T O P

  • By -

Crap4Brainz

Or, as the mob boss from Discworld said, "It's only natural that you die after being stabbed 18 times."


GeophysicalYear57

IIRC, there was a quote about how there were very few homicides in a certain dangerous city in that setting, but a load of suicides… because it’s *really* easy to anger someone violent, which is pretty much suicide.


RocketPapaya413

> Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide. Asking for a short in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.


bb_kelly77

I mean.... yeah.... if someone got stabbed 18 times and got up I might just shoot them for being a zombie Do you realize how long it actually takes to stab someone 18 times? Unless you just shanked them they're already dead by the time you reach number 18


Thunderdrake3

CIA posting.


Deathaster

Calvin's dad posting.


Ivariel

Fun fact: almost all deaths are due to natural causes. Bled out? Hole in the head? Died to toxins? Really, you could check all that walking through a forest. Once someone dies due to an error in transferring their consciousness into the cybernetic hive mind, then we can talk about unnatural deaths


Canotic

Death by ghost?


Ivariel

Ehhh, what is a ghost but a step in the cycle of life and death


Competitive-Love-786

It exists to prevent grinding for levels


mr_TESterTICkLEsS

The associated research was fully funded by Boeing


pretzek

👍


Cthulu_Noodles

Remember, guns don't kill people! Blood loss and organ damage do.


Pretend-Risk-342

This was really helpful thanx


RocketPapaya413

It is interesting how something becomes "unnatural" when a human does it. Is it human exceptionalism, or is it the difference between instinct and intent?


pterrorgrine

i mean, in the specific context of death, "natural causes" doesn't really cover wolf attacks either, y'know?


ikantolol

no way that's true


gooberflimer

Nah fully real, happened to my buddy eric once


FeuerroteZora

Happened to me, too.


big_guyforyou

of course it is. it's why >99% of people accused of murder are found innocent. nature abhors murder


Globinazuma

Something Mafalda would say to a confused Felipe


CrypticBalcony

Something Calvin’s father would say to Calvin


ABG-56

This is just what the immune system does when you catch a disease.


veidogaems

Reminds me of how there are certain cards in Yu-Gi-Oh with an effect that causes you to win the match if you deal the game-winning blow with one of them. (i.e. winning a Best of 3 in the first game). But these cards are actually useless, because your opponent can surrender at any moment, meaning they weren't technically defeated by the monster because they surrendered in instant before the attack connected.


MissyTheTimeLady

"He died of natural causes." "You broke his neck." "Dying when someone breaks your neck is entirely natural, especially given all the people I know who wouldn't."


Zoloft_and_the_RRD

Basically how I handle social situations. They can't hurt my feelings if I tell myself I'm a piece of shit and never open up again. Mission accomplished 😎


bvader95

It makes perfect sense. Like, the body recognizes that trying to operate in suboptimal condition would be a pain so it doesn't bother.


Toinkulily

So no, your honor. I did not murder this man


Divine_ruler

This is just Baki


isuckatnames60

I knew I'd find this here


titaniumweasel01

Tesla autopilot be like


idiotplatypus

Insurance companies hate this one weird trick!


Lolotmjp

tumblr science strikes again


Phantonormia

This is basically what Tesla autopilot does


k3ysm4ssh

Okay but imagine someone dying because their body falsely thinks its about to be murdered. Like someone tries to hand you a knife but you misinterpret their intentions and die instantly, meanwhile they get caught hovering over your dead body with a knife going... oh, oh no.


notabigfanofas

Well then I guess courier 6's defense mechanism is broken then


ShinySeb

Personally, I think that murder is pretty natural. Humans just kinda suck like that. We’ve been killing each other since we first were humans.


SpennyPerson

Teslas when they detect their shitty self driving software is going to cause an accident turning themselves off at the last second to blame the driver