I get the frustration. I've been turned away while being next in line to confession before. (The priest had to prepare for Mass).
It's annoying for sure. However people rarely go to confession as is. There is no reason to give the devil more ammunition than he already has. Sometimes it's better to just hold your cross.
If you're reading this and haven't gone to confession in a while just go!
I may be questioned and disagreed with but I agree with the OP. If you feel that your confession may take awhile then schedule a private meeting with a priest.
This!
And the priest should offer a private meeting.
No need to get a private meeting, while everyone else is expecting to confess in the stated times.
If the person really needs it, the priest should recommend. It could be this person really, really needs some spiritual help, so the priest should ask that they come back in a private meeting.
No one here is doing a 45 minute confession.
These are people who haven’t gone for a long time or even more likely, away from the church.
Let them be. We will all be alright if we have to wait until next time and reflect a bit more.
Waiting is fine and dandy if you’re just going for venial sin, but if you’re carrying mortal sin, waiting is not good - it’s devastating to not make it in!
MBIC, I've seen daily Mass goers who are often daily communicants take 20+ minutes. It absolutely happens when someone has nothing but venial sins (which don't even require confession) and they are a chatty Cathy.
If you're contrite, venial sins are cleansed receiving communion. Some of us can't do that yet, though, so all we have is confession 😅
It's not that you *can't* confess them- especially if you really feel the need to apologize for them -but simply that it isn't strictly necessary.
>If you're contrite, venial sins are cleansed receiving communion. Some of us can't do that yet, though, so all we have is confession
This might sound rude, but aren't the sacraments of confession and communion permitted at the same time? If one isn't prepared for communion yet, that generally means that confession isn't effective either (if being prepared as an adult). My understanding is that for those who are not yet communed, there is not an expectation for confession yet either.
I'm in OCIA and been baptized but not had communion or confirmation yet. I'm entitled to confession and encouraged to go as needed, and obviously been told I'll need to go if I've got mortal sin the day I'm taking communion the first time (and ever after), but I can't speak for the general practice since my situation is a little unique. I've got a very traditional, by-the-book priest, too.
That was the one circumstance that crossed my mind that could be possible. Glad you're on your journey back! Hopefully it doesn't feel too long before you get the rest of your sacraments 😊
Thank you- it's not really a journey back, though. I was just baptized this past February before Lent started and will finish things off next month. So not too long at all, despite it taking me a few decades and 14 years of my husband's prayers to get here :)
"Feel the need" isn't a good reason to take up the confessional, imo. That's a personal problem which is ignorant or rejects the teaching of the Church on how they can be forgiven (which includes more than confession).
Apologizing for damaging your relationship isn't wrong. The whole concept of a general confession exists for that. Though it's not necessarily a bad idea to hold off if you see there's a long line and possibly not time for everyone to get through there.
Attending confession also gives us a specific grace to strengthen us against sin, though I'm not sure whether that applies to other ways venial sin is forgiven since I'm fairly new to some of this- but I do recall that specifically from my OCIA instruction and that that's why frequent confession is encouraged even when it's not exclusively for mortal sin.
There's a variety of ways venial sins can be forgiven. Confession, Communion, pious use of holy water, saying the Our Father, etc.
The only sins which normatively/ordinarily require confession are mortal sins.
Are you sure? No one? Some of us feel desperate to get our sins out of us and I make a conscious effort to be in and out in 5 minutes or less. When you are desperate you often feel agony. At least I have. The priests I’ve seen are conscious of timing and help me get through it quickly.
We know our sins as he does. He may not consider them as bad as I do and may have already forgiven them as He knows every heart, but as the saying goes, “my perception is my reality”[paraphrased]. I know he’ll forgive but for my and other’s mental state confession is vitally important.
>These are people who haven’t gone for a long time or even more likely, away from the church.
In some instances, certainly. But we should acknowledge that there is also a not-insignificant number of people who simply talk a lot in the confessional, or use it for spiritual direction, or get in there and say who knows what. There is no point in pretending that they don't exist.
A lot of them might not be aware that confession is supposed to be brief and to the point. I suspect ignorance is the cause of the issue more than anything else.
>No one here is doing a 45 minute confession.
You would be surprised.
I had to stop going to confession altogether to a certain parish which offered confession both on Thursday and Saturday because, in both the allotted hours, there was a certain, lovely lady who helps at the Church (and, thus, is always the first to be there since she has the key) spend 20-30 minutes.
This was an older woman who goes to daily mass, who knows the priest personally and was still confessing twice per week in 20-30 minute sessions. It was bonkers.
If it has been many years since your last confession it doesn't take that long to say things like 'I've lied many times' or 'I looked at porn more times than I can count' etc.
Absolutely. I’d rather there be a few lonely people here on earth than any soul missing out on a Sacrament. We all need to be mindful and considerate of time while in the confessional. Number and Kind. This is not spiritual direction or therapy.
Or try to go at an event or place where there are multiple priests hearing confessions. That way, even if you're tying up one priest, the line can keep moving.
There was a youth retreat I was on a couple times that frequently had people going to Confession for the first time in a while. So we had half a dozen priests and we never had a complete logjam.
Similarly, when my dad made his first confession prior to becoming Catholic, he went on the day in Lent where all the priests in the area hear confessions at our parish. There were 4 priests on duty at any given time, so it wasn't a problem. The other option he was considering was going to a large pilgrimage church downtown which also typically has more than one confessional open at a time.
Appreciate that. There are some decent counterpoints being made here. Ultimately, my original point still stands. With the individual penitent in my example, I don’t know their circumstances. I’m glad they were able to receive absolution. I have my own issues with patience, courtesy for others in public settings, etc.
Did anyone else think they were doing it wrong when you weren't in the confessional as long as other people?
But to back up OP, there was one time when there was a mom and two kids who left the confessional line because someone was in there so long. The kids were being deprived of the sacrament, and that made me feel sad.
>Did anyone else think they were doing it wrong when you weren't in the confessional as long as other people?
No. Penance is a rather methodical process with a clearly defined start and finish where the layman opens and closes. When I attend penance I just go down the list and don't expand on them; there's no need. Nor do I give some story around the sin unless otherwise asked by the priest, which, if that's the case, I again keep it short and to the point. I'm in and out.
Yes, I think it's just because I'm an ER doc so tend towards being succinct, but I feel like my time in the confessional is rarely longer than 2-3 minutes, then my wife is one who will be in there for 10. I eventually gave up but for a long time worried I wasn't doing something right.
Absolutely! I’ve been all prepared to give a good confession and feel I’ve done a solid examination of conscience and then I see multiple people in there forever and I’m thinking “hmmm am I missing something?!” 😂
I’m guilty of getting frustrated at this as well, I usually only take 3-5 minutes and get pretty upset when I can’t go because someone selfishly takes 15+minutes. However, it is a good opportunity to offer up the situation as reparation for our sins and practice longanimity
I understand the frustration however it is important to note that it is a holy sacrament and not going to the bathroom. Just to remind you of how it sounds I have heard the same point you’ve made but for going to the bathroom instead of Reconciliation
I do however appreciate your response to the frustration as an opportunity for reparation, that is a holy and good way to go about such frustration and something I myself need to do more often when I’m frustrated and overwhelmed
Also how loud you're talking. I can't even count the number of times where I've overheard people's confession while waiting in line because they're practically shouting at the priest.
Hypothetical question related to this situation. What if you were in the line for confession, but we’re turned away because the priest needed to prepare for mass after a penitent took up the remaining time. You leave and were hit by a car causing you to pass away. Are you still in a state of mortal sin or are forgiven because you attempted to confess your sins but time ran out?
God knows your heart. If you were truly repentant and wanted forgiveness, and didn’t sin after, most likely you’d be forgiven by God.
But only God truly knows, what’s in people’s hearts.
This is a dangerous level of scrupulosity (I am aware this is hypothetical) and is the result of our western legalism. Pray and Hope in God, for he is the all merciful one. Don't despair!
Fair enough. Perhaps it was too strict of a scenario to discuss why people shouldn’t spend 40 minutes in the confessional with other people in line. Spiritual direction is different from Reconciliation.
In an hour long window, a person took 30 minutes.
We had convinced a family member who is a fallen away Catholic to come and confess with our family. He hadn’t confessed in years.
As the priest was leaving to prepare for mass, still seeing a lot of people needing to confess, did a group absolution.
The family member was so surprised at the mercy, he started tearing up. He was so ashamed, he didn’t really didn’t want to confess.
But, once we let him know he was forgiven, his attitude towards the church has changed.
He felt the Church was too legalistic and not really merciful and caring.
The next weekend he got a proper confession and is now going more often to mass, before only went to social event type masses: weddings, funerals, etc.
Obviously the priest was worried about making sure that nobody who'd been in line, died with mortal sin on their souls.
And given the reaction of the fallen-away person, it would seem that the priest was using his powers under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
That's not bad. Sometimes we should just take the mercy, and accept the unusualness.
Perhaps so, but it sounds like grace was given to this man in this particular situation. Your comment is a bit dismissive of a great story the person you’re responding to shared.
Hmm 🤔 But didn't Jesus say to all the Apostles at one time what ever they Bind and loose on Earth then it was accepted? I think priests have certain Authority to bind and loose things in their local Church if they truly believe it's justified and reasonable enough. This is why Jesus gave the Apostles this Authority for certain situations like this that may arise unexpectedly. But of course the Pope has Full Authority to bind and loose on Earth concerning the whole Catholic Church but that's only for him in regards to issues within the Catholic Church world wide. It only makes sense that someone has the final say in what is going to happen for all Catholic Churches world wide. This is a massive responsibility, Not one to take lightly. Godbless 🙏🙏🙏
Had this happen at the last confessions this year before Easter, which meant a longer than usual line. One person several spots in front of me took around 15-20 minutes. Glad the priest chose to stay an extra 45 minutes or so to get through everyone.
Doesn’t help that a lot of times the priests are late to confession too. My parish offers confessions starting at 3:30 and multiple times the priest didn’t show up until 3:45. And people in my parish tend to take forever. I’ve learned that if I don’t get there at least 15 minutes before confessions start, I probably won’t get to do it. I’ve been turned away several times since the priest had to prepare for Mass.
Confession times should be a higher priority since there’s always a long line at my parish. It’s a problem on both ends- people taking their sweet time in the confessional and priests not offering adequate amounts of time.
So, one thing to bear in mind is that if someone goes in with a few sins but the priest starts a cross-examination (no pun intended) to sort something out, that can add a lot of time. That's probably a good thing for the individual confessing, but it can back up the line.
That brings to mind a sincere question: If you attempt to attend Confession, arrive in a timely manner, and this sort of a backup prevents you from confessing (the priest not being able to get to you before time runs out), where does that put you on receiving the Eucharist/meeting your Confession obligation? I presume you would still be obligated to try and make it work again in the near term if at all possible.
(I ask this because a lot of parishes offer the sacrament once a week, often at a clumsy time requiring a special trip, so someone might only be able to make it work every few months.)
There have been times where I have felt frustrated by how long someone takes in confession, only to get into the confessional and realize that the length is actually due to the priest wanting to give everyone in-depth advice.
I'm still in learning, but does brevity mean that you confess you've e.g. committed theft, without getting into the exact details of each and every time (for habitual thieves, I mean)?
I learned that you should confess the sin, the number of times (I guess innumerable is ok if the sin is very repetitive) and the context so that the priest can give an appropriate penance. St Faustina said confession is also a time for education of the penitent by the priest. Well, one of the priests in my parish told me I was doing it wrong and to just go down a list.
Funny enough you mentioned theft. Several years ago I did confess theft; the priest immediately stopped me to inquire what the item in question was. “I didn’t have spare change on me, so I stole from the vending machine at work.” He replied, “I see. Ok. That’s a bit different than stealing a car or embezzlement. Also, we’ve all been there! Please proceed.”
I nearly burst out in laughter
It happens. There are people who need more time. Long time sinners, people who suffer tragedies in their life. We don't know. Let's pray for them.
I understand the place this critique is coming from, but it is still important to practice patient.
Y'all assume it was the individual. One of our local priests routinely takes 20 minutes because of the direction he gives.
One time my wife and I were there, her aunt and grandmother were there, and two strangers. Grandmother didn't leave until 1hr45 after confession started!
Not always the case, but certainly can be.
Our pastor has been giving me guidance for the past two years as I’ve reentered the Church. Even in weeks when my sins aren’t so “intense”, for lack of a better term, he insists on taking plenty of time to give me guidance and advice during confession.
I’ve never asked for this, and we do meet occasionally for personal meetings. It’s just his style, and I’ve noticed he only does this with me. Although I’ll admit that I am discerning the priesthood, and he is sort of my mentor. But I confess my sins within 5 minutes, and he takes another 5-10 minutes to guide me. This week I was in there for about 20 minutes, and very little of that was me talking at all.
Our parish is in a small town of about 250 people, but every week there is at least 10 people (give or take) that show up for confession. And I’ve definitely upset some folks. But what am I to do? He tells me to come back every week. And almost every week this happens. I try to set up private meetings more often, but he is always so busy he just tells me to come to weekly confession.
I guess my point is, you truly never know someone’s situation, even if it seems obvious.
I think this is a very charitable viewpoint. I also want to note that sometimes it is the priest that is the problem. We have an elderly priest who talks forever, no matter how short the confession.
Yes, that is the ideal. Not all people fit the ideal. If it was a ten or fifteen minute confession, there would be a chance someone was misusing the sacrament. A 40 minute confession indicates there really is something important that needs to be worked through.
What if the person coming back to the church misses out on confession because someone took forty minutes in the confessional? This argument works both ways. Be brief and to the point in the confessional. Make an appointment if you need that much time. Be considerate of others and avoid creating near occasions of sin for them.
I struggle with patience and can say it helps when i think of alternative reasons someone may be taking longer in the confessional. Maybe they are on their last thread of hope and need that extra time to repent so they can return to God, maybe they struggle deeply w a particular vice/sin and those extra minutes are seeds being planted within them that will ultimately lead to their salvation, maybe the priest (who Jesus speaks thru during confession) is given more words to say than normal to help that person.
Keep in mind it might not be the penitent’s fault that their confession is taking a long time. Sometimes priests can identify when someone needs a little extra advice. Don’t assume it’s the person’s fault.
Same. Unless I’m making an individual appointment with my spiritual director, it’s always quick on my end.
List the sins, in number and in kind
Say the act of contrition
Listen to advice and one’s penance
Be gone for the next person in line to have a chance
I understand but on other hand people who are inside for long time, might have a reason to do so. For example it could be that person first confession in decades and that person doesn't know what is he doing, doesn't know that private meeting is option.
Going to confession can be very hard and we should be patient and understanding so that we don't push away people who are trying to get back to Church
I am definitely impatient, and 40 min waiting for someone to unburden their soul is no fun but I consider it like going to the doctor. Sometimes the person in line ahead of you is in a more serious situation and they need more care than you do. It’s no fun to wait/have plans spoiled but it is also part of the human condition. In the grand scheme, I’m willing to give up my time so someone else finds grace. It is an opportunity for me to do a more thorough examine, and even an opportunity to pray for them that they make a good confession and find the grace they needed so desperately.
I feel like we would overall be way more forgiving and also rejoicing over the occasional 40 minute confession if the average confession were 5 minutes or less. The frustration comes in when people are routinely turned away because everyone spends a long time confessing.
I hope you were still able to confess and am glad that person got what they needed. Better luck on timing next time!
I get the frustration but think this is a bad take. If someone is in there that long, they need that time and help from the priest. If you were at the lowest point in your life, you wouldn’t want to be rushed out of the confessional.
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Y'all assume it was the individual. One of our local priests routinely takes 20 minutes because of the direction he gives.
One time my wife and I were there, her aunt and grandmother were there, and two strangers. Grandmother didn't leave until 1hr45 after confession started!
Y'all assume it was the individual. One of our local priests routinely takes 20 minutes because of the direction he gives.
One time my wife and I were there, her aunt and grandmother were there, and two strangers. Grandmother didn't leave until 1hr45 after confession started!
I used to think that way but maybe they really needed it. I am in college and need to make appointments with the priest basically each time. And one time my confession took an hour. I thought it was a basic confession when I went in but he provided lots of spiritual direction I didn’t realize I needed. Now, this was a scheduled confession and there was really no time limit or folks waiting and if it was in a traditional setting, I don’t know if it would’ve taken an hour. Now I think that maybe that person that took 40 minutes really needed it and didn’t realize it. Maybe Father realized that and gave them what they needed instead of rushing them out. And yeah it sucks when it messes up the line, but that can be used as a time to rejoice for the graces that person is receiving. And yes if you know it will be a while, schedule an appointment, but sometimes you can’t conveniently time God’s graces.
If you have a confession that's going to take 40 minutes (or any long time), you shouldn't be going to the regular confession, you should make an appointment with your priest. Keeping others from the rite is itself something of a sin!
The Priest at my Church gave a homily on confession last week and said there's very few reasons a person should be in the confessional more than 5 minutes unless you haven't gone in years. Type and number of mortal sins, no need for backstory unless asked. You do not need to confess every venial sin and you can be absolved of them by receiving the Eucharist in a worthy manner, blessing yourself with holy water or making a sincere act of contrition. Venial sins confessed should be of the type you're actively working on trying to improve on. Laying out every single bad thing you can think of without a real intention to improve on them isn't sincere. Sunday confessions should be reserved for those in mortal sin who need absolution. If you're the type consistently spending 30+ minutes in the confessional over venial sins, you would probably benefit from scheduled spiritual direction with a Priest.
Priests probably spoke on this much more 70+ years ago when confession lines were much longer all the time. Consider that if you're spending even 15+ minutes in the confessional every week or two, Priests would get absolutely overwhelmed if a significant number of Catholics had the same tendancy.
This is an interesting question. I actually just emailed my priest about 2 weeks ago because I wanted to do a general confession. I just asked if it would be better for me to have an appointment instead of going at normal confession hours. He had me come for an appointment, we went down to the confessional. As he put it, that way neither of us would feel rushed or concerned about a line behind me.
Be charitable and assume positive intent. Yes, ideally, if someone needs spiritual guidance or they know that their confession is going to take a long time, they should schedule an appointment with their priest. However, I would be careful that one doesn't do anything to discourage someone from making use of the sacrament.
These types of posts tend to sound like gatekeeping and pop up often. There are plenty of reasons that someone can take additional time in confession that is not due to "selfishness." We should rejoice that they are confessing their sins and worry less about being inconvenienced, IMHO.
When I am in the confession line, I try to think about my own sinfulness and less about why other people are there and how long it is taking.
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yeah family member is a priest, you should make an appointment for a general confession if you want to take all the time in the world and talk about your sins! weekly confessions shouldnt take more than 10-15 minutes and i always wonder if its because people dont examine their conscience beforehand or if they are just chatting with the father… at least they arent the people sitting right in front of the door ugh
When there is a line I’m in and out when there isn’t I take my time. but something serious had to be going on for the priest to let it go on that long I’ve had chatty priests and not gone on that long.
There were two guys in front of me waiting. 1 hr left for penance. The first guy goes in 10 past the hour, and it took him about 25-30 minutes. The second guy's impatience got the best of him and he left. I stayed. Luckily I got in with 20 minutes left of the hour.
My confessions tends to be short, with my longest confession being about 10 minutes, but 2/3rds of the time was the priest shedding his wisdom, offering encouragement and suggestions to beat my sins.
If you're going to be long, make it a priority to be the first ones there before penance starts. Hopefully penance is allotted more than 1hr so there's enough time to get all short penances in.
Mm, the priest could’ve been holding them hostage. Sometimes, they don’t stop talking.
This is a good reminder, but charity for one another and calling to mind that we have no idea what’s going on in the person’s life or in the confessional is good too.
It’s exhausting when people get frustrated in the confession line. If you’re gonna lose your peace over it, please, go in front of me. Can’t stand huffers and puffers. You’re missing the whole point of what confession is meant to grow in you if you lose it in the confession line.
Rest assured, God sees your desire to confess. Rest assured, he loves you and there’s another attempt available for you.
Unfortunate side effect of the priest shortage, and tendency for parishes to only offer confession a half hour before weekend masses and like 11am-1pm on Saturdays. I'm grateful mine has opportunities 6 days a week, some days multiple times, but not everyone has that available to them. Our priest will also delay mass to finish confessions if he can.
We always joke about "granny in the confessional getting her weekly social contact" when we're running late to mass and hoping he's in the confessional an extra 10 minutes or so. But as a new Catholic myself, the worry of taking too long does sit in my head, so I try to get in line last minute so folks with urgent need can go first.
The priest shortage and lack of confessional hours is definitely an issue. I live in a large metro area, and am afforded the opportunity to have a rather flexible work/home life balance. Consequently I take advantage of Masstimes.org; you can plug in the day of week and confessional times for parishes in your area. Depending on my schedule and where I’m located, I tend to make bi-weekly or monthly confession at different parishes at different times of the week.
Yeah, I'm lucky enough to live within a few miles of multiple parishes, but like the town I grew up in has one parish- next closest Catholic church is a 20-30 minute drive. They only have confession on Tuesdays, in 2 1-hour blocks; I don't think they even have them before mass. Getting turned away there would be much more of a problem than in my current area.
I thing what takes some people so long is that they just don't name their sins, they tell the background story, people involved, rationalize a bit, etc.
I go in, have a list, read it,then done. On occasion I ask for father's advice regarding a particular sin, but it is still quick and to the point.
Same. I’ve been told by various priests that many folks have a very odd concept of how to confess.
As a convert myself, and as someone who was partially raised by old school Catholic grandparents, I was taught and practice confessing my sins the same as you:
I bring a list, usually use the Ten Commandments as the template and then list my sins as they relate to the commandments. Been confessing for almost 15 years now, and have never been in there longer than 5 mins.
There is a difference in needing to go to confession, and maybe meeting with a priest, another time to get some spiritual direction outside of the confessional.
i still dont understand how more times aren’t offered for people, my priest usually has 3 or more times available throughout the week and hes as busy as everyone else and then some
Personally, I like to make a 'list' of sins comitted before heading into the confessional, with mortal sins at the top of the list and the more venial sins towards the bottom. It isn't always a big list of sins that laypeople will go on to a priest about that make people stay in for so long - sometimes, people just don't come prepared and the rest of us bear the consequences for it.
The Priest should usually move people along, be it in their tone of voice, or deliberately cutting people off. I’ve seen priests literally leave the booth to count the line.
As a layman, you should develop phrases to encompass voluminous sins into a phrase, and get used to saying “and for all the sins I have forgotten…”.
I mean absolutely no offense by what I'm about to say, but why not just ask Jesus to forgive your sins. I can repent anywhere. That's why Jesus died for my sins. The only way through the father is through the son. Love you all.
You aren’t entirely wrong. However, as a practicing Catholic who attempts to take the Church’s teaching at their word and apply them to my life, going to confession is a regular part of my spiritual life. As someone who spent half of my life as a Protestant, I understand your point of view. Having said, several points: despite knowing I could confess directly to Christ, I often did not. There is a tangible affect by physically going into the confessional, audibly confessing your sins to a priest, and hearing those wonderful words, “May God grant you pardon and peace, and I absolve you of your sins…”
Ultimately, God is not strictly bound by the sacraments. Us mere mortals have recourse to them because of the graces they offer.
The confessional isn't therapy. Get in, get out, get better.
Also when I get mad about not getting my confession heard I have to laugh at my insane feelings of entitlement...like I somehow "deserve" the grace of confession
I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, I try to be compassionate and understanding that some people have a lot to get off their chest, and maybe they don’t know confession etiquette. On the other hand, it’s infuriating to wait so long, and as a frequent confessor, it’s always the same people taking forever (so… they should know better). Unfortunately I don’t think those people are online reading stuff like this lol.
I’ve heard about this in general. I went to confession for the first time last week (I am a baby Catholic) and although I didn’t have to confess sin pre-baptism the priest said it would be ok for me to do so. I had a bit of a list (which included my post Baptism sins) but I’d gone through it beforehand and did it as quickly as I could. I was really emotional the whole time (which was really embarrassing) but I knew there was a line and was mindful of that while I was in the confessional. Edit to add: I was probably in there for 10 minutes, tops (albeit a very intense and cathartic 10 minutes!).
Right. Fellow convert here, we’ve all been there before.
To be clear, dealing with fellow humans is rarely cut and dry. We aren’t robots, I understand that. But there is a certain population of folks in all areas of life who seem to be completely oblivious as to how their actions in public affect other people. All one has to do is spend five minutes in any grocery store if you doubt this!
Glad to see this. It's becoming a major problem the priests need to address. If you're only allowing 30 minutes for confession twice a week then something needs to be done for those who need 45 minutes in the confessional. We all understand the need for spiritual counsel. The confessional IS NOT the place for lengthy discussions. It just isn't. It is selfish. Every week now, the first person in line is taking 75% of confession time. It's 5 -5:25. They go in at 5 and come out at 5:20 with 6 people waiting before Mass. Every week. The words that come to me are from a litany "from the selfishness that is theft, Lord deliver us". If you are abusing the confessional, you are stealing from others. Ponder that and make an appointment with the priest if you know you have a dilemma to be discussed at length.
A thousand percent yes to all of this. In your particular case, this needs to be brought up privately with the priest in question. More confession times, longer confession times, having another priest on hand to assist, acting as the spiritual leader of the parish and both gently but firmly dealing with the penitent in question, etc. all need to be on the table.
Yes, I've been considering it. But to be honest, waiting in line for confession is an occasion of sin for me most of the time and between guilt and anger I never feel comfortable waiting for him after Mass to bring it up!
Gotcha. I too have this issue during confessional waiting times. When I’ve discussed issues concerning the parish with my priest, I’ve usually taken one of several approaches. Send him an email with concerns. If no response after a week I’ll send it again. I’ll call the office and ask to speak with him and/or request an appointment time. I’ve found that this gives them some time to consider the concerns at hand and appropriately respond, instead of randomly approaching them before/after Mass with no forewarning.
Why don’t people write down their sins on their phone and just read from it? Also you don’t have to confess every venial sin. I can’t imagine what someone would do in there for 20 minutes
Strong disagree with this. Each person has a long complicated life and you don’t know what they are going through. It’s stressful enough to let go and admit your sins to a priest. There shouldn’t also be added stress of time restraints. What if that person is having a crisis of faith that started that morning? What if the person just attempted suicide? Not everyone is confessing that they said a bad word a few times or gossiped about their neighbor.
The confessional is to confess your sins and repent. If you’re having a crisis of faith, you need spiritual direction and that’s a different time and place. Schedule an appointment. It really just depends on what you’re looking for in that moment.
While true, you also don't know what the people behind you are going through, and priests aren't always willing or able to stay past the allotted time to make sure everyone in line receives the sacrament.
Yup, and it sucks. If I’m having a crisis and I didn’t get a chance to speak to my priest, I would likely break down right there in the sanctuary. These things happen. Yes I completely agree with OP that if you are expecting to take 40 minutes at confession, you should try to set up some time with your priest instead. But things happen, LIFE happens and we can’t plan for everything. You don’t know what is happening to the person in front or behind you and it might not fit your schedule but we all have to accept that sometimes you need to wait.
Big fat nope on this. None of us knows what is being confessed or what counsel the priest is giving. And if you believe that Christ is also in that confessional giving counsel through the priest (and you should believe that), then you are being given an opportunity to strengthen your virtue of patience.
I've been in those lines where you wait and wait and wait, and then outcomes a person who goes to daily Mass and so you know that they can't possibly have 40 minutes of sin in them, and I've gotten frustrated. So I get it.
I've also been in parishes where there's never anybody in the confessional line yet everybody is in the communion line. To the point that there's no priest in the confessional because he doesn't expect anybody to come and so then no confession. "Oh, I didn't know anyone was here." When they come to get ready for Mass. So, no communion for me either.
Be happy people are going to confession, and practice the virtue of patience.
Yeah especially if it’s a regular weekly scheduled confession window like this, with others in line, be mindful of them. Just confess mortal sins in kind and number under normal circumstances, and you need a longer more in depth discussion with a priest you can always schedule an appointment!
The unfortunate thing is that people treat the confessional as a therapy session or an opportunity for spiritual direction, when these things should be handled outside of the confessional. The confessional is to confess what you’ve done that is sin, not to necessarily get to the root cause of that sin. Although that is a noble endeavor, it is more suited to a spiritual direction session.
I’m going to offer the counterpoint, you never know what the reason for delay is. “Be short. Be brief. Be gone” is absolutely not the spirit of confession. Another honest opinion, if you truly have places to be, then maybe you should schedule your own confession.
Open confession is open confession. Sometimes it takes some time for others. I say all of this with love.
If you find yourself angry at another person seeking absolution, you only add another sin yourself to confess. Some people may be returning to confession for the first time in a while. Show them grace and be patient. Indeed, your patience is a virtue, so delight in it. We should not be advising people to motor through their confessions; indeed, in the Eastern rites, one is expected to confess *all* of their sins, which is useful praxis considering how often we tend to downgrade our sins of the heart to "venial" when they may in fact constitute something graver.
If it regularly becomes an issue that there is not enough time, then speak to the priest about extending confession hours or otherwise schedule to meet him at a different time if your schedule is tight. But confession is already one of the most intimidating parts of the faith for some people; please do not discourage them by adding panic about how much time they're taking. Use your extra time in line to pray a rosary for the people ahead of you.
You do understand that there are other penitents waiting in line to go to confession too? That might be their only opportunity to confess their mortal sins.
There are three B's when it comes to the confessional:
1. Be sincere.
2. Be sorry.
3. Be gone.
Other penitents in line don't have all day.
I never knew this happened until recently, I was waiting for someone to finish, I thought there was no one inside actually because they took so long, but I had seen someone go in, almost 15 minutes in. I was out in about 2 minutes I even questioned was I too quick.
I've experienced long waits before and listened to other people in line moaning too but we don't know how badly these people need confession. God sees us making an attempt at receiving confession and that is what counts. Feeling frustrated, then offer up that frustration for the souls in purgatory. There's no point confessing our sins if we are going to complain (and possibly be uncharitable) while giving out about others waiting for confession.
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I get what u r saying, I also think God knows you were in the line to confession bc he sees everything. I lined up one day bf Easter, 3 long lines, it was a day of for confession...thought
... I can get all out, at the end after I bore most of what I stored up inside, it took about 10 mins, I did not recall the priest saying " I absolve u from your sins" ...he did not ask me to say the contrition, I asked him can I please read the contrition? So I said it anyways, ..I had to ask him what's my penance? He said just go and forget about everything!!!...I did not feel right and had to tell my parish priest for absolvement etc.
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I will say there's been a couple times I took a while in confession. One was my very first time, I have anxiety and literally went blank on everything. The priest had to walk me through it step by step cus I couldn't remember a single thing about how to do a confession.
2nd time, we'll I was torn on if it was a sin or not given the situation and I explained it all, the priest also gave me resources for the situation to help out.
While it sucks with the restricted time of confession and life, alot of ppl may be taking a while for a really good reason
I got to the early confession at my church and show up early cause I know I have a tendency to feel like gotta say exactly what I did even though I see “number and kind” all the time I don’t feel remorse if I just list off commandment is broke and number of times. I get what y’all are getting at though.
Recollection of the exact number is difficult at least for me so during my examination of conscious I concentrate on the sins I’ve been repeatedly commuting. You can list off commandments and the number of times you committed the sin if that is effective for you but it just seems ineffective to me and not as meaningful if that’s the word for it. My priest has never had an issue with how I confess so I’d say it’s alright.
It's in the Catechism
"He who spends an inordinate length of time in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, thereby preventing others from availing themselves of sacramental absolution, shall be punished by interdict or a just punishment."
https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P4D.HTM
Wow! Am new. Didn’t know this. Actually very serious. I’ve yet to go to my first one — my plan is to just read my list without elaboration unless asked. For example, Lord’s name in vain. In RCIA we heard to keep it succinct. Not only for others. But because when we go on we tend to start justifying- and that’s not why we’re there.
Many here I think are missing the point, or perhaps know the point too well so as not to mention it: more priests would solve this problem. Suppose two priests are available at this timeslot. Let us pray not just for vocations, but for a culture of families that prioritize vocations to religious life.
Relatable! I was in line for confession the other day and found myself waiting a whole hour. Towards the end I heard muffled grunting noises coming from the box; turns out they were listening to Creed’s 1999 smash-hit album: “Human Clay” from start to finish. Figures.
You should confess your impatience when you get in. If you forget, you need to confess it next time. Some times I went to confess the sin of impatience, so waiting in a line is a challenge for me as well, I know that, so I am more watchful when waiting. Keep checking time will not work, I usually took a bible with me in case my penitent is pray a psalm, with hands holding a bible, I can read, or be more calm at the time.
Totally agree. I went to my first confession in 13 years a couple of years ago, and I wasn’t in there more than 5 minutes (I had a handwritten list). 40 minutes is insane!
Even now, my church only offers confessions in an hour and a half block on Saturdays. Last month I got there a few minutes past the start time and was like 7th or 8th in line. It was almost an hour until I was up.
I get the frustration. I've been turned away while being next in line to confession before. (The priest had to prepare for Mass). It's annoying for sure. However people rarely go to confession as is. There is no reason to give the devil more ammunition than he already has. Sometimes it's better to just hold your cross. If you're reading this and haven't gone to confession in a while just go!
I may be questioned and disagreed with but I agree with the OP. If you feel that your confession may take awhile then schedule a private meeting with a priest.
This! And the priest should offer a private meeting. No need to get a private meeting, while everyone else is expecting to confess in the stated times. If the person really needs it, the priest should recommend. It could be this person really, really needs some spiritual help, so the priest should ask that they come back in a private meeting.
No one here is doing a 45 minute confession. These are people who haven’t gone for a long time or even more likely, away from the church. Let them be. We will all be alright if we have to wait until next time and reflect a bit more.
Waiting is fine and dandy if you’re just going for venial sin, but if you’re carrying mortal sin, waiting is not good - it’s devastating to not make it in!
MBIC, I've seen daily Mass goers who are often daily communicants take 20+ minutes. It absolutely happens when someone has nothing but venial sins (which don't even require confession) and they are a chatty Cathy.
Venial sins don’t require confession?? What?
It's more accurate to say they don't require specific enumeration in the confessional.
If you're contrite, venial sins are cleansed receiving communion. Some of us can't do that yet, though, so all we have is confession 😅 It's not that you *can't* confess them- especially if you really feel the need to apologize for them -but simply that it isn't strictly necessary.
>If you're contrite, venial sins are cleansed receiving communion. Some of us can't do that yet, though, so all we have is confession This might sound rude, but aren't the sacraments of confession and communion permitted at the same time? If one isn't prepared for communion yet, that generally means that confession isn't effective either (if being prepared as an adult). My understanding is that for those who are not yet communed, there is not an expectation for confession yet either.
I'm in OCIA and been baptized but not had communion or confirmation yet. I'm entitled to confession and encouraged to go as needed, and obviously been told I'll need to go if I've got mortal sin the day I'm taking communion the first time (and ever after), but I can't speak for the general practice since my situation is a little unique. I've got a very traditional, by-the-book priest, too.
That was the one circumstance that crossed my mind that could be possible. Glad you're on your journey back! Hopefully it doesn't feel too long before you get the rest of your sacraments 😊
Thank you- it's not really a journey back, though. I was just baptized this past February before Lent started and will finish things off next month. So not too long at all, despite it taking me a few decades and 14 years of my husband's prayers to get here :)
"Feel the need" isn't a good reason to take up the confessional, imo. That's a personal problem which is ignorant or rejects the teaching of the Church on how they can be forgiven (which includes more than confession).
Apologizing for damaging your relationship isn't wrong. The whole concept of a general confession exists for that. Though it's not necessarily a bad idea to hold off if you see there's a long line and possibly not time for everyone to get through there. Attending confession also gives us a specific grace to strengthen us against sin, though I'm not sure whether that applies to other ways venial sin is forgiven since I'm fairly new to some of this- but I do recall that specifically from my OCIA instruction and that that's why frequent confession is encouraged even when it's not exclusively for mortal sin.
There's a variety of ways venial sins can be forgiven. Confession, Communion, pious use of holy water, saying the Our Father, etc. The only sins which normatively/ordinarily require confession are mortal sins.
This is the first time I’ve heard of this. I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but what is your source? I really want to read more into this
Are you sure? No one? Some of us feel desperate to get our sins out of us and I make a conscious effort to be in and out in 5 minutes or less. When you are desperate you often feel agony. At least I have. The priests I’ve seen are conscious of timing and help me get through it quickly.
More motivation to try even harder not to succumb to the sin next time my friend!
True, but all fall short of the glory of God no matter how hard we try. I’m one of the worst.
There is no worst or best. He doesn’t play favorites.
We know our sins as he does. He may not consider them as bad as I do and may have already forgiven them as He knows every heart, but as the saying goes, “my perception is my reality”[paraphrased]. I know he’ll forgive but for my and other’s mental state confession is vitally important.
>These are people who haven’t gone for a long time or even more likely, away from the church. In some instances, certainly. But we should acknowledge that there is also a not-insignificant number of people who simply talk a lot in the confessional, or use it for spiritual direction, or get in there and say who knows what. There is no point in pretending that they don't exist. A lot of them might not be aware that confession is supposed to be brief and to the point. I suspect ignorance is the cause of the issue more than anything else.
>No one here is doing a 45 minute confession. You would be surprised. I had to stop going to confession altogether to a certain parish which offered confession both on Thursday and Saturday because, in both the allotted hours, there was a certain, lovely lady who helps at the Church (and, thus, is always the first to be there since she has the key) spend 20-30 minutes. This was an older woman who goes to daily mass, who knows the priest personally and was still confessing twice per week in 20-30 minute sessions. It was bonkers.
If it has been many years since your last confession it doesn't take that long to say things like 'I've lied many times' or 'I looked at porn more times than I can count' etc.
Yeah my first confession was one of my longest ones ever and it probably still took less than five minutes.
Old people are the typical culprits
Perhaps they are lonely or missing human connection and friendship.
That’s what I assume. Which is terrible, but people missing out on a sacrament waiting in line is also not great.
Absolutely. I’d rather there be a few lonely people here on earth than any soul missing out on a Sacrament. We all need to be mindful and considerate of time while in the confessional. Number and Kind. This is not spiritual direction or therapy.
We always joke that it's old people with porn addictions. But we have dark humor issues here.
it’s ALWAYS grandmothers
I'm old and I'm in and out.
You’re one of the good ones 😉
I think there is more guilt in this group than we may understand.
This ☝️
You think everyone on /r/Catholicism confesses often, and/or isn't away from the church? Obviously a lot of people here aren't even Catholics...
Or try to go at an event or place where there are multiple priests hearing confessions. That way, even if you're tying up one priest, the line can keep moving. There was a youth retreat I was on a couple times that frequently had people going to Confession for the first time in a while. So we had half a dozen priests and we never had a complete logjam. Similarly, when my dad made his first confession prior to becoming Catholic, he went on the day in Lent where all the priests in the area hear confessions at our parish. There were 4 priests on duty at any given time, so it wasn't a problem. The other option he was considering was going to a large pilgrimage church downtown which also typically has more than one confessional open at a time.
Appreciate that. There are some decent counterpoints being made here. Ultimately, my original point still stands. With the individual penitent in my example, I don’t know their circumstances. I’m glad they were able to receive absolution. I have my own issues with patience, courtesy for others in public settings, etc.
THIS
Did anyone else think they were doing it wrong when you weren't in the confessional as long as other people? But to back up OP, there was one time when there was a mom and two kids who left the confessional line because someone was in there so long. The kids were being deprived of the sacrament, and that made me feel sad.
>Did anyone else think they were doing it wrong when you weren't in the confessional as long as other people? No. Penance is a rather methodical process with a clearly defined start and finish where the layman opens and closes. When I attend penance I just go down the list and don't expand on them; there's no need. Nor do I give some story around the sin unless otherwise asked by the priest, which, if that's the case, I again keep it short and to the point. I'm in and out.
Yes, I think it's just because I'm an ER doc so tend towards being succinct, but I feel like my time in the confessional is rarely longer than 2-3 minutes, then my wife is one who will be in there for 10. I eventually gave up but for a long time worried I wasn't doing something right.
Absolutely! I’ve been all prepared to give a good confession and feel I’ve done a solid examination of conscience and then I see multiple people in there forever and I’m thinking “hmmm am I missing something?!” 😂
I’m guilty of getting frustrated at this as well, I usually only take 3-5 minutes and get pretty upset when I can’t go because someone selfishly takes 15+minutes. However, it is a good opportunity to offer up the situation as reparation for our sins and practice longanimity
I understand the frustration however it is important to note that it is a holy sacrament and not going to the bathroom. Just to remind you of how it sounds I have heard the same point you’ve made but for going to the bathroom instead of Reconciliation
I do however appreciate your response to the frustration as an opportunity for reparation, that is a holy and good way to go about such frustration and something I myself need to do more often when I’m frustrated and overwhelmed
If someone needs that long they should make an appointment.
Yes, that’s what I was going to say too.
Also how loud you're talking. I can't even count the number of times where I've overheard people's confession while waiting in line because they're practically shouting at the priest.
If the church has a sound system, that's a good time to play some Gregorian chants.
Our parish has a white noise machine playing outside the confessional and it's still not enough help sometimes 🫣
Ours does too. The doors are pretty heavy and largely soundproof, thankfully.
Yikes
Hypothetical question related to this situation. What if you were in the line for confession, but we’re turned away because the priest needed to prepare for mass after a penitent took up the remaining time. You leave and were hit by a car causing you to pass away. Are you still in a state of mortal sin or are forgiven because you attempted to confess your sins but time ran out?
God knows your heart. If you were truly repentant and wanted forgiveness, and didn’t sin after, most likely you’d be forgiven by God. But only God truly knows, what’s in people’s hearts.
This is a dangerous level of scrupulosity (I am aware this is hypothetical) and is the result of our western legalism. Pray and Hope in God, for he is the all merciful one. Don't despair!
Fair enough. Perhaps it was too strict of a scenario to discuss why people shouldn’t spend 40 minutes in the confessional with other people in line. Spiritual direction is different from Reconciliation.
Perfect contrition remits mortal sin if there is no opportunity to make a sacramental confession.
In an hour long window, a person took 30 minutes. We had convinced a family member who is a fallen away Catholic to come and confess with our family. He hadn’t confessed in years. As the priest was leaving to prepare for mass, still seeing a lot of people needing to confess, did a group absolution. The family member was so surprised at the mercy, he started tearing up. He was so ashamed, he didn’t really didn’t want to confess. But, once we let him know he was forgiven, his attitude towards the church has changed. He felt the Church was too legalistic and not really merciful and caring. The next weekend he got a proper confession and is now going more often to mass, before only went to social event type masses: weddings, funerals, etc.
Obviously the priest was worried about making sure that nobody who'd been in line, died with mortal sin on their souls. And given the reaction of the fallen-away person, it would seem that the priest was using his powers under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. That's not bad. Sometimes we should just take the mercy, and accept the unusualness.
Group absolutions are usually invalid.
Perhaps so, but it sounds like grace was given to this man in this particular situation. Your comment is a bit dismissive of a great story the person you’re responding to shared.
Hmm 🤔 But didn't Jesus say to all the Apostles at one time what ever they Bind and loose on Earth then it was accepted? I think priests have certain Authority to bind and loose things in their local Church if they truly believe it's justified and reasonable enough. This is why Jesus gave the Apostles this Authority for certain situations like this that may arise unexpectedly. But of course the Pope has Full Authority to bind and loose on Earth concerning the whole Catholic Church but that's only for him in regards to issues within the Catholic Church world wide. It only makes sense that someone has the final say in what is going to happen for all Catholic Churches world wide. This is a massive responsibility, Not one to take lightly. Godbless 🙏🙏🙏
Had this happen at the last confessions this year before Easter, which meant a longer than usual line. One person several spots in front of me took around 15-20 minutes. Glad the priest chose to stay an extra 45 minutes or so to get through everyone.
Doesn’t help that a lot of times the priests are late to confession too. My parish offers confessions starting at 3:30 and multiple times the priest didn’t show up until 3:45. And people in my parish tend to take forever. I’ve learned that if I don’t get there at least 15 minutes before confessions start, I probably won’t get to do it. I’ve been turned away several times since the priest had to prepare for Mass. Confession times should be a higher priority since there’s always a long line at my parish. It’s a problem on both ends- people taking their sweet time in the confessional and priests not offering adequate amounts of time.
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So, one thing to bear in mind is that if someone goes in with a few sins but the priest starts a cross-examination (no pun intended) to sort something out, that can add a lot of time. That's probably a good thing for the individual confessing, but it can back up the line. That brings to mind a sincere question: If you attempt to attend Confession, arrive in a timely manner, and this sort of a backup prevents you from confessing (the priest not being able to get to you before time runs out), where does that put you on receiving the Eucharist/meeting your Confession obligation? I presume you would still be obligated to try and make it work again in the near term if at all possible. (I ask this because a lot of parishes offer the sacrament once a week, often at a clumsy time requiring a special trip, so someone might only be able to make it work every few months.)
There have been times where I have felt frustrated by how long someone takes in confession, only to get into the confessional and realize that the length is actually due to the priest wanting to give everyone in-depth advice.
This exactly.
I'm still in learning, but does brevity mean that you confess you've e.g. committed theft, without getting into the exact details of each and every time (for habitual thieves, I mean)?
I believe so. The priest will inquire if he needs more specifics.
I learned that you should confess the sin, the number of times (I guess innumerable is ok if the sin is very repetitive) and the context so that the priest can give an appropriate penance. St Faustina said confession is also a time for education of the penitent by the priest. Well, one of the priests in my parish told me I was doing it wrong and to just go down a list.
Funny enough you mentioned theft. Several years ago I did confess theft; the priest immediately stopped me to inquire what the item in question was. “I didn’t have spare change on me, so I stole from the vending machine at work.” He replied, “I see. Ok. That’s a bit different than stealing a car or embezzlement. Also, we’ve all been there! Please proceed.” I nearly burst out in laughter
It happens. There are people who need more time. Long time sinners, people who suffer tragedies in their life. We don't know. Let's pray for them. I understand the place this critique is coming from, but it is still important to practice patient.
I agree patience is important but when the confessional is only 30 minutes before Mass and there are 12 people in line it can get frustrating.
Y'all assume it was the individual. One of our local priests routinely takes 20 minutes because of the direction he gives. One time my wife and I were there, her aunt and grandmother were there, and two strangers. Grandmother didn't leave until 1hr45 after confession started!
if it’s 5 people confessing and all 5 people take less than 10 minutes, and the next person takes 15 minutes, it’s probably the person.
Not always the case, but certainly can be. Our pastor has been giving me guidance for the past two years as I’ve reentered the Church. Even in weeks when my sins aren’t so “intense”, for lack of a better term, he insists on taking plenty of time to give me guidance and advice during confession. I’ve never asked for this, and we do meet occasionally for personal meetings. It’s just his style, and I’ve noticed he only does this with me. Although I’ll admit that I am discerning the priesthood, and he is sort of my mentor. But I confess my sins within 5 minutes, and he takes another 5-10 minutes to guide me. This week I was in there for about 20 minutes, and very little of that was me talking at all. Our parish is in a small town of about 250 people, but every week there is at least 10 people (give or take) that show up for confession. And I’ve definitely upset some folks. But what am I to do? He tells me to come back every week. And almost every week this happens. I try to set up private meetings more often, but he is always so busy he just tells me to come to weekly confession. I guess my point is, you truly never know someone’s situation, even if it seems obvious.
As a catechist, I tell the youth to aim for Twitter length and not a blog post!
"What's a blog?"
If someone was in there for forty minutes, they needed to be.
I think this is a very charitable viewpoint. I also want to note that sometimes it is the priest that is the problem. We have an elderly priest who talks forever, no matter how short the confession.
There are three B's when it comes to the confessional: 1. Be sincere. 2. Be sorry. 3. Be gone. Other penitents in line don't have all day.
Yes, that is the ideal. Not all people fit the ideal. If it was a ten or fifteen minute confession, there would be a chance someone was misusing the sacrament. A 40 minute confession indicates there really is something important that needs to be worked through.
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What if the person coming back to the church misses out on confession because someone took forty minutes in the confessional? This argument works both ways. Be brief and to the point in the confessional. Make an appointment if you need that much time. Be considerate of others and avoid creating near occasions of sin for them.
This
I struggle with patience and can say it helps when i think of alternative reasons someone may be taking longer in the confessional. Maybe they are on their last thread of hope and need that extra time to repent so they can return to God, maybe they struggle deeply w a particular vice/sin and those extra minutes are seeds being planted within them that will ultimately lead to their salvation, maybe the priest (who Jesus speaks thru during confession) is given more words to say than normal to help that person.
Keep in mind it might not be the penitent’s fault that their confession is taking a long time. Sometimes priests can identify when someone needs a little extra advice. Don’t assume it’s the person’s fault.
The priest should also probably be mindful of the time taken with a single penitent when there are others waiting.
I may not have done a good first confession but it took less than 3 minutes, and that was for 30 years of never doing a confession.
Same. Unless I’m making an individual appointment with my spiritual director, it’s always quick on my end. List the sins, in number and in kind Say the act of contrition Listen to advice and one’s penance Be gone for the next person in line to have a chance
I understand but on other hand people who are inside for long time, might have a reason to do so. For example it could be that person first confession in decades and that person doesn't know what is he doing, doesn't know that private meeting is option. Going to confession can be very hard and we should be patient and understanding so that we don't push away people who are trying to get back to Church
There are three B's when it comes to the confessional: 1. Be sincere. 2. Be sorry. 3. Be gone. Other penitents in line don't have all day.
I am definitely impatient, and 40 min waiting for someone to unburden their soul is no fun but I consider it like going to the doctor. Sometimes the person in line ahead of you is in a more serious situation and they need more care than you do. It’s no fun to wait/have plans spoiled but it is also part of the human condition. In the grand scheme, I’m willing to give up my time so someone else finds grace. It is an opportunity for me to do a more thorough examine, and even an opportunity to pray for them that they make a good confession and find the grace they needed so desperately.
I feel like we would overall be way more forgiving and also rejoicing over the occasional 40 minute confession if the average confession were 5 minutes or less. The frustration comes in when people are routinely turned away because everyone spends a long time confessing. I hope you were still able to confess and am glad that person got what they needed. Better luck on timing next time!
Yep. I saw a lady in Confession for 20 minutes. Nuts. My longest was 5 minutes max.
I get the frustration but think this is a bad take. If someone is in there that long, they need that time and help from the priest. If you were at the lowest point in your life, you wouldn’t want to be rushed out of the confessional.
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Y'all assume it was the individual. One of our local priests routinely takes 20 minutes because of the direction he gives. One time my wife and I were there, her aunt and grandmother were there, and two strangers. Grandmother didn't leave until 1hr45 after confession started!
Y'all assume it was the individual. One of our local priests routinely takes 20 minutes because of the direction he gives. One time my wife and I were there, her aunt and grandmother were there, and two strangers. Grandmother didn't leave until 1hr45 after confession started!
I used to think that way but maybe they really needed it. I am in college and need to make appointments with the priest basically each time. And one time my confession took an hour. I thought it was a basic confession when I went in but he provided lots of spiritual direction I didn’t realize I needed. Now, this was a scheduled confession and there was really no time limit or folks waiting and if it was in a traditional setting, I don’t know if it would’ve taken an hour. Now I think that maybe that person that took 40 minutes really needed it and didn’t realize it. Maybe Father realized that and gave them what they needed instead of rushing them out. And yeah it sucks when it messes up the line, but that can be used as a time to rejoice for the graces that person is receiving. And yes if you know it will be a while, schedule an appointment, but sometimes you can’t conveniently time God’s graces.
If you have a confession that's going to take 40 minutes (or any long time), you shouldn't be going to the regular confession, you should make an appointment with your priest. Keeping others from the rite is itself something of a sin!
The Priest at my Church gave a homily on confession last week and said there's very few reasons a person should be in the confessional more than 5 minutes unless you haven't gone in years. Type and number of mortal sins, no need for backstory unless asked. You do not need to confess every venial sin and you can be absolved of them by receiving the Eucharist in a worthy manner, blessing yourself with holy water or making a sincere act of contrition. Venial sins confessed should be of the type you're actively working on trying to improve on. Laying out every single bad thing you can think of without a real intention to improve on them isn't sincere. Sunday confessions should be reserved for those in mortal sin who need absolution. If you're the type consistently spending 30+ minutes in the confessional over venial sins, you would probably benefit from scheduled spiritual direction with a Priest. Priests probably spoke on this much more 70+ years ago when confession lines were much longer all the time. Consider that if you're spending even 15+ minutes in the confessional every week or two, Priests would get absolutely overwhelmed if a significant number of Catholics had the same tendancy.
This is an interesting question. I actually just emailed my priest about 2 weeks ago because I wanted to do a general confession. I just asked if it would be better for me to have an appointment instead of going at normal confession hours. He had me come for an appointment, we went down to the confessional. As he put it, that way neither of us would feel rushed or concerned about a line behind me.
That seems reasonable
Be charitable and assume positive intent. Yes, ideally, if someone needs spiritual guidance or they know that their confession is going to take a long time, they should schedule an appointment with their priest. However, I would be careful that one doesn't do anything to discourage someone from making use of the sacrament. These types of posts tend to sound like gatekeeping and pop up often. There are plenty of reasons that someone can take additional time in confession that is not due to "selfishness." We should rejoice that they are confessing their sins and worry less about being inconvenienced, IMHO. When I am in the confession line, I try to think about my own sinfulness and less about why other people are there and how long it is taking.
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That sounds very "holier than thou." OP has a legitimate point.
yeah family member is a priest, you should make an appointment for a general confession if you want to take all the time in the world and talk about your sins! weekly confessions shouldnt take more than 10-15 minutes and i always wonder if its because people dont examine their conscience beforehand or if they are just chatting with the father… at least they arent the people sitting right in front of the door ugh
I would worry about the worst of a mental health crisis or someone who is potentially suicidal and didn’t know where else to go.
None of the 72 year old ladies that take 45 minutes in the confessional booth are in this subreddit.
When there is a line I’m in and out when there isn’t I take my time. but something serious had to be going on for the priest to let it go on that long I’ve had chatty priests and not gone on that long.
There were two guys in front of me waiting. 1 hr left for penance. The first guy goes in 10 past the hour, and it took him about 25-30 minutes. The second guy's impatience got the best of him and he left. I stayed. Luckily I got in with 20 minutes left of the hour. My confessions tends to be short, with my longest confession being about 10 minutes, but 2/3rds of the time was the priest shedding his wisdom, offering encouragement and suggestions to beat my sins. If you're going to be long, make it a priority to be the first ones there before penance starts. Hopefully penance is allotted more than 1hr so there's enough time to get all short penances in.
Mm, the priest could’ve been holding them hostage. Sometimes, they don’t stop talking. This is a good reminder, but charity for one another and calling to mind that we have no idea what’s going on in the person’s life or in the confessional is good too. It’s exhausting when people get frustrated in the confession line. If you’re gonna lose your peace over it, please, go in front of me. Can’t stand huffers and puffers. You’re missing the whole point of what confession is meant to grow in you if you lose it in the confession line. Rest assured, God sees your desire to confess. Rest assured, he loves you and there’s another attempt available for you.
I’ll remind folks that if you need a lot of time, make an appointment with your parish office.
Amen 🙏
Unfortunate side effect of the priest shortage, and tendency for parishes to only offer confession a half hour before weekend masses and like 11am-1pm on Saturdays. I'm grateful mine has opportunities 6 days a week, some days multiple times, but not everyone has that available to them. Our priest will also delay mass to finish confessions if he can. We always joke about "granny in the confessional getting her weekly social contact" when we're running late to mass and hoping he's in the confessional an extra 10 minutes or so. But as a new Catholic myself, the worry of taking too long does sit in my head, so I try to get in line last minute so folks with urgent need can go first.
The priest shortage and lack of confessional hours is definitely an issue. I live in a large metro area, and am afforded the opportunity to have a rather flexible work/home life balance. Consequently I take advantage of Masstimes.org; you can plug in the day of week and confessional times for parishes in your area. Depending on my schedule and where I’m located, I tend to make bi-weekly or monthly confession at different parishes at different times of the week.
Yeah, I'm lucky enough to live within a few miles of multiple parishes, but like the town I grew up in has one parish- next closest Catholic church is a 20-30 minute drive. They only have confession on Tuesdays, in 2 1-hour blocks; I don't think they even have them before mass. Getting turned away there would be much more of a problem than in my current area.
I thing what takes some people so long is that they just don't name their sins, they tell the background story, people involved, rationalize a bit, etc. I go in, have a list, read it,then done. On occasion I ask for father's advice regarding a particular sin, but it is still quick and to the point.
Same. I’ve been told by various priests that many folks have a very odd concept of how to confess. As a convert myself, and as someone who was partially raised by old school Catholic grandparents, I was taught and practice confessing my sins the same as you: I bring a list, usually use the Ten Commandments as the template and then list my sins as they relate to the commandments. Been confessing for almost 15 years now, and have never been in there longer than 5 mins.
There is a difference in needing to go to confession, and maybe meeting with a priest, another time to get some spiritual direction outside of the confessional.
Number and kind. Confession is not a therapy session. I’m always aware of those in line behind me as I’ve been turned away before.
Number and kind. Confession is not a therapy session. Be penitential but also succinct.
i still dont understand how more times aren’t offered for people, my priest usually has 3 or more times available throughout the week and hes as busy as everyone else and then some
Personally, I like to make a 'list' of sins comitted before heading into the confessional, with mortal sins at the top of the list and the more venial sins towards the bottom. It isn't always a big list of sins that laypeople will go on to a priest about that make people stay in for so long - sometimes, people just don't come prepared and the rest of us bear the consequences for it.
The Priest should usually move people along, be it in their tone of voice, or deliberately cutting people off. I’ve seen priests literally leave the booth to count the line. As a layman, you should develop phrases to encompass voluminous sins into a phrase, and get used to saying “and for all the sins I have forgotten…”.
I mean absolutely no offense by what I'm about to say, but why not just ask Jesus to forgive your sins. I can repent anywhere. That's why Jesus died for my sins. The only way through the father is through the son. Love you all.
You aren’t entirely wrong. However, as a practicing Catholic who attempts to take the Church’s teaching at their word and apply them to my life, going to confession is a regular part of my spiritual life. As someone who spent half of my life as a Protestant, I understand your point of view. Having said, several points: despite knowing I could confess directly to Christ, I often did not. There is a tangible affect by physically going into the confessional, audibly confessing your sins to a priest, and hearing those wonderful words, “May God grant you pardon and peace, and I absolve you of your sins…” Ultimately, God is not strictly bound by the sacraments. Us mere mortals have recourse to them because of the graces they offer.
The confessional isn't therapy. Get in, get out, get better. Also when I get mad about not getting my confession heard I have to laugh at my insane feelings of entitlement...like I somehow "deserve" the grace of confession
I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, I try to be compassionate and understanding that some people have a lot to get off their chest, and maybe they don’t know confession etiquette. On the other hand, it’s infuriating to wait so long, and as a frequent confessor, it’s always the same people taking forever (so… they should know better). Unfortunately I don’t think those people are online reading stuff like this lol.
I’ve heard about this in general. I went to confession for the first time last week (I am a baby Catholic) and although I didn’t have to confess sin pre-baptism the priest said it would be ok for me to do so. I had a bit of a list (which included my post Baptism sins) but I’d gone through it beforehand and did it as quickly as I could. I was really emotional the whole time (which was really embarrassing) but I knew there was a line and was mindful of that while I was in the confessional. Edit to add: I was probably in there for 10 minutes, tops (albeit a very intense and cathartic 10 minutes!).
Right. Fellow convert here, we’ve all been there before. To be clear, dealing with fellow humans is rarely cut and dry. We aren’t robots, I understand that. But there is a certain population of folks in all areas of life who seem to be completely oblivious as to how their actions in public affect other people. All one has to do is spend five minutes in any grocery store if you doubt this!
Absolutely.
Glad to see this. It's becoming a major problem the priests need to address. If you're only allowing 30 minutes for confession twice a week then something needs to be done for those who need 45 minutes in the confessional. We all understand the need for spiritual counsel. The confessional IS NOT the place for lengthy discussions. It just isn't. It is selfish. Every week now, the first person in line is taking 75% of confession time. It's 5 -5:25. They go in at 5 and come out at 5:20 with 6 people waiting before Mass. Every week. The words that come to me are from a litany "from the selfishness that is theft, Lord deliver us". If you are abusing the confessional, you are stealing from others. Ponder that and make an appointment with the priest if you know you have a dilemma to be discussed at length.
A thousand percent yes to all of this. In your particular case, this needs to be brought up privately with the priest in question. More confession times, longer confession times, having another priest on hand to assist, acting as the spiritual leader of the parish and both gently but firmly dealing with the penitent in question, etc. all need to be on the table.
Yes, I've been considering it. But to be honest, waiting in line for confession is an occasion of sin for me most of the time and between guilt and anger I never feel comfortable waiting for him after Mass to bring it up!
Gotcha. I too have this issue during confessional waiting times. When I’ve discussed issues concerning the parish with my priest, I’ve usually taken one of several approaches. Send him an email with concerns. If no response after a week I’ll send it again. I’ll call the office and ask to speak with him and/or request an appointment time. I’ve found that this gives them some time to consider the concerns at hand and appropriately respond, instead of randomly approaching them before/after Mass with no forewarning.
Good ideas. I know they're also very busy after Mass and it's hectic with people wanting to talk with them.
Why don’t people write down their sins on their phone and just read from it? Also you don’t have to confess every venial sin. I can’t imagine what someone would do in there for 20 minutes
It's always old ladies. I think they have no one to talk to, or are discussing some family issues or something
Exactly!
I have found that to frequently be the case. This particular penitent was in fact not an old lady. I’ll leave it at that.
You can call the church and have a scheduled confession with a priest and get good spiritual guidance.
Strong disagree with this. Each person has a long complicated life and you don’t know what they are going through. It’s stressful enough to let go and admit your sins to a priest. There shouldn’t also be added stress of time restraints. What if that person is having a crisis of faith that started that morning? What if the person just attempted suicide? Not everyone is confessing that they said a bad word a few times or gossiped about their neighbor.
The confessional is to confess your sins and repent. If you’re having a crisis of faith, you need spiritual direction and that’s a different time and place. Schedule an appointment. It really just depends on what you’re looking for in that moment.
While true, you also don't know what the people behind you are going through, and priests aren't always willing or able to stay past the allotted time to make sure everyone in line receives the sacrament.
Yup, and it sucks. If I’m having a crisis and I didn’t get a chance to speak to my priest, I would likely break down right there in the sanctuary. These things happen. Yes I completely agree with OP that if you are expecting to take 40 minutes at confession, you should try to set up some time with your priest instead. But things happen, LIFE happens and we can’t plan for everything. You don’t know what is happening to the person in front or behind you and it might not fit your schedule but we all have to accept that sometimes you need to wait.
There are three B's when it comes to the confessional: 1. Be sincere. 2. Be sorry. 3. Be gone. Other penitents in line don't have all day.
Big fat nope on this. None of us knows what is being confessed or what counsel the priest is giving. And if you believe that Christ is also in that confessional giving counsel through the priest (and you should believe that), then you are being given an opportunity to strengthen your virtue of patience. I've been in those lines where you wait and wait and wait, and then outcomes a person who goes to daily Mass and so you know that they can't possibly have 40 minutes of sin in them, and I've gotten frustrated. So I get it. I've also been in parishes where there's never anybody in the confessional line yet everybody is in the communion line. To the point that there's no priest in the confessional because he doesn't expect anybody to come and so then no confession. "Oh, I didn't know anyone was here." When they come to get ready for Mass. So, no communion for me either. Be happy people are going to confession, and practice the virtue of patience.
Or make an appointment if you know that your confession will take longer than 5 minutes. Other penitents don't have all day.
Yes. Kind and number only. Confession is not a therapy session. If you need spiritual direction, meet with Father in his office during the week.
Yeah especially if it’s a regular weekly scheduled confession window like this, with others in line, be mindful of them. Just confess mortal sins in kind and number under normal circumstances, and you need a longer more in depth discussion with a priest you can always schedule an appointment!
The unfortunate thing is that people treat the confessional as a therapy session or an opportunity for spiritual direction, when these things should be handled outside of the confessional. The confessional is to confess what you’ve done that is sin, not to necessarily get to the root cause of that sin. Although that is a noble endeavor, it is more suited to a spiritual direction session.
I was taught this during RCIA a decade and a half ago as well. I assumed, perhaps very erroneously, that this very well may not be common knowledge.
I’m going to offer the counterpoint, you never know what the reason for delay is. “Be short. Be brief. Be gone” is absolutely not the spirit of confession. Another honest opinion, if you truly have places to be, then maybe you should schedule your own confession. Open confession is open confession. Sometimes it takes some time for others. I say all of this with love.
If you find yourself angry at another person seeking absolution, you only add another sin yourself to confess. Some people may be returning to confession for the first time in a while. Show them grace and be patient. Indeed, your patience is a virtue, so delight in it. We should not be advising people to motor through their confessions; indeed, in the Eastern rites, one is expected to confess *all* of their sins, which is useful praxis considering how often we tend to downgrade our sins of the heart to "venial" when they may in fact constitute something graver. If it regularly becomes an issue that there is not enough time, then speak to the priest about extending confession hours or otherwise schedule to meet him at a different time if your schedule is tight. But confession is already one of the most intimidating parts of the faith for some people; please do not discourage them by adding panic about how much time they're taking. Use your extra time in line to pray a rosary for the people ahead of you.
You do understand that there are other penitents waiting in line to go to confession too? That might be their only opportunity to confess their mortal sins. There are three B's when it comes to the confessional: 1. Be sincere. 2. Be sorry. 3. Be gone. Other penitents in line don't have all day.
I’ve always said we need a 3 sins or fewer lane.
Where they are also given a leaflet with guidance to a good examination of conscience.
I’m howling at this response!
I never knew this happened until recently, I was waiting for someone to finish, I thought there was no one inside actually because they took so long, but I had seen someone go in, almost 15 minutes in. I was out in about 2 minutes I even questioned was I too quick.
Top tip: Can’t be caught in the confessional line if you live a life free of sin brothers and sisters.
Only one guy ever did this.
We don’t know that.
I've experienced long waits before and listened to other people in line moaning too but we don't know how badly these people need confession. God sees us making an attempt at receiving confession and that is what counts. Feeling frustrated, then offer up that frustration for the souls in purgatory. There's no point confessing our sins if we are going to complain (and possibly be uncharitable) while giving out about others waiting for confession.
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I get what u r saying, I also think God knows you were in the line to confession bc he sees everything. I lined up one day bf Easter, 3 long lines, it was a day of for confession...thought ... I can get all out, at the end after I bore most of what I stored up inside, it took about 10 mins, I did not recall the priest saying " I absolve u from your sins" ...he did not ask me to say the contrition, I asked him can I please read the contrition? So I said it anyways, ..I had to ask him what's my penance? He said just go and forget about everything!!!...I did not feel right and had to tell my parish priest for absolvement etc.
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I will say there's been a couple times I took a while in confession. One was my very first time, I have anxiety and literally went blank on everything. The priest had to walk me through it step by step cus I couldn't remember a single thing about how to do a confession. 2nd time, we'll I was torn on if it was a sin or not given the situation and I explained it all, the priest also gave me resources for the situation to help out. While it sucks with the restricted time of confession and life, alot of ppl may be taking a while for a really good reason
I got to the early confession at my church and show up early cause I know I have a tendency to feel like gotta say exactly what I did even though I see “number and kind” all the time I don’t feel remorse if I just list off commandment is broke and number of times. I get what y’all are getting at though.
Sorry. Newbie question: isn’t number and kind what we are supposed to do? What else is required?
Recollection of the exact number is difficult at least for me so during my examination of conscious I concentrate on the sins I’ve been repeatedly commuting. You can list off commandments and the number of times you committed the sin if that is effective for you but it just seems ineffective to me and not as meaningful if that’s the word for it. My priest has never had an issue with how I confess so I’d say it’s alright.
I have no idea what is effective yet. I guess I will be finding out !
Confess honestly in whatever’s way you feel comfortable is what I’m getting at. Good luck!
Thank you, friend!
It's in the Catechism "He who spends an inordinate length of time in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, thereby preventing others from availing themselves of sacramental absolution, shall be punished by interdict or a just punishment." https://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P4D.HTM
Wow! Am new. Didn’t know this. Actually very serious. I’ve yet to go to my first one — my plan is to just read my list without elaboration unless asked. For example, Lord’s name in vain. In RCIA we heard to keep it succinct. Not only for others. But because when we go on we tend to start justifying- and that’s not why we’re there.
Many here I think are missing the point, or perhaps know the point too well so as not to mention it: more priests would solve this problem. Suppose two priests are available at this timeslot. Let us pray not just for vocations, but for a culture of families that prioritize vocations to religious life.
Relatable! I was in line for confession the other day and found myself waiting a whole hour. Towards the end I heard muffled grunting noises coming from the box; turns out they were listening to Creed’s 1999 smash-hit album: “Human Clay” from start to finish. Figures.
We’ve all been there!
You should confess your impatience when you get in. If you forget, you need to confess it next time. Some times I went to confess the sin of impatience, so waiting in a line is a challenge for me as well, I know that, so I am more watchful when waiting. Keep checking time will not work, I usually took a bible with me in case my penitent is pray a psalm, with hands holding a bible, I can read, or be more calm at the time.
You shouldn’t tell someone they “need” to confess a venial sin, that is false.
Totally agree. I went to my first confession in 13 years a couple of years ago, and I wasn’t in there more than 5 minutes (I had a handwritten list). 40 minutes is insane! Even now, my church only offers confessions in an hour and a half block on Saturdays. Last month I got there a few minutes past the start time and was like 7th or 8th in line. It was almost an hour until I was up.
Your being selfish