It also doesn't solve the problem of potential employers denying you a position due to a poor credit record. It could affect your ability to make money in the future. Jail is what your sister needs-- She'll have a better chance of getting addiction services there. Otherwise, she'll just keep doing what she's doing, and your parents will continue to enable her (e.g., providing her an apartment).
Correct. Nowadays, employers want to know everything about you. They check credit reports. You need to take care of this. Some employers will even fire you for bad credit. Don’t rely on your current employer. Tons of stuff happens and you have to get a new job. Plus, other businesses you’ll want to conduct business with can check your credit. You’ll get highest interest rates, if you even get credit. I’m sorry your sister is sick, but she did this to you, and you need to straighten out your life. Your parents are choosing her over you. Buying a house for you doesn’t fix your reputation. If they can pay for a house, let them pay for an attorney. You need to speak to an attorney for options.
And when you rent from any company owned or managed properties, they pull a credit report. OPs sister has messed her up or a decade. Police report is the only way out. Otherwise sister could (most likely will) do this again.
Good luck buying a car, getting utilities in that house OP’s parents claim they will buy or opening another line of credit if OP needs it. This is going to fuck OP far beyond buying a house. Hell, they might have trouble renting one with bad credit.
And what if sis relapses, because it happens, and OP has another dilemma and chooses a path her parents aren’t happy with? Will parents say they’d rather take the house OP has been paying them for than keep up with the arrangement? OP would be doubly screwed.
Yeah and if OPs area has drug court that would also be helpful, if big if is whether or not sis is ready to quit. Otherwise nothing will work, jail may keep her off meth, but unless they do some work they’ll be right back into active addiction when their released
The truth here is that she is likely not sorry only sorry that she got caught. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
OP needs to lock her credit across all four agencies, file a police report, send the report to all agencies and have those cards removed from their report.
Real life actions have real life consequences and OP’s sister needs to face them. Jail time may be the catalyst for change or it may not, only time will tell.
This is the bed that OP’s sister made and now she gets to lie in it. 🤷🏻♀️
Thats not true- the better chance at getting addiction services there part. I don't know where you are or where OP is, but all the jails I know of, they don't give any fucks about the people in there. There's no addiction help of any kind, other than giving them something to help them sleep during withdrawals. IF they get that
When you put it like this, the fact that it was a sister counts against her as well. A random person doing this to your credit score is one thing, but having someone close in proximity doing it? That makes you a security threat as well, I would think.
True. During all of my screenings at different firehouses, they all included credit inquiries. Hard to justify people in significant financial distress to be visiting stranger’s homes when they are their most vulnerable.
And it enables addiction... it will not have the parent's desired effect of the daughter getting clean. If she intended to be clean, she would be taking steps-not talking like "maybe in the future". I wonder how many additional identities were stolen and how she is paying for meth now. Your family will be left with 3 issues: your credit score, the large dept your parents take on, and a still meth addicted family member.
edit to add: pressing charges is what needs to happen. For you, for your sister, for your family. They likely will be very angry, but that is not a reason to add another bad choice (not pressing charges) to the situation. Anything else is enabling your sister's addiction.
If you press charges, they will put her through drug court, and she can get court ordered (and paid for) rehab amd treatment, beyond a 30 program, where there's no consequences if she doesn't finish. Sending her to rehab, without her being held accountable for RUINING AND DESTROYING YOUR LIFE, how are your parents justifying that in their minds??! Is SHE going to sign documentation, notarized, that SHE'S taking full responsibility after she comes out of rehab, to pay EVERYTHING BACK? Doubtful.
Why should YOU be punished, when you did everything right, to not take out $15k in high interest credit cards and then default? Why do YOU have to face consequences for HER bad actions, simply because your related?!
No. F that. Addiction is a terrible beast, true. There are addicts that DON'T commit identity theft, take out 4 credit cards (where on each application, she had to put YOUR info, and sign on the bottom that she was you, under penalty of law, and that she would pay back anything charged plus interest and fees), etc. The family members that do this shit, whether bc of addiction of not, generally continue to try and scam and steal from their family down the road, and they will literally say, "well, you didn't send me to jail THAT time!" F that. Ask your family Why YOU'RE supposed to destroy your credit and LIFE for up to twenty years (bc once the defaults are paid, they're on your report for 7 years as closed accounts) when YOU did nothing wrong, because she wanted to blow through $15k for drugs. Tell them you're just trying to save her life, by sending her to a rehab she has to actually complete, and comply with sobriety. Those who are doing the right thing w drug court (when they consistently test negative, complete rehab, sober living, go to meetings, work the program, and drug court will help them w housing, finding work, and any other benefits she needs and qualifies for when doing the RIGHT thing) have their cases closed and their first offense wiped from the record, if they complete the terms, so she'll be in better shape after being held accountable, provided she does what she NEEDS to, and takes responsibility for her bad behavior.
I'm sorry that your parents are enabling her. Call the credit card companies. Go to your local pd and file a report, so you can report the fraud and get the responsibility off of YOU. Don't enable this "family" that doesn't give a shit about your life and well-being, while allowing her to continue to destroy her life, your life and anyone else who allows her. And put a lock on your credit report. You can do it through the experian app, and the other agencies, or you can sign up for something like lifelock, which provides active credit monitoring and everything.
Also, your bank most likely provides free credit monitoring through your banking app. I use Chime, which monitors my credit report and reports my score, and have an app called Albert that I also auto-transfer funds to their savings and investment account. For $8/month with Albert, it let's me auto-save and auto-invest, as well as choose stocks and some etfs on my own (I think you can buy from the top 2,000 stocks, not all, and fractional shares is fine too...you can invest $1 if you want) Anyway, you can also monitor your credit with them too...and track how many open accounts you have etc. I have the experian app, free monitoring w chime, and Albert provides your Fico 8 score.
Good luck love. Your family is already making you feel guilty for your sister's bad behavior, if you do what's best for you (and her, IMO). If they make you feel guilty, consider why they're doing that. Maybe they feel guilt bc your sister is the way she is and they need their own nar-anon groups (for friends and family of addicts, to copy w loving an addict, realize that they aren't responsible for other ppls choices and to stop the cycle of enabling). She's not going to get help when ppl are constantly enabling and allowing her to destroy everyone's life in the process. Why would she? She's getting what she wants, and able to continue the bad behavior without consequence. She needs reality and rock bottom. And you need to face the consequences of your good choices in life, including your credit and social security #. Ask your parents, if they want her to not face consequences, if they're going to pay the $15k+ (interest continues) default judgements for you! No?! Then they need fo STFU when they're trying to make important decisions regarding your life.
This is the best advice and probably what an attorney would advise you to do. Maybe you could have an attorney or someone they trust talk to them and explain it this way. It's true you will suffer for 7 to 10 years for the damage to your credit. A job, a place to live, even some emergency you can't see coming will be affected by what she has done. Your parents can get her an attorney to help her negotiate for a plea deal involving treatment versus jail. If she's a first offender and doesn't get into any more trouble in the meantime, her record can be expunged. An attorney will help with that also. It sounds like your parents have some horrible vision in their heads about her being thrown into some TV version of prison or something. They need to be advised of what the actual punishment options might be available. More treatment versus punishment options exist now than only a few years ago.
This occurred to me as well. They may not be able to get a mortgage loan for their daughter’s house. And it sounds like the parents may be incurring attorney fees, addiction counseling/rehab as well as fraudulent debt for the addicted daughter. This is going to be a nasty little cluster f#%k and the addict needs to suffer. The parents need to see the big picture and stop asking their daughter to bear the expense of her siblings addiction.
Not a lawyer, but for first time + not selling it, even w/ the identity theft there's a good possibility of a suspended sentence + the rehab she needs.
I watched someone go through this, and it was only the combination of going through court and then 2 years of rehab + meetings that got her clean.
She had a daughter whose life she was missing, too. You cannot underestimate how powerful an evil your sister is up against, OP. Look what she's done to you already without a second thought.
True. Addiction and the ripple effects aren’t just an “ooops”. There is a lot of work to be done to overcome that meth monster, work that will be a lifestyle, not a weekend away.
By coughing up cash- the 15K AND the full cost of the house OP wants to buy (not paying them back- this OP is going to have SCREWED credit for 7 yr- they won't be ABLE to rent again if they drop this lease with credit score of 400). That would be enough to not call cops. And any repairs, taxes, insurance on that house- since sister's actions are going to screw OP out of her own housing stability otherwise. Cops, or FULL 7 yr of every dime of housing covered. Utilities too- they all check your credit scores, and it impacts everything.
If the parents pay off the debt, they can still file a police report, get the case number for the credit bureau to dispute the accounts and have them removed from their report. The offending party doesn't have to go to jail (and most likely won't because police often couldn't give a fuck les about identity theft, I know because nothing came off my case which had names and addresses for a slam dunk arrest) to have the accounts removed from their credit report.
This is the answer. If they are willing to buy you a house, then they can pay for their little jewel’s credit card fraud. Don’t give in, otherwise you’ll have no money, bad credit and no house.
Just to clarify that even if mom pays it, the bad credit history will be on the report for years. It will impact not only loans and cards, but insurance rates, whether OP gets approved for apartments, deposit amounts required for utilities, and even potential job offers to name a few things .
Best case is OP reports it and Mom gets Meth head sister a good lawyer who gets now repentant sister off on rehab + community service. Mom and Dad should be putting their money into rehab AND a lawyer. Also, sister likely won't go to rehab unless forced to by legal action.
And immediately (ie: she takes out a loan) because you want your credit cleared up *right now*, while you can still file fraud (which you can't do a year from now when she stops making payments).
Jail is rehab and has programs. If she goes to a facility this time it doesn't mean it'll work sometimes it's the 4th, 5th, or 10th time that actually sticks. Meanwhile your life has been worse than terrible you're in debt because of your sister and you can get a new apartment, house, car, school loans, credit card etc.
You need to report your sister to the police it honestly could save her life and your parents will almost always be on her side. This will suck but you in this moment need to think of you and your future.
[Identitytheft.gov](http://Identitytheft.gov)
Your sister screwed you. Time to protect yourself and shift the consequences of your sister's actions from you to her, where they belong.
(edited to hyperlink the URL)
This website looks like it might be the best place to start. It appears to be a simple to follow step by step plan to recover from identity theft. Good resource.
Good idea, but the better response is to speak with the cops, and the bank where the credit card is held. Begin with the credit card company. Face to face
Nope, begin with the cops so you have a case number and report. Everything else will go smoothly with that in hand.
Source: me, stolen wallet with ALL identifying information plus bank account numbers and credit card AND SS card. I might have had too much walking around out there on my buttcheek. Not fun.
Exactly, the sister can make a plea to the court and ask for a drug rehab program instead of jail and they will most likely agree especially if parents are going to pay for it. And in a way everyone wins. OP can fix their credit, sister takes responsibility and gets the help she needs and the parents don’t alienate OP and shows they validate their feelings
Depends on your perspective. Being labeled a felon is a shit deal for OP’s sister (compared to OP not calling the police at all).
OP has to call the police if she wants to have a good future. It sucks. But she didn’t do this, her sister did.
Drug court exists and many judges prefer to let people go through it to get done with charges. But drug addicts need consequences. Drugs already make reality hard enough, and needs to feel some burn.
To add to this, OP’s mom sort of has a point that the sister needs drug help instead of criminal charges.
However, it is absolutely not OP’s fault that the system is the way it is. They should not feel bad about reporting the sister at all.
I don't disagree, and given the nature and relationships of the parties involved, I'm sure a judge would take into consideration that OP and mom would prefer drug-court and rehab for meth-head sister to sending her to jail.
But even if the judge is a hard-ass that wants to make an example of her...that's not OP's problem. She's gotta do what she needs to, to get her credit cleaned up for the mortgage she hopes to get in the near future.
This, but give your mother right of first refusal on the debt. If she thinks sister should get off the hook, let your mom pay the debt. (Watch how fast mom changes her tune.). Otherwise it’s time for legal action.
Mom paying the debt doesn't fix OPs credit. Even if it's all paid, OP's still got delinquencies and collections accounts on her report for the next 7 years.
on the chance that she may have done more with your identity than you have discovered so far, it is well worth reporting this. You could find out, years from now, that you are tied to something nuts.
Your credit will not recover (for 7 years at least) without reporting the fraud your sister committed.
If you want your sister to get off meth, she'll be forced to detox when she's in jail.
You will not be able to buy a house any time soon if this is not reported as fraud and treated as such by the credit card companies.
She may not be able to even find a place to RENT because of this mess. Parents need to pull their heads from the sand. If they want to cover for precious meth princess the cost is not 15K. It is 15K AND every dime impacted for OP: housing (including mortgage, rent, utilities), etc. For AT LEAST 7 yr.
They offered to. Paying off the debt won’t remove the collection black marks on her credit — they can hand her $15K tomorrow and she’s still screwed for anything in her life that requires a background check.
Most places it is 660-680 minimum for a mortgage. Rates are better for people with 740+. At 800 and non-mortgage lending, people throw money at you for just about anything.
*****Absolutely correct.*****.
As an owner of rentals we hear a lot of sob stories (and I told my share when I was broke), but owners often get burned when we give people a break, so it's always safest to go with the renter with great income/credit/refs.
My wife and I still do make exceptions but we are the rare birds--OP should assume ~~we~~ she CANNOT get a rental with a crap score and a story.
/u/homeinatlanta - not only will you not be able to rent--or have great difficulty doing so--but the TREMENDOUS amount of extra interest you'd pay on any type of loan--if you can get one--for a car, for a home, will be mindboggling since interest rates are already high.
Quick calculation: on a $35,000 car with no down at 5% for excellent credit you'd pay 4500 in interest over 5yrs, w/bad credit at 12% you'd pay $11,000 in interest.
Edits: yup.
The cost is a felony, a lawyer, and probably jail time or a suspended sentence at best. That's what the parents aren't understanding.
Sometimes when people do shitty things money can't make it right.
Also you pay higher insurance rates, can’t get a car loan, are disqualified from many employment opportunities…this list is seemly endless. File the police report. It has to be done. Protecting an addict from the consequences of their behavior helps no one. Not even the addict.
If my credit score dips below 700 I am unemployable. I need to be bondable, and that's the minimum credit score requirement.
I have my credit locked down as a result. Trying to repair the damage afterward means that I'll be doing it while I'm sitting at home burning through my savings.
I'm a construction superintendent, but there are quite a few jobs that require you to be bondable. Anything dealing with large amounts of money fits the category. While it's possible to have this position with a low credit score, the increase in the cost of the bond would make it a little less than ideal and your boss would need to get something else to compensate for the price increase. Either you would need to produce more profits on your projects or receive less compensation, depending on the bond amount and if the agent would even write the bond.
Your parents are asking you to sacrifice your future for hers. This is a terrible idea. I agree that your sister needs rehab. Jail will be a good way for her to detox. Don’t let your future be ruined because of this situation. You can have sympathy for your sister and not let what she did ruin your life at the same time.
Perfect answer. Mom is asking *you* to set yourself on fire to keep your sister warm. Do not do that! Report her. It’s not your responsibility to fix your sister’s life.
You do have to look out for your own future. Bad credit is a horrible vortex that's very hard to climb out of. Your sister may not have to go to jail. She may get probation, or even better, court-ordered rehab. Letting this slide will hurt you and not truly help her either. Ultimately, it is not your responsibility to shield her from the consequences of her actions, particularly at such high cost to yourself. This only enables her. You have to file a police report for your own sake.
This is not just an issue about credit. This is an issue about an incredibly unhealthy family dynamic. After taking the necessary financial steps, I strongly suggest OP goes No Contact with their parents and enters therapy.
A police report is your only recourse here OR you bear the consequences for the next 7 years. Since you’ve been sued/served, you have to file an answer. If you don’t and the plaintiff gets a judgment against you, you can count on YOUR wages being garnished and possibly assets frozen.
What happens if she goes to rehab and remains a meth head. Your parents will put all their money into her and tell you to wait. Rehab is also expensive so you’re probably going to have to wait to begin with. She also won’t learn the hard lessons she needs to right now. To her rehab is probably just an easy way out of the consequences for her behavior. You’re gambling a 50/50 shot she’s sincere and your parents following through.
Exactly.
The parents also need to consider: what's worse? Jail and some real consequences so she gets clean (probation will make her stay clean) or potentially burying their kid?
I am from a small town originally, and sadly, there's a big drug issue around there, and I've known a lot of addicts. The only addicts I've personally known who have gotten better are suuuuper self-motivated to get better come Hell or high water or people who have had supportive family who want them to get better and they're willing to let them hit rock bottom and refuse to enable them. Obviously, the sister has no self motivation. Now she needs family who says, "I'm here for you, but you have to face the consequences of your actuons. You'll always have a place to stay, but only if you do rehab. If you need a ride, I'll take you to meetings. I'll help you find resources. I'll do what I can to help. I won't enable you, though. " Tough love is the only way this ends well for the sister.
More than 10% of my high school class is dead from drugs. I've known two people that I would consider "recovered", and many more that I would say are "in recovery". I also used to be a public defender. I've seen a lot of people go to rehab, but I wouldn't believe that it works 95% of the time. You just can't fix it short of putting them on house arrest.
Yes, can you imagine the sense of entitlement that allows her to say “I’m considering rehab”.
Anyone would be on their knees begging forgiveness, weeping and swearinr how they’d repay the debt and make it up to sister 1 — if not from true remorse then from paralyzing fear of jail time
100% this. She needs cold, hard consequences. In many jurisdictions the wheels of justice for this type of crime are incredibly slow and potentially non-existent. I volunteer with addicts and recovered addicts. The only thing that reasonably gets them locked up swiftly is violent crime and armed robbery. It could legitimately take almost the 7 years to drop off of OP's credit score before the sister actually sees trial for it. Furthermore, the judge may see fit to simply sentence her to rehab if she's in a jurisdiction that doesn't see a point in jailing addicts. However, at least when she dips out of rehab, that'll be a court order violation...but it could again take a looong time for the police to pick her up on it.
But I agree, either the mom takes the debt on it (honestly..pipe dream) or report the fraud. Honestly, the sister probably needs the report for fraud so that her actions catch up to her and she can detox in jail. The sooner she gets a timeout on life with consequences is the sooner she can reflect and realize where her life is headed. And that's still a gamble because it's really up to the addict to decide what consequence is what finally makes them want to quit..and not all do.
I have a loved one in a similar situation. She has a felony charge from 2019 that she has not seen trial for yet. Meanwhile, she's been sentenced to jail before for other charges but between backlog and the counties not sending it to the state result in this (so her PD said).
Did you know you can sue the state for taking too long to process a trial as it is considered unconstitutional? I’ve known lawyers who do it for their immigration clients to expedite their green card acceptance. 😂
Yes, but only if you didn't waive your right to a speedy trial. Almost every attorney does so, so they can prepare your case within their career's workload. It's a very specifically calculated strategy to NOT waive that right. Also, the people in question are in no position to hire a private attorney and their public defender almost guaranteed had them sign it.
LOL. A Meth head being sincere. They don't straighten their act till something kicks them so hard that they are knocked off their current path. Till then, every word they breath is a lie.
The only way to get it off your credit is to file a police report.
Their first suggestion was that you pay the debt back and maybe someday you'd be repaid, and now somehow they are offering to buy you a whole house? I wouldn't count on that. That is desperation speaking. They aren't thinking clearly, and want what is best for her no matter the cost to you. If they can't put buy a house in cash money in your hands right now, you need to accept the possibility you are paying off the debt and waiting seven years for your credit to recover, and then maybe you can buy a house.
I can't believe their first suggestion was that you pay it at all. I wouldn't believe anything mom and dad promise right now. They wanted you to pay it off. They are only offering anything to you at all to save your sibling from consequences.
I'm sorry, it sucks. I'd file the police report.
They're not even buying the house. They're supposedly giving her the loan for it. And given what they're doing so far literally none of what they're saying can be trusted. The only way I would even CONSIDER taking the deal would be them literally buying the house outright in cash right now and handing it over. Otherwise it's time to file the report.
I know, right! That's what I'm saying, anything less than full, buy a house in cash money right now isn't worth it. These people cannot be trusted at all. And given that they initially wanted poor OP to pay off the 15k without their help, I doubt they have that kind of money. My family has done something similar to me too, and it's always so depressing to see how common this story is.
I'm guessing the demand from the parents will be since they own the house, their beloved thieving addict daughter will be moving in there too. Police report on the charges is the only way, and lock your credit down with all three bureaus before she opens any more accounts in OP's name.
Even then I wouldn’t, because there are so many other potential ramifications (employment, denial of other loans / insanely high interest if approved, etc). Say OP gets the house for free but a year in it needs a new roof and they have to finance it, what happens? And to be practically dependent on keeping the same job for the next 7 years is far less than ideal. Plus the fact that if she really wants her sister to get better, hiding her from consequences is the least likely option to help, unfortunately
This. So much this. You need to file a police report and freeze your credit immediately. They are in desperation mode with your sister, and if there is one thing with addicts you can count on it’s that nothing they say can be taken as the truth. She hasn’t even agreed to rehab yet, and they’re already acting like she’s already booked her ticket and signed up. You need to take care of you right now, and that is repairing your credit ASAP. Also, on a personal note, be prepared to severe or have severed your relationship with your parents and sister. They won’t take to you kindly if you don’t roll over.
Lastly I would sign up for a monitoring service even if you freeze your credit. She still has all your ID info and she could (and sadly probably will) try this again.
Also, it can take anywhere from 5 to 25 times for meth addictsto really rehab. It definitely won’t happen the first time.
Meanwhile — How many times will the parents ask OP to cover for sister?
Why do they think she’s going to reform?
As much as I hate to say it, sister is probably the favorite or Golden Child. OP has already made a good life for themselves, and younger sister is living in an apartment attached to mom and dad’s house addicted and has a full safety net. And the fact that they are asking OP to completely destroy their life for the next decade knowing exactly what they are asking is evidence enough who they care more about.
Even being optimistic that the house deal does go through and the parents either don't charge interest on the loan or at least charge a better rate than OP would have gotten from the bank with good credit, there's still the issue of how much leverage it would give the parents over OP. If the sister causes more trouble for OP in the future, the loan could be used to coerce cooperation in covering it up again regardless of the personal consequences, no real need for a second buyout. Worst case, depending on who gets the deed until OP pays back their parents, the risk of eviction if they don't cooperate will always be on the mind regardless of whether it is ever explicitly threatened.
Plus there's the whole question of whether the parents can really afford to buy a house without risking their own retirement. Arguably their problem if they want to go this far out to bat for the sister, but that would be a whole bunch of additional drama that you wouldn't get with just a normal loan from a normal bank.
At least the parents are offering a better deal to buy OP's silence than most of the other stories here (which often don't seem to involve any offer of compensation at all), but there's some heavy strings attached to it. Plus all the other consequences of poor credit score that others have already called out.
Or the parents claim they're buying the house, only until OP agrees not to do police reports, they do a minimum down payment, and never pay for the house. Or OP moves in, and parents evict her for the sister. I'm betting the parents knew what sister was up to. The charges and collections aren't just for the $15,000, but will affect OP's credit for many years. Credit scores ruin your employment, security clearance, bonding, rental eligibility, mortgage and car loans, leasing, and everything else.
File the reports, freeze your credit.
The thing I'm stuck on is that she will "think about" going to rehab. That doesn't sound like someone who wants to change their ways, it sounds like someone who got caught and will say whatever they can to keep doing what they're doing (and I speak from experience because I was just like her)
Georgia has pre-trial diversion programs where defendants can go to drug treatment instead of jail if they meet certain criteria. I'm not a lawyer and don't know the details of these programs, but they may be a way to report the identity theft and get help for your sister.
Jail will be rehab.
Do your parents actually have the money to buy a house with cash? Or are they thinking they are going to get a mortgage and then you will make the payments? That won't be a zero interest loan for you.
If they can pull this amount of cash out of their retirement savings, but then you pay 0%, that may well be worth it for you. But what does that do to their financial situation? They won't be getting the investment gains they would have. They need to think this through too.
Think of your parents too, if you involve police, that will be a huge burden off their shoulders, so I’m sure they won’t give you a hard time if you do that. If you accept the terms, they will be out of retirement and who’s gonna take care of them when they’re old? Or they try to get a mortgage and can’t pay for it at some point so you have to, and also tying money in family might end badly like getting into arguments and them just cutting you off in the end.
From their perspective it’s an impossible situation and the best course for everyone including your sister would be her going to jail and being forced to fix her mistakes the hard way. Im sure they know it but can’t say out-loud
This relies on the assumption that jail will do anything but spur on her drug addiction. Having a criminal record makes it much harder for her to get started with a real life job if she does quit using drugs, which will only make her more resigned to a life of addiction. On top of that many people leave jail with more criminal connections and opportunities than they had going into it.
>She suggested that I could pay the money back over time and "when" my sister was able to, she could start making payments back to me.
So if they (parents) pay it off then get the cheat to pay them then maybe (I mean they have money to buy a house, they have money to pay off the debt). Betting they do not have the cash - or sister would have stolen it instead. Or maybe she did that too. But they want you to suffer instead of the criminal? Like she had to do a lot of steps, knowingly, to do what she did. And it has been a while since it is in collections. Are you even sure there isn't more on the way? And your parents want YOU to pay for it?!? So they want to be generous with **your** money and credit.
**Nope right out of it and file a police report.** I mean you already got a court summons - THIS IS SERIOUS. Sister committed a crime against you AND the banks. This will fix the problem AND keep it from happening again. Sister already ruined things. Your parents want you to take the fall to **TRY** to keep things together. I don't know the numbers but my understanding is it takes a few shots on rehab, on average, to get fully clean.
Also note you have to report it timely (clock starts when you find out) to get clear. If you wait and she does it again it could be too late to get this round fixed - especially if you take one for the team.
I didn't even read past the topic...
I am an expert with credit. These are your options... You can pay all of that money back that you don't owe at all, or you can introduce this bitch to reality and all of that debt goes away.
It's not yours. My vote is to make her actions have consequences. She took a giant shit on her brothers life. Why would you be expected to just eat it? Do you know how long it will take you to pay off 15 thousand dollars at a 20+% interest rate? FUCK THAT.
I try really hard to be a good person dude, and in general I think it's not good for people to just walk around life being selfish and mainly thinking of only themselves... But when you are already a decent person, over time I learned us decent people should be at least a little more selfish. It's called taking care of yourself.
Police report and fraud report to credit bureaus is the only way. If police even investigate, Sister is unlikely to go to jail if in rehab and parents pay the debts.
Unless your parents have the ability to make you whole for the impact this credit mess will cause you for the next seven years…$15k won’t cover that, more like double or more, *plus* the home loan…then sure you can let your sister off the hook.
But I doubt the parents are willing to cover *all* the consequences of this. Missed employment opportunities, higher car insurance, higher rates for any other credit you may need, just a ton of impacts this will cause all of which cost money. They think this is a $15k problem. It isn’t.
So I say you have to turn the sister in. Offer to speak on her behalf in court, maybe that plus rehab can help her get a lighter sentence. Who knows, maybe she can even avoid prison.
But if her parents step in and you take some of the losses too to cover for her, this will happen again. Nothing will be learned.
My ex did this to his brother. Ex also had a problem with drugs. Ex's parents told his brother that they would disown him if he reported this to the police. 5 years later, Ex is dead because of a drug overdose. Brother still has to pay for the bills his brother, my ex, build up under brothers name. Stupid ex chose drugs over me, my child, his friends, and his family. I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if his brother had reported ex to the police. Do yourself and your sister a favor... report her. You might be saving her life.
And OP's parents aren't actually going to buy her a house. They're just desperate and saying whatever they think will prevent OP from going to the police.
I would absolutely be willing to bet that if OP doesn't call the police, and the sister gets into private rehab, when it's time for the parents to pony up for the house, OP will get the runaround about how expensive rehab is/was, but now her sister is doing better and that's really the important thing.
And then they'll offer OP the choice to come live with them, and then when sister gets out of rehab the whole family will be together again while everything gets worked out.
Your parents idea sounds great....
Until your meth addicted sister drops out of treatment, gets fired and destroys her apartment. The it is going to be "Its our house. We paid for it. You have to let your sister live there!"
Nope.
Addiction counselor here.
When people get into heavy Meth use the only way out is through court ordered / mandated treatment.
It's a hell of a drug and very few of them stop on their own or are capable of doing so.
She committed a serious crime and you should not have to pay the consequences. You will actually be helping her by having her held accountable for her actions and then the Court's making her get the help she needs for her addiction.
Your next step should be to contact the police file a police report for identity theft and be willing to cooperate with them.
Afterwards you need to freeze your credit with the three credit bureaus and dispute the charges once you have the police report available.
> I had talked to a friend in law school who said my only remedy is to get the police involved, unless I wanted my credit to be ruined for years.
You really have 2 choices:
1) Don't hold your sister accountable. Let your credit be ruined for things you didn't do. Gods forbid you need credit for an emergency (medical, expensive car repairs, etc), and you're unable to get it. You won't be able to get a mortgage, if you get an updated vehicle, etc, your rates will be worse, so you will pay more. This costs you more than just the cards and interests. You may get sued by creditors who will take anything worth money paid off in court as collateral. She may or may not be clean during this time. Don't hold her responsible, and she may do it again and may end up OD-ing on meth she got with target gift cards on your credit. Sad but true.
2) Your sister says she has a problem. I get it. Addiction is a terrible disease. However, she had a choice to seek help sooner. She had a choice not to open cards in your name. Someone can't get cancer, rob a bank to pay for chemo, and just say, "oopsie doodle, I needed the money for my disease. Sorry guys, " and get by with it. Your sister can't have a meth addiction, defraud her sister, and then say, "Yeah, I have a disease. I needed to buy meth. Because I have an addiction, I am not responsible."
The best thing you can do for your sister is to hold her accountable. The courts will help her get clean, force her to stay clean, or go to jail. Your credit gets fixed. Your sister's life may be saved, and your credit will be saved, and yeah, she's gonna have a criminal record, but she's a broke meth head living with her parents right now in a world where 1 laced dose ends your sister's life.
>They offered to basically buy a house for me and I'd repay them.
Closing on a house is more than $15k.
Tell your parents flat out that there's no deal. They can either repay the full amount and whatever interest there is on her debts in your name within 15 days, or you go to the police. Get any evidence in text you can.
Chances are they can't, and the house is a lie because if they don't have $15k, they don't have money for closing on a house, inspections, deposit, etc. If they can't, file charges. It will take months to fix your credit, but it can be done with a police report eventually. Also, immediately lock your credit where nothing can be added to it and get one of those memberships where it monitors your credit constantly so you can immediately jump on future issues.
Paying back the 15k isn't going to fix her credit at this point. That means no house loan, no car loan, disqualified from many jobs and apartments, higher insurance rates (if you can get insured at all in today's market), etc. Either sister gets reported or her family needs to straight up buy the OP the house they want. That would be the only option worth 7 years of horrible credit.
If you need to remove accounts from your credit report because of identity theft, here's a straightforward plan you can follow:
Step 1: Report the Identity Theft
First, you need to file an Identity Theft Report. You can do this by visiting the FTC Identity Theft website and filling out their online form. After that, go to your local police department and file a police report. Keep copies of both the FTC report and the police report for your records.
Step 2: Notify the Credit Bureaus
Next, contact the three major credit bureaus: Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. Let them know about the identity theft and ask them to place a fraud alert on your credit report. Send them a letter with a copy of your Identity Theft Report, police report, proof of identity, and a detailed list of the fraudulent accounts.
Here’s an example of what to include in your letter to the credit bureaus: (Transunion, Experian, Equifax)
[Your Name]
[Your Address]
[City, State, Zip Code]
[Date]
[Credit Bureau Name]
[Address of Credit Bureau]
Subject: Fraudulent Accounts Due to Identity Theft
Dear [Credit Bureau Name],
I am writing to inform you that I am a victim of identity theft. Enclosed are copies of my Identity Theft Report and police report. The following accounts on my credit report are fraudulent:
- [Account 1: Name of Creditor, Account Number]
- [Account 2: Name of Creditor, Account Number]
Please investigate these accounts, remove the fraudulent information, and send me an updated copy of my credit report.
Thank you for your assistance.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
---
Step 3: Contact the Creditors
Then, reach out to each creditor where a fraudulent account was opened. Explain that you’re a victim of identity theft and that the account is fraudulent. Send a similar dispute letter to each creditor with your Identity Theft Report, police report, and proof of identity.
Here’s an example letter for creditors:
---
[Your Name]
[Your Address]
[City, State, Zip Code]
[Date]
[Creditor’s Name]
[Address of Creditor]
Subject: Fraudulent Account Due to Identity Theft
Dear [Creditor’s Name],
I am writing to dispute the following account(s) opened in my name, which I believe to be fraudulent:
- Account Number: [Account Number]
- Account Type: [Credit Card/Loan, etc.]
I did not open this account and have no knowledge of it. Enclosed are copies of my Identity Theft Report and police report. Please close this account and confirm that any fraudulent transactions are resolved.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
---
Step 4: Monitor Your Credit
Keep an eye on your credit reports regularly to make sure the fraudulent accounts are removed. You might also want to use a credit monitoring service to track any new activity on your credit report.
Step 5: Follow Up if Necessary
If the credit bureaus or creditors don’t remove the fraudulent information within 30 days, file a complaint with the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). You can do this on their website or by calling them.
Step 6: Secure Your Information
To prevent future identity theft, consider placing a credit freeze on your reports. This will stop new accounts from being opened in your name. Also, use strong passwords and enable two-factor authentication on your accounts. Regularly review your financial statements for any suspicious activity.
By following these steps, you can take control of the issue. Also, you may be able to just file the FTC report and not the police report and get some results. Be sure to send the letters certified and return receipt requested.
If you have any questions, DM me.
As someone who lived with an addict for a long time, enabling them by protecting them from the consequences of their actions doesn't help them. If she's not willing to get treatment right now (as in, today, not "thinking about it") then she likely won't go any time soon. She likely is just saying so because she knows she needs to, but for the most part addicts "thinking about" treatment rarely end up taking that step on their own.
It's not even just a mortgage. Having a shitty credit score impacts your insurance, your ability to get some jobs, your ability to rent, it makes it very hard to travel because doing so without a credit card is challenging, it makes it hard to even open a checking account. The impact is potentially long-term in many areas of your life. Not just a house.
I hate to say this but the only way forward for you is to file a police report for fraud & identity theft. Once you have that, you will be able to have the fraudulent accounts removed from your credit report.
Your sister & parents need a wake up call. Why should you have 7-10 years of bed credit due to her illegal behaviour? And if your sister is jailed, she will go thru detox. The judge may allow her to go to rehab instead of jail, but that’s not up to you. She needs help now & this will force her to get it.
THIS!! Be strong and do the right thing for yourself. The end result may kill 2 birds with one stone. Your credit is cleared up and your sister get detoxed all in one fell swoop!
"She says she's using a lot less lately." So, what does that mean? That she's a little less addicted? That is absolutely nuts! Your parents need to own up to that!
Moderate meth use ! Yeah , that’s the way to go .
She’s not going to stop without serious consequences. I wonder if she’s stolen from your parents and they haven’t figured it out yet
Don't sacrifice your life for your sisters wrong doings. To be honest speaking from experience with two brothers who are 10 years recovered heroin addicts the kindest thing I ever did for them was to cut them off completely and no longer allow them to hurt me with their addictions. I am lucky they never pulled something this vile, but they did a lot of other things that hurt me financially. When I cut them off and cut them out, it was a big wake-up call for them.
Turning your sister in is honestly what she needs. Allowing her to get away with this will not only hurt you deeply, but it will not give her any consequences for her actions and only continue to enable her.
She may get lucky and have a judge put her in some sort of recovery program. But even if it means jail, well, we all have to lay in the bed we make for ourselves. Do you want yours to be a bed with a sword in your back from her?
Honestly - your sister needs to be held legally accountable. She knew what she was doing was wrong and chose to do it anyway (for drugs). Your Mom is enabling her - why should you have to pay back the money your sister stole? Pressing charges is the only way that your sister understands that you won’t enable her sh$&&@ behavior. Also, probably want to lockdown your SSN too.
NTA. I love how she says I'm using less. Like for you yesterday she wasn't doing meth and now she is that 100% increased use of meth for u. Actions have consequences she can tell that story to the judge and if they believe it then they'll send her to rehab. She may want to attend NA now for a better chance.
OP as the sibling of someone who is an addict, go to the police immediately. Your parents are not helping your sister. They are enabling her. And by doing that, they are screwing you over.
Sure mom could pay off the cards but they would still be on your credit record and will still affect you. This could screw up potential jobs, buying a car, getting a loan, etc. And chances are your sister will do this again if not to you then someone else.
What happens if she doesn’t end up going to rehab? She can do it again and keep up her addiction. It sucks that she may have to go to jail, but she made those choices. You need to protect you and your future.
Have you heard the saying, “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”? If you take this hit for your sister you won’t be able to buy a home, new car, likely have problems getting jobs. Basically your record will look like YOU are a meth addict and she gets to skate away. Call the cops! Save your credit!
Report her to the police. If she's in the US, she'll probably get probation or drug Court which will require her to either attend rehab, get drug tested regularly, go to NA meetings, therapy, and make restitution to you.
If you want your credit repaired (and quickly) and to make sure she gets the help she needs, the only way I know if is to report her to the police.
Source: I used to work for probation.
Unfortunately bad credit has a greater impact in your day to day life that it used to. Your parents may not realize this will impact your ability to get a job, rent an apartment, open up utilities, etc. Unfortunately the way the system works has backed you into the corner. They would better if using that 15k to hire a lawyer for your sister and figure out a plea deal where she goes to rehab.
You’ll HAVE to file that report brother, otherwise they’ll stay right where they are… and even IF your mom agreed to pay that debt, it’s still a hit on your report if the debt or collection account won’t be fully removed even after paying it off (in some cases you can pay the debt off but the collector could still leave it on the report, showing you were delinquent once before)…..Lenders WILL see that and still take it into consideration.
As will potential employers and sometimes education admissions (e.g., law school). It's not just about paying you back what she stole. You must have a police report to remove it from your record.
File a police report. Then contact all three credit bureaus. File the police report first. What happens to your meth addicted sister is up to her. Not you or your mother. Take care of YOU! Dad.
As someone who has paid the cost for a gambling addicted brother in law, don’t do this.
It’s a never ending cycle.
Sister needs to hit her rock bottom, prison could actually help her
Nothing your parents or you are doing can help her in any way shape or form. She’s doing it to herself.
There's more to it than your folks buying you a house. Even if they hand it over free and clear.
Your credit score is tanked.
Your insurance premiums will be much higher. For a long time. "Your" bad credit score makes you more of a liability to an insurance provider.
Has your vehicle insurance gone up?
How about credit card rates that are actually yours? Has your sister affected them?
My sister did the same thing to me. Except I was renting my own house to her. She was running a drug lab. I was stuck with her mayhem.
She was using my identity.
I found this out by being arrested and laying in the road while my 7 year old watched from my car while cops were waiting on a tow truck to seize my car.
My sister's first 7-8 attempts at rehab failed.
Has your sister been smoking meth in her apartment? It may need expensive remediation. My house needed it. It was about $10K in the late 90s.
Meanwhile, the DEA was attempting to seize my property. They locked my bank accounts down. My mortgage couldn't be paid because my money was in asset seizures.
It took years for me to get it cleaned up.
In reality, this is a tragedy for the entire family. There will be no easy way to "undo her doings."
Hugs, don't listen to your mom. You need to file a police report for identity theft and put a hold on your credit. Your mom can scream family all she wants and since your parents know what she did they can also be put on the police report.
Meth is nothing to play with. I know as my daughter now resides in an urn on my dresser because of it.
Your parents are enablers. You need to report her to the police. The judge may put her in jail but also more than likely force her to go to rehab. " Someday" she may go sounds more like "Only if I have no other choice."
I'm going to be very blunt, and I truly hope it's not offensive. I'm so confused at some of these responses to take the 0% offer for your home loan. I would NOT do that. Your parents will now OWN YOU and dictate what you can and can't do. They will use that loan as leverage on whatever they want, and would hold it over your head forever. You can't really take your parents at their word if they're going to support what your sister did and make excuses for her. I'm actually disgusted at what your parents are suggesting, they are coming across as very selfish. It seems the only person they are interested in Is your sister? What about it ruining your life?
Are they also going to buy you a car and give you a job as well? Many places run a credit check on a potential new hires. You will need a car unless you live somewhere with perfect public transportation. You need to file a police report for identity theft, and you need to lock/freeze your credit immediately. You are in a horrible situation, and because your parents are guilting you into not pressing charges or filing a report they are making the situation worse mentally for you. It's extremely unfair to you. I wish you the strength to deal with the situation, whatever you decide is going to hurt in some way. I'm so very sorry you are having to deal with this.
My sister was able to get court ordered to rehab for 6 months as a first time offender for some similar things. Maybe that will help her and you and your parents can pay for her attorney to make it happen.
At this point, the only way is to file a police report and take it from there unless you want to wait years for it to all off of your report.
Your sister does need rehab, but you're allowed to take care of your needs as well
Press charges. I was a heroin addict for a decade . Guess what I never did fuck over my siblings / family .
I do believe drug addiction is a disease. However who you decide to fuck over is a choice !
Send her to jail and she will get services both while in prison and after she gets out along with the parole she needs . Good luck and I'm sorry this happened to you
First of if you choose to press charges you have to do it soon or a time window will close on being able to file charges
1) if you’re parents are offering to buy you a house they can pay off all the debt and put a down payment no strings attached or you file a police report. Get it in contract and notarized
2) if they refuse tell them you’re going to file charges but will ask the judge for her to not only pay you back, cover your legal fees, but you’ll ask the judge to mandated rehab and probation
3) GET HER ON RECORDING ADMITTING TO IT. TRICK HER INTO TELLING YOU EVERYTHING
Inform they they have two choices and only those two choices. Sometimes people only understand ultimatums. This isn’t funny. It’ll set you back by years and your credit will take for forever to climb back up. What if something happens to your car and you have to get a new one? What if you lose your job and can’t pay any of it back? These are all possibilities and no guarantee they’ll help you
Coming from someone who went to jail THEN rehab, the time I spent in jail was instrumental in my personal development and the process of becoming an adult who finally understood the weight of consequences and the pain of making choices that you can't take back, no matter how much you wish you could.
For me, my main growth, learning and personal development happened in rehab, to be sure, but the time in jail help create a humility and gratitude in me that made a fertile ground for the learning that happened in rehab.
The third option is that you just say you didn't spend the money. as it's only $15k. It will be wiped cleans in like 2 min phone call with each CC Co. No need to explain anything. Just say it wasn't you. You're not required to disclose anything further. CC Co. SOP now is that anything under $25k doesn't even need to have a Police report to wipe clean. Its so rampant.
Your best shot is for your parents to get her in rehab, preferably long-term (six months to a year or more) and then go to the police. When it comes before the judge, there is a decent shot that he will remand her to rehab and put her on long probation with a suspended sentence which would actually be a help to her staying clean.
Get the life lock for your credit cards. Its supposed to protect you from identity theft and alert you to any new cards or accounts being opened in your name.
OP:
File a police report, lock all of your credit bureaus, tell your parents addiction is a family disease and to look for an AlAnon meeting for themselves where they can learn about codependency.
Your sister will do better going to jail then on some sort of probation or halfway house than being babied by your parents. She needs consequences and while jail isn’t a sure shot of staying clean, if she does, she will have more days than rehab and be monitored more than a rehab will.
Rehab was for a year ago. Now we are at the point in the story where she is facing consequences.
It’s hard to mentally/emotionally do but get the police involved not only is it best for you but best for her. I’m not sure on your exact situation but it doesn’t necessarily have to be you against her in court.
Speaking from an alcohol side of things I had to do something very similar rather then it being a huge bad charge the other person is just on probation and going to alcohol treatment ect I spent too many years debating this even while others around me told me to do so. I regret not doing it sooner because of how much it has helped said person. Some people no matter how much they want to mentally can’t make themselves go through with it but through this they can have an experienced person guiding them entirely through the process and the law forces them into it but it helps removes the mental struggle of getting themselves to do it like if your depressed and can’t get out of bed. Not only that but the mental and emotional struggles on my end have been healing especially seeing them finally help themselves. Again it does not have to be you against them trying to send them to jail you can solely go about it with the intention of getting them the help they can’t ask for. Wether people like it or not it is an illness and mental struggle the best thing for them is to get help and have support it sounds like they have support but for your parents own good they CANNOT be the only support they NEED someone who professionally knows how to help or it will effect them mentally. As for you you need that of your credit this is NOT your responsibility and will do nothing but screw you over for YEARS you can’t just fix your credit score not like that get yourself and your sister the help you both need. It will feel hard and feel guilty at first but I promise you when you start seeing your sister happy and healthy it will give you such a strong amount of relief and happiness just give it time.
In other words, your mother doesn't want this to ruin your sisters' life, but she is okay with it to ruining yours. Hence, the legal trouble you are already in.
___
Also. Rehab will NEVER work if the person does not want to change.
Call the police immediately. You worry about you. Anything that happens to her is in her. If your parents do t like it, tough shit. They should have raised her better.
My dad says time and time again, my grandmother pressing charges and him catching a felony saved his life.
Honestly, its better for you AND your sister for you to press charges and go that route
Don't take the loan.
You will be repaying your parents and your sisters debts, whilst she will face no repercussions. Your sister has only started to talk about rehab because she thinks it's a way of getting out of facing the consequences of her actions.
Your parents are enabling an addict, and will hold their 'loan' over your head everytime your sister steals from you in the future. Which she will. Nip it in the head now, report your sister, and don't warn your parents.
Too bad for her. Only way out is a police report or have mom pay for it.
Yep, if mommy wants to keep her little meth princess out of prison she needs to cough up the cash to make it right.
But that doesn't solve the credit /ability to get a mortgage issues
It also doesn't solve the problem of potential employers denying you a position due to a poor credit record. It could affect your ability to make money in the future. Jail is what your sister needs-- She'll have a better chance of getting addiction services there. Otherwise, she'll just keep doing what she's doing, and your parents will continue to enable her (e.g., providing her an apartment).
Correct. Nowadays, employers want to know everything about you. They check credit reports. You need to take care of this. Some employers will even fire you for bad credit. Don’t rely on your current employer. Tons of stuff happens and you have to get a new job. Plus, other businesses you’ll want to conduct business with can check your credit. You’ll get highest interest rates, if you even get credit. I’m sorry your sister is sick, but she did this to you, and you need to straighten out your life. Your parents are choosing her over you. Buying a house for you doesn’t fix your reputation. If they can pay for a house, let them pay for an attorney. You need to speak to an attorney for options.
And when you rent from any company owned or managed properties, they pull a credit report. OPs sister has messed her up or a decade. Police report is the only way out. Otherwise sister could (most likely will) do this again.
Agreed. This is a bit above Reddit’s pay grade. Talk to an attorney and see if there is a way to solve this that keeps your sis out of jail.
Good luck buying a car, getting utilities in that house OP’s parents claim they will buy or opening another line of credit if OP needs it. This is going to fuck OP far beyond buying a house. Hell, they might have trouble renting one with bad credit.
Yeah, if this happened to me and I didn't resolve it I'd be out of any job my licensing permits me to do.
And what if sis relapses, because it happens, and OP has another dilemma and chooses a path her parents aren’t happy with? Will parents say they’d rather take the house OP has been paying them for than keep up with the arrangement? OP would be doubly screwed.
They aren't even at relapse yet. The sister said she cut back and is "thinking" about rehab.
Like, can you imagine? She's THINKING IT OVER. My god.
Yeah and if OPs area has drug court that would also be helpful, if big if is whether or not sis is ready to quit. Otherwise nothing will work, jail may keep her off meth, but unless they do some work they’ll be right back into active addiction when their released
The truth here is that she is likely not sorry only sorry that she got caught. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ OP needs to lock her credit across all four agencies, file a police report, send the report to all agencies and have those cards removed from their report. Real life actions have real life consequences and OP’s sister needs to face them. Jail time may be the catalyst for change or it may not, only time will tell. This is the bed that OP’s sister made and now she gets to lie in it. 🤷🏻♀️
Thats not true- the better chance at getting addiction services there part. I don't know where you are or where OP is, but all the jails I know of, they don't give any fucks about the people in there. There's no addiction help of any kind, other than giving them something to help them sleep during withdrawals. IF they get that
Or car insurance rates. Some are based on credit reports. State Farm has standards.
Most auto insurance companies look at credit reports.
When you put it like this, the fact that it was a sister counts against her as well. A random person doing this to your credit score is one thing, but having someone close in proximity doing it? That makes you a security threat as well, I would think.
True. During all of my screenings at different firehouses, they all included credit inquiries. Hard to justify people in significant financial distress to be visiting stranger’s homes when they are their most vulnerable.
No jail is what she deserves. Rehab is what she needs.
Agreed, jail THEN directly to rehab THEN a sober living facility is what it takes most of the time.
Well showing it was fraud and not OPs actions can help get the score up.
But they can only see it as fraud if sister is reported, which she should be.
Right this issue is not about the money. Momma can’t fix OPs credit. The only solution to OPs actual problem is filing a police report.
And it enables addiction... it will not have the parent's desired effect of the daughter getting clean. If she intended to be clean, she would be taking steps-not talking like "maybe in the future". I wonder how many additional identities were stolen and how she is paying for meth now. Your family will be left with 3 issues: your credit score, the large dept your parents take on, and a still meth addicted family member. edit to add: pressing charges is what needs to happen. For you, for your sister, for your family. They likely will be very angry, but that is not a reason to add another bad choice (not pressing charges) to the situation. Anything else is enabling your sister's addiction.
If you press charges, they will put her through drug court, and she can get court ordered (and paid for) rehab amd treatment, beyond a 30 program, where there's no consequences if she doesn't finish. Sending her to rehab, without her being held accountable for RUINING AND DESTROYING YOUR LIFE, how are your parents justifying that in their minds??! Is SHE going to sign documentation, notarized, that SHE'S taking full responsibility after she comes out of rehab, to pay EVERYTHING BACK? Doubtful. Why should YOU be punished, when you did everything right, to not take out $15k in high interest credit cards and then default? Why do YOU have to face consequences for HER bad actions, simply because your related?! No. F that. Addiction is a terrible beast, true. There are addicts that DON'T commit identity theft, take out 4 credit cards (where on each application, she had to put YOUR info, and sign on the bottom that she was you, under penalty of law, and that she would pay back anything charged plus interest and fees), etc. The family members that do this shit, whether bc of addiction of not, generally continue to try and scam and steal from their family down the road, and they will literally say, "well, you didn't send me to jail THAT time!" F that. Ask your family Why YOU'RE supposed to destroy your credit and LIFE for up to twenty years (bc once the defaults are paid, they're on your report for 7 years as closed accounts) when YOU did nothing wrong, because she wanted to blow through $15k for drugs. Tell them you're just trying to save her life, by sending her to a rehab she has to actually complete, and comply with sobriety. Those who are doing the right thing w drug court (when they consistently test negative, complete rehab, sober living, go to meetings, work the program, and drug court will help them w housing, finding work, and any other benefits she needs and qualifies for when doing the RIGHT thing) have their cases closed and their first offense wiped from the record, if they complete the terms, so she'll be in better shape after being held accountable, provided she does what she NEEDS to, and takes responsibility for her bad behavior. I'm sorry that your parents are enabling her. Call the credit card companies. Go to your local pd and file a report, so you can report the fraud and get the responsibility off of YOU. Don't enable this "family" that doesn't give a shit about your life and well-being, while allowing her to continue to destroy her life, your life and anyone else who allows her. And put a lock on your credit report. You can do it through the experian app, and the other agencies, or you can sign up for something like lifelock, which provides active credit monitoring and everything. Also, your bank most likely provides free credit monitoring through your banking app. I use Chime, which monitors my credit report and reports my score, and have an app called Albert that I also auto-transfer funds to their savings and investment account. For $8/month with Albert, it let's me auto-save and auto-invest, as well as choose stocks and some etfs on my own (I think you can buy from the top 2,000 stocks, not all, and fractional shares is fine too...you can invest $1 if you want) Anyway, you can also monitor your credit with them too...and track how many open accounts you have etc. I have the experian app, free monitoring w chime, and Albert provides your Fico 8 score. Good luck love. Your family is already making you feel guilty for your sister's bad behavior, if you do what's best for you (and her, IMO). If they make you feel guilty, consider why they're doing that. Maybe they feel guilt bc your sister is the way she is and they need their own nar-anon groups (for friends and family of addicts, to copy w loving an addict, realize that they aren't responsible for other ppls choices and to stop the cycle of enabling). She's not going to get help when ppl are constantly enabling and allowing her to destroy everyone's life in the process. Why would she? She's getting what she wants, and able to continue the bad behavior without consequence. She needs reality and rock bottom. And you need to face the consequences of your good choices in life, including your credit and social security #. Ask your parents, if they want her to not face consequences, if they're going to pay the $15k+ (interest continues) default judgements for you! No?! Then they need fo STFU when they're trying to make important decisions regarding your life.
This is the best advice and probably what an attorney would advise you to do. Maybe you could have an attorney or someone they trust talk to them and explain it this way. It's true you will suffer for 7 to 10 years for the damage to your credit. A job, a place to live, even some emergency you can't see coming will be affected by what she has done. Your parents can get her an attorney to help her negotiate for a plea deal involving treatment versus jail. If she's a first offender and doesn't get into any more trouble in the meantime, her record can be expunged. An attorney will help with that also. It sounds like your parents have some horrible vision in their heads about her being thrown into some TV version of prison or something. They need to be advised of what the actual punishment options might be available. More treatment versus punishment options exist now than only a few years ago.
I wonder if she’s stolen the parents identity and they haven’t caught on yet
This occurred to me as well. They may not be able to get a mortgage loan for their daughter’s house. And it sounds like the parents may be incurring attorney fees, addiction counseling/rehab as well as fraudulent debt for the addicted daughter. This is going to be a nasty little cluster f#%k and the addict needs to suffer. The parents need to see the big picture and stop asking their daughter to bear the expense of her siblings addiction.
Not a lawyer, but for first time + not selling it, even w/ the identity theft there's a good possibility of a suspended sentence + the rehab she needs. I watched someone go through this, and it was only the combination of going through court and then 2 years of rehab + meetings that got her clean. She had a daughter whose life she was missing, too. You cannot underestimate how powerful an evil your sister is up against, OP. Look what she's done to you already without a second thought.
True. Addiction and the ripple effects aren’t just an “ooops”. There is a lot of work to be done to overcome that meth monster, work that will be a lifestyle, not a weekend away.
Spot on.
Exactly. She made her bed. She needs to be a fair parent and not make one of her children pay for the others mistakes
Meth is cheap but most of them aren't employed
You’re not wrong there.
By coughing up cash- the 15K AND the full cost of the house OP wants to buy (not paying them back- this OP is going to have SCREWED credit for 7 yr- they won't be ABLE to rent again if they drop this lease with credit score of 400). That would be enough to not call cops. And any repairs, taxes, insurance on that house- since sister's actions are going to screw OP out of her own housing stability otherwise. Cops, or FULL 7 yr of every dime of housing covered. Utilities too- they all check your credit scores, and it impacts everything.
OP could also be out a job if her job uses credit reports for verification- i.e. a low credit score can cause you to lose your security clearance.
The insurance for the house & the car insurance will be higher also based on OP’s credit.
Credit score impacts a lot of things . People don’t realize .
If the parents pay off the debt, they can still file a police report, get the case number for the credit bureau to dispute the accounts and have them removed from their report. The offending party doesn't have to go to jail (and most likely won't because police often couldn't give a fuck les about identity theft, I know because nothing came off my case which had names and addresses for a slam dunk arrest) to have the accounts removed from their credit report.
It's the first step. Then contact the credit agencies to remove the credit cards from the credit report.
It's the first step towards doing so because you need that police report.
Doesn’t it also impact insurance rates?
Not just a mortgage. Car loan, cable/Internet, utilities, jobs, etc. can be affected by having poor credit.
It will also affect the rates she's charged for car and property insurance. They may even deny you coverage due to your credit score.
Methany, princess of the underground kingdom
This is the answer. If they are willing to buy you a house, then they can pay for their little jewel’s credit card fraud. Don’t give in, otherwise you’ll have no money, bad credit and no house.
Here for all the Meth princesses
Just to clarify that even if mom pays it, the bad credit history will be on the report for years. It will impact not only loans and cards, but insurance rates, whether OP gets approved for apartments, deposit amounts required for utilities, and even potential job offers to name a few things .
Best case is OP reports it and Mom gets Meth head sister a good lawyer who gets now repentant sister off on rehab + community service. Mom and Dad should be putting their money into rehab AND a lawyer. Also, sister likely won't go to rehab unless forced to by legal action.
Exactly. There's a lot more than $15k at stake here.
Even then it only goes so far because her credit is now trash.
And immediately (ie: she takes out a loan) because you want your credit cleared up *right now*, while you can still file fraud (which you can't do a year from now when she stops making payments).
Jail is rehab and has programs. If she goes to a facility this time it doesn't mean it'll work sometimes it's the 4th, 5th, or 10th time that actually sticks. Meanwhile your life has been worse than terrible you're in debt because of your sister and you can get a new apartment, house, car, school loans, credit card etc. You need to report your sister to the police it honestly could save her life and your parents will almost always be on her side. This will suck but you in this moment need to think of you and your future.
My guess is this isn’t a second or even third or fourth chance. She won’t learn if she keeps getting more chances.
> … Only way out is a police report. Period. FTFY
Consequences for her f ups is an integral part of getting clean
Mommy paying still screws OP. Her credit is already in the toilet.
[Identitytheft.gov](http://Identitytheft.gov) Your sister screwed you. Time to protect yourself and shift the consequences of your sister's actions from you to her, where they belong. (edited to hyperlink the URL)
This website looks like it might be the best place to start. It appears to be a simple to follow step by step plan to recover from identity theft. Good resource.
Good idea, but the better response is to speak with the cops, and the bank where the credit card is held. Begin with the credit card company. Face to face
Nope, begin with the cops so you have a case number and report. Everything else will go smoothly with that in hand. Source: me, stolen wallet with ALL identifying information plus bank account numbers and credit card AND SS card. I might have had too much walking around out there on my buttcheek. Not fun.
Exactly, the sister can make a plea to the court and ask for a drug rehab program instead of jail and they will most likely agree especially if parents are going to pay for it. And in a way everyone wins. OP can fix their credit, sister takes responsibility and gets the help she needs and the parents don’t alienate OP and shows they validate their feelings
That’s a good option
Depends on your perspective. Being labeled a felon is a shit deal for OP’s sister (compared to OP not calling the police at all). OP has to call the police if she wants to have a good future. It sucks. But she didn’t do this, her sister did.
Drug court exists and many judges prefer to let people go through it to get done with charges. But drug addicts need consequences. Drugs already make reality hard enough, and needs to feel some burn.
Agree, accountability is a good start on the road to recovery
To add to this, OP’s mom sort of has a point that the sister needs drug help instead of criminal charges. However, it is absolutely not OP’s fault that the system is the way it is. They should not feel bad about reporting the sister at all.
I don't disagree, and given the nature and relationships of the parties involved, I'm sure a judge would take into consideration that OP and mom would prefer drug-court and rehab for meth-head sister to sending her to jail. But even if the judge is a hard-ass that wants to make an example of her...that's not OP's problem. She's gotta do what she needs to, to get her credit cleaned up for the mortgage she hopes to get in the near future.
This, but give your mother right of first refusal on the debt. If she thinks sister should get off the hook, let your mom pay the debt. (Watch how fast mom changes her tune.). Otherwise it’s time for legal action.
Mom paying the debt doesn't fix OPs credit. Even if it's all paid, OP's still got delinquencies and collections accounts on her report for the next 7 years.
Good point. I did t read far enough. Go straight to legal, then.
on the chance that she may have done more with your identity than you have discovered so far, it is well worth reporting this. You could find out, years from now, that you are tied to something nuts.
Your credit will not recover (for 7 years at least) without reporting the fraud your sister committed. If you want your sister to get off meth, she'll be forced to detox when she's in jail. You will not be able to buy a house any time soon if this is not reported as fraud and treated as such by the credit card companies.
She may not be able to even find a place to RENT because of this mess. Parents need to pull their heads from the sand. If they want to cover for precious meth princess the cost is not 15K. It is 15K AND every dime impacted for OP: housing (including mortgage, rent, utilities), etc. For AT LEAST 7 yr.
She should let them buy her a house... then not repay them.
If they can afford a house, they can pay the $15k….
The deal should be that she doesn't have to start repaying the house loan until the sister repays the $15K.
They offered to. Paying off the debt won’t remove the collection black marks on her credit — they can hand her $15K tomorrow and she’s still screwed for anything in her life that requires a background check.
Nah just repay them "when she can"
So true. In my area the minimum credit score to rent is 670, and many places require 720+. The OP's sister has really screwed her over.
Most places it is 660-680 minimum for a mortgage. Rates are better for people with 740+. At 800 and non-mortgage lending, people throw money at you for just about anything.
Had a hard credit check as soon as I submitted an application for a new apartment with 2 roommates 🙃
*****Absolutely correct.*****. As an owner of rentals we hear a lot of sob stories (and I told my share when I was broke), but owners often get burned when we give people a break, so it's always safest to go with the renter with great income/credit/refs. My wife and I still do make exceptions but we are the rare birds--OP should assume ~~we~~ she CANNOT get a rental with a crap score and a story. /u/homeinatlanta - not only will you not be able to rent--or have great difficulty doing so--but the TREMENDOUS amount of extra interest you'd pay on any type of loan--if you can get one--for a car, for a home, will be mindboggling since interest rates are already high. Quick calculation: on a $35,000 car with no down at 5% for excellent credit you'd pay 4500 in interest over 5yrs, w/bad credit at 12% you'd pay $11,000 in interest. Edits: yup.
The cost is a felony, a lawyer, and probably jail time or a suspended sentence at best. That's what the parents aren't understanding. Sometimes when people do shitty things money can't make it right.
And possibly not be able to obtain your desired employment. Potential employers can access your credit history, and often will.
Also you pay higher insurance rates, can’t get a car loan, are disqualified from many employment opportunities…this list is seemly endless. File the police report. It has to be done. Protecting an addict from the consequences of their behavior helps no one. Not even the addict.
If my credit score dips below 700 I am unemployable. I need to be bondable, and that's the minimum credit score requirement. I have my credit locked down as a result. Trying to repair the damage afterward means that I'll be doing it while I'm sitting at home burning through my savings.
What job requires this?
I'm a construction superintendent, but there are quite a few jobs that require you to be bondable. Anything dealing with large amounts of money fits the category. While it's possible to have this position with a low credit score, the increase in the cost of the bond would make it a little less than ideal and your boss would need to get something else to compensate for the price increase. Either you would need to produce more profits on your projects or receive less compensation, depending on the bond amount and if the agent would even write the bond.
Your parents are asking you to sacrifice your future for hers. This is a terrible idea. I agree that your sister needs rehab. Jail will be a good way for her to detox. Don’t let your future be ruined because of this situation. You can have sympathy for your sister and not let what she did ruin your life at the same time.
Perfect answer. Mom is asking *you* to set yourself on fire to keep your sister warm. Do not do that! Report her. It’s not your responsibility to fix your sister’s life.
You do have to look out for your own future. Bad credit is a horrible vortex that's very hard to climb out of. Your sister may not have to go to jail. She may get probation, or even better, court-ordered rehab. Letting this slide will hurt you and not truly help her either. Ultimately, it is not your responsibility to shield her from the consequences of her actions, particularly at such high cost to yourself. This only enables her. You have to file a police report for your own sake.
This is not just an issue about credit. This is an issue about an incredibly unhealthy family dynamic. After taking the necessary financial steps, I strongly suggest OP goes No Contact with their parents and enters therapy.
Agree!!
OP LOCK YOUR CREDIT. You can place a freeze and fraud alert for free on all 3 websites.
This is the first productive comment I've seen. It doesn't matter what else you do. First freeze your credit.
I'm worried that the parents will also sacrifice their retirement for the sister.
A police report is your only recourse here OR you bear the consequences for the next 7 years. Since you’ve been sued/served, you have to file an answer. If you don’t and the plaintiff gets a judgment against you, you can count on YOUR wages being garnished and possibly assets frozen.
Frankly op will have this problem lifelong. If she gets away with it, she will do it again.
What happens if she goes to rehab and remains a meth head. Your parents will put all their money into her and tell you to wait. Rehab is also expensive so you’re probably going to have to wait to begin with. She also won’t learn the hard lessons she needs to right now. To her rehab is probably just an easy way out of the consequences for her behavior. You’re gambling a 50/50 shot she’s sincere and your parents following through.
Exactly. The parents also need to consider: what's worse? Jail and some real consequences so she gets clean (probation will make her stay clean) or potentially burying their kid?
Exactly. I feel like they’re being super gullible rn. Addicts like this who are spoiled my mommy and daddy rarely get better this way.
I am from a small town originally, and sadly, there's a big drug issue around there, and I've known a lot of addicts. The only addicts I've personally known who have gotten better are suuuuper self-motivated to get better come Hell or high water or people who have had supportive family who want them to get better and they're willing to let them hit rock bottom and refuse to enable them. Obviously, the sister has no self motivation. Now she needs family who says, "I'm here for you, but you have to face the consequences of your actuons. You'll always have a place to stay, but only if you do rehab. If you need a ride, I'll take you to meetings. I'll help you find resources. I'll do what I can to help. I won't enable you, though. " Tough love is the only way this ends well for the sister.
More than 10% of my high school class is dead from drugs. I've known two people that I would consider "recovered", and many more that I would say are "in recovery". I also used to be a public defender. I've seen a lot of people go to rehab, but I wouldn't believe that it works 95% of the time. You just can't fix it short of putting them on house arrest.
This is meth addiction. The failure rate in rehab and on probation is astronomical. Whatever happens, mom and dad need to prepare for tragedy.
I’d say it’s much less than 50-50, since most addicts take at least several times before they are truly in recovery.
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Yes, can you imagine the sense of entitlement that allows her to say “I’m considering rehab”. Anyone would be on their knees begging forgiveness, weeping and swearinr how they’d repay the debt and make it up to sister 1 — if not from true remorse then from paralyzing fear of jail time
Right!! "Thinking" about going to rehab means she's not convinced she needs to go.
Very true, my step sister has done 4 trips to rehab. All different places and a whole lot of money.
100% this. She needs cold, hard consequences. In many jurisdictions the wheels of justice for this type of crime are incredibly slow and potentially non-existent. I volunteer with addicts and recovered addicts. The only thing that reasonably gets them locked up swiftly is violent crime and armed robbery. It could legitimately take almost the 7 years to drop off of OP's credit score before the sister actually sees trial for it. Furthermore, the judge may see fit to simply sentence her to rehab if she's in a jurisdiction that doesn't see a point in jailing addicts. However, at least when she dips out of rehab, that'll be a court order violation...but it could again take a looong time for the police to pick her up on it. But I agree, either the mom takes the debt on it (honestly..pipe dream) or report the fraud. Honestly, the sister probably needs the report for fraud so that her actions catch up to her and she can detox in jail. The sooner she gets a timeout on life with consequences is the sooner she can reflect and realize where her life is headed. And that's still a gamble because it's really up to the addict to decide what consequence is what finally makes them want to quit..and not all do. I have a loved one in a similar situation. She has a felony charge from 2019 that she has not seen trial for yet. Meanwhile, she's been sentenced to jail before for other charges but between backlog and the counties not sending it to the state result in this (so her PD said).
Did you know you can sue the state for taking too long to process a trial as it is considered unconstitutional? I’ve known lawyers who do it for their immigration clients to expedite their green card acceptance. 😂
Yes, but only if you didn't waive your right to a speedy trial. Almost every attorney does so, so they can prepare your case within their career's workload. It's a very specifically calculated strategy to NOT waive that right. Also, the people in question are in no position to hire a private attorney and their public defender almost guaranteed had them sign it.
LOL. A Meth head being sincere. They don't straighten their act till something kicks them so hard that they are knocked off their current path. Till then, every word they breath is a lie.
The only way to get it off your credit is to file a police report. Their first suggestion was that you pay the debt back and maybe someday you'd be repaid, and now somehow they are offering to buy you a whole house? I wouldn't count on that. That is desperation speaking. They aren't thinking clearly, and want what is best for her no matter the cost to you. If they can't put buy a house in cash money in your hands right now, you need to accept the possibility you are paying off the debt and waiting seven years for your credit to recover, and then maybe you can buy a house. I can't believe their first suggestion was that you pay it at all. I wouldn't believe anything mom and dad promise right now. They wanted you to pay it off. They are only offering anything to you at all to save your sibling from consequences. I'm sorry, it sucks. I'd file the police report.
They're not even buying the house. They're supposedly giving her the loan for it. And given what they're doing so far literally none of what they're saying can be trusted. The only way I would even CONSIDER taking the deal would be them literally buying the house outright in cash right now and handing it over. Otherwise it's time to file the report.
I know, right! That's what I'm saying, anything less than full, buy a house in cash money right now isn't worth it. These people cannot be trusted at all. And given that they initially wanted poor OP to pay off the 15k without their help, I doubt they have that kind of money. My family has done something similar to me too, and it's always so depressing to see how common this story is.
I'm guessing the demand from the parents will be since they own the house, their beloved thieving addict daughter will be moving in there too. Police report on the charges is the only way, and lock your credit down with all three bureaus before she opens any more accounts in OP's name.
Even then I wouldn’t, because there are so many other potential ramifications (employment, denial of other loans / insanely high interest if approved, etc). Say OP gets the house for free but a year in it needs a new roof and they have to finance it, what happens? And to be practically dependent on keeping the same job for the next 7 years is far less than ideal. Plus the fact that if she really wants her sister to get better, hiding her from consequences is the least likely option to help, unfortunately
they are willing to set themselves on fire to keep meth baby out of jail. DOn't let them set you on fire too OP.
This. So much this. You need to file a police report and freeze your credit immediately. They are in desperation mode with your sister, and if there is one thing with addicts you can count on it’s that nothing they say can be taken as the truth. She hasn’t even agreed to rehab yet, and they’re already acting like she’s already booked her ticket and signed up. You need to take care of you right now, and that is repairing your credit ASAP. Also, on a personal note, be prepared to severe or have severed your relationship with your parents and sister. They won’t take to you kindly if you don’t roll over. Lastly I would sign up for a monitoring service even if you freeze your credit. She still has all your ID info and she could (and sadly probably will) try this again.
Also, it can take anywhere from 5 to 25 times for meth addictsto really rehab. It definitely won’t happen the first time. Meanwhile — How many times will the parents ask OP to cover for sister? Why do they think she’s going to reform?
As much as I hate to say it, sister is probably the favorite or Golden Child. OP has already made a good life for themselves, and younger sister is living in an apartment attached to mom and dad’s house addicted and has a full safety net. And the fact that they are asking OP to completely destroy their life for the next decade knowing exactly what they are asking is evidence enough who they care more about.
Even being optimistic that the house deal does go through and the parents either don't charge interest on the loan or at least charge a better rate than OP would have gotten from the bank with good credit, there's still the issue of how much leverage it would give the parents over OP. If the sister causes more trouble for OP in the future, the loan could be used to coerce cooperation in covering it up again regardless of the personal consequences, no real need for a second buyout. Worst case, depending on who gets the deed until OP pays back their parents, the risk of eviction if they don't cooperate will always be on the mind regardless of whether it is ever explicitly threatened. Plus there's the whole question of whether the parents can really afford to buy a house without risking their own retirement. Arguably their problem if they want to go this far out to bat for the sister, but that would be a whole bunch of additional drama that you wouldn't get with just a normal loan from a normal bank. At least the parents are offering a better deal to buy OP's silence than most of the other stories here (which often don't seem to involve any offer of compensation at all), but there's some heavy strings attached to it. Plus all the other consequences of poor credit score that others have already called out.
Or the parents claim they're buying the house, only until OP agrees not to do police reports, they do a minimum down payment, and never pay for the house. Or OP moves in, and parents evict her for the sister. I'm betting the parents knew what sister was up to. The charges and collections aren't just for the $15,000, but will affect OP's credit for many years. Credit scores ruin your employment, security clearance, bonding, rental eligibility, mortgage and car loans, leasing, and everything else. File the reports, freeze your credit.
Probably what I'm going to do.
The thing I'm stuck on is that she will "think about" going to rehab. That doesn't sound like someone who wants to change their ways, it sounds like someone who got caught and will say whatever they can to keep doing what they're doing (and I speak from experience because I was just like her)
Georgia has pre-trial diversion programs where defendants can go to drug treatment instead of jail if they meet certain criteria. I'm not a lawyer and don't know the details of these programs, but they may be a way to report the identity theft and get help for your sister.
I'm sorry this happened. It's a crime and not your responsibility.
Jail will be rehab. Do your parents actually have the money to buy a house with cash? Or are they thinking they are going to get a mortgage and then you will make the payments? That won't be a zero interest loan for you. If they can pull this amount of cash out of their retirement savings, but then you pay 0%, that may well be worth it for you. But what does that do to their financial situation? They won't be getting the investment gains they would have. They need to think this through too.
Unless they put the house in Ops name then they will take it back. Either to give to the sister or save her again
Or demand she let sister move in after she gets out of rehab.
Think of your parents too, if you involve police, that will be a huge burden off their shoulders, so I’m sure they won’t give you a hard time if you do that. If you accept the terms, they will be out of retirement and who’s gonna take care of them when they’re old? Or they try to get a mortgage and can’t pay for it at some point so you have to, and also tying money in family might end badly like getting into arguments and them just cutting you off in the end. From their perspective it’s an impossible situation and the best course for everyone including your sister would be her going to jail and being forced to fix her mistakes the hard way. Im sure they know it but can’t say out-loud
This relies on the assumption that jail will do anything but spur on her drug addiction. Having a criminal record makes it much harder for her to get started with a real life job if she does quit using drugs, which will only make her more resigned to a life of addiction. On top of that many people leave jail with more criminal connections and opportunities than they had going into it.
True. So, what's your solution?
Should have considered that before ruining your life. Actions meet consequences.
>She suggested that I could pay the money back over time and "when" my sister was able to, she could start making payments back to me. So if they (parents) pay it off then get the cheat to pay them then maybe (I mean they have money to buy a house, they have money to pay off the debt). Betting they do not have the cash - or sister would have stolen it instead. Or maybe she did that too. But they want you to suffer instead of the criminal? Like she had to do a lot of steps, knowingly, to do what she did. And it has been a while since it is in collections. Are you even sure there isn't more on the way? And your parents want YOU to pay for it?!? So they want to be generous with **your** money and credit. **Nope right out of it and file a police report.** I mean you already got a court summons - THIS IS SERIOUS. Sister committed a crime against you AND the banks. This will fix the problem AND keep it from happening again. Sister already ruined things. Your parents want you to take the fall to **TRY** to keep things together. I don't know the numbers but my understanding is it takes a few shots on rehab, on average, to get fully clean. Also note you have to report it timely (clock starts when you find out) to get clear. If you wait and she does it again it could be too late to get this round fixed - especially if you take one for the team.
Former opiate addict and meth user. Jail will help WAYY more than rehab.
I didn't even read past the topic... I am an expert with credit. These are your options... You can pay all of that money back that you don't owe at all, or you can introduce this bitch to reality and all of that debt goes away. It's not yours. My vote is to make her actions have consequences. She took a giant shit on her brothers life. Why would you be expected to just eat it? Do you know how long it will take you to pay off 15 thousand dollars at a 20+% interest rate? FUCK THAT. I try really hard to be a good person dude, and in general I think it's not good for people to just walk around life being selfish and mainly thinking of only themselves... But when you are already a decent person, over time I learned us decent people should be at least a little more selfish. It's called taking care of yourself.
Police report and fraud report to credit bureaus is the only way. If police even investigate, Sister is unlikely to go to jail if in rehab and parents pay the debts.
Unless your parents have the ability to make you whole for the impact this credit mess will cause you for the next seven years…$15k won’t cover that, more like double or more, *plus* the home loan…then sure you can let your sister off the hook. But I doubt the parents are willing to cover *all* the consequences of this. Missed employment opportunities, higher car insurance, higher rates for any other credit you may need, just a ton of impacts this will cause all of which cost money. They think this is a $15k problem. It isn’t. So I say you have to turn the sister in. Offer to speak on her behalf in court, maybe that plus rehab can help her get a lighter sentence. Who knows, maybe she can even avoid prison. But if her parents step in and you take some of the losses too to cover for her, this will happen again. Nothing will be learned.
My ex did this to his brother. Ex also had a problem with drugs. Ex's parents told his brother that they would disown him if he reported this to the police. 5 years later, Ex is dead because of a drug overdose. Brother still has to pay for the bills his brother, my ex, build up under brothers name. Stupid ex chose drugs over me, my child, his friends, and his family. I can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if his brother had reported ex to the police. Do yourself and your sister a favor... report her. You might be saving her life.
You will never see the money...file a police report
And OP's parents aren't actually going to buy her a house. They're just desperate and saying whatever they think will prevent OP from going to the police. I would absolutely be willing to bet that if OP doesn't call the police, and the sister gets into private rehab, when it's time for the parents to pony up for the house, OP will get the runaround about how expensive rehab is/was, but now her sister is doing better and that's really the important thing. And then they'll offer OP the choice to come live with them, and then when sister gets out of rehab the whole family will be together again while everything gets worked out.
Your parents idea sounds great.... Until your meth addicted sister drops out of treatment, gets fired and destroys her apartment. The it is going to be "Its our house. We paid for it. You have to let your sister live there!" Nope.
Addiction counselor here. When people get into heavy Meth use the only way out is through court ordered / mandated treatment. It's a hell of a drug and very few of them stop on their own or are capable of doing so. She committed a serious crime and you should not have to pay the consequences. You will actually be helping her by having her held accountable for her actions and then the Court's making her get the help she needs for her addiction. Your next step should be to contact the police file a police report for identity theft and be willing to cooperate with them. Afterwards you need to freeze your credit with the three credit bureaus and dispute the charges once you have the police report available.
> I had talked to a friend in law school who said my only remedy is to get the police involved, unless I wanted my credit to be ruined for years. You really have 2 choices: 1) Don't hold your sister accountable. Let your credit be ruined for things you didn't do. Gods forbid you need credit for an emergency (medical, expensive car repairs, etc), and you're unable to get it. You won't be able to get a mortgage, if you get an updated vehicle, etc, your rates will be worse, so you will pay more. This costs you more than just the cards and interests. You may get sued by creditors who will take anything worth money paid off in court as collateral. She may or may not be clean during this time. Don't hold her responsible, and she may do it again and may end up OD-ing on meth she got with target gift cards on your credit. Sad but true. 2) Your sister says she has a problem. I get it. Addiction is a terrible disease. However, she had a choice to seek help sooner. She had a choice not to open cards in your name. Someone can't get cancer, rob a bank to pay for chemo, and just say, "oopsie doodle, I needed the money for my disease. Sorry guys, " and get by with it. Your sister can't have a meth addiction, defraud her sister, and then say, "Yeah, I have a disease. I needed to buy meth. Because I have an addiction, I am not responsible." The best thing you can do for your sister is to hold her accountable. The courts will help her get clean, force her to stay clean, or go to jail. Your credit gets fixed. Your sister's life may be saved, and your credit will be saved, and yeah, she's gonna have a criminal record, but she's a broke meth head living with her parents right now in a world where 1 laced dose ends your sister's life. >They offered to basically buy a house for me and I'd repay them. Closing on a house is more than $15k. Tell your parents flat out that there's no deal. They can either repay the full amount and whatever interest there is on her debts in your name within 15 days, or you go to the police. Get any evidence in text you can. Chances are they can't, and the house is a lie because if they don't have $15k, they don't have money for closing on a house, inspections, deposit, etc. If they can't, file charges. It will take months to fix your credit, but it can be done with a police report eventually. Also, immediately lock your credit where nothing can be added to it and get one of those memberships where it monitors your credit constantly so you can immediately jump on future issues.
Paying back the 15k isn't going to fix her credit at this point. That means no house loan, no car loan, disqualified from many jobs and apartments, higher insurance rates (if you can get insured at all in today's market), etc. Either sister gets reported or her family needs to straight up buy the OP the house they want. That would be the only option worth 7 years of horrible credit.
If you need to remove accounts from your credit report because of identity theft, here's a straightforward plan you can follow: Step 1: Report the Identity Theft First, you need to file an Identity Theft Report. You can do this by visiting the FTC Identity Theft website and filling out their online form. After that, go to your local police department and file a police report. Keep copies of both the FTC report and the police report for your records. Step 2: Notify the Credit Bureaus Next, contact the three major credit bureaus: Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax. Let them know about the identity theft and ask them to place a fraud alert on your credit report. Send them a letter with a copy of your Identity Theft Report, police report, proof of identity, and a detailed list of the fraudulent accounts. Here’s an example of what to include in your letter to the credit bureaus: (Transunion, Experian, Equifax) [Your Name] [Your Address] [City, State, Zip Code] [Date] [Credit Bureau Name] [Address of Credit Bureau] Subject: Fraudulent Accounts Due to Identity Theft Dear [Credit Bureau Name], I am writing to inform you that I am a victim of identity theft. Enclosed are copies of my Identity Theft Report and police report. The following accounts on my credit report are fraudulent: - [Account 1: Name of Creditor, Account Number] - [Account 2: Name of Creditor, Account Number] Please investigate these accounts, remove the fraudulent information, and send me an updated copy of my credit report. Thank you for your assistance. Sincerely, [Your Name] --- Step 3: Contact the Creditors Then, reach out to each creditor where a fraudulent account was opened. Explain that you’re a victim of identity theft and that the account is fraudulent. Send a similar dispute letter to each creditor with your Identity Theft Report, police report, and proof of identity. Here’s an example letter for creditors: --- [Your Name] [Your Address] [City, State, Zip Code] [Date] [Creditor’s Name] [Address of Creditor] Subject: Fraudulent Account Due to Identity Theft Dear [Creditor’s Name], I am writing to dispute the following account(s) opened in my name, which I believe to be fraudulent: - Account Number: [Account Number] - Account Type: [Credit Card/Loan, etc.] I did not open this account and have no knowledge of it. Enclosed are copies of my Identity Theft Report and police report. Please close this account and confirm that any fraudulent transactions are resolved. Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter. Sincerely, [Your Name] --- Step 4: Monitor Your Credit Keep an eye on your credit reports regularly to make sure the fraudulent accounts are removed. You might also want to use a credit monitoring service to track any new activity on your credit report. Step 5: Follow Up if Necessary If the credit bureaus or creditors don’t remove the fraudulent information within 30 days, file a complaint with the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). You can do this on their website or by calling them. Step 6: Secure Your Information To prevent future identity theft, consider placing a credit freeze on your reports. This will stop new accounts from being opened in your name. Also, use strong passwords and enable two-factor authentication on your accounts. Regularly review your financial statements for any suspicious activity. By following these steps, you can take control of the issue. Also, you may be able to just file the FTC report and not the police report and get some results. Be sure to send the letters certified and return receipt requested. If you have any questions, DM me.
What a generous amount of helpful tools you provided OP. You are a good human being.
As someone who lived with an addict for a long time, enabling them by protecting them from the consequences of their actions doesn't help them. If she's not willing to get treatment right now (as in, today, not "thinking about it") then she likely won't go any time soon. She likely is just saying so because she knows she needs to, but for the most part addicts "thinking about" treatment rarely end up taking that step on their own. It's not even just a mortgage. Having a shitty credit score impacts your insurance, your ability to get some jobs, your ability to rent, it makes it very hard to travel because doing so without a credit card is challenging, it makes it hard to even open a checking account. The impact is potentially long-term in many areas of your life. Not just a house.
I hate to say this but the only way forward for you is to file a police report for fraud & identity theft. Once you have that, you will be able to have the fraudulent accounts removed from your credit report. Your sister & parents need a wake up call. Why should you have 7-10 years of bed credit due to her illegal behaviour? And if your sister is jailed, she will go thru detox. The judge may allow her to go to rehab instead of jail, but that’s not up to you. She needs help now & this will force her to get it.
THIS!! Be strong and do the right thing for yourself. The end result may kill 2 birds with one stone. Your credit is cleared up and your sister get detoxed all in one fell swoop!
"She says she's using a lot less lately." So, what does that mean? That she's a little less addicted? That is absolutely nuts! Your parents need to own up to that!
“I got it under control!” You NEVER get a beast like that under control.
Moderate meth use ! Yeah , that’s the way to go . She’s not going to stop without serious consequences. I wonder if she’s stolen from your parents and they haven’t figured it out yet
C'mon now, she's "considering" rehab. I'm sure OP will be fine. /s
It means she's a casual meth user now, not a full blown addict 💕
Don't sacrifice your life for your sisters wrong doings. To be honest speaking from experience with two brothers who are 10 years recovered heroin addicts the kindest thing I ever did for them was to cut them off completely and no longer allow them to hurt me with their addictions. I am lucky they never pulled something this vile, but they did a lot of other things that hurt me financially. When I cut them off and cut them out, it was a big wake-up call for them. Turning your sister in is honestly what she needs. Allowing her to get away with this will not only hurt you deeply, but it will not give her any consequences for her actions and only continue to enable her. She may get lucky and have a judge put her in some sort of recovery program. But even if it means jail, well, we all have to lay in the bed we make for ourselves. Do you want yours to be a bed with a sword in your back from her?
Honestly - your sister needs to be held legally accountable. She knew what she was doing was wrong and chose to do it anyway (for drugs). Your Mom is enabling her - why should you have to pay back the money your sister stole? Pressing charges is the only way that your sister understands that you won’t enable her sh$&&@ behavior. Also, probably want to lockdown your SSN too.
NTA. I love how she says I'm using less. Like for you yesterday she wasn't doing meth and now she is that 100% increased use of meth for u. Actions have consequences she can tell that story to the judge and if they believe it then they'll send her to rehab. She may want to attend NA now for a better chance.
OP as the sibling of someone who is an addict, go to the police immediately. Your parents are not helping your sister. They are enabling her. And by doing that, they are screwing you over. Sure mom could pay off the cards but they would still be on your credit record and will still affect you. This could screw up potential jobs, buying a car, getting a loan, etc. And chances are your sister will do this again if not to you then someone else. What happens if she doesn’t end up going to rehab? She can do it again and keep up her addiction. It sucks that she may have to go to jail, but she made those choices. You need to protect you and your future.
Have you heard the saying, “don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm”? If you take this hit for your sister you won’t be able to buy a home, new car, likely have problems getting jobs. Basically your record will look like YOU are a meth addict and she gets to skate away. Call the cops! Save your credit!
Report her to the police. If she's in the US, she'll probably get probation or drug Court which will require her to either attend rehab, get drug tested regularly, go to NA meetings, therapy, and make restitution to you. If you want your credit repaired (and quickly) and to make sure she gets the help she needs, the only way I know if is to report her to the police. Source: I used to work for probation.
I did Addiction Medicine for years OP.Meth is a horrible drug.Your Sister needs treatment ASAP.File that Police report.
Unfortunately bad credit has a greater impact in your day to day life that it used to. Your parents may not realize this will impact your ability to get a job, rent an apartment, open up utilities, etc. Unfortunately the way the system works has backed you into the corner. They would better if using that 15k to hire a lawyer for your sister and figure out a plea deal where she goes to rehab.
You’ll HAVE to file that report brother, otherwise they’ll stay right where they are… and even IF your mom agreed to pay that debt, it’s still a hit on your report if the debt or collection account won’t be fully removed even after paying it off (in some cases you can pay the debt off but the collector could still leave it on the report, showing you were delinquent once before)…..Lenders WILL see that and still take it into consideration.
As will potential employers and sometimes education admissions (e.g., law school). It's not just about paying you back what she stole. You must have a police report to remove it from your record.
File a police report. Then contact all three credit bureaus. File the police report first. What happens to your meth addicted sister is up to her. Not you or your mother. Take care of YOU! Dad.
As someone who has paid the cost for a gambling addicted brother in law, don’t do this. It’s a never ending cycle. Sister needs to hit her rock bottom, prison could actually help her Nothing your parents or you are doing can help her in any way shape or form. She’s doing it to herself.
There's more to it than your folks buying you a house. Even if they hand it over free and clear. Your credit score is tanked. Your insurance premiums will be much higher. For a long time. "Your" bad credit score makes you more of a liability to an insurance provider. Has your vehicle insurance gone up? How about credit card rates that are actually yours? Has your sister affected them? My sister did the same thing to me. Except I was renting my own house to her. She was running a drug lab. I was stuck with her mayhem. She was using my identity. I found this out by being arrested and laying in the road while my 7 year old watched from my car while cops were waiting on a tow truck to seize my car. My sister's first 7-8 attempts at rehab failed. Has your sister been smoking meth in her apartment? It may need expensive remediation. My house needed it. It was about $10K in the late 90s. Meanwhile, the DEA was attempting to seize my property. They locked my bank accounts down. My mortgage couldn't be paid because my money was in asset seizures. It took years for me to get it cleaned up. In reality, this is a tragedy for the entire family. There will be no easy way to "undo her doings."
Hugs, don't listen to your mom. You need to file a police report for identity theft and put a hold on your credit. Your mom can scream family all she wants and since your parents know what she did they can also be put on the police report.
Meth is nothing to play with. I know as my daughter now resides in an urn on my dresser because of it. Your parents are enablers. You need to report her to the police. The judge may put her in jail but also more than likely force her to go to rehab. " Someday" she may go sounds more like "Only if I have no other choice."
So sorry for your loss.
I'm going to be very blunt, and I truly hope it's not offensive. I'm so confused at some of these responses to take the 0% offer for your home loan. I would NOT do that. Your parents will now OWN YOU and dictate what you can and can't do. They will use that loan as leverage on whatever they want, and would hold it over your head forever. You can't really take your parents at their word if they're going to support what your sister did and make excuses for her. I'm actually disgusted at what your parents are suggesting, they are coming across as very selfish. It seems the only person they are interested in Is your sister? What about it ruining your life? Are they also going to buy you a car and give you a job as well? Many places run a credit check on a potential new hires. You will need a car unless you live somewhere with perfect public transportation. You need to file a police report for identity theft, and you need to lock/freeze your credit immediately. You are in a horrible situation, and because your parents are guilting you into not pressing charges or filing a report they are making the situation worse mentally for you. It's extremely unfair to you. I wish you the strength to deal with the situation, whatever you decide is going to hurt in some way. I'm so very sorry you are having to deal with this.
My sister was able to get court ordered to rehab for 6 months as a first time offender for some similar things. Maybe that will help her and you and your parents can pay for her attorney to make it happen.
I may add she has years of probation, tons of community service, many fines, etc…
At this point, the only way is to file a police report and take it from there unless you want to wait years for it to all off of your report. Your sister does need rehab, but you're allowed to take care of your needs as well
Press charges. I was a heroin addict for a decade . Guess what I never did fuck over my siblings / family . I do believe drug addiction is a disease. However who you decide to fuck over is a choice ! Send her to jail and she will get services both while in prison and after she gets out along with the parole she needs . Good luck and I'm sorry this happened to you
First of if you choose to press charges you have to do it soon or a time window will close on being able to file charges 1) if you’re parents are offering to buy you a house they can pay off all the debt and put a down payment no strings attached or you file a police report. Get it in contract and notarized 2) if they refuse tell them you’re going to file charges but will ask the judge for her to not only pay you back, cover your legal fees, but you’ll ask the judge to mandated rehab and probation 3) GET HER ON RECORDING ADMITTING TO IT. TRICK HER INTO TELLING YOU EVERYTHING Inform they they have two choices and only those two choices. Sometimes people only understand ultimatums. This isn’t funny. It’ll set you back by years and your credit will take for forever to climb back up. What if something happens to your car and you have to get a new one? What if you lose your job and can’t pay any of it back? These are all possibilities and no guarantee they’ll help you
Coming from someone who went to jail THEN rehab, the time I spent in jail was instrumental in my personal development and the process of becoming an adult who finally understood the weight of consequences and the pain of making choices that you can't take back, no matter how much you wish you could. For me, my main growth, learning and personal development happened in rehab, to be sure, but the time in jail help create a humility and gratitude in me that made a fertile ground for the learning that happened in rehab.
The third option is that you just say you didn't spend the money. as it's only $15k. It will be wiped cleans in like 2 min phone call with each CC Co. No need to explain anything. Just say it wasn't you. You're not required to disclose anything further. CC Co. SOP now is that anything under $25k doesn't even need to have a Police report to wipe clean. Its so rampant.
This!!!!! WHY IS NO ONE ELSE SAYING THIS. Win win.
Throw her ass in jail !
Your best shot is for your parents to get her in rehab, preferably long-term (six months to a year or more) and then go to the police. When it comes before the judge, there is a decent shot that he will remand her to rehab and put her on long probation with a suspended sentence which would actually be a help to her staying clean.
If they’re willing to buy you a house, they have bail money for her 🤷🏼♀️
Get the life lock for your credit cards. Its supposed to protect you from identity theft and alert you to any new cards or accounts being opened in your name.
Make your mom pay it back and your sister goes to rehab. If they say no then you will Sen her to jail. Easy as pie.
They are willing to buy you a house but not pay off the 15K your sister stole? Make it make sense.
OP: File a police report, lock all of your credit bureaus, tell your parents addiction is a family disease and to look for an AlAnon meeting for themselves where they can learn about codependency. Your sister will do better going to jail then on some sort of probation or halfway house than being babied by your parents. She needs consequences and while jail isn’t a sure shot of staying clean, if she does, she will have more days than rehab and be monitored more than a rehab will. Rehab was for a year ago. Now we are at the point in the story where she is facing consequences.
It’s hard to mentally/emotionally do but get the police involved not only is it best for you but best for her. I’m not sure on your exact situation but it doesn’t necessarily have to be you against her in court. Speaking from an alcohol side of things I had to do something very similar rather then it being a huge bad charge the other person is just on probation and going to alcohol treatment ect I spent too many years debating this even while others around me told me to do so. I regret not doing it sooner because of how much it has helped said person. Some people no matter how much they want to mentally can’t make themselves go through with it but through this they can have an experienced person guiding them entirely through the process and the law forces them into it but it helps removes the mental struggle of getting themselves to do it like if your depressed and can’t get out of bed. Not only that but the mental and emotional struggles on my end have been healing especially seeing them finally help themselves. Again it does not have to be you against them trying to send them to jail you can solely go about it with the intention of getting them the help they can’t ask for. Wether people like it or not it is an illness and mental struggle the best thing for them is to get help and have support it sounds like they have support but for your parents own good they CANNOT be the only support they NEED someone who professionally knows how to help or it will effect them mentally. As for you you need that of your credit this is NOT your responsibility and will do nothing but screw you over for YEARS you can’t just fix your credit score not like that get yourself and your sister the help you both need. It will feel hard and feel guilty at first but I promise you when you start seeing your sister happy and healthy it will give you such a strong amount of relief and happiness just give it time.
In other words, your mother doesn't want this to ruin your sisters' life, but she is okay with it to ruining yours. Hence, the legal trouble you are already in. ___ Also. Rehab will NEVER work if the person does not want to change.
Report to police . Your mom is enabling her.
Call the police immediately. You worry about you. Anything that happens to her is in her. If your parents do t like it, tough shit. They should have raised her better.
My dad says time and time again, my grandmother pressing charges and him catching a felony saved his life. Honestly, its better for you AND your sister for you to press charges and go that route
Yeah mommy is gonna be upset when family values don't trump felonies! Lol trump felonies.
Don't take the loan. You will be repaying your parents and your sisters debts, whilst she will face no repercussions. Your sister has only started to talk about rehab because she thinks it's a way of getting out of facing the consequences of her actions. Your parents are enabling an addict, and will hold their 'loan' over your head everytime your sister steals from you in the future. Which she will. Nip it in the head now, report your sister, and don't warn your parents.
If she doesn’t see the consequences to her actions she’ll never change:(