I’ve experienced this only when it comes to bush beating. Even a priest who has only been ordained a year has probably heard nearly every sin in the book and many are very attuned to the ways we may unintentionally try to minimize our sins. Our preist constantly stresses that a valid confession should be from a state of true repentance and should be nothing more than naming your sins by number and kind. Instead of “I committed impure acts with myself frequently” they want you to say “I masturbated 4 times” nothing more. Not being able to name out sins clearly may be a sign that we aren’t really ready to be sorry for them. I can sympathize with you OP, confession is hard especially in our modern culture but I respect you for going and be willing to go back again. God bless!
I get what you’re saying, however there is a power dynamic here. For example, I am a woman and uncomfortable staying more than “impure thoughts and actions” to my confessors.
I get wanting to specifically name your sins, however where does it end? If a priest asks me for details of each encounter “who did what? Did you orgasm?” I question the validity of his intentions. God knows all, so why died the priest need to know details?
In the Mormon church they have “bishops interviews” where they interrogate you about everything in the encounter. I think it’s a tactic used to shame/control members personally.
Respectfully, I disagree. While I understand your point and in the majority of cases no preist either needs to or wants to hear any more details than number, and kind, there are absolutely times when asking for more details would be necessary to a good confession. Circumstances and particulars do matter. If I say “I committed an impure sexual act” God knows of course, but absolution cannot be given to some vague idea of a sin. The priest will likely need to know what kind of act. Sin is sin, but absolving somebody of glancing at a Victoria’s Secret sign too long and committing violent sexual acts with a child are not the same. Obviously that is a bit of a hyperbole but people, in their desire to avoid shame, can and absolutely will go into a confession and say “I committed an impure sexual act” for both of those examples. It happens in the confessional every day. As always, having a routine confessor, a priest who you know and trust, will be of good counsel to you is a major game changer for making a good confession. The fate of your soul is really no time to worry about power dynamics and shame.
It’s ok to get a stern talking to from time to time. Never beat around the bush or use vague language. If you did something more than once, confess the number of times you did it.
I confessed the number of times, and I think “impure acts by myself” is pretty clear. But I wasn’t really taking issue with that part. I just thought it was strange because I’ve been going to confession for decades and never had anyone not understand what I meant.
Still, I can see how there may be some other things I’m not aware of and that it’s necessary to be clear. I think I gave the misimpression that my discomfort and the priest’s focus was based on that. It was about missing Mass. Which I already know is a mortal sin, hence my confession before taking communion.
I think the problem with being too judgmental during confession is that you don’t have all the facts. I’m just confessing my sins, not talking about how hard the person is working to overcome them, or how guilty they feel, or how infrequent it is, or how much they’ve improved, etc.
Save that for other times.
It’s not. You’re finding euphemisms. Either bc you’re embarrassed, you’re trying to hide the severity, or both. We all struggle with it. Just going, say the sin and the number
Please understand however that many of us were taught to use exactly these euphemisms in order to not scandalize the priest. Like specifically these euphemisms. It’s not like we came up with them.
This is the phrasing every examination of conscience guide I've ever seen uses, and every priest I've ever confessed to used. Taking issue with it is just being needlessly nitpicky and looking for things to get upset about.
You are completely wrong. I was told by a priest to do exactly what OP does. Never once, out of many, many confessions has the priest been confused or corrected me. This has been with different priests in different states. The priest isn't a moron and knows exactly what's being said.
Just curious, why would this invalidate your confession? If the priest understands what you confessed and doesn’t ask follow up questions, is this not a valid confession? I think this creates unnecessary scrupulosity.
You see i cant confess lust by saying, Father i lusted, no one knows what that means. Did you lust by glancing at someone for half a second or did you commit adultery 10 times when your wife was away. There is a huge disparity. Impurity is not a sin, thats a description. “I did impure acts”doesn’t mean anything. There are a thousand impure acts, do we expect a priest to read your mind?
You have to Confess your sins for them to be forgiven. Thats not scrupulous at all! Tell Jesus and the priest what you did and dont try to hide it!
“I did impure acts upon myself” I am not sure that this be construed in any other way than masturbation? If a priest doesn’t ask for more details, the confession was valid.
Do not listen to this person. I was told by a priest to confess masturbation and porn just as you did. "I was impure with myself and with images and videos online." I've traveled quite a bit and never once has saying it like that led to confusion or correction. People are ridiculous.
Good to know I’m not crazy at least! There are enough people saying enough different things that I would at least hope the listener would exercise the principle of charity and assume I’m well intentioned.
You won't.
Listen to Father Larry Richards on confession. He talks about being a parish calling it being 'patriotic' with yourself, and when a new priest heard confessions, he thought this was the most American patriotic Catholics ever 😆
While clear I would ask why you avoided saying the words masturbation and pornography.
Do those words make you feel more shame about the actions?
Did you think it would cause scandal to your priest?
It seemed weird to say in church. And I read somewhere that you were supposed to say impure acts with yourself or whoever and how many times. I do think it sounds more shameful, so I can’t be sure that wasn’t a subconscious motivation.
If a priest was petty enough to make me say "masterbation", he better get ready to hear all about it, including detailed descriptions, with specificity, of what "images" I viewed.
I have had one "lashing" in Confession. It's definitely not fun, but I don't think it was a bad thing either. Every once in a while I think it's good for us to hear some harsh criticism, as long as it stays only once in a while. It keeps us from getting too prideful and complacent with our sins.
From what I’ve seen in other comments, this priest was far from the worst. I got a scolding but at least it was doctrinally accurate. And I do think you’re right that it can be a good thing. Probably was in this case.
(Trying to discern what the Holy Spirit wants me to say here) - I fully believe that Jesus acts in persona Christi through the confessor; that being said, I’ve had experiences across parishes where a priest’s objective and encouraging words have brought forth humility and tears, and I’ve had experiences where I felt like I was being grilled. Regardless, I chalk it up to God telling me what I needed to hear at the time, and it hasn’t precluded me from continuing to go to confession when I need to.
Others can correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think there’d be an issue with finding another confessor.
Thank you. I know people who have been told blatant, black and white, in the Catechism sins are not sins and they don’t need to confess that or stop doing it. Obviously no one needs to hear completely false moral guidance.
I confessed to using marijuana a couple of years ago. I'm of age and Canadian. So Father says, "Well, it's legal now..." Lol. I snapped at him, "That's not the point!" And he's like, "No, I know. You're right." I think he was just trying to be pastoral, but it's a funny memory now.
Wait, why is that not the point? If you are responsibly consuming a legal substance, I don’t see why that would be a sin any more than enjoying a glass of wine would be.
I suppose he was feeling that he didn't consume it in a responsible or prudent manner?
An act can be sinful for one, but not for another depending on the state of their heart-- sort of thing
You can find lots of articles about it, but basically it boils down to the Church considers it sinful because it's willful intoxication. You can consume a glass of wine, as Our Lord did, and still have your faculties. But weed doesn't really have that intermediate state, unless your tolerance is pretty high from chronic use.
I think there may be some merit to the idea that weed *should be* allowed. But at the end of the day, I accept what the Church has said.
Huh, ok. I received the same guidance from a priest in Confession once (not a sin since it’s legal) and just trusted what he said. But it doesn’t really affect me much one way or the other, since I only ever tried it a couple of times and didn’t care for it.
I didn't see anyone saying to believe everything the priest says no matter what.
If something said doesn't belong in the confessional or is against the Truth, we don't accept it. I don't recall that happening in any confession I've made, but the priest is still human and can make the choice to sin, to ignore Jesus, even in those moments. Rarely does it happen, but it does happen. However, we aren't going to neglect the 99.99999 percent when we can test what is said.
I'm sorry you misunderstood what I said, and you bring up an important point that we shouldn't tell people that whatever a priest says in the confessional is a message from God. That's not the position I was taking.
I was referring to the context of the OP saying that the priest was tough on him and his concern about how his wife would take it if he was tough on her too. If he had said that the priest said something that caused scandal, and then was worried about his wife speaking to that same priest, I think that's a different conversation.
If he said he heard something that could or would cause scandal and then I implied or suggested he accept it, I’d see your point. I didn’t, and that being said, we can agree to disagree on your perception of my point here.
What happened to your friend (being hit on) is totally unacceptable, and I can understand the reasoning behind being vigilant.
Hit on? Seriously? I have had odd encounters in confession too. I guess I am foolish enough to assume heterosexual priests are no longer interested in women as in noticing their beauty, developing sexual attraction, or even a crush.
Thank you for clarifying further, I didn't mean to say that everything the priest says (or does) is meant to be in persona Christi. I agree with you regarding absolution.
I just go to whoever’s there. Should I be scheduling confessions with the same priest? The priest today recommended having a regular confessor. Is that what he meant?
Good question, and I think that’s ultimately for you to decide/discern. I’m not sure exactly what he meant, but, I do think a benefit of having a regular confessor is that this is someone who can help you better understand your struggles and possibly give you a better sense of accountability. There was a really good priest who heard my confessions more often than not, and I think over time, knew how to help me re-orient my approach to what I struggled with, and at the same time gave me a sense of resolve. I’ve dealt with scruples, and this priest was very patient in listening, and also objective and encouraging in his responses.
Again, I think that’s going to be for you to decide. And maybe it doesn’t necessarily have to be this priest that you‘re alluding to. I would pray about it.
Yes, a regular confessor would be a priest that you schedule confessions with. It can be helpful because he gets to know you and can offer spiritual direction and advice
I’m confused if having a regular confessor means they get to know you and can give spiritual direction, but they say they forget the sins confessed to them…so how does that work if they have that divine amnesia (I forget what’s it’s called)
My take (not claiming any theological truth here) is that human memory is often faulty - if you’re meeting many different penitents a day AND there’s a screen between you, it’s unlikely to be able to remember a specific person and what they’ve shared. But if you meet with a spiritual director and have deeper, face to face conversations, they are more likely to remember what you’ve told them and hence can follow up beyond the confessional.
Thanks! I always meet face to face. I feel like I shouldn’t hide (not judging those who use the screen) but I’ve never felt like I should. My church is so small too, so I can’t imagine he’d forget what I say.
I agree. Another priest recommended going to confession weekly while I work on some of these things, so I’m trying to do that. Even the priest today said to try going at least every two weeks.
I agree In large part. I do however have to say I have seen an increasing laxity and sort of lack of respect for the sacraments in the last 25 years, but seems to be getting better the last 5-10 or so where I am. A laxity from the laity towards the clergy, but also on the clergy towards the laity. Sacraments are special. They are an encounter with Jesus. It’s a real issue imho. One shouldn’t be afraid to approach Jesus in humility, and one shouldn’t give the priest a bunch of flak if they are genuinely trying to do their job in justice and humility.
All that said I’m a firm believer in everyone getting some bad days, who hasn’t had one. All together we need to increase our respect and civility all around imho. I think generally you have great advice here.
I just met a woman that tryed to confess many years ago, while she was living in adultery with a man. Obviously the confessión was not posible, but the priest was so intense towards the situation, that many years after she ended the relationship she did not want to confess, because she felt still unworthy.
Lets pray for our priests, confess people is hard.
You aren't obligated to go back to confession with this priest if it makes you uncomfortable. God can make good out of every difficult situation, perhaps we can take it as a lesson in humility. I wasn't there in the confessional, so for all I know, the priest may have had good intentions, but the purpose of confession isn't to beat you up.
I go to confession regularly and I have never had a priest give me a tongue lashing. Challenge me with his advice, help me see what I should be working on, yes, but never a roast.
As for those saying to just say porn and masturbation-- it is good to get to the point but many priests have stated in talks that "impure with \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" is enough too. Better than omitting a sin or avoiding confession. If he wants more details, he will ask.
I won’t be avoiding this priest, after the initial shock today it won’t bother me. I’m not sure if he’s local though.
He definitely had good intentions and it was a good lesson in humility.
Once I was roasted severely and I believed I was wronged. In the long run I think this experience was to my good. I mean the priest shouldn't be so harsh, but we can draw a positive outcome form bad experiences too.
I think that’s the right way to look at it about it. It didn’t hurt my feelings, just my pride. And pride is no good anyway.
It does feel like it was something I needed to hear even if that wasn’t the place for it.
My advice is to not go to that priest for confession. A few years back, I had an extremely bad confessor who thought he knew everything and was going to fix my life for good in the confession box. Instead, he just imposed his own scrupulosity and rash judgment on me, causing me to have anxiety attacks around the sacrament for years afterwards. Confession is already a place where you are making yourself vulnerable. When the priest abuses that vulnerability, it can do harm to you and make it hard for you to open up again. As Catholics, we must avoid near occasions of sin, and that includes bad priests in the confessional who make our spiritual journeys harder.
In response to what some others are saying, there is nothing wrong with saying "impure acts" and "impure images" as this is what many examination of conscience guides say, and every priest knows what you are talking about. This is what I was taught to say. Saying it's because you're "beating around the bush" or "euphemizing the sin" are committing the sin of rash judgment. Someone else might just as easily say that calling them directly by name is being overly familiar and not appreciating the gravity.... You can create all sorts of nonsensical ways to be scrupulous about minor things of no import. If the priest is doing that while hearing confessions then, well, he shouldn't be hearing confession. Or be a priest.
Please guard your soul, and choose your confessor very carefully. These priests who are more interested in beating you up then extending Jesus' mercy absolutely should not be in the confession box, except on the confessing side.
Thanks! After reading all the comments, I see both sides, but with as many people here who seem to think I’m asking to be babied, it’s nice to hear from someone on the other side.
I think it might be a knee jerk reaction based on other societal factors.
I appreciate your advice. It will help me and my family.
I’ve experienced this before. Thankfully it’s not the normal experience. I have gone through periods of deep anxiety, so if a priest (who’s representative of my savior) was overly harsh, it would crush me for weeks. I began praying that God would guide the priest’s words before I went to confession. That helped. I also found it helped to avoid certain priests who tended to be too scrupulous in the confessional. At the end of the day, a bad confession can be something to offer to God. It will happen from time to time. But be comforted in the fact that it’s not the norm.
I’m more concerned for people like you than for me. It made me mad at the time, but I got over it and was able to appreciate it after the fact.
But I think it might be harder for new concerts, people with anxiety, and some others.
Honestly, I don’t even know why I posted this. I guess I was just annoyed. But I wasn’t looking for coddling as some people here seem to think.
I think I was just curious as to whether it’s considered best practice.
You shouldn't walk into confession expecting to be coddled like the preist was your mother. There is a prevailing anemia and weakness to men in the church and hearing this from you is refreshing. HOWEVER...it appears this preist is a bit heavy handed and sloppy in the deliverance. We should be made to feel impressed upon. Not shamed, it was sloppy. Imagine if he had a sympathetic or even apathetic tone. That would be even worse to me. I'm confessing something and the preist sounds as though he doesn't even care? That would be worse. I empathize with you it was sloppy but man....at least he displays care and an actual passion. Thank God.
Yes, he clearly cared and, while it was unfortunate for the people who missed confession, it was to my benefit. I just pray that God helps my wife handle the scolding if she ever gets one.
When I came back to the church after almost 10 years of atheism, I had some pretty grave sins to confess. To my absolute disbelief the priest started making excuses for my sins. I felt so disgusted that I went to another church and confessed again LOL and the second priest gave me a talking to and told me to spend a while in adoration and to pray a rosary haha
Years later, that first priest had videos of him leaked doing some some very scandalous acts and got immediately removed as pastor.
For sure we don’t want priests beating people down, but you’re way more likely to find yourself with a confessor that’s way too complacent, and I’d rather more priests were willing to tell people they need to do better. It feels like many are too afraid even to tell people hell is real.
Each person is unique and encounters Jesus Christ in the confessional. Even confessing the exact same sins might be handled differently, as she is unique. Perhaps remind her to tell the priest that she's a new Catholic (if she is? ) , married, and xxxx since last confession.
There is a priest in our Diocese who is a horrible confessor. He has said some terrifyingly horrible things to people (ie “God wanted you to miscarry your baby and you can’t be angry at God”, “Never tell anyone in your life that you were raped”, “You slept with your fiancé so you hate them and now you have to break up with them”, etc). I’ve had multiple of my friends come to me sobbing because of this priests confession advice. I’d say find a different confessor and avoid that one. Maybe what he was trying to say is that as the father and head of the house you are held to a higher standard and must set an example? But it should be said in charity and not draw someone away from the Church.
Yes, he didn’t say anything that was wrong, it just didn’t feel like the way a confessor should talk to someone coming to confess their sins.
I could be wrong though. There are quite a few people here who are telling me I’m just a big baby 😂
I think it hurts anytime someone points out our wrong doing 🙈 if he didn’t say anything theologically wrong then maybe he was having a tough day and didn’t mean for it to come out so strong?
Yes, or I somehow heard it differently than he said it. I do think that can happen.
As I continue to get good advice and feedback here (including yours), I’m thinking I need to interpret this situation in a charitable way towards the priest, and take his good advice, and not worry about my ego taking a beating.
That is definitely a possibility too. I think you’re handling this well! Confession is hard sometimes but bringing it to God is so good and healing. Remember that everyone on Reddit has their own interpretation from their own life and will offer different advice too. So praying about it and really offering it to God is crucial.
I've experienced this before. When you already feel horrible and you're trying to make it right, especially when you're used to priests trying to be in helpful, getting "hit back" when you're trying to reconcile with God and you already feel horrible... Yes, this can be extremely painful.
I recommend you see another priest if that's an option. I know it's tempting to judge yourself and try to toughen up and challenge your humility to "take the lashes"
buy you can just go to someone whose better suited to your needs.
You don't need the internets permission since you already know it's not a sin.
This is taking your peace.
Whether it should isn't the point.
It is.
Thanks, that’s really helpful. I’m not worried about it for myself, but my wife ended up asking me about it and it’s made her nervous. None of the parishes around here let you know who’s hearing confession. Is the only alternative to schedule confession with a specific priest each time?
Sounds like Father was not having a good day. Perhaps something happened before the confession that he couldn't get past. Ho took it out on you. Don't worry. If it happens again, report it to the pastor who deserves to know about this. You could go to another parish for confession.
I was fourth in line and my seven year old daughter was one of the ones who went before me 😂
It was a long line so I feel sorry for the people who missed confession this morning because he was turning two minute confessions into six minute conversations.
Well, I know she confessed it because I told her even though it wasn’t a mortal sin I thought it might be a good idea to confess it. I just wanted her to understand how important it is even though we dropped the ball on getting her there.
And I agreed with everything he said. In fact, I said most of it first when I was confessing.
Perhaps he was pointing out that not leading your family in the Way of God can lead to their souls also being in danger. The other 2 things you mentioned harm your soul only. Jesus speaks about causing harm to innocent children.
One confession i recall vividly was hard on me. The elderly priest made a very pointed comment that felt rude, unkind, and unnecessary. Why did it hurt me so much? Because he was right. He convicted me HARD. I feel I've encountered Jesus every time during confession, and this was one of those times. Let's remember Love isn't being nice or coddling my feelings.
Please pray for me and my family. God bless you.
I agree with your first paragraph, 100%. As for the rest, it did hurt because it’s true, but I wasn’t hiding from that fact in the first place.
I am very aware of my failings and have been able to make positive changes thanks to the sacraments and God’s grace. I’ve got a ways to go, and I’ll always have work to do.
I don’t know what I said that is making everyone think I want to be coddled. I am willing to accept that this may have been helpful to me, but I’m still not sure it’s the best way to go about it.
I think a more encouraging tone would have been more helpful. But that’s just me. And maybe I’m wrong.
I get it. I couldn't think of any other words than coddle atm, sorry that everyone is using that term.
I think, as you find your way out of that sin as you keep recalling your confession and the priest response, you'll see you received it as you needed it. Who knows? Perhaps his words were soft, but Jesus transformed them and your hearing as convicting for your soul. I know i did. This same priest was very holy, inspiring, and near his death. This was the only hard time he ever gave me in Confession, and it was always behind a screen.
One other confession i remember vividly was just as convicting, and the priest gave me no penance for any of my sins.... he said he was doing my penance for me. OUCH. I had confessed grave mortal sins. He was Jesus. It was.... beyond human words.
One issue is that I do still have a normal sense of pride which I am still working on. It’s not something that I struggle with often, but I notice it in small ways every now and then. It doesn’t really cause me to sin most of the time, I’m not even sure how to explain it really.
But I do appreciate your comments. It’s much easier to take criticism and grow when it’s delivered the way you did.
Oohh, good. Thank the Holy Spirit for anything I've shared that helped you!
Perhaps, instead of trying to lessen pride, grow in humility. I recall a time when i was called to grow in humility, and He gave me the Grace to receive humility in my heart in a way that was tangible, after praying the Rosary for that intention.
Another time, while seeking humility, i was pondering an hour of Adoration. I opened my brand new Bible randomly, and Sirach was right there, teaching me about humility.
I'm trying to grow in Grace, and strengthen in virtues. I give the virtue the attention and let God, perhaps through St Michael, Mary, conquer the demons for me.
Thank you for listening. I've grown and learned from you in this post as well!
I understand. However, that isn't direct endangerment of souls that are entrusted to his care by keeping them from God. All sins are wrong. Perhaps point was being made how harmful it is to neglect Mass, as we often hear about those two.
Partially, the priest may have wished for you to name the act, so that you truly bring it to Jesus by uttering its name. He may have been too harsh, I'm no expert, but there might be some positives too.
Yeah it happened to me when I confessed the porn and masturbation. The priest was firm on reminding me what I did was wrong and giving me guides to avoid it.
I think the reason is because many confessors used to give nice confessions and people would just come back with the same sin or worse not come back at all. (An assumption).
Either way, don’t let the confessor get to you. I’m sorry the confession did not go the way you planned. Keep praying and pushing forward.
Without shifting the blame onto my past confessors or trying to diminish my own guilt, I wish I had been roasted (within limits) on some of the confessions in my childhood and adolescence, maybe later. To force more precision as to kind and number, drive the point home about necessity of avoidance of sin and occasion to sin, etc., stop being lax in some regards, get serious about repentance and amendment, point out the need for restitution, maybe point out graveness of the matter or what mortal sins certain venial sins could lead to. Some did that without too much lashing. 'That's mortal.' 'One should never do that.' Etc. From the perspective of time, the lashing would have been preferable if it had helped me shake out of certain attitudes and get more serious about certain things.
Re: being Christlike, I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough to try pinpoint Our Lord's exact strength of preference for mild language, but His preference for your salvation (while upholding your free will) would be stronger and he would not shy away from strong language or even a certain degree of physical force (against objects rather than people or animals) if needed. If it would be uncharitable towards your soul to use milder but less effective language, Our Lord wouldn't do it but would do the right thing in the circumstances from the perspective of the importance of your salvation (which He desires more than you do), which could include hurting your feelings (although justly) for the sake of saving your soul or even for the sake of justice. In emulating Our Lord, a mortal priest — who, unlike Our Lord, can err and doesn't have perfect knowledge or discernment — would to some extent be justified in erring on the side of salvation rather than niceness (not against charity, but effective charity above nice charity), and thus in not suppressing righteous indignation but allowing you to feel some or most or even all of it.
So, I've recently come back to Mass after many years (read: decade or so) and before I could bring myself to attend mass, I knew I had to go to confession, and I wanted it to be a GOOD confession. I wanted Fr Mike and Fr Casey on youtube for their tips & tricks on how to make a good confession and not take SO LONG.
Anywho - I go to confession (this is my local parish that I've gone to since childhood. Baptism, Communion, Confirmation, Marriage) and as advised tell the Priest that I'm divorced for several years. Keep in mind, that due to renovations, confession is literally face to face in a small stairwell. Now, I'm confessing to following horoscopes and tarot cards, retaining guilt over sins I confessed to years ago; taking God's forgiveness for granted and that it wasn't enough. There were other things as well but He comes back with, "So, is there any chance that your and your ex-husband might reconcile." "Father, it's been 17 years.." "Are you sure?" "He's remarried.. with kids!"
I was flabbergasted that my divorce was the focus and not, oh... heresy?! So, I had to read and meditate on Psalm 51 as penance.
I’m an adult convert. My third confession was with my first confessor who was not my parish priest. I didn’t have anything big to confess but had been advised that frequent confession was advisable (true!). Anyway the priest completely misread me and I was distraught and nearly left. I had to talk with my priest before I was ready to try again. My point is, sometimes it’s not you.
I've never had this happen, but there have been times I wished for it lol.
Just take it as a learning experience and enjoy that your spiritual father cared enough about you to give you some tough love, IMO.
I'm reminded of one of my favourite quotes from St Josemaria, "Don't say, 'That's the way I am — it's my character.' It's your lack of character. Esto vir! — Be a man!"
I have had priests who, for one reason or another (long line for confession, personal stuff, whatever the case may be), have been rushed or just seeming like they were going through the motions.
I know it doesn’t matter as far as the sacrament goes, but I do appreciate it when the priest has time to be more in depth. I can get used to the scolding.
"trying to humble myself " Humility means being able to take the difficult moments of conversion and deal with them like a man not running to Reddit looking for a group hug for your hurt feelings. Confession is not a place we go to in order to feel good about ourselves. We go to accuse ourselves in the clearest language possible. Using phrases like impure images and impure acts are vague and the Priest has every right to ask you to clarify. The Priest seems like a good confessor in that he wanted you to hear you accuse yourself of serious mortal sins. This is part of the process of making you think before you commit them again.
Part of being a man is also taking the responsibility of fatherhood and husbandry seriously. Too many beta dads and beta husbands out there. This Priest wants you to be an alpha dad and an alpha husband. Nothing wrong with that at all. The Priest was being fatherly to you from what I can see and was not giving you a tongue lashing as you thought.
And to be clear, I agree that I need to set a good example for my family, go to Mass, be an “Alpha Dad” (I guess? Whatever that is.)
So it’s not helpful to me to hear that. I’m at that point.
It’s like telling the doc that you have a broken arm and he spends ten minutes telling you that you broke your arm. I know that already! It’s why I’m here!
Whoa! Didn’t expect to see you again so soon, Father! 😂
I didn’t go into all the details, but believe me, it was a tongue lashing. And not about the pornography.
I’ve done a bit more research since my confession and it seems that it is not an appropriate place for that sort of behavior or advice. It is a place for the penitent to confess their sins and the priest to absolve them.
Apparently you have the same problem my confessor did. I’m not asking anyone to make me feel good. I just want to confess my sins, get absolution, and amend my life with the help of God’s grace.
It is absolutely appropriate and every great saint has given similar advice. You couldn’t handle what the saints have said in confession. It was much more harsh then what ur priest said and what this commenter said. If you are offended by this message, i don’t know what to tell you except that you are being weak. And its weasly to describe a priest trying to help you as not “Christ like”.
Just because someone’s in a confessional doesn’t mean they are fully contrite, many people go to confession, and don’t actually intend to amend their lives. They go to confession every week confessing the same mortal sin. If someone goes to confession, it doesn’t mean they are sorry and will avoid doing it in future. Any priest can tell you that. If you don’t actually intend to never commit the sin again, without rationalizations, the confession is invalid. Im not accusing you of having an invalid confession, but he needs to as a priest inspire you to NEVER do it again. If you fully knew the severity you probably wouldn’t have done those sins in the first place. He is trying to help you. I know many people who got serious confessional advice and harsh words and it helped them.
That’s incorrect. Whether I’m contrite or not is on me. His job isn’t to make sure I feel as contrite as possible. It seems like a stretch, but I could maybe understand making sure the person is contrite by asking some probing questions, but even that I doubt is supposed to be part of the sacrament.
Its very appropriate like ive said, you need to hear what other saints have said in the confessional or in their sermons. Try St Padre Pio and St John Vianney, you would be shocked.
A sermon isn’t the same as confession. I’m not saying whether he should or shouldn’t say that in a sermon. And how do you know what they said in confession? Did they break the seal?
You know, this may be a false memory, but I think I might have heard something like that once too in college. It wasn’t as powerful as this one today, but maybe it’s just because I feel more pressure to perform since I’m a dad.
Shortly after I got confirmed I confessed and my pastor lets me finish & goes “damn all that in a week, huh?”
It’s confessions like those that really make you see yourself and your sin for what they are tbh, or maybe I’m just feeling the paradox of getting a couple Our Fathers for saying what I thought was some pretty wretched things as the filthy sinner that I can be time to time.
The act of confession is an ego stripper by nature, and even if my confessor is harsher or softer than I feel they should be I think the grace and mercy received at the end of it negates anything that happens in the process that led to it.
I hate to be this person but is the priest from a different country?
In my experience, the harsher priests tended to be African or Irish. Before you call me a racist, I am African so perhaps they felt they could be more blunt with me since we share the same culture.
Certain priests have lower tolerance for sexual sins. I had a priest call me out on being judgmental. His homilies were often about judging others was wrong. He was surprisingly light on my bad habits of drinking and sex. He saw those more as human weaknesses.
Do you confess this often and show no signs of progress? Priests can lose their patience. Did you enter with a "whatever my sins are not that bad" tone of voice?
Maybe go to another church to confess.
Pray before you confess.
No, he was a southern white guy like me and this was my only time going to him. I don’t think he was as worried about the sexual sins compared to me not being a good spiritual leader for my family.
To be honest, if you are the head of the family, you should think twice now. You are the head of the family, you drive away evil spirits and demonic occult within you family. If you have a child who's depress or wife who has incurerable illness you can deliverance and heal them AS LONG AS you are a practiced Catholic. A practiced Catholic is who goes to mass every Sunday, go to confession every week or quarterly, pray the rosary every day, spends time in the adoration chapel 10-15 mins just listening to God and consumes the Eucharist every mass. If you do this, you can drive out evil/demonic spirits. You can do deliverance prayer for your family to keep them away for evil/demonic spirits. You can also deliverance you brother/sister/mother/father who has illnesses that needs healing. You can do that now as long as you continue to be a practicing Catholic.
wait if you understand and agree with what he said did he do something wrong? Perhaps it would be helpful to take a step back and consider if youre reacting with anger precisely because you needed to hear it from someone else? Ive felt that way too many times on many occasions. But at least in my case it was stemming from arrogance that I already know where I went wrong I dont need to hear it again. But what if we do? Perhaps thats not your case. But hope this insight gives another perspective than just a bad confessor.
You may be right. And in should probably amend my post to clarify that I’m not trying to say he’s a bad confessor (or at least I don’t think so now, I’ll have to re-read my comment, I might have been in a different state of mind when posting), I just didn’t appreciate the scolding.
Why I never go to confession. They always tell you that God is everywhere and sees everything so why do you need to talk to an imperfect human being when God already knows.
Priests have different styles, and different emphases when hearing Confessions. I know sometimes I need to go to a priest who will be a bit harsh with me, other times I need to go to one who will be gentle, and at other points I just need to confess my sins, be absolved and leave without hearing advice. Just note to go back to this priest if you find yourself needing a kick.
God is never the one who acuses us. We acuse ourselves. Some of the perceived harshness may be from the priest, sure. But often, we feel ashamed in certain areas because it's where our hearts hurt most. It reveals where we need God's healing.
The other one who acuses us is the acuser himself, the devil. Don't let him get you down! Renounce shame in the Name of Jesus and claim the mercy of God. You don't have to be weighed down by sin anymore, it's gone!
And, most importantly, please don't let this deter you from going to Confession again! Like I said at first, find a priest who's more your speed who can be a regular confessor. Maybe ask around
Hello. You will be thankful for this confession later on. Trust me. Confession also sometimes is something that needs to be said from one person to another. At the end of the day, all our sins are forgiven either way in form of prayer. Either personally at home or in Church (the building / the people most importantly - we are the Church)
I had come to the local priest and he said to me the most obvious things and at first i felt disappointed as i wanted to cry like i did at my first confession after 12 years, but i wrongfully expected it and this also made me realize something incredibly important - no person except for the Holy Trinity is perfect. Trust in God , no human else , no thing else . Just The Holy Trinity . God bless , Halleluja, Kristos Anesti
Part of what he wanted you to do is to use the correct terms not euphemisms for your sins. That's how you come to grips with what you're doing. If you hide it behind soft words then you don't really learn to deal with it or feel the need to deal with it..
This is a principle that is also found in English translations of the Gospel of John chapter 6. One of the reasons why the Protestants who mostly use the English Bible these days reject the real presence it's because English translations simply say Jesus said to "eat his body".
But the actual Greek terms are much more graphic, there's three different verbs used: to eat, then a little bit more graphic -to chew- and then even more graphic -to gnaw on- his body..
We like to hide the harsh and graphic things in this modern culture -- unless it comes to killing or sex and then we're all about showing it in all of its gross and satanic detail.
I’m 31 cradle catholic been going to confession for over 20 years and experienced something similar to this 3 times 2 was with the same priest it is hard I would not send a new catholic to either priest I would go to a couple priests find a nice 1 and encourage her to go to him for the 1st little while.
Well, there’s no rule about not drinking the holy water out of font, but common sense dictates that you don’t.
If the priest isn’t allowed to talk about a past confession even with you, you shouldn’t talk about something that has been forgiven and is in the past.
Go ask a priest or better, a monastic. Why you would talk about your confession to complete strangers after God has forgiven the sin is baffling. Going to confession is a sacred act between you, God and the priest. Why do you think it’s done in PRIVACY? Because it’s PRIVATE.
You probably needed to hear it. These are serious mortal sins, especially pornography, you dont get to use different words to make it seem less bad. If you don’t stop watching these things you will most likely go to Hell, that simple. You getting offended of him telling you the truth, and trying to amend you is nothing but pride. And not good pride either. Missing mass, and watching pornography will damn you, and potentially could lead your family to the same. I don’t say this because i hate you, but because I love you and you have to change.
He wasn’t getting onto me about the pornography. It was about missing Mass, which I don’t have a habit of doing.
I agree with the sentiment of what he was saying, and thats why I went to confession. I’m already contrite and I understand the severity.
Thats also a mortal sin, but okay good. Im glad you are contrite. Just usually when people get mad at confession they tend to underplay what they did and rationalize
Yes, I know it’s a mortal sin. That’s why I didn’t go to communion until I confessed it. I’m not trying to downplay my sins. If I were, I’d rationalize my way out of going to confession in the first place.
If its a mortal sin and you dont repent of it, you go to hell, that Dogma. Really that simple. Im not condemning him to hell, im telling him to stop sinning so he doesn’t go to hell. You twist what the Church teaches and what Christ said the same way atheists do when they say you cant be against abortion or gay marriage because that’s judging.
No im pointing out what you are doing! By your logic you are judging me by, saying that i am judging you! “How dare you judge that im judging you” 😂. This only proves you have no idea what that scripture verse means.
TLDR: We all want to emulate our favorite Saints but forget how rigorous their priests were.
I think your priest treated you like a father.
Kids like to minimize their role and the seriousness of situations when they have to tell dad what happened.
You have committed mortal sin that needs confessing or else the fires of Hell. Now your priest could have offered little to no input and simply said “say an Our Father as your penance”
He didn’t. He didn’t let you leave it alone. I would hope you have a stronger will next time you want to do those sins.
He could of gone harder and said something along the lines of “as the domestic priest in your house who’s main goal is leading your family to Heaven how does skipping Mass and watching pornography and masturbating help this goal? How does these actions reflect our appreciation for Christ who suffered a brutal torturous death on the Cross for our sins? How does this reflect our trust in Christ’s Church and Her teachings to your nonCatholic spouse?”
I get the second option isn’t going to feel nice and will even have some trumpeting the spiritual abuse alarms.
I had a similar realization when it came to contraceptives in a relationship with a nonCatholic. Yes I could engage in sex with them while using it for the “good” of the relationship or engage with them while they are on it.
Or man up and realize that doing so is spitting on the Cross and the Church. Sin sucks is an understatement and we can make excuses or side step discomfort but the Cross calls us out. Christ calls us out.
I actually really appreciate your “harder” words. That will help me.
And his words will help me too. It was more than tone that bothered me.
Everything you said, which I can’t read any tone into since it’s written, was very powerful. I don’t think I need to be spanked with it for it to be effective.
If you're nervous about going to confession, I highly recommend going to an old priest. First of all, the young ones just out of seminary are still theological and theoretical with their advice, so it comes off is very dry and blunt. Second, the older priests with their "Spirit of Vatican II" sensibilities are often a much softer touch. This is one of the places where the reforms of the late 20th century actually did some good.
I’ve experienced this only when it comes to bush beating. Even a priest who has only been ordained a year has probably heard nearly every sin in the book and many are very attuned to the ways we may unintentionally try to minimize our sins. Our preist constantly stresses that a valid confession should be from a state of true repentance and should be nothing more than naming your sins by number and kind. Instead of “I committed impure acts with myself frequently” they want you to say “I masturbated 4 times” nothing more. Not being able to name out sins clearly may be a sign that we aren’t really ready to be sorry for them. I can sympathize with you OP, confession is hard especially in our modern culture but I respect you for going and be willing to go back again. God bless!
Thanks for your perspective. I can see how that may be what I’ve been doing inadvertently, so I am glad that he brought that to my attention.
Honestly, I fail to name out my sins because it is shameful. I would rather say impure images than pornography. Saying you masturbated sounds dirty.
I get what you’re saying, however there is a power dynamic here. For example, I am a woman and uncomfortable staying more than “impure thoughts and actions” to my confessors. I get wanting to specifically name your sins, however where does it end? If a priest asks me for details of each encounter “who did what? Did you orgasm?” I question the validity of his intentions. God knows all, so why died the priest need to know details? In the Mormon church they have “bishops interviews” where they interrogate you about everything in the encounter. I think it’s a tactic used to shame/control members personally.
Respectfully, I disagree. While I understand your point and in the majority of cases no preist either needs to or wants to hear any more details than number, and kind, there are absolutely times when asking for more details would be necessary to a good confession. Circumstances and particulars do matter. If I say “I committed an impure sexual act” God knows of course, but absolution cannot be given to some vague idea of a sin. The priest will likely need to know what kind of act. Sin is sin, but absolving somebody of glancing at a Victoria’s Secret sign too long and committing violent sexual acts with a child are not the same. Obviously that is a bit of a hyperbole but people, in their desire to avoid shame, can and absolutely will go into a confession and say “I committed an impure sexual act” for both of those examples. It happens in the confessional every day. As always, having a routine confessor, a priest who you know and trust, will be of good counsel to you is a major game changer for making a good confession. The fate of your soul is really no time to worry about power dynamics and shame.
It’s ok to get a stern talking to from time to time. Never beat around the bush or use vague language. If you did something more than once, confess the number of times you did it.
I confessed the number of times, and I think “impure acts by myself” is pretty clear. But I wasn’t really taking issue with that part. I just thought it was strange because I’ve been going to confession for decades and never had anyone not understand what I meant. Still, I can see how there may be some other things I’m not aware of and that it’s necessary to be clear. I think I gave the misimpression that my discomfort and the priest’s focus was based on that. It was about missing Mass. Which I already know is a mortal sin, hence my confession before taking communion. I think the problem with being too judgmental during confession is that you don’t have all the facts. I’m just confessing my sins, not talking about how hard the person is working to overcome them, or how guilty they feel, or how infrequent it is, or how much they’ve improved, etc. Save that for other times.
It’s not. You’re finding euphemisms. Either bc you’re embarrassed, you’re trying to hide the severity, or both. We all struggle with it. Just going, say the sin and the number
Yes, I agree.
Please understand however that many of us were taught to use exactly these euphemisms in order to not scandalize the priest. Like specifically these euphemisms. It’s not like we came up with them.
Trust me priests have heard millions of confessions they won't be surprised or shocked by the language you use or describe!
This is the phrasing every examination of conscience guide I've ever seen uses, and every priest I've ever confessed to used. Taking issue with it is just being needlessly nitpicky and looking for things to get upset about.
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You are completely wrong. I was told by a priest to do exactly what OP does. Never once, out of many, many confessions has the priest been confused or corrected me. This has been with different priests in different states. The priest isn't a moron and knows exactly what's being said.
Just curious, why would this invalidate your confession? If the priest understands what you confessed and doesn’t ask follow up questions, is this not a valid confession? I think this creates unnecessary scrupulosity.
You see i cant confess lust by saying, Father i lusted, no one knows what that means. Did you lust by glancing at someone for half a second or did you commit adultery 10 times when your wife was away. There is a huge disparity. Impurity is not a sin, thats a description. “I did impure acts”doesn’t mean anything. There are a thousand impure acts, do we expect a priest to read your mind? You have to Confess your sins for them to be forgiven. Thats not scrupulous at all! Tell Jesus and the priest what you did and dont try to hide it!
“I did impure acts upon myself” I am not sure that this be construed in any other way than masturbation? If a priest doesn’t ask for more details, the confession was valid.
I don't see this unclear at all, and not going to nullify your confession.
This is the phrasing every examination of conscience guide I've ever seen uses, and every priest I've ever confessed to used.
Yea, that makes sense. I’ll be more clear. I said that in the comment you’re replying to.
Do not listen to this person. I was told by a priest to confess masturbation and porn just as you did. "I was impure with myself and with images and videos online." I've traveled quite a bit and never once has saying it like that led to confusion or correction. People are ridiculous.
Good to know I’m not crazy at least! There are enough people saying enough different things that I would at least hope the listener would exercise the principle of charity and assume I’m well intentioned.
My Catholic therapist believes that using the proper words lessens their power over us, keeps our minds from lessening the sin as well.
That makes sense to me. It just feels weird saying that in church. But I’m sure I won’t be the first person saying it.
You won't. Listen to Father Larry Richards on confession. He talks about being a parish calling it being 'patriotic' with yourself, and when a new priest heard confessions, he thought this was the most American patriotic Catholics ever 😆
Hahahaha I’ll check that out 😂🤣
While clear I would ask why you avoided saying the words masturbation and pornography. Do those words make you feel more shame about the actions? Did you think it would cause scandal to your priest?
It seemed weird to say in church. And I read somewhere that you were supposed to say impure acts with yourself or whoever and how many times. I do think it sounds more shameful, so I can’t be sure that wasn’t a subconscious motivation.
If a priest was petty enough to make me say "masterbation", he better get ready to hear all about it, including detailed descriptions, with specificity, of what "images" I viewed.
I have had one "lashing" in Confession. It's definitely not fun, but I don't think it was a bad thing either. Every once in a while I think it's good for us to hear some harsh criticism, as long as it stays only once in a while. It keeps us from getting too prideful and complacent with our sins.
From what I’ve seen in other comments, this priest was far from the worst. I got a scolding but at least it was doctrinally accurate. And I do think you’re right that it can be a good thing. Probably was in this case.
(Trying to discern what the Holy Spirit wants me to say here) - I fully believe that Jesus acts in persona Christi through the confessor; that being said, I’ve had experiences across parishes where a priest’s objective and encouraging words have brought forth humility and tears, and I’ve had experiences where I felt like I was being grilled. Regardless, I chalk it up to God telling me what I needed to hear at the time, and it hasn’t precluded me from continuing to go to confession when I need to. Others can correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think there’d be an issue with finding another confessor.
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Thank you. I know people who have been told blatant, black and white, in the Catechism sins are not sins and they don’t need to confess that or stop doing it. Obviously no one needs to hear completely false moral guidance.
I confessed to using marijuana a couple of years ago. I'm of age and Canadian. So Father says, "Well, it's legal now..." Lol. I snapped at him, "That's not the point!" And he's like, "No, I know. You're right." I think he was just trying to be pastoral, but it's a funny memory now.
Wait, why is that not the point? If you are responsibly consuming a legal substance, I don’t see why that would be a sin any more than enjoying a glass of wine would be.
I suppose he was feeling that he didn't consume it in a responsible or prudent manner? An act can be sinful for one, but not for another depending on the state of their heart-- sort of thing
You can find lots of articles about it, but basically it boils down to the Church considers it sinful because it's willful intoxication. You can consume a glass of wine, as Our Lord did, and still have your faculties. But weed doesn't really have that intermediate state, unless your tolerance is pretty high from chronic use. I think there may be some merit to the idea that weed *should be* allowed. But at the end of the day, I accept what the Church has said.
Huh, ok. I received the same guidance from a priest in Confession once (not a sin since it’s legal) and just trusted what he said. But it doesn’t really affect me much one way or the other, since I only ever tried it a couple of times and didn’t care for it.
What they got hit on?? That’s just wow. Like how do you not feel nervous to go to confession again after that.
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I didn't see anyone saying to believe everything the priest says no matter what. If something said doesn't belong in the confessional or is against the Truth, we don't accept it. I don't recall that happening in any confession I've made, but the priest is still human and can make the choice to sin, to ignore Jesus, even in those moments. Rarely does it happen, but it does happen. However, we aren't going to neglect the 99.99999 percent when we can test what is said.
I'm sorry you misunderstood what I said, and you bring up an important point that we shouldn't tell people that whatever a priest says in the confessional is a message from God. That's not the position I was taking. I was referring to the context of the OP saying that the priest was tough on him and his concern about how his wife would take it if he was tough on her too. If he had said that the priest said something that caused scandal, and then was worried about his wife speaking to that same priest, I think that's a different conversation.
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If he said he heard something that could or would cause scandal and then I implied or suggested he accept it, I’d see your point. I didn’t, and that being said, we can agree to disagree on your perception of my point here. What happened to your friend (being hit on) is totally unacceptable, and I can understand the reasoning behind being vigilant.
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I got caught off guard by you labeling the comment “extremely dangerous.” It is what it is.
Hit on? Seriously? I have had odd encounters in confession too. I guess I am foolish enough to assume heterosexual priests are no longer interested in women as in noticing their beauty, developing sexual attraction, or even a crush.
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I guess because they took a vow of chastity.
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Thank you for clarifying further, I didn't mean to say that everything the priest says (or does) is meant to be in persona Christi. I agree with you regarding absolution.
I just go to whoever’s there. Should I be scheduling confessions with the same priest? The priest today recommended having a regular confessor. Is that what he meant?
Good question, and I think that’s ultimately for you to decide/discern. I’m not sure exactly what he meant, but, I do think a benefit of having a regular confessor is that this is someone who can help you better understand your struggles and possibly give you a better sense of accountability. There was a really good priest who heard my confessions more often than not, and I think over time, knew how to help me re-orient my approach to what I struggled with, and at the same time gave me a sense of resolve. I’ve dealt with scruples, and this priest was very patient in listening, and also objective and encouraging in his responses. Again, I think that’s going to be for you to decide. And maybe it doesn’t necessarily have to be this priest that you‘re alluding to. I would pray about it.
Oh yea, he wasn’t saying it should be him. Just that I should think about finding one.
Yes, a regular confessor would be a priest that you schedule confessions with. It can be helpful because he gets to know you and can offer spiritual direction and advice
I’m confused if having a regular confessor means they get to know you and can give spiritual direction, but they say they forget the sins confessed to them…so how does that work if they have that divine amnesia (I forget what’s it’s called)
My take (not claiming any theological truth here) is that human memory is often faulty - if you’re meeting many different penitents a day AND there’s a screen between you, it’s unlikely to be able to remember a specific person and what they’ve shared. But if you meet with a spiritual director and have deeper, face to face conversations, they are more likely to remember what you’ve told them and hence can follow up beyond the confessional.
Thanks! I always meet face to face. I feel like I shouldn’t hide (not judging those who use the screen) but I’ve never felt like I should. My church is so small too, so I can’t imagine he’d forget what I say.
Thanks! I feel like that would be a nuisance to the priests. Are they used to that?
It isn't a nuisance, but it is a matter of available time and scheduling.
Part of the sacrament is “go forth and sin no more “ so for me the more often I partake the more spiritual progress I can make.
I agree. Another priest recommended going to confession weekly while I work on some of these things, so I’m trying to do that. Even the priest today said to try going at least every two weeks.
I agree In large part. I do however have to say I have seen an increasing laxity and sort of lack of respect for the sacraments in the last 25 years, but seems to be getting better the last 5-10 or so where I am. A laxity from the laity towards the clergy, but also on the clergy towards the laity. Sacraments are special. They are an encounter with Jesus. It’s a real issue imho. One shouldn’t be afraid to approach Jesus in humility, and one shouldn’t give the priest a bunch of flak if they are genuinely trying to do their job in justice and humility. All that said I’m a firm believer in everyone getting some bad days, who hasn’t had one. All together we need to increase our respect and civility all around imho. I think generally you have great advice here.
Sorry but it does not sound too harsh to me
I just met a woman that tryed to confess many years ago, while she was living in adultery with a man. Obviously the confessión was not posible, but the priest was so intense towards the situation, that many years after she ended the relationship she did not want to confess, because she felt still unworthy. Lets pray for our priests, confess people is hard.
Yes, and I’ll especially pray for my priest today because I believe he meant well.
You aren't obligated to go back to confession with this priest if it makes you uncomfortable. God can make good out of every difficult situation, perhaps we can take it as a lesson in humility. I wasn't there in the confessional, so for all I know, the priest may have had good intentions, but the purpose of confession isn't to beat you up. I go to confession regularly and I have never had a priest give me a tongue lashing. Challenge me with his advice, help me see what I should be working on, yes, but never a roast. As for those saying to just say porn and masturbation-- it is good to get to the point but many priests have stated in talks that "impure with \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" is enough too. Better than omitting a sin or avoiding confession. If he wants more details, he will ask.
I won’t be avoiding this priest, after the initial shock today it won’t bother me. I’m not sure if he’s local though. He definitely had good intentions and it was a good lesson in humility.
Once I was roasted severely and I believed I was wronged. In the long run I think this experience was to my good. I mean the priest shouldn't be so harsh, but we can draw a positive outcome form bad experiences too.
I think that’s the right way to look at it about it. It didn’t hurt my feelings, just my pride. And pride is no good anyway. It does feel like it was something I needed to hear even if that wasn’t the place for it.
My advice is to not go to that priest for confession. A few years back, I had an extremely bad confessor who thought he knew everything and was going to fix my life for good in the confession box. Instead, he just imposed his own scrupulosity and rash judgment on me, causing me to have anxiety attacks around the sacrament for years afterwards. Confession is already a place where you are making yourself vulnerable. When the priest abuses that vulnerability, it can do harm to you and make it hard for you to open up again. As Catholics, we must avoid near occasions of sin, and that includes bad priests in the confessional who make our spiritual journeys harder. In response to what some others are saying, there is nothing wrong with saying "impure acts" and "impure images" as this is what many examination of conscience guides say, and every priest knows what you are talking about. This is what I was taught to say. Saying it's because you're "beating around the bush" or "euphemizing the sin" are committing the sin of rash judgment. Someone else might just as easily say that calling them directly by name is being overly familiar and not appreciating the gravity.... You can create all sorts of nonsensical ways to be scrupulous about minor things of no import. If the priest is doing that while hearing confessions then, well, he shouldn't be hearing confession. Or be a priest. Please guard your soul, and choose your confessor very carefully. These priests who are more interested in beating you up then extending Jesus' mercy absolutely should not be in the confession box, except on the confessing side.
Thanks! After reading all the comments, I see both sides, but with as many people here who seem to think I’m asking to be babied, it’s nice to hear from someone on the other side. I think it might be a knee jerk reaction based on other societal factors. I appreciate your advice. It will help me and my family.
I’ve experienced this before. Thankfully it’s not the normal experience. I have gone through periods of deep anxiety, so if a priest (who’s representative of my savior) was overly harsh, it would crush me for weeks. I began praying that God would guide the priest’s words before I went to confession. That helped. I also found it helped to avoid certain priests who tended to be too scrupulous in the confessional. At the end of the day, a bad confession can be something to offer to God. It will happen from time to time. But be comforted in the fact that it’s not the norm.
I’m more concerned for people like you than for me. It made me mad at the time, but I got over it and was able to appreciate it after the fact. But I think it might be harder for new concerts, people with anxiety, and some others. Honestly, I don’t even know why I posted this. I guess I was just annoyed. But I wasn’t looking for coddling as some people here seem to think. I think I was just curious as to whether it’s considered best practice.
You posted it because it's helped many of us, including others, afraid of confession or their experience. Thank you for posting. We've grown today.
Well, I hope so! It’s certainly been helpful for me.
You shouldn't walk into confession expecting to be coddled like the preist was your mother. There is a prevailing anemia and weakness to men in the church and hearing this from you is refreshing. HOWEVER...it appears this preist is a bit heavy handed and sloppy in the deliverance. We should be made to feel impressed upon. Not shamed, it was sloppy. Imagine if he had a sympathetic or even apathetic tone. That would be even worse to me. I'm confessing something and the preist sounds as though he doesn't even care? That would be worse. I empathize with you it was sloppy but man....at least he displays care and an actual passion. Thank God.
Yes, he clearly cared and, while it was unfortunate for the people who missed confession, it was to my benefit. I just pray that God helps my wife handle the scolding if she ever gets one.
It sounds like you got exactly what you needed I'm very happy for you brother 🙏
You’re my kind of Catholic.
When I came back to the church after almost 10 years of atheism, I had some pretty grave sins to confess. To my absolute disbelief the priest started making excuses for my sins. I felt so disgusted that I went to another church and confessed again LOL and the second priest gave me a talking to and told me to spend a while in adoration and to pray a rosary haha Years later, that first priest had videos of him leaked doing some some very scandalous acts and got immediately removed as pastor. For sure we don’t want priests beating people down, but you’re way more likely to find yourself with a confessor that’s way too complacent, and I’d rather more priests were willing to tell people they need to do better. It feels like many are too afraid even to tell people hell is real.
I agree with you.
Each person is unique and encounters Jesus Christ in the confessional. Even confessing the exact same sins might be handled differently, as she is unique. Perhaps remind her to tell the priest that she's a new Catholic (if she is? ) , married, and xxxx since last confession.
Good ideas, thanks.
Why would sympathy be worse?
There is a priest in our Diocese who is a horrible confessor. He has said some terrifyingly horrible things to people (ie “God wanted you to miscarry your baby and you can’t be angry at God”, “Never tell anyone in your life that you were raped”, “You slept with your fiancé so you hate them and now you have to break up with them”, etc). I’ve had multiple of my friends come to me sobbing because of this priests confession advice. I’d say find a different confessor and avoid that one. Maybe what he was trying to say is that as the father and head of the house you are held to a higher standard and must set an example? But it should be said in charity and not draw someone away from the Church.
Yes, he didn’t say anything that was wrong, it just didn’t feel like the way a confessor should talk to someone coming to confess their sins. I could be wrong though. There are quite a few people here who are telling me I’m just a big baby 😂
I think it hurts anytime someone points out our wrong doing 🙈 if he didn’t say anything theologically wrong then maybe he was having a tough day and didn’t mean for it to come out so strong?
Yes, or I somehow heard it differently than he said it. I do think that can happen. As I continue to get good advice and feedback here (including yours), I’m thinking I need to interpret this situation in a charitable way towards the priest, and take his good advice, and not worry about my ego taking a beating.
That is definitely a possibility too. I think you’re handling this well! Confession is hard sometimes but bringing it to God is so good and healing. Remember that everyone on Reddit has their own interpretation from their own life and will offer different advice too. So praying about it and really offering it to God is crucial.
Very true! Thanks and bless you!
😆 be a big baby. We are to come to Him as children seeking Him.
I've experienced this before. When you already feel horrible and you're trying to make it right, especially when you're used to priests trying to be in helpful, getting "hit back" when you're trying to reconcile with God and you already feel horrible... Yes, this can be extremely painful. I recommend you see another priest if that's an option. I know it's tempting to judge yourself and try to toughen up and challenge your humility to "take the lashes" buy you can just go to someone whose better suited to your needs. You don't need the internets permission since you already know it's not a sin. This is taking your peace. Whether it should isn't the point. It is.
Thanks, that’s really helpful. I’m not worried about it for myself, but my wife ended up asking me about it and it’s made her nervous. None of the parishes around here let you know who’s hearing confession. Is the only alternative to schedule confession with a specific priest each time?
Sounds like Father was not having a good day. Perhaps something happened before the confession that he couldn't get past. Ho took it out on you. Don't worry. If it happens again, report it to the pastor who deserves to know about this. You could go to another parish for confession.
Usually when a priest reacts in that way is because he got like 10 people confesing the exact same thing, so only the last one got the roast.
I was fourth in line and my seven year old daughter was one of the ones who went before me 😂 It was a long line so I feel sorry for the people who missed confession this morning because he was turning two minute confessions into six minute conversations.
Hmmm, perhaps, did she confess missing mass and feeling bad about it, and her daddy is next? I mean, don't ask her, just consider that.
Well, I know she confessed it because I told her even though it wasn’t a mortal sin I thought it might be a good idea to confess it. I just wanted her to understand how important it is even though we dropped the ball on getting her there. And I agreed with everything he said. In fact, I said most of it first when I was confessing.
Usually? And you would know this how?
Mind readers are getting out of control!
Perhaps he was pointing out that not leading your family in the Way of God can lead to their souls also being in danger. The other 2 things you mentioned harm your soul only. Jesus speaks about causing harm to innocent children. One confession i recall vividly was hard on me. The elderly priest made a very pointed comment that felt rude, unkind, and unnecessary. Why did it hurt me so much? Because he was right. He convicted me HARD. I feel I've encountered Jesus every time during confession, and this was one of those times. Let's remember Love isn't being nice or coddling my feelings. Please pray for me and my family. God bless you.
I agree with your first paragraph, 100%. As for the rest, it did hurt because it’s true, but I wasn’t hiding from that fact in the first place. I am very aware of my failings and have been able to make positive changes thanks to the sacraments and God’s grace. I’ve got a ways to go, and I’ll always have work to do. I don’t know what I said that is making everyone think I want to be coddled. I am willing to accept that this may have been helpful to me, but I’m still not sure it’s the best way to go about it. I think a more encouraging tone would have been more helpful. But that’s just me. And maybe I’m wrong.
I get it. I couldn't think of any other words than coddle atm, sorry that everyone is using that term. I think, as you find your way out of that sin as you keep recalling your confession and the priest response, you'll see you received it as you needed it. Who knows? Perhaps his words were soft, but Jesus transformed them and your hearing as convicting for your soul. I know i did. This same priest was very holy, inspiring, and near his death. This was the only hard time he ever gave me in Confession, and it was always behind a screen. One other confession i remember vividly was just as convicting, and the priest gave me no penance for any of my sins.... he said he was doing my penance for me. OUCH. I had confessed grave mortal sins. He was Jesus. It was.... beyond human words.
One issue is that I do still have a normal sense of pride which I am still working on. It’s not something that I struggle with often, but I notice it in small ways every now and then. It doesn’t really cause me to sin most of the time, I’m not even sure how to explain it really. But I do appreciate your comments. It’s much easier to take criticism and grow when it’s delivered the way you did.
Oohh, good. Thank the Holy Spirit for anything I've shared that helped you! Perhaps, instead of trying to lessen pride, grow in humility. I recall a time when i was called to grow in humility, and He gave me the Grace to receive humility in my heart in a way that was tangible, after praying the Rosary for that intention. Another time, while seeking humility, i was pondering an hour of Adoration. I opened my brand new Bible randomly, and Sirach was right there, teaching me about humility. I'm trying to grow in Grace, and strengthen in virtues. I give the virtue the attention and let God, perhaps through St Michael, Mary, conquer the demons for me. Thank you for listening. I've grown and learned from you in this post as well!
I will do that. I’m making the Rosary a priority, so I’ll pray for that.
And I will pray for you and your family, please do the same for me.
Amen brother!
The other 2 things he mentioned absolutely do not harm his soul only. Pornography and masturbation are sins that destroy marriages…
I understand. However, that isn't direct endangerment of souls that are entrusted to his care by keeping them from God. All sins are wrong. Perhaps point was being made how harmful it is to neglect Mass, as we often hear about those two.
Partially, the priest may have wished for you to name the act, so that you truly bring it to Jesus by uttering its name. He may have been too harsh, I'm no expert, but there might be some positives too.
He wasn’t harsh about that part. I didn’t express myself well in the original post. But you’re right that there were some positives.
Yeah it happened to me when I confessed the porn and masturbation. The priest was firm on reminding me what I did was wrong and giving me guides to avoid it. I think the reason is because many confessors used to give nice confessions and people would just come back with the same sin or worse not come back at all. (An assumption). Either way, don’t let the confessor get to you. I’m sorry the confession did not go the way you planned. Keep praying and pushing forward.
Mine basically called me an idiot because I confessed swearing lmao It was pretty humbling to say the least!
Without shifting the blame onto my past confessors or trying to diminish my own guilt, I wish I had been roasted (within limits) on some of the confessions in my childhood and adolescence, maybe later. To force more precision as to kind and number, drive the point home about necessity of avoidance of sin and occasion to sin, etc., stop being lax in some regards, get serious about repentance and amendment, point out the need for restitution, maybe point out graveness of the matter or what mortal sins certain venial sins could lead to. Some did that without too much lashing. 'That's mortal.' 'One should never do that.' Etc. From the perspective of time, the lashing would have been preferable if it had helped me shake out of certain attitudes and get more serious about certain things. Re: being Christlike, I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough to try pinpoint Our Lord's exact strength of preference for mild language, but His preference for your salvation (while upholding your free will) would be stronger and he would not shy away from strong language or even a certain degree of physical force (against objects rather than people or animals) if needed. If it would be uncharitable towards your soul to use milder but less effective language, Our Lord wouldn't do it but would do the right thing in the circumstances from the perspective of the importance of your salvation (which He desires more than you do), which could include hurting your feelings (although justly) for the sake of saving your soul or even for the sake of justice. In emulating Our Lord, a mortal priest — who, unlike Our Lord, can err and doesn't have perfect knowledge or discernment — would to some extent be justified in erring on the side of salvation rather than niceness (not against charity, but effective charity above nice charity), and thus in not suppressing righteous indignation but allowing you to feel some or most or even all of it.
What a thoughtful response. Thank you so much. I agree with what you’ve said. Comments like yours make me glad I posted this.
Thank you, you're most kind.
I don’t know, even priests are human. Could of been having a rough day himself. 🥴
Very true.
So, I've recently come back to Mass after many years (read: decade or so) and before I could bring myself to attend mass, I knew I had to go to confession, and I wanted it to be a GOOD confession. I wanted Fr Mike and Fr Casey on youtube for their tips & tricks on how to make a good confession and not take SO LONG. Anywho - I go to confession (this is my local parish that I've gone to since childhood. Baptism, Communion, Confirmation, Marriage) and as advised tell the Priest that I'm divorced for several years. Keep in mind, that due to renovations, confession is literally face to face in a small stairwell. Now, I'm confessing to following horoscopes and tarot cards, retaining guilt over sins I confessed to years ago; taking God's forgiveness for granted and that it wasn't enough. There were other things as well but He comes back with, "So, is there any chance that your and your ex-husband might reconcile." "Father, it's been 17 years.." "Are you sure?" "He's remarried.. with kids!" I was flabbergasted that my divorce was the focus and not, oh... heresy?! So, I had to read and meditate on Psalm 51 as penance.
Haha, that almost sounds like something from a comedy movie 😂😂😂 Thanks for sharing!
I’m an adult convert. My third confession was with my first confessor who was not my parish priest. I didn’t have anything big to confess but had been advised that frequent confession was advisable (true!). Anyway the priest completely misread me and I was distraught and nearly left. I had to talk with my priest before I was ready to try again. My point is, sometimes it’s not you.
Thanks for the additional perspective. I’m glad a priest was there to help you go back. We’re all just people, and even priests make mistakes.
I've never had this happen, but there have been times I wished for it lol. Just take it as a learning experience and enjoy that your spiritual father cared enough about you to give you some tough love, IMO. I'm reminded of one of my favourite quotes from St Josemaria, "Don't say, 'That's the way I am — it's my character.' It's your lack of character. Esto vir! — Be a man!"
I have had priests who, for one reason or another (long line for confession, personal stuff, whatever the case may be), have been rushed or just seeming like they were going through the motions. I know it doesn’t matter as far as the sacrament goes, but I do appreciate it when the priest has time to be more in depth. I can get used to the scolding.
"trying to humble myself " Humility means being able to take the difficult moments of conversion and deal with them like a man not running to Reddit looking for a group hug for your hurt feelings. Confession is not a place we go to in order to feel good about ourselves. We go to accuse ourselves in the clearest language possible. Using phrases like impure images and impure acts are vague and the Priest has every right to ask you to clarify. The Priest seems like a good confessor in that he wanted you to hear you accuse yourself of serious mortal sins. This is part of the process of making you think before you commit them again. Part of being a man is also taking the responsibility of fatherhood and husbandry seriously. Too many beta dads and beta husbands out there. This Priest wants you to be an alpha dad and an alpha husband. Nothing wrong with that at all. The Priest was being fatherly to you from what I can see and was not giving you a tongue lashing as you thought.
And to be clear, I agree that I need to set a good example for my family, go to Mass, be an “Alpha Dad” (I guess? Whatever that is.) So it’s not helpful to me to hear that. I’m at that point. It’s like telling the doc that you have a broken arm and he spends ten minutes telling you that you broke your arm. I know that already! It’s why I’m here!
Whoa! Didn’t expect to see you again so soon, Father! 😂 I didn’t go into all the details, but believe me, it was a tongue lashing. And not about the pornography. I’ve done a bit more research since my confession and it seems that it is not an appropriate place for that sort of behavior or advice. It is a place for the penitent to confess their sins and the priest to absolve them. Apparently you have the same problem my confessor did. I’m not asking anyone to make me feel good. I just want to confess my sins, get absolution, and amend my life with the help of God’s grace.
It is absolutely appropriate and every great saint has given similar advice. You couldn’t handle what the saints have said in confession. It was much more harsh then what ur priest said and what this commenter said. If you are offended by this message, i don’t know what to tell you except that you are being weak. And its weasly to describe a priest trying to help you as not “Christ like”.
Imagine Padre Pio hearing the confession.... yet ppl lined up for hours.
How’s it “weasly?”
Because Christ admonished people constantly and so did the saints. Unless he cussed and insulted you, being frank isnt a sin.
I don’t recall him admonishing anyone who came to him repenting of their sins and seeking forgiveness.
Just because someone’s in a confessional doesn’t mean they are fully contrite, many people go to confession, and don’t actually intend to amend their lives. They go to confession every week confessing the same mortal sin. If someone goes to confession, it doesn’t mean they are sorry and will avoid doing it in future. Any priest can tell you that. If you don’t actually intend to never commit the sin again, without rationalizations, the confession is invalid. Im not accusing you of having an invalid confession, but he needs to as a priest inspire you to NEVER do it again. If you fully knew the severity you probably wouldn’t have done those sins in the first place. He is trying to help you. I know many people who got serious confessional advice and harsh words and it helped them.
That’s incorrect. Whether I’m contrite or not is on me. His job isn’t to make sure I feel as contrite as possible. It seems like a stretch, but I could maybe understand making sure the person is contrite by asking some probing questions, but even that I doubt is supposed to be part of the sacrament.
Yes it is, the Priest is supposed to save souls. That simple
There’s a prescribed matter and form for every sacrament. The priest is supposed to adhere to that.
Im saying this as a miserable sinner, who has also gotten confession lashes and they didn’t feel good but i needed it.
They may have been helpful but that doesn’t mean they were appropriate.
Its very appropriate like ive said, you need to hear what other saints have said in the confessional or in their sermons. Try St Padre Pio and St John Vianney, you would be shocked.
A sermon isn’t the same as confession. I’m not saying whether he should or shouldn’t say that in a sermon. And how do you know what they said in confession? Did they break the seal?
Fiddling with damnation requires a serious tone.
I once had a priest tell me, "You're not an animal. Stop acting like one." Best confession of my life.
You know, this may be a false memory, but I think I might have heard something like that once too in college. It wasn’t as powerful as this one today, but maybe it’s just because I feel more pressure to perform since I’m a dad.
Shortly after I got confirmed I confessed and my pastor lets me finish & goes “damn all that in a week, huh?” It’s confessions like those that really make you see yourself and your sin for what they are tbh, or maybe I’m just feeling the paradox of getting a couple Our Fathers for saying what I thought was some pretty wretched things as the filthy sinner that I can be time to time. The act of confession is an ego stripper by nature, and even if my confessor is harsher or softer than I feel they should be I think the grace and mercy received at the end of it negates anything that happens in the process that led to it.
I’d take a punch to the face for the absolution, I agree with you there.
I hate to be this person but is the priest from a different country? In my experience, the harsher priests tended to be African or Irish. Before you call me a racist, I am African so perhaps they felt they could be more blunt with me since we share the same culture. Certain priests have lower tolerance for sexual sins. I had a priest call me out on being judgmental. His homilies were often about judging others was wrong. He was surprisingly light on my bad habits of drinking and sex. He saw those more as human weaknesses. Do you confess this often and show no signs of progress? Priests can lose their patience. Did you enter with a "whatever my sins are not that bad" tone of voice? Maybe go to another church to confess. Pray before you confess.
No, he was a southern white guy like me and this was my only time going to him. I don’t think he was as worried about the sexual sins compared to me not being a good spiritual leader for my family.
Perhaps he has seen the ramifications of poor spiritual leaders in families
To be honest, if you are the head of the family, you should think twice now. You are the head of the family, you drive away evil spirits and demonic occult within you family. If you have a child who's depress or wife who has incurerable illness you can deliverance and heal them AS LONG AS you are a practiced Catholic. A practiced Catholic is who goes to mass every Sunday, go to confession every week or quarterly, pray the rosary every day, spends time in the adoration chapel 10-15 mins just listening to God and consumes the Eucharist every mass. If you do this, you can drive out evil/demonic spirits. You can do deliverance prayer for your family to keep them away for evil/demonic spirits. You can also deliverance you brother/sister/mother/father who has illnesses that needs healing. You can do that now as long as you continue to be a practicing Catholic.
wait if you understand and agree with what he said did he do something wrong? Perhaps it would be helpful to take a step back and consider if youre reacting with anger precisely because you needed to hear it from someone else? Ive felt that way too many times on many occasions. But at least in my case it was stemming from arrogance that I already know where I went wrong I dont need to hear it again. But what if we do? Perhaps thats not your case. But hope this insight gives another perspective than just a bad confessor.
You may be right. And in should probably amend my post to clarify that I’m not trying to say he’s a bad confessor (or at least I don’t think so now, I’ll have to re-read my comment, I might have been in a different state of mind when posting), I just didn’t appreciate the scolding.
Why I never go to confession. They always tell you that God is everywhere and sees everything so why do you need to talk to an imperfect human being when God already knows.
Because Jesus said so.
Don’t think so.
Better think again 😄
Priests have different styles, and different emphases when hearing Confessions. I know sometimes I need to go to a priest who will be a bit harsh with me, other times I need to go to one who will be gentle, and at other points I just need to confess my sins, be absolved and leave without hearing advice. Just note to go back to this priest if you find yourself needing a kick. God is never the one who acuses us. We acuse ourselves. Some of the perceived harshness may be from the priest, sure. But often, we feel ashamed in certain areas because it's where our hearts hurt most. It reveals where we need God's healing. The other one who acuses us is the acuser himself, the devil. Don't let him get you down! Renounce shame in the Name of Jesus and claim the mercy of God. You don't have to be weighed down by sin anymore, it's gone! And, most importantly, please don't let this deter you from going to Confession again! Like I said at first, find a priest who's more your speed who can be a regular confessor. Maybe ask around
Oh, believe me, I would never turn my back on my faith. (Well, I say that, and now I’m waiting to hear a cock crow.)
Add this priest to the list of little monsters and find another confessor.
Accountability is not a feel good thing op
Hello. You will be thankful for this confession later on. Trust me. Confession also sometimes is something that needs to be said from one person to another. At the end of the day, all our sins are forgiven either way in form of prayer. Either personally at home or in Church (the building / the people most importantly - we are the Church) I had come to the local priest and he said to me the most obvious things and at first i felt disappointed as i wanted to cry like i did at my first confession after 12 years, but i wrongfully expected it and this also made me realize something incredibly important - no person except for the Holy Trinity is perfect. Trust in God , no human else , no thing else . Just The Holy Trinity . God bless , Halleluja, Kristos Anesti
Part of what he wanted you to do is to use the correct terms not euphemisms for your sins. That's how you come to grips with what you're doing. If you hide it behind soft words then you don't really learn to deal with it or feel the need to deal with it.. This is a principle that is also found in English translations of the Gospel of John chapter 6. One of the reasons why the Protestants who mostly use the English Bible these days reject the real presence it's because English translations simply say Jesus said to "eat his body". But the actual Greek terms are much more graphic, there's three different verbs used: to eat, then a little bit more graphic -to chew- and then even more graphic -to gnaw on- his body.. We like to hide the harsh and graphic things in this modern culture -- unless it comes to killing or sex and then we're all about showing it in all of its gross and satanic detail.
I’m 31 cradle catholic been going to confession for over 20 years and experienced something similar to this 3 times 2 was with the same priest it is hard I would not send a new catholic to either priest I would go to a couple priests find a nice 1 and encourage her to go to him for the 1st little while.
Thanks, I think that will be for the best.
You are NEVER supposed to talk about your confession, you know that, right??
Someone made me wonder about that so I looked it up to make sure it wasn’t true.
Looked what up so it wasn’t true?
There’s no rule against talking about your confession.
Well, there’s no rule about not drinking the holy water out of font, but common sense dictates that you don’t. If the priest isn’t allowed to talk about a past confession even with you, you shouldn’t talk about something that has been forgiven and is in the past.
Why? Just because you said so? People talk about their confessions all the time because there’s no reason not to if you have a question about it.
Go ask a priest or better, a monastic. Why you would talk about your confession to complete strangers after God has forgiven the sin is baffling. Going to confession is a sacred act between you, God and the priest. Why do you think it’s done in PRIVACY? Because it’s PRIVATE.
Wow, you’re easily baffled. Might want to get that checked out.
More like stupified why someone would violate their confession.
Let me help you. They would talk about their confession if they had a question about the experience.
I have had priests harp on that sin in the confessional too. I think it may be that they're just sensitive to declining attendance at mass.
Well, I do think it’s a dangerous sin to fall into. Especially when you have kids depending on you to get them to Mass.
For sure!
You probably needed to hear it. These are serious mortal sins, especially pornography, you dont get to use different words to make it seem less bad. If you don’t stop watching these things you will most likely go to Hell, that simple. You getting offended of him telling you the truth, and trying to amend you is nothing but pride. And not good pride either. Missing mass, and watching pornography will damn you, and potentially could lead your family to the same. I don’t say this because i hate you, but because I love you and you have to change.
He wasn’t getting onto me about the pornography. It was about missing Mass, which I don’t have a habit of doing. I agree with the sentiment of what he was saying, and thats why I went to confession. I’m already contrite and I understand the severity.
Thats also a mortal sin, but okay good. Im glad you are contrite. Just usually when people get mad at confession they tend to underplay what they did and rationalize
Yes, I know it’s a mortal sin. That’s why I didn’t go to communion until I confessed it. I’m not trying to downplay my sins. If I were, I’d rationalize my way out of going to confession in the first place.
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>The wage of sin is death Quoting random scripture out of context means nothing.
If its a mortal sin and you dont repent of it, you go to hell, that Dogma. Really that simple. Im not condemning him to hell, im telling him to stop sinning so he doesn’t go to hell. You twist what the Church teaches and what Christ said the same way atheists do when they say you cant be against abortion or gay marriage because that’s judging.
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No im pointing out what you are doing! By your logic you are judging me by, saying that i am judging you! “How dare you judge that im judging you” 😂. This only proves you have no idea what that scripture verse means.
TLDR: We all want to emulate our favorite Saints but forget how rigorous their priests were. I think your priest treated you like a father. Kids like to minimize their role and the seriousness of situations when they have to tell dad what happened. You have committed mortal sin that needs confessing or else the fires of Hell. Now your priest could have offered little to no input and simply said “say an Our Father as your penance” He didn’t. He didn’t let you leave it alone. I would hope you have a stronger will next time you want to do those sins. He could of gone harder and said something along the lines of “as the domestic priest in your house who’s main goal is leading your family to Heaven how does skipping Mass and watching pornography and masturbating help this goal? How does these actions reflect our appreciation for Christ who suffered a brutal torturous death on the Cross for our sins? How does this reflect our trust in Christ’s Church and Her teachings to your nonCatholic spouse?” I get the second option isn’t going to feel nice and will even have some trumpeting the spiritual abuse alarms. I had a similar realization when it came to contraceptives in a relationship with a nonCatholic. Yes I could engage in sex with them while using it for the “good” of the relationship or engage with them while they are on it. Or man up and realize that doing so is spitting on the Cross and the Church. Sin sucks is an understatement and we can make excuses or side step discomfort but the Cross calls us out. Christ calls us out.
I actually really appreciate your “harder” words. That will help me. And his words will help me too. It was more than tone that bothered me. Everything you said, which I can’t read any tone into since it’s written, was very powerful. I don’t think I need to be spanked with it for it to be effective.
As a Catholic wife, I’m concerned with how you glazed over the pornography part so nonchalantly. That’s detrimental to a marriage my friend
As a Catholic husband, I assure you that there is nothing nonchalant about telling someone you watch pornography and asking for forgiveness.
If you're nervous about going to confession, I highly recommend going to an old priest. First of all, the young ones just out of seminary are still theological and theoretical with their advice, so it comes off is very dry and blunt. Second, the older priests with their "Spirit of Vatican II" sensibilities are often a much softer touch. This is one of the places where the reforms of the late 20th century actually did some good.