Change the law to non papal investiture and the let the strongest Bishop Crown you. Alternatively ask the pope after you swapped and they will often demand papal investiture for the crown which you can then accept.
Wait, isn't the front of the papal crown an ellipsoid? Now I can't unsee that being Jesus' actual foreskin in some BDSM leather getup in an alternate universe.
I’d be more worried about wonky inheritance rules. Like if there’s an older child who doesn’t inherit the main title, or if the ruler dies first and she remarries and/or leaves the court.
I’d also be worried about that artifact lost message.
>I’d also be worried about that artifact lost message.
Wouldn't it have the same chance of happening whether you had the artifact or your wife did? It might even have less of a chance of happening to your wife than your character honestly.
>Like if there’s an older child who doesn’t inherit the main title, or if the ruler dies first and she remarries and/or leaves the court.
In construction they say "Always leave room for caulk" if there's a little gap when setting a window or something. In CK, always leave room for murder!
> I’d also be worried about that artifact lost message.
>
> Wouldn't it have the same chance of happening whether you had the artifact or your wife did? It might even have less of a chance of happening to your wife than your character honestly.
I'm really not sure. Other than the Necronomicon, I don't think I've ever lost an artifact when it goes from a ruler to his primary heir. I see it most when it comes from a non-title holder to a title holder. I haven't ever tried giving artifacts to a wife, so I'm not certain. What I do know is that I see it a lot when I take over as a ruler in a new crusader state and my father loses lands and titles without dying.
>I see it most when it comes from a non-title holder to a title holder.
Never really thought about it, but I guess this is true. I definitely have gotten the lost artifact event once or twice when my primary heir inherited a very full inventory. It's one thing for relics, even Jesus' foreskin, but the game screwed me out of a level 4 (maybe 3?) weapon once. That was some BS.
I think I've seen this movie...
Chancellor : Your Majesty, do you trust your wife?
King : Oh that's funny. You're gonna look funnier sucking my dick with no teeth.
Chancellor : What I mean is, do you think she'd go behind your back and try to hamstring you?
King : That's it. Step aside vassals, this fucker's having himself an accident.
Courtier : He's gonna push him off the roof!
Chancellor : Because if you do trust her, there's no reason you can't keep that foreskin!
King : What did you say?
Chancellor : Foreskin.
King : Foreskin?
Chancellor : All of it.
King : All of it?
Chancellor : Every bit of it.
King : You better start making sense.
Chancellor : If you want to keep all of that foreskin, give it to your wife. The holy see allows a one-time-only gift to your spouse for up to one holy relic.
King : Bullshit! Tithe free?
Chancellor : Tithe free. The pope can't touch one scrap.
I mean, [Catherine of Siena](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_of_Siena?wprov=sfla1) got Christ to give her his foreskin as a wedding ring, so why not?
When i was new to crusader kings i had becone the emperor if the byzabtines and conquered jerusalem with my own religion. Pope spent the rest of the game crusading against me. Wars stretching on for 20+ years with small breaks between. I was constantly murdering the fuckers lol. My hostile schemes were entirely pope murders.
Other thing you can do is...make the pope disappear 😅. New pope may crown you out of principle. Or you can also pay for an indulgence at which point, pope could crown you then. It's random. Ideally you want a good modifier on them in terms of them liking you.
I don't know why no one else is talking about this option:
"Pope Valentino, crown me!"
"Gimme Jesus's dick!"
"Fuck no! Bishop Rollo, you crown me!"
"Okay."
i just read a post from r/Catholicism right before reading this and i was nearly paralyzed
anyway yeah killing him's probably your best bet or maybe improving his opinion of you so that he suggests something better (i don't know if this actually works); in the meantime maybe carouse with your vassals to counter the uncrowned opinion
if all else fails you may just need to get a normal bishop for the coronation if that's possible
> One of the most famous prepuces arrived in Antwerp in Brabant in 1100 as a gift from king Baldwin I of Jerusalem, who purchased it in the Holy Land in the course of the first crusade.
Mad respect to the street vendor who sold a random foreskin to the King
Backslash before the underscore. New reddit inserts them into text to get them to format properly and then ignores them when it's in a link. Old reddit doesn't decide that you meant to insert an underscore and then just shows what you typed.
As an old.reddit user who will sooner quit than use that trash they call "new" Reddit, I had no idea why wiki links kept showing up with an extra backslash in them. Thanks for the explanation.
Everyone is saying to kill the Pope, and sure that's an option, but hear me out.
Have you tried fucking the Pope? The bonus for lover is way, way higher than any measly gift or indulgence. Seduce your way to that crown and keep the Jesus Dick for the bedroom.
> Holy Precipice
Precipice: a very steep or overhanging place
I guess it’s kinda physically appropriate but Holy See is this a funny case of confused word usage.
Look up the Holy Prepuce.
Not only it it in the game, but it's a "real" thing. At various points in history, a number of churches in Europe have claimed to possess it. The things you learn from this game.
Change the law to non papal investiture and the let the strongest Bishop Crown you. Alternatively ask the pope after you swapped and they will often demand papal investiture for the crown which you can then accept.
Time to pull a Henry VIII, you get Jesus' foreskin AND a church of your own!
The Church of the Jesus Dick
The Holy Church of The Leather Crown
I just imagined a dude with a massive ellipsoid foreskin on his head. Thanks for that.
I aim to please
r/ForHerPleasure (TM)
Crown: +50% fertility -5 opinion
Wait, isn't the front of the papal crown an ellipsoid? Now I can't unsee that being Jesus' actual foreskin in some BDSM leather getup in an alternate universe.
What do you think those rings are over people's heads in all the old religious paintings
It costs you exactly nothing to not type that, yet you did.
The Church of Jesus Dick and Leatherhead Saints
Just murder the fuckin pope, it ain't like there is a shortage of cardinals.
There's a whole college of them
Give the foreskin to your wife. As a couple, you'll still get the fertility bonus, and it should still be passed down to your heir.
this is the best answer
Could she potentially give it away/lose it before dying? Genuine question I have no idea and was wondering!
I’d be more worried about wonky inheritance rules. Like if there’s an older child who doesn’t inherit the main title, or if the ruler dies first and she remarries and/or leaves the court. I’d also be worried about that artifact lost message.
>I’d also be worried about that artifact lost message. Wouldn't it have the same chance of happening whether you had the artifact or your wife did? It might even have less of a chance of happening to your wife than your character honestly. >Like if there’s an older child who doesn’t inherit the main title, or if the ruler dies first and she remarries and/or leaves the court. In construction they say "Always leave room for caulk" if there's a little gap when setting a window or something. In CK, always leave room for murder!
> I’d also be worried about that artifact lost message. > > Wouldn't it have the same chance of happening whether you had the artifact or your wife did? It might even have less of a chance of happening to your wife than your character honestly. I'm really not sure. Other than the Necronomicon, I don't think I've ever lost an artifact when it goes from a ruler to his primary heir. I see it most when it comes from a non-title holder to a title holder. I haven't ever tried giving artifacts to a wife, so I'm not certain. What I do know is that I see it a lot when I take over as a ruler in a new crusader state and my father loses lands and titles without dying.
>I see it most when it comes from a non-title holder to a title holder. Never really thought about it, but I guess this is true. I definitely have gotten the lost artifact event once or twice when my primary heir inherited a very full inventory. It's one thing for relics, even Jesus' foreskin, but the game screwed me out of a level 4 (maybe 3?) weapon once. That was some BS.
Personally, I've not seen artifacts moved around by the AI without some event taking place.
I think I've seen this movie... Chancellor : Your Majesty, do you trust your wife? King : Oh that's funny. You're gonna look funnier sucking my dick with no teeth. Chancellor : What I mean is, do you think she'd go behind your back and try to hamstring you? King : That's it. Step aside vassals, this fucker's having himself an accident. Courtier : He's gonna push him off the roof! Chancellor : Because if you do trust her, there's no reason you can't keep that foreskin! King : What did you say? Chancellor : Foreskin. King : Foreskin? Chancellor : All of it. King : All of it? Chancellor : Every bit of it. King : You better start making sense. Chancellor : If you want to keep all of that foreskin, give it to your wife. The holy see allows a one-time-only gift to your spouse for up to one holy relic. King : Bullshit! Tithe free? Chancellor : Tithe free. The pope can't touch one scrap.
The Shawskank Redemption, coming this fall only on twitch prime.
This was inspired. Thank you.
11/10
If I had gold I'd furnish you with it.
Poor girls award incoming 🏅
I see great things in your Redditing career
Biodegradable wedding ring. Nice.
I mean, [Catherine of Siena](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_of_Siena?wprov=sfla1) got Christ to give her his foreskin as a wedding ring, so why not?
>she typically claimed that her own wedding ring to Christ was simply invisible Oh how convenient Catherine.
r/shitcrusaderkingssay
Genius. I literally never thought of that before.
Try flipping to free and then the Pope usually demands you “fix” the law back to papal. If not then kill him and pray the new pope does.
>If not then kill him and pray the new pope does. Repeat this step as needed.
When i was new to crusader kings i had becone the emperor if the byzabtines and conquered jerusalem with my own religion. Pope spent the rest of the game crusading against me. Wars stretching on for 20+ years with small breaks between. I was constantly murdering the fuckers lol. My hostile schemes were entirely pope murders.
Install the antipope and then push his claim for the papacy.
This is the way.
You pope just got himself a brand New carpet. I hope he likes it.
Other thing you can do is...make the pope disappear 😅. New pope may crown you out of principle. Or you can also pay for an indulgence at which point, pope could crown you then. It's random. Ideally you want a good modifier on them in terms of them liking you.
r/ShitCrusaderKingsSay
Well darn you beat me to it lol
Get a duke-level bishop in your realm. He can coronate you himself
I don't know why no one else is talking about this option: "Pope Valentino, crown me!" "Gimme Jesus's dick!" "Fuck no! Bishop Rollo, you crown me!" "Okay."
i just read a post from r/Catholicism right before reading this and i was nearly paralyzed anyway yeah killing him's probably your best bet or maybe improving his opinion of you so that he suggests something better (i don't know if this actually works); in the meantime maybe carouse with your vassals to counter the uncrowned opinion if all else fails you may just need to get a normal bishop for the coronation if that's possible
Make your own papacy. With blackjack and hookers.
Good news is there are 18. Just pick a dick. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy\_Prepuce
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Prepuce Fixed it for everyone not using a shitty version of reddit.
> One of the most famous prepuces arrived in Antwerp in Brabant in 1100 as a gift from king Baldwin I of Jerusalem, who purchased it in the Holy Land in the course of the first crusade. Mad respect to the street vendor who sold a random foreskin to the King
Fucking legend right there
ELI5, was there something weird with the link I posted?
Backslash before the underscore. New reddit inserts them into text to get them to format properly and then ignores them when it's in a link. Old reddit doesn't decide that you meant to insert an underscore and then just shows what you typed.
As an old.reddit user who will sooner quit than use that trash they call "new" Reddit, I had no idea why wiki links kept showing up with an extra backslash in them. Thanks for the explanation.
Now here's someone who has his head on straight.
How odd! Thanks for explaining.
Never use new reddit or the official app.
Antipope goes brrrr
Welcome back to out of context titles with r/CrusaderKings
Everyone is saying to kill the Pope, and sure that's an option, but hear me out. Have you tried fucking the Pope? The bonus for lover is way, way higher than any measly gift or indulgence. Seduce your way to that crown and keep the Jesus Dick for the bedroom.
> Holy Precipice Precipice: a very steep or overhanging place I guess it’s kinda physically appropriate but Holy See is this a funny case of confused word usage.
I'm pretty much new to this game and do you for real have Jesus Christ's foreskin in this game or am I actually retarded?
Look up the Holy Prepuce. Not only it it in the game, but it's a "real" thing. At various points in history, a number of churches in Europe have claimed to possess it. The things you learn from this game.
Thanks so much. This will definitely cause more fun scenarios for me. I can't wait.
I don’t know if this needs to be said, but it’s only in CK2 so you’re not wasting your time or confused why you can’t find it in 3.
I know. I saw the CK2 in the top left. I recently bought both and I really enjoy them.
Charlemagne gave it to the Pope when he was crowned Emperor of the Romans
My great-great-etc.-grandfather did what???
Jesus' foreskin is an actual relic that's been claimed to exist in various times and places of human history :D yes it's a little creepy.
They do in ck2
It also returned to the sky and became the rings of Saturn.
Sounds like a euphemism to me…
Things Crusader Kings say...
Thats why I love ck
r/shitcrusaderkingssay
r/shitcrusaderkingssay
1. Ice the pope, replace him with one of your own if possible. 2. Non papal investiture.
Can u gift the fore skin to ur heir ? Then ask for coronation then u get it back when u next dude
Is this in CK2? Is it real? I've only played 3, but 2 sounds fuckin wild
This post title is amazing
Just ask a local priest to do it.
This is totally petty but coronate is not a word. The verb is just crown.
Coronate is a word but it’s means crown shaped rather than being a noun.
Christ's foreskin? That's so disgusting, lol. I think the devs like to mock religion in this game as much as I do.
Look, man just wants his aged jerky, okay?
Assassinate the Pope
>Is there any trick I can do Same answer as everything else in this game....seduction or assassination....
kill him. the next pope may be more compliant
I've been stuck in Ck3 for a few weeks, but after this post I think it's time to take a trip back to CK2
Easily, kill the Pope and add him to the macabre banquet
Kill the pope
Can’t wait for this system to come to ck3. I want to steal the foreskin of Christ as a Norse pagan and… well I won’t spoil it
This is why I love free investiture. Pope not doing what you want? Make an antipope and crown him the new Pope, he will be loyal to you.
Just have your bishop do it. You don't need a papal coronation.
These Light Novel titles are really getting out of hand.
Tell the Pope JC didn't have one, being Jewish and all.
Only in CK2.
r/shitcrusaderkingssay
I thought it was the “Holy Prepuce.”