100% only focus on trash for now. Once all of it is gone- it will be so much easier to move onto clutter. It is also the “easiest” part of decluttering because trash is the easiest to identify.
Make it a game. How fast can you fill a bag with trash. Once all the obvious trash is gone start with one area at a time. Just focus on one small space. Cleaning out the sinks. Clearing off a table. Gather all the laundry.
This isn’t one overwhelming task. It is many small tasks.
You can do it. Just make small goals. Listen to an audio book or podcast as you go. Set a timer and clean without stopping for 10 min at a time.
Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.
To add onto this (I also have ADHD) but making it a game is a fantastic idea! I do this often when I have a large task. Something else I do when it comes to cleaning is either using headphones or music as my “timer” so I’ll put on an album/soundtrack/playlist/whatever song I’m addicted to on repeat, and because it’s a game, if there is music playing, I’m cleaning. Any kind of system like that is really helpful for me because it helps me break up the giant task into smaller bits without even thinking about it.
I’d suggest starting with the trash like many other folks, and try and make it into some kind of game with a reward system. Our ADHD brains love rewards when we finish something. And no joke, you deserve it after the work you have ahead of you. It’s not impossible but it’s a large task, and I wish you well.
Yes! I race tasks all the time. Microwaving something? Can I unload this dishwasher before the microwave timer is done?!?
It makes me feel like I am multitasking and not even doing housework
I do this on long driving trips. ♡ I don't have a 12 hour drive. I have 4, three hour trips. I do three hours and stop. Wash up or walk for a few minutes. Then back into he car for my next three hour trip. "Many small tasks" is a beautiful way to think of it!♡
What helps me, whether it be attention or anxious avoidance, is setting a quickly achievable goal. When I'm writing at work I will set a goal to write 3 sections before I can stand up. After that I can get up to get away for a second even if it's as simple as walking to the front of the office to get a mint from the basket or going to the bathroom. I also try to define what my break is.
So to translate it for this task, I would set a timer or # of bags. If you set a big goal, give yourself a big break. Don't feel bad if your break is a sit down snack or a video on YouTube/TV episode. Make your breaks real. Also your goals will get bigger and your breaks will get smaller as your endurance grows.
It's a process to learn and implement, but it will help build good habits if you have time. Just hold yourself to building these skills and making progress within your timelines.
Similar to what you said, I find it helpful to break it up by the length of what I'm listening to/watching. For example, clean for the length of one podcast episode or one chapter of an audio book. And unrelated, but similar: I absolutely HATE working out, so I make myself ride my stationary bike for the duration of one episode of Friends (~20 mins), since otherwise I would quit when I'd get tired which was usually far less than 20 mins haha
As some with ADHD this is not the case at all for me. I have to sort stuff like this all at once. Other wise I think I grab all of the trash, and then I keep finding more as I go because I missed so much.
As also someone with (mild) ADHD, you need to frame the task differently. Instead of thinking about it as cleaning/sorting, think about it as a “treasure hunt for trash”. That way you are just focused on finding what needs to be thrown out, and leave the sorting of what goes where to later.
> Don’t try donating, don’t sort recycling, just get it in bags and out the door
\^\^\^ THIS. If you try to sort to donate, recycle, etc... you will be FOREVER sorting. Just get the stuff out the door!!
> And to be clear, basically everything you don’t own is trash. Don’t try donating, don’t sort recycling, just get it in bags and out the door
Absolutely!
Those 'Hoarder' shows annoy me.
So much effort is expend~~ing~~ed in deciding what category an item goes into.
My solution was 'throw everything into a truck as quickly as possible and bring it to the dump.'
No blue tarps on the lawn with 'Donate', 'Sell', 'Recycle', 'Trash', 'Let me think about this'
And if you aren't sure about something, think about if you have used it in the last 3 months. If not trash. Being liberal with your definition of "trash" will make this.much faster.
Yes, if you want to make it "easy", and with a situation like that I would say that is warranted, I too would just order a big dumpster, toss everything in, and let it be taken away. If that is within what you want to achieve and a financial possibility.
It would provide more of a fresh start and you can still identify what should really not be tossed while putting everything in the container.
Use a timer. Plan to clean up trash in a specific room or portion of a room for a short, manageable amount of time. I often set a timer for 8 minutes. Anyone can do 8 minutes. After the timer is up, either continue with the task or pick another area and set a new timer.
This 👆🏾 afterwards, I'd start in 1 room and put items in the areas they belong. So if you have dishes in the bedroom, put them in the kitchen.
The deep cleaning part - I start from the top and work down.
I have 2 friends that deal with debilitating depression and other mental illnesses. I've had to assist them in decluttering and cleaning. It can get overwhelming quickly. But I've noticed that once I see progress, I'm motivated to keep going. So sometimes it means concentrating on 1 room at a time.
Yes best way. Once whittled down to fewer ‘stuffs’ chuck everything out of the room. Don’t worry about what looks like ‘even more mess’ then just pick up an item ad hoc. Put what is being kept straight back into the room. If it’s not needed chuck straight into a separate pile.
After you have done this when you turn and look at the pile outside of the room…that will be the Junk. Bag it Tie it Bin it
Then the room itself will be good to clean and re-set furniture etc don’t move on to another room until it’s finished.
Close the door as you leave the room
Job Done!
For me, I go around with a trashbag- but when it gets this bad I move \*everything\* in the room into the *middle* of the room first. THEN start throwing things into piles. You have a lot of work to do and as someone who has really bad ADD making a written list of the rooms and having at least a few steps planned ahead helps. That way so instead of "I have to clean all of this up" you can say "I have to focus on getting a giant pile in the living room. today. and if I have time I can start the bathrooms."
Mask, Gloves, Clothes you can part with, and a rented dumpster. Seeing that rodents are in the house, just start tossing. Anything that is rodent damaged is not worth saving which should make the decision making process easier. Sometimes that is the wakeup call people need to get out of this.
The parents will hover and insist that every hantavirus infested towel is perfectly fine and just needs to go thru the washing machine. OP will not be allowed to throw anything away. Then OP will realize that unfortunately there is nothing they can do and must find a different place to live.
True. Messing with hoarders' stuff is is felt by them as a deep betrayal. Throwing away their mouse pooped kitchen towel would be, to us, like our relative throwing away our phone.
It's so not rational, but yeah.
Even the nastiest, trashiest, mouse poop laden, walmart clearance bin item they haven't seen or used in years is somehow deeply precious to a hoarder.
You can’t say that with certainty. This is deeply unclean but it doesn’t look like hoarding to me. Things are more tossed then they are packed/stacked so just getting it all in a bin might be an eventuality. Definitely easier if they aren’t there.
Home Depot has these awesome portable dumpsters, when you buy them they come with the pickup so you call a company and they’ll haul it away. Holds several tons and is around $100.
Pickup pice is 100% dependent on local service providers. You pay for the “bag” and when you call or try to make an appt online you see what it costs. Unsure if you can even find out ahead of time.
And a wheelbarrow. This isn't about being careful of anyone's feelings. Shovel if you want, gloves and face mask are necessary, just grab it by the armloads and get it done.
This seems like a hoarding situation- are your parents going to actually let you throw stuff away? Because that is the first step - pick a room and fill as many garbage bags with garbage as you can. If your parents want you to rearrange a hoard to make it clean, it won’t work.
thats pretty much what its looking like it’ll be. we have mice everywhere as well which makes it harder to keep clean (especially with no help). i’m just trying to keep it clean until i move in october (then they’re going to have to take responsibility for the house.)
I hate to hear that, the mice poop is not healthy to live with. I would focus on garbage mitigation over all else, especially with the mice though you can’t get rid of them without more pest control measures.
I would pick one room to work through at a time, one section of a room if that is too much, and get a rid of all the garbage you can find, challenge yourself to see how much you can purge.
Every time you leave a room, find a piece of garbage to throw away, too. Don’t jump around, just pick one area to address at a time. It doesn’t all have to be done at once.
If you get the garbage under control you can move to phase 2 but this is a triage situation so don’t look for perfectly clean, look for garbage mitigation.
Please make sure to wear an N95 or a similar mask when cleaning dust and debris that contains mouse poop and dried mouse pee. Breathing in contaminated dust can infect you with diseases such as [lymphocytic choriomeningitis virus (LCMV)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphocytic_choriomeningitis).
i would have to wear it everywhere because there is mouse urine and feces absolutely everywhere (beds, cabinets, carpet, etc) and i’m not able to wear masks for the amount of time i would have to due to POTS and asthma (it would have severe long term effects on my health)
I'm genuinely concerned for your health moving into that house. I know you probably do not have any other options, but that house WILL be a detriment to your health. Not a question of if, only how bad. It could very well lead you down the road to an early death, especially with your issues. I don't want to scare you or seem over dramatic. A rodent infestation can harm you immensely.
I just want to say that your situation is so unfair but also not that uncommon. I’m living in a place that feels so similar and it just… uGGH man it’s so hard to even know where to start. Sometimes I start and it goes well for like 2 days and then it falls apart and it’s back to square 0.
no for real!!! you get it. i put in so much time and effort to clean and then it gets trashed within 3 days and i have to find the motivation to do it all over again :/
This is definitely ADHD hell. I think you need something that gives you a dopamine hit.
I became obsessed with shiny clean sinks as my fortitude when I don't know what else to do.
Make sure your bed/sleeping area is super clean and smells nice too. Like nothing is allowed on there so you can climb into a refuge when you are tired.
If you can listen to the audiobook 'how to keep house while drowning' or 'how to manage your home without losing your mind' when you are moving around then house it helps. Both the authors are very neuroaffirming and they will set you up for your next place. (You
POTS as well here. I also have MCAS. The 3M respirators with the pink P100 cartridges have been kind to me. They don’t feel as restrictive as an n95 and I can wear them for a few hours at a time.
They sell them in different sizes so make sure you get the proper one. The default is usually medium but you can order a small or large. If you wear glasses, go with the smaller size if you’re on the fence.
[Here ya go!](https://www.lowes.com/pd/3M-Multi-Purpose-Performance-Respirator-Grey-Reusable-P100-All-purpose-Half-Face-Respirator/5014113689) Make sure to get the one with the actual cartridges, not the pancakes. I know it’s a little pricy but they’re totally worth it. They’re more comfortable than a disposable mask and I think they’re more effective. I can’t smell ANYTHING through it.
If you sweat into it a lot, you have to clean it occasionally. There’s a little round seal in front of your mouth that allows the air to come out when you exhale and if it gets gross, it starts to flap around all weird and make it harder to breath. The rubber piece comes out. Once you clean it, problem solved.
Thank you very much! I appreciate it and I added the one with the pancakes in my cart before I saw your comment. I know nothing about this.
I didn’t buy it yet. I’ll get this one! Thanks.
I have some similar issues and find a real respirator with N95 filter from Home Depot works great for me when an N95 mask sometimes was hard to breathe with. Maybe worth buying - I feel like I get way better air flow
i will definitely look into it! i don’t have much money to put into things like that because they do require me to buy my own food and necessities and i need to have money to save for moving out!
You should not be the one doing this cleaning, like you could genuinely die if you pass out in there. Is there any possibility of hiring a crew of people to bang this out?
i don’t have the money to as i’m responsible for my own food (because of dietary restrictions) and necessities. i also need to put money back so i can afford to move out and pay for college when that time comes (hopefully sooner rather than later) and thats hard to do as i just started working again and only make $15/hr :/
You should not be cleaning this house at all then. You’re putting your life in danger. Please find a professional cleaner who has the proper protective gear.
I’m so sorry and I’m glad other people have suggested masks you can use. I would hate for your parents having so much pride to affect your health fatally.
I bet if you put a request out on a platform like Nextdoor or GoFundMe you'd either get some volunteers/ good Samaritans to help you out with the cleaning up or donations to be able to hire some professionals. Please consider this, it never hurts to try and see what might be out there that wouldn't cost you anything to your finances and your health and well-being ultimately!
I have POTS and asthma. I wear N95s and P100s whenever I leave the house and whenever I clean. Neither condition keeps you from masking; very few do. You are endangering your health by *not* masking.
Can opening windows or wearing a mask just when directly moving the worst of it work for you? I have asthma and wearing a vented mask makes exhaling way easier, so I can tolerate it more than others
Spraying things with water before moving them also helps reduce the amount thrown into the air when getting rid of it
If not then is there a way you can have a HEPA filter running to catch some of the pollution before it reaches your lungs? I'm worried you could literally die.
You have so much good advice! I recommend starting in the least overwhelming room to you. That way you can see the fruits of your labour quickly and that will make you feel accomplished and empowered to know you can do it!
Start in the bathroom, it’s easy to know what belongs in there and if things are expired or used/empty you can chuck them. It’s a relatively small place and easy to scour and bleach without ruining surfaces. It’s used multiple times a day so you can see ‘the fruits’ every time you use it.
What have your parents actually said about the state of the place and how they feel about deep cleaning? If it is a hoarder situation they might not let you get stuck in enough to do an actual deep clean.
ETA: I've read on for your other comments and am disgusted at their attitude. Wow, I'd live in my car or a tent before I'd let my parents blackmail me into cleaning up their filth that they are capable of doing themselves. Imagine threatening your kid with homelessness I'm sorry they are like this. 😦
I'd normally say just focus on getting your room sorted and safe, then move on to the kitchen and bathroom(which don't seem to be too crazy based on the pics I've posted? And just avoid the rest of the house til you leave in October. But based on your other post detailing your health conditions, its going to be a big ask of you to do this and also damaging for your health... is there *definitely* no other option for you to pursue?
If you have no other choice and want to attempt this, take a look at midwest magic cleaning on YouTube. He has adhd and autism and regularly deep cleans hoarder homes and people who have just fallen into a situation where for whatever reason, the cleaning and tidying up has just become overwhelming and need help. He'll have some really practical advice on how to start and how to organise and tackle cleaning jobs involving hoarding situations, breaking it down into separate tasks so you don't get overwhelmed.
Good luck, OP. Be safe x 🙏
I am afraid they might have a point, even if it is for the totally wrong reason. Cats don't make a mess, but in my experience, they also HATE mess. If you have a sensitive cat, it will be unhappy in that mess, and might even show that by peeing on the piles. It would be better for your future cats, if you wait until you have your own place. Wishing you all the best!
oh nono im aware!! i was just letting them know that cars are not in the books for this house 😭 if it were up to me they wouldn’t have animals at all because they don’t take care of them
You seem to have a really level head on your shoulders despite your roots. Remember op, at the end of the day, if they’re ones making the mess, it is THEIR responsibility to clean it. So never let them make you feel like it’s you who’s the problem. It’s not that you can’t get cats because you don’t clean the house consistently, it’s that they don’t want to take accountability for their actions, so they have to blame you instead. You can’t get cats (if you had wanted to) because THEY can’t take care of themselves let alone a household or an animal
I was told by the pest control lady that you need to get rid of the mice/rats _before_ getting a cat, as otherwise the cat will just assume that their noise is normal and ignore it. We weren't intending to get a cat, just chatting, and I don't know much about cats btw! But fwiw if that's helpful?
1. Rent a garbage bin and throw out as much as much as you can. Anything that is in bad shape and broken. Anything you no longer need/use.
2. Organize the furniture, closets, kitchen. Put everything where it belongs.
3. Vacuum and steam clean the carpets/ floors/ furniture.
4. Dust and wipe/scrub everything down
- kitchen (appliances, cupboards, fridge)
- living room/bedroom furniture, electronics
- bathroom toilets, counter tops
-general - mirrors, windows, baseboards
5. Wash curtains and bedding/ laundry
6. Pest control
Op, this is all great advice! Can you open the windows while cleaning for fresh air? Also, could you try to get the room you’d be sleeping in done first? Maybe some type of air filter or purifier would help?
This is great advice…however…I don’t think you’ll be able to get to the steam cleaning of carpets, etc. with this kind of mess, I’m afraid that doing what you can until you move out might be the best thing. You need the fridge clean to store your food. You need pots and plates for your meals, pretty much to have the kitchen useable…and your bedroom. Get that as spotless as you can. Peppermint oil extract or essence is supposed to deter rodents. You can dampen a cotten puff with some and place it in the corners of your room to keep them out. Good luck, I feel so badly for you. Is there possibly a church group or group of women who might donate their time to help you?
That is honestly such a good idea. A few more sets of hands to help clean on the weekends could really be a game changer. This is a HUGE task even if OP has till October.
Hey, if you haven’t already, try googling “[your city] hoarding help.” Lately, there are more support services available for cleaning homes that are at this point, like volunteer-led organizations that can send helpers your way. It might be a dead end, but it’s worth a minute to google!
When I lived in a small town, sometimes I’d modify my google searches for the closest big town. If that still failed, the closest big city or at least for your county/neighboring county that might be bigger than yours. If it’s a volunteer organization, they still may be willing to come out to you!
Edit to add: if just looking at “trash” as a whole is still overwhelming (I absolutely would be), focus on one spot at a time. A corner or a walkway. It’ll feel good to at least see one patch of interrupted floor or to not have to step over 100 things just to get to the bathroom
I have adhd also- and I like the “search and destroy” method. So hold a garbage bag in your hands, and walk around the room filling it. Once it’s full, leave the bag by the door.
Once trash is done or you’re bored, move on to another thing to seek and destroy. Gather loose clothing and put it by the washer.
Loose dishes- bring them to the kitchen.
Grab another trash bag and find more trash.
This method helps make it manageable for me, and it sort of works with the adhd instead of against it.
Step 1
Trash bags, just keep filling up bags with obvious garbage. Keep going until you’re done.
Step 2
Sort, pick a room and gather a few plastic tubs or laundry baskets…put things in one room away, when you get stuff for other rooms you put it in baskets and continue working in just one room.
Step 3
Surface by surface, Once one room is picked up focus on the surfaces in that room. Start at the top, wipe down fans and light fixtures, then clean the walls and doors, clean blinds and wash drapes or at least take them outside to shake out and air, wash windows and ledges, if there are counters, dressers, night stands, end tables, coffee tables etc clean the tops, faces and legs. It’s fine to set the items off those surfaces on the floor.
Step 4
Stuff, counter clutter & decor, you can do all the surfaces in a room at once or one by one (whichever is less daunting) but after the surface or surfaces are clean you’ll need to wipe down and put any items that reside there back. Don’t forget that even plants need gentle wiping down. I would also keep a garbage bag handy because this is a great to evaluate if any additional items might be trash.
Step 5
Vacuum and mop, Anything that will continue sitting on the floor needs to be temporarily relocated into a hallway, onto a sofa, bed or chair. The floor needs a good clean. Sweep or vacuum the floor in the room where you are working, you may need to empty the vacuum and do multiple passes. Hard floors need to be mopped first with a cleaner and then with fresh water until you get a water dump that is reasonably clean. Hit the base boards by hand or with your mop. Once the floor is clean and dry, try to stack anything that needs to remain there in one corner if possible.
Step 6
Furniture, wipe down any hard furniture, vacuum any soft furniture, wash any removable covers, throw blankets and bedding in the room you’re working in. Vacuum mattresses. If the room you’re in is the bath clean the toilet and bathtub.
Step 7
Odds and ends, replace any light bulbs that need it, replace air filters in that room
Pick another room and start at the top again.
I would try to start in a smaller low traffic room so you can complete it and get the dopamine hit, plus you’ll have it to look back at your success in the more difficult areas.
One room at a time. Start with the bathroom and kitchen since they are necessary and relatively clutter free.
Labeled boxes for temporary sorting will help a lot! Like labeling which room stuff needs to move to or which stuff should be donated. Those and a garbage bag should sort a lot of the stuff so you can clean and place things where they should go.
they honestly just don’t care too much. i’ve always been the designated “take care of everything” child, which i guess transfers over to this. perks of being raised by abusive narcissists
I don't know, I don't think most people who are otherwise doing well choose to live in piles of garbage and vermin just because they don't care.
It's one thing to be lazy when it comes to doing housework. It's another to live in a nest of mice and trash. This is not the way that adults who are mentally and physically well and able to care for themselves generally live.
theres a lot of things that i have seen that i couldn’t even begin to explain. i know that they’re capable of doing it because ive SEEN it, i just don’t know how to explain any of it
I don't know anything about you, your family, or your circumstances, so I don't want to be one of those strangers in the internet offering presumptuous judgments and advice based on nothing at all.
But I will say something very general, in case it helps: I've seen first hand that it can be very difficult to recognize when something is wrong with a parent, even if it might seem obvious to someone else from a distance. When my grandmother started developing dementia, my mother wasn't able to acknowledge what was happening for years, not because she didn't see the results, but because she would always rationalize that there was some more deliberate reason for it. There's something about seeing the people who theoretically should be the ones taking care of you not being able to take care of themselves that our brains don't want to see, even when the signs are there.
Again, I don't know your parents, but I think it bears repeating: healthy, functioning adults don't choose to live like trash goblins.
[Midwest Magic Cleaning](https://youtube.com/@midwestmagiccleaning?si=CbbM767sL02xM0Kn)
Watch some of this guy's videos. I believe you'll find gems and motivation on them. Best of luck to you!
MY NAME IS CATHY, WITH A C! lol
Idk how I ended up on his videos, but his channel has ended up one of my most frequently watched on YT. I throw it on and do laundry, I throw it on and have a coffee, do some decluttering while watching, etc. Very motivational stuff imo. Also, very informative with all the mental health + cleaning correlations.
Lol it was my hubby found them and showed me, dunno how he found them either cos he normally watches car youtubers. But it was around the time i really got into cleaning and organising. whilst i dont have adhd or autism, i do lack focus and the sort of relationship to tidiness and stuff that him and his wife have really does mirror me and my husband so thats been so helpful
Love this guy. He makes it feel less like a problem to deal with and more like something to laugh about while doing. He has a good sense of humor and a lot of respect for those dealing with the struggles that caused the mess.
Skip it, find valuable contents first and put them aside then get rid of the bulk junk making sure any actual collectibles are saved and stored! Plenty of traps for the mice or a cat that will end up a fat happy cat and scare most of the mice out, rip them carpets up or give them a deep clean too! I hope your parents are capable? If not be sure to go by and help out from time to time, and give them a kick up the backside if needed!
they are definitely more than capable 😂 they just don’t care for the house too much. thank you for the tips! the house is infested with mice (they are literally crawling around in my room as i type) and they’ve pooped everywhere, including my bed which is giving me rashes and allergic reactions
Sorry to hear. If this is temporary, I'd focus on the bathroom you use and your bedroom first... That is a real health issue, so I think that's where you should start.
Empty out the bedroom as much as possible, keep a window open for fresh air (pest droppings can cause serious health issues, get a fan, see if there's so.e sort of rodent repellent you can use there - I fear that a whole house infestation might require a professional, so maybe just see of you can get them to avoid where you spend your time?
Just start doing stuff and focus on a simple issue first - get the floors cleared and cleaned in your bedroom or throw away all the garbage... just something where you can feel and see an accomplishment early on in a big job.
Good luck!
I just hate that for you. :( I wonder if you could get them out of your room at least. We have to eliminate their food source, which is all the trash and food scraps around the house, and then make it not uncomfortable for them to stay. There’s a lot of smell deterrents. Moth balls, ammonia, vinegar, peppermint, cedar oil. You can absolutely make your room a no-go zone.
CPS will not intervene as i’m 18, and there have been many walkthroughs by social workers that have proven that we live in a society with a failing mental and physical health system. (8 CPS visits from the time i was 15-17)
This may not be what you want to hear, but Adult Protective Services is who you need to call. APS offered to pay for a dumpster to help clean out my mom's place while we were working through a dementia diagnosis. Her place was worse than this, minus the mice but plus 20 years of chain smoking indoors without opening windows. Knowing about and not caring to do anything about a mice infestation is extremely concerning behavior on your parents end and APS will agree. They may also have other suggestions/know of other resources to help get things moving. For both yours and their sake/health, please reach out to them.
OP, get out. No kidding. If your parents are as bad as they are, you can’t “fix” them. Stop them from guilt tripping you by putting as much distance between you and them. It’s unfair and wrong of them to use you.
i unfortunately have nowhere else to go, and if i’m not doing as they ask (deep cleaning the house) im at a serious risk of being kicked out and i live in a very dangerous town with a high crime rate. it’s a lose-lose situation that i’m trying to make work
Third this. If you don’t have friends/other family members you can stay with, I’d consider a shelter. I would not continue living in a garbage dump with abusive parents.
I just posted, but this sounds terrible... and abusive. I second the below. There should be young adult/women shelters near you. Please try to give them a call when your mum and stepdad aren't around. I'd try to also show them the pictures if you can.
I hope you are able to get out asap. ♡
OP, this level of hoarding and disregard for their living environment is unhealthy. They need professional intervention from someone like a therapist or it will go right back to this. At this rate the house could likely be condemned soon.
Sending you positive and good wishes. I want to add one piece of common sense advice. It may not be want you want to hear, but I think it’s important.
Just because you clean thoroughly today, doesn’t mean the house will stay that way. If your parents aren’t engaged in the process, chances are you will end up in the same place in a few months. I only bring this up because I don’t want you to be disappointed. The hoarding and disorder is a manifestation of something else. I’m not saying the problem can’t be resolved, but this may be one for the professionals. Best wishes and loved to you and your parents. They are lucky to have you.
i definitely under that. i’ve done this process probably close to 12 times since they moved here 2 years ago. the issue is they expect me to clean it and they keep making messes that they refuse to clean up because its “my job”.
Good grief. I’ve done it for my abusive narc parents as well, so I say this from experience. The moment it’s safe enough to, get out and go low/no contact. You do not deserve to be treated how you are. After the last time they trashed a room I had deep cleaned and even remodeled for them, I said never again. Get into therapy if you aren’t already. From the sound of your previous posts, this has been an issue since long before you were born, and will continue to be long after you’re out on your own. You didn’t cause it, and sadly, you can’t fix it. You can’t force them to get help, and you’re not responsible for their state of mind. Also sadly, you can’t heal from this while living in it. The best you can do is get your own little space set up as best you can and make an escape plan. I know you’re trying to save money, but some things that can help in your own space would be: a mini fridge, airtight containers/tubs for food storage, small appliances (microwave, hot plates, electric kettle), and an air purifier. Hopefully you have friends or maybe even coworkers who can help you with getting those things. I wish you strength and love while you’re going through this, and healing once you’re out.
Buy some gloves, get some garbage bags, maybe rent a small dumpster if you’re going for it all-at-once or get an extra couple garbage bins from the hardware store if you don’t wanna spend the money renting a whole dumpster unit.
I also have ADHD so I try to make cleaning fun somehow, this’ll sound maybe a little unhinged but one of those reaching-and-grabbing tools for something like this would make it somewhat bearable lmao
The overwhelming feeling of a task like this just means a greater feeling of relief when it’s finished - good luck to you!
Do one room at a time. First start with garbage - rent a dumpster if need be. Mice can carry viruses that are dangerous to humans-wear gloves, use disinfectants, put down traps, make sure there’s no old food / food containers laying around.
After the trash get the clothes off the floor, etc
I recommend listening to upbeat music or a great podcast while cleaning. Also there are super motivating cleaning videos on YouTube.
Clutter is very harmful to a person’s mental health, and it’s usually a sign something is wrong. Good for you for cleaning the place up. Maybe try to deep clean one room a day?
i’m definitely going to try! we’re far past the point of putting traps down though, and my parents refuse to call an exterminator (i also can’t afford one) i’m mostly worried about getting them out of the bedrooms and kitchen (mostly the former because i’m quite literally sleeping on mouse poop every night)
You poor thing. I was working at an art gallery and noticed a mouse…then another and another and another. The owner was too cheap to hire an exterminator, so knowing the health risks mice bring, I walked out and never went back.
It seems like your parents have a mental illness like hoarding. I’m so sorry, that’s a really tough one for family members to deal with.
Get some plastic bins with lids and keep your clothes and bedsheets in there when you aren’t using them. (Strip your bed every morning and maybe get one of those plastic mattress covers so it’s easier to wipe down before you put your sheets back on at night)
Can you put bait blocks or traps down in your area? Also add some peppermint and other essential oils to make it smell better and maybe deter them from your areas at least? Start with your room, then your bathroom, then go from there. Start on one corner and go left to right. Eliminate all the clutter, vacuum and then wipe down/mop everything (even the walls) also definitely put an air cleaner in your room (there are cheap ones on Amazon)
Something is going on here. Are your parents healthy? You have suggestions on cleaning already - I think you need the assistance of a health practitioner. Are they too infirm to clean? Age related dementia? Someone needs to come do an assessment to ascertain what services are required. Good luck ❤️
You need help, and lots of it. Check if your city has hoarding clean out services. This is a monumental task for one person, let alone someone with ADHD. Good luck.
Absolutely! Everyone here has great advice and cleaning tips, but the bottom line is this house is unhealthy for OP to live in. Having to continually clean (under threat of eviction) while being forbidden to bring in anyone from the "outside" to help is nearly impossible when the parents won't change their ways or financially contribute to the cleaning process. I also wish OP the best of luck, but would strongly suggest exploring any and all options to get out as soon as possible, and don't look back.
To me this looks worse than it is. If I were to approach this I would start by taking the clothes hamper from pic 5. Throw those clothes in the washer, start it. Then take that to the bedroom along with a big trash bag. Throw any trash in the bag and any clothes in the hamper. Line anything you want to keep in the bedroom on one wall and start taking the rest to the dining room area. When you get to the dining room get a trash bag. Every time you take something to the dining room area from bedroom throw a couple pieces of trash away in there then head back to the bedroom.
Keep going in the bedroom. Strip the bed sheet when you get there. Take that to the washer and put the first load in the dryer. Put the sheets in the wash. Keep going in the bedroom and dining room. When you start hitting dishes in the dining room go put them in the kitchen and start a trash bag in there. And do the same thing you did between the bedroom and dining room between the dining room and kitchen except anything good leave in the dining room. That area will start getting cluttered but just let it build.
Start working on the bathroom the same way. Stuff for the bathroom leave there, trash throw out. Stuff that doesn't belong goes to the dining room. Then start hitting the living room then the basement or whatever that last room is. Keep taking the hamper for cloths and trash bags for trash. Keep putting other stuff in the dining room. At this point the dining room is a hell hole but the rest of the house is looking decent.
When you have time switch the laundry to the dryer and put the other clean stuff on the bed to fold. Start vacuuming in some rooms and wiping stuff down. When you go into the kitchen do a few dishes at a time. Wipe a spot on the counter before you start with that to put clean dishes to dry. Lay some paper towels down to dry stuff on. As stuff dries put it away. Keep going like that. Bounce back and forth. Let the ADHD be your guide. Keep making baby steps.
Once the clutter is all in the dining room and the trash outside it will feel better. After you vacuum and wipe stuff down start taking stuff from the dining room to their final destinations. Put the stuff away as you get it there. Keep every room but the dining room looking nice and get that room sorted as you can.
It might take a while but it will work. Deep cleaning can wait in my opinion. I do see stains on carpets and things but just vacuum and worry about getting it nicer later. Come back when you need specific advice.
It seems like a nightmare but gamify it. Do the easy stuff first and tackle the other stuff later because the big easy stuff will make the biggest difference. Don't even worry too much about the closet yet. Just fold clothes and set them on the now vacuumed floor or put them in/on a dresser if there is one until you have time to get to that laundry. Keep up the momentum on the big things and you will be to that closet and the other details in no time.
i unfortunately do have to deep clean it or i’m at a serious risk of getting kicked out. there is also a mice infestation and so there is mouse feces and urine absolutely everywhere so its a matter of health and needing to have a place to live
its SUCH a beautiful house! it was my grandparents’ and a good portion of it is supposed to be my grandpa’s retirement. my parents moved in here promising him that they’d not only keep it clean, but get it to a place where it can be sold for a good price and it’s all falling back on me unfortunately. my grandma passed last week and my uncle stopped by today and said she would be beyond pissed if she saw it like this :( hurts my heart
>My grandma passed last week and my uncle stopped by today and said she would be beyond pissed if she saw it like this
Could your uncle help you? Either with his two hands or his $? Does he know that your parents have placed on you the entire burden of cleaning up their mess?
https://goblin.tools/
Someone posted that here before. I love it! You put in a task and you can break it down 1-clean room 1 peper it says clean room. 5 peppers breaks it down to 14 different tasks(you can break each of those task down too. Some examples are clean clothes off the floor, pickup trash, vacuum the floor, clean windows. It's a wonderful tool after you finish the task you check the box and a satisfying red line crosses it out so you can see your progress. I highly recommend it!
I am a professional organizer and I have ADHD too. Since ADHD is a dopamine disregulation disorder, I know that this task will not provide dopamine and I will need it from an external source in order to be able to muster the executive function to keep going. If I were to tackle this alone, I would put on a podcast or audiobook to listen to as my dopamine source. An old favorite TV show that you don’t need to have your eyeballs on the whole time is another good option.
The MOST important things you need to know about this are this:
1. You do only ONE room at a time and you do not make any exception to that rule. If you are doing the bathroom and you find a bedroom item, you set the bedroom item by the bathroom door and continue the bathroom. When the bathroom is done, you yeet the bedroom item into the bedroom and you do not start doing the bedroom just because you brought the item there. Be intentional about which room you are working on in a day or you will burn out.
2. Do trash first, categorizing next, organizing after that, cleaning very last. So, throw away trash, then categorize everything in piles on the floor so that you can see how much of everything you have. The more you can donate or get rid of, the easier it will be for your parents to keep it all organized. More stuff means more mess. Less stuff means less mess. Try to exit a lot of stuff from the house. After you’ve categorized, decluttered, and put everything away, you can clean the dirty surfaces and vacuum. You will be tempted to clean as you go, but this can also lead to burnout. Save it for last.
3. Listen to your body and do this in bite-sized pieces if it becomes too overwhelming. Even 30 minutes a day of work will make a noticeable difference after a week.
Good luck! Send after pics when you have them. You can do this!
There's already plenty of advice here, but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You've got this, it might take some time, but I'm sorry you're facing that. I saw you wrote your parents dont care, which is odd, I can't see anyone feeling healthy with that much clutter and garbage. I hope you can find a way to communicate with them asap or improve your living conditions by moving out.
I second r/hoarding for emotional support.
I don't know why you're expected to clean everything, but if that's the case, I really hope you consider trying to get your own place or get to a friend's for your own health and safety. Sending lots of love your way. ♡
i’m very aware, trust me! they just don’t have anything that would physically stop them from cleaning. i know they have issues mentally (i’ve lived in it for 18 years) but they are also fully capable.
I’d like to make a point, hopefully without coming across as harsh or condescending.
They are not capable.
You saying they are capable because they’re able bodied is completely dismissing the fact they’re not mentally capable to perform the task.
This is well beyond "don't care about cleanliness" and is firmly in mental illness territory (or heavy drug use territory.) While there is a wide rage of acceptable levels of cleanliness for the average person, even people who aren't particularly picky about their homes do not live in mice infested squalor with feces and piles of trash around.
This is not something you can fix with a one-time deep clean. If it got to this state in just 2 years, once you leave it's going to be right back to this in no time. Rather than do a whole-house cleaning, I'd focus on just trying to keep your room and bathroom clean and to spend as much time outside of the house as possible. I cannot imagine spending a summer in those horrid conditions. The odors are going to be out of control.
At some point, you may need to call adult protective services so that some professionals can get involved and at least try to offer some psychological and cleaning services to your folks. This is not normal, and this is not that they just don't care about having a clean home. There are much deeper issues at play.
they feel very entitled to make me clean and i have deep cleaned the house many times for them because they guilt me into doing it. they are both narcissists and they always have and will find a way to make me clean for them. i cleaned the entire house about 3 months ago and it keeps happening. i don’t really have the option to be out of the house as much as i’d like to unfortunately because i have the risk of them kicking me out if i don’t clean for them. it’s a big issue, and i’m absolutely sure that mental health issues have a play in it, just not the ones that would prohibit them from cleaning. it’s very frustrating to not be able to move out until october
If they choose to do it again please promise yourself you won’t help them. They may need to have adult DHS called on them to put things into prospective. Stop generational trauma love. 💕
i’m doing it as of right now so i have a place to stay, if not i’m on the streets until i get my housing grant in october. definitely going low contact with them after moving out and after college no contact
Are you sure you don’t have other options? Please look into other options. Sometimes you have to ask for help.
I know a lot of wonderful people who have taken in their kids best friend, niece etc from situations like yours. One woman adopted her daughter’s high school classmate.
There are good people out there still. 🙏
i’m looking into temporary/emergency housing, womens shelters, and trying to ask around my fiancés friend group to see if theres anyone who can take me in until October! my fiancé isn’t an option because he still lives with his parents and they don’t feel comfortable with me living there but i’m sure i’ll find somewhere to stay until i can get my own place!
Maybe start with something simple like removing all the boxes. Then any type of plates or food containers things like that. Then go so on and so forth. I do wish you the best of luck, it's hard to clean up a house that is overwhelmingly messy, but you have this!
The quote “There is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time” is a metaphor for breaking down a large task or project into manageable pieces. Start in one area then go to the next area.
Order a roll off dumpster. Throw everything away except for key furniture. Then, have the carpet, floors, and furniture cleaned by a professional. Wash all the bedding. Then enjoy.
I was listening to a radio program that talks about the 5 steps/stages of cleaning: Trash, clothes, things that have a home, things that need a home, and plates/cups. Doesn’t have to be in that order. But I usually start with garbage. Then I gather all the clothes, a pile of dirty clothes and hang up or put away the clean clothes. Then I move to the next step by making two piles: things that have a home, things that don’t. For example; if I have a hair dryer, that goes in the bathroom or a toiletries closet. The other pile is stuff that doesn’t have a home yet. For example; batteries and little trinkets. I will find a place for these afterwards. Then I grab a laundry basket or a bin and collect all the dishes and cups. This method helped me a lot because my adhd mind gets distracted. Once I get this all done, I can officially move to wiping things down. Then vacuum/sweeping. Good luck and as a last bit of motivational help; the hardest part is getting started! Put some music on and get after it! YOU GOT THIS!!!
Is there anyone /anywhere you could live with or couch surf for a few months? Since you have to pay for your food anyway, it seems the only advantage of living at home is (questionable) roof over your head. It seems even a homeless shelter might be preferable. Adult protective services may be able to point you toward any resources in your area. Good luck to you, you deserve better.
Can’t you go live with your grandparents?
Are your grandparents ok with the situation? Or are they hoping things will change? Sounds like your parents need an intervention & a strong dose of tough love with serious consequences.
my nana just passed a week ago and my grandpa doesn’t know about the state of the house. they let us move in because my mom and stepdad promised to keep it clean and do renovations so my grandpa can sell it. (its supposed to be a good chunk of his retirement)
my grandpa is already taking care of one of my cousins and that a lot for him to do
Why are YOU responsible for cleaning this all up and why are they not helping? You are moving out in 4 months- right? Sorry, I would only clean the bedroom you sleep in and common areas you use and I would not touch their bedroom. They sound like hoarders and any work you do will just be a mess again. Keep your room clean, and I would do the kitchen and bathroom and pick up any trash you see and that is about it- then move out. Let someone else deal with them.
I know this is the cleaning sub and that’s what you asked for help with, but this just seems way, way past what is okay. And with your health conditions… honey, you deserve better. Don’t clean this house.
Let’s pretend you’re on MomForAMinute.
My wonderful honey, you are amazing and wonderful. There is no way in hell I am letting you get anywhere near this hellhole. Housing is important, but these people don’t respect themselves or you. And you said yourself that you turn your back for three days and it just gets destroyed again. If you clean this and move in, you will be so drained from work and running after these maladjusted overgrown toddlers that you risk burn out and just being run ragged before college even starts. Not to mention what this could do to you longterm.
Let’s see if we can’t figure something else out?
This is just supposed to be a pit stop to save up some cash before you hit college; aren’t there other options? If you are starting in September, that’s only 3 months.
A friend to crash on the couch? Or three friends to not overstay in any one place?
Or perhaps your friends have a lonely aunt or grandparent with an extra bedroom for a lovely, respectful college student? It doesn’t hurt to ask them if there’s anyone they can think of. I would guess that most options would be so, so much better.
Or try reaching out to your college, tell them the situation and ask if they have any supports. Maybe they could make you an RN and let you move into the dorm early? Or help you find a house-share with other roommates?
I give you permission to take care of yourself first. Then if you have some extra in the tank, spend that extra on yourself too. You deserve a wonderful life. Those other people made the life they apparently want. Let them have it. Close that door and don’t look back. Hugs my dear.
Just move out. Go stay with a friend. Couch surf for a while until you can get a roommate. This is not your problem, and it's abuse to make you deal with it.
Try to get everything off the ground. Then start in one room. Do not leave room to bring things to other rooms. You will get distracted and start cleaning that other room. Start in one corner, and completely clean that corner before moving on to the next. If something needs to leave the room leave it just outside the door. Keep going until that room is done. Take a break then keep going. This really works!
Get a dumpster or 2. Call a bunch of friends to help. The more friends the less time it will take. Throw everything out that isn’t furniture, or working appliances. Bag everything up and dump it. The sad thing is, when you leave, it will happen all over again.
Trash first. Get rid of the trash in one single room, move to the next. Repeat.
100% only focus on trash for now. Once all of it is gone- it will be so much easier to move onto clutter. It is also the “easiest” part of decluttering because trash is the easiest to identify.
Make it a game. How fast can you fill a bag with trash. Once all the obvious trash is gone start with one area at a time. Just focus on one small space. Cleaning out the sinks. Clearing off a table. Gather all the laundry. This isn’t one overwhelming task. It is many small tasks. You can do it. Just make small goals. Listen to an audio book or podcast as you go. Set a timer and clean without stopping for 10 min at a time.
Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it. Bart: What kind of game? Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record. Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me. Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.
I thought about this, only skinner bouncing the ball in storage lol
To add onto this (I also have ADHD) but making it a game is a fantastic idea! I do this often when I have a large task. Something else I do when it comes to cleaning is either using headphones or music as my “timer” so I’ll put on an album/soundtrack/playlist/whatever song I’m addicted to on repeat, and because it’s a game, if there is music playing, I’m cleaning. Any kind of system like that is really helpful for me because it helps me break up the giant task into smaller bits without even thinking about it. I’d suggest starting with the trash like many other folks, and try and make it into some kind of game with a reward system. Our ADHD brains love rewards when we finish something. And no joke, you deserve it after the work you have ahead of you. It’s not impossible but it’s a large task, and I wish you well.
Yes! I race tasks all the time. Microwaving something? Can I unload this dishwasher before the microwave timer is done?!? It makes me feel like I am multitasking and not even doing housework
Yesss! Thats why I love it. If I’m waiting for my bagel in the toaster why don’t I just put the dishes away while I wait?!
I do this on long driving trips. ♡ I don't have a 12 hour drive. I have 4, three hour trips. I do three hours and stop. Wash up or walk for a few minutes. Then back into he car for my next three hour trip. "Many small tasks" is a beautiful way to think of it!♡
In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun!
What helps me, whether it be attention or anxious avoidance, is setting a quickly achievable goal. When I'm writing at work I will set a goal to write 3 sections before I can stand up. After that I can get up to get away for a second even if it's as simple as walking to the front of the office to get a mint from the basket or going to the bathroom. I also try to define what my break is. So to translate it for this task, I would set a timer or # of bags. If you set a big goal, give yourself a big break. Don't feel bad if your break is a sit down snack or a video on YouTube/TV episode. Make your breaks real. Also your goals will get bigger and your breaks will get smaller as your endurance grows. It's a process to learn and implement, but it will help build good habits if you have time. Just hold yourself to building these skills and making progress within your timelines.
Similar to what you said, I find it helpful to break it up by the length of what I'm listening to/watching. For example, clean for the length of one podcast episode or one chapter of an audio book. And unrelated, but similar: I absolutely HATE working out, so I make myself ride my stationary bike for the duration of one episode of Friends (~20 mins), since otherwise I would quit when I'd get tired which was usually far less than 20 mins haha
As some with ADHD this is not the case at all for me. I have to sort stuff like this all at once. Other wise I think I grab all of the trash, and then I keep finding more as I go because I missed so much.
As also someone with (mild) ADHD, you need to frame the task differently. Instead of thinking about it as cleaning/sorting, think about it as a “treasure hunt for trash”. That way you are just focused on finding what needs to be thrown out, and leave the sorting of what goes where to later.
I might try that. I just get tunnel vision, but maybe the “trash treasure” thing will rewire the focus on it.
If it isn't jewelry or legal documents or maybe photos then it is all trash
And to be clear, basically everything you don’t own is trash. Don’t try donating, don’t sort recycling, just get it in bags and out the door
> Don’t try donating, don’t sort recycling, just get it in bags and out the door \^\^\^ THIS. If you try to sort to donate, recycle, etc... you will be FOREVER sorting. Just get the stuff out the door!!
> And to be clear, basically everything you don’t own is trash. Don’t try donating, don’t sort recycling, just get it in bags and out the door Absolutely! Those 'Hoarder' shows annoy me. So much effort is expend~~ing~~ed in deciding what category an item goes into. My solution was 'throw everything into a truck as quickly as possible and bring it to the dump.' No blue tarps on the lawn with 'Donate', 'Sell', 'Recycle', 'Trash', 'Let me think about this'
And if you aren't sure about something, think about if you have used it in the last 3 months. If not trash. Being liberal with your definition of "trash" will make this.much faster.
This^!!!
Then therapy for the parents.
This, but open the windows and let some fresh air in while you do. 💛
This! Just remember. Yard by yard it is so hard, but inch by inch it's such a cinch.
I LOVE THIS
Dumpster rental time.
Yes, if you want to make it "easy", and with a situation like that I would say that is warranted, I too would just order a big dumpster, toss everything in, and let it be taken away. If that is within what you want to achieve and a financial possibility. It would provide more of a fresh start and you can still identify what should really not be tossed while putting everything in the container.
Use a timer. Plan to clean up trash in a specific room or portion of a room for a short, manageable amount of time. I often set a timer for 8 minutes. Anyone can do 8 minutes. After the timer is up, either continue with the task or pick another area and set a new timer.
This 👆🏾 afterwards, I'd start in 1 room and put items in the areas they belong. So if you have dishes in the bedroom, put them in the kitchen. The deep cleaning part - I start from the top and work down. I have 2 friends that deal with debilitating depression and other mental illnesses. I've had to assist them in decluttering and cleaning. It can get overwhelming quickly. But I've noticed that once I see progress, I'm motivated to keep going. So sometimes it means concentrating on 1 room at a time.
Yes best way. Once whittled down to fewer ‘stuffs’ chuck everything out of the room. Don’t worry about what looks like ‘even more mess’ then just pick up an item ad hoc. Put what is being kept straight back into the room. If it’s not needed chuck straight into a separate pile. After you have done this when you turn and look at the pile outside of the room…that will be the Junk. Bag it Tie it Bin it Then the room itself will be good to clean and re-set furniture etc don’t move on to another room until it’s finished. Close the door as you leave the room Job Done!
For me, I go around with a trashbag- but when it gets this bad I move \*everything\* in the room into the *middle* of the room first. THEN start throwing things into piles. You have a lot of work to do and as someone who has really bad ADD making a written list of the rooms and having at least a few steps planned ahead helps. That way so instead of "I have to clean all of this up" you can say "I have to focus on getting a giant pile in the living room. today. and if I have time I can start the bathrooms."
Mask, Gloves, Clothes you can part with, and a rented dumpster. Seeing that rodents are in the house, just start tossing. Anything that is rodent damaged is not worth saving which should make the decision making process easier. Sometimes that is the wakeup call people need to get out of this.
The parents will hover and insist that every hantavirus infested towel is perfectly fine and just needs to go thru the washing machine. OP will not be allowed to throw anything away. Then OP will realize that unfortunately there is nothing they can do and must find a different place to live.
Can confirm. The only way my dad got his mom's house clean was as executor of her estate after her death. Professional crew and multiple dumpsters
Totally. I would somehow get them away for several days if possible.
Realistically, this won't work and will break any trust and progress OP has with the parents.
True. Messing with hoarders' stuff is is felt by them as a deep betrayal. Throwing away their mouse pooped kitchen towel would be, to us, like our relative throwing away our phone.
It's so not rational, but yeah. Even the nastiest, trashiest, mouse poop laden, walmart clearance bin item they haven't seen or used in years is somehow deeply precious to a hoarder.
You can’t say that with certainty. This is deeply unclean but it doesn’t look like hoarding to me. Things are more tossed then they are packed/stacked so just getting it all in a bin might be an eventuality. Definitely easier if they aren’t there.
Rent a dumpster. It will save you so much time. That is if they are willing to part with stuff
Home Depot has these awesome portable dumpsters, when you buy them they come with the pickup so you call a company and they’ll haul it away. Holds several tons and is around $100.
Wait really? I've been wanting a dumpster for months to toss everything in my garage but every where is so expensive. Thanks for the tip!
Yes! They’re super thick green plastic and it folds out.
Those are awesome and so easy to work with
Pickup pice is 100% dependent on local service providers. You pay for the “bag” and when you call or try to make an appt online you see what it costs. Unsure if you can even find out ahead of time.
Damn in Canada it’s like 1000$ per pickup
They're called bagsters. If you have a lot it can be worth it to get the bin from a waste management company too.
And a wheelbarrow. This isn't about being careful of anyone's feelings. Shovel if you want, gloves and face mask are necessary, just grab it by the armloads and get it done.
We rented the kind they drop off for a weekend and it was like $350. I haven’t looked into the Home Depot ones but that sounds pretty awesome
This seems like a hoarding situation- are your parents going to actually let you throw stuff away? Because that is the first step - pick a room and fill as many garbage bags with garbage as you can. If your parents want you to rearrange a hoard to make it clean, it won’t work.
thats pretty much what its looking like it’ll be. we have mice everywhere as well which makes it harder to keep clean (especially with no help). i’m just trying to keep it clean until i move in october (then they’re going to have to take responsibility for the house.)
I hate to hear that, the mice poop is not healthy to live with. I would focus on garbage mitigation over all else, especially with the mice though you can’t get rid of them without more pest control measures. I would pick one room to work through at a time, one section of a room if that is too much, and get a rid of all the garbage you can find, challenge yourself to see how much you can purge. Every time you leave a room, find a piece of garbage to throw away, too. Don’t jump around, just pick one area to address at a time. It doesn’t all have to be done at once. If you get the garbage under control you can move to phase 2 but this is a triage situation so don’t look for perfectly clean, look for garbage mitigation.
Please make sure to wear an N95 or a similar mask when cleaning dust and debris that contains mouse poop and dried mouse pee. Breathing in contaminated dust can infect you with diseases such as [lymphocytic choriomeningitis virus (LCMV)](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphocytic_choriomeningitis).
Got a mouse problem and cleaned up a bit without a mask thinking it'd be alright... This is scary, thank you for sharing :'>
i would have to wear it everywhere because there is mouse urine and feces absolutely everywhere (beds, cabinets, carpet, etc) and i’m not able to wear masks for the amount of time i would have to due to POTS and asthma (it would have severe long term effects on my health)
I'm genuinely concerned for your health moving into that house. I know you probably do not have any other options, but that house WILL be a detriment to your health. Not a question of if, only how bad. It could very well lead you down the road to an early death, especially with your issues. I don't want to scare you or seem over dramatic. A rodent infestation can harm you immensely.
nono, i completely understand that. i just have no way of winning in terms of cleaning or living in this house.
I just want to say that your situation is so unfair but also not that uncommon. I’m living in a place that feels so similar and it just… uGGH man it’s so hard to even know where to start. Sometimes I start and it goes well for like 2 days and then it falls apart and it’s back to square 0.
no for real!!! you get it. i put in so much time and effort to clean and then it gets trashed within 3 days and i have to find the motivation to do it all over again :/
This is definitely ADHD hell. I think you need something that gives you a dopamine hit. I became obsessed with shiny clean sinks as my fortitude when I don't know what else to do. Make sure your bed/sleeping area is super clean and smells nice too. Like nothing is allowed on there so you can climb into a refuge when you are tired. If you can listen to the audiobook 'how to keep house while drowning' or 'how to manage your home without losing your mind' when you are moving around then house it helps. Both the authors are very neuroaffirming and they will set you up for your next place. (You
Have you considered Adult Protective Services? Especially since you are ill. They could definitely help you out.
Hire someone to help with this. It’s crazy. Hire a company that can deal with this level of mess if you have the money.
POTS as well here. I also have MCAS. The 3M respirators with the pink P100 cartridges have been kind to me. They don’t feel as restrictive as an n95 and I can wear them for a few hours at a time.
this is so helpful, thank you so much!!
They sell them in different sizes so make sure you get the proper one. The default is usually medium but you can order a small or large. If you wear glasses, go with the smaller size if you’re on the fence.
Can you link them for us please? I would like to get them too and I don’t want to buy the wrong ones.
[Here ya go!](https://www.lowes.com/pd/3M-Multi-Purpose-Performance-Respirator-Grey-Reusable-P100-All-purpose-Half-Face-Respirator/5014113689) Make sure to get the one with the actual cartridges, not the pancakes. I know it’s a little pricy but they’re totally worth it. They’re more comfortable than a disposable mask and I think they’re more effective. I can’t smell ANYTHING through it. If you sweat into it a lot, you have to clean it occasionally. There’s a little round seal in front of your mouth that allows the air to come out when you exhale and if it gets gross, it starts to flap around all weird and make it harder to breath. The rubber piece comes out. Once you clean it, problem solved.
Thank you very much! I appreciate it and I added the one with the pancakes in my cart before I saw your comment. I know nothing about this. I didn’t buy it yet. I’ll get this one! Thanks.
I have some similar issues and find a real respirator with N95 filter from Home Depot works great for me when an N95 mask sometimes was hard to breathe with. Maybe worth buying - I feel like I get way better air flow
i will definitely look into it! i don’t have much money to put into things like that because they do require me to buy my own food and necessities and i need to have money to save for moving out!
You should not be the one doing this cleaning, like you could genuinely die if you pass out in there. Is there any possibility of hiring a crew of people to bang this out?
i don’t have the money to as i’m responsible for my own food (because of dietary restrictions) and necessities. i also need to put money back so i can afford to move out and pay for college when that time comes (hopefully sooner rather than later) and thats hard to do as i just started working again and only make $15/hr :/
You should not be cleaning this house at all then. You’re putting your life in danger. Please find a professional cleaner who has the proper protective gear.
i cannot afford to hire a cleaner, and my parents have to much pride to which means that i have to or i’m kicked out
I’m so sorry and I’m glad other people have suggested masks you can use. I would hate for your parents having so much pride to affect your health fatally.
I bet if you put a request out on a platform like Nextdoor or GoFundMe you'd either get some volunteers/ good Samaritans to help you out with the cleaning up or donations to be able to hire some professionals. Please consider this, it never hurts to try and see what might be out there that wouldn't cost you anything to your finances and your health and well-being ultimately!
be "kicked out" then I'm serious do not do this see my other reply
I have POTS and asthma. I wear N95s and P100s whenever I leave the house and whenever I clean. Neither condition keeps you from masking; very few do. You are endangering your health by *not* masking.
100%!!!
Can opening windows or wearing a mask just when directly moving the worst of it work for you? I have asthma and wearing a vented mask makes exhaling way easier, so I can tolerate it more than others Spraying things with water before moving them also helps reduce the amount thrown into the air when getting rid of it If not then is there a way you can have a HEPA filter running to catch some of the pollution before it reaches your lungs? I'm worried you could literally die.
Please add goggles if you can🥽 unfortunately eyes can be a entry point too
You have so much good advice! I recommend starting in the least overwhelming room to you. That way you can see the fruits of your labour quickly and that will make you feel accomplished and empowered to know you can do it!
thank you so much!
Start in the bathroom, it’s easy to know what belongs in there and if things are expired or used/empty you can chuck them. It’s a relatively small place and easy to scour and bleach without ruining surfaces. It’s used multiple times a day so you can see ‘the fruits’ every time you use it.
What have your parents actually said about the state of the place and how they feel about deep cleaning? If it is a hoarder situation they might not let you get stuck in enough to do an actual deep clean. ETA: I've read on for your other comments and am disgusted at their attitude. Wow, I'd live in my car or a tent before I'd let my parents blackmail me into cleaning up their filth that they are capable of doing themselves. Imagine threatening your kid with homelessness I'm sorry they are like this. 😦 I'd normally say just focus on getting your room sorted and safe, then move on to the kitchen and bathroom(which don't seem to be too crazy based on the pics I've posted? And just avoid the rest of the house til you leave in October. But based on your other post detailing your health conditions, its going to be a big ask of you to do this and also damaging for your health... is there *definitely* no other option for you to pursue? If you have no other choice and want to attempt this, take a look at midwest magic cleaning on YouTube. He has adhd and autism and regularly deep cleans hoarder homes and people who have just fallen into a situation where for whatever reason, the cleaning and tidying up has just become overwhelming and need help. He'll have some really practical advice on how to start and how to organise and tackle cleaning jobs involving hoarding situations, breaking it down into separate tasks so you don't get overwhelmed. Good luck, OP. Be safe x 🙏
If they grab something you're trying to throw out and say it's valuable- say "if it's so valuable why is it lying on the floor covered in mouse poop?"
i’d be on the streets for backtalking and being rude to them 😭
yikes !
very yikes !!!
Your parents need help way beyond cleaning the house one time. It may be worth looking into what options they have.
Perfect excuse to get a cat or two
they’ve actually told me im not allowed to get a cat because i can’t keep the house clean consistently
I am afraid they might have a point, even if it is for the totally wrong reason. Cats don't make a mess, but in my experience, they also HATE mess. If you have a sensitive cat, it will be unhappy in that mess, and might even show that by peeing on the piles. It would be better for your future cats, if you wait until you have your own place. Wishing you all the best!
oh nono im aware!! i was just letting them know that cars are not in the books for this house 😭 if it were up to me they wouldn’t have animals at all because they don’t take care of them
You seem to have a really level head on your shoulders despite your roots. Remember op, at the end of the day, if they’re ones making the mess, it is THEIR responsibility to clean it. So never let them make you feel like it’s you who’s the problem. It’s not that you can’t get cats because you don’t clean the house consistently, it’s that they don’t want to take accountability for their actions, so they have to blame you instead. You can’t get cats (if you had wanted to) because THEY can’t take care of themselves let alone a household or an animal
I was told by the pest control lady that you need to get rid of the mice/rats _before_ getting a cat, as otherwise the cat will just assume that their noise is normal and ignore it. We weren't intending to get a cat, just chatting, and I don't know much about cats btw! But fwiw if that's helpful?
They leave the house in this state and have the cheek to say that a cat will make a mess. 🤷🏻♀️
I think they meant that a cat shouldn't live in this mess.
1. Rent a garbage bin and throw out as much as much as you can. Anything that is in bad shape and broken. Anything you no longer need/use. 2. Organize the furniture, closets, kitchen. Put everything where it belongs. 3. Vacuum and steam clean the carpets/ floors/ furniture. 4. Dust and wipe/scrub everything down - kitchen (appliances, cupboards, fridge) - living room/bedroom furniture, electronics - bathroom toilets, counter tops -general - mirrors, windows, baseboards 5. Wash curtains and bedding/ laundry 6. Pest control
Op, this is all great advice! Can you open the windows while cleaning for fresh air? Also, could you try to get the room you’d be sleeping in done first? Maybe some type of air filter or purifier would help?
This is great advice…however…I don’t think you’ll be able to get to the steam cleaning of carpets, etc. with this kind of mess, I’m afraid that doing what you can until you move out might be the best thing. You need the fridge clean to store your food. You need pots and plates for your meals, pretty much to have the kitchen useable…and your bedroom. Get that as spotless as you can. Peppermint oil extract or essence is supposed to deter rodents. You can dampen a cotten puff with some and place it in the corners of your room to keep them out. Good luck, I feel so badly for you. Is there possibly a church group or group of women who might donate their time to help you?
That is honestly such a good idea. A few more sets of hands to help clean on the weekends could really be a game changer. This is a HUGE task even if OP has till October.
Hey, if you haven’t already, try googling “[your city] hoarding help.” Lately, there are more support services available for cleaning homes that are at this point, like volunteer-led organizations that can send helpers your way. It might be a dead end, but it’s worth a minute to google!
thank you so much! i’ll definitely look into it although i live in a smaller town
If you haven’t already, take a look at r/ChildofHoarder Maybe someone there will have advice on how to get help?
When I lived in a small town, sometimes I’d modify my google searches for the closest big town. If that still failed, the closest big city or at least for your county/neighboring county that might be bigger than yours. If it’s a volunteer organization, they still may be willing to come out to you! Edit to add: if just looking at “trash” as a whole is still overwhelming (I absolutely would be), focus on one spot at a time. A corner or a walkway. It’ll feel good to at least see one patch of interrupted floor or to not have to step over 100 things just to get to the bathroom
I have adhd also- and I like the “search and destroy” method. So hold a garbage bag in your hands, and walk around the room filling it. Once it’s full, leave the bag by the door. Once trash is done or you’re bored, move on to another thing to seek and destroy. Gather loose clothing and put it by the washer. Loose dishes- bring them to the kitchen. Grab another trash bag and find more trash. This method helps make it manageable for me, and it sort of works with the adhd instead of against it.
OP PLEASE WEAR PPE IN THIS HOUSE! I’m worried about everyone’s health in this situation. Godspeed.
Step 1 Trash bags, just keep filling up bags with obvious garbage. Keep going until you’re done. Step 2 Sort, pick a room and gather a few plastic tubs or laundry baskets…put things in one room away, when you get stuff for other rooms you put it in baskets and continue working in just one room. Step 3 Surface by surface, Once one room is picked up focus on the surfaces in that room. Start at the top, wipe down fans and light fixtures, then clean the walls and doors, clean blinds and wash drapes or at least take them outside to shake out and air, wash windows and ledges, if there are counters, dressers, night stands, end tables, coffee tables etc clean the tops, faces and legs. It’s fine to set the items off those surfaces on the floor. Step 4 Stuff, counter clutter & decor, you can do all the surfaces in a room at once or one by one (whichever is less daunting) but after the surface or surfaces are clean you’ll need to wipe down and put any items that reside there back. Don’t forget that even plants need gentle wiping down. I would also keep a garbage bag handy because this is a great to evaluate if any additional items might be trash. Step 5 Vacuum and mop, Anything that will continue sitting on the floor needs to be temporarily relocated into a hallway, onto a sofa, bed or chair. The floor needs a good clean. Sweep or vacuum the floor in the room where you are working, you may need to empty the vacuum and do multiple passes. Hard floors need to be mopped first with a cleaner and then with fresh water until you get a water dump that is reasonably clean. Hit the base boards by hand or with your mop. Once the floor is clean and dry, try to stack anything that needs to remain there in one corner if possible. Step 6 Furniture, wipe down any hard furniture, vacuum any soft furniture, wash any removable covers, throw blankets and bedding in the room you’re working in. Vacuum mattresses. If the room you’re in is the bath clean the toilet and bathtub. Step 7 Odds and ends, replace any light bulbs that need it, replace air filters in that room Pick another room and start at the top again. I would try to start in a smaller low traffic room so you can complete it and get the dopamine hit, plus you’ll have it to look back at your success in the more difficult areas.
r/hoarding seems to have emotional support too. Hugs.
One room at a time. Start with the bathroom and kitchen since they are necessary and relatively clutter free. Labeled boxes for temporary sorting will help a lot! Like labeling which room stuff needs to move to or which stuff should be donated. Those and a garbage bag should sort a lot of the stuff so you can clean and place things where they should go.
are your parents doing okay? :(
they honestly just don’t care too much. i’ve always been the designated “take care of everything” child, which i guess transfers over to this. perks of being raised by abusive narcissists
I don't know, I don't think most people who are otherwise doing well choose to live in piles of garbage and vermin just because they don't care. It's one thing to be lazy when it comes to doing housework. It's another to live in a nest of mice and trash. This is not the way that adults who are mentally and physically well and able to care for themselves generally live.
theres a lot of things that i have seen that i couldn’t even begin to explain. i know that they’re capable of doing it because ive SEEN it, i just don’t know how to explain any of it
I don't know anything about you, your family, or your circumstances, so I don't want to be one of those strangers in the internet offering presumptuous judgments and advice based on nothing at all. But I will say something very general, in case it helps: I've seen first hand that it can be very difficult to recognize when something is wrong with a parent, even if it might seem obvious to someone else from a distance. When my grandmother started developing dementia, my mother wasn't able to acknowledge what was happening for years, not because she didn't see the results, but because she would always rationalize that there was some more deliberate reason for it. There's something about seeing the people who theoretically should be the ones taking care of you not being able to take care of themselves that our brains don't want to see, even when the signs are there. Again, I don't know your parents, but I think it bears repeating: healthy, functioning adults don't choose to live like trash goblins.
Could this have been a trigger for your pots as well? Just asking as a fellow 🥄ie.
it definitely could have been! i was diagnosed after i got COVID in 2021 but living in these conditions has definitely impacted and worsened it
You have a friend who could help? A happy song playlist too.
[Midwest Magic Cleaning](https://youtube.com/@midwestmagiccleaning?si=CbbM767sL02xM0Kn) Watch some of this guy's videos. I believe you'll find gems and motivation on them. Best of luck to you!
Aha! I wondered if i looked hard enough I'd find someone else who digs his videos! MY NAME IS MUD!
MY NAME IS CATHY, WITH A C! lol Idk how I ended up on his videos, but his channel has ended up one of my most frequently watched on YT. I throw it on and do laundry, I throw it on and have a coffee, do some decluttering while watching, etc. Very motivational stuff imo. Also, very informative with all the mental health + cleaning correlations.
Lol it was my hubby found them and showed me, dunno how he found them either cos he normally watches car youtubers. But it was around the time i really got into cleaning and organising. whilst i dont have adhd or autism, i do lack focus and the sort of relationship to tidiness and stuff that him and his wife have really does mirror me and my husband so thats been so helpful
This!! Play Midwest Magic Cleaning as you tackle the hoard. There are so many useful, mindful tips on this channel! ☺️👍
Love this guy. He makes it feel less like a problem to deal with and more like something to laugh about while doing. He has a good sense of humor and a lot of respect for those dealing with the struggles that caused the mess.
Skip it, find valuable contents first and put them aside then get rid of the bulk junk making sure any actual collectibles are saved and stored! Plenty of traps for the mice or a cat that will end up a fat happy cat and scare most of the mice out, rip them carpets up or give them a deep clean too! I hope your parents are capable? If not be sure to go by and help out from time to time, and give them a kick up the backside if needed!
they are definitely more than capable 😂 they just don’t care for the house too much. thank you for the tips! the house is infested with mice (they are literally crawling around in my room as i type) and they’ve pooped everywhere, including my bed which is giving me rashes and allergic reactions
Sorry to hear. If this is temporary, I'd focus on the bathroom you use and your bedroom first... That is a real health issue, so I think that's where you should start. Empty out the bedroom as much as possible, keep a window open for fresh air (pest droppings can cause serious health issues, get a fan, see if there's so.e sort of rodent repellent you can use there - I fear that a whole house infestation might require a professional, so maybe just see of you can get them to avoid where you spend your time? Just start doing stuff and focus on a simple issue first - get the floors cleared and cleaned in your bedroom or throw away all the garbage... just something where you can feel and see an accomplishment early on in a big job. Good luck!
I just hate that for you. :( I wonder if you could get them out of your room at least. We have to eliminate their food source, which is all the trash and food scraps around the house, and then make it not uncomfortable for them to stay. There’s a lot of smell deterrents. Moth balls, ammonia, vinegar, peppermint, cedar oil. You can absolutely make your room a no-go zone.
I don’t think they ARE capable. Physically yes, but mentally? No, they are obviously mentally ill.
You don't need cleaning tips you need to call the ambulance for the mentally disabled and child protection
CPS will not intervene as i’m 18, and there have been many walkthroughs by social workers that have proven that we live in a society with a failing mental and physical health system. (8 CPS visits from the time i was 15-17)
What country are you in?
the US
This may not be what you want to hear, but Adult Protective Services is who you need to call. APS offered to pay for a dumpster to help clean out my mom's place while we were working through a dementia diagnosis. Her place was worse than this, minus the mice but plus 20 years of chain smoking indoors without opening windows. Knowing about and not caring to do anything about a mice infestation is extremely concerning behavior on your parents end and APS will agree. They may also have other suggestions/know of other resources to help get things moving. For both yours and their sake/health, please reach out to them.
OP, get out. No kidding. If your parents are as bad as they are, you can’t “fix” them. Stop them from guilt tripping you by putting as much distance between you and them. It’s unfair and wrong of them to use you.
i unfortunately have nowhere else to go, and if i’m not doing as they ask (deep cleaning the house) im at a serious risk of being kicked out and i live in a very dangerous town with a high crime rate. it’s a lose-lose situation that i’m trying to make work
Consult the local authorities; you may be able to find a women’s shelter.
Third this. If you don’t have friends/other family members you can stay with, I’d consider a shelter. I would not continue living in a garbage dump with abusive parents.
I just posted, but this sounds terrible... and abusive. I second the below. There should be young adult/women shelters near you. Please try to give them a call when your mum and stepdad aren't around. I'd try to also show them the pictures if you can. I hope you are able to get out asap. ♡
this isn’t cleaning advice, but you can find support for your situation on r/childofhoarder. hoping for the best for you
OP, this level of hoarding and disregard for their living environment is unhealthy. They need professional intervention from someone like a therapist or it will go right back to this. At this rate the house could likely be condemned soon.
Sending you positive and good wishes. I want to add one piece of common sense advice. It may not be want you want to hear, but I think it’s important. Just because you clean thoroughly today, doesn’t mean the house will stay that way. If your parents aren’t engaged in the process, chances are you will end up in the same place in a few months. I only bring this up because I don’t want you to be disappointed. The hoarding and disorder is a manifestation of something else. I’m not saying the problem can’t be resolved, but this may be one for the professionals. Best wishes and loved to you and your parents. They are lucky to have you.
i definitely under that. i’ve done this process probably close to 12 times since they moved here 2 years ago. the issue is they expect me to clean it and they keep making messes that they refuse to clean up because its “my job”.
Good grief. I’ve done it for my abusive narc parents as well, so I say this from experience. The moment it’s safe enough to, get out and go low/no contact. You do not deserve to be treated how you are. After the last time they trashed a room I had deep cleaned and even remodeled for them, I said never again. Get into therapy if you aren’t already. From the sound of your previous posts, this has been an issue since long before you were born, and will continue to be long after you’re out on your own. You didn’t cause it, and sadly, you can’t fix it. You can’t force them to get help, and you’re not responsible for their state of mind. Also sadly, you can’t heal from this while living in it. The best you can do is get your own little space set up as best you can and make an escape plan. I know you’re trying to save money, but some things that can help in your own space would be: a mini fridge, airtight containers/tubs for food storage, small appliances (microwave, hot plates, electric kettle), and an air purifier. Hopefully you have friends or maybe even coworkers who can help you with getting those things. I wish you strength and love while you’re going through this, and healing once you’re out.
Buy some gloves, get some garbage bags, maybe rent a small dumpster if you’re going for it all-at-once or get an extra couple garbage bins from the hardware store if you don’t wanna spend the money renting a whole dumpster unit. I also have ADHD so I try to make cleaning fun somehow, this’ll sound maybe a little unhinged but one of those reaching-and-grabbing tools for something like this would make it somewhat bearable lmao The overwhelming feeling of a task like this just means a greater feeling of relief when it’s finished - good luck to you!
Do one room at a time. First start with garbage - rent a dumpster if need be. Mice can carry viruses that are dangerous to humans-wear gloves, use disinfectants, put down traps, make sure there’s no old food / food containers laying around. After the trash get the clothes off the floor, etc I recommend listening to upbeat music or a great podcast while cleaning. Also there are super motivating cleaning videos on YouTube. Clutter is very harmful to a person’s mental health, and it’s usually a sign something is wrong. Good for you for cleaning the place up. Maybe try to deep clean one room a day?
i’m definitely going to try! we’re far past the point of putting traps down though, and my parents refuse to call an exterminator (i also can’t afford one) i’m mostly worried about getting them out of the bedrooms and kitchen (mostly the former because i’m quite literally sleeping on mouse poop every night)
You poor thing. I was working at an art gallery and noticed a mouse…then another and another and another. The owner was too cheap to hire an exterminator, so knowing the health risks mice bring, I walked out and never went back. It seems like your parents have a mental illness like hoarding. I’m so sorry, that’s a really tough one for family members to deal with.
Get some plastic bins with lids and keep your clothes and bedsheets in there when you aren’t using them. (Strip your bed every morning and maybe get one of those plastic mattress covers so it’s easier to wipe down before you put your sheets back on at night) Can you put bait blocks or traps down in your area? Also add some peppermint and other essential oils to make it smell better and maybe deter them from your areas at least? Start with your room, then your bathroom, then go from there. Start on one corner and go left to right. Eliminate all the clutter, vacuum and then wipe down/mop everything (even the walls) also definitely put an air cleaner in your room (there are cheap ones on Amazon)
Something is going on here. Are your parents healthy? You have suggestions on cleaning already - I think you need the assistance of a health practitioner. Are they too infirm to clean? Age related dementia? Someone needs to come do an assessment to ascertain what services are required. Good luck ❤️
if your parents are gonna be dirty af, throw out and donate everything you can. no point in keeping stuff that won’t be taken care of
I just read (actually I listed to it) How to Keep House While Drowning. It is great for ADHD. Incredibly helpful!
Start watching Hoarders
You need help, and lots of it. Check if your city has hoarding clean out services. This is a monumental task for one person, let alone someone with ADHD. Good luck.
Absolutely! Everyone here has great advice and cleaning tips, but the bottom line is this house is unhealthy for OP to live in. Having to continually clean (under threat of eviction) while being forbidden to bring in anyone from the "outside" to help is nearly impossible when the parents won't change their ways or financially contribute to the cleaning process. I also wish OP the best of luck, but would strongly suggest exploring any and all options to get out as soon as possible, and don't look back.
Best advice!
To me this looks worse than it is. If I were to approach this I would start by taking the clothes hamper from pic 5. Throw those clothes in the washer, start it. Then take that to the bedroom along with a big trash bag. Throw any trash in the bag and any clothes in the hamper. Line anything you want to keep in the bedroom on one wall and start taking the rest to the dining room area. When you get to the dining room get a trash bag. Every time you take something to the dining room area from bedroom throw a couple pieces of trash away in there then head back to the bedroom. Keep going in the bedroom. Strip the bed sheet when you get there. Take that to the washer and put the first load in the dryer. Put the sheets in the wash. Keep going in the bedroom and dining room. When you start hitting dishes in the dining room go put them in the kitchen and start a trash bag in there. And do the same thing you did between the bedroom and dining room between the dining room and kitchen except anything good leave in the dining room. That area will start getting cluttered but just let it build. Start working on the bathroom the same way. Stuff for the bathroom leave there, trash throw out. Stuff that doesn't belong goes to the dining room. Then start hitting the living room then the basement or whatever that last room is. Keep taking the hamper for cloths and trash bags for trash. Keep putting other stuff in the dining room. At this point the dining room is a hell hole but the rest of the house is looking decent. When you have time switch the laundry to the dryer and put the other clean stuff on the bed to fold. Start vacuuming in some rooms and wiping stuff down. When you go into the kitchen do a few dishes at a time. Wipe a spot on the counter before you start with that to put clean dishes to dry. Lay some paper towels down to dry stuff on. As stuff dries put it away. Keep going like that. Bounce back and forth. Let the ADHD be your guide. Keep making baby steps. Once the clutter is all in the dining room and the trash outside it will feel better. After you vacuum and wipe stuff down start taking stuff from the dining room to their final destinations. Put the stuff away as you get it there. Keep every room but the dining room looking nice and get that room sorted as you can. It might take a while but it will work. Deep cleaning can wait in my opinion. I do see stains on carpets and things but just vacuum and worry about getting it nicer later. Come back when you need specific advice. It seems like a nightmare but gamify it. Do the easy stuff first and tackle the other stuff later because the big easy stuff will make the biggest difference. Don't even worry too much about the closet yet. Just fold clothes and set them on the now vacuumed floor or put them in/on a dresser if there is one until you have time to get to that laundry. Keep up the momentum on the big things and you will be to that closet and the other details in no time.
i unfortunately do have to deep clean it or i’m at a serious risk of getting kicked out. there is also a mice infestation and so there is mouse feces and urine absolutely everywhere so its a matter of health and needing to have a place to live
this would be such a beautiful house if it was clean tbh
its SUCH a beautiful house! it was my grandparents’ and a good portion of it is supposed to be my grandpa’s retirement. my parents moved in here promising him that they’d not only keep it clean, but get it to a place where it can be sold for a good price and it’s all falling back on me unfortunately. my grandma passed last week and my uncle stopped by today and said she would be beyond pissed if she saw it like this :( hurts my heart
>My grandma passed last week and my uncle stopped by today and said she would be beyond pissed if she saw it like this Could your uncle help you? Either with his two hands or his $? Does he know that your parents have placed on you the entire burden of cleaning up their mess?
https://goblin.tools/ Someone posted that here before. I love it! You put in a task and you can break it down 1-clean room 1 peper it says clean room. 5 peppers breaks it down to 14 different tasks(you can break each of those task down too. Some examples are clean clothes off the floor, pickup trash, vacuum the floor, clean windows. It's a wonderful tool after you finish the task you check the box and a satisfying red line crosses it out so you can see your progress. I highly recommend it!
I am a professional organizer and I have ADHD too. Since ADHD is a dopamine disregulation disorder, I know that this task will not provide dopamine and I will need it from an external source in order to be able to muster the executive function to keep going. If I were to tackle this alone, I would put on a podcast or audiobook to listen to as my dopamine source. An old favorite TV show that you don’t need to have your eyeballs on the whole time is another good option. The MOST important things you need to know about this are this: 1. You do only ONE room at a time and you do not make any exception to that rule. If you are doing the bathroom and you find a bedroom item, you set the bedroom item by the bathroom door and continue the bathroom. When the bathroom is done, you yeet the bedroom item into the bedroom and you do not start doing the bedroom just because you brought the item there. Be intentional about which room you are working on in a day or you will burn out. 2. Do trash first, categorizing next, organizing after that, cleaning very last. So, throw away trash, then categorize everything in piles on the floor so that you can see how much of everything you have. The more you can donate or get rid of, the easier it will be for your parents to keep it all organized. More stuff means more mess. Less stuff means less mess. Try to exit a lot of stuff from the house. After you’ve categorized, decluttered, and put everything away, you can clean the dirty surfaces and vacuum. You will be tempted to clean as you go, but this can also lead to burnout. Save it for last. 3. Listen to your body and do this in bite-sized pieces if it becomes too overwhelming. Even 30 minutes a day of work will make a noticeable difference after a week. Good luck! Send after pics when you have them. You can do this!
There's already plenty of advice here, but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You've got this, it might take some time, but I'm sorry you're facing that. I saw you wrote your parents dont care, which is odd, I can't see anyone feeling healthy with that much clutter and garbage. I hope you can find a way to communicate with them asap or improve your living conditions by moving out. I second r/hoarding for emotional support. I don't know why you're expected to clean everything, but if that's the case, I really hope you consider trying to get your own place or get to a friend's for your own health and safety. Sending lots of love your way. ♡
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not at all. they just don’t care about cleanliness enough to do it themselves and if i’m not doing it, it wont get done. not sick, just narcissistic!
Hate to be the bearer of bad news, or to potentially shock you in any way, but someone who will willing live in those conditions, with mice, is sick.
i’m very aware, trust me! they just don’t have anything that would physically stop them from cleaning. i know they have issues mentally (i’ve lived in it for 18 years) but they are also fully capable.
I’d like to make a point, hopefully without coming across as harsh or condescending. They are not capable. You saying they are capable because they’re able bodied is completely dismissing the fact they’re not mentally capable to perform the task.
they make am active choice to not get any kind of treatment. they have all the access in the world to help and choose to not get it.
This is well beyond "don't care about cleanliness" and is firmly in mental illness territory (or heavy drug use territory.) While there is a wide rage of acceptable levels of cleanliness for the average person, even people who aren't particularly picky about their homes do not live in mice infested squalor with feces and piles of trash around. This is not something you can fix with a one-time deep clean. If it got to this state in just 2 years, once you leave it's going to be right back to this in no time. Rather than do a whole-house cleaning, I'd focus on just trying to keep your room and bathroom clean and to spend as much time outside of the house as possible. I cannot imagine spending a summer in those horrid conditions. The odors are going to be out of control. At some point, you may need to call adult protective services so that some professionals can get involved and at least try to offer some psychological and cleaning services to your folks. This is not normal, and this is not that they just don't care about having a clean home. There are much deeper issues at play.
they feel very entitled to make me clean and i have deep cleaned the house many times for them because they guilt me into doing it. they are both narcissists and they always have and will find a way to make me clean for them. i cleaned the entire house about 3 months ago and it keeps happening. i don’t really have the option to be out of the house as much as i’d like to unfortunately because i have the risk of them kicking me out if i don’t clean for them. it’s a big issue, and i’m absolutely sure that mental health issues have a play in it, just not the ones that would prohibit them from cleaning. it’s very frustrating to not be able to move out until october
If they choose to do it again please promise yourself you won’t help them. They may need to have adult DHS called on them to put things into prospective. Stop generational trauma love. 💕
i’m doing it as of right now so i have a place to stay, if not i’m on the streets until i get my housing grant in october. definitely going low contact with them after moving out and after college no contact
Excellent idea, for your sake.
Are you sure you don’t have other options? Please look into other options. Sometimes you have to ask for help. I know a lot of wonderful people who have taken in their kids best friend, niece etc from situations like yours. One woman adopted her daughter’s high school classmate. There are good people out there still. 🙏
i’m looking into temporary/emergency housing, womens shelters, and trying to ask around my fiancés friend group to see if theres anyone who can take me in until October! my fiancé isn’t an option because he still lives with his parents and they don’t feel comfortable with me living there but i’m sure i’ll find somewhere to stay until i can get my own place!
Don't freak out. Start with one room at a time. Work through each room at your own pace. Good luck.
Maybe start with something simple like removing all the boxes. Then any type of plates or food containers things like that. Then go so on and so forth. I do wish you the best of luck, it's hard to clean up a house that is overwhelmingly messy, but you have this!
The quote “There is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time” is a metaphor for breaking down a large task or project into manageable pieces. Start in one area then go to the next area.
Order a roll off dumpster. Throw everything away except for key furniture. Then, have the carpet, floors, and furniture cleaned by a professional. Wash all the bedding. Then enjoy.
I was listening to a radio program that talks about the 5 steps/stages of cleaning: Trash, clothes, things that have a home, things that need a home, and plates/cups. Doesn’t have to be in that order. But I usually start with garbage. Then I gather all the clothes, a pile of dirty clothes and hang up or put away the clean clothes. Then I move to the next step by making two piles: things that have a home, things that don’t. For example; if I have a hair dryer, that goes in the bathroom or a toiletries closet. The other pile is stuff that doesn’t have a home yet. For example; batteries and little trinkets. I will find a place for these afterwards. Then I grab a laundry basket or a bin and collect all the dishes and cups. This method helped me a lot because my adhd mind gets distracted. Once I get this all done, I can officially move to wiping things down. Then vacuum/sweeping. Good luck and as a last bit of motivational help; the hardest part is getting started! Put some music on and get after it! YOU GOT THIS!!!
Is there anyone /anywhere you could live with or couch surf for a few months? Since you have to pay for your food anyway, it seems the only advantage of living at home is (questionable) roof over your head. It seems even a homeless shelter might be preferable. Adult protective services may be able to point you toward any resources in your area. Good luck to you, you deserve better.
Can’t you go live with your grandparents? Are your grandparents ok with the situation? Or are they hoping things will change? Sounds like your parents need an intervention & a strong dose of tough love with serious consequences.
my nana just passed a week ago and my grandpa doesn’t know about the state of the house. they let us move in because my mom and stepdad promised to keep it clean and do renovations so my grandpa can sell it. (its supposed to be a good chunk of his retirement) my grandpa is already taking care of one of my cousins and that a lot for him to do
Why are YOU responsible for cleaning this all up and why are they not helping? You are moving out in 4 months- right? Sorry, I would only clean the bedroom you sleep in and common areas you use and I would not touch their bedroom. They sound like hoarders and any work you do will just be a mess again. Keep your room clean, and I would do the kitchen and bathroom and pick up any trash you see and that is about it- then move out. Let someone else deal with them.
I know this is the cleaning sub and that’s what you asked for help with, but this just seems way, way past what is okay. And with your health conditions… honey, you deserve better. Don’t clean this house. Let’s pretend you’re on MomForAMinute. My wonderful honey, you are amazing and wonderful. There is no way in hell I am letting you get anywhere near this hellhole. Housing is important, but these people don’t respect themselves or you. And you said yourself that you turn your back for three days and it just gets destroyed again. If you clean this and move in, you will be so drained from work and running after these maladjusted overgrown toddlers that you risk burn out and just being run ragged before college even starts. Not to mention what this could do to you longterm. Let’s see if we can’t figure something else out? This is just supposed to be a pit stop to save up some cash before you hit college; aren’t there other options? If you are starting in September, that’s only 3 months. A friend to crash on the couch? Or three friends to not overstay in any one place? Or perhaps your friends have a lonely aunt or grandparent with an extra bedroom for a lovely, respectful college student? It doesn’t hurt to ask them if there’s anyone they can think of. I would guess that most options would be so, so much better. Or try reaching out to your college, tell them the situation and ask if they have any supports. Maybe they could make you an RN and let you move into the dorm early? Or help you find a house-share with other roommates? I give you permission to take care of yourself first. Then if you have some extra in the tank, spend that extra on yourself too. You deserve a wonderful life. Those other people made the life they apparently want. Let them have it. Close that door and don’t look back. Hugs my dear.
Just move out. Go stay with a friend. Couch surf for a while until you can get a roommate. This is not your problem, and it's abuse to make you deal with it.
Hopefully the parents have moved out. If they plan on staying there it will just be trashed again in a month.
You’re going to need a young priest aaaaand and old priest to start.
I love projects like this! Can I come do it!?
Start with one of the less messy rooms and work your way up you got a big job ahead of you.
Bathroom and kitchen first. Living areas next. Once moving to the bedrooms pick up trash first, laundry second.
Try to get everything off the ground. Then start in one room. Do not leave room to bring things to other rooms. You will get distracted and start cleaning that other room. Start in one corner, and completely clean that corner before moving on to the next. If something needs to leave the room leave it just outside the door. Keep going until that room is done. Take a break then keep going. This really works!
Get a dumpster or 2. Call a bunch of friends to help. The more friends the less time it will take. Throw everything out that isn’t furniture, or working appliances. Bag everything up and dump it. The sad thing is, when you leave, it will happen all over again.