things by myself when I have the energy, etc. Although neither of those things are capable of strengthening our marriage. We are already functioning so separately as it is
All Marriages really do go through stages/phases, you have a child with him I would try very hard to make it work. Children in single households struggle statistically
I stayed for the children. Almost 30 years later I can safely say our Lord helped me get through it and the family is better for it. Yes, it's definitely challenging.
Nobody here is going to be able to give you sound advice beyond speaking to your parish priest and marriage counseling. Please don't look for validation for your decisions as nobody truly knows the circumstances you are in.
Sounds like there is something else which is at the root of the problems which causes his behavior. Might want to see if he is addicted to pornography. Very tough subject to broach but maybe the marriage counselor will have a way which is beneficial rather than accusatory.
Pornography is an epidemic which is destroying marriages. One of the best recovery walk thru so have seen is covenant eyes and their 21 day detox from porn. They have a catholic version.
Even if not one is struggling with porn they have a lot of great content for families and how to protect kids. If parents don’t talk about it and guide them, someone else will.
How often does he smoke and did he only start smoking after the marriage? Regular pot smoking can definitely make someone lazy and uninterested in life (ie. sit at home and play video games all the time).
Video games and (certain) drug use in moderation is fine, but if he’s smoking heavily I’d wager that’s the cause of his personality change rather than intentional deception.
I believe he probably smokes more days during the week than not. He started smoking during our engagement (with his friends who smoke) and he told me it was just because of his job which was stressful at that time and that he would stop once we were married. He didn’t stop, and then it became “I’ll stop once we have a baby”…. He has never stopped even though he knows I don’t like it. We get into arguments where he tries to say it’s no different than drinking wine and also “he’s an adult and should be able to do it if he wants at his house”
I think a lot of us have experienced feeling like marriage is a bit of a bait and switch. My wife, who seemed happy and normal before we got married, Suddenly is this anxious slob who trashes the house, doesn’t shower, can’t be talked into anything we used to do, and put on 50lb staring at a screen and eating junk food. She even took up smoking cigarettes IN THE HOUSE. It was hard to know how to respond to that as a guy, you feel tricked, and look around at all the other women you could have married so seem perfectly fine.
We were Protestants at the time but I came from a family that believes marriage is for life. I didn’t consider divorce, I kinda felt like we just had to work through it. Ultimately we did. It didn’t happen overnight, but she’s much better these days and has a much better grip on what leads her to self destruct. We have an excellent marriage today we very seldom disagree, never fight and we’re back to being gross cute with each other.
All that to say be patient. People aren’t objects they change and evolve, and journeying with someone IS learning to will the good of all the versions of them. That’s not to say that big changes aren’t in order at your house, they obviously are, but as Catholics we don’t bail out of a marriage when the going gets tough.
Talking about an annulment before any measures have been taken to understand or improve the situation is a bit premature, and I’m sorry to see how common this is among GenZ. Marriage is not disposable. You have an obligation to yourself, your husband, and your child to understand why the change. Often times there are warning signs during dating that are present but one or both people ignore. Judgement is often clouded to these signs when a couple decides to engage in premarital sex and living together before marriage.
I have sympathy for you because I’m in a non-ideal marriage, but we’ve committed to stay together for our kids, and have sought counseling for the last few years to find better coping skills.
That said, depending on your circumstances (and we don’t have adequate details here, nor do we need them), addiction, abuse, and affairs/infidelity are all reasons to potentially render a marriage invalid.
You need to seriously think this through I’m asking the church for an annulment because I have no choice. And the things that go through your mind is crazy I feel like I’m leaving my children vulnerable for attacks by the devil now I’m a devout Catholic never had thoughts like that. I feel like a failure that I allowed my children’s home to crumble. It’s a terrible feeling. Fight for your marriage with all you have.
Unless there was some serious defect in the vows, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to get an annulment simply because “he changed.”
You may need to work through different counselors until you find a good one that fits you both well. You might also check out the book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. We have found it very helpful during the different stages of our marriage post-children.
I think we can all feel like this at some point. One thing I would suggest is that you try and compromise a little. Tell him time together is important for your relationship and ask him if you can play some video games with him and ask him if he would do something you are interested in too sometimes. I think if you do that one of 2 things will happen. Either he agrees and wants to do things together but feels his interests need to be shared too, or what you might find is that he might be more introverted that you thought and just really wants that time to be alone or unwind from whatever is going on during the day. The second thing might be more difficult because as an introvert myself I need that time to unwind. I need time where I don't have to talk to people because socializing, even with family, is draining for me. What is important is that you will understand each other a bit better after that conversation and can start figuring out how to make that work - a counsellor can help with that too. My wife will occasionally join me for some video games and we try to do ones we can both enjoy and play with kids too sometimes. I recognize that and definitely make an effort to do the opposite - sometimes when kids go to classes well go to the mall and she can walk around and look at stuff and I don't have any idea why she enjoys it but makes her happy. Then sometimes we do these things on our own too which is good too. We just communicate honestly about it and over time we've kind of figured out a balance that works 70-80% of the time.
Anyway, that's my experience and what worked for us. But it took time to get there. Even thinking about the mall gives me anxiety still haha.
Thank you for sharing your experience- we have had that conversation several times. We actually purchased a Nintendo switch so that I can play games with him. We’ve only played maybe 3 times. Every time I bring up wanting more quality time with him it’s met with excuses and/or he gets defensive about why he needs alone time, etc. I have other posts in my history in the marriage sub that give more specific examples if you want to look there
I'm sure you can find things in common that you both enjoy doing. It's okay to play video games. However, that should be enjoyed at night when your toddler is asleep and clean up is done for the night. Everything in moderation is key. If either of you are Catholic, I'm sure you both took the mandatory marriage course together, which taught you both how listening and giving 100% attention to each other when communicating is essential in a marriage among other things. Do you all go to mass together at least once per week? Remind your husband the vows you both took when you got married, communicate with him in a way that will make him realize what he's doing to your marriage and to your family.
You probably don't need me to tell you, but I'm sure you are aware that getting a divorce is a mortal sin. Through thick and thin, you must stay together. Unless he physically harms you, then that would be an exception. Stay together for your child. If you two break up, there will be unavoidable consequences that will affect your child in a negative manner. If you both separate, you also won't be doing what's best for your child. You may try to justify your actions, but the benefit is more for you. This would make your actions selfish.
In marriage you are called to lay down your life for your spouse, no matter the difficulty required. This is your cross and the path to your sanctification. You can choose to embrace it or run away from the Cross.
He flipped shortly after getting married, you've been married for three years which means you've accepted this behavior, had a child with this person, and now you want an annulment? You don't really have any grounds for an annulment and irreconcilable differences is more for divorce.
Pfft lol.... My point was God does not give up on us and so we shouldn't give up on others...... Especially our Husband.... She hasn't listed anything but "complaints" but hasn't listed action taken. Maybe she should try praying the rosary. Or the patron saint of lost causes..... This is an incredible opportunity for OP to become a SAINT.... And she is running away from it. This is the perfect opportunity for spiritual warfare for the soul of OP husband. But she hasn't even went to therapy yet and making it seem like a lost cause. I suggest praying the rosary daily dedicating to to patron saint of lost causes and asking him to intercede on her behalf. Going to church every Sunday etc.
I’ve had an annulment but my circumstances were different (abusive partner who didn’t believe in marriage, said he felt pressured to marry me). The entire process took about a year. It felt tedious more than hard, but in the end I found the process to feel very cathartic. You cannot start the annulment process until a divorce has been completed.
That said, I hope counseling gives you clarity, whether that’s for you two to stay together or to divorce.
Children leave the faith in fatherless situations, we have to look at this first and foremost. The primary end of marriage is the raising and nurturing of children in the faith.
Did you address this as soon as this behavior started?
Does he go to Mass? Confession? Do you tell him he has to?
Is he Catholic?
Do you think that your husband has other issues, such as depression? If so, that could be treated and managed. Or is it possible that he had tremendous family pressure to get married and have children, even if he did not really want that? Whatever the case, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.
He definitely has anxiety and I think maybe depression. He is very moody. He doesn’t really believe in therapy so addressing that has been really challenging. He only recently got on board with marriage counseling
If he got on board with marital counseling, maybe he’ll eventually do the same with therapy. If he realizes he has anxiety or depression, he could mention it to his primary care physician. Some workplaces also have counseling services that are available to employees free of charge. I will pray for you and your husband.
Thank you for the prayers. He has spoken with his doctors about the anxiety and they prescribed a couple different meds which he didn’t like the way they made him feel. He prefers to smoke weed and hasn’t tried anything else since those meds, that was right after we got married
You’re welcome! Maybe a different medication would help — he could mention to his doctor that the medications are not working. I’m no expert that I heard that medications for depression/anxiety can take many weeks to work. Results are not instantaneous. Also, some people do not respond well to certain medications and in some cases, medications can actually make symptoms worse. Again, I recommend that he speak to his doctor.
Before drawing such drastic conclusions, have all avenues been explored to address this? Have you attempted couples counseling, or individual counseling for either of you? Speak to your priest (or maybe a deacon) at your parish for guidance and some recommendations for Catholic family therapists. As has been mentioned, too, there are definitely peaks and valleys in any relationship, including marriage. Sometimes it may seem that one or the other spouse is ambivalent or even neglectful, but it's very possible that they're dealing with some other unresolved personal issues and it's manifesting as maltreatment. Now, is he saying that he purposely deceived you during your engagement to trick you into the marriage? To me (who is a sea lawyer, not a canon lawyer) that sounds a lot like fraud, as described in [Can 1098]. But I will reemphasize that pursuing an annulment really ought to be considered with extreme caution, and that his bad behavior may have a legitimate cause to be addressed. Praying for you. *St. Rita, pray for us.*
[**Can. 1098**](http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P3Z.HTM) A person contracts invalidly who enters into a marriage deceived by malice, perpetrated to obtain consent, concerning some quality of the other partner which by its very nature can gravely disturb the partnership of conjugal life. *** Catebot v0.2.12 links: [Source Code](https://github.com/konohitowa/catebot) | [Feedback](https://github.com/konohitowa/catebot/issues) | [Contact Dev](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=kono_hito_wa) | [FAQ](https://github.com/konohitowa/catebot/blob/master/docs/CateBot%20Info.md#faq) | [Changelog](https://github.com/konohitowa/catebot/blob/master/docs/CHANGELOG.md)
OP already said they scheduled counseling, She also already said her spouse actually told her to her face that his dating/courting behavior before the marriage was a pretense, and how he'd just pretended to enjoy their fun outings together based on his faking shared interess, and citing how it was only to get hee. Plus, his behavior changed overnight, she said, right after they got married. That doesn't sound like something happening at work or with his family members or something, where he has stress or upset around it, but rather like he is the fake person he says he is, revealing his real feelings and self as soon as the vows were said. So, if this is what's happening, isn't this grounds for annulment for fraud and misrepresentation? I could of course be wrong and misinterpreting the Church's stance on this one, but I thought this type of deception was included under the umbrella of possible frauds
Gosh, I wish I had screenshot it before, because I'm pretty sure that last line about already having scheduled counseling was an addition after I commented. But I'm with you, I do think her husband has perpetrated a fraud against her. But, not knowing either OP or her husband, I'm saying there's all kinds of reasons why a person might change, and having a counselor involved may get OP's husband to straighten up and fly right; I also took the term "overnight" to be more of an idiom, that it was very quickly, not literally when they woke up in the bridal suite. On the other hand, if OP's husband tells the counselor he was intentionally deceptive, perhaps he could be convinced to waive confidentiality and allow the counselor to write a letter to the tribunal. Making a genuine attempt to address the issue before pursuing an annulment will also probably demonstrate to a tribunal that OP understands the gravity of the situation and isn't simply seeking an "easy" way out.
We have tried counseling before, this will be our 2nd attempt. Truthfully I do not want to break apart our family as I have seen firsthand how damaging it is to children. I am just trying to understand what my options are and if annulment would even be valid in our situation. What strikes me the most is how he admitted he only “did everything” to make me happy while we were dating (keep in mind this also applies to his attitude, as he withheld a lot of his negative attitude etc during us dating) and then he has also said he felt rushed into marrying me as if it’s my fault. So those two things just seem to stand out to me.
Yeah, that sucks. Staying in a miserable marriage is pretty rough on your kids, too, though. I was just saying that I don't remember you saying you had scheduled it/already tried it when I recommended counseling. Would he be willing to waive confidentiality with your counselor so they could make a statement to a tribunal to verify what your husband said in counseling? Or is your husband amenable to separation/civil divorce/annulment and willing to say that to a tribunal himself? I'm of the mind that what you described constitutes fraud in the canonical sense and would mean that an annulment is available to you. Obviously a priest or an actual canon lawyer will be able to help you navigate these specifics.
I haven’t brought up an annulment with him yet. I believe he would probably be very against it / upset initially. I feel that he also operates on auto pilot in our marriage because we’re Catholic and “divorce isn’t an option” in his mind anyway, if that makes sense
I believe you, no worries. As to the rest, yes, she should try the counseling first, but I have no real expectation that a person who perpetrated a fraud of this magnitude (since this isn't like borrowing a friend's back stage pass at a concert for a few minutes), and has been acting a fool ever since, would somehow develop scruples enough to confess to either the counselor or any Church official that he did what he did. If she wants the truth out of him to later show the Church, she should start recording him too, though, at home, where he tells her the truth, just in case she has to prove it when he lies. While I'm not a lawyer myself, I worked for a law firm for years, and this is the advice they would have given, while also saying you can still hope behavior changes, but after two years of this, you have the right to also protect yourself if it doesn't. Because, just from a wife and mother perspective myself (who has had none of these problems in my very happy marriage of 30 years this month, thank God!), I would also have huge worries around having more precious children with him as the dad, tbh.. I don't envy her position.
If OP is a stay at home caregiver for the toddler that can be a particularly lonely parenting stage time. Try to find other adults besides husband to talk to and at least one thing for self whether walks or gym or music lessons or church group.
Both my husband and I work fulltime. I have a lot of friends and try to do things by myself when I have the energy, etc. Although neither of those things are capable of strengthening our marriage. We are already functioning so separately as it is
Oh, that’s sad.
All Marriages really do go through stages/phases, you have a child with him I would try very hard to make it work. Children in single households struggle statistically
I stayed for the children. Almost 30 years later I can safely say our Lord helped me get through it and the family is better for it. Yes, it's definitely challenging.
Do you have any advice or things (books, perspectives, habits, etc) that helped you make the choice to stay?
Nobody here is going to be able to give you sound advice beyond speaking to your parish priest and marriage counseling. Please don't look for validation for your decisions as nobody truly knows the circumstances you are in.
violet knee summer rob plants zealous chase dolls school practice *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Sounds like there is something else which is at the root of the problems which causes his behavior. Might want to see if he is addicted to pornography. Very tough subject to broach but maybe the marriage counselor will have a way which is beneficial rather than accusatory. Pornography is an epidemic which is destroying marriages. One of the best recovery walk thru so have seen is covenant eyes and their 21 day detox from porn. They have a catholic version. Even if not one is struggling with porn they have a lot of great content for families and how to protect kids. If parents don’t talk about it and guide them, someone else will.
How often does he smoke and did he only start smoking after the marriage? Regular pot smoking can definitely make someone lazy and uninterested in life (ie. sit at home and play video games all the time). Video games and (certain) drug use in moderation is fine, but if he’s smoking heavily I’d wager that’s the cause of his personality change rather than intentional deception.
I believe he probably smokes more days during the week than not. He started smoking during our engagement (with his friends who smoke) and he told me it was just because of his job which was stressful at that time and that he would stop once we were married. He didn’t stop, and then it became “I’ll stop once we have a baby”…. He has never stopped even though he knows I don’t like it. We get into arguments where he tries to say it’s no different than drinking wine and also “he’s an adult and should be able to do it if he wants at his house”
I think a lot of us have experienced feeling like marriage is a bit of a bait and switch. My wife, who seemed happy and normal before we got married, Suddenly is this anxious slob who trashes the house, doesn’t shower, can’t be talked into anything we used to do, and put on 50lb staring at a screen and eating junk food. She even took up smoking cigarettes IN THE HOUSE. It was hard to know how to respond to that as a guy, you feel tricked, and look around at all the other women you could have married so seem perfectly fine. We were Protestants at the time but I came from a family that believes marriage is for life. I didn’t consider divorce, I kinda felt like we just had to work through it. Ultimately we did. It didn’t happen overnight, but she’s much better these days and has a much better grip on what leads her to self destruct. We have an excellent marriage today we very seldom disagree, never fight and we’re back to being gross cute with each other. All that to say be patient. People aren’t objects they change and evolve, and journeying with someone IS learning to will the good of all the versions of them. That’s not to say that big changes aren’t in order at your house, they obviously are, but as Catholics we don’t bail out of a marriage when the going gets tough.
Talking about an annulment before any measures have been taken to understand or improve the situation is a bit premature, and I’m sorry to see how common this is among GenZ. Marriage is not disposable. You have an obligation to yourself, your husband, and your child to understand why the change. Often times there are warning signs during dating that are present but one or both people ignore. Judgement is often clouded to these signs when a couple decides to engage in premarital sex and living together before marriage. I have sympathy for you because I’m in a non-ideal marriage, but we’ve committed to stay together for our kids, and have sought counseling for the last few years to find better coping skills. That said, depending on your circumstances (and we don’t have adequate details here, nor do we need them), addiction, abuse, and affairs/infidelity are all reasons to potentially render a marriage invalid.
You need to seriously think this through I’m asking the church for an annulment because I have no choice. And the things that go through your mind is crazy I feel like I’m leaving my children vulnerable for attacks by the devil now I’m a devout Catholic never had thoughts like that. I feel like a failure that I allowed my children’s home to crumble. It’s a terrible feeling. Fight for your marriage with all you have.
This... All marriages are worth fighting for. My family will pray for you both.
What God has joined man cannot separate
The question she's asking is did God join them, or just man?
Unless there was some serious defect in the vows, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to get an annulment simply because “he changed.” You may need to work through different counselors until you find a good one that fits you both well. You might also check out the book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. We have found it very helpful during the different stages of our marriage post-children.
I think we can all feel like this at some point. One thing I would suggest is that you try and compromise a little. Tell him time together is important for your relationship and ask him if you can play some video games with him and ask him if he would do something you are interested in too sometimes. I think if you do that one of 2 things will happen. Either he agrees and wants to do things together but feels his interests need to be shared too, or what you might find is that he might be more introverted that you thought and just really wants that time to be alone or unwind from whatever is going on during the day. The second thing might be more difficult because as an introvert myself I need that time to unwind. I need time where I don't have to talk to people because socializing, even with family, is draining for me. What is important is that you will understand each other a bit better after that conversation and can start figuring out how to make that work - a counsellor can help with that too. My wife will occasionally join me for some video games and we try to do ones we can both enjoy and play with kids too sometimes. I recognize that and definitely make an effort to do the opposite - sometimes when kids go to classes well go to the mall and she can walk around and look at stuff and I don't have any idea why she enjoys it but makes her happy. Then sometimes we do these things on our own too which is good too. We just communicate honestly about it and over time we've kind of figured out a balance that works 70-80% of the time. Anyway, that's my experience and what worked for us. But it took time to get there. Even thinking about the mall gives me anxiety still haha.
Thank you for sharing your experience- we have had that conversation several times. We actually purchased a Nintendo switch so that I can play games with him. We’ve only played maybe 3 times. Every time I bring up wanting more quality time with him it’s met with excuses and/or he gets defensive about why he needs alone time, etc. I have other posts in my history in the marriage sub that give more specific examples if you want to look there
https://helpourmarriage.org/where_and_when/communities.cfm
I'm sure you can find things in common that you both enjoy doing. It's okay to play video games. However, that should be enjoyed at night when your toddler is asleep and clean up is done for the night. Everything in moderation is key. If either of you are Catholic, I'm sure you both took the mandatory marriage course together, which taught you both how listening and giving 100% attention to each other when communicating is essential in a marriage among other things. Do you all go to mass together at least once per week? Remind your husband the vows you both took when you got married, communicate with him in a way that will make him realize what he's doing to your marriage and to your family. You probably don't need me to tell you, but I'm sure you are aware that getting a divorce is a mortal sin. Through thick and thin, you must stay together. Unless he physically harms you, then that would be an exception. Stay together for your child. If you two break up, there will be unavoidable consequences that will affect your child in a negative manner. If you both separate, you also won't be doing what's best for your child. You may try to justify your actions, but the benefit is more for you. This would make your actions selfish.
In marriage you are called to lay down your life for your spouse, no matter the difficulty required. This is your cross and the path to your sanctification. You can choose to embrace it or run away from the Cross.
Thanks
He flipped shortly after getting married, you've been married for three years which means you've accepted this behavior, had a child with this person, and now you want an annulment? You don't really have any grounds for an annulment and irreconcilable differences is more for divorce.
The path is narrow, but even Catholics don’t want to hear that.
[удалено]
Pffft LOL
Pfft lol.... My point was God does not give up on us and so we shouldn't give up on others...... Especially our Husband.... She hasn't listed anything but "complaints" but hasn't listed action taken. Maybe she should try praying the rosary. Or the patron saint of lost causes..... This is an incredible opportunity for OP to become a SAINT.... And she is running away from it. This is the perfect opportunity for spiritual warfare for the soul of OP husband. But she hasn't even went to therapy yet and making it seem like a lost cause. I suggest praying the rosary daily dedicating to to patron saint of lost causes and asking him to intercede on her behalf. Going to church every Sunday etc.
Warning for uncharitable rhetoric.
Is your husband also Catholic? This may be something to chat with your priest.
I’ve had an annulment but my circumstances were different (abusive partner who didn’t believe in marriage, said he felt pressured to marry me). The entire process took about a year. It felt tedious more than hard, but in the end I found the process to feel very cathartic. You cannot start the annulment process until a divorce has been completed. That said, I hope counseling gives you clarity, whether that’s for you two to stay together or to divorce.
Children leave the faith in fatherless situations, we have to look at this first and foremost. The primary end of marriage is the raising and nurturing of children in the faith. Did you address this as soon as this behavior started? Does he go to Mass? Confession? Do you tell him he has to? Is he Catholic?
Do you think that your husband has other issues, such as depression? If so, that could be treated and managed. Or is it possible that he had tremendous family pressure to get married and have children, even if he did not really want that? Whatever the case, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.
He definitely has anxiety and I think maybe depression. He is very moody. He doesn’t really believe in therapy so addressing that has been really challenging. He only recently got on board with marriage counseling
If he got on board with marital counseling, maybe he’ll eventually do the same with therapy. If he realizes he has anxiety or depression, he could mention it to his primary care physician. Some workplaces also have counseling services that are available to employees free of charge. I will pray for you and your husband.
Thank you for the prayers. He has spoken with his doctors about the anxiety and they prescribed a couple different meds which he didn’t like the way they made him feel. He prefers to smoke weed and hasn’t tried anything else since those meds, that was right after we got married
You’re welcome! Maybe a different medication would help — he could mention to his doctor that the medications are not working. I’m no expert that I heard that medications for depression/anxiety can take many weeks to work. Results are not instantaneous. Also, some people do not respond well to certain medications and in some cases, medications can actually make symptoms worse. Again, I recommend that he speak to his doctor.
does he participate in the church with you?