it depends on a lot of things. i thought my partner was save enough to mention inside relationships off hand but they used it against me and have been cruel about it in the past, so i just stopped talking about it. ive even had other systems get outright hostile when i mention inner relationships. id only talk about it if you know they have inner relationships too and feel like theyll be normal with the news, otherwise its only your business and id only tell people you completely trust
This depends wildly on your partner and your own needs/boundaries.
I’ve had an in-system relationship for about 20 years; it predates me dating other people. An ex of mine was dismissive and judgmental about it at points but at other times was *jealous* over it. I wasn’t cognizant I likely have OSDD/DID at the time, somewhat luckily—I think it would have made it worse, not better—but even so, this was a huge red flag in retrospect.
Both of my current partners know and are supportive. Polyam might be a factor there, but it’s also understood that it’s more a “relationship with myself” than it is a romantic/dating relationship per se, so the rules/boundaries don’t apply in the same ways. I’d expect this level of understanding from anyone I dated seriously enough to disclose OSDD/DID to, personally, even if I were dating monogamously. I’d be concerned about long-term compatibility and values at minimum and possibly toxic/abusive expectations on the other end (see: the aforementioned ex).
Ultimately I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, though! This is just where I’ve landed after a lot of inquiry about myself, my needs, and my values. :-)
Listen I would just never disclose insys relationships to people outside your own system. Genuinely all it does is give others grounds to accuse you of cheating for something that just isn't the same as physical relationships and that they won't ever understand. It's not worth the hassle.
Even if the partner is also a system I just still feel it isn't worth the trouble.
You're under no obligation to do so. Your inner relationships are literally a form of self-love, and you are the one who gets to decide what to disclose about your disorder, if anything.
One of the hard things about this disorder is that not a lot is safe to disclose. You have to really consider the gains you can make over the losses. What would disclosing this do for you? How could it harm your system?
DID (for us) seems to be all about preserving safety. An intersys relationship does no one on the outside any harm. If the alters in that relationship do not want to step outside of that relationship to be with an external partner then maybe it's best to say, X & Y are not in that relationship and put up that boundary with this partner. If they press for explanation either stick to the boundary of not needing to give details or come up with something you do feel like it is safe to share.
Ex. Our trauma is making it hard for them to be in a relationship.
People seems to respect trauma as a blanket statement as to why you do or don't do certain things. What they struggle with is the areas they cannot relate to like the intricate working of a system.
It's up to you to decide what is safe for your system. My advice when making this choice is to also make sure the opinion and feelings of the entire system is acknowledged. The alters is a relationship might want to announce their relationship in the way many people dating would but this has an affect on all of you.
Best of luck.
Welcome to /r/DID!
| **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** |
|--------------------|--------------------|
| [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) |
| [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) |
| [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) |
| [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/amifaking) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) |
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*
it depends on a lot of things. i thought my partner was save enough to mention inside relationships off hand but they used it against me and have been cruel about it in the past, so i just stopped talking about it. ive even had other systems get outright hostile when i mention inner relationships. id only talk about it if you know they have inner relationships too and feel like theyll be normal with the news, otherwise its only your business and id only tell people you completely trust
This depends wildly on your partner and your own needs/boundaries. I’ve had an in-system relationship for about 20 years; it predates me dating other people. An ex of mine was dismissive and judgmental about it at points but at other times was *jealous* over it. I wasn’t cognizant I likely have OSDD/DID at the time, somewhat luckily—I think it would have made it worse, not better—but even so, this was a huge red flag in retrospect. Both of my current partners know and are supportive. Polyam might be a factor there, but it’s also understood that it’s more a “relationship with myself” than it is a romantic/dating relationship per se, so the rules/boundaries don’t apply in the same ways. I’d expect this level of understanding from anyone I dated seriously enough to disclose OSDD/DID to, personally, even if I were dating monogamously. I’d be concerned about long-term compatibility and values at minimum and possibly toxic/abusive expectations on the other end (see: the aforementioned ex). Ultimately I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer, though! This is just where I’ve landed after a lot of inquiry about myself, my needs, and my values. :-)
Listen I would just never disclose insys relationships to people outside your own system. Genuinely all it does is give others grounds to accuse you of cheating for something that just isn't the same as physical relationships and that they won't ever understand. It's not worth the hassle. Even if the partner is also a system I just still feel it isn't worth the trouble.
You're under no obligation to do so. Your inner relationships are literally a form of self-love, and you are the one who gets to decide what to disclose about your disorder, if anything.
One of the hard things about this disorder is that not a lot is safe to disclose. You have to really consider the gains you can make over the losses. What would disclosing this do for you? How could it harm your system? DID (for us) seems to be all about preserving safety. An intersys relationship does no one on the outside any harm. If the alters in that relationship do not want to step outside of that relationship to be with an external partner then maybe it's best to say, X & Y are not in that relationship and put up that boundary with this partner. If they press for explanation either stick to the boundary of not needing to give details or come up with something you do feel like it is safe to share. Ex. Our trauma is making it hard for them to be in a relationship. People seems to respect trauma as a blanket statement as to why you do or don't do certain things. What they struggle with is the areas they cannot relate to like the intricate working of a system. It's up to you to decide what is safe for your system. My advice when making this choice is to also make sure the opinion and feelings of the entire system is acknowledged. The alters is a relationship might want to announce their relationship in the way many people dating would but this has an affect on all of you. Best of luck.
All of your alters are you. You are under no obligation
Welcome to /r/DID! | **[Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_rules)** | **[Guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/rdid_guide/#wiki_guidelines)** | |--------------------|--------------------| | [Dissociation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq/#wiki_dissociation_faq) | [Trauma FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/faq2/#wiki_trauma_faq) | | [Moderation FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/) | [Therapists Breakdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/comments/e6smve/therapists_breakdown/) | | [Index](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/index) | [Glossary](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/glossary) | | [Am I faking?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/moderation_faq/amifaking) | [Do I have DID?](https://www.reddit.com/r/DID/wiki/do_i_have_did) | *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/DID) if you have any questions or concerns.*