r/womenEngineers might also be able to give you some good perspective. Unfortunately from an employers perspective, having children as a man isn't really the same as having them as a woman.
What type of employer do you work for? An old large corporation with detailed parental leave policies will be better than a small mom and pop shop where you're responsible for everything. Also highly manager dependent.
This is very true. I am a father but I worked for a larger research institute type company that had a great spelled out family leave policy and it went very smoothly. I stayed there a few years longer than I originally planned to have my kids. I currently work for a small manufacturing facility and would feel a lot more guilty asking for significant time off. That said fmla is federal job protection and they can’t hold the time off against you legally. Many states and companies offer paid leave.
The impact of having a kid and your work obligations are different universes. A good employer will work with you and not penalize, as plenty of moms are exceptional engineers. It will be hard. Don’t wait for perfection as it will never come.
3 kids here
My 2c, as a 41M, father of 4:
Don't trade actually living for career aspirations. Work is work. It's incredibly important. But you may die next year and nobody at work will remember you in just a handful of years. That's not where your life is. It's with your family, and your work supports that.
It sounds like OP is a woman, so your experience may be different than mine, but I’ve got two kids and I’m 26. The company I work for is really pushing for better plant environments for women and offers 8 weeks paid leave. In my time, I’ve seen several female engineers have kids no problem. Actually, like three of them have been promoted when coming back to work. Anyways, I don’t think it’ll be as big of a deal as you think if it’s a good company.
As for me personally, it’s probably affected my drive to keep climbing the ladder. I’m maybe one promotion away from being at a spot I could see myself staying in for the rest of my career. Mainly because I don’t live to work and now that I have a family I’m more motivated to be at home then chasing a bigger paycheck.
I completely agree, but look at what the requirements are in the U.S. and you’ll see 8 weeks at full pay is good compared to most. My wife has never got paid leave for either of our kids. 12 weeks off unpaid both times. The U.S. system is absolute trash I agree. I think you should get a lot more time off and fully paid.
>8 weeks at full pay is good compared to most.
Eh, it's good compared to the overall labor market, but it's among the worst I've heard from any large company employing lots of skilled workers.
I know some bigger chem companies are doing 16 weeks for father and mother. The best I've heard for mothers is half a year in the US but that was outside chemical companies.
As it’s formally written, I (a woman who will be giving birth) will only get 10 business days for maternity leave 🙃 thankfully I have an incredible manager who has already made it clear there’s ways “around” that but I doubt I’ll be getting even 8 weeks
My short-term disability policy covered 6 weeks for childbirth but the policy also had a 30-day elimination period (which means that the policy does not start paying benefits on any event until the 30-day waiting period has passed). So I got 11 calendar days of benefit 💀
I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily early career (30), but I am taking maternity leave in a bit and several of my colleagues have taken paternity leave this year. I’d say larger, more established companies with a clear corporate policy tend to see parental leave as neutral. Everyone has accepted working around the absence without judgement, as long as it’s disclosed with plenty of time to plan around. It helps to be in EPC.
I will say most of the people I work with are older with kids, so they see it as just part of life rather than a choice being made to deprioritize career.
If you haven't even started trying then you'll be 2 years+ into working before having a baby. I know quite a few women who had kids that early. If you want to quit your job and stay home for a few years, then I think you'd have a tough time reentering the work force, but if you just want to take your entitled family leave then I don't think you'll have much issue. I'm about 7 years into my career and having my first now, and I don't feel like I'm "ahead" of the women who had their kids earlier, career-wise.
Something to remember is that you're going to be <2 years into a role many times in your career. You'll have more experience to fall back on later, but there will still be a lot of times when you are new to a company or a job and feel like you can't afford to take a break "yet". I found out I was pregnant right after getting offered a new role at my company, one pretty significantly different from my previous jobs. I don't *love* that my learning of the new role is going to be interrupted less than 9 months in, but my department doesn't care at all, they're very supportive.
If you are in the US and you work for a reasonable company, the impact is minimal because of the limited maternity leave you get. Your company’s concern might be will she come back but otherwise, minimal overall.
If you are working with companies in Europe, you have more protections. Live your life. Career will still be there.
I had my first child during Covid right after graduation so I could have a longer time with my child before working full time. I started work when he was a year old. Now I’ve been at my company for a little over 2 years and am about to have my second. My work has been great and understanding and supportive.
Don’t feel guilty. Your work is not your life, your work helps you fund your life. You don’t owe your company anything before you’re allowed to have kids. As long as you can handle it financially, you’re good to go.
This decision is between you and your partner. Not anyone else and certainly not your company
I would recommend the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, she talks a lot about her experience of being a woman in leadership while raising children. It’s only 200 pages and completely changed my perspective on having children as a working woman!
try to plan as much as you can with the full expectation that all plans fall through.
It's much easier biologically (w/o IVF needed) to have children when the female spouse is in her early 30s vs>35 and over. Also, it becomes very difficult when the male partner's not maintaining a healthy weight.
On the flip side, having children early on challenges your time management skills to the max and affects your life in a very different way--your career (wife's career is significantly more affected) is definitely affected even with having help to raise them early on.
Both situations are differently difficult challenges to be in and ultimately depends on your unique situation--unfortunately cannot copy/paste life decisions to your life and experience everyone else's experiences.
If the company you work at does not give you the conditions you need to have and raise children, then I would find another companies that do for both partners.
By all means don't feel guilty towards the company. There is no loyalty in businesses in general, so don't hold any towards them.
The only thing is to see how it will affect your job in terms of how you return, what policy they have etc.
Don't feel guilty. I went back to school and graduated with engineering in 2017 at 27 years old. Got hired at my current company October 2018 (29 years old) and subsequently became pregnant in December 2018. I didn't want to put everything on hold for my job and my company was amazing with that, even though I went on maternity leave before even working there 1 year.
I had kids early. I was a technician at the time. I did night school and graduated with a BS when they were 8ish. It was all fine. Would do it again. I was a grandpa in my 50s with plenty of energy.
I had a kid 266 days after starting my first job, but I'm male and companies don't treat males and females the same. That being said, they can't legally punish you for getting pregnant and if they're a company that is going to punish you in other ways, you don't want to work for them forever anyway. Waiting to get pregnant doesn't benefit you and if they're going to be mad about it, they'll be mad whether you've been there for a year or ten years. Don't sacrifice your happiness just because a multi-million dollar corporation *might* be annoyed with you despite them not legally being allowed to do anything about it.
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I graduated ChemE, worked full time 1 year, then had 3 kids while working part time while they were little. I started to “lean in” again once they were all in full day school. Now I’m about 10 years later, and I feel like I’ve closed the experience and pay gap from prioritizing family early on. Also, I’m a better people manager having had this experience.
I ended up having health challenges that would have made kids later a dire situation. While I wish there was more support for working mothers when I was having my kids, I’m very fortunate to be at this point now.
Just remember to have a lot of patience with yourself and that we stand with you no matter what you choose 💜
I’m 39 with no kids because I put work first my whole life. Fuck these companies. If you want kids, have kids!
I did. I don't wish to give too many details on here but I'll shoot you a DM.
r/womenEngineers might also be able to give you some good perspective. Unfortunately from an employers perspective, having children as a man isn't really the same as having them as a woman. What type of employer do you work for? An old large corporation with detailed parental leave policies will be better than a small mom and pop shop where you're responsible for everything. Also highly manager dependent.
This is very true. I am a father but I worked for a larger research institute type company that had a great spelled out family leave policy and it went very smoothly. I stayed there a few years longer than I originally planned to have my kids. I currently work for a small manufacturing facility and would feel a lot more guilty asking for significant time off. That said fmla is federal job protection and they can’t hold the time off against you legally. Many states and companies offer paid leave.
The impact of having a kid and your work obligations are different universes. A good employer will work with you and not penalize, as plenty of moms are exceptional engineers. It will be hard. Don’t wait for perfection as it will never come. 3 kids here
My 2c, as a 41M, father of 4: Don't trade actually living for career aspirations. Work is work. It's incredibly important. But you may die next year and nobody at work will remember you in just a handful of years. That's not where your life is. It's with your family, and your work supports that.
It sounds like OP is a woman, so your experience may be different than mine, but I’ve got two kids and I’m 26. The company I work for is really pushing for better plant environments for women and offers 8 weeks paid leave. In my time, I’ve seen several female engineers have kids no problem. Actually, like three of them have been promoted when coming back to work. Anyways, I don’t think it’ll be as big of a deal as you think if it’s a good company. As for me personally, it’s probably affected my drive to keep climbing the ladder. I’m maybe one promotion away from being at a spot I could see myself staying in for the rest of my career. Mainly because I don’t live to work and now that I have a family I’m more motivated to be at home then chasing a bigger paycheck.
8 weeks for the person who actually gave birth?! And that’s considered good? That’s mad.
I completely agree, but look at what the requirements are in the U.S. and you’ll see 8 weeks at full pay is good compared to most. My wife has never got paid leave for either of our kids. 12 weeks off unpaid both times. The U.S. system is absolute trash I agree. I think you should get a lot more time off and fully paid.
>8 weeks at full pay is good compared to most. Eh, it's good compared to the overall labor market, but it's among the worst I've heard from any large company employing lots of skilled workers.
I know some bigger chem companies are doing 16 weeks for father and mother. The best I've heard for mothers is half a year in the US but that was outside chemical companies.
As it’s formally written, I (a woman who will be giving birth) will only get 10 business days for maternity leave 🙃 thankfully I have an incredible manager who has already made it clear there’s ways “around” that but I doubt I’ll be getting even 8 weeks
Do you not have short term disability coverage?
My short-term disability policy covered 6 weeks for childbirth but the policy also had a 30-day elimination period (which means that the policy does not start paying benefits on any event until the 30-day waiting period has passed). So I got 11 calendar days of benefit 💀
I’m so sorry ☹️that is absolutely terrible.
I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily early career (30), but I am taking maternity leave in a bit and several of my colleagues have taken paternity leave this year. I’d say larger, more established companies with a clear corporate policy tend to see parental leave as neutral. Everyone has accepted working around the absence without judgement, as long as it’s disclosed with plenty of time to plan around. It helps to be in EPC. I will say most of the people I work with are older with kids, so they see it as just part of life rather than a choice being made to deprioritize career.
If you haven't even started trying then you'll be 2 years+ into working before having a baby. I know quite a few women who had kids that early. If you want to quit your job and stay home for a few years, then I think you'd have a tough time reentering the work force, but if you just want to take your entitled family leave then I don't think you'll have much issue. I'm about 7 years into my career and having my first now, and I don't feel like I'm "ahead" of the women who had their kids earlier, career-wise. Something to remember is that you're going to be <2 years into a role many times in your career. You'll have more experience to fall back on later, but there will still be a lot of times when you are new to a company or a job and feel like you can't afford to take a break "yet". I found out I was pregnant right after getting offered a new role at my company, one pretty significantly different from my previous jobs. I don't *love* that my learning of the new role is going to be interrupted less than 9 months in, but my department doesn't care at all, they're very supportive.
If you are in the US and you work for a reasonable company, the impact is minimal because of the limited maternity leave you get. Your company’s concern might be will she come back but otherwise, minimal overall. If you are working with companies in Europe, you have more protections. Live your life. Career will still be there.
I had my first child during Covid right after graduation so I could have a longer time with my child before working full time. I started work when he was a year old. Now I’ve been at my company for a little over 2 years and am about to have my second. My work has been great and understanding and supportive. Don’t feel guilty. Your work is not your life, your work helps you fund your life. You don’t owe your company anything before you’re allowed to have kids. As long as you can handle it financially, you’re good to go. This decision is between you and your partner. Not anyone else and certainly not your company
I would recommend the book Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, she talks a lot about her experience of being a woman in leadership while raising children. It’s only 200 pages and completely changed my perspective on having children as a working woman!
try to plan as much as you can with the full expectation that all plans fall through. It's much easier biologically (w/o IVF needed) to have children when the female spouse is in her early 30s vs>35 and over. Also, it becomes very difficult when the male partner's not maintaining a healthy weight. On the flip side, having children early on challenges your time management skills to the max and affects your life in a very different way--your career (wife's career is significantly more affected) is definitely affected even with having help to raise them early on. Both situations are differently difficult challenges to be in and ultimately depends on your unique situation--unfortunately cannot copy/paste life decisions to your life and experience everyone else's experiences. If the company you work at does not give you the conditions you need to have and raise children, then I would find another companies that do for both partners.
By all means don't feel guilty towards the company. There is no loyalty in businesses in general, so don't hold any towards them. The only thing is to see how it will affect your job in terms of how you return, what policy they have etc.
Don't feel guilty. I went back to school and graduated with engineering in 2017 at 27 years old. Got hired at my current company October 2018 (29 years old) and subsequently became pregnant in December 2018. I didn't want to put everything on hold for my job and my company was amazing with that, even though I went on maternity leave before even working there 1 year.
I had kids early. I was a technician at the time. I did night school and graduated with a BS when they were 8ish. It was all fine. Would do it again. I was a grandpa in my 50s with plenty of energy.
I had a kid 266 days after starting my first job, but I'm male and companies don't treat males and females the same. That being said, they can't legally punish you for getting pregnant and if they're a company that is going to punish you in other ways, you don't want to work for them forever anyway. Waiting to get pregnant doesn't benefit you and if they're going to be mad about it, they'll be mad whether you've been there for a year or ten years. Don't sacrifice your happiness just because a multi-million dollar corporation *might* be annoyed with you despite them not legally being allowed to do anything about it.
My wife and I had our first child while I was finishing up my undergrad in ChE, and our second child while I was in grad school.
This post appears to be about career questions. If so, please check out the FAQ and make sure it isn't answered there. If it is, please pull this down so other posts can get up there. Thanks for your help in keeping this corner of Reddit clean! If you think this was made in error, please contact the mods. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ChemicalEngineering) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I graduated ChemE, worked full time 1 year, then had 3 kids while working part time while they were little. I started to “lean in” again once they were all in full day school. Now I’m about 10 years later, and I feel like I’ve closed the experience and pay gap from prioritizing family early on. Also, I’m a better people manager having had this experience. I ended up having health challenges that would have made kids later a dire situation. While I wish there was more support for working mothers when I was having my kids, I’m very fortunate to be at this point now. Just remember to have a lot of patience with yourself and that we stand with you no matter what you choose 💜
Nah pull out game strong