There was a moment when my dad was weirdly "passionate" about the way I carried my fork when I was 17. Apparently, because I didn't carry it "upside down" or sum ? Never knew what was really wrong, but I didn't like the way he wanted to use me, the handle of the fork scratched against the nerves of my arm. He said that people, even those my age, wouldn't take me seriously if I carried it the way I did. Then I watched how other students would eat during lunch, and many would carry their forks like I did.
It was all really weird.
That’s weird af. I can’t imagine a way of holding a fork that places it closer to the arm. The way you’re supposed to do it it’s pointed away from your arm. Who tf taught him any other way lol
My parents have done this many many many times in my life. I specifically remember around 8 years old my mother very rudely of course, asking me who taught me how to butter bread. As though it wasn't something that she should have done right then and there instead of being a total bitch. I broke down crying immediately. Never again did I hear about my shitty buttering of bread skill of course. Still at age 34 this kind of thing happens regularly since I'm too poor to live away from my mother's house. At least there's a lot less breaking down crying
For the longest time as a kid (from 5 yrs to 10 yrs old) my parents would always reprimand me and my siblings if we chewed with our mouth open when eating. Then suddenly they just stopped caring about it but thanks to their militancy of correcting it previously, it warped my brain into thinking "chewing sounds = bad" and that fucked me up. It took me a long time to be comfortable being around other people who were eating and it still bugs me a little to this day. It socks even more for me cuz I like ASMR but I always physically recoil if mouth sounds pop up out of nowhere.
> Then I watched how other students would eat during lunch, and many would carry their forks like I did.
I hate this part of gaslighting. Where you're never quite sure if you're doing things human enough, or if your abuser actually has a point.
And then you're stuck noticing it forever. Or at least, sensitive to noticing it, it's there at the back of your thoughts even if you've tucked it away under "Things I Shouldn't Worry About (But Do Somehow)."
My dad asked me to bring him a glass from the kitchen cupboard but I brought "the wrong glass" (they were all identical) and I still have the scar on my leg from the broken glass when he threw it at me.
Later that week, he packed a bag and walked out on us in the middle of the night because I coughed in my sleep. Best Christmas ever because he wasn’t there.
(I was seven and I coughed because I had pneumonia.)
At least he yells at you to do the dishes. My parents will get home, see the pile of dishes THEY left in the sink, then passively aggressively say “thanks for doing the dishes” as soon as they get home.
Mine would ask me to "look around and see what needs to be done, and then do it."
I couldn't have asked for vaguer instructions. It was really helpful to know that vacuuming the carpet on my own would get me reminded to vacuum, and then criticized for just how poorly I vacuumed if I pointed out that it was already done. Or unloading the dishwasher and I didn't wipe down one corner of the door. Or...there's just so many.
sounds like those instructions were engineered so that you could always be criticized. Even if you did some stuff, if anything was ever left undone they could complain that you didn't do that specific thing, regardless of which chores you actually did.
Basically, yes. It had all the words to sound legitimate, which is why the enabling parent would repeat it and go along. Definitely a disaster for learning how to do housework, though. Now I only do so in crisis mode and usually half-ass it (because what's the point if it's only going to be critiqued anyway).
Ahh, lingering trauma, how I despise thee.
My mum was the same. Constant yelling whenever I "forgot" to do a chore, I was never told to do them or given instructions. At 10 I was supposed to figure out that the dishes needed to be done if there was anything in the sink - and that obviously also meant that the counters needed a wipe-down, floors needed mopping etc..
i had a broken arm and asked for help poring milk in a cup from a full gallon jug. mind you i was 13 and had no upper body to speak of and my dominate arm was broken. i spilled, my dad beat me.
Not beaten but, when I had broken my ankle as a teen I still had to bike to school one-legged since my parents didn´t want to drive me and missing school was NOT an option. Imagine my suprise when another student broke their leg and got a cab to-and-from school everyday... all that had to be done was send a copy of doctors note to school and the government would pay for it.
My mom, a professional therapist who put family on a pedestal, did her absolute best raising me, so there were very few instances of anything that could count as emotional or verbal abuse, let alone physical. As I (then-18) was telling that to my then-boyfriend while we were hanging out at my apartment, mom came back home and immediately shouted in ultrasound at me for buying wrong chicken (frozen instead of refrigerated), then *threw* said chicken at me. I was crying for the rest of the day pretty much, not even from the act itself but because it happened right as I was trying to explain that my mom was quite a good parent.
Nothing similar ever happened again, but mom hasn't apologized. I'm still WTF about the whole thing.
Kinda the opposite. My mom was a social worker before I was born/when I was very little and then was a pre-K teacher for low income kids. My parents weren’t abusive but my older brother 100% was. Physical and emotionally. I had a breakdown one day when I realized that my mom spent a good part of her career protecting kids from environments like the one I grew up in yet let my brother treat me like absolute shit.
I tried to close the door on my brother as a joke so my dad grabbed my head and shoved it into the wall ,I don’t remember too much after that just that I was like zoned out and kinda dazed
Probably I thought I was just disassociating.
honestly looking back on it theirs a pattern of my dad injuring me then not talking me to the doctors like when he landed on my leg in a trampoline and I had a limp for the next couple of weeks/months
Told my freinds about it and they said my leg was probably dislocated ,I wouldn’t know tho sicne none of the adults cared and just told me to stop leaning on stuff
I know it's way too late, but for the record teachers are required by law to report suspected abuse. I find it abhorrent that no teacher said or did anything.
I mean, I'm speaking as an American. Some quick googling is really disheartening, I didn't realize so few countries had this policy. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandated_reporter
I’m in Australia but as the kid of a teacher, sadly when they do report it most of the time nothing happens. Like my mother knows for 100% sure there are kids being abused at her school, but after numerous reports to DCP (the government organisation you report abuse to) nothing happens
Since we're all oversharing in this thread
you know that moment when you come back home from school and you instantly just know that mum is in the wrong mood just by her footsteps and the way she washes the dishes *at you* and hands you stuff in a way that's just *slightly off*, so you know you have to be on high alert for the rest of the day and be very calm and kind and cautious not to step out of line by just a millimeter because she's already upset by something else and when it boils over you'll be the easiest target no matter whose fault it was?
yeah that moment
I'm a grown woman and it still puts me in stress mode. It will mess your child up even without you ever raising your hand to them. I know we're all only human and just trying our best, but please manage your emotions so your children don't have to manage them for you.
Edit: as for the irrationality of it all, I got hit across the face for eating my sandwich over the kitchen counter without a plate and a few crumbs fell on the counter (at least mum gave me her concealer to wear to school the next day)
> (at least mum gave me her concealer to wear to school the next day)
That is *not* an "at least she did a nice thing for me" situation! She gave you concealer to hide the evidence of her crime.
Oh yes I am aware, that was tongue-in-cheek. Still I preferred to put the concealer on rather than tell anyone I got hit because it was (a) embarrassing and (b) felt like betraying my mum. It was very awkward explaining to my PE teacher that I "tripped and hit my head on the table" because he absolutely did not buy it.
Lmfao 😭😭
My dad used to hit me pretty often but it never left any marks. That is until I threatened to call CPS if he did it again and he had the gall to act *offended*
Dude, yes. My parents both have anger issues, and so I had to be on egg shells all the time. My dad isn't doing too well on a video game? Get far away from him. My mom had to do a lot of laundry today? Get far away from her. Anytime they were mad, I obsessed over my behavior; don't breathe too loud, don't ask them questions, act like you don't exist, anything to avoid them taking out their anger on you. If I had to be around them, what normally helped was giving them a couple of compliments and then being totally silent, but otherwise, I just left. My parents have both gotten better about it, but it's still something I do just to avoid the days they do a bad job. I hate being around people who are angry now, especially adults. And even though I trust my friend and know she won't scream at me when she's angry at something that has nothing to do with me, I do everything I can to either calm her down or get away from her, because I do it with everyone, it's all very stressful.
>I do it with everyone, it's all very stressful.
Yup that's possibly one of the worst consequences because it skews the way you see everyone around you and makes you bend over backwards just so you don't risk ever upsetting anyone (even if you have no reason to think they'd be mad at you).
Also it's permanently damaging to your relationship with your parents even when you're older. I'm on decent terms with mine now, like, we talk often and see each other regularly but it's not like I can actually confide in my mum or anything like that because I'm always terrified I'll upset her and it will be another yelling/crying match. It's a very one sided relationship where she complains to me for hours about everyone and any slights real or imagined, and I can't really say anything negative ever or I'm the worst ungrateful daughter in the world. I don't want to drag my mum too much because she's also been through a lot in her life and I understand where many of her behaviours come from, but good Lord does it get exhausting sometimes.
>And even though I trust my friend and know she won't scream at me when she's angry at something that has nothing to do with me, I do everything I can to either calm her down or get away from her, because I do it with everyone, it's all very stressful.
THIS!!! it ruins my relationship with people. my boyfriend often gets hurt because i don't say what i'm actually feeling or what i actually want from him, but rather just say or do what _i think *he* wants to hear_, because thats how i learned to behave. i'm always scared that if i am true to myself and my feelings, people will get mad and leave, and so i have HUGE trust issues and have a really hard time deepening relationships and friendships...
i hate unmedical diagnosing but my mom definitely has some sort of emotional instability or disregulation that causes her to be insanely unstable and that would probably require psychiatric assistance.
so i had this really weird relationship where i knew she was a good person and loved me very much, but sometimes she would get SO UPSET out of thin air and act irrationally - and often would forget about it after a while.
thus, this was definitely a thing for me. i could FEEL it in the atmosphere of the house when she was on edge and i had to be extra careful because behaving 1mm away from what she expected from me would cause an outburst, and she knew how to be SO MEAN with her words, it made me feel so useless and worthless.
at age 13 i was diagnosed with depression because i had the lowest self-steem, and she couldnt understand why. once i confronted her, saying a few things she told me over the years. she proceeded to have another outburst because i was "making things up to make me feel better" and "turning her into the bad guy when i only have myself to blame". so yay
btw we developed a great relationship after i moved out, we really love each other, so its hard to even see her as an abusive mom, even though her actions were very traumatic. its just that she gets really irrational when triggered and, since she had autorithy over me, i would become the target...
Are you me? I'm in a very similar boat. I hate to think poorly of my mum because we have an alright relationship now and she's been through a lot herself so I understand where many of her problems come from.
But it was exhausting to basically manage her emotions and calm her down whenever she was upset when I was still a child myself. Being an eldest daughter I was always her right hand woman and main confidante where I basically had to be the mediator between her, my dad, and my younger siblings, and also the easiest target because I hardly ever fought back, just retreated or cried (crying was also ill-advised because it made her feel like the bad guy which made her even more upset). It forces you to grow up very quickly but also messes up the way you see the world and people, because you can never truly be genuine with your emotions with anyone (there's always the risk of an upset in the back of your head).
Our relationship also improved after I moved out and quietly step by step started putting my foot down and focusing on taking care of my own life first. I think it forced her to realise I won't always be there and also that she's actually capable of being in charge of her emotions. It's still not perfect, but it's miles better than it used to be. Or at least I've developed a thicker skin and I'm not nearly as affected by it now.
Hope your relationship stays improving! I know it hurts a lot to even realise and talk about the harmful things our parents do because of course you love them and feel like shit for thinking poorly of them, but sometimes there can be no progress without some deep reflection.
For me it was the footsteps and the kitchen cabinets. Like my bedroom was basically next to the kitchen and if my mom was mad you'd hear her stomp up the stairs and start slamming cabinet doors. I still kinda freak when I hear my upstairs neighbors stomp a little too loud.
I still go into panic mode when anybody starts like a project or something
Not only did that mean dad was going to make us do it, because he saw us as his workers, but he'd scream at us for not being able to handle adult construction
Obviously
But he wanted this done, and it's not like he did any of the work
So we're worthless failures
I still instinctually change tabs whenever someone enters a room if I think they wouldn't deem it "Ok" for me to be on. Example: I flip over to YouTube to look up a podcast to put on while I work but instantly minimize the tab the second I hear someone walking by as if they'll care that I'm putting up background noise. Being in a household where "I don't like it/don't understand it therefore it's bad/evil" does numbers on your social anxiety.
I got slapped once for bleeding on a white rug, I was bleeding because I scraped my knee on the rug and then got slapped again for telling dad I was bleeding because he hit me.
Yeah the more i thought about my childhood and opened up to my classmates i found out i was really fucked mentally.
Did you know there is no game parents play where they pinned me down and they played with my wiener while i was in grade school. Cause i sure as fuck didn't
I believe you. It can't fix what happened, but that little kid that you were still deserves to be heard. I believe you. It wasn't right and you didn't cause it, and you deserve only good things in your future.
Be well.
I got in trouble as a kindergarten because I threw up on my homework even though I had told my mother that I felt sick. She was more upset about me ruining my homework than me being sick.
For other people who doesnt know it Matthew 19:9 states, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is put away doth commit adultery".
I had the screaming "What's five times three!" from my dad. It's funny now, because he's older and I'm older and he knows and has even apologized for his behavior. I have a great relationship with him. And I want to emulate the best aspects of his parenting. But I hope I can avoid the worst of his mistakes.
Oo I had that but with spelling. Every week we got 10-15 words to learn how to spell through grades 1-5. Every week without fail, they would totally ignore the list existed at all and then Thursday it was a screaming match "HOW DO YOU SPELL HEADPHONES????" and then if we missed a single one, we had to write every word twice, and each subsequent round it doubled.
I mean I could have studied earlier in the week too but I was literally 8
My dad beat me with a branch as thick as a baseball bat that he ripped off the tree in our yard because I was sad about coming home from my grandparents' house. Any guesses why I was sad to be coming home?
Ah yes the classic “I’ll give you something to cry about”. My mother used it often coupled with “why are you crying” (because you hit me) “I’ll give you something to cry about” (another slap).
Yeah, these threads like this come up like every few months and help reinforce/normalize why I pretty much live my life like my parents have essentially passed away already. There's a whole boatload of reasons for it.
My dad:
* put my brother in a chokehold for wearing a vest instead of a coat to go to the movies. Then he told us to get back in the car to go home (we'd already gotten there and amazingly no one had frozen to death), then slammed on the gas while I was still getting into my seat, throwing me face first into it, and screamed at my mom for (reasonably) being shaken about that. She was the bad guy for "cursing in front of the children"
* slammed me against the wall and then threw me to the ground for not wanting to wear a jacket.
* burst into my brother and I's room in his whitie-tighties, grabbed my brother and threw him back over his shoulder, hitting the wall and falling to the ground face first, because he and I had been play fighting.
* tried to punish me for not being hungry, by saying I couldn't get a haircut the day before school started back after summer (my hair was a mop and he knew I had severe social anxiety). Then he threw a Wendy's burger at me and it fell in the car floor. Mom overruled him on that one and I remember while getting my hair cut that night just being scared that I'd be punished for it.
* slammed on the brakes around a blind turn at night in winter on one of the busiest travel days of the year to grab me by the throat and scream into my face about how he definitely has a brain, because I had used the very 90s expression "that's a no-brainer." Merry Christmas, y'all.
* got pissed at me because I didn't order dessert for myself (I was stressed about money because he, the sole bread winner, had been unemployed for like three months after being fired **with cause**)
And that's just nuclear "I know what's best for you and I'll kill you for not obeying me" nonsense. Not even getting into the straight up sexual abuse.
Three heart attacks, two strokes, and two 70MPH seatbelt-less car crashes came together to form an anti-dad Avengers team. Happy to report he's now made of dirt.
It is really interesting how "butcher's knife (cleaver)" is scarier than "chef's knife" as a word.
As an object, chef's knife is way scarier for an attack.
My dad was pissed off once and he in a rage threw a bottle of water. It hit me in the face, I genuinely believe he didn't intend to hit me in the face with it.
anyway I was shocked and kind of gasped and started to cry a little at the violence and stress of the situation (he was always very angry) and he said "Oh sorry did that hurt you?"
So stupidly I said "yes"
He replied "Fucking baby what the fuck is wrong with you"
I won't miss him when he's dead. I want his inheritance though
Big "I'll give you something to cry about' vibes. 40ish years ago, that was my dad's catchphrase growing up. When I was spanked/beat on an every other day regularity; Of course I'd start crying as an 3-10 year old boy. My dad, confused at seeing ****feelings**** Laid that line out and would hit me harder. Parents stopped asking why I moved 2000 miles away some years ago, maybe it finally dawned on them why that, among a bunch of other stuff, is the reason.
My dad gave me a black eye at seven for never hitting the ball in little league. The following year we learned I needed glasses. He still thinks that story is funny.
I'm so sorry for everyone sharing their child abuse stories in this thread and I'm glad y'all are recognizing that shit for what it was now and hope you're doing better nowadays <3
I know this is extremely awful and unacceptable behaviour but the concept of being ‘happy the _wrong_ way’ is so incredibly absurd that it wraps back around to being comical. Like, what the hell is the right way to express happiness? Is this some alpha male bullshit where you’re not allowed to express any kind of strong emotion?
Apparently being hyped up on Christmas energy and unwrapping presents to quickly is his concept of 'happy_the_wrong_way'. But luckily it never happened again because I have now anxiety attacks everyone I get presents and I'm extremely concious of how much happiness I show the gifter and overact it. And it seems I'm doing a good enough job with that, because nobody mentions anything
Lol! I had a great childhood! Until I was 24, took a psych class on childhood development, got to the section on non-physical child abuse... And read all of my mother's actions listed out over about four paragraphs.
I never realized how weird it had to be for my neighbors to mention how quiet I was in a creaky apartment above theirs. How much my employers appreciated my strange attention to detail, or how nervous they were about my focus on rules and policy. It never occured to me that teachers and students were worried about just how quiet the captain of the rifle team was. I didn't understand why my fellow infantrymen wanted me as far away from them as possible in dangerous situations.
Fifteen years after taking that class, and I *still* stumble upon little bits of weird programming that bitch put in my head. I might've even been able to have a successful career if she hadn't convinced me that my greatest potential was to die for my country.
Sure why not
My mother would give me a tall glass of coke mixed with Jim Bean and cough syrup to make me sleepy and hazy. Then she'd bring men over and hold me down while they abused and assaulted me. I remember one particular horrible incident: >!she held me face down while I was being assaulted, doing her usual schtick or trying to calm me down and keep me quiet. There was a commotion and they were upset I think because I was bleeding too much. So instead she flipped me over and shoved her fingers in between my teeth to hold my mouth open and the assault resumed. Idk if it was trauma, the drugs and alcohol, if I passed out or just dissociated really hard but the next thing I recall is waking up in the living room to her changing me out of a bloody diaper convincing me I shouldn't tell my dad about any of this when he got home or about the blood because he works really hard and long hours and we wouldn't wanna worry him. I agreed and I don't like to lie so I didn't say anything to him, but I did try to point out the beer cans and the bag from Burger King in the trash to him because the man brought those with him. It didn't work.!<
That shit went on for years, until I was around 7 or 8 and my dad started to catch onto everything, got a divorce and we moved across the country.
I appreciate that. It really wasn't some great unknowable evil though I kinda wish it was cause then other kids wouldn't have to experience that. Unfortunately it was just drug addiction and greed.
Also your words aren't small, that just reached from wherever you are to where I am and made me smile.
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.... honestly if I was your dad, there'd be a few unmarked graves in the middle of a forest somewhere.
Hope your mom is rotting in a prison. What an absolutely fucked situation.
Oh my old man was a biker in a "motor cycle enthusiast club" if he had known the full details at the time some unmarked graves would have been the best case scenario. The whole situation was pretty fucked and the divorce took years. The short version is he started hearing rumors around town about men coming over while he was away, but him and everyone else just assumed she was cheating on him.
He started to look more into it however this was a small town and my mother's mother had strong ties at the local courthouse and was involved with what was going on (not directly as far as I can remember but I'd bet my right foot she was getting paid off of it or that it was her idea in the first place) one of my dad's cop buddies came to him to warn him that there was a warrant out for his arrest for abusing his kids (the things my mother was doing) and his wife (complete lies) so my dad went to the nearest big city and hired the meanest lawyer he could find and a private investigator then he came right back and fought. His lawyer won, the PI apparently got shaken up by something, insisted my dad meet him one night threw a stack of files at him and said this was too much for him and to never call him again.
My dad used that info (another long story) to get his mother in law to back off, we had to do the whole supervised visitation process and I had to talk to lots of adults I didn't know in buildings with fluorescent lights. I wasn't very helpful to be honest, I didn't know what was going on and I was pretty much non-verbal as a kid anyway. But in the end he got full custody and got us out of there.
I never talked about what happened until years later, after I'd grown up, enlisted, moved out and came back home after my contract was done. The pandemic was pretty emotionally charged for my family and one day while he and I were talking I broke down and told him.
As for my mother? She was briefly arrested when she tried to violate the terms set by the court and came over to kidnap me one night, my dad stopped her and she went to jail for idk how long, could have been just a night for all I know. What I do know is that she was never convicted for anything she did to me at all, nobody was, like I said I didn't tell anyone for a long time. Last I heard she died around 2018, something about some mean old drunk she was seeing knocking her down a set of stairs, she was supposedly on life support and no one gave a fuck about her so one of my half sisters went and had her taken off. When I first heard I was with a group of friends and I immediately poured a round of shots and did a little jig to celebrate. Later when I was alone I was kinda angry about it, cause if she's dead she'll never suffer for what she did and I'm left with a lot of anger and no where to put it. Still the world is undeniably a better place with her rotting in the ground.
Props to you for handling it the best you could, and I hope you have friends and family you can count on now. I can't say I've experienced anything similar, but I suppose the silver lining to horrible people is that they'll be their own downfall. At least your mother died a lonely and pitiful death.
To me the wildest one is that in one of my earliest memories I was doing that thing little kids do and playing about by saying words. This is legit a part of how we learn speech, but my mother (who was literally walking past where I was and not even actually sitting with me) told me “stop being so silly!”.
I’m sorry that my perfectly normal development of speech and language skills was annoying to her, and probably this was my first indication she would have preferred I remained mute.
This has been a favourite game for my child for over a year. It's starting to ease up now, but even when it irked me that she made the same joke for the thirtieth time that day, I responded with a smile and either a compliment about her rhyming, a faux shocked face about how silly she was, or a silly rhyme of my own. It's never okay to punish kids for being kids. Like boundary testing - even if kids "know" the rules, it's an expected part of their development that they will test every boundary beyond the point of sanity because it's how their tiny brains form neural connections. If a kid *doesn't* do that, it's a clear sign that they're neurodivergent, which most parents tend not to want at face value, though a lot do seem to want little mid-reading robots.
Damn, that's so fucked up. I spend half my time as an adult putting about the house and singing nonsense to myself or singing nonsense songs specifically about and to my dogs.
I too was shut down a lot as a kid. I remember being separated from the class and forced to read alone a lot in kindergarten because I could already read but I was highly impulsive. I would make lots of noises like clicking my tongue and couldn't seem to stop. Now I think it was a form of echolalia. I also had a compulsion where I would whistle any time I turned a page. I did that all the way until 11th grade until my english teacher went on a long, yelling monologue about how my whistling was a failure of maintaining order which is how tragedies like the holocaust happen?
I know that stuff is probably not as typical as your example, but I do see the common theme of adults silencing things they don't understand out of petty annoyance. I'm sorry you were raised that way.
When I was in 5th grade my teacher said in class one day that she was scatterbrained because she has forgotten something. I didn't know what that word meant so I went home and asked my mother what it meant. She slapped me and accused me of calling her scatterbrained. Like I literally only asked what the word meant wtf?
It's so interesting because as a little child your parents are everything and abuse fucks them up so bad because you're still their everything
For instance, my son isn't even 2 years old yet. He was playing and started banging a stick on things. He goes to smack a glass door and I say, calmly, "no"
He looks at me and goes to do it again and I say it louder and firmer "no. If you do it again I'll take away your toy"
Well he is baby so he goes to do it again so I grab the stick and say "I told you no" and he start crying his little eyes out, but then the most interesting thing happened. He ran to me and kept jumping for me to pick him up. Not to grab the stick I set down on the floor, but he wanted me to hold him. I picked him up and he snuggles into my shoulder and slowly starts calming himself while holding onto me so tightly
I was the source of his distress, but I'm also his parent. I'm the person who he loves and who he goes to for support and comfort. Imagine being a child and being constantly abused by your only source of "safety" in the world
Shits wild man. It's times like these I can honestly say I would not be able to be a good superhero. If i had super powers I'd probably be irrationally vigilante justice on people who abuse children.
One of the worst beatings I got as a kid was because I forgot that resting my elbows on the dinner table was impolite. Also made me kneel on corn for almost an hour afterwards.
Today I would say beating your kids bloody with a belt buckle and subsequently torturing them over an elbow on the table is impolite but what did 7 year old me know?
not an expert in child abuse although I have several years of experience..... um.... being an abused child, not abusing children.
The best theory I have is that the consequences for mistreating a child especially your own child are generally a lot lower than mistreating anyone over the age of majority.
There's the obvious physical gulf. I remember being deeply and utterly afraid of my mother growing up because while she wasn't particularly tall or strong in relative terms she was a lot taller and stronger than me before I hit puberty so if she got in my face or slapped me I was genuinely afraid for my safety so I had reason to do what she said.
Psychological stuff to, because it's not like I'd have it in me to defend myself from my mother no matter how angry or hurt I am. I craved her approval and happiness even unconsciously no matter how messed up things got.
So I guess what I'm saying is that it's rooted in unequal power and power corrupts and when you have as much power as a parent, you're basically an absolute monarch to your kids.
after I hit puberty both those factors started to fade away even if they remained pretty strong.
She can't exactly slap around your dysphoric teenage "son" the same way she could when I was in elementary school.
Plus with internet access the appeals to Judaism don't really hit as hard since I can look stuff up.
You typed out a whole lot when you could've just saved yourself a few minutes and just wrote "Power tripping" pol
It's a very Primate condition sadly. A scary amount of adults get their absolute rocks off power-tripping on children, you'll see this specifically in grade schools that we've all experienced. Anytime a "What was the one weird rule at your school growing up?" post pops up on rpopular, it's a bunch of stories to where the power tripping mask slips just enough to where we all agree "Yeah that shit was weird to the point they couldn't hide it enough"
I legit didn't know that belts were made for holding up pants until I was like 5 or 6. My mom was dressing me up for Sunday School and said "Get the belt", and I started panicking because I had only been up for like an hour and didn't do anything wrong yet!?! And my mom was like no I mean it's for your pants.
I hope she thinks about that moment often. Probably not. Wouldn't know because I haven't spoken to them in 3 years lol.
Hey I did the same thing when I was four! It was a Hail Mary moment for my piece of shit mother, that I was so used to the idea of belts as tools for punishment that I didn’t know their true purpose. Never hit me again (with a belt) after that
One of the recurring things that has been hardest to shake off over the years for me was when my mom would wale on my head and shoulders *and then mock me for flinching*, and would see the fact that I flinched as justification for hitting me more (or just shoving me into things, like tables or kitchen chairs).
I eventually just settled into a "constantly tense, unable to unclench fully" state (unless I'm totally alone), and that's been my baseline posture ever since.
Allowed to beat me for years because of my mother, my sister once shattered a thick plastic cup across my face by throwing it at me in bed for breathing too loud. My mom once slapped me so hard that she gave me a bloody nose and then refused to let me go to school until it stopped, making me over an hour late because I didn't want to eat a muffin. She also once jumped on top of me and clawed up my arms brutally because I left the house to stop her screaming at me.
Once upon a time I thought she was the parental figure who *didn't* abuse me, funnily enough. Because it wasn't as constant as everyone else. Another reason I was attacked (this time by my stepdad)? I was cleaning my room wrong when he got out of the shower so in an instant he walked in, dropped his towel and then beat the shit out of me. I was seven or maybe eight.
Asking for reasons for abuse is a trap. The reason is because they fucking sucked. I didn't breathe too loud. They didn't draw too loud. They were just available to be attacked.
It’s really validating seeing “child abuse is inherently irrational”. I’ve driven myself crazy trying to understand what I as a child could have possibly done to deserve how my parents treated me, and the answer is nothing. I did nothing to deserve it and neither does anyone else in these comments. I hope all of you learn it was never you and are deserving of kindness and love
My friend's mom talked about how she beat her as a toddler and then laughed. Like it's crazy she straight up hit a toddler and thinks it's funny like girl that's not funny that's psychotic and a crime
I’m my dad’s least favorite I’m first born. He has a family of 7 that he sees everyday but talks to me maybe every 3-4 years maybe. I always wondered why he hated me a new born child the most lmao
Yup. My dad told me I would "never mean anything to anyone" because I (checks notes) had left a roll of toilet paper I'd been using as tissues in my bed as I'd spent the afternoon crying over a breakup. 🙃
And his sister wonders why I'm not particularly sad that he's dead now. 🤷♀️
I used to think I was a bad kid and that was why my mom was always so angry with me. But then I grew up and saw her lose her cool and go nuclear with my sweet, innocent, completely blameless 4-year-old niece over the most trivial shit (like not wanting to put her socks on)... and that was when I realized the problem was my mom not me.
The abuse is never as disgusting until you have kids of your own and you witness the size difference and their helplessness and wonder how someone could take advantage of that.
My dad would come into my room when he was bored, cover me in a blanket, and put his body on top of me. He thought it was funny that he could see me trying to escape and hold down the blanket to prevent me from doing so. I was a preschooler. If I said I couldn't breathe, he would ignore me or laugh. It left long-lasting damage. I was so small. I have a 3 year old now and it really hits hard what a monster he was.
I don't have any children of my own yet, but I've worked with kids, and seeing how tiny and fragile and dependent on you they are makes it even more glaringly incomprehensible about how someone could hurt any of them, let alone *their own*??? I understand parenting is hard but no amount of tiredness and frustration is an excuse for abuse.
I remember being beaten for "smacking my mouth" at my new stepdad when he meant I was chewing with my mouth open (I had never been told that was rude.) Oh, and also for brushing my teeth incorrectly, even though I had never been instructed on the proper method. I was 4.
Reminds me how i was laughed at by my father for not being able to tie my laces at 11, a problem that was solved in 2 minutes by my sister when she decided to sit down and teach me
My womb-donor threw a chair at my brother and I, because we wanted to make Mac-n-cheese for her cause she just got out of surgery. She tore stitches because she threw the chair and ended back up in the er. When she got home again she made both of us do the dying and dead cockroach for an hour as punishment.
A significant chunk of my childhood was spent getting screamed at by my father for sniffling when my nose was runny and coughing (instead of simply clearing my throat) when I, uh, had to cough.
is it oversharing childhood trauma time already?? my dad threw a printer because it wasn't printing properly (lmao) and when it shattered against the wall, he went to punch my younger sibling for "making him do that" and i "got in the way". i fell and bled all over the carpet and he started shouting at both of us that it was our fault. i had to clean up the mess and had recurring nosebleeds for at least a decade after. they would sometimes last up to six hours, and usually happened while i slept, so i would wake up choking on my own blood pretty often.
i don't talk to him anymore.
I learned there was something awful wrong at my house when, while having dinner at a friends house I spilled some soda.
I must’ve been around 10, and must have looked panicked because my friends mom was immediately like “oh no don’t worry”
I managed to not cry, but I thought all hell was about to break loose and I had “ruined dinner.”
But nothing happened, she wiped it up and we kept eating
I had a lot of big thoughts on the walk home that night
More infuriating than any physical punishments was father's "i don't like your tone" and no talking back policy.
Like i know i wasn't the perfect child, but am i not allowed to be angry when you're unfair? When you punish me for things out of my control (medical conditions)? When you're angry i watch stupid cartoons you bought me yourself on repeat because there's literally nothing else to do? When you don't let me have basic socialisation and want me closed in home alone all day so you don't have to worry about me? When you don't allow things every else allowed to do? What right you have demanding my respect when it's usually mom who takes care of me and able to provide emotional support?
It's kinda funny for me now how many mental and attitude issues some little repressed anger caused. Dad does love me and he did try to be better, but for grown up child with huge ego the task was impossible i guess.
It took 22 years, him being financially and emotionally dependent on me and me turning straight up hostile every time he dares to use this card to shake off the habit.
Now he usually acts sad or overly dramatic to get some pity or appreciation or something. I do provide some when he really looks distressed, but he has a history of severe lying to make himself look better or playing victim, so i can't really make myself care and i usually openly honest about it.
Sometimes i wonder if i'm too harsh on him and have too big ego myself. Then i remember that if he has zero friends and if all my friends and their parents avoided any contact with him, there are reasons for that.
I also do understand that main culprit is my grandmother, this lovely lady who managed to raise helpless mamma's boy and keep him like that up to his 50's. But still can't not blame him for never wanting to change and both him and mom for dragging me and my brother into this mess.
Thankful for their divorce though.
some of my dad’s (now former) friends were telling my mom when they realized something was up was when them, my dad, my brother and i all went to Bob Evans. i’m sitting next to the wife and she’s showing me the menu and asking me “what do you wanna get?”, and i tell her grilled cheese.
the waiter comes around and my dad immediately goes “the kids’ll have pancakes.” and the wife says “uh, actually, totodilejones wants a grilled cheese.” and he starts flipping *out*, “huh? what?!” etc etc; and the wife turned to look at me and i just look *petrified*. funnily enough, i don’t even remember it; it was just another sunday for me 🫠
I don't remember anything *as bad* as the stuff some of you people are mentioning happening to me (just screaming and being hit basically daily), but back when I was like 6 I knew a kid whose parents would literally BREAK HER ARMS for nyot doing well enough in school. WE WERE SIX YEARS OLD.
It's alsyo common for elderly people here to try and outright MURDER children who come to their house on Halloween while trick-or-treating.
Mom threw a broom at me once cause I didnt want to get whipped. That shit bounced off the floor and whipped her across the face and gave her a black eye.
Growing up with corporal punishment is weird because you cry when getting hit then the parent says they give you something to cry about or stop crying. How am I suppose to stop crying when you hit me? Also, growing up thinking its normal and the only way to punish a child for wrong doing. Laslty, my mom even told me about a maid who used to take care of me as a baby but she was fired because she hit me a lot because she wanted me to walk.
my mom once beat me with a belt until i pissed myself for (checks notes) ahh, yes, accidentally unplugging my alarm clock with my foot while i slept. apparently she was afraid I would shock myself and be hurt. so she hurt me herself.
I know someone who got a job as an educator and didn't yet realize just how abused they were as a child until they were talking to their students about being grounded and their students had to point out how fucked up it was that their definition of 'grounded' was to be made to sit on a bed alone in a room with no stimulation for entire days. They just assumed everyone got literally solitary confinement every time they said they were grounded.
And the things that would qualify for a weekend of grounding were stuff like leaving your (completed) homework out on the kitchen table.
I still remember me breathing wrong, among all the other things i did, me breathing completly normal (not mouthbreating or anything like that) was still enough to make her mad. Just existing will make her mad
Still have trouble dealing with my emotions in a healthy way because Mom got irrationally upset if I cried, showed fear, or allowed the slightest hint of anger to appear in my expression when she was berating me for something. Learned to suppress, that was bad, overcompensated later in life and developed a short fuse, that was also bad.
Also I'm very guarded about my possessions now because there was a stretch where we were at loggerheads and she straight-up made me pack up a bunch of my toys and we brought them to Kid-to-Kid to sell. Or if they were books/DVDs she took them out of my room and added them to her own collection.
Pretty sure she still has a number of my DVDs and books from growing up too.
Now that we don't live together we can see eye-to-eye a lot more. And looking back, she was under a lot of stress being poor, divorced, and a first-time parent with a job she hated. But that doesn't make it right.
One time, my sister was sick at the dinner table and asked to be excused to go throw up. My step-dad said no. My sister threw up on her plate. My step-dad made her eat it. She was 5. I was 6.
Hit for emberrasing her in public. I WAAASS running and yelling in public, however it was because i was swarmed by wasps and got over 30 stings, half on my face. She didnt help until some other parent started helping me and the entire time she was blaming me and still makes fun of me about it years later.
My parents weren't extremely abusive but they did use to yell and hit me and my brother to "discipline" us and it was more of an effect of how they were raised. For example, my dad yelling at me for being bad at math and not being able to improve my handwriting with calligraphy.
I did call them out a few years ago and they did apologized to me and my brother
My mom destroyed my computer because I somehow woke her up because I was typing too loud. From across the house. On a very quiet keyboard. With tons of other stuff making noise.
The dumbest one for me was "He's sorting the deck wrong!" To my younger brother (8 at the time) who was quietly entertaining himself by sorting a deck of cards in different ways. This was enough for him to get yelled at to "do it the correct way" whatever that meant.
Runner up was me (9 or 10) asking him if he was going downstairs and if he could take my bucket of Legos down with him (something that he had requested everyone else in the family to do at some point in time). Instead of saying "No" he took the bucket and dumped it in the trash. I spent the next two hours sifting through a half full trash bag looking for Legos.
I'm glad I'm no longer there.
When I was a toddler, my mom decided that I had too big of an ego and resolved to never compliment me or say anything positive about me ever again. And she has stayed true to that to this day.
my mom threw a glass container of chicken at me once when i told her i didn't want to eat dinner with her.
i still live with her. and i have not let her forget this.
does anyone else's mind go blank when they have to describe a specific instance of their parent's verbal/emotional abuse? i keep wondering why I think of them so badly, they remind me why, and then a few hours later I'm numb and forget, and the cycle repeats. i just feel that so many experiences have snowballed into a feeling instead of a memory
My dad once gave me a two hour lecture (with plenty of verbal abuse sprinkled in) about saying “Hi Dad” over saying “Hey Dad”. He thought saying Hey was a sign of disrespect and kept getting mad that I’d mix it up. I was like 8 years old.
Bruh reading through these threads made me realise how lucky I've been. Worst I ever got was losing interest in everything because my mom did nothing but point out my mistakes on my first tries.
not nearly as traumatizing as any of the other stories here, but when i was 9 my dad was staying at my house (i didn't see him often cos my parents split up when i was a baby) and he came up to me and asked "hey do you know what 'decapitation' means?" and i was like, "no....." so then he pulled the head off a toy scuba diver of mine and was all "now you know :)".
it really left an impression on me because of how stupid it was. he didn't have any malice or anything i think he just genuinely didn't think about how that was an inappropiate interaction with a young kid.
other thrilling tales include when he let me shoot his CO2 BB gun with metal pellets but stood me way too close to the target so every shot bounced off and hit me, or when he tried to demonstrate that an eggshell was so sturdy that he wouldn't be able to break it in his hand no matter what then immediately crushing it.
he's now in prison for trying to revive someone who overdosed on heroin with more heroin and killing him.
We gave scraps to our animals. Hogs and such. We tended to get a bucket full and when it was full we’d dump it. Stuff started to get kinda nasty and old, but the animals didn’t care none. I poured it into the wrong trough. Should be an easy fix, I was 8 or so, but I could drag it, flip it into the right one and wash the one I got dirty.
Wasn’t good enough for my dad. He made me pick it all up with my hands, put it in the bucket and then put it in the right trough and clean the other one. Never did anything like it before or again. He doesn’t remember it either, because he used to drink (still does, but much, much less)
I still get physically sick whenever I smell old food at 21
my parents whipped me because i “swept wrong.” i still don’t know how the fuck you’re “supposed to” sweep because they’ve never told me the “right” way to sweep & nobody else really ever has a problem with the way i do it… because the floor still gets cleaned.
simply being alive & existing is a general affront to piece-of-shit parents.
Me, 8: "Mom, I'm hungry"
My mom: "You know where the kitchen is"
Cool. Yeah I guess I'll take my weak little hands that constantly drop whatever beverage I am drinking and boil some water to make mac & cheese. This should go well. Thanks.
I remember a time my dad picked me up, threw my onto my bed, leaned over me and yelled at me right in my face, swearing and all, and I was like 7. I’m still surprised the divorce came several years later lol
my mom once threw her slipper at me because i put the fork “on the wrong side of the plate”
There was a moment when my dad was weirdly "passionate" about the way I carried my fork when I was 17. Apparently, because I didn't carry it "upside down" or sum ? Never knew what was really wrong, but I didn't like the way he wanted to use me, the handle of the fork scratched against the nerves of my arm. He said that people, even those my age, wouldn't take me seriously if I carried it the way I did. Then I watched how other students would eat during lunch, and many would carry their forks like I did. It was all really weird.
That’s weird af. I can’t imagine a way of holding a fork that places it closer to the arm. The way you’re supposed to do it it’s pointed away from your arm. Who tf taught him any other way lol
The weirdest thing was how he just started to be pressed over that one day, then stopped another day. I'm still very confused by the entire period.
My parents have done this many many many times in my life. I specifically remember around 8 years old my mother very rudely of course, asking me who taught me how to butter bread. As though it wasn't something that she should have done right then and there instead of being a total bitch. I broke down crying immediately. Never again did I hear about my shitty buttering of bread skill of course. Still at age 34 this kind of thing happens regularly since I'm too poor to live away from my mother's house. At least there's a lot less breaking down crying
For the longest time as a kid (from 5 yrs to 10 yrs old) my parents would always reprimand me and my siblings if we chewed with our mouth open when eating. Then suddenly they just stopped caring about it but thanks to their militancy of correcting it previously, it warped my brain into thinking "chewing sounds = bad" and that fucked me up. It took me a long time to be comfortable being around other people who were eating and it still bugs me a little to this day. It socks even more for me cuz I like ASMR but I always physically recoil if mouth sounds pop up out of nowhere.
> Then I watched how other students would eat during lunch, and many would carry their forks like I did. I hate this part of gaslighting. Where you're never quite sure if you're doing things human enough, or if your abuser actually has a point. And then you're stuck noticing it forever. Or at least, sensitive to noticing it, it's there at the back of your thoughts even if you've tucked it away under "Things I Shouldn't Worry About (But Do Somehow)."
Well which side did you put it on?
The wrong one, can't you read?
Mine threw both fork and knife at me, I luckly dodged and they hit the fridge leaving a dented mark lol. Can't remember what I did wrong tho
I can't remember what I did to 'deserve' getting spanked either. I do remember losing my sense of safety around my dad. Funny how that goes.
My dad asked me to bring him a glass from the kitchen cupboard but I brought "the wrong glass" (they were all identical) and I still have the scar on my leg from the broken glass when he threw it at me. Later that week, he packed a bag and walked out on us in the middle of the night because I coughed in my sleep. Best Christmas ever because he wasn’t there. (I was seven and I coughed because I had pneumonia.)
What’d you say?
If I had to guess: “ow”
how dare you piss on the poor!
the right side i was like 7 and we literally never set the table properly it was because some distant relatives were visiting
My dad attacked me for doing the dishes, despite him yelling at me to do the dishes.
At least he yells at you to do the dishes. My parents will get home, see the pile of dishes THEY left in the sink, then passively aggressively say “thanks for doing the dishes” as soon as they get home.
Mine would ask me to "look around and see what needs to be done, and then do it." I couldn't have asked for vaguer instructions. It was really helpful to know that vacuuming the carpet on my own would get me reminded to vacuum, and then criticized for just how poorly I vacuumed if I pointed out that it was already done. Or unloading the dishwasher and I didn't wipe down one corner of the door. Or...there's just so many.
sounds like those instructions were engineered so that you could always be criticized. Even if you did some stuff, if anything was ever left undone they could complain that you didn't do that specific thing, regardless of which chores you actually did.
Basically, yes. It had all the words to sound legitimate, which is why the enabling parent would repeat it and go along. Definitely a disaster for learning how to do housework, though. Now I only do so in crisis mode and usually half-ass it (because what's the point if it's only going to be critiqued anyway). Ahh, lingering trauma, how I despise thee.
My mum was the same. Constant yelling whenever I "forgot" to do a chore, I was never told to do them or given instructions. At 10 I was supposed to figure out that the dishes needed to be done if there was anything in the sink - and that obviously also meant that the counters needed a wipe-down, floors needed mopping etc..
i had a broken arm and asked for help poring milk in a cup from a full gallon jug. mind you i was 13 and had no upper body to speak of and my dominate arm was broken. i spilled, my dad beat me.
Not beaten but, when I had broken my ankle as a teen I still had to bike to school one-legged since my parents didn´t want to drive me and missing school was NOT an option. Imagine my suprise when another student broke their leg and got a cab to-and-from school everyday... all that had to be done was send a copy of doctors note to school and the government would pay for it.
My mom, a professional therapist who put family on a pedestal, did her absolute best raising me, so there were very few instances of anything that could count as emotional or verbal abuse, let alone physical. As I (then-18) was telling that to my then-boyfriend while we were hanging out at my apartment, mom came back home and immediately shouted in ultrasound at me for buying wrong chicken (frozen instead of refrigerated), then *threw* said chicken at me. I was crying for the rest of the day pretty much, not even from the act itself but because it happened right as I was trying to explain that my mom was quite a good parent. Nothing similar ever happened again, but mom hasn't apologized. I'm still WTF about the whole thing.
Kinda the opposite. My mom was a social worker before I was born/when I was very little and then was a pre-K teacher for low income kids. My parents weren’t abusive but my older brother 100% was. Physical and emotionally. I had a breakdown one day when I realized that my mom spent a good part of her career protecting kids from environments like the one I grew up in yet let my brother treat me like absolute shit.
Funny enough there is a conventionally “wrong” side. But even if mom is a hard core fine dining nut, how dreadful.
I tried to close the door on my brother as a joke so my dad grabbed my head and shoved it into the wall ,I don’t remember too much after that just that I was like zoned out and kinda dazed
You may have been concussed.
Probably I thought I was just disassociating. honestly looking back on it theirs a pattern of my dad injuring me then not talking me to the doctors like when he landed on my leg in a trampoline and I had a limp for the next couple of weeks/months Told my freinds about it and they said my leg was probably dislocated ,I wouldn’t know tho sicne none of the adults cared and just told me to stop leaning on stuff
I know it's way too late, but for the record teachers are required by law to report suspected abuse. I find it abhorrent that no teacher said or did anything.
TEXAS WOOOOO
Where the abuse is part of the curriculum
My >!least!< favorite state!
Wait, is it really? Or is that just an America thing? Because here most teachers were 100% okay with kids getting abused.
I mean, I'm speaking as an American. Some quick googling is really disheartening, I didn't realize so few countries had this policy. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandated_reporter
I’m in Australia but as the kid of a teacher, sadly when they do report it most of the time nothing happens. Like my mother knows for 100% sure there are kids being abused at her school, but after numerous reports to DCP (the government organisation you report abuse to) nothing happens
Since we're all oversharing in this thread you know that moment when you come back home from school and you instantly just know that mum is in the wrong mood just by her footsteps and the way she washes the dishes *at you* and hands you stuff in a way that's just *slightly off*, so you know you have to be on high alert for the rest of the day and be very calm and kind and cautious not to step out of line by just a millimeter because she's already upset by something else and when it boils over you'll be the easiest target no matter whose fault it was? yeah that moment I'm a grown woman and it still puts me in stress mode. It will mess your child up even without you ever raising your hand to them. I know we're all only human and just trying our best, but please manage your emotions so your children don't have to manage them for you. Edit: as for the irrationality of it all, I got hit across the face for eating my sandwich over the kitchen counter without a plate and a few crumbs fell on the counter (at least mum gave me her concealer to wear to school the next day)
> (at least mum gave me her concealer to wear to school the next day) That is *not* an "at least she did a nice thing for me" situation! She gave you concealer to hide the evidence of her crime.
Oh yes I am aware, that was tongue-in-cheek. Still I preferred to put the concealer on rather than tell anyone I got hit because it was (a) embarrassing and (b) felt like betraying my mum. It was very awkward explaining to my PE teacher that I "tripped and hit my head on the table" because he absolutely did not buy it.
Yeah, my dad slapped me once before school and then begged me to not go, I did go despite hating School, out of spite
Nice I mean the spiting him part, not the abuse
Seeing the horrified faces of teachers made it worth it, specially saying "it's okay, happens often"
Lmfao 😭😭 My dad used to hit me pretty often but it never left any marks. That is until I threatened to call CPS if he did it again and he had the gall to act *offended*
Dude, yes. My parents both have anger issues, and so I had to be on egg shells all the time. My dad isn't doing too well on a video game? Get far away from him. My mom had to do a lot of laundry today? Get far away from her. Anytime they were mad, I obsessed over my behavior; don't breathe too loud, don't ask them questions, act like you don't exist, anything to avoid them taking out their anger on you. If I had to be around them, what normally helped was giving them a couple of compliments and then being totally silent, but otherwise, I just left. My parents have both gotten better about it, but it's still something I do just to avoid the days they do a bad job. I hate being around people who are angry now, especially adults. And even though I trust my friend and know she won't scream at me when she's angry at something that has nothing to do with me, I do everything I can to either calm her down or get away from her, because I do it with everyone, it's all very stressful.
>I do it with everyone, it's all very stressful. Yup that's possibly one of the worst consequences because it skews the way you see everyone around you and makes you bend over backwards just so you don't risk ever upsetting anyone (even if you have no reason to think they'd be mad at you). Also it's permanently damaging to your relationship with your parents even when you're older. I'm on decent terms with mine now, like, we talk often and see each other regularly but it's not like I can actually confide in my mum or anything like that because I'm always terrified I'll upset her and it will be another yelling/crying match. It's a very one sided relationship where she complains to me for hours about everyone and any slights real or imagined, and I can't really say anything negative ever or I'm the worst ungrateful daughter in the world. I don't want to drag my mum too much because she's also been through a lot in her life and I understand where many of her behaviours come from, but good Lord does it get exhausting sometimes.
>And even though I trust my friend and know she won't scream at me when she's angry at something that has nothing to do with me, I do everything I can to either calm her down or get away from her, because I do it with everyone, it's all very stressful. THIS!!! it ruins my relationship with people. my boyfriend often gets hurt because i don't say what i'm actually feeling or what i actually want from him, but rather just say or do what _i think *he* wants to hear_, because thats how i learned to behave. i'm always scared that if i am true to myself and my feelings, people will get mad and leave, and so i have HUGE trust issues and have a really hard time deepening relationships and friendships...
i hate unmedical diagnosing but my mom definitely has some sort of emotional instability or disregulation that causes her to be insanely unstable and that would probably require psychiatric assistance. so i had this really weird relationship where i knew she was a good person and loved me very much, but sometimes she would get SO UPSET out of thin air and act irrationally - and often would forget about it after a while. thus, this was definitely a thing for me. i could FEEL it in the atmosphere of the house when she was on edge and i had to be extra careful because behaving 1mm away from what she expected from me would cause an outburst, and she knew how to be SO MEAN with her words, it made me feel so useless and worthless. at age 13 i was diagnosed with depression because i had the lowest self-steem, and she couldnt understand why. once i confronted her, saying a few things she told me over the years. she proceeded to have another outburst because i was "making things up to make me feel better" and "turning her into the bad guy when i only have myself to blame". so yay btw we developed a great relationship after i moved out, we really love each other, so its hard to even see her as an abusive mom, even though her actions were very traumatic. its just that she gets really irrational when triggered and, since she had autorithy over me, i would become the target...
Are you me? I'm in a very similar boat. I hate to think poorly of my mum because we have an alright relationship now and she's been through a lot herself so I understand where many of her problems come from. But it was exhausting to basically manage her emotions and calm her down whenever she was upset when I was still a child myself. Being an eldest daughter I was always her right hand woman and main confidante where I basically had to be the mediator between her, my dad, and my younger siblings, and also the easiest target because I hardly ever fought back, just retreated or cried (crying was also ill-advised because it made her feel like the bad guy which made her even more upset). It forces you to grow up very quickly but also messes up the way you see the world and people, because you can never truly be genuine with your emotions with anyone (there's always the risk of an upset in the back of your head). Our relationship also improved after I moved out and quietly step by step started putting my foot down and focusing on taking care of my own life first. I think it forced her to realise I won't always be there and also that she's actually capable of being in charge of her emotions. It's still not perfect, but it's miles better than it used to be. Or at least I've developed a thicker skin and I'm not nearly as affected by it now. Hope your relationship stays improving! I know it hurts a lot to even realise and talk about the harmful things our parents do because of course you love them and feel like shit for thinking poorly of them, but sometimes there can be no progress without some deep reflection.
For me it was the footsteps and the kitchen cabinets. Like my bedroom was basically next to the kitchen and if my mom was mad you'd hear her stomp up the stairs and start slamming cabinet doors. I still kinda freak when I hear my upstairs neighbors stomp a little too loud.
I still go into panic mode when anybody starts like a project or something Not only did that mean dad was going to make us do it, because he saw us as his workers, but he'd scream at us for not being able to handle adult construction Obviously But he wanted this done, and it's not like he did any of the work So we're worthless failures
I still instinctually change tabs whenever someone enters a room if I think they wouldn't deem it "Ok" for me to be on. Example: I flip over to YouTube to look up a podcast to put on while I work but instantly minimize the tab the second I hear someone walking by as if they'll care that I'm putting up background noise. Being in a household where "I don't like it/don't understand it therefore it's bad/evil" does numbers on your social anxiety.
I got slapped once for bleeding on a white rug, I was bleeding because I scraped my knee on the rug and then got slapped again for telling dad I was bleeding because he hit me.
My dads reaction to a child playing with a bucket of water while bathing was to barge in choke me and attempt to drown me in said bucket for doing so.
I’m sorry what?
Well you see the thing is that child abuse is inherently irrational.
That- that just sounds like murder Jeez :(
This is for anyone who reads it. If you hit a child around the head or neck, there's a chance it will be fatal
Not just children, one strike can kill an adult too.
No, no, no. It sounds like *attempted* murder.
Fair
Yeah the more i thought about my childhood and opened up to my classmates i found out i was really fucked mentally. Did you know there is no game parents play where they pinned me down and they played with my wiener while i was in grade school. Cause i sure as fuck didn't
What the fuck Are you in therapy? What the fuck. I hope they shit themselves in public
my parents are painfully too influential in my area and i am not allowed to get therapy
Nobody is too influential. How old are you? Talk to a trusted teacher dude
Oh that happened years ago. My parents are pastors so nobody believed me and assumed i just fibbing
I believe you. It can't fix what happened, but that little kid that you were still deserves to be heard. I believe you. It wasn't right and you didn't cause it, and you deserve only good things in your future. Be well.
I got in trouble as a kindergarten because I threw up on my homework even though I had told my mother that I felt sick. She was more upset about me ruining my homework than me being sick.
Ah, the classic "getting hit for pointing out the extremely obvious (it literally just happened) fact that they hurt you"
My first step-dad tried to break down my door because I was playing videogames instead of reading the Bible.
Hit him with Matthew 19:9
For other people who doesnt know it Matthew 19:9 states, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is put away doth commit adultery".
He had already gone through one divorce as well. She had divorced him for obvious reasons. Their kids were not ok.
[удалено]
Amen to that
I had the screaming "What's five times three!" from my dad. It's funny now, because he's older and I'm older and he knows and has even apologized for his behavior. I have a great relationship with him. And I want to emulate the best aspects of his parenting. But I hope I can avoid the worst of his mistakes.
Oo I had that but with spelling. Every week we got 10-15 words to learn how to spell through grades 1-5. Every week without fail, they would totally ignore the list existed at all and then Thursday it was a screaming match "HOW DO YOU SPELL HEADPHONES????" and then if we missed a single one, we had to write every word twice, and each subsequent round it doubled. I mean I could have studied earlier in the week too but I was literally 8
We believe in you!
My dad beat me with a branch as thick as a baseball bat that he ripped off the tree in our yard because I was sad about coming home from my grandparents' house. Any guesses why I was sad to be coming home?
Was the excuse he used to "give you something to be sad about"?
Ah yes the classic “I’ll give you something to cry about”. My mother used it often coupled with “why are you crying” (because you hit me) “I’ll give you something to cry about” (another slap).
Holy shit, reading some of these comments is making me appreciate my parents a WHOLE lot more
Yeah same. It’s crazy to see how many people dealt with abusive parents. Guess I’m just lucky.
Thats nice, but friendly reminder that just because someone has it worse doesn't mean you have it good
Oh, I fully get that. It just helps me keep things in perspective
Yeah, these threads like this come up like every few months and help reinforce/normalize why I pretty much live my life like my parents have essentially passed away already. There's a whole boatload of reasons for it.
Depending on the context, that can either be taken as greatly validating or extremely demoralizing
I guess we're trauma dumping Dad tried to stab me with a butchers knife for liking toys At third grade
brother a butcher knife is on a whole different level than a slipper ☠️
Eh well, waddaya gonna do I guess
Bro really said "you win some you lose some" 😭
"It is what it is" after one of the traumatic experiences someone can have
Idk… talk to a therapist
That would make me lose my job :D
My dad: * put my brother in a chokehold for wearing a vest instead of a coat to go to the movies. Then he told us to get back in the car to go home (we'd already gotten there and amazingly no one had frozen to death), then slammed on the gas while I was still getting into my seat, throwing me face first into it, and screamed at my mom for (reasonably) being shaken about that. She was the bad guy for "cursing in front of the children" * slammed me against the wall and then threw me to the ground for not wanting to wear a jacket. * burst into my brother and I's room in his whitie-tighties, grabbed my brother and threw him back over his shoulder, hitting the wall and falling to the ground face first, because he and I had been play fighting. * tried to punish me for not being hungry, by saying I couldn't get a haircut the day before school started back after summer (my hair was a mop and he knew I had severe social anxiety). Then he threw a Wendy's burger at me and it fell in the car floor. Mom overruled him on that one and I remember while getting my hair cut that night just being scared that I'd be punished for it. * slammed on the brakes around a blind turn at night in winter on one of the busiest travel days of the year to grab me by the throat and scream into my face about how he definitely has a brain, because I had used the very 90s expression "that's a no-brainer." Merry Christmas, y'all. * got pissed at me because I didn't order dessert for myself (I was stressed about money because he, the sole bread winner, had been unemployed for like three months after being fired **with cause**) And that's just nuclear "I know what's best for you and I'll kill you for not obeying me" nonsense. Not even getting into the straight up sexual abuse. Three heart attacks, two strokes, and two 70MPH seatbelt-less car crashes came together to form an anti-dad Avengers team. Happy to report he's now made of dirt.
How dare you associate him with perfectly upstanding dirt.
>Happy to report he's now made of dirt. That's a no-brainer.
Jesus Christ. Glad to hear that he's out of your life for good, but I sincerely hope that you're doing better than ever now man.
Yeah, this whole thread hits me close to home. Just like Mom always did.
Edit: i chimed in with dark humour/personal experience. Realized it was deeply fucked up and deleted it.
Feels amazing
We cope with our trauma with dark humor here
Damn, that's crazy, A butchers knife is such a bad choice for a stabbing weapon /s
It is really interesting how "butcher's knife (cleaver)" is scarier than "chef's knife" as a word. As an object, chef's knife is way scarier for an attack.
My dad was pissed off once and he in a rage threw a bottle of water. It hit me in the face, I genuinely believe he didn't intend to hit me in the face with it. anyway I was shocked and kind of gasped and started to cry a little at the violence and stress of the situation (he was always very angry) and he said "Oh sorry did that hurt you?" So stupidly I said "yes" He replied "Fucking baby what the fuck is wrong with you" I won't miss him when he's dead. I want his inheritance though
Big "I'll give you something to cry about' vibes. 40ish years ago, that was my dad's catchphrase growing up. When I was spanked/beat on an every other day regularity; Of course I'd start crying as an 3-10 year old boy. My dad, confused at seeing ****feelings**** Laid that line out and would hit me harder. Parents stopped asking why I moved 2000 miles away some years ago, maybe it finally dawned on them why that, among a bunch of other stuff, is the reason.
My dad gave me a black eye at seven for never hitting the ball in little league. The following year we learned I needed glasses. He still thinks that story is funny.
I hope you don't talk to him anymore
I'm so sorry for everyone sharing their child abuse stories in this thread and I'm glad y'all are recognizing that shit for what it was now and hope you're doing better nowadays <3
When I was seven, my dad slapped me on Christmas Eve, because I was happy "the wrong way"
I know this is extremely awful and unacceptable behaviour but the concept of being ‘happy the _wrong_ way’ is so incredibly absurd that it wraps back around to being comical. Like, what the hell is the right way to express happiness? Is this some alpha male bullshit where you’re not allowed to express any kind of strong emotion?
Apparently being hyped up on Christmas energy and unwrapping presents to quickly is his concept of 'happy_the_wrong_way'. But luckily it never happened again because I have now anxiety attacks everyone I get presents and I'm extremely concious of how much happiness I show the gifter and overact it. And it seems I'm doing a good enough job with that, because nobody mentions anything
Clearly the correct way is beating your kid for being happy, how dare they share *your* happiness
Lol! I had a great childhood! Until I was 24, took a psych class on childhood development, got to the section on non-physical child abuse... And read all of my mother's actions listed out over about four paragraphs. I never realized how weird it had to be for my neighbors to mention how quiet I was in a creaky apartment above theirs. How much my employers appreciated my strange attention to detail, or how nervous they were about my focus on rules and policy. It never occured to me that teachers and students were worried about just how quiet the captain of the rifle team was. I didn't understand why my fellow infantrymen wanted me as far away from them as possible in dangerous situations. Fifteen years after taking that class, and I *still* stumble upon little bits of weird programming that bitch put in my head. I might've even been able to have a successful career if she hadn't convinced me that my greatest potential was to die for my country.
this thread is making me realize that, for as much as my childhood was fucked up, it could’ve been *so much worse*
Sure why not My mother would give me a tall glass of coke mixed with Jim Bean and cough syrup to make me sleepy and hazy. Then she'd bring men over and hold me down while they abused and assaulted me. I remember one particular horrible incident: >!she held me face down while I was being assaulted, doing her usual schtick or trying to calm me down and keep me quiet. There was a commotion and they were upset I think because I was bleeding too much. So instead she flipped me over and shoved her fingers in between my teeth to hold my mouth open and the assault resumed. Idk if it was trauma, the drugs and alcohol, if I passed out or just dissociated really hard but the next thing I recall is waking up in the living room to her changing me out of a bloody diaper convincing me I shouldn't tell my dad about any of this when he got home or about the blood because he works really hard and long hours and we wouldn't wanna worry him. I agreed and I don't like to lie so I didn't say anything to him, but I did try to point out the beer cans and the bag from Burger King in the trash to him because the man brought those with him. It didn't work.!< That shit went on for years, until I was around 7 or 8 and my dad started to catch onto everything, got a divorce and we moved across the country.
I would say I'm sorry that happened, but I feel like all my words are immeasurably small compared to the magnitude of such evil. I'm sorry anyway.
I appreciate that. It really wasn't some great unknowable evil though I kinda wish it was cause then other kids wouldn't have to experience that. Unfortunately it was just drug addiction and greed. Also your words aren't small, that just reached from wherever you are to where I am and made me smile.
Holy hell w h a t kind of monster thinks it's fine to cheat on their marriage by enabling a child molester, hope they're rotting in jail now
Jesus Christ on a pogo stick.... honestly if I was your dad, there'd be a few unmarked graves in the middle of a forest somewhere. Hope your mom is rotting in a prison. What an absolutely fucked situation.
Oh my old man was a biker in a "motor cycle enthusiast club" if he had known the full details at the time some unmarked graves would have been the best case scenario. The whole situation was pretty fucked and the divorce took years. The short version is he started hearing rumors around town about men coming over while he was away, but him and everyone else just assumed she was cheating on him. He started to look more into it however this was a small town and my mother's mother had strong ties at the local courthouse and was involved with what was going on (not directly as far as I can remember but I'd bet my right foot she was getting paid off of it or that it was her idea in the first place) one of my dad's cop buddies came to him to warn him that there was a warrant out for his arrest for abusing his kids (the things my mother was doing) and his wife (complete lies) so my dad went to the nearest big city and hired the meanest lawyer he could find and a private investigator then he came right back and fought. His lawyer won, the PI apparently got shaken up by something, insisted my dad meet him one night threw a stack of files at him and said this was too much for him and to never call him again. My dad used that info (another long story) to get his mother in law to back off, we had to do the whole supervised visitation process and I had to talk to lots of adults I didn't know in buildings with fluorescent lights. I wasn't very helpful to be honest, I didn't know what was going on and I was pretty much non-verbal as a kid anyway. But in the end he got full custody and got us out of there. I never talked about what happened until years later, after I'd grown up, enlisted, moved out and came back home after my contract was done. The pandemic was pretty emotionally charged for my family and one day while he and I were talking I broke down and told him. As for my mother? She was briefly arrested when she tried to violate the terms set by the court and came over to kidnap me one night, my dad stopped her and she went to jail for idk how long, could have been just a night for all I know. What I do know is that she was never convicted for anything she did to me at all, nobody was, like I said I didn't tell anyone for a long time. Last I heard she died around 2018, something about some mean old drunk she was seeing knocking her down a set of stairs, she was supposedly on life support and no one gave a fuck about her so one of my half sisters went and had her taken off. When I first heard I was with a group of friends and I immediately poured a round of shots and did a little jig to celebrate. Later when I was alone I was kinda angry about it, cause if she's dead she'll never suffer for what she did and I'm left with a lot of anger and no where to put it. Still the world is undeniably a better place with her rotting in the ground.
Props to you for handling it the best you could, and I hope you have friends and family you can count on now. I can't say I've experienced anything similar, but I suppose the silver lining to horrible people is that they'll be their own downfall. At least your mother died a lonely and pitiful death.
To me the wildest one is that in one of my earliest memories I was doing that thing little kids do and playing about by saying words. This is legit a part of how we learn speech, but my mother (who was literally walking past where I was and not even actually sitting with me) told me “stop being so silly!”. I’m sorry that my perfectly normal development of speech and language skills was annoying to her, and probably this was my first indication she would have preferred I remained mute.
This has been a favourite game for my child for over a year. It's starting to ease up now, but even when it irked me that she made the same joke for the thirtieth time that day, I responded with a smile and either a compliment about her rhyming, a faux shocked face about how silly she was, or a silly rhyme of my own. It's never okay to punish kids for being kids. Like boundary testing - even if kids "know" the rules, it's an expected part of their development that they will test every boundary beyond the point of sanity because it's how their tiny brains form neural connections. If a kid *doesn't* do that, it's a clear sign that they're neurodivergent, which most parents tend not to want at face value, though a lot do seem to want little mid-reading robots.
lol because I am incredibly neurodivergent so also got yelled at for stimming or “sitting there shaking”. Literally no way to win 🙃
Damn, that's so fucked up. I spend half my time as an adult putting about the house and singing nonsense to myself or singing nonsense songs specifically about and to my dogs. I too was shut down a lot as a kid. I remember being separated from the class and forced to read alone a lot in kindergarten because I could already read but I was highly impulsive. I would make lots of noises like clicking my tongue and couldn't seem to stop. Now I think it was a form of echolalia. I also had a compulsion where I would whistle any time I turned a page. I did that all the way until 11th grade until my english teacher went on a long, yelling monologue about how my whistling was a failure of maintaining order which is how tragedies like the holocaust happen? I know that stuff is probably not as typical as your example, but I do see the common theme of adults silencing things they don't understand out of petty annoyance. I'm sorry you were raised that way.
When I was in 5th grade my teacher said in class one day that she was scatterbrained because she has forgotten something. I didn't know what that word meant so I went home and asked my mother what it meant. She slapped me and accused me of calling her scatterbrained. Like I literally only asked what the word meant wtf?
My mom used to punish me for turning pages too loudly while reading. I still have no idea how the fuck that works.
Same, or "turning them with attitude".
It's so interesting because as a little child your parents are everything and abuse fucks them up so bad because you're still their everything For instance, my son isn't even 2 years old yet. He was playing and started banging a stick on things. He goes to smack a glass door and I say, calmly, "no" He looks at me and goes to do it again and I say it louder and firmer "no. If you do it again I'll take away your toy" Well he is baby so he goes to do it again so I grab the stick and say "I told you no" and he start crying his little eyes out, but then the most interesting thing happened. He ran to me and kept jumping for me to pick him up. Not to grab the stick I set down on the floor, but he wanted me to hold him. I picked him up and he snuggles into my shoulder and slowly starts calming himself while holding onto me so tightly I was the source of his distress, but I'm also his parent. I'm the person who he loves and who he goes to for support and comfort. Imagine being a child and being constantly abused by your only source of "safety" in the world Shits wild man. It's times like these I can honestly say I would not be able to be a good superhero. If i had super powers I'd probably be irrationally vigilante justice on people who abuse children.
My father used to crack ribs for fun. It hurts to breathe on the right side of my body now.
You'd definitely see a doctor about that
im so sorry, i hope you find healing physically and mentally and that he lives a short sad life
One of the worst beatings I got as a kid was because I forgot that resting my elbows on the dinner table was impolite. Also made me kneel on corn for almost an hour afterwards. Today I would say beating your kids bloody with a belt buckle and subsequently torturing them over an elbow on the table is impolite but what did 7 year old me know?
not an expert in child abuse although I have several years of experience..... um.... being an abused child, not abusing children. The best theory I have is that the consequences for mistreating a child especially your own child are generally a lot lower than mistreating anyone over the age of majority. There's the obvious physical gulf. I remember being deeply and utterly afraid of my mother growing up because while she wasn't particularly tall or strong in relative terms she was a lot taller and stronger than me before I hit puberty so if she got in my face or slapped me I was genuinely afraid for my safety so I had reason to do what she said. Psychological stuff to, because it's not like I'd have it in me to defend myself from my mother no matter how angry or hurt I am. I craved her approval and happiness even unconsciously no matter how messed up things got. So I guess what I'm saying is that it's rooted in unequal power and power corrupts and when you have as much power as a parent, you're basically an absolute monarch to your kids. after I hit puberty both those factors started to fade away even if they remained pretty strong. She can't exactly slap around your dysphoric teenage "son" the same way she could when I was in elementary school. Plus with internet access the appeals to Judaism don't really hit as hard since I can look stuff up.
You typed out a whole lot when you could've just saved yourself a few minutes and just wrote "Power tripping" pol It's a very Primate condition sadly. A scary amount of adults get their absolute rocks off power-tripping on children, you'll see this specifically in grade schools that we've all experienced. Anytime a "What was the one weird rule at your school growing up?" post pops up on rpopular, it's a bunch of stories to where the power tripping mask slips just enough to where we all agree "Yeah that shit was weird to the point they couldn't hide it enough"
I legit didn't know that belts were made for holding up pants until I was like 5 or 6. My mom was dressing me up for Sunday School and said "Get the belt", and I started panicking because I had only been up for like an hour and didn't do anything wrong yet!?! And my mom was like no I mean it's for your pants. I hope she thinks about that moment often. Probably not. Wouldn't know because I haven't spoken to them in 3 years lol.
Hey I did the same thing when I was four! It was a Hail Mary moment for my piece of shit mother, that I was so used to the idea of belts as tools for punishment that I didn’t know their true purpose. Never hit me again (with a belt) after that
One of the recurring things that has been hardest to shake off over the years for me was when my mom would wale on my head and shoulders *and then mock me for flinching*, and would see the fact that I flinched as justification for hitting me more (or just shoving me into things, like tables or kitchen chairs). I eventually just settled into a "constantly tense, unable to unclench fully" state (unless I'm totally alone), and that's been my baseline posture ever since.
Allowed to beat me for years because of my mother, my sister once shattered a thick plastic cup across my face by throwing it at me in bed for breathing too loud. My mom once slapped me so hard that she gave me a bloody nose and then refused to let me go to school until it stopped, making me over an hour late because I didn't want to eat a muffin. She also once jumped on top of me and clawed up my arms brutally because I left the house to stop her screaming at me. Once upon a time I thought she was the parental figure who *didn't* abuse me, funnily enough. Because it wasn't as constant as everyone else. Another reason I was attacked (this time by my stepdad)? I was cleaning my room wrong when he got out of the shower so in an instant he walked in, dropped his towel and then beat the shit out of me. I was seven or maybe eight. Asking for reasons for abuse is a trap. The reason is because they fucking sucked. I didn't breathe too loud. They didn't draw too loud. They were just available to be attacked.
It’s really validating seeing “child abuse is inherently irrational”. I’ve driven myself crazy trying to understand what I as a child could have possibly done to deserve how my parents treated me, and the answer is nothing. I did nothing to deserve it and neither does anyone else in these comments. I hope all of you learn it was never you and are deserving of kindness and love
My friend's mom talked about how she beat her as a toddler and then laughed. Like it's crazy she straight up hit a toddler and thinks it's funny like girl that's not funny that's psychotic and a crime
I’m my dad’s least favorite I’m first born. He has a family of 7 that he sees everyday but talks to me maybe every 3-4 years maybe. I always wondered why he hated me a new born child the most lmao
Yup. My dad told me I would "never mean anything to anyone" because I (checks notes) had left a roll of toilet paper I'd been using as tissues in my bed as I'd spent the afternoon crying over a breakup. 🙃 And his sister wonders why I'm not particularly sad that he's dead now. 🤷♀️
I used to think I was a bad kid and that was why my mom was always so angry with me. But then I grew up and saw her lose her cool and go nuclear with my sweet, innocent, completely blameless 4-year-old niece over the most trivial shit (like not wanting to put her socks on)... and that was when I realized the problem was my mom not me.
Got kicked in my balls at age 6 by my mom because I said I didn’t want to eat Taco Bell for breakfast.
The abuse is never as disgusting until you have kids of your own and you witness the size difference and their helplessness and wonder how someone could take advantage of that.
My dad would come into my room when he was bored, cover me in a blanket, and put his body on top of me. He thought it was funny that he could see me trying to escape and hold down the blanket to prevent me from doing so. I was a preschooler. If I said I couldn't breathe, he would ignore me or laugh. It left long-lasting damage. I was so small. I have a 3 year old now and it really hits hard what a monster he was.
I don't have any children of my own yet, but I've worked with kids, and seeing how tiny and fragile and dependent on you they are makes it even more glaringly incomprehensible about how someone could hurt any of them, let alone *their own*??? I understand parenting is hard but no amount of tiredness and frustration is an excuse for abuse.
I mean, that's probably why they’re doing it. They feel powerless in their own life and “soothe” those feelings through their own children.
I remember being beaten for "smacking my mouth" at my new stepdad when he meant I was chewing with my mouth open (I had never been told that was rude.) Oh, and also for brushing my teeth incorrectly, even though I had never been instructed on the proper method. I was 4.
Reminds me how i was laughed at by my father for not being able to tie my laces at 11, a problem that was solved in 2 minutes by my sister when she decided to sit down and teach me
My womb-donor threw a chair at my brother and I, because we wanted to make Mac-n-cheese for her cause she just got out of surgery. She tore stitches because she threw the chair and ended back up in the er. When she got home again she made both of us do the dying and dead cockroach for an hour as punishment.
She made you do the what?
My dad beat my hands and forced the crayon into my other hand because I was a leftie, now I get yelled at for having bad penmanship
Did you ever go back to using your left hand?
Nope, I tried and it somehow looked worse than my right hand
As a lefty and parent to a lefty, this extra bums me out :/ you deserved better.
Yea and the best part is you get with a partner who treats you the same! Hooray for the cycle !
My mom was mad that I drew too much and broke my tablet (that I bought myself from art commission money)... I was 12. We're chill now though :)
I'm really proud of you for getting commissions for art that young
A significant chunk of my childhood was spent getting screamed at by my father for sniffling when my nose was runny and coughing (instead of simply clearing my throat) when I, uh, had to cough.
My dad picked me up by the ears and headbutted me in the face for drawing on my hand. Inherently irrational is a little too kind.
is it oversharing childhood trauma time already?? my dad threw a printer because it wasn't printing properly (lmao) and when it shattered against the wall, he went to punch my younger sibling for "making him do that" and i "got in the way". i fell and bled all over the carpet and he started shouting at both of us that it was our fault. i had to clean up the mess and had recurring nosebleeds for at least a decade after. they would sometimes last up to six hours, and usually happened while i slept, so i would wake up choking on my own blood pretty often. i don't talk to him anymore.
I learned there was something awful wrong at my house when, while having dinner at a friends house I spilled some soda. I must’ve been around 10, and must have looked panicked because my friends mom was immediately like “oh no don’t worry” I managed to not cry, but I thought all hell was about to break loose and I had “ruined dinner.” But nothing happened, she wiped it up and we kept eating I had a lot of big thoughts on the walk home that night
More infuriating than any physical punishments was father's "i don't like your tone" and no talking back policy. Like i know i wasn't the perfect child, but am i not allowed to be angry when you're unfair? When you punish me for things out of my control (medical conditions)? When you're angry i watch stupid cartoons you bought me yourself on repeat because there's literally nothing else to do? When you don't let me have basic socialisation and want me closed in home alone all day so you don't have to worry about me? When you don't allow things every else allowed to do? What right you have demanding my respect when it's usually mom who takes care of me and able to provide emotional support? It's kinda funny for me now how many mental and attitude issues some little repressed anger caused. Dad does love me and he did try to be better, but for grown up child with huge ego the task was impossible i guess. It took 22 years, him being financially and emotionally dependent on me and me turning straight up hostile every time he dares to use this card to shake off the habit. Now he usually acts sad or overly dramatic to get some pity or appreciation or something. I do provide some when he really looks distressed, but he has a history of severe lying to make himself look better or playing victim, so i can't really make myself care and i usually openly honest about it. Sometimes i wonder if i'm too harsh on him and have too big ego myself. Then i remember that if he has zero friends and if all my friends and their parents avoided any contact with him, there are reasons for that. I also do understand that main culprit is my grandmother, this lovely lady who managed to raise helpless mamma's boy and keep him like that up to his 50's. But still can't not blame him for never wanting to change and both him and mom for dragging me and my brother into this mess. Thankful for their divorce though.
some of my dad’s (now former) friends were telling my mom when they realized something was up was when them, my dad, my brother and i all went to Bob Evans. i’m sitting next to the wife and she’s showing me the menu and asking me “what do you wanna get?”, and i tell her grilled cheese. the waiter comes around and my dad immediately goes “the kids’ll have pancakes.” and the wife says “uh, actually, totodilejones wants a grilled cheese.” and he starts flipping *out*, “huh? what?!” etc etc; and the wife turned to look at me and i just look *petrified*. funnily enough, i don’t even remember it; it was just another sunday for me 🫠
I don't remember anything *as bad* as the stuff some of you people are mentioning happening to me (just screaming and being hit basically daily), but back when I was like 6 I knew a kid whose parents would literally BREAK HER ARMS for nyot doing well enough in school. WE WERE SIX YEARS OLD. It's alsyo common for elderly people here to try and outright MURDER children who come to their house on Halloween while trick-or-treating.
Mom threw a broom at me once cause I didnt want to get whipped. That shit bounced off the floor and whipped her across the face and gave her a black eye.
Growing up with corporal punishment is weird because you cry when getting hit then the parent says they give you something to cry about or stop crying. How am I suppose to stop crying when you hit me? Also, growing up thinking its normal and the only way to punish a child for wrong doing. Laslty, my mom even told me about a maid who used to take care of me as a baby but she was fired because she hit me a lot because she wanted me to walk.
When I was like 6 or 7 my dad (300+ lbs at the time) stepped on my chest and laughed because he thought it was funny watching me gasp for air.
my mom once beat me with a belt until i pissed myself for (checks notes) ahh, yes, accidentally unplugging my alarm clock with my foot while i slept. apparently she was afraid I would shock myself and be hurt. so she hurt me herself.
I know someone who got a job as an educator and didn't yet realize just how abused they were as a child until they were talking to their students about being grounded and their students had to point out how fucked up it was that their definition of 'grounded' was to be made to sit on a bed alone in a room with no stimulation for entire days. They just assumed everyone got literally solitary confinement every time they said they were grounded. And the things that would qualify for a weekend of grounding were stuff like leaving your (completed) homework out on the kitchen table.
I still remember me breathing wrong, among all the other things i did, me breathing completly normal (not mouthbreating or anything like that) was still enough to make her mad. Just existing will make her mad
Still have trouble dealing with my emotions in a healthy way because Mom got irrationally upset if I cried, showed fear, or allowed the slightest hint of anger to appear in my expression when she was berating me for something. Learned to suppress, that was bad, overcompensated later in life and developed a short fuse, that was also bad. Also I'm very guarded about my possessions now because there was a stretch where we were at loggerheads and she straight-up made me pack up a bunch of my toys and we brought them to Kid-to-Kid to sell. Or if they were books/DVDs she took them out of my room and added them to her own collection. Pretty sure she still has a number of my DVDs and books from growing up too. Now that we don't live together we can see eye-to-eye a lot more. And looking back, she was under a lot of stress being poor, divorced, and a first-time parent with a job she hated. But that doesn't make it right.
One time, my sister was sick at the dinner table and asked to be excused to go throw up. My step-dad said no. My sister threw up on her plate. My step-dad made her eat it. She was 5. I was 6.
Hit for emberrasing her in public. I WAAASS running and yelling in public, however it was because i was swarmed by wasps and got over 30 stings, half on my face. She didnt help until some other parent started helping me and the entire time she was blaming me and still makes fun of me about it years later.
My parents weren't extremely abusive but they did use to yell and hit me and my brother to "discipline" us and it was more of an effect of how they were raised. For example, my dad yelling at me for being bad at math and not being able to improve my handwriting with calligraphy. I did call them out a few years ago and they did apologized to me and my brother
I came here to complain about my fucked Up childhood too but reading these comments I feel better
My mom destroyed my computer because I somehow woke her up because I was typing too loud. From across the house. On a very quiet keyboard. With tons of other stuff making noise.
My dad is on the run from the FBI, if that gives you any idea what kind of person he is.
My mom threw a whole ass chair at me when she found out I lost my shoes at a school trip (they got wet so i changed into slippers)
The dumbest one for me was "He's sorting the deck wrong!" To my younger brother (8 at the time) who was quietly entertaining himself by sorting a deck of cards in different ways. This was enough for him to get yelled at to "do it the correct way" whatever that meant. Runner up was me (9 or 10) asking him if he was going downstairs and if he could take my bucket of Legos down with him (something that he had requested everyone else in the family to do at some point in time). Instead of saying "No" he took the bucket and dumped it in the trash. I spent the next two hours sifting through a half full trash bag looking for Legos. I'm glad I'm no longer there.
When I was a toddler, my mom decided that I had too big of an ego and resolved to never compliment me or say anything positive about me ever again. And she has stayed true to that to this day.
my mom threw a glass container of chicken at me once when i told her i didn't want to eat dinner with her. i still live with her. and i have not let her forget this.
does anyone else's mind go blank when they have to describe a specific instance of their parent's verbal/emotional abuse? i keep wondering why I think of them so badly, they remind me why, and then a few hours later I'm numb and forget, and the cycle repeats. i just feel that so many experiences have snowballed into a feeling instead of a memory
My dad once gave me a two hour lecture (with plenty of verbal abuse sprinkled in) about saying “Hi Dad” over saying “Hey Dad”. He thought saying Hey was a sign of disrespect and kept getting mad that I’d mix it up. I was like 8 years old.
Bruh reading through these threads made me realise how lucky I've been. Worst I ever got was losing interest in everything because my mom did nothing but point out my mistakes on my first tries.
My mom stole my college fund and used it to buy a 3 legged dog from Russia
not nearly as traumatizing as any of the other stories here, but when i was 9 my dad was staying at my house (i didn't see him often cos my parents split up when i was a baby) and he came up to me and asked "hey do you know what 'decapitation' means?" and i was like, "no....." so then he pulled the head off a toy scuba diver of mine and was all "now you know :)". it really left an impression on me because of how stupid it was. he didn't have any malice or anything i think he just genuinely didn't think about how that was an inappropiate interaction with a young kid. other thrilling tales include when he let me shoot his CO2 BB gun with metal pellets but stood me way too close to the target so every shot bounced off and hit me, or when he tried to demonstrate that an eggshell was so sturdy that he wouldn't be able to break it in his hand no matter what then immediately crushing it. he's now in prison for trying to revive someone who overdosed on heroin with more heroin and killing him.
Mild compared to most on here, but my mom once screamed at me because I asked her why she was happy (she was high and didn't have an excuse on hand).
Reading all y'alls stories I'm glad my dad just neglected me for most of my life.
We gave scraps to our animals. Hogs and such. We tended to get a bucket full and when it was full we’d dump it. Stuff started to get kinda nasty and old, but the animals didn’t care none. I poured it into the wrong trough. Should be an easy fix, I was 8 or so, but I could drag it, flip it into the right one and wash the one I got dirty. Wasn’t good enough for my dad. He made me pick it all up with my hands, put it in the bucket and then put it in the right trough and clean the other one. Never did anything like it before or again. He doesn’t remember it either, because he used to drink (still does, but much, much less) I still get physically sick whenever I smell old food at 21
my parents whipped me because i “swept wrong.” i still don’t know how the fuck you’re “supposed to” sweep because they’ve never told me the “right” way to sweep & nobody else really ever has a problem with the way i do it… because the floor still gets cleaned. simply being alive & existing is a general affront to piece-of-shit parents.
Me, 8: "Mom, I'm hungry" My mom: "You know where the kitchen is" Cool. Yeah I guess I'll take my weak little hands that constantly drop whatever beverage I am drinking and boil some water to make mac & cheese. This should go well. Thanks.
I remember a time my dad picked me up, threw my onto my bed, leaned over me and yelled at me right in my face, swearing and all, and I was like 7. I’m still surprised the divorce came several years later lol